INFP/ENFP's Use Vulnerability To Transcend Your Masks.
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- čas přidán 15. 07. 2024
- Sharing a personal experience from my life to highlight the power of vulnerability as a means to open up to others, and put your masks to one side.
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I am an INFP and I used to be very open. It has never ended well, and every time it happened I became more and more slow to open up to people. The longer it takes me to open up to a person, the more painful the betrayal is.
oof too real...
too close to the heart...
Britt Vos something I’ve been learning is people are all battling and not to take things personal. It’s helpful but still difficult
As an INFP, the problem I always run into is you open up to people and share your deepest thoughts and you usually get that response you demonstrated: "gayyy" they end up making fun of you for being so "deep" so I tend to just suppress that part of myself when I'm around certain people. It's so important to find the right people to truly be yourself around who appreciate and value certain things and conversations. You realize in life not everyone will "get" you, actually most won't. Struggles of being an INFP lol
Melanie Griesemer yup. Everyone talks just to make noise but the only time I ever want to talk is about existential things or real problems and people seem to hate that stuff:/
absolutely need to find the right people!
I've always been super sensitive to condescending remarks from my childhood family experience, so I've come to take the opportunity to point out to people who are over the top in that way that they need to grow up and that their condescending comments speak to who they are more than I. Usually in psychological terms and in a nice way of course because it's possible they're intimidated by more intellectual discussions so their comments amount to a defense mechanism.
The thing is there's too much of that kind of projection in the world, and it needs to be checked. From the individual, infantile comment level like you mention, to cliques and group mentalities. All the way up to large scale collective, cultural identities to which the 'other' who becomes the target of ones projections, often becomes the target of hatred, and even war. All because as individuals, far too many of us remain children in terms of emotional development. I find it disturbing.
I think this video sums it up nicely:
czcams.com/video/nI-Ko-d29X4/video.html
@WinchestahI disagree. Human nature as it manifests in culture can certainly be improved the more aware people become of how their psychology works and how it affects their behavior. We already do this in large part via the education system. Even more primal drives can and do, to varying degrees, be sublimated, like the most potent of psychic drives, libido, is often directed toward positive and beneficial behavior, like self improvement or motivation to work hard for example, which can lead to better outcomes in finding a good partner, etc.
Certainly tribalism will remain but it doesn't have to be as dumbed down as it is now. Identifying with things like skin color, nationalism, status, and overientifying in groups in general amounts to an infantile state, and needs to be replaced with well integrated individuals who think independently and are suspect of the herd. Ie critical thought. That really should be the objective of education and needs to be normalized in culture if we want to transcend political divisions, racism, and hatred for others.
As an ENFP, I also feel the same! I even wonder if I am an INFP coz as a child, I was always alone, I was too shy and quiet. But as an adult, I now tested as ENFP (it was ENTP for a while but they said I was always ENFP, okay). But I want to be with people, I am energized by crowds so I figured I really am an ENFP despite me feeling like an INFP a lot of times. I met a colleague and man, the connection was, out of this world, it felt like you found someone you've been looking for your whole life, noone has made me felt understood without saying so much in a long time than him and I just figured he is an INFP, so there. You guys should get an ENFP in your life. You'll find someone who can understand you deeply.
I've noticed that too .Some of the best personalities are so guarded ,but really they're just waiting for the opportunity to open up . I reckon that is the reason a lot of people don't really get to know introverted types.
+pinkunicornglitter Yeah it's a shame, it's why I think sometimes introverted types have to take it upon themselves to realize that its ok to reveal themselves to the world every now and then.
+Tom Davison Definitely. As an ENFP, I have to make a conscious effort because I love talking to new people but have the exterior reservations of an "introvert" .
Yes what you said, pinkunicornglitter.
I just met an INFP not too long ago and the level of connection I feel with them already is amazing. Its so easy to open up to eachother and its scary but it feels so good to be vulnerable with someone. Cheers to taking off our masks!
I think that our ability to put masks is a way that our minds takes to survive. In a way, I think that subconsciously, we are too scared of revealing our true selves. We deep down know that we are different.
Great videos by the way! As a male INFP, I was amazed by how much everything you talk about is shared. For ex: Right now I struggle finding a job I will like for the rest of my life because I dont know what my passion is.
I know what you mean, I had a passion and I was SO DEEPLY afraid of working ANY job because I pictured a future where I worked at that place for the rest of my life and would never realize my dreams. The issue was that I thought the job I would get would be for the rest of my life, as much as my mind believed that, it wasn't true, you don't know if the job you get will be a life long career, or for 6 months, and now that I have actually started working and seen the other side I have worked jobs where it was only for the summer and jobs for just a season, and even a job for two years and it all makes me think, what was I so afraid of, everyfear I thought was going to happen did not happen. I still have my dreams and goals and I simply look at these jobs as a way to deal with the serious things in life such as (rent, food, clothing, transportation) so I can keep dreaming in peace and not feel pressured to rush to fulfill my dreams because rent is paid. I can say once you get a job and start making money it is not something that you will be locked down to for the rest of your life, as hard as that sounds, coming from the other side I have seen it and I see that I ultimately still have control of what I want to do even though I work a job just for the bills right now. What I'm gonna say might be hard to hear (especially if you are anything like me as an INFP male) pick ANY job right now before you HAVE to pick a job, and you'll see it's not as permanent as it might seem, do it to just make some cash if you want to buy the things you like or whatever, but do it with a purpose of knowing why you are there, whether it be to save money for you passion, or to pay rent while you still figure out your passion, it's not as scary on the other side, trust me as a fellow INFP, I too was desperately scared, and now I got a taste of reality. Choose to choose something, and decide what you want to do after you've worked, you'll see what you like and don't like and have a clearer view of what you want to do through the things you DON'T want to do.
ENFP here, I needed this.
I'm an infp and I have the same problem right now. When I was younger I had a really tough time dealing with this. My parents would ask me what I was thinking about at times, and my response was usually "Nothing" or "I don't know" and not only to my parents, but also my closest friends. And the response would be the same, like if they ask what's wrong, and all I would say "I'm fine". I really didn't know why that the closest people I knew that I still didn't open up to them. I guess I'm also pretty passive with a bunch of things because with a lot of things I usually let the person asking me, "What do you want?" My answer again would be "I don't know", or "You decide". Then they start to get mad at me because I can't make my mind, which then I feel bad about it. I'm also very indecisive too. Until about recently I've started to open up to people a bit but still feel like not doing a good job about it... Well I guess the good thing is that now I can accept to people that I am pretty weird and feel happier about it too. Right? Anyway, I liked your video and I hope I can open up to people even more so than right now. :)
+Cyrus McMillan Ah I think all younger people go through that stage, I definitely did, but as you get older you realise that your self expression is entirely your responsibility and sometimes that means opening up about things that feel awkward. However, in nearly every case you will feel much better for doing so. Good luck
This mirrors my experience exactly. I was super guarded in my younger years. I'm 33 now, and Im almost on the opposite side of the spectrum. I like sharing with people.
It's hard to define "intuiting" as "thinking" because what we NFP's, whether I or E -- or both at the same time! -- do is feel intutively in and around things rather than think "this is this and that is that" in concrete form. We tend to always be processing things intutively, but it's not always easy to articulate what we are feeling intutitvely. But that's where the sport is -- putting into words the unsayable -- and that's where great writers and poets come from.
The tension in the body because of wearing a mask is just what I am experiencing in my life now but only because I am making some healthy boundaries and focusing all my energy on removing myself from toxic environment. I so want to feel vulnerable again but have been hurt a lot in the past, and now I am seeking some support where I can open up again and be accepted. It takes courage and it is our responsibility if we want to be truly free and happy.
Tjaša Cverle sometimes boundaries are necessary. Hopefully you can develop relationships that will give you the opportunity to risk vulnerability again!
yeah it's so hard to be vulnerable in the first place, being an INFP. And literally going against all your natural instincts by doing so, then being screwed over, just makes it even more impossible, to so it again . After being screwed over once, it's like something you internalize, a behavior, a reflex to not be vulnerable again, because even if you suppressed the pain of past, you still feel the pieces...
I feel like a doormat at times. Everyone walks over me
You're not a doormat, you're a welcome mat!
Ash Billiams That’s really sweet. It can be both. To those who are nice, a welcome mat & to those who have no boundaries or little awareness .. can become a dumping ground, get walked all over rubbing shit off their feet on the way in.. hah..
INFPs like me will love you. Find them.
Now I know why, when I sense that someone isn't being their authentic self, or I can't really connect with them but really want to, I go into 'vulnerability mode' and start trying to talk to them about more meaningful things. I like this little trick we have :-)
Great truths and food for thought, Tom. Thank you! Yes, I agree, we ENFP's can wear not only different masks, but different voices -- even accents and frames of consciousness. We ENFP's are the great chameleons of Myers-Briggs. So what do we do when we're alone? Digest everyone else's act painstakingly and wonder if we'll ever find our own! By the way, at 65, I'm finally finding my own non-masked act, and I find it is composed of many forces and styles and not just one static identity. It's like a distillation of the acts of everyone I've ever known in this life and before. But in any event, the one person we have the hardest time getting along with and reflecting and helping and loving is "the asshole." In other words, the TJ or Thinking Judgmental type who has everything figured out except how to love and be nice. So naturally these are the ones who can stick in our minds -- if we don't choose rather to focus on the nice people. Getting along with TJ's I think can be a life's work for NFP's. Some TJ's can actually be relatively nice, like the cordial Drill Sergeant off duty, but we have to protect ourselves from the narrow-minded jerks and seek out rather the nurturing teacher-students who have sound spiritual values -- and learn to insulate ourselves with tough but permeable shells against the rest.
Wow. I'm an INFP, and I totally felt this. With every interaction I have with friends and acquaintances, I subconsciously put on a different demeanor, and I tend to switch everything from my body language and vocal tone to my sense of humour and what I ultimately say. It creates a connection with the people I interact with, and I totally reap the benefits of every interaction I make. Thank you so much for bringing this revelation to my mind!! Cheers :)
I think I love him.
I’m an ENFP and I found that spirituality really helped me understand and appreciate myself. I wouldn’t changed who I am for the world, because I think what we have is a gift. We can see the world in a holistic view and motivate people to be the best versions of themselves. 😁
ENFP here! Very, very relatable. We NFPs are extremely good at chameleon-ing like this, a lot of times to our detriment. A lot of people who meet me wouldn't guess I'm an ENFP at all because I feel a lot of people would find my overly enthusiastic self annoying, or maybe even overwhelming. I've been slowly getting better though, I think it's something to be proud of.
I'm an INFP and one of the people I have the best conversations with is an INFJ like you. I'd say she's my best friend even though we meet/speak maybe twice a month at most: it's not about quantity, it's the quality that matters. Every minute with her is authentic, no bullshit, no empty talk, just really cool, interesting and honest stuff. We're pretty similar in a way, although I do see in her a bit of the situation which you mentioned: she is quite afraid of what people think of her or of people close to her and can come up with elaborate theories about what may be going on in other people's mind. This doesn't affect her authenticity, but it does add more anxiety to social situation compared to what I experience. We both tend to end up in many situations where we become someone's therapist, which is cool for a little while as you really get to know what's going on with people (at times this can be very disappointing), but becomes very energy and time-consuming after a while. I'd say once someone has taken their mask off with us the chances are we'll have to ghost them pretty soon, not because we don't like them or anything, but just because we cannot spend hours listening to the same person ranting on for more than a certain amount of time: we have all the other people to listen too and we need TIME ALONE. Time alone is something that both me and my friend crave for, we need that to take our own damn patient masks off and think freely without them, re-set, re-balance and shovel off all the unimportant stuff.
As an HSP (if you know what that is) INFP, yes, I slightly alter my energy to be in flow with people around me. Because we can pick up on all the subtlest of micro expressions, body language, tones of voice, basically all the energy behind a person and we want harmony, or at least we need to feel harmonious within ourselves. Yes, I find myself subconsciously tuning into people and at the same time being authentic so that people around me will have a beautiful or pleasant experience and that helps me overcome anxiety and social fears, creating a more loving world to live in. This sorta sounds like what INFJs do, but INFPs can do it too. Because I’m altering a bit, my Fi, so that harmony and warmth is created, and people respond lovingly to it. I like warm people. As I get more comfortable in my own skin and I know the people I associate with feel good around me, it frees me from the fears and everything will be in flow again 💗 (I’m healing from an abusive situation to I need to remember that I can feel safe and be me again)
Hey Tom! INFP here c:
Everything you said is absolutely 100% true, especially about the masks. It was until now that I realized that I too have subconsciously used masks, or different personalities, when interacting with various people. And talking about about this colleague reminds me so much of myself. You've definitely put a new perspective on me and and just have to say Thank You!
+Joseph Muñoz Your welcome thanks for watching!
+Joseph Muñoz I agree as well! I wanted to mention that this "ability" of making suitable masks shouldnt be perceived as a bad thing. Understanding it and using it correctly (kindly) does wonders! What do you think?
This is so relatable. Are you an ENFP or an INFP? I'm an ENFP and recently had a similar interaction with an INFP. Although I've had several interactions like it, this particular interaction made me very aware of the cage of my ego. In the month I spent time with him, I started building up assumptions about what he was thinking and feeling, and it was harder to snap myself out of it because we seemed to be connecting so well, so it was harder to give the benefit of the doubt. I became very selfconscious, and it became harder to be vulnerable, until he was moving away - I had to open up about how I was feeling, and even though it wasn't reciprocated as well as I'd hoped, it was still very freeing and liberating. Vulnerability truly is the key to freedom. Even though it can seem like weakness, it takes far more strength to be vulnerable because the thought of being hated for who we are is far scarier than the thought of being liked for who we aren't, and once we're actually being vulnerable, it doesn't feel like weakness because we're being our true selves. I have a hard time with this because my personality changes so frequently. I find ease when I simply allow myself to be whatever I am at that moment. It helps most, as an ENFP, to pay attention and truly listen to others. My response comes naturally, and I learn about myself through my interaction with others, which was the main difference between me and my INFP friend - he has to have lots of alone time to find himself. I also want to mention that I also have a Cancer ascendant and am a Scorpio which has a tendency to wear a mask as well. It's really nice to see and hear someone speak who reminds me of myself. It makes me feel better about who I am. So thank you for sharing your vulnerability. It's beautiful.
This was like a peek into my own mind. How incredibly validating to know that others not only think so deeply about their interactions, but also identify in themselves some of the same feelings I have (both you and other commenters). Thank YOU for being vulnerable enough to share. It's inspiring to someone who's thoughts will probably remained stockpiled in dusty journals for all eternity ;)
I can totally relate to this. I’ve listened to your videos for a while now and just so grateful you’re being vulnerable enough to share it with us. Inspiring me to do more of the same through my blog etc. Thank you Tom -I feel like I know you because I feel like you’re me talking back at myself!
Thank you for sharing this experience. I used to really struggle with moments like these - I was very awkward and introverted and didn't really want to talk to anyone, especially about anything that would make me appear as vulnerable as I felt. But it's been years and I've been through counselling and now I am very casual about dropping in vulnerable information about myself. Like everyone else I don't share everything, but I'm very open now and try to make people feel at ease by being self-deprecating whilst sharing something deeply personal so they feel like they can open up to me as well.
At work a few months ago a new girl started out of the blue - she was around 10-15 years older than me and at first glance I didn't really think we'd have much to talk about, but within 10 minutes of talking to her I told her about my dad dying and she told me that her son had passed away. I really love meeting people like that who are open to sharing meaningful things. I have friends I've known 10 years that I've not had discussions like that with (which frustrates the heck out of me - damn those INFJs).
Overall there are very few people that I have really awkward encounters with and luckily I'm not around them anymore but even though I could get to a deep level with them it just wouldn't last long enough for me to sustain a decent conversation. I think their surface interests and thoughts were incompatible with mine which contributed to the awkwardness I felt.
rant over
Thanks for sharing Erin
Wow thanks for this video! A lot of the time when I meet anxious people I pick up on it instantly and it makes me anxious, but at the same time I want to talk with them because I can relate exactly to how they're feeling!
you're really good at expressing yourself, loved the video and could totally relate
Thanks for the video (all your other ones too; I just found them and now many things are clearing up)! This sheds so much insight to this recurring interpersonal dynamic I have. I never knew this was how someone might feel on the other side... I had a feeling I was bringing them down too, but I get so preoccupied with the narrative that some people are nice and want to be friendly even to someone they just dislike. I do notice they tend to be nice. And it's a little true in your case too, but my twist is I didn't expect they wanted to connect. When I get the final cold-shoulder (can be so obvious and traumatizing), that translates to me as "I've always disliked you, but now, though I've tried to be kind, your presence irritates the hell out of me so I'll just pretend you don't exist." Every time it happens, it feels super painful, but now I know there could be a much more compassionate spin to it compared to the narrative I've always used. I realize I have so much toxic shame that it colors so much of my interpretation. I was so convinced these people could see the things I try to hide so that explained their dislike for me even though I try to keep to myself. Hopefully, it's your interpretation rather than mine in my cases. It makes me think I should try a little harder. Thank you.
This was an awesome video :) I'm an INFP Cancer as well, I relate to you 100%. We're all about the emotions, and memories! ^^
I'm an INFJ and Cancer as well. I relate with everything you've talked about here. I'm especially interested in how one gets past that fear of taking off the mask, especially if you've had bad reactions/ experiences in the past. Thank you and keep sharing your insights!
Honestly, I think everything you said in this video was perfect, almost scary really. Thank you!
Loved this video, Tom. Coincidentally, I had recently learned the value of personal vulnerability, but hadn't extended the thought process to social interaction outside of intimate - or otherwise, close - relationships. Your video made me realize the fulfilling aspects of "living your own truth" so to speak - in that instead of projecting this superficial personality or an abstract representation of how you'd like to be perceived, you instead show the ’real’ you to the person with whom you're talking to, which makes the experience not only personally fulfilling, but can ideally instantiate a potential bond with the other person. Anyways, your video really resonated with me and I’m very thankful you posted it!
Thanks for making this video for us ENFPS as well. Just want to share my support for you channel and videos. Appreciate these!
Excellent video! I relate so much. I used to always go into work/social situations like this, but I've been working hard on being vulnerable first and it has transformed my life completely. Vulnerability, openness, and showing interest are key!
Cancerian INFP here just like you :)
I've learnt to be myself, be vulnerable and expose my heart to people and it does indeed help others to open up. I've lost count of how many times I've been talking to people and they've said to me "I've never told anyone this before" :)
Dang this video was inspiration, there is an opportunity for true life beyond that locked door of fear. And the key to unlocking that door is vulnerability.
Hello! I myself am an ENFP and I absolutely loved your video! Very eloquent and thought out. Love your perspectives(: stay golden my friend!
Thank you so much for sharing. Especially that last part is so true when you are being vulnerable it is so hard when the other person doesn’t reciprocate that and just uses your vulnerability against you. I learned from a young age that being vulnerable worked when it came to making friends. A lot of the people I would approach (as I would being an enfp) would often find it very easy to be around me. (Theirs words, not mine)
It’s worrisome when you’ve shown your true colours to a person and then they don’t reciprocate that and even worse make you feel bad for it.
Also, about the masks thing:
My partner noticed I actually act different around people and he said it looked fake and I wondered for a long time why I did it because it would be a subconscious effort on my part so I didn’t even notice that I would be acting different around others. I guess enfp are just natural at charisma and find ways to make other people their most comfortable. There are few exceptions like you’ve stated who will bully you for either being an underdog yourself or standing up for the underdogs. I think mainly that’s why enfp are able to connect with underdogs a lot more. It’s because they acknowledge pain and suffering to be something universally shared among living things. Something that deep would never get through to someone as basic as they get. Those few exceptions who bully others think they know everything and actually feel intimidated by you as you have run scenarios in your head of events that may or may not play out and get a feel for what might happen just based on how everyone is at that present moment. You can feel if another person has wrath towards you far before they even say anything mean to you. I know sometimes we assume things that aren’t there but that’s only because emotions are read in either two ways. Positively or negatively. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt since that is what I would like people to do for me. Sometimes it backfires though since I give them the benefit of the doubt even though my gut feeling says to run. Then the gut feeling turns out to be right. -.- then you start saying to yourself, “I’ll never trust again” but then the next time you STILL give them chances. I’m a naive and cynical enfp. Anyone else? Lol.
You put things in a very comfortable and familiar way, things I seem to find myself going through also seemingly as an INFP. Very well put, thanks very much :)
So interesting that all of your thoughts and things you went through, I've also gone through. Being vulnerable is hard work, especially for INFPs, but it's so obvious that this is the way to connect with people. Good stuff :)
I myself have found that being more open and vulnerable leads other people to open up too, thank you for reminding me this, I'll definetely be more aware and try to take off that mask around other introverted people like me.
Also, I just yesterday watched Call Me By Your Name and you look so much like Armie Hammer in it lol, it's a compliment!
Great vid Tom! I could completely relate to the 'being trapped in an awkward/aloof mask' problem you talk about. I've tried a few times to open up, and you're right - some respond to it favourably, some don't. I've been told that I've got an appeasing personality and I'm on good terms with everyone but in reality I have very few people I would call close friends. Thanks for articulating something that I've been trying to figure out for a looong time!
Thank you. This video was thought provoking and actually really helpful. I like what you said about vulnerability.
Oh gosh i related so much to the "I can't change now or they'll think I'm even weirder" I'm always thinking like this!
exactly! it's a vicious cycle. i am actually stuck in it with my cousins since 15 years now 😑
So true, watching this, I realize that this is totally me. Thanks for the vid!
This absolutely was so so inspirational for me. As I hear your words, I connect a lot with what you are saying and I am definitely going to give this concept more attention in my life. Cheers man.
Thank you for posting this. ♥ 🤗 This totally resonates with me as an ENFP/Empath. (Can sometimes be borderline INFP/ENFP) Wish I discovered your channel months ago! Ps I totally get your sense of humour. 😂🤗
Hi! I relate really well with what you say about vulnerability and I am battling something like this. Its as if you formed my unconsious thoughts and put them into words! I'm an isfj by the way. At work I have been vulnerable a few times around certain people to give them a chance to maybe open up to me and they practically yelled out "gaaaayyy" to me. They told me I have emotional issues to my face. That has really broken me down further and further. Now I mostly just do my own thing at work. I don't care if people don't like me. Because I know now that they are not the people for me. But it does take it's toll on my wellbeing.
Hi Tom, I'm an INFP, Cancer sign! XD so I totally can feel this. Thanks for addressing it all out for us!
INFP here. I love how introspective you are and how much I can relate to this video. I’m an Aries and I usually feel all of these feelings AFTER Ive said too much, or I’ll boldly give my opinion even if it is unfavorable and it won’t coincide with the person I’m speaking to and the same feelings occur of shame and “wow this person must hate me”. I can never seem to brush off differences and I cling to my different masks so EVERYONE can like me. Never works lol. This video definitely gave me a different perspective and I think I will seek out more like minded people... it only makes the most sense to not let ourselves get bogged down by the opinions of others that we THINK we know they have before they even show us their real opinion of us.
Aries and an INFP here too! yes above all It is so tiring. one thing thats happens which is especially difficult is when x people who have seen x 'customized' masks of me are around at the same time. Can't even tell how hard it is to balance it out.
I started watching the first min, and all I could think was 'This is me.' Thanks for being a cool person!
This randomly popped up in my recommendations. Glad it did. Awesome insight! it's funny how i feel that no one really knows who I am, and still all these masks that i won't take off because it's just the easy way to survive. Generally people don't have the time and the disposition to understand anyway and it's just simpler/less-effort this way...
O my gosh THIS. This has been the story of my life. Wish I could have heard this years ago
I think you should know that this video gave me a thousand laughs, and it was very enjoyable and totally relatable with feelings of talking with someone you don't feel 100% around right away and exposing/letting go of these hardened fears. I love this and wish someone like you was living near me so we could share a bunch of laughs daily. I'm new to these personality types and discovered I'm an ENFP-t. :)
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
This video opened my childlike mind up and fun part out.
Much love and peace to you.
- Mikayla Oberlander
I like the mask analogy because I feel the same way and I have had someone confide in me saying something similar to what I feel and you described so I guess it's nice to see that it's not just me. Sometimes I feel stuck with the 'mask' I have on.. It's especially awkward when I'm around people I've shown different sides of myself/different aspects of my personality to, and have to balance it out so that I stay true to each and every 'mask' without being too 'loud' or too 'quiet'.. so it's easier to just shut down. Thank you for sharing! I'm also a cancer (sun) so that's cool to know other videos of yours might also be relateable! Subscribing and hoping you'd do a video on crossovers between INFJ's and cancer zodiac. x
'when I'm around people i have shown different sides.... balance it out... stay true to "every" mask...' oh god, this is so relatable that reading this just made me cry a little. i wish it wasn't so hard, so tiring :/ 'every mask' sigh...
thank you for writing this
Wow that's sad that it wasn't recording. At the start of the video I want to already thank you in advance and show appreciation that you are willing to repeat it. It is tough that something one does get erased or isn't recorded. Female-ENFP
ENFP here best friend is an INFP this video gave me inisght into our interactions =)
100% related to this. You are awesome!
thanks for humoring those distractions by highlighting them.
very relatable I been learning a lot about behavior and personality I also identify as infp -t male I also spent my first 34 years adding up to the idea that I was just broken and didn't fit it I am learning to accept my self and my strengths and weaknesses and use them to make my life better and not struggle so hard on my weaknesses and adapt to them rather than change myself
thank you for the vid much appreciated
This is an amazing story! I'm so happy that you shared it! Thank you!
wow! this is sooo relatable! thanks so much for sharing and being vulnerable, you gave the right example!!
I'm an ENFP and I can completely relate to what you feel. Many times when I meet new people , I want to get to know them, make them laugh and become friends. I do however test them by saying certain things in certain ways in order to see reactions. These reactions are what lead me to the conclusion if these people are people I would want to ultimately be good friends with. I say things like ,"Do u ever think, wow there are so many people in the world and you don't know them? Doesn't that get u thinking? Don't you just want to know all of them?" Or I just bring up topics that interest me and see who relates or see their thoughts on the subject. If however they disagree with me, I like to have the discussion. As long as they're respectful and consider my side as well , we could be friends. But the people who are stuck on their beliefs and will block out any other idea. Ughhh. Also when I feel it's awkward to talk to someone I kind of ask questions. Sure I feel like a weirdo but I make it known to the other person that I'm open to new ideas and will accept anything that say. This openness leads other people to somehow talk to me about deep things because they feel I could understand. Thanks for the video. Could you make a video on INFP and ENFP interactions? Thankkks
Thank you so much for this video! I'm an INFP/cancer and everything in this video was so helpful and so relatable ;-;
same here. its a fun combo.
That's funny because astrology is cancer.
This is creepy that i just watched this video out of anything else out there on the Tube., i really needed to watch this, at this moment.. wow thank you! ive been feeling that bottled up craziness all day blaming the other person, when i should probably let my guard down a bit and not project.,,
Doood you are fantastic... I'm an INFP and it's weird I know a friend where this exact same thing was happening and I really didn't know how to get around this problem of really opening up but at the same time I felt like I had a connection with her... let's hope this works *fingers crossed*
This was truly inspirational, thank you :)
I really enjoyed your video, and I do sometimes tend to get into those situations as well, although maybe not quite as severely. I do feel like this will help me in the future, so thank you. ^-^ I hope you continue to make videos like these
great video. thanks Tom
Very, very well said Tom. I think you captured that awkward thing so well and was something that had often plagued me in the past as an INFP. Just wondering where the INFP/ENFP point in your title was going to come in, but uh, no worries...; )
This resonates completely.
Another great video Tom, so much of what you say is spot on. I have thought about the fact that I don't always seem to be the same me around everyone and it often bothers me. I want to be able to be more authentic and open up to people but like you say not everyone responds to it well. If I don't get a positive vibe from someone when I've opened up I start to feel embarrased and self conscious which causes me to behave in the way I do when I'm insecure which in turns makes me wish I hadn't opened up. What I really want to learn as an INFP is how to be a feeler without allowing what's happening in my external world dictate how I feel internally. If I could just learn that I know expressing myself would be a lot easier. Sorry if I've gone off on a different tangent here but there's my two pennies.
+giannirigido Good thought there. I think all of this is a journey of self discovery and testing the waters to see what 'feels' best for us, it's getting past the inhibitions and negative self talk that can be the challenge.
Really love your thoughts on this. I can completely relate to the 'putting on masks'. I've definitely experienced similar situations to the one you described... I'm going to try this! Thanks for the advice!
+Lonsterrr Thank you and good luck!
definitely understand this thanks tom for sharing
You angel, insightful and relatable. Thanks.
Im glad you did, get off the ass and make this awesome video :)
I'm 27 Male. And a cancer as well. Great topic man, thanks :)
Read insightful and relate to all of your stories. Keep up the great work!!! 😊
wow, this is truly relatable
Omg I relate so much to these enfp videos it’s insanely
This happens to me all the time. It is easier for me to start a conversation with a total stranger waiting for a bus than a person who's close to me... the mask thing just makes it harder to break that cancer INFP shell... :'D
+indre m haha yes exactly
Great video Tom , thanks!!
I am infj, and I learned when I was younger that opening up first gets others to feel comfortable with you. An ice breaker of sorts. They also, in time, feel comfortable with opening up to you with bigger problems; which is really where we are helpful the most. I also learnd that really opening up doesn't really make me vulnerable in a negative way. Let's say I tell someone something about myself that seems like they can potentially use it against me. When they do I see their true colors, and it never amounts to anything, because the people who know me know that I am a good person, but let's say some people started to listen to what they have to say. All I have to do is explain myself, and if they still think that way I know it's something else, like: they like that person for some reason, or they do dislike me for some reason, but aren't saying. It gives me that insight, so that I can figure out what those reasons potentially are. All said and done I have learned that when they do have a problem with me it's because they have a deeper issue they have to work on. That's the reason they won't tell me straight out what it is. I am easy to talk to, so after all that I know they have a deeper issue, and maybe I can spot it later. Then potentially help them with that issue, so it doesn't keep popping up and affecting their social relationships. If not, then I at least know where we stand.
Love the video. Really relatable. :)
Awesome video, so great to hear that other people go through this same thing. I'm still wondering why it happens so often that people are pissed off at me and I don't really know why so then I sit there and try to remember every thing I said or did to them recently and still am never quite sure. I obviously have a big gap in my social awareness.
--INFP male Aries with ADD
Great story. Glad it worked out for you.
This is so true, it really is subconcious sometimes, I'll use more profanity around some friends and less around others, I'll seem more introverted around some friends and then I'm the funny guy of the group around others. It's weird and it has caused me to want to be around people that help me like myself. I love when I'm in a group of people and I'm the funny guy, it's so unusal for me to be that guy and It's almost like I'm observing and am impressed with myself. The best way I could describe it is it's almos tlike a tv show with a cast of characters, and I can somtimes take on the character that the show seems to be lacking but is in ned of, theres a bunch of loud people, I become quiet in contrast, theres a bunch of quiet people I become loud in contrast, it's almost like I'm filling the gap.
Thankyou this is great. I would add to watch for copycat predator types. Remember conflict is healthy and normal. if a person "loves" every single thing you say they may not be honest and sincere. I love this video, and yes it makes sense. :)
I can relate to that 100 %. Have you noticed how cute he is!
This was great, thank you!
I could relate to this so much! Haha. Thanks for sharing your insight
INTP here. Good video. Even though we are different but I see how I could apply the "vulnerability" as well. Hm, interesting. Anyway, thanks for the idea :)
I'm always calling myself being a chameleon because of that lol.
I can relate man, thanks for sharing :)
I think you're an outgoing INFP. Yay like me. I thought I was an ENFP but dat Fi dun think so. I have found that there are lots of different reactions to a peek behind the mask. Widely divergent ones. Awesome vid. I don't think it's possible to leave masks at home and just be ... well it may be possible but not very and ime it isn't necessarily desirable. But at the same time, I can't be *not* myself all the time. I do choose who I trust and at what level I trust them... and by trust it's more like their level of ability to tolerate authenticity. That's why people say things like "gay" ... low EQ and high resistance to the real in favor of a chosen reality that is not acknowledged as a construct but held up as absolute fact. It's a frequent occurrence among many many types, especially those who are high introvert antisocial and high extrovert inflexible traditional folks... very very common. Being a feeler type myself, I tend to feel protective of the high introvert antisocial and somewhat avoidant of the high extrovert inflexible traditional.
@Tomdavison I'm a Cancer INFP, that being said it's only natural that I can feel completely connected with what you're presenting on this video. So far my life it's been a rollercoaster in love, career, education... Pretty much everything. I'm currently feeling so lost and can't find my purpose in this life. Anxiety and depression can be easily masqued away, specially when I spend most of my time helping out people and family, it's the only thing that makes me feel useful... But at the end I don't feel like im living this life for me, I don't know how to... Can you please make a video about finding life purpose and direction as an INFP & Cancer?? Please!!🙏🙏🙏
As infp, I can say, under super harsh conditions and treatment or manipulation, I end up trying and forcing these boundaries and qualities that aren't natural to me and it hurts all the time inside, I think it's starting to crack me up. It's miserable. One person accused me of having more than one personality because of the difference between who I have to be to survive right now and who I am when I feel safe. This is so true btw, this for this video!
Im an Infp and a cancer too. I can relate to every word you said. It's been hard. These days Im having problems with my parents and when we get into a disagreement I always put on this "unbothered look" and they feel like they have to keep on reminding me of every mistake I made. They think I dont know that I dont know or that I dont feel bad. Their words hurt a lot but they don't stop talking because I just dont show hurt in my face ahahahah
I went through this exact scenario with my co worker. She used to be a manager, and is used to always being on top of her game. I obviously couldn't relate because I'm a mess of a human, and my insecurities get the best of me in conversation. We never really spoke. It also felt like she was competing with me. Then during work she steps out because she says she's about to have a panic attack. I let her out, and when she returns, I broach the subject. Long story short, we were going through similar situations. She has had a tough background life as well. I give her some advice, and we kind of have a team work vibe the rest of our shift. Really, we are all trying to make it in this world. Life is not nice to anyone.
Wow! At first I thought I was stoned, then I thought you were stoned, then I realized you could read my mind 🤯
As an INTP, I find desperate INFJ small talk the most awkward. That's because it's so Fe heavy, and neither of us really like small talk. I prefer when INFJs express who they are. You're really onto something with vulnerability.
This was eye opening !
Are you a cancer sun as well or just your ascendant?
I'm an enfp and yeah always told by people im very deep. Lifes too short to not be deep... can't be living just on surface level, there's an ocean and a sky too...
really enjoyed ur video
INFP Libra male here. Yeah, there's definitely something deeply empowering about being willfully vulnerable and owning who you are and how you feel. Being confident, accepting yourself, and embracing who you are. I learned that from my best friend, who was an ENFP.
When you're that open and accepting of yourself, no-one can touch you. People have no choice but to respect and admire it.
For example, if someone is judging you for being a man liking stereotypically feminine shit like playing the violin or photographing flowers, you tell the SOB "This is me. Deal with it."
Hope this helps someone else.
Mariano, thanks for the advice and RIP, homie