Did A Bird Poop On The President? | Mayor Announces Arrest Of Brooklyn Shooting Suspect
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- čas přidán 12. 04. 2022
- It's our duty to fact check the video of President Biden supposedly being targeted by a bird while giving a speech, and Stephen checks in with NYC Mayor Eric Adams who announced the arrest of the suspect in yesterday's subway shooting in Brooklyn. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes. - Zábava
My husband works in a factory that uses industrial corn starch*, and yes, that's what it looks like when it drops. I never, ever thought that knowledge would be relevant to the lapel of a sitting President!!!
(*it is used in some paper manufacturing)
I love this so much! Everyone makes a great detective -- once. 😃💙
Which factory? Where is your proof?
@@jannenieminen6815 Rand Whitney Containerboard, Uncasville CT 06382
Mr Krafts, who owns the Patriots, owns at least two mills. One is in Worcester, Mass. He's worked for three different companies at the same location! It's 100% post-consumer content that makes the paper that goes around the OUTSIDE of paper boxes. Can you believe that ANOTHER company makes the wavy stuff between the two paper sheets? It's true!
If you need me to tell you more, I can describe the wet end and the dry end of the mill, talk about the pulper, and tell you how to properly pronounce "couch". (not like you normally pronounce it)
Is that enough?
@@MariaBareiss That looks like it was written by a FBI agent.
@@jannenieminen6815 That's hilarious! 😂 Do you ever get to Mohegan Sun? It's about six miles from there, and fourteen miles from Foxwoods. Come hang out! We'll smoke some (legal) cannabis, have some laughs.
So bizzare. There's no other place on Earth where people would clap and cheer upon hearing the news that 29 people were only wounded instead of killed in a mass shooting.
Wounded is better than killed..
Literally everywhere else on earth thinks so too..
@@dfr6663 the point is flying right over your head. You are not wrong that wounded > dead. But the OP hit the bull's eye 🎯🎯🎯. The U.S. is a seriously screwed up country.
Because Colberts audience are "challenged" in so many ways.
Just shows how fucked up America is when you can be relieved to hear of no fatalities in a shooting instead of the usual mass deaths.
'murica. fuck yeah!
Even if a bird pooped on the President, its still not as funny as when that Bald Eagle attacked Emperor Marmalade McCokenostril
What? When did that happen?
@@jessecrump1424 Probably every time a Bald Eagle's ever seen the Russian Stooge.
@@jessecrump1424 Here: czcams.com/video/o7_OWYrLVOU/video.html
Lol
It was like a scene from the Silmarillion... Except the eagle didn't get to shred his face, and I don't see how Drumpf is as high-ranking a villain as Morgoth. (Villain none the less, but he's more like an incredibly stupid and incompetent Saruman whose mutated orcs he whipped into a lather and unleashed on the Capitol... I mean, on Helm's Deep.)
They say a bird "spotting" you is a sign of good luck. I'm not superstitious, but I'll take it.
At my mom's wedding, one of her ladies got pooped on. Somehow that doesn't feel lucky!!! hahaha
Have you ever heard of the Foo Bird?
They say that, if a Foo Bird shits on you, you have great luck.
If you wipe the Foo Bird shit off, you turn to stone.
The moral of this story is 'If the Foo shits, wear it'.
Really?! A bird literally pooped in my belly button when I was sunbathing in Hawaii five years ago and my life has been shit since!
@@barrytrotterisweird you were in Hawaii. That sounds pretty lucky to me.
@@barrytrotterisweird mi; m
can we please seriously start making an active effort to starve these deadly narcissists by refusing to show their faces or say their names when we talk about their heinous attacks?
could we talk about their abhorrent motivations? this one is a verified, nonapologetic black supremacist and the leftist media like colbert and others are silent.
Who?
@@ghostpiratelechuck2259 Maybe Rudy?
Thats why Colbert doesn't say # 45's name on the show!
also lets mention it when the mass murderer is a black supremacist that proudly hates whites and asians
Its such a strange, small relief that we make fun of the president for possible bird poop and being old rather than the former... Where every week was a new brand of "what dictator is he trying to sell us out to this week?!"
Right?! 😂
Only Americans are allowed to criticize the US President.
It's funny that the former still has a chance to be elected again, even though everyone knows that he'll be even worse if he gets back into office.
It's all just a reality show. "Let's watch and find out what happens." Hundreds of thousands of people died because he lied repeatedly on global television. "Let's watch and find out what happens next."
Yeah, thank all mighty, if you believe in it, that we don't have Trump right now. OMG. How crazy would it be to have Trump supporting Putin's invasion of Ukraine right now? In fairness, I don't think he would support it, although I wouldn't put it past him, but I definitely think we could also be in an all out nuclear war with Russia right now if we had Trump. Trump just does and did everything wrong as a president.
What a relief we have such a great president. He is honest, un corrupt, fair, loves kids, ahhh..Trump belongs in jail..for all his crimes. This country is back! So proud everything is going well now.
That is such good news about the victims of the shooting. Stay strong NYC. Much love
If only it happened somewhere like Texas instead, then maybe people other than criminals would have been able to legally stop him. But instead, we just accept our fates as eternal victims here in our woke blue state.
@@jonjonson5730 and gotten more ppl killed.
turns out when you get into shootouts with criminals you can miss and hit other ppl.
@@jonjonson5730 cringe
@@jonjonson5730 If it happened in another country-
Nah, these things rarely, if ever, happen in a first world country.
@@jonjonson5730 Or, you know, they could have shot innocent victims trying to get the gunman, as *checks notes* fully-trained cops have done.
No thanks, I don't need anymore stupid angry white men with guns shooting at anything.
And for the record, Texas's Bell Tower shootings in the 60s is proof positive that white guys with guns can't do shit in a mass shooting incident.
Hey, if there's one thing I remember from watching 'Under the Tuscan Sun,' it's that the Italians consider a bird pooping on you to be a sign of good luck, or a good omen....it's good.
FINALLY some good news . 👍
Most African tribes believe that as well. I knew a guy that actually immigrated here from Africa and he taught me a few of his people's beliefs including the confirmation of the phrase Hakuna Matata. Turns out The Lion King didn't lie about it. It really does mean "no worries" plus a little more than that but I forgot what the full meaning was.
If you're Italian though, you don't want be sent a fish.
@@jessecrump1424 really, have you surveyed all African tribes to make the assertion that MOST African tribes consider it good luck?
I grew up in NYC and could not stop laughing at the ceiling juice line! Thanks for making my morning!
That was priceless!
The fly over country works hard to make America
FYI: it’s primary season, register and vote 🗳! We cannot let them get control! Let’s ditch Mitch and minions for all they stand for/on!
Yes! Vote the corporate democrats out of office. They pander to idiots with eoke messaging to get their vote and then wreck the economy
As at Republican who is supporting Republicans I too want Mitch gone we do need a new Republican leader
@@Jonnyisthebest why? What's he done (not done)?
With all that newscasting experience that Stephen has with Jon, his frozen face is spot on. It's been weeks and I still go back to this for a stomach pumping howl.
As a Brazilian, I love that you talked about Bolsonaro's newest scandal! Hopefully we will get rid of him in this year's election!
Yeah, the guy is bad crazy....
Amém
i was disappointed that stephen did not acknowledge 'the guardian' headline 'bolsonaro faces stiff questioning'.
He made a dog’s breakfast of Brazil’s covid response. Hope you get rid of him.
@@nonyabizness.original The writers definitely missed that !
The authorities need to be careful handling Rudy's devices... they may leak too...
Rudy barely has much left to leak... He's lost a lot of "brain juice" over the years as seen on Borat's film *chuckle*
His drawers, also.
News: “Did a bird poop on the President?”
FoxNews: “Biden allows himself to be pooped on, on nationwide TV.”
Trump allows himself to be pissed on, tonight at 11.
It was awfully dry to be bird poop. Get the poor thing to a vet.
@@sophierobinson2738 - Eight glasses of water a day.
Hundreds of birds flocked into the barn to poop on the president who stood there staring into the flock but never moving. Tucker Carlson has the story at (whatever time he comes on the air)
Exactly somehow even that would be Biden’s fault!
A bird shitting on someone is considered "good luck" according to Greek wives tales.
And African Tribal cultures and apparently in Italy.
@@jessecrump1424 as an Italian, I can confirm
It took me a while to find it, but I knew someone out there was going to make the _good luck_ comment. Superstitions aside, I guess your day can't get much worse.
👍
Considering I got shat on by a bird and won $5000 in the lottery, I’d say yes it’s lucky
Wanna break into Rudy's phones? just have him sit on 'em. Works every time.
Glad they got him so quick.. helped that he seemed to want to be caught.
Then he could have walked into a police precinct and turned himself in or stopped a cop and done the same. You can't take one step in NYC without seeing a cop or a patrol car.
NYPD did nothing. It was only actual NYers who stepped up.
he also clearly aimed at PEOPLE'S LEGS.
It is impossible to not hit human torsos all crammed inside a subway car!
THE SHOOTER TURNED HIMSELF IN, people!!
He called the NYPD TIPLINE and told them where he was in the East Village!!
GUESS WHY THE PRESS and Colbert are trying to bury that minor fact!
A: bc the NYPD even says "we never solve 50% of murders"!
@@jessecrump1424 I livedin NYC for 25 years. NEVER ONCE did I see a cop car pull over when they saw crime. NOT ONCE.
Because DUH 101:
IF YOU PAY A HUMAN WHETHER THEY DO THEIR JOB OR NOT....they have no reason to do their one job.
TWICE i was even covered in my oWN BLOOD and police cars refused to help!
ONE TIME, I was bleeding from my forehead after kids attacked me, and I KNEW all cops are dirty so I JUMPED
INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TO FLAG THEM DOWN (!!)....and still the rapists just DROVE AROUND ME (!!!) into oncoming traffic to AVOID DOING ANY WORK.
NYPD say they FAIL to sovle 80% of reported crime! 50% of murders!!!
(That means the REAL stats are even worse!)
There have also been endless stories of REAL criminals trying to TURN THEMSELVES IN AT POLICE STATIONS, and the lazy cops refusing to arrest them etc!!!
@@jessecrump1424 FUN FACT! We could jail all cops if the NYPD has cop cars.
WHAT DO THEY NEED CARS FOR?? There's a precinct every 8 blocks! ALL cops should be on foot or bikes, duh.
But y'all think it's GREAT that all lazy cops drive in circles for 24 hours and pollute our air and NEVER ONCE DID IT DETER A CRIME.
My fellow New Yorkers, we gott'em." Also, I don't think they realized the camera was rolling during those adjustments, haha.
They did. That’s why he was holding completely still.
🙄
in fact, Colbert left out the MOST INSANE FACTS.
ex:
the shooter CALLED THE NYPD TIPLINE (bc the world's largest police force had no clue how to catch him and he wanted to go to jail!) and said "I'm on first ave and I'm headed to the McD to charge my phone"!!
THAT is how they "Got him"!!!
(The MSM downplayed this bc the Keystone Kops are already the most inept in history.)
ex:
HOW DO YOU OMIT (when including the BLACK Giuliani, Eric Adams) that EA is
A)
a 30 year VET OF .....THE NYPD (meaning he's a SUPER-crime-fighter y'all say!)....meaning AIN'T NO CRIME
HAPPENING ON HIS WATCH (and all left and right wing press says Adams is the new HERO of the city "Just
like we told you Rudy was but that turned out to be literally total lies!")
B)
EA has been saying since JANUARY that HE IS GOING TO MAKE SUBWAYS SAFE AGAIN by flooding the subway with do-nothing moron cops!
RESULT? WORST SHOOTING IN SUBWAY HISTORY!
(Adams is also a REPUGNICAN who only switched to D when Wall St told him "we want to make you the next mayor".)
Colbert continues to protect dirty cops and he always will.
Watch John Oliver if you want TRUTH.
As a New Yorker… Too accurate with the always on tap ceiling juice.😂🤣🤮
That sparrow wearing a hat was so cute at 6:25! Lol as someone who has worked with birds for several years, getting pooped on is actually kind of funny. Less gross than other animals' at least!
As a wildlife ecologist, I agree :)
I disagree bird poop is the worst!
And birds are "long drop" poopers. They fling dung 💩 from great heights.
Voting is like driving a car. Vote R to go backwards, vote D to go forward.
💯💙
More like get stuck in traffic but at least it's better than being parked.
I love it so much I just have to steal it. I'm sorry.
Reverse vs. Drive
Nice analogy!
This is the best news show on network tv. Thank you CBS and Stephen Colbert.
Democracy Now and Breaking Points are much better than anything on big business funded channels like cbs
You have serious issues if you consider this news. It's funny. You get a comedic take on events from the day. Not news you nitwit. Hope you're joking
Colbert is not news. He is "the joker". The "court jester" who does Obama/Biden bidding.
really?
If I was a New Yorker, I’d be pissed at the lack of diligence the city did in preventing this and to ensure it doesn’t occur again.
Colbert OMITTED all the KEY FACTS.
EX:
the GOP ex-NYPD mayor Eric Adams (fakest "election" i've ever seen or anyone has ever seen!) was snuck in as the "leading" DEM candidate by Wall St and their journalist puppets and waltzed right in....
....and ADAMS (The BLACK Giuliani!) said on DAY ONE in january that he was gonna TAKE BACK THE SUBWAYS FROM CRIME and flood them with NYPD...... and ALL "left" wing press and ALL "right" wing press said he was a BRILLIANT HERO we must respect and trust (!!).....
.....and NO ONE is now mentioning that the RESULT of Adams' "genius" plan to flood subways with moron cops who are lazy in every way....was THE WORST SHOOTING IN NYC HISTORY in the subways!
NO JOKE:
ALL Kops say "we drive cars in circles 24 hours a day CUZ DAT DETERS CRIME!" but never once in history did it, but it DID waste trillions of dollars and DID Pollute our air (cuz we have ten times more do-nothing cops than any other nation in history!)
SPREAD THE TRUTH no one else will:
IF THERE IS ANY CRIME, all cops have to resign and return all the money we paid them.
IF YOU CANNOT DO THE ONE JOB WE PAY YOU TO DO, you cannot cash the paycheck, duh, and it's criminal malpractice, fraud, etc if you REMAIN IN THAT LINE OF WORK.
EITHER police can stop all mass shooting and school shootings....or THEY CANNOT REMAIN POLICE.
See?
WE've normalized insanity!
That press photo of the bird is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen! 🦉
A bird pooping on you is considered to be a good luck sign in some cultures.
They showed that video of him entering the train with his reflector vest, suit case. They have video of him exiting without any of it.
Good Job to all those officials! NY STRONG!
And that makes him a killer? Sheesh.
whoop it! garden guy...... please
@@carolmiller5713 Attempted murder. Nobody was killed.
@Merril R THEY ONLY CAUGHT HIM cuz he CALLED THE NYPD TIPLINE ON HIMSELF!!!
The lying press is downplaying that KEY FACT.
Ditto the TINY fact that The Black Giuliani, DINO Eric Adams IS AN EXPERT CRIME-FIGHTER (30year NYPD vet!!) (OOOOF!) and he said he was cleaning up the subways of crime for the past 4 months!!!!!
WHY WOULD THE PRESS AND COLBERT OMIT THESE KEY FACTS?
@Merril R ANOTHER COOL DEFLECTION, Giuliani Bro.
(WEIRD PATTERN: 100% of my critics.....all impersonate Giuliani. EX: never once did my critics NOT DEFLECT ala Stalin, Hitler, and ALL Law Enforcers, hmmm!) (Giuliani was a Law Enforcer too. I am totally detecting a pattern.)
SHoudl I even point out you PLAGIARIZED your jr high DEFLECTION?
You can't even think up your OWN weasel moves, ha ha.
#NEXTloserPLEASE
(Send a NON-Giuliani Bro, next time. Save us some time! Thanks!)
I had a Midwest mom, who spent her high-school years de-tasseling Iowa corn for a summer job.
If we kids wanted to go to a Halloween corn-maze, we got graphically DETAILED reasons why cornfields are not as cool as they look. As I grew up understanding it, corn pollen/juice is real, and too much of it can traumatize Midwest residents for life.
Didn't look like any midwestern bird poop I've ever seen. I'm no ornithologist, though.
from Iowa, can confirm you are correct.
I recently had allergy testing and I’m allergic to corn pollen and corn… so there’s that. I feel MUCH better when I eat clean.
I used to pull brush in vineyards as a teen. I lived near a Welch’s factory. After they squeeze the grapes, they spread it in the rows for fertilizer. The whole town smells like grapes, then vinegar for months. And you sometimes have to work in that mess. I haven’t been able to drink grape juice or eat grape jelly for forty years. 😂
Jeez man i live in it all the time and it's natural as hell.
The bird's name tag reading Robin Sparrow is the kind of tiny detail I absolutely love.
3:45 Jon covering his eyes, 😂 about cameras not working in train station.
Politicians can't all be Bernie Sanders and just enjoy a lovely experience with a bird
This. This is gold. 😆 True and funny!
@5:14 It was nice to see Stephen use the golf swing on the show and then add his little "hand it off camera" gesture. Talk about nostalgia with his own stamp on it. This is just another why I love the guy and his sense of humor. Gosh I miss Carson...those were different times and Colbert has taken his and Parr's baton and run with it so beautifully.
"you can always get fresh ceiling juice" lmaooo
It's your duty to talk about the duty. 😉😂🤣 Couldn't resist.
"I'll bet you have to watch where you step in a game called 'Hero's Duty,' lol!"
I don't know if the pooping bird is the Republican frontrunner in 2024, but it's definitely smarter than all of them.
Not just the bird, the excrement is smarter than all of them.
And the bird has better morals than No Morals Mitch
Nah it won't be the republican frontrunner, it's too smart to be popular in that party.
Oh, that's not saying much.
Thank you for that laugh. I have been heavily troubled this morning and you raised my spirits. It is nice to hide tears behind the laughter you bring me.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard morning 💕
Hope things get better for you!
Said the bird: "Well... You should have listened to me when I endorsed Bernie."
LoL!
Thank you!
So that's what happened to Birdie Sanders!
'Bernie Sanders: the best President America never had'
Bernie would never have beaten Trump. He couldn't even beat either Biden or Hillary. And 2020 was the best time for Bernie Sanders to have won as left as he is. And even if Sanders had become the Democratic Nominee and somehow beaten Trump, shit would not be any better than they are now. If anything, they'd be a little worse as Republicans would have kept control of the Senate, the ARP would have failed, so would the infrastructure bill, Republicans would be poised to have a veto-proof majority in the Senate and the House this year. Literally the only improvements that would have happened would be the end of the China tariffs Trump imposed and the cancellation of ALL student loans. The rest, he'd have to use Executive Orders for. Most of which would likely be torn down in court.
Even if it did happen. Using that as a national joke means we've hit kindergarten hour.
Its just a silly normal world thing. Its like people forgot what nature is like. Birds SHIAT all over the place all the time.
Yeah, it was corn dust though...
Yeah because news on possible ww3 is much better than a bird leaking
bernie sanders also had an encounter with a bird but the bird was understandably much more respectful.
I wish caws could fly. FJB!
Bird poop! Yesssss my people will be HEARD!!!!!
A bird would be more qualified to run for president than Trump or DeSantis.
Or a worm!
Says a guy who voted for biden.
You miss Trump as President and you know it :)
You misspelled the the FL Gov's last name: it's Duhhhhhhsantis.
DeSantis is qualified he’s just a 💩y human being.
Who didn’t see that Jeffery Epstein joke coming a mile away?
Practically wrote itself.
I didn't see it because my camera was kaput (
omg it was too good to not be set up :)
I didn't see it coming, like a strangulation assassin
my cameras weren't working at the time.
That "joke" made Me go "wooooooohhhh, damn!"
nailed that one.
You got to admit, it is a good job of a comedian, to say a bird pooped on the president.
It HAS to be done. You HAVE to.
You have to say it. Too good to ignore.
@@MarkBarrett yawn......I prefer babbitt's end actually. Much more impactful
In Italy that is a sign of good luck😁
Once again, you're the only late night host who's monologue isn't 100% about republicans and Fox News. As a person who watches this while eating, I appreciate it.
The show is still way way too politically focused. Late night should be light entertainment, not sermons masquerading as comedy. Conan is a great example of what late night should be. Craig Ferguson did it right as well.
Conan and Craig are definitely kings. 👍
Absolutely
Given republicans and Fox News provide so much free material to comedians on a daily basis, it's no wonder some shows are constantly telling political jokes.
@@hankkingsley9183 WHY is it bad?
Sounds lik eyou have a conflict of interest, like you're a conservative.
Is it me, or is Rudy Gulliani slowly turning into The Toxic Avenger every time they show his picture?
Nosferatu
The difference is that the Toxic Avenger actually fights against evil
Can we focus on things that matter instead of where birds poop or on who's head flies land?
"What's the white stuff in bird poop?
That's bird poop too."
- Turdt Vonnegut.
Stephen shouldve said lets go to camera 1 and then had the camera pan to a screen showing himself
But you know, in most of Europe and parts of Central Asia, getting pooped on by a bird is considered good luck. If we want to get superstitious, this is a very auspicious moment for Biden’s presidency.
Don't forget Africa. Many African tribes see that as good luck
In this case, I have a very lucky car!
I’ve had birds poop on my head at least twice, and the only thing it foretold for me was an emergency shampoo in the nearest bathroom sink. 😆
he needs all the luck he can get. the next time inflation numbers come out it will be over 10%.
@Merril R what a strong, factual argument. you're quite the intellectual.
Let's just hope that's a sign of goodluck...unlike a fly which is a badluck lol
Thank God they caught the suspect and he should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. As for the bird relieving itself on US President, couldn't the bird just have done it to the former president whose name rhymes with Dump?? 🤣
You are insincere. DO TELL why it's EVIL when a civilian shoots a bunch of americans but it's HEROIC each time Kops and Military do the same!
WHERE DO YOU THINK ALL MASS SHOOTERS GOT THEIR INSPIRATION??
A: THE GOVT AND PRESS SAY EVERY DAY "the HEROIC way to SOLVE CONFLICT IS YOU SHOOT YOUR ENEMIES".
Our PENTAGON and POLICE say this 100% of the time.
So you can't have it BOTH WAYS.
WHICH side are you on?
The GUNMEN, or those of us who hate ALL GUNMEN and ALL KILLERS?
Steve Allen was a comic genius and funny as hell!!! One of the greatest of all time! Loved his show!!!♥️‼️☮️🌟🤩❣️😍
Sue Castillo Thanks for the recommendation - what an absolute delight.
He sure was. Pretty much the godfather of late night. He started the Tonight Show, but he really left an indelible mark on American comedy with his team in the Steve Allen Show and its sequels. A wonderful human being, to boot.
YES YES YES!!! That is so true about the MTA. You tell 'em Colbert😆
and the person who called in to report the shooter was at the mcdonalds... was the shooter
He had hoped to get the anonymous cash reward
@@62Cristoforo I'm surprised that's not a COMMON scam:
one of your gangsta pals disrespects you....so easy peasy:
you kill someone you hate and easily FRAME your gangsta pal
AND get that cash reward! KKKOPS won't even mind as long as
they are locking SOME brown guy away!
FUN FACT:
If cash rewards exist, we can jail EVERY kop today.
(UM, ANY MORON can offertaxpayer cash toSOLVE CRIMES. WHY are we paying trillions to KKKOPS !)
That subway ceiling juice joke is one thousand percent NYC
I can die now. I watched Stephen Colbert saying imbroxavel in national television.
As always, Bolsonaro embarrassing Brazilians.
Thank you, Stephen for mentioning this on your show. It's only one of an abundance of atrocities this man has done.
You guys did a great job getting rid of the orange one. Now it's our turn! And we appreciate any help we can get! Trash him in your show!!!!
The guy is unfloppable! What to do?
Isn't being pooped on by a bird supposedly good luck, even though it doesn't feel like it?
It is! Getting pooped on by a bird in flight is an omen of good luck to come!
@@jessicamarshall8042 is it regional or broad common knowledge? I feel like if it were, it would have been mentioned...
I'm overthinking bird poop...
Never mind...😅
If Steve keeps this up, the Awards Shows are just gonna make an automated section just for him!!! 👍🤣💖
@serly young aunt lmao wow so attracting
Would Colbert slap Stewart for making a joke about his Tolkien obsession? That’s the real test here. I think we would see Steve turn into Will Smith, but with a sword.
nope: Colbert can NEVER BEAT BRIT JOHN OLIVER, bc Oliver is FUNNIER, more honest (and allowed to swear) and JO uses his power to FIX THINGS.
Colbert doesn't use his power to try and improve society in any way other than making us laugh.
HE COULD FIX ANY PROBLEM IN SOCIETY with his bully pulpit.
But he refuses to rock the boat.
2:09 Lmao... camera 1. Nailed it lol ✌🤣👍
corporate greed is at a new 40 year high...
The birds and politicians stories are my favorites.
The McDonald's on 1st and 6th? That's a creepy McDonald's. Makes perfect sense they'd catch him there.
they didn't "CATCH" him there! HE CALLED THEM and said "Ill be at the mcdees on First ave"!!!!!!!
NEVER IN HISTORY did a kop do their job well.
If they did, Murica (with ten times more cops than then 2nd place nation) would have the LEAST crime, but we have TEN TIMES more crime than the 2nd worst nation!
@@jonbongjovi1869 I stand corrected.
@@mamawray It's pretty creepy that this shooter (who was PLANNING on going to jail for 3 hot meals a day and FULL free health care and free rent and ur surrounded by loads of friends) COULDN'T BE CAUGHT BY THE WORLD'S LARGEST KOP FORCE (!!!).....during perhaps the BIGGEST MANHUNT in NYC history!
ex:
he casually strolled around town on DAY TWO of the "manhunt" and had lunch at Katz's Deli, etc etc!
HE FINALLY GOT BORED waiting for the DUMBEST KOPS in history to take him to jail, so he CALLED THEIR TIPLINE HIMSELF to tell the Keystone Kops where he was!!
THE POLICE TOTALLY FAIL....and the press still lies that they are the heroes.
Everyone: "if america has BILLIONS of crimes per year......that PROVES that COPS SERVE AND PROTECT US!"
HA: the Amazon tv show THE BOYS (worst name ever) is a SICK and shockingly adult satire on SUPERHEROES and how the press LIES always and covers up all the crimes of the superheroes....as METAPHOR for how American Kops are all crooked nazis and the press lies always to protect this Nazi Empire!
(The SUPERMAN-parody, is called HOMELANDER!! He's a homicidal rapist psycho, and a METAPHOR FOR POLICE / MILITARY. Hitler had the "Office Of HOMELAND SECURITY" which is why W Bush named OURS the "Office of HOMELAND SECURITY", hmmm....so "HOMELANDER" [the greatest villain in tv or movie history!] is a satire on AUTHORITY / POLICE / PRESS, ha ha.)
Eu vivi pra ver o Stephen falando imbrochável na tv aberta.
Nice pronunciation btw 😂
Meu país passando vergonha é mais um dia normal.
That "imbrochável" was amazing, good work Stephen!
I gather that Bolso and his friends are not so secretly obsessed with peneses. I hope he finds a way into a normal gay life. Without oppressing the people that he perceives are the incarnation of his “incoffessable faults and sins”. In a few words I hope that he too can be “feliz de novo”.
My disdain for Jair is "imbroxavel"
I was impressed! He usually butchers non-English words. Sounds like he has some Brazilians on staff and/or multilingual staff have been invited to help his pronunciation. Finally!
Sim! Kkkkk
Ótima pronúncia 😂
I loved the Carson reference!
We needed a laugh - thanks Mr. Mayor, and thanks, Stephen!
it's good luck when it happen.. as they says
Your audience and commenters have a healthy outlook; it's so good to see and hear people who care about others, and enjoy good-natured jokes. (Yes, if I can get pooped on by a robin, the President can get pooped on too. Of course, we love JON! And your succinct monologues, of course.
My Tante Emma of blessed memory used to say that if you either stepped on poop or if a bird popped on you, it brought you good luck!
NYPD & The Feds did a superb job today. Intra-agency cooperation! Good (and fast) result
Rudy Giuliani looks more and more like the Toxic Avenger every time his face pops up on my screen.
More like Nosferatu....
He wanted to be found and stoped 🤷♀️
I hope everyone is fine and well. 🥺🙏🏻
For the love of everything, can ALL media stop announcing names and showing pics of shooters? 🚫🚫🚫🚫
That cocky joke at the end hits so hard. 😂
It'd bring a new definition to penis pump. Lol.
And Joe will write a hate-fuelled tweet… Oh wait…
Yeah, like Steven ever takes the subway. Pfft. Nice try! Still love you!
Best mono log ever!
Well that was
Fun
I've neither the time nor the technical skills, but I am really hoping that, one day soon, someone will have made a compilation of all of Stephen's "is potato" gags. Not just him saying those two words, of course, but the lead up to each joke.
Sorry of this is rambling a bit, I'm very tired and a little bit tipsy.
Up until 2018 or so, my Canadian butt thought Joe Biden was an NFL coach. Just because "Joe Biden" is the most NFL-coach-sounding name in human history.
His “reaction to that news” (that whole segment), That was so funny! And I even started LOL again later, thinking of it.
Frank James being from Milwaukee...that sounds about right!! 🤬🤬🤬
My husband routinely got bird bombed whenever he played golf.
Here in the Midwest it has always been said getting bird birdsh*t on your head was GOOD LUCK!
may bring good luck but it's still gross..
@@chilanya ha...never said it wasn't gross. It is quite a small dropping and only awful if they ate berries for dinner!
Otherwise usually a small drop of 'white' goop.
they say living in the Midwest is lucky too
@@jimcarlson6157 yikes! Never heard that one...but the location is great...the midwest has the Great Lakes and access to all 4 seasons and a reputation for being down to Earth and practical.
That's good enough for me.
@@poorthing I said THEY said that
I love you, Stephen!
That's exactly right I've been in many pole barns and corn particles fall like that all the time and plus if you've been in any barns when you get crapped on by a bird it's very noticeable
@5:28 The breakaway in power form at a slow motion speed confirmes this in not bird shít. It´s consistent with corn powder falling off the ceiling beams, where corn grinding exists.
Stephen! You should invite all 29 victims of the Brooklyn subway shooting to be in your audience and give them free stuff! Just a suggestion Mr Colbert!
Seriously, how many of those victims have to pay "out of pocket" and how much do they have to pay? Maybe he should have some sort of charity. Maybe we should all have a chance at the shooting gallery lottery. Maybe I could be so lucky.
I love how Stephen could make us laugh just by staring into a screen and doing nothing.
Yes. Had me laughing all night. Not
Some of the best dad jokes in recent late night history. I'll golf clap to that swing
The reaction to camera 1 😂😂😂
ppl need to keep an eye on Rudy. he's gotta still have that "insurance".. remember all those times he did those interviews, with the camera end of his cellphone, stickin outta his "SHIRT pocket".. yeah.. i DON'T think that was any kinda "accident" (he knows MORE, than what he leads on)
Colbert has been in a really good mood lately. It's nice to see.
The birds have spoken, they want more bath reservoirs and dry bird food.
With the benefit of hindsight we all could become heroes!
Love the show and everything you do Stephen. But can we please stop showing mass shooters names and photos?
Why? Folk will largely forget about him in a few days until his trial provided he pleads not guilty. So get your jokes in now whilst you can.
@@jessecrump1424 because many of them do it to gain recognition. Their lives are so bad they want "immortality" and doing a mass shooting gets the whole country knowing who they are. They are so desperate to not be invisible they resort to this.
@@jessecrump1424 Do you remember how in New Zealand after the Synagogue shooting Prime Minister Arden say that there will be INCREASED measures regarding gun control and there will be NO MEDIA COVER for the event and name of the shooter will NOT BE DISCLOSURED in order to avoid any further attack by a psychos looking just for attention... and Ironically... IT WORKS since there was no other case of mass shooting in the NZ.
@@jessecrump1424 You can make jokes without identifying him. These monsters like the attention. We should focus on the victims and heroes who helped catch him.
Joe's biggest problem now is not Corn Pop but corn poop.
You win.
Always told that bird poop present was good luck!
4:04 ☝️😩Escalators could never be broken… they just become stairs.
While I enjoyed the monologue I do have to question why you would award the shooter with the notoriety that comes from of being named publicly. Let the bastard rot away in obscurity without anybody knowing who he is; you can do that and still talk about the horrible things he did. You do it with Captain Orange Mushroom-peen, why not do it with this poor excuse for a human being?
Just a thought.
your descriptor for our last Prez made me hoot!🤣
The subway shooter's name will be forgotten in a few days until he stands trial and after the trial ends, he will disappear into obscurity with either result in the trial unless it was a mistrial or hung jury.
@@slickwilly1099 Or, how about you do this; move to Russia or China if you love them so much.
Give some credit the guy who identify the suspect and notified the police Zack. IDK why Stephen literary avoided that part,
I noticed that too. Seems like propaganda...
Sadly
It could have been that person's request. Some people don't want to be identified like that. He could be a target by that guys friends or family.
Nothing related at all to the hamburger place
No ‘hot miking’ for this mayor! 😂
Ceiling juice dripper😂😂😂