Stand-Up Jokes To Save Your Terrible Dating Life
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- čas přidán 29. 05. 2024
- Be honest, your New Years Resolution is to cuff someone. These comedians are here to give you some tips and tricks for landing a new boo. Whitney Cummings: Can I Touch It, Taylor Tomlinson: Quarter Life Crisis, and Jen Kirkman: I'm Gonna Die Alone are now streaming on Netflix.
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Pretty sure in the gold digger equation everybody knows what they are there for. When Melania was engaged to Donald, an interviewer asked if she would be marrying him if he were not so rich and her response was "Would he be marrying me if I were not so beautiful?"
It's an exchange of desired goods. Lol
Well, Melania was not Trump rich, but she was well to do. Not exactly a pauper.
@@jelatinosa it's not love then. That's .... Sad.
@@thelonelyduck7267
Who cares? Marriage wasn’t about marriage for most of history.
@@yahboy2-d21
Factual.
"Nothing hotter than someone respecting your boundaries"
I know this was a 'bit' but I'll be damned if that doesn't ring true!
Kinda how I met my wife.
Completely TRUE!
I mean I have joke that in my mind and she made it a bit, it's SO true!
This is soooo true
@Kirk S. you tell the actually truth, it's not about respecting boundaries, is about being enough hot for you to break it. Otherwise men have to go through all this bs about respecting boundaries
Maybe just date adults with jobs..love it
@@ghoraxe9000 that's your problem, not theirs.
@@ghoraxe9000 wow you've met and dated all independent women! Or enough to have an unbiased sample!
@@asherujudo7383 your view of life is very superficial. Also I don’t think you know enough of women to generalise anything. You don’t know anything about independent women, average looking women or good looking women. You based your philosophy on maybe the few women you met, but that’s hardly a res presentative set
@@ghoraxe9000 ah sorry forgot we were in the 1800s. don't worry, i'll just become a fucking pushover despite the fact i've fought my whole life to be seen as something other than a man's property, which you will never understand because you were born with the privilege to have absolutely everything you could ever need besides a woman who genuinely likes you.
@@formeee53 you obviously got the wrong idea from what i was trying to say ... the most significant issue with modern communication is that texting fails to convey tone... which is vital for accurately communicating with people ... leaving the message vulnerably to readers bias... or taking an idea out of context.... .. My words where aimed at all people .. not (not just women).. who possess too much pride ..a virtue that must be taken in moderation to maintain a good character
Almost none of the dudes worried about gold diggers will ever be targeted by gold diggers.
For starters nobody is "targeted" by a gold digger. The only reason a younger hotter chick is with those guys is finantial comfort and they're fully aware; they just like to pretend that's because they're alpha providers or any shit like that when in reality is a two-way agreement when one part brings the money and the other brings the looks.
@@biazacha "Some women like men with jobs and ambition".
Wow. What horrible people.
@@biazacha and like, regardless, a "gold digger" aint that anyway. These days its used to just bully women into lowering their standards practically into a ditch but it used to mean a predatory woman after money, not a regular ass hot chick that wanted to make sure if she ruined her body to give a man kids she'd be taken care of.
Always trips me out how a younger woman marrying a moderately older guy with his shit together gets labeled with a nasty term that used to be reserved for a financial predator, but an older dude looking for someone hot and naive doesn't get a dirty term. What was described here seemed like a mutually agreed upon arrangement: one brings money, the other brings looks. Aka: no one is exploited, so there ain't any good reason to use a derogatory term for either of them.
But hey, hon, if you go for losers BC you think they have a personality and you can otherwise fix them up, I wish you luck. BC odds are if you succeed in making a loser into something better, he'll trade you in later anyway. Dudes say they want "ride or die" but they just wanna ride you til you rust out.
@@nachogoatcheese1761 Nah, "gold diggers" have always been young hot women that were being paid for their time by a man with money. They weren't the predators in that situation. Shit, most of the time they were groomed and then abused financially, emotionally and quite often physically. The mythical "gold digger" is just that, a myth. Women hunting men for their money has never been reality. Ever.
I totally agree that guys who respect your boundaries and say "we don't have to do anything you don't want to" or "it's okay if you want to take it slow" is like the hottest thing ever. I remember my first boyfriend constantly pestering me about doing "stuff" and I eventually broke up with him because I was tired of the shit, i just wasn't ready and he thought i was a prude.
Then i met my current boyfriend 2 years later, he is very understanding and respected my boundaries, he was game to take it slow, he teared up the first time we kissed and after a month or 2 i didn't want to take it slow anymore, i was all over him. 😂 We've been together for 5 years now and trust me being a decent human being and not pushing the girl goes a long way.
>he was game to take it slow, he teared up the first time we kissed and after a month or 2 i didn't want to take it slow anymore, i was all over him.
Should have taken it even slower, tbh.
Last few times I took it slow with a girl, she got drunk and fucked a random guy before our fourth date. Last time I didn't took it too slow - she went mental because I kissed her on the mouth after the second date. I other words - please don't push your solo experience or preferences as a dating advice for men. You are basing it on the mindset of a single girl (you) and you are all random as fuck :)
@@danielhristov81 It's not a 'solo experience', all women want to have their boundaries respected. You think you know how to attract a woman better than literal women because of *your* 'solo expereinces'? Hypocritical, much? Tbh, it sounds to me that your last experiences went poorly because you never/rarely communicated to women that that you wanted to get physical to the point that they figured you weren't interested, and then later when you kissed another girl without her consent because of your pent up frustrations, she got rightfully upset at you. Communication and respect is key, and it reflects well on your character to always ask if you can kiss your partner, or how she feels about starting to have sex.
And yeah, women should communicate what they want as well (learning effective communication doesn't really come from your parents or school, ironically), and some people are obviously not good partners if they choose to sleep around while in a relationship. But there's toxic partners for literally every race, gender, and sexual orientation out there. And yet here you are, acting like that sort of behavior is exclusive to women ('you are all random as fuck', once again hypocritically pushing an idea onto all women based on your 'solo' experience). I don't think you come across as a very respectful person to OP or the women in your past, which is at least partially contributing to your lack of success here.
@Megan O LMAO YES you said it so well
@Megan O shit at reading maps and, quite possibly, useless at asking for directions
“Now come inside my chocolate factory, it’s all for you!” 😂
That was so dirty hahahahaha
I am yet to see a person dumb enough who would actually change their mind after that.
No sex? Fine. But it doesn't mean that I will jump you in the next 5 minutes just because you suddenly want it.
The dance is what really sold it.
She IS uncanny
@@casusbelli9225 that's exactly what happens.
" I Lost it under an Ikea painting that I PURCHASED.... with a coupon" 😂😂😂😂
"there is nothing hotter than someone respecting your boundaries" put that on my gravestone
may i?
20 years later they will ignore that text
Well your boundaries are all set in your grave I guess 😁
Bronzer should *not* be $90!
Love her or hate her shes spitting straight facts
Simoneheyy f.b.
Just don't buy it
@@emirkudic3624 Thank you for your completely useless comment. Something is overpriced? Oh yeah, just don't buy it. Perfect sense.
You could just reduce the demand for it to reduce the prices.
Literally so true when a guy says he'll wait it's such a turn on
or generally reassures you they're not just with you for sex etc., my boyfriend is like that and I've never wanted someone more lol
Been waiting 30 years. Should be a catch by now xD
Lol this is a lie. Men don’t listen to women.
@@yournextdoorgamerwithgames2945 gamers are overgrown children
@@simonenoli4418 😂😂😂😂😂
The “gobstopper test.” Lol, genius.
How is Taylor Tomlinson so young? She's got chops better than people 10 years her senior.
I mean, she is only 27
She hustle
I'm sensing strong Capricorn in her natal chart
She looks like a rabbi with those lol
She really does
"Nothing hotter than someone respecting your boundries" Fuck yeah, it's really weird too. Like it's a weird feeling.
I know what you mean I started dating this girl who got out of a bad relationship and said is it alright if we take things slow I had no problem with that and just a few months later she asked if I wanted to meet up when I agreed she asked me to bring protection
that's concerning if it feels weird to you
Shouldn’t be. It should be expected and standard for someone to respect your boundaries.
@@harleyquiinnnn Something you've yet to learn always feel weird.
@@harleyquiinnnn it's not a passive game with 1 player. There are two people involved, each with their own feelings, emotions and desires. If the guy pushes for his desires, there is less (or no) room for the girl's, but that works the other way around too: when the girl enforces her ways, her desires to wait, there is less (or no) space for his desire to get moving. Not saying one is better than the other, just pointing out that a guy can be forced to do something he does not want either: waiting
And since both men and women are bad at communucation in general and about sex in particular, the tension often remains and both sides are victims
Not making an appology for guys forcing themselves onto women, no means no. Any guy who has one hand left should never force himself onto a woman, period
Bashing guys for asking is a different story. A question can have no for an answer, and if he respects that (as one should), he should not suffer further backlash for talking about his desires
TL:DR while respecting boundaries I can understand (that does not directly mean approve) when a guy who is forced (versus asked) to wait tries to coax the girl into moving towards him
No question is more arousing than “Are you ok with this?”
"Charlie, you WON! Now come inside my chocolate factory"
We're all thinking the SAME THING, right?
i'm really hoping that that joke was written with the intent of us thinking that, so that i feel better about having thought it.
"I got a golden ticket"🎵🤣
You know that was the joke, right? Like, that’s literally the joke she was making. You’re thinking that BECAUSE that was the joke
but then she said:"it feels like a TOBLERONE"...
The problem with this approach is that a lot of guys understand this. Lol. I guess they have to be genuinely willing to wait just in case, but a lot of the time they’re probably rewarded because we’re so used to men who are immediately scumbags. We don’t always recognize the manipulation…
Also, I understand it isn’t always manipulative. However, I’m willing to bet it often is.
When she said 18 year olds who need kick start to eat dinner i felt that🤣🤣
wait.... That last comedian is over 37???? ESCUUUUSE ME girl
42 in that special.
He's not my son, I'm gonna fuck him. Hilarious
Title: Jokes to save your terrible dating life
Me: **clicks aggressively in commitment issues**
How tf do i tell my bf im scared of commitment and thats y wanna break up...shits scary
Sulagna Panda From what I’ve learned, being honest is always the best policy. It leaves no room for the other person to be confused or question if it’s their fault, ect. It’s not what you say, but how you say it. Let him know you care about him, but this is how you feel. Just don’t pull a “it’s not you, it’s me” even if that is the case. That never sounds good 😅
You weren’t asking me, but ya know, hope that helps!
There are 2 types of guys who complain about gold diggers: 1. guys who don't have money, never had, never will and claim hot chicks reject them bcs they're not rich while in fact hot chicks reject them bcs they're loser trolls, 2.guys who constantly brag about their financial situation while completely failing to keep up with normal communication
3. Dating actual god-digging b***hes!
Sorry have to put an opinion in. I work hard and have money to spend. I have spent a lot on dates which I have enjoyed. The only true gold diggers around are the models on the arms of 90 year old rich men and trashy baby mamas that quit everything after having a child. When I mean quit everything I mean marriage too because they want the handouts and child support too, while their new bf is playing dad. Just my opinion but hey I pay that and still don't bitch about gold diggers. End of rant and have a good day.
@@mstr293 ehm... That's #2. Guys who date gold diggers are usually guys bragging about their money or showing it off as much as possible... Like putting their car keys on a display so everyone could see it or start a conversion with I'm working on this thing that should make mi this much... While taking to some broke bimbo with big boobs and empty head... Cause they cannot handle a conversation with adult woman with her own money
@@brontiq what about men who don’t flaunt their money and end up dating a gold digger. What if these men think that the women dating him love him as a person and not because of his wealth. Not all gold diggers are easy to spot right away
@@blast2686 then stop dating 20 smtg girls when you're in your 40s to boost your ego. Find a woman with a job and goals who doesn't need a kickstarter campaign to eat a dinner. I yes I know there's always an exception to the rule
Taylor's comic timing is perfect
7:46 a man dating a young woman can be called a cradle-robber / cradle-snatcher which is factually not as cool as silver fox.
Was called that once... not even a male.
cradle robber is (usually) reserved for someone dating someone barely legal or with a she difference over 20 years or even more
I was thinking - sugar daddy
That's what we can women who date (even slightly) younger men in Mexico....
@@salonisingh9870
Nah, sugar daddies have a kind of contract with their partner that both know of and agreed to, so you could say sugar babes are the consentual version of a gold digger.
i love jen kirkman so much she's got such lowkey chaotic energy
“maybe stop dating 18 year olds who need a kickstarter campaign just to eat dinner…”
yeah but that would require them to stop finding people who only just became legal attractive, and we *all* know they won’t do that
Also, not dating such young women would make it harder to find women that are easier to manipulate.
Yep. Literally hit 18 with baby face and 40 year old men were hitting on me.
@@serpentinewolf7085 that’s fucking awful 🤢 it starts so young too, they start being creepy at like 18 and it only gets worse as they get older
Sounds as though you're just jealous of women who are younger and more physically attractive than you.
@@morbiddiathesis4428 she literally looks 17
4:20 bro that little willy wonka dance was sickkk
FOUR TWENTY.
@@tomsagamesisbackagain.3808 🚔🚔🚔🚨BWIP BWIP BWOOOO 🚨👮👮♀️👮♂️
Ms. Tomlinson is wonderfully funny. Everyone, stay well wherever you find home.
“I’m using him for MY MONEY..bronzers shouldn’t be 90 dollars!”
Prepare for the avalanche of comments from men saying women aren’t funny... when clearly they are just not the target audience. Good luck!
So 2019. You suck, and not in the good way.
No, plenty of women are funny... just not these ones.
@@silas6328 Hmm. You win this round. 😈
So in order for women to be funny there must be a large amount of women in the audience that can relate ? You just proved everyone's point as to why people say women aren't funny
No, you point isnt proven at all. Because all art is extremely subjetive. And just because you didn’t find it funny doesn’t mean anybody else does. So, I must ask, who made you the funny police?
"I'm not using him for his money, I'm using him for _my_ money" never fails to get me.
"There's no word for a man dating someone 20 years younger."
Cliche, especially if they're cheating or recently divorced
I think Taylor Tomlinson is one of the funniest comedians in the game.
everyone: these comments are toxic
me: *looks intensely for them but finds nothing*
Scroll down to the bottom or filter by newest first, they're there. I found 3 people moaning about how women aren't funny within seconds.🙄
CZcams sorta makes comments that are heavily disliked very hard to fine.
...responses. the responses in the comments.
woah, nice beard bro
@@cjgreen4331 hehe thx. That was back when i was 17, im 21 now so it's much more full (not that u asked 😅)
Finally some good comedy that’s not based on current events. Need more.
Watch hasan minhaj for past events😉
I love the chocolate factory joke
You have a very niche idea of comedy..
@@themagicman6078 what's that supposed to mean
@@themagicman6078 lol yeah
“Come inside my chocolate factory” doesn’t sit right with me😂
Last girls segment was really rich! It had layers of emotion.
Very nice
Cue the incels whose only contact with women is waifu body pillows
Found him 👆
Uh oh now he's going to tell me I'm fat and was never good enough anyways.
Incels as an insult? Okay then battyman.
Simon T in what context would calling someone “involuntarily celibate” be a positive thing or not an insult?
@@Wgirl99 You do not understand what using the term incel means. Message me in a years time after you grow a little bit.
that was true asf, theres nothing hotter than someone respect your own bounderies, i totally agree with her, if someone respect that much of me i would totally change my mind
6:48 "-Oh,oh, oh,oh", the way she said it. I can't control my laughter.
Taylor and her comedy 🤣🤣🤣
She’s my favourite
4:18 as someone named Charlie this was strangely heart-warming
my gramps was called a silver fox, but not for that reason (my grandma is one year younger). He was a silver fox because he got silver hair (silver, not gray) much earlier then most, and he looked GOOD with it. My mom looked at my grandpa and thought: if this is what this guy turns into, i am willing to invest in him!
There is a word for it though. Cradle robber. No one uses it though.
Yeah my grandmother called me that when I dated a guy a year younger than me
That's more of a gender neutral kinda thing though
I was 4 months older than my boyfriend and he called me that 😂
My current guy is 4 years older and I call him boomer lol
She's ON POINT about wanting to sleep with a guy after he respects me not wanting to do it...yet. If he's sincerely into me and willing to wait a bit more, he won't have to wait long. If the guy sulks or falls off the face of the earth, I immediately lose all sexual attraction because how pathetic is that? Does no one else ever want to sleep with you that you have to date a person you're not interested in JUST to get laid?
Jen Kirkman sounded like Anna faris for a second there 😂😂😂
The fact that I genuinely can't tell if she meant "Come inside my chocolate factory 😂" or "Cum inside my 'chocolate factory'😉" is BRILLIANT! 🤣🤣
There is nothing hotter than someone who respects your boundaries
That Charlie and the chocolate factory bit had me rolling on the floor
I wanna see the rest of the last one. That cougar joke was hilarious! What happens on the rest of the date???
I’m a man and found this hilarious AF
Congrats on your transition
🍪
There’s nothing hotter than someone respecting your boundaries but half the time they don’t actually mean it and they’re going to find someone easier or try to pressure you later
Smart women get rid of them
its hard not getting what you want, some dont take no very well. most times it goes away with maturity and insight.
Would you prefer someone genuinely not attracted to you? Would you prefer someone not want to have sex with you, and “mean” it? Would you prefer to date someone where the “boundaries” are never expanded? If so, it sounds like you want a friend, not ready for a relationship, or haven’t found the right guy.
As an older man I can’t imagine how messed up men are nowadays, but understand this-a man who is trying to respect your wishes is trying to respect you because he likes you. You’re two different human beings with different experiences and expectations.
This is awesome. As a guy I really enjoyed these jokes, they’re fun and ring true, and also allow us guys to understand the world of women better.
Taylor speaks my soul
I laughed WAY to hard at the chocolate factory joke.
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger .. 😂
but she ain't messin with no broke broke 👀
Jen Kirkman for the win.
Omg lol. I had that horniness after my first breakup. It's intense!
Is this a woman thing?
The struggle is real, me too
@@josipa7146 lemme know if u need help with that 🧐
Divorced and can confirm the horny. It's kinda awful. It's like it woke up from a coma and is trying to get caught up with the time s...
Any of you ladies need a release just lemme know, I'm ready/willing/able to meet and exceed your need for a steed 😘 I'm your man 😋
CZcams Reccomendations: Stand Up Jokes to Save Your Terrible Dating Life
Well I mean I thought my dating life was going pretty well! Gee thanks CZcams!!! Nobody asked for your opinion CZcams!!!
Meh, Fuck CZcams.
Go away CZcams, and you’re only allowed back if you bring cake. Hmph.
the tone of “date adults. with jobs.” SHJSSK
I love Taylor Tomlinson!
The timing of the algorithm to recommend this video after I just had to cut a guy out of my life for crossing boundaries.
Love these ladies.
Taylor is way better than the others. Unlike the other two, Taylor can also flip crowd work really well.
Taylor sacrifices being more funny tho, she’s about being relatable and not sacrificing generalities for personal comedy. She says stuff that appeals to the masses and is hard to disagree or not relate to. Jen is my fave bc she appeals to darker sensibilities and isn’t afraid to cut off relatability when she wants her unique voice heard.
Nothing hotter than a dude who respects your boundaries.
Excellent! Especially the first comedian! 🏆
this comment section is absolutely disgraceful, I see guys complaining that they don't have advantages as males and I just think to myself "have yall been living under a rock?"
In the dating world go ahead and list some of these advantages you perceive we have. The grass is always greener
Never too late to drop one on them
@@liligman no one judges a man's value by his looks, naivety, and ability to fake not being in pain while being handed a fuckload of it and blamed for everyone else's.
Even IF you only get valued for the size of your wallet and shlong, that is objectively way way easier. You just imagine every wrinkled hotdog being chucked at us is "easier" because y'all think crap like temporary embarrassment is on par with physical and emotional violence, and... Its not.
@@liligman you have a lot less chance of being killed by your date :)
@@luzhalley YES. EXACTLY.
Ha I love watching straight people talking about relationships. you lot are crazy XD
Ikr? It’s so...odd hearing about straight relationships now
Why what’s the difference
I'm not sure why I'm here, as a very ace person, but ty for a relatable comment.
@@aaliya5698 from what I’ve seen they put up with more toxic behavior from there partners (not saying this is a fact this is just what I’ve seen) so it’s funny that things get as bad as it does
@@renaekalish1326 Can same the same about gay couples, though. There was constantly some weird drama involved in the male ones and for the lesbian ones there are domestic violence statistics.
Third girl looks like Kate Hudson
10/10 absolutely amazing!
4:27 I love both scenarios. 😼
whitney is dropping truths left and right 💋‼️
5:15 I lived this shit.
“Nothing hotter than someone respecting your boundaries,” except Chad disrespecting them.
Yeah...sure......
This was wonderful!
He was totally honest and she excepted it...you go girl
When the last woman was saying that there's no equivalent male term for cougar, my mind thought, "sugar daddy."
That’s only for when they aren’t really dating but the guy will buy the girl stuff and they might fuck occasionally
Yeah I agree with the other person. Sugar daddy is for money, cougars aren't.
@@missytizon4477 but it’s still a term used for older men who date younger women
Its not equivalent term for 'cougar', its sugar mommy. Well, two things are different. Sugar daddy/mommy and cougar ain't the same. Cougar men are called silver fox but could also be called cradle snatcher. No one uses it. Never seen in any movies ever or real life people using this term.
thanks for the closed caption I have a hearing loss and I really appreciate it
These ladies were funny af!!!!
Taylor ❤️
None of this was good “advice” for dating life except the second girl with her chocolate factory.
@MsI2I not really... I look at it from a hypergamous stand point, so the joke wasn’t for me...but to each’s own I guess...
that is one lucky drummer
Yessss go Whitney!!!!!
I just realized at 32 I'm not considered young anymore.
Same, sister! I'm 30 and I don't want to realize I should actually relate to those jokes 🙈
That's the bullshit double standard of society so ignore it. You're only as young as you feel and only as old as you allow yourself to be. Enjoy this decade because you have plenty of time to be old in your 50s.
@@lemon1657 exactly! And 50s isn't even old. I know people in their 70s even who aren't old :)
@@TokioTE Oh of course, it applies for any age. I just meant 50 is considerably older than 30 is to 20 so she shouldn't feel "old" yet.
you won! come in to my chocolate factory! lol
love to see it 😂
Literally just watched this twice in a row 😂
“Get inside my chocolate factory “ He really did find the golden ticket !
3:51 she's right.... Me right now 😂 we're dating and I told him that I'm not in a hurry about losing my virginity even though I'm nearly 20 (he's 2 years older and lost it a long time ago) and if that's a problem for him then - - there's the door and feel free to go :).... He just said "I can wait for the right girl"... I can tell you, my jaw dropped and I was like "what the.... that's hot 😂😂" 😂 😂
And how was it going?
@@GottEddy We're officially in a relationship for 4 months now and I'm very happy with him. He's very nice and always wants me to be comfortable when we're exploring new things concerning sex. I couldn't have wished for a more understanding partner :)
@@littlemermaid8638 That's great to see, best of wishes to both of you
@@GottEddy Thank you very much! All the best to you as well :)
It was the sitting on a fire hydrant but for me 😂
"NOTHING IS HOTTER THAN A GUY RESPECTING YOU BOUNDIES" Like, 'what? no, i didnt say i wasnt ready i said take ur pants off :)'
there is a difference between "respecting boundaries" and knowing that this is a test and just say what you want to hear. mister "respect her boundaries" guy will say ok if you say no and you will feel weird, that he isn´t go further, cause he is actually "respecting your boundaries"
I've had a couple try digging on me. Lmmfao I'm broke..
LOL
“You guys took it all and refuse to share” 😅
4:40 omg this is wisdom.😅
This so true.
First and third girl were spot on and hilarious
Taylor is 100% on that one
Taylor Tomlinson ,she is so good
6:46 the OH got me
37 is not that old. I don't think you pass the cougar line till you hit your mid-50s
They're great. So good when women insert gender related critics in their stand-up shows
Okay, the chocolate factory joke was golden.
The opening drums being a parody of PHub's intro was hilarious, I had to do a double take because I thought it wasn't real for a sec.