First Chapter Mistakes New Fantasy Writers Make
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- čas přidán 15. 05. 2024
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In this video, I cover the six most common first chapter mistakes that I see new fantasy writers make - and I provide solutions for crafting better opening hooks and chapters in your story.
⏲️ TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Introduction
00:19 - Sloppy prose
07:15 - No USP
11:34 - Starting too early
13:08 - Meaningless action
16:36 - False promises
20:51 - Worldbuilding overload
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Your wall of text advice is actually a good one I haven't heard mentioned before, and it's solid advice.
I first saw it mentioned in Stephen King's "On Writing"
Atwood is really god at this too
unlike the text walll should be
It's actually one of the first things I learned in 4th grade
That “wall of text” thing is so true. I’m always conscious of it even as a reader. If I’m reading a book and, this is usually when I’m tired and wanting to get to the end of a chapter, I see pages of just block text I get a bit “ugh”, but I see pages of dialogue Im more like “thank god” haha
9:27 I use the differentiation as: If it is implemented well, it's a Trope; if is implemented badly, it's Cliche.
I personally use a slightly different nomenclature. A trope is _any_ repetitive writing device that is present across a large range of works, while a cliché is a trope that is either implemented in a particularly uninspired way or is so widely overused that it is no longer able to be taken seriously. In short, if it makes the audience roll their eyes, it’s probably a cliché.
@@landrypierce9942I say 'if it's a Trope, it is a shortcut in storytelling that uses culture and history to densely pack information in service of a story, a cliché is a shortcut in storytelling that substitutes story for infodumps of any size.Yes, I know this means saying "they wore pants" is a cliché.
@@andresa2711 Well, it did make me roll my eyes...
Hilariously my novel starts on a prison ship during transport, so no execution at least, and his purpose is to recruit the ship’s warden and a prisoner at the same time. I really thought I was onto something unique lmao😂
I'd read both :)
Bro don't take such youtube videos too seriously. The truth is anything goes as long as its well done.
That doesn't mean it's doomed, what really matters is execution
@@storageroom1472 never said it was, it’s just funny
Ah, the every Elder Scrolls game start of the main character being a prisoner! Lol! Don’t worry. It’s not about if you’re copying similar tropes that other stories have used, it’s how the story is…executed (pun intended. Lol). With millions of books written, almost nothing is original anymore, you just have to find a way to write your scenes in creative ways.
That was fun to listen to. Tolkien is my hero when it comes to "worldbuilding iceberg". Even after his unfinished tales are published, we are left with the feeling that there is a much larger world out there, dimly seen through the fog of time.
Yes! He spent his entire life working on his world. It can sometimes be easy to forget that one guy came up with the whole thing, and it makes it feel like even the unanswered questions have an answer that can be discovered someday.
The indiana Jones example is probably my favorite kind of opening. Have a scene that's basically a small scale version of your overall story that shows us the core of who the characters are. A fearful character instinctively saving a friend from a minor incident can be a great start for a story that's about overcoming your fear, because we've seen that the goal is in the character, he just needs to learn to do it consciously. It can also serve as a great bookend, if you structure the ending similarly.
The first chapter should be a microcosm for the entire book. Let it be a small version that is either left unresolved or that ends in a way that sets the stage or tone for the rest of the story. This is why Raiders of the Lost Ark has an opening that works well despite not following all the standard "rules" everyone likes to give. You establish what to expect from both the character and the plot and set up the tone of the rivalry by having the protagonist lose yet still "win" by escaping. It even have the pet snake used to introduce his ophidian fear. Furthermore, it would diminish the story to remove it, because of the foreshadowing it gives for various beats throughout the story.
Don’t stroke yourself it’s rude. Especially when it’s someone else’s advice on someone else’s video.
@@arzabael Not sure what you mean but I suspect that you're accusing me of ripping someone off. The phrasing is my own but I have little doubt that others have said similar. Not only was some of it said in this video, but the advice is just common sense. The intent is that sometimes, by rephrasing and expounding on a particular point, it might actually help someone out. If not, no big deal. If so, then great. In either case, I don't expect recognition for it. It's just a comment on CZcams. ...but my guess is that you're just trolling. In either case, you should probably spend less time making accusations and more time on your writing.
@@sebastiansilverfox6912 you’re right. I forgot I wrote that and feel bad now. I was the rude one. But, yes, I said the terrible But of course I did, But, I must say, I can’t think of any books that had a microcosmic version of the story as the intro even though it does seem like the most perfect and true thing
Orwell changed prose style completely across genres. From strange old fashioned meandering verbosity, in to straightforward and clear modernity.
10:55 "Jed, that sounds like it's going to take a lot of time for me to get to that point." For me it has taken ten years of writing and rewriting, editing and starting from scratch over and over again to get to a point of clarity. It is still an arduous journey because I am not naturally a writer but rather grew a deep love and belief in the idea I developed back in 2014, but I have been able to gain so much progress in story development, character development, and conveying cohesive thoughts. Writing a novel is like painting a mural, and each detail on the canvas is just as important as the rest. It can be rather overwhelming, especially if all the nuances haven't been discovered or if I am not aware of them yet. Anyway, thank you for your videos. They are enjoyable to watch and they help me sharpen the craft of writing.
I'm on year 3 and I barely have the prolouge worked on but I know what will happen up to the mid point and I know the ending.
I had stopped completely writing before I found this channel, you’ve motivated me to begin again and I’ve begun working on a new story now. Thanks for making me interested in writing again
That's awesome to hear, Knight! Glad to help out. Good luck with the writing
Same here, thanks Jed ❤
I’ve just started my book so I listen to this while writing my first chapter
@@Comedybird0769 Cool, what is the book about?
I actually feel that I might be too sensitive to walls of texts. When I read, blocks of text turn me off pretty quickly, so when I write I get too conscious of the amount of lines that I get paranoid if it's too short or not.
And the advice about not writing things that hasn't happened is something I've only h eard once before but is especially helpful! Thanks for including that.
if you're getting paranoid, make every paragraph at least 7 lines, minimum of 4. unless there is something that requires so much detail or if you think that breaking the paragraph into 2 could ruin the part of the sentence, then 11 lines will be ok, or even larger paragraphs. i have 3 paragraphs on one page, 2 are very large and 1 is small to break up the paragraphs.
hopefully this makes sense and helps you with your writing.
I've been writing a YA Fantasy trilogy since 2011, and I'm excited to finally get out there and do my best to publish it. I've rewritten the story a gajillion times, making sure it's the best version of the story it can be.
Just had to mention this here because I've watched so many writing advice videos I rarely hear something actually new, but applying the idea of the USP to a book is genius, and the way you want to give the reader a taste of what your USP is in the first chapter finally gave me a clearer idea on how I want my book to start (writing non-chronologically here so I already have some other parts but was really struggling with the beginning.) Thanks! That was eye-opening.
Thanks, Jed. I like the promise-progress-payoff idea. I think in addition to becoming a grammar expert, it's useful to have a working knowledge of rhetoric.
Your advice made me reflect on how far I've come as a writer. I remember when i didn't have any understanding of pacing or plot.
You appeared on my feed even though I haven't ever thought of writing a novel. After listening to how passionately you speak on the subject I am now considering giving this thing a try!
Big reader here. You can have a wall of text work if you have good flow, few complicated terms and like you said lots of space between the lines. If your half-page of description reads like a symphony and has ties to how the character feels and why this could be important, your half-page of description is fine. Btw the way a character sees something, what they pay attention to, IS characterisation.
I'm not taking anyone with anything kancolle-related in their name or profile picture seriously.
My book has more talking then descriptions till where I left off the other day, having to describe a whole classroom.
The Wheel of Time does the prologue with a character that is not the main character of the book nor novel series but is also done well.
I’ve been working on my own world for over a year now and I just had no idea where to start my actual story, but since I’ve found this channel I’ve come almost double the way in terms of Plot:) thank you so much
That's awesome, keep up the good work
I feel like the point you make about meaningless action can be applied to many of the others as well. The mistake of starting too early, for example, can often be traced to people blindly following Hollywood story templates which the writing advice cottage industry is trying to sell as "cure-alls" for writing issues. In a movie, the information density is many times higher than in a novel - you can get away with having a very complex "ordinary world" setup if you want because you can cram so much more information into the first few moments of a movie. In a novel, that very same scene that might take a minute on screen might well take up ten or twenty minutes of reading time. That's plenty of time to lose a reader.
I'm in the very early stages of writing my first book and I ran into the "wall of text" problem immediately. I decided to just jump into it to see how well I could keep the momentum going and after typing out the first two pages I realized there were only like four paragraphs and it looked awful. I went back and broke those down into many more paragraphs, adding new details and dialogue to make sure the paragraphs still stood out, and I'm happy with the result. You just have to keep rereading and imagining you're a future reader instead of the author.
Oh wow, i never really thought about how the structure of the writing influences how quickly pages are being turned and that that can drive engagement. Thats a really interesting way of utilizing the physical aspects of the artform
First mistake writers make is taking advice from other people. Look, these things are subjective. You're told make your opening exciting. Yet Fellowship of the Ring is one of the most boring, slow openings there is. And that did alright. Write as a writer, read as a reader. That's all you need.
"Time wore on, but it seemed to have little effect on Mr. Baggins. At ninety he was much the same as at fifty. As ninety-nine they began to call him _well-preserved;_ but _unchanged_ would have been nearer the mark. There were some that thought this was too much of a good thing; it seemed unfair that anyone should possess (apparently) perpetual youth as well as (reputedly) inexhaustible wealth.
"'It will have to be paid for,' they said. 'It isn't natural, and trouble will come of it!'"
I agree that Fellowship is a slow and at times boring book, but you can't deny that is a strong hook!
I love your fourth point. It's a big goal for me right now to properly portray internal conflict during action scenes to really nail that emotional hit. Great stuff Jed.
Because I myself am a picky reader I am always self concious of the "block of text" that I gave myself a guideline of: a paragraph coneys a central idea that connects 3-5 sentances.
Sentence splice threw me. The two examples carry different connotations! Interesting bit about the sentence spacing and dialogue though. That can really speed things along or slow things right down for effect.
walls of text also makes it just harder to keep track of your spot on the page - liberal paragraph breaks makes it less mentally taxing to keep your eyes and concventration in the correct place because the content itself is less dense
I have just one important grip with his video: the part concerning description of things you character doesn't see or doesn't know. That is NOT a mistake but actually a very useful tool; the thing is, you have to be aware of what you're doing, when to do it and what does that accomplish from a narrative perspective. It shouldn't be used as your normal run of the mill sentence, but what it effectively does is to create a slight lag between your reader and your character, like a little flashforward, giving to the former more information than what the later knows _at that precise moment_ (which is important, but I'll come back to that point later), and, if not overdone, that can be a very efficient and immersive way to build tension. Your exemple with the monster is in fact one of the worst you could have thought of, because it's a textbook exemple of the ideal moment to use that technique: think of that scene in a horror movie where you have a camera angle where you can see the creature slowly creeping towards the hero, but he looks in the other direction and can't see it coming: you're creating expectation, suspense, fear, etc. Your sentence accomplishes the same thing in the written form, and it certainly shouldn't be avoided when appropriate.
Now concerning the coherence of the narration, there is once again no issue, even with an internal perspective (at least if you're writing in the past tense, which is most common), because while the character might not know what is coming at the moment of the scene, he probably knows everything about it by the time he's telling the story. And even if you're writing in the present tense, it's debatable, because historical present is a thing and flashforwards are a legitimate technique anyway.
In conclusion, it shouldn't be your standard way of writing a scene, you're right about that, but that does not make it a bad thing or a mistake in itself!
would that not be dramatic irony? how could he miss such a blatant example of such a useful narrative tool? lol
My novel starts with what I liked to do with my friends when I was young, two friend building a fort in the forest and talking to each other
3:47 You could also use a semicolon (;) instead of the comma. I'm not sure if this was left out on purpose, however.
That text block advise helps a lot cause I always feel I dunno....icky whenever I start waffling too much and I end up with a big square of text I prefer it when the page if turned sideways kinda looks like a city skyline with all the skyscrapers of different heights and stuff but I might just be weird
Worldbuilding Overload is really interesting to think about.
That point made me realize that so many of my favorite stories feature memorable singular locations that have a large depth of development and that's what ends up making the broader world actually feel real
What do the people in the story know about their world? Is that knowledge accurate/biased/outdated? Maybe I do not need to know about an obscure kingdom on the other side of the continent. If there is no need then maybe holding of describing that kingdom until it is actually needed. Again, the information may be wrong. So a character are a decendant from there. But that ancestor arrived 300 years ago so the family's information are probably dated and misremembered. Maybe that ancestors flat out lied and made up a place that never existed.
You present your information in a very concise manner. Thank you for posting. Very helpful!
This helped me finally decide how to begin my story. Thank you 😊
I love the way you explained.. this videos has given me more inspiration to righting my book.. thank you so much 😊
Nitpick:
Prologue: pro/before logos/speech. Speech beforehand: "A thousand years ago, when the Dark Lord conquered the land of Nahn..." It's an infodump before the start of a book.
Prelude: prae/before ludere/play. Play beforehand: "King Alfred leaned on his sword beneath the enemy's shadow..." It's a story before the start of a book.
I think people get the idea that it's just a part before the main story. It doesn't have to be an info dump Star Wars text scrawl. I don't think that the literal definition really matters.
@@lennysmileyface You have two words each describing a distinct concept. How can that not matter? If I make a video titled "How to buy the right car," but I'm using the word "car" to mean both a car and a tractor, and I spend most of the video distinguishing between a car and a tractor, does that not prove the words matter even though people get the idea that they're both vehicles that move on land? Now, it's not this video, but there are plenty talking about "how to write prologues that don't suck" you can quickly sum up as "write a prelude instead." This is a problem we can solve just by using the right words at the beginning. And then we can have useful videos on what makes a good versus a bad prelude.
@@jimschuler8830 because no one cares about the difference. They are used interchangeably. Language doesn't always pedantically follow the dictionary definition of similar words. They both mean something that is before the story.
@@lennysmileyface Obviously people care about the difference if they ask "how do I write a good prologue" and the answer always comes back as a much-more wordier version of "write a prelude instead." If people didn't care about the difference, then people wouldn't be constantly making this distinction as they are. It's just a bad argument.
@@lennysmileyface Oh, and thank you for saying I am no one.
How lucky, i come across that. Thank you. This was helpful.
I haven't found similar writing lessons in german. My first chaper seemed a bit ... unlucky, and I couldn't put my fingers on why. - It's a wall.
Even if german sentences have about twice the words of english ones, a prologue shouldn't have 30 pages of worldbuilding... especially if parts of it are repeated and retold later.
I'm going to throw in a family-tree and a list of characters. If someone is interested, they can look up the details, I need not tell them.
Your videos always give me food for thought and new ideas to improve my story. Thank you!!
I feel like this is more general advice for writing in general rather than for fantasy, still great points, but not what i was expecting.
One example of a false promise that really annoyed me was the anime Buddy Daddies. I knew from the description it was supposed to be a comedy slice of life about two hitmen raising a kid. And it was exactly that, and did it great. But the opening John Wick-esque action scene made me think "I hope there's more of that coming later" for the entire series, so I was somewhat disappointed (there was some more action at the end, but not enough to satisfy my craving). Thankfully the adorable closing scene made up for it entirely
Sentence splices really muddle my writing. Thank you so much!
One of my writing instructors called the first paragraph of your story (or first sentence in shorter stories) "The Bait". Every element, from sentence/word length to writing style smiles a promise to the reader, enticing them into your lair. It whets their curiosity by presenting some element of both suspense and promise. The first paragraph of my novel, "The Fickle Finger", reads:
The usual evening haze had settled across the patronage of the Grey Dog Tavern. Tonight, however, it tasted different.
That's it - eighteen words. Two sentences.
The first evokes a sense of time and setting. By the time the reader gets to the first page, they already expect a medieval fantasy so not much is needed to establish the scene. Thirteen words establish the setting (a medieval tavern), the time (late evening/nightfall), something about the (as yet unidentified) viewpoint character ("patronage" evokes a different perspective from, say, "crowd"), while the name "Grey Dog" is reminiscent of real-world medieval taverns (such as "Red Stallion", "Black Swan", etc). "Evening haze" helps to evoke a smoky, laid back atmosphere, and "usual" conveys that it is something of the status quo.
The second hints at conflict - that something is out of place. Many might opt to say it "seemed" different, but that's a soft ambiguous word. Could well be that everything is perfectly normal and the viewpoint character is just being paranoid, or possibly disturbed by something entirely unrelated. Taste, by comparison, is a more concrete sense; even if you can't identify it, what you sense is something quite real. It's also a sense which is entirely internal, as opposed to sight and scent which are inherently distant.
The following paragraph is considerably more lengthy; not quite a 'wall of text', but far less inviting than some readers may like. However, the first paragraph has presented a small yet valid mystery. While the second paragraph is largely descriptive, it's following the viewpoint character as they seek out the incongruity they sensed. Even though the protagonist has yet to be identified, the reader has incentive to journey with them as they try to identify what is out of place - a motive to keep reading.
Good lord that’s crap opener. Now, “The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed.” that’s good. Look at the opening of “The Fall of the House of Usher” it’s good. There’s rhythm and music in the line. That hooks a reader. This is awkward and clunky. The word “patronage” is entirely wrong. The line is too short for the weight and stress of the word. Do it again.
Agrè Patronage is totally the wrong word. Patrons if you want. Seriously that misused word in the first sentence would make me put the book back unread
@@dianacoles1017 Per OED:
patron ~ a customer, especially a regular one, of a store, restaurant, or theater
patronage ~ the regular business given to a store, restaurant, or public service by a person or group
In no way is the word 'misused'.
@@twylanaythias How can the mist settle across the business given to an establishment? Patronage is an abstract noun and mist tends to eschew abstracts.
@@dianacoles1017 We're mostly on the same page with "patron" as it applies to customers - in particular, a regular customer. The "-age" suffix indicates a collective group; ie acreage, baggage, etc.
In other words, "patronage" is a collective group of regular customers. As it specifically applies to the example, the POV character recognizes everyone in the tavern. (The POV character is something of a 'villain turned vigilante' and the Grey Dog is the heart of his turf. This aspect hasn't been elaborated yet, but it's core to his character.)
"Haze" is something of a fun word, meaning (as a noun) both mental and visual obscuration. Everyone's relaxed, enjoying a few drinks, and generally in their own little 'bubbles'. If you've ever been in a dive bar where everyone has settled into their regular routines, you're familiar with the "usual evening haze".
Yep I felt I made that mistake in my first book. Luckily writing is growth, so, as I continue to write im getting better.
Really useful. Definitely going to adopt these into my book
I started my first chapter in my fantasy book with the villains preparing to overthrow the world. They have gathered to strategize and determine the time and date of an attack that would be seen in the second book with over the course of my fantasy novel, I break up the hero's journey with chapters where the villains are the main focus. Two chapters show the villain assassinating a lord to take their place. Another chapter shows the villains making deals with rival factions to grant them safe passage to stage their attack.
My first chapter in a sci-fi book I am writing jumps straight into the war and shows different perspectives of the soldiers before they die with my main character and his allies not appearing until chapter 4.
Jed, I have enjoyed your description of character building and the mistakes that come along with making an opening novel interesting or boring. As you described each point I mentally reviewed my first novel and realized I have aspects of avoiding these mistakes or, to a degree, made these mistakes - like having a slow beginning. I have saved this video and will be revisiting it to remember your advice. Thank you.
thanks for this videos, I might try to become a writer and your videos are really useful, also what you said about your book the thunder heist really hooked me, hopefully it's available in my country
_"He surveyed the castle carefully; it didn't seem that well defended."_ (Just a thought. ^-^ 😊)
But, honestly, the thing about using a comma instead of a semicolon or the word 'but' is likely due to the old debate about whether or not a comma itself can or can't be used in addition to the words 'but' or 'and' OR if a comma can only be used instead of or in place of those words-i.e. = if you use a comma, the words 'and' or 'but' become optional and redundant and totally unnecessary except in accordance with individual personal choice &/or preference, because they are clearly *implied* by the presence of the comma itself[ so the actual word is no longer needed and if the actual word is used then the comma may not always be required at all]. As in, the comma itself functions as meaning either 'and' or 'but' within that particular type of a sentence. (Well, that and/or the fact that commas and full-stops are basically the only punctuation that many people even know-or fully understand.[ Hence the tendency to use commas or full-stops sometimes inappropriately and/or more than necessary.] And I can understand if some people may feel that "it didn't seem that well defended" seems too stilted or disjointed or such[ rather than flowing nicely or smoothly] when it stands by itself as a completely separate sentence, especially if they feel that this observation is somehow tied or connected specifically to the survey of the castle itself rather than existing as a fact or observation completely on its own, even if no survey of the castle by this particular character was also done.)
It's not necessarily amateurish, so much as it could just be a stylistic thing[...possibly]. It could also depend on how much you are writing your prose as if it's told from[ or processed through] the internal perspective specifically of the character that's being written with it[, and if that particular character is the type of character to speak or think with particular brevity], or if you are writing your prose from a more external perspective as if the writing is simply capturing or conveying things in a more outside observational kinda way[ not necessarily filtered specifically through the character's own perceptions or mind]. It can all depend on _IF_ it was done intentionally, and/or _WHY_ it was done.
The real question is... What exactly is this particular sentence trying to convey, and why? Is "he" surveying the castle _because_ it didn't seem well-defended and "he" is attempting to assess whether this observation about its defenses is as true or accurate as "he" thinks it seems it is upon first glance(?)-or is "he" simply judging it, from a distance, for being at all so poorly defended to begin with? Is the fact that this castle is so poorly defended something that "he" discovers, in the first place, specifically in result only by or after surveying it thusly? Or was the fact that it seemed poorly defended actually some type of inciting precursor that came before "his" subsequent surveying study or scrutiny of it, and is in fact precisely what caused "him" to survey the castle so? Could the word 'because' actually be a more appropriate insertion here than the word 'but' is?? 🤔 (🤷🤷♀️ 😂)
I think there are a lot of times when going out of your way to use words such as 'but' can actually seem even more amateurish or even childish than leaving them out. In many cases, I think it's entirely more subjective really than most people ever realize, whether they personally side for or against it-or, at least, it can be .. sometimes.
But maybe that's just me and my own brain's weird way of thinking about things! IDK Lol
But like comma splices are grammatically incorrect, so it’s not just a style thing
(even if the two clauses are related, then it’s still a semicolon)
@@ella-gz4fj Comma splices being considered a grammatic error is a relatively new[er] convention. They used to be considered quite acceptable, back in the day, and are still generally accepted even now within more informal writing(such as in more casual or conversational writings, like youtube comments or blogposts, or personal letters / text messages). Even formal writing, itself, did not officially condemn comma splicing until some time just in the last one to two hundred years[ or so].
Creative writing need not adhere itself always to all of the same exact conventions or common practices as formal writing should/would; and whether it does or not, in my opinion, is entirely down to subjective and/or stylistic choices. (The "rules"[ or conventions] taught in creative writing classes can differ somewhat from the rules[/conventions] taught in English classes. And something is not actually an error if it was not done by mistake but instead was done with some deliberate and purposeful intent. If a creative writer knows the rules, they can also choose for some reason to bend or even break them at times if they feel like it or feel it's somehow necessary.) Writing is a skill, which utilizes certain tools such as grammar/punctuation/wording-choices/etcetera-creative writing takes that particular skillset and tools and molds them into an artform.
For example...
Separating literally every. single. word. (For emphasis-in certain sentences. And using the word 'literally' in a slightly less than technically literal way.)
Or separating certain sentences from the ones before and after it with full paragraph breaks - simply for dramatic effect[ and/or for greater clarity or ease of reading and/or comprehension] - even when they could or should otherwise all be included within the same paragraph.
(Or beginning sentences sometimes with words such as "and" or "but" versus never ever beginning any sentences with the words "and" or "but".)
But my point was that some people used to believe/teach that commas could be used in place of conjunction words, and if a conjunction word was used, then a comma becomes redundant and unnecessary. The "rules" have evolved over time and could evolve again some day in the future, but only time will really tell.
However, it's only a comma splice if the two clauses are considered to be entirely independent clauses; and exactly how dependent or independent certain clauses are[ or can be] thought of as being, particularly with two especially closely related or connected clauses, can at times certainly be entirely down to individual subjective mindset(s) or choice or preference or interpretation-and the entire purpose of punctuation is basically just to assist in illustrating more clearly how certain thoughts or concepts are and aren't intended[ by their writer] to be strung and/or understood together in speech or in the mind[ for anyone who might later read it]. So long as it is not done in a way that makes it unclear what the writing is meant to say, nor that makes the writing actually say something else other than whatever it is meant to be saying(unless, perhaps, if the intention was specifically and purposefully to make it for some reason be unclear and/or ambiguous exactly what is or isn't being said). And that's not even digging into if a story is written in First-Person or in a Deep[er]-POV, say, from the perspective of a character who might personally write or speak or think in a way that would use comma splices regardless of how technically correct or incorrect they may or mayn't be.
Suggesting that comma splices can never be a stylistic choice, in my opinion, is kind of like saying art can never be created using anything other than "proper" tools that were specifically intended for artistic usages(such as art pencils or paintbrushes) or like saying that only art pieces that aim for realism are true art while abstract art is just nonsensical trash. It might be true, in some cases; but in many cases, it absolutely could be so much the farthest thing from being true that it might truly surprise you. But, like I said before, perhaps that's just me and my own personal way of seeing it. 🙂
I ain't readin allat
Jk, I did read it, and you have a good point
@@Ammiad 😂 Thanks😊 🤍
I'm writing a book on an idea of an all powerful being that I had as a kid but I might be starting it too early in the story but I want the readers to see my character before he had powers. In the early chapters.
These are gonna be so useful~
4:15
Big blocks of text can also be difficult for those of us with learning disabilities.
Learning to identify sentence splices can be quite tricky. Here's an old piece of advice I follow. "Read your prose out loud as if you are a narrator who focuses on measured, stately delivery." When a spliced sentence is spoken out loud with a touch of gravitas, it sounds as if the speaker is rushing through or muttering. This is why "but" is commonly inserted after a comma. It paces out the delivery. (Imagine you are narrating before an audience and pausing to hold up a finger to the listeners. You are emphasizing a change in focus or the arrival of a revelation. In fact, you will likely preface your next words with a dramatic "... but!")
That said, one should be careful with the "buts". In casual conversation "but" is a word we tend to use a lot without realizing it. It provides emphasis for the next point we're about to make. In written word too many buts becomes neurotic. A paragraph feels as if it's tripping over its own feet when constantly interrupted by a rain of "but listen here buddy!"
I've heard as a new writer I need to get to the inciting incident in the first chapter. If not, the first chapter needs to be very compelling and on the short side. Only the Sanderson's of the world can spend a few initial chapters wondering around.
Years ago, I tried reading Lord of the Rings, but I was so overwhelmed by world building that I gave up. I enjoy lore quite a bit, but I need to be eased into it
I own a collection of H P Lovecraft stories that includes an amusing typo in "The Shadow Over Innsmouth". At one point the story states that the aliens are offering humans "a form of bodily immortality"; in my copy, the first "t" in "immortality" has been omitted.
hahah
Thanks for the great advice Jed. I appreciate how you always underpin your tips with examples.
i was looking for a video to listen to while writing and got recomended to here, they were not lying at all!
same
Dude, your content is invaluable!!! I’m not a novelist, but I’ve been working on on audio drama podcast (live action fiction story podcast) for a while and all of your advice applies. Phenomenal videos you putt out man, we appreciate it
Thanks! I tried writing an audio drama a few years ago myself - it's a fun art form for sure. Best of luck with it!
The beginning and mid part of my story has a magicka academy the characters go to, however it is not the focus of the story. It is just the place the characters meet and grow as friends.
My first chapter starts on a train. The very first line is this; 'Lightning flickers across the sky as Ariel gazes out the window. Thunder roars in the distance as the train chugs towards its destination. The setting brings her mind to the moment. "It has been a few hours since I left home in the cold mountains on the outskirts of Tapral." She thinks.
Jed you’ve proven again to be a most valuable commodity in authortube, this was great and inspiring, thanks!!
Great video! I have to work on my prologue...
There are many writing advice videos out there, I'd say this is the very best I saw, amazing advice!
Glad it was helpful!
This video convinced me to subscribe. Many others rehash the same mistakes newbie writers make, most of yours were truly new to me. 😉👍💙🕊
Welcome aboard
Thank you so much for all the tips! Great advice! ❤
Update:
Thanks for what you said about Lord Of The Rings. I started it once but couldn't finish because it was too detailed. I think I'll give it another try!
Tolkien suffers from Introductionary Info Dump, but that is because Tolkien was a Linguist first and Worldbuilder second...The world was built only to have a place where his conlangs could exist,the Stories are just an afterthought to his worldbuilding.
@@StarlasAiko I must say I agree 🙂
The Fellowship of the Ring is told from Frodo's point of view. It starts out with all of that background about hobbits and the Shire because Tolkien wants us to be familiar with what Frodo is familiar with (and only later to come to learn about the things that Frodo only later comes to learn about).
@@Steve_Stowers I just bought all the books. I will let LOTR be my winter read.
LotR is my favorite book ever but I will admit that the beginning is a slog and (by modern standards, at least) the pacing throughout is a bit plodding but, for me at least, in the end it actually works in the book's favor and the slow opening shows you why the characters (and, by extention, you the reader) should care about what's going on in the wider world, what they're fighting to protect, and contrasts with the ending to show how much they've grown by the end of it (even though the ending is the most controversial part of the book depending on whether you prioritize story or theme). Definitely recommend reading through at least once and if it's not your cup of tea, that's perfectly fine.
Hi Jed,thanks for this video, it really helped me a lot.
Glad it helped!
Loving your videos, Jed. I'm finding them all so helpful in my writing process!
You're welcome! Good luck with your writing
HI Jed. Your video is very well put together, and contains some good advice too.
One thing I did not consider while writing my own novel is the tone and emotion of the first chapter. I'll have to go back and see if I can fix that a bit. Thanks for the tips.
You're welcome, Adam. Good luck with the book!
I did the wall of text thing, because personally I don't like it myself that I read it with a bunch of texts on the papers, so I added like white space, and I feel much better reading it now, and I didn't know I've been doing it right
Great video, have the follow!
This is solid advice. Subbed!
Welcome!
A note about sentence splices: there is a purpose-made punctuation mark for sentences too broad for a comma, yet unfit for the break of a full stop; this, of course, is a semicolon.
I'd say that the semicolon is one of the most underutilized means of linking two defined but interrelated ideas. I rarely see them used to great effect in most modern literature; they're remarkably sparse when compared against even mid-20th century writing
Thank you for this video; I am now about to plunge headlong into bingeing the rest!
Sloppy Prose Questions: I was taught to avoid using a comma before a but; is this incorrect? I've had to unlearn quite a few things I learned in school and would like to know whether this is one of them. I find paragraphing difficult despite having read and watched guides on the subject. Likewise, I thought it was 'fewer' words rather than 'less'. I was taught that countable things are more/fewer, while non-countable masses are more/less. "Fewer potatoes, less mash."
so far in what ive written i have a prologue which sets up the main antagonist and his rise to power in a short chapter without revealing his goals. i like this but not sure if its the right choice.
then in chapter 1 it introduces the main character and his familiar. it starts off simple and reveals another major villain though i do it in what i feel is a subtle way. they are never outright shown as the bad guy as they are a bard that comes into the tavern the main character is resting in and starts singing. this song hes singing is his magic and puts everyone in the tavern under a spell where they are completely distracted by him. but the familiar isnt effected and so when armed elves come into the tavern and start knocking people unconscious the familiar knocks the main character out of the charm and he has a short battle where hes just trying his best to escape. showing off some of his own magic skills.
well the chapter is a bit combat heavy with the main character not sticking around to fight and using his magic to try and escape before he accidentally kills some of the attackers. this being his first time killing causes him to hesitate which allows him to be knocked unconscious and captured which sets off the first part of the story where i introduce more characters important to the plot and show off more of the magic system i have created.
i wrote this before he got to meaningless action. and i think i did decently well avoiding it. i set up a bit of his personality before the action and while the action might not show to much of his personality i think it shows his flaws and traits off a bit. though of course i will need to expand on it
You should read eragon/inheritance cycle
I remember years ago after I had finished reading China Miéville‘s book Perdido Street Station I had reached out to a friend to recommend it since I knew he was heavily in fantasy stories. He told me he had tried but found the writing to be too difficult and boring.
It took me a moment to remember the book opens with a pov internal monologue from Yagharek, a non-human character with alien sensibilities which the chapter captures. His pov chapters appear at various points in the book and are always a bit of a slog but they’re short and once you begin to understand the character you start understanding his pov and can sympathize with him… I’ll add I expected his ending to be quite different in that book.
I tried to assure that friend that that wasn’t a good representation of the book and everything past those chapters are quite easy to read and make for an interesting and exciting story. He just had to make it past that first short chapter. He said he didn’t care and that he’d lost interest.
I’ve lost touch with that person, I wonder if he’d ever changed his mind. But just goes to show even professional writers can lose potential readers by starting off with a curve ball like that. In the grand scheme of things I understand why the book started that way but that can easily turn off a casual reader.
Great book. I love writing that makes use of strange perspectives and tricks like unreliable narrators, I enjoy being pushed almost to the edge of confusion. The opening story in Alan Moore's "Voice of the Fire" is a good example of what I mean. It is written from the POV of an intellectually disabled child in 4000 BC. As if that POV isn't disorienting enough, there's a twist reveal I wouldn't want to spoil. Really stuck with me and I'd love to be able to do something similar in my writing.
I’m kind of interested in that bakery book, see something mundane but set in a fantastical world.
I'm reading Legends and Lattes right now and while it's not exactly that, it sort of scratches that same itch
One of my books starts with a prologue that follows a character who dies at the end of the prologue. In that case though, I did it with the intention of demonstrating the political world the protag is going to be entering, as well as to subtly foreshadow the magic system from the perspective of a character who can't use it. It also serves to introduce a group of major series villains with shock and awe, taking advantage of the disposability of the prologue characters. How's that?
I' struggling with what perspective to use for a story:
1st or 3rd person, present or past?
I dabbled a bit in writing things but i can never get a handle on what perspective to use.
Did he make video on that as well?
I could use some input on that, that could help me make up my mind on that.
My philosophy on action scenes in prose fiction is that the secret to meaningful action is a sense of progress in one direction or another (or both at once). Closing a gap, counting down a timer, searching every room, destroying something piece by piece, exchanging blows and wounds, expending bullets. A description of a piece of action will fall flat if it doesn’t put a point on some kind of meter, one you’ve given the audience a grasp of. I’ve proofread stories with indulgent descriptions of martial arts and super weapons and cool one-liners that left me so bored, and stories where a guy swinging at a guy made me sit my ass down and pay attention until someone in that scene finally fell apart. Motivation and emotion help, but action doesn’t feel like action in prose without some way to track its progress.
I agree these were like the best tips authortube has ever offered. Keep up great work - also stay don’t get a bit success like merphy or the other guy and just pump out one piece click bait. Stay true friend !
Point five explains why I ended up hating the korean novel/manhwa "The Abandoned Empress." Because the protagonist didn't achieve the promise she made to herself.
its funny to think that ive finished the first draft of my book without knowing how to write a book, and have nailed like 3/5 of the things you mentioned.
although the wall of text doesnt so much frighten me, it just tells me that the author couldnt find a perfect sentence or word to make a new sentence. I know Anne Rice didnt do this, Interview with the vampire is a very well written book but that thing has barely any spaces. DX it makes me so sleepy lol.
I’m loving the thumbnail style! I see dragon, I click. Simple…
hmm, i’m usually ok for my first chapters but there’s one thing i struggle with : the first encounters of the main character friends. it’s almost always « oh you’re strong, let’s be friends » and i know this is bad 😅 i just don’t know how to do it better
give them a common enemy after their encounter or just dont have them fight
well, think of how you've made friends in real life. or even interview people and steal their stories! the best artists rip off real life because it's rare that people will even know what life you ripped off and then it just feels more realistic to people who don't know lol
@@colorblockpoprocks6973 hmm yea good tip
thanks
I see walls of text as a FORMATTING issue. Still a very good point, they are so hard to read.
Well, let's see if I am in time to get read. Nice video. A bit long so it took a while to get to it. I do disagree with one point. My character's life changed when she left her husband and that is where I originally started the story. She has various encounters with her husband's 'friends' at various places along the escape route. Then, she finally switches IDs with a foreigner in a foreign land. But all of those are technical events. The story really begins when she finally has time to stop and realise the gravity of what she has done - alone in a foreign land where she knows nothing, has no marketable skills, and has no recourse to resources as that would lead her husband right to her. The Case of the Foot-Loose Doll by Gardner also has a similar starting point where she learns she is wanted for murder, not when the death occurred. Thus, it may not be the moment the person's life changes, but the moment they realise it changed. Harry Potter is the same. His life changed when the prediction was made or his parents died, but the story starts when he realises that it has changed.
I really like that you add a heart to comments that you have read. It really helps me to want to add comments to your postings.
I disagree with your run on sentence. The correct punctuation is a semicolon, not a comma. It took me 40 years to feel comfortable using them, so I understand why a person would hesitate to use one. I have also recently started using dashes. Your example was something like 'Tom surveyed the city's walls; he didn't notice many guards.' Your suggestion was to use a conjunction: 'Tom surveyed the city's walls, but he didn't notice many guards.' To me, that changes the meaning. In the original, both statements are equal statements of fact, i.e., there were probably few guards on the wall. The second is a statement of fact: looking, followed by a statement of his action, but suggesting that the guards might have been there, Tom simply failed to notice them. Using a colon would have made it more a report: 'Tom surveyed the city's walls: he didn't notice many guards.' As I remember it, the sentence was in this third person, which, if correct, is the real reason it feels mushy. I would have preferred 'Tom surveyed the city's walls: not too many guards.' (I can't do italics for 'not too many guards' to show this is what he was thinking/saying to himself.) Interesting prose has a varied sentence structure, not constant SVO.
Thanks for the video. How do the tips for Chapter One apply to the Prologue? I have a backstory element in my prologue, and the main character is missing. It does have important secondary characters that impact the main protagonist.
I’m curious as to your thoughts regarding The Goblin Emperor?
A movie does have another thing: Commitment of the viewer ;-) Movies are made for cinemas and people will not leave the cinema after a movie starts. So it is not as bad as with a book or TV show, if the beginning is badly done. Movies especially made for TV use diffrent techniques due to the danger of people switching channels.
For the two different prose approaches: Can you go with a middle-ground approach where you borrow from both styles? Or do you more or less have to choose between one or the other and stick to that choice?
"He surveyed the castle carefully. It didn't seem that well defended." is better IMO. It conveys a sense of pause between assessment and conclusion, lending to the feeling of careful deliberation. You might want to follow through a bit more with that second sentence, though - as it is, it feels abrupt and doesn't feel like it goes anywhere.
The Game of Thrones prologue also gets us used to the idea that characters you get attached to can die in this book. And they do...!
My novel starts by introducing a random, unnamed guy who dies in the very same chapter that he's introduced, purely to establish how evil an evil artifact is (not even an evil _guy,_ just an evil inanimate object), and I might not even bring up that evil artifact again
Edit: I'm probably gonna change it tho, I tend to do that a lot, write something, then just keep writing for another chapter, then go back and change almost everything about the last ~3 chapters and repeat, which is why I've only written about 6 chapters in half a year, that and _thinking_ about writing instead of actually writing)
Yeah, as a science-fantasy writer, I'm having a hard time at starting off a story, much like how Stephen King had trouble with ending his stories. Although for my high Fantasy story, I was wondering if I could start off in the first act as a typical Disney-styled Fantasy quest movie, only focuses on the quote end quote "Damsel in Distress" fairy princess abducted and locked in the cage, before switching gears and becomes an alien invasion survival story set in a Fantasy world.
Sounds doable to me if you plan to really integrate the ideas
Sloppy writing reminds me of the first page, actually first sentence of the translated version of "The Road". It was so bad I never got past the first sentence.
First chapter vs prelude or prologue. 3rd person can use to introduce the narrator before the character so the reader understands more about how it is told rather than what happens.
Interesting- if I see long stretches of dialog- I zone out. Sometimes I never get through it even if I'm half way through the book. Or if its a GREAT book, I skip over it.
Something about figuring out who is saying what and keeping track of it all. It's exhausting.
I never liked koma before the but, because they mean the same thing, either I use the koma or the but. :o
8:35: I say, clichés are tools. They can't be bad by definition!