r/Trueoffmychest I Befriended My Wife's Kidnapper
Vložit
- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
- Thanks to Bespoke Post for sponsoring this video! New subscribers get 20% off their first box - go to bespokepost.com/rslash20 and enter code RSLASH20 at checkout.
Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
Patreon: / rslash
Discord: / discord
0:00 Intro
0:07 My husband has a dirty secret in his online life
4:07 I walked in on my husband with his new partner
9:23 I invited over someone I never should have and ruined my life
15:30 No more daddy daughter dates
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
New Bespoke Post subscribers get 20% off their first box - go to bespokepost.com/rslash20 and enter code RSLASH20 at checkout. Thanks to Bespoke Post for sponsoring! #ad
Hay there someone in your comments trying to scam people as you
rSlash, I think there's an account pretending to be you and sending "prizes."
Let us know if this gets demonetized.
Hey r/slash one of my comments from this vid got replied by someone trying to be you
Yeah, I was wondering about that. How much truth is behind the so-called prize.
With story 3. People forget how much practice stalkers have with getting close to their targets, they are very good at what they do.
Right! If it wasn't the husband letting him in it would have been something/someone else! David just got lucky that he didn't recognize him and found an easy "in" to her life right away. No offence to the wife and her trauma but I would find it hard to remember his face no matter how many pictures you show me because sadly his face doesn't hold the same weight to me as it would her... He didn't connect the dots because he genuinely though he made a friend who was interested in him, not his wife's stalker/kidnapper/r*pest...
This. They will use ANYONE and ANYTHING they can to get to their target, including making themselves look like the victim to discredit their targets fears and concerns. Some are also stupid enough to claim they're not stalking, and then use evidence gained through stalking as evidence why they aren't stalking.
Exactly. And it might not be the stalker themselves directly. So anyone of any gender or age should be suspect if there is a stalker ANYWHERE in you or your partner's past.....because stalkers can make friends, or have family members....no one can be trusted to be truly safe if someone has ever been victimized like that. You have to ALWAYS be on high alert.
My stepfather manipulated my dad into giving him access to us. Thank goodness my sister shut it down but yup my dad gave my abuser access to me after my mom left.
Agreed R Slash needs to realize that Male vision is a real thing. Guys meet someone who seems like their buddy and they will proceed to not recognize major red flags.
It's actually insane how minor the punishment for stalking is. Its like the authorities won't do anything until they inevitably attack the victim.
It's 100% psychotic behaviour and the police do little to nothing to prevent it.
I honestly think that that's more because stalking is an incredibly hard crime to prove.
The victim might know that someone is stalking them but how do you go about providing it to the court?
On top of that, any minor excuse for being at a certain place might be considered legitimate.
They can't stalk if they are incompatible with life!
You'd think they'd have fixed that, since a lot of stalking cases eventually ends in kidnapping, assault, or god forbid, murder
I am a very committed fan of sentences being based on societal/social damage instead of behaviour. How far do the ripples of this act go? How many people have been involved, traumatised, or generally emotionally shaken by this? How deep is their trauma? On this scale murder would still be a very grievous offence but stalking, sexual assault, domestic abuse, etc, would have so much more leverage, and petty theft/shoplifting would not ruin lives in three strike states.
....or if it makes it that far, the court system.
Story 3 is just devastating. Op unintentionally gave his wife's abuser access to her in one of the worse ways possible and I can't even begin to imagine the adulterated fear she must've felt when she saw him actually _standing_ inside of her home. I can sympathy with him because I tend to not recognize people really well either unless I've seen their face enough for it to stick in my mind, but at the same time, the wife is completely understandable. It's a horrible situation all around and I really hope that she's surrounded and protected by loved ones.
I also have facial blindness.
Such a heartbreaking story. I can’t imagine living with knowing I brought a predator straight to my loved one. Devastating
I really hope OP eventually got through to her and they can begin repairing it. I am in tears hearing this
@@McLeanAmy Hey I agree it is not his fault, and he is a victim too. But now the Hubby in compromised. This is literally a life or death situation so I can't fault anyone there except the stalker.
The wife is simply doing what she has to to ensure her safety. No matter how little her husband is compromised, he at least was compromised. That trust is broken.
It is horrible all around.
@@HowardDPVT She didn't need to ignore him though. She could have asked her family to communicate with him what was happening. After the initial shock was over, of course - I didn't expect anybody to think too rationally when in flight mode.
@@McLeanAmy do you not get that she probably has some severe trust issues after her experiences and seeing your kidnapper pedophile rapist in your home, being let in by your husband who you have shown photos of what he looked like, would absolutely make her think her husband knew who he was and was about to do something similar to her as her first crush? I can’t blame her one bit for thinking her husband did it knowingly
The prosecutors really failed on that kidnapped story. So what if she originally had a crush on him and it was twisted to be consential. She was 12. A 12 year old legally can't consent to anything like that
I was talking to my spouse about this exact point, and I made it myself in my original comment somewhere below.... Wifey made a good counterpoint too, which was that these kind of things happen all the time, to an absolutely sickening degree, be it because of lazy prosecutors, sleazy defense lawyers, a "good-ol-boy" small town government, or the perp has enough money to make it go away.
@@ruaine83 Actually in many places at least in the U.S. these things are taken a LOT more seriously in current day. Back in the 80's and 90's it was shrugged off a LOT. :(
It sounded like a situation where there was no physical evidence, and she was to traumatized to testify. From an evidence point of view, there wasn't even sex, let alone consent. It sucks, but that's how our legal system works.
I know that a 12 year old can't consent to sex, but... Her lawyer couldn't prove that the 'relationship' involved sex to begin with. I don't know what the law says about whether or not 12 year olds dating adults, but considering the guy didn't go to jail for 'dating,' I can only assume that back when this happened, it wasn't illegal in that state.
It was still fucking wrong.
I feel for the husband in the stalker story; I have very, very bad facial recognition, I can’t tell people apart easily and I’m awful at guessing someone’s age. If something changes a little with someone’s face, I probably won’t recognize them. I usually use voices to differentiate people. The victim obviously made the right call, her safety and security comes first.
I'm the same. There have been times when someone has felt very familiar but was a complete stranger. Other times I've literally forgotten people's faces the very next moment.
Voices are way easier. I got a got sense of pitch, so I can pick out voices more easily than faces. I do recognise some famous people, obviously. Mostly Marvel actors. But I'm not so sure I would connect it if I saw them IRL.
i getcha too, but the worse part is knowing it’s just unforgivable. like it was a mistake and OP never meant to, but just knowing this stalker exists would be enough for me to triple check every grown man that came into me and my wife’s life. The fact OP didn’t maintain this mentality and just forgot is such an ultimate betrayal to his wife, despite it being an accident, that i doubt there’s anyway to recover trust in the relationship.
@@Mysticbeee The thing is, though, is that that man was still supposed to be locked away and that there was no word nor reason to raise suspicion. This was the perfect alignment of screw ups for this to happen.
Though, honestly, I'm horribly curious to know if OP was specifically sought out for his connection to a previous victim, or their meeting was just a hellacious plot twist in life.
Same here. I need context. I had trouble recognizing my own child on a playground full of children. When my dad dropped some paperwork off for me at work I wouldn't have recognized him if I hadn't known he would be there. That's family! More casual acquaintances are more difficult on sight alone.
Edit: My grandmother is the opposite. Lived in city A, bought a desk in city B. Three years later was at a cafeteria in city C where she recognized the salesman who sold her the desk.
Same, I didn't recognize my own mother after she got her hair straightened.
If your 13 year old daughter feels comfortable enough telling her father that she doesn't want to do these daddy daughter dates any more, it means you're doing a good job at raising your daughter to be a strong, independent and intelligent woman.
When I was around that age, I wondered if I was too old to be doing certain things with my dad.
Yup, exactly!
Children change, and it's great when they're open with what they want with their parents.
There's plenty of parents that aren't even that open with each other.
Heck yeah! Even as a teenager me & my dad went on little "dates" all the time. Me & him have always been super close so I never saw it as "babyish" but it did change over the years bc he recognized I was becoming my own person. Over time its changed into him just being there as moral support & to answer questions as I'm learning how to be an adult & I'm glad I have that
This is true. It already seems like he does, but I hope OP understands that respecting his daughter's wishes and keeping it so that she feels comfortable telling him things is basically the most important thing he can do as a parent. If she comes to a point where she thinks 'I'm in trouble; I better tell dad' instead of 'I'm in trouble, dad'll kill me,' then OP will be a better parent than any I've ever known.
Lolz right...this was normal
...
All he had to do was be like
"Okay how about a movie, youre choice, we can eat at the theatre, no flowers, not a daddy-daughter date"
...
She would so go for that and then dad gets his one on one time
...
Its how you word it to teens 🤣
...
But yeah dad needs to realize she may just be ready for him to just be her moral, and emotional support and sense of security.
Story 3: I completely agree with the Wife going into hiding and having to figure out if husband is still to be trusted.
But everyone else, who holds it against the husband what happened, is victim blaming. The man fell for a con, just that. The only real villain in all of this is ""David".
If anything, the husband getting ostracised, would only help "David" in the long run.
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings shut up
How would it only help the Stalker? Not disagreeing with you, I’m just curious.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings Ok but this narrative falls on the wife to. If everyone is supposed to be hyper vigilant, why didn’t the wife ask for a picture of the freind he was bringing over. Both let their guard down, and while ultimately it was OP’s fault, this while “he should’ve been more aware” narrative is bullshit and an over expectation for any human.
@@kolosersoh9153 It chips away at the wife's protections. By getting rid of those she trusts, her own situation and protection becomes weaker. Potentially allowing for a further opening that the stalker can abuse.
Isolating someone can be very effective.
For the whole stalking story, I dont blame the guy for not recognizing the guy, how exhausting and mind wrecking it would be to look at everyone you meet and attempt to find a stalker. It would ruin your ability to trust people from the start.
His wife has lived through an experience that is hopefully the minority and while I can't blame her for her actions, I can't blame him for seeing a person being friendly and seeing a chance for friendship.
I see so many people piling on the poor guy for not recognising him, as if they all have perfect memory and could recognise a person off a photo (even worse, it was probably a mugshot) they saw 4 years ago. I find it hard to picture faces in my mind. I can't even bring up details in my mind of what my wife, father, mother or sister look like aside from generics like hair colour. Sure, the second I see them in person I recognise them, but photo's are harder, I usually have to look closer at a photo to recognise the people in it unless I know beforehand that the photo I'm about to look at contains X person.
When OP's wife saw her stalker and starting screaming bloody murder, waving a knife around and yelling at him to leave, why'd it take OP so long to put two and two together? Wouldn't it be obvious by her reaction and ensuing mental breakdown who the guy was? That's one thing that is off about this story. Like does he even know his wife or is this story fake? 🤔
@@mongoose9851 Things are harder to put together when emotions get intense. If someone I know who was stalked by someone who I know is currently in jail acts like that to a friend, I wouldn’t think “oh! This man is the guy who stalked my friend for 7 years and he has been manipulating me so he can get close to her!” I’d be more “what the fuck is happening”
@@mongoose9851 yeah might be fake. He had days to think about it apparently, and still didn't put it together? Seems unlikely.
@@brandongregori995 but this story has been put on RSlash's channel once before. by the wife.
Ahem ahem... CHILDREN CANNOT GIVE CONSENT! The fact that the prosecuter dropped the case makes my blood boil. I've also been a victim of stalking and the lengths that this man is going to harm this woman is absolutely terrifying.
How much you wanna bet this David guy has money or is in a wealthy family? It just has all the hallmarks of it. Minor jail time. Getting charges dropped probably because of bribes... OP needs to hire a hitman or something, because that’s the only way this will end.
People don't realize how dangerous stalkers are. People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
That's what I was screaming. Children can't consent. Don't matter what he said she said. Doesn't even matter if she actually said that. She is 12 end of story. I would have blasted that prosecutor and the court for allowing a pedofile to walk free. That one actually makes me so mad. The laziness of the court allowed this to happen. I feel bad for op. He got tricked. Of course he face isn't going to burned into his mind like it would for her. I understand why she won't come back and even tell him where she is, she is terrified that he might stalk the husband to get to her.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings stop spamming this comment bro. Post it once and leave it alone
@@jaesusphotography no. By the comments here, it's obvious it needs to be driven into people's skulls.
But congrats on having the privilege of not having to suffer through a trauma like this. Maybe let those of us who had (or at least understand like you clearly don't) actually have the opinions here.
Story 3- I dont think either of them are wrong. I could totally see a situation where op has written off the kidnapper as being in prison, so is not being vigilant against an incursion. Further, when you vilify someone in your mind they tend to act/look differently in your mind than they do in person.
On the other hand, op's wife is right to take immediate and drastic action against her kidnapper.
Op just got caught in the fallout. Its one of those freak situations where no one is to blame but he loses everything because of it.
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings dude, you have paranoia.
You need to talk to a therapist about this because you not in a good place.
2 out of 2 comments I read about story 3 have you posting *the exact same* paranoid comment.
Edit 4-4 you’re on basically every one
Also that the husband has presumably never seen the stalker in person before that since OP only mentioned pictures and mug shot, pictures can look different than the real deal, plus they’re most likely old pictures and the stalkers appearance could’ve changed in prison and someone who he severely traumatized could recognize him but someone who’s only seen pictures wouldn’t recognize the stalker untill it’s pointed out
@@RealCoolstriker64 these are truly some random ramblings
@@SoManyRandomRamblings will you stop spamming already?
The story about the guy letting her kidnapper into his home is a terrifying thought for me. I have an eye condition that makes facial recognition hard for me. Like I can literally walk past acquaintances and not recognise them. Or struggle to recognise friends faces from a distance.
Story 3: everyone's reactions seem so geared around the idea the recognizing faces is something everyone can just do and it's very sad. Face blindness/prosopagnosia/the inability to process faces properly is more common than you'd think and expecting everyone to be able to recognize faces at the same level is incredibly awful.
I am absolutely glad that woman took the actions she needed to in order to protect herself. I hope her husband or maybe soon-to-be ex can focus a little more on that and maybe even get himself some therapy over being a fellow victim of her stalker.
Said stalker that clearly took advantage of OPs lack of facial recognition skills.
I have a mild case and still don't recognize people if I don't see them for a while...I definitely would NOT recognize someone who's supposed to be in jail lmao. I always have to look for something distinctive or use the person's voice. Even watching tv can be confusing when some actors happen to look a little alike.
For example one of my elementary school classmates is a cop - I've always seen him around with longer hair and uniform. Once I saw him with short hair without uniform. Did I recognize him? Haha, of course not.
He should 100% kept a photo of him or even better yet, don't become friends with people you meet random places or even better yet, at all, sure it's hard but you knew what you were getting into when you got married, if you didn't want to take the problem seriously, you shouldn't have become part of her life.
@@kiraphobia222 I think there’s still a few things you’re missing, though. Like Jay said, it’s easy to not recognize someone you’ve only seen in a picture, especially when you’re under the assumption that they are in prison. Maybe the husband DID keep a photo of this guy on him all the time, but if I became friends with someone while still under the assumption that my wife’s stalker was behind bars still, I wouldn’t take the time to “Guess Who” my new friend and compare and contrast the guy to the photo, because “he’s still in an orange jumpsuit”
@@kiraphobia222 Ok, I'll bite...if the gym is a random place where he shouldn't make friends, then what in your opinion qualifies as a non-random place where it's okay for OP to make friends?
i completely understand the wife and i would react the same, but the guy LITERALLY changed his NAME, his APPEARANCE, and they were under the assumption that he was in JAIL. You cannot blame the dude for not recognizing him when he was literally shown three photos of the man…
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting. It's not about recognizing David it is about being on a higher alert status
@@SoManyRandomRamblings are you just posting this under every comment defending him? I see your point but no one likes a spammer
@@oneditzybrunnette except seeing by the comments, every single person needs this drilled into their minds, including you. Especially since you don't seem to understand the importance of it. So glad you have the privilege to not have to be this vigilant 👍
@@oneditzybrunnette if you actually saw the point, you'd be spamming it too
Yeah agree that guy was gonna push his way into a relationship with this guy to do exactly this. Even if op remember exactly what those pictures looked like people can look like other people op could have been suspicious but it wouldn’t mean he wouldn’t have been tricked into believing it’s another person.
God story 3 kills me. I have a horrible memory and I’m really outgoing and kind. I could absolutely be the husband in this situation. I’m taking this as a moment to reflect on myself.
same, I'm sympathetic towards OP but I completely understand the wife in this situation
I would be hysterical because she is a victim and op is a victim too that criminal deserves to be out of the face of this planet
Same. I have a hard time remembering names and faces. Other stuff I can remember years later, places I've been, books I've read, or movies I've watched. But names and faces, nope.
What I do think was bad was the family not informing him of the issue. Just blocking him and getting angry isn't helpful. What if he had called the cops to report his wife missing?
In addition to that, the justice system in this case was failing miserable.
I can't remember faces from just a photo. If I don't see them IRL then it just doesn't click in my brain... I had pictures of my bio dad growing up but he looked completely different in person to the point that I kept side eyeing him till my aunt told me who he was. He was used to get to his wife and I'm sure if he hadn't brought him into the house David would have just found another way to get in...
Same. Can't remember faces and names if my life depended on it. If I had a gf or wife with a history, I couldn't remember her attacker if I wanted. Probably best I'm a confirmed bachelor with no prospects.
Ffs I can't even remember coworkers names.
As a prior service marine, a victim of sexual abuse as a child, and a very traditional man, if I had a wife that had an active stalker/rapist, and that individual managed to manipulate me to get into my wife’s safe space, that individual would cease to exist. Not only do they have it coming, but I feel as if that’s the only way you could feasibly start to mend the broken trust between your partner and yourself and prove that you are not in fact in on the whole thing.
I don't think he's still friends with David or anything. From the post it seems he completely understands the seriousness of his mistake, and is totally against David
@@rg10293 I think he meant he’d kill the stalker but not being friends is a great start
r/iamverybadass
Kidnapping story is something that is unfair to the husband. Normally people don't think to constantly look for a stalker unless they go through it. He didn't even know what a panic attack looked like. Honestly he might've only noticed if he looked at that picture daily or met the stalker personally before all of the problem. The couple should try actually talking and/or going to therapy together.
fr besides how the fuck would he know that he changed his appearance or name or anything? it seems unfair that she cut her husband like that like he totally would know that the stalker would change his appearance and identity to get close to the two
@@redrubyrose618I cannot believe you’re mad at her for this. She’s clearly unbelievably and uncomfortably traumatized and hurt. When you’re traumatized your brain works differently and when someone has PTSD and someone brings that cause of PTSD into their home, that completely breaks their trust.
In a rational world? Sure. In the mind of a traumatized person with obvious PTSD? Not a chance. Unfortunately, this marriage breaking down is another of the stalker's victims.
I can not believe that people think like this. This woman was kidnapped and raped at the age of 12 and her rapist never got convicted for it and only stopped stalking her because by chance he was in trouble for another crime. If that is the story of your spouse you better be updated and aware of her tormenter for the rest of your life because he is clearly deranged and got away with every single thing he put her through. It does not matter that the husband had no ill intentions. Hid negligence and ignorance put his wife in real danger. She was hospitalized for three days! And now her rapist knows where she lives and even knows the layout of the home because he has been in it. And here you guys are expecting the victim to be okay with this and totally overlook that her husband put her in this situation. Just get over it until the next time he fucks up because her life is worth less than her husbands feelings. You guys are gross.
As somebody who works with women and men who are the victim of a sexual assault I have to 100% disagree with this. He dyed his hair. He didn't get reconstructive facial surgery. Also if you know your wife has a stalker who's committed acts of sexual violence against her. It's your f****** job to make sure you accredit every single person you bring into her and your life. And if that's something you don't feel you can do, do not marry that person. The wife seems like she's really prepared so she's probably worked with people like me. Probably her husband has spoken to people like me. I would have told him about this. I would have told him the risks. And I guarantee you whoever they worked with whoever's helping her hide would have talked to him about this as well. The fact that it just moved his mind. Oh i forgot. No, I didn't remember. Oh it was just an him come on man. You got to do better than that.
Honestly, the fact that every other single person in her life is knowing how to behave smartly and to be prepared and willing to make the sacrifices with their not only their phone numbers and their social media and their lives tells me that this woman is worth caring about. Tells me that this man is incredibly dangerous. But for some reason the one person she should be able to trust most of all can't look at a picture once in a while. Can't make sure these people he brings into his life aren't dangerous. Come on. I'm not saying that the stalker and people like that aren't good at manipulation but you have to be better. The fact that this family is so prepared means they're working with someone like me. That they're working with an organization that's specializes in helping victims hide. Because law enforcement isn't going to do it. Don't kid yourself for a second. Law justice. They're not going to help because they don't help. Just look at this story. Since organizations like the one that I volunteer at that help. And they would have prepped her husband and he just ignored it. Unbelievable.
What happened to his wife is not his fault. But befriending some guy at the gym because he's your gym bro and then you bring him home without making sure you know who this person is. 100% is foolishness. And for that it is He bears responsibility. And I wouldn't trust him either. I mean every basic rule. We teach people. He broke every single one of them every single one of them. So he either didn't listen. Didn't care or couldn't be bothered. Or he just forgot . Because apparently it's so hard to remember a picture. How about if your wife has a stalker you carry a picture of that stocker in your wallet. And then anybody that kind of looks like him. Just stay away from. Not that hard.
I think people are being too harsh on OP in the third story. The fact the stalker looked different, was presumed to still be in jail AND gave a fake name would make anyone think he isn't the same guy. I think a lot of people would react the same way as the wife did, but the fact that nobody would even explain it to OP until the sister did (quite aggressively) most def hurt OP. The wife was the only person with a reasonable response, imo.
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting. It's not about if he would recognize david...it is if he would keep her safe from strangers
@@SoManyRandomRamblings people naturally relax when they know their perp is in jail. The fact they did not know that he was not, was the main culprit. None of them were on high alert because they would of asked about the new friend if they were. There are two victims here and no-one cares about one of them. Marriage is a two way street and it seems a one way. right now.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings I’m sorry, but that’s just paranoid thinking that isn’t healthy or helpful.
You’re suggesting they, what, never talk to anyone unless they make sure that person could not be connected to her stalker in any way?
What exactly do you be on guard for? What possible tell could someone have that they’re the cousin of someone locked up in jail with their stalker?
The last picture he saw of the guy was *in his 20’s*
I saw a video of my dad in his 20’s, and if he changed his hairstyle he would be pretty hard to recognize as the same person too. Most people are.
I suffered a trauma. I would remember my partner's attacker like he was my own.
@@RealCoolstriker64 this is exactly how vigilant women have to be. Because we have to be or we will be attacked.
That last story, good job dad. You raised a girl to the age of 13 who is comfortable enough to be honest with you.
I am bracing for that with my own kiddo, even though I'm several years off from it and she tells me that she never wants to leave me. (I told her that would change as she gets older and she literally burst into tears.)
And RSlash is completely right. When my parents were in a different state for several years, I talked to them weekly, if not more. As long as the relationship is healthy, that closeness, though changed and matured, returns.
aww that's so cute.
But yeah, it's great if your kid can be honest what they want.
My son told me he never wanted to leave me when he was 6. Then when he was 10 he met a little girl and told me he would marry her. I thought it was just kid stuff, but told him she was sweet, smart and pretty. Theyve been inseparable ever since with 3 kids and 2 grandkids.
I learned that sometimes what kids say is serious, but a child becoming independent and leaving the nest is a sign of successful parenting.
I had a similar experience. I worked a summer job across the country from my parents in my 20s, and I realized then how much I missed them. I called my mom almost daily. Came back home after 5 months and decided never to move out of state again! I love my parents, they are my rock. ❤
Honestly, the stalking story scares the hell out of me. I don't blame the wife at all because unfortunately the stalker used her husband to get to her. I'm a victim of stalking and I get that lack of trust when it comes to your stalker using people close to you to get to you. My stalker was my ex boyfriend that my family knew as this sweet charismatic guy, but he was obsessed and dangerous at times. Even when I opened up & came clean to my mom about the situation, she still tried to make it out to not being a big deal & speaking highly of him.
I don't know why stalking isn't taken seriously but it just isn't 70%-80% of the time. However it does sound like op was just straight up manipulated and I'm sure the wife probably knows that but her safety comes first.
I also lost my trust with my cousin after he exposed that i was back in town to my stalker. My cousin even befriended and borrowed money from my stalker! He was like "It's fine ,he seems nice, cool guy. Try dating with hiim..." Bullshit, he is not the one to judge.
@@effingcool1780 I really don't understand this like-- I literally don't know what to say other than bro needs to get a clue.
Thing is that I expect that from friends, especially if they are mutuals cause that's happened in my case aswell, but I don't understand the family part. You'd think that atlease family would be considerate of your safety before anything else.
Some people see stalking as sweet and romantic. It’s not
Oh God that 3rd story, when you think about how he came to the house, after she left...means that he was out there watching just so that he could come in while she was gone, and cause even more psychological terror. My goodness how horrible.
Story 3: I'm face blind. I don't recognize people's faces outside the context I know them unless there's a visual or verbal clue. I once waited for my own mother when we agreed to meet at a café because she wore a hat (it was cold) and had new glasses until she stood right in front of me and said "Hi! Are you day dreaming again?"
I had a lot of awkward run-ins with co-workers. I recognized them when we crossed paths in the work context. They barely look familiar to me when we run into each other around town or at the gym until they approach me.
I've been living with my housemate for ten years now, we see each other daily, but when she's away for a few days and I pick her up from the train station when she returns, I have to look out for her jacket and bag/suitcase.
People I'm close with and who understand the condition don't take it personally and find it funny. I get some friendly teasing for it and we all share a laugh (I'm not offended since it's never mean spirited).
So, with all that said. I would never, in a million years, recognize a face from seeing pictures. If they wore exactly the same hairstyle, accessories, and clothes, then, maybe but even that's not guaranteed. Unless they had a permanent visible feature like a scar or tattoo, there's no chance that I'd know where they are. It has nothing to do with not caring or trying hard enough or not understanding how serious it is. It's called face blindness(!) for a reason. Imagine a person who can hear well enough but is unable to hear certain frequencies the average human can hear. Imagine, let's say, the average fire alarm sounds at those frequencies. No amount of "BUT IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU HEAR THIS! Don't you CARE about your family's SAFETY?!?!" will make them hear it.
So, yeah. I might not see who you are at the first glance but I can see how the husband would make this mistake. I know people don't recognize friends from a different life stage simply because they haven't seen them in a while and now they gained or lost a bit of weight and have a new haircut and an older face. And those are people they've known well and once spent a lot of time with.
Eyewitnesses are considered unreliable constantly because they don't remember the faces or even the correct car colour although they stood right next to a crash when it happened. There is a reason why witnesses or victims are shown several people that vaguely fit their description of a criminal. And they were there when it happened. They saw the person in flesh and blood, saw how they moved and heard how they talked. And yet, the human memory often is not reliable enough. And this man only saw a couple of pictures. No movements, no gestures, no tone of voice or intonation habits or accent or dialect. If they told him the asshole was born in Area A, all that dude had to do to "disguise" himself was to adopt a slightly different dialect, wear different glasses, and change his hairstyle. I'm going out of my way and say that most people who hear or read this story would have been fooled, too.
If you're older than 30, and have met new people, I'm also pretty sure it's not just us face blinds who sometimes look at their pics from their teens or early 20s and say, "Wow, that's really you? I'd never have recognized you!" When you know it's the same person and they sit right next to you. Depending on how people handle their pictures taken, there's also a good chance that pictures show facial expressions that they wouldn't have when they interact normally. Pictures are better than nothing but still unreliable.
The husband was tricked and manipulated. He wasn't careless or flippant. He made an honest, even understandable mistake that unfortunately had horrible consequences.
But not recognizing this puts the wife at risk again. Because it can happen to most people. So even if she divorced her husband - if she finds a new partner in the future, the same will happen again. The asshole just has to pop in some contacts to change his eye colour, grow a beard (or shave) and the pictures are worthless. The only way I can think of to prevent this from happening again is to make an agreement - if the husband (this one or another one in the future) befriends new people to the point of hanging out outside their usual context (gym, work), he needs to make a couple of pictures and show her.
Conclusion: The husband's actions led to a dangerous, terrifying situation but at the same time, he didn't fuck up by being careless. He's not at fault. He was betrayed, manipulated, and instrumentalized. Just because he's less of a victim of this asshole than his wife it doesn't mean he's an offender. I get the family's emotional reaction and don't fault them for that either. They're scared and about to repeat a nightmare but morally, blaming him is wrong.
Wow. That was an extremely well written and carefully thought out reply. I must be very difficult for you dealing with this. Although not as bad as your situation, I also have difficulty with faces. Sometimes, I'll meet someone and the next day not recognize them. This can be problematic in situations like having a second job interview and not immediately recognizing that this is the same person from the first interview. For me it tends to be worse when the person is average looking or when I'm concentrating on what I'm saying or doing. The context of where I met the person also can make it difficult as can hair changes. I had a roommate for two years and he was even in my wedding photos. He moved away and hadn't seen him in 20 years. We recently had a zoom get together and this was the first time I'd seen him since then. I swear that I didn't recognize him. If it wasn't for the voice I would have never know it was him. My wife said that the only real difference was his hair.
This is the only well thought out and good opinion on story 3.
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings so you are saying that anyone that has a partner that had/has a stalker should never let their guard down no matter the situation or who you are talking to? How is that fair to the partner of the stalcked person?
Not to mention that op never saw the stalcker in person before that moment.
Feel so sorry for the OP with the "open marriage". First they get insulted and then all their boundaries stomped on.
That title story one was horrifying 😳
I don’t what’s the point of having a marriage if you’re gonna open it and it ends up with a divorce
If my partner asked for that, I'd file for divorce the same day. Or split it off.
I'd have told my husband to go to hell, then I'd make sure EVERYONE who thought he was a good guy knew what a toxic piece of crap he was
I honestly wonder how many "open marriages" are this way -- one partner wants to play around, and guilts or blackmails the other into going along with it. If a marriage is going to be open, I kind of feel it has to be agreed to before they tie the knot.
@@Grouchbox Polyamory is not something new. It's been around since the dawn of time. It's not for everyone. It's not for me but I wouldn't go around calling my partner a toxic piece of crap just because we want different things. Do you just think everyone in an open relationship is a toxic piece of crap? Or do you think everyone who doesn't do things your way is a toxic piece of crap?
For the 3rd story, i can't fault the husband fully, because in updates he is making an effort to fix it, but also the thing is he didn't recognize him. I'm guessing he didn't recognize him because he isn't constantly on guard about the guy and thought he was in prison so had no alarm bells going off. He also wouldn't be on guard for the guy because he wasn't the one who went through that stuff, so I can get not recognizing someone when all that is factored in.
What were the updates?
@@audreym3908 basically he said they told him to prove he is safe for her and make an effort to disappear and rebuild trust and they might give him another chance.
Or he didn’t recognize him because maybe, just maybe, he said the pictures he was shown was from when it originally happened *OVER A DECADE PRIOR.*
There’s a reason that old pictures will be professionally aged up when the police need help finding someone and they don’t have recent pictures. Because your appearance can change drastically over a whole decade, *especially* when you start that timer in your teens/early 20’s. Hell, your appearance can change a lot *in a few months* if you change your facial hair and hairstyle, and just put on glasses.
Fun fact: as long as no one is looking for a connection between a fake persona and their secret identity, a pair of glasses is perfectly sufficient at concealing your identity.
This was all aided by the fact that the police records didn’t update that he was released. This would have made it even harder for the husband to recognize him because he had what he thought was a concrete reason he couldn’t possibly encounter the stalker.
@RealCoolstriker64 you forgot to mention he was also showed prison pictures from 2017. He was still recognizable as admitted by op.
@@Tues48 yeah but you gotta be looking for the resemblance or have their face burned into your mind like the wife. So i can get the op not recognizing him because a beard and different haircut can drastically change your appearance. My dad almost didn't recognize me after i got a haircut and shaved and got glasses. I looked like a completely different person.
Both op and his wife are victims here. There are people that look identical and aren’t in any way related. And if they thought he was still in prison I can understand how he wouldn’t have put two and two together. I hope he’s able to speak to his wife and explain things but she might need a lot of chill time from this….
Honestly the third story is horrible. But I feel awful for OP. He was under the assumption that that pervert was in jail, people change a bit how they look as they get older, and it's so easy to get blindsided in manipulated. I completely understand the wife's reaction, but I really hope they can work it out. Their marriage doesn't deserve to get destroyed because of this guy. OP did mess up but he feels awful about it and is very remorseful. I hope you can communicate to that wife's family and explain everything
He seriously dropped the ball here. She can no longer trust him or feel save in her own house. It is sad, but there is nothing else to do.
@@Dithippothingystuff If your under the assumption that the person is in jail and looks different and gives you a different name it's hard to blame the guy. He's a victim of his manipulation.
It's so easy to change little things about your appearance too. Your face is how people recognize you and as little as getting wisdom teeth pulled can vastly affect your face shape. Your nose, lasik all sorts of stuff and if this guy was will to go to the gym his victim's husband went to and befriend him. He would go through plastic surgery
@@Dithippothingystuff My dude. I take my glasses off and literally no one recognizes me. The Clark Kent Syndrome is real. Add that on top of the fact that the databases all said Creeper was still locked up, and OP was massively screwed.
yes I agree with you about the marriage but feel it's 100% done best to sell everything split and move to Tasmania or Alaska and start anew
Third story: If police records didn't update that he was released, then OP probably wouldn't have assumed that the guy he was talking to was David since he was presumed to be in jail and therefore, wouldn't have pinned him as the guy. Perhaps similar looking, but not the guy who kidnapped and stalked her at all. So the mind can, and will, write off familiarity if it believes that it can't be the individual.
The Superman effect...
@@Ikajo Which was purposefully caused by the police not doing their due diligence and updating records and notifying interested parties of his release and an update of his mug shot, imo. It would have been a refresher for them both.
@@FerventLotus I don't think the police didn't update the databases intentionally. It was probably just an oversight or someone on vacation or something. I always thought those systems were automatic as part of the closeout procedure, but not knowing where OP is from I can't assume how they do things. This was like... the perfect Swiss cheese alignment of events to lead to this absolute disaster.
Geez, now that I'm thinking about it, as the wife I would want to move _immediately._ Creeper knows where she lives, now. And maybe go ahead and call the jail to give them a proper _"What the f?!"_
@@luvondarox I don't think they did it intentionally either but this is literally the most important thing in those people's job description. Like, there are literal lives on the line. I can't condone NOT doing something like this. Would you condone an admin in a hospital not updating a patient folder because it's not their job and their colleague is on vacation?
Exactly! Not only should the records have been promptly updated, but in a lot of cases the victim is notified directly about the prisoner release.
"I can't finish because you're too loose." Love that he's punishing his wife for the fact that he's doing a good job pleasing her 🙄🙄🙄
Pretty sure its two guys
For the last story, what you said is so absolutely true. I remember being so embarrased to be seen with my parents, even at school and events they were supposed to be at. Now that I'm 24, I look for every opportunity to hang out with them when I can. I got hockey tickets to go to a game with my dad, my mom loves crafting jewelery so sometimes I help her and we just talk about things. Like I don't remember what changed, it almost feels like it was overnight, but it's definitely true that kids come back around after that angsty teen phase. I'm just lucky my parents were patient enough with me while I was stuck in that phase lol. It might be disheartening in the moment, but just be patient and trust your kid and they'll be alright. And they might surprise you with hockey tickets one day :P
True for some. I remember wanting my mom to work at my school. I even invited her to a field trip. I even saw similar comments about teens wanting to hang with their parents
Story 3: Holy s**t. I can't think anything to say about it besides the fact that it's so easy for one person to wreck so many lives.
Exactly
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings exactly
Story 3. Definitely agree that the wife is right to stay safe but I feel for the husband. I am very face blind making it super difficult to recognize people. I use context clues, hair and voice to figure out who someone is. So if I thought someone was supposed to be in jail, I wouldn't recognize them at the gym, especially if I've never heard his voice or he's grown out his hair.
It's bad enough I've had trouble recognizing my own mother when she got a major haircut I didn't know about (at least until she spoke)
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings thanks for the info I already knew. I know how terrible and obsessed stalker are despite having never dealt with one personally.
Your comment is a little off topic and would be better suited as a standalone comment for everyone to see (instead of hiding it under mine). My comment, if you recall, was about trouble with facial recognition and the fact that I'd be screwed if I were in the husband's position. Feeling for someone is not siding with them. (Though if I /were/ in his position, I already know I'm a weak link in her protection and would encourage her to keep her distance and surround herself with people who can recognize people)
@@2to5Raccoons the dude has been spamming this word for word everywhere instead of making a single comment. He just want attention. Just mark it at spam at this point.
@@_.hybrids._1680 Thank you for the heads up!
@@2to5Raccoons np! I was scrolling through the comments and got tired of this dude after the 8th or so time. I think I’ve seen 15 of these so far.
The stalker being in their living room was the perfect opportunity to end things, once and for all, with no consequences for either husband or wife. A shame this wasn't taken advantage of.
Wrong
It would have been murder, and they would have served 20+ years.
@@ReptillianStrike Uh . . . NO.
@@gannicusfinch7068 uh yes
He didn't commit any crimes, so legally, they would have been guilty of murder
@@ReptillianStrike no. The only two people who knew David was actually invited in were David and the OP. Just say this:
OP and the wife were having dinner when David walked into the home (uninvited) and began threatening the wife. After the wife screamed out that David was her childhood rpist and lifelong stalker, OP then heroically stood in front of his wife, demanding David leave. David refused, aggressively moving around OP and towards the wife while screaming "I'll kill you." At that point, OP had no choice but to defend his wife using a nearby kitchen knife. Such a shame it had a bloody end, but it was either that or allow his wife to be murdered.
@@Loki_K Even in self defense, you can still get charged. Especially if the inflicted injuries do not look like you were defending yourself.
I feel so bad for that guy in the third story . He didn’t mess up , he was manipulated by a stalker and ruined his life and his wife’s
Honestly, while Im completely behind the wife and her friends' reaction, I can't blame the guy for not recognizing the stalker. I have ADHD and, while I obviously recognize her when I meet her, I can't rly remember my mom's face and it's only been a few months since I last saw her
Exactly. Plus stalkers especially when behind bars will regularly use others to do the stalking for them when they physically can't. So by definition once you have a stalker no one can ever be trusted without proper vetting
So you wouldn't bring a picture of anyone who's trying to get into your life knowing your SO has a stalker? Even if you're under the impression he's still in jail
You literally have to be just in case for every scenario when you or someone you love has a stalker.
@@amandasunshine2 that is a good point and i did think of that while watching the video but I also can see how they WOULDN'T think of it. The stalker's face is super clear on the wife's mind and, bc they thought he was still in jail, I can see how the husband wouldn't think of that solution
@@nikearts6268 my point is you NEED to be thinking about that if your partner has a stalker, and if you don't, you're being a bad partner. Then again, if you've experienced a trauma like that, you remember their attacker like he was your own.
@@nikearts6268 EVEN if they're still under the impression he's in jail. If you knew about the prison system, you'd know their records aren't good. OP and his wife DO know the prison system. Or at least the wife does, seems like op wasn't paying enough attention.
Last story. It reminds me of a saying that my father used to tell me about growing up. It went like this;
When I was 5, my father knew everything.
When I was 15, my father knew nothing.
When I was 25, I was in awe of how much my father has learned since then.
Okay, I know this might be a hot take on story 3, but I'm wondering whether or not OP's wife was getting any therapy for her trauma. If she was, then either something's gone wrong with the treatment or she might need a new therapist. If she wasn't, then she needs a therapist like yesterday. Her not saying anything to anyone while at the hospital, and then just up and leaving without letting anyone know what's going on made me think that maybe she never learned to properly trust anyone again. Plus, her family and friends going nuclear on OP makes me think they're being a little overprotective of the Wife. Not to say they shouldn't be protective of her, but it makes me wonder if they themselves were so concerned with protecting the wife that they didn't consider reaching out for outside help. Nevertheless, this is a horrible situation, and I hope OP is somehow able to reunite with his wife and work everything out with her.
No bot, nice try. I will not be scammed by you tonight.
For story 3, when he was listing the bullshit that "thing" got away with I was thinking that OP should unalive him. Then you said it yourself and I was like YES!!
Story 4: A kid growing up can be a bit hard to accept, and I know that OP is afraid of her in a toxic relationship, but OP's gotta accept this fact of life
She'll come back, but right now, the whole date thing will have to be put on hold
Yeah, I hated the fact that my dad didn't seem to realise I was genuinely starting to grow up when I was a teen. Honestly, I don't think he truly understood until I had moved out to live on my own.
Parents being nostalgic for their children young years is understandable, but can be a bit toxic.
Agreed. And I say good on him for not pusshing the matter when she said she didn't want to do this anymore; far too many parents would just make her go through with it anyway
My head also went to murder with the stalker story. You’re not alone, rslash.
Story 3: I was thinking the same thing with murdering the stalker. If he’s never gonna see his wife again, at least he can something for her.
I thought it too
I doubt he’ll see his wife again, honestly. Best he can give her is a news clipping of the homicide
@@kwehztalcoatlHe might get her back after his ten to twenty years in prison for murder.
Most prisoners who find out that someone sexually assaulted a minor don't get out of jail. They end up six feet under. David needs to visit those graves to pick out where he wants to be buried.
Since he was only kept for a few days, I doubt they put him in gen pop. You're right, though. He needs to go
Only thing that saved him was that he wasn't charged with the assault of a minor but something else because if he had he wouldn't have left prison alive.
Prisoners are really good at hiding their fucked up crimes. I actually had to send a letter to a few prisoners letting them know they had a snitch in their presence, cuz he had successfully hidden it from them. Next time David is in jail, OP has some letters to write.. and hopefully if justice ever existed, that disgusting excuse for a person will not leave. At least not in anything other than a body bag.
@@amandasunshine2 I don't know if you're LARPing or participating in vigilantism, but either way, stop those cringe behaviours and mind you businesses. Vigilantism is "all fun and game" until you fuck up and end up killing someone over something minor or even falsely accused.
Husband: "I'm not in love with you anymore. And your overreacted and how dare you get upset at me blah blah blah..."
OP: "I want a divorce."
Husband: **Confused Screaming**
Husband:" I can sleep with others but you're not allowed to ask me for divorce ".. lol wtf
And, am I to understand the dude turned GAY
Lol
@@toastycomfyghosty1891 turned?
@@toastycomfyghosty1891 I'm pretty sure they are both gay. OP never specified their gender, so I think they are both man.
Story 3, I don't blame the husband at all! The stalker looked different, had a different name and was believed to be in prison at the time, it's no surprise the husband did not recognise him! The stalker also isn't new to this and knows how to manipulate people. I understand the trauma the wife went through and understand her going off grid but the families reaction was overboard
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
I think the family did what they did more out of protection for the wife than anger towards the husband, honestly. Because if stalker douche managed to get to husband, who knows who else he might try to get ahold of, you know? I still don't blame the husband though, and I hope eventually he can see his wife again. Maybe after the stalker ends up dead in a ditch somewhere.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings please stop spamming people and just make your own damn comment on the issue
I think everyone is missing one thing. The stalker KNEW where she was. He KNEW that op was her husband he somehow knew this. If the op didn’t befriend him or invite him over the stalker would’ve gotten closer without anyone knowing
Yeah…honestly r/slash i agree…i think, if i were in that position i would consider violence against my wife’s stalker
Especially considering the fact that I had already failed to protect her. I would want to make sure he is never able to hurt her again.
Yea, he blew up the wife's life twice and knowing what he did/is doing to her would seriously make me consider making him "disappear" forever regardless of if it got my wife back or not.
🤚I'll help. We going for pain or efficiency?
@@amandasunshine2 Efficiency leaves more time to hide the body.
No one has a better upload schedule than rslash
No matter what, it's every day at 6:00 PST
That wasn't a timestamp, it's just stating the time.
ong
@@kierrific1357 9am EST
Its always 3 pm for me, love that its a daily event for me
4pm GMT where I am
The stalker situation just sucks. The husband is going to be stuck never being able to forgive himself, everyone’s going to blame him, and the wife is going to just be traumatized. I wish we could get an update on how they’re doing. It’s just an awful situation, I don’t want to blame either of them because of it.
I love that you did the story even though you thought it was going to get demonetized. I don't hear too many stories that I can actually relate to on such a traumatic level. I don't think I would be able to forgive somebody who brought one of the people from my past into my home. And I don't even have pictures of these people.
I feel for that guy in the stalker story. I can recognize faces but I can never place them. Also the fact that they thought he was still in jail, I would just think that he looks close but it isn't him because he's in jail so how could it?
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting. It's not about David once you have a stalker .....especially since with the internet they could convince any nut to help them....
So let's say you get into a relationship with someone who does have a stalker. And some rando buddies up to you. Knowing what you know about your facial recognition, would you bring a picture of the person trying to get into your life to your traumatized partner? To make sure it's not the same person EVEN IF you're under the impression that person is still in jail
I'm starting to think amanda is an alt of random, cause she's replying after every one of his posts yesmanning him
@@A-Microwave lol k 🙄
@@A-Microwave although you won't believe me, I'm not, I don't know them at all. I'm just a survivor and know the importance. But yeah, continue to undermine their very important message. I see that y'all are disgusting cowards that would be ok letting a stalker back into your "loved" ones lives. Have fun with your privilege of not having to be hypervigilant, I'm sure it's fun not having to give a shit about other people 👍
If your partner asks for an open marriage, always counter offer with a divorce and don't take no for an answer.
what about a thrupple counter? like "yeah hun i'm cool with it, as long i i get to bang your new squeeze too"
then go to divirce if the partner can't accept
Unless you're cool with it ofc
no? open marriages can be a very healthy dynamic for some people. absolutely not for everyone, and if its not something youre interested in then absolutely dont do it, but dont dismiss the concept out of hand for everyone.
I think that is the card they use to get an open relationship in the first place because they know that their partner doesn't want to split so they play the divorce card first. I personally would take the divorce option if given that ultimatum because I would rather go threw that to find someone who loves me fully then to stay with the AH who wants to openly "cheat".
@@ItsMeBarnaby the world is moving past antiquated puritain ideas of sex and marriage. if that style of relationship is for you, go right ahead, its 100% your choice and i would never shame someone for *choosing* to be in that kind of relationship. but thats not what everyone wants, and other relationship dynamics have worked for plenty of people, whether you want to believe it or not.
Your encouragement to the father from the last post was so sweet! I love how sympathetic you are.
I actually agree with you rslash on murdering the stalker. If you love that woman so much and want her trust back then get rid of the stalker entirely. They can’t prove it’s you if you’re smart
M*rder is unnecessary. Just throw some bleach in his eyes. He can't stalk what he can't see lmbo
And really, I wouldn't imagine the hunt for his killer would be a high priority if the police know what he did. Also, although killing is never really a good thing, I would think it would give OP's wife some comfort if he can let her know, through channels, that she never has to fear again.
I think just typing that comment out has probably got you on a watch list... Like, that exact mentality of killing for her is just as bad as the stalker. "If I kill him she'll love me again". Sounds like shit out of a bad harem anime
@@darknephilim3248 not exactly what I meant. Might still be watchlist worthy. I meant that the marriage is done and OP has lost his relationship. The only thing he can do for her is to make she never has to go through that again.
@@darknephilim3248 No lol. Come on, we are talking about a child molester here, not some pick pocket. Murder is wrong, but having the thought of it in this situation is nothing short of absolutely natural. Acting on it is different, and we all know everyone says shit on the internet.
Last story: dad is still teaching his daughter how she should be treated. She said no, he honored it.
In story 3, while I completely believe the wife is in the right to leave, I also completely understand where the husband was thinking, he wasn't thinking about the guy at all as... he assumed the guy was still in jail, there was no reason to be thinking about him while meeting new people, but someone fucked up and kept him on the database or whatever.
People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting. So actually there is a very good reason to be distrusting of EVERYONE when your stalker is behind bars
@@SoManyRandomRamblings please just SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! WE GET IT YOU TWAT
@@SoManyRandomRamblings holy shit stop spamming people. Your claims were already shot dead in the water. We could easily turn this logic back around on the wife. Why didn’t she ask for a picture? Why didn’t she double check to make sure it wasn’t him?
Do you see how stupid your point is?
Besides sometimes two people look alike even tho they're completely strangers, and sometimes people who actually are related look nothing alike.
Re Story #4: This is what I love about your channel. You give encouragement, advice, and personal touches in your reply to stories where you can. It's wonderful to see.
If I was OP I'd be going to jail for ending that monster
Don't blame the tricked for the pain experienced by the victim of the tricker.
Second story: I HATE people that want specific boundries but then not act upon them themself. That's just a spineless disgusting behind the back of the person that trusted you thing. I feel bad for Jamie as he probably was told something completly different regarding their rules and is now in the middle of it.
Yeah Jamie prob did nothing wrong. Good ol rules for thee, not for me.
I feel bad for OP in story 3. He's being treated like HE'S the stalker when really he's just another victim. I once didn't recognize my own father because he was wearing a hoody with the hood up, which wasn't something I saw often. This guy had only seen the stalker in OLD PICTURES and never in person, not to mention he was supposed to still be in jail. I get the wife freaking out and needing time, and hopefully she can forgive OP someday. Everyone else is just being cruel. Now that OP had his own experience with the guy, he's more likely to actually recognize him and be a better barrier between the stalker and his wife. Ugh.
The teenage mentality is so true. I used to get so mad whenever someone used it as an excuse or hormones and puberty as an excuse but now that I’m past it all, I look back and realize that truly is all it was
The boomerang analogy is so accurate!
When I was in my teenage years i distanced myself from both my parents and ran away from home a few times (all because "tHEy DiDnt undRsTAnd me").
Later on, about 19-20 I really started coming back to them and now we have a great relationship. We hangout everytime i come back to my hometown and it's the best. Ain't nothing better than your childhood home.
Ok I disagree with the last one. If you saw a picture of some criminal four or five years ago, you’re telling me you could instantly recognize them after not thinking about them for YEARS? Especially since he looked different
And they thought he was still in prison
It is also the Clark kent effect. I can put on glasses, cut my hair and dye it brown and I guarantee unless you know what I look like very well, you wouldn't recognize me right away. Especially if I lied and put on an act of who I "was".
There are 2 sides to this. Yes OP should absolutely have been more vigilant. Take a photo of him and show it to his wife. His wife should have asked for a photo the day dinner plans were made.
His wife absolutely does have every right to not feel safe around her husband as trauma is a weird thing. An example. I dont feel safe around my 10 year old cousin, cause I always associate an abusive family member with him. Its not that I blame him for it. Its just an association problem
But, the blame absolutely 100% isn't all on OP. He got played by a manipulative asshole. Some blame goes on the prison system for not updating information properly. But when that man is obsessed with reaching OPs wife, they need to set up tons of methods to ensure that the stalker isn't close to them. Including a "any new person you meet, I need to see a picture of them".
@@DeathProductions200 this
The situation in the last story your explanation was spot on Rslash .
As the mother of a 25 yr old thats exactly how it goes . Hang in there OP she will come back round soon enough, you done a great job so far .
Excellent video as always Rslash
Holy heck I've never heard of anything more terrifying. All I could think of while listening was the 42 y/o guy who groomed me when I was 17 invading my home years later to get have his way again...
I also would consider m**der like rslash if I were OP. Seeing my wife panic and cry like this would have shattered my heart forever.
Are you ok? Everything ok? Has it all been settled and he's been either put in jail or killed?
I'd have called him back once I learned saying I needed to known what the heck is going on, my wife won't talk to me, can you explain dude? Then kill him when he shows up and make it look like there was a fight and self defense.
First Story: The hell is that double life? At least OP discovered how creepy her husband is towards her sister. This man is very creepy, disturbing, and this behavior is just wrong. I’m so glad OP got rid of this creep, it is insane he wanted OP to keep that from her sister (even though it was too late for that)
Second Story: Honestly OP shouldn’t be with someone who openly insults her. That is hilarous how they agreed on the rule of not having sex at home but OP’s husband broke that rule. OP could do so much better than this guy. Good on OP for getting that divorce
Third Story: Wooooow, this story is insane. It would’ve been a different story if OP didn’t know that David did all of this but his wife literally told him about what happened (and I asssumed mentioned his name) and still befriended this guy. Honestly, the justice system 100% failed OP’s wife. However, I can’t fault OP too much because David is the scumbag who did this horrible shit. I’m glad OP feels remorse for this but I would’ve done the same thing as OP’s wife honestly
Fourth Story: I mean this is how teens be sometimes
Done the same thing as OP’s wife then you are part of the problem.
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 to which story
Not to defend OP3 but he did said that the kidnapper gave him a fake name. However, he recognized that he should have recognized him because he knew his face.
@@The_Red_Legion the 3rd one clearly
@@Juju2927 did he now? After so many years
story 3 , guys i understand OP really messed up but he was also a victim, and he was deceived due to the human condition of wanting companionship , being from the outside we can all say "OH i definitely would have noticed him" but unless you have been in such situations we have to give him the benefit of the doubt . I really feel for his wife and cant blame her for her reaction but give him a chance ,which might be over some months or even years . one thing for Sure though , if i was OP im making sure David "takes a swim with the fishes"
I always appreciate when people post these kinds of stories because it gives people especially the younger generation a bit more sense of what could happen I looked at myself I wish I had this when I was younger
Story 3 reminds me of a pretty popular story I heard once(tw sa)- so if I remember correctly this poor girl was SAd by a guy and couldn't do anything, so she memorized his face and drew a picture for the police. She picked a guy who looked almost the exact same as the drawing she drew and after a few years of trial the guy was taken in, after he was in prison for *years* another guy- who almost looked perfectly identical to the guy who got arrested got put into the same jail for assaulting another girl or something like that, the first guy tried to prove he was innocent by putting this second guy on trial but the girl was so traumatized at this point and so sure it was him she didn't realise the guy on the stand saying he was innocent was actualy the one who SAd her. After a few years and this second guy was found guilty- the same guy the original girl said it couldn't be- she gave a statement about how distraught she was that she didn't recognize his face even though she was right in front of him.
Man, story 3 was intense. And it’s a good reminder that there are sickos and psychos out there so we need to be vigilant and careful… thanks for sharing it Dabney. I think it’s important people are aware
It’s also a good reminder that the justice system is inept.
Agreed. People don't understand stalkers enough. Stalkers are truly obsessed it is a psychosis. Stalkers when jailed quite commonly use others not in jail to stalker their victims for them. So the fact that OP wasn't on higher alert for anyone. Doesn't matter if they looked like David or not, stalkers are obsessed and anyone willing to befriend the stalker is willing to share in their obsession, therefore meaning if you or your partner have ever had a stalker in their past, then sorry your guard can never be let down. NO ONE, regardless of age or gender is truly to be trusted without proper vetting.
It was also a good reminder rslash is cool with victim blaming when it comes to men
The very first thought I had when hearing that "David" kidnapped and abused OP's wife was "I would track him and kill him, yeah, as as possible, before he can hide"
The husband asked "how can I make this right?" this is the answer.
First story is sooo creepy!!! What the actual hell is wrong with him? Good on Op for leaving. Because when he says "I love you" He doesn't mean he loves her.
Yet its fine for women to fantasise with insert books and media like twilight and 50 shades.
@@owenfautley I would say the same thing I said up here about a woman if she did the same thing! What was done was creepy and gross! There is no excuse for it from either gender and those between!
@@Kian_Riddle You may be a more level headed and reasonable individual but unfortunately society nowadays is ok with it and highly promotes it remember that one episode of the Simpsons Diatribe of a Mad Housewife where Marge writes a book fantasizing about her getting with Ned.
I love TrueOffMyChest. The variety of posts that you can find is insane and there's always so much to read about and see.
Being awake at midnight has its advantages, like fresh rSlash lol I’m glad to be seeing more of this sub. I love to classics but the new ones are refreshing.
For the title story, I’m not gonna blame OP for not recognizing the stocker. After all his appearance is different, and both of them thought he was still in prison. That being said I totally understand why the wife does not want to see her husband at the moment, and they should be concerned for her safety.
At best he got tricked by this clearly dangerous guy. At worst he was negligent in not recognised the clearly dangerous guy. Either way, this really damaged the trust between the wife and op.
A portion of the blame falls on the justice system. Both for not putting that monster behind bars earlier and for not updating the stalker's incarceration status. Most of it goes to the stalker for being a horrible excuse for a pale imitation of a human being. I can't blame the wife or family either because the husband failed in his duty to keep his wife safe when she told him about who this oxygen thief was and showed him pictures. I get that the Superman Effect happens and I even have hard time recognizing people if they either don't make me hate them for being an asshole to me in person or if I don't see them regularly.
@@tamsel814 the problem is that he was basically set up to fail here. This guy didn't approach him by chance, he knew exactly who OP was. He gave a fake name and OP had only ever seen this guy in pictures, never in person, plus this guy had changed his appearance. Combine all of this with the fact that both OP and the wife thought the guy was in jail and you have a no win scenario for OP. That's not negligence, and it's a lot more thorough than just being tricked, he was systematically deceived and manipulated into letting this guy visit their home. Frankly, faulting him for this is little more than victim blaming.
@@danielhounshell2526 Well put. The husband was manipulated and a victim too.
16:12 Rslash, I'm half relieved that you said this.
I was just thinking that if I were commenting on that post, I might say "OP, if you plotted to murder David and/or went through with it, the law might be angry at you but I certainly wouldn't be, and neither would your wife's family."
yeesh, that 3rd story, the wifes reaction is completely understandable but a lot of other peoples is more extreme, this is someone you have only seen from a few pics (some every old) and you think is in prison so meeting him at a gym is COMPLETELY unexpected.
Finally a lot of our recognition is based on context, how often have you seen someone you can't remember until someone tells you when you met and it all clicks into place in your head. Seeing a guy at the gym and connecting him to a prison pic you have seen would be difficult and thats before you consider that these kind of evil people are masters of manipulation and disguising their intent.
I hope they can work it out in the end and she has a friend who likes them both enough to act as an intermediary until they can speak again. However if I were him step one is find a new house so she never has to go to the place she saw the stalker/r**ist last again! And if I was that friend I think the argument I would use is "are you going to let that a hole who manipulated your husband destroy your life again when it could be rebuilt?"
The titled story, I feelhorrible for the wife, OP is both the victmin and at fault, it's suck that he basically loss his life and no one to turn too. I hope the wife does give him a chance to redeem himself
I suspect it was the Superman effect. Research has shown that even small changes can make it difficult to recognise someone. Just like in comics, no one realise Clark Kent and Superman is the same person.
There is also the fact that some people struggle to remember faces. I'm horrible at it. If I had only seen photos, I'm not so sure I would have been able to recognise the person. Regardless of the circumstances...
To add onto the above comment, there's also the fact that memories are formed in connection to certain stimulus and environments.
For example, seeing an actor on the screen and seeing them in person would register differently in the brain. It's possible for you to completely not recognize even the most famous actor if they're just casually walking down the street in a crowd.
Plus, the fake name thing probably threw any suspicion off. Since any similarities to the abuser would be thrown away as "coincidence."
It was really just an unfortunate series of events, plus the abuser likely knowingly exploiting these things.
@@Ikajo the Superman effect is has a lot to do with the situation, possibly more than the small apearance changes. The glasses help, but it's the fact that no one can really conceptualise their co-worker flying and having lazer eyes that keeps the disguise going
my point is, even though people know, logically, that anyone can be a criminal, we don't really think that way most of the time. we assume that the people around us a re ok people until we get proven wrong. OP didn't reocognise David because in OP's mind he probably never expected David to just be a regular gym bro
The simplest solution is to just "accidentally" kill David, or if you can't make it look like an accident go for self defense.
@@Ikajo there’s also the fact everyone thought he was still in prison, so, alert status green. More relaxed, not on guard, etc, it’s easy to not see someone if you’re not looking for them. If they’d got news of his release, red alert! Might’ve spotted him for who he was, then.
"Do I wanna commit murder over this?"
Yes I would, he'll never stop and he will never be punished. A man this obsessed will eventually escalate to murder, either the object of his obsession, whomever's ''in the way'' or both.
That was the sweetest analogy!! I have a son who's 14 and starting to get distant. This made me feel so much better!!
poor guy gets blamed for falling for some stalkers schemes
Oh, that third story. The poor wife, I can imagine how terrified she must have felt. I feel her pain. I also feel very bad for her husband, the OP... but it is true, this is something too big. I can't understand how OP forgot, I have a very good memory when the memories are hate fueled. I hope the wife finds peace on her own or if she decides to forgive her husband, they can be happy.
Not to defend the OP too much but the Superman Effect is an actual thing where small changes can make someone look totally different. Yet the justice system dropped the ball by not updating the stalker's incarceration status. A big portion of blame goes to them for doing nothing both during the initial trial and for not doing their paperwork when that sad excuse for a human imitation got out.
@@DHTheAlaskan You're so right.
Oh my goodness today's video was a roller coaster! On one hand you have the crazy starker and then that last story and those beautiful words of advice at the end 😭 10/10
I really appreciate the ad at the beginning of the video. No awkward transition after some pretty heavy stories
This man has gone out of his way risking being demonetized so he can keep his audience safe. Mf deserves a billion dollars and a billion subs as he takes care of us all.
Hyperbole like this is really annoying
@@RagingFireFart2000 what's wrong with what they said? Isn't ot a nice comment?
@@RagingFireFart2000 He literally said in the video that it might get demonetized due to the content.
15:58
Honestly I kind of agree. If this man's very existence is tormenting your wife to such a degree that she's been forced to go off grid to keep herself safe, and not even prison can be relied on to keep him away, then maybe murder is the answer?
OP could probably get back in his wife's good graces by tracking the dude down and making sure he ends up dead in a ditch somewhere.
but then OP ends up with a criminal record or even in prison
@@WishGender Only if he gets caught
@@WishGender technically it would be self defense and with a good lawyer and a sympathetic jury he could get out of it
Glad his video had a sponsor. I love listening to these everyday to and from work. Keep it up!
that last story makes me glad I'm moving back close to my mom. being estranged for 3 years and being able to see them again is going to be healthy for me
I love the wholesome ending after piles of misery
Rslash is really so amazing! not only does he have the most reliable upload schedule ever, he also gives the most wholesome (and helpful) advice, and he is willing to get his video demonized to help protect his audience!!!
We don't give this man enough credit!!!
"Rslash gives the most wholesome (and helpful) advice"
Rslash: Should we commit murder?
Lol
@@vgamesx1 exactly! The best advice
He gives some pretty awful advice at times too
Thank you for continuing to make content for this channel! It’s always nice to listen into others stories while working.
I’d love to here more r/murderbywords videos! They are so much fun to listen to, next to r/insaneparents of corse.
I hope you’re staying healthy!
The parent thing is so real lol you explain it perfectly! When I was young I couldn’t stand my mom now I wanna see her more and hangout!
Third story: I agree with you, rslash. I have family that could make a monster like this man, disappear. It's not by choice that I have family like that but it could come in handy to have someone you know to handle business. Im sure the monster wouldn't be missed.
And they would likely get away with it since nobody would try too hard to figure out what happened to someone like that.
The title story is so sad. OP's wife and the actions her and her family are taking are perfectly reasonable. But I feel bad for OP as well. Sounds like he's been majorly manipulated. I think he should give himself some grace. First of all it's really hard to recognize someone in real life if you only seen pictures of them especially years later. Second I'm sure he's not constantly having his guard up searching to make sure he isn't interacting with his wife's kidnapper casually. I'm sure if he saw someone suspicious outside his home or in the area he's automatically thing maybe kidnapper be alert but most people thoughts don't go to that in casual settings with people who are behaving nonthreatening. It's a psychological thing. I don't blame him for bringing that guy to their home because it sounds like he was playing the long con to try to get close to OP's wife but it also is totally fair for the wife to cut contact after that. The whole situation sucks. That guy just uprooted his wife's life once more and OP is collateral.
The final story is so relatable as an 18 year old hanging out with older family members (parents or siblings) is so much more fun. And they also tend to pay for things which is great
My experience with my daughter turning 13 she was unbelievable but now it’s she’s 21 she’s got more sense of an adult hood she’s easier to talk to you get along a lot better and as a mom with a teenage daughter versus a mom with a teenage son there’s a huge difference
Story#3... while I'm on the wife's side, I just want to say that if David orchestrated this(and I believe he did that too), then I think it's possible that he altered his appearance enough to not be instantly recognized.
Agreed. It’s manipulation 101. All the cards were stacked against the couple. There was no way that this could’ve been avoided.
Opie admits in an update that his wife worked with an organization to help her and her family and friends prepare for when the time this man got out of jail. Meaning he also worked with this organization. And one of the very very first things these organizations teach. You is to always carry a picture of the stalker in your wallet. It's up to date as you can get it. And if someone approaches you and starts wanting to be your friend or have a relationship with you, you can look at this picture and think do they look similar and if the answer to that question is yes you cut them off. If that means you have to stop going to your favorite coffee shop then that's what you do. So no this wasn't inevitable. I have to 100% disagree with that. I've worked with many men and women who have had dangerous stalkers and this isn't always the outcome. Now is he responsible for what the stocker did or do? No, of course not. But he is responsible for failing to do the most basic simple thing to keep his wife safe. Don't allow new people in her life unless you ensure that they are safe. So well I do feel bad for OP and feel like he got played. He also played himself. By not playing it safe.
*wanted*
Reporter: A man has been stealing wheels of police car
Police : we been working tirelessly to catch the criminal
uuuugggggh, why the dad joke?
@@a.u.t.057 because they're funny. I've heard them for Years and aren't tired of them.
I'm dreading the day my kids leave home, their my bundles of joy and I've watched them grow from learning to walk and tie their shoes to helping me and my wife with chores and family days out. It breaks my heart knowing 1 day they'll fly the coop and start a family or career maybe both but I hope we gear them up properly for when they have to go live their own lives as teens/adults
Last story: You nailed this one. My son hit 13/14 and in his eyes I became a strict grouchy old man. Now in his late 20's we are closer than ever and I get to be Grandpa. Don't worry OP, the joy coming will overcome the current sting. 😁👍
That third story…wow. I’m glad RSlash does daily uploads, and has sponsors (even if some people in the comments are sponsored by competitors and want to undercut any income RSlash would make, even though he’s the current breadwinner of his home, so come on…) because this video will be demonitized, and possibly removed from YT for some “Terms of Service” bs violation within a few hours/days. But, that’s the risk he took when covering this particular sub, and I’m for one glad he did.