I Trick People Into Liking Me
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- And now I'm tricking all of you...
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I kept waiting for my university's math department to figure out I wasn't that smart. And sure enough, eventually they got rid of me by handing me a PhD.
😂
I have the same feeling. Every time people say nice things about me in general, I feel like I'm being deceptive by can't explain it. My therapist and I have discussed it at length. This was validating
Same! I should probably have a therapist…
I have it opposite, where I feel like they can't possibly actually like me, they must be up to something and trying to trick me. All the time wondering what their end goal with this charade is!
@@OneCatShortOfCrazy oh, I have both… XD
@@ChaoticAngelKitten Oh no!
@@littleone31917 it is not a good mentality to have at all!
No, sugar. We tricked YOU into thinking we were being tricked. In reality, we secretly _wanted_ to like you the whole time...and you never knew!
THIS! All of this! 😂😂😂 ❤
That is sooo awesome 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂❤
Hahaha!!! Gottem!!!
That's so true though how would you not want to like this guy 😂
🤣🤣🤣
In my experience, this has been a way to cope with people's initial irrational dislike of me. When I was younger, there were kids at school I'd never met, let alone spoken to, who would cross the playground to tell me they didn't like me because I was "weird". So whenever someone seemed to not hate me, I figured they just hadn't seen what that other person saw yet.
I understand this is also an irrational thought process, but I am still on the waiting list for therapy.
Edit: I am autistic. I didn't know that when this happened, but I do now. Thank you.
I get what you mean.
Also, as much as the term is thrown around a lot, the term “gaslighting” is appearing more & more for valid reasons. Bullied by someone who doesn’t even know us? Gaslighting 🫨
The same happened to me, except there were never any people who did not hate me. My parents hated me. Every school peer hated me. The faculty went out of their way to reward bullies who beat me up. To this day, no one has ever liked me because they all see me as someone to "punch down" against because of their own insecurities. And I've been to therapists and they all say I'm likeable and I'm not doing anything to warrant this level of hatred; they say the hatred of my hatred come from their own narcissistic shame.
@@Ashmaryarose There's also the head trip of gaslighting oneself!
Oh bless you might be NeuroD, we are very lovable but excel at doing weird 🤭... It's OK.
@@AtariEricI say this to you in all sincerity and nothing but kindness. Go see a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. I can tell by you
What you’re saying you need someone to help guide you out of the muck you were thrown in as a child. If you can do this, things in your life will begin to change.
There’s actually a therapist on CZcams who used to have PTSD bc he was an abused kid.
His name is Patrick Teahan. He’s great. Very down to earth, & he knows what it’s like bc it happened to him. He is NOT like your other therapists. Lots of free videos to listen to, & instruction as well. Pick one or two with titles that resonate with you. Listen. Really listen and you’ll learn what has happened to you has happened to other people, who now feel just like you. There’s also people who have gotten better and you’ll see how they achieve that. It’s the best advice I can give e you. I know you feel unloved and unloveable, but it’s not true. I promise you it’s not true.
I had a brutal upbringing. I thought a lot of what you think once. I get it. You’re not an alien or an oddball.
Patrick Teahan
🫶
Intrusive thoughts feel so damn unshakeable
Hey Speech Prof, and anyone with who this personally resonated with: just want to gently say this is almost always a symptom of serious childhood neglect or abuse. Unfortunately, if our earliest attachment figures do not reinforce in us that we are worthy of attachment through merely existing, and instead have to 'earn' attachment through performance, it can often instill in the child a belief that someone likes us only for our performance. And, since people know 'performance' varies by day and time and mood, etc, it can leave people feeling like some day they will inevitably stop performing, the attachment figure will notice that, and will abandon/punish/dislike them. Speech Prof considers his anxiety to always 'preform to be liked' as 'tricking' someone, which probably is a sign of healing, actually. He morally realizes a belief he must 'preform to be liked' is not right, so he frames this discomfort with 'performance based' love as 'trickery'. If you feel how he does, (I did!), I recommend getting a good therapist who specializes in childhood trauma work. Children should never have to earn the love of a parent, we are all born inherently lovable. Hugs everyone!! 🙂
Your comment is gonna have me thinking for quite a while. Thanks for posting. :)
You're quite on point. It depends a lot on having been seen (or not seen) by other people in the past, usually (not always) in early childhood.
@@rcr311 Thank you!! I spent so, so much time unpacking feeling exactly how he does in therapy, and I'm trying to pay it forward for people who may not have the time/money/ability to go to therapy, because unfortunately (and gosh I hope this changes!!) therapy is a privilege some don't have.
@@rcr311 Same.
Me when I realize the root cause is daddy issues yet again (wish I was joking)
Yep, can totally relate. Every time people tell me they 'like me' and that I'm a 'good person,' a little voice in my head goes "ohhhhh, they don't know the truth, do they..? You've fooled tham all into thinking that, but if they knew the truth they would DISOWN you... you are always ONE STEP AWAY from EVERYONE finding out what a terrible person you REALLY are under all that pretend 'niceness..' how do you even LIVE with yourself?" I've had that voice hanging around since I was a little kid, and I'm in my fifties now. I guess they got a long leasehold when they moved in. 😐
And then, some people think you're a total fake if you are being your genuine self. Until you have a single bad day, out of a full year of "happy-nice" days. They say, "Ha! I knew you weren't as nice as you pretended to be!"
I reply, " No, of course not. You finally succeeded in getting under my skin, after a full year of personal attacks designed to get under my skin. You have achieved success. Does that make you happy? If it does, what does that say about you?"
You're damned right I'm going to make you feel ashamed of yourself for deliberately trying for a year to make me miserable.
DUDE FR
you verbalized this feeling so well wtf 😭
“There’s never been a payoff”
Of course there has, life is easier, safer and better if people like you and you get to experience their kindness and friendship, which you imagine you wouldn’t get to experience if you weren’t “tricking” them.
That feeling of "one day they'll find out" is SO relatable, especially as an autistic person. I hope you and your therapist help you shed that anxiety (and that you might share protips on how to escape that thought traps, asking for a friend)
Ahh yes, being gaslighted into gaslighting yourself. Relatable lol. Dw man, honestly. It’s just a huge mind games others have played on us. Your problem here LITERALLY just that others have tried so hard to make you think you’re a bad person, when you’re literally not. I bet your therapist even compliments you & you can’t believe it. Believe it ❤
The only compliments that I have ever excepted as likely true, was re: doing a good job as a nurse or Ward master, cause I know I did a good job with my patients and with those I was in charge of, especially teaching. Both the patients and my personal.
"Your problem here LITERALLY just that others have tried so hard to make you think you’re a bad person, when you’re literally not." - I've gone through the same thing; fortunately I've had successful therapy to reverse that. I hope the Prof gets the same.
@@AtariEric I’m glad. My psychologist & mental health nurse & church ministers I’ve met have been so lovely to me & given me such intense compliments :’) defo not the sort of people who lie! So I found it useful reframing my perspective as… do kind people justice when they’re kind to you, believe them!
My therapist said I’m delightful. My psychopharmacologist said I’m delightful. They don’t know each other. Both of them kept me as patients when they stopped taking patients.
I don’t believe them.
I’m in therapy for this and many other reasons.
So it's imposter syndrome, but for personal relationships.
I can't say I can relate because I'm pretty sure nobody actually likes me as a person. Work colleagues tolerate me because I'm easy to work with and competent at my job, but I'm not friends with any of them. I find it much easier to keep everyone at an emotional distance. Don't let anyone get close, they can't hurt you, emotionally, at least. It's not a strategy that's for everyone, but it works for me.
Well, now I have I am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel in my head.
Hah. I just immediately responded with the same.
I recently graduated from an intensive day therapy program I was in. My therapist and I agreed I was doing much better and was ready to leave the program and start working again.
The second she expressed that she thought I was ready, I felt like I had fooled her into thinking I was better. That feeling has lingered for like 6 months and I still feel as though I tricked her even though I was always completely honest and up front with her about everything going on in my life.
Brains can be jerks sometimes.
That reminds me of how when I started a new job, I worked really hard and asked lots of questions and took down notes to help me remember things and made sure I was always doing constructive and not just standing around and I kept thinking “I need to keep being good at my job so people don’t realise I’m bad at my job”
It's so frustrating that our brains go there, even with good intentions. My parents (who have a recognizable history of shifting blame on me and saying demeaning things to me that aren't true) still somehow got it in my head that I'm an unlikeable, master manipulator that just wants to control people, and no one would ever like me for me? Even though evidence shows that's not logical... Like, idk, I still catch myself thinking it? It's tough to break years of thought patterns that I just accepted as truth until recently.
That not "as if".. it's exactly it. Sorry you had such parents. For me at least it was only the mom. Cos a dad wasn't around.
And sadly, I don't have any good news. It's a daily struggle. It only breaks once you catch it every time you think it.
At least it's the way for me, when I think stupid stuff. Which isn't what you and the Prof think. But more like...still trying to feed a goal that was put on me. Although it doesn't exist anymore.
@@lisastenzel5713 Thanks for sharing, I hope you're doing well enough in spite of that. Safe spaces like these where strangers show kindness and share their stories definitely help as we all try to heal. Good luck on your healing journey!
Oof, I feel this as someone in a similar situation. It sucks and we shouldn't have gone through it.
I feel that way when people fail to detect how close I am to the brink. "Alright! Giving a good impression of 'normal' today!" 😂
Hard same. Irrational thoughts be devilish!!
This is how I feel a lot of the time.... pretty sure it stems from me feeling like I'm a bad person for certain traits of mine that are probably connected to trauma and/or mental illness. I've expressed these fears to friends before and they've always reassured me that I am a good person but the thoughts persist. I think it's getting better, though :)
That feel when you're in a depressive episode, and you know the negative feelings aren't true, but you also know that you knowing that won't cause the negative feelings to go away.
So you're always stuck at the intersection of giving yourself and others the benefit of the doubt, while at the same time catastrophizing about all aspects of a thing.
I've had a similar upbringing (and also had to go no contact with my family). And... also sometimes feel the same way. I think growing up in an abusive situation brainwashes us into believing a lot of lies about ourselves and our worth and even our likeability. It takes a lot of time and work and presence with safe others to heal from this. Sending virtual hugs.
I feel the exact same way. Thank you for saying it put loud.
Yes, not having nefarious intentions and actually doing kind things for the sake of doing kind things. Does show you're a good person.
But, I also think this may relate to self-value and self-worth. It not so much that you've tricked them into seeing you as a genuine good person.
But, that you feel they are wasting time and energy on you as a person because you don't feel worthy of them.
My therapist derailed this thought for me. I had a very similar conversation with her. She listened carefully and quietly. After a bit she said, "It makes you feel like you have some control to believe that, doesn't it?"
Stopped my fucking heart for a second. Just...just let that marinate for a bit.
I just love your vids 😊. You’re so relatable. Much love! And you aren’t tricking us. We know what your motives are. 🙃
So I'm not the only one who hates themselves that much . Thank you for sharing this!
I feel like this is the opposite of what I have 😂 I think I show my unfiltered side to people first and see if it bothers them enough to leave.
That sounds excellent to avoid parasite and false friends.
You and me both, dude. I keep on doing kind and helpful things for people I care about, thinking all the while, “if they only knew …”
If they only knew WHAT? I have literally no idea.
the thing about human thought is that it involves a great deal of repetition, you have thought this way for years if not decades.
a therapy session won't change that but now you know you have this tendency and now you can work towards ways to think differently.
so yes, you did have a breakthrough.
I was raised by narcissists who were always very emotional and put on a big perfectionist or victim show to affect people's perception of them. I have only realized all this in the past year, but I inherited many of my narcs' qualities because that's what was modeled to me. The difference is that I actually care about people and want to build bonds based on love rather than manipulation. The problem is that I don't come across in a straightforward way because everyone in my family is dishonest. They taught me that there is no such thing as conflict-resolution, and talking about people behind their backs is how you deal with pain. Mom used to always ask me when I was a kid why I became so mean. She always said I was such a sweet little kid until I became four, at which point I "became mean!" What that means in narc language is that I probably expressed original thoughts and she didn't like that. I needed to get back in line (as a bad, four-year-old adult servant) and worship my parents for the perfect beings they were. I think your pure love for people and your honesty are a direct threat to monsters, so they programmed you to hate yourself for being who you are. Those feelings don't belong to you. They were installed by someone who hated themselves, hated you, and wanted to destroy you from the inside. They projected onto you, because 👏*THEY* 👏*tricked* 👏*YOU!* ❤
I have the same thing as a response to childhood trauma.
when ya gotta mask for so long, once you get comfortable not masking around people you can run into the mindset that people only like you for your mask.... despite the fact that you arent masking around them!!! Its the deep end of relationship anxiety & IT SUCKSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first and last time I joined a club was when I was in middle school. We voted for a President and one of the losing candidates was furious. She literally said, "You only voted for her because she's nice to you!"
Yes, I also have this but it's just my autism and the "payoff" is not being lonely or annoyed
"I'm just going to keep tricking you into liking me until I die, then you'll see..." I FEEL SO SEEN. 😭
Every time someone says I am a good person, or kind, or smart, I feel this way. Like I am an imposter tricking them, but not on purpose.
I have kind of the opposite problem. Whenever someone starts to like me, I get the eerie feeling that it has nothing to do with me as a person or anything I did or said at all and it's only because they're somehow delusional.
Although I never feel like I "trick" people into liking me or thinking I'm a good person, I do often irrationally feel like no one likes me or finds me attractive. I feel like this, even when people tell me they like me and think I look good. Mostly because it happens so rarely. But, I don't go around telling everyone I like that I like them or everyone I find attractive that I find them attractive, so why should I expect more people to tell me they like me and find me attractive. I deeply yearn to be liked, but only by people I like. My family doesn't seem to like me and I have no friends, yet I'm not desperate enough to be liked to become a "people pleaser".
Trauma brain 🧠 lies to us. You are a great person. No tricking necessary to make me think this about you, but I totally can relate. I think people like me because they don’t know the REAL me. Everyone tells me I need to learn that I’m a great person. A therapist told me I need to learn to show myself self compassion more.
I am afraid of that as well, only it's because once they get to know the bad day side, they will think I'm not a good person. It seems that even though I am better now than ever before, the beast still lives. And she can still break the chains. It's a damn process
Book: Ender's Game. Main character on his Sociopath older brother who became a politician and is actually doing a good job:
If he doesn't know what to do, he thinks about what a good person would do and does that. Even if he's not a good person by nature, if he only does what good people do, he becomes indistinguishable from a good person.
So. You're either smarter than EVERYONE ELSE YOU ENCOUNTER...
-Or-
You miiiiiiight be a good person.
I FEEL THIS SO HARD. Whenever i talk about my trauma i always feel like im overexaggerating to make people agree with me and then i start backpedalling like "oh but it wasnt that bad like, it was just normal"
Ooof, hard relate! Therapy has helped me. I hope it continues to help you. It just takes a lot of time and work.
Learning that I'm not actually alone in this feeling was good for me. It didn't just go away then, but it helped me feel less alone
I once said I felt like a walking false advertisement. It has always been startling when I learn someone likes me. I still feel that way sometimes, but it's less so now. I've also allowed myself to believe I'm becoming the person I've always admired in others, which has helped in caring much less about randoms' opinions.
I do the exact same thing. I believe it stems from an insecurity and fear of the self through intrusive thoughts.
Medication has helped me a lot with my inner monolog of doom. Usually when I think of these things now, they just float away right after.
When they don't though, I try to trick myself! For the example of tricking your therapist, consider, "Oh no I just tricked them into thinking I'm like them! Now they'll be disappointed when I'm not. But, when they find out I'm not like them, I can handle it. I'm awesome! I can play it off in the future if I need to and not worry about it now!" Or something of a simular nature. Doesn't always work. But I basically deconstruct what my anxiety thinks in going to happen, and then create a scenario where I feel capable and comfortable for my mind to think on.
For someone who was never good enough, who was mostly invisible that makes sense. And I also fear that the person I "treaked" may find out how bad I really am and I don't deserve this good relationship
I relate, for me it comes from thinking not even the "me" I present to the world is enough/good enough to be loved, liked, or even tolerated. Much less the real me that really I have only shown to and received complete acceptance, love and admiration from my husband. There is healing happening, albeit slowly and sometimes frustratingly. You are not alone!
I'm the same way. I tend to argue, "No, I'm not a good person. I'm a bad person that you think is a good person. I'm just doing good things to make up for these bad things about me."
You didn't trick us into liking you, we tricked you into liking us
This was a huge thing for me. I had this same conversation, and my therapist was great at helping me deconstruct it. It sounds silly, but it was a really pivotal moment in being able to believe that I am actually a good person, that people will like me for who I am, that I am enough, that I can be valued and loved. What an exciting moment!
Charm can be used for manipulation tactics, but socializing is necessary for survival. We want to be liked for our own survival, but being nice, funny and considerate benefits the group.
So many people in the comments that can relate. This makes me feel a lot better about assuming I am fundamentally unlikable based on being called weird/stuck up/bad repeatedly as a child. I felt really alone. But it turns out, we are Legion!
I also had almost the exact same conversation with my therapist about how I know how to make people like me but I’m always afraid they figure out that I’m actually too much work and leave. We did discuss that it stems from the fact that I’m an incredibly hyperactive and talkative woman which society doesn’t like so much…
I guess the question is, what would a genuinely good person do that's different from what you're doing?
Excellent question!
You are not alone in the self-doubt of being good people. I believe at least a part of it stems from a love of words and understanding the puzzle of language: we know that words have nuances of meaning that have a psychological effect on others, and we want to be as clear and sincere as we can so we try to use "the right (or best)" words to influence how others accept our meaning. Even this response can be interpreted as "manipulation" or "influence".
That you worry you are not actually sincere shows me you are sincere in your intent. I also know this affirmation won't stop the self-doubt. Know only that you're not alone in thinking this way.
You are worthy of being loved, not just liked, for who you are. ❤ We aren't going to be appreciated by everyone, and that is fine. 😊 There is no accounting for other people's preferences.
I struggle with a similar maladaptive thought process. The only way I was able to rationalize my existence in childhood was that I was an awful, disgusting, defective person. Those thought patterns are still very ingrained but the first step is noticing they’re happening. Building new (healthier) thought processes is almost like building a new habit.
I never realized that intrusive thoughts would be well established patterns in my brain that I've had so long I don't even know where they started. It really sucks man cuz you basically have to decipher and analyze the worst things you think about yourself, trying desperately to convince yourself that it's not true
So, knowing something is very different from being able to do it.
As an analogy: oh, I never learned to use my left leg. I've always just been hopping around on one foot! And then expecting to be able to walk using both your legs.
Now you know what you need to work on and practice.
People who actually are villainous and who should feel like this whenever they trick someone into liking them, by not showing who they really are, are definitely not worried about the moral dilemma of whether they should actually being their authentic selves to get liked by others. I know the word narcissist is thrown around a lot today, but honestly people like that who trick people just to use them, are not worried or pressured by their trickery, they just use it as a tool without worrying about the other person’s experience.
The simple fact that you’re worried you might be manipulating people is a trait of a good person.
I feel the same. I was joking about how I always make an effort to get to know new people at work, because if we are friendly then I can ask favours later. I never do. In fact if we are friendly I will go out of my way to do any favour someone wants from me. But I feel like I am manipulating someone through making an effort to be friendly to them.
I think it's because we know what our inner dialogue is, most of us aren't always as decent in our heads as we try to be in the world, and we are CERTAIN that if other people knew, they would hate us for it. And maybe they would. But the thing is, part of being a good person is making the choice to keep our less charitable thoughts to ourselves and recognize that those thoughts don't really represent who we want to be. It's one of the reasons why it is important for people to understand how to perform their culture (and why it can be so challenging for people who are not neurotypical and why we need to make space for them)...it isn't just "the man" telling us how to be, it's understanding that there really are performative aspects of living up to societal expectations and making the choice to conform to them, which, let's face it, really are what makes us "good people" in the eyes of others anyway.
The thing here ~ is to trick YOURSELF into believing that you are a good enough person that you don’t need to trick anyone into believing that you are.
Those of us who were missing one or more parental affirmations of our worthiness, never believe we are actually worthy. If somebody appears to like us, it couldn’t be real!
I don't have trauma affecting my attachment to people, but I've definitely had an acquired psychology that kinda matches this.
I suspect this type of thinking stems from growing up in abuse and/or emotional neglect. Because in those families, acting kindly and showing emotions are always framed as manipulation tools. Because they can't grasp that actual kindness exists.
So us treating people with kindness and respect, and sharing and validating emotions can feel like trickery. But that is what kindness IS. There IS no trick.
And if you can't help but feeling that you are tricking people into thinking you're a wonderful person by treating them like wonderful people, then maybe it helps to tell yourself it's that one weird trick that jerks hate?
My trick is to not try and remove bad thoughts or emotions, but accept that they're there and put other thoughts/emotions next to them. Caveats, if you will. Asterisks. That's one of the advantages of being ADHD: we can think several things at the same time. It's that one weird trick many therapists don't know.
Genuinely good people question if they are genuinely good people.
My whole thing when I find out someone likes me is thinking, "but why though?". Like, logically I know I'm a decent person. I always consider how my actions impact other people, do things just because I know they'll help someone or make them happy, and I feel like I have unique interests that make me not boring to talk to. But that all sounds basic to me? When other people have those qualities, I'm like "Wow, you're super cool!". But when it's me it doesn't count. I'm just normal and not special and no one should like me. Idk why my brain works like this.
I feel the same sometimes. But dude--BESTIE!--WE LOVE YOU! FOR REAL! You didn't trick us!
Being a good person means doing good things and choosing to do good. Maybe sometimes failing at that. But if we're genuinely trying, that is being a good person . :)
I have an aspiring-artist friend who has this "imposter syndrome" when it comes to her artwork. I've only seen a few examples of it, and only through photos that she's sent through email. There is nothing aspiring about her, only the message she puts out about herself. She is absolutely an artist!
One photo she sent was of a charcoal sketch of an outdoor scene that she and her husband had just walked through, and she described the process as something like it popping into her head whole, and the image kind of depositing itself on the canvas through her hand. In this instance, she was an inspired artist, the only kind worth paying attention to anyway, and she hadn't even signed her name to it! Later on, I suggested to her that it might be worth spending one session of what precious art-working time she had to simply practice signing her name.
So, I have a similar suggestion for you, Prof. Spend some time listening to your own self, look at the comments, and then ask, repeatedly and seriously, "What's not to like?"
Two things:
First: you do not make other peoples decisions, they do. If they decide you are a good person it is THEIR decision. Based on the fact that they see things in you that they like. And for them, it does not make any difference whether you fake them or whether they are real because from their point of view they just like things about you.
Second: you are not responsible for them liking you. It is their decision for seeing things in you they like. Do not decide for other (grown up) people, it is not your place, you are not their parent.
This kind of is the same as the first point but I just wanted to be very clear here ;)
Same here. We are our own abusers 😢
The comments on this one are breaking my heart. Hugs to Speech Prof and to all of you out there.
Time to watch this for practical instructions on doing that (I'm falling into the same thought trap)
I never understood what’s with peoples need to have everyone like them? It doesn’t make any sense to me. And why do people fake shit just in order to get people to like them.
@TheSpeechProf - you are very likable. I’m sorry you had those experiences that caused you to think otherwise. I hope you are able to find more and more moments in your life where you can feel worthy of people’s positive regard. Try “borrowing” the confidence and positive regard from everyone here for a bit. It won’t be enough by itself to solve the issue permanently. But sometimes it helps to “borrow” someone else’s kindness and (self)esteem for a while. It gives you a chance to “try it on” and start to feel how it might feel to live in that reality more.
My whole life is just this feeling!!!!
There's a recent Haus of Decline comic (I think it's Haus of Decline, I could be mistaken) that's basically "Good news, I don't have imposter syndrome. It turns out I really am a failure."
That's been living in my head since I read it.
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever heard 😂❤
I know! I feel the same way, I know I'm not actually tricking or manipulating anyone. Guilt complex! I think it's partly being an empath! I know this logically. Feelings are a different story. 🤔 ❤
Imposter syndrome at work is bad enough, but feeling that in your personal life as well? Ohhh, the flinching.
Full disclosure, this is a very nice to hear. The trouble comes from when someone knows they aren't being genuine. Are you still not tricking people into liking you if your every conversation is an act of feigning interest, or mimicking compassion?
I struggle so hard with KNOWING what the therapist says is true and right and reasonable and makes total sense BUT….. BUT I can’t seem to get it to FEEL true and right.
Someone probably said this already but that sounds a lot like imposter syndrome.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with those feelings and thoughts.
I appreciate your content and being real.
Tolerance is different than psychopathy, but I hear what you’re saying that they feel the same sometimes.
holy crap. i am always feeling like i somehow accidentally make people think i'm better than i really am.
I feel this way because I don't always tell people what I think and feel. This isn't even on purpose, I'm just naturally quiet and a "good listener" so people say I'm a good person.
I just want to live a good life without drama, is that so much to ask??? 🤣
This hit in my soul, dude. I always wonder why people like me on any level... im always shocked when people tell me they like talking to me and being around me. I just cant get my brain to fully believe it. Im like "well i guess my act is working, lol. 😅" or "they dont think ima b*tch?.. do they have low standers or something?" Or "maybe they dont recognize how horrible i really am, because they're use to it.". Yeah, i should probably got back to therapy, lmao. 😅😅 wish i could afford it. Anyway, yeah. I have a lot of childhood issues that probably explain this. But the ones that i was always told was: dont be so out spoken. Shut up! Why are you so aggressive? Why are you so loud? Why are you so wierd? Why are you so tom-boyish?... so yeah, at some point i just didnt give an F and did my own thing. But still always carried that doubt that people generally liked me as i was. So hugs my guy, you are not alone. ❤
Sounds like it could be the "I am bad" core wound. Thais Gibson has videos about it.
'You fool! I tricked you into being my friend. Now I'll gift you the most horrible thing of all... Friendship!'
You do actually get payoff, friends are a good investment😊
Good to know I'm not alone in this thought. Good ol' imposter complex.
Hey Speech Prof the fact that you worry that you tricked people into thinking that you're a good person actually shows what a good person you truly are because you worry that you don't want to decieve people in anyway .If that's not a good person i don't know what is lol ❣️
Must be nice to have a therapist that actually makes you work on yourself!
Every therapist I’ve ever been to becomes my “new best friend!” five minutes into the first f*cking session.
Every session thereafter I just pay to spend an hour to listen to how my therapist’s life has been going along with all the hysterical stuff I’ve been dealing with thrown in here and there and we laugh and laugh! I always feel better and it is an hour away from home.
I wish we could go to a coffee shop for free but I would just cancel. The money MAKES me get out of the damn house.
Should I mention my entire career has been spent working in psych hospitals?
The moral of the story is, it is great to be liked by everyone, but sometimes it can really backfire on us. We have to watch out for that and for ourselves, especially when we are surprised that someone likes us or we feel unworthy/uncomfortable about being so likable. We can be taken advantage of, I’m trying to work on that! 🙄
Whenever my friends tell me they like me and what they like about me, I always feel like an impostor. Like "yeah, you may think that's great, but I know the truth which is that I suck and you won't convince me otherwise", so, glad I'm somewhat not alone in that. 😅
Feels good to say someone likes me but it is so hard to feel like I earned it…they are foolish, what good am I to them? That’s my perspective sometimes
I love your sarcastic humor
Our Speech prof is secretly Loki
It sounds like a branch of the Imposter Syndrome tree. I'm sorry you deal with this. 💙
I agree. It's all part of the "I'm not good enough" or even just "I'm not enough..."
It's hard to break that thought pattern. Especially when you're a decent person. You truly want to be as likable or as good or as genuinely kind as people say you are. The thing is, people who aren't truly good or kind or decent don't spend their time worrying about it.
For the most part, I think Chesko and his followers can safely believe they (we) are enough.
Trick *you* into liking you more so you have more faith in yourself! 🤔
Hmm but fr I think I relate (bizarre!) maybe because I feel unworthy of people liking me, and if other people are going to be "taken in" by me, at least *I* can watch their backs against me, protect them and make sure I don't get away with "tricking" them!
Well, don’t know how you’ll handle this…I saw a pic online of someone today. I was trying to think who they reminded me of whilst being cognisant of how I felt looking at the pic. I realised it was you I had thought I was looking at and that I might have a lil bit of a crush…..hope that brightens your day!