How Dare You Casually Blow My World Apart?!
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- But seriously…I feel like he needs to bill me 😂
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How dare he dishonour you with honesty and compassion like that!
Keeping people like this guy stressed so he can sell validation is the therapist's bread and butter! Telling you to take it easy BEFORE getting debt off your back is like an MD advising you to relax by smoking!
Disrespectful af. 😂
@@3namechangezalowdevry90day7
If any financial advisor tells you to work at burn-out levels, losing time with your family while your kids are young, giving up on what you enjoy to save up a nest egg, and remaining stressed just so you get out of debt 2 years earlier, so maybe you can retire at 62 instead of 65..... FIRE THAT FINANCIAL ADVISOR ASAP! You have one life. Don't waste it saving money at the sacrifice of LIVING and spending time with your kids. You aren't "saving for their future." You're screwing over their childhood.
I've seen children resent the money their parents saved by working overtime constantly, not going on vacations, etc., parents who were so proud of all they sacrificed of "THEIR LIFE" without realized they sacrificed THEIR CHILD'S LIFE too, and sacrificed their affection, only for that child to end up donating the entirety of their inheritance to help low income families so other children don't lose the bond with their parents, like what happened to them.
If you don't have kids and you want to work at burnout levels to save up and "make your money work for you", feel free, but never advise a parent to do the same. That's putting money before family, and people who do that end up hated by their kids. Not the legacy ANYONE wants!
I disagree, I don’t see how that is accurate at all. As long as he is maintaining a baseline, it’s a smart decision for the long term. Sure, it’s a bad decision short term, because in the short term you’re losing out on money. But the flow of money hasn’t completely stopped, context indicates that he still would have been making enough to successfully pay the minimum payments. And it’s going to be better in the long term because he isn’t going to hit a wall where the flow of money *will* stop entirely because he doesn’t have enough spoons to do anything. If you don’t know what spoons are, look up the spoon theory. Cutting back slightly can make or break if you can get through it without crashing. @@3namechangezalowdevry90day7
Doctor Josh just summed up my entire life in one sentence and I don't appreciate that.
It hits like a punch in the gut the first time, right? Like you want to be upset (about something, at least), but they've got you so dead to rights you can't even pretend you didn't hear it.
God damn it.
Yep. 😢
Based pfp
@@MG-mn7ig yes it is based
Congrats... he sounds like a really good friend
While my partner is not a therapist, she has a hard time findin 1, n more often den not, teaches dem things lol wit no college experience just life experience rofl 1 therapist straight up told her, if u get a degree I'd give u a job immediately. Anywho she slaps me in da face wit dick bombs of truth all da time. N recently she told me, u don't live wit Kate (my abusive foster adoptive mom) anymore, u don't have 2 b in pain anymore. Talkin bout me advocatin more 4 my undiagnosed stomach condition. It floored me 4 like a week or more lol
I have a hand disability dat makes typin painful n usually my partner is asleep wen I'm usin Reddit so I can't scream at da talk to text which is required cause of my speech impediment so I use phonetic shorthand dis is a copied message to
@@itchild5803 Actual English is easier on the rest of us.
@@kitefan1 sry sum how forgot my copied message, it'll explain
I have a hand disability dat makes typin painful n usually my partner is asleep wen I'm usin Reddit so I can't scream at da talk to text which is required cause of my speech impediment so I use phonetic shorthand dis is a copied message to
@@itchild5803 Sorry for your difficulties and my whining. I'm feeling highly impatient today.
@@itchild5803 1 - I understood you just fine.
2 - I grew up with a narcissistic dad. It takes SO MUCH to unlearn the strategies you had to learn for survival as a child. It is hard work. Keep at it. You can do this.
Wise man. Just because things can be worse, is no reason to settle for them being as bad as they are.
Amen!
NO. He's doing the right thing by paying off debt! The therapist is discouraging and de-motivating him from being responsible!
@@3namechangezalowdevry90day7His friend said nothing about the debt, he was only talking about how he was allowing himself to be slight less psychologically abusive to himself than usual, by pointing out that his normal circumstance included a great deal of self-inflicted stress and mental and emotional damage.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@3namechangezalowdevry90day7
Possibly you missed that he was using that income to pay down the debt to pay it off sooner.
Intelligent countries provide Free education but this fine person willing took on ridiculous debt and even made insane amounts of work to try to remove it. I'll never get to be me again from the strokes. You can work a horse to death ya know . Be good to you. Joy and peace.
He’s not wrong.
He’s not not right
I mean he's not wrong...And also don't forget that besides being a content creator, teacher, dad and partner you're also an amazing role model to all of us. Dude, you deserve to treat yourself for real!
I appreciate you 🥰
@@TheRealSpeechProfDON'T let Dr. Josh demotivate you from getting out of debt! Paying off high interest debt is the BEST investment you can make! (Compare the interest you pay on debt to the lower rate you'd make if that $ was in savings!)
If you want less stress, stop spending on TREATS and build up a nest egg! Once your money is working for you,THEN you can cut your hours or even retire early! The catch is, it takes DISCIPLINE.
@@TheRealSpeechProfDON'T take social media for granted! You are ONE verbal offense away from cancellation and maybe getting fired from your real job!
YES, pay your high interest rate debts down! It's the BEST POSSIBLE INVESTMENT FOR YOUR FUTURE!
@@TheRealSpeechProfI suggest you watch the episode of Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer featuring Boogie if you haven't already! That's a future you want to avoid!
@@TheRealSpeechProfDON'T take social media for granted! You are ONE verbal offense away from cancellation and maybe getting fired from your real job!
How to say your community college is taking advantage of you without even addressing the issue.
Kudos to your wife identifying the potential for burnout and for suggesting you do something nice for yourself. I love the way you've described your relationship. So strong. ❤
Hearing about the healthy and powerful relationships that other people build, like the ones you've described, fills me with hope. 😊
Sweet❤
That sir was so personal, I felt that 😂
But the moment you said "I am teaching sementes classes, instead of 8, as a treat " I was all "oh honey..."
I'm celebrating you taking a step to do something good for yourself by reducing your class load.
He needs to eliminate debt first! If you've almost paddled to shore and take a nap, the tide can carry you out to sea again!
I think we’re all feeling a little called out right now.
Nah, I'm pretty lazy 🤭 But it's a beautiful statement nevertheless
I know that I am. I've been contemplating retiring from my 60 hours a week job for a few years (I've been there just shy of 33 years). I keep putting it off because I'm worried about running out of money and want to build up my retirement account a little more, even though I am well past burnout. Fear of not being financially stable is a very powerful motivator.
I wish someone would say that to a lot of my colleagues in nursing. In my first nursing job, it was the norm to work at least one extra shift every week because we were chronically short-staffed. When I realized that I couldn't do that, I backed down to an extra shift every other week, but was still burning out. There came a point that I had to accept that my mental and physical health *can't* do extra shifts all the time and that if I skimp on my recharge time, I melt down later
Look after yourself. They will be more short staffed if you’re burnt out and on sick leave
@@gabriellehitchins9182 a couple years ago, I left bedside nursing for an office position because of a combination of burnout and bullying
@@gabriellehitchins9182 The age old gambit of "If I can't have me, you can't have me!" followed up with the work response of "You are ALL expendable." equaling less work for all in the long run. I like it.
@@marandadavis9412 Max out your 401k and IRA, then your HSA if you have one. Retire early! OT one week, 36 hours the next.
Wow….nailed the situation in one sentence! 👏🏻 Dr. Josh
Yeah, you don’t need anyone to abuse you if you’re going to be that good at it.❤️🤗🐝
We ALL need a Doctor Josh. Congratulations, you got your self a real one.
He's fake. A real friend would praise you for being responsible and making progress in paying off debt! Finances are a HUGE source of stress!
As someone who also teaches for a community college, I have to add that Academia is the only field I know of where you make HALF PAY for working overtime.
As someone who was teaching 7-8 classes as an adjunct for a decade, I treated myself to 5 when I got full time... IT IS A TREAT... I can finally breathe.
A treat would be trying out the base load of five classes. You deserve to breathe. You deserve to get paid the full value of your worth, at least for a semester, rather than half pay for all those extra hours.
It does depend on the school, and any possible union. My husband is a professor at a university where the average adjunct teaching a full 4/4 makes upwards of $75,000 a year, with benefits. When my husband opts to overload his classes, it’s something like an extra $5000 for every three undergraduates. And when he opts to teach an additional class, it’s something like an extra $8-$12,000 a semester, depending on if it’s undergraduate or graduate. So it’s entirely possible Chesko is making a pretty good living wage for a California community college prof… he’s just doing so at burnout rates. 🫤
Yes, it is a treat to experience less abuse than you usually do. But less abuse is still abuse.
How weird. Do the students pay less to take those classes?
@@darrennew8211 Why would students be paying less based on the number of classes anyone teaches?
@@khills That's my point. Why pay teachers less for classes six through eight if the school is still charging students the same amount?
Josh is savage, and you're lucky to have him. So are his patients!
I have two parents who are in their 70’s and both are, in their own ways, panicky workaholics. I’m talking 18 hr days. Tell me how to tell them this without them feeling attacked?
I don't think there is a way to do that which doesn't have a success rate of about 5%
Play the video? 😮
Go ahead, let them feel attacked. They NEED to hear this.
This isn't advice, just my experience. Some of the best feedback I've gotten has led to me feeling attacked. And then when I emotionally sobered up and processed the feedback, I realized it was very helpful and exactly what I needed to hear. And then I made a change. Not everyone can or will change. That's up to each of us. And if we do want to change - or start to hope or believe that maybe we deserve change - we can't always change in the timeline the person giving us feedback would like us to. But it's possible to change.
Being steeped in a toxic environment can become your ‘normal’ it takes courage and great effort to step away from it. He seems like a good friend trying to bring a healthy perspective to your situation
It's not psychological self absuse. It's FOMO... of paying all your bills. We POORS are conditioned to always worry about being able to scrape by even when we're doing okay. Remember your grandparents from the Great Depression who always had those funny Great Depression habits? This is the Millennial version.
👏👏👏👏👏
Perhaps those in power have created a work situation in the U.S. that doesn't pay a living wage. People have to hustle to the detriment of their health, relationships, and well-being just to survive. Our work force has to evolve or this might be the year of the protests.
Working eases some financial anxiety. It can go beyond necessary, and become workaholism. Much like people with O.C.D who need to wash their hands excessively to ease their anxiety, stress etc.
Actions taken to minimize anxiety, stress, guilt, pain etc. are an attempt at self care, but may be mis-directed, or excessive, and become perversely self damaging, such as over working.
Cutting down the hand washing/working actions that a person takes to ease their negative emotional and mental symptoms, doesn't address the underlying anxiety, etc.
In this case, determining what is a financially realistically necessary amount of work to provide for a survivable or comfortable lifestyle, and what is fear-based over-work, would be helpful to determine work hours. Basically developing the skill to be determining fact from fear would help address the financial anxiety.
Also, the Real Speech Prof. mentioned growing up in poverty. Some of those feelings of anxiety may have become a habit from childhood, and not as relevant as an adult when more financially stable. So discerning past from present is a useful reality check to keep thought getting out of hand.
Anxiety is a warning signal that keeps us safe. But sometimes it is a habit that is redundant to the new context, and that awareness itself can ease anxiety.
Not us _poors_ 🤣😂🤣😂
You're absolutely right! Like, it's been a few years since I was genuinely poor, but I feel uncomfortable buying things for myself or going out for a nice meal. No one is shaming me or making me feel guilty but myself, it's just a hard habit to break! And part of me feels like I shouldn't break that habit because being thrifty is a virtue, therefore I should shame myself out of spending money.
And my grandma hoarded newspapers and scraps of fabric because you never know when you're going to have to hand make and patch everything and insulate your home with newspapers.
You have a good friend who will call you out like that! But also can we just say how ridiculous it is that the economic situation has been allowed to devolve to this point where everyone needs to be finding side gigs and hustles because a single income (or equivalent) is no longer good enough to survive on?!
Dr. Josh is probably a very good therapist based only on what I know of him from this video.
AHO Brother! I have been there. Hell, I'm still there, just slightly less. I used to be in an extremely psychologically abusive job. I now have a different job. I get 1 to 2 days off per week, and if I have a family emergency I can ask for paid time off if it is far enough in advance. While the job itself is absolutely impossible. No, don't say I'm lazy. Really, impossible. I'm regularly given drive tours that are mathematically impossible to complete on a motorcycle, and I'm driving a truck with a 53 foot trailer that weighs up to 60,000 pounds. All of us drivers on the fleet will receive discipline for not making our run on time, even though it was not possible to complete in the first place. Yet, when I look back on 15 years of working 14 plus hour days, every day of the week, without any days off (I did end up taking three days off once, when I was deathly ill from pneumonia), I see my current job as a "treat". In my previous job, I didn't even miss a day of working horses when I had a broken knee. I did ground work only for about 4 days, just until the swelling went down enough that I could get my riding pants back on. Dislocated shoulder, never missed a single workout. (Yes I do have long lasting physical problems from not allowing injuries and illnesses to heal.) Somehow, my brain is telling me that my current horrible situation is fine, because I can ask for a day off for my mom to have surgery. As long as I ask month in advance. Ugh. What am I doing to myself?
Sometimes our friends speak truth to us, whether they are psychologists or not. It’s called kitchen table counseling.
😂😂😂 having a therapist as a friend is a treat!
Free therapy + drinks...or whatever you guys do..when not teaching 8 classes, putting out constant content, plus being a husband and dad..
I feel abused now.
Slow down, bruh.
I think we all need more Dr. Josh
I saw where this was going, but he said it so much better!
You'll be fine, Professor. Really.
How dare YOU just come up over here and then just dump that load of complete honesty and self reflection upon US, the unsuspecting people who actively choose to sign up to watch you?!? ♥️♥️♥️
Josh is right dude-sorry but you knew that already.
The way I full belly laughed, reminded me how u said u and a friend traumatized some party goers when they realized u were laughing and sharing awful life experiences. Us ex poor kids sure can turn shit into a brown pie.😂
Oh goodness, i just quit a job, and without going into it... Let's just say this hits
It must be nice to get schooled with the same compassion you show to everyone else.
That was not a Truth Bomb. That was Truth NUKE.
I WAS thinking the same thing even BEFORE you finish your sentence. THIS IS something that i have actually learned from my therapists over almost the last decade. It is also like the glass is have full VERSUS half empty analogy. Now you don't dare for the last decade drink.a single sip. WHY? It's because you were spending so much time trying to analyze which is the right answer for yourself. Therefore you don't dare to upset the balance while YOU'RE overanalyzing this situation you see? So glad that you don't just know a nice therapist BUT that he's not just an acquaintance but s true friend to you. XOXO
😉💜😎
This feels like the time a therapist asked if I knew my childhood had been abusive, and not normal. I hope you can use this perspective to have a happier healthier life going forward.
😂😂 He is so right, and at the same time I totally get it.
Someone once said something to me along the lines of..."so you don't throw yourself under the bus anymore, just under a pick-up truck"😂😂😂
And yes, I laughed and yes I defended myself. I think I said, they should celebrate my ability to see the problem and take a first step. Or something like that. Been too long, and this happened during my first ever therapy phase. There was a lot of input. A huge lot
I've had 7 years of doing everything alone, overcoming 3 job changes, a pandemic, and other stressors. I've had 2 burnouts.
They are not fun and will change you. Mental stress can make you sick. My worst of the 2 left me with a fever and I didn't eat or leave my room for 30 hours. It was a nightmare.
Be kind to yourself, because life will not care to be kind to you.
I'm doing muuuuch better. Even taking home the biggest paychecks in my life(though still not great for affording my own apartment without spending almost half my monthly pay)
And I'm even building loads of muscle. It's been a total transformation, but it took all my resilience and time to bounce back.
Ahhh yes, the very best kind of friend!
Or, in other words, "Treating yourself: UR DOIN' IT RONG!" But, hey, one less class is a start.
What a good therapist I'm reeling from a conversation I wasn't a part of
You can be happy to have such a friend and such a wife. They both love you and want you to take care of yourself.
We all value honesty in our friends, until they're honest.
Can’t argue with compassion and self-love.
Sounds like a true friend to me. He's a keeper. I need more friends like that.
I literally cracked up laughing both BC I do this and bc of the perfection of his phrasing. 💙
That's atrue friend there 😆
That SIR got me 😭
As a therapist…. I am stealing that!!! He’s right. 😊
“Sir!” 😂😂😂
Dr. Josh sounds like a good friend with the skills to tell you what’s what with more precision than the average friends floundering how to tell their friend that that’s not normal and certainly not a “treat”
This is the DEFINITION of "He's out of line, but he's right." 🤣
"... Cause that's his name."
😂😂😂
You're friend... Well, he ate. 😂😂😂 No crumbs left.
He's not your therapist, he's your friend, and that's one step up...
He’s literally right though. The kindness you give to others? Start giving that to yourself. You deserve all the love and kindness in the world.
It may be harsh but its always good to hear that.
I tell my mum all the time that she normalized her discomfort.
She doesn't have water. It's been at least 15 years. I was a teenager and I washed my hair in cold water. She has an electric kettle and boils water every morning to wash herself. And she's used to it so it's normal.
She used to sleep 6 hours per night and borderline be proud of being tired.
I had to tell her that spending her evenings watching television while standing up not to fall asleep is not normal.
But she grew up with a saying that goes like this : 6 hours (of sleep) for a man, 7 for a woman and 8 for an idiot.
And she thought it was a ok !
... Welcome to America... and LA county. 😂
This is our every day until we die.
I only ever taught four classes per semester. But they were three hour long classes.😂
Good on you for now relying on CZcams. They keep changing the rules and make it harder for channel owners. Good love.
Also, I’m a psych. As soon as you said “treat” I shook my head! It’s good insight to share.
Dr. Josh sounds like a wise man
So true! I used to think I had to do ALL THE THINGS and that anything less that that plus perfection in each is a lose. I've learned slowly over time that I don't have to do it all and be 'balls against the wall' at all times. And you know what, my world did not implode. No one thought less of me. I'm ok. Hard lessons!
Right as he said 7 classes I was like, "that's not a treat that's just slightly less crappy" 😂
I watched this juat after cknsiering taking on another job, because o decided I'm not good at relaxing so I light as well work more (instead of giving myself permission to relax). Youre timing is perfect, thank you.
I don't know Josh and I already love him 😂
First of all, good for you for making it easier on yourself. I totally understand not trusting where the money is coming from and that it will keep coming. As someone who grew up with money issues I totally get where you're coming. I hope you can find some peace.
Secondly, tell Dr. Josh, I also didn't need to be called out like that. Also, I didn't know quite what that meant, so I Googled...and now, I have too much information to think about. Thanks, Dr. Josh. (sarcasm and love, also a bit of fear)
He's not wrong, lol. And it's lovely that he cares enough about you to tell you this. ❤
Dude didn't mince words. I hope you took it to heart, and are seriously considering what's best for your mental health. Your family, friends, and followers all need you to be as happy and healthy as you can. Burn out is nothing to eff with.
The absolute audacity. But some of us need to hear that. Thank you.
I've had multiple burnouts and severe illnesses over the years that stopped me working huge gaps in my life... definitely work how works for yourself and not how others tell you to for their own gain.
I like how he framed it as a compliment, as he quietly disemboweled a bad habit. Brilliantly done, sir, that was very nearly Southern in its savage elegance.
I don't know that "working really hard because I'm deep in debt" would count as a bad habit. The bad habit was getting so deep in debt you can't pay it off in the first place. Unless it was some uninsured catastrophic problem, of course.
This reminds of a "feel-good" news story about a boy who ran a fundraiser to pay for his fellow students' school lunches. Everybody was praising him for it (which he deserved) but they never questioned why it was necessary. why didn't the school already provide lunches? Or failing that, why didn't the parents organize a fundraiser instead of leaving it to a student?
1) i love that shirt. 2) does speech count as a performing art? You sound like Every. Performing. Arts. Major I know ( ps i am a former music teacher)
I hope you find the means and courage to scale down even more eventually. I appreciate your channel so much. It's criminal how the working and middle classes have to do more and more every year just to get by. But I think sometimes we value money more than our own health, and that's a dangerous mindset to have (speaking from experience). You can always make more money, but you only have one body and one life.
Dr. Josh? More like “Dr. Oh My Gosh! “ 😂
He's right. That's a good friend there. 😊
I feel that-almost exactly for the same reason and everything.
😂😂😂
Thanks Dr Josh
"Sir." 👀Bwah-ha-HA-ha! 😆🤣😅
I knew it as soon as you mentioned you would teach 7 classes instead of 8, as if that is significantly less strenuous 😂😂😂 Although, I wouldn't have been able to word it as eloquently as your friend!
😂😂😂 My shared trauma response to this to laugh and cackle, with tears. Your wife's right, too, man: I finally burnt out beyond repair two years ago and I'm now struggling through a disability benefits appeal. If "awarded," it's still not going to be a living wage.
"I'm going to stop hitting my head against this brick wall as a reward for hitting that other wall really well."
Dr Josh, nail on the head!
It's the same with ppl saying they "give 110% at work". That basically means they go 10% into minus all the time, taking it from their health reservoir.
You should definitely sue him for unlawful practice (treatment without consent, treatment outside designated locale, treatment without appropriate assessment) and seek compensation for psychological and emotional harm caused. That could alleviate your financial issues.
I only discovered this channel a couple weeks ago and it has become one of those channels I feel thrilled whenever I see a new video in the video recommendations 👍😸
As long as you don't expect others to be as prolific as you. Like thinking someone is lazy because he teaches only four classes or that you are better than him because you teach more, cause then it wouldn't only be a you problem.
Like you said, you teach more because you need the money for your expensive lifestyle, therefore you work so you can live, if someone else doesn't need to work as much so he can live... then he won't, and that's cool.
I'm just going to say as someone who has worked at many different jobs, I'm glad that he pointed this out to you. But can we also point out the way that many employers either through intention or disregard create working environments where such abuse is necessary to maintain your job? I mean, yes! Quiet quit for sure, but also over working yourself is baked in the system.
Only a really good friend or a therapist -- or a really good friend who's a therapist -- can cut that deep
That's what I'm thinking. It doesn't count as a treat if you're just not hurting yourself as much as you normally do. Unfortunately there are people who will accuse him of laziness because he's not willing to kill himself over money.
Yup. I'm being harassed by one right now.
That's just not how I expected this story to end. 😂
Doctor Josh really dropping the A-bomb of truth on ya.
That is a good friend. I'm glad he said that to you. Lol
Honey you know it is okay to take a break. It will be okay. The world will not fall apart.
Please stopp! Once the stress becomes bodily (back pain, feeling dizzy, rushes...) it will never stopp, i'm at this point rn, and i'm pretty sure my heart is catghing up soon ... all i wanted is to get a job and get rid of my debt... now i fear for dying everytime i get slightly stressed which causes a panic attack
Hey, Prof! Kudos to your loving wife and dear friend for the truth you needed. You absolutely deserve a break.
Sir 😂😂😂
I need this Doc in my life.
Thiiis. I had to learn this real hard when I became more disabled and couldn't do as much. And it definitely feels good to step back as necessary--the hardest part imo, at least in the US, is that working to death is the norm so anything less is basically shamed, even if it is literally for your own health.
That scarcity mindset will kill you. I feel for you, it took me years to get over mine.
I had this exact realization when i stepped down from full time to part time. I still have a decent amount of hours, but the job is grueling and pays decently well at 17 an hour in the southern US. But the shame i felt for not working a full 40 for a while was... hard to set aside. Even that now is slowly becoming not enough, however.
Oh if only my therapist was this clear and simple...
Sounds like a good friend.