Struggle to Forgive // Honest Tea Talk | Season 1 Episode 5
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- čas přidán 27. 07. 2024
- In this episode of Honest Tea Talk, we discuss the topic of forgiveness.
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About Honest Tea Talk
with Aliyah, LaYinka & Sumayah
Inspired by Jada Pinkett-Smith's 'Red Table Talk', 3 Muslim women have set up a platform to speak openly and honestly, giving viewers an unedited insight into the minds and life of Muslim women. Honest Tea Talk brings deep and often unspoken topics to the table to lay down our masks and start much-needed discussions about matters related to Muslim women and the ummah at large.
© 2019
#honestteatalk #realtalk #forgiveness
Honestly, after watching this video, I learned that it’s not only just me whose struggling to forgive the people who broke me. May Allah guide them and forgive them💔💜 may Allah forgive me as well. May Allah reward you sisters. Honestly I would love to be part of that show. Keeping it real Mashaa Allah
When you've been a victim of narcissistic abuse, it's really hard to forgive cos you feel like the person has destroyed and changed you to the point that you don't even know yourself anymore. May Allah give us all patience with our hardships.
I really struggle to forgive my ex narcissistic husband.
@@Zubee9 I know the feeling, I am not ready to forgive yet, but InshaAllah one day we both feel different, give yourself time to heal.
67
I love these three sisters, ma sha ALLAH 💜💜
As Aliyah said" knowing that Allah is seeing us, we just let it go". Thank you sisters for your advices!
I am loving these episodes I feel like I need to grab a book and a pen to note down all these gems cannot watch more than 1 episode at a time there is too much to unpack and reflect on. May Allah reward you for your work sisters.
Excellent topic mashallah. Validation of justified anger due to oppression harm and pain from another individual is so very important for healing. As a sister who is in polygnyy and have had other experiences that were mentioned in the video, one thing I really hope people understand is that Allah is Just! Many times those who have done wrong to others are punished in this dunya as well as in the akhira. We can not punish someone more than what Allah can! For sure
Very true, and though a believer is encouraged to forgive, we should never force people or label them as bad for not forgiving those that have wronged them, because forgiveness is very personal and sonetimes with time comings healing thus forgiveness!
Knowing permissible anger about certain issues and feelings is so so critical because we are always told to suppress our anger.
we drink the venom expecting the other person to die
Woah
Yep.
very profound
Waw my sister's I'm speechless this topic struggle to forgive waw I love it so much and thank you all for all your contribution to this topic. Lesson well learn May Allah bless u all abundantly for your honest tea talk we need people like you in our homes family and society.
For me this was a reminder. Before I made shahada the person in who i am with was very much... unpleasant. In a way that I feel years later my brain my heart my whole being is different because of it. And not ima good way. Mashallah i come to terms with it. But the thing that echoes in my mind often enough is “There is no compulsion in religion” I was made to feel like I was weak and narrow minded or “bias” because I had my reservations, as well as my concerns. So a lot of questions were left unanswered. I still hold some form of resentment and anger but I manage it and simply believe a day will come when the thunderstorms will clear from my Horizons
Oh man that part about Allah nudging us or push us to get that lesson. I had to be on the floor to find out what Allah was teaching me. I was forced the HARD way to learn from people who used an abused my kindness. This is soooooo true. Yall became my favorite subscribers
قال الله تعالى *وسارعوا إلى مغفرة من ربكم وجنة عرضها السموات والأرض أعدت للمتقين 133*
*الذين ينفقون في السراء و الضراء و الكاظمين الغيظ والعافين عن الناس* *والله يحب المحسنين* 134
*سورة آل عمران*
Subhanallah this is the first episode I’m watching, never heard of the Honest Tea Talk but this is amazing subhanallah. May Allah reward you sisters Allahumma barik so relatable
I feel like every single episode is specifically meant for me 😭
May Allah make it easier for everyone going through the same
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته.
This is what I needed to hear to close that chapter of my life and to move on in order to have a peaceful life.
Cane just the right time so that I can focus my Ramadan.
It is really hard please sisters remember me in your du'as.
I think you can forgive people without forgetting. Not forgetting means making a safe place for you and maybe no having that person in your life anymore.
Subhanallah i can relate to almost all the episodes i have watched so far and all the times couldnt hold back my tears am like is there an episode i can watch without crying😂 Alhamdullilah i love you sisters May Allah reward you abundantly you have no idea how much this conversations has helped alot of us May Allah continue to guide us all and have mercy on us Amin..
So deep, so authentic, so true. Crying over this episode. May Allah forgive us all.
Sister Aliyah some one has really hurt you i can see it on your face through out this talk. May Allah talah make it easy for you to forgive them ameen. May Allah bless you sisters
Asia R I thought I was the only one who saw that. Ameen to the dua.
Insightful topic Masha Allah. There is another angle to this that lies somewhere in the middle. The frustration and dilemma in someone really close to you, say a family member hurting you so badly and part of you wants to forgive to free yourself but part of you wants to take this to yawm al qiyama when the best of judge's will judge the situation deservingly and accordingly....but if the person is a close family member you are also stuck feeling guilty for wanting to take this to judgement day because you know that could possibly be the reason they are not allowed to enter jannah and be united together with the family there. This is more complicated say if the person is/was your husband, you feel as the mother guilty that hang on if i don't forgive and move past this, insha Allah if me and my children work hard enough to enter jannah but my not forgiving and wanting recompense will make them not be able to have their father reunited in jannah with them insha Allah... it can be a real struggle between these two feelings
I have a different view on "taking it to Qiyamah". To me, that means leaving the decision with Allah (swt) as One who is better placed to decide whether to forgive or not. That way I no longer feel conflicted. Before that I started off angry at being wronged, then I swayed between wanting to forgive in the hope that it'll lead to Allah (t) forgiving my mistakes/sins and then swaying the other way towards feeling too resentful to forgive and cycling through from resentment to wanting to forgive for closure and then back again was just too inconsistent and confusing so it made more sense to leave it with Allah (swt).
Before that point I kept holding on to anger and resentment, thinking that forgiving is like letting the person get away with what happened etc, whereas now I feel that both me and that individual will be dealt with justly and that's all I wanted in the first place.
In your situation, I believe that if the family member doesn't reach Jannah, it's more likely due to that person's own wrongdoings in the sight of Allah (swt), regardless of whether you personally forgave the wrong he did to you or not- but that's just my personal view.
@@neelubird thank you for this. You have helped me more than you know. Forgiving doesn't mean the other person gets away with it. That helped to release me from this prison of resentment that I had created for myself.
@@neonpinkflurrydog you're most welcome and so glad my comment helped. So many people see "leaving a matter in Allah's hands" as if it's being defeatist or fatalist or not trying to work on controlling or solving the situation yourself when in fact leaving matters in Allah's hands can be very liberating, especially when it comes to situations that are outside of our influence and sphere of control (eg if we're made redundant and can't find another job or if someone close to us has an incurable illness etc).
Leaving matters in Allah's (swt) hands frees our time and headspace to focus on things we can do something about (eg taking care of loved ones, remaining steadfast in practising as much as within our capabilities, learning skills to better ourselves etc).
This one hit me hard. Especially the "are you over it?" from someone that hurt you part.
Deep topic. الله الله الله
Love this sisters. Allaah bless you in ways you can't imagine xxxx
Clear evidence that Allah brought us in this world to test us.May Allah guide and forgive us all 🙏🏽
Love this show,i also love the consitency of the sirens in the background lol and the sisters ability to not be distracted by it.
Wallahi if AllahSWT didn't prohibit us to cut family ties, I would have done so a long time ago. I have suffered so much psychologically and physically at their hands and I continue to do so. I cannot get closure, as I live with the people that continue to hurt me , who continue to refuse to acknowledge the damage they have done. As much as I try to forgive, they keep on reminding me why shouldn’t.
Fassie Nattabi May ALLAH make it easy for you and get you out of this situation and give you something better. Ameen
@@Lsa238 Ameen JazakAllahu Khairan:(
What an episode, absolutely loved it, there were so many gems 💎 in this talk mashallah ❤️
Beautiful episode! Thank you. So much wisdom. ❤
Not everything deserves forgiveness
Subhan'Allah this episode has helped me. I always debated on whether I should forgive the people that had hurt me and it was destroying me slowly if I think about it now. I made up my mind and i feel alot more relaxed, Alhamdulillah. Thank you my dear sisters, may Allah reward you all and may Allah help the ones who are still struggling. Ameen.
This video answered a question I always had thank for sharing. Now I know why I’m so kind and loving to other ppl.
What a heavy subject , I kind of feel it on my shoulders. Something has happened in my life around 15 (!) years ago. Anger and disapointment were overwhelming. Many years later now, many nights Ive cried remembering whats been done and undone I am recovering, alhamdulilah. I have forgiven them. I understand it had to be that way for me to be where i am now, and this is a good, better place. They had done what theyve done out of their own feelings and emtions. I now understand.
I still havent forgiven MYSELF fully though. It is a work in progress but I cry less over it less. Closure will come. One day it will come, Ya Rabb
Thank you for keeping it real!
Maasha Allah that is an excellent topic. Jazakallahu khairan
Recently discovered u people.... love the words of wisdom that u share.... u are the sisters that I never had in my life... now m grateful to to have u... amazing work.... love u allllll💖💖
SubhanAllah!!!
Yet another great talk, I feel so enlightened listening to you three ladies. May Allah bless you all for coming together to shed light on many pertinent topics many sisters shy away from.
Beautiful episode that truly resonated with me!
I'm so thankful to Allah(swt) and the three sisters for this amazing series!
Such an amazing video, you touched on so many brilliant points that one can really reflect and grow from. Jazakallah khair ❤️
Salaams, Loved this. Honest, real, with no pretense. I wish it was longer though. More power to all of you. May your efforts be rewarded.
Omg r u Albanian
Definitely food for thought.
May Allah bless you all. This is a topic I needed counseling on and this has helped me, AlhamduliLlah.
Thank you for uploading this at the time I really needed to hear this. May Allah swt reward you all ameen.
Hannah F F this feeling❤️💜💜 I felt it too Subhana Allah. I understand that feeling❤️❤️💜
bless the sisters. they are worth listening to.
Amazing conversation, down to earth, good example and great way to spread the message.
This topic remember me about the story of the prophet Yusuf صلى الله عليه وسلم and his brothers .
Hey guys I'm loving your videos!!! Please have guests come and speak too!
SubhaanAllah this talk was spot on!May Allah swt reward u all
In forgiving, comes with peace.
this topic!!! Needed to hear this !! 💜
This was SO good.
Maa shaa Allah May Allah reward you all ameen. This was indeed beneficial and an eye opener to even check ourselves in moving forward on so many levels and being mindful of Allah and to trust Allah and leave it in the hands of Allah....❤❤❤
I was really hurt by 2 people as well "to the point that I can't even look at them eyes.
I wish I could sincerely forgive them but when ever I see them what they did keeps coming back to my memory.
And then I start saying no he and she doesn't really deserve to be forgiven.
Subhan'Allah this has really helped me to deal with the situation I am in at the moment,
I agree sisters someone who was in wrong should forgive
Love you three for the Sake of Allah. You are Masha Allah such good communicators and discuss such profound topics. I eagerly wait each week for new episodes. May Allah reward all three of you beautiful sisters and your team in abundance for your efforts in this world and the next. Ameen
Layinka is so gorgeous in that hijab mashallah
Jazakumulla dear sisters
Mash'Allah these episodes have been of great help to me. I had forgiven but the resentment and anger comes back to me from time to time or whenever I see some consequences of it. It's harder to forgive myself, although those hardship had put me on a path of finding Allah in a way I never did before. Alhamdulillah ❤️
Glad that I came across this channel, Alhamdulillah.
As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah....Allah's decree is what's important....and than Patience with His decree.
for Allah's Mercy.....
Jazakumullahukayran!
Golden advice
Thank you sisters god bless you all 🤲🤲🤲
ooh yeah it's really amazing topic 👌😍👌 ❤️🌹🧡
wonderful final thaught ! May Allah make us strong ! Not for being part of the show but I would love to take a tea and to discuss with all three of you face to face ! you are so sweet
Prophet Yusaf(as) Classic example of pain and suffering and the ultimate divine hikmah behind it all!
Wow wow wow wow wowwwhooow.... what a beautiful channel, what a wonderful talk and how honest, powerful, intellectual speaking and awesome women!
This is empowerment!
May Allah bless you!!
Masha Allah! I love honest tea talk
May Allah reward you for what you do! Love you my dear sisters in Islam❤️
Watched this 6tyms in Araw exactly wat I needed to hear
Wonderful talk!
Rewatching all seasons.
Sisters you are so real. I love your topics. May Allah bless you. Ameen
Ma shaa Allah 💜💜
When my husband married some Canadian sister behind my back whilst i was heavily pregnant i hope ALLAH tests her with the same pain.
That's awful. May Allah give u someone better. Btw my father in law beat me very badly when I was pregnant.
@@HH-yz7vx what does btw mean sorry seems like your tryna undermine my pain and issue. That was yours and that was mine its aint a competition! im baffed at your response..........
@@sharifahhunterify Maybe I phrased it incorrectly. No way am I trying to compete or undermine. What your ex did was inexcusable and it must be incredibly difficult to forgive him if u even want to. Similarly, the one person in my life who I just CANNOT forgive no matter what is my father in law. I cried throughout my entire pregnancy and could not understand why he would repeatedly physically and mentally abuse me. I got out eventually. Pls don't take it the wrong way. You are the first person I have ever shared my experience with online. Yours was worse for sure. It's the struggle to forgive .... that's what is similar. Pls don't take offence.
my sis , im sure your husband loves u dearly, and him loving another woman also doesnt take away the love he has for u, try to love him and her and hope the best for them both my sister🤠❤❤❤
Think wtf?
Jazakallah
Ladies. I've decided I am going to meet all three of you and give you a big hug. I've put it out there into the world and its going to happen!
not watched yet but i know it's going to be beautiful.❤️
Thank you sisters for your amazing discussion and insight. I would like to suggest a little clarification about the topic of forgiveness. Forgiveness needs to come from a position of power. That means the injustice needs to be uplifted before someone can forgive. Otherwise, its not forgiveness, instead its enabling the injustice to continue.
great contritution
May Allah bless you three and may Allah also bless your families. Thank you for creating dialogue.
Second time I listen to this episode. Subhana ALLAH, masha ALLAH ladies and thank you for sharing these insightful discussion about forgiveness. A very very importamt topic to every human... We all have something to ask forgiveness for and something to forgive... YES all of us! This is life on Earth... Everyone is capable to forgive... because there is absolutely no human being who has not forgiven even once in his or her life... Simply we forgive to people we want to forgive because we think we need to forgive...Easy for us to do what we want...Much more complicated to do what ALLAH swt wants from us...Yes all hurt are not at the same level... but who said we need to process all hurt the same way, with the same amount of time? ALLAH swt does not ask us to be what He has not created us meaning perfect creatures...He does not ask for results. He asks us to STRUGGLE to go back to Him swt and to get close to Him. He asks us for endeavor. And ALLAH swt knows. I deeply respect you Sisters for your very beneficial work. May ALLAH swt accept from you and from us and give us all more and more opportunities to serve Him swt. Amen Amen Amen 🤲
Assalamu 'Alaikum. so... How do you really know if you really have forgiven them? Sometimes we feel like we have, but the pain comes back. I know you already mentioned it, but can you please explain it a bit more? Like, once we have forgiven a person, the pain won't come back? Also, is it okay to avoid the person with the intention of knowing that spending time with them will cause pain? I'm referring to a family member.
I love these sisters. This topic i need it. The sound is low, please make it a little bit higher
May Allah reward you abanduntly sisters.
Say you forgive that person. But you dont trust them anymore. Especially since they are family. Is that really forgiving?
yeah that is forgiving🤠🤙🤙🤙
I believe trust is a gift that must be earned. It must be restored through active steps from the person who caused this pain. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what happened, it just means letting go of the resentment attached to the betrayal and injustice done. So no, forgiveness isn't attached to trust. You can forgive chose not to forget, you can forgive and chose not to trust that person again. Inshallah that helps you. May Allah heal the pain that you have felt and prevent further hurt in the future inshallah.
@@sumayamustafa2877 agreed.
i think one can forgive and be independent of being put in that situation where the pain took place if applicable or being wiser and being independant in kowing how to prevent it is good too.
Jezakumallah khair
Bismillah.
I believe that forgiveness comes from humility. No doubt I am a sinner and no doubt Allah is aware of my sins. I have sinned despite having a beard and despite knowing so much Quran whereas those who have sinned and wronged me have done so in ignorance.
If I forgive others maybe Allah overlooks my sins and forgives me and grants me a house close to the prophet s.a.w. This life is only max 80 90 years. One millisecond of hellfire is more painful than the worst torture or abuse a human can do to another.
If I have moved out of that painful situation away from that person. I don't need to bear grudge. If that person is still there in my life then I will struggle against injustice. And Allah has great reward with him for the one who struggles.
shehbaz thakur It’s hard to forgive. Because not only were you hurt. But that some one also betrayed you. You have giving them a certain faith and trust and a special place in your heart. You have certain expectations. You lean on to that certain person. That’s the hardest part for me. And it doesn’t help when i’m the type of person that always caters to people and makes sure they are fine and well. Even with strangers; i’m really caring because i believe it’s my responsibility that Allah gave me. So to get hurt while you 1. did nothing to that person and 2. always helped and had the best intention really sucks.
Hurt comes in different ways. Not too long ago i forgave my mother for something i was upset about for years. Even though she doesn’t understand where the hurt comes from and why i’m so attached by it. She did explain why she did it. By her talking about it with me, it gave me perspective and a healthy way to process it.
But you are right. Just like i would love to be forgiving by Allah, i should do my best to forgive and forget.
Telling my self to wait until the day of judgement doesn’t help me anymore as what about if Allah forgave them and they get away with it? I’ve had people tell me that who am I to say i can’t forgive people if god has forgiven them so basically people can mess us around and then turn around and say they seeked forgiveness so ì’m up here dying and given up on everything!
Sez 70 an injustice that was made by a person to a person can never be forgiven by Allah till the person who the injustice was done to forgives the doer. injustice that are between the creator and the creation this can be forgiven coz there will be people who will be forgiven without being punished due to his wisdom. but dhulm that happened between creations towards each other they must settle down the issue before Allah forgives. say a person does a major injustice to the loved one or just any human, at the day of judgement Allah will ask the victim if he has forgiven the dhalim, at that situation it's more likely he'll not and he/she's doomed. and if the victim forgives the doer then it's upto Allah now whether to forgive this dhalim or not, whether he/she deserves this forgiveness from the victim.
fjeilani But unfortunately some people have hurt us so bad that we end up hurting them back or with out even realizing due to our own suffering so now it depends if they would forgive us.Its all a mess. I’ve given up!
😪omg ilove you for the sake of ALLAH swt❤💯
And the beauty of the intro song?
Assalamu alaikum. Forgive and move on, so that Allah will forgive you.
I was hurt by my sister not by what she actually did but by how she made my mother and other members of family react to me even though i wasn't at fault. I can't seem to forgive because she doesn't seem to tjink she has done anything wrong. My mother basically asked me to think of her as dead if I didnt go along with what was asked of me. My mother and sister went to hajj I brought it up but they didnt even think to apologise or talk it through. I cannot get over this dulm i feel and its also making me harbour bad feelings for my mother. Please help me am i a bad person?
@@LaYinkaSanni
JazakAllah for replying. I am trying to have closure because holding on to the hurt is affecting my health. I will take the advice on the programme and hope Allah can help me. JazakAllah for your efforts. Salam x
I feel there is huge misunderstanding between you guys. Try to get your sisters perspective. Don't assume, ask. Ask her why does she think she's not at fault. Try to forgive her because you wanna move on with your life. Let you motivation in forgiving her come from the fact that you want Allah and others to forgive you when YOU are unjust to them.
What if you forgive but there is always something that this particular person that always brings back bad memories. Also you cannot confront them because it is a close relative, a parent and you do not want to get the rough of Allah by just saying how you feel. This is so hard but for sure I know someday Allah will free me from it.
I see by now you have done several episodes. Am really struggling to forgive myself for things that have happened to me in my childhood; for broken relationships. I pray for Allah’s forgiveness all the time cos at times I subconsciously say things to protect myself from more hurt. I find it hard sometimes to forgive small things. How will Allah forgive me if am not forgiving others or don’t forget. Also doesn’t that mean that or is that linked to my struggle with self love or there a lack of self love internally and externally. For me my love is through loving others, i am still learning what self love means to me am 34yrs old. LaYinka r you taking referrals for therapy?!
*pause* let me share this with my sisters .... done *unpause* ما شاء الله
JazaakAllahu khairan, brother! We appreciate your support.
وإياكأ
My sisters appreciate the content more!
@@DawahDigital lol, that was funny.
Simply Myla K. I’ve watched it twice now, first time when I filmed it :D
@@DawahDigital oh masha Allah! Very nice camera work. Subhan Allah.
What is the name of the song in the intro? Thank you
its so easy for me to forgive, because of the hadith about the man who forgave everyone everynight and so he was promised jannah even before his death, plus i love people and i tell myself that everyone is me so i cant hate myself can i?🤣
What if someone hurts you frequently?
What if your own husband hurt you and if I am struggling to forgive how can I close that relationship?
but what if the person you’re trying to forgive doesn’t care or acknowledge what they’ve done? My mom has done some bad things to me in the past and everytime I bring it up she “doesn’t remember”, because of this I hold a lot of resentment torwards her and I feel guilty because your mom is important in Islam