Healing CPTSD: Five Phases That Help Show How Far You've Come
Vložit
- čas přidán 9. 07. 2024
- 🟢 LIVE Webinar Jul 9. CPTSD & Defining the Relationship You Want: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Come See Me In Person! Workshops in US, UK: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Working with people healing from Childhood PTSD, I've observed five distinct phases (these don't always line up with psychology orthodoxy). Listen, and see how far have you come!
***
🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
🟢 Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
🟢 Take My Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
🟢 How I Recently Lost 27 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD Symptoms: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with My Team and Me: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
🔹 Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
🔹 NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
🔹 Try MUSE Headband to Calm Your Mind: choosemuse.com/ccf
Hi Anna, I've been watching your videos since earlier 2019 and they've been incredibly informative, deeply insightful and an ongoing accompaniment in the process of undoing the affects of cptsd. I started using the daily practice and I'm finding it's helping lower the intense morning anxiety! Thank you for your work 😊🌺
Very interesting that you mentioned your anxiety is worse in the morning.my dysregulation always seems much worse in the morning as well. I'm pretty sure I have mild OCD. Nothing that impacts my day to day life although my sexual compulsions and wanting to self soothe and self regulate through a fap session always seem worse in the morning. I did some online research and nothing came up on Google or CZcams about the morning thing. Very interesting though about this one specific time of day .
That's amazing. Happy that you're part of our community, and grateful the Daily Practice has been helpful for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
5 Phases of Trauma Healing:
1-Realize what trauma is doing to you. CPTSD is a neurological injury that disrupts brain and body systems, which affects your health.
2-Understand the root cause of your symptoms = emotional and neurological dysregulation. What are the signs and triggers that set this off.
3-Learning to connect with other people. Feeling like an outsider/not knowing how to act/not feeling safe to be yourself/feeling lonely.
4-Facing your own self-defeating behaviours. Ruining relationships with: rage/isolating/addictions/stuck in abusive relationship.
5-Shed your old limited idea of yourself, stuck in resentment/hopelessness/paralysis/people pleasing the unpleasable. Discovering who you really are.
"Childhood trauma is an injury to our ability to connect." 🤯 Thank you for putting this into words.
Getting the message out that C-PTSD or developmental trauma is an INJURY and not a set-in-stone & pathological condition is a huge gift to those of us with CPTSD - it means we can heal our dysregulation and developmental injuries and relearn healthier coping strategies - we can grow, we can thrive. Thank you, Anna!
Yes!
I'm slowly learning how not to care as much what others think of me.... As well as getting better at living in the moment and not dwelling on the past or constantly worrying about the future...
I've done so much healing work, with success. But man.. that connecting with others bit is so tough! I'm really realizing how I've built a sort of identity around it, telling others that I'm just a loner and introverted. Which is true, and I do enjoy solitude- it feeds my soul, especially in nature. But I really do want to be able to connect with others! It just feels like such a drain to even try.
ikr.... its so hard to connect when you think you know/read too much into 'psychology' stuff.. im easily turned off when my ideal of perfect is not seen in real world scenario..
i shut down easily and disconnect..
i need to meet people who are opposite of me because i am so plugged in into internet data that without my phone, i dont know what to say to make the conversation engagimg enough..
i only need physical intimacy or sex but emotional sharing of wounds and ptsd and all mainstream stuff which have been mostly the content of my mind is eeerkk..
Thank you for commenting, it's so reassuring to hear I'm not the only one going through this
Cuz people are boring ;)
I know how you feel!
The constant feeling of disconnected to reality is truly horrible. It seems the inside of me is in a pause mode while I interact with the outside world as a machine. After 40 years, the nightmare of exhaustively looking for something in total darkness still make me cry like a baby. The feeling of trusting someone to love me or to rely on someone brings fear and anxiety. On one hand, I hope that someone can love me and make me feel safe. On the other hand, it seems I am not capable of trusting this feeling even if someone does. Now I meditate every morning to connect with myself and help regulate my stress and anxiety throughout the day. But I think subconsciously I am still holding on to some unrealistic hopes and still not letting go some pain and this is stopping me from moving forward.
Phase threeee bby. Been isolating my self for so long, convincing myself that I’m not worthy of pursuing a relationship until I’m the “perfect version of myself” after learning to be aware of, and re-regulate damaging patterns of thinking etc… this has enabled to put myself out there because I can handle/ manage /regulate abandonment wounds that are likely to be triggered in a partnership. Far to go, but I’ve come SO far
I find colouring apps help massively with my dysregulation. I keep getting told I should learn how to meditate to manage my issues better, but I can't do it without getting massive anxiety, which kind of defeats the purpose. Colouring helps calm me down and the difference was huge and absolutely noticeable within a week, and I love how the app format allows me to colour anywhere on my phone without worrying where I put those pencils again... I find it a helpful alternative to the Daily Practise since I often feel too bad to even write things down.
💕What coloring apps do you use?
I like coloring too. It became my quarantine craft.
@@jeanettetobey1312 The very accurately named Happy Colour! It does come with a lot of adds but the add-free version doesn’t cost much at all, def recommend.
@@meinorha9370 TY:) I di like that app. I was searching :(but cannot find) a coloring app that allows me to use my own colors🌈
@@jeanettetobey1312 Colorfly does, although it's costly and wasn't simple enough for me, because you can pick your brushes and colour scemes etc. Check it out though to see if you'd like it, there are always free pictures to try!
I was at give up...for weeks...but I have to outlive my 21 year old cat.
I had to fake it so as not frighten him.
So I started setting VERY small goals and struggling through each day.
I had two reliefs calling a couple of VERY good prayerlines and going out to my little container garden that is beautiful and flowering and shady EVEN in a recent heat wave.
I thought "Well I am REALLY good with pets and plants"
I forced myself to do 2 out of 3 sets of paperwork I had to do but were hard...and it hit me...I never had any help..I was the helper.
This video popped up and I cried when you said.."you probably already have an inkling of your gifts"...
My "mother" and "sisters" and one "brother" were always resentful of my gifts...
Strangers would say..WOW you are really talented...
One lady I worked with when I was a teenager used to say ..."You must REALLY be 40 years old but just look seventeen...lol"
I ran into her several years later..I was hurrying home but needed some material..I went to Woolworth's and noticed a long line so I looked at all the material and then went to remnants because I was also very frgal and very good with moneyl..
I knew I would get the end of a bolt but it was tight on what I needed so as I waited to get it priced..I was engrossed in shifting it..seeing how I would stretch it...make it work.
SO..I didn't notice the clerk...I got to my turn and she says...
"DON'T TELL ME...WITH EVERYTHING ELSE YOU CAN DO....YOU SEW?"
I looked up at her and it was Miss Gertrude..
We laughed and hugged..she told me they had sold our ice cream parlor and she got this job...
She said NOBODY had been as hardworking and conscientious and clean and good with the money and the products..she remembered ALL my efforts..
And I had to get my bus..we hugged again..and she said."Yep you have to be 40 and just look like a kid"
I was thinking of making small steps back into all my gifts that strangers appreciated but my "family" hated...
Boy did this come right on time..THANK YOU SO MUCH❤️
Music really helps with my dysregulation. Especially meditation music. I’m constantly listening to Soundscapes on my cable package. I don’t hate myself as much anymore as I used to. I’d say the only addiction I have is self injury. I don’t cut myself, I don’t do extreme self harm, I mainly just hit myself in the head. That’s my main one. I also hit myself in the legs, but I don’t usually do this when I’m dysregulated. It can be very hard for me to get out and make steady relationships, mainly because I’m totally blind, and I don’t get out every single day. I do get out a few times a week, but not all the time like I should.
I can't thank you enough. Where 12 step groups are a great beginning and fundamental foundation in "how to human" with CPTSD, I feel your teachings help take me further through building on this foundation by learning more in depth on how to interact with the world outside the 12 step community or bubble through focusing on reregulation
Yes, I guess I see it that way too. I loved my 12-step experience but I never quite fit there they way I do here. You are my peeps!
What is the 12 step program?
You are so welcome. Thanks for watching and supporting the channel. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Anna, I have struggled so so much with regret and self blame. More than five years divorced and I still every other day, get up full of tears, regret, shame, constantly rehashing my life before, if only I could go back. Flip flopping between blaming myself and blaming my ex who is now very happily remarried to a much more beautiful and successful woman for years. His life is full of joy and friends and family, and mine is empty.
You needed to be free because of the things that you were feeling. Love never makes us doubt, question or worry about anything that we go through with our true life person. I met mine at 14 years old and he had me so clenched fists in his grasp that I thought it must have been love.
Well, after 48 years I left January 2022. I am so uncertain about what I am going to do to ensure I am okay and safe. But, I don’t ever think about what he is doing or where he is. I think it’s so important for us to realize that we all deserve to be happy and healthy in our life choices and if you felt that you weren’t getting the same things that you were giving out and you had to leave you need to be confident of your decision. Think about the things that he did that made you feel unloved by him and never give him a second thought beyond that. You are not incomplete because of the lack of him. You are a beautiful lady that realized that you are worth more than what you were in his presence. Take care of yourself and be safe.
Childhood PTSD is an injury to our ability to connect with other people. We don' t feel safe to be ourselves. Romantic relationships are the most difficult. You get stuck in self- defeating behaviours. You can get obsessed with people, or you become a people- pleaser. You get stuck in limiting ideas of yoirself.
Thank you so much! I love it. ❤️
I am in phase 3 …
Your videos help me not to lose courage when it sometimes feels like it‘s going nowhere or rather backwards.
Sending you encouragement as you continue to take steps forward. - Ashley, Team Fairy
This right here! 2018-2019 I took a life coaching course. It was a step in the right direction. Also attended their growth challenge program. However I could not articulate what was really going on the inside of me. I am 50yrs old, and feel so stuck, that it is and has affected me to the point of seeking therapy, and researching what the hell is wrong with me. I am all to familiar with, rejection, abandonment, victim mentality, avoidance, damsel in distress, and limerence. OMG! I continue to do my work and see much more clearly now. I will be able to use my past trauma to coach others.
Thank you so much Anna! 🙏🏼🙌🏼🦋
We're cheering for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 😁❤️🦋
You just described me to a tee! I am doing therapy and I now notice my disregulation and I consciously start to turn it around
Indeed, "just talking about it" and the notion embedded in our culture (which is particularly alluring to people of high verbal IQ) that everything can be solved through therapy, conversation, and introspection leads many people to spend years and years of fruitless time in therapeutic, counseling, or support group commitments that had exhausted their fundamental usefulness in their healing process long ago - spending week after week crying on a couch at $100 an hour, or telling the same sob story to a room of similarly dysfunctional strangers, re-experiencing their trauma and agonizing over extracting every possible insight from it until they find the *one* that finally "fixes" them. While these modalities may be an essential first step on the path to healing, in that they can provide understanding that was previously lacking, one must start taking *action* to form new mental habits and reprogram one's dysfunctional neurology in order to move that healing process forward. There is a point at which deeper understanding affords rapidly diminishing returns, and continuing to fixate upon it comes at the expense of making the real changes in your life that will carry you to a better place.
When someone tells me I need to talk to a therapist they are subtly rejecting me or what I'm saying. They want me to think they are helpful and caring but they don't feel safe.
Anna really has a gift for presentation. I really admire that.
That's so kind of you to say. I agree, but I'm biased. :) - Ashley, Team Fairy
Wow outstanding! Whenever I find the time to listen to your information I personally find it so powerful and unique, it shows you have a real connection! The solutions component is especially welcome. I want to add during the healing process (that may take a lifetime) you probably can't find closure, movement and that healing with the same people and in the same environment where you were treaded badly or abused ! When you want to stop smoking, you can not go work in a cigarette factory!
Ha!
This is great, I had a bit of a down day yesterday but watching this makes me realise how far though I am 🙂
Glad this video was able to cheer you up. It's easy to forget how far we have come, but pausing and showing gratitude for the progress can make a big difference. We're rooting for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thank you,
Healing is a spiral Dynamik, not linear. Yes it is😁
I find myself in different aspects of life in different phases. Sure reregulation helps and at the same time it clears the vision of the underlying behaviour patterns and roots of these once protective now self defeating or blocking behaviours. One more thing to grow on. That feels chaotic. Entangled in to much at the same time. Sometimes i ask myself when am I healed within myself that far that i can grow handling the real new obstacles. Not the ones that bring up new story's from the past that have been suppressed. Time will tell. I am marching on. ❤️
No wonder, I spent 30 years mostly in therapy, I did a round of TMS, I tried medication ( it almost killed my soul) ....until your videos I felt I NEVER MOVED ON , I never learned , just surprises of life where I felt happy to be alive, bit for the most part , lots of heart brake. I hope you truly know how amazing your life come to be for me.
Dignity, worthiness and amazing.
You have made my day. I'm overjoyed to hear that our healing is taking place!
2:58... this whole point brings me back to Good Will Hunting. Seeing that movie for the first time the night before this video dropped (lol), I'm like ok, I get it in terms of succint storytelling, where we need to focus on the main points and stages of a character arc. But I get your initial point too, the healing won't happen right away. However, the lesson I took from GWH is, like Will, one must take small steps toward getting better with the guidance of good people who positively challenge you (which is learning to connect with other people). All the phases you mention are ways to take small steps to getting better, and all were displayed on GWH, I think, in the order that you listed them. What are the odds? Finally, I have heard that the healing path is not linear. "The healing path is an upward spiral," that puts a different spin on it for me, pun intended. Thanks for this!
I'm laughing. I've been griping about that movie for decades!
@crappychildhoodfairy why don’t you like GWH? Just curious. I’m not a super fan of it. Do you think it paints a wrong or superficial picture of healing from abuse?
@@mft7530 I enjoyed the movie. But it portrays healing as an "aha" moment. You're stuck... you're stuck.. and then one big emotional outburst and you're done. I think that is a therapist's fantasy -- a therapist who does not have CPTSD. In real life, IMO, it's a daily process of learning to re-regulate, and learning how to do life.
@@annarunkle9819 daily small steps!
Internal Family Systems (IFS) has helped me so much.
You always describe exactly what I’m going through!!!
I am currently starting Ketamine infusion therapy for CPTSD, anxiety, and depression. After just two infusions I am amazed at the clarity and feelings of being centered and grounded. This is antithetical to everything I would ever have believed previously about how to achieve healing. It works so well in conjunction with the important information I have learned from on this channel, as well as a skilled counselor. It seems to work best with therapy. I think soon it will be covered by insurance to make it affordable and available to all who suffer from the life sucking pain and frustration of depression and CPTSD. I am so grateful to you Anna for the work you do and make available on CZcams,I have learned so much that has changed my life profoundly, and all I had to do was pay attention and practice. You are really such a friend in the most meaningful way. By posting the way you do, you were always there for me. Thank you
thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love this!!!
Yep, I wanna learn to connect with people!
I love you Anna and bless you for all of your wonderful, healing words!! 💫🌙💫
Aw, big hug!
im so glad i found this channel
Thanks for subbing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
What I've seen on the 5 phases... 1- Seek out Professional Trauma therapy. 2 - Establish Safety (get away from the abuse) 3 - Remembrance & Mourning (Trauma Therapy) 4 - Reconnect to Positive Personal relationship cut off because of Trauma 5 - Integration, reconnecting with the large world socially (aka get back into living).
We must remember that these phase can happen in any order and don't necessarily happen in order, well except for the first one. People need to realize that what they are experiencing requires Professional Trauma therapy. Regular CBT/DBT will only help with issues such as Depression and other Mental illness symptoms and will not affect or heal Trauma.
Thanks for the additional info.. What kind of trauma therapy would you suggest? I don't want to talk endlessly about past traumatic experiences, I just find that retraumatizing, can you suggest what type of trauma therapy to look out for?
@@finitobonito I learnt from Anna -or it might have been in the comments section here, can't remember which - that somatic therapy is useful. I haven't tried it myself yet because I've been too busy to think about it, but it might be worth a try. I believe it is proven to help heal trauma specifically. I hope you find what works for you
@@finitobonito EMDR as of this moment is probably the best, but that really depends on how deep the Trauma goes. Everyone is different. It is quick (12 sessions) and effective but I think it works best after, seeing a Trauma Specialist therapist. Also, you should be doing some sort of physical exercise program, yoga, palates or weightlifting. Body movement is critical in the recovery from PTSD. You might also want to begin a daily meditation schedule and work up to 20 minutes a day AND look into Vagus Nerve Resetting. This helps the body's nervous system to let go of the physical tension caused by the trauma.
There are two books I recommend that you read-
The body keeps Score by Dr. Bessel Von Der Kolk
And
PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
Both are well written on the subject of PTSD, both authors have PTSD personal History, the books offer great info on PTSD and other treatments one can look for.
Thank you
Is it always true that a person needs to live and interact with other people to be happy and healthy? Are there no true hermits? I find great peace and joy just being in nature and with my dog. I have a large garden and live surrounded by a forest. I have made a wildlife sanctuary of my property. I have plants that provide for birds, butterflies, and bees. Nectar sources, larval hosts, fruit, and shelter. Also consistent water sources. I feel my life is full and satisfying. Am I wrong? Yes, I had childhood trauma. I find people exhausting. But, I feel such peace now
Solitude is the right choice for some; I'm glad you feel at peace :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna
“…a neurological injury that disrupts brain and body systems.” Wow! No wonder I have neurological, chronic, incurable illnesses. No wonder I have so many of them and that so many of their symptoms are similar. No wonder I can’t tell which disease is causing what I’m experiencing. I imagine that each illness is associated with a certain type of trauma. I wonder if I can figure out and heal those traumas and eliminate or at least reduce the symptoms that make my life hell.
Give Matrix Reimprinting a try
Explains so much. Thank you
You're welcome, thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thanks for giving me hope .. Therapy and medication have helped me improve my quality of life....
Thanks💜
this is a staple in my life now.
I loved this one! Helped me understand my healing journey a lot!
Wonderful! Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
For me stage 4 is coming before stage 3. I’ve eliminated my self defeating behaviors and working on adding more positive ones. I still feel extremely lonely and although I have improved my social skills and have begun to meet new people, my heart is deeply broken from abusive relationships and limerence. I feel very hurt and unwilling to believe that a man would love me. I hope that I can in time lessen the pain in my heart and feel less grief so that I feel more secure trusting others. Part of me feels that no one would tolerate how much grief I have, and that makes me feel worse. I am practicing regulation but at the end of the day, there’s a lot to mourn, and it physically hurts because I’m sensitive to anything moving, both beautiful, or tragic. I hope I can meet people who appreciate my sensitivity rather than devaluing me for it as many have in the past or in childhood.
I had traumatic childhood and narc parents and learning disabled and now schizophrenic , horrible life
Reregulation I love it another piece to the puzzle thank you young lady much love and respect for me and the girls new subscribe 🐶😎🐶🤜🤛😎
Welcome to the channel. Glad you're finding more pieces to the puzzle. :) - Ashley, Team Fairy
it is good to know that i have stumbled onto stage 4 and parts of me are at stage 5
I find connecting with people so hard. I really liked this person but I couldn't make a connection with them. Really wanted it to work but it didn't. So now, I feel like I'll never be able to connect with someone. Meeting and talking to a new person scares me because I think I will make the same mistakes and my cycle of spiralling will start again. It's been over a year since he left
Hi Anna
I wouldn't dismiss reenactment.... unconscious choice in relationship...as a trauma pattern, that will be healed by learning regulation...
Yep, still stuck ... don't want to be ... failing at making changes ...
Wow. I’m blown away. I’m 51 and I just found you 2 wks ago. Every day I’ve been listening and relistening. It was crushing at first because I feel like I’ve wasted so much time. Not knowing what was wrong. And omg there still so much to do! Why didn’t anyone else catch this? I’ve been chronically ill my entire life. And medicine and therapy haven’t worked. The video on co-dependence. Was so eye opening. I actually thought what is this lady following me? I started to want to shut down & become paralyzed. Then I watched the healing steps and I have been working so hard and have done so much on my own. I feel encouraged to finally understand myself my family and now my adult children. But It’s overwhelming. I need a crash course because I’m getting old Anna. I am so ready to finally be able to use my gifts that have been buried under my CPTSD.
Welcome! You can do this, so glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Queen Anna👸🏼🧚🏼💙🙌🏻🙌🏻
Yup that's me.
to heal you just need a role model to copy the blueprint..
ive got second hand trauma lol. these are from reading too much and absorbing second hand experiences from people coming from internet exposure.. i mean it caught me. these dramatized experiences of abuser/abused dynamic or victim/narcissism narrative is so mainstream that i thought for awhile, is this what the world is operating on now?
im so single and alone and has no window on how to see the world but only through the lens of the www..
im so 'perfect' in my own little world that i feel guilty with this pleasure of digesting gossip yet im human and i so want to terribly connect but ive got no outlet...
i know i need physical activity but what im really so stimulated by is reading🤷..
I'm in the hermit stage and stuck there. Help!
I loop back into freeze mode and it’s totally sabotaging my efforts!!😩
Could you please make a video that explains to our partners what is happening to us and how they could be supportive. I don't know how to talk to about it with him...
You're in luck: czcams.com/video/mt3hJf9sD4U/video.html
I have all of the above! Do you have a CPTSD support group? I did the one course
We have our membership program, which is wonderful, and group coaching programs> come on over!
@@lawsonbrinton682 It’s difficult to trust men after Betrayal Trauma and healing from Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist Abuse for 15 years. Top of the morning to you.
I more or less avoid romantic relationships due to past heartbreaks...
🥰
I'm afraid of something and I would like assistance. I think my husband who left me in February after me finding out about an emotional affair with his married coworker in December, may have CPTSD. I also think I have this as well based on your assessment and videos. I for sure have codependency as told to me by my therapist a couple of months ago. He wants a divorce ( was no longer happy with me and is trying to take care of himself, but says he doesn't know why he just gave up on us 2 years ago). I, like many, did all the frantic research because of the way the breakup/discard went. I don't know if he is truly CPTSD or actually covert NPD, or just an insecure self-centered man who does have reserved empathy. I don't know how I should treat him. I want to be kind and work with him toward a peaceful divorce for the sake of our 2-year-old son, but I really don't know what I am dealing with and struggling with how to proceed. Similar to how you should react to different bears, I don't know if I should be playing dead with a brown bear or running away from a grizzly. lol! Don't want to get this wrong so I can come out with my self-respect and fix my diminished self-esteem to heal properly from this traumatic experience.
Hi Anna, thank you so much. I don't think I have the deregulation. I am trying to figure things out and it seems I was scapegoated from family. This led to a lot of isolation and no role models from age 10 upwards. It has got so bad that I think the loneliness is what I was used to. The not fitting in was definitely an accurate description of my childhood from 10 upwards. No sense of belonging. At 55, I still feel an outsider and have faced so much adversity. Domestic violence, lone parenthood, depression. cfs, health issues and im still lonely. How do I re engage and build my life up when I'm constantly battling the never ending cycle of having to work so hard to clear the debts from being a lone parent? I am in so much pain and feel so unhappy with my life. I just don't understand why I have to endure so much suffering when none of it was my fault.
Hi I've pulled my back so resting at moment b4 work
Hi I'm from Nottingham, UK. I like watching movies too. Watched Man up and Burnt yesterday. I enjoy tarot readings, meditation and anything that I find relaxing. My job as a Carer is quite physically and mentally demanding so I definitely like to chill and relax on my down time.
I'm so sorry to hear that. How awful for you. I have a soon to be 24 and a 26 year old so no longer children now. Do you follow Anna?
I'd rather not to be honest. I've opened out on here with some real personal issues and I would be nervous in engaging with someone due to this. If you get my drift.
Yeah Emotional regulation. This is twice now recently but it took 45 years to get this info proving I don't know what I don't know. I'm also in the grip of intense resistance.
can someone point me to the right resource about dysregulation, and how to learn how to re-regulate? I'm a bit overwhelmed right now...
Hi there - The Free Daily Practice Course can help you with dysregulation, as well as the Dysregulation quiz. Both are located on the Free Tools section of the website: crappychildhoodfairy.com/free-tools/ - Ashley, Team Fairy
Hi I believe I’m in phase 3-5
I feel like there’s an ebb & flow in those phases too.
So true!
When you say ebb what do you mean but I can see how they work hand &hand I truly just want to let it all go forgive and move on and take the lessons to help the next person but I feel trapped by the memories of rejection and abuse
What about when throughout your trauma you were told repeatedly that you needed to "deal with it", abd were regularly chastised for not being "strong enough" and not being able to "handle it". For me, because of this, the realization that trauma disregulated me and physically changed my brain only makes me feel worse. It makes me feel like they were right; I am too weak to handle anything. How do people like me heal when the knowledge needed to heal only reinforces the trauma?
Hey! I felt the same way for so long. Like I knew something had to be done but I couldn’t get my foot in. I found myself repeating “it’s not even that serious”as well as “you’re fragile” while being highly dysregulated... just remember to validate yourself. Any feeling is completely okay!
Note that: You should be some kind of regulated when you start doing the gritty work. You can’t make significant changes while being depressed or scattered in survival mode. If so, just focus on self care. Your body will do what it has to do to protect itself. Regulation comes with routine, good habits, protecting yourself from external negativity while you can, and feeling your feelings, crying and even allowing these negative thoughts to flow can help you let your body do the healing.
+ Change comes with (1) identifying limiting beliefs and (2) repetition/reprogramming your mind. You’ve probably heard this before but the way we look at things is a vibrational match to how it will show up in the physical. Thoughts -> feelings -> beliefs/actions. This also goes in reverse with your feelings being the centerpiece. Thus, perception is everything!!! So we must sit with ourselves and identify limiting beliefs, the feelings attached to them and anything that has happened that might have caused it (ex. “I am stupid and so there’s no point” • Makes me feel inadequate and helpless to change. Reminds me of the time my brother called me stupid OR when I failed 3 exams back to back).
I identify the negative thoughts as LIES and reprogram my mind slowly. I did this exercise and was surprised at how many LIES I had been told that had influenced my feelings towards myself and my personal experience which influenced my actions. I replaced a lot of these with MY truth or what I want to believe. “There is nothing wrong with you” “If this was actually true, then you wouldn’t have ___.” “You’re only weak when you give up. Struggling is normal.” “You’re beautiful, smart.” This way, you can separate yourself from those thoughts and start to get to the root of your FEELINGS which are way more important.
It’s a slow process, but it’s also important to remind yourself that your experience is unique to you. It does not look like the next persons experience or whatever your family members/friends had to go through to be “strong” regardless of what they tell you. I always tell myself that I am made strong in my weakness. These lies only teach us to gaslight OUR OWN SELVES into settling for less. There’s no need to punish yourself when you’re not alone. At least; this is what worked for me.
So identify these thoughts, maybe journal and ponder where they could be coming from, what negative feelings are keeping you from standing in your power. Memorize some quotes or Bible verses or any spiritual practice to counteract these thoughts and renew your mind and get yourself up from the pity party you’ve constructed in your head.
Your perception of CPTSD also changes things. I spent months hating myself for not being “normal”. Someday you’ll get the strength to really really want to be better for yourself and challenge the way your thoughts have been conditioned. It’s not what’s wrong with you, it’s what happened to you.
But remember it’s not an overnight thing! You can handle it because the pain of recovery is greater than the pain of the injury and that’s something you have to remind yourself of. Complete some exercises, repeat things to yourself, do the work and feel your feels. That makes you so much stronger than you know! IT is so normal. If anything, rare, especially now and days when people have zero depth. Keep on.
Sorry I’m typing so much Lol Only because I know exactly how you feel! When the knowledge needed to heal reinforces or triggers trauma, you’re still slightly dysregulated. I would watch videos on videos that only triggered me and made me feel so much shame and guilt. At some point, I had to stop. I would only listen to music, which was hard because even that became a trigger after my last traumatic experience, but what I can say is that it gets so much better with time. Try to listen to your body or your conscience/personal convictions. What do I want to do right now? How am I feeling apart from my thoughts or beliefs (using a mood meter)? What do I need? Why do I feel this way? I want to take a bath, maybe I should. Just put yourself first. You WILL heal! reframe those thoughts, contextualize your experience and feel whatever you have to feel and before you know it you’ll be doing the actual work.
@@kyfp528 thank you so much for sharing. This is really helpful.
Thank you can we teach this to professionals. So they don't keep adding there judgemental comments on the people they are supposed to be supporting
I think she is a professional. You just have to find the right ones. Like for everything in life really
❤️
Dear Anna, dont we deny any responsibility for what is happening to us and our behaviors, if we say this is not our fault? Isnt that statement dangerous? Maybe we get blind at our own mistakes and part is all this?
Abuse and neglect during childhood is NEVER the child's fault.
Lonely even in a crowd I can’t stop laughing sigma Lonewolf here let me throw in one more deficit INFJ yeah could there be anymore lol thank you