Trauma Suppresses Who You Really Are: Can You Ever Get That Back?
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 30. 06. 2022
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The need for love can drive people who were neglected as children into hasty relationships that make life more secure, but that don't provide true connection. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who lives with a partner but now finds... she just isn't into it.
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I love the way you speak so kindly and positively to each person. Itâs something our inner voice doesnât do so well. And in this video I really appreciated how you showed what an evolved âbrokenâ person can be.
In the last couple of years Iâve heard people that know me well describe me as strong and I never applied that word to myself. I thought I was weaker than others because I confused strong people with people without problems. You become strong through adversity and that strength is a terrible but beautiful gift.
I have no memory of a person that wasnât in survival mode. I was born into trauma and drama, I never felt it was right and I didnât fit with them. But after hitting bottom after terrible relationships, I starting healing through therapy, now years later I have become who I was meant to be. I am becoming someone I can be happy with and love.
Same here. I was never allowed to develop into a balanced, unafraid, untraumatised little girl, teen, young woman, mature woman.
Until now. Sadly its taken a lifetime of searching and missteps. I'm now 56 and I'm who I'm meant to be. It's never too late.
Sending you best wishes and hugs, from one survivor to another.
@@FirehorseG weâre the same age đł
I'm genuinely so happy for you hearing your story :) thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. wishing you lots of happiness and authenticity for the years to come :)
@@FirehorseG so happy to hear from both of you at age 56. I'm only 32 and it's nice to see healing happen to people at all ages
Trying to do the same as well :(
For me healing started as simple acts of self-love: Going to bed when I was tired instead of pushing myself to the ragged edge of exhaustion, eating nutritious food instead of junk food, listening to music that lifted my mood instead of dark and gloomy music. And sometimes a warm bath can work wonders for a bad mood.
Beautifully said
Yes! I have been doing all the things you mentioned, I am just struggling with the sleep, did you do certain things to calm your mind before bed? Any tips?
@@sunflowerly9300 Listening to calming music (for me slow jazz music) and focusing on a word and an image (like the word drift and image of a lake) helped. Anytime my mind wanted to wander or let other thoughts intrude I would gently bring it back to the word and image. Other things that helped; no caffiene of any kind after 1p.m., stop drinking fluids a couple of hours before bed so I wouldn't need a bathroom break in the middle of the night and brushing my teeth with baking soda and salt (the smell and taste of mint revs me up and I feel awake).
Go walk a trail and breath in nature, it brings peace to your soul.
Iâm a little weird, I like thunderstorms and lightning.
Whatâs surprising about healing is
The way you end up SURPASSING
your peers in intelligence, health,
manners, and sometimes wealth
(pick your specialty, no one is all
100% ;)) and fitness or whatever
it is. You heal and heal and heal
and heal, always feeling like you
will never catch up, finding your
self alone, you assume because
youâre so faaar behind, only find
that itâs because youâre far *ahead*
in ways youâd never have dreamed.
how true and beautifully expressed !
@@suramyasingh4529 thanks! I was last to
Learn ABCâs in second grade. My teacher
gave up on me. My peers wouldnât bother
as they were too advanced conversationally.
I teach mYself how to articulate properly and
I see now that mY peers SUCK. They often
miscommunicate, use words WRONG, and
highly egotistical at that. Worse, they are
spreading their filth on to their spawnings!
Couldn't agree more, I'm so proud of all of us â€â€â€
Yes! And what a joy to see all these people in the vangurd together â€
I think covert avoidance as you call it is really geared towards keeping oneself busy with other people's stuff so that you avoid having to deal with your own stuff.
It's messy when you jump in to take care if people who should take care of themselves. More layers of mess are forced into the children, who feel they must be or do what their parents want in order to make them happy. A child lacks perspective; there family is the only normal they know. Other family members don't get involved. If someone is messed up, steer them to AA meetings, go with them, hold them accountable for themselves. Call them out on violence, domestic abuse, emotional neglect in the home. Help them understand that their children aren't objects that belong to them to do with as they will. The children are on loan, in their care to show them how to be better people. Healthy parenting skills can be acquired. Every day is an opportunity to do better and create the home they could have had if their own parents had done better. Act like people you admire even if you don't feel it at first. Take time every for self care. Work at your life everyday. People need you.
This could also be applied to the flying monkeys and the gossipers.
On the over eating⊠Eating is grounding! So sometimes when we feel super traumatized we can over eat because weâre unconsciously trying to ground ourselves.
yessssss
Iâve been finally discovering who I really am in my late 30âs. There never was a âreal me before Narcissistic Abuseâ because of my Narc mom.
I'm on the same boat as you, with narcissistic abuse. It's so tough, feels like you never knew who you were since you were always put down and blamed. It's hard but we can get through this together along with this community :)
Welcome to the discovery process :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm going to pretend this is cannon for the character.
I'm 50. Who am I? Why can't I make and keep friends? The more affectionate someone is with me, the better I feel.
Maybe because ur getting the love and attention you never got when u were younger? Just taking a guess
Codependency
YOU have been such an đfor meâŠ.đđđđđđ»đđ»đ
I was in my late 40 asking the same questions until I discovered Peter Levine, this place and another great german channel.
Itâs now far from perfect, but thatâs not my aim. Iâm now able to regularly feel myself very strongly. Itâs such a powerful feeling and mood state, where my past, present and future projects are like pieces of a puzzel that are falling perfectly on place. From there, life is such an impressif force and feeling connected to my friends that I was able to find is so enjoyableâŠ
Iâm writing you this, because it worked for me, and there is no good reason it wouldnât for you. The result after is worth any effort!
You're not alone....I 51 and have felt the same my whole life.
I have never experienced what it's like to not be in fight/flight mode or survival mode. I was born into it from my family, and it has been so difficult to maintain and navigate friendships/relationships in general. As a kid, I was always changing who I was to please others. Until recently, I am finding out who I really am and what I like to do at 25 years old. Your channel, along with therapy give me hope on this journey of life! đ€đ
im with u too. Always in survival mode. even when i try to sleep the thoughts of panic. This angel and community give me more hope
@@myname-uk6oe yes I understand what you're going through, it's definitely tough when you're in panic mode during the day and at night :( sometimes, feels like I am defeated and won't get better. lately I have nightmares daily about my trauma, it's been really difficult. but the only way is up from here right?!! :)
@@KristinaAdventures yes u have a community of support right here
@@myname-uk6oe đ€đ
I also don't know what it is like not to be in emotional survival mode. I used a lot of the fight or flight and channeled it into my running which allowed me to excel, but didnt solve the original problem and only looked forward to my next emotional regulating run. I would like to be free.
Oh you comin at me today. I'm seriously going through an awakening for a long time and now it's so apparent, double breathing into this new life
I'm not sure who I am. I've never been the real me. Trauma happened at the age of 5. I've been living in double standards my whole life. And these standards haven't stopped. Majority of what's left of family is depressed and with mental health issues worse than me. I feel bad for our country because this health issue is a priority today.
Yes, breaking the generational curse which I call it. Thank you
I really had no idea who i was,i have always lived a double life.Honesty i s still difficult for me.I am 77 years old and i'm tired of trying to be ok. I'm in AA 34
years with 2 relapes that caused me a lot of shame.I am just tired.
@@helenwarren5217 I feel the same way. We can't be there for people that do not seem to understand the struggle. I've been fixing myself for 4 yrs. What time I have left I will do for me. Wishing you better days ahead my friend.
@@Latoree33 I can relate to what you are saying.
Become the person you want and deserve to be. Imagine what your life would have been in a family that gave you the unconditional love, emotional support, structure, healthy emotional boundaries, and enjoyment that you needed. Recreate that life for yourself.
@@wendybryan6071 it's frustrating but I've already taken some steps in that direction. Part of who I want to be is ridged but I hope I can smooth out the rough edges. Thank you for your support. It was definitely just what I needed.
Been in therapy since the age of 18. I am now 53, and still messed up.
I found talking about my issues kept me struggling. I stopped therapy 7 years ago. I am on meds...i am at least less angry....
Glad you are here still doing the work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
You aren't messed up. You are human. You are allowed to progress at your own speed. You are obviously resilient and strong You!! You got this!
30?âŠ.thank goodness you realized now instead of 61, like me. Only now starting my healing journey.
it's never too late :) wishing you all the best on your healing journey, you deserve to get better and live the life you deserve!!
Never too late!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It's never too late to start healing. Well done and keep on healing. Wishing you all the best.
I can relate to being a hermit too so I wouldn't have to avoid conflict with others too...
The challenge I faced for quite a while was the intense anger, real rage every time I managed to peel off the "fake me", as I used to call the mask I created to manage living with the trauma within me. Each time I became a little bit more self-aware and more authentic a strong need to claim Justice and voice my truth all that came up in an aggressive manner. It would make me feel bad. I felt the toxicity ingrained in those feelings. I have become aware that I am not angry, my real nature is not anger, on contrary. It has been a real surprise to figure that out. It's like I lived under a horrible spell.
Wow I can so relate to the anger. My narc family was making me sick as their scapegoat. Cut contact and now have peace that I have never known. Healing is possible. Thanks for sharing!!
@@Ikr2025 same here. It's a lot of work. It can be exhausting. I first cut off from the family. But then it seemed the anger got worse. I would replay on my mind again and again what I wanted to say. It's a huge waste of time and energy. Once I realized that I slowly started feeling more myself. Then it came the phase when I realized the extent of the abuse and the heavy baggage I was left with to unpack. The anger got even worse. After a lot of learning on CZcams about narcissism and particularly here with Anna I got to a better place. My current plateau. Well, it's our job to heal ourselves. And I believe we all will be rewarded for our hard work. Thanks
@@cynthiafortier2540 I got sick and had many losses as well. Narcissism runs deep in my family. The whole array. And all sorts of flying monkeys as well. It's something that only those who went through it know. I also cut contact with the whole family. We are very precious. I believe narcissism has to do with spirituality first and foremost. So we've been through an actual spiritual war. So let's rejoice! For being alive and not having become one of them.
@@gracenow4082 definitely. Exactly what I think now. The spirit of revenge is a bad spirit. If we allow all the entities that accompanied those who hurt our soul that way come to live within us. Victory is not only leaving all that behind, it's becoming a better person despite all that we went through. That's real victory.
@@marcelocardoso4737 Oh I so agree, it is spiritual warfare. The light always defeats the dark. 2 years sober now, I don't need to numb anymore. Stay strong, you sound like your in a healthy place too. We are children of God, and he wants us to be happy!!
My first traumatic event occurred when I was 18 months old. I have no idea who I was before trauma. I know that the chronic depression was already active at age six because of a traumatic event. I donât know when the anxiety kicked in, but I know I had a major panic attack at 17. I have absolutely no idea who Iâd be without the trauma and the concomitant depression and anxiety, and Iâd like to know.
"Regaining your power after a toxic relationship is the biggest part of healing, especially since weâve gotten so used to being controlled. Be kind to yourself and take it day by day, so you can begin to feel more powerful and confident in yourself again.
đCZcamsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships"
First step to healing for me was realizing that I had patterns that I needed to change, and starting to connect the patterns to the way my family was dysfunctional. Asking myself the question "why do I allow this behavior?" and really looking inside for the answers. For me that got the ball rolling. Then, I knew the first thing I had to do was take control of my life and set boundaries. And stick to them no matter what. A lot of us have become very emotionally driven, and I just have learned to delegate some decisions to my sense, my logical mind. That means sometimes having to feel the feelings but not act on them because I know that what I'm feeling isn't rationally driven but trauma driven. Good luck to anyone starting the journey - the inner peace is waiting for you
Thank you for the encouraging post!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Emily, darling, you are young. I'm turning 41 on Tuesday and it wasn't until last summer's wake-up call that I started my healing process. And yes, I'm also overweight and, let me say this for the first time since I began healing, I do believe there's someone for me out there, despite all the problems and complications.
I've been with my boyfriend for 25 years. The last ten I put on weight. Probably 30 pounds. The majority went to my thighs and stomach. With all the medication and my thyroid not functioning and being bedridden with pain, I couldn't exercise.
I didn't think it was that bad but he made a very hurtful comment about my legs and I just am stunned. It wasn't that he said anything horrible but I had commented on how fat everyone was in the Costco lineup for food and ice-cream and how terrible this one ladies legs were. They were lumpy, actually lumps of fat and she had on short shorts. Mine are usually just a couple inches above my knee. The shorts i wear cover my fat, my thighs are large and out of shape but I don't have any lumps at all.
He said something like well you wear shorts too.
I didn't say anything at the time. I was in shock. He had never said anything like that before.
My legs were always big even when I was at my slimmest and fit in a size 4. I'm probably a 10 now.
I'm trying to do chores and be more active but it's hard to workout when I can barely do what I have to to get the house back in order.
I should add that he's put on 40 pounds himself, all in the belly. He looks pregnant.
I have never said a word about it. Not one word.
I'm still hurt. It's been a few days. I have no idea what to do. Do I throw away the relationship over it ? Do I never mention it to him ? I just don't know.
Our relationship has been up and down for the whole 25 years. Will I find someone else ? Will anyone really ever do as much as he's done for me ?
My life is almost over. Maybe another 20 years if I'm lucky. If I'm not good enough now, maybe I'll never be ? What if I never lose the weight ? Now I just feel ashamed and don't even want to face him. He's expecting me to come out to the lake next weekend and now I feel so unattractive that it's not going to be the same.
I have complained before about him saying things to sabotage these trips. He begs me to come out, he misses me and just wants to hold me but also thinks I'm too fat to wear shorts. đ wa wa wa. I feel like I've been sucker-punched in the guts and he carried on like it didn't mean a thing.
Sorry to sound so hopeless. I'm a failure at CZcams too.
@@lorimiller4301 no, love. You aren't a failure. You just need to heal enough to be able to fight for yourself, to show some teeth. :) You'd be surprised how far the attitude can get you in a relationship with an unappreciative SOB. My husband is a classic case of narcissist, like you read in the books, and he fed off of my submissiveness for 15 years, gaslit me into believing I'm no good for anything or anyone, right up to my boiling point. Don't let anyone bring you to that point. And this channel and affiliate sources are a great place to start healing.
Only one baby picture of me exists. Iâm about 3 months old. My hands are tightened into fists and raised in front of my chest. My face is full of fear and a sort of fierce guarded strength. I will never be who I would have been without trauma.
Iâm so sorry.đą
Sending you love and light. đđ
"trauma induced endocrine disruption" - Would love to see a video on this.
She's done one about food before -
czcams.com/video/NrhkcnoEkho/video.html
all chronic stress does a lot to our body
I think trauma increases the production of Cortisol- The fight or flight stress hormone. Ive read chemicals and pesticides in our environment causes endocrine disruption.
Same!!
You're still you with trauma, just like you're still you with a broken leg. Sure, you have to heal before you can do all the things you want in life, but it's still the you who you have always been who is healing. That kid you remember liking? That is YOU.
I run a Traumatic Brain Injury-(TBI) support group that meets once a month.... It is really gratifying when fellow TBI survivors say "Thanks for setting up this group.. It really helps me with my life a lot!!"...
I think that is why I have stayed Obese for so long . To protect myself from relationships and the possible heartbreak....
I was born into trauma. I'm still working to find out who I was really meant to be.
I can relate.... I've been in survival mode pretty much all of my life...
Glad you're here
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for covering family relationships and the trauma from those. Some of us canât even begin to care about interpersonal relationships, as weâve been so traumatized by family ones that we have nothing left to give. I donât even know who pre-traumatized me is, as I was born into family trauma. I just want to get to a place where I can trust and form new relationships with good people. Trust is so not easy!
So much time has passed and so much has happened that I need to be a billion times better than I was before the trauma.
Why is it that we attract a guy whoâs just like our abusive father over and over again no matter how much work we do on ourselves? Itâs like a spiritual curse.
OMG I spent the last 12 years trying to do this. I didnât know it was an actual thing like others felt that their true self is trapped in a prison or dead n gone like me.
I canât wait to watch this video !
Enjoy!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had the same. I always described it as a prison around my heart and I'd thrown away the key so far even I couldn't find it anymore, or as an icicle around my heart that wouldn't melt. I had really flat emotions. I wasn't able to connect with people. I couldn't really feel love (except for my cat who I think has kept me sane). It took many kind people to break free. And a lot of introspection and demanding and destabilising sessions of acknowledging my past and my hurts and my feelings. And a lot of self-acceptance. That was the hardest step. Cause I obviously detested the fact that I was traumatised, I didn't want it to be part of my biography. I just wanted to move on, forget it, erase it, never repeat it. But I had to accept it. Embrace it in a way. Make it mine, own it. Forgive it. Let go. I've changed a lot over the course of a year. I remember being a really happy energetic sociable outgoing kid before I kinda regressed into my head as a survival tactic. I am reconnecting with this small child. It feels like I'm becoming the real me, how I should have turned out. And it's comforting and empowering seeing that change. I can still become me, even if I haven't been that person for like 25 years. All the best to you. You can also unlock your true self
@@mandarinadreux9572 you definitely give me hope that I can be myself again! Itâs a hard long road. Iâm tired of being caged,Iâm ready to be free. I did the opposite of you tho,i embraced my trauma n held onto it too long n made it become apart of me. Now realizing itâs something that happened to me not who I am/was.
Right on target. I saw a 'talk therapist' at 35. Nice lady. Never even got into cPTSD, or trauma-caused faulty default belief system. Had a breakdown at 50 - different 'talk therapist' so low I finally agreed to meds. Five years of wasted money. No idea the questions I could have asked. Started to read, do research, and learn on my own. Learned what PTSD was. A lightbulb moment revealed my own childhood PTSD moment at the age of six...and I was on my way to heal at last. Such a waste of valuable time.
I now have tools, learned elsewhere and here, to stay on a healing track. My self-image is better. I can see my own dysfunctions and deal with them, rather than constantly being dragged by them down the rabbit hole. This channel put a name to it: 'dysregulation' - a concept I never knew was a thing...and so damaging to me...and so very within my ability to manage. I feel as if my journey now has the possibility of balance, and even joy. "I love who I've become." My response out loud to myself: "Oh, Lady!" I must reach that in my own life.
You are certainly shining a flashlight for us Anna, thank you so much.
You are so welcome
-Cara@TeamFairy
I always hated when I was told why I did things when I knew thatâs not what motivated me. I was a secret smoker since age 13 because I found it was the only thing that helped my brain to calm down from anxiety attacks and depersonalization episodes Iâd been having since age 11 when my family invited my older brothers wife into our lives and our home, and she began to constantly berate and belittle me and my other siblings, in addition to the neglect we had already been suffering. We got all of these âassemblyâ talks at school about not smoking, which assumed why kids smoked, which assumed it was all about peer pressure and trying to look cool. The truth for me couldnât be further from the truth, and was that nobody had peer pressured me, I felt deep shame about smoking as I knew my parents had extremely strong opinions about people who smoked and want it implied about their class. And class was a big issue in my family. So I never smoked in public, I stole money from my moms wallet, and snuck down to a bowling alley on my bike to buy cigarettes from a machine. That was the beginning of me having a totally secret existence nobody knew about but me.
Great example, thanks for sharing
-Cara@TeamFairy
My trauma started even before I was born and I have never been in a normal environment during my entire childhood. I constantly check othersâ emotional status, trying to make sure everyone is happy. I do not even feel sacrificing myself because I do not known who I am supposed to be. I was living for my mom and my younger brother before my kid was born. Now I truly want to recover, for myself and for my kid. Taking care of everyone is physically and mentally exhausting, which also allows toxic people take advantage of me. But I truly do not know whom I am supposed to be.
I like Anna. I can see her true colours.
I owe a debt of gratitude, to every american woman i ever listened to.
You change something in me, you give me something, you teach me something.
You better me.
Thank you.
I have no idea who I really am because I am the first born of a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father (he was actually a great human being, notwithstanding his addiction which I also share). I spent the first five years of my life alone with my mom. No preschool, no friends. The first time I was with kids full-time was kindergarten and I was nearly 6. Totally screwed.
Iâve been working on myself intensively and creating a personage, I guess. I just hope I can get something together because Iâm already 54.
The comment sections on your videos are just as warm and helpful as you are! Thank you for cultivating such a warm and welcoming space and thank you for your help â€ïž
(also thanks to all the people in the comments who've given me a boost, you guys are awesome)
And thank you for your warm and helpful contributions as well :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Topic couldnât come at a better time. WOW!
I'm 64, recently retired and finally able to start to work on this. I was lucky to find a wonderful partner in my late 20s, but suffered from bullying and low eslf esteem throughout my professional life. It's not as easy as I thought. You've béen a great help, so thanks so much !
Glad you are here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you! đ
My story, in short, is more about neglect -fysically (like no dentist, broken bones not taken care of) and emotionally. My memories go back to my first year and Iâm thankful for that, so I remember a short time in my life when all was still kind of loving and sane in our house.
What I have done that has helped me tremendously is that Iâve always, even in my younger years, held myself responsible for every thing I did or did not. However hard things were, I NEVER chose to see myself as a victim. That way, I never gave my life out of my own hands. And I have done some stupid things, I have suffered, but I never gave the responsibility for that away.
The biggest family-trauma came even much later, about 10 years ago. Maybe Iâve been too tough on myself, I developed a major anxiety disorder. (Even afraid to walk through my own house without clinging onto something for dear lifeâŠ) Ah, the many times I was afraid to die⊠đ±
Well, Iâm still alive. Almost 50 now and really doing SO much better!! The things I chose as my personal therapy were: humor, arts (my profession and passion) walking through nature, gardening, teaching arts , watching CZcams channels like yours and others and since a few months⊠tapdancing. Iâve lost 20 kiloâs and was finally able to start tapdancing again, after 35 years, through CZcams tutorials. Itâs crazy how much that has helped me!! Tapdancing is all about focusing on your balance, itâs FUN, I LOVE learning in general, and it is incredible how much it has helped me to regain my balance -literally- walking around through life, my kitchen and unfamiliar spaces. I hope this makes sense. đ
Videoâs like yours and Emma Mc Adamsâ made me realize that I wasnât broken. It has helped me enormously and I thank you therapists out there forever. đ
Thanks for sharing, and no, we are not broken!! Happy for you for finding joy!!
@@cynthiafortier2540 Thank you so much!! Frankly, I never lost joy. I just got terribly anxious and that surely made me sad sometimes, but Iâve never lost my âhappy spiritâ.
I hope you are doing well too!! đ
@@JohannaVeerenhuis At 56 I have finally healed. I had to go no contact with my family, 2 sisters and dad, all narcs. I was their punching bag and I had enough. 2 years sober now. I don't have fear in the pit of my stomach that I had my whole life. Very sad with the family, but I had to care for me and my mental health. We all have a story to tell. Finally finding me and my purpose and it's wonderful. Cheers to us!!
@@cynthiafortier2540 Whoah, that is heavy, but good for you that you chose for your life as a priority!!
I can relate⊠when I was 20 I thought about breaking with my father, but I decided not to, because of my mother who was mentally disabled because of a braintumor.
My older brother, we have always been very close, as far as close went, in this emotionally distant family situation. We always had each other for comfort and support.
Long story short, my brother met a woman online and she found ways to make me⊠look bad for my father and brother.
In the end, my brother, my rock, turned against me and I was even disowned by my father. A complete shock to my system. My father, ok, he never liked my ways. But my brother, who always took me with him, when he was going out with friends, we shared soooo much togetherâŠ
I understand why he has become the jerk he has. Maybe when I handât had an older sibling, I would have become the same, with no backbone.
But being cut off by the one family member I thought I could rely on, shook my grounds.
Thank heaven I have the best husband in the world, for me.
@@JohannaVeerenhuisLeaving my abusive and toxic family was so hard, yes heavy, I cried many many years. This I know for sure, I will never again be someone's punching bag. I have so much love and kindness to give, and they know it. More importantly I know it. Through all this I found myself. 2 years sober, I don't need to numb anymore. All is well. Sounds like your doing good to. Your brother lost a good one.
I have my doubts. I was told I was a mistake a number of times when I was growing up. Then there were bullies.
@@soothingwisdom273 I'm sorry you had to go through this and were told this. I hope you are keeping in mind that you cannot control what others think, say, or do. I know their words can cut deep especially when you're a child, I dealt with verbal and emotional abuse as a child and it is so degrading. Lately, I am working on building my self confidence to know that I am worthy and I am enough, but it is sooooo challenging. I'm in this with you, we will get through this :)
I donât know what it would be like to live a life not being in protection mode as I was born into trauma and it has continued running my life until I just realized in the past 6 months about CPTSD. Starting to see the light and already happy with my healing; one baby step at a time. Thank you for helping open my eyes
Hurray!
-Cara@TeamFairy
17:06 brought tears to my eyes. Love you, Annaâ€
A: No. Your physical brain is permanently altered after severe emotional trauma.
Oh no, someone better tell all the people healing thriving in this community!
I agree. I donât think you get it back but something better can grow and even thrive in its place.
"The horns in his head fit the holes in mine." I heard that, and it made sense back then.
This really speaks to me. Like so many other stories of abused children. I've had crisis intervention recently but now stuck. I think I do need a good friend (who i don't have), therapy hasn't helped much.
How did the intervention go? Tell me exactly what happened?
Appreciate you chiming in :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You say it is so tempting to go back to those guys who trigger the CPTSD. Yep, I was on my way to call my ex to see how he had faired during covid, and was actually feeling those irregular butterflies again after all those years, bc I never fell out of love with him (after I left him due to all the crazymaking, gaslighting, and bait n switching), but sadly I discovered he had passed away. I was thrown into a whole new dimension of PTSD from that. All the wounds that I didn't process after our breakup, that I had suppressed, bubbled up like a volcano. I am processing this with therapy but I have to say life has been a nightmare these days. (I also lost 2 other close friends in the same 6 months).
Iâm so sorry for your losses. *hugs* wishing you healing and blessings.
This is a lot to process, take good care.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Forgive me because I tend to be blunt and too the point.
I cannot understand how anyone can say they love someone that treated them so poorly. I donât think itâs love I think it is some type of insecurity/codependency. Is it possible you were worried about him because if he died you would lose something that you need to hang onto?
I have had many many narcissists in my 64 years. (Family, friends, relationships, neighbors, workplace)
I could really care less what happens to them.
If Someone informs me that something bad happened to one of them
(because I never Bring up their names or ask about them,
âspeak of the devilâ)
my thoughts are well thereâs your karma.
ALL humans have trauma. Without adversity, there is no growth. One can either grow or let it consume them. I'd never want to be the person I was prior to those events as that means I'd have to give up that growth.
Of course. I don't know what else I might expect when I visit your channel, but it IS depressing listening to all this pain, the people who write to you feel trapped over years and decades and their lives sabotaged by people who are in trusted positions. They have difficulty healing from the pain and my God, these sensitive, wonderful people hurt. I wish Emily all the best. I'm glad you're there to help. Love.
I'm glad that Emily wants to be more like the person she had lost... but efforts to incorporate the pain into her life right now preclude this. Emily must become even clearer about that which she wants in her life and go after that. Then she can accept her pain in. These things take place almost simultaneously but the emphasis must be on health and then healing.
Yes Anna this is so true. You lose yourself as I did where fleeing from DV just meant I was in survival mode for years and with no support from adults you can go through life aimlessly. Like you point out, the stress of financial issues can add to the isolation and loneliness. The saddest part is when you want nothing more but to be loved but your so busy juggling all the plates and keeping them spinning you have no time, no energy and then you burn out. Your body caves into the stress đ©. Health issues. Depression. The why me? What's wrong with me? I came across your videos by chance and the very first one was like such a relief that someone gets you. And I now know I'm not alone. There's so many of us trying to heal. It is so sad that we become invisible in life and forget our talents and our purpose. I will keep watching your videos as I know every one I watch restores my faith in me reaching the life I want to live.
So glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I could have written this letter. It's so similar to my life.
No. I built my youth on pursuing my dream, life limerence? I got close and it all fell apart. I battled cptsd for 16 years and lost the only hope i had for my life. My dad was an abusive alcoholic, my mom codependent alcoholic. They never taught me how to deal with things other than walking and wiping. I dont have friends really and my cptsd makes it so i am numb inside and cant connect. My life is like being dead without alk the benefits of being dead. I still have to work, sit in traffic and deal with bs. Also im ugly and have spent my whole life alone. At the age of 48, too old and tired to recover.
You sound beautiful to me. May something wonderful happen for you. Understood.
Hang In there ⊠I hear you about judging your own looks. We are our own worst critic. Have you ever complimented yourself? Have you ever found something you like about yourself ⊠have you laid down and thanked your feet for being there and your eyeballs for helping you seeâŠ. If you could try to thank each body part and show your own spirit appreciation for just being here. You may be a butterfinger I may be a Kit Kat but we are all delicious candy just different
High five yourself in the mirror daily. I'm trying it myself. Look up Mel Robins about it.
You are a beautiful, kind, loving soul. There aren't many of us out there and you are one!!
So many of my formative years were filled with trauma. I don't know who I would be if I healed. Because there is no sustained time I can remember when life was normal.
We understand, thanks for sharing.
-Cara@TeamFairy
How can I have this with no great trauma in my life. But do know that I feel stress about everything and my dad was a yeller which scared me badly always. I'm 71 now and have had depersonalization for the last 35 years straight. Tried all kinds of meds for it and nothing helped, not one of the doctors I saw talked about what was the cause. I have been seeing a therapist last 8 months doing emdr. Seeing some help from it, but see myself get stuck, cause it seems to upsetting to be real again, all seems like it's to much to handle real life, cause I have no idea of how to do it. Even though I have been doing it all along, I have 3 grown son's, one with high functioning autism and my husband has it also, so I have had to be on guard to keep all going for us. I have always felt like everyone else understands what's going on and I'm on the side lines trying to figure it out. I do have memories of my child hood and do remember things that upset me. My two sisters that are just a year and 3 years younger, remember these things, but with no upsets. They didn't like dad's yelling, but knew he loved them, I couldn't get passed the yelling to be able to feel safe I guess is what it's all about for me. I have been doing intermitting fasting the last few months, so I don't eat till 11 am so I don't know what to do with myself till 11 am since eating was always my way of soothing myself. I see I have used food to feel good. Thank you for all you do, it's really good to listen to all you are sharing. Getting me to think, not sure when I will be able to do anything, since my brain just wants to hide.
I really relate. I felt fear as a child too because my dad screamed at us for normal kid stuff. I had to love on and heal my inner child.
It's incredible how all of us think the same things. Some have luck and receive real help in younger years and others had therapists that just made of us more victims and without faith. Anna, you are saving lifes.
Thank you so much for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don't think you'll ever get back to the way you were before all the trauma. But....I think if you work on it, you can get back to close to the way you were, only better. After all, you have learned a lot from your trauma. You've learned a lot of red flags to look for, and you've learned how to get out if you find yourself in a similar circumstance again. That's A LOT of very useful knowledge!
Maybe we could or should learn to think of it as baptism by fire, or something. As necessary pain to grow and evolve spiritually.
I did Alan on for awhile and na both were very helpful. I learned a lot , I ran na groups. Then became interested in helping others and became a nurse and went into public health,I learned a lot also about people in my 20 years of work and my nursing education about human development and behavior. I still need to do the daily practice. My father was an alcoholic and then I got in a relationship with one as well. The parents fighting the beatings , both parents were narcissist, I was the youngest so feelings of abandonment were strong. My healing is lifelong. I have tools and awareness now. Thank you. Your teaching is unique and the best Iâve received, I used to be told I hate myself by my therapist which was more damaging than helpful! I love myself and am satisfied with my life and choices and it wasnât easy as you know to come out ok. I know I made bad mistakes, them too, forgiveness helps.
In all honesty, why would we want to go back? We allowed trauma because our lack of healing was dormant and hiding. We didnât know of it or else we wouldnât have put up with things we did.
I hate it. Just happened now, are you psychic? Many blessings! I feel trapped in gaslight alley. What an insightful video/channel. Thank you for this upload.
Fully processed pain will turn you into much more than before.. - - - > Holotropic Breathwork
With the right tools, our suffering and hard times become our greatest gift to the world and means of helping others. Grateful for everything. đ
đčUNITY đčRECOVERY đčSERVICE
I love it when the fairy says âI think I can help,â itâs really affirming.
Yes!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love it that you also point people toward 12-step programs!
I don't remember what that's like because I've been traumatised my whole life. But I have found some success from somatic breath work, where you release tension in the body which was caused by trauma.
I'm sorry to hear this, I am in the same situation as you as I was traumatized my whole life as well. Yes so happy to hear that you have found a coping skill that works for you! It's amazing how much trauma can be stored inside your body physically!
Joshua, have you heard of Vipassana meditation? A silent, 10 day retreat works wonders and can change your life. And it's by donation only (if you have no money, no donation required).
When you come in at about 15 minutes ..that right there ...I also LUV the ctsd tribe members ...those seeking the healing pathđâĄđ
I started wondering at one point if I wrote the letter. My life has been almost exactly the same.
Trauma induced endocrine disruption is such a better way to access metabolic disfunction.
how do you find yourself when you were born into trauma?
That is an excellent question.
Jessie I would read Pete Walkers book on healing from cptsd. It saved my life. By the way, I love your name.
I personally believe that we don't need to find ourselves, because our goodness is inherent it's just hidden from our awareness because of all the pain we carry. I have been creating myself and becoming whoever the fuck I want... and that is true freedom.
I sit here smiling with a very soft inner feeling, In harmony with myself at last, or again. Anger is gone, and its so great, cause I am no angry person. Anger has its place, when needed, as has love, and all other feelings-emotions. In a curious honest open place, with me, a lot thanks to your videos, and some other good true helpers, who have their own experience to speak the truth, on how to! And I too, do believe all of us can weave together ourselves again. With time patience, knowledge, and healthier persons around us.
Thank you again, you induce so much hope and trustworthyness!
Dont miss your calling!! Write books!! yOu are fantastic!
Thank you for recommending CoDA (past video) it has been so helpful!!
For me it feels like Iâve been in flight or fight mode (mainly flight) since I was 9.
When I was nine, one of multiple deaths happened. From the age of 9-14 my mom, dad, brother, uncle and grandad died.
Itâs got me so afraid to lose any more people in my life, that I donât have any friends.
I want to help kids going through now what I went through as a kid just so they donât resort to bad coping mechanisms
My problem is I canât remember who I was before they died.
Glad you are trying to find out!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much Crappy Childhood Fairy and Team!
I think itâs worth noting that thereâs often some aspirational version of ourselves that we label as our âtrue selvesâ and pursue righteously⊠away from the path of self-acceptance. Itâs so easy for me, for example, to fall into wishing i was the joyful little people-pleasing child of yesteryear, when if i am truthful, it is clear she already sensed danger and was doing her best to stay safe. Thinking of the proverbial bear-in-the-woods question, I am accepting my feelings. Looking to the life i want to have, i guide my behaviors. And bit by bit, an authentic life is being built - being truly lived!
Thank you Anna for being such a bright light in this dark world! Your commitment to helping others heal proves we can get past our trauma and use our strengths and gifts to bless others!
Thanks Anna you're amazing. And also you look so fabulous in black !
Your hair looks great!
I must watch this asap
I always thought there was something wrong with me, couldn't figure it out. After hitting rock bottom I discovered I had cptst from childhood trauma. Tradition therapy was useless and frustrating. You Anna and many other channels helped me heal. Sober 2 years and doing great. Also got rid of the narcs in my life that took advantage of my people pleasing king nature. Now I have boundaries and peace. Thankyou dear one!!
Congratulations!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Such compassion Anna xxx
Please, if you would sometime, address those who were adopted into a hurtful home. Thank you
Adopted or born into ⊠abuse is abuse and you didnât deserve it. People are so messed up and some people should never have kids or adopt kids or be around kids⊠those people were probably abused as Children and didnât choose to break the cycle. I am so sorry people were mean to you. I hope you are in a space to care for your self now and make sure you are cozy and warm and fed and free when you lay down to dream. đđ§Ąđđđ
Take care of you, even if that's no contact. Ok to put yourself first.
29 more days till my 25th birthday Fairy ⊠& here u go once again ON TIME W A GREAT MESSAGE â€ïž. Only a minute in ⊠thank you so much đ
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks for operating in your calling đđŸđčđ. Youâre a blessing to me & others !
I too have no memory of a time without drama and trauma. I can never recover the growth and success could have had without my parents problems.
this has been my big question about healing from cptsd. what parts of me came from my abuse, and which parts belong to the me that existed before i received such bad programming? and how do i shed the parts that don't serve me or my community?
That's what healing is all about, we suggest starting with the free course, the Daily Practice crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Lexine, I don't know how you feel about meditation but Vipassana meditation helps one stay in one's body. For me all "Who am I questions?" have been answered. My heart is peaceful and loving.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I've been using and spreading the word about the practice... it REALLY does help!
@@jeaniel1004 I will look into Vipassana! Thank you Jeanie
@@LexinePishue You are very welcome. And it's the technique that's important. If you don't resonate with the philosophy behind it, that's ok.
It is so beautiful and inspiring what you say Anna! Im glad you found you place in this world and I believe we all can do it as well
Me too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Happy Independence Day! Thank you for all your wonderful videos!! đșđžđșđžđșđž
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Iâm at a loss what to do. My partner of four months has PTSD and he has just started EDMR. He believes that his PTSD has been caused by a single event a few years ago whereas I think itâs been a combo of things since childhood. However his behaviour isnât great. His temper is volcanic (never violent) and he dumps me in the height of his rage only to calm down and regrets it (he has done this in previous relationships too). He is also self absorbed in his own misery and canât seem to see what he does to other people. Itâs hard to talk to him about his behaviour because he just internalises it and does this âwoe is meâ thing rather than actually listen and take on board whatâs being said to him or turns it on me and wants me to see everything from his perspective, so I do feel quite lonely in this relationship. In the latest temper outburst/dumping cycle we have both decided that we will let him have his treatment before we get back together in order to save our relationship but Iâm worried that this is just who is rather than PTSD in the driving seat. Will his behaviour change?
Staying out of the relationship while he seeks help is really smart.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I wonder, if crossing someone's boundaries or devaluing can be regarded as CPTSD triggers. Or if this triggers a reaction that is too strong or somehow ineffective that is characteristic of a person with CPTSD? Or there might be other triggers which wouldn't bother a normal person. Like seeing someone who resembles an abuser?
This is very inspirational thank you đđ»
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I want to meet you and give you a huge hug! Thank you for everything đ„șâ€
I donât remember ever not being frightened, I was watching another channel the other day and a person was asked favorite childhood memories and it made me feel so sad because I honestly havenât got any not one I donât even remember any Christmasâs except one and that was when I was sleeping at my nanas house when I was nine years old every other Christmas is a blank and I donât know why
Thanks for sharing, it's my experience that more comes up as we heal (both "good" and "bad") and you can handle both as you learn new tools :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy hi could you explain to me please why even though I have a really good memory and I can remember so much trauma I don't remember Christmas only when I was with my grandmother I try to wrack my brain but nothing complete blank
Thank you Anna. your videos are very encouraging
Thank you for being here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Feel you:) love from the german Baltic coast â€ïž
Currently going through it: still occasionally wondering and being weirdly attracted to someone I know wasnât good for me and hurt me after every new chance I gave them. I feel empty and unable to process everything that happened in a healthy way. It's like my light has left me and I was already depressed before meeting this person, so it's fantastic really.
oh my God, am covertly avoidant. Am working on myself as aCptsd thanks to this channel
You can do it!
Can you please expand on Endocrine disruption and trauma? Or recommend any literature? Thank you!đ
I would love to hear more about trauma induced endocrine disruptions and what to do about it.
It may be at least fourteen years but a person can be revived
Great video đ
Thanks for the visit!
-Cara@TeamFairy
There is no me before trauma of some sort so Iâd have to work to understand who I couldâve been without it. I was bullied at school and at home and it still goes on with my family. I would love to know - Who am I had I been in the best possible scenario?
Relief Now = Meditation
100%
-Cara@TeamFairy