Your CPTSD Healing ROCKETS Forward When You Heal THIS
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- čas přidán 15. 12. 2022
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Most approaches to healing trauma focus on what happened in the past. But the problem that can actually be changed is in the present, particularly in the management of your own trauma responses. How many many times have your reactions ruined relationships, gatherings, or job opportunities? THIS is the crucial moment. When you can change how you get through this one event, your whole life can change.
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Anna thank you so much, this is so crystallised and clear in terms of an overarching vision of what the hell goes on with CPTSD - the actuality of what happens (both in the split second moment, and across a whole life) and how to get out of it (both in the moment and across a life). Can't wait for your book; listening to this is a healing process in itself, and that clarity, precision and unapologetic honesty gives me (who got confused as to what honesty really means as a kid) so much love, so much hope, and is such a help in stabilising my own sense of progress.
Go fairy. Go CCF community 💖
Appreciate you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, Can you please make a video about struggling to "grow up" and become an independent adult? I still feel like I'm a little girl, most likely due to childhood trauma, and I struggle to work, pay bills, stick to a schedule, and take care of myself. I have this fear that I won't be able to make it on my own and I need someone to take care of me and do things for me.
Same
.
Even after doing it on my own, I worry. It's in so deep, it's always there.
Oh my gosh! Same too! Thought I was the only one!
Great question! At 59, I feel the same. Peace, love and hugs.
I loved the quiet and calm of Mister Rogers. I knew he'd never fly into a rage like my dad. Even his soft voice was soothing. BTW, I broke up with a guy after he made fun of my book of Mister Rogers quotes. It was a final straw of disrespect
Mr Rogers was so important to me as a child. I swear so many kids grew up having ONE person telling them they were lovable just the way they were because he was on their tv.
He was a gem.
-Cara@TeamFairy
My Dad died when I was 4. I loved Mr Rogers!! I used to sit close to the tv & pretend he was my Dad teaching me.
" I'm not an alcoholic but I act like one "
I get that .
This is a great video . Very helpful.
For forty years opening bills triggers the bejesus out of me . My knees get weak and I feel like battery acid is circulating through the veins in my chest . I've never been in debt or not paid a bill but in my childhood there was screaming , crying ,violence , running to the woods etc . by the adults in the household whenever money was discussed .
Going to the bank triggers me . Writing a check triggers me . Even thinking about these things triggers me .
Never realized this . I just always felt shame and a sense of being messed up and not having my crap together .
.... and I feel so proud of myself just for getting a bill paid. It's very weird. I never just accept it is a bill and I need to pay it. I go through the anxiety response to every bill. But I lived in housing insecurity, utility insecurity and some food insecurity as a child! We lived 2 full yrs with out a water heater. We were always getting stuff turned off. Then the fighting and blaming paralyzed me. I'm in my 60s and having security has driven me my entire life as a result!!!!! Nothing gets in the way of my savings. I won't have a man in my life if he's broke. Ha! I seem to attract poor guys who drink too much. I've been alone for a decade now.
I can completely relate! I am trying to find the root cause of these behaviors. My parents always fought about money, so that could be an answer to why I have this odd relationship with money management.
You or the adults running in the woods?Just kidding I know that feeling all too well I spent my whole life hating the sound of a garage door or a car pulling in the driveway.
When approached to make a decision I'm not well informed about, I get really disregulated. I've learned to say, "I'm going to give that some thought. Let me get back to you on that."
A great skill to have!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Recently and at age 43 I kept calm when my father disregarded my feelings, concerned about someone else’s. It happened at night and in the next morning I calmly described what a boundary is then told him: “I have always respected you and you must respect me too.”
He was lost for words, the man who emotionally and physically abused me so much as a child that his actions turned my life into a constant of low self esteem, depression, inability to keep a job for more than a year and also a string of codependent relationships so increasingly bad to the point that for past 6 years I have not been able to trust another man. Last man was a narcissist with similar traits to my father but much worse, the trauma was so intense that I’ve not been able to date again and also not been able to work. I spend most days alone but am not lonely. Recently I watched someone say in a movie: “Have a break from being yourself.” and it made me think, I’m having a break from being what everyone else expects me to be… I continue to heal and have faith that I’ll thrive without having to rely on a man - the embodiment of my father, the one who wanted me to be small forever so he’d always look like the biggest one.
This happened to me last week. I did see/ heard the person's agressive behavior and words on the phone and simply asked if he was done yelling and he said that he was done. We hang up the phone. We exchanged polite emails that day where I pointed out his behavior being emotionally violent over the years and he agreed without apologizing in his written response to my email. Not even a hint or intention to apologize.. ... and the next day, I made the clear decision to end the 20 year long friendship because, as I explained, "I had reached my limit" of his emotional and verbal violence and I asked for no contact. It felt incredibly good!!!. My chest expanded, I felt so LIGHT! I had suffered in my body without knowing it. I was not romantic with him, just friends, and yet my action/ response was new, reasonable and effectively caring for me. It is NOT embarrassing. It's a false perception that we have that our new actions are embarrassing... What the real issue is our OWN critical judgement of ourselves. NOPE. We actually have the right to be uncomfortable to others. Not an issue at all. It's a necessity in order to build our boundaries. Others will be uncomfortable now because, to this day, it was we who were uncomfortable and they were ok abusing us. Nobody died from discomfort ( they lived, we lived) but we get much better by standing up for ourselves. It's uncomfortable in the beginning and then, when I look back I can see the entire puzzle solved. It was MY perception that I overreacted... My perception was wrong due to " new behavior" . In reality, I was totally APPROPRIATE considering the aggressive behavior of the other that I decided not to endure any longer, in the most reasonable and neutral way. I wished him well and asked for no contact. THE END. ... ( BTW, Misperception is part of PTSD).
Victory!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Another big thank you Anna. I just got triggered, noticed it as it happened couldn't react 'properly' because it was done in front of lots of people and I had to stay there for another hour. So I stepped back, knew something was wrong, and got through the next hour in slightly fawning mode. However, internally I became a nasty, bitter man. Becoming paranoid that all the other people (they were all women) had seen that I'm an angry weak man. When I got home and meditated I felt what it was like being with a very manipulative person. It was incredibly powerful, but this person is not important to me. I have no one else in my life like her anymore (I used to surround myself with difficult people). I talked to someone else who was there and she had noticed and completely backed me up. But the power of my feelings showed me that my mother, the 'original' difficult woman , though long dead, was still limiting me. I've had to own up even more to my true feelings about her. It's been a great lesson, though at the age of 62 I'm getting slightly tired of 'learning opportunities'!
Thanks for sharing! I am noting you said you are "slightly tired of learning opportunities" and suggesting this free course anyway :) bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Last evening my boyfriend and I got into AJ argument with another person. ]felt myself beginning to disregulate. I felt the intense anger surfacing. Using what I have learned I was able to stop myself. I remained calm and in the moment. It felt so good! Thank you for your wonderful knowledge.
But did you win?
For years I had a had a massive fear of rejection -- if it seemed imminent, I would _always_ be the one to call the shot. I'd also get really scared if it seemed like someone got too close, as it seemed like engulfment would be the next step. This summer I decided that if I got the urge to run from a friend, I would wait three days and then decide: am I *sure* that leaving is the best course of action? This approach has worked: I managed to keep a friend and get quite close to them without running into a lot of drama. Yes it was difficult, yes it was uncomfortable and even terrifying at times, but at least the friendship has survived!
I’ve been doing the EXACT same thing!! I wanted to distance myself from new friendships this past year so much and noticed how self sabotaging my previous behaviors were (hello disorganized attachment). Still a long way to go but being able to pause and put a hold on the impulsive action is a BIG step. ❤
Anna, I can't thank you enough. I have tears of relief after watching this video. Thank you for everything you do to help so many of us. Sending support from NYC 🗽
Thank you for your kind words! So happy to hear that the video was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I did it!! Today, I did it! Felt it… had little convo in my head… and just said a cordial goodbye and got off the phone!! ( this person repeats disrespectful behavior discussed many times- talking over me as I’m talking) Typically, I bring it up and then ask the person to stop the behavior. Rinse - repeat. I didn’t today. I used a boundary to protect MY emotions. It’s a big thing to catch it before it starts going to a trigger, as you’ve said! Such a window of power for us. Practice makes progress! 💪 Appreciate you, Anna!❤
I understand how exciting that feeling is!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm starting to realize that my trigger shows up as a blue streak of swear words over small things, such as dropping a fork or a third attempt to correct some technical issue on my computer. Now, it's a matter of stopping, realizing and taking your advice!
I thought I was the only one that does that bleep bleep all day long 😮
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
Don't be too hard on yourself! Science says swearing up a storm is normal and even healthy. 😁
The people in my life were so disregulated that I never knew or cared when I was disregulated. They were BAD. My dad was a serial killer and a pedophile, my mom was a narcissist, brother was a pedophile and r**** me, sister witnessed it and acted like I was a disgusting piece of trash, 9 brothers and sisters all narcissists, betrayed by family friends and community. They scapegoated me for my disregulation I got from them not protecting me. Pure betrayal. But I would like to start noticing when I'm disregulated. I deserve better.
you can make new neural pathways by doing something over and over and what at first feels like an act will become second nature.
says me who still struggles 🤣🤣
I understand this struggle!
-Cara@TeamFairy
My trigger is usually due to the absence of someone and i want to cling to them or i want them to give me attention. I am usually alone and it is realllllllllllllly hard to regulate. Being triggered bc of the absence is difficult. I am getting better with self regulating but being alone only exacerbates it. Im getting better though. But it sucks.
Thanks for sharing your experience. We completely understand how difficult it can be to regulate, but we're happy to hear that you're getting better at it! We're rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Oh! I experience this too, Thank you for giving it a name for me.
its hard because my love language is quality time . Its not that im clingy and NEED to be with that person at that time. I like and need my alone time . But I get so eternally angry and start to disregulate when someone keeps cancelling plans ..i self blame, then think no its not me and want to push them away : blok them or go off ... So tired to have to tell myself to just calm down and wait and think things through...but yes trigger by absence of someone...its frustrating...
wow seems like the story of my life. yes it is a terrible thing always being alone. many times i have imagined meeting someone who is very like me, but that never happens. i tell ya though i think your quality is a good one in that you need to share and interact. seems like you would not be stingy with your emotions or communications. sadly, i've known many who are cold and stingy with their persons, as if they enjoy being in the emotional prison by the walls they put up? i dont get it.
im working on myself and want to share this - I was making breakfst for myself and saw mother was up so i askekd if she would like to eat and she said yes. I have limited time in the morning still i decided to cook and after spending good amount of time and fixing my dish i finished cooking. I told her, breakfast is ready and she said - "ohh, you eat, i still have sometime and i'll be late" and i was angry coz i felt like i wasted my time, if she could wait she had plenty of time where as i was busy , i felt my efforts are being ignored, my face was distorted I was about to say "Next time dont ask me to cook for you, if you gonna eat later as im busy in the morning", but i paused and realised that statement is so hurtful. I just told her - Please eat with me, its fresh. Surprisingly she ate with me. (may be she saw my face :| I still have to work on my expression) but i was surprised that i can take a pause and respond in a calm manner. I'm yet to test myself in chaotic and triggering environment like vising my relatives and cousins :) but still it was a good start.
Also after daily practice's meditation , I was able to check all points which i was hoping i could start like Gym, home cooked food, skin care, sleeping early, taking a day break which was impossible until a month back, im not not there yet but my mind is more focused, calm and less triggered.
Thank you so much for sharing this success story! I get how big of a deal it is.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thnx Cara, you all are my charlies angels :)
I was confronted by my manager about a situation yesterday….then left to stew over it.
I knew instantly I was becoming dysregulated. My jaw was tight, I could feel my rage/panic in my gut. I had to say to myself out loud several times “you are dysregulated”.
After a shower and going to see some friends, I was able to piece things together and face the topic again with more clarity.
Amazing progress!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This makes so much sense. I could never understand until now why talking about hard things didn't help me. Talking didn't releave me, it wound me up. This post has been a great help to me. I caught myself getting triggered today and this video was a blessing to let me know recognizing it is part of healing.
Wonderful! So glad it was helpful :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna,
I tried to stay connected in the here and now in a very activating situation. My consciousness flees, my body freezes. What I managed to do was to remember to be an adult and that I will not let anything happen without my consent and that I will not give it. But, I could not re-regulate myself. For weeks. I was still quite confused and had a lot of inner distress and pressure when I tried to talk to clear the situation. And that although I have been using your technique for several years. It seems to me that my cptsd is afraid to show up when I write and meditate. Then my mind is blank, my tongue numb, which is a clear trigger indicator. My fears are dissociated and difficult to put on paper. I am more or less dissociated all the time. Constantly triggered, constantly stressed. I then write I am afraid my fears are hiding. I resent my dissociation because I'm afraid I won't be able to heal. Let's see when it brings something. At least I already know that I am dissociating something. All thanks to the writing. Meditating is difficult, I'm still looking for a fitting technique because I lose contact with my body and the here and now. Which triggers me because I'm afraid of making such bad decisions that cause further damage.
I've been doing a lot better this past year,, but,, I did have to leave work early . I start dropping things like car keys or a tool, and those are signals to me that it's starting. But every once in awhile I have a day like the one where I left work, but thankfully it's getting slowly better, very slowly, but never the less progress is something to celebrate each step along the way.
keep trying, were cheering for you Jack@TeamFairy
I'm pretty sure that I have a Trauma Bond with both of my parents and trying to being in relationship with them causes me dysregulation often. Their love and approval comes and goes, even in their old age. I am the oldest and it seems to me that this yoyo love is only for me. I don't understand why but it drives me nuts trying to figure it out so I'm learning not to. The marching technique and becoming more conscious of my Fear and Resentments and writing it out helps me so much when I'm triggered into a panic attack. Getting better everyday. Thank you Anna! ❤️
This was very timely for me, as it seems many people say about Anna's videos. I've been doing the Daily Practice for several months as part of a larger healing upswing. It really has worked for me in that I was for the first time ever able to pause when triggered before erupting in an overblown emotional outburst (almost always directed at my poor, long suffering partner). It was the CPTSD symptom that was the most hard to heal, and has caused the most damage in my life. So it really does work, folks - no reason beyond fear of something new not to try it!
However, I recently was forced to remember that healing isn't a straight line. I took on a number of challenges recently, due to my newfound strength, and they unearthed some deeper wounds. Another layer of the onion. And suddenly I was regularly triggered again, and not catching it before an explosion. So I needed to hear all of this again. To be humble, keep doing the basics (Daily Practice), and to have faith this valley is temporary.
Thanks for sharing your progress! Please stay with it, it's a lifetime tool that keeps working!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I did it :) I've changed
Aren’t we all blessed to be aware enough to come to this video? Keep on going. 🌸
OMG, you have no idea how important it is for me to hear this today. I had a conversation with my daughter yesterday in which I was triggered by her abrupt behaviior. My usual reaction is to fawn and withdraw and instead I said I was triggered by how she acted towards me. Just the admission of sharing this truth with her is huge. My shame keeps telling me "not good enough" and I need to celebrate my small victories instead. Thank you!
Hi Anna,
Can you make a video about CPTSD in autistics who aren’t just dealing with emotional flashbacks of the past, but also valid social dangers all the time due to their neurodiversity?
For neurotypical people, trauma is about past threats that aren’t actually here in the present anymore. But for people with autism, the mere fact that they’re existing with traits that clash with the neurotypical world often leads to constant social threats: communication misunderstandings, social exclusion, professional gaffes, etc. Turning off the mask and the hypervigilance may be the goal for regular CPTSD, but being ‘switched on’ seems like an unhealthy necessity for those who are in the neurological minority.
My 17 year old is on the spectrum .
I have so much admiration for the ongoing strength it takes autistic people to navigate a world that is just excruciating at times . I have come to believe that most autistic people deal with cptsd from just living through childhood in a world that doesn't respect and accept their differences.
I wish you peace and well-being .
@QP Anna has been interested in partnering with someone who can help her with CPTSD courses specific to those on the autism spectrum but that project has not yet materialized.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
That’s a great idea, especially considering there are multiple situations where continuous trauma may exist, aside from autism, and outside relationship settings: chronic illness trauma, medical gaslighting trauma, financial instability trauma, etc. - all of which have been universally amplified since the pandemic.
I gave up a 2pack a day 30year habit by having a lollipop every time I wanted to smoke it took about 3months and a barrel of 🍭 sweets haven’t smoked for over3years. Worth a try🎉
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
I think this is my most useful video - arriving just at the right moment - I just realised what's been going on this week and it's me in dysregulation mode - I'm just about to trash 6 months hard work and run away from something. That pause!!! I'm just feeling really angry atm which has been a slow build up and I know I am giving off that 'eek' vibe even though I'm being polite etc. Thanks for the reminder, really, you just saved me a whole load of embarrassment, chaos and self sabotage. You hit the nail on the head and explain it so well and give such precious advice - thanks again Anna x💐
So glad you are here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I just realized this week that I needed another choice to do instead of lashing out when am triggered.
Thank you for sharing this valuable information. This absolutely is so helpful. I am struggling with regulating myself and still have so much pain and anger. I am lashing and triggered by my father who I realize is still not emotionally available. I am empathetic and finally realized how much he went through but has tried to hide and not deal with it. He was the scapegoat in his family as well. However, I realize he was abused in way no child should have ever been abused. I am sad to realize he had been abused sexually by a relative and possibly others. Once, your confidence is so low, people notice your weakness and the bullies who were also abused start picking on the weak ones. It is a viscous cycle. I look forward to a time where children are not scapegoated ever again. It spreads from generation to generation and it will not end until we all let go of egos and admit our faults as well change our behaviors so that we don’t abuse children anymore or anyone for that matter. We can make a positive environment one we all work together instead of dividing each other.
While I watch this, it’s more realization that I’m not actually problem in my divorce. My husband refuses to get help for his child trauma, and here I was always trying to make myself better, over and over, and the problem wasn’t even me.
This video is SOOO helpful....
I have just lived my first CONSCIOUS emotional flashback and I wish I had seen this video before that...
Wow.
Thank you
Oh no! We're sorry the timing wasn't better but we're so glad the video was helpful. Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thats exactly what ive been tryi g to say to my sister! Thank you for sayi g it so perfect ly. I feel heard here with you all finally. Im 70!
You're in the right place!
Nika@TeamFairy
I have a major trigger I need to tackle. Medical paperwork. I lost a child in my early 20s after 19 days, heart surgery, PICU. 10 years later, thinking I healed, I had my son and 4 years later another. Medical paperwork triggers me to the point that I literally struggle to read. I have been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder so I understand what is happening now but it hasn't gotten fully resolved yet. I have dealt with my human related.triggers much better than this one.
I'm so sorry for your loss! Many of us have medical triggers. Yours is SO understandable.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy ty so much. Just about to fill some out rn, and just wrote seven pages in my journal. First time in adulthood and using your model so I hope that helps me focus better.
I'm learning piano and sight read it helps me chill. I have to impro when disregulating which also helps me get back
Nice!
-Cara@TeamFairy
12:00 A brilliant explanation of why becoming neutral to one's triggers is not actually what makes a person vulnerable/defenseless; acting out on triggers can put you in a very vulnerable/defenseless place because you're reactive
Good observation. Julie@TeamFairy
Anna & team thank you for another well made video. I absolutely love your channel 🙏🏾 the content is spot on. Thank you for empowering messages that help so many.
Thank you so much “Camilla“ for sharing and asking your questions, I get you 🥰🥰🥰 you are amazing 😍
Hi Anna
I've just recently started seeing your videos come up on my feed. And I have saved a couple - But not really watched any of them until this one. And I would like to say I am so glad to have found you - I'm now 52 years old, and I have never before heard anything, relating to emotional wellbeing, that made such sense. Everything from triggers to dysregulation, and even the way you explained about yourself. Truely I have never heard someone speak so much sense to me, like you have done.
And I so needed to hear you - Thank You
I will Love and appreciate you forever 💞
We are so glad you have found your tribe :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love all the commentary and facts you use to paint the scenarios that help me understand the whys!! I’m so vm grateful for your thorough well rounded helpful information! Thank youuuu!!!
I'm so happy to hear that! I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you!!! I needed this today. To do the right thing in the triggered moment is difficult. It is as if you forget all the things you keep telling yourself..
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Always good, this one was special, a positive message fueled by the positive point of view towards healing from the letter.
I really appreciate what you share. You’re so sincere and knowledgeable.
Thanks so much for being here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna! This message was so on time for me! So many good gems in this video. Taking notes ✍️🏾
So happy to hear that! Thanks for watching :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Wow been in therapy a long time and have learned a lot BUT this is where I’m at now and wish the lingo of regulation was given to me before. It makes absolute sense. This last episode that I thought was pmdd after talking to a doctor I said I feel disregulated and then he went down this path. It got me out of the hole and now finding you is like ah ha! Thank you!!!
At 10:40, this is huge. The description is so accurate.
So glad! Thanks for watching. -Calista@TeamFairy
If you show you're hurt you'll seem weak. You have to put them down and knock them off center, get the upper hand. Don't be weak
🙏🏻💖"... you notice that something they do triggers you ... and in that precious moment before you lash out or you have emotionally withdrawn ... you do something new! This new choice is a tremendous sign of healing!"💖🙏🏻 Thank you thank you so much Anna for this encouraging assurance!! I keep a small rose quartz heart in my pocket which is my gratitude stone, reminding me when I touch it to be grateful for what I have... in difficult moments I grab it and hold on for dear life as I feel what I feel, and I've noticed that quite quickly I actually feel grateful for the insight!
So glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
with this channel and Pete Walker i feel i have tools to come out of situations better. thanks.
Rock on!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Priceless information Anna. Thank u allways
Thank you so much 🙂
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m going to my families for the holiday, after A LOT of thought and progress. However I’m nervous. I’ve been praying for patience and calm in the midst of anxiety and triggers. This is also so helpful to me. Thank you and happy holidays to you and your whole team ❤
Ninja Boundaries!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Best video yet. Thank you,. So needed this. So relate.
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've been running and hiding from everything that I convinced myself was my fault. I walked into it. That keeps my fear on guard all the time. I can't trust my own decisions, and it's so hard to ask for help.
Try this: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
i've been working on this thank you for talking about this today and btw your hair looks amazing like a Thundercat
~This video was perfectly timed for me!~Just yesterday i snipped at my friend over the phone, and i cant undo that now, but (hopefully) ill have more chances in the future to change my pattern~I know how easy it is to just avoid someone who snaps at you~Its one reason i like digital communication so much, it has built in 'breathers', and 'what is said changing abilities' before hitting 'send'...ha ha~♡~
So glad the video was helpful. Sending you encouragement as you work on changing the pattern, you got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
We are called to be saints, and to live and reign with Christ for a thousand years.
Thank you for this! ❤
thank you for watching.
Jack@TeamFairy
Thanks & good job. This is tricky. If a person is toxic why waste time on them? Isn't it better to just stop interacting with that person? Be careful to not gaslight people by telling them they are broken (disregulated/maladjusted). Maybe the other person is broken (toxic/narcissistic).
Your compassion is so healthy and needed on this matter. I feel a lot of shame for my reactivity and I know I've been my worst self when reacting right after being triggered in a negative way. I quit the best job I've had because I was constantly being triggered but didn't know what to do without going to a really bad place. I don't always know how to react to narcissists especially when there are a few of them in the workplace and that's usually when I've moved to lash out - when I feel backed against a wall. I just always regret how I go about reacting. I usually feel immense anger around narcissistic behavior and I have yet to work somewhere where it isn't happening on some level - but it's caused me to run away from everything.
That is to bad that youre co workers made your life miserabele there. I hope you find a team how appreciate you.
You are excellent. Thank you.
Thank you too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thinking about feelings ≠ mindfulness.
Thinking about what you see, hear, smell, taste, sense = mindfulness
you're pretty fantastic. Very understandable, and eye opening, this is me, i am this. and it somewhat sucks
We know it's hard, but there are real solutions :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi Ana- thank you 🙏. Great 👍 video
My family used chaos from preventing me from focusing on my goals.
Every time I was getting ahead there was something to pull me back.
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you! Sousan
Sousa how do you handle passive aggressive people
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Ty for the this
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
God bless you and your loved ones forever in Jesus name 🙏😇❤️
My trigger is seeing my ex at work. I have a physical as well as an emotional reaction and have acted like a petulant jerk sometimes because of it. Then you feel ashamed and that makes it worse! Not the first time I've had issues at work like this. Large chunks of my working life have been an utter misery due to limerence with a colleague or an ex at work. :(
That is so hard, thanks for sharing.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I became attracted to my friend. I told him and he was fine but I eventually yelled at him over the phone one night after he said something about his sexual experiences that devasted me. Initially, I calmly asked him how does he think it makes me feel. But he didn't say anything and we sat on the phone in complete silence for what could have been 5-8 minutes. During the silence, I became so angry and felt like I didn't matter enough for him to respond to then eventually blew up and hung up. The thing is, you might pause before tearing into someone, but you have to KEEP PAUSING until you are AWAY from the person entirely. When you are away from the person, then go off and yell and scream if you need. It doesn't accomplish anything to pause...then unleash on them. He ended the friendship that night after I explained the extent of my attraction which was determined to be unhealthy.
Hard lesson, keep fighting - healing takes work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had to pause this video. So when you have a feeling and you ask "is what I'm felling valid?" everyone always says yes, your feelings are always valid. What nobody ever tells you is your feelings don't always need to be expressed. I think that might be the piece that i'm missing, I was always just asking the wrong question.
Around 17:30, about recognizing the signs that dysregulation is mounting - mine is that I make bad decisions judging by the results they produce. One after another after another. I become unable to think.
Im saving to listen for later when it seems nothing is helping to remind myself...
Thank you - mindfulness really never was effective for me, either.
Same here. For me mindfulness quickly morphs into dwelling on toxic thoughts.
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It’s amazing, the takeover.
I’m trying hard to halt it at all times myself.
I need not discuss politics with folk, as each has their own intricate belief.
I feel very controlled and always fighting against it, angry with those sitting back. Anyway, easy trigger. It’s pointless, I have no control.
It comes with practice :) bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, you are Mr. Rogers for me ❤😂😘
Thank you for this ❤🙏 also quick question, although I think I’m just looking for permission to feel this way: what if two people with CPTSD live in the same home, and one is working on healing but the other REFUSES to heal? The one who is healing is constantly re-triggered and re-traumatized and affected by the one who refuses to heal?
How do you put up a boundary between yourself and a person who refuses to heal? Especially when you have to share a home?
Are you dependant on that person for anything? Work on getting independence in those regards and reassess again once you have a choice
I'm sorry for blunt assumption, but such environment as described is like trying to heal broken bones while re-breakih them on regular basis
Been there, doing that right now.. it's always easier to advice someone else somehow.
I'm still in the decision making phase just need the balls to do what's right
Take care of yourself 🌻
This happens a LOT, stay the healing course. People are either inspired or removed but you can heal regardless.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I heald almost of ptsd trauma. Most i start your course and do everything from begining?
I love to register for your course but im affraid that it be to much.
I went through everything I could related to ptsd.
Does anyone realize what you need from another person to deescalate? I believe if people understood empathy, triggers would not be nearly as prominent.
I have CPTSD (not diagnosed though!) after childhood trauma. a couple years ago everything escalated and my life fell apart and was in a really bad place, all the emotions came out of me after over 30 years of keeping them in. I've been in therapy and i feel much better now, but boy I get these triggers every now an then. My therapist thought me therapybreathing, deep breathing trough my nose, downt to my belly, keep it in for a short while, breathe out, doing this slowly but firmly. whenever I have a trigger reaction, I use this as a tool to calm down when been triggerd, it helps me. Depending on how bad the trigger is, I breathe for a longer/shorter time, sometimes it makes me cry = feelings coming out.
You might not like this, and it is okay!
I got a little bit triggered by this video, because you are talking about protecting others, when it is us being hurt, but I know it is not how you ment! you are so good at this! :). Happy Healing!
We protect people from our personal over-reactions! Glad you are here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Something he says upsets me even if little then i don't see him in lovely manner anymore. I start thinking of leaving him, annoyed. I try to remind myself of all the good things he does but i just feel to separate from him. It happens so much i start to question if i even love him. Does this make sense?
Makes sense!
Yes, it makes sense.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I dont agree fully. Talking to a trusted person helps me more than writing. Also physical regulation is more important for me like proper sleep and rest and not meditation alone.
❤
My Emotionally Immature Parents caused my CPTSD
I’ve often said: I’m an alcoholic who doesn’t drink.
18:10
You accurately describe the situation but I don’t hear any solutions in this video.
Daily Practice free course bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Deer crappy childhood fairy I feel like I live in a world that keeps me in that being defined by the problems and issues and setbacks that I have rather than who I truly am and all those good things because it insists upon me proving and my insisting again and again and demanding and proving more that I am real in my setbacks and issues and problems and proving how they define me really it's true demanding they are in order to to get respect and having to demand I am respected and treated accordingly because of those things rather than who I am aside from those things and outside of those things and that is what I resent talk about cycles that build and build and build trigger upon trigger upon trigger I would love to elaborate more on this because I know how goofy it may sound but it is what it is Case in point or in one example I could tell you social security disability I'm 53 almost 53 and since I was 30 or 31 I had a pro bono attorney suggest out of the blue that they send me several volumes of the diagnostic codes to prove to me that I qualified for my disability and couldn't understand why I had not applied for it having at that time five qualifying just diagnosis of course at that young age I thought that was wrong how wrong I'm not disabled call it fried or call it something mixed with a sense of that would be wrong to do or being disillusioned who knows but I couldn't do it however I did try to get something we call being done right by no wrongfully denied and the sicker you get the worse you get the less you can accomplish.
@Jan_Flower I'm glad you're in this community.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Your amazing @lorraineamicothemakeupartist ❤