How To Stop Worrying About What People Think of You | Dr. Michael Gervais
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- čas přidán 30. 05. 2024
- Rich sits down with high-performance psychologist Dr. Michael Gervais to talk about why fearing other people's opinions is the greatest constrictor of human potential. To read more about Dr. Gervais and peruse the full show notes, go here👉🏾bit.ly/richroll808
✌🏼🌱 - Rich
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FILMED AND EDITED BY BLAKE CURTIS, DAN DRAKE & MORGAN MCRAE
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00:00:00 Intro
00:01:31 Acknowledging And Giving Gratitude
00:04:00 Evolution of High Performance Psychology
00:06:17 Vision and Decision-Making
00:08:30 The Power of Imagination
00:11:07 Cultural Shift in the Workplace
00:13:51 Psychology in Business
00:19:24 Implementing Psychological Skills
00:21:17 Reinventing Corporate Culture
00:22:23 Radical Risk Taking
00:23:47 Sponsor Break
00:24:56 Fostering a Culture of Encouragement
00:26:02 Learning from Athletes' Practice
00:27:24 Working on Weaknesses
00:29:37 Leadership and Accountability
00:31:37 Moving Toward Weaknesses
00:32:34 Approach to Skill Development
00:36:26 Internal Motivation and Mastery
00:37:00 Obsessive Worry and Its Impact
00:43:25 The Experience of Worrying What Others Think
00:45:07 The Sense of Community and the Fear of Rejection
00:47:00 Criteria for Selecting Trusted Advisors
00:49:24 Navigating Social Media and the Role of Trusted Advisors
00:53:46 Ad Break
00:55:17 Developing a Sense of Purpose - Thin Slicing and Relationships
00:58:06 Purpose in the Context of Community and Relationships
01:00:06 The Impact of a Growth Mindset and Curiosity
01:03:57 Managing the Anticipation and Checking Phases of Fear of Other People's Opinions
01:05:51 The Anticipation Phase
01:07:03 The Antidote to Fear of Others' Opinions
01:08:56 Unknowingly Betraying Oneself
01:10:11 The Impact of Societal Pressures
01:10:48 Extreme Responses to Fear of Rejection
01:11:27 The Story of David Beckham
01:13:22 Cautionary Tale of Social Media Influence
01:14:21 Neurochemical Impact of Fear of Opinions
01:16:27 Healthy Motivation from Others' Opinions
01:20:18 Impact of Anticipating Future
01:21:44 The Mentor's Influence
01:27:58 The Power of Others' Opinions
01:29:29 The Spotlight Effect
01:31:07 Breaking Ranks with Traditional Psychology
01:31:24 Ethical Codes and Confidentiality in Psychology
01:36:04 Honoring Fragility of Relationships
01:37:14 Mastery and Healthy Relationships
01:46:47 The Year of Play
01:49:49 The Nature of Change
01:51:39 Versions of Self
01:54:41 Acknowledgment and Gratitude
* * * * *
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Hi I'm Rich Roll. I'm a vegan ultra-endurance athlete, author, podcaster, public speaker & wellness evangelist. But mainly I'm a dad of four. If you want to know more, visit my website or check out these two the NY Times articles:
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Face your fears. Try new and different things. Get out of your comfort zone. Take on challenges. That's the only way to build self-knowledge, self-trust, and confidence. Otherwise, there's a risk that you'll spend your whole life on auto-pilot, never reaching your full, amazing potential, and living a life that you didn't really choose. That's the battle we all must fight as adults - if we want to live freely, consciously, meaningfully and authentically
Great note sir. Thanks 💪
Great
Well said!👏👏👏
Here's are the key take aways:
- The single greatest constrictor of human potential is the fear of other people's opinions. We often end up masquerading as individuals in a social world, when in reality we are inherently social creatures.
- The path to Mastery starts with your relationship with yourself - developing self-awareness, a growth mindset, and a sense of purpose beyond just pleasing others.
- Imagination and the ability to envision your future self is a powerful tool. Regularly reflecting on who you want to become can help guide your growth.
- The corporate world is shifting from an "extraction" model that prioritizes performance metrics, to an "unlock" model that seeks to unleash the dormant potential in employees by fostering purpose, calmness, and optimism.
- Implementing simple psychological skills like breathing exercises can have a big impact when scaled across an organization. The key is embedding these practices into the rhythm of business.
- Overcoming the fear of other people's opinions requires a fundamental commitment to work on yourself from the inside out, cultivating self-awareness and aligning your thoughts, words, and actions with your core values and purpose.
This is a really engaging interview because it gets to the root of a lot of our problems which causes so much suffering in all our lives: fear of other people’s opinions or FOPO as they say. And yet, as compelling as it is to identify this all too familiar fear, if it’s so destructive why are we all drawn to it? Is it a tribe thing, is it a control thing??? Is our survival dependent on it? They say social isolation is worse for your health than cigarettes so it means that what people think of us IS important.
Not a fan of the corporate schtick, but the info is great!
Thanks so much. Greatly appreciate the conversation! Not allowing the opinion of others in relation to your lane to be a hindrance is a mighty powerful skill, and one that can be developed. First, I like to ask myself...what's my Gestalt in all of this? Then I ask myself, who is this person...do they matter to my trajectory. I do my best to clean up my part, but also to not allow others to tell me "what my part is," unless they're coming from a place of emotional maturity and intelligence...like the people who have what I want from an emotional maturity perspective. I'm also Buddhist, and use the Dharma and Sangha to help me see my role. From there.....I decide when to not give 2 f!@#$%s. It's been working fairly well for me. I'm not popular, but I'm grounded.
Gestalt?
“We are capable of so much more” ☘️
I loved the conversation and feel privileged to have been able to sharein the discussion somehow.
One thing came to me is how my dogs enrich my life so deeply. They are little dogs by the way, with huge personalities might make a lion jump? 😄 They are live and direct for love and connection and mind me of so much if not all of what's most important. 🙏 🙂 ❤️
I agree with you. My dog does enrich my life also very much so. She is only 9 lbs. But she also has very huge, loving personality. She also very loving, and can sense when I'm hurting, and having a bad day. She loves me unconditionally. She is always happy to see me, and almost always wants to with me by my side. Sometimes I have to pinch myself, and ask what did I do to deserve her? lol!
Immense gratitude to Rich Roll for making me aware of Michael Gervais’s existence!! This is perhaps the BEST podcast I have ever listened to!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank ❤you , needed to hear this this morning….out of the darkness we will come into the light ❤☀
Yes. Good opportunity to acknowledge how great person and interviewer is Rich Roll (thanks too that you have an easy name to memorize 😅). I wish people on tv or journalists were respectful and made productive questions to their interviewees ❤
Hello from 🇯🇵
Hi Rich, i agree with Michaels first comment. I really appreciate the way you conduct your interviews. They are always genuine, curious & you provide safe space for people to share their stories & really go deep.i love ygat you care so much. Thankyou!
Love this conversation and the beautiful way invaluable information is exchanged.
This conversation resonated. Thank you for it!
There are so many incredible layers in this discussion. Like most RR podcasts, it deserves at least 3 listens! Thanks Rich for encouraging us to deepen our lives in all ways!
loved this conversation!
read this book "effortless mastery" focusing on musical perfomance in particular, it said: you need to be ready to go on stage and suck. not only that but you need to be ready to suck on stage and after getting off it still say "I love me".
also the ideas here very much reminded me of "7 habits of the highly effective people" -which i loved!!
You both were in sync with each other. It was like watching a high wire act. Each step followed from the last in perfect unison uncovering another deeper layer of understanding and knowledge. Well done! I need to listen to this a couple times. Bought his book too. thank you!
Looking forward to it. Even without reading his book, lets take a moment to consider WHY we worry what others think. It didnt come out of nowhere. We are wired for socisl acceptance. You act out of the norm and you risk very real social exclusion. And it doesn't matter what amazing idea or talent you develop, if no one is willing to have you around them or believes you're a risk to their product or company, your amazing talent is WASTED.
This mastery is a balance between mastery of a skill or attribute and mastery of social acceptance in order to give yourself a voice that people will actually listen to. There's a reason why they refer to interoffice social interactions as "office politics". No one wants to make a deal with someone who won't compromise or isn't relatable.
Wow, Michael Gervais has an EQ of a million. I love how absolutely real he was and talked about little details of self coping that we dismiss. I picked up some tiny nuggets that I believe are going to be quite pivotal, like that we should look at others opinions less passionately or dispassionately. How powerful is that! That only leaves more room for my own agency.
Another reason to love Mondays!
Words on walls definitely seems to be where we are at... ”be a leader” ”think outside the box” but in reality we still feel like the workplace is extracting specific talents. It's like mediation with words of affirmation but it's in one ear and out the other. Hard to understand how the workplace will transform to reach this new model. We interview for talents...what will we interview for in the future...half psychology of the person?
This was a really insightful and helpful conversation! Thank you both 🙏
I would propose the title of the video be slightly changed to what Dr. Michael Gervais actually said around 1:03:00:
"I didn't say to stop caring about what other people think. I said to stop worrying about what other people think. I can control my worries."
Totally agree with the opening comments about RR's ability to create exceptional conversations with his guests.
Amazing conversation, so much to learn here. Gervais is inspirational and generous in sharing his personal vulnerability and professional insights. The human experience is really a common thread that binds us all.
The approach to skill development really hit home for me. I've been focusing on gaining a better skill set skiing in order to go heliskiing and I've been making progress. This last session was extreme crud, what I'm the worst at, sent me into a tailspin emotionally negating all the progress I've made. Thanks for reminding me of the progress I've made in the middle. Off to ski a better day with a better mindset.
Absolutely worth the listen! Emotionally intelligent men are a joy to experience.
I discovered Mike through you Rich on an early pod - love his work, loved this conversation and wish MG the best with his new book.
Big Thanks Rich for another amazing episode. But need to say. You mentioned problems your with back issues. Sitting in this position while legs are under your seat is a big and bad load on your spine. Avoid that. Cheers 🤙
Rich, the attention to detail on your set is incredible. I find myself visually obsessing over the grain in the table and the chartreuse chairs. Well done.
Moving podcast…..
Not caring what people think of you is far easier said than done. Especially if you have got the impression when it comes to trying to meet women for example, that they are so apathetic toward me, that even in my city of 2 million people, not 1 of them in the last 5 years has approached me and asked me out on a date. Its this fear of being an imposter to a demographic who never even sees you as worthy of any connection whatsoever.
i mean women typically dont approach men to ask them out, it doesnt mean they dont like you. they could just be waiting for you to make the first move.
This guy really gets it, solid stuff. Thank u
We are not individuals who have leaned to be social animals who have leaned to identify as separate selves
Love this ❤ thank you
Great conversation!
Best advice ever 🙏🏻
loved this, thanks to both of you...k
Rich Roll - Your work and its public expression - via your podcast continue to inspire and inform us all.
In listening to this episode, I was reminded again that our greatest enemy is ourselves.
As humans, we spend so much of our lives allowing our unconscious minds to drive our emotions, thoughts, and actions.
As you have so eloquently discussed and shared when you have stared over the cliff of addiction and despair and chosen to return - by making the conscious decisions to face your deepest fears, embrace your vulnerability, and mistakes, and forgive yourself - every day - you live anew with humility and grace. I am and will be forever grateful for the sharing of wisdom and honesty delving into the challenges of being human and making a difference that your work embodies.
Two of my favorite parasocial relationships I have. I kove these two. So many gems from both of them. They both know how to make each other comfortable and bring out oodles of wisdom
Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn (people pleasing).
Wow I just discovered Rich Roll. I did not think there was someone like me on the plant. You’re such a great guy and podcaster. Thank you for content
Wow, this popped up out of nowhere, just when I really needed something like this. Coz I couldn't stop thinking about what people think of me and watching this was exactly what I needed. Thanks Rich!
This is such an important concept, and the conversation between you was excellent. Great podcast.
So much help received from this, thank you both so much!!!
I was once the best. Never once did I slow down and over analyze becoming the best. I moved. I thought. I believed. There was no charlatan that could have told me how to do it. It just did it. I was. It may have been spiritual. If you're on top, enjoy it now. Remember... you can't sustain it. So plan now for your fall. And then live again, really.
Hey nice to see you in conversation 🎊
Hello Rich thanks for the episode. With the pain in your lower back, I just keep noticing a posture you adopt during the discussion you have with each person you speak with. It seems like it is when you are making a point or listening intently - your head juts forward, your shoulders are squared backward & your arms & the palms of your hands are in a kind of pounce position. This misalignment over long periods of time creates a lot of tension in your back because the head weighs 7 lbs or more & that jutting forward & sustaining the position for long periods of time stresses your back out more that you may think. Have a look at the side view of you sitting when the camera captures your body. Then notice how much you do this with intense focus & content. A suggestion is to start to imagine you have a string coming out of the middle of your head & that you are suspended - body dangling, floating. Make this a new habit & see if there is less tension in your back & body. Building a new habit may be an eye-opener...Thanks, Joy
The lion🦁 does not turn around when a small dog🐕 barks😅 very true
Great
1:37:14 "Mastery and Healthy Relationships"--- The Honold Pedestal... Yep. He's personally evolved. Love and Respect for that. I'm just so tired of his spotlight and money magnet. With all due respect. So, what about his buddy TOMMY CALDWELL? Pedestal for him, please?!? Thanks for the rant space.
Hi Rich, I do enjoy your podcast and the interviews. I’ve watch several, and I’m wondering if you ever have guests of color in your interviews? While your guests are pretty amazing thinkers, they’re always White. Just curious.
Who is the athlete that they reference in the episode? Alex something?
❤
How about Courtney Dauwalter as an answer to your question about a current athlete that epitomizes what Dr Gervais has been talking about?
She’s a bad ass ! I agree ☝️
I don't care. It's insulting to imply that I would. I care of myself first. In fact, my only concern is what people do to me or those I like merely because if their opinions, beliefs, and choices. Imposition of their different reality onto the unknown reality of my real experiences and their way too...is usually the concern. Thanks
Courtney Dauwalter!
Behind the corporate philosophy, is corporate philosophy, that employee motivation is driven by what the company does rather than what the individual's mindset .... prefer more goggins just do it approach than this one... Herr Gervias is a smart guy.. interesting, but not my cup of tea.
Dr. Gervais says Microsoft is not like the old "extraction model", and he's helping employees use their untapped creative potential. What is unsaid is that all the profit of that unlocked potential goes to the shareholders and employees get fired at the whim of management, some 16,000 in the past year. How is that not "extractive"? Then later, they both criticize Western culture for being to individualistic. Wonder why that is given you can be tossed aside on the whim of people juicing profits for shareholders. People have adopted the approaches he criticises for basic survival in late stage capitalism! Which he is enabling. These guys cannot connect those dots?!?
Alex and Courtney.
I’d say their last names but it appears obvious to me.
A masterclass on how to speak for two hours and not acctually anything of substance and but make lots of vague generalities. Be your best self blah blah blah. Another wanabe guru.
What's the point of this?
felt like corporate talk.
One unsolicited concession after another, all caught on DVR. Unbelievable.
broken record - well knwo what to do. Let's just stop seekign Self help lectures and just do.the damn thing by building the plan.
Like me, Dislike me - its the same- only Jesus Christ can judge me- nobody else. AMEN ☦️✝️
I feel that companies especially large companies fit workers into the group to fit their bottom lines.Ask Elon musk and other wealthy executives.