7 Effective Ways to Deal with a Narcissist when you can't go No Contact (2019)
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2024
- In this video, I will share 7 effective ways to deal with a narcissist when you can't leave or go No Contact.
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In fact, this video is a guide for anyone who has a narcissist in his family or shares children with one or simply, works with a narcissistic boss or a colleague.
With that, here is what you'll learn in today's video:
First, I will help you see the narcissist AS THEY ARE, rather than who you want them to be. You'll get a clear understanding of what you're dealing with. In reality, the first way of dealing with a narcissist will reveal the secret of coexisting with a narcissist, when you can't leave or establish No Contact
Next way will teach you, "How to respond than react when a narcissist tries to push your emotional buttons. I'll share with you 3- Step process, you can practically use to stop a narcissist from overpowering you.
Further, you'll understand, how important it's to establish boundaries while dealing with the narcissist and how to implement them.
Furthermore, you'll learn the most way of dealing with the narcissist as cannot go no contact and that is HOW TO condition a narcissist to behave appropriately.
At the end of this video, you will have a solid understanding of the techniques that professionals use to deal with a narcissist when they can't cut them off.
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#narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #cptsd
stumbled upon you on instagram. this is a very helpful video, thank you a lot! I will recommend you.
P
I' m sorry, Idont speak english very well. I' been in relationship with my husbant for 38 years. Now I' m leaving him, and I have no contact for 4 month. I' m very happy with myself, thank YOU. You sàve my live.THANK You. I' m from Evropa. Slovenija
I’m sorry for you and for me??? Same happened to me,,, I’m happy for you but late because they used as for the whole life
You're very brave
Good luck in your new life
Thanks Bashir..the contents of vedios are very indepth to understand and expect from a Narcissist partner...Doing all.posdibke good and expecting one day will receive good return gift is just illusion..Many thanks to make me clear about such illusion world of absolute control attitude...God bless you for such a novel services to victims of NPD .
Keep up the good work !
MUST WATCH but here are the 7 ways:
1. See the narc as they are and not how you want them to be.
2. Respond and do not react.
3. Have well defined and strong boundaries.
4. Act cordial but not engaging.
5. Build a strong support system.
6. Manage your expectations.
7. Above all, self nurture.
I am a Medical professional and have stuck in relationship with my narc spouse, Your video is too professional, I appreciate your work towards save people.
God bless you for your good deeds towards the welfare of humanity.
Bro can we share I m in same boat with a narc wife
Dharam pal I hope you are an Indian, it's sad you must have gone through a lot like me. But people like you give us believe that narc females do exist in this country and even with lots of self respect and esteem we still become so helpless
He is absolutely right, they will not change. They get worse the older they get!
I've been married to a covert narcissist for 20 years. I've only realized he was a covert narcissist in the last few years. I want to leave but he has ruined my health and I don't have the finances to file.
He won't file, he loves abusing. Jesus Saved me and I pray he will show me the way out.
Jesus is the source of your strength. You just figured out what’s wrong. This is the first step. Stay strong. I‘ll pray for you.
@@jessicadrescher7520 Thank you
Exctly wht hpned in my life Me too.. After 20 years!!!!
Same here. I am married for 40yrs
Exactly! Fifty years of marriage to a covert who alienated me from my four children and five grand children. I have committed my life to Jesus . live upstairs in my two story home where I have my art studio with students. Limitting my contact with the covert narcissist and all of the rest of the enablers and flying monkeys. I have more peace and joy in my life than ever before. I do all that this size life coach has recommended. It is the only way to healing and taking your life back. Blessings and prayers for you all as you press forward in your authentic life journey🤗
last 35 years iv been in this relationship...never understood why i was stuck...now slowly moving away...
Jesus is the source of your joy, peace, stability, freedom and love. Renew your mind with the Word of God.
Reduce the amount of energy you give to them. Do for yourself as much as possible because they don't care. They will stop shopping because everything is a competition. They want you to do the work even if disabled. Start saving money. Respond don't react they hate this. If you want say I have to think on this I will get back to you later. They hate this because they want the reaction now. They view emotions as weakness. Pull away mentally go do things with others or study and tell them your busy. Limit the amount of time you spend with them. Do not share your positive or negative feelings. They will use it against you. If they throw tantrums leave the room. Tell them your going to the bathroom and they can certainly wait. Or just leave the room. They know they are acting up. But watch out if they are physically abusive. If verbally abusive use the "of course you would say that to hurt me- keep that in your head don't say it to them.
It's so true that they want you to work even if disabled.
Very true
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT ADVICE! I'VE USED THESE TECHNIQUES AND THEY WORK. SHOW ABSOLUTELY NO EMOTION
Great advice ! Thank you!
Absolutely awesome advice. ❤
By the amount of people we are in this chat and hearing Danish's advise, there must be much more than 10 % of narcissist in the world.
I think you forgot to mention: DOCUMENT, document, document everything. At work I write in my agenda, on the corresponding date, what they do or don't do, so when I'm attacked, I have proof. In relationships, I start a diary, so I can see more clearly what I'm looking at. I write my feelings without criticizing them, or my puzzlements without judging or dismissing them.
Great idea
Since I’m doing these things
I’m more quite , more stable … I started my healing journey
Can you please make a video about to live with a Narcissistic husband ? When you can’t leave him??
Also, what does it do to the children.
Yes
Listen to this again and all the other videos, including Dr Les carter also a specialist in the subject. I have a narc husband too and I can't leave... maybe he will do me the favour 🙄
Yes ,right on the money‼️I ALWAYS thought that I was ALONE ‼️
I never thought other people suffered from this kind of mental abuse 😢
But I’m growing everyday and REFUSE to STOP 🛑
Knock me down and I will get back UP‼️
My verbally abusive (husband) will never be the center of my life again 😎
"Dont keep knocking at the door no one is going to open." Wow we need this slogan on a tee-shirt. You are so knowledgeable and insightful on this video.
I will listen to this again and again to stay strong thank you
I will do the same!
Same here
Ditto!
Me too
I am stuck with a narcissist GF and her 28 year old narcissist daughter. I am unemployed and act very nervous in interviews. I am 53 and also had to deal with age discrimination for ever 10 years. I am truly stuck. I rather freeze to death outside, than go to a homeless shelter. Nobody actually wants to help!
Prayers for you. 🙏💓
Find something nice for yourself you can enjoy every day. Something they don't want to be involved in is even better.
What they are is their responsibility.
You are your responsibility. You are good enough.
I relate absolutly to what you are going through. God Bless you and protect you from narcisisstic hell. May God makes you a miracle
Thank you for all this information. I really needed this. Im in the process of separating from my narcisstic husband and the reason i cant go no contact is because i share kids with him. Its so hard dealing with him.
The problem is that the very people you believed was your flock turned out to be enablers and false memories of a false past. Sadly, most people I thought I knew were lost to the narcs.
YES... DANISH, please bless me with the eternal strength to fight against the abuse that I have been facing for the last 27 years till date 🙏
Great presentation as always . However you missed one thing - when you make friends outside for emotional support, the narcissist should not know who they are . If they know, they will try to infiltrate into that relationship and sabotage that because they want you to struggle alone.
Thank you!!!! What you are saying makes good sense and is Biblical. Divorce is not an option for the born-again believer but God is teaching us valuable lessons that will serve us well in this life and when we rule with Christ in the Millennium. The lessons are more important than our emotions. I do not have a support system having come from a narcissistic family, but I have Christ and He is all I need.
I left Narc boyfriend ( supposed one ) , divorced my Narc husband ( separated 27 years ) , and now have a Narc single senior woman living above me . I listen regularly and it helps me staystrong . TY
Danish...I've said this before, i can't believe how accurate you are. Thank you and yes, you are 100000% correct
The eternal hope we as partners experienced is due to a powerful mechanism known as "intermittent reinforcement". They get you hooked with the love bombing. During the devaluation stage (which is really however long the relationship lasts before the discard) they dole out that person they sold themselves as just enough to keep you hooked. It works just like any other addiction. I was addicted to that hopium for almost 15 years.
You are right. 20 years here. He has ruined my health but I'm trying to get the money together to file.
They also bread crumb My mother does this to me with my own kids it's like they'll throw you a niceness or a bone or something every now and then to keep you where they want you basically
22 years here and just focusing now on my kiddos and my personal well being.
Almost 15 years here and I am just focusing on my kids and my health and finances.
Still un recovery & healing process, sometimes feel overwhelmed with emotions cry in washroom but stopped showing him.
See the narc who they're not what you want them to be, don't react their fav tactics to control is by pushing buttons that causes emotional triggers tries to evolve a behaviour to deal with it: become aware what the narc is trying you to do and how is that Making you feel, think what will happen if you react, think how you can respond in a different way without letting them overpower you, the idea is to empower yourself to the extent that you find a balance between your emotions and logic, deal with them with logic not with emotions, Set boundaries and set what behaviours that you'll accept, make email a primary communication to know their plotting, make the relation not much dependent on them(limited), keep the info you share with a narc limited as possible while staying polite, if they do something positive or good reward the behaviour by appreciating it this will conditioned them to behave in a positive manner cos it will give them the signal if you do this you'll get the supply in reality it will make them like a dog, refrain to give the supply if they behave inappropriately, don't reward them for small things they might try to cross boundary, build support with ppl who nurture you who understands your situation, nurture the relation with them so you can replace them with the narcissist, manage expectations: if you gove too much in a dysfunctional relationship and expects them to recognise it cos they're unwilling to change in a deeper level don't expect to take care of you or understand you or to respect your boundaries, above all self nurture
I still get shocked by their selfish behavior years later. At first it seemed we had a perfect relationship and then the lies unfolded. I was just shocked someone could be so cold. I'm still shocked. This helps a lot. Accepting has been hard. Not reacting the most difficult. The emotional exhaustion does make me indifferent after time. Boundaries still hard. This guy is like a superhero. 🤭
Here's an example of their selfishness: my dad had an old weight set and a bench. He had not used it in over 20 years. When I had to move him the new ownerschad a couple teen age boys that asked if they vpuldchave it. He said yes to them. Later that same day he went back to that house and took it back from those kids hed given it to. He hasn't used it in the 8 years since. What a jerk.
It took me awhile but learned not to fight with her .some times it's works other times it puts her in a rage. At first being married I always thought she had split personalitys then realized she had other problems.
This is some of your best work. Your guidance makes sense to me and has helped me become more aware of my social environment while at the same time explaining the mystery of social interaction. Thank You.
What do we do when they discarded us, but refuse to divorce us so they won't pay alimony or child support???
Dude your other videos caught my attention. I feel like you are an angel sent to save me. 35 years. I'm not physically gone yet.....but my mental state is getting me there because of videos like this.
One day I had enough with a narcissist mother and her constant fight picking. I then started setting boundaries that work for me and then stuck to them. I never again let her violate my boundaries and I also found a good consequence measure that I was able to weaponize against her when she tried violate such boundaries.
My weapon of choice was the silent treatment, just as she had given to me for so many years prior. I gave her the silent treatment for 5 years straight until I moved out. She got more combative at first, but later she became so afraid of me that she purchased a little deadbolt and started locking her bedroom door at night. For the record I was never physically violent towards either of my parents.
However, my use of the silent treatment in this case sent a clear message that I was no longer participating in her little games. My silent treatment approach made me appear unaffected, untouchable, and unpredictable which led her to being more afraid of me. I could also tell over time that this approach was really messing with her head. Little by little she became more and more worn down and insecure, as well as more careful and respectful towards me.
I made it absolutely clear to her, without even a single spoken word, that I was completely done with her years of abuse. I maintained the silent treatment until I finished my education, got a great paying job, and was finally able to move out and go full no contact. 25 years later, I am a much happier person!
Who helped you to complete your education?
If only I had someone like you tell me things like this when I was stuck with a narcissistic boyfriend back in the 90's. Maybe things would've turned out differently in a better way.
I’m sorry, but if you left him you did the right thing because they’ll will never change and they would just drive you insane
What happens when your children become an extension of the narcissist
Unfortunately this will happen most likely, they are his flying monkeys….
@@munichgirl2514 And they are groomed to become narcs themselves. My narc mother did this to my now-narc sister.
Danish, my narcissist spouse keeps abusing me and my child not letting me leave him as well by threatening me to kill himself and implicate me. His mother has been his eternal support ensuring the abuse. They took all my money, physically abused and emotionally singled me out to let me be alone. My brother in law and his wife made us the scapegoat relieving themselves of all the abuses of his narcissist mother
I am to entertain all their etrrnal guests and relatives with a smiling face and laying spreads pretending to be the happiest of all and praise my mother in law n the family endlessly! It's been 24 yrs .....24 02..2023
Feel motivated to listen. I am in relationship from 11 years. All the symptoms are correct as they can't take responsibility but only right. Making abuse to the family members and to all the relatives , friends etc. Don't know how to deal.
I'm very impressed by this channel.
On point and constructive.
Sir, I stumbled upon your videos on Instagram. I follow you & Pray God Bless you with a Long Health & Happy Life to guide others efficiently & empower them to lead a Happy Life. My daughter's mother in law is a narcissist & since 11yrs my daughter is victimized & tortured. Now I'm going to confront here& save my daughter & my grandson. She didn't allow my daughter to meet me or talk to me for 7 yrs. Doesn't allow me to meet my grandson who is just 3 yrs. I lost my beloved hubby 15 yrs back & our daughter is our ONLY child. We loved her a lot but taking advantage of my grief she cast her narcissistic shadow on our daughter. May God punish her for her evilness & torcher she inflicted on my daughter, my grandson & me. Thanks for your guidance.
God Bless Danish, I have to save you video , listen to it time and again. After being emotionally drained I am not able to absorb everything you mentioned here but yes will listen numerous times so it registers in my head.Thank you for coming to aid of people like me who cant predit the narc"s behavior and reaction anytime.Have lost the zeal to do anything I love to do. Guess I have forgotten what I love.My child cannot see the Satan behind the sweetness the narc showers. How can she ? It took me 12 years plus to understand this.
God bless u Danish 🙏👍💙💙💙💓
I’ve come across your clips from Instagram too! Thank you because it’s been 5 years and I keep going back for more. 😫😫😫😫😫
Thank you for confirming. Already have these 7 and more in place. Been living my life. He doesn't affect me at all. Bless you.
In a marriage for 18 years. 10 years on and off separations and patch ups.
I actually find the only effective way is to go no contact. I divorced a narc, and walked away from my family of origin. When workplace dynamics change so that there is a narc in charge, I leave. That's a lot of leaving but I find it is really to only way. If you have kids, in my country the courts establish who gets the kids and when. It's not something you need to negotiate directly with narc. You can also have your lawyer do your talking for you. If you let a narc into your life they are never in 'just a little bit'. It's like being a little bit pregnant.
Wow!! Powerful words Mr. Bashir. Half of the video gave me the validation of what I have learned so far about THE Narcissist in my life, the other parts gave me EMPOWERMENT for the rest of my journey I have planned. I am working on my way to be FREE and have my teenage sons living with me very soon! 🙏🙏🙏 Thank you so much for your words, Mr Bashir -for the tools I need to hang on and save my mental health while I still have to be here with the Narcissist. 🙏🙏🙏 I will listen to this video many times as reminders through these next few months. Thank you!!
I have learned so much from your channel. It's encouraging and settles my heart that I did the right thing to cut out the Narcissist from my life and live my life with purpose, not easy to do but I am growing.
Thank You For Everything You Have Teached Me I Finally Know What I'm Married To And Giving Me Advice On How To Protect My Self From Her And Get My Dignity Back THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN
In India there is no awareness regarding the NPD abuse ,even in psychologists n psychiatrists . Since last 30 years psychiatrist n psychologists are only forcing me take medicines . After watching Danish's videos l could diagnose real problem & now healing myself
They know how to push our buttons but do we know how to push theirs,? Yes...no contact.
You are really touching me in my heart and soul I'm crying you are so correct yes yes yes thankyou
Than you Your info 🙏 is helping save my nervous system from unnecessary suffering 🙂💜
thank you very much for such clear and concise ways to deal with a toxic person like a narcissist .
Thank u so much sir.....for this wonderful knowledge......I m dealing with narcissist in laws from last 14 year....as Indians we all live together in joint family ...I hv 2 kids also....I really try so hard to keep them happy.....my husband is very loving and caring 4 not only me but for kids n his parents as well....he left his merchant navy job which he was doing for 12 years for his parents so that he can look after them....which was 3 years early from my marriage....I m a peaceful person I hv set few boundaries thank u so much for ur vedio....to understand them n their need in a better way....
Danish, thank you so much! I’m temporarily forced to be in contact with narc, financially, this video give me the guidance how to act.
Thank you 🙏🏻
I appreciate your work and help
I have very difficult narcissist rich in laws and it’s breaking me
However I have a wonderful husband who is also victim of his family
Love from 🇮🇳
can’t believe I only found you now. Heartfelt thanks.
I also benefited very much by watching your videos.
Subscribed! Great video, very helpful. Lately I've been going through a grieving process due to accepting the reality of my relationship with a family member that I now have low contact with. This person was abusive toward me in my formative years, then when I was 20 ended up taking me in and saving my life. Then started to get abusive with me again (mentally/emotionally mostly) some 15 years later. It would be a complicated and longwinded story to explain fully, but I'll just share that I'm 48, experienced mental health conditions since childhood and also found out I'm autistic/adhd at 38. I'm 48 now. Channels like this are so helpful for me in my mental health recovery as I dont have access to therapy. I'm sure this kind of content is helpful to lots of people in similar positions to myself. Thanks Danish. :)
YESSSSS! I loved the end of this video. Thank you for all your videos they are helping me so much. I can’t put into words how much you empower and guide me through this mess. You are in my flock!!! I am trying so hard to be there for me. I am an extreme empath (sometimes its my cross to bear) . I have devoted my personal life and professional life to helping others (ICU nurse, and animal rescue). I need to do the same by rescuing for me. It’s so difficult when all my brain recordings and my DNA has been built on self hatred and non deserving of love. I am now shifting my empathic strengths towards myself. Oh boy its hard when you hear the old recordings pop up and say “you are shit and don’t deserve love and compassion” I yell out loud YES I DO! I have wasted most my life i need to finally live. I just hope its not to late.
I'm not even hooked. I can't stand him. I have 22 animals who are my family, I would NEVER leave them behind, nor would I leave this POS untill I can provide for them for the rest of their lives in a secure environment. I'm working on it.... I don't praise him for anything, I sleep downstairs and he is upstairs, I avoid him like the plaque.... He gas lights me, but knows YES!! I'm onto his tactics. For anybody who believes they will change, try to see it as it is, they're pure evil.
I agree love from Albuquerque
This is exactly what i did. Did not become a victim.thank lovely. Advise
You have opened my eyes Darnish ,god bless you for showing me light
Came here to figure out how to survive narcissistic family members. I had to return to my family home after becoming sick and losing my nursing career. In a few months, I will have a license for new career of choice. I am in the home until then. Another challenge is enduring life through the rekindled abuse of a narcissistic sister, mother, and nieces. Yes, they come as a package deal. I will save this video as a daily tool.
Yes! Thank you for these videos!
The best Video about how to Deal with a narcisisist.
How good this video exist. Just what I needed. God Bless u for helping others.
Yvette Medina,Hope you are not with a narcissist….
A Tons of thanks to you...this is all my whole being need...🥰🥰🥰🥰
My in laws have predated my children in so dirty way making me the monster in the eyes of them allowing their own mobile and internet devices 8 am-2 am continuously, destroyng their nutritions I tried to maintain, preventing me from touching refrigerators, foods, kitchen, adulterated their and my foods. Whenever I wanted to take away the devices, they would shout, used slang and dirty words, humiliating me in every pissible way proving me the weakest person in the world to pay attention to in the eyes of my kids.
I dont know how to save my kids from this extremely corrupted hypocritic family. As you have said the tone they change in front of ppl, ppl dont know their actions, talks, behaviour which is totally opposite to their religious facade.
Thank you for this video. You put me on my new life againing this education
I have to watch your videos everyday to remind myself "respond and not react". It helps
You are so true.. Your every statement hits to d core
Very motivational, you really expose perfectly what I live!! Thank you.
I agree thai i cnn make myself happy and enjoy my life
Great advice! So true! Thank you Danish! I love your videos! 🙏🏻🥰🥰❤️
The freaking narcissists admitted me last week that I'm not the person he can control. He knows that I'm relentless. I turned cold towards him to the extent of telling him to move to his next victim. I will not take his rubbish all my life. I don't have 9 lives for his supply. He knows my feelings toward him will never come back. He can't apply his love bombing anymore. I told him to love bomb the mutah. Thats what he deserve and not a clean person like me. I took him as my partner in life to honor and respect but that's not reciprocated in return. If he came to my life just to become his punching bag. That's not the man my heart desire. I told him sorry if our relationship turned this way. He tried to make up with me. My heart already went numbed. No desire fixing this relationship. I dare him to move on. There's no turning back. I knew the guy will never change. So, be it now.
Yes I agree with every thing that you talked about I am blessed and I thank god everyday Iam a survivor from being in a relationship with a narcissist for 1year now and Iam feeling great again regaining my power and peace within myself with me listening to many videos has really been a great help to me recovering and healing from such abuse I enjoyed your video I will continue to listen because I learn more and more about these type of people and stay no contact at all times and that I have done now for a little over a year now❤️✌️
Thank you Danish, excellent advice. I can't go no contact my husband in a care home. 🙏⭐👍
I really appreciate your videos! This has been helping me stay on track with my own thoughts. It’s easy to go back under mind control
I love your delivery on number seven. Thanks ❤️
And Yes!!!!
Im so grateful with the info i have been battling with my nacissist husband behavior for seven year n its been hell but ever since i discovered he is instead im always in control even though i can c he isnt liking it at all ..but im at peace keep on it u are really a good teacher
I need to watch this video over and over again 😭
Valuable content. Many thanks!
This was really helpful, lots of overlap with cbt and dbt as well, great. If you have a website , I would love a handout of all the points to refer to!
This video is golden! ❤
Thank You very much. I just posted a question for Danish desperate for an answer to help my situation. And then I came across this video. Quite helpful indeed. 👃. I might take down my other post if I can since my question is now almost answered.
I can only imagine what you have been through and I understand the pain and now the healing process. Thank you for sharing. Staying strong and blessing to you.
He breaks all my contacts,which is very. Difficult
Danish..Very helpful ..you are helping us in our healing process..may God bless you ..
They never change..they are here in this world for sucking happiness...we need to be realistic not to expect any changes in them..only as your healing words...we only can work on us how to be safe.
Thankyou very much I feel I can leave. Thankyou
this video changed my life
I download this video and share to myself . its very very very motivational video for healing myself
Yes, enough is enough, isn't it?
Thank you so much for your content. It's amazing how helpful these videos are
It's really mostly a mental battle I as in today this morning as a fact decided to walk away and block my toxic relationship behind away from this narcissistic woman who has affected me mentally and thank God I'm slowly gaining my physical appearance back to a health 🙏🏽 when you know your partner is a narcissist as much as you think and believe that you do love them or they hopefully will change and well attached don't mention nothing to them!,, Simply walk away and block all media profiles. It's that simple!
Yes....iam realising understanding but iam getting back to the first notion you stated
Such a smart man 🎉🎉🎉
Its yout responsibility to be human and have compassion for others in the very least common respect.
I love you all my friends ❣️
Thank you Mr for your videos they are very fruitful maybe some day l can tell my story
Thanks for your deep understanding of living with a narcissist.
I really needed to hear this all from you, Danish. Thank you.
You are not wearing glasses here. I see this is an older video so maybe that is why.
Thank you again for putting out these videos. They have helped me deal and understand so much.