How To Outsmart A Narcissist
Vložit
- čas přidán 30. 12. 2022
- Want to outsmart a narcissist? In today's video I provide the eight best ways to disarm and outsmart a narcissist. Narcissists are cunning and calculating individuals who know how to manipulate people into doing their bidding. So in this video, I'll provide tips on how to deal with a narcissist and protect yourself from their manipulation.
This video is for people who are struggling with a relationship with a narcissist, or who have been hurt by a narcissist in the past. I will also provide you with additional resources so you will be rock-solid in your ability to use them.
📚 MY NEW BOOK: amzn.to/3U1IGNZ
MY KEY LINKS
🌍 MY WEBSITE/BLOG: www.kennyweiss.net
📚 MY BOOK: geni.us/journeytosuccess
🕺🏼 MY OPEN APPOINTMENTS: geni.us/sessionwithkenny
MY FREE ONLINE COURSES
🎓 6-Day Emotional Mastery email course to learn why and how feelings (not thinking) lead to freedom and self-awareness geni.us/emotionalmasterycourse
MY ONLINE MASTERCLASSES
🚀 geni.us/thegreatnessu
💜 MY PRIVATE GROUP COACHING:
geni.us/tguprivategroup
🕺CONNECT WITH ME:
Instagram 📸 geni.us/kennyweissig
Facebook 👥 geni.us/kennyweissfb
Hi, I'm Kenny, a Coach, CZcamsr, Podcaster, and Author in Phoenix, Arizona. I make videos about the strategies and tools to help you heal from emotional hurt to elevate your life. I'm an advocate for truth and healing.
I also have a weekly podcast called Heal The Hurt spoti.fi/46FSmAj.
I also write a weekly email newsletter with tips and resources to break free from self-destructing behaviors and learn to love yourself and live your best life to feel powerful through empowerment.
They win if we stay. We win when we leave them. Just break free. Just do it. Stop the immature torture. Peace and love to all those who fell victim.
Break free is not that easy all the time, for everyone.
Thank you Julianne God bless you
Wish I could some days. Except I’m a stuck at home mom and he’s controlling all of the money, and not taking care of what we need, so I wish I could but I don’t have what I need to take my daughters and get the fuck out, or I’d be gone by now. One day.
Except you've done all that but you still cant escape because they have "hypnotised" the judge into giving them to his custudy😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
@@Stephaniemickle make a plan... little by little, but you can do it!! ;)
How to outsmart a Narcissist
1) NO CONTACT
2) NO CONTACT
3) NO CONTACT
As long as the NO contact is 100% "Watertight" ... Texting or reading the Narcissist's texts is a breach of "No Contact" ..Looking at the Narcissist's social media is a breach of "No Contact" ..Talking to the Narcissist if they turn up at your home or work is a breach of "No Contact"
Your SILENCE kills them.
Yes. Dump, discard, disconnect. They need a communication line to another person in order to affect them. Cut it.
This is ABSOLUTELY guaranteed method!!
Fair play. Location Location Location for real estate. NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT for narcissistic abuse. And it must be absolute. Sometimes low contact is suggested for family. I can not speak to that except anecdotally. Nope. No means no. No contact means. … anyone? Anyone?
just RUN; do not walk away, RUN! I chose a narcissist & both our sons are JUST LIKE HIM ( yipes)!!'( eeek)
They want SUPPLY ....if there is no supply they will die ....it's obvious No Contact will kill them 👍
Walk away, without a word, and keep walking.
Forest gump is mom told him to run, just run when you see them 😂
As if that is (always) easy. There are consequences. And yes, I agree the only option is to run. But run at the right place in the right way.
@@drumming-and-discipline Nothing worth doing is easy.
We still do it.
If you're a child who grew up with narcissist parents, then, it's difficult to say we had a part in as a victim when we had no power as a child.
Yes that was then but this is NOW friend
My Story! I found out 4 years ago (I'm 48 now). Still not too late to ignore them completely and start my very own happy life again! ❤
Yes, and. I was 12 years old when I said, “No more!” Ran away and escaped. I know not everyone can do this. But most can by the time we are 18. I wrote about it in “Sage Words FREEDOM Book One.”
As a child I agree, I had limited power and what adults said was my reality, but as an an adult I get to decide what I believe and what I do. That's the best part about being an adult. so I can change the protection habits and less effective coping strategies I learned as a child in a narsistic household that are sabatoging me.
@@tobigibbons3647same here. The time I admitted it, he was on the way to the grave and was creating a whole tornado to cloud his helplessness and instill his failing enslavement tactics
I LOVE the way he IMMEDIATELY starts giving you answers WITHOUT a boring conversation at the beginning!
I subscribed immediately for this reason! Refreshing! I wish ALL podcasts would do this! I cannot thank you enough!🙏✨💜✨👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Awesome! Thank you for the feedback. My older ones I would ramble and my newer ones I am just jumping right in. Glad you like it
It’s because not sure now but to make money from YT videos you’d need people to watch to the middle and the until the end so people would draw the video out
yes straight on to the subject!!
Agree
I so agree!! Just chock full of thoughtful wisdom and a Manual on how to reflect on whatever our situation is without dumbing it down and being simplistic!! Finally Kenny just gave me more pearls and tools than I’ve gotten from in person psychiatry, psychology or a box of disappointing books. Thank you, honestly. We’ve all been thru something similar and your meeting us where we are right now, not in the pre requisite narcissism 101 that is overplayed. 🙌🏼
It's much harder when the narcissist has your small children and neglect them to upset you. It's very sickening. They are extremely unwell people. I applaud those who can easily step away.
@@Niceburg400 Exactly, its the "tit for tat" childish, evil behavior that's used to torture us emotionally. I'm hoping to find videos or advice that speaks specifically on this co-parenting dynamic with these "disagreeable creatures". It's nerve wrecking. I am vegan and she wants to feed my children whatever and constantly go against me for some type of punishment. Any rules I set for the children; she does the opposite, God help us 🙏🏿
Going through this now, it is tough. I found a great book called 'The Parallel Parenting Solution' by Carl Knickerbocker. It's helped me SO much!
So TRUE. My experience involves young children as well. Unfortunately I had to leave them behind and hope one day I can tell them how much I loved them. Give examples of all I did for them out of love but their parents both narcissistic people damaged me and I had to leave them until they were old enough to understand. If I stayed I would probably be 6 feet under. That's how poorly I was treated.
@@cyprienedecuir5291 Thankyou for your suggestion. I am literally going to look it up and read. Strategy is surely needed. 🙌🏾 Blessings
I’m dealing with this now 🤚. I could walk away. With him? Not so easy and he threatens to take my kids!
I look back on my behaviour and laugh at myself. I allowed it all to happen. My intuition told me something was wrong but I still kept going back because of my early trauma. The day things changed for me was when I practised dropping into my body into the hurt and it just faded away. I had a couple of slips after that but felt much stronger overall. It’s a journey.
I chuckled about it now when I think about it all of it how did I let myself for so long
😂😂😂
how did you learn dropping into your body?
"We aren't some empathic angel.. we are easy prey." Amen! I always felt saying the narcissist wants you because you're so extra wow, was stroking our egos ( ironic no?) and not getting to the core issue.
Being so nice to get people to like us, because of childhood traumas, to the point of suppressing a person's own wants and needs, isn't angelic, it's a perfect situation for a narcissist to exploit.
👏👏👏 spot on. Realizing this is the beginning of our heal journey
Sounds like a softy to me 😂😂😂😂 u must not have a evil side
"Narcissistic empath" is a new category.
@@pretheeshgpresannan4172 sound bout slow asf and pigs fly a empath can have narcissistic traits but that’s about it never no empath
I've heard it said elsewhere on similar CZcams videos that empaths are in reality trauma victims with unhealed trauma, operating under hypervigilance. The hypervigilance masquerades as having highly attuned empathy. But it's root is having to learn to quickly judge an abusers energy to prepare for their attacks. It was a necessary survival skill as a child. Now we are no longer children that trauma response isn't serving us....unless we are still operating as that wounded child in our adult relationship. Which makes perfect sense as to the insight in this video.
For me, the biggest takeaway in regards to my own healing from this video as that in recognising my original attraction to the narc...receiving attention.
This hit the nail on the head .. I did not receive the attention I needed from either of my parents.
I'm now able to grieve that.
Forgive them.
And reparent little me with lots of attention.
I hope this lesson stays with me!
The ONLY way to win a no-win situation is not to play!😎
Great!
After all, you are only dealing with someone else’s fictional character - the Avatar they left behind
- so why bother?
@@robertaturk ,yes why bother ?🙏🏼🌼
Yes. We don't have to attend every argument we are invited to.
Who cares? Then it's an elephant 🐘 😮😅😅😅...they know. But leave them to their fantasies. I agree. Never 'explain'.
Run expecially if you reconize the syptoms. If your'e aware of the sighnes.
Depriving a narcissist of attention is like depriving them of oxygen, eventually they seek oxygen supply elsewhere.
Ignore these fools. Give them no attention at all.
👍🏻😊✌🏼
I know! I've had practice disengaging from people at church. After a while you learn to spot them right away. When you don't respond one way or the other negative or positive they literally implode! It's fun to watch!
They scream for attention like children! Very rude.
Yes and they badmouth you.
I think the narcissist either targets another narcissist or a very good person who is naive. The good person is not flawed, they are loving, giving people who can't fathom anyone being evil. It doesn't cross their mind. And the narcissist gets them to commit by love bombing, stories of trauma, getting the victim to make promises to them (playing on integrity).
This 100000% how awfully on point 😢
That was exactly what happened to me. Completely no ideas people could act in such a way. It was shocking. And yes, we get roped in and ride by our sense of integrity and sense of loyalty.
I'm the naive ,good hearted ,person who has never known a narcissist.My God,these people are truly evil !
Why do they target other narcissists?
@@Corinabs From seeing my ex narcissist meet a narcissist women, they feel like they met their soul mate. They both love bomb each other which they normally do to people and yet each one feels like they are in control. They get addicted to the attention.They gaslight each other and then they get addicted to the horrible treatment and drama they impose on each other. They use each other for different things. He loved the attention and drama ( She withheld sex and dangled it over him as a lure, all the while making sure she paraded other men around. Made him more obsessed.)
She wanted his money and his attention. They would fight on a weekly bases.
I love how he points out that you’re also responsible and not just a victim. I have learned to take accountability for my part of every situation that I was manipulated in. Did he steal my kids bc he lied to me about not having to go to court.. yes, BUT ultimately it’s my fault bc I should have called my atty and verified what he told me. In every situation, I am partially to blame and I had to take accountability for that. For about the first three, four years, he had everyone tricked. Looking back, there were red flags, but I chose to stay, hoping that it would go back to how it was in the beginning. In the end, I found out that was also a lie.
Someone once told me.,. A narcissist worst fear is to be insignificant and when we don't engage with them, it brings that right up to the surface. I've found this to be 100% true
I fear conflict and confrontation
So did I. That’s how they control you. Don’t engage. Plan your way out. I’m being car stalked. Police can’t help but pictures an document with no confrontation. An I am divorced.
@@veronikabest449 Amen. I don't engage bit here reported to the police encase I get attacked.
I think that it’s important to value people though. Because that is how the narc acts too. Its healthy to empower and encourage friendships. Validation is not a dirty word. But being DEVALUED is when we should be exiting friendships or relationships.
Oh snap! My alcoholic husband does this. 1st of all no one wants to be interactive with a alcoholic. They become someone else and are sloppy. So I don't engage but he always gets me to by triggering me . I'm sick of it! The lord is growing me through this. When u are a child of God you are trained in his ways by himself. But I wouldn't trade it for the world! 😅❤😊
Actually told my ex, "I'm not fighting about reality anymore."
Drop the mic
Good One!
I am not telling my narcissistic that I will show them instead 😮
Wow,that comment hits hard.
"who are you gonna believe? Me? Or your LYING EYES?"
"We are re-living the unhealed trauma from our childhood when we are in a relationship with a narcissist."
😢😢😢😢,
Some narcissists are evil. Some narcissists are dangerous. Narcissism is a serious mental illness.
Not always. Alot of people did not grow up with narcissistic parents so it does not always apply
@@ozgal6929that’s true but I think @samme1024’s comment was coming from their perspective. So your comment actually can make them feel that their opinion is devalued. So be careful what and how you say something to someone. You can unintentionally create more harm.
I can relate to this in my experience. My partner, when inebriated, would be so nice and so loving toward me and had the same way my medicated and addled Mother would look at me. The facial expressions were unmistakable. It took years of work to even realize this! It is honestly weird!!
Sometimes agreeing with them doesn't work because they are so ready for a debate they change their story !!
I know this to be true. I am alone and put narcissistic people out of my life. I have been threatened, and harassed not giving them what they want. They have no power over you unless you give it to them. You may be alone, but you will have more peace
Better to b alone and have peace instead of being in a state of feeling like they r a cat and you a mouse
Absolutely true!
Yep, and a bit of loneliness is so much better than the devastation they incur upon us when we engage in their crazy gas lighting world.
And fortunately there is no need to stay alone if and when we so choose. 😁
Anyone willing to chat? I would love to see if I am right about my husband
If you think you can change a narcissist you will get stuck in their web of empty conversation.
Like a fly caught in the cunning web they weave stuck fluttering around for hours. I am separated from my husband and when he melts down and his button is pushed and he becomes unreasonable and irrational then I push my own button and hang up. Sometimes we switch to text where I restate myself, he says his stuff and I don’t reply.
Works like a charm!!!
Next time we connect it’s like it never happened.
They are incurable.
The point is not to change them but to cope with them.
@@robertaturk a
You can’t. We can only love them from afar
A lot of self proclaimed “empath”s are not empaths. They are simply elevating themselves in a narcissistic fashion.
When someone says their an "empath," I simply think they're a codependent.
When you are so in tune with someone else's feelings that you feel their pain, you are an enmeshed codependent.
@@Cassie-pt7mtexactly what a narcissist would say to make themselves feel superior to everyone else.
I like to say to myself that I did not allow toxic people to get to me. I just did not learn how to lock my inner door for these toxic people because I could not find the key to lock my inner door to my feelings to protect myself. I did not allow them to violate my boundaries.
I need to learn how to do that. Lock my inner door to avoid heartbreak
1. Use a Wall of Pleasantness, Maturity, and Moderation. 2. Hire a coach or therapist to help us. We need an outside place to go for support when we want to go back to them. 3. Don't defend, explain, engage, or correct them. They will NOT see the truth. Don't call them out or shrink or feed them. 4. Agree with them even if what they say is ridiculous. Don't argue with them. Whenever someone criticizes us, they don't realize they are criticizing themselves too. Whenever someone judges me they are actually telling me about themselves. 5. Get into your own life. Show them how insignificant they are. Find your interests that have nothing to do with them. They filled a hole in you that you need to fill for yourself. Recognize your own mistakes in not pursuing your own needs and wants and by getting into the relationship with them in the first place. Don't stay the manipulating, disempowered victim. Don't give yourself away, and stop saying yes to things you know are wrong. 6. Mirror their behavior and act just like them. Trick them. But if you start hating yourself for treating them badly, it's not really worth it. Pay attention to your feelings. See the part you're playing in the Narcissism dynamic. We are responsible for our actions. 7. Heal yourself. Own that you chose the narcissist because of childhood dysfunction. Make healing that childhood trauma a priority. Then you can stop reliving it. Take responsibility for the part you (unconsciously) played in choosing them. You can forgive yourself for being perfectly imperfect. Let yourself off the hook. Discover what your needs and wants are. Realize that you were manipulative too. 8. Just don't do it---don't become a narcissist.
Hello 👋 Beautiful Lady 🌹 How are you How is the weather?
I walked out the door and never allowed the narcissist to speak to me or find me on social media. Even though they made fake social media accounts in my name, I just reported them but never spoke to them. Never defend yourself, never try to reason with them. It never works.
I am planning to copy and paste your words in my notes and every morning read it as I wake up to remind myself they will never change. Thank you for guidance ❤
Good lord damn for someone not to hurt your feelings???
Well
Put them aside as soon as you know who they are and what they do. Don't "offer" your life to them. Life is too short.
Too late, can't get out or leave. I need money, I have disabilities. The house is on my name, my home. I just get away from him when I can. I actually gate being around my husband. He's boring now, it's the same old same old. I getting a life now by myself and out with friends. Plan trips to get away from him. He's so mean anymore. I pity him, he's not that great guy anymore I fell for before I saw the bi Polar ego narcissism in him. He charmed me. Now I'm ignoring him as much as possible, when around others I'm much nicer to him, he and stand me being sugar sweet, he knows I'm faking it. It gets his goat big time. Too bad, he won't control me ever again!
Reductive advice is not helpful.
@@marleneg7794 what do you mean? I either survive or he destroys me inside out! I have no one to help me! I'm in survival mode and actually it's working!!
When the narcissist I was with would accuse me of sleeping around,I would lisren to him and say along the order of.
"Wow,that sounds like it was fun, can't have that with you anymore,huh?"
I swear he would start frothing at the mouth and turn bright red,he was literally at a loss for words😅
The beauty was I never admitted to sleeping around so he had nothing to use against me.
This is interesting,I can see it,however,what happens when the empathy has been diagnosed BiPolar1, and complex PTSD and emotionally unstable.
I understand having to own my part in it,however, the Emotional instability left me collapsed and weeping most days which was like throwing the ex a chew toy.
He baited me continually and was driving me to kill myself.
I did leave him,but am still recovering after 6 years.
Once when a narcissist pretended to be interested in my current life, she loudly asked me at a party in front of her new fiancé, “What are you up to these days? My answer was, “the same usual stuff” … I knew she was faking her interest in me. Although she was a menace family member, she never paid any attention to me before that day, so it was impossible for her to recall what my “usual stuff” was. I wasn’t about to share my business with this narcissist scheming trouble maker.
I think you may be missing the dangerous rage we're going to get, as soon as they know we're disengaging. They'll strike!
I thought that as well. I learned to look upset if he was close so he didn’t make it worse for the children. After we were safely away from him I made it a point to take care of myself, look my best and keep myself happy and strong so that my sons could see the difference. It’s hard and a lot of acting for a few years. Then you slowly only recognise the upgraded version of yourself. 😅
@@stephaniecolant good on you and your success!
Absolutely. Narcissists are often stalkers. Some narcissists are delusional. Some are very dangerous. People must learn to protect themselves. Record every incident. Get names if you know them, times, car descriptions, tag numbers, what they did, etc. Keep this in the Cloud. If anything happens, authorities will know.
My husband started hitting me once I started trying to have boundaries. Then he just blames me for it.
@@0427rjc I'm very sorry to hear that happened.
You can love people from afar!!! Peace, Love and stability in your life is important.
Yes! Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you can live with them.
Yes.
Amazing advice! If I fight with him , he wins every time! He’s much louder, much taller, much stronger, and he has a lot more money. When I called the police , I just made a fool of myself by crying , acting confused and shaking ,while he’s standing there calm and collected , rolling his eyes. Never a good idea to bring narcissist’s wrath upon yourself , better to let them save their face and proceed out of there with caution.
Far , far away...
"when we argue with someone... [who is saying] something that isn't true, we're being codependent."
Such a clear signal to be aware of!
Empath here, who's in process of finding self.
You said, don't do it alone. Too late. I left my narcissist 3 years ago. Walked out with 2 suitcases. Everything else was just STUFF. I never went back. No contact. I was with him for 38 years. It was hard to be myself, but everyday I get better. The break started when I refused to engage. I started taking back my power. BTW, at the time, I didn't know what a narcissist was. But now that I watch these videos, I see the dynamic. And, yes, I slowly gave away my power until one day I snapped. Glad I got out alive. Thanks for sharing 👍 😊 your knowledge. Great video. Love the purple 💜 (which is a power color).
Alone with our children. I'm still alone with my children. 🤷🏻♀️ It's more peaceful but I can still see how some support would be good for people
Now you can be a channel of blessings to help heal others through your strength and wisdom. If you're interested, explore the Amethyst stone which is said to offer protection, humility, spiritual wisdom, and stress relief. All the best to you! And keep your head up, buttercup!
God for you, you got out alive after all those years. Sadly, my son didn't get out alive. His wife twisted his brain so bad he shot himself.
@@wylykyotys So sorry to hear that. Narcissists do make you question you sanity. And they isolate you so your support system is gone. I understand the deep sadness your son probably experienced. God bless.
So sorry you had to endure all those years of pain. At least you’re free now. 💜☮️
One thing that my special narcissist hates is the silent treatment. They feel that they MUST be acknowledged; because they truly feel that they are the center of the universe.
You are 100% correct! While studying your narcissistic partner one cannot help but take on those traits studied. Drags an empath to a dark place.
A word of caution; be careful agreeing to something that's illegal. They might be recording and play it for others. That's dangerous
Wow! I am glad I left my mean & narcissistic husband after 25 years of marriage. It saved me in so many ways
I did EXACTLY what you did about 10 years ago. Unfortunately one of our children is now inflicted with this disease! I call it a disease because I believe in genetics and also years of observing my husband's tactics. I am heartbroken and recently starting reading and listening to videos about narcissistic tendencies. I listened to my inner self and stopped responding and reacting to all the horrific texts, phone calls. My adult child is now at the last step a narcissist takes USING TEARS, WANTING SYMPATHY. I had a phone call with my child and made it clear no discussion about the things she wants from me. It was a pleasant conversation but some of her conversation touched on the issues in a subliminal way. The conversation ended. I felt good but KNEW THIS WAS THE FINAL TACTIC! I know I will get more calls like this but will not answer every one because it's the final tactic.
Thankyou for this video it actually convinced me of what a true narcissist really is. I WILL NEVER GIVE IN AND ALWAYS HAVE A SHEILD AROUND MY HEART. Sad, but the way it must be. NEVER GIVE IN TO TEARS ETC.
Thank you, this gives me hope, planning my escape this year, year 22 of marriage
Ssme, 27 for me, and boy, it's tough,
Mirroring his behavior results in him telling me I'm rude and vile
Well, in a way its validation: They call you 'oversensitive' when you complain about their behavior, but when you do it onto them they complain even harder 🤔😄
Conclusion: You werent oversensitive, even by their own standards !
From my experience, the narcissist will also always try to play the victim card. They will never admit they are the villain, as they are incapable of self reflection. They don't feel shame or guilt from acting the way they do, but when you mirror them, it is a drain on you, as you are actually a caring person. That is why, ultimately the best thing you can do with a narcissist is leave and never look back. You will never have a relationship with them where love goes both ways, because with a narcissist, it isn't about who you are. It's about what you have to offer, and how much they can take from you.
Appreciate you wrote this comment, 100% correct!!they are extremely evil!!!driven me insane 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
Brilliant! So well put.
exactly! and then you feel frustrated and you make the mistake to correct them, trying to make them understand.
@@suesuki9652 i felt relief too reading this comment, you are not alone, we have similar experiences with crazy people..
As someone who is a narcissist, it was getting professional help and therapy that helped me so much. I have been able to build very strong relationships with my family and more. If you are involved with someone that has narcissistic tendencies, I recommend getting the same treatment. If they flat out refuse. Leave and give them absolutely no attention.
Which treatment ? Please can you tell ne. I need it for my narc daughter
God bless you for getting help. Do you feel real love and empathy now? Did you only had narcissistic traits or you were a full blown narcissist?
@@skmedia4226 consistant therapy. digging deep into many decisions that I've made over the course of my life.
@@prietagarcia1155 I am more aware of when to be empathetic. And to stop what I am doing and engage in a conversation with someone who is in need of help. where in the past I would just say, I'm sorry and move on with what I am doing. I have traits. but my therapist says I just need stop think a lot harder before making a rash choice. will this choice be a positive or negative thing. One big thing that has helped is always set goals. daily weekly monthly and yearly. it helps with focus. having ADD ties in closely with narcissism. I can get hyperfocued on something and ill be thinking about that statement or moment and anything els happening just goes right over my head.
Thank you for sharing. Can you please tell me how or who got through to you?
You're right. We have to take responsibility for putting ourselves in a relationship with a Narc. However, as a child I had no choice but to survive my narcissistic parents as best I could. That's the thing.
⁰9😅😅😅p no
Go no contact. Seek therapy. Move on.
Yes! As a child, you don't have a choice.
Once we are out of our childhood homes, we have a choice in the relationships that we participate in.
There's a big difference in a child/adult dynamic versus an adult/adult dynamic 👍
That's a fact
Children are powerless.
My fingers hurt from writing so much of this video. I've been trying to figure out my son's girlfriend for 1 1/2 years & could never "get" to her. Now I see that she's just been playing a sick game with our whole family... and I've played my part in it all. She's not my daughter, they dated for a very short time, then became pregnant. I didn't even really know her but thought we had a cordial relationship. Soooo, I've held my tongue in hopes that I can have a relationship with my granddaughter, but in the process, I've totally lost myself, my mind & my marriage is even suffering from all the constant stress & drama. I have to find my way out of this. I hope listening to more of your videos can get me there because I just can't keep seeing this beautiful little toddler running around who doesn't even know or feel that I'm her grandmother who loves her dearly.
I’m watching this video as a codependent who actually took responsibility, went to therapy, healed, and is not miserable any more. This video is my life the last twenty years, married a narcissist, had a son with him, suffered chaos, blamed him for everything UNTIL I decided that I need to get my life back. It was am easy process after taking responsibility. I can now have a totally peaceful coexistence with him, because I don’t engage. Even though there are moments that I am tempted to fall back into that pattern, those moments only serve to remind me that I can’t ever be complacent. Trauma does not leave. Healing is just learning to leave with it. I am a self sufficient woman now, not even on the look out for another relationship to fill any void. Thank you for this video. I subscribed because you are so on point
This is a great testimony
Thanks for sharing your positive experience. Are you still married to the Narcissist? Do you live together still? If not, how did you go about it leaving him?
You say you can coexist with the narcissist. Does that mean you’re still married to him?
@@mlou7432 i wonder the same thing
Once I fooled a narcist and I said I was in love with him( when said " I love you")which I was not . He obviously was in love with me . I agreed pretty much everything he said and done to others ( rude, sociopathy behaviors) in the beginning . I tricked this guy for a few months as I wanted to know how far he could go. One day , he wanted me to fight with him as I stayed quiet when I did not agree one of his narc behavior . He was too open to me because he thought that his love bombing worked and I fell in love with him which clearly wasn't. Unexpectedly , I asked him to get out of my house and pick up his things which made him shocking. He looked like a puppy who took his belongings and cleared off. What a moment it was for me :) I closed my door and then never looked back. I blocked all his contacts .
Reaction control is the first step in dealing with narcissists. Because they will take advantage of every reaction you have and attack you.
I thought I attracted the verbal abuse bc I was fat and ugly and could not do better. But actually it was years of altering my personality to be accepted by the “world” that I didn’t know who I was and what I needed and wanted. I have healed myself and gain my power back. What a roller coaster of a life of lessons. 🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏
I sympathize with you and anybody that has been fooled and betrayed by a narc. They live a double life and get joy from your pain . Pure evil . I have learned that beauty is from within , from ones spirit and/or soul . They use their superficial looks or anything that they can use to their advantage to hurt people for their evil , insidious agenda . They epitomize true evil on earth . I've seen the devil with the face of an angel . Good luck and peace be with you .
I know it's a projection and probably unhealthy but while listening to your videos I felt like I found a loving parent that I never had. Every single word is very important and valuable. Thank you!
I hear that a lot. ;-)
Thank you! Spot on. I'm 17 years out the door from a sociopath and what you say is so true. I've stayed single because I'm afraid I'll repeat my poor choices. I'm happy though.
I am ten years out from my LAST ONE, Each one getting worse from the one before. So I looked deep inside myself an realized the common denominator was Me! Have been totally alone not even a kiss, for 10 years. I am 63, now I don’t want to be alone. Started therapy but keep postponing it, afraid really afraid to start over an having it happen again. Last guy actually ran me over with his truck, choked me half a dozen times in public in front of my friends, caused trouble at my job I loved an worked at for years an loved so much, of course I got fired. Kept me away from my family for so long then my Dad died he said everyone dies didn’t go to wake or funeral, he lived in my house an know my parents for 3 years. Poured water over my head an slapped my face in front of his brother because i did not get his napkin fast enough. Sleep with about a dozen women an told me he was working . Then told me they were trying to break us up because they didn’t want us to be happy. Would not fix my car after I lost my job so I could get a new job, so I was stuck home . He would take off for days , I had no way to get anywhere . Would say he was coming to pick me up, to get dressed to go out for nice dinner, never come home at all till next night. Told me he slept at his mothers , was at his moms it just came up that he had been there , I said yea he stayed over… she said no he didn’t… she wasn’t going to let him lie to me she thought I was great , didn’t understand why he was doing these things. sorry got carried away . never said all this
Agreed
These people will suck the joy out of you. Leave fast don't look back.
I cried during this whole video! Of all the videos I have watched about narcissists, this one hit me more than all of them put together. Especially my part in playing the victim which I now realize I do so well. I am so glad I found you. Thank you!!!!
Ouch! That hurt Kenny. You just made me open my eyes. I kept thinking I was the victim. I am addicted to these severely twisted men, because I have never dealt with my own messed up childhood. Thank you!
After 40 years I learned that my husband is a narcissist this video and schools help me a lot to understand he does not have the power anymore he has so much power over me I have to step up and walk away and now I am at peace thank you so much 57 living my best life
30 years for me. Now divorcing. I'm 55.
I'm fifty, 😢I'm so sad it's become this, but God knows I am tired of being kicked around, sad when u literally have to say I am sorry I just wanna be loved, like just a weebit
35 yrs and I’m almost 61. Getting my power back.
Is it possible to learn how to deal with your spouse yet stay? That sounds like a stupid question as I write it but my husband is good for the most part but he just doesn’t know how to argue properly lol. I don’t know how else to say it but he seems to fit the mold for a narc when we argue. Basically, he says very hurtful things over what I would consider a minor issue in order to win the argument.
20 here. He’s now shown his true colors. 20+ younger live in girlfriend and has ostracized our 17 year old
Son. She is the same age as his older friends. Has a toddler and took over my son’s room. Good riddance. He’s sick.
I can stop myself from going back. What I have trouble with is I find myself walking away from everybody, not trusting anybody.
I've been with my narc husband for almost 30 years. I'm now 50 and so much drained from his control & power. Unfortunately, I just recently learned about narcissism. I Want this to stop because I've been feeling confused & yes miserable for years, lost my self worth & esteem. I hope there's still hope for me. I wanna to heal.
You are right...10 years ago I removed myself from an narcicissist because I felt the relationship distroyed me and I wanted to survive:I felt like I was spit out a tumbler,depressed for 15months,filled with anger and revange,learning to let go,taking responsibility for myself and the codependent part I played,it was the biggest lesson I ever faced,seeing myself as empath(angel),becoming aware of being responsable for my own life!I emigrated to avoid him and the pain,best decision ever
We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
àa
thank you for this... my narcissist partner accused me of having no empathy... that is when I began to realize something was just not right, because all of my friends thought i was empathic.
Why should I spy on their phone, while I don't own them. They are human with conscious to choose either the right path or the wrong path. The best way to live a life is to hope for the and expect the worst.
Thank you. This is a great video. I stupidly thought I could be strong and help someone. Now I am reliving complex PTSD daily. Thank you so much.
@@katturtlewow I started reading this comment and thought 💭 I don’t remember commenting on here before 😆 you’ve just described my same experience. I’m an empath, HSP and very reflective person. To be told that I need to be more mindful and could reflect more was the point I knew they were full of it💩🙄 it’s unbelievable what some people think they can get away with and as long as we keep buying it they’ll keep pushing it.
Narcissists are not healthy people 😔 and will do anything not to take accountability. Even if that means smearing everyone else’s name
This guy gets it. Empaths, listen & warp speed yourself ahead to healing!
Heading this route....🙏🏼💟🌼
My ex called me an insufferable narcissist, and my response was: “If you know that, why do you want to meet up with me over and over again? You know there is no cure for it, so you should be happy not to have me in your life anymore.” He went onto a verbal rampage after that the likes I have never experienced before. So, I decided to block him, and then I went to my family physician and asked to be evaluated for narcissism. My doctor laughed and said: “What he did was projecting. Narcissists call others narcissist, but no narcissist is worried about being one.”
Update: so on April the 24th I got a psychological evaluation at the Zepf Center in Toledo. They deemed me free of personality disorders of any kind, but believe I have an attachment disorder, strong ADHD and emotional trauma from childhood. So I am now going into therapy once a month. You read this right: They thought I could benefit from getting therapy once a month to help me especially with my anxious attachment style. At least now, when the next a-hole calls me an insufferable narcissist, I can reply: “Buddy, I have been thoroughly checked by a shrink… YOU should try it!” Narcissist is the new insult that replaced jerk. I will not stand for it, anymore!
“Insufferable “ was a common insult the malignant narcissist I divorced would always use when he was projecting and every sentence ended in a name calling insult.
😂 yes I’m the narc ok bye 👋🏾
@@rosalynjolly2565 lol. Yes, that’s pretty much how it went in the “let’s remain friends” phase, which taught me a big lesson: it’s not wise to remain in a friendship with an ex and it’s darn impossible with a narc. All they want is keep a foot in the door for access to their narcissistic supply.
Ha!! Good Dr!!! 😂❤💯
Great reply in that situation!
Good advice. I’m not miserable because I have found my way out of the narcissist misery years ago, and learned to create my own peaceful reality by trial and error. I agree that while it may be gratifying temporarily to give the narcissist a dose of their own medicine, I could see that I was becoming more unhealthy and dark by doing that. Detachment with love has been the answer for me. Can take a lot of pain to get to the point to wear one chooses that route, but it’s wonderful. I wish all the narcissists wellness and health on their own journey. They are great teachers to those of us who need to learn the lessons from them.
Where can I learn more about detachment with love?
I want to control everything and everyone around me because I am a superior person and deserve to be in charge. I just hate it when other people can be better at narcissism than me. Thank you for this advice. I’m not ready to grow up and act in a mature way. Being a victim gets me so much more attention. And makes ME the center of attention.
Very true. Until we recognise our own role in the dance it will be difficult to stop the dance 🙏
Yes!😢
So true. Been dancing for a while waiting to get out
Walk away works, if you can. It sucks if you can't, like when you have minor children 😮
My therapist said at the time : you like all this ( hurt and pain ) I said : no. His answers was :well than you have to do something about it! I never forgot this.
Narcissists are impossible and unreasonable. It is not always the victim's fault. Narcissism is a mental illness.
Isn’t it the strangest thing? I am still amazed that I lived obliviously not knowing about narcissists until I was 56. Unfortunately I had the displeasure of learning. I was able to put a name to it 3 years in but it has taken me 3 years and counting of getting free. I am slowly healing and learning my part in it. I am trauma bonded. Between the Covid lockdown and allowing myself to stay in a relationship that my entire self was screaming “your mental health is in danger” nearly killed me. I don’t like who I am now but I am getting there. And I agree that a big step is accepting responsibility.
I had to laugh at the way you said you had the "displeasure of learning." You are not kidding sister! Displeasure for me lasted decades and I am now trying to educate my children who are also victims of people who possess this dastardly personality disorder.
@@sjmenterprise It sure was a displeasure to say the least. Lol. My daughter as well. Stay strong. It’s eye opening and sad to know there are so many of us out there. Thank goodness for the ones who shared before us to give us hope.
I'm in my 50's and have just learned what narcissism is. Unfortunately, after all I've learned, I believe my spouse has NPD and we've only been married a year and half. Love Bombing > Devaluation > Discard (silent treatment), act like nothing happened and then repeat at the slightest perception of being wronged. It has worn on my mental health.
This. I feel so stupid for staying and not realizing it. But when you have deep wounds already, you can't see it.
Now that I do and am still here, I feel like I can't say a thiung about it to anyone. I'm still here.
But how to go completely? No income, chronic illness (from living this life no doubt), a son together. I have a hard time not beating myself up for not having a solid exit plan like everyone told me to start building when I figured things out 3 years ago. Traumatized by his hidden life (horrific amounts of cheating and lies) I was just struck down so badly. Then covid. More abuse. More trauma. Illness worse.
It sounds like a slew of excuses, but it's just reality. No good support system either. No one has been there thru illness, why bother with this?
It sucks. I am not safe. I am not well. This will end up killing me if I don't find a way to leave.
@@mearis8133A person n their 50’s is wiser than a person in their 30’s. Use what you know. This partner will not make life wonderful on a consistent enough basis to spend the next decade being indecisive. Let your spouse find someone else to engage in their narcissistic dance of life.
I’ve been through this narc mess for years. I’ve come to the point where other people opinion about me don’t count. I’m a good person and I’m not going to apologize about it. If you got a problem with/me don’t come around me. #period signed,💕😊. If they make you feel a certain way and you don’t like it. Avoid; avoid; avoid. Most of the time their present is exhausting anyway.
Number 8: do what they do.
"If you like their treatment of you so much, why would you become them?" That needs to be pointed out more. All the time. Everywhere.
I have seen the "do what they do" advice so much in recent yrs, but the sad irony is narcs think they're fighting the good fight too. They believe their behavior is justified which is why they don't care if it hurts you. Where it becomes crazy is how many ppl are becoming convinced "this, that & the other person is a narcissist. Narcs are everywhere" & over the most basic of human behaviors or not getting what they want. They begin to employ tactics of ignoring, ghosting, devaluing, making them "pay", telling themselves they're acting from a place of "self-protection". & yet they may actually be mislabeling & then unfairly harming others in the process. There's no justifiecation in intentionally harming another person for existing as themselves. The healthiest of options is to tell a person where they went wrong & then walk away. If they're not a narc, they'll use the info to reflect & improve & you can still tell yourself you did the right thing.
Wall of pleasantness reply 😊 that’s exactly how I engage with narcissists. The moment it goes toxic I exit.
That bit about empaths elevating themselves as angels and nothing but victims of the evil narcissists is so true. I’ve done this for so long in my life. We have to realize that none of us is all good or all bad. We are a mixed bag, and human nature is complicated. It’s freeing to take responsibility for your part and make the changes necessary to stop the addiction of co-dependency. It’s hard work though, because it literally is an addiction. But at some point you get tired of blaming and your own crap and realize it’s on you to change.
Well said, I highly appreciate your comment
Yes, the narc has their addiction and the codependent has theirs.
If you want to say anything about it, it's that they are both out of touch.
True, I agree
@@jasonbaer6341 it's about learning to grow.
Just stay out of relationships. You can thank me in 30 years. I'm 64.
A preface: I was raised by a narcissistic mother. At 16, I was raped by a schoolmate, who threatened to kill my family if I told anyone. At 19, I married a narcissist man. After the birth of our first child, I became a stay at home wife, and became his verbal and emotional punching bag. How did I cope? I started having affairs- lots of them, because this was the only place I had any say in what happened. Much later, I learned this was typical rape victim behavior, but at the time, it was my only way to maintain my personality, and worth. I finally got away from my husband, but had emotional scars that can still surface if triggered. I also distanced myself from my mother. Took a long time, but I have recovered, and am very happy with my life as it is now.
I burst out laughing when you said, “you’re watching this video because you’re miserable”. Omg! Let’s get real, right? Seriously, I’m well past the midway point of healing, AND😁 I would like to make it all the way before I die. Thanks for the references to your videos and books and healing monthly club. I like your depth of understanding and your concise, articulate & thought provoking/affirming videos. There are some hard truths we battle-scarred codependents must internalize before we can truly become healthy, strong, independent human beings.
As a victim of narcissistic abuse......I can now many years of healing later...see that I gave all my power away to EARN the illusion of security. I either bowed down or was threatened to be hurt worse and or abandoned and left to die.
I was a child and didn't know any better, and my number 1 value is to avoid pain...feel safe.
@Heather Guess Your last sentence re. child; didn't know any better; avoid pain; feel safe, is also what the narcissistic says.
@@thekeysman6760 what's your point?
That because narcissists say a lot of things that automatically makes my truth and THE truth I speak invalid?
@@heatherguess518 No! How could you possibly think that? I'm just saying that a lower medium narcissist may admit this too, what you said. I thought you were interested in studying this, sorry. Wow. Are you prone to thinking up things and projecting on others much? Because that's what you've just done.
actually, you are the one sounding like you’re trying to bait her and gaslight her. No matter what, children are blameless in this kind of situation.
I grew up with severe abuse from a narcissist. I was a victim. There is nothing wrong with saying that. It is a fact. The most important thing is not to allow the past to dictate one’s future and not to unknowingly gravitate to the same types of people.
@@jstella5252 Well I wasn't meaning for that, even it "sounds" like I did to you. Apologies Heather.
I did this with my older sister, not realizing that she was a narcissist at the time, but knowing that our conversations were unhealthy and causing me a lot of anxiety. She would call me and gossip about other people in our family, and I’d get emotionally involved, then she’d hang up the phone and go about her business and sometimes claim that the conversation hasn’t occurred at all. I’d get all worked up over something crazy she told me, not be able to sleep for days, think about nothing else, and then when I’d follow up with her she’d pretend like she didn’t know what I was talking about.
So after a few YEARS of this (yeah, I’m slow I guess, plus she’s 8 years older than me,) I decided to just be pleasant instead of getting sucked into the drama and allowing myself to get upset. So she’d tell me something shocking that supposedly happened, and I’d just say “Oh wow that sounds really crazy.” And she started to realize that I wasn’t buying it anymore. That’s when she got ANGRY and started talking about me to other people in our family. I only figured this out because people started treating me like a social pariah, and even cousins I hadn’t seen in years would act really weird around me. I thought I was doing something to deserve this, was laying awake wracking my brain to figure out what I possibly did or said to cause people I was perfectly pleasant to to behave like I was a persona non grata. It was only when another sister started talking to me about all of these things she’d “heard” about other family members that I realized that this other sister had become her flying monkey, and I was now a target of rumors. But you know what? I’m still glad I got away from that role, because I actually feel so much better on a daily basis having gotten away from being the flying monkey. I have way less stress.
I can’t seem to get my other family members to realize that she’s spreading hateful lies and rumors constantly, and that the minute they stop helping her spread these lies she’ll turn on them too. But I can save myself
Wow! This is really disturbing especially when it is coming from a close family member.
Sounds like my sister👀
This helped me a lot to read about not deserving to be treated that way and not knowing why. From my own family! Just horrible and hurtful. But it’s more hurtful to be around it all. Too painful for me. Thank you for sharing your experience. It helped.
I have a sister like that. The flying monkeys know but they enjoy the game because they get status out of it.
Yes, absolutely 💯👍🏻👍🏻💯
Hate to admit it but I think you’re spot on with the empath assessment.
This is great advice when dealing with a boss or family member. However, if in a relationship with a narcissist, just leave. Save yourself the time, effort, and pain. Because if you don’t give into their manipulation they will eventually resort to deeper and more insidious destructive deceptions such as cheating or causing you extreme mental harm. Just leave if you can. If not, slowly plan your exit and make sure you are financially stable to do so.
Never lose your temper they love to fight, be polite , calm , it infuriates the life out of them because your not biting. They want you to be subservient under their control. It’s kind of smothering you in anger. If their pushing you into a conflict, it means she wants out and is only their for the cash when you fall into the “I have had enough trap”, either that or she is having an affair and you are toast classic narcissistic behaviour. She will make out as though she is the victim when really it’s you !!
Thats very true. You think you are giving it to them by giving them a piece of your mind but really all you are doing is letting them poison you with their emotional poison.
I keep getting sucked in to her emotional outbursts. Trying hard to just let the words bounce off...but it's hard. I've always absorbed all the crap she throws at me and I react with logic. It's NEVER worked...not one time. I know this...I'm getting stronger and practicing control and boundaries...but this has been a tough one for me. I know I will get better at it
Wow now I know why my son exhibits the behavior toward me and why I have allowed it since he became an adult. I worked 2 jobs 16 hrs a day so he could go to college etc. He is a spoiled brat!! For 25-30 years and 2 wives later I have blamed myself. My grandkids are even allowed to treat me with rudeness and disrespect. After he reduces me to tears etc he will leave and I will not hear from him for weeks, months. Guess he was using me to get his "fix". That over. Your video have been remarkable in describing his behavior....A burden has been lifted, I have been praying for "why" he treats me the way he does, what do I need to change, now I know...Thank you and God bless.
It's a gift when you don't have to deal with toxic relationships. whenever you try to force one, you are the toxic one.
Your greatest refuge is Jesus Christ.
If I didn't know God our Creator I would have been totally devoured.
Very sad when your own kids attack you is the worst but for you is a lesson be brave and strong protect your self unreal unbelievable unacceptable behavior for his behaviour
Oh I can relate 💯
My adult daughter treat(ed) me like a scratching post, doormat, and her personal bank machine. Yes, she allows my grandsons to disrespect me, and I'm sad to see how rude and entitled they are becoming. After I'm depleted and in tears, off she goes! I've had to go no contact for a while. Yes, I made mistakes as a mother, but my flaws don't mean I deserve a lifetime of abuse!
@@chamomiletea5424 I am in your exact same place, but, have no grandchildren yet:
The Narc is so charming and meanwhile hes already has another supply waiting, lies , manipulates and breaks your selfworth, emotionally,and Financially took everything i had, my house ,my car and now hes working on the children,it never ends. 😢
It's so true; they isolate u, and have no moral code
Yep My life improve dramatically when I refused to fight with the ex any more.20 years later we actually get along ok in family social situations. Result is I'm a much happier person and he has been forced to deal with his own issues.
Love this
As an Empath myself and 67 yrs old and as an Awakened Soul on my journey, you can darn bet there was emotional damage when I was young. I had abusive relationships back to back and came to the realization I was attracting them somehow. Last thing I wanted! Lol. It took a wise person like yourself to encourage me to search my past for every hurtful comment or action done to me to scar me. To react, to relive, to feel sorry for my inner child, to hug myself, to tell myself it's okay and I love you(me) and everything I did or said in anger or acting out I forgave. My reward was asking myself what did I learn? Was I stronger, more sympathetic, did I learn a lesson? Can I recognize the same pain in others, can I commiserate maybe offer support and know exactly how they feel? Yes. People are drawn to me and spill their problems all the time. I've learned my boundaries, give my needs priority, stay grounded, be more of an observer and never give away my own power. We are responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions.
That left me breathless, oh my gosh, I had to re read it. And stop when you said darn bet there was emotional damage. I was scared ALL the time as a small girl. Never felt safe. At 14 when I had my first drink.... You know the rest. Such horrible mistakes along the way, hurting many people, but hurting me the most. Discovered I had cptsd, quit drinking almost three years ago. Life is good, healing more every day, forgiving myself, and even loving myself. Finally..... I love your post, so much. Thankyou!! (Not so alone)
@@cynthiafortier2540 💖🌿🕊
Sounds very familiar. Our life mission is to help those in need of support. Unfortunately we paid a deep price of a life of abuse but we can now use our lessons to try to guide those in pain. I too am in my 60's and an Empath. So many hard lessons. I know people can only help themselves but we can gently shake them to awaken their inner self. Even if one person is woken up and takes action it's one life saved and their family.
@@cynthiafortier2540 All the best to you! Stay on this positive path 💖👌👍🫂🌠
Wow! This is 100% me. So refreshing to read. Healing myself from neglect, abandonment in all forms. Never felt safe until I'm living alone. Surrounded by narcissist in my whole family. I've helped them all. Once they get what they want, I hardly hear from them again until they need or want something else. Plus, I can't count on them at all. My mother was truly a narcissist and I strongly believe it derived from her childhood trauma. Myself on the other hand, I'm an empath. Im in therapy but, I don't feel like Im getting anything out of it and Until now, listening to this video and reading your comment has been a wake up call for me. A real Aha moment. It all resonates with me. More inner self work is needed. I want to be the best version of myself everyday for the rest of my life.
I'm so relieved to know I've done everything right..disengaging...
Love this truth. Finally awake to it all. I'm not miserable, I'm living in the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. Massive healing in the last 3 years. On path to service to others. 💫🌟✨️🌹💃
Nieghbours, friends, and family can play into this behaviour, keep your eyes open.
I was fool by a so called friend...She fed on my vulnerability my compassion and finally my money 💰 . Not that I had alot of money but what I did have she took. At least I've kept my pride and walked away from this evil friendship. Anyone reading this, get away while you can. They will take everything they are parasites who not only take your dignity but your sanity too!!
I proved a narcissist to be in error publicly (didn't know he was a narcissist). Now he is pissed off and is trying to provoke me. I am smart enough to see what he is trying to do and smart enough to know he is dangerous. Time for me to run !!!
You don’t just leave...make sure he ain’t still at it by getting a clone copy of his messenger apps, to know what his been up to and activities going on backdoor to be certain he is transparent and accountable
I agree with most of what you say here. I don't think we literally become a narcissist when we defend ourselves from them, but it is structurally a similar position and it doesn't achive any good result. Yes, there is a lot of wisdom in what you say here, and we don't realize that we chose the victim position when trying to correct them, or defend ourselves from them, so we are responsible. There is a much better way to achieve justice, and it is to not depend on their aproval or understanding; our lives have a greater value, and it is only lived without any significant interaction with them.
One way of strengthening yourself is to make a list of 25 things you like about yourself, keep it with you, look at it as often as needed!
Ok, but why 25 things ? .
@@karlrensburg3472 because as you write the more deeper and meaningful your thoughts become.
Wow! Yes.
I'm experiencing a complete mental block when I contemplate this.
@@IldarSagdejev that is very normal, I felt the same. However the more I listened for hours , it all came to light.
If deflections start getting confusing, you start experience cognitive dissonance due to gaslighting and now you are not sure who is the narc between you and your partner, one of the ways to determine who is who for yourself is to see how you react to your partner’s wins ( promotions, raise, new positive hobby, sport etc.). Empath always cheers for someone’s wins, narc always finds negative or gives you backhanded compliments after any of your wins or something positive in your life.
In my experience both my mum and partner did not truly acknowledge my achievements, but when they could use it to brag and make themselves look good by association, they would.
Thankyou for pointing out that we must take responsability for our choices, that is trueiy what seperates us from them.
I have taken a sharpie and "tattooed" A&C and JSTFU on my arm. The first stands for Agree and Compliment, it's what I need to do in order to stop my narcissist from moving forward with her attacks. The second is a note for myself to disengage and Shut The F Up. Remaining quiet and not taking the bait is necessary but not satisfying.
Wow! This is so refreshing we have to take responsibility for allowing these things to happen to us! We are not victims!
I only just learned this too
Erica
I leave them in the rear view mirror. Took too long, perhaps, but I did it.
14:35 “…all along we KNEW things didn’t sit right…”😒❤️🩹
No need to smart we keep way from them and save our energy for the good one.
I dated a female narcissist for 10 months and the irony is she wanted us to go into therapy to work out our problems -that puzzled me, wouldn’t they just get exposed??
I was not educated on the illness until after the relationship was over. I was so burnt out from her I just logically thought stay away from her and let the candle burn out little did I know that was the best remedy to counter attack their grip on you
Im battling two of them, her and her sister. Teaming up to make my life hell even tho i gave her everything i could over 20 years. I ignored my intuition and fell for there manipulation and gaslighting. Took my home and all i have built and worked for. Im now starting a fresh trying to shake them off but they just want to belittle me and play games and trying to turn things into a competition. Feel for my children
I have been giving too much my whole life. I see it now!
I've had to go back to my childhood where it all started and heal from there. But realized I had unfinished business that kept drawing Narcissists to me like a magnet. Now I know, now I have the tools and now I choose not to participate in the madness.. I'm worth so much more and I'm valuable ❣️
Hello 👋 Beautiful Lady 🌹 How are you How is the weather?
"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."
-- George Bernard Shaw. /
"Train yourself to let stupid people win arguments." -- Bedros Keuilian
The trap of trying to manage another’s emotions in my life came from an anxious attachment to my mother who was still in deep grief over the still-birth of her full term first born child. I came less than 12 months later and felt it was my job to make her happy.
I hope that revelation helps someone here.
My stbx was cruel but he saw my capability to overfunction in friendships carrying most of the emotional responsibility and it made me a target for him to be lazy in his own emotional growth.
What I did not realise is how deeply some people can hide and pretend to be someone else. And I did not think any human being would want to stay unhappy instead of looking inside.
healing is the best revenge
Yerp, and no contact
.
Yes 👍 very very true they don't want to see your success they are jelious it will burn them inside out
26:00 #7 Heal yourself (most important!)
30:00 “I’m going to go after them, just the way they went after me”? If you dislike their treatment of you so much, why would you become them? (He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her) Take responsibility for yourself and become the example. You do not want to become the same as them! Thank you Kenny 🙏
Just had a weekend with two narcissists mother and daughter.... I watched them create complete chaos and distress for everyone around us. I knew exactly how to handle them. I laughed in their faces and said I'm sure you didn't actually say that. When they started shouting and screaming I shouted louder and then did grey rock 🪨 when they thought they could hook me in. Of course I didn't have to live with them. I knew what misery they were vesting on those unfortunate people who can't get away from them. They are so damn predicable to me now
wow the world needs more people like you sir. telling the truth
Thank you ❤❤❤
I made the mistake to tell my narcissistic parent that I remove myself from our relationship, and of course he comes after me stronger than ever. Full blown attacks, and I get weird blaming comments from relatives. Just as predicted I suppose, and it just proves to me even more that I need to simply remove myself from the relationship and live my life happy and surrounded with good people.
Yet, despite this I feel more free than ever, and I have even started to laugh and feel calm.
I feel like it's so tricky with Narc parents, because we didn't enter that relationship willingly, we were born into it, and it's literally the core dynamic that creates the original wounding that we otherwise may not have if we had different parents. And for a while, we don't realize that outside relationships are going to shit because we are copying behavior that isn't necessarily native to our being. It's a slightly different path in terms of healing because it runs so much deeper than entering into a marriage with someone who is a narc.
AND as soon as we wake up and realize that is what is going on, it is our responsibility to remove ourselves as much as possible. So Kudos to you for being brave enough to do that🎉❤. The only thing I would personally recommend (I'm not a licensed expert, but I have a narc parent and am in codependent recovery and remission after literally two decades of dedicated self healing ) is that you don't directly tell them anything. Don't say "I'm leaving the relationship" , just dip out and stop calling or taking their calls for a while (sometimes forever, but that is your choice. Again, it's tricky with parents and family members). Don't give any details about your life, other than what you absolutely don't care that they know, because they will distort and report and spread around anything you say. Don't acknowledge their tantrums and reactivity and, if you live with them for any reason (like I do right now after 22 years of not doing so) stay out of the house as much as possible. Don't tell them about your goals, aspirations, dreams, projects, love life... anything. Just let them guess. It drives them nuts because they don't have total control.
@@TheWyrdestWebPodcast Or you could play them at their own game and lie to them and say your life is gone to sh*t and tell them about how miserable you are and how tragic your life is. They'll be delighted to hear that and might even be nice to you as part of their hoovering game to suck you in. lol. Just dont allow yourself to get sucked in because you know it's all an act with them.
Well done. So hard to walk away. My so called mother was one. Was as in I walked away & closed the door
Ty im married drunken narc. And, just tune out. Took 63 yrs to not to react to others control traits.
You made a good point and its so true that after leaving a narcissist x after 18 yrs, I knew only what he liked to eat and I didn't know what I liked. What an eye opener that was. He absolutely controlled everything.
My heart hurts so much, trying to keep strong and keep my home and children, while dealing with this 😢