SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY Book Summary - How To Get Kids To Stop Fighting?
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- čas přidán 29. 05. 2024
- Welcome back to my channel where every week I provide a parenting book summary (or self-development), specifically focusing on the best parenting books every parent should buy or read with positive parenting philosophy and ones that have made a positive difference in my life.
My goal is to help other busy parents get the tools and strategies they need to improve all relationships in their lives. Because let’s face it, reading parenting books is often at the bottom of our priority list when we are juggling so many things in our life!
This week’s video is about ‘Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too’. It is a parenting book that provides really good practical tools on how to get kids to stop fighting so much and how to intervene helpfully when they arise. This is a must read for all parents, especially during these pandemic times when siblings are spending so much time together!
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Wow! This book was written in 1987, and you have a video on the summary!!! Yes, the topic is always relevant. Thank you!!
This is a fantastic summary. Thank you for including the screenshot summary at the end
You are most welcome. Glad you liked it
Nice Summery really good Cartoons, sucscint descriptions, thank you.
So glad to hear you found value in this video. Thank you for taking the time to comment :)
I’m 17, but I’m reading these books now 😂🙌
Haha good for you! Who knows you may decide to work with children and these books will be invaluable for that
Thanks for summarizing these ideas. Very helpful!
It really helps you thinking about your own childhood and work through those traumas after figuring out how it is effecting you in your life right now and how to go forward from there. That's what bairns with me
Great summary. Very helpful. Can you do a summary of the gentle discipline book by Sarah Ockwell Smith or the Gentle parenting book (same author).
Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for commenting :) I will take a look, thank you for suggesting a title again ❤️
(just taking notes from the video. Of course it's obvious when u should do or don't do that thing 🤔😂)
Rivalry can happen now with little kids or later in teenage.
Fighting is normal.
Early experience can help shape the personality later.
Handle fights so they resolve conflicts when they grow.
Tweeks to language to dec fighting:
1- let kids express bad feelings. Teach them deal with their emotions.
Sometimes, we have no tolerance to listen. Delay it.
2- your sister did this. ( = Why not be as good as ur sibling). Avoid comparing. Describe what you see and what needs to be done.
3- praising achievement in front of the others.
4- they r not equal. Focus on treating them uniquely not equal amounts.
In terms of need.
5- casting in roles. Affects child individually. Being the good girl, the smart... Etc Choices are for everyone. We can influence their strengths.
...
Handling fights:
taking away the toy; fast solution. We should focus on solving problem.
acknowledge anger. Describe problem with respect.
Confidence that they will solve.
If escalates -- set limits.
Thank you so much for summarising for everyone :)
Пытаюсь переводить)
Well, the only surefire way to completely eliminate sibling rivalry in your family is to only have one kid, but in the case of multiple births or, in the case of adoption or foster care, sibling groups, this may not always be possible. However, here's what we can do to help reduce sibling rivalry, without eliminating it entirely.
Try not to get involved in every single one of your kids' squabbles. Now, if someone is behaving in a way that is likely to injure someone, then you definitely need to step in. How would you feel if your boss stepped in every single time you had a conflict with a coworker? What would you want to say to your boss? Now imagine that one of your coworkers was being physically aggressive, and your boss didn't step in. How would you feel then? What would you want to say to your boss?
If you do choose to get involved, try to sound neutral. Now, if someone is being physically aggressive, then of course this kind of behavior needs to be addressed immediately. How would you feel if you had a conflict with a coworker, and your boss talked to you about your behavior toward that coworker, instead of asking for your side of the story? What would you want to say to your boss? Now imagine that a coworker was being physically aggressive, and your boss tried to hear their side of the story, instead of just dealing with that coworker's behavior right then. Now, your kids might give different accounts on the situation. For example, they might say, "Trevor called me a name." "Yeah, but Ava was playing with my toy dinosaurs without asking me first." You can then say something like, "Trevor, you know the rule in our house is that we must use our kind words first, and Ava, you know that the rule in our house is that we must always ask people if it's ok before we take something of theirs."
Don't encourage tattling/snitching. Now, if someone is behaving in a way that could potentially be dangerous, or land someone in serious trouble, then of course you need to know about it ASAP. How would you feel if one of your coworkers was constantly informing your boss about even the most minor infractions? What would you want to say to your boss or coworker? Now think about how you would feel if a more serious violation occurred at work, and your boss never found out about it. What would you want to say to your coworkers then? Make sure to help your kids learn and understand the difference between saying, "Sarah is eating a cookie after you told us not to," and saying, "Sarah is eating a cookie, and I think the cookie might contain an ingredient that she's allergic to." Or, "Jason called me a mean name," vs, "Jason keeps calling me mean names, even though I have already talked to him about it."
Try to keep the rules, expectations and discipline as consistent as possible. Imagine how you would feel if you knew about your boss letting more junior employees off easy for their infractions, simply because, "they haven't been with the company as long as you have, so they don't know any better." But when you were more junior with the company, this very same boss would have reprimanded you FAR more harshly for the very same (or even less severe) incidents. What would you want to say to your boss?
Try to be as consistent as possible with privileges and freedoms. Imagine if your boss simply granted more junior employees certain privileges and honors that you were told needed to be earned, and were reserved for employees who had a certain level of seniority with the company. Now think of how you would feel if your boss granted certain privileges and honors to more senior employees, simply because they had been with the company longer, and had done what they needed to do to earn them. What would you want to say to hour boss? If a younger sibling complains about the unfairness if having an earlier bedtime than their older siblings do, you can try to sympathize with them. You can sympathetically say something like, "I know, you wish you were allowed to stay up later, like your sister is. And when you are older, and have shown that you can stay up late and still do well in school, and be pleasant and kind to people, you will be allowed to stay up later. When your sister was your age, and needed more sleep, we made her go to bed earlier too."
Great advice! Thanks for sharing :)
@@GrowwithAnnaB I'm glad to share. The reason I used the analogy of a boss treating employees differently is because it seems like that's an analogy that most people will be able to relate to.
@@leannestrong1000 yes I loved that analogy. I'm sure your comment will help a lot of people ❤️
@@GrowwithAnnaB Thank you! Another analogy I have been known to use when discussing sibling rivalry is the analogy of a partner or your children's other parent/guardian. Imagine how you would feel if your partner, or your children's other parent or guardian reprimanded you for even the slightest misbehavior, while the the kids got off easy for their behavior, simply because, "they're younger than you, and don't know any better," or, "they look up to you, so you have to set a good example."
Imagine how you would feel if your partner or the kids' other parent/guardian didn't make them ask permission before going anywhere or doing anything, simply because you weren't expected to do so. Now imagine if your partner or your kids' other parent/guardian made you ask permission before going anywhere or doing certain things, simply because the children were expected to do so.