Stoicism: Turn suffering into unshakeable inner strength | Chloé Valdary
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- čas přidán 13. 05. 2024
- Chloé Valdary shares the ancient Stoic principle that can defeat modern despair.
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It can be difficult to process sadness. People often try to numb it, avoid it, or deny that they’re even experiencing it, instead of better understanding and working through the emotion.
The Stoics offer a more head-on approach. This school of philosophy is often falsely associated with the suppression of emotions. But it’s more accurate to say that the Stoics were interested in how people can respond virtuously to life’s trials and tragedies. The answer, according to general Stoic thought, is that we shouldn’t deny emotions or the things that make us feel pain or sadness, but rather strive to accept that which we cannot control and do our best to process our emotions in a way that puts us on a productive path forward.
As Chloé Valdary, @cvaldary - an American writer and founder of the conflict-resolution program Theory of Enchantment - explains in this Big Think interview, Stoicism not only can help us work through sadness as individuals, but it can also teach us to recognize the many forms that suffering can take in others.
0:00 Transcending suffering
1:08 The origin of Stoic philosophy
2:40 How to practice ‘sympatheia’
4:48 Managing sadness with Stoicism
5:57 Developing inner strength: Know yourself, know others
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/the-big-t...
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About Chloé Valdary:
After spending a year as a Bartley fellow at the Wall Street Journal, Chloé Valdary developed The Theory of Enchantment, an innovative framework for compassionate antiracism that combines social emotional learning (SEL), character development, and interpersonal growth as tools for leadership development in the boardroom and beyond.
Chloé has trained around the world, including in South Africa, The Netherlands, Germany, and Israel. Her clients have included high school and college students, government agencies, business teams, + many more.
She has also lectured in universities across America, including Harvard and Georgetown. Her work has been covered in Psychology Today Magazine and her writings have appeared in the New York Times and the Wall St Journal.
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What do you think about stoicism?
It’s a liberating philosophy, being the antithesis to cynicism, empowering one to act in accordance with nature. I particularly enjoy being creative with music.
Admittedly, I can’t be as virtuous as Stoicism permits, since I sometimes communicate openly with colourful dialect… but not without good reason of course!
For my part, I’d say that Epictetus was a legend to remain stoic while getting one hell of a beating!
we need more of it in the world
As I get older, I have really leaned into stoicism. Many things amazing and heartbreaking have happened in the last decade. Marriage, the loss of my mother, the pandemic, a long distance move, and empty nest syndrome have clouded my life.
Stoicism has allowed me to think of the world in scale format. "Zooming" in and out with analyzing every aspect of my life has allowed me to be grounded, to be calm and not take for granted the wonderful things my wife and I continue to discover.
We are just molecules in a MASSIVE domain. Focus on how YOU can keep the harmony👍
I think if a fellow can develop a stronger sense of objectivity, then that fellow will be more accepting of things he cannot control, and more motivated to control the things within himself and his circle of influence.
He will know not to take anything personal; and he will understand his role in the cause and effect for producing desired results.
Emotion that is suffering, ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.
-Victor Frankl
Quite a few Frankl vibes in this video. Easy to relate post-Holocaust suffering with the sort of existential disembowelment she was describing after Alexander the Great's conquests. In many cases everyone you knew was gone, your homeland non-existent, your own suffering acute, and you are left asking the question of "what is left, what gives life meaning?"
Emotions are the alarm in the car dash. They tell you that either a value or a need isn’t met.
Yes, it's meaningless syffering that's scary, not suffering in its own. That's why people fear chaos, why nihilism is the ultimate death of the soul.
Actually, Victor Frankl cited the latin quote from Spinoza's ''Ethics'': Affectus, qui passio est, desinit esse passio simulatque eius claram et distictam formamus ideam''.
Generally, it's very hard being a human being. The brain is a gift and a curse at the same time.
We're our own worst enemy
The way I like to think of it is that the mind is a weapon to use but it always has the tactical advantage over you; creating dilemma after dilemma. In my personal experience stoicism is a way to regain the advantage and live on your own terms
Yin and Yang, baby
You've described this well.
Well said.
Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
-Buddha
10 Ways to Be More Stoic:
1.) Transform everyone into a teacher.
2.) Say no to the easy way, seek out challenges.
3.). Be strict with yourself but tolerant of others.
4.) Allow the journey to be the thing.
5.) Transform envy into emulation.
6.) Stand on the shoulders of giants.
7.) Forgive yourself and forgive others.
8.) Fall in love with Fate.
9.) Always practice courage, temperance, and humor.
10.) Remember, the obstacle is the path.
I wish I could copy this, damn it CZcams
@@5d3d2d Try "screenshotting" it.
@@uberhorsey Neat! Thanks
I feel it s not the kind of rules you can learn by heart and try to follow with your head. But more rules you forge through experiences. And you feel and understand why they are true and why you should follow that.
I like this, thanks
Really like how she said we need to both zoom out and zoom in. Zooming out too much and staying there, we risk becoming nihilistic as life and existence seem meaningless. Zoom in too much and we get swept away by everyday ups and downs and not being able to see the big picture.
As a slav I embrace suffering and wear it like a warm coat. It brings me an inner smile to feel small amounts of pain and sadness. Like an old friend come to visit. I don't try to cope with it I don't try to reject it. I accept and learn from it.
But in deep distractions, you will barely be able to find the solution.
Calmness is necessary to take nice decisions. The Coolness of the Brain 🧠 is a key element to success.
@@Dimitris_Balf Those that can't handle it have naturally selected themselves from the gene pool.
@@Dimitris_Balf I guess you should educate yourself. You can start listening to Russian classical music, Russian classical literature, and look at the most beautiful slavic women🤣 Or you can just shoot yourself to outer space with Gagarin.
@@Dimitris_Balf haha yeah very educated person. You know if you went to a college in the US and did study, you already read it, and if you ever heard Christmas songs in the US, you already heard it. Better poke your eyes out and cut your ears lol
I bet I'm talking to a teenager. Your assumptions 🤣 I'm a Ukrainian. Well, in Albania I heard ppl saying you guys hate them. In Turkey I heard that you guys hate them too. My uneducated guess would be that you, Greeks, are just bitter because your fabulous past is over, and you can't produce anything else for the last 2000 years or so. Also, it seems that Greece is not very popular with Russians. They prefer your neighbor with less attitude 🤣
this hit me at the right time, I've been very sad and depressed due to people and circumstances in my life and was desperate for some kind of solution. Thank you Big Think.
A youtube video saved you?
@@daakrolb maybe it inspired a start for change
Same bro, we’re all on this rock together my friend, keep fighting humanity is amazing love and peace brother
Bro it’s not people, you are everyone! you see things the way you are, not the way they are. Don’t resist those emotions, fall in love with them, that’s how we grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually, it’s called evolution ❤
@@bitkurd Nice one mate, thx 🫡
Stoicism has changed my life for the better. Marcus Aurelius is the role model i always needed.
I love people who live vulnerably enough to show both sadness and joy in their eyes. Chloé seems like a real one.
Zooming in and out at the same time is a hell of a balance to reach for. I learned a new word in Sympatheia.
I have a tattoo on my forearm that says “seek discomfort” as a reminder to be comfortable being uncomfortable. It’s where resilience and growth lives
Nice one!
@Bruja Consider adjusting your language from "seeking" discomfort, to "embracing" discomfort. See how that works out for you.
"Zooming out"and "zooming in" the things are meaningful!!!!!!!!
“Now that I’ve suffered shipwreck, I’m on a good journey,” and then Stoicism was born - thanks Zeno, and thanks for this wonderful video Big Think + Chloé Valdary ❤.
It's really great hearing about stoicism from a black woman fighting racism. A lot of the times, when someone talks about stoicism, it's generally upper middle class or fairly privileged people talking about it. Though there's nothing wrong with it and every philosophy is for everyone who finds himself in struggle whatsoever it might be. We all have our individual struggles. I'm just glad to see variety and hear how it is from the perspective of someone who probably had to go through personally or had been in contact with communities that go through a great deal of pain or struggle to get to know how they might feel about stoicism. No matter who you are or where you are, I think we can all learn from it more about how to control us in a world that might be cruel to us no matter to what degree 👍👍
So you are saying the black woman can't also be middle upper class or fairly privileged?
@@internallyinteral no. They can be. Everyone can be. I'm just saying black people face that extra or unique barrier. I'm just talking about the variety of experiences not that one kind of experience is completely invalid
I 100% agree with you. I would like to also add that stoicism is about duty and virtue. I'm sooo happy to see a woman of color (even if she is or isnt middle upper class and fairly privileged) fighting against racism and practicing stoicism. She embodies stoicism everyday. It goes to show that stoicism applies to more than white crypto bros...Representation matters!
Was waiting for some shithead to make a race comment
@Tin Tin the only reason you think there is a barrier is cause politicians make you focus on that so we fight and they can divide and conquer.. no matter your color everyone faces hardship so this comment is just straight up racist.. what do you know they got us to fight
This was not the talk I thought I'd hear: some version of *suck it up Buttercup*. Thank you for your compassionate delivery of the mindset and tools we need to take our place with the rest of humanity. 💝
I would love to see a video of someone who has depression, or anxiety issues, or has sensory processing sensitivity, and how they have been able to transform those issues with something like stoicism.
Because the premise of a lot of these approaches or methods, is to conquer your mental challenges by simply thinking differently. Easy right? When what is actually going on, from a neurobiological viewpoint, is so complex, so intricate, and individually different, that it belies how incredibly difficult it is to address. For someone who isn't challenged by social interaction, being stoic may be more achievable than that of a person who has a fight or flight sympathetic nervous system response when meeting new people.
Don't get me wrong, I've personally found great value in Epictetus and Marcus A and Seneca - but in that moment, the last thing you can remember is a quote you read days or weeks ago, because your thinking brain, the pre-frontal cortex, is chemically hijacked. Probably too much for a YT comment, sorry.
THIS! Very insightful!🙏
Even if you forget at the height of an emotion, when you calm down a little you can still use stoicism to cope. I try to remember the attitudes of stoicism: what I do and don't have control over, trying to find opportunity in misfortune, forgiving myself for mistakes etc. even when I don't remember the exact quote.
u have to regain control over your body. I suffered from terrible health (especially heart) anxiety and my way out of it was doing the exact thing i was afraid of. so i started with fitness and I am much better now
was waiting from long time for a video on stoicism
Our emotions survived evolution because they helped us survive better. So sadness is telling us to seek help, even if that's just within ourselves and we can pay attention to the sadness so we can find strength from it.
There is no Honour without sacrifice. Transcendence through sufferings and hardships! 👏🏼
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
This woman is brilliant, insightful, compassionate...............wonderful!!
So well said! I’m beyond grateful for this message and the impact it’ll have for years to come. Bless you all!
I’ve been feeling kind of sad today and this video really helped me with that. Thank you!
Suffering in modern times can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. I had to learn that the hard way.
My father was a Methodist minister.. and u think stoicism was deep in my DNA growing up. Age 19.. 35 years ago.. I became HIV positive.. and my immediate solution was not to worry about things I couldn't change.. but I did look the virus in the eye + remember saying 'you Mr virus.. cannot survive without me.. if you don't bother me.. I'll let you be. But I'm keeping my eye on you'. Many years of accepting the sad as well as the happy.. the gaps between the 2 narrowed. I think this is stoic behaviour.. which really helped me + my life lessons. Thank you Chloe Valdery and Theory of Enchantment for your clip.
Respect.. wishing you good health and happiness
This is one of the most beautiful pieces I've ever watched. Nice work.
This Video is wonderful in it's own Way.....not that I condone Pain and Suffering but how to alleviate it. Thank you, BT!
I love the way she speaks, it is refreshing.
Reminds me a lot of meditation practice methods… loved this so much.
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
Which meditation method benefits you most?
Emotions are is glue we share that brings us all together.
She speaks so well
Last month I was on mushrooms and rewatched The Lion King, and I fully experienced what you were describing as zooming in and zooming out at the same time. I don't believe in astrology, but as a Leo I really started to see aspects of myself in these characters, as well as in the writers and artists who created them, while also bearing witness to Rafiki showing Simba the stars just completely broke me. It was so powerful, and I found myself with so much strength and courage afterwards. After that I always appreciate Lion King references wherever I see them, and this was a perfect talking point.
Good timing, thank you from Ireland 🇮🇪
Thank you all. I've been feeling so lost lately and this made me realize how I'm not alone, Thank you
In what way have you felt lost?
I love her take on this! Beautiful knowledge here
Thank you for sharing your remarkable perspective Chloe ❤️
Thank you for this beautiful and helpful presentation, so well done. May we all be safe, healthy, happy, and peaceful.
It's a really good advice when she says that we need to zoom in as a caution to a different type of despair because constantly zoom out will lead us to a nihilism philosophy of existence, where nothing really matters (a depression and potential dangerous place to be in life).
Such a powerful video! Definitely taking this with me.
beautiful... densed information.
can be practiced too
Definitely needed to hear this. Thank you
This is so insightful and tremendously informative 🙏
She is very good at explaining and seems like a very good human being.
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
Ms. Chole your voice to make me do hear constantly as mediation... Really good and neat
This was excellent, it helped me. Thank you.
Great practical video on stoicism.
I have multiple sclerosis and these videos are very helpful
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
Great choice of words, Chloe!
To know oneself is key in understanding all humanity. Thank you for sharing this and thank you to Chloé for sharing such wise perspectives
Au contraire ! "Everyone thinks, everyone else thinks, the way they do. But they don't."
I am not a sad human being, but sounds interesting to work with stoicism.
I think it's important to recognize the sequence: feel the feels, then analyze them. This follows the neuroscientific sequence of processing emotions. Emotions are automatic, we can choose to sit with them and grow or dissociate from them and develop anxiety. But if we try to use cognitive functions too quickly, we may disrupt the process.
This is timely
Such a great video, thanks!
Great video, but it would be better if Chloe could at least talk about the history of stoicism and some famous people that practiced it and preached it, like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius.
Wow. This hit me at a decent time
Stoicism really resonates with unprivileged Africans like me. When You are living in abject poverty & witnessing grand corruption in all walks of life around you, which assures you that there is no hope, you find yourself in a serious existential crisis. 😥😥
Well said. Racism is pretty lame in my book. It took almost 2 millennia for women to be on roughly equal footing in Christian Europe, not to mention the other religions. There is still a lot of work to improve civilization.
@@pavel9652 Roger that 👍🏽🙂
A lot of nuggets from this video reminding me of my current read; Man's Search for Meaning
This was very interesting. Many of these thoughts and practices are similar to things I have been taught in Buddhism.
Yes, they have a lot in common, and both have been helpful to me.
When she called Lion king a “sacred pop culture relic”… finally someone puts into words how I feel about that movie. Such a wonderful description
I really needed to hear this : ' )
In a fleshy tomb, I am buried above ground.
This one made drop one or two 🥲
Be with rather than in the emotion
OMG! I wish I worked with Chloé Valdary. You're amazing in every positive moving forward way.
Suffering connects us with the rest of humanity
This is very hard to make it effective. I think I do do this and to a degree it works (I'm not spiraling into substance abuse or failing at my job etc) but I really think I haven't allowed it to *work* into me - a part of me holds the pain close and dearly and refuses to let me "be ok" and forgive myself and forgive others. I call this reconciliation. I am unable to reconcile the events of my life with my values/goals/desires. Also, we don't have culture for discussion/support. Afaik, no one I know has any trouble reconciling. I know the world has many ppl that struggle with depression and tons of other "conditions/emotions" but afaik no one in my life does (or don't talk about it or aren't aware of their subconscious). I wish growing up we had courses in school teaching us about our subconscious. Videos like Veritasium's Drew and Gun (conscious vs subconscious) and tons more - entertaining ways to know more about our inner workings so that we could shape ourselves more during our development years.
Stoicism (and Buddhism, they have many principles in common) teaches us to face reality exactly as it is, to know what we can control and not control, that humans make mistakes, can try again and should be forgiven for their mistakes by themselves. Try jounaling. Best wishes to you trying to find helps to get through life. I wish I had been taught these things when I was younger too.
Beautiful
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
Nice video Big think
Man, it would take a lot of free time to put so much energy into every negative emotion. I’d have to quit my job…
My grade school nuns used to just say “offer it up, offer it up, let God handle it”
She's calm and beautiful
Sad songs say so much.
Good stuff
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
I am so in love with this woman.
I find it hard to take this kind of wisdom from someone so young. Experience comes with age and with that comes the real understanding of such wisdom. Hence, I'm not surprised that this video feels more like a lecture, than a "hand down" of wisdom.
Not that I agreed with everything she said. But what did she say that was untrue to you? Profound words & understanding can come from the minds & mouths of all ages - the very young, & the very old. Usually, focusing on the message is more important than focusing on the messenger.
@@escape_the_matrix7 I agree with you. But the message, imo, was not told well. It sounded more like a lecture, and I think the reason is the lack of proper understanding of such wisdom, which I believe comes with age.
She doesn’t even understand stoicism yet preaches about it. Its pathetic.
Stoicism is not about resignation like she says. Stoicism is the attitude of a warrior being ruthless in the pursuit of his objetives. Whatever it takes.
No quarter given…no quarter taken…
I didn't expect her to keep going even after I get softer than a new pillow but that's when I knew she was a keeper.
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
Interesting! It's very similar to Mindfulness techniques!
Sure this girl is going to teach me to have a better disposition.
pretty solid.
Feeling alone? Get used to it... got it. Thanks.
1:18, Its 5 Generals, Antigonus, Ptolemy, Seleucus, Cassander, and Lysimachus
Can anyone please tell me the name of the piano piece starting at 05:36?
Clean.
Liked the dolly shot at the end
This was so beautifully said she did so well thank you Chloe & Big Think for sharing❤🫶🏽✨
So...
Why was Zeno not mentioned?
This is different to what I've known about stoicism. Indeed I felt this to be more depressing than what I know about stoicism, but I guess we interpret stoicism inout unique way
Yessir
My younger self was codependent, now I live alone, I'm fine with myself, it's lonely at times but not having that other person's problems to deal with, is freeing, I can't handle the balance of a woman in my life, even though I miss physical contact desperately, but I can't do it anymore, it's a shame.
You don’t transcend suffering that can never happen. Suffering is a part of being alive just like joy. You come to terms with it and keep pushing forward.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you choose to react to it.
What about the idea that "being with the feeling, with the emotion, watch it, not fix it" is simply an alternative coping mechanism - treating it as a concept outside of yourself and detaching yourself from emotions in general. I'm not saying it's wrong. I do this and I find it very constructive.
I don't see this as entirely different to other coping mechanisms.
It's just a different relationship and perspective on the concept of emotion.
I also remind myself that emotions are a biochemical reaction to diet, environment, weather etc. etc. so they aren't objectively meaningful.
Can stoicism be adopted by those that are neurodivergent and/or have blocks to being able to emotionally self-regulate?
I dunno, maybe im a cynic… but knowing that suffering is shared among humanity doesn’t make me feel any better. It actually makes me feel a little worse. It seems like just accepting loss and suffering is an excuse to not have to do anything about it (because it’s inevitable). I don’t think all suffering is inevitable. Some suffering can be avoided and why shouldn’t we do that if we can?
Regarding the thing about “suffering is shared”, I think when people are suffering , they feel like its the greatest pain in the world and nobody might understand what they’re going through , so they feel like that pain is exclusive to them. But if we acknowledge that people all around the world are in same/similar boat as we are, and they’re still moving forward, it kind of gives us a base to, to be grounded from these overwhelming emotions that we’re surrounded by, and helps keep us grounded in our suffering and also shows that yes things are bad right now, but people have been through way worse and they’re still moving forward!
Get out of here you crazy kill-sadness!
and what do you do when you finally encounter suffering you cannot avoid? death? disease? failure?
A lot of people see this state of mind as an excuse, but IMO people who do that only see it that way because they are fearful. thinking only by being so can you actually not stagnate. but change, esp towards the positive, is inherent to us.
we will naturally move to doing something about it. stagnation is caused by fear not by letting go of it.
Realize that you don't have any choice at all in going through pain. If you want to do something about that suffering and fix it for yourself, others and the world, you have to go through pain, and probably even more pain to to do the hard work to fix it. So, choose the pain you want to work with, as every path will have it. The pain of helping yourself and others around you seems like a worthwhile option often.
So you can welcome sadness or negative emotions and be in the moment. But sometimes this compounds over and over again in cyclical patterns and gets worse with time until it finally settles down. In such a moment connecting to others and acknowledging they feel the same won’t help. Instead what will is ensuring and realising that you are doing the best you can. (If you are, which you need to of course, and then being okay with your limitations because you are in your perspective the best that you can be or are getting better, or working towards it. Guilt free realisation is therapy when pain and negativity compound.) The art is doing and fulfilling and then letting go and then being okay with your thoughts as a consequence. This in turn must reinforce your character that you are good person capable of building relationships and leading people to become better versions of themselves, like the speaker says towards the end.
Look up that handle 👆⬆️ his got psych products and mushroms🍄.
I am not trying to be difficult it just comes naturally
Basically we must be constantly on the work out for the microbiome that of which makes up the “macro-biome” in order to achieve overall homeostasis aka continued enlightenment.
4:30 wow this part
I feel like for me zooming out as much as possible rather helps my situation than making me end up in existential crisis
Thank the Creator for a snow day, Texas education would have blocked me from learning this today.
Stoicism isn't about managing sadness (as it seems to be told here) it is about just doing whatever needs to be done, despite what is going on around you, or how you feel about it.
She's giving us the pop-culture, dumbed down version with a grain of modern "mindfulness" and self-centeredness that Americans love so much today, as each and every one of them from a very young age is made to believe they are so special and important for the world... This idea is very effective from a practical point of view but also has potential downsides.
Yep. This video is pathetic
Oh heck yeah--that's one smart chick doing good things!!