5 conversation skills that enhance your rational brain | Irshad Manji
Vložit
- čas přidán 20. 06. 2024
- Here’s how to end an angry conflict in 8 minutes, with @IrshadManjiTV.
Subscribe to Big Think on CZcams ► / @bigthink
Up next, Harvard negotiator explains how to argue ► • Harvard negotiator exp...
Educator Irshad Manji emphasizes that diversity is a fact of life, and it should be harnessed to unite society rather than divide it. Recognizing that humans tend to react defensively to opposing views, she offers five key skills to promote constructive conversations.
These include 1) taking deep breaths to facilitate rational thinking, 2) intentionally establishing common ground, 3) genuinely inquiring about the other person's perspective, 4) actively listening to learn rather than to win, and 5) encouraging further dialogue by asking "Tell me more."
Adopting these skills can lead to healthier outcomes in contentious conversations and foster collaboration. Ultimately, an individual's ability to engage in productive discussions depends on their motivation. It is essential to reflect on one's intentions, choosing between a genuine desire to solve problems or a need to assert moral superiority. Only by making the right choice can we hope to harness the power of diversity for the greater good.
0:00 Our defensive brains
1:52 How ‘slam dunking’ backfires
3:05 The 5-part toolkit
3:27 Skill #1: Breathe deeply (give your brain oxygen)
4:06 Skill #2: Create common ground
4:40 Skill #3: Ask a sincere question
5:16 Skill #4: Listen to learn
6:15 Skill #5: “Tell me more”
7:31 The most uncomfortable question
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About Irshad Manji:
In Arabic, Irshad means “guidance.” My mission: to teach a critical mass of people the skills of moral courage - doing the right thing in the face of our fears.
This mission has been a life-long journey. Growing up in a violent household, I made a commitment to use my education for good. That meant thinking for myself.
At my Islamic school, I challenged dogma and got expelled at age 14. Later, studying Islam on my own, I made a truly surprising discovery: It’s possible to reconcile faith with freedom. That discovery led me to write two internationally best-selling books about reforming Islam.
I recently launched my latest book, Don’t Label Me, about how to heal the Us-versus-Them divisions that are ripping apart America and much of the world.
In all that I am and all that I do, I stand for the responsibility to ask questions - and the right to do so, free from fear.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read more of our stories on conflict:
4 ways to identify high-conflict people before it’s too late
► bigthink.com/the-learning-cur...
5 Sun Tzu quotes to help you overcome conflict
► bigthink.com/the-learning-cur...
Humans are not “tribal”
► bigthink.com/the-well/tribali...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About Big Think | Smarter Faster™
► Big Think
Our mission is to make you smarter, faster. Watch interviews with the world’s biggest thinkers on science, philosophy, business, and more.
► Big Think+
Looking to ignite a learning culture at your company? Prepare your workforce for the future with educational courses from the world’s biggest thinkers. Trusted by Ford, Marriot, Bank of America, and many more. Learn how Big Think+ can empower your people today: bigthink.com/plus/?...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Want more Big Think?
► Daily editorial features: bigthink.com/?...
► Get the best of Big Think right to your inbox: bigthink.com/subscribe/?...
► Facebook: bigth.ink/facebook/
► Instagram: bigth.ink/Instagram/
► Twitter: bigth.ink/twitter/
Do you think we can learn to have more productive conversations?
After these five steps it will be possible.
Yes!, but not with this disparity of forces in which we live in...
You cannot trade when there is an algorithm created to make you angry.
Unlocking your phone means immersing yourself in a vortex of emotions created to keep you glued to it.
But especially we can not negotiate, if the defense of a point of view, is the only thing that separates us from starving in the street!
Absolutely
not sure I know what a productive conversation is. I have lots of ideas about thinking and learning though.
Entering a conversation with the intent to learn, point 4 "Listen to Learn", is probably the most essential part of healthy and productive conversatioins.
"A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." 🙌
I dont understand
@@Outlier-db8sq i.e. If you try to force someone to change their mind it will only reinforce their beliefs even further
@@jordanfranck ah so the solution is to enter the argument with the willingness to have ur mind changed by the other person.
EXACTLY. Neither the person you argue with OR yourself always have it by the right end. Be open for change and you might change people’s minds, or take on a new stance on the matter.
But a woman isn't.
"Seek first to understand, then to be Understood" - Dr. Stephen Covey.
Sweet Dr. Covey, may he rest in peace, I think he'd be deeply saddened to see how many millions of people never got his message.
We need minds like his more than ever before. People like Prof. Manji and this channel give me hope.
I think the prayer of St. Francis said this a few hundred years ago. The thought is firmly rooted ❤
*billions
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" is one of my all-time favorite books! I wish more people these days knew about it! 😅
I got the message
tq
That was always my favorite of the "7 Habits"......it's very similar to Jordan Peterson's "Assume the other person knows something you don't" from his 12 Rules for Life.
The video begin here:
3:27 Skill #1: Breathe deeply (give your brain oxygen)
4:06 Skill #2: Create common ground
4:40 Skill #3: Ask a sincere question
5:16 Skill #4: Listen to learn
6:15 Skill #5: “Tell me more”
Up
My dad is constantly on alert and ready to protect himself, even in situations that don't call for it. Trying to have a conversation with someone like that can be almost impossible😿
Going through the same thing!!
@@syedamominayahya2481 I'm sorry to hear that. It can be really tough to deal with. I hope you find a way to make things a bit easier. This won't help much but just let me say that you're not alone in this ♥
@@SearchOfSelf so good to hear that:) you seem to be a kind person. May Allah guide you
@@hellothere98765 Thank you for your kind words. It's been hard, but I'm hopeful that things will get better. I'm doing my best to help him find ways to cope and have a better quality of life for all of us.
Yes. I can relate to you. My mother is the same. She will never listen even,no matter how much skill you apply or how calmly you speak. She always defends herself and says she is always right. There are people in this world,to whom no amount of skill really work,no amount of understanding really make them to listen others. I tried many times to have sincere conversation with her,but I failed more badly and so I have left talking to her even. I can feel your side an struggles with your dad,as I have struggling a lot too in this same situation since a huge time. I know how it feels at times,but I hope you will change your approach someday. What i feel now days that there's a line between coping up and leaving someone in their way ,so you have to decide which part is actually more applicable. The problem is we always want to see people through our eyes,but sometimes we need to see them as they are.
The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them.- Thomas Crum
Sadly, I can't think of one person I've met over the past 30+ years who has ever been able to handle conflict in a constructive, logical manner. Instead, they scream, yell, lie, gaslight, and go absolutely BONKERS until finally... they force themselves to rage quit. Unfortunately, those kinds of narcissists usually cause as much collateral damage as they can during their self-destruction. It's that "if I can't win, then EVERYONE will suffer" mentality. Also, these people are even *rewarded* for such behavior. 💪😎✌️ It is what it is.
@@Novastar.SaberCombat You can't even put yourself in the list ? 😂
The fact that you haven't met a single individual like that is concerning or you never try to meet new people.
Love your content
Absolutely 💯 all people have problems in their lives but some are good at solving their problems while others keep complaining about problems all the time and never solve them.
*Quick Verbage Reference*
Counter successfully
1) Avoid direct advice with “Have you considered…”
2) “I understand you see it that way, however, I see it differently.”
3) Sandwich the bad. “I love you, however, you’re breath smells bad. I just care about you so much, I had to tell you.”
Reflecting skills / active listening
1) “That’s interesting, why would you say that? Feel that? Think that?”
2) “So what you are saying is…”
3) Clearly identify the emotion the speaker is attempting to convey (if there is one). Empathize. Validate, if possible.
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." Mark Twain.
Love this. Unbelievably insightful and probing of our own motivations. Love the anecdote of her past persona + growth. Thank you Irshad!
Very brave to put those clips in the video.
She's always been amazing, but to hear her lay her own shortcomings out in the open like that is a more powerful basis for her message than anything else could have been. Imagine what would happen to the world if we all switched over to this mindset and started really growing and talking to each other normally.
It is because of people like you that I become optimistic about the future of our society. This video should reach far and wide.
Came to this realization years ago and I think it follows under tolerance. I’ve always had an overly empathetic way and ability to gain perspectives but I would set hard lines about who I’ll never agree with which there still are some but I always try to gain those perspectives now. I realize people are easily manipulated, I think tiktok has brought a lot of people together and I’ve seen total opposites come to the realization we are a lot more alike than different and should be coming together.
I would like to know more about what you say about Tiktok, since I have a rather negative view of that platform and never thought about it the way you put it. So to use point nr. 5: Tell me more!😊
@@micha4014 We would also genuinely love to know more about this!
I am also genuinely curious!
@@bigthink Hey guys, it happens during livestreams which go on a lot on TT. The algorithm is so efficient it’ll show you what you’re interested in with some variety. So what I’ve come across after hitting a few political things in there is when someone has a livestream and it’s an open invite to opposing views that once the people start to have a conversation they realize they have a lot of the same views. That’s what makes TT different and why Gov hates it… it brings people together real time unlike twitter which is completely toxic and divisive at all times… same with Facebook. The entire live conversation changes the game for social media. The reach is outstanding too.
So the feel of it is more like sitting around a table having a conversation live rather than a non personal comment after comment platform where it’s easier to be rude and non flexible.
Good point! Maybe live streams are a better way to get into these issues overall; do you find that, or does TikTok specifically have good ones?
Proud to see positive growth in you, Irshad. May everyone watching this be kind to themselves for getting things wrong, and eager to improve to do things right.
I'm liberal. My best friend is a conservative and works for the US Border Patrol. We talk politics at times. The CBP was in the news with a viral picture of what appeared to be agents 'roping' immigrants. My friend was upset that ALL liberals think CBP agents were Nazis. I said, ' You have known me since we were toddlers. I'm a liberal. Do you believe I think you're a nazi?' Completely disarmed him. We had a cordial conversation the rest of the phone call.
Then I'd like to know why the majority of left leaning outlets stay in business while painting CBP agents as Nazis? If the majority don't think they are, then I'd assume they'd be shocked and outraged enough at such a despicable claim people are Nazis that aren't to not support those outlets any longer. Yet they seem to only get extremer, so why?
Yeah they are fascists, cops are. ACAB
@vancepham1743 You know this how? Have you ever met one? Let alone multiple?
this 2 party system makes people way to tribal
I am generally a liberal but I would never call myself a progressive.
Very impressive to have made such a formidable transformation and now sharing that wisdom. Well done Irshad.
I’m simply baffled 😮
This lesson is so well explained and so effective. It has to be taught everyone starting with little kids.
Thank you so much, BigThink, for delivering highly needed skills to everyone with Internet access for free!!!!
My life forever changed the day I realized this concept. It took years of struggle and being radically hard on myself to get to where it is now… simply a part of me.
My human brain is definitely scanning for threats 5 times a second, that makes complete sense
I work in a high conflict job. I’ll try applying these steps
Good luck! What field?
This was fantastic. Both deep and actually practical to apply to our daily conflicts.
Irshad Manji is a brilliant woman! So glad to see her on this big platform - she is a worthy voice that deserves to be heard at an international level💪🧠 💪
Eye opening...... Especially for the extremely polarized times that we live in.
Political extremists are a minority and yet they rule all conflicts. I wish those people could follow the advice on this wonderful video.
These are all great. I wish more people on every side of every spectrum would try and learn them. I'm so tired of "I'm right, your wrong" points of view or people looking to poke flaws instead of just actually listening for listening's sake. I'm exhausted.
Subtle art of winning friends and influencing people talks so much about this. Timeless piece that’s more than relevant for friendships, relationships, and political environments today
The main skill she’s talking about is empathy or being able to put yourself in others places. One exercise that help me was that I would try to understand people I disliked the most until I could put myself in the same mental state they were in
Golden skill helping in understanding and resolving any problems 👍
This mindset is so valuable if we all took the time to implement these techniques
Absolutely crucial for today's world
Loved it! Thank you 🙏
Love this! It’s been on my mind a lot lately. I think most people are coming from a place of good. Letting there be room for nuance and understanding I think would lead to a lot more peace on controversial topics.
I like this one. Hearing it from someone who was able to change their perspective is very enlightening
love this and how she evolved herself and the conversations!!!!!
Thank you. These methods are really useful to me. I already use some, but this talk gave me a more nuanced understanding of them and taught the value of a couple of new ones.
Great video. Thank you, Irshad
Thank you.
Conflict resolution is such an important skill. This is the type of content I love.
I really like this one. Practical, insightful and well presented.
🔥🔥🔥 happy for her transformation and taking the time to share it with us
Choose wisely!!!! Gosh. She goosebumps me.
Well done! This video is so useful these days, thank you!
Indeed, motivation, at the heart of all conversations, is a key part of determining what the outcome to any human interaction is going to be. Interesting ideas to try when meeting with others in conversation... 👍🙂
Thank you for sharing
We are stronger together ❤🔥
Powerful learning in this video.
Wonderful it is to watch this and learn to be a listener. It is really important to be a listener to actually develop good communication skills.
Thank you. This is exactly the problem I am having. And these are great advices
I love it.
I know all the videos of Big Think are very helpful to each one of us, in my case this is one of the though provoking and very enlightening one. Happy Universe 🌌
Thanks for sharing.
It brings me tears in a mixed emotions ways. Can we have more of these videos, specially when we debate or have grupal discussions? thanks
A very inspirational and strong woman, it takes courage to reach that kinda of growth and maturity and admit you were doing things wrong , props to her
My personal shortcut internal question is - when I’m doing well enough to ask myself at the start of my emotions escalating - what do I want right now? Do I want to feel heard? Or do I want to feel “right”? Because those two goals are mutually exclusive.
Thanks for sharing
It is epic that you have changed in such a manner, Irshad. I'm happy for you.
Thanks for sharing this video.
Captivating speaker and perfect wrap up question.
Fantastic!
very good! thank you, irshad!
Powerful.
Excellent video, I definitely loved it!
The fact her name is Irshad is just amazing إسم على مسمى 🤍
I love the choice of title for this video. Soooo many people need to watch this.
Wow thanks
Such a gripping start 😮 amazing
One of the best video of this wonderful channel, congratulations
Wow, great content as always!!
this video is absolute value.
so good and a desperately needed mindset today
admitting that your opponent's opinions is valid too is a skill, great talk Irshad
Thank you for such a wonderful and very insightful video. You made it easy for me to "choose wisely".
Really Great advice in this video. Excellent.
Listening to learn is so important in such a argumentative world people listen to answer back never to gain knowledge or get a better understanding on the topic or situation
big chills!! best Big Think video so far! Thanks heeps
In the documentary video series, The United Silent American Scream we do just that your suggestion to say tell me more is great we like to use the word elaborate. Yes, diversity of the people of America is what makes America great to make a America Greater we need to view these as our strengths. It is good to see that you have made a commitment to changing your own techniques to be a voice of unity rather than divisiveness. Thank you very much for the report. Keep up the good work you are a beautiful person.
Peace
Wonderful
Brilliant! Great video...
I agree with everything here. But I just want to say I think it's mostly the receiving side of discussion. These strategies turn us into curious and empathetic people. But what if the other side is not curious or empathetic? Can we incite empathy where it doesn't exist? I think so. If someone is challenging me on one of my positions and they're asking me a "gotcha" question, I always ask them, "what do you think my answer is based on my perspective?" I push for the person to say my answer instead of me saying it. It forces them to verbally acknowledge my points. Otherwise if I am the one who says them, they can talk past me with more fish galloping without acknowledgement.
That's so helpful!
Fantastic video!!
So many people need to hear this. Best youtube channel in the world!
This is a fascinating concept to apply.
Thanks a lot
need more of that yo
I learned a ton from this and passed it on to a friend.
Excellent video.
Not letting labels and especially political party teams divide us is key.
Adorei!
one of the best videos of Big Think
such an educational video
Thank you very interesting. Lots of things to learn I got two principles to work on thank you. Good day. Working on my humility. Thank you. MC
At the end, you pointed out the first, and the most essential, key: A mission check. WHY are you doing something. To what end result? Once that determination is successfully accomplished, the rest just kind of falls into place naturally.
Why this video doesn't have millions of views? , as others of this channel...
We people urgently need applying these tools in these times of high polarization.
Tell me more...
Thank you for this!! And to this simple human exercise related to politics. Right now is crucial to learn to keep cool.
This was great
God bless everyone. Have a good day.
Lead by example, and broken down. Nice.
Good wisdom. Thanks.
I understood this about communicating early on in life.
The difficult part is to make it a habit so that it kicks in auto-pilot.
Great video!
i need more of her presentation please...
❤ this is how I try to think ❤
The intro statement is beautiful
Yep 👍
editting is top-notch
the team did great job - props to them