Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile | Tal Ben-Shahar | Big Think

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  • čas přidán 28. 04. 2024
  • Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile, with Tal Ben-Shahar
    Subscribe to Big Think on CZcams ►► / bigthink
    Up next ►► The science of happiness, motivation, and meaning | Dan Ariely • The Science of Happine...
    Antifragility is the idea of putting pressure on a system, or human, the system or human actually grows bigger and stronger.
    Antifragile systems are all around us. One example of this is our muscular system. We go to the gym to lift weights. By doing so we are putting pressure on our system to help it grow stronger. The human body is an antifragile system.
    From a psychological perspective, antifragility comes in the form of PTG, or post-traumatic growth. After we experience a stressful event, we learn and grow to become more resilient.
    To learn even more from the world's biggest thinkers, get Big Think+ for your business: bigthink.com/plus/
    Read the video transcript: bigthink.com/videos/happiness/
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    About Tal Ben-Shahar:
    Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar is an internationally renowned teacher and author in the fields of happiness and leadership. After graduating from Harvard with a BA in Philosophy and Psychology and a PhD in Organizational Behavior, Tal taught two of the most popular courses in Harvard’s history: Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership. He then taught Happiness Studies at Columbia University. A prolific writer, Tal's books have appeared on best-sellers lists around the world and have been translated into more than 30 languages.
    Tal Ben-Shahar consults and lectures to executives in multinational corporations, educational institutions, and the general public. Topics include leadership, education, ethics, happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting and mindfulness. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar is also the co-founder of the Happiness Studies Academy. Learn more here: www.happinessstudies.academy/
    Tal is an avid sportsman and a certified yoga instructor whose work bridges Eastern and Western traditions, ancient wisdom and modern technology, science and art.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Read more of our stories on happiness:
    Epicurus and the atheist’s guide to happiness
    ►►bigthink.com/thinking/epicure...
    The meaning of happiness, according to a baker in ancient Pompeii
    ►► bigthink.com/the-past/ancient...
    How to avoid “toxic positivity” and take the less direct route to happiness
    ►► bigthink.com/neuropsych/avoid...
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Komentáře • 4,9K

  • @bigthink
    @bigthink  Před 2 lety +2190

    What ways can you think of to become antifragile?

    • @ZYX84
      @ZYX84 Před 2 lety +241

      Well, if you can’t fix it… At least you can laugh at it… Wink wink… always consider the source of where your feelings are coming from… Before you talk or even think of talking… Assess yourself & then express yourself! That’s pretty good huh!

    • @bink865
      @bink865 Před 2 lety +276

      Live on a very low budget for a while

    • @abhayverma4715
      @abhayverma4715 Před 2 lety +245

      By accepting that pain is a part of life and we can't eliminate it. By learning to deal with difficult situations in the most positive way possible.

    • @Ibrahim-jy5js
      @Ibrahim-jy5js Před 2 lety +186

      Putting a definition for happiness makes it limited.
      Everytime you get happy, you compare it with your definition which makes you less happier.
      Human mind is a mix of self thoughts and thoughts from other people around us
      To become anything you need to change these thoughts, by:
      1. Practice saying good things
      2. Prove to yourself, you have good things in life
      3. Lower expectations, your happiness is not what you think it is. We know the meaning of something if we know the opposite of it (Happiness vs. sadness)
      4. Be Convinced that people you see on social media are not happy as you think they are.
      5. Delete social media or use it properly and follow people who share knowledge not their life

    • @BlackMita
      @BlackMita Před 2 lety +39

      Engaging this terrible video.

  • @Thorny_Misanthrope
    @Thorny_Misanthrope Před 2 lety +21679

    “I do not believe things always happen for the best, but I believe we can make the best of what happens.”

    • @bigthink
      @bigthink  Před 2 lety +580

      That quote stuck with us too!

    • @debbiecowdrey1358
      @debbiecowdrey1358 Před 2 lety +94

      I literally want to wake up one morning to discover my portfolio is above $60k

    • @joachimmilberg2313
      @joachimmilberg2313 Před 2 lety +45

      @@harrisvangeest5134 I will recommend you stop trading on your own if you keep losing and start trading with a professional.

    • @stevenwalker2117
      @stevenwalker2117 Před 2 lety +23

      The mentorship from a professional coach should definitely be the first step taken while trading.

    • @joachimmilberg2313
      @joachimmilberg2313 Před 2 lety +22

      Earning a minimum of $37,480 weekly is worth testifying .

  • @id10t98
    @id10t98 Před 2 lety +5148

    "Get comfortable being uncomfortable."
    one of the best pieces of advice i ever received.

    • @manonamission2000
      @manonamission2000 Před 2 lety +24

      Applies to the workplace, lol

    • @dzitiatri
      @dzitiatri Před 2 lety +7

      But think before doing that if its is really useful to you

    • @KGS922
      @KGS922 Před 2 lety +32

      "Resign yourself to unhappiness" no

    • @themannymouse
      @themannymouse Před 2 lety

      agreed. who gave you that advice? in what context?

    • @id10t98
      @id10t98 Před 2 lety +1

      @@themannymouse a mentor i had sought out.

  • @emilysmith2965
    @emilysmith2965 Před rokem +859

    I love that this video actively avoided toxic positivity. “I do NOT believe that things happen for the best, but we can learn to make the best of things that happen.”

    • @greenderp
      @greenderp Před 9 měsíci +8

      its another well thought out way to say " just deal with it, because its not getting any better" which leads to toxic work cultures

    • @soundyoucantouch
      @soundyoucantouch Před 6 měsíci +2

      Absoultely spot on.

    • @hieroprotoganist3440
      @hieroprotoganist3440 Před 3 měsíci +12

      ​@@greenderpNo.
      Antifragility doesn't advise people to be a doormat.
      It advises to be antifragile.
      Pursue betterment even in face of hardships and failures.

    • @zzzzzz69
      @zzzzzz69 Před měsícem +1

      ​@@greenderpguess that depends on how the "deal with it" part goes

  • @dudewhatthefuck
    @dudewhatthefuck Před rokem +297

    Bro summoned an entire fandom

    • @sinatraforeign
      @sinatraforeign Před rokem +1

      never knew there's this many happiness finder

    • @minvs
      @minvs Před rokem +1

      ayy another lost-in-translation reader!!

  • @thereisa
    @thereisa Před rokem +5852

    “There are only two kinds of people who don’t experience emotional pain, the first kind are psychopaths and the second kind are dead.” - well, Sir, you have my attention.

    • @trashbug4843
      @trashbug4843 Před rokem +26

      haha ikr

    • @SuperLio333
      @SuperLio333 Před rokem +7

      I’m sorry Theresa

    • @tinyky2598
      @tinyky2598 Před rokem +44

      I've seen this video in my recommended for a while now and I just decided to click it because 'why not' and I was immediately grabbed by that line

    • @evergreen_kate
      @evergreen_kate Před rokem +19

      Definitely a powerful, attentive opening!

    • @flameprincess7313
      @flameprincess7313 Před rokem

      Also very much pure bullshit. Psychopaths feel plenty of painful emotions; they just don't feel any empathy for others.

  • @onetwothree1950
    @onetwothree1950 Před rokem +9026

    Become Le Sserafim

  • @riccuuuhhh2927
    @riccuuuhhh2927 Před rokem +183

    "When we appreciate the good in our life we have more of it" Affirmation

  • @smoookey4203
    @smoookey4203 Před rokem +491

    I hope the fearnots who entered this video because of lesserafim actually learn a lesson from this. Besides, this is the message the song wanted to convey. We should embrace it.

    • @tiffany7823
      @tiffany7823 Před rokem +20

      LOL ME CLICKING THINKING IT WSA ABOUT KPOP but learned so much more lol

    • @rayres1074
      @rayres1074 Před rokem +31

      For a second I actually thought you had indeed used two extremely archaic English words.....

  • @axnyslie
    @axnyslie Před 2 lety +8795

    Antifragility is the key. As the Buddhists say "Existence is Suffering" if you try live your life in a bubble avoiding everything that causes anxieties, then it will always have control over you.

    • @bigthink
      @bigthink  Před 2 lety +306

      Yup! And we need to be aware of our anxieties, or suffering, and that they are emotional states that we can control rather than let control us. Here's a good explanation of it from a Buddhist monk: czcams.com/video/XSU6AooM4yk/video.html

    • @AO-wg9ne
      @AO-wg9ne Před 2 lety +31

      What does that even mean??

    • @dephy2003
      @dephy2003 Před 2 lety +29

      @@AO-wg9ne it basically another way of describing entropy, before entropy was understood and defined.

    • @god1770
      @god1770 Před 2 lety +10

      @@dephy2003 entropy? How?...please elaborate...

    • @FistOfHatred
      @FistOfHatred Před 2 lety +87

      I did it for years. Then the bubble exploded and i got into full depression mode cause it felt like i discovered the world for the first time all at once

  • @l1u2k3a4s5
    @l1u2k3a4s5 Před rokem +4181

    “The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, while the wise man grows it under his feet”

  • @letsliveon5802
    @letsliveon5802 Před 7 měsíci +16

    *happiness is clearly a good thing, but valuing it as a good thing is problematic.* that speaks volume.

  • @chiefaaron1421
    @chiefaaron1421 Před 6 měsíci +58

    the analogy between indirectly pursuing happiness and looking at the constituents of sunlight is just so damn amazing!!

    • @IanLeverington-mq6gs
      @IanLeverington-mq6gs Před 2 měsíci

      Is it though? I really don't like his analogies and it makes me almost not want to trust him.
      There are no similarities between the two things and the analogy doesn't actually help explain anything or provide any clarification on his Antifragility idea that I feel like I'm trying to be sold.

  • @lifemakeovers9984
    @lifemakeovers9984 Před 2 lety +1906

    Ben Shahar: I am student and a teacher. I like that introduction.

  • @andrejohnson6731
    @andrejohnson6731 Před rokem +1230

    I like how he presents himself as a student first and then a teacher

    • @lkfh1
      @lkfh1 Před rokem +16

      Underrated comment

    • @PraiseTheFSMonster
      @PraiseTheFSMonster Před rokem +6

      Well the first the he said was flat out wrong, so I was relieved when he said student, then worried when he followed up with teacher.

    • @thecamillarose9806
      @thecamillarose9806 Před rokem +1

      @@PraiseTheFSMonster he's a teacher but still learns

    • @PraiseTheFSMonster
      @PraiseTheFSMonster Před rokem +4

      @@thecamillarose9806 He has a lot to learn if he thinks psychopaths don't feel negative emotions. He shouldn't be allowed to teach anyone since he seems to have failed psych 101

    • @vokknix3155
      @vokknix3155 Před rokem +2

      @@PraiseTheFSMonster he said painful emotions, not negative

  • @susiefairfield7218
    @susiefairfield7218 Před rokem +350

    He who binds to himself a joy
    Does the winged life destroy;
    But he who kisses the joy as it flies
    Lives in eternity's sun rise.
    William Blake

  • @pandaluna1751
    @pandaluna1751 Před rokem +945

    anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile 💖
    Edit: how did this comment get so many likes. Many FEARNOT i see💪😁

    • @chillpill4963
      @chillpill4963 Před rokem +29

      LMAO i was gonna comment that too

    • @ItzCandyRox
      @ItzCandyRox Před rokem +22

      So glad there’s Kpop friends here 😂❤️

    • @felmargego2534
      @felmargego2534 Před rokem +19

      somehow i knew y'all were gonna hijack the comments section 😂

    • @pandaluna1751
      @pandaluna1751 Před rokem +6

      @@felmargego2534 honestly i was surprised no one did yet when I first came across this video)))

    • @smileforever4955
      @smileforever4955 Před rokem +2

      Hi Blooms!!

  • @bunnyfrosting1744
    @bunnyfrosting1744 Před 2 lety +3276

    I was born disabled and became chronically ill at 12 years old, I am 22 now and have learned the hard way that life does not always get better, sometimes things somehow just get much worse, even with brute-force-positivity and countless nights of wishful thinking. I find the less that I specifically make time to validate myself, the more guilty, angry & confused I feel in life, for some reason we are taught that “victimizing ourselves” is bad, but I think suppressing your true emotions is just detrimental. The more I acknowledge how bad my life is at times, the more I am able to also focus on the happy things I do have, it took me a long time to understand that some people need that balance! Strictly focusing on the positives isn’t for everyone, especially when your basic needs can’t be met. I definitely wouldn’t say eating dark chocolate feels like a fair trade to being bed bound for weeks on end, but hey, the point is that I have finally learned to feel very thankful for the little things that bring me happiness. This was a lovely reminder that resilience looks different case to case

    • @littleladytomboy
      @littleladytomboy Před 2 lety +124

      This! You are absolutely right, and you put that wonderfully. Sometimes reality is skewed and unfair, and not recognizing that only brings more trouble and paranoia. It takes a brave heart to see life as it is, and then to keep going without trying to sugarcoat it or find the silver line in everything. Life has its own worth regardless, and no one life is the same as another, so of course it's not helpful to compare and implement techniques or methods or schools of thought that were created by another for (and from) their own personal experience. It's good to get ideas, but ultimately to have your own unique sense of what is helping you and what isn't. And it's beautiful to find people that do, like yourself!

    • @dandam5582
      @dandam5582 Před 2 lety +68

      I have learned that positivity can itself be toxic when it comes from wanting more than what is rational, and in the end, you’re less happy when you don’t get what you invested all that energy into. ‘It can always get worse’ is not a bad mindset like people like to think. It brings you towards gratitude for what you have now and conditions you for life’s many disappointments.

    • @vitaminprotein9669
      @vitaminprotein9669 Před 2 lety +2

      I totally agree with you...i never believed in that forced positivity bull shit ...when you have terminal illness or you are physically disabled then what's the least good in that ? Your life is tragic and every being that lives dies in some regret and pain... we need to accept that this is life ...it is tragic ...it always has been

    • @lisal.248
      @lisal.248 Před 2 lety +86

      Your comment moved me to my core. You are brave and wise and self aware beyond your years. Though I don't even know you I feel such love for you, after reading your comment
      I've done geriatric home health for a long time, so I know what it is to take care for people. To help them with even the most basic needs.
      But that's so different really isn't it?!
      You're a young person, who hasn't lived out a long life, free of normal unencumbrances.
      In one fell swoop, you cut through the proverbial crap that we're fed about not thinking of ourselves as victims!!
      Sometimes there isn't a bright side to look at, and as you stated, being able to stay positive all the damn time, isn't real.
      Let any of us who are able-bodied try it for a while. Talk to us then and see how we feel, we'd be sniveling babies.
      I want to reach right through my device and hug you tightly, and say nothing. For what could I say.
      I don't have the first clue about what you go through, and you've heard all the words before.
      I'm truly humbled.
      Thank you!

    • @iamillasfuck
      @iamillasfuck Před 2 lety +22

      Thanks for posting your comment. Your resilience is truly remarkable. You can look to your past and your future knowing that you've got what it takes to endure hardship and that is truly inspiring. Wishing you well.

  • @MahmudForever
    @MahmudForever Před 2 lety +1548

    Managing expectations is like 50% of happiness

    • @Aiaupiupiu
      @Aiaupiupiu Před 2 lety +4

      May you tell about it more, please?

    • @kevinlimcool
      @kevinlimcool Před 2 lety +100

      @@Aiaupiupiu
      The paradoxical nature of happiness is such that it is directly related to low expectations.
      I consider myself lucky because I always receive more than I expect to get.😀😁

    • @Aiaupiupiu
      @Aiaupiupiu Před 2 lety +27

      @@kevinlimcoolYes, absolutely It’s good to know that you are the only responsible person for your own happiness

    • @kimdokja5720
      @kimdokja5720 Před rokem +7

      @@kevinlimcool True, if a person has too many expectations from others, they cannot be happy.

    • @user-qh6ii7qt6m
      @user-qh6ii7qt6m Před rokem +1

      This is so true. I've been trying to really focus on lowering my standards with life, cause I guess I expect far too much. Hard, but when you can expect a turd and get a shiny turd, you'll be far more appreciative.

  • @rosemacintyre4856
    @rosemacintyre4856 Před rokem +126

    The most important thing I’ve learnt so far this year is that building self confidence is key to happiness. I was so self critical and insecure for so long and would constantly look for outside sources of validation. It was a roller coaster that took me to some very high highs and some VERY low lows. Now that I’ve started to accept myself for who I am and have stopped relying on others to make me feel good about myself, I’m in a much healthier place.

    • @renu9541
      @renu9541 Před 7 měsíci +2

      Kindly how did you do that... I think I'm in the same position

    • @rosemacintyre4856
      @rosemacintyre4856 Před 7 měsíci

      @@renu9541 By being let down by people and realising I only truly had myself to rely on. I'm lucky in that I have a very supportive family that I can always count on, but through a number of negative experiences I've learnt not to invest too much of myself in relationships outside of family, or at least not to put more effort into a relationship than the other person is putting in. I do not go out of my way for people anymore unless I know that I can trust them, and that they are as invested in our relationship as I am.

    • @vaishnavii_1
      @vaishnavii_1 Před 7 měsíci +1

      But how did u do that

    • @vaishnavii_1
      @vaishnavii_1 Před 7 měsíci +1

      Please tell

    • @devbrothonath9396
      @devbrothonath9396 Před 7 měsíci +6

      Not the original commenter but something that helped me with self confidence was -
      1. Stop caring about what people think about you.
      Think about it, how much time do YOU spend thinking about other people, not much I believe, but you are thinking about yourself most of the time. That's it, everyone is thinking about themselves, not you.
      2. Try setting goals for everyday, however small it is but make the goal a part of bigger picture. Like learning a new language, everyday set a small goal of learning about the language, watch content in that language, just small goals everyday. Consistency is better than intensity, doing a little everyday adds up.
      Just my 2 cents and also become curious about new things and learn about them, keep yourself busy and you will stop thinking about other people.
      Hope it helps, ✌️

  • @coconutcore
    @coconutcore Před rokem +38

    I try not to chase happiness, I try to actively enjoy it when it’s there and wait patiently when it’s not. It works wonders. You’ll feel tons happier in both of those situations.
    You take time to appreciate joy, which is a very joyful thing and you’ll realise when you’re unhappy that the sun comes up again and you’ll have those moments to look forward to eventually.

  • @luigidisanpietro3720
    @luigidisanpietro3720 Před rokem +2707

    We need Philosophers like this to teach Middle-school kids to instill in them what is deep and meaningful to what is shallow....

    • @maximuskhan2100
      @maximuskhan2100 Před rokem +59

      You mean they shouldn't be learning about kink and how to work a stripper pole? Blasphemy!

    • @rillloudmother
      @rillloudmother Před rokem +91

      then you send them home to their materialistic and emotionally bankrupt parents, what's the use?

    • @PureLovable
      @PureLovable Před rokem +18

      @@maximuskhan2100 tf gross

    • @gir1258
      @gir1258 Před rokem +29

      @@maximuskhan2100 ….what? Was that supposed to be a joke?

    • @tubetomarcato
      @tubetomarcato Před rokem +4

      Yes, and also we can do it ourselves. I am with mine

  • @jsherrier1196
    @jsherrier1196 Před 2 lety +2180

    “Health is the greatest gift,
    contentment is the greatest wealth,
    a trusted friend is the best relative,
    Liberated mind is the greatest bliss.” The Buddha

    • @bigthink
      @bigthink  Před 2 lety +27

      👌

    • @montacap
      @montacap Před 2 lety +1

      So if you do not have your health anymore you must have done something wrong ? My husband is disabled . All he did wrong was enjoy his freedom on his motorcycle . We all chase freedom . Or people would not chase gods or medication . To each there own is my way for the most part . I just wondered what the other side of this way of looking at things looked like.

    • @montacap
      @montacap Před 2 lety

      8 fold path . I will look into that.

    • @congducdinh7393
      @congducdinh7393 Před 2 lety +3

      @@montacap we discover things as life move on. for some people it joy, for other it sorrow. If we're happy with what given, make the best of what there will truly liberate you. Vice versa if we only know happiness then we can never truly know happiness cause we don't know the its true value. Only when you experience both extremities you understand what you need, what is valuable to you. For me it's family for other it wealth, I don't judge them cause they have their own referencing system. In your husband's case if he is happy with life at the moment, he have live it to the fullest with no regret. Who know, may be one day I will regret not skydiving or riding a motorcycle, even more so than having good health or live longer for a couple of years. We all choose our own poison anyway...

    • @montacap
      @montacap Před 2 lety

      @@congducdinh7393 He almost died in a motorcycle wreck . Lol. He is now dieing slowly with a blood clot filter in him they can not take out that will brake one day . I have I am not sure how many times heard him say I am so glad you where not on the back that day . I tell him I would have laid there and bled out . I am a tough bird but I do not think I want to fight that hard it is time for some flight .

  • @jenniegem510
    @jenniegem510 Před rokem +395

    Anti ti ti ti fragile fragile
    Anti ti ti ti fragile
    This is the only song that was running in my head for 7 minutes 14 seconds straight

  • @mick2d2
    @mick2d2 Před rokem +113

    Everything we experience is based on contrast. You don't really feel one, without the other.

  • @lunix3259
    @lunix3259 Před rokem +1309

    In a generation where it's so common to hear people incredibly sad in their hearts, I find it so important for people who are knowledgeable in this field to speak up

    • @user-kt8kk2jg7i
      @user-kt8kk2jg7i Před rokem +9

      People were always sad duh

    • @SCORP1ONF1RE
      @SCORP1ONF1RE Před rokem +2

      I love you for that comment kiwi.

    • @black-db2my
      @black-db2my Před rokem +1

      @@SCORP1ONF1RE me 2

    • @ysy_y
      @ysy_y Před rokem +29

      @@user-kt8kk2jg7i Nobody disagrees, OP is pointing out that the numbers are getting worse.

    • @MrJiggerG
      @MrJiggerG Před rokem +6

      I find it hard to get some people to listen to this wisdom. Especially our young people, they don't want to hear anything from us "old" folk. Some even blame us as their source of misery.

  • @shinyshinythings
    @shinyshinythings Před rokem +978

    “Happiness is not a goal, it’s a by-product.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

    • @PlayshotKalo
      @PlayshotKalo Před rokem +7

      Eleanor Roosevelt. One of the most effective First Ladies in US history

    • @HonISfirE
      @HonISfirE Před rokem +5

      Say the Privileged few

    • @siriboontee2821
      @siriboontee2821 Před rokem +3

      This woken me up!

    • @AlexisTwoLastNames
      @AlexisTwoLastNames Před rokem +3

      but explain how, Eleanor. :(

    • @katanime619
      @katanime619 Před rokem

      @@AlexisTwoLastNames for example, when you work the goal is to make money, when you does make money ou feel happy. Thus happiness is the by product

  • @mathewgeorge5896
    @mathewgeorge5896 Před rokem +12

    "Gratitude is the mother of all virtues, when we appreciate the good in life, we have more of it "

  • @eririe1451
    @eririe1451 Před 11 měsíci +6

    I am in a really tough place. Being left and cut off from a man who had taken everything from me, every single ounce of my self worth, confidence, disappear. He left me without explanation. After i've given him everything. I realize now I dont want this trauma to define me, i want it to be a source of growth. Post traumatic growth, thats a new word ive learned today.

  • @kyawlin9836
    @kyawlin9836 Před rokem +2947

    Anti-ti-ti-ti fragile, fragile
    Anti-ti-ti-ti fragile
    Anti-ti-ti-ti fragile, fragile
    (Anti-fragile)
    (Anti-fragile)🎶🎶

  • @roberhtmatthews
    @roberhtmatthews Před 2 lety +1809

    Meditation! Sitting with difficult emotions, observing them, allowing them, even befriending them--this has been very powerful for me. I'm slowly learning to let go of the fear of feeling.

    • @colavfx_6530
      @colavfx_6530 Před rokem +6

      What’s the method of meditation that’s worked for you? Do you just sit and process whatever comes to mind, do you prefer guided meditation, silence vrs music or maybe just noise, etc?

    • @marielaalmonte3836
      @marielaalmonte3836 Před rokem

      THIS! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

    • @hyde1885
      @hyde1885 Před rokem +22

      'Fear of Feeling' that is a huge thing that I struggle with. That is a perfect description.

    • @colavfx_6530
      @colavfx_6530 Před rokem +7

      @@comfortableovertones this does make a lot of sense i find the gym and especially running to be very therapeutic, you’re completely right meditating is about connecting with yourself in whatever way you feel best doing :)

    • @Alivelivelylive
      @Alivelivelylive Před rokem +6

      I tried meditating once and starter to cry even before realising it. That silence in mind was immaculately loud.

  • @user-dp5dd7ds4b
    @user-dp5dd7ds4b Před 2 měsíci +4

    I’ve been writing 3 pieces of gratitude every day for 3 months and it changed my life

  • @karinealvarez3164
    @karinealvarez3164 Před rokem +13

    I LOVE this term PTG… there is always room for recovery… instead of being stuck in that emotional and physical distress, we can learn to make the best of bad things that happen, embrace the pain and turn it into emotional and physical strength. I believe that people who have been through emotional hardship have greatly more capacity to Grow, are stronger and have more ability to overcome difficulties and be successful. We are made with these anti fragile systems, we should believe in ourselves!

  • @lumadefreitas9625
    @lumadefreitas9625 Před rokem +551

    spiritual - purpose
    physical - recovering from stress
    intellectual - deeply engaging with material
    relational - quality time with others we love
    emotional - gratitude

    • @ConnorLikesPie
      @ConnorLikesPie Před rokem +8

      i literally wrote this down in my notebook while watching the video almost exactly like this comment, im gonna read it everyday

    • @JaysonT1
      @JaysonT1 Před rokem +16

      Each of them creating a challenge of their own. The search for purpose is equally paradoxical as the search for happiness. Finding material important enough to engage in (what you care about) in itself can be a life long struggle. Quality time with one's we love. Not all of us have that gift.

    • @Marina-nt6my
      @Marina-nt6my Před rokem +4

      In esotericism this is like the four elements plus spirit. Spirit is at the top of the pentagram. The reason why the upside down star/pentagram has got a satanic vibe is because its putting spirit on the bottom, as the lowest priority, while earth(physical well being) and fire (ambition, creativity somewhat, libido somewhat) are at the top. I haven't watched the video yet but I just wanted to share that.
      Also
      Air=intellect, mind, and the suit of swords in tarot.
      Water=emotion, relationships, suit of cups in tarot.
      Lots of people hate this kind of stuff :/ so I just wanted to share

    • @microwavebrain1035
      @microwavebrain1035 Před rokem

      Yeah I heard the video

    • @gracemendoza4459
      @gracemendoza4459 Před rokem

      Thank you

  • @naomiarram5187
    @naomiarram5187 Před 2 lety +268

    My favourite part of the movie "Inside Out" was the forum that was given to Sadness, and how she was an integral part of the whole process.

    • @doanale3344
      @doanale3344 Před rokem +33

      A cousin of mine did not like the Sadness character because of her causing problems. Had a hard time explaining to her why Sadness had to exist for Happiness to have impact and meaning.

    • @amandabrown5555
      @amandabrown5555 Před rokem +4

      I looooove that movie. Learn something new every time I watch it

    • @aishahshamsul8642
      @aishahshamsul8642 Před rokem +12

      @@doanale3344 We need to analyse the movie for my English class, so these are my interpretations.
      - There was a scene where in blue memory ball Riley is sitting on a branch alone feeling sad because she lost the winning shot for her ice hockey team. And then her parents and teammates came and cheered her up, then she became happy as the memory ball turned golden (Sadness is a beacon; it signals our distress to others so they can help us)
      - When Bing Bong lost his wagon in the abyss, Joy couldn't comfort him by saying it's not that bad, distracting him by tickling and forcing him to move on. Sadness on the other hand, sat down with him and got him to recall his adventures with Riley and validated how sad losing his only reminder of Riley is. Only then, after crying he could continue the journey. (Sadness is a core component of empathy - for us to be a good listener so others can vent to us and feel better. Also we need to make time for all our feelings, including Sadness. Avoiding our Sadness with distractions will only bottle it up inside and cause breakdowns/depression/lost of joy)
      - Sadness caused Riley to act up in the movie, but in the end as Riley came home after her attempt to ran away, her relationship with her parents became stronger than ever. (Sadness strengthens relationships).
      Perhaps you can tell these to your cousin 😉

  • @miaa7097
    @miaa7097 Před měsícem +6

    Finally, someone explained to me why im a badass woman.
    I came to canada as a refugee in 2002 as 15 year olde girl.
    Today i own a home in Vancouver.
    The last 20 years have been PTG 😊

  • @blessingpaul5484
    @blessingpaul5484 Před 8 měsíci +262

    Building wealth involves developing good habits like regularly putting money away in intervals for solid investments. Instead of trying to predict and prognosticate the stability of the market and precisely when the change is going to happen, a better strategy is simply having a portfolio that’s well prepared for any eventually, that’s how some folks' been averaging 150K every 7week these past 4months according to Bloomberg.

    • @Jessicatorres_768
      @Jessicatorres_768 Před 8 měsíci

      That’s crazy, I’m just doing everything wrong with my portfolio.

    • @philipcollen482
      @philipcollen482 Před 8 měsíci

      The US-Stock Mrkt had been on it’s longest bull-run in history, so the mass hysteria and panic is relatable considering we’re not accustomed to such troubled mrkts, but there are avenues lurking around if you know where to look. My wife and I are retiring this year with over $7,000,000 in tax deferred investments. up until 3 years ago we were 100% in the S&P. During bear markets we had a perfect plan. We got an investment manager in our corner and didn’t look at our portfolio for nearly a year.

    • @brittanynicolette9473
      @brittanynicolette9473 Před 8 měsíci +1

      Same here, 75% of my portfolio is in the red and I really don’t know how long I can stomach the losses. I’m beginning to reach a breaking point.

    • @PhilSommer2
      @PhilSommer2 Před 8 měsíci

      Patience patience patience. It's a cycle.... a sucky point in the cycle, but a cycle nonetheless.

    • @SophiaBint-wj8wn
      @SophiaBint-wj8wn Před 8 měsíci

      Hello, I am new when it comes to investing and i would really appreciate if I could get some tips about where it is worth to invest in (ETFs, Stocks, Growth stocks, Dividend stock etc.)

  • @bechemayuk7206
    @bechemayuk7206 Před 2 lety +532

    This is why stoicism should be taught in every school. Not just as an ordinary lesson, but as a way of life.

    • @jms4406
      @jms4406 Před 2 lety +7

      100 percent

    • @mylesfranco3545
      @mylesfranco3545 Před 2 lety +25

      Absolutely, I was thinking the same thing. There are also many other philosophies that are great for providing guidance, the subject should be taught in depth in place of religion. It is critical that we instill a sense of virtue into all people from a young age.

    • @jesuslover5968
      @jesuslover5968 Před 2 lety +8

      Yes become anti fragile now shut up and become a slave worker for corporate America and don’t complaint

    • @mnurrreza
      @mnurrreza Před 2 lety +7

      @@jesuslover5968 even an attempt to escape your so-called slavery would still require anti-fragility tho.

    • @mylesfranco3545
      @mylesfranco3545 Před 2 lety +19

      @Alice Amell mmm. You may have a fundamental misunderstanding of stoicism. The virtues important to the stoic are honor, honesty, courage (or lack of fear), determination to do the right thing, but never happiness. I'm not sure if happiness is a virtue, but for the stoic it is not even a goal. It is a by product of living a true life, a gift given to those who do not chase it.

  • @jeff-onedayatatime.2870
    @jeff-onedayatatime.2870 Před 10 měsíci +19

    The problem with being "anti-fragile" is that all of us evenually break. And when you've been anti-fragile, your breakage is particularly painful and long lasting.

    • @andrewharriscampbell
      @andrewharriscampbell Před 9 měsíci +1

      i was so tough as a kid, i got soft growing up, the hurt doesn't heal as fast when you aren't as tough

    • @MsTaLaiah
      @MsTaLaiah Před 7 měsíci +3

      When pressure is placed on the system it gets stronger, it increases and prospers. That’s anti-fragility. That’s resilience 2.0

    • @deela262
      @deela262 Před 7 měsíci +1

      Being anti fragile is not about covering vulnerability with deniel or being defiant. Real anti fragility is when we can face the harsh realities of life like death, terminal illnesses, separation from loved ones, losing every material possession, having to live with uncouth people etc with equanimity.
      There is long journey of training required for that. I've stumbled upon a vast source of knowledge ( thousands of Scriptures)on searching for happiness and equanimity through wisdom( true deep realisation of how the body and mind works).

    • @lucysweeney8347
      @lucysweeney8347 Před 2 měsíci

      ​@@CoolIcingcake3467.Very well put.Thank you for posting this piece!

    • @toystorybro
      @toystorybro Před měsícem

      @jeff-onedayatatime.2870 - wow this one hit home! My whole life as a child I developed the kind of resilience I thought was un-breakable. I always loved and respected the idea of being alone when I needed to. Then some months after a long term relationship I ended I stopped knowing how to be and do all of those things. One night at a concert it just hit me out of the blue. I don’t know what triggered it but it just hit right there and then. Suddenly I felt lonely, wanting the company of others not knowing how to be alone like I’ve been my entire life. Suddenly my forever positive and sophisticated perspective on life wasn’t enough to get me out of the deep. It hit so hard. Weeks later I’m now seeing this video and now this comment. So my problem was becoming anti fragile led me to forget my breakage would be particularly painful. It’s been weeks now but I’m finally healing. Understanding and getting there had a lot to do with me accepting that everyone will always have vulnerabilities. Even I, who always swore I could never have. It took a long time but sometimes admitting to yourself these things is key to healing. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It allows you to love and care for much more deeply!

  • @DanhNguyen-ou3ew
    @DanhNguyen-ou3ew Před 6 měsíci +3

    He is so humble for saying I am a teacher and also a student in the study of happiness

  • @evelynellsworth6211
    @evelynellsworth6211 Před rokem +861

    Happiness doesn't come from within. "Happiness comes from between. It comes from getting the right relationships between yourself and others, yourself and your work, and yourself and something larger than yourself." ~Jonathan Haidt

    • @1988nasti
      @1988nasti Před rokem +1

      It's so briliant

    • @Kaeph
      @Kaeph Před rokem +1

      I can’t get the first part down

    • @gdinamoderato
      @gdinamoderato Před rokem +4

      This is the best to be honest.

    • @Ogremanji123
      @Ogremanji123 Před rokem +11

      Only thing that has ever made sense to me regarding happiness...ever. This comment right here.

    • @PieterJanNotebaart
      @PieterJanNotebaart Před rokem +1

      This is it.

  • @timeenuf4200
    @timeenuf4200 Před 2 lety +405

    I think you can call it anything you want but it boils down to understanding that great things and terrible things don't last. Life ebbs and flows. Go with it. Be in the moment.

    • @ritikarana4256
      @ritikarana4256 Před 2 lety +16

      "this too shall pass" is my go to mantra of every situation in life

    • @BiggyJimbo
      @BiggyJimbo Před rokem +4

      Yeah, to me this seems like the only reasonable mindset to have. I generally try to detach myself from anything happening to me, good or bad, by telling myself that it isn't permanent.

    • @CatMowpurr
      @CatMowpurr Před rokem +4

      @@BiggyJimbo yeah even the death of a loved one isn’t permanent because one day you’ll die too and won’t feel it anymore

    • @Aethereality
      @Aethereality Před rokem +1

      I remember telling someone that I just live life as it happens and they responded that it was a bad way to live lol. I still live life as it happens, and I’m thankful for the things I have and try to make the best of most things.

    • @kingcrimson4133
      @kingcrimson4133 Před rokem

      @@BiggyJimbo When you say "detachment", it sounds like you're not letting yourself be in the moment. Like you're just clinging to the idea "this won't be forever" whenever anything happens. If that's so, that's not a good way to live. Buddhism, which this video gets most of its philosophy from, teaches that clinging to the way thing are - attachment - and being averse to the way things are - detachment - are the two root causes of human suffering. It teaches of a way in between those two things - nonattachment - not clinging on, but not avoiding either. It symbolizes these three states as two hands clasped firmly together, two hands held at a distance, and finally, two hands placed gently together with palms open. Rather than clinging firmly to the nature of change and using that idea as an anchor, you should hold on loosely to that idea and allow it to let you live fully in every moment.

  • @sidneyboo9704
    @sidneyboo9704 Před rokem +21

    This is one of the absolute BEST video ive seen about happiness. BE RESILIENT 2.0!

  • @wendelljohnramos8030
    @wendelljohnramos8030 Před 10 měsíci +8

    The phrase “Anti ti ti ti fragile fragile” keeps echoing in my head as he speaks

  • @mayya9004
    @mayya9004 Před 2 lety +606

    Spiritual- Meaning and Purpose (work&private)
    Physical- Recovery
    Intellectual- Curiosity, deep interest and engaging with material
    Relationship- Quality time
    Emotional- Embracing , Gratitude (cultivate pleasurable emotions)

  • @Oktaviii
    @Oktaviii Před 2 lety +434

    There are painful emotions which I’m sure most people expect to experience, but then there are traumatic emotions which is a whole different thing. Traumatic emotions are something that a person was not psychologically ready to experience, something shocking. I think we often underestimate the effect of shock on human psychology. Analogy of this video only works for painful emotions, not traumatic. Painful emotions could be compared to weights that a person needs to lift to get the “muscles” stronger. Traumatic emotions however feel like you have to lift tons of weight which causes your “muscles” to tear apart. It feels like a huge rock fell on top of you completely unexpectedly. Thus a person with trauma cannot just become immediately stronger after such experience. They need healing time and sometimes lots of it to even just return to who they were before such experience

    • @007lutherking
      @007lutherking Před 2 lety +14

      It applies to cptsd aswell. And the corresponding growth which is very very rare is what carl jung described as treasure hard to attain. Its very very very complicated to pull yourself out of trauma in that manner. Healing is not the way, you'll never be healed lol that's pathetic.

    • @Oktaviii
      @Oktaviii Před 2 lety +71

      @@007lutherking healing is the process of accepting of what happened to you. And if something truly horrific happened to you, it’s not always “to make you stronger”. I work at the hospital and I saw cases that are pretty sad. I saw a guy once who was paralyzed from neck down due to spinal cord injury. He can’t talk, he can’t move, he can’t even breath on his own yet he has a 100% intact intelligence. Are you really going to come to a guy like that and tell him that his injury made him stronger? Seriously? Stop the bs. Such logic only works for light level bad life events such as losing your job or getting a divorce. For truly horrific things such as serious health trauma, repeated sexual abuse, kidnapping, murder of the loved one in front of you etc. For such instances this approach does not work

    • @007lutherking
      @007lutherking Před 2 lety +3

      @@Oktaviii your comment shows your lack of understanding of trauma. But thanks for trying. Learn some psychology and philosophy first.

    • @Oktaviii
      @Oktaviii Před 2 lety +56

      @@007lutherking sure, go ahead, talk philosophy to people who went through extremely traumatic events. Maybe you should learn what real life is really about. Your comment shows that you only know trauma from books, not experience

    • @007lutherking
      @007lutherking Před 2 lety +1

      @@Oktaviii you're talking trauma. I'm talking about cptsd which is much worse. Do some research

  • @sjbaem4448
    @sjbaem4448 Před rokem +13

    I am currently on a journey of self improvement. This year was arguably one of the most stressful years of my life. Within the struggle an stress there were some good times and good memories. It has triggered me to re-evaluate the way that I think about my life, success and happiness. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I was approach things wrong. I have longed for happiness but I always saw it as a destination not a journey. Now I am beginning to understand that it's the little things you do daily that brings that inner peace and happiness I longed for. For the New Year I really want to embody this in everything I do. I feel like I have been enlightened like Buddha.

  • @jodoodlyboi2963
    @jodoodlyboi2963 Před rokem +150

    I’m turning 20 this month, and over the last year or so I’ve come to realize that I honestly enjoy and find comfort in sadness. It’s the way you manage that sadness that makes a difference. Like reading a good book or watching a show or a movie that makes you cry. That feels good, right? That’s how I’ve started thinking of sadness from my every day life too.
    I like and accept all emotions as long as they’re handled with care. Even happiness can be handled wrong and have a negative impact. For example, because you’re so happy you might ignore small issues that have been bothering you for a long time because at the time they don’t really impact you, and so you don’t bother to work on fixing any of it, which later might become a problem.
    I think of it a bit like in Buddhism. Accepting one’s emotions and not trying to change them. Because if you constantly try to change how you feel you’ll just never feel satisfied, because constant happiness just isn’t possible. But enjoying, or at the very least getting content with other emotions as well *is* possible.
    I’ve also found that it’s better to focus on physical changes you can make in life rather than emotional ones as those are changes you can actually control.
    I can go on regular walks every week, and that may or may not make me feel happy, but either way it will get me in a better physical shape, and it is a form of change even if it isn’t an emotional one. Realizing and accepting that fact helps.
    It also helps letting go of the image that sadness and anger etc are negative emotions. If someone is treating you unfairly anger is important. Crying is also not negative as it releases toxins.
    So many times friends of mine might say “I’m crying” and my other friends respond with “nooo don’t cry” because sadness is seen as negative. However, I always say “good. Cry. Release those toxins” because rejecting sadness just makes it hurt more. It’s that feeling of hopelessness because you can’t change how you feel that often is the worst, so once you stop trying to change your emotions it immediately becomes a bit easier.
    I’m obviously not saying to give up, but simply accept and welcome all emotions. Trying to push it away only causes strain.
    Sorry for the rant lol. I just wanted to share my thoughts.

    • @jodoodlyboi2963
      @jodoodlyboi2963 Před rokem +3

      The thing I said about “nooo don’t cry” isn’t hating on my friends btw. It’s just an observation about what most people honestly do, but I’ve thrown that mentality away myself

    • @jodoodlyboi2963
      @jodoodlyboi2963 Před rokem +7

      I honestly think it’s because society has taught us that sadness is bad, so we want to try and “fix” it whether it’s our own sadness or other’s sadness, but what really needs fixing is how we handle the sadness

    • @reshri4465
      @reshri4465 Před rokem +6

      Bang on! I feel the same...
      If sadness and anger were so bad, nature wouldn't have created those emotions

    • @swimmersavina2477
      @swimmersavina2477 Před rokem +4

      Sadness can feel good to an extent, and it is necessary to feel it from time to time in order to have balance. However, (and I’m not saying this is true to you) if your reaction to any mildly upsetting thing is to be sad for the rest of the day, that is not healthy. It is important to know how to feel your emotions and let them pass through you, rather than letting them drag you through a downward spiral. But overall, I do agree that sadness is necessary and it feels good to release your emotions by crying rather than keeping them stored inside you.

    • @mimiboucher1182
      @mimiboucher1182 Před rokem +1

      So wise for so young. I'm really impressed. Keep walking ...bundle up when it's cold

  • @michaeltwister
    @michaeltwister Před rokem +526

    I am suffering from burnout, anxiety and depression. This video has lifted me up and gave me some hints about where to start the process of recovering.
    Thank you for posting this

    • @anuragstar1456
      @anuragstar1456 Před rokem +8

      All the best 👍

    • @sidneyboo9704
      @sidneyboo9704 Před rokem +2

      Glad you came and visited this video :)

    • @nia2088
      @nia2088 Před rokem +6

      and how? i don't get what this video is trying to say

    • @kamest
      @kamest Před rokem

      You got this

    • @joshbrown2217
      @joshbrown2217 Před 11 měsíci +14

      @@nia2088 From my take, I think it's saying to not be afraid of doing hard things. (best summary is the last bit if it's TL:DR)
      So like for the Spirtual part, he mentions having a purpose in the morning. While this can be something long term like build up a great career, it can also be small things like cleaning a bedroom and then watering some plants (so assigning yourself a task to build up some urgency).
      While doing this, you also have to consider the physical part, which he said was to do with stress. So when you take time off, you may still be worrying about things or that you're being productive. But what he is saying is to treat it like a productive thing and that you should treat it like a job in itself and actually completely try to de-stress.
      by doing these steps you are breaking down the task's that you would view as hard or stressful (especially if you're depressed or neurodivergent) and learning how to break it down and not chase instant gratification, but learn how to enjoy and balance the stress of doing the task's you need to do.
      It's essentially incorporating Frankl's logotherapy, where he suggests we all need a purpose, so instead of trying to find something that will make us happy, Frankl suggests we need something to work towards and that in turn what will bring us happiness. (But this builds upon it, by providing steps as to how to achieve this)

  • @RugzT_T
    @RugzT_T Před rokem +62

    Anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile, fragile Anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile

  • @khalidmughal8544
    @khalidmughal8544 Před rokem +2

    Financial wellbeing is a very important Part of being happy & satisfied, it is not mentioned

  • @gojiberry7201
    @gojiberry7201 Před 2 lety +601

    Thank you ... I was diagnosed with complex PTSD at the age of 43 just a few months ago, had never considered it, and it was devastating, but moving forward... My counselor advises that Post-Traumatic Stress can be transformed into Post-Traumatic Strength. This is a great video, thank you!

    • @raphaelmeillat8527
      @raphaelmeillat8527 Před 2 lety +22

      Very positive thoughts. Wishing you the best for your journey! 🙂

    • @brian7110
      @brian7110 Před 2 lety +14

      Did your counselor provide ways to accomplish these?

    • @bigthink
      @bigthink  Před 2 lety +23

      Thank you for sharing, and best of luck in your recovery!

    • @gojiberry7201
      @gojiberry7201 Před 2 lety +17

      @@brian7110 I am attending Dialectical Behavioral Therapy groups weekly, and we discuss this in therapy as well, and work with CBT. I have to kind of relive some of the traumatic events, too, to process those emotions. It's still new and it's day by day. I think the DBT group is the most helpful so far

    • @jwalzer
      @jwalzer Před 2 lety +3

      Wishing you the best

  • @PoPax186
    @PoPax186 Před 2 lety +573

    "Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so. Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way."
    - John Stuart Mill

    • @bigthink
      @bigthink  Před 2 lety +24

      Amazing quote! So appropriate.

    • @morganlake41632
      @morganlake41632 Před rokem +3

      So true - seeking happiness is a misguided pursuit...seeking becoming who you truly are and enacting your values - leads to deep emotional rewards - satisfaction - increase in serotonin...,feels so much better than the dopamine happiness or pleasure gives you...

    • @dawnsalois
      @dawnsalois Před rokem +1

      @@morganlake41632 what if only about 0.006 percent of the population can even understand who you truly are? where is the happiness in being alone most of the time. There is a certain amount of "you have to go along to get along." This can result in serious cognitive dissonance . Hard to find happiness between a rock and a hard place, but then there is always the humor of the situations. I suppose that could be a form of "happiness", laughter.

    • @HonISfirE
      @HonISfirE Před rokem

      Sound like incel speak

  • @biondna7984
    @biondna7984 Před 2 měsíci +1

    "Post-Traumatic Growth." How refreshing. I like to think I'm gaining in this area.

  • @parkchaemin2973
    @parkchaemin2973 Před 10 měsíci +4

    The Concept of PTG Rather than PTSD just had me. May be we have control of atleast ourselves and how we perceive events/Trauma and further process it. It's Normal to breakdown and to have PTSD but to overcome it and Be the better version of oneself is to thrive through the situation as PTG.
    THANKS FOR GIVING ME THIS INSIGHT.

  • @marshmellow5344
    @marshmellow5344 Před 2 lety +267

    This video made me teary eyed. I found this in my recommendations. It's amazing how the universe connects everything. 1 hour ago I broke down and cried due to all the stress I'm feeling. Stress that came from all the overwhelming amounts of school requirements that I have to pass on their DEADlines. I was already feeling hopeless and questioned what am I struggling for? Why do I have to feel so much pain and all. This video saved me. I found purpose again. This video was meant to be watched by someone like me who is struggling at the moment. Thank you so much for delivering this.

    • @ytisfulloffreaks4189
      @ytisfulloffreaks4189 Před 2 lety +4

      It's only school, Don't feel so bad

    • @kandamy1
      @kandamy1 Před 2 lety +18

      As the person below says, it's only school, but when you're living it, it can feel overwhelming and it's not much help when older people say you will barely remember this stress in a few years. You're stressed in the here and now- is there someone you could talk to? Can you write down the things that are making you stressed? can you put them in an order of what needs dealing with most urgently? Can you ask one or two of your teachers to ease up on the deadlines? If at all possible don't try to manage this on your own- we've all been there, including your teachers!

    • @frog6054
      @frog6054 Před 2 lety +1

      Damn I'm glad my school wasn't that bad.

    • @TheTruthHurts6666
      @TheTruthHurts6666 Před 2 lety +7

      You will go through school just fine. You will achieve what you want to achieve. But your health should always be priority because without health in the first place, you cannot achieve what you want to achieve. I had to learn the hard way. I was stressed throughout school and now I'm stressed in my job (I'm a nurse). The stress may never end even if you pass school. Deal with it now, otherwise that stress will continue to impact you in all stages of your life.

    • @peony7967
      @peony7967 Před 2 lety +8

      When it rains it pours but there is always sunshine after the rain and clean fresh air. Wishing you all the best!

  • @golfboyyk
    @golfboyyk Před 2 lety +120

    In the absence of honesty, people’s imaginations will leap to fill in the gaps between what is being said and their own direct experiences.

    • @show_me_your_kitties
      @show_me_your_kitties Před 2 lety +1

      Oh wow I love this, it makes a lot of sense to me.

    • @suumcuique4530
      @suumcuique4530 Před 2 lety +7

      Wow great quote, who said/wrote it?
      But what is the connection to the topic?

  • @GSpandy
    @GSpandy Před 10 měsíci +7

    "Don't pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger "
    John Kennedy

  • @pivanv23
    @pivanv23 Před 6 dny

    I've grown too much on trauma that the people surround me can't catch up and can't relate on me. Now I left that place to find my peace and people who are like minded. Happier :)

  • @enliven4203
    @enliven4203 Před 2 lety +117

    One thing I started doing in order to bring myself a sense of well being and inner happiness is by no longer living a life according to the guidelines and expectations of others. Far too many of us feel compelled to live up to the standards and expectations set out by others. And if we don't meet these criteria's, we are looked upon as failures, thus causing disappointment no to just ourselves, but to those around us. Ever since I started thinking outside the box, and going somewhat against the grain, I began to feel a sense of empowerment overcoming me. And believe me, this feeling is great, one which channels happiness towards me, rather than me constantly chasing it.

  • @gildaung9963
    @gildaung9963 Před 2 lety +97

    "persuing happiness indirectly because thinking happiness as a value is problematic" I really needed to hear that today. Thanks you so much for sharing

  • @agbortambeferinhoo2807
    @agbortambeferinhoo2807 Před 3 měsíci +2

    Another way of being happy in life, is learning how to accept the circumstances you find yourself in. But this requires high level of maturity and a stable mind.

  • @ZYXYZLF
    @ZYXYZLF Před 2 měsíci +1

    Eye opening findings about Happiness 😊.
    1. Don't run for Happiness, find happiness in small things in life.
    2. When see others happiness, automatically getting happiness.
    😊
    THANKS FOR THE BIG THANKS

  • @decathreat6194
    @decathreat6194 Před rokem +20

    ANTI TI TI TI FRAGILE

  • @abbysc417
    @abbysc417 Před 2 lety +145

    I love this video's message but I love the comments section even more. The world feels so divided sometimes, but we have much more in common than we may think.

  • @kinjallll9919
    @kinjallll9919 Před měsícem

    "Things doesn't necessarily happens for the best but we can make the bestt of things that happens"
    Indeed❤

  • @pprkut
    @pprkut Před rokem +19

    Happiness is the momentary feeling that sets you in the mood to tackle the unknown not with fear but with curiosity.

  • @DH-gk8vh
    @DH-gk8vh Před rokem +460

    “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
    I believe this is the key to a balanced life. Acceptance has been a very powerful game changer for me. There's so much here to learn. Wisdom being the most important of them all.

    • @corareece9078
      @corareece9078 Před rokem

      Amen

    • @corareece9078
      @corareece9078 Před rokem +4

      Life began as a curse in my perspective, and through existance i have grown fond of its double sidedness. It is both beautiful and ugly, terrorfying and awestriking.

    • @differenttakethanmost
      @differenttakethanmost Před rokem +10

      Except you don’t need god’s or anyone else’s permission or help-/ you always ALWAYS have the choice of what you focus on.
      You’ve far more power over your life than you’ve been led to believe

    • @differenttakethanmost
      @differenttakethanmost Před rokem +1

      @@corareece9078 that yin/yang is universal- not something unique to your experience. Tides ebb and flow, day becomes night, up and down, in and out-- it’s EVERYWHERE not just where you live.
      In other words- don’t take it personally- the universe didn’t single you out

    • @corareece9078
      @corareece9078 Před rokem

      @@differenttakethanmost yeah i got that mate. Thanks for the reminder kiddo

  • @estelle5185
    @estelle5185 Před rokem +118

    Such an important exploration. I'm still recovering from a severe depressive episode and one part of my journey was just accepting that constant happiness is not possible and that I shouldn't punish myself for not achieving it. It sounds silly but after a year of debilitating depression your so desperately trying to fix things you forget that we're just human.

    • @theverhohnepeople8934
      @theverhohnepeople8934 Před rokem +1

      I did this daily for 6 months in psychiatry against depression and sticked to it ever since. After soap I turn down the temperature and rinse myself with icecold water going slowly from feet to face, from right side to heart side. Now Wim Hof gathered a lot of knowledge about this technique.

    • @msToshKaz
      @msToshKaz Před rokem +3

      Plan your days realistically, have thinks to do every day from morning till evening . This gives you purpose to wake up and look forward . Get a hobbby . Drowns your mood only on yourself . Accept that u can only control yourself not others. Wake up repeat . Even better go volunteer to countries , shelter where people have so much less but so much more happier . Write daily gratitude. Make small term plans , long term plans . Write steps to achieve them . Make realistic goals . Nothing like I want to be around singer stuff . Something more realistic will be I want to start singing , recording , posting , sing for family , church , school . Enjoy every little achievement. Any small task done ✅ gives so much boost of energy and happiness. Make sure tasks are realistic, consider your own laziness , speed be honest . Good luck .

    • @crlpxz
      @crlpxz Před rokem

      You got this babe

  • @bxyrk6422
    @bxyrk6422 Před měsícem

    Had a terrible day. I needed this so bad. Thank you.
    I hope this video finds those who need strength and encouragement.

  • @milky_quartz
    @milky_quartz Před 7 měsíci +3

    how become antifragile, personally?
    Starters: walk like a majestic lion, eyes glinting with so much desire...

  • @irais6154
    @irais6154 Před rokem +113

    As someone who does have ptsd i greatly resonate with post trauma growth. Despite of the horrible hardships ive endured, i really feel like im thriving. And even when i feel down i find gratitude in being able to allow myself to simply feel. Im glad someone put into words on how ive been valuing my life. Nail on the head

  • @arsonne
    @arsonne Před 2 lety +130

    The last point about gratitude is so incredibly important. I wish he had expounded on it more as I’m sure he does in other talks and his book. I consider myself a very happy person and I’ve never in my life gone through a significant depression and I attribute it to the fact that I always remind myself, consciously or otherwise, that I have such a great and easy life compared to 99.9% of humans that came before and even most of those living poor and oppressed in the world now.
    One thing I’ve seen highly functional people who are trying to maximize productivity and happiness do to increase gratitude is write three things they are thankful for every morning. Once you take just a moment to think about every little thing and person you have to be thankful for, it really begins to trivialize the often silly things bothering you in your life.

    • @bigthink
      @bigthink  Před 2 lety +2

      Well said. Thanks for sharing!

    • @shannon9201
      @shannon9201 Před rokem +5

      How do you know you would have been depressed if you hadn’t had a gratitude practice? Maybe you are just not the type of person to get depressed.

    • @MusiicRoolz
      @MusiicRoolz Před rokem +1

      I think that's good and I'm glad for you, but it's also a lot easier when you've never suffered. be wary of the darkness, because it will come, and be prepared to embrace it just as much as you do your happiness

  • @moxyfoxy3556
    @moxyfoxy3556 Před 9 měsíci +1

    What has lead to more happiness for me is confronting and letting go of my trauma... getting closer to my truth and seeing who stands beside in that truth

  • @SpidermanInLondon
    @SpidermanInLondon Před 7 měsíci +3

    The secret to happiness is low expectations.

    • @user-xr7ci8tf3e
      @user-xr7ci8tf3e Před 8 dny +1

      Or ignorance. Not sure how anyone can be happy knowing people are dying preventable deaths everyday. I guess it’s easy to ignore when you’re only real problem is whether or not you are “happy”

  • @stellarevie14
    @stellarevie14 Před rokem +175

    I’ve always considered myself a relatively happy person and even when others have criticized the ways I use and think to stay happy, I’ve been very content in the way I prioritize my life. I came to this video to see how to achieve happiness scientifically and I realized that I’m already doing what is necessary to be happy. That makes me feel so good because now I’m able to say with confidence that I know what’s important for my life.

    • @nemonym711
      @nemonym711 Před rokem +9

      Sounds like youre trying to convince us that you really are happy. This initially led me to believe that you're actually trying to convince yourself that you are happy.
      I then thought to myself that doesnt have to be true. Maybe youre just frustrated with how "others have criticized the ways you use and think to stay happy", and relieving some emotional pressure from this by commenting on CZcams, affirming yourself. Thats okay. Stay strong Stella.

    • @trappart9209
      @trappart9209 Před rokem +12

      @@nemonym711 what the f is that response...

    • @InvaIidGaming
      @InvaIidGaming Před rokem +1

      @@trappart9209 I think we call that an "empath response" 🤣

    • @goldenyuri3556
      @goldenyuri3556 Před rokem +7

      @@InvaIidGaming sounds like some gaslighting bullshit. “Empaths,” needs to stop projecting their bs.

    • @Undoing88
      @Undoing88 Před rokem +1

      Congratulations, Stella! That's great to hear. I recently came to find happiness through a similar version of the antifragility model, posed 30 years ago in the book The Power of Full Engagement. Anyway, congrats to us both for finding what (very tragically, sincerely) isn't so often accessed by most!

  • @laaaliiiluuu
    @laaaliiiluuu Před 2 lety +47

    Wanting happiness in spite of having a shitty life is like wanting to breath in while being under water. Do not strive for happiness. Focus on doing what is good for you and you will be happy as a a consequence.

  • @johnnyfounder951
    @johnnyfounder951 Před rokem +5

    Yes! This was the secret to my happiness, to realise it wasn’t the goal and nothing mattered, literally nothing matters. If you become nothing matters, that our existence is not important, suddenly you are happy. It’s weird but I have felt this way for more than 5 years and I have set free high performance

    • @covertperspective7169
      @covertperspective7169 Před rokem +4

      I think this can lead to a path of nihilism as well if you’re not careful, speaking from experience.

  • @larranag
    @larranag Před rokem +1

    Fragility can me a state of mind. I am stronger from my experiences and my upbringing.

  • @growwithjo
    @growwithjo Před rokem +849

    Best advice I’ve heard in a while. It’s interesting that the more you pursue happiness and put it on a pedestal, the more likely you are to lack it. Is this because of our subconscious is not fully believing we can achieve it? Curious!

    • @username-rv2jt
      @username-rv2jt Před rokem +1

      So early wow.

    • @kaiserwilhelm3680
      @kaiserwilhelm3680 Před rokem +22

      I've had severe depression for years and I'm in a dark place in life right now, but I have a son who helps to cure it in the moment but I feel the same way every night when I'm alone, how to train my mind to Pursue true happiness and not doubt my progress or lose myself again along the way is what I seek ultimately, for more than just me, for my kid he just turned 1 and I give him everything he wants and needs but I don't want him to grow up and see me this way but it's been this way for so long I don't know what to do.. I'm 22 and I'm seeking help with the answers to my problems and all advice is wisdom and highly appreciated. Words of encouragement, anything. I need help...

    • @musicongaku3893
      @musicongaku3893 Před rokem +50

      I think it's because of the "future" aspect. When we try to achieve happiness, it means that we believe we don't have it yet. So we pressure ourselves to grasp for it but at one point only get impatient: Something like "I want it now!" or "How will it finally feel?" or "how much longer until then?" And similar thoughts I guess. I personally think a better approach would be to just believe we are already happy, which would also closely tie with the concept of gratitude. I mean, it works for me!

    • @philipsparks6089
      @philipsparks6089 Před rokem +10

      @@kaiserwilhelm3680 its very brave of you to reach out and seek help. I dont have a child, but I am currently struggling with consistent panic attacks. Life is rough man. It is going to remain challenging. My advice is try and exercise when you can, stay off social media, try to participate in any healthy social events you can, seek professional help, seek a higher power (whether outside or within yourself). Youre loved

    • @bunnyflop3864
      @bunnyflop3864 Před rokem +5

      @@kaiserwilhelm3680 I hope you are in a better place mentally, buddy and life is better for you and your son♥

  • @ethanbrown8696
    @ethanbrown8696 Před 2 lety +28

    I wrote my whole senior thesis on this idea. Happiness comes as a result of having a strong mind. That’s what’s up!✊🏼

    • @montesa9136
      @montesa9136 Před rokem +5

      @Ethan Brown - Yet nobody tells you how to make your mind stronger ......

    • @hozoneTV
      @hozoneTV Před rokem +2

      And becoming billionaire by exploiting others

    • @tarubekhan
      @tarubekhan Před rokem +1

      @@montesa9136 everyone’s journey is different, that’s why. What exactly works for one does not work for another.

    • @tarubekhan
      @tarubekhan Před rokem

      I naturally am anti fragility so I often run into trouble with work because of it. 😏

    • @gracie99999
      @gracie99999 Před rokem

      no matter the passing contexts which is constantly changing..

  • @dhruvbaria5985
    @dhruvbaria5985 Před rokem

    The last line was noteworthy too, Not everything happens for a reason , but we can make best of things that happen.

  • @mllenessmarie
    @mllenessmarie Před 10 měsíci +1

    "I'm a student and a teacher" - this already tells you a lot what a wonderful and humble individual he is.

    • @janhoggart
      @janhoggart Před 7 měsíci

      This is pure statement. Made me suspicious from the start.

  • @peacekeepermoe
    @peacekeepermoe Před rokem +204

    Antifragility is resilience 2.0
    Pursue happiness indirectly via SPIRE:
    SPIRE Model:
    Spiritual - Finding sense of meaning and purpose in life
    Physical - Eliminate stress from your life - lack of recovery
    Intellectual - Deeply engaging with material - books, art, nature...
    Relational - Quality of relationships and time spent together
    Emotional - Embrace painful emotions & practise gratitude
    Happiness is wholebeing - practising SPIRE above
    Happiness is a lifelong journey
    Make the best out of bad situations

  • @infinatehope6015
    @infinatehope6015 Před 2 lety +191

    Happiness is everywhere and you do not have to look hard, a beautiful sunset/sunrise, a rapid flowing river, a pretty flower, the night sky ect ect. Just open your eyes and see how truly blessed that you are. Appreciate what the Most High has given you, that which is natural and also free to view at any given moment in time.

    • @mama--rua
      @mama--rua Před rokem

      Yay a positive attitude!

    • @ZephyrinSkies
      @ZephyrinSkies Před rokem +8

      Not if you're in deeo enough despair. If the 5 things the video highlighted are in a bad enough state, the natural beauty in the world can feel hollow and meaningless. If you're just mildly sad or going about your day to day and things aren't so bad, yes those things are nice and good to savor.

    • @alexisking8495
      @alexisking8495 Před rokem

      I agree 🙌🏽 👏🏽

  • @suvi1665
    @suvi1665 Před 2 měsíci +2

    My notes:
    Antifragility
    - Anti-fragile system = when pressures is added the systems grows (f.e. muscles)
    - On a psychological level = PTG (post traumatic growth)
    - PTG means growing stronger as a result of pressure/ stress (growing from hardship)
    - The happiness paradox: happiness is a good thing but valuing it as a good thing/ pushing it can be problematic (can lead to depression) - resolve by indirect pursue: SPIRE model (creates happiness altogether)
    - SPIRE = spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational & emotional wellbeing whereas:
    - Spirituality = finding a sense of meaning & purpose in life, work & home
    - Physical = worst enemy is stress, recovery from stress is required
    - Intellectual = curiosity, asking questions, deeply engaging with material (art, text, nature)
    - Relational = quality time with loved ones is the Nr. 1 predictor of happiness -> the quality of our relationships is the most important factor for antifragility
    - Emotional = embracing negative emotions, gratitude
    - Happiness is a lifelong journey, not a pursuit
    You’re welcome:)

  • @nik-xe3om
    @nik-xe3om Před rokem +2

    the combination of the music and the way Ben talked, made me get goosebumps. Beautiful video that reached the real main points of every subject discussed.

  • @kimlovesoob
    @kimlovesoob Před rokem +14

    ANTI TI TI TI TI FRAGILE- LE SSERAFIM 2022

  • @DeAguaMusic
    @DeAguaMusic Před 2 lety +97

    2:56 I would say the the problem relay on "pursuing" happiness. Buddhism teaches us that happiness is here and now in the present. We can always be happy, and that moment is right now.

    • @bigthink
      @bigthink  Před 2 lety +18

      Great point. If you are able to find happiness in a given moment, you will always be able to be happy. If you spend most moments of your life trying to achieve happiness in later ones, it becomes impossible to achieve it overall.

    • @JessieR2023
      @JessieR2023 Před rokem +4

      I hate how Buddhism is brought into this. Most western believe that Buddhism purpose is to achieve happiness when it’s not. It main purpose is to numb the human experience (to withdraw itself from emotions because they all lead to suffering). Also the biggest country to practice Buddhism have one of the highest suicide rates(Sri Lanka). I’m just pointing out the flaws. People need to stop with Buddhism is a way lifestyle and accept is a religion.

  • @ummehaani6596
    @ummehaani6596 Před 4 měsíci

    I love watching this and revisit this every time I feel overwhelmed

  • @HarryisI
    @HarryisI Před 10 měsíci +1

    I do love that "gratitude" is highlighted - appreciating what one has rather than measuring what one has against what one could possibly have. Scandinavian countries often do well in self-reported happiness indices and despite them being quite progressive in welfare etc., anectdotally these scores come from a place of "I have/achieved what I thought practical". It may not be the best thing in the world to curtail ambition but a sincere feeling of "I'm doing alright" may be invaluable

  • @titrecords2294
    @titrecords2294 Před rokem +58

    I can’t believe in my 30 years this is the first time I am hearing about post traumatic growth!! Which makes perfect sense! Why I get through every challenge stronger…

  • @rioonietouma9629
    @rioonietouma9629 Před rokem +20

    LOVEY LOVEY LOVEY DOVEY DOVEY DOVEY

    • @mikaelalerrandro1372
      @mikaelalerrandro1372 Před rokem +3

      I didn't even watch the video, I just came straight to the comment section to see a comment like that 🧎🏽‍♂️

  • @_suryakiran
    @_suryakiran Před měsícem

    Begin each day with optimism and end each day with forgiveness. 🙏

  • @jeoshy1873
    @jeoshy1873 Před rokem +1

    Omg I was already antifragile from 13 years old. I thought I was the only one thinking like this. Now I know how it's called

  • @dancercarla1976
    @dancercarla1976 Před 2 lety +70

    In other words, be appreciative, happy and content with the smallest of things that Come your way. For example a small gesture of love goes very far, and is more valuable than nothing at all.

  • @Eric1396
    @Eric1396 Před rokem

    I have never heard such a clear explanation to reach happiness.

  • @vandanapandey656
    @vandanapandey656 Před 4 měsíci +1

    I heard a similar thing once. Happiness is like a bird and your life is like a ship. If you keep guiding your ship, standing on its deck the whole time and waiting for the bird to come, it will never really arrive. The bird will come and sit only when you go away from there and get busy in your own tasks. And i found it really informative.
    Truly, in the process seeking happiness, we end up losing it.

  • @joesmith8879
    @joesmith8879 Před rokem +91

    To me, contentment promotes happiness. When you are content with the present, you are letting go of sometimes painful cravings for what you can't have. As a result, acceptance settles in. Therefore, when you accept your situation, you are allowing yourself to be happy.

    • @julius43461
      @julius43461 Před rokem +16

      My problem is that acceptance and being content leads to apathy. If I am not craving gadgets, tasty food or fun activities, I feel like there is no purpose in doing anything.

    • @MsTaLaiah
      @MsTaLaiah Před 7 měsíci

      Thank you for this. I think I get it more now. I never liked being without two parents as a child. I definitely noticed that I seemed to be the only one of my cousins and siblings. My family is huge and on my maternal side, we are very fertile. My mom is one of 13. I could see no one who could not say they had a relationship with both of their parents. It’s like I knew in my young mind that I was lacking and that was bad and it could be better. I don’t think I ever stopped believing that. It’s just that even if it’s true that my parents could have done so much better-it doesn’t matter bec I’m the one that chooses my beliefs. I didn’t know how to see it as a good thing or to be hopeful that I could have the family or home that I need later on. Not as a child. So I’m working on it now closer to 40. And I can finally see how it’s all torture to believe that the past could have been better. Or that anyone is responsible for my experiences.

    • @thomase13
      @thomase13 Před 6 měsíci

      @@julius43461The purpose of life is serving life! Relieving pain for oneself and others, meeting needs, and making life more wonderful for all!
      There’s no shortage of work to do!

    • @user-dq2ym1nn9k
      @user-dq2ym1nn9k Před 2 měsíci

      @@julius43461 What is the purpose of flying a kite?

    • @julius43461
      @julius43461 Před 2 měsíci

      @@user-dq2ym1nn9k I have no clue. It's fun for a while I guess.

  • @mel-tp5hi
    @mel-tp5hi Před 7 měsíci +1

    The saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" comes to mind and even "embrace imperfection". I loved this video and will be reading a few of Tal Ben-Shahar's books next.

    • @janhoggart
      @janhoggart Před 7 měsíci

      Read Emile Zola instead. Enough of those new-age books.