How to live after your soulmate has died | Michelle Thaller
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- čas přidán 27. 05. 2024
- Astronomer Michelle Thaller explains the healing power of physics after losing her husband.
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Grief is a haunting and powerful psychological force. It struck astronomer Dr. Michelle Thaller in 2020 when her husband died of cancer. She was left feeling utterly disconnected from the people and places around her, as if the fundamental nature of reality had shifted and Earth was no longer her home.
She still lives with the pain. But as she told Big Think, she has found that the pursuits that make us feel connected to the Universe - science, poetry, art, literature - can serve as tools that help us continue pushing forward and living enriching lives.
The pain from losing our loved ones may never disappear completely. But finding ways to connect to something larger than ourselves just might give us a path out of grief.
Further reading: bigthink.com/surprising-scien...
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/the-big-t...
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About Michelle Thaller:
Dr. Michelle Thaller is an astronomer who studies binary stars and the life cycles of stars. She is Assistant Director of Science Communication at NASA. She went to college at Harvard University, completed a post-doctoral research fellowship at the California Institute of Technology (Caltech) in Pasadena, Calif. then started working for the Jet Propulsion Laboratory's (JPL) Spitzer Space Telescope. After a hugely successful mission, she moved on to NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center (GSFC), in the Washington D.C. area. In her off-hours often puts on about 30lbs of Elizabethan garb and performs intricate Renaissance dances. For more information, visit NASA.
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I'm 23 years old and almost out of nowhere my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (she is currently 56) and maybe has another 3 years left. For context, my parents got divorced a few years back under pretty traumatic circumstances and my dad is no longer in my life. I also have no siblings. My mum is functionally my entire family and I'm getting mentally prepared to be truly alone in this world in my mid twenties. Needed this sort of content. Thank you.
😢sorry.
Remember, there are 7 billion of us out here. A few of us don't suck.
@@rimbusjift7575 It's not a few, it's many. Most people i meet in life are generally kindhearted despite the majority view on this imo. @Gio I'm a little older than you are but basically in the same situation as you. I'm not saying i have the answers moving forward because i don't, and i feel definitely scared about the prospect of 'being alone' in this world. Maybe moreso about this than anything else. I hope both of us will find our way in that journey, and will be able to fill it with plenty of love and meaning.
@Gio crolla I’m so sorry to hear that. I was in the same situation with you fresh out of high school. What i think helped the most was that our family got together to take care of her day by day. Her siblings loved her very much and we were each other’s emotional support throughout that period.
It can be a challenging time. I hope you keep a good spirit and also allow yourself space to feel all that you are going through.
More power to you man
oh my.. I can't imagine the amount of courage it takes to get in front of a camera and be so vulnerable. BIG respect to her
Open vulnerability is a superpower. With that superpower, there is a type of invincibility, of strength and the rare ability to touch other souls.
@@devinsuncle I agree 100%
this woman is strong omgg
drama queen 🥱
"When the universe began, I was holding your hand. And when the universe ends, I'll still be holding you hand." this is so beautiful.
I’ve never had someone describe grief so perfectly, the way she says the world moves on when yours has stopped.. the thoughts and the feelings and all of it. Never had someone just say it so perfectly. Thank you.
Agreed. This is what struck me the most when my husband died of cancer. How other people just got on with their lives as though an entire world hadn't just collapsed. Because for them, it hadn't.
For me, that collapse completely separated me from everybody else. Though I had plenty of family and friends trying to comfort me, none of them could understand what I was going through. And truth be told, they didn't really want to understand, because it was too painful to contemplate. This is why people generally avoid talking about the deceased to the bereaved; it's not a fear of upsetting the grieving person, but of upsetting themselves by being forced to contemplate this kind of loss and pain.
That's why the rare friend who will bring up my late husband's name and dive into that black hole of grief with me is a true treasure.
See weird enough I’ve used your ASMR videos to help me sleep for a long time now. Idk if it’s grief or whatever but I can never sleep on my own and doing what you do helps millions of people around the world so thank you.
@@BellaBarossa Beautifully said, and I agree, people keep on living and go on with their lives, but I can't, and now I see all the bad in the world and it overwhelms me and I just want to be done with everything. Life seems to be nothing but suffering and pain, at least it clearly outweighs the good
@@xlReap64 I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. It is all too easy, when you are in the depths of grief and despair, to focus on all the bad in the world, and yes, it will overwhelm you.
You can take my advice or leave it, but please consider giving yourself a break from social media, and media in general for a while. Take yourself away from negative influences, if you possibly can, and try to focus on things that may seem trivial, but are in fact positive and healing: sunsets, mountains, oceans, forests, the night sky. I promise you this will help to reset your perspective over a surprisingly short amount of time. Focus on yourself and what is immediately around you, rather than what is happening in the world. You can't control what is happening in the world, but you can control what you prioritise in your own life.
Visit a dog park and watch the interactions between dogs and their people. The pure joy experienced by the dogs in investigating their surroundings, other dogs and other people, and the unconditional love they display to their owners.
I promise you that you'll begin to see that your life is important and can be beautiful if you can separate it from the world's wider problems, and narrow down the scope of your life to just *your* life, and to doing what makes you happy. We only get one chance at this life, and you will never know what positive things can be around the corner if you don't let yourself keep going.
It has been 7 years since I lost the love of my life. Trust me when I say I've been to dark places since then, but I have come out of them a stronger and more resilient person. You can do this, too, and I promise it is worth it.
I wish you well in your personal journey, and hope sincerely that you will find joy gradually returning to your life. ❤
Didn't expect to see you here, Karuna. Hello any other family who sees this 👋
My first real bf, I met in college. We were each others first for so many things. We moved in together, he had a job lined up before graduation. As did I, im an RN. We felt so "grown up" and happy, always laughing.
We lived together just over 4 months when he was killed in a car wreck on his way to work one Tuesday morning.
I blamed myself. And had a lot of "what if" guilt. What if I stalled him by a few minutes then he might still be alive. What if I hugged him 1 extra time, what if I didnt hit snooze a few times, what if, what if....
I dont really remember much of that day. Bits and pieces. It felt like an out of body experience. As if, at any point, someone would say JUST KIDDING!! But no, it wasn't a joke.
Then, bcuz we lived together, every regular daily task I did, I was reminded of him. I was having multi breakdowns over the days. His toothbrush, his razors, his clothes, his shoes, his hair stuff, his colognes. Seeing them every day was like ripping the band aid off all over again. What should I do with them. I can't toss them, they were his...
He wasnt the love of my life but his loss made me realize how precious life is and to take NOTHING for granted. We told each other that we loved each other, those were the last words we spoke. Thats the memory I keep, as a reminder, of how great his presence was. This was almost 20 years ago. While it doesnt hurt as much, its still a pain. And I allow myself the ache, as its a reminder of one of the most magical times in my life 🙏🏼💖
I am touched by your words and the story you've told. Thank you ❤🙏
Most beautiful thing I've ever read, you are stronger than you know and mad respect for you for this comment xxx !
I understand the feeling of the clothes, his things etc... I was like that when my Dad passed away.
You're fortunate you found the love of your life. It probably makes everything you wrote much more manageable.
I'm not sure if that grief ever goes away. Thank you for that beautiful romantic story. I'm struggling to find my way after the loss.... not sure I can describe it. Anywayz, I might know a little bit of how you feel. I'm just so grateful to not be alone in those feelings. I could never describe it....
Did you find new love after, if I may ask?
Loving someone that deeply is being aware that it will only ever end in heartbreak for both you. Either you die or divorce. Loving someone is knowing that you might be absolutely shattered as a person after they are gone-but choosing to love them anyway.
That's why people say "May I die before you".
This is what I had with my fiancé. Well no have still. He passed away 6 weeks after we had our first child. If it wasn’t for having a piece of him I really don’t know how I’d get up and do anything each day. I had a dream about him that we were riding in a car talking and I remember the conversation so vividly like it was actually real, like it really happened and woke up in so much pain the moment I realized what my reality is now. I’ve never had someone I was so close with. It literally was like we were 2 halves of the same person. But even knowing what I know now I’d still go back in time and do it all over with him again.
@@Danoodledoodlehope you are doing fine now
@@pauldirc.. each day is a struggle it’s still super fresh and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. No matter how many times people say time heals all wounds I just think it’s a wound that’ll always be there I’ll just have to learn to adapt to the change of him now being here.
@@DanoodledoodleI lost my fiancé 4 weeks before I gave birth. She is a week old now. The pain I feel is unbearable. But it was bound to happen at some point in life. I just never thought so soon.
I lost my wife to cancer. It's been 2 years and It's still so painful. You described it perfectly: suddenly feeling like I'm on a different planet, with everyone around me going on with life and me feeling invisible. I will try letting the pain happen...Thank you for this video.
Feel that pain. It's part of what's left of her. It'll never get better but it gets easier. That hole will never be whole but you'll learn how to live with it.
Yeah and then most of you widows find another human to have s’x with. Which is weird because you can’t have 2 people in your heart as soulmates. But of course there are still people who still are loyal to their soulmate even after death, only having that soulmate in their heart which is so romantic and sweet! You don’t need another human to live with, you can literally hang out with friends or adopt animals or start volunteering work etc. Instead of cheating on your late soulmate, because you can only have 1 person in your heart. You can only love(romantic love) 1 person.
@@truehappiness4U you can defs have more than one soulmate? Life’s not a Disney movie
@@truehappiness4U human beings need companionship. It is not negating the love of one person to then love another, perhaps in a different way. We are physical beings until we are not.
I lost my husband 6 years ago to cancer. I thought I had died. I wanted to crawl into a corner and do nothing, see anyone, go anywhere, do nothing but cry. It does get better with time. You'll think about the great times you had together and less and less about what you lost. There is a life after a spouses death, but it does take time. Let yourself cry whenever the feeling comes to you. God bless you and your journey 🙏🙏
My wife died a little more than a year ago from cancer. We were married for 22 years.
I really like the analogy of the broken vase with the gold fillings - the vase will never be the same and there is a beauty to it. And yet anyone looking at it will know that it was never intended to be built that way. Friends and family will always ask me to move on, well, I will move on, but what they don't know is that there are some parts of me that enjoy the grief and don't want to move on.
The other day I had a dream. I was walking around in the kitchen at home and noticed a room that doesn't exist (at that point I knew I was lucid dreaming). She was standing inside looking at me, the chubby version before the cancer took all the chubbiness away. I asked her what are you doing there, and she didn't say a thing, just gave me a shrug. I went on over to hug her for as long as I could.
Hope to see you again soon.
wow if your dream wasn't an analogy for that broken vase put back together again with gold - I don't know what is! She is there - within your grief, within all the spaces that remain after you were torn apart. Within your love for her and the joy you felt when she was with you. A friend of mine told me that in some cultures, having a dream of a loved one who has passed visiting you was auspicious if they didn't speak in it. It means they are in peace wherever they are now.
This made me tear up. So so beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss, and sending prayers for your reunion - whether it’s within sweet dreams like the one you described, or within some other realm ❤️
"...some parts of me that enjoy the grief and don't want to move on." That's a very poignant statement, and at the same time it's very much the raw truth many won't admit.
bless you're soul❤️
😢
I lost my husband August 2019. I’m still not the same without him. I sleep on one side of the bed. I talk to him like he’s here. He was only 55. We were married for 35 years, together for 37 years. And I always feel bad when I accidentally call our son his name because he is the spitting image of his dad. It’s a heartbreak that never, ever goes away. 💔
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
I’m in South Carolina.And you? It’s like a tearing pain that you know will never heal! It’s now been a little over 4 years. I don’t burst into hysterical crying anymore but I’ll still feel that ache in my heart when I see or hear anything that reminds me of him/us! This is my worst time of year actually. He LOVED Autumn. Crisp, cool nights, Halloween, our local multi-region Fair, everything Autumn!
Happy Autumnal Equinox! 🍁🌻🍎🍂
I lost my husband 9/11/23 .. I feel your pain ..we were together for 23 years .. he was my world .. I had no friends but him ..he was suffering from lung disease ...I just want to be with him. I am not myself. I am just existing. I want him back. This is so hard for me..being with someone day in and day out..24/7 ..and now they are not there. I am losing my mind.. I too , feel like I am on another planet, and others are going on with life.. I am sick . I love my husband..😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
@@nyobibanks253 So you just recently lost your husband. I know that this is incredibly hard to believe right now but it does get a little easier. Not the crying. That will be on a regular basis for about 2.5 to 3 years and then it begins to ease. It did for me. Now I only get teary eyed when I see or am reminded of a very happy memory of him, or something silly he said or did.
Do try this this and it will help, I promise. Talk to him. You think he can’t hear you but he can. You also might try journaling. But definitely talk to him aloud. Tell him how much you love and miss him. Also, do not avoid favorite places you went together. It will hurt but helps the healing process. Restaurants, vacations spots, stores, etc. One day at a time. ❤️
I am truly truly sorry for your unimaginable loss. We can never be prepared for it. I lost my husband 15/4/20 after 52yrs of marriage. My soul was amputated and I am now only half of my former self. Life goes on around you and you wonder how it can. Am I the only wife who feels like a spare part at family gatherings??? I don’t really enjoy spending time with my three sons and their families much as I really do love them all very dearly. They have partners to talk to but I return home alone to an empty flat very sad with no one to tell how heartbroken I am. Sending a big hug to everyone who understands this. X
I lost my wife five years ago to cancer. She was 40 when she died. We were highschool sweethearts. This was helpful for me. Thank you.
40 is unfairly young. Very sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss. I too am with my high-school sweetheart and I'm 45, l can't imagine the pain you've felt. I know it will come to us all, that is inevitable. Thank you for sharing.
@@irishcountrygirl78 thank you for your kind words Tracy. This strangeness of death, this certainty, I'm not bothered by it, when she screamed for her mother as she died... It haunts my soul.
My wife just died suddenly at 35, we were together since we were 15.
I lost my husband at 41. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself
Thank you for this. I lost my son to cardiomyopathy when he was 36. Two years later I’m dealing with intense grief again. My husband died of brain cancer just 6 months ago. We’d been together since we were teenagers, half a century. I don’t belong in this world. I, too, lost my life. Before my husband died I told him I wanted to grab onto his hand and go with him. I couldn’t imagine not being a part of each other anymore. Intense love will someday mean intense grief, always, for someone. We are never prepared to start this life over.
I lost my wife last year. She was only 41, and it was sudden. The hardest thing for weeks was knowing I woke up one morning and she was fine, and not a few hours later, she was gone with no warning at all. Even these days I still see the face of the woman who smiled and could just give me a look that told me she wanted a kiss, and then the face I am grateful my son never saw.
About the arts, and how they help us deal, and find a path forward, I completely agree. I'm an indie grimdark author. My wife used to listen to me read every chapter to her after I finished one. She was always my first reader. She would get so excited and tell me "My book! You're just the one writing it." I would always laugh and agree because it always sounded so adorable. It would make me inwardly swoon.
So, I keep writing, believing she's watching every word I pen down, because she didn't want spoilers. I laugh when I imagine her telling Supreme beings and older spirits that she won't listen to them spoil the story, even if they do know what I'm doing. Part of her charm was how stubborn she was.
But it really is my way forward.
Grief is undoubtedly the hardest thing we'll ever have to do!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Michelle. I’m 80 now and have lost many friends and loved ones. It does get easier, less painful. But you never forget them.
I'm in my 20s and just lost my Great Uncle. It sucks. I hope it does get easier.
❤
I meet someone who was 95 and he said life sucks because everyone except him died. In the first moment I thought it's funny because he get such a long life many dream of but at least I realised that he is 95 and not like a 20 yrs old going out and be wild and meet new people.. I also realised that this human waiting now for his end and has enough of life. Even his kids died before him and he buried them. Damn that's so sad wow.
thank you for this - i lost my father in november and my mother followed him just last month. i don’t feel as much pain this time and i was wondering if that meant something. i think it’s just easier after the first time.
@@rubyj7647 Very sorry for your losses. Feeling a little less pain this time might be that you feel it is "right" that they are together again. Just a thought.
A friend of mine is a funeral director. A common trend he finds is family and friends are very supportive in the few days after a loved one dies. However the day after the funeral you are on your own. There is little support for the post-funeral grieving process. Yet you are expected to move on as if the death never happened.
My best friend dumped me at the 18 month mark because she couldn't stand the intensity of my grief.
@Scott Brandon, so true. Thank you for pointing it out.
@@sonyavincent7450 I hope you are healing every day ❤️ hang in there
You are on your own , but I felt that was a journey I needed on my own after my partner of 21 years passed away suddenly she was only 43.
I felt family and friends didn't bring it up as to not make me feel the pain , but of course you do always
That is so true. It is a lonely journey after the first month. After my wife died (married 22 years), I needed to handle the probate, close her bank accounts, handle the small business matters that she had hanging, arrange for care for my mother in law who had dementia etc. There wasn’t really anyone to share the burden with, and it didnt seem fair to share it anyone else anyway. So it was hard.
In some ways, it was a lonely journey.
But I kept her phone subscription, and some days, I will text her. And I will text myself back in the way that she will text. It gave me a bit of comfort 😊.
And I read a little story that gave me a lot of comfort actually. It was about this heartbroken husband after the wife passed away, who realised it was for the better, because she wouldn’t need to feel the pain if he had died before her. So it was all for the better.
I still haven't gotten over my mother's passing and that was in 2020. Grieving during covid is a strange experience. Not being able to visit in hospital and then the unexpected death really did something to me. Like one day she was here and one day she was gone without a good bye. There's a quote I try to think of from Cicero "the life of the Dead is placed in the memory of the living"
💥❤💫
Always there for you ❤❤❤❤❤
WHAT I DISCOVERED AND ITS VERY HELPFUL IS THAT THERE IS A POSITIVE ASPECT TO DEATH AND WE HAVE BEEN ALL PERCEIVING IT IN THE WRONG WAY.
BIRTH IS THE ONSET OF SUFFERING IN THIS DARK AND BRUTAL WORLD AND DEATH IS THE LIBERATION INTO THE HOLY PLACE FOREVER FREE FRIM LIFE FULL OF SUFFERING 😇😇❤❤
Im so sorry. She’s in a better place now 😢
I lost my Dad in 2020 too from Covid, and being so young at 24 I already lost my Mum when I was 5 Years old, and only had my Dad left, I lived with him still as I didn't want to leave him alone being older and struggling. It was very strange, not being allowed to see them for long only allowed an hour, then when he died, I wasn't even allowed to see his open casket or he wasn't allowed to be dressed in his things, they could only lay his clothes ontop of him. We were only allowed 30 people at the Service, and the list is just endless, it was sure one of the hardest moment of my entire life. xxx
I'm sorry to here you lost your Mother xxx
@@leoniejosette5145 I'm sorry the poor/misguided response to COVID by the powers that be cost you that time near the end of your dad's life. It happened to so many.
@@leoniejosette5145 With how many people there are in the world, I realize now that it isn't statistically improbable, but you're the first encounter I've seen who's had almost exactly the same situation as me, at around the same time. I've come to understand that you can't truly understand loss until you've experienced it, and this understanding is shared between everyone who has, whether it was their mother, father, sibling, child, friend, etc... I've read countless stories of grief to help me understand my own, but as mentioned, this is the first time I've come upon someone else in their 20's, who lost their father during COVID, and has felt the special kinds of fears that comes with that particular situation (not saying that they're greater or lesser than anyone else's feelings, they just resonate more deeply to me because it's so close to my own situation). Now I wonder many others there are, but I take no solace in the fact that there are probably more than us two.
I am so sorry for your loss, and for everyone else's here, and I hope that you will be able to find the way forward. I know I have felt genuinely happy since my father passed, I'm wishing everybody the same.
I saw her on Discovery Science as a kid and damn, this is what she went through. Seeing this makes my heart pound with grief
My mother received a diagnosis of stage IV pancreatic cancer in 2019, and passed within a month at 59. It was hard to accept that I had lost my mom. But it was harder still to accept that my father had lost his soulmate, and that he would have to live out the rest of his life and grow old without her. I am terrified of losing my own partner in such a way, terrified of facing the truth that one of us has to die first. It is my worst nightmare, and to think of my dad living through it was absolutely torturous. When I tried to express this to him, he said something that changed me, and allowed me to approach my fear of loss from a different angle.
He said "It is an honor to grieve for your mother. It means that I love her."
Mom and Dad were 14 years apart, dad spent his last 41 days in the hospital he turned 81 in there, mom went down hill fast after he passed away she passed about 7 years later I moved her In with me after a few years and took care of her till the end 💓I couldn't have asked for better parents i will miss them till I'm done 💞
Her grief is still so raw. It's astoundingly beautiful ❤️ I hope she is able to find solace.
My husband died from cancer when we were 45 years old. It took 15 months before I felt I might actually survive this tragedy. The pain was unbearable, unbelievable. More than a decade later I'm still not okay, I just exist in a different life.
@Sandy D, tragically, I had the same experience and feel the same as you.
@@luciepepe1322 oh I'm so very sorry. I wish I could say something that would help the pain for you. But I know there aren't really any words. Just don't give up
@@awifeinterrupted , thank you. I am so very sorry for you and your husband. I do not think that there is anything that can help. That said, I replied to your comment hoping it could help you to know that you are not alone in your experience. Do not give up either. I wish you all the best.
I lost my husband in July 2020 in the most sudden way. It was in the middle of the covid shutdown, we were watching tv in our livingroom and when I looked at him his eyes were rolled bacwards and his hands were in a very awkward position and that was it. My son did cpr to him until the ambulance arrived but he was no longer alive. Why? I don't know. My life ended that very moment. We were making plans for the next morning and within a few hours my children and I were burying him, all alone at the cemetery. Reading about the universe and its mysteries and watching documentaries has helped me through this process. May all of us be able to find peace.
@@awifeinterrupted I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
My last boyfriend was robbed and murdered two days before my birthday. For context I was turning 19, and he was only 20. That was almost 3 years ago and to this day I love him and try to be strong. It’s really hard bc no one I’ve spoken to can really relate to that pain, especially at such a young age. Nothing has been the same since then. I just hope I can continue to heal and learn to love again.
Lost my dear Bf fairly quickly 4 mo ago. I’m trying to navigate life slowly without him.
@@janetrussell2908 the best thing you can do is take your time and give yourself grace. I pray you find strength and joy despite your circumstances ❤️
Sorry for your loss Michelle. I've been there. Lost my wife in 18 days due to cancer. What you say is a sublime way to honor your relationship with your late husband, and to honor life, and respect death. We all love you and wish you the best
I am so sorry Fadi
You had so little time to prepare for the loss of your wife. I can't imagine how surreal and devastating that time must have been. I'm sorry.
@@LammasDeluge thank you so much for your feelings. God lss you
My soulmate passed away 5 weeks ago in her sleep. She was my love and my life. It happened suddenly and unexpectedly. I can’t even express the emotions I feel and no one will truly understand as they do not have any idea the love she had for me and me of her. She was my rock, and she knew everything about me, my whole life and I knew her life. That was built over time and can never be replaced. I miss her so much and the hurt gets stronger each day.
Stay strong my friend.
I'm sorry for your loss. One thing that helps me is remembering that having that level of love doesn't die... and it's something many will never experience. The grief has had it's own cycle, changing constantly, hours, days, weeks, months. My friend said, "When you're heart breaks, it breaks open" and I try to let the grief take its course. I hope it will make sense some day and I wish the same for you.
Losing my dad when he was 37 and my husband when he was 54 is the reason I became obsessed with quantum physics. Much love ❤️
That's a good way to deal with what you lost, keep pushing forward
I hope it helps you make sense of it all.
I love the Einstein quote.
Agreed, digging into physics and the universe has taken away some of my fear of dying.
@@liquidmagma Same. My entire perspective and world view has shifted. I have hope now 😊✌️
My mother died of cancer when I was 13 (I am 26 now). I remember seeing my dad in so much pain despite trying to hide it. Of course I was grieving since it was my mom, but I can’t imagine the pain he went through losing his wife, his love, his best friend. To this day, he hasn’t been in a relationship.
I wish for you the very best. My condolences. You are amazingly strong.
As a dad I can tell you that he had to watch your mom pass, too and he also felt your pain. Life can be so brutal. ❤️
my partner of 20 years died of a heart attack 3 weeks ago, right in our bed--if you were in the next room listening to us you would swear you were listening to 4 year olds, we were so playful, sweet, and adorable---and now it's just me--i don't know who or why I am right now---
You’ll be ok Richard. It won’t be easy, but you’ll be ok & hopefully Michelle’s advice helps you too
I'm sorry to know that. The period of grief of the average person lasts for about 2 years. After that, you should feel better, because you will get used to the absence of your partner. Note that the period of grief is affected by your life style as well, so try to hang out with your friends more, interact with other people. Maybe try finding a girlfriend.
see joseph selbie the physics of god: unifying quantum physics, consciousness, m-theory, heaven, neuroscience, and transcendence audio bk here on yt. scientific proof thru quantum physics for laymen. Is all I have to offer, friend! You will meet again!!! Best Wishes!🙏❤
My deep & heartfelt condolences 🙏
Richard you’ll be with your partner, one day… but not today, not yet… I hope you’ll find the will to exist and find comfort… god bless.
I lost my partner of 18 years last November. Today would have been the 19th anniversary of our first in person meeting. This was so poignant. Thank you Michelle Thaler. Carrie and I always loved watching you on so many documentaries. I'm so sorry you've lost your soulmate as well. 💔😔
Best wishes
I'm very sorry about your partner, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
I lost my wife July 19 2021… suddenly, from an aneurism…she was gone in 20 minutes..I’ve been taught many things by you over the years…I never realized this talk would be the most impactful …thank you…
hey Scott, i hope you’re doing better. July 19 is my birthday, i have a feeling i’ll think of this comment every time that day comes.
It is really hard isn't it? I lost my partner from cancer a 20 years ago. It was the worst. I took medication, had talking therapy. and I created a whole new chapter of my life, new hobbies, friends.... I knew time would help so I distracted myself but I did keep a way from people as I knew I would just be difficult to be with it. Time for me helped a lot, and I just try to keep busy. I have a new life... and new experiences and my partner would love me to be happy
I understand. My husband dropped dead in front of me of a heart attack July 2018. I know the agony of the grief journey.
I lost the love of my life and husband July 22
@@courtneycoley8487 I'm terribly sorry to hear that Courtney. Mine died July 2018. Your loss is very recent, it does ease with time but I won't lie, the first year is wicked. Hang in there, and it helped me to frame it as, I was lucky to have had such a love. A lot of people have nothing but disappointment and heartache. I got lucky, met a man in a million, and I really had something to grieve. X
I've been a nurse for 11 years, half of that was in Oncology/ Med-Surg, and the other half has been in the ICU. I struggled throughout that time to find peace within myself. Seeing so much sadness and pain on a regular basis... I didn't know what to do with all of it. I found solace in science. Learning about the universe and wondering how us as human beings fit into such a large scale, that's what kept me going through the darkest times.
It touched me very deeply when I learned what she went through with her husband. It reminded me that what I do as a nurse matters, even if at times I feel very jaded about my career. The patients and families that come into the ICU are in what is probably the scariest time in their life, and I am there to take care of them. I may not always have the right answer, or know the perfect thing to say, but I can make sure they know, I am there for them. Now I'm in my third semester of pursuing astrophysics because these topics are what got me through those dark times in nursing.
I never got to meet a nurse, or see my father in the hospital before he passed, because of COVID restrictions, but I realized as I talked with the mortician, and with my teachers to give me leniency, that how you're treated during this hard time is *so* important. Thank you, for being there, and the kindness and support you've leant to people in their roughest moment. I have nothing but respect for people like you, and I'm glad you've realized the importance of what you do on your own. I don't want *anyone* to be taken for granted.
Thank you! For your wonderful work, your strenght and your thoughts!
I lost my beautiful daughter last april, it will be a year soon. I miss her every day, i am in pain and the grief is heavy. I see other people around me living their lives and i think how unfair it is that my only grandchild has no mother! Part of me died that day, i dont think the pain will ever go away. 😢
If you interested in astrophysics you should see and observe that our Universe had to be created by Someone because everything is perfect, including our planet Earth. This Person who has created our Universe is God . God has creared you as a person who has an immortal soul and when you will die you will see God face to face. Please, read a book : " Heaven is for real ". In your darkness days you may pray to God . Stay Blessed !
Just wanted to say Thankyou for being there for people during their struggles and know that it makes a big difference to us. The kindness and empathy of the nurses made it so much easier to deal with my wife battling and losing to cancer. You really are a special group of people.
I have been a fan of Michelle Thaller as a science communicator for quite some time, but the lessons about love and grief in this genuine and vulnerable piece takes that fandom to a whole new level. THANK YOU, Dr Thaller for your willingness to share your story and the same to Big Think for producing it so gently and sensitively.
I lost my dad last year in April. He was only 52. He had a hemorrhagic stroke. The sense of doom… immense doom I would feel every morning realizing that my dad was no longer here was crippling. Lord help all of us going through grief 🙏🏼
I’ll always love you dad
I lost my dad last year in March. I've never heard anyone mention doom feelings before. I would feel this deep panic and waves of anxiety light me up when I remembered he wasn't on the planet. I still do sometimes. When many of us lose a parent I think our body is telling us something is deeply wrong because our safety net is no longer there. Thanks for writing your comment and I hope you can find some relief.
Hi Caroline! Im so sorry for your loss. It has probably been really hard for you since we are in March again… knowing a year has already passed us by. I still feel it sometimes too. I’ve been feeling it again lately. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year without seeing their smile, talking to them, giving them a hug… sending a hug to you!
@@RxxxQueen When my mother passed in January I had weeks of immense anxiety. I still do. I understand the feeling of doom. It's like we're still 8 again and need our parents to fix something, but we're realizing we have to fix it ourselves.
I bet a lot less of these kinds of death would happen if we still lived natural lives
I read this with tears in my eyes. Its 7 months now since my husband passed. I remember that morning call from the doctor in a hospital in plano Texas while am in Africa. It was about hemorrhagic stroke..
It's painful. Continue resting my love.
Am forever greatful fir the moments we shared.♥️
Thank you for this. I lost my wife of 60 years to cancer last year.
Lost my beloved husband of 40 years almost 10 years ago. The pain I felt was so enormous I didn’t understand how I could be in so much pain and still be alive. I went to private grief therapy and 2 bereavement support groups. I read books and articles on grief. I learned to meditate. I got weekly massages and acupuncture. I tried anti-depressants. I wrote in my journal. I walked and cried daily. I have come a long way but grief never ends.
I've watched her so often showing such joy at the Space Program and it's achievements. I hadn't heard that she'd lost her husband.
Thank you, Michelle for sharing this beautiful message with us.
I do NOT want anyone to have to go through the almost dying part, but the 2 NDEs I had - at 4 and 19 - changed how I see everything.
In a place past the farthest stars, we're still connecting - and there are energies around us that are very real and abiding.
It has nothing to do with any religion that separates.
The truth is that we're all loved and it's so powerful a force
that it almost needs another name.
Take care, dear ones. This world needs all of the links it can get.
I lost a younger sister to cancer, and lost my dad in a car wreck, and lost my mum to a stroke. Also being a musician, I've seen many of my musical idols pass away over the years. That feeling of struggling to see the point of it all, for me has been really hard if not impossible to get over. On the bright side, as an agnostic I feel like my profound interest in astronomy and cosmology is what gives me the will to keep trudging on. 🙏
Beautiful human ☮️
Let music be your tool then. Sending great energy to you in the most scientifically backed way possible.
Lol, as if
💜
truly heartbreaking, i hope life brings you realization and comfort in the midst of your dark times
My father died February 3 2009. I wasn't looking for this video, but it was in my recommended, and I needed it. Thank you.
💥❤💫
Hope this helps ❤❤❤❤
WHAT I DISCOVERED AND ITS VERY HELPFUL IS THAT THERE IS A POSITIVE ASPECT TO DEATH AND WE HAVE BEEN ALL PERCEIVING IT IN THE WRONG WAY.
BIRTH IS THE ONSET OF SUFFERING IN THIS DARK AND BRUTAL WORLD AND DEATH IS THE LIBERATION INTO THE HOLY PLACE FOREVER FREE FRIM LIFE FULL OF SUFFERING 😇😇❤❤
I’m 58 and lost my 54 year old husband/soulmate of 26 years to cancer 4 months ago. My god, I’ve never heard someone speak to my experience the way you have. I spent a lot of time the first two weeks with my best friend because I didn’t want to be at home all day. After that I just stayed home and leaned into all of the gut-wrenching feelings. I guess I’m feeling “better” now but better isn’t really a good word. I feel like I had to hit bottom and get through all of that crushing pain before I could hope to live my life without Mick physically by my side. Ironically, many years ago he wrote and recorded a song called “Without You Now” (“I can’t think of my life without you by my side, I can’t think of my life without you now, without your love…”). It’s just unreal how every single facet of my life and being are affected by losing him. He was a gifted musician and a freakishly brilliant guy. I still can’t listen to his music yet but hopefully someday. 💙
Waves of light and strength for you...
@@camilobastidas6176 Thank you 💙
@@evidentress1 I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
My darling husband/carer died almost 6 months ago. Even as Christian’s, it is a great loss and the emptiness I feel is terrible. The hours are so long day and night without him. He was the love of my life,
It’s a gift to have loved someone that deeply.
I’m encouraged to realize I actually didn’t feel moved to tears by that very vulnerable and authentic share. I lost both parents very close together, just months before the pandemic struck. They were my best friends and what made life make sense. Of course I wasn’t aware of that before they left. The existential crisis one experiences almost immediately is disorienting. The realization of how much of what you thought of as yourself was really the parts where you and they intersected. It’s surprising. Then the understanding that now you get to discover what takes the place they once held. It will be ourselves, expanding into that space they left. The pain of separation and loss was excruciating for what seemed like what would be unending for the last three years. I’m just now feeling like life goes on. But sometimes it still feels like I’m free falling, and it sucks that I don’t get to share what is becoming my new life with them. Grief doesn’t go away, I think. It just changes and in a way, having this grief is part of that new life. Part of it is allowing that to be ok. It’s also about allowing the pain and letting it just be there. It no longer overwhelms me, and that’s, as I expressed above, encouraging.
An incredibly perceptive comment, thank you ☮️
I have not lost my soulmate, and I also have two children, though I can’t possibly correctly imagine what that would be like, there are brief moments where I imagine What If? And it’s the darkest place I ever peek into and immediately leave. And the most concerning aspect is that because I’m very analytical and logical, I have a hard time believing afterlife. I sometimes really wish I was deeply religious and sure that I will always see my loved ones in afterlife, but I can’t, I think life and universe is not fair and not designed to keep us around forever. I try to enjoy every second on this planet not only with my loved ones, but also with myself. Remember, as long as you are alive, everyone you love and ever loved are alive with you, this is the Universe way to keep us alive forever, through memory!!! Information is never destroyed!! Entropy persists!!!
💥❤💫
Hope this will help in better ❤❤❤❤❤
WHAT I DISCOVERED AND ITS VERY HELPFUL IS THAT THERE IS A POSITIVE ASPECT TO DEATH AND WE HAVE BEEN ALL PERCEIVING IT IN THE WRONG WAY.
BIRTH IS THE ONSET OF SUFFERING IN THIS DARK AND BRUTAL WORLD AND DEATH IS THE LIBERATION INTO THE HOLY PLACE FOREVER FREE FRIM LIFE FULL OF SUFFERING 😇😇❤❤
I am watching this on the 3 anniversary of my father’s death. My mom just turned 85 and they celebrated their 60th anniversary a few months before he died. I am amazed with her courage. I am also newly diagnosed with cancer, waiting to find if it has spread. I’ve had wonderful conversations with my mom. Thank you for this video and much love from Gensac, France
Grief is a part of the pact of love, we take a risk with our emotions to enjoy today, not knowing how long we have.
The analogy she made between rebuilding life after major loss and putting together the shards of a broken vase with inlaid gold to create an, arguably even more beautiful vase, this analogy was simply beautiful. I'll remember that.
@Terre Schill 🙏💙
"Kintsugi", a nicely symbolic art
Kinstsugui
Well that line is actually going around since 2009 on FB pages lol, it is always a beautiful one tho
@@angonuts7492 well, I guess I don't spend as much time on FB as you do. But thanks for the remark
It's been five years since I lost my wife and soulmate to cancer, I continue to grief and I expect that I will for the rest of my life, I love her now just as much as I always have.
I am still deep in the cave of grief and looking for meaning, I love how Ms. Thaller puts it, this isn't my planet anymore, I strive to connect but sometimes I just give up, it's no use without her.
Thank you for sharing and being so open Ms Thaller!
4 years since my partner died and I'm still in my cave too, on this strange planet. Visible but separate.
Sending love from one human being in pain to another, even in the darkness.
@@MISSYGful Thank you for your kind words and sending love back to you. I hope you can find some comfort in those around you, it's the only thing that has kept me going.
Powerful experience.
I lost my mum to stage 4 lung cancer in 2020. I have no other family alive except my own kids. It feels debilitating to lose a loved one to cancer. You know they are going to die, you know it will be soon, there's nothing you can do... It's torturous and painful for the person experiencing the cancer and for those who love them.
I lost my wife my best friend of 48 years, last month (Nov 17th 2023) the pain I feel right at this moment has been the same since her passing, I'm constantly wanting to join her, so we can be reunited again.
My heart is with you as I experienced the same situation. May love surround you in all your ways.
I've had the same experience at age 26 and it is the hardest thing I've dealt with in my entire life. Losing the person you loved most and your soulmate left me empty for years. Every minute of this video is relatable and describes 100% exactly how I felt. She is so articulate.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm not sure if this will help my grief and anguish as of yet. My second oldest son just recently passed away. It was unexpected and sudden. He had just purchased his first home, and 12 days after I helped him and his family move in, we got the biggest snowstorm of the season.
He was clearing snow from his driveway and suffered from cardiac arrest. He was only 38! I have raised him and guided him and advised him and worried for him for 38 years! I was proud of him for serving our country and proud of him for buying his first home. And it all ended in an instant. His children have no father now. How do you get over this? I don't think I will.
I don’t think you ever really get over it. It’s not fair, but it is what it is. They’re gone and we’re supposed to carry on. We still have purpose. Sometimes it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Something what gives me purpose is the desire to be someone that others experiencing grief can lean on, be it family, friends, or strangers. I’m having a hard time finding the strength, but I haven’t given up yet. When we’re confronted with mortality it can remind us how fleeting things are and to cherish the time we have. I hope you and your family find that light at the end of the tunnel.
The pain, the grief, the feeling of unfairness don't go away...they just become more tolerable
Its a Sunday here. And tears just keep fallin. felt so much grief in each words. A genuine,genuine virtual hug from Asia.
If you go back and read what you wrote; the answer is there. You won't get over it. You are hurting and your grandchildren are hurting. Be there for each other. Talk to them about your son and teach them about who their father was. Sorry for your loss.
I lost my mom technically 2 days after this video was uploaded. In fact, she'd been on oxygen for a whole week before. The morning of my birthday, January 27th, dad rushed her to the hospital due to an intense fever (she'd been having kidney failure, so she was easily infected) The next day, she fell into a coma, and was on oxygen. That whole week afterward, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I never knew what was happening let alone imagining what would possibly happen, all I could do was praying and praying that my mom would be okay. But it was no use, and I never knew if she heard me when I said I love her for the last time. The decision to let her go was the hardest thing our family has ever done.
I'm glad this video was recommended to me today, I mean, later than never.
This is fantastic. She described perfectly what I went through after my father died and I experienced devastating grief for the first time in my life. It took me years to be ok again. Thank you for this.
Michelle is a beautiful communicator. I knew her as a scientist, and now I know her as a human being. And yes, knowledge and understanding do provide you with the tools you need to keep going😊
It will be 2 years in April when my husband died of complications from COPD. Ten days prior, we had entered the hospital for a lung procedure to improve his breathing. His good lung collapsed. Ten days into his stay he turned to me and said, "I can't go on like this. I won't go on like this." The moment we decided on hospice, the reality of his death hit me like a semitruck. My husband is going to die and there is nothing I can do. He entered hospice that day at 4:30 pm and was gone by 7:15 the next morning. Grief and this unholy emptiness descends upon you and then your mind and body separate. I went on for 6 months trying to put myself back together and final went for professional help. That worked. I learned to deal with grief and find it's proper place in my life. You never get over the grief of losing someone you love more then life itself, you get through it day by day. I am not a religious man nor do I believe in a god but I do believe his energy is out there in the universe and someday we'll join.
Thanks for sharing your story, Steve. "Learning the proper place for grief in your life" is a very accurate descriptor for this process. We're sending you love. ❤️
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
Kansas@@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb
My wife died 2 days ago. Can’t live without her. !!!!!!
I know I'm a stranger across the miles, but hope you can feel a hug, fwiw. I'm sorry for your loss.
Since I've had 2 NDEs, I'm looking forward to being 'over there' - it's so much love - but not to the goodbyes that happen too soon.
May angels of comfort find you.
Losing a spouse due to death is something I never experienced but I have been divorced twice. Neither I wanted but had to just go through total despair for year and years that never really ends. Knowing they made the choice to go from totally committed to knowing "I just don't feel the same anymore". Losing a spouse who dies in some ways is different, that was not their choice. You never wonder what you could have done different. That person is still alive and has moved on. Makes it hard to trust anyone with your heart again.
I am not saying one is worse than the other they are just both awful.
I'm at the point that after all the heartache I have been through; I just don't want to have to go through it ever again. Not how I envisioned my life at all.
@@justmejenny7986 I hear you. I was devastated by my 1st divorce, it was like waking up in the worst nightmare. My best friend was now someone who no longer wanted anything to do with me on top of it all. I went into a spiral of working 80 hours a week to keep my mind off if things. This caught up with me and I started to party and run though a series of bad toxic short relationships.
I was so sick with flu and phenomena I could not sleep for over a week more than a few min at a time. I cracked ribs coughing. A girl I had been seeing was a nurse and took care of me for weeks and I got my health back. Couple year later we got married. After a year things did not work out and I saw myself in the very same place all over again.
Have no idea how I survived that. Last 15 years I have only had a handful of relationships. I am so set in my ways now it is hard to change. I can't try and relive a past with anyone is a feeling I can't shake. Maybe I was just never cut out to be married?
@@StanSwan I feel the same way. That I'm meant to be alone. Most of the time I'm ok being alone. Sometimes I get lonely. But like you just set in my ways and have a guarded heart.
Simply " it takes TWO to make a relationship .but only ONE to break it.........i too think..... say if you lived in all the different countries of the world...chances are there would be lots of different partners out there for you.....meaning ???
I'm 45, and my husband is 48. We don't have kids, which is actually no big deal. However, he is everything to me; my heart, my soul. He's not sick, but I can't help but dwell on this thought.
I get very fixated on the fear of people dying. One of the best bits of advice I read is to not mourn someone before they're gone or they might as well be dead already.
Oh dear. How relatable this is. I am sending everyone SO much love, comfort, and peace if you are grieving. Grief is such a tricky, beautiful, horrible b*tch! It's crazy that I will be 40 this year and will have been widowed for 7 years. My husband died at age 35 by a freak accident. We never know how much time we have, let alone how much time we have with our loved ones. I'm learning grief changes and evolves with you but that the pain never really goes away. For me it lies silent for moments and then dunks me under water again, and crashes me out of the waves of grief and back onto shore.
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?.
They always exist in your heart and memories. What got me through grief is while sure, we don’t have proof of this, I do hold the belief that there is consciousness after death. The ones I love are out there somewhere, and if they happen to be looking on, I want to lead a life that honors theirs, and be full of joy and spread joy in place of them. If you don’t believe in that, well then believe that in their final moments they thought of you, and that you have such worth that you were someone’s world, and you should have faith in yourself to pull through. The scars remain but they are beautiful.
Profound comment. Thank you.
I had no choice in being broken when my beloved partner suddenly passed away. I received the phone call that shattered me, broke me in an instant. I'm fairly tough and resilient as a Domestic Violence Survivor with PTSD but that call broke me. I focus on honouring him, he was my Strength and Stay, my First, my Last, my Everything, there will be no-one else. Thankfully I know he's still with me, doting on me, protecting me, this eases the pain but still sometimes it overwhelms me, it's finding the right craft to navigate the ocean of grief 💔💔💔
I completely understand these feelings. Lost the love of my life in an instant (heart attack) at 38 years old. I've always been strong too, lost my dad, step dad. But always could be strong. This one broke me, to my core. Best of luck with your healing. There are many of us in the same boat, try not to feel alone
This video touched my soul for many reasons. My husband is the brightest light in my life, has been for almost 13 years. I can't begin to describe how much he brought, what he means to me so I won't. My greatest fear is losing him, not like growing apart or cheating, just death. I told him if I had one wish I would wish that I could die first, whatever that may mean for us (in 100 years or tomorrow). He is a great mind too, addicted to space, the universe, physics.
I am about to give birth to our son in a month. I want to leave this video here for him in case anything bad happens to me. For some reason I feel sure that it would help him... And I feel more at ease with whatever comes.
Thank you.
I feel EXACTLY the same as this. Wow. Im going to share this with mysoulmate too, whatever happens. They both sound so much alike too, its crazy. This comment resonated with me SO much, minus the married and kids part, but everything else, so on point. I hope you and I go first, in hopefully 80 years or sth. 🙏🏼🌌✨
Blessings on your upcoming birth. I feel the same way about my husband of ten years. We met later on in life and he is my soulmate. I love him more than life itself. I can't imagine going on without him. I think the grief would be the death of me. How do you even keep breathing?
It was my biggest fear too and I lost him July 2022. Unbearable Grief. That feeling of fear times a Billion
@@courtneycoley8487 I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
I lost my dad, who was like a true best friend, in late 2020 to covid. I was 22, and he was only 56. It was so SO traumatic to see people not take the illness seriously and I really did feel like I was on another planet while everyone else goes on. I liked the part about not losing your grief and instead weaving the pain and sadness into who you are now. I am to the point where I can talk or think about it calmly and it terrifies me that something so horrible and traumatizing doesn't feel as raw and fresh anymore. I know my dad wouldn't want me to be miserable forever, but it still makes me feel weirdly guilty. Anyway, that is a nice way to describe the natural process of working through it over years
I just lost the love of my life completely unexpected 3 days ago. No idea how I'm going to get through this, watching this is my start, so I appreciate this video and so sorry for your loss.
You can really see the emotion in her face. Thanks for this.
As someone who is going through the same emotions and feelings as Michelle, I can totally relate. It's been over a decade, and I'm still not over it. You don't actually go out of the darkness, you just adapt and learn to live in it and find your way forward.
Thank you for the video. I hope Michelle finds solace in her own way.
So true, somehow we have been made believe by other people (in a good intention) that everything will be fine and the pain will go away with time, but unfortunately it won't, there's always this bitterness that is left at the bottom.
the death of loved ones is a loss from which we will never recover. since each individual that we have loved will continue to live in us.
💥❤💫WHAT I DISCOVERED AND ITS VERY HELPFUL IS THAT THERE IS A POSITIVE ASPECT TO DEATH AND WE HAVE BEEN ALL PERCEIVING IT IN THE WRONG WAY.
BIRTH IS THE ONSET OF SUFFERING IN THIS DARK AND BRUTAL WORLD AND DEATH IS THE LIBERATION INTO THE HOLY PLACE FOREVER FREE FRIM LIFE FULL OF SUFFERING 😇😇❤❤
Understanding that our mental, physical, emotional, and sexual health are ALL connected.
Grief is such a journey. Having empathy and sympathy is incredible, first for yourself and then for others.
2:16, I know what she means by feeling completely separated. My mom died when I was a senior in high school and my dad died several years later. None of my friends could ever understand how it affected me. They all had both parents well into their 40s and 50s. I felt completely alienated and even jealous when I would hear one of them say I'm going to my parents house for Thanksgiving.
My husband died of a heart attack in front of me. This is exactly how I felt after. Totally disconnected from the world. Everyone’s life continued. Mine had stopped at that moment.
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
My fiancée and love of 8 years died on April 11 in the most traumatic horrific way I could’ve ever imagined. I’ve lived alone every day of this in the home we shared. This grief feels never ending. Sending love to those who have lost their other half.
Hope you are doing fine now
My husband of 42 years passed in December….. I’ve been sad, angry, depressed…. Just so tired. Thank you so much for your message…. I have hope that I can learn to live with this grief, and move on with the next chapter of my life.
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
Michelle Thaller is just excellent and is one of the great scientists and leaders of our time. Her honesty and authenticity have always impressed me. Even having seen the major scientific work she has been doing all her life and seeing her featured in big name documentaries, this video really moved me at a deep level. Grief is real but our culture shames it and denies it. If everyone learned how to grieve properly the world would be a better place. It's ok to say "I am crushed" and "I am devastated". Grief does not go away by denying it. Denial of grief causes depression and mental illness. The only cure is as Michelle says, to feel the emotions, to allow yourself to be crushed, and to process and release the emotions. This is the path to healing.
My whole life I’ve always had so much hate and anger towards the world. I hated my life and the world I lived in. But when I met her everything changed. I was able to let go of years and years of built up rage and anger. She helped me let all of it go and just move on. Learning about her suicide killed me. It killed a part of me and it went with her. The first 2 weeks learning about her death really put me in a dark place. All that anger I had thought I let go was just coming back. I managed to let go of it again by myself, but there is still that empty feeling left over. I had decided to continue living my life and enjoy it with those I have left. Which I have. I go out still and I laugh and smile etc etc. I’m happy in the moment but am I generally happy? I’m not really angry anymore but just sad and I feel empty at times. I see myself changing into this new person. I feel different already. I know I’m never going to get over it. I’m just living with the pain and getting use to it.
I keep coming back to this video every few days. Knowing that somewhere in time, my wife is waiting for me to reach her, comforts me. Its the excitement of knowing that when I turn a corner, I will see her there standing, waiting.
The way she talked about all of this is incredible to hear! She is such an inspiration! I love her!
Thank you for letting us feeling less lonely. I lost my soulmate half a year ago. Everything just went on, but my world has stopped the moment his heart stopped. He was just 38, we've had only 5 years together. The question, that always comes back to haunt me is just why..
I lost my son 5 years ago he was 5 months old. Heart defect. He should have lived. I lost my wife 2 months ago from stage 4 breast cancer. She was 41. All I have left is my 6 year old daughter. I am grateful even though I feel scorned by god that I have lost half of my immediate family. She fought and endured every chemo therapy till the last two weeks of hospice. Mainly for our daughters save. She traded quantity over quality for here. We were together 9 years and married 7. We never fought or cheated on each other. She was my soul mate. Day to day I don't feel depressed but I have quite a emptiness in my life. I keep myself busy and work and have hobbies. There are people out there that have lost all but themselves. My worst fear if of loosing my daughter now. Lord please keep her safe.
This is one of the most beautiful, eloquent, and touching descriptions of the grief one feels over the loss of a loved one. I feel every word of her words within my bones, because I've passed through the same process. The huge void left by the deceased is always there and you need to be always vigilant to not fall into the trap of despair.
Without having people in one’s life that care and without having people to care for, it’s very difficult to find reasons to exist. Living with the constant fear of losing loved ones is terrifying.
There is still so much light in her eyes. I hope she continues to keep finding things that nourish her and make being the condition of being alive worth it despite all the pain and grief. I wish that for all of us.
That was BEAUTIFUL. I'm so intrigued how some people can express themselves like she did so unbelievably well, and others like myself just can't come close to a coherent sentence.
I'm so sorry that you lost your husband Michelle. I lost mine too on 28/11/22. He had a massive stroke at home right in front of me and was dead within 2 minutes. I'm still in a state of shock.
I didn't realize that grief hurts so much physically. The worst thing is not being able to discuss it with him. He was my best friend and we talked about everything...but I can't talk to him about anything anymore and that hurts. I talk to him all the time - I just don't get an answer.
We met, he moved in and we got engaged all in a week after we met 22 years ago. For the last five years he was sliding into dementia which neither of us dealt with very well
I'm grieving for two people - the love of my life (which is heartbreaking) and the man I lost bit by bit (which wracks me with guilt because I could have done that bit so much better). I cannot let the pain in too much or it will break me...but that's what you did? You're very brave. How long are you broken before you start to mend?
Btw., Phil loved space/universe programmes and he always liked you so maybe it's fate that I'm pouring my heart out to you now.
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?.
Thank you for that. 71/2 years without Mitzi and today is our anniversary.
I lost "my person" 5 1/2 years ago when we both got shot. I needed this. Thank you for this video.
i wish there was a better button then just like. My wife didnt have cancer, but was just as ill, if not more so for 8 months. She passed away in my arms 3 weeks ago at the age of 39. The pain we share, tho different for each person is our common ground. Right now I dont see a path out of the pain... as you said so well "this pain is mine and part of who i am rebuilding myself to be". I too dont want to loose the pain, the greif, the sorrow... I will just learn how to deal with it. Thankyou for your story, in death there is good... in our case, its good to know we are not alone even if we feel like we are.
Yes, that is the most important thing to realize: that we're not alone, even if we don't know each other. Our pain and grief bind us to each other with common ground. After dealing with my grief for 6-1/2 years, I have found that the sharp edges have been rounded a bit, but I still miss him.
I know Michelle might not see this, but she has inspired me FOR YEARS. She is such a great scientist/astronomer/physicist, and EDUCATOR. I love her excitement, enthusiasm to share the beauty and wonder of the cosmos with the public. When I heard about her husband passing, I grieved for her, and I saw her on TV after and I was so glad she would still be out there sharing her love of science. And while I'm an artist, I used to work in 2 different planetariums, and I love physics so much. When I was in art school and they taught us about Wabi Sabi, the fixing of these pottery with gold and how it becomes more special, more unique, that changed my whole brain. I was changed forever. For her to bring that up, in her talk about her husband's passing, which I never expected her to share, it just blew my mind. It shows us how connected we all are and how life continues on in it's increasing, beautiful complexity. THANK YOU MICHELLE! Thank you Big Think!
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"Things are not determined. There's no more a guarantee that I'm going to live a life of misery than there is a guarantee that I'll find love again."
Thank you so very much, Michelle. I've been in this grief/hell for a year and six months now, and I have scoured the internet and every book I've been able to find, searching for how to live in this state of despair without losing my mind. Your words have given me more hope than anything I've come across, and believe me when I say I have looked a lot. Blessings to you, may you find true happiness soon.
I’m so glad I found this today. My husband of 50 years was diagnosed last June with End Stage Liver Disease. A definitive answer as to how long he will live is not possible. The medical world can only refer to statistical odds. I have been caring for him while my heart is already grieving. I’m no stranger to grief, in 1992 our 18 y.o. son was killed in a MVA. Thirty years later I still grieve for him. Yes, I worked through the stages of grief but the empty space in my heart will never fully heal.
The sorrow I have before me is a very different thing. Thank you for sharing your journey - I have saved it to refer to as needed. Bless you!
XO
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from ?
Beautiful and moving story, thank you really The way through grief is to feel it to the depths of the loss so we can finally allow the healing to come after. We need more ways to talk about and normalize grief, so people don’t heal in isolation.
I just lost my mom this passed Monday. She was my best friend, always listened to me and understood me like no other. I honestly think I’m still in shock. A big thanks to this video as well as all the comments people have left. Somehow, we all find a way through this, right?
Sorry for your loss. May your mom rest in peace. Never easy to lose our loved ones. And i hope you find peace and comfort. Sending you a hug.
Yes, I have lost both of my parents, and eventually you find your way through. The smallest things will bring them to your mind, a smell, a song, a tv program they loved. But one day, you will see or hear something that brings them to your mind and you will smile and you will even surprise yourself! Then, there is just the good memories...
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I lost myself a few years ago after a very traumatic event. I felt like that person I was before what happened died and could never come back; I would never be at peace again. I didn't realize til this video that all these years I've been mourning and experiencing grief for my old self. I can't explain the amount of hope this video made me feel. if time is an illusion, and everything exists all at once, then I can access the parts of myself I thought were lost forever. I understand now what I'm feeling, and that even though I may never be the exact person that I was before, I can still become an even more beautiful version of myself. thank you, Michelle, for sharing your message and changing my life
I have experienced trauma too and have also grieved the loss of the happy innocent hopeful girl I once was.
As I have gotten older though I believe in my heart of hearts that to my core I have and will always remain that girl I thought was lost. Nothing can take the true essence of you. It may be shrouded and hidden under layers of trauma but underneath it your soul will always be: Beautiful, loved, eternal and indestructible.
I just lost my wife last month to cancer, this was the hardest year I've ever lived thru
Me too, my heartfelt condolences and prayers for your loss.
This is honestly such a emotional and beautiful video...
I also can't believe how many people in the comments have lost people so recently like myself, I feel as though I'm not alone and it really helps me ! xxx
Sometimes you feel like your the only one, and everyone's just rushing by they're daily lives.
When I go through tragic grief again, I hope I can find others going through it to bond with. It would have really helped me last time
Thank you for this. I lost my wife to cancer last year. We had two weeks from the time we had been told to the day she died. We had been together 33 years. Feeling much the same. A sense of being dragged through time into some new alternate reality where I'm now feeling lost. Slowly finding my way but also understanding the pain will be forever.
I lost my husband suddenly and I have been so devastated so loss and I have been trying to cope but things have gotten in my way from his family harassing and bullying me to my friends and family loving me . One thing that helped me the most is turning to God more . I was already on my path to having a closer walk with God along side of my husband to rebuilding my faith to receive this devastating blow of grief I never felt a pain like this in my entire life. I have loss people before. Now my whole life has changed with losing my soulmate. I appreciate you taking the time to share this as I am trying to recover from this devastating experience. I’m sorry for your loss and also grateful that you shared your experience this helps me understand somewhat what I’m experiencing.
Your reply is beautiful. I pray that your walk with God becomes stronger each day and that He carries you through the rough days and smiles with you on the ones that have glimpses of joy. Many blessings to you.
I’m terribly saddened for the loss of a person you held so dear, Michelle. I have always loved and admired your work. This only adds to your already stellar catalogue. You’ve made Andrew proud.
I've always loved Michelle Thaller talking about astrophysics, but this is beautiful and moving. Out of every traumatic event, there's always an opportunity to gain more insight and feel life more deeply. What precious wisdom. ❤️
I agree and have been through this too. Before I could begin to move forward I had to settle in the stationary moments that became days and then months of grief. Losing my wife of 38 years, sitting alone in what was our life, our home where we raised four children. Eventually everyone leaves, the last car exits the driveway and the night comes. I sat, I embraced the loss, fully. I did consider all options - all options, but one day I had a thought, a smile. It was not a trade, I did not surrender a thought of Gwen to capture a thought of the future but allowed myself to have a hope - even if for just a moment - a flash in the pan that there is more life to be lived. I don't know if you remember me but I do remember you, it was a simple message of encouragement - thank you for that. I wish you many happy days, be well.
"A path out of the grief"...beautiful words 💕 Thank you, I needed this today, as I lost my husband of 20 years to suicide almost one year ago and I do try to find "a path out of the grief" each & every day, xo
As someone who lost his mom to suicide i totally get this video. ❤️❤️
I can't tell you how much this helped me. A part of solving a problem is acknowledging you have one.
Mom, I'll make you proud. ❤️