When The Narcissist Doesnt Hoover You | Anoushka Marcin
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- čas přidán 4. 08. 2024
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Never be angry if the trash 🗑 takes itself out.
thank you needed that
Ha,ha,have
A good one
LOVE it...
Well put
Or if YOU take out the trash. Just dust your hands off, and BE DONE!!! And above all, never place yourself in the recycling bin - because you WILL be recycled by the narcissist. 🧻
That's an Awesome analogy. Lol.. When the Lord takes out trash, dont go sorting through it again.
The Narc doesnt hoover cuz he knows you figured it out.
Or they're busy love bombing the new supply.
Or you have a restraining order
Or you elaborately faked your own death. 👍🏻
She
@@nichellehowell I wish I could get one against my stalking narc ex.....they believe her bubble dwelling lies over black n white truth
Well if they dont hoover you. . . Take the win and never look back.
I feel like it was my fault bc he didn't hoover. I would try to leave, but he'd convince me to stay. He eventually discarded me.
The fact they’re not reaching out to you is an answer/response. That IS closure.
Once they know you have figured them out you are unlikely to get hoovered.
Narcissists MUST have control over their victims and once that control has been lost you are of no use to them.
Yes, I completely feel like this is my scenario. He hoovered me, reeled me back in. But when I was wise enough after the first run down, to recognize the BS, it was flipped on me, as if I was the issue. I genuinely feel that I was so much of a threat to the pathological lies, and ousting of those lies, he immediately turned on me, and ran back to another *vulnerable* supply station. Dang, 😞 It really made me question a lot. Until I realized, I am not responsible for other people's shi**y behavior. None of us deserve that kind of treatment. Point blank.
No more fuel from me,
Disfuctional as hell,oh
well...good ridens Narc
That was my experience exactly. As soon as she realized that she couldn't control my friendships with colleagues and my relationships with family I got the final discard after a long history of discard/hoover. That was definitely the final straw for her and was unforgivable.
Right on.👍
@@talishablackburn9208 I am dealing with a female coworker that is doing the same thing.😬
They dont hoover cuz...Its hurt their ego. To affirm you never meant anything to them. To hoover again means defeat....and in this situation you moving ahead in your life gives them the panic jitters. So the only way to avoid feeling of defeat is by staying away...they go no contact is for the same reason as an empath...to avoid pain...and to win...the only difference is the empath goes no contact to heal...the narc goes no contact to hurt
yes!
Absolutely!
Exactly!
So true!
💯
Funny story: I thought my ex narc didn’t hoover me. I recently found out the people in my life shielded me from him & his hoovers ❤️ but truly you’re better off if they don’t & just because they don’t now doesn’t mean they won’t in the future.
“It is good that they don’t contact you: it means that you are strong.”
But they know how to make you feel guilty by not giving you closure.
I was new to it. But my anger and disgust got me to tell my truth. To the wrong people though... flying monkeys.
Once you move on and cool with who YOU are, the hoover will come. When he/ she gets bored, they hoover.
Left my ex when I worked out what his is . I haven’t been hoovered either. He’s too busy talking to all his other exes ! Lol ! Thank you for your videos . You have saved my sanity xoxo
The worst is when you call them out on things that your gut is/was telling you could have been lies... for me, my intuition led me to question her about the inconsistencies in some of things that she told me and that is what signaled the final discard, probably because she knew that I was beginning to figure it all out.
The same happened here. Once I started asking him questions about ghosting me every other night for pretty much the whole night. I knew something was very wrong. He discarded me after that by calling me "toxic" because I thought so badly of him lol he called the next two weekends on a row and asking me to come over like nothing ever happened. I rejected him both times. He has not tried to call me anymore. He knows I know his whole game and sees I am a strong person and can control my emotions.
WOW.. thats exactly how it went for me... I flat out told her everything she had been "honest" about.. didn't add up... she started stammering her words, literally sounded like inane babble and then went into a rage.. eventually calming down and saying she can't do this anymore... we should block each other and delete our numbers, after years of the dismissiveness, gaslighting, hypersensitivity, controlling toxic behaviour I calmly agreed, we said our byes and I believe and hope that was the final discard.. I have never been so unburdened ever. Too many "coincidental" and "it's not my fault" stories with blame shifting and justifications for my liking... wow these people are horrendous!!.. She clearly knew i wasn't going to fall for her lies and stories anymore.... well done on getting out
@@upclosesneakers6875 this is my exact situation. Have you heard anything yet 🤣
@@mariahfranklin8611 oh we had a big falling out on valentines day because I told her I had a life coach session... cue fireworks and blocking each other... i'm happy to say she has tried to contact me via email but I have blocked her on every media platform (except email as I'm collating all her madness from me going no contact/no response)... It is VERY interesting to read/watch videos about the stages they go through.. but to live it firsthand is very surreal... like i literally can't believe I've gone no contact but I have no guilt about it as before I felt guilty for cutting someone out who clearly had emotional issues... but the disrespect, dodgy coincidental stories, double standards and dismissiveness have reached their peak for me... not heard from her for 3 days.. long may it last...
Oh last point.. in one of her last emails... she said that if i don't unblock her so we can speak she promises I will not hear from her for a very very long time...lol.. i had to laugh.. This is one promise i hope she lives up to... and to be fair if she was that angry at me for ignoring her I would've expected "NEVER hear from me again"... sigh.. just shows they can't let go even in the height of their rage...they know they want you around..
Same here
People seek the Hoover hoping for closure that the narcissist will never provide.
Yes. My narcissist knows that I know who and what she is. She has new supply (which she constantly denied during the discard) and she knows that I know that since I left her that they have since met up. I'm only 9 months out of the 22 year marriage and I know there is no chance of a hoover this soon. She broke me but I am fixing myself.
i caught my narcissist with another lady on his flat and his blaming me why i showed up without notice. im so feel betrayed beeb crying and i realized that his a narcissist.
Peace, love, and respect, brother.
Same scenario here
Same. Found a picture the ex narc’s standby sent him of the two of them right before our 1-year anniversary. Wasn’t long after I felt him pulling away and then the deval happened. I walked , but fell like it was a reverse discard because he didn’t come after me. Not more than two months later he’s eating dinner with her across the street from the restaurant at my house … three months later he texts me to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. First and only Hoover in almost 6 months. I was already so hurt and so burnt a and it was the final confirmation I needed that he was a narc ass narc , so I blocked and deleted his ass. No contact for life.
I validated MYSELF.i gave myself closure.if some one dogs you out.LET THEM GO.
Yes!
I’m proud of the fact that I have not been hovered!
The ex-narc knew upon discard that I was really starting to know the true colours. The hoover and silent treatment were part of a campaign against me that started for months until I blocked. They really don't give you closure even after discard.
exactly after he reject me told me he want to meet new ppl etc i dont wait i have and know more than enav just hope he never contact me again after he left
@@sisid6295 1 ay geçmiş sizi terk ettikten sonra geri döndü mü? Benide terk etti gerçek yüzünü gördüm. Bana şöyle dedi ; normalde seni terk ettikten sonra tekrar kendime bağlamak için uğraşıp kullanırdım dedi ama bir daha asla geri dönmeyeceğim dedi. 7 kıta birleşse dönmeyeceğim dedi
I called my husband on the carpet. He won't be hovering me. If they know you know the hoover won't happen. The hardest part is that he is telling people I did what he did. That's why I recorded his circular conversations, blame shifting, triangulation, and manipulation. He knows I recorded him and he still says that the words he said are the words I said. These people are disturbing. Even though I know how they are its still hard to understand why they do what they do. It is a very sad way to be and treat people.
She knows I know. I called her out. With extreme empathy of course.
Omg! Thank you soooo much for this comment. I did the same not knowing about narcissism but I used all the language intuitively. Felt like such an idiot afterwards as I was so compassionate and weirdly understanding, even comforting. Once an empath always an empath... So glad someone else had the same experience. I think he just played me like a fiddle to avoid any responsibility. I know better now but unfortunately it still stings. Hope you feel better about yourself than I do about me!
@@heidibennett6622 just remember "You are enough and deseving of so much more and better". Time does heal
Someone probably already said this… Change your mobile number and block them from all social media. When the game is completely over, which it will be when you do this, you’ll never know whether it was that they didn’t call you and try to Hoover you or are you just eliminated the opportunity. When this happens, there’s no question in your mind at all. This puts you in complete control. I say change your number and not block them from your mobile, because they’ll just end up calling you from a different phone number if you don’t take it to that measure.
I made a real "fuss", and made them block me. Wasn't any time to play nice. All's fair in love and war. And this was both. All bets are off. Release the hounds.
I was never hoovered because I figured him out and he knew it.
Sucks to know how toxic we can be. I decided to get help to break the cycle. My apologies to all affected. We had less than ideal bonding from childhood. We use maladaptive strategies that hurt our partners and us. Not an excuse. The only way forward is getting the help needed to change the patterns. Its like having a chronic health condition without a cure. We simply learn how to identify the symptoms and work from there. Some of us won't get help, in that case leave for sure. Some of us are going to make the change for us , because we're just tired of being this way. I suppose the cure for this would be accountability. I hope this helps.
9:50-- You mentioned the "mini-hoover." It's a complete insult to get that, and what a great new word you (apparently) created there. I'm not expecting super love-bombing or anything. But I got sick of half-assed tests of whether or not I might be a good source of falling for the same BAIT-AND-SWITCH supply? Those cowards couldn't even come out and say it directly. It's like they wanted me to do all the work in a way. See, it was ALWAYS THEM WHO WAS RIGHT, BUT STUPID ME IS ALWAYS (ALLEGEDLY) "WRONG!"
As if they want me to go to some re-education camp to learn how to behave "properly" (FOR THEM) or something. But of course, all narcissists are COWARDS. I am sticking FIRM with my NO CONTACT stance for good, nowadays! Had ENOUGH of their sweet/mean cycle. I just CAN'T ALLOW someone to treat me THAT WAY anymore!!
💯
Btw... I know that after me he went through multiple failed relationships with women who figured him out (several reached out to me). He never Hoovers, he just moves on to a fresh target. He creates crazy explosions ✨💫🔥💥✨ at the end of each relationship that none would take him back! So don't worry about the new supply (or fuel source). There's going to be a lot more of them in the future.
I agree. When I was weak I got hoovered again and again. When you are strong, they know you know.
I was going through this in my mind and I knew it was weird for me to wonder why he didn’t Hoover me. Now I understand just to be happy that he’s staying away. I DO NOT ever want him back.
Thank you for the understanding!
A lovely message Anoushka , thank you so much
This Is on point!
It was years ago, she never hoovered me back after I told her, I knew what kind of person she was and apologizing if I had hurt her in the past..after 10 years of crazy on and off relationship and hoovering,Ive finally found my peace
Great video. Thanks for sharing 👍
Thank God!!
This helps so much
Thank you so much Anoushka! Now I understand why😊
Amazing insight
Great video. Thank you.
Be thankful
Thank you for your very broad way of explaining and for the positive words at the end. It's helpful during my process.
Yo,lady, you have helped me so much,and continue to do so.I am in debt to you forever.Thank you so much.Ive been watching your videos forever.But I literally just subscribed and gave you a 👍 thanks for what you do.
Great words. I haven't got hoovered because maybe he is with a new supply and he knows, I am a strong person that did figure him out. And sometimes, I do think- why am I not getting hoovered? It is because of the reasons above. I need to constantly remind myself, why I discarded him, twice and a few times after. Maintenance of freedom and healing continues in 2022. Amen. Thanks so much for your videos. Love it.
I can say this video is 200% so true many many thanks you are the best.
This video explains so much of what I'm dealing with from a female coworker.👍. I'm glad I watched it.😀
loved your video as always, can't tell how much your videos have helped me to recover is so much less time and also i got to know myself.your videos have such strong positive vibes and are soo refreshing to watch. thanks a lot, please keep spreading hope and positivity.
The ex narc hoovered many times after many breakups. But, the last time I broke up, he didn't hoover, because he knew that I knew that he was a cheater and a liar, no doubt.
But, weird thing. 2.5 years later, I was on a dating site that apparently he was on, too. He liked and favorited my profile. 😆 I had to laugh. Did he really think I would be flattered? Or want to start anything again? No way.
Your content top shelf as usual.
Thank-you very much.
I told him when he left, he wasn't coming back. He's not even allowed on the deck if he decides he's gonna utilize his parenting time (he doesn't). He was a neglectful Narc. He would have to actually take time to try and hoover. After the Narc injury I caused by filing for divorce before he got the chance (therefore I had the control & won) he won't be doing a hoover. He won't even contact me about his son. Just as well...the way he treated (and still does) his son strongly dislikes him.
In the same situation...he is the father of my son and he hoovered for a while but I never believed it had anything to do with him wanting a relationship with our son. When I started to learn about covert narcissism and realized my ex was one it all made so much sense. After making it very clear many times I was onto him and finally held to strong boundaries, he didn’t seem to care anymore about our son and stopped hoovering because of the narcissistic injury. Heartbreaking but I believe our children are better off without them. Good luck to you, stay strong 💜💜
@@beritter ❤
Be grateful that they don't. It's a 🙌 blessing
This makes sense as im trying to wrap my brain around what I've been through and learning he's been a narcissist and no hoovers. Got discarded 3 months ago after 18 years on and off always walking on eggshells, but just thought he was a depressed or sad person, but chopped and changed his moods all the time. I caught him out when I didnt buy his rehearsed break up speech, he's lured a new supply way before he broke it off, till this day I feel sick to my stomach how bad it went when I caught him. Think now he knows I know who he really is and his double life so no hoovers for me.
Same with me!
18 years
No Hoovers
Discarded me and drove directly to his new supply ( which was his ex wife! They
Were married / divorced twice and had a child which I knew nothing about the second marriage and kid who is no 22)
He nurtured her for 6 months , then when I was at my lowest low he left me!
BUT I am now so grateful he left !
I’ve got my life. back !
@@carriedillmann4455 such evil humans. Made us to be the crazy ones because we caught them out. I still don't know how he did it or who she is, but im still heartbroken and going through this trauma. I've been with him since 16 so this is definitely a whole new person hes fished out. They are sick and im sorry you also had to go through this pain. Im glad you have found yourself got yourself up and going, im trying my hardest to take it day by day and some days like today, I feel at my lowest point reliving the whole nightmare again.
You're not a unlovable, you're just too smart to be manipulated anymore. Not that you didn't know what was going on then, but you're standing firm and he couldn't take it anymore. Same deal for some romantic partners OF my past and my former friends so I found (SECRETLY unbeknownst to me at that time ) WORSHIPPED THEMSELVES on an Altar Of Sacrifice of others to make themselves an ALLEGED GOD, pathetically
@@AZDC99 absolutely! My one would call himself God and id think eh, just a joke, but I think slowly I thought hold on, I think he sctually thinks he is a God! Demons. Hate myself for falling in the trap and getting used as an object believed everything he said only to slowly start asking questions towards the end that it makes sense what his disgusting plan was
It is a disengagement most likely
You will be hoovered when appropriate. Stay on your tippy toes
It always happens when we move on. Never when we are waiting for it. Has anyone else noticed this?
Thank you huhu!😭😭😭
Thanks great info as I haven't been hoovered either
Wow! Thank you! You made me understand 4 years after the breakup ! I thought as you said that I was not worthy but it's because I figure it out and wrote him a long letter after the breakup to tell him that I was not blind and I understand his little game and that I knew he is a narcissist. Also I move in another city near my family so he can't reach me easily. He also found a new supply after me and another one after her soo the was too busy the hoovering me. Thank you again for your video. It's a big eye opening.
Thankyou💓
This video brought tears to my eyes.....
You aren’t alone. Prayers for you
Thank you for this video cause I was a lil fucked up by it and uneducated people will say hurtful things but I knew it was deeper
Ms Anouska; What worked best for was to go no contact. After awhile their memory begin to fade and thoughts of any expectations too.
I needed this, thank you!
There should be an option of super like in youtube, would like to rate this one as one of the blockbuster videos. Thanks a lot for making this video and to the person who requested it.
The Narcissist don't care what they did ,honestly they will never admit it was their fault or own up to it .Why sometimes the Hoover doesn't happen because the non Narcissist broke it up & went no contact. And yes the Narcissist already found a new circle & supply . It is alright I can heal from it better without them hoovering . I did not want them around me after all the drama .
Or if you are the scapegoat in say a family cult they can claim victory and victim status concurrently. Fantastic video. Thank you
In my experience, 9 splits across 2 relationships (3+6) they only stop when they know you know about them, are no longer interested and are happier. It may take Police action to get the point accross. You are better off without them.
My Gidey Aunt Anoushka.
Hover not hoover. thank you for the video ❤
Being hoovered is an insult be glad that that crazy narcissist doesn’t Hoover you!
Six years I dealt with the same cycle. First saying how great I am and nothing but support for anything that I may have been doing. It would drastically change in the matter of days to nothing but devaluation. Then came the discard. Over time it seemed as if the cycles got more and more severe. Everything that I would confine into her would be eventually used against me when it was time for devaluation. I was made to feel as if I was the most horrible person she had ever met. Then came the discard. Eventually I expected it. In my mind I would tell myself that I was done with her. I'd be prepared for the cycle to continue to be worse and worse. I cannot say that I was perfect and in my reactions to the discard and devaluation I would say or do things that of course would be used against me for the coming years. It got the point in the last 2 years that I would always give her money or borrow her money. She'd start a fight with me so that she could discard me before she would pay me back. Then after a period of time act like nothing happened just to reset the entire cycle again. Long story short, I called her out on the cycles. After being subjected to if for as long as I have I don't even know how to react to anything any more. I would dread the time we spent together. I'd be ignored while she sat on her phone, when I'd bring it up, I was a horrible person. I got to the point of asking her why she would come see me if she was going to do what she could be doing at her own place. This is disfunction, this is probably one of the worst situations I have been in simply because I didn't believe when others would continually tell me that she was a narcissist. Now that I called her out. I am blocked. There is no more hoovering and it makes me worried what else is in store for me. What else can she take from me that she already hasn't. It's scary when u have seen the narcissist rage multiple times during multiple cycles. I'm afraid if I continue anything with her that I may end up liable to be injured physically on top of the mental and emotional anguish I've already seen and endured. I feel better today than I did yesterday but I'm still scared
I can relate to this,the last few Hoover's lve ignored him even when he shouted he just wanted to talk,he's stopped hoovering now , l keep thinking and lm concerned he will catch me off guard one day .
I know exactly how u feel...
I didn't get hoovered and don't want to have ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM EVER!!!
I resisted the hoover, it failed , then he went silent...but I'm DONE!!! he had only one chance
Thank you for this video. Not all narcissists Hoover and some narcissists do not want you to reverse Hoover them. At first I thought all narcissists Hoover or want you to Hoover yourself to them. This is false. This is not the case 100% of the time. Some really truly do want you to go away forever after only using you once like a drink from single use red cup at a party and I've had narcissists get irate with me for trying to reverse Hoover myself to contact them after their discard of me. Some narcissists truly see you as non-reusable and it doesn't get talked about as much.
I totally agree with what you’re saying. It’s not always as clear cut as most people talk about and what you’re saying isn’t talked about at all, can only know through experience which I think is rare.
I wonder why some narcissists are like the ones you’ve described? 🤔
My covert discarded me shortly after marriage, he became emotionally detached and closed off, when I tried to fix things he would snap on me and be verbally abusive when he did talk..other then that he would refuse to communicate ..I became very withdrawn and started to withdraw from him..he took this as me cheating on him and started accusing me of being disloyal....I asked for a divorce so he felt this confirmed what he thought. I moved out..after 2 mths of separation and no contact he was already talking and accepting gifts from other women.....he never hooverd nor tried to fix us because he was already working on his new supply 🤷.he signed the divorce papers with no hesitation. Married 1/8/20- final divorce papers signed 1/26/2021
I'm sorry, this kind of individuals are really fucked up. it might be difficult and not logic to hear now but be happy that he moved on and thank God that you don't have children with him. you will get better soon - you are FREE!! be happy!
Your story is very similar to mine... married 3/21/20. I was so happy. He was so happy (so it seemed). Come October he was withdrawn telling me he was just depressed and stressed with work. Nope...he was cheating on me. Found out from my father-in-law. Once I got over him playing the victim, gaslighting me, and continuing to come up with lies...oh and finding out that he had a longgg history of cheating (multiple times on his ex fiancé-he said she was the cheater-LIES), I called him out on his BS. Never really got hoovered. He just moved on to smearing my name because he didn’t want to hear how horrible of a person he is. Filed for a dissolution. Currently waiting on a court date right now. Hang in there! We can go through it together ❤️
@@LiaLay idk what happend to my reply but thank you so much 😊! And your right it would've been worse with children. God decided to take back the 3 we would have had and I didn't understand it then but I understand now. Everything happens for a reason even if u don't know the reason why at that moment. Yes I'm free, I'm still in the process of healing but I feel better then I did. Thank you again sooooo much!🤗
He don’t Hoover but he stalk
I'm currently going through this. Why did they stalk but not hoover?
@@michellesamantha6282 I research they want to know everything you do think and feel
i knew it. real creepy though.
Same. He discarded me thinking we would stay connected online. Instead, I blocked him entirely, plus his gold-digger (hopefully she worked out why). A year later he is stalking my social media profile checking up on me. The gold-digger got her claws into half of his company and is now flirting with other men online. And his dad died of cancer a month after he had me kicked out of my job (I feel bad for the dad, but not the narcissist). So karma smacked him in the face hard and he now has the choice between letting the gold-digger walk away with half the company he spent over a decade building or convincing her to stay and living with a demon hanging around his neck for the rest of his life. I guess he's now realising he f*cked up, but I have zero interest in reconnecting with him. I'd like an apology for what he did to me, but I don't care if that never happens. I just want to fix my life.
I like how karma kicks on there face wish we have vlog where we can hear stories of karma kicking the narcissist on there face, these narcissist people are very evil and hurt you and abuse you like you are not human
Glad for this topic, as so many say we will be hoovered but not necessarily. In my case the relationship never got off the ground face to face. He thought I discarded him via SM, and mirrored me, freaked out, in his discard, he had essentially no way to reach of hoover me, so he had fragile ego beyond belief. I hope we can define what hoovering means for there are other ways to do so. I tried to let him know he got me wrong via SM, that he then 'deleted' simultaneous to an email I sent pretty sure was his but no rspnse. The 'response' was deletion of his/my post/web page. Bizarre!! Getting 'the message' I have gone silent. Since then I 'feel' hoovered. for a frenzy of SM stuff, in my feed/face, etc daily. Of course for 'fans' of his, but still I 'feel' hoovered... am I crazy? Or am I forgotten?? Perhaps you can talk about these behaviors relative to people who are persons of some status, esp. bad I'd say.
Sometimes they will feel you out before they attempt a hoover, I told my Ex Narc I couldn't ever trust her again and I hated playing detective, I seen her demeanor change and a look of being crushed on her face, I later realized she was testing the waters before she tried to hoover.
Mine tried bringing me bread…😂I returned it to him, that was a slap for him, other day came to cut the grass, I said no, I don’t need you, another slap, he might have another supply but still try, pathetic!! Thank you for the video, it makes me understand now, he saw me strong and to much work to continue trying and I am grateful for it.
I grew stronger. No hoovering. Yay!
My last day talking to her was on text. I was just making fun of peoples certain characteristics, all of which were things she did, and she seemed so confused by what I was talking about and who I was talking about. She seemed so interested to know who I was referencing. I never told her who I was speaking of, my final message was "stop adding ruin to my life because you're unhappy with yours."
ooooh she's prettyyy :***
He did hoover... but i told him not to come back before that hoover. I did put up boundries. Why does he still come back? He did watch me.
There's so much valuable insight in this video. I really wanted to be hoovered after the final discard even though I knew it was a totally irrational need. I'd broken up with my ex a number of times already and always fell for the hoover after a week or so as I felt empty without her. Earlier in life I'd had a lot of drug and alcohol problems and this feeling was very similar to the cold-turkey feeling of addiction. I didn't want her per se, I wanted relief.
I get it. 10 months later and I still want validation from this toxic person. So hard to believe I was duped. I was in love while he was busy lying and cheating for 6 years. Seeing a new therapist to heal my own childhood trauma and lifetime of being a victim of narcissistic abuse. Would love to hear how you found relief! I'm working really hard to give myself my own validation...hope you have found all the relief you need without resorting to the addictive substances💗
@@heidibennett6622 We are in similar boats. I still haven't found relief as such but it's definitely getting better. Sometimes I write down the things I want to say to her and keep them to myself. I've noticed I've been writing more and more notes to myself than to her recently - shifting the focus onto my own healing. There will never be the validation and closure and 'aha' moment in her that I wanted. The picture of her in my head is getting more blurry and I'm seeing her more and more for what she really is and not what I wanted her to be. I made a SWOT analysis of our relationship and it's very very heavy on the weaknesses and threats side as well. Anything to heal in a true and healthy way really.
I am really hoping for success with EMDR therapy starting next week. I am terrible with rumination but excited to really and finally turn over a new leaf. I live in a small village with instant access to the forest so hiking with my dog has become crucial therapy. Cry my eyes out to the top and get grounded and peaceful on the way down. Feeling better though too, 10 months post breakup but only 4 months no contact (not to mention the family narcissists tho...) So much to deal with but I am determined to end the cycle which means losing my role of victim. I'm new to posting and using social media so this is super exciting for me to read and write comments with strangers! Feels like I've found my peeps! So supportive at a time when I have felt so utterly alone and confused. Thanks for the comments💛
@@heidibennett6622 You've got this. The hardest part is past. Learning what it is we have been dealing with all this time is a really difficult step to go through.
😘 Looking for the right place to put the past so I can live in the moment. Peacefully. Sending you big hugs, speedy recovery wishes and springtime optimism!
When his ex stopped giving supply he told her she was dead to him 🤣 can't believe I was jealous that he would call her after any grievance
My narc ex after devaluing and discarding me, she tried hoovering. She destroyed one relationship but I blindsided her when she found out through her parents that I was engaged to someone else. She then, tried to drag me back in by saying that I could see her kids again. I went full “no contact”!
This makes alot of sense why my ex wasnt hoovering when I was in a relationship the moment he heard I had broken up with my bf the love bombing started.
They always hoovered me. Last Tuesday, I told them an outright no, I will not do what you want. They then proceeded to tell my husband that I have an unforgiving spirit, which made him unhappy with me. It has changed our circumstances with this person and now I will probably not be seeing them anymore(my husband is the one closest to them). I seriously doubt they will hoover me again as their last hoover ended in me telling them I will not obey them.
I can happily and honestly say I don’t have any false hopes…. And the only reason his failure to Hoover is upsetting me is because it further gaslights me into questioning his abuse. But now that I realize that I feel better about it, thank you. I do think he knew I knew what he was, and he’s very covert so that would be bad 😂
He knew that I knew that he knew that I knew .....
Had a text telling me about a death, I met this person but not a friend, I didnt respond. 2nd time, sent a birthday card and wrote you can teach an old dog new tricks. I didnt respond, he never did anything before so I was offended, I didnt respond. Nothing since n its been 5 months, I am thankful for no more hoovers!
They are vampires .
Oh yeah i really opened his wounds.
Yep consider yourself lucky...I was relieved and then she couldn't help herself and hoovered. I know she’ll be back around and I just wish she would stay gone. A hoover simply means they're not done yet and haven't inflicted enough chaos, hurt and pain, or torment.
I wanted a hoover I must admit, but I never got it really. After my family and I broke contact with my inlaws, they stalked my wife on social media and kept trying to interact with my kids on social media as well - even creating new accounts. Nearly two years later, they came close to hoovering and it shot my anxiety way up. Time does heal all wounds. Fortunately, my wife shut it down and we have absolutely no contact with them. Every once in a while, they reach out to my wife, I think to test the waters. The most recent one was where my sister in law called to tell my wife to pray for them because my brother in law has a serious illness. Still didn't bite and we did not even tell our kids. I'm at a point that even though I kind of want the validation of a hoover, I know that it will just be a terrible sh!t show in the end. Guys, let time pass and I promise you will not be sorry that you didn't get the hoover.
I left my Narc months ago after 7 years of an off again on again situationship. The lies, cheating, blame game, hoovering disrespect I left months ago. Changed my phone number, blocked all flying monkeys. Now he Parks in view occasionally of where I reside and sends letters through the mail with no return address. I will never go back so hopefully he realizes that soon and moves on.
My ex cheated on me with his ex and a few days after he posted a post that he was at the hospital and of course I was preoccupied and sent him a message just to make sure he was ok. I just asked if he was ok...he gave me the silent treatment.....I actually start thinking I was the narcissist and that detroyed me.....but every time I think about it...I would never do that to him independently of what happened...so I stop texting him....I'm ready to live my live. I think....:'(
YES YOU ARE READY TO LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!!
Be strong. I'm a man my wife did same thing. I thought I was the narc that's the proof.guess what. Your not. Your not. Time to fight back. It's all a game winn it
I got hovered rite after the discard they had a new supply they keep contacting me till i went supernova on em & gave them a Narc injury
My gf didn't care about her appearance and never attacked me directly. Although, I did leave before things got worse.
What would you suggest to prepare for when faced with a deposition in a divorce? What to expect?
Get a good attorney and look up Rebecca Zung on CZcams. She’s an attorney who specializes in dealing with narcissistic arseholes.
I'm dreading the hoover it'll be a tirade of abuse when he realises his 2nd key fob to his precious jag is missing 😮
Do you do one on one facetime sessions?
He used to hoover; doesn't hoover now but stalks online by his own admission. Very creepy. I know about the attachment disorder they have but I still have a problem understanding why someone would care about what an ex was doing, thinking, feeling, etc. I don't check his SM or anything else because I don't GAF what he's doing.
❤
The out of it thing is U wanna explain to the genuine mates of theirs our watch out for them but they won't listen 😔
Hi Anoushka. What happens when the narc finds out, after you've left them and gone no-contacy, that you've moved on and are in a new relationship?
They either don't care because they never did. Or they feel like your new person is inferior and it is a joke to them and again, they don't care. Or they may even assume that your whole new relationship is all fake because of their huge inflated egos.
My ex narcissist doesn’t Hoover because I kept hoovering I didn’t know anything about narcissists. I missed him and wanted him back he would come back but it never lasts
After the big, lavish hoovers, my mini hoover was a simple message saying, 'your profile picture on WhatsApp looks nice'