The Discard From a Narcissist Is An Illusion
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
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She didn't think I would walk away and never look back
These narcissistic people think that you will sit around waiting for them to come back after the discard, as if your life revolves around them. It doesn't always happen that way, because some people will get fed up with their behavior when they don't see any future growth in the relationship, discarding them permanently. While this is a shock to their ego, it will happen more as they age, as their supply dwindles.
Well, you haven't moved on. You're here watching videos on narcissists. From someone else's perspective, it kinda seems he/she is living rent free in your head right now.
Can you explain me please the “growth in the relationship” concept because i can never grasp it. Thanks
Can you explain me please the “growth in the relationship” concept because i can never grasp it. Thanks
Reprocessing the abuse once you understand it IS part of healing and moving on. Supporting others who are healing too is part of building new community, and moving on. People, trauma, and memories don't just "disappear" to normal people with functional object permanence. It's a process. @@Chris-0113
The discard is done in a way that leaves them away to come back if they don't close up if they don't say goodbye if they don't leave you an explanation they can always come back this is their way in
So true what you say at the end ……..they are not the person they perceived to be at the start , that’s fake . They are the unstable , always sad, impulsive person they are at the end . Well said
And what it is is they leave you to go be with somebody. More supply and when that doesn't work out that's when they come back. YOU HAVE TO STOP LETTING THEM COME BACK GO SILENT
They are highly competitive and when you move on its a loss to them but not a emotion loss its a loss of supply source and they expect you to put them before anyone else.After I moved on he messaged saying" your supposed to be mine".After he discarded me brutally.Very dysfunctional behaviour that leads you to feeling disregulated and confused even surprised and not in a good way...
I’m sorry to hear that you went through this. It’s about ownership 😢 they think that people belong to them like we are objects. Attachment disorder
My ex sent me a music video where the refrain over and over was you needed me. In the end she walks up and shoots her ex. That’s the message he sent me after I maintained a boundary! Then denied it meant anything. Later when I was leaving he started repeating that I’ll never find anyone as good as him. That his exs still say he was the best🤮
Strange that he says all his exs, because if he was the best why are there so many exs...? They are exs for a reason and its not because hes the best😅.@@penguin4181
Very spot on analysis of them hope your well ❤
I caution all and any who have children with the narc once you do that because the narc absolutely knows that your children mean more to you than anyone. And that's where their games get worse. As well I will tell any young woman who discovers that she is pregnant with the narc's child to literally never tell him. Just pack and leave. Cut off all and any communication. Because they will use that child like a mental chess piece.
They were never there, they just mirrored you. You actually fall in love with yourself. Accept it, wipe them away from your memory and move on.
-The End
P.S. tell yourself they never even existed.👈🏻
With my ex narc, he told me one time that he “mirrored” his coworker. That dumbfounded me because it was the first and only time I’ve ever heard a narc blatantly admit to, and use the term mirroring like that! Just openly admitted to it. And yet somehow I still needed to wait until I had more proof that he actually was indeed a covert narc or not 🤦🏻♀️ Plus he would use certain words that I used, and I remember just very subtly picking up on how they didn’t sound quite right in his vocabulary, just wasn’t quite right way of using certain words, and now I look back and realise that’s because that was him trying to mirror me too, but I picked up on it only slightly whilst it was actually happening. Oh well, I have to work on purging this trauma bond from my system now so that I can feel truly moved on. Trauma bonds are the worst!
@@littleleafyleaf they are just insane “things” STAY GONE.👈🏻
I have enough experience with narcissists that I make sure not to burn the bridge to them but I nuke it to smithereens. I specialize in narcissistic injury so that they never want to mess with me ever again. The covert was the last and I was blind.
Yup twice after a year and half he contacted me , unbelievable just when I was starting to feel better.
Never again!!!
I'm at the year and a half stage , no contact ,after I was discarded ,
Your starting to worry me nw🤣
Why can’t they just leave us alone ? Haven’t they done enough damage to us already
He's so mad, doesn't understand why I can't just be his friend! Tells everyone how mean I'm being to him. Why do I hate him? He doesn't understand, he thought I cared about him. He wasn't trying to get RID of me, just downgrade me for the moment so he could run and play with his sudden new option while I kept propping him up like his mommy (and then she didn't like him, lol, ooops). He really does not know how relationships work, he's a petulant child.
They are heartless. Yeah they can stab you and ask why you're mad
They don't want to be a friend!!! They want a way back to interrupt your new life, they want supply (ohhh I miss you, I love you, you're the most wonderful man I've ever known) They hook you, disappear and repeat over and over again.
May be he realized his mistake and now he is talking his accountability, but for betterment we don't need to prove anyone, we just have to prove ourselves... Since some things are better kept down rather than making it card of supremeness .... Since everyone suffer one day or the other everyone is in the stage of learning and letting it go
Anoushka could u plz do a video on how they continue to want to be friends??? It boggles mind like “Let’s take a trip to see extended family together “ while she left us all and moved in with her new supply. I guess that’s why u just have get away, slam the door. Loco ese 😎
@hanzalaseraj2435 Accountability does not look like blame shifting.
They're like black holes, if they've discarded you, it's because you were once a potent source of supply, they come back because they miss you filling their bottomless void
The real illusion is that you will go back to prison w/ a narcissist. Freedom is the win!❤🎉
They live completely in an illusory world, rarely, if ever doing anything, productive to make life on this earth better for others. They live in “a self absorbed world” every day of their existence doing most everything for selfish approbation or self aggrandizement!
Why would we even be getting ourselves excited about having a covert narcissist back in our lives? Your life it's going to be worse than what it was the first time nothing has changed with them.
Thank you.
Weird twist. You never wanted them to attach to you (as you say they can't). You saw it early enough.
They are only wounded because you cut off the fuel. The "object" cut off the "supply," when you saw how toxic their attachment style, objectivity of others, and codependency is. They do not know this because a narcissist lacks the self-awareness necessary to understand that just because they were interested in you, and you made them feel important, you never were interested in them, nor were you getting any ego-boost (because you don't have a toxic ego). They have no regard for your being a totally (100%) separate personality, with a totally different everything.
The narcissist doesn't have a gage for understanding the other person's interest level (in this case, no interest) because of their self-absorption, dominance and objectivity of others.
You are in the secure position as an empathic, loving person, because what the narc. never figured out is that you treat everyone/friends the same: loving, kind, generous, affirming, serving, until you realize and are horrified by their delusion and exploitation of your kind nature. Their attachment disorder is real.
👏👏👏
They leave after they've got something from you. They come back to get something from you again... So they are always getting from everyone ....
Sadly but truthfully...for those of us who were in a long-term situationship with the narc? Eventually you arrive at a place where you come to realize that the 'discard' literally allows you to take a break from their constant mind feckery. And the more they are 'out' from the home? The more you can feel some relief from their very presence. Spend more time with your children without them around. Your only main goal becomes setting money aside in order that you can literally pack your essentials well ahead of time and make an exit plan while they are away at their job or on one of their many trips or vacations without you. Pack your essentials, plan your exit and leave NO forwarding address. Cut them off of any social media - Block them from your phone and just 'disappear'. Literally move to another province or territory. Change your bank account. And leave them in the dust 🔥💌
My long marriage to a narcissist ended at the discard. Over the last few years apart, I've come to believe that very little about the relationship was based in reality due to her 'pretend' life and persona. At the beginning, she was emotionally fragile, in that events would cause her to collapse, and I was very kind in help get her back on her feet. She had dark moods at times which she did not share, only retreating and disconnecting. She later took on caring for her aging parents with my willing help- this ordeal left us without energy or spirit and drained our resources. At some point, she stopped being close to me- the final straw which gave me a breakdown. At that point, her affairs began and continued to the end. Although she hid it all, I feel she believed her escalating behavior was justified. When she finally found a willing fool who would take her in, she left and divorced. I am doing much better without her deception and lies- and my only son makes me so very proud working toward a Phd- I hope he continues to excel in life.
There is a great difference between having som difficulties in a relationship and being exposed to a narcissist!
My wifes discard was a 3 year suttle hints of an affair and admitted to it when I had enough. After confronting her she spent 4 more months of back and forthing about reconsiling as I knew nothing about narcassism. She was enjoying all the control and manipulation and was using me up for as much sadistic supply she could get till I couldn't take it anymore. She was having masacistic affairs on the side. She is a very troubled person who doesn't seem to have a care in the world on the outside.
Sorry to hear this has been your experience, indeed a troubled person. Its sounds like it was the objectification of people and what they can do for her. Glad you’re out of this situation now.
I caught my husband cheating the day after Thanksgiving. I’m realizing after he called me a narcissist and then doing research I’m married to a covert narcissist. He’s a touring musician and looking back over the last 11 years he’s been doing it all along. He’s pathological and really good at pet names so he won’t slip up. We celebrated our 9th anniversary in October, we went to a black tie ball and he gave me the most beautiful card about our fairy tale life…. I’m broken hearted knowing none of what I perceived as love was real. Now he and the one I saw the text message from are ‘in love’. I have no doubt he’ll do the same thing to her… but she knows we’re married so she’ll get what she deserves. She’s married too.. I’m tempted to call her husband but also feel bad being the bearer of bad tidings. Any advice would be much appreciated.
@@lilanelson8772 A hard one to accept for me was the simple adage "Without Trust, there can be no Love". He is not likely to change- I endured many years of my ex-wife's betrayals until I learned with counseling to stand back on my own two feet. She left eventually, chasing something she will never be able to catch. Focus only on yourself- recognize your value and accomplishments as you walk each day, and let go of hope he will change. My story is above-
They truly are lost souls so sad
@@lilanelson8772 I'm sorry for your pain. I kind of took solace in knowing she was a monster before she met me and will be for the rest of her life and I know all the self blame and feeling like a bad husband had nothing to do with me. It was all projection as felt like a slave to her to keep her from getting angry. We have a son together so I can't cut all contact but it's really the only way to go. Letting the husband know suttely may be fine but look out for the fireworks. If you can handle back lash and be non reactive then I say go for it. I contacted AP and her supervisor as it is still illegal in the military to have affairs but I don't think anything would come of it. I think she actually enjoyed that I tried to creat some chaos and it only made me look unhinged as I only have verbal comformation of her affairs. There is a good narcassism survivors thread on REDDIT you should check out as you will get a lot of support and questions answered on there. Best of luck to you.
"okay goodbyeeeeee" lmao 🤣 "maybe they are apologizing for what they've done" 😂 🤣 🤣 I truly burst out laughing! You tell it like it is 💯
We were still living together through the discard. Was so bad. Since I walked away after months of torture. We go no contact. He moved in with new supply quick and of course I'm the evil one. He is always the victim. And I'm now friendly with his ex I believed abused him.
My ex told me “I don’t let my ego out with you.” I thought this was weird but like so many red flags excused it because I thought he was on another level spiritually. Turned out he’s a grandiose narcissist! When the mask dropped when I stuck to a boundary and said 'no' and then called him out on trying to manipulate me to change my mind. He lost it. It was wild. This person that was SO composed always, the mask went flying and underneath was a child willing to argue in the lowest ways. Wild. What I STILL have to remind myself of is that THAT was the real person. He puts out this illusion with such skill and so manicured to the world that he is this great, enlightened person. No one truly in a higher place spiritually would act the way he did, this I am positive of.
THIS sounds sooo familiar!!! I got ‘I’m different with you because you get me, if you saw me with anyone else you wouldn’t like me’ but as soon as the mask starts slipping and you put a reasonable boundary up …. You see exactly who they are and it’s not pretty
Well if she’s done with me, my brain will thank her, my heart currently won’t. If she’s not done with me, I am done with her!!
Thankfully I left before the discard. But I did have to come back eventually for my things. I did ask her if she had any intention of saving the Marriage, which she immediately said "no", so that was my second closure. She did want to friends; but I told her that wasn't going to be possible. Really, you have to move on. Get this person out of your head. They will never love anything, or anyone. Take them for the soul-less creatures that they are, and keep moving forward; and heal. Mine is in adolescent temper tantrum mode because I won't acknowledge her. She already has her new supply to terrorize next, so take that as a sign; you get replaced quickly. Work on you. Don't look back....
makes total sense; thanks for going to the trouble of explaining this dynamic; the relationship is like a mirage of water on the horizon; it does not exist in reality;
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.
If you look up Shelly Renee White online, you will find all the information you need. Thank you.
This describes him to a tee. The illusion, you never know what is real or not, you are on edge. So I finally predicted after love bombing he would want something and he did, I was prepared. I texted perfectly describing but not hostile in any way what was going on me vs. him and showing him he hasn't given me status, so forget about me being a gift that keeps on giving. I just showed him I have to deal in reality, I let him know what I think, no matter how he might react, he did just saying thank you and I love you. More illusion, not really a response. What ever.
My ex narcissist has been hovering me for a while. He just sent me a nice text message after 5 years! It's unbelievable! I am so grateful that I did the work, broke the trauma bond and I will not entertain the sickness again. Love your content. I am so thankful for all the education that is out there on this his topic. Because I thought that I was loosing my mind while I was going through it.
Yes a few years unbelievable !!! They really do try to sneak back, I fell for it three times !!! Yes a treble 😢 recently a forth attempt ‘the nerve’ 😅 thanks to Anoushka I have the knowledge and wisdom yes wisdom. 😊
Yes wisdom 🎉
35 years Yeah what can i say,im completly dumbfounded at this.i was her rock,she was always jealous then she cheated on me in front of our kids and our grandkid.ive gone complete no contact for three years and it gets better every day.
Omg this is all so accurate word by word !!!!!! It's exactly what has happened to me one time after another repeatdly for one and a half years!! I literally felt I was losing my mind!!!!!! Thank you for this amazing video!! Finally describing to the t what a discard is, what it means and how it works.
Thank you for explaining things.. I had " rekindled" w the narc, we knew each other for several years and were on and off.. long story short, he moved out of state then had me over several times, meeting is family, then asking me if I wanted to move there with him.. anyways, we went from taking everyday for 3-8 hours on the phone, to an abrupt discard from one day to the next. He said " He wants to start a new life", just like that, overnight... Am still trying to process this " objectification" thing. I was there to be a tool of support during his cancer, and the week he was told he is in remission.. I was discarded. Brutal.
Reverse discard and they haven't been back. They don't take ex's back is what they told me. It's been silent on my end for a long time now.
Oh you are so right I experienced this with my ex and it is over two years since I’ve had any contact with them and I feel pretty sure that they have moved on for good now they are in new supply and I don’t know how the new supplies stand it However it’s not for me to worry about. They’ll have to learn on their own like I did so I’m grateful to God it finally is over. Thank you for your videos.
My sister's Friiend said this one day they said who turned out the lights lol funny😅😅😊
! Thanks Anouska.
Thanks. More confirmation about what my Mom was/is. Wish I knew earlier before all the damage was done.
I had bought Xmas presents for my ex’s kids and dropped them off after the discard. He saved them for 9 mos the. he hoovered me and brought the kids over to open them 😂. It was insane and glad to say we are no longer together.
Great video thanks!
Another great video ❤
God bless your channel. You're an angel. :)
Thank you very much❤
Thanks
I think mines is done now
Thank you so much for all your work. You have been so helpful to me as I begin healing after divorce from my 9 year marriage.
Yeah, I can’t do the internal chaos song and dance with them anymore
Self esteem ,displays
This was very helpful to me!!! Thank you very, very much!!!
Glad it helped! 😊
@@anoushkamarcin Yes!@! Thank you again 💓
She is absolutely correct. If your narcissist don’t sound like this to a tee, then you don’t have one. Im sure she’s been through a narc relationship. There’s a reason why this topic is hot
Its like a vampire that needs blood. The narcissist hates who they are and its killing them inside, so they need your love in order to continue living.
no it's not. I asked for a divorce from my covert wife and my final discard is final! I never go back on my word and i decided to cut someone out of my life
Are you a clinically diagnosed narcissist?
Exactly it takes alot to be done but when your done you know it.
Me too. I've put up with a covert malignant narcissist for 33 years, enough is enough. She's got absolutely fricking ZERO chance of EVER getting back with me, the skank.
I miss my Brazilian narcissist lady. Professional BJJ fighter retired. A yogi at a top school in RIO. someone whose accomplishments I admire. She was amazing with the love bombing. I went thru 10 years of ups and downs. More downs then up. The ups made the pain worth it. I thought we were close and had been “together” 10 years. I thought we were tight. She said we were family. She jerked me around about coming back to NYC and opening a studio. Stupid me didn’t take psych in college. Big mistake.
Valentine’s Day 2 years ago my best friend had a tragic death. A woman but my ex gf knew all about her and she took care of my dog. Then suddenly was gone. Froze to death in her apartment after a stroke. I was gutted as I had just seen her. Anyway it was rough. I needed Monica to be in my life and support me emotionally for once. Nope she left at the same time. So lost bf and a woman I I adored. It’s been 2 years shortly since we’ve talked. She did write a brief note in Nov when my dog died.
Will I ever be hovered? I don’t think I ever will or will ever hear from her again. She’s 63 and beautiful loving Rio. I’m younger and in NYC. Had she not been so crazy would have married her.
So I know it’s for the best I never hear from her. Just saddens me I wasn’t worth it and we weren’t worth it. Just would love to hear my friends voice again.
I don’t contact her and never will. I didn’t block her just ignored her. Sadly I miss her
Nej Anouska jeg går ikke tilbage til dem jeg vil hellere lytte til dig og få gode råd fra dig af selv om jeg har lært meget om dette. Ka du ha en vidunderlig aften 😉👍❤️
Amazing 🤩 good glad you’re not going back. Have a good evening too
We were nothing more than neighbors. We were not intimate. He will never come back & hoover. He threatened to call the cops on me if I contact him in any way
Well, somebody, somewhere was offering one on one. That was attractive. Counterintuitive maybe, but I’d like a little practice before jumping back in the pool with everyone else. And as far as weakness, or vulnerability or confessing my sins, you don’t want to hear it. I don’t blame you. A man can learn so much more by not giving in. With scores and scores of women. But here’s a little something that gives me validation, this “never arriving” is a real thing. This is the family problem, apart from my Mother
(Bob Seger, the American working man’s bard)
Headin' in or headin' out
Standing on the shore
Pause a moment to reflect
Which trip costs you more
Between the ever restless crowds
And the silence of your room
Spend an hour in no man's land
You'll be leaving soon
Victims come and victims go
There's always lots to spare
One victim lives the tragedy
One victim stops to stare
Still another walks on by
Pretending not to see
They're all out there in no man's land
'Cause it's the safest place to be
But sanctuary never comes
Without some kind of risk
Illusions without freedom
Never quite add up to bliss
The haunting and the haunted
Play a game no one can win
The spirits come at midnight
And by dawn they're gone again
And so it seems our destiny
To search and never rest
To ride that ever changing wave
That never seems to crest
To shiver in the darkest night
Afraid to make a stand
And then go back and do our time
Out there in no man's land
Out in no man's land
Out in no man's land
Out there, out there, out there, out there
No man's land
My final discard is NOT an illusion.
They're not the person you first met because they never were.
Thanks ma'am good reading i claim it strongly 🙏 congratulations to you thanks 😊 to you 🎉🤍💚💙🤍💚 happy birthday princess God bless you 🎉 best regards to your video will resume after the best of best performance 👍❤️🎷🎶🎁🏆✨🤴
❤
Does the narcissist know that they are a narcissist? Does everyone have narcissistic traits? How would I know if I'm the narcissist/have those traits?
I’m being manipulated with hurtful small cuts… when I called her out… she said I’m f ed up.
Is it me or… is this not manipulation and gaslighting at the same time?
It's both it's about control you feel sorry and take them back.
Let her be fed up and skip out the door.
It's her. It's what they do they're demonic
To the men out there
Have any of you been accused of stalking after discard ???????
tried to edit...he wasnt lucky like me.ahe called him truck driver..the year before they went for three months on rhe road.rhe day they got home she got mad at him and ghosted him for a year...he was a basket case
Do they devalue you and create a smear campaign if you ghost them after the break up?
Mine has been texting and calling since I left 6 days ago. She makes me nervous if I cut her off completely
Does what you describe about the narcissist and your definition of the disgard wrt a person from their past apply to people they had an intimate relationship with only or can this apply to people who never went past the friendship level? And that friendship scenario I am referring to specifically is that between a man and a woman. Or does this only apply to people who went beyond friendship?
Anyone and everyone they interact with can apply, unfortunately.
Usually it's designed for non narc to kiss butt more
I just broke it off with my narcissistic boyfriend. I feel relieved but im kinda scared that he might return and i wont know how to react. Im not sure if ill be strong enough to say no. Its bn 2 days so far
Prety much in the world
Do you have videos where the victim discards the narcissist? If so can you post it please?
Even if you exposed them? or in that case they will discard you for good?
If there is public mortification, they don't come back
how can one channel have 200 videos on the same subject?
Great video... BUT hate the musici the background tbh😊😮
Why are the survivors not reading ppl in the beginning their fault 🤷♀️ I knew the first day it’s not hard it’s called studying ppl
Creepy music. I won't listen.
My discard is not a illusion it's the harsh reality I'm ot dealing psychotic individuals who has lost themselves perversion
Omg, a double discard must be so horrible, thanks Anoushka for this vid and every other one you’ve posted 🫶🏽🙏🏾
Thank you for watching 😊
@@anoushkamarcin just got a new cell phone and hade to create a new CZcams account. You have helped me and my children more than you may ever know. It’s bedtime here in Kaua’i, Hawai’i but want you to know the amazing positive benefit you make in our world 🙋🏻♂️💛🙏🏾 you just keep doing what you’re doing, plz. Btw, luv the A necklace ✊🏽 good night, Thursday 10:04pm here with my 8 yr old son sleeping next to me while his mom moved in with her new supply. Thatz real life. Forever grateful