I Don't Like My Husband but I Don't Want to Divorce
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2021
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I was influenced by feminism around me what almost let to my divorce/ breakingpoint of my marriage but alhamdulilah Allah guided me because of people raising awareness and alhmdulialh ustad gabriel made me proud of my religion walhmdulilah what a blessing to have this ustadh in these messed up times
Alhamdulilah I’m so happy to hear you managed to stay and work it out Alhamdulilah! May Allah swt bless you and your marriage !
I once read “never ever take advice from anyone who isn’t married or someone that doesn’t have the marriage that you want”.
May I know what you had done to be divorced sister?.
Wow sis, you're really very strong. For one, to be sincere enough to accept advice. It's not easy to admit that you were wrong subhanAllah. And also for sharing this publicly so that perhaps others can benefit. Jazaki Allah khayr
@@pakamatpakamat8199
part 1
I was raised by a mother who was not happy in her traditional role because my father did not treat her well. I therefore have (or should I say😉) associations that a traditional role would not make me happy. I saw it as something inferior.
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My mother showed no pride there and she also wanted her daughters to make a career. My caring side was seen as a weakness and my mother thought I would end up with a man who would oppress me. She didn't see it as a strength.
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It starts with only wearing sneakers to look tough and strong and at some point wearing hoodies and even cutting my hair short. Then I noticed that it made me very unhappy. A lot of aggression, anger and hatred remained in me.
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I really wanted to be female again, because I was afraid to be seen as a boy (short hair). At one point I certainly radiated femininity, even though I was wearing a headscarf. I met my man then and my feminine side was more expressed in looks and words. I also believe that this has attracted him to me.
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However, after the marriage things slowly went wrong. He's very masculine and my family wasn't used to that. They thought that such a man oppressed or not doing enough in the house or for me. I got comments like 'Why isn't he smiling a lot?' or 'Why is he such and such and not like such and such?'. Slowly I also started to look down on what he is like as a man and that he should be more empathetic towards others and smile more during meetings.
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Others also thought it was crazy that he works and studies a lot. He must spend that time helping me around the house and taking care of the kids!
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Now I have three children under the age of three. We have been through a lot together with miscarriages and a premature birth of our twins. So we were both in survival mode.
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I've been trying to put energy into our relationship for the past few months, because every time we did something together it ended in an argument.
@@pakamatpakamat8199 part 2
I remember fierce fights.
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Emotional outbursts.
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We're both up.
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He has started a new job and that requires extra effort in the first few months.
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I need conversations. I don't know where to find support anymore. He's supposed to help me, right?
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At the beginning of the marriage he wanted me to tell him everything. How I felt. I shouldn't bottle it up or say there's 'nothing'. Now I speak what I think and everything gets worse. Really bad.
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One day I thought it had to be different. Let's discuss the problem and come to a solution together, I thought. I think we need to spar over some issues to improve our relationship, I said. He tried to stay calm.
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I soon noticed irritation. Why do you have to discuss everything so much? Why don't you just do it?
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A slap in the face. At least that's how it felt. How can he be so mean? I got the feeling that I couldn't go anywhere. I felt alone.
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I can't make my aha moment very beautiful. It happened slowly.
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I came across videos about mindset and slowly started to read and listen more every day. The topics femininity and masculinity really appealed to me. What is being masculine and being feminine?
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I've looked at it with an open mind, desperate for answers.
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The quarter fell.
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I realized that I wanted so badly to see a woman in my man.
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He had to be caring like a mother and sympathetic like my best friend. Making money was self-evident. That was his job.
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The notion.
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He works hard for our money and I couldn't do that all day. The annoying conversations at work. The expectations of others. Politics. And the ambition to grow so that he can continue to support his family and also make a difference in the world.
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I work super hard for my kids and I know he can't do it like a mother does. When he sees the children, he thinks about their future. When I see the children, I worry whether they have eaten well. I realized our strengths and thereby our differences.
im not married , but i dont want to divorce aswell lol
Divorce is not the end of the world. Life goes on.
I tried to divorce twice but Allah didn’t let me☹️
Allah is al Hakeem and knows what’s better for me.😊
Same here. Marriage should be for life unless something very bad happen. It is better for the children to have stability
I'm not even married and these topics scare me
Completely understandable buddy. Marriages should be taken EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY AND CAUTIOUSLY. Don't make a mistake that'll leave with a divorced-label. Chances are 98% of prospects out there don't qualify the basic standards of a spouse. As a man, you'll be liable under the law. Don't let emotions get into play. Qualify them first before you involve yourself emotionally.
Me too bro
@Black Roses to late either way
Same
I left a comment on what I would do but by your words, Gabriel. You've made it clear that a marriage without dedication to Allah, isn't a marriage to begin with. Good video. Brother.
True!
Most of the time the grass is not greenest elsewhere .
JZK brother for your sound advice...I definitely needed to hear this.
This is the disease of our generation, quick pleasures, fleeting interests in their spouses, nothing concrete nothing based on religious commitment and fear of Allah
Omg. Brother Gabriel, you deal with every type of question. May Allah SWT bless you.
I really enjoyed listening to this. Jazak Allah Khair for sharing dear brother. You were on point!!!
But why to sacrifice?I understand if u have kids ,for their sake .But otherwise?I don t get it.This is like jail.Who can stay mentally healthy and live in harmony with someone u can t even tolerate ??
Jaza’kAllah Khair 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
divorce is not a solution its an options after you exhaust all your other solutions ....
I was also born in the 80s and my beloved childhood was the best/happiest times of my life that I ever lived!
Yes sis, those were the days.
Lucky you. Covid prevented a lot of people from childhood memories.
@@zeinabb3628 covid will be their childhood memory, unfortunately.
Like my parents childhood was war when the Soviet invaded us and now my nieces and nephews there, their childhood is US and allies invading them.
Covid and the 80’s was a blessing. Alhamdolilah kulli haal
Jzk for this talk... Absolutely beneficial n very realistic x it is an eye opener for those who live in a bubble life is all about comprise n sacrifice within reason n mostly its about getting closer to our maker Allah rabbulul izzatti x
Who gets married without vetting or even talking to the other person to see if there's any compatibility these days.
Bro you have no idea
Pakistanis lmao 🙂
@@mirnamirk7028 Not funny! Now all Pakistanis. In the UK unless forced by family, people take time to know each other. Many even date astaghfirullah
@@Zazezoo I'm pakistani myself m8 I'm just telling my experience. Alot of people here get married just cuz of family pressure without any thoughts and it causes problems later.
@@mirnamirk7028 Indians also
Great advice! I'm not married but am gonna share this video with a sister who really needs it. Jazakallahu kheiran
She also doesn't likes her husband?
@@pakamatpakamat8199 there's so much more to it when a woman says she doesn't like her husband but I'm not gonna share her situation out of respect, love and trust we have as friends. She is seeking professional help and always learning ways to improve herself and marriage. May Allah make all our matters easy and guide us through. Ameen Ya Rab
@@munshi3853 but why she doest like him,he doesn't respects her?
What an amazing advice
Jazak Allah khyran katiiran brother 🤲
Thank God I've gotten my head under control. Disney's idea of prince charming was making me dislike men in the real world.... scary stuff
This is why I don't like to make my role models on social media couples. My role role model is Rasullulah (PBUH) ❤❤❤
Eveyone should watch Brother Gabriel's videos ❤️
Brother, masha Allah, you are wise and an inspiration. May Allah SWT bless you.. This younger generation is a confused generation because there are too many social media Muslim couples who have raised the bar so high that most couples cannot reach that..in my life, I've witnessed happily married couples who make it work, despite different interests or habits..because we must look at the good and not on the bad..
SubhanAllah this is an excellent response to the question and beneficial naseeha. Don’t ever forget the shaytaan’s most celebrated work is that of breaking up a family and marriage. Divorce should be your very last resort.
I do believe that if the sister tries and like Sidi Gabriel suggested, changes her mindset, she will start to love and appreciate her husband if he is good to her. This will lead to a deeper love and respect for the couple in the years to come InshAllah. Too many people are chasing lust and romance- that will come down the track InshAllah. You are in the marriage with clear eyes InshAllah and you aren’t being blinded by false promises or soon to be expired lust. Hang in there sis, inshAllah Allah swt will facilitate ease and true love and respect in your marriage.
I really do pray for our ummah and our children - what will marriage be like for them? It’s concerning. We have to try to hold onto this blessing and protect our marriages and families InshAllah.
Allahu Akbar, so far I have just read the title... and its reminding me of so many hadith...
All i have to say is Jazak Allah khair for being there when i wanted to file a divorce and helped me over think it and Alhamdulillah there is always the power of Dua . Jazak Allah khair it was so helpful that you did not tell me to divorce
...although the sheikh we spoke to -told me that i should divorce and the sheikh treated me like his daughter an so on advising me he is not on my level. We need to make things work , have patience. Allah knows what is best for us , we do not know...and indeed who says there will be an upgrade? My second marriage was not an upgrade so how could my third be? Allahu alem
I haven't seen the whole video to the end yet (so you could have given the same suggestion as I'm about to offer)...I would suggest, focus on and list ALL his positive points, positive characteristics, all the pros about him and feel deep gratitude to Allah about them, overtime (a short time) your feelings about him will then become more loving and accepting of him. Ameen.
Beautiful advise mashaallah
Wise words brother. Marriage is not a bed of roses. It's about understanding, sabr and looking at the strengths rather than the weakness in our partners. The grass is never greener on the other side. Seriously so many couples are lost in the ways of the dunya. Trying to keep up with the Jones's. Be content ,ultimately it is having takwah. Allah knows best.
Amazing that no man asks questions like that. Men mostly adjust their lifestyle if they are attracted to the wife.
That's probably true... its mostly guys that were previously womanizers/fornicators that would care too much about compatibility (in things that arnt too important) as much as women do in a marraige
@@m0hamed_kamz70 Men who are fornicators eventually grow to become people who do not care
@@themercifulguard3971 true... Fornication or even relation before marriage leads to less interest in spouse later
@@sakilahmed6788 but they would still be interested in commiting zina... I know someone who ended up like this: no commitment, just zina
@@m0hamed_kamz70 The ones who don’t want to commit zina as they consider themselves reformed, just marry and divorce. I was tricked in to a marriage only later to be told he married me as he feared zina. He never lived with me or even called me but would only talk to me when he wanted. He refused divorce because he feared zina. He divorced me at his own time. Probably he had met someone else or something. I was shocked as to how common it’s becoming. Some Brothers have asked to marry me but not live with me and they want to keep it secret from family. They fear zina so want marriage but not the responsibilities of a husband. Those Islamic premarital sites are horrible!!!
The discussions before marriage is very important but it's useless if your potential spouse lies during this process. My husband lied and presented himself a certain way before marriage and didn't see anything wrong with that. If he was completely honest with me in the beginning then I would not have married him and probably wouldn't have thought of divorce since the first week of marriage. We are still married but we struggle in our relationship...we have a kid together and I really want this to work, but it's really hard.
Please be honest when you are talking to your potential spouse.
please do video on the muslim tiktok couples
One of the biggest if not the biggest cause and result of spousal discord and dislike comes from sexless marriages including very much in the Muslim community even with practising Muslims. I work with many cases where sisters are desperate and suffering, their husbands have just lost complete interest over the duration of the marriage. At best 1-2 sexual experiences in 1 year or nothing at all or just having intercourse for conception. The women in the culture stay for the sake of kids in general, and settle for the roommate living arrangement. This type of issue is very hard to fix and overcome especially as the men in the culture will not come in for couples therapy.
1:52 hits different.
Put the trust in Allah SWT in everything and do what needs to be done and it should all be good In Sha Allah
I don’t like my husband, but I want to stay for his resources, stability. I’m sorry but that’s a recipe for disaster. Find you a better woman, and leave that woman for someone else.
Good advice brother. Its the propaganda that has deceived people into thinking this life is jaanah. So when things are not perfect we get disheartened easily. This life is not janaah. This is the short test just a few days that we are in the dunya , if we are patient and bear it for the sake of Allah then next life janaah is forever.
DAY 4 LIVE: Conclusion of Al-Wasiyyah & Kashf Ash-Shubuhāt || Ustadh Tim Humble || #KYR2021 || AMAUczcams.com/video/cG--98adFv8/video.html
The world is becoming scary place to live in.. Better live alone, die alone 😱
Only compare yourself to yourself
Maybe she can suggest 3 extra wives for her husband(if he is able)??By this way she only need to tolerate him for 7 days a months only.
Why would one want to stay with the person she doesn't like? If there's no love and nothing works, there's no point staying in that marriage. Because staying in that state might lead to fitnah no one wants and if you don't like your spouse, it's going to be revealed to him sooner or later anyway, probably in a more damaged state. So, divorce should be considered in such situations.
But Islamically, marriage is not only about love but also about compassion, mercy, patience. If there's a way to fix the marriage, everyone should take that route first with trust in God and keeping divorce as the last option.
Ph then live with husband these times work as pros manny so be happy ffs.
Then why you married him?
I would've asked the same question before. But now i wouldn't. Parents literally force you and guilt-trip you in marrying whom they feel like is good. They really don't care about how you feel
@@nidaeshaque oh,and meanwhile some of these women had secret boyfriends,lovers,what a shame the only victim here is the husband.
Some lie and act a lot in beginning
Educate yourself 🕋 Please choose simple stuff ❤️ PBUH محمد is a Positive, Easy-going, Loving, Caring Person
👉🏻Do Not fall for all those different groups nor all these false Setcs ie Sufism or jama'at Tabligh Waldawa or Wahaby or TakfirWalhijra or Ekhwaan or SheeAt or Eebadhy or BahaEe or any Sects that are opposite of a pure Sunnah of PBUH محمد Nice & Easy 👁️👁️ Spend Time Researching, not blindly following, Enough, this world does not need any more ignorant persons👁️👁️ Open your Eyes
Most of Times arrange marriage work
Just do what all the other women do. Cheat on him with a lot of different men and when you find one that you like you’ll fall in love and then you’ll actually want the divorce. Then take his children, money, home and dignity. Then gossip to his family and friends and lie about him so he doesn’t have anyone to turn to. Just do that, duh
Are you sick?
@@pakamatpakamat8199 No? I’m an empowered woman doing what’s best for me. You have a problem with that?
@@LolLol-ph3qb what are you even doing here,this channel is for Muslims.
@@LolLol-ph3qb You gonna be that type of woman who's gonna end up single at 50 with 3 cats, sucking on a lemon sherbet and wondering wtf she did wrong to get in this situation 😂😂😂.
@@mikailgafow2784 the future is female
That's a terrible advise