If You Feel Like You LOST The One, WATCH THIS! | Matthew Hussey
Vložit
- čas přidán 1. 05. 2021
- ►► Let’s Collect the Wisdom & the Treasure, Together.
Tap to Subscribe . . .
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my CZcams channel now.
I post new love life advice videos for you every weekend.
▼
We’ve all experienced this relentless form of self-torture . . .
Whether your breakup was two days or two decades ago, you find yourself looking back and wondering how things could’ve turned out had you acted differently. Had you known then what you know today.
Pretty soon, you’re living in the timeline where you didn’t “ruin everything” with that person . . . ultimately punishing yourself over a parallel universe you’ve created in your mind.
This week, my brother Stephen and I answer the question, “Is it possible to ‘blow it’ with the right person?” and share how you can turn self-loathing into a better relationship with yourself (and your future partner).
►► FREE VIDEO TRAINING: “The Right Way to Rekindle with Him” → RekindleTheRightWay.com
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Instagram → / thematthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
A doctor once told me:
*“If a relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does”*
So deep and true
Damn good advice!
Nice advice but it's fake, "because there is a relationship does help you become happy but still pull you back down 👇. Better person sometime doesn't make you happy tho🙂
@@SomParRaaz elaborate the last part
@@SomParRaaz true! I’m elevated more than I ever have. And before I typed this out I thought it was because of her. Now I’m realizing, that was my capacity to grow. I made her my reason, not my source. DAMN!
“If it’s meant to be, you can’t mess it up. If it’s not meant to be, you can never get it right.”
A qoute that helped me is that "you did what you did because you felt how you felt and now it is what it is"
I really like that quote Andrea! Thanks!!
But was what you felt valid?
@@chrisobrien6254 I ask myself this too, what if there is something psychologicall wrong about me, and I could have accepted her as my partner if I went to therapy
@@chrisobrien6254it was a mistake
I am sober now
After 20 y weed
It hurts
I want to see her
I need to find her
So much shit happend
So unlucky
😂😂🤣😭😟
A favorite quote I wish I had heard ages ago; “ it’s possible to commit no errors and still lose, that’s not weakness it’s life”
❤
Star Trek!
You can plant your crop, do everything absolutely perfectly right, and the day before harvest a hail storm can wipe it all out. Sometimes, you just lose! It’s all about planting again
jean luc picard
Patrick Stewart Playing Captain Jean Luc Picard on an episode from Star Trek The Next Generation was telling Data played by Brent Spinner it was a wonderful quote yes Hell Yeah
My self forgiveness mantra:
‘I trust myself that I did the best I could and that I’m still doing the best I am able to’
Don't give up on life and the universe I know of a great man who helped you me fix my broken hear beat relationship and everything was restored to pormal in days without delay
+=2=3=4=8=0=7=0=7=6=8=9=9=2.
massage him on WhatsApp
I know omanifest whatf a man who can help you you want within 24hrs in
*Mes*sa*ge hi*m on Wh*at*sA*pp..
A quote that has helped me and is fitting for this video: “What happened happened, and couldn’t have happened any other way... because it didn’t” -Peter Crone
Absolutely.
« That’s what I was gonna do ». Yes, and the PROOF of that theory is that you did it!
I think dating advice increases the odds of meeting and attracting a suitable person, but soulmates don’t break up.
Easier said than done if possible, best to focus on moving on sooner rather than later. Cause later, what will torture you is not that you’ve lost that person but that you lost TIME thinking about that person.
Hello lovely, Dr Stephen was able to restore my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex, I'm so much greaful to him. And also Dr Stephen always keep to his promise I advise you to seek him out so that he can help you also thanks!
+2 3 4 7 0 5 4 4 0 7 3 8 8.
A fitting quote for people out there
When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”
- Winston Churchill
That's so helpful, thank you.
The quote that helped me " If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you will love the right person"
"Wishing to have done something different is wishing to be a different person". Powerful
but what if i do wish I was a different person
@@user-us1yu8gx9sBut you weren't, you can't travel to the past and be that person then. You can only change now. So wishing you "were" someone else leads you nowhere in time.
This has really stuck with me. I love this quote and everytime I think of the situation I’ve been regretful about I’m going to say this quote to myself
And maybe you should have become a different person at that time.
Bryan, you're missing the point. One of someone does need to be different because they suck? Many many people suck. Especially dudes. Especially dudes who cannot hold down a relationship.
There is better and there is worse. Be better. Not worse. Stop screwing up your relationships by being a selfish egotistical freak.
"People change when they are ready, not when they think it's a good idea" - Matthew Hussey 👌🏽
Hello lovely, Dr Stephen was able to restore my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex, I'm so much greaful to him. And also Dr Stephen always keep to his promise I advise you to seek him out so that he can help you also thanks!
+2 3 4 7 0 5 4 4 0 7 3 8 8.
That got me too✌
why are these mutually exclusive?
No they change when they have to..
Sometimes when you get with the person you always wanted after you did all the right things, you realize in the end that they still were not meant for you.
And sometimes you realise your dream person is not your dream person at all. And then you're going through the most challenging inner battles, experiencing personal heartbreak with yourself trying to figure out where to go/what to do next..
@@IEVAKambarovaite I can totally relate to this, I'm just figuring out if I thought this person was so great because that was the case or this was more related to me and what I feel I needed to have to feel complete
True
So true and so hard to qccept
Hello lovely, Dr Stephen was able to restore my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex, I'm so much greaful to him. And also Dr Stephen always keep to his promise I advise you to seek him out so that he can help you also thanks!
he said "You did what you did because that's who you were then" and I burst into tears.
but it's very true
I felt that too... hindsight is 20/20 but we all made the best decisions we could with the information we had at that period in time. There's no huge announcement that says "this will be a pivotal moment of your life, choose wisely". Even the most subtle, quiet choices we make can end up changing our lives.
Read this comment exactly as he said it. Chills 🥺
I've been watching Matthew Hussey for years but this video broke me down to tears. I'm currently going through the worst heartbreak of my life and having a terrible time accepting the breakup due to feelings of guilt and constantly thinking "what if I hadn't said this or done this." Thank you, Matthew, for constantly guiding viewers like myself and helping us see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Same, stay strong. you are not alone
Me too!
Here for the same thing, I hope you’re doing better now❤️
Literally the exact situation, I decided to move out of our shared flat, I hurt her badly.
I visited her regularly but I found out she started dating someone more emotionally available. I feel like I'm going through a transformation because the pain is so intense
Me currently rn. I’m still weeks fresh from a breakup and it’s the worst feeling ever. Like it fcking hurts! This video helped me in seeing my breakup in a different light
For anyone who is struggling with guilt, shame, inner critic and self-hate as a pattern, please first look deep down to where it comes from, and then remember that it is so unfair for yourself to carry the 100% responsibility of this relationship's viability on your shoulders. There are two players in this game, and it's rarely just one single thing that kills a solid relationship.
Thank you. I've been doing this a lot. I knew someone for 14 years, we were technically together for 12ish. I've been through heartbreak before, but this is the worst I've felt. I definitely owned up to everything I did or didn't do, apologized profusely. I had to move away. I exercised religiously, I journaled. I prayed. I did everything I could to deal with the immense pain. Considering I already deal with depression/anxiety/deep thoughts/fears all of my life, mostly having to do with mortality and the concept of time--facing it head on is/was scary. I surprisingly got a job back in the same city we lived in. I didn't move back there for her, it was for cost of living, being able to live on my own with a regular job to start out with, no state taxes, etc. But I have to admit, being back here, in my empty apartment, its all rushing back to me--big time. I'm letting it release when I feel the need to. I just feel alone. My depression and anxiety is flowing back. I'm thinking about her. Missing her. It's only been 4 months. So I have to give myself time. I have to do my best to use positive affirmations. One moment at a time. One day at a time. I'm just a very emotional human being and it flows deeply and strongly, it gets legitimately scary. Thank you for allowing myself to get this out. All the best.
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 one day at a time is the only way brotha. You have to feel that pain and work through it, not avoid it. It sucks, I’ve been there too, but you will come out stronger on the other side. John Lennon said it best, “I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me.” Stay strong 💪🏻
@@michaelrella7820 Thank you my brother, for taking the time out to reply to me, means a lot. I've been feeling it for sure. Trying to face it head on, every single day, and doing my best. I've just been torturing myself imagining her with other people, but I have to kill my ego. I have to keep my genuine feelings for her in prayer only and try to calm down my mind. All the best.
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 I share your pain my friend. My wife of 8years, together for 12, told me 4 months ago that she wants to separate. I was devastated, still am. She loaded the responsibility for it not working on my shoulders and I took it all on. But as time passes I am realising it took both of us to bring us to this point. I am looking squarely in the mirror at my part, hers is her business. Some days I feel positive and optimistic, others I feel so desperately sad. Today is ok. And the original post about the inner critic and shame rings true for me. Doing a lot of work at present with a good therapist to look at my stuff. One day at a time my friend 👍
@@iainwilkes3669 Deeply honored you'd open up to me and reply with what you've shared my brother. So empathetic towards you and your situation at hand. Basically around the same time as me. For sure, it's so difficult to balance myself and my own internal struggles, with a coinciding relationship. Like you, I'm taking full responsibility for what I did or didn't do enough, but we cannot assume all of it specifically towards the relationship. It takes two, no doubt. I actually cried today, had to release. It's ok though. No judgement. Just feel it and let it flow. No ego, we go. I really should be in therapy as well, but I cannot afford it at this time. My ultimate dream is to take a retreat to do ayahuasca, that's definitely calling me. For sure, I am always catching myself way in the past or present, an overworking mind, and you're right-one day at a time. I've been trying my best to watch Russell Brand, Eckhart Tolle, Michael Singer, to work on calming myself down, gain perspective, evolve, learn. Ironically, all that I feel I've learned in such a short period of time, I feel we would be great together. It's such a weird feeling. Again, thank you for replying to me, I deeply appreciate it. My door is always open. On days where I feel alone, I will think of you. All the best my brother.
Matthew's still saving us thousands of dollars in therapy. Thank you.
Couldn't agree any less.
Definitely helped me
Both are worth it… I used to think that therapy was only for people with mental issues, then I realized we all have mental issues. I believe everyone can benefit from talking to someone about their issues, whether it be with yourself or someone else.
Lol Word ✌️👍😎
FACTS!
It's hardest part is to see them move on so quickly. Like whatever you shared doesn't matter anymore
Yep. It’s a horrible feeling
I was married 14yrs. Left him and within a year, he moved on.
Him moving on so fast, has ZERO to do with me. It's all about him.
And to each is own & I wish him nothing but happiness.
Yessss going through that right now
Everybody's in their own little race. Failure after failure after failure. Failures the only teacher worth listening to.
Because they lost interest, they decided to leave you long before they actually left.
when i felt like i lost "the one" i legit thought omg, where will i find a guy like him he was perfect. tall cute handsome funny smart caring loving loyal; and i wanted someone with his exact physique. i thought i had lost the absolute best guy. about a year later, i found someone with all those traits AND weirdly enough the same EXACT physique lol. so i guess basically you just have to stop worrying. live life, have fun, learn about urself and youll run into someone youll fall in love with again. for me it was extremely hard to move on i never thought i would. and then boom, i found him
❤❤❤❤ Love this story , I have hope ☺️
Wow!!!
When I need a little self-love during heartbreak, there's a quote that I refer to that has been helping me and I'm hoping it will help anyone who is going through a tough time and needs some comfort. The quote is: "My heart may be broken but my vision is clear." It helps you tell yourself - lesson learned! Hugs to all who are heartbroken and in the process of healing. ❤️
That’s great! Thank you for sharing. And it does take you out of the suffering mentality and to a proactive positive place. 🙏
Don't give up on life and the universe I know of a great man who helped you me fix my broken hear beat relationship and everything was restored to pormal in days without delay
+=2=3=4=8=0=7=0=7=6=8=9=9=2.
massage him on WhatsApp
Glad to help. You're welcome, Liz! 🙂🙏
*And sometimes you realise your dream person is not your dream person at all.* And then you're going through the most challenging inner battles, experiencing personal heartbreak with yourself trying to figure out where to go/what to do next..
Yes you realize the patterns of your heart that your painful past gave you no longer serve you and you have to let them go!
So true
I figured that out with a guy I wanted to be with SO BADLY once. I thought we'd be perfect together... he was handsome, had a great smile, and such a personality! Then, I got to know him. We never went on a date- I simply just got to know him. He was good at triangulating women, pitting them against each other to "fight" over him, he tended to think the worst of me even when I meant the best for him (he tended to "villainize" me no matter how hard I tried to make sure I worded things just right so they weren't misconstrued)., and heaven forbid anyone saw us together. I started feeling a bit "shunned", honestly. At some point, I finally realized we weren't ever getting together and thank goodness for that! Who needs to be with someone you can't ever measure up to? I want someone in my life who appreciates me, my efforts, and what I have to bring to the table, too. And that's not asking much!
IEVA Kambarovaite- this is what I’m trying to get thru.
@@Mandy.S. Triangulation is bad. It's good you saw that and other poor behavior before spending too much time or getting in too deep.
I think i ruined my relationship because I was acting based out of fear and not allowing myself to be vulnerable.
💯
I screwed up and lost the love of my life because of insecurities. This video made me realize of my mistake and use it as a learning tool instead of blaming myself.
Same bro..
I heard recently that what is meant for you, will never pass you by. I think we over think things too much. We need to be ourselves and when we meet the right person we mesh with, it will work. Relationships fail because the two people are not meant to be together..
What you wrote is absolutely true. But sometimes it’s difficult to convince yourself with it. 💜💜💜
Thanks for this. But convincing oneself is quite challenging ❤️❤️
I get that, thanks. Like the other two replies…maybe that would have been the case for me and him. It’s just that we were building something that was “easy” and flowed so well- hard to know what the hell stopped it?
I decided it was him and not something specifically about me, because I don’t know (without him communicating)!
I really hate no communication….
my relationship failed because we met at the wrong time. no other reasons. he is right for me
That's absolutely untrue. Relationships fail because people don't communicate and compromise correctly. Always trying to get their way. Also a side note people always quit before they get to the other side and see what it's like to work together etc. Continuing to build. They have this idea in their head when they should just be present and develop themselves live ur life
It’s impossible to lose “the one” if they are truly for you they’ll be with you - never settle for less than you deserve if someone rejects you hurts you disrespects you they are not “the one” they have ruined their chances of being “the one” for you. Wait and God may reveal someone more suitable for you further down the line. A man judged me because of my situation (I had children with another man) at that point I realised I don’t want to do this don’t get with someone just because you think they might be “the one” get with someone who loves you and cherishes you treats you right - someone who thinks, feels and acts from a place of compassion not judgement. Don’t do what I did I fell for someone who didn’t love or respect me - choose someone that deserves you - choose someone that chooses you.
That’s what’s hard… I believe you can meet the right person at the wrong time. I, personally, was like the man you’re speaking of to my girlfriend and it wasn’t because of her in any way. It was because of my own insecurities and lack of experience in relationship anxiety. I love her to death and I know in my heart that she is my person. I fucked up bad. And this video explains everything about my experience to a tee. I don’t think I would have stayed with her if the roles were reversed. I know that she is my person, but I’m not my own self anymore. I need to learn how to love myself, get my shit together, and confront my insecurities head on. I pray to God I have the chance to have another chance with her someday.
Better yet just drop the concept of "the one“
@@MrSomebodyStrange Excellent reality check … it takes two to choose each other on a daily basis to make any relationship work, along with timing, compromise, etc.
@@EthanC_09 same bro manifest it she gone come back i got faith people change over time
@@EthanC_09 Right, spot on. Many commentrs adopt the attitude they were the were the saints in a relationship, lacking introspection or selfrlection. By default they say all the fault is from the dumper, and likely in most cases is, but i know how life or even a wrong moment can disrupt one self and make a relationship much more difficult. Just imagine a situation when one gets broken financially or when an ex you loved or still love comes back unexpectedly and you don't want to loose her/him again. Stress, perfectionism, anxiety are a b*tch.
There is also an interesting quote I read, that I think has a degree of validity: "you'll never be too much for someone who can't get enough of you"
If you’re too complicated people will leave and you can’t blame them for not sticking around.
“I don’t get the insight without the heart break.” Absolute gold! Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Souls come into our lives to help us transform and evolve. Losing an amazing person is such a transformational catalyst!
Truth. I got completely 100% sober and started taking my life more seriously from my most recent dating/relationship experience. Even though it didn’t work out, things happen for a reason and I’m glad I am who I am now. I wouldn’t take any actions back at all, I love myself a lot these days for the person I’ve become. I’ve come a very long way and I’m proud of myself. Instead of choosing to be jaded over the loss of the relationship, I’m grateful honestly.
I am 35 and crying every single day for the things that I did wrong. Even if I know that I cannot change the past, I ruined my today by my ignorance. Never take things for granted, never play love games, hold on to the people who give you love, life is too short for the strategies.
I pray the Universe grant your heart desires with more love and commitment from your ||Ex|| through the help of the same Great and Powerful man •Dr Steve• who helped me restored my Broken Home. He can make your |ex| beg you for a second chance. I will advise you seek out his help thanks...)
Send him a message on Whatsapp 💕
+2347030894892.
@@sandramichaelson1272 shut up bot! Stop playing on peoples emotions!!!
Same here my friend. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced it’s horrific
I did the exact same thing - I spent the first few months after my breakup from the man I believed I was going to marry cursing myself for all the things I didn't do that could have saved us. And what you say here is absolutely true - I would never have learned how to show up better in a relationship had I not suffered that loss. The price I've paid for this newfound wisdom is high, no doubt, and the fact that we are no longer together still hurts very much, but I would rather be wiser now than the emotionally immature person I was in my relationship.
I hope you are doing well, I am proud of you and to everyone who’s suffering but still take the heartbreak as a lesson. I have been suffering too for the past 3 months, I keep beating myself up for the things I hope I’ve done differently. On how immature I am. I miss him a lot, and I am so thankful for all his kindness and lessons I’ve learned from our relationship, even tho for a very short period of time.
@@alyyyy2411 same situation!
Love this so much ❤️
💯
I am going thru this now. I blamed myself and im stucked
I think it’s important for me right now after being completely heartbroken to remember that yes there are things I need to improve but there are also things about my ex that needed improved and I was only half of the problem. Having a relationship that lasts requires both people to want to grow and evolve together. I would have done anything for her but she wouldn’t even admit simple faults of hers. I believe the one will be as committed to understanding and loving me as I was committed to loving and understanding her
That's the part of making sure your values line up. Good on you for recognizing the things you need to improve on. My ex recognized his faults, wanted to grow from them, but found that change was ultimately uncomfortable for him and decided to stay in his old habits and live with the discomfort because that's all he's known. Your ex may be that as well and until they have the self awareness to want to always keep working on themselves, they will stay stuck in their endless cycle
In the same position, and totally agree, both have to be willing to put in the work together. Otherwise it stops being partnership. I gave him everything, and even worked on myself when he was hurting me. But he refused to make any compromises or stop his hurtful behaviour. he got back in contact 6 months after the first breakup, asking to try again since it didn't work out with the woman he cheated with. He still refused to be willing to work on himself. When I said I needed time, he moved on immediately with someone else as he didn't want to be alone.
As you said, the one would have treated me with respect, been willing to grow and do better, and not betrayed my trust repeatedly.
Now I have to grieve and let go for a second time and it feels even more painful this time.
I agree, I did my best.. I'm not perfect but I tried and was willing to fight and talk things out.. She gave up.. Both of our actions were wrong towards the end but I was happy to forgive her and work on it, she wasn't.. So we just weren't compatible and she just didn't care enough. I can't blame myself all day long when she also pushed me to do the things I did, the right person wouldn't have pushed me to that level.. And if they did, would understand and talk it over with me and fight to keep the relationship alive
Not admitting their own faults is a tell-tale of a narcissist.
You may have had a lucky escape brother!
Oh man that me right there, I just want to be happy. She just wouldn't admit anything she put up so many walls, the break up was mutual but it leaned on her side so I'm mostly feeling dumped. She's doing a better job at not contacting and doing as one should. But overall I want happy, I was neglected and empty, I need to find myself but damn I can't help but to think of my mistakes and not think of hers. How toy doing now?
"You didn't know it enough."
This is the most powerful quote I'm taking from this video. I'm a smart guy, I read a lot, I understand and deconstruct concepts better than most people do. But only once you've gone through a heartbreak, a truly painful one that brings you here is when you finally understand that there is knowing and there is *KNOWING.*
Worse so that you scramble to apply all of your knowledge and critical analysis to the situation, only for it to be hopeless, because there's nothing you can do to actively change the situation that way.
You have to let go.
@DockClock-rp2ro my mantra every time I think about her or anything related to us.." let her go erich, let her go".
To be honest I cried a lot listening to this
It is just theraputical and heartwarming to hear someone gets what you're going through
And works hard to put out a video about it
Same🧚♀️
I bawled my eyes out 🤣
@@MeowMeow-sy2mi aaaaaw.....it's amazing when inspiring people like Matt and Steve turn us into mush as we can just be comfortable to let out some emotion after they say something that gives us comfort, that we may not be getting in life at the moment.....hope you feel better and have a wonderful day🧚♀️
@@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light thanks hard-core fairy 🧚♀️
💛✨
That’s how I felt. I wished I could’ve gone back in time and change myself the way she wanted me to. I could’ve kept her and we could’ve been happy if I changed for the better. In the end I have to forgive myself and accept the fact that I absolutely need to change to better myself. Not for her but for myself. I need to become a better person. Sometimes you don’t realize it until you lose the best thing you had unfortunately.
I feel the exact same way. But at least we've become or are becoming the best versions of ourselves. And the next person will be grateful for it
If i can go back in time to fix my own relationship with the knowledge and mindset i have now then i would actually do it. Im sure thats everyone's dream.
Yes so true, still working on this now 💔
I am on same shoes .....i lost best true relationship ...due to my series of mistakes and ignorance .now i am lost completely ,i will never get same intense Love from anyone...i don't know what to do......i am big introvert she is only one person who truly understand me ....but i lost her..... I will never get same feelings 😖😖😖
I did a mistake long time ago and my boyfriend left me, right away for something very childish, I refused to kiss him very early în the friendship and I realized now after many years that I had a very hard time to enter a relationship and I tried to shout the feeling of not being good for someone unless I accept everything they ask me, which is not a great idea for any relationship.
I'm goin thru a separation from my wife of 10 years right now. Its been 2 weeks and I have been a wreck I stumbled on your videos at 3am having a meltdown and your words are helping me in more ways than u can imagine. I want to say thank u very much
Hope you're in a better place
I’m in your boat. How are you now?
I hope you are in a much better place, you deserve love and to be happy ❤
We feel you mate, hang in there
And sometimes life is sparing you from pain and disappointment by not getting this person too
That guy should consider that after 6 weeks he doesn't know that woman, it's too short to regret anything. That's still the phase where we are stuck in our projections about how it "could" be to be with her. We sometimes fall in love with the feeling of being in love but that is just phantasy and has nothing to do with the other person at all.
Beautifully said 👏🏼
So true, and in the first 6 weeks, both people are usually only trying to show the best side of themselves - or what they think the other person wants to see... It's a mixture of fantasy, projection, illusion/delusion, hope, and deception (at worst). "Slow dating" needs to become a thing again - it takes tiiiiime for people to reveal themselves and build the trust needed to show their *true* selves. Jumping in is all fun & fireworks, but it's not sustainable as a long term strategy, if that's what you're looking for.
I've been devastated by 6 week 'relationships' before, so i empathise with the guy, but with the wisdom of hindsight, the devastation wasn't about the person, it was about the loss of a dream - and, more importantly, unhealed childhood separation anxieties & abandonment wounds... That there is the 'real work' of relationships - healing one's own triggers - before, during, and after it..!
@@user-vn9sh6hv8r well said, thanks!
He doesn't consider anything. He is a good looking guy with an accent his target audience eat up he contradicts himself alllll the time he is playing games and people are eating it up. This is not the answer. Respect for seeing it!
I was crying over a guy for a week of knowing him... sometimes it's feel much more deep that we want or can control... it's not about time, it's about de intensity of the feeling...
I think the best relationship we can be in is with ourselves, cause its ourselves we've got to live with for the rest of our lives! Dont ever put the key to your happiness into someone elses pocket...
Lesley Miller This is one of the BEST comments I've ever read in relation to this topic!
I'm in my 60s now and it's taken me a long time to feel comfortable with being single. I was on my own for about 17 years, due to trauma issues, yet still felt like I was meant to have a partner.
I met a man who SEEMED to be okay, then turned out to be an extremely abusive person (good actor) and I've been single again now for nearly six years. I've done more healing work on my extensive childhood trauma issues as well.
I've decided to stay this way and I'm okay with that; however, I might change my mind after I've sorted my own life out more. It's freeing to not feel like I HAVE to be with someone to be happy though, which does place it in someone else's hands. 😊
I tried to keep someone for so long . 3 years of relationship, everything was perfect in the beginning , people said when looked like made for each other. 10 days ago he told me he cannot continue with me because his parents are forcing him for marriage, suddenly he realises he is 33 and he is getting old and his parents are right. He hasn’t texted me since that day. I feel alone with his memories, someone who cared for me so much and now it’s all gone. Not even a single text to check if I am fine. I lost myself in these 3 years , the cheerful ,happy girl I was is no where to be found.
@@divaarchitect5628I’m so sorry. It shocks me to see how people that we think we know so well can just leave us here.
I just don’t know how:(
thats hard for me because i hate myself so much but making others happy makes me happy so thats what i do to live otherwise id just die.
That breakup definitely led to my evolution. I am a more empathetic and less ego-driven individual. It was worth the years of darkness pulling myself out of the remnants of that relationship.
In other words: The things about you that took a person out of your life are inextricably linked to the things that brought them into it. If you were to change one, you would also change the other.
all the “how to get guys” is fun, but this is Matthew Hussey at his best
I agree, Mathew has grown in wisdom, he knows his stuff this guy 🙏
Well...this sure shut my inner critic up 🤐 "You didn't know it ENOUGH." Pure gold 🥇🏆❤
Hello lovely, Dr Stephen was able to restore my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex, I'm so much greaful to him. And also Dr Stephen always keep to his promise I advise you to seek him out so that he can help you also thanks!
+2 3 4 7 0 5 4 4 0 7 3 8 8.
Yes! That quote is what got me! 💔
This is the premise behind my recent diagnoses of "C-Answer".
It's to mean, as Matthew mentioned with regards to health, that we all logically KNOW how to take good care of our bodies. But it's not until we hear those dreaded words from our Dr that we then have the ANSWER, then we REALLY know it! I immediately cleaned up my lifestyle. I just wish my two teen kids could really learn it enough through MY journey, not their own.
I don't want them to have to get their own personal " C-Ancer"
You must learn to accept what happened happen and it's time to move on. You are currently feeling it in that moment for now. Later you will get over it by focusing on leveling yourself higher than before. Stay confident and strong 😎
thanks for this 😊
i dont want to get over it i want it back so damn much
So difficult 😭
@@TheRealMe15 I’m feeling the same way I messed it up and I can’t go back I don’t want to get over her. It’s pure pain
@@ryanbey4460 Same feeling here brother.
“I don’t get the insights without the heartbreak” Powerful!
"Make your mistakes early and turn them into lessons" by stephen hussey.👌
I thought at the time that I had lost "the one", but omg, now I see how wrong he would have been for me. I'm so grateful that I moved on.
🙌🏾🙌🏾And this is true too.
There are so many variables that affect the outcome of a relationship. What you do is just one variable.
True, and if we have the courage and motivation to try something different we will never know.
It is not the actual 'wrong' act that was done that leads to the change in you, but the pain that comes with the act. That pain was necessary for you to change.
I needed this so much. I'm torturing myself last couple of days
Takođe. Matthew kao i uvek on point. Srećno!
Why?
@@lilyb8499 drago mi je da ima još sa ovih prostora
Ima nas jos vise.
@@lilyb8499 naravno
I definitely used to be that person who would always wonder "what if", what if I did X instead of Y, what if I wore something different, what if I said something different. However, I learned I had to stop with the what ifs and if I learned from that incident that that was a win. There is nothing I could do now to change the circumstances
I love this, thank you for sharing
me too!
What do you do when you only seem to attract people who see the £ signs!! I attract the wrong people
@ Sam..,Especially when you don’t know why!!
Then you just have to trust that someone will love you flaws and all (while still evolving to be a better person- that is still the take away -relationship or no)
I should have done this & that.. And the questions of why... why can't he fight for me? why can't he choose me? i still fall into this loop sometimes but I also remind myself to let go of the false hopes & that it's really over.
The way I look at it, if it is meant to be, it will happen. If it is not meant to be, then it will not happen. Better to just let go. This person makes some very good points on readiness. Knowing is one thing, being ready and doing it and living it is another. So true. I’m still learning and growing in my 50s.
I had dated a girl for nearly a year, we had our ups and downs and she really loved me. I ended it because she accused me of not putting in enough effort into the relationship and I was putting my friends before her, at the time i wanted to break up. Two years on and i regret ever ending it with her. She is now with someone else and we don’t talk. We share the same mutual friends so I see her at friends parties occasionally and she avoids me at all costs. I really broke her heart. If I could turn back time, I would have done things differently. I’ve dated other women since but nothing has come close. I get things happen for a reason but when someone leaves an impression on you, it’s hard to leave that behind.
Why didn't you try to see her side of things?
@@freddyjafar1490 we are men and we don't see it until we loose them
It’s either it’s meant to be or it’s NOT! Do your best to your knowledge and release the outcome. This applies in every area of life. If they didn’t choose you they were not meant for you. You should be very happy after at least a week of disappointment. Yes feel the pain, but accept the truth and let it go. Let it go even if you still feel the pain and the pain will eventually release you.
It's a bit like you don't get the light without the dark opening your eyes. Suffering causes some people to change, it's like a catalyst. Leave behind anything not worth keeping and simply be the best you can be. Suffering can bring about endurance
I can't agree more! “leave behind anything not worth keeping “ let it go
My mum always told me that I will become a true human after 3 heartbreak. Maybe it is because we go through a huge enlightenment during this severely painful process. What a wisdom..❤
Just had third one . I ended it due to my physical health issues and the anxiety relationship could bring sometimes would make it even worse . I can't stop feeling guilty although relationship was short term . He was a nice guy but there were so many things that needed work.
I needed to hear this today. I’ve been ruminating because I’ve been regretting the downfall of my past relationship. My ex broke up with me two months ago. I’ve been loathing myself for my mistakes. This comforted me. Thank you.
And how are you now?
i mean to ask how are you the moment you asked her how she is now? i hope you are well.
I am grateful for my past.... it hurts but the lessons I gained are lessons nobody could have taught me and are helping me shape a beautiful future. So yes it hurts but I'm grateful and it's so useful for my success!!
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.
I recently heard that on another YT video and it resonated also!
'I don't get the insight without the heartbreak.'
This statement just about knocked me out of my chair. I am beating myself up over our breakup, which happened only 2 days ago. This statement may allow me to understand the bad cycle of 'if only I had done this' mentality.
I loved the “I knew it but I didn’t know it enough”. I kept telling myself for years that I had to stop dating unavailable men but I never knew it enough until I truly decided to stop dating the typical hot flirty man who just wants sex . Now I know but it required several people for me to TRULY stop and take a different path. I only knew enough until I made a lot of mistakes , without mistakes we cannot grow ❤
I’m currently going through a breakup and woke up this morning thinking about the days that led up to it. I spent all morning wishing I had done things differently, acted differently. Then I got on CZcams and this was the first video on my feed. Talk about a change in perspective. I’m having to rewire my mind to tell myself I wasn’t going to do anything different and feeling validated that what I did, while painful, was not going to be different. Maybe it would have happened later down the line but it would have happened. Thank you for the validation and reminder that I am exactly where I need to be.
Hello lovely, Dr Stephen was able to restore my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex, I'm so much greaful to him. And also Dr Stephen always keep to his promise I advise you to seek him out so that he can help you also thanks!
+2 3 4 7 0 5 4 4 0 7 3 8 8.
Same here
How are you now. Does the pain.go away
how are you holding?
Love this, I have so much regret over my last relationship and never got closure after i was dumped. I still don't know where I went wrong. I am finally moving on now and accepting things though its been so painful. This has helped me so much. You can only be yourself and at the end of the day that will either be enough or not. We can only put ourselves out there and trust that there will be someone there for us who will accept us, flaws et all. I love your videos, they apply as much to men as women.
How are you? I hope you're okay.
How are u doing now ?
Same for me. My mistakes caused me to lose the girl I loved the most. She did a lot for me man ..she did a lot for me but I kept making the same mistake over and over again to the moment where I broke her trust and she walked away. I did say sorry to her but she has had enough. Noe I'm trying to pull myself together, wishing that she finds someone a lot better than me who gives her everything, every piece of love that I never did. I know I can't change anything but I surely will apologize properly if I ever meet her again. Thank you ..this video helped me a lot.
@@trishmorris4220 Thanks for asking Trish :-) I'm hanging in there. I am much better but still have bad days, I still think of her a lot..well most days. I still can get emotional too at times...pictures / memories / songs can set me off. I still have her on my Facebook / whatsapp..have never been able to delete her. We do message the odd time but any reconcilliation is never discussed., its always just asking about how we are getting on. I will no longer plead as i did all that at the start.If she was wanting to come back then i reckon she would have by now. To be honest I never thought that after all this time I would still feel this way and be missing her still. It is easier now though but i wonder if she will ever leave my heart?
I have put my toe back into the dating pool. I have had a few dates recently but none were for me. I have started looking for love again as time is moving on now. It would be nice now to have someone special in my life again.
@@andybrown4124 well I’m happy you are better ! You will find someone.
Thank you Matthew. This really helps free my mind of "What if I've done differently", "Did I push him to this?" and "If I could only be able to..." etc. I also wished "If he could only understands my point of view" and "If he's not..." etc. But no. He was he and I was I and this just wasn't meant to be.
Totally nailed it. Had an argument that ended our relationship. I keep blaming myself but the reality is if we did not have that argument it would have just postponed the breakup until an argument one day in the future. She showed a total lack of commitment to me after many years together. My friends said the same thing if she didn't break up with you now, she would be breaking up with you in a few weeks, months or years.
If someone isn't sure about you after spending time together, why stay. Good for you 👍. All the best to you
@@ayushi6892 I tried to keep someone for so long . 3 years of relationship, everything was perfect in the beginning , people said when looked like made for each other. 10 days ago he told me he cannot continue with me because his parents are forcing him for marriage, suddenly he realises he is 33 and he is getting old and his parents are right. He hasn’t texted me since that day. I feel alone with his memories, someone who cared for me so much and now it’s all gone. Not even a single text to check if I am fine. I lost myself in these 3 years , the cheerful ,happy girl I was is no where to be found.
@@divaarchitect5628 Ahhh this makes me angry, people treating others as a temporary muse.
But I'll suggest be clear about what you want from the beginning itself , keep your expectations and intentions clear to your partner and if they aren't matching what you want , then leave.
Self forgiveness is mostly overlooked in the healing process. What people usually tell us about life is similar to a chore checklist and after not getting things the way one would desire, even after doing everything in their power and plan, it can feel very defeating. The idea of who we were then and doing always gonna what we already did makes sense. I hope whoever is watching this, may you find your peace and healing. Wish you health, power and love. ❤️
Thank you. I've been doing this a lot. I knew someone for 14 years, we were technically together for 12ish. I've been through heartbreak before, but this is the worst I've felt. I definitely owned up to everything I did or didn't do, apologized profusely. I had to move away. I exercised religiously, I journaled. I prayed. I did everything I could to deal with the immense pain. Considering I already deal with depression/anxiety/deep thoughts/fears all of my life, mostly having to do with mortality and the concept of time--facing it head on is/was scary. I surprisingly got a job back in the same city we lived in. I didn't move back there for her, it was for cost of living, being able to live on my own with a regular job to start out with, no state taxes, etc. But I have to admit, being back here, in my empty apartment, its all rushing back to me--big time. I'm letting it release when I feel the need to. I just feel alone. My depression and anxiety is flowing back. I'm thinking about her. Missing her. It's only been 4 months. So I have to give myself time. I have to do my best to use positive affirmations. One moment at a time. One day at a time. I'm just a very emotional human being and it flows deeply and strongly, it gets legitimately scary. Thank you for allowing myself to get this out. All the best.
I have thought about this a lot and I strongly believe that the mistake we all fall into is that we think " if I feel this is the one and I have never felt this before then it must mean it is meant to be" I think THAT is the real problem for a lot of us... It has been for me. If "the one" is meant for you then why did I get it so wrong and how did I get it so wrong with that person I felt was it!?!?! It takes me aback to think that I can't trust my feelings.... Why did I feel this for someone that was not " the one". Maybe its because he resembles what " the one" would be like, feel like? I don't know. What I do know for sure is that there is no relationship more important and powerful than the one you have with yourself!
“You don’t get the insight without the heartbreak.” 😮 was not ready for that hard truth but needed to hear it.
To the person maybe you didn’t try hard enough but to you did your best at that time. Now it’s time to reflect and fix yourself to be the better version so then you don’t have to live with guilt anymore
I felt so much passion in this video. I got dumped after 3 weeks. I've been pulling myself apart and hating myself for being me ever since.
No one gets dumped, sometimes plp are not compatible or not holding the same standards or values. So even if you go on a relationship it wont last when you are on substantially different frequencies. Using the kind of language such as “dumped” is not uplifting. Respecting yourself is a first step towards self growth.
@@irresistiblep0 thank you 😊
Me too but were they right for you ?. The person I was with was trying to find out how much money I have?
It’s so strange how many of this advice is stuff that I kind of already knew but feel validated by hearing from someone else saying them.
Your words “the mistakes you made were always going to be there in waiting “ that hit me hard. I have spent the past few weeks wishing I could turn back time and not been insecure ect ect and we would still be together…but without the break up would I have ever hurt enough to change those behaviours for good? …it may not have happened a month ago but it was always going to happen at some stage without me learning
Wishing you have done something different would make you a different person. And maybe, this different person, wouldn't even want to be with that person they lost.
Thank you for helping us loving ourselves better, Matthew.
Hello lovely, Dr Stephen was able to restore my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex, I'm so much greaful to him. And also Dr Stephen always keep to his promise I advise you to seek him out so that he can help you also thanks!
+2 3 4 7 0 5 4 4 0 7 3 8 8.
Call him back stop being prideful it’s usually the women who initiate the break up this is for us men
@@oswaldofigueroa529 what do u mean?
Agreed! In a sense we should be humbled and extremely grateful that someone came along in our life that we could care about enough to make us want to improve, grow, and evolve. Those people are our greatest teachers and we should simply say thank you to that person who gave us that chance to fail and learn from it. Failing is ok; it means we are challenging ourselves. Life is a practice. You can intellectually know how to shoot a basketball, for example, but without the opportunity to hold a basketball in front of a hoop and shoot...you would never be able make a basket. So if we care about someone enough to want to learn from our mistakes- then that person was a blessing in our life for giving us the opportunity to try and shoot the basketball. (Just a metaphor- I'm not implying that relationships are a sport.😇) But that inserted input in the matrix (the sensory input of the feeling you get when you make that mistake) allows you to download that into your body so you can then propel your body to do differently the next time. People are not always meant to stay in our lives forever and so that teaches us to not take people's presence in our lives for granted! Which is why I am SO GRATEFUL for these videos!🙏🙏 I love them so much! 💘 Love you gentlemen!😍 Thank you!😊 -kelsie
Wow yes. Get your metaphor, Kelsie :)
And same- I was so grateful and enjoying my recent friend that to not have it hurts. I’m trying to reframe as gratitude for the experience. Until the loss part comes around and I feel sad and confused. It’s a B process because both sides are true….
Lovely positive mood ❤️❤️❤️
A relationship never ends with one argument, mistake or weakness! Every individual has its own weaknesses and strengths if someone leaves you for only one weakness or misbehavior remember that he doesn’t appreciate or see your value. Especially when you are working on yourself consistently and caring about your relationship this much. The right person sees how much you are willing to put effort into the relationship even you make a mistake. The right one understands you feels you and chooses to stay with you ;)
Thank you. So much. My self hatred lead me to lose the love of my life. Ironically it happened because I hate myself because of which I hated myself even more. But now I know… in this universe, I am like this.
Will work on it now.
One more thing to the one who is reading this, guilt is unnecessary because you will always make decisions which are the best of you at that moment of your life. You only remember your morals after it’s been done. You could’ve never known the outcome beforehand.. whether your decisions caused a negative effect or positive.. you took the best decision according to the information that you stored in your mind at that time.
The best version of yourself in this universe will cause several heartbreaks. We should be ready to learn and be the best. ❤
Lots of love.
I love this advice, I’ve really been struggling with mourning the past after making a lot of positive changes in the past few years and it has been preventing me from being present. Now I realize I actually needed to make those mistakes in order to inspire change. Past me was always going to make those bad choices no matter what because I hadn’t learned enough yet. I’ve been watching a lot of videos on this topic lately and most of them have given advice like “ask God’s forgiveness” or “forgive yourself and let it go” (Not helpful). Somehow knowing that my mistakes NEEDED to happen and somehow caused me to learn to be better really helps. It’s almost like I can look back with gratitude instead of regret now. Thank you!
You needed to make those changes in order to move forward. In order to get to your next destination. Now u know what u want or what u don't want based on what has happened.
This was everything I needed to hear. I've been torturing myself. Thank you ❤️🩹
Life is unfair but that is life. We can learn and do it differently next time
People don’t intentionally make wrong decisions. Seems right based on who you are at the time and information you knew at the time.
I knew someone for the shortest time of my life. Never met anyone like them. Its been a year and two months, I found out I was in love with them 6 months down the track after we ended. I cried for 4 months straight after a year it was over and it got so bad that I told my mum. She's known for two months, she comforts me when I cry but the other day I woke up and randomly started crying. She told me I needed to move on and she's right yet its so hard when they've been living in your head since the day they left but it takes baby steps to go far. I still remember the early chilly mornings of the first week when everything ended, it was living in a nightmare, in a time and space you did not belong in yet you did. Everything felt wrong. The world drops you into this uncongenial sea of emotions. Please be kind to yourself, please allow yourself to cry, I distracted myself with video games and still do hoping it will end my misery. You can only heal when you confront these uneasy and overwhelming emotions, treat yourself and others kindly. Your heart is fragile, treat your life tenderly. Im only just getting better, its on and off but its something. Its a step forward.
Matt, I would love to see you talk about micro-issues that can arise within long-term relationships. Some examples are: one person taking the other for granted and how to address this, ways to express sincere forgiveness when someone apologizes, how to apologize and really mean it, when one partner ends up doing all the leg work in the relationship and the other is blissfully unaware, how to address the imbalance... 💜
Now I wonder how many heartbreaks Matthew had to go through to have gained all this wisdom. Thanks for this, I have always been asking myself if things never got this broken had I not reacted the way I did. This video is somehow a relief to me.
Love can be a little too blind sometimes and we end up ignoring very clear red flags (remember that strop she had about such and such? ... yeah).
Listen to your gut feelings, you are telling yourself there is a problem.
We become upset when we experience a breakup because we are also breaking up with the familiarity and comfort. The feeling of rejection is also a hit to our ego.
"I don't get the insight without the heartbreak." I Love that! Wow. So good! Thank you MH!
This is absolutely true. Breaking your self again and again makes you stronger same like you increase weights day by day when you hit gym. So at the first place you were weak and u actually evolve day by day . This realization has now changed you internally.
So much wisdom to say you base your decisions based on your situation and seemed right at the time. Thank you
Coach Matt, you are absolutely accurate!! The heartbreak that I suffered after my ex-boyfriend broke up with me was not only necessary but also essential. I needed to experience that internal pain in order for me to learn, grow, and change…which I have and continue to do so. It needed to happen, and now I look back and say, “I’m glad it did.” I’m a changed woman who now loves and values herself. ❤️
Matthew Hussey..every good girl deserves a good man like you..
Matthew Hussey..you are a blessing to the world..
I want to be fearless to do mistakes and learn how to handle rejection with pride.
Rejection is difficult for the human experience. In any capacity. Rather than handling rejection with pride which is impossible and breeds cynicism, it might be better to cultivate resilience in the face of rejection. Rejection is an inescapable human experience. Happens on a near daily basis in major, minor and minute ways. Resilience is not immune to the pain of rejection but it can choose not to be impaired or incapacitated by it. If there’s a lesson to be understood, take it. If there’s none, feel the momentary pain but move on from it. My two cents
Great comments both of you!!!
I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on HOW to be resilient?
I get caught in “emotions” and now wanting to do that less…..
In dealing with recent heartbreak, and of all the therapeutic things I've been doing to recover, this has been the most helpful thing for me and truly resonates. Thank you for what you do!
I love this video and it applies to any regret you have in your life. It changed my perspective on everything.
Also I would say if they’re the right person they will come back.
I met my person, when I was engaged to someone else. It wasn’t until 18 years later, we admitted how we felt. For the past year we have had a long distance relationship, but come September he’ll be back and we will be living together.
We met at the wrong time, were different people, we got on with our lives, both married. Eventually we were in the right place emotionally to be together. Of course we sometimes wonder about what could have been but all we really have is now.
Second chances come along, if you’re really lucky but you have to get on with the life you’re living, not pining after what could have been.
Oh man!! Did this episode have me balling my eyes out. I battled with the self loathing for not doing things differently for so long and to hear I wouldn't have known to do any differently if it wasn't for the loss. Just wow! I know I have grown so much because of it and today I can be a better lover but boy does it hurt!
This is something I've been wondering for years and years when looking at relationship/dating advice. Amazing that finally, someone covers this, no, that you cover this, Matthew. And how. This video is pure gold. Thank you so much!
Words cannot express how much I needed this video right now. Thank you so much.
I’ve watched HUNDREDS of videos and honestly this is one of the most eye opening videos I’ve watched…that really helped with being so hard on myself. I appreciate you dude !
Very very deep conversation. It is so difficult to let go of past...no matter what you want or how much you want to let it go... it is always a part of you.
this video hits home. as someone who's fiance broke up with him, it really helped alter my perspective and made me not hate myself as such. We can only grow from lessons learned.
This was by far, my favorite video of yours. I'm absolutely astounded at the clarity and sense making you both have put forth in this conversation. Everyone should watch this. Thank you so much.
Matthew I really hope you see this. I really needed this and it’s helped so much, I’ve been unable to sleep at night, KNOWING that had I been in the headspace, gotten the reality check, I have now, I could have EASILY saved my 20 year marriage. My husband has moved on and it’s been 2 years of regret for me. Thank you for this video, it is no doubt saving the mental health of many who are suffering with regret
Matthew is so well spoken and has everything so well thought out, it's amazing and always a pleasure to listen. 100000% agree with everything he said here
Needed to hear this thank you I’ve been bad for hating myself for my past mistakes
Also, people change when they have no other option.
Big fan of you Matthew, your videos helped me move on from my heartbreak. Keep doing the good work.
" you didn't it know enough" wow this is deep and actually brings a bit of closure to me. Bravo gentlemen