LET GO, MOVE ON, and HEAL After a Toxic Relationship
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
- ►► Begin to Truly Trust Yourself & Believe in Your Own Worth.
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Edited by Jeremy Gray @jeremylogangray
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In the aftermath of a toxic or narcissistic relationship, we can lose all sense of self. Whether our partner tried to steal our joy at every opportunity, or they wore down our self-esteem with endless arguments and cold-shoulder treatments . . . the end of a relationship like this will leave us feeling disoriented and lost, and it can be hard to rewire our brains and resume normal life once we’re free.
At this point, it can be unbelievably hard to trust other people again. Logically, we may understand that not everyone’s like our ex . . . but emotionally, we see danger at every turn.
But there is a way we can heal-so we can move on and learn to trust ourselves again. And in today’s video, I share 3 mindsets that can help you do just that.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:58 - When a Toxic Person Becomes Our World
1:58 - 3:55 - How This Rewires Our Brain
3:55 - 4:59 - #1 Rewrite the Narrative of That Relationship
4:59 - 6:09 - The Stories We Create
6:09 - 6:51 - #2 Celebrate the Small, Brave Steps You Take
6:51 - 10:10 - Run Mini-Experiments
10:10 - 13:02 - #3 Stumbles Are Okay
13:02 - 15:49 - How to Measure Progress
15:49 - 16:23 - Trusting Yourself
16:23 - 17:49 - Deep Work
Whoever reads this, please please please do not give up after heartbreak. Let love rule. ❤
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Too late for me I'm afraid.
@@capdan68 how come
Heal. EMDR therapy or hypnotherapy can help so much 😊
@@juliascorey999 I'm too old, too insecure, to screwed up, every time I try I fail, it's too late to change... it's just too late. Perhaps I'll get it right in my next lifetime.
To everyone trying to heal themselves from a painful separation from a toxic situation, it will be better someday. Everything will fall in place. We will heal from it❤
I have been trying to for 3years I'm tired exhausted and what's the point the person your with doesn't love you the same way you love them
Amen
@@joetaylor9051how r u doing now?
Amen
let’s all heal together.
Amen
❤
Amen Sister
🙏❤️🌷
It’s so overwhelming to see how many people needed this video, myself included. We are not alone, even though that’s not a consolation but it means a lot when you think that you are the only one feeling this pain.
Luca, very true. There are so many of us. It is a wicked pain but we are all survivors
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Same!
For sure! ❤ we can do this.
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"Rewrite the story. This is not a story about how people can't be trusted, this is a story about what happens if you continue to ignore the evidence about one person." That hit deep and it should be a mantra!
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❤❤🙏🙏🙏
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I met my ex over coffee yesterday and when you see someone's eyes empty of love for you , meeting you and talking to you out of pity and for the sake of their own guilty, that is when you know you should stop and focus on your well being , there is no love there anymore , there is no hope , you are just delaying your healing. Also she told me " times heals" while i told her i love her and i miss her a lot!! That is a perfect answer!! That i needed. But not all exes are polite , not all of them care or feel guilty !! Don't let others determine your healing !! Start within yourself !!
Hey, I feel you! My 3 year relationship ended last week and I feel so hurt. Im trying to get him to change his mind and he has suggested to meet up to talk but based on your experience; I do not want it to be out of sympathy for me and I leave feeling even more hurt. I just don’t know what to do
@@cyberaga20 i come again to this after two months of the break up to tell you that your dignity and your decisions are the only things you can truly reflect on down the road, my ex kept jumping back into my life the past couple of months just for her own benefit whenever she needed something or even missed me. it is never because she wanted me back, even so, wanting you back after the pain and hurt that you feeling right now, can you truly forgive and forget? it was a no for me.
i took a decision of no contact after that meeting and believe me it was painful but gym, work and not jumping on the next relationship so fast, those decisions + my dignity of saying no to her coming back as a " friend" , they are what keeping me stable and strong.
i know that you miss that person and the memories can be too much to handle but believe me that person who broke up with you does not care about the relationship or you as much as you think, the breakup is just an apparent sign for this but if you reflect deeper you will see other signs you have missed.
i wish you peace and love my friend, and i promise you that going against your emotions and taking a step back will only help you in everything in life. again not all exes are nice people and even nice ones can be selfish. if you are truly amazing they will still want to benefit from ur presence but you will only be in pain and discomfort whenever they talk to you.
Think about it!! it is your love and feelings vs their need for space and maybe down the line other needs from you. it is not the same.
I'm haunted by "see someone's eyes empty of love for you" 😢 I've seen this before and I remember feeling so empty.
@@Toby616 one minute they love you then they’re cold and empty it’s frightening
@@Toby616 that is life !! People change !! Feelings fade away !! Specially if they are not rooted well and not based on true emotions!! It fucking hurts but I personally came to accept that fact !! For my own peace of mind
Narcissists will destroy you mentally, financially, and physically. My ex was abusive.
Yes but you still had a choice. Always needs two for an relationship;)
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
Sometimes, the ex causes so much pain that they give you ptsd. It's not easy at all to open your heart again after that!
I’m def dealing with PTSD and trauma bonding
me too
@@HalyeyFlaUK
I feel you, I had to tell my friends to stop reminding me or mentioning anything about my ex. The anxiety that comes up when I hear my ex'w name is too much.
I lived for him. He became my world. Horrific. Then he left me. Wish I could stop thinking about him. Glad the pain has stopped.
I went through this for years. If you are struggling, I want to assure you, learning to honor yourself is the key. Each man is a lesson and it’s okay. It’s all okay. Break your own cycle and move on.
yuck, how many man have break your heart asain ling ling
thank you
Matthew, as a victim of severe domestic violence, who is now thriving and ready for a loving committed husband, I must emphasize.. .... This video is definetly your best and most important work. Thank you from me, my sisters and my daughters.. please continue to create additional videos about the mental blocks that keep us single. Bless you.
Wow. Thank you so much for this comment Lauren. And I’m so happy to hear where you are at in your life now with everything you’ve been through. Much love ❤
I completely agree with you it's his best video so far because, unfortunately, there's too many of us who have gone through such personal hell :/
Same situation here and I most certainly agree with this comment. Thank you.
🙏🏽🙏🏽
I didn't leave and held on and got dumped in 21 - I see her and her kids about in the street and I'm still traumatised 🤦🏻♂️
I hope you heal from things someone never apologized from ❤❤❤
When he said "then you stayed and tried harder, and they didn't improve...so you stayed and tried harder, and they didn't improve" - that hit me so hard especially with the tone you did of understanding.
Thank you for helping me find what my arc is: becoming the person who recognizes red flags and exits quicker. I don't have to be distrustful in the future and I can actively focus on something that will help me not feel worried about being taken advantage of.
This was the same exact phrase that made me tear up because I stayed longer than I should have trying hard to see an improvement from their side . Also, the promises they made to change and become better or at least catch themselves when they do the same thing again, instead she used to resist and become defensive as if we didn’t speak about it before and it used to put me in this hell of a rollercoaster of what’s real and what’s not
Yup same situation for me. In hindsight, I can see all the red flags but my fear of abandonment always pops up and says “she isn’t so bad” or “what about that one time she showed you love” 😂😂 like I literally have to beg to be loved. It’s tough being alone but deep down we know when the person isn’t right for us. Time to start setting boundaries early on and sticking to them when it gets tough. My problem is that I am a human lie detector and I truly believe most of the world is deceitful so it’s hard for me. I come into relationships pure with love, trust, and honesty but it’s hard to find the same in partners
@@Joyamay Tried that, but stone cold truth is that you cant do nothing to change any person, besides you. Waste of our precious lifetime.
I've learned to never date someone you initially felt sorry for. They created the situation that makes you feel sorry for. Rejection from others is not unfairness, it is the world they created.
Same.I stayed.I did everything I could to save our marriage but no matter how hard I try he still go back to his old ways.Always going back to his other woman.So I let him go.This is my day 1 of moving on.
Three minutes in, and I started crying. For the next 8-10 minutes I was crying my eyes out. Matthew, your voice was so calming and supportive, that my psyche felt safe enough to grieve those three worst years of my life. I left the relationship almost three years ago, yet it left so much damage that it affects me to this day. Thank you for addressing this topic, I can not express how important it is. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I feel this too. It’s a perfect timing for me to ear that. Thx +++ ❤
I cried too
Me too.
I cried along with you and if you are someone who was in a relationship as abusive as mine have been, you might understand just how huge a miracle it is to even be capable of crying again. For a long time I lost my ability to cry. My abuser had conditioned that out of me. Tears are so healing.
O
I’m struggling so badly rn. I made him my world. My world revolved around him. I don’t know how I can heal.. I’m in so much pain. The silliest thing was that we weren’t even in an official relationship. We were doing couple like things more so a situation-ship. This has been going on for a year and he said he decided it’s time. He feels bad for me and couldn’t continue anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself. He was such a great friend, motivator, pushing and uplifting me. I can’t and don’t want to accept this selfish decision he wants to make..
TRUST your gut!!!!!!!take time !!!!!
Healthy boundaries and self respect !!!!!!
Let go my good friends the best revenge is being successful and going after your goals 😤
We never talk about the emotional toll a short term relationship can take on us… and how sometimes they are the sole reason we need videos like this.
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I've come out of such an emotionally abusive relationship that now, I've lost complete sense of self. I've given given and given that now, I'm empty, the tank is empty. It's crazy how I really let myself go through all of this abuse. It's real folks, very real
He took up my entire world. I learned I cannot make him happy no matter how hard I tried. No matter how much I worked on me. Which put me in a position where I had to let him go.
I'll go back to this video again after I reach my goal to moved on.
I was discarded from a 4 year narcissistic relationship in October and this is exactly how I’ve been feeling. After the discard I found out about all her lies and cheating. I went full detective and started reaching out to her old neighbors and friends. They all had stories of abuse towards her sisters, brother, mother and even her own kids. I then spoke to her ex husband and he told me stories of physical and emotional abuse. I’ve been struggling to move on and I still want that relationship with her. She immediately had a new supply and has started showing him off on social media and it’s been excruciating. I just have to keep reminding myself he’s the next victim and this is all a show. Videos like this help me try and refocus my thoughts and continue to move forward.
Same here, I found out soo much stuff after he left me. The awful stories from his past should make me feel like I dodged a bullet, but it’s not helping
I can relate. Very difficult
I can relate. Also dated a Narcissist and I had no idea what it was until after we broke up. Her behavior was so bizarre and unhinged that I went on the internet and I watched a video on NPD , and it was shocking how accurate it was. I’m also struggling to move on and I broke up with her, so I’m not sure why. She was terrible for me and yet I miss her . I hate this feeling.
so sorry I was married to 1 for 20 years before i was shown the boot. it has taken me 4 years to even start stabilizing my emotions; at least now im not afraid of meeting him even by "accident". you will heal
She did you a favor. Now you will live a free happy loving life. Mean people suck . Good luck to you.
The bouncing between the grief and relife is so intense!
I related to this so much. My ex kept showing me who he was and I stayed after every single lie instead of leaving. The longer you stay the harder it becomes to leave. I finally took the step and left after almost four years. It's hard, but it'll get better than continuing to live a lie.
It’s funny how I look back and think I loved this girl and feel I want her back, but then I remember how little happiness I had in that relationship, how much she took from me, and how little she gave back! I didn’t want to believe she was a covert narcissist but I can’t deny it anymore, she broke me down until I had nothing left! I then found the strength to say I can’t do this anymore and she moved onto her next target!
To heed to the Red Flags was what I Finally learned.
You can’t know how timely all this is after literally yesterday. Im going to change my narrative this time around be believing that it is, in fact, his problem and not mine. That if my infinite love isn’t enough then nothing will be. Thanks lovely Matthew ❤
All we can do is look at the facts and data that they've given us. We can't hope and wish for change. It's just projection at that point and it's creating a trap to delay the inevitable
Well said!
Thank you so much for this. I was in a 4 year relationship with a narcissist. I had no idea these creatures existed. It’s taking so long to heal.
I had no idea these creatures existed. That hits home.10 year later it still affects my life.
How did you cope up with that? It will help mine
EMDR is also a powerful tool in coming back from a traumatic relationship.
As a victim of severe Domestic Violence, EMDR was very effective
I just walked away from a woman with fearful avoidant attachment. That roller coaster was exhausting. I loved her. Had to shut the door forever. Most painful experience of my life.
When they kick you to the kerb do not invest anymore of your time to them. Invest in yourself and newer and better possiblities. My last breakup was truly awful. I was lovebombed introduced to family told i was loved then a few weeks later, dumped on vacation. I did nothing but offer love and kindness. Once i started to recover, i invested in all the things i had neglected and truly felt 100 times better. I also realise how toxic this person was. I wish her the best and have now moved on.
A significant step in letting go and moving on is to stop playing the "if/then" game.
"If I had X, then he would not have ghosted me."
"If I had said ABC instead of DEF, he'd still be with me."
"If I had given him more Y and Z, then he wouldn't have left me to go back to his ex."
You can never say the wrong thing to the right guy. There was nothing you could have said or done to make them change their mind. It's okay to grieve for a bit. Then pick yourself up and keep moving on
😢 I have found myself again, it took some years. It is difficult to trust and love again but I have forgiven myself and understand why staying too long in that emotional abusive situation 🙏. A new story begins ❤
How long did it take?
I got divorced 3 years ago, I haven't had a relationship after that. I still feel the impact of my marriage on my psychological state.
Everyone seems to move on so quickly. I feel weak.
@@claire_andrea Take your time for your healing process and surround yourself with people you can trust. Trust yourself, one day you will look in the mirror and you will see a beautiful loveable and strong person. Forgive yourself and find your way, the road could be bumpy but it is worthwhile. I wish you strength and happiness 🙏🍀🌷
I did the wrong thing to the wrong person, and we were both complicated. I’m now devastated, I’m empty, I have no more values, I’m nothing. I’m pure void.
I believe you're amazing!
I wish you all the strength you need to find the real you. I've been there.
❤
I stayed emotionally involved with someone who I believed in. I fell in love with him and cared deeply for him. But, unfortunately our dynamic was unhealthy because he would give me silent treatment continuously throughout the relationship. He would disappear on me most nights and not respond to my calls or texts untill the following day. And, then he would give me excuses for it and declare that he loved me and wanted a future with me. And, we would make up and it would happen again. It was distorting my mind. It reached a point where I gave up on having a healthy relationship with this person. I need a lot of time to heal from this and I do not trust relationships anymore.
I needed this. After 3 months of no contact, I've done so much work on myself. However, I am so guarded and I don't like anyone I'm dating 😢. I feel stuck.
When you finally get out of a hurtful relationship, there's a lot of pressure you put on yourself to make sure it never happens again.
This can lead to living in fear of ever dating again, because you may get it wrong and get hurt some more.
It's as if you can only date again if you're 100% sure your red flag detector is failproof.
The part about not aiming to become the perfect judge of character, because we all make mistakes, but instead learning to get out quicker after you've tested the waters and confirmed the situation is wrong, is so important, useful, and liberating. You don't have to be perfect to find happiness.
Thank you Matthew for the compassionate and practical advice.
And thank you for the relatable & eloquent response! That's _exactly_ it- I'm suspecting everyone & needing my Red Flag Detector to be 100% flawless from 10 miles away lol. Releasing ourselves from that, having compassion for our future mistakes but learning to get out *quicker*, is a massive relief. 👏🏼
You have no idea how perfectly timed this is.... and I really needed to hear it today. Almost everything you said chimed, after almost 18 months in a long -distance online relationship that started during lockdown. I've been so disrespected and hurt over and over again by this guy that I'm not even like the same person I was before. People don't seem to understand how emotionally attached you can become: "but you've never met!"
I've been trying to un-entangle myself for months and finally 3 days ago told him we should cut all contact and not speak to each other. He didn't want that (he's toxic and manipulative).... so I told him to leave me alone. I feel like I need to "recalibrate".... that was the perfect word you used. I need to get the old funny, gregarious, jovial me back again
YES 🙌🏽 People say I’m crazy too cuz you can have an emotional attachment before even meeting someone. And I know exactly how you feel. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Like my self esteem and confidence is just non existent. I hate being the victim but this really had affected me more than anything ever has. And it feels like it will never end 😔
@@zara7276 I hear you! Not much consolation, but if it's any comfort at all.... you are not alone.
I am in the same boat now. I was also in a long-distance relationship. People call me crazy for having feelings for someone I haven't met which is for me, not really nice. I mean my feelings are true. Emotional attachment is true and I don't lie. After they left, I just feel my whole world shaking madly. The aftermath of a heartbreak in one word, is devastating. It's been two months not talking to them now and it just hurts. I miss them badly but I know that I can't go back to them. They offered to be friends but deep down in my heart I have the answer. I can't. My feelings are still there. Being by their side would just crush my heart even more. I'm afraid of losing them but I have no option left. My heart goes out to everyone. This is going to be a long way but let's walk on it together.
I was in a long distance relationship too for the most part. We lived together for a couple of months and that's when he showed me he was emotionally abusive, manipulative and a liar. A long distance relationship is so difficult because a person can cover their true colours. I hope and pray you ladies and I heal and find a truely loving, caring and kind life partner xxx
i am in the same "shoes" with you ❤ and another "overgiver" here.
"Maybe you did the wrong thing with the wrong person." -- a concise summary of my entire love life
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@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Hi PDS, you life saver you. ❤️ Changing the narrative of my love life as we speak.
More so, right thing with the wrong person.
Thank you, Matthew. I've been in 2 long toxic relationships and I have recently met a wonderful person. It is SO hard to not cast my trauma and reactions onto him. It's a lesson of patience and forgiveness. You are definitely right about rewiring your thought process. It's something my therapist and I discuss every week ❤
Hey, I'm glad you're doing better and met a good person 💖, how long did it take to heal and get better during both the break ups? How did you do it
Hi I also has same question how did you do it?
I just don't understand why people treat others badly? So unessessary 😢
Thankyou Matt for such an awesome vid! 😊 These 3 steps are gold, especially celebrating the small brave steps!
Yeah, that's where I'm currently at! 😊 Celebrating the small brave steps towards recovery and healing and moving towards healthy and fulfilling relationships with boundaried people. 🥰 I love this video and the timing!
Truly hope I will never be the reason for someone to search for such content 🙏
My last relationship was short but so deeply toxic. Nothing has affected me and my world view so much. The emotional abuse was extreme, like torture. I jav3 childhood wounds and a history of abusive relationships. This has to be my last and I am doing everything to make sure it never happens again. It's so sad when someone who says they love you u'' does such damage
Exactly, how can they say they love and hurt you at the same time... It's heartbreaking
God bless you ease and blessings! Ameen ❤
Matthew-I can’t thank you enough for validating my feelings and for helping me heal from horrible pain having loved someone so much that didn’t love me back, but kept me around dishing out so much hurt and damage. You have saved my life my friend.
Why does leaving feel so guilty? Like you're giving up on them? I know it was the right decision, to leave that toxic person.... But it's insane the amount of questioning the narcissist is able to cause.
THIS!!!
Imagine when there’s kids involved 😢 still here
@@harlemj125 she was pushing for one... After just 6 months... Not sure if it was to trap me or to just have a sense of purpose
Yesterday, discovered the real face of this guy I've been with for the past almost 7 months. Did not watch your video yet, but oh the timing is amazing. Thank you Matt for everything that you do!
We parted our ways after 3 years. And the very next day, he announced his engagement with somebody else which obviously means that he has been cheating on me. It's a very hard time for me but your videos give me a little courage❤
The last 2 I've seen romantically were narcissistic and have really knocked me for six. All the others prior were fine but what has happened with the last 2 has left me feeling distrustful.
I hear you. Same here, the last 2 were terrible and shattered my self-esteem
Love hurts. But i need to remind myself i only loved what I wished it could have been. This Was all Fake. Never a relationship. In love with a ghost. 😢
I recently ended a relationship with my ex. I was a victim of domestic assault and emotional abuse for almost a year. It’s embarrassing to admit at time La because as a man it feels like you should bury your feelings. I feel somehow obligated to see it through that she gets better and leads a happy life. I know it’s not my responsibility, but it doesn’t stop the thought of “what if I could’ve done better.”
I am trying to heal from a toxic friendship... I considered that person as my best friend but last few months were a rollercoaster, came to know he talks shit about me at my back and spills some very personal things to other people
It takes time to heal 😢 like seriously. It's not easy.
Matthew makes some great points. One of my friends found out that her ex got married a few months ago. It kinda upset her considering his commitment issues were the reason why they broke up. I could tell she just needed someone to listen so I refrained from giving any of my opinions. I can see why she's upset and why she blames herself a bit, eventhough she shouldn't. The other side of it is just because her ex is married now, it doesn't mean that he's committed. She dodged a bullet that she doesn't realize she dodged because she's reflecting on only the good parts of their relationship. The problem she missed is now someone else's. It's understandable to feel like we're missing out when we break up with someone. Thinking things could change if we just hang in there. This is time that should be used enjoying positive things in life instead of thinking about a person who's not good for us.
She wasn't dangerous, she was beautiful, she was kind and she spoke to me in a soft and loving voice where I haven't heard any for a long time. I'm not upset at our arguments or fights, I am upset because our love stopped where I had so much more to give her and the fact that she's a phone call away feels like a trick of the devil. I can't process that loving her correctly means letting her go. And that hurts.
I needed to hear this!!!The cycle keeps repeating & he comes back to hurt again...Time to break the cycle...💯
Thank you Matthew. I'm in the process of healing from somebody very toxic. He promised me many romantic things very quickly, and even inspired me to try romance again after only doing casual stuff for years. After seven months of dating, when things looked they highest, he ghosted me. Just in time for Valentine's Day. It's not a terribly long time and there were small warning signs, but still. I was devastated. I think he is still ultimately a good person who has a chaotic and difficult life, and that motivated me to be forgiving of his warning signs. But what matters here is that his non-commitment and abandonment is proof that things cannot work between us, regardless of his promises and whatever good he is beneath his chaos.
Everything you said is true. Learning to love and trust again is like learning to walk again. Or like putting sensation back into a limb that's fallen asleep. It can be painful, stumbling, even embarrassing, but not only is it necessarry; it can feel so good and rewarding to do so. Having that sensation back can remind you of good things you took for granted, and empower you to use that limb again to do so many good things in your future.
He talks straight to my soul.....like am all he focus on....am happy that I am taking the baby steps especially in setting boundaries......
I had this relationship... 14 months free and 6+ months in therapy. I don't think I'll ever get involved with someone again
Be grateful: I exit quicker and quicker when I see red flags over time! Thanks a million, Matthew!
This has to be one of the best relationship videos I’ve ever seen - well done Matt
"Realize that both paths will be terribly difficult, but only one of them leaves a possibilty of your future happiness"...this quote from one of your videos and talking with my wonderfull therapist helped me to take the decision to finally leave my toxic marriage. Thank you for your, so valuable, videos!
hey, to ya all surviving a narcissist. Forgive yourself. You couldn't have done anything better than you did. Lots of love
Thanks Matthew! It's been a very rough road. I was in a narcissistic relationship that was pure Hell on earth. I was one of the lucky ones who got away and never looked back. He still tries to contact me and drives past my house. Trusting is very difficult since him and I unfortunately ran across a few more men who were pathetic who ended up telling me they were already involved but wanted to cheat. Lots of liars and cheaters and a multitude of other issues are looming out there. Sometimes we need to step away and just take time to breathe. 😢❤
Stay strong and don't give in! They just want to see if they can screw you over a second time. Don't let that happen because, it's said, narcissists are usually even more cruel and sadistic the second time because they're resenting you for not letting them back in happily. They're just playing a sick game, they enjoy inflicting pain onto others. I hope you can heal from this experience.
People are just objects for them and interchangeable. It doesn't matter who it is, their victims couldn't be more different, they just use people to distract themselves from their empty core and their chronic boredom.
@@Analysis_Paralysis 🙏
He’s STALKING you?
Matt always says something that resonates with me.
My world has definitely become smaller since my long term relationship ended 3 years ago. 😔
They are thriving, I am going backwards. Feels like I’ve had my chance at happiness, now I’m confined to this life of regret and sadness.
This has hit me hard. 13 years of what turned out to be a toxic and one-sided relationship. I will keep re-watching this video until I'm ok, healed and ready to trust and love again.
Love and light.. I just started my journey today
I’ve never experienced this much pain in my life. I never felt so lost in my life. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Really needed to listen to this today, come out of a toxic relationship. And for months on end, they belittled Me, embarrassed Me on a daily basis. Putting Me down, for my Mental Health insecurities. She aggravated my Mental Health worse, when has left an emotional footprint in my life.
To those who are scared to seeking help, please talk to someone 🙏
I've always had to be the one to do all things for everyone else. I'm a survivor that has had to pull all in for myself, after losing everything and everyone I've had to see all the wounds open again every insecurity exposed. Now I'm working on myself. I'm deciding to put myself first for all of it. Being my own hero, being the main person and taking back myself. I'm looking to myself and for myself. I'm done living for everyone else. Doing what makes me happy.
This came to me at the right time! But for me it’s more applicable on the work front.
My previous boss was an absolute monster, destroyed mine and other colleagues’ confidence for the 3 years I was there. And the reason? Things were just never good enough no matter how much we tried.
None of us left though, we stayed for the money, it was a event project and the pay was not one we’d find somewhere else.
That chapter’s over, I opened my own company and working remotely on a FT project for a multinational. However, the minute I realise something could have been done differently or I may have let someone down, I feel like the entire world has ended. All the wiring that happened during those 3 years is coming to light.
The best part is the current company don’t have complaints, they understand being remote is hard and we don’t get enough face-time to check in properly, however I can’t seem to get past my fears and reactions.
I’m working on it, baby steps, this video helped me feel better about the process :)
THANK YOU!!! ❤❤❤
It's not easy to move on and let you. It doesn't define your worth or your quitting. You deserve better and if you don't let go the bad you will not make room for something or someone better to come in your life. You deserve better. You're hurting because you care and may love them or care but they didn't love or care enough for you. Let go to set yourself free and start your new book. Not a chapter. Some book ends. Write your new story. Write your new book and turn your pages. Decide and save yourself 20 years. I wish someone told me 20 years ago so I'm telling you to rewrite your story. End it with love and happiness. Wishing everyone the best. You got this! I have been back here a dozen times and this is my second time writing this. Save yourself 20 years of pain, depression, and sadness. You deserve better and believe it. So take control of the driver side and enjoy the best of it. Sending love and prayers. May you find peace and make peace. ❤
I just ended my TOXIC relationship with someone I thought I was madly in love with a week ago. Looking back today after so, so, SO many arguments within the span of a year, 2022-2023. I wish I had the courage I once had to end a relationship. There were so many red flags, warnings. Looking back? I would have been better off starting over with someone new..
Listen to the warning signs.
If she's insecure: blames her jealousy on you, does not praise you when something good happens to you, doesn't take blame for arguments SHE creates has issues with, blames everything on you like its your fault she behaves this way, doesn't acknowledge you the way you acknowledged her? Respects you?
Then SHE is NOT WORTH IT..there are plenty of other women in the world who are.
If I can move on with someone better after a week calling it quits?? So CAN YOU. I promise you, you will see the difference after leaving a TOXIC relationship.
survivor to thriver, ptsd is know joke,and yes it’s always about retiring your brain, you’ll always have residue but it can be managed ❤
Little steps to trust yourself and others that are trustworthy make a difference!!!!
When they are violence. Danger is inside our bodies. It's normal to feel rush of adrenaline when you see someone similar. Or to have anxiety when you put yourself in similar situation.
Give yourself time and chill moments.
I was in need of listening and watching this video I have ended my toxic relationship and I feel that my world is empty and I am trying my best to get out of this pain thanks a lot❤❤❤
Oh my goodness, the advice I have been looking for so long. After hanging on for 8 years, it is time to let go and forgive myself.
I am not afraid of opening myself up again I just wish I could heal from these life long wounds I don't deserve to be treated like a door mat or punching bag I have so much love inside me and its being held hostage and tortured by the enemy
I just wanted to thank you so much for these videos. Dating with 3 children is hard but I wasn’t prepared for dating while having a child with disabilities. My son has autism and Cerebral palsy and there’s definitely heartbreak from every side. Just know you are making a difference. ❤️
Yes I can definitely relate to this. Had a relationship with what turned out to be a severe narcissist with malignant traits. Two years out no- no contact- and I did the deep dive in healing my childhood wounds. It was truly transformative and I am happy being the person I came to be. And just enjoying my freedom and being single. I wish everyone who is or had been in such circumstances all the best and lots of patience with and love for yourself
This is hands down one of the best videos Matthew has ever made! I was nodding along and it felt as though you were speaking directly to me. I feel sooo much better and I'm going to rewatch it - Thank you Matthew!
I am rly struggling not wanting to go back even though logically I shouldn't. Haven't been eating or sleeping. This has helped a bit thanks.
Thanks Matthew for evolving from Dating advice to a self growth guru of some sort. Your script on how to leave someone helped me get out of my toxic attachement to an avoidant, manipulating and unempathetic person who wasn't necessary narcassist but for sure unhealed as heck. It took me many baby steps to throw him out and kill the bond after continuos disrespect.
I am halfway through my long and painful healing journey I feel so YES everything you say feels valid and I can already feel this trust that I can and will step away way way sooner from unhealed, smallminded and hurtful people.
You help this world. Thanks.
What were the baby steps you took to extricate yourself from the relationship?
You came as a gentle touch to our hearts it’s not always about romance but it’s a whole thing that we need to practice and apply to all of our relationships I grew up with a lot of fears to say no or to speak up my needs because no one listened or cared and I stayed a people pleaser for too long even in my marriage that ended because of being so afraid of saying no until it was said to me and to my needs , thank you for acknowledging this vulnerable uncomfortable feeling and addressing how to deal with it ❤
Thank you for this! Literally described my situation and what I was actually going through. This helped me so much. I love how you said we have to rewrite the narrative of our story.
Thank you for existing, Matthew. This was for me.
ur tones of speech /how u speak is ever amazing
Thank you so much. I have been watching your videos from 4 years and you comfort me each time. Yes, I had a severe heartbreak years ago and I was too young to get up on my feet and realize that i have to trust people again. I allowed it to overwhelm my thoughts that I believed it was my biggest mistake that I let my guard down and lost my self to someone who used me as a rebound then dumped me for someone else. It took me many years to realize that life is beautiful and I deserve to open up again and surrender for someone who will really love me the way I am, and someone who will do their best to make me feel emotionally safe.
The timing of this video is amazing. I recently gotten dump from having a sexual experience at a young age. I was questioned and felt unworthy time to time. I wanted to justify his perspective and 2 years flew past, things ended. Thank you for this video Matthew! Deep works will be progress.
You have no idea how much I needed this. Thank you.
Thank you so much. This video is exactly what I needed today. It's been a year and a half I got out of a 7 years toxic relationship with a narcissist. Of course I didn't know it by that time, since emotional abuse was all I knew in my life, and it was "normal" for me... After working on myself for years to finally understand and leave behind that relationship, I still fight with myself over trusting people. I know exactly what you mean, I'm exactly in the place you describe. I'm taking small steps but very often I struggle to actually move one. My inner instincts kick in and without knowing I take a step backwards. I need to persuade my self, to repeat over and over again all the things you are saying in order to even make the smallest step. I'm afraid to be vulnerable again, I'm afraid i will ignore all the red flags again, I'm afraid to put my guards down. But the truth is now I know how to set my boundaries and protect myself. So I really do hope so that it will only get easier with every step...
The timing for this video is so perfect thank you 🙏
So needed this. Thank you!
This video came into my feed at the exact right time. Thank you, Matthew. 💙
Matthew, I needed this so much. Thank you. You have no idea how much you have done for me.
Thank you Matthew! like many others, I myself can also relate to being in this situation and find your videos very comforting and reassuring where we feel like we are not alone and we are in this together xx
I always love your videos and this is just what I need at this very moment. I hope those who are hurt would learn to trust that we can love and take care of ourselves. ❤
I kept it together through almost everything except "Theres a version of you that hasn't left, and you're already further than they are."
I was planning to spend my life with this person so the idea that somewhere out there, I gritted my teeth and let them continue to hurt me, just made me so sad.
Thank you, Matt.
Matthew, again, you always post the video I need. This video is so incredibly helpful and you will never know how many people you have helped xxx
Thank you, needed these reminders. 😊