The worst is when you social engineer someone and only they benefit from it, it’s like they’re being pampered for free. I used to sort of social engineer this ESFP by acting SFJ-ish but I got tired of not getting what I was trying to get out of it, so I quit... I was like screw this
U sound neurotic as fuck. Imagine u didnt cancel one of ur date nights n drop evertthing u were doing...she may file for full custody n child support huh bub? Lol google red pill dating im think u may have a blind spot.
No no don't feel that way. There's a lot of ESFPs out there who are nice and very negotiable.. you just need to find the right one, a mature and responsible :)
Please don’t be. I am an ESFP and am not nearly as bad as this ex wife of his was. A person is not necessarily the same person to person just because of their type. This was not such a good experience.
Eff that! If I’d ever have to pretend to be an ISFJ there has to be a strong dose of medication in my system. Your a good man for doing that for her and the kids.
I'm an INTJ that also divorced an ESFP after more than eight years married. This all rang true to my experience. Be thoughtful and consistant and make her wants a priority. No kids in my case, but the divorce went about the same. I had no idea about MBTI at the time, but knew it was best to have an outcome that was predictable even if it caused momentary sacrifice. If I would have made it all about me, she would have dug in for a long vindictive fight. The ESFP could be very fun and well meaning, but a little too emotionally unstable for this INTJ.
All because she didn't feel like having sex... As an ESFP... o.O There gotta be more to this, but again - this is very personal stuff. Still, sounds a little weird
All this thing is very strange. I am ESFP, and i think we as sensitive as we are, we enjoy intimacy. Is someone in this world that not? Your marriage experience was vey particular, not to make into generalization
ESFPs are still the most underrated people. 😯 everything I hear in this community is that I must be the worst person ever. I don't like partys and I do care about my friends, my boyfriend and my family.
esfp here. i love your videos chase, they’re one of the many reasons i’ve decided i’m an esfp and not an enfp (which i types as for years - tertiary Te is really a sucker for tests 💀). after consulting mbti-hyperfixed friends and studying functions, i understand myself better than i think i ever have, and you’ve played quite a huge part in that. i’ve always been fond of entps, and you’re no different! please keep making informative content, it’s genuinely making a difference.
Hi there! I suspect that you have Ne high in your function stack due to the side thought that you wrote in parenthesis. I would suspect ENFP over ESFP. 😎
Thank you for this video! SO MANY of the functions are explained in such detail in real life scenario's that i FINALLY now understand the basic principles of these functions after months of research. Please continue teaching! You are making a difference with your work! Thank you!!
Wow. I tuned in for tips on handling my own personal ESFP, and I got them, but I also got a really inspiring story of determination and follow-through in the service of a higher goal. And I need a lot of help with those (determination and follow-through). I am going to bookmark this and check it out periodically for inspiration. I really respect your devotion to your children and to your ex-wife by virtue of her being the mother of those children. By doing what you did, they were saved from a world of conflict and hurt and trauma, tho I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. A good mother will do damn near anything to take care of her kids. Why wouldn't a good father? I have an ESFP parent and an ISTJ parent in an enduring but frequently high-conflict marriage and I've seen the fallout of what you describe when an ESFP does not feel their needs are being met. It ain't pretty. Kudos to you for taking care of yourself, your kids, and the mother of your kids.
Thank you for sharing such a personal ordeal to help us understand other people and have better lives. I agree that it's not cheating if both people agree by free will. I also deeply respect your commitment to the well being of your children and their mother. INTP lady here.
Someone should’ve pushed your mentee to turn his passion into a career. So many are making six figures from playing video games. I know someone who went to UVA for astrophysics and is now playing video games for a living. I’m an esfp and have worked since I was 10 years old. Yes I have bern impulsive and made unwise decisions. Intuitives complain about being misunderstood but I feel underestimated by many who called me stupid or slow most of my life. I know I’m smart because I have two degrees, speak several languages and hope to pursue the stem field. There’s also this misconception that sensors are dumb, useless, irresponsible and live in the moment.
i am so frustrated with my mum ESFP's Te child and Ti trickster it's like she has no judgement herself and just believes whatever the person she likes says. completely destroys my Fe Inferior , it's so frustrating lol and makes Ti come out to attack her Te and it becomes a mess INTP btw (then theres INTJ grandad constantly feeds her the notion that i never do anything for them and i am ungrateful whenever i refuse to help or be attentive , because he only remembers times that i don't do things, si demon + Te i guess, super fun to live with， anyway had to rant because i know i wouldn't be able to do what you did since it's too hard and would constantly drain myself out to do things i really want to do)
You're joking right? Days since this season started 27+31+27= 81 Days divided by amount of videos in this season 81÷7=11.54 Days x the episodes left 11.54x10=115.4 Days until last episode to this season. 115,4÷7=16.53 Episodes per month 16.5÷4=4.1 Thus it means according to his current rate of videos that he is bringing out....you will have your INFP video......in..... Wait for it.... March 22nd! Sorry but not sorry... You're going to wait a looooong time........... Lol
I think my Husband may be an ESFP. The things that initially attracted me now drive me nuts. He's super loud, funny and sensitive, other men confide in him and hold him in high regard. He has integrity and claims to be born again ..but also has a secret deviant side and engages in risky behaviour. His religious side takes a backseat to his actions sometimes but he's quick to point out that he has backslidden and not walking in it (.it's been 11 years and it just feels like hypocrisy now) He would spend his last $$ on a total stranger and never expect anything in return, but at home he's selfish and needy and wants me to look after him 24/7. We are broke all the time because he insists on paying the tab all the time for others, even if we don't have the $$. He's almost a complete contradiction. As an INFJ I find him fascinating and frustrating, he drains me very quickly. I tend to 'hold my cards close to my chest' and he plays all his...immediately...with anybody. This makes me crazy. When I'm just about at the end of my rope he shows his sensitive side, very sincerely, and I'm back in the relationship 100 %...I'm so drained....any thoughts or advice? Anyone? 🤔
ESFPs are soooooooo misunderstood. There's definitely more research needed on this type. How the world perceives the ESFP and how the ESFP actually is inwardly are 2 completely different things. ESFPs are simple people who only want simplicity. Trust, honor, respect. We don't learn the way most people do either. If we feel like we can't trust you, then yes, your life will be miserable because we cannot handle being around someone who is a fake and a liar. We see the world purely and for what it is. Life is full of contradictions. We recognize our own contradictions and don't mind admitting to being imperfect. We wish others could be this bold and this real. Just be loyal, just be trustworthy, calm down relax, speak your mind, be silent in and one with nature. We're simple. We're not evil. But if we feel in any way shape or form that you are trying to hurt us or betray our trust, we will fight back and get you first before you can get us.
Lilly Picadilly I think you have to call him out on it. But if it gets too bad and you need more, maybe see if you can move out and see if he would initiate a divorce and do all that service stuff chase did in the video. I would definitely talk to at least 10 lawyers (just talk, free consultation) just to see what your options are and how the divorce process works and what will happen if you move out or he does etc. You don’t have to do anything. But you need to be armed with this information as to not get screwed. You need to keep your wishes for divorce secret, just like chase did. Be nice to him, give him what he wants except when you can’t afford it. Place more boundaries on money. In my opinion if you want a divorce you might need to do it quickly or they will drain your accounts.
How do you enforce boundaries and command respect from an ESFP if it's something they don't naturally agree with? My experience is that a particular will appear to concede but really hide a situation, then when it comes up again, play dumb or lie. Previous solutions were to cut ties but I'm interested in learning more ways to handle situations like this in the future. Thank you.
I admire and appreciate your candor. Also I think this info could be very useful for me. I'm twice-divorced and I've been judged up and down and left and right for it but happily for me, I'm an INTP and i don't give a frosted f*** what people think about it. The way i see it is this: if an individual would rather i stay in a shitty, unhappy situation for appearances, tradition, or for any other arbitrary "reason", that person clearly does not have my best interests at heart and so f*** their opinion. Do i wish i had made better choices? Yep. Can i change the past? Nope. Can i learn from my mistakes? Hell yes. Have I? Absolutely...but gaining that knowledge was hard-fought and it was hard-won. And damn, was it worth it. Very brave of you and well-done. Thanks for sharing.
ESFP=High maintenance without giving anything in return (as an entp i find them irresistably overdramatic and self centered,would love to be proven wrong tho❤no hate for any esfps out there)
As an ESFP i admit i can be one of the most narcissistic ppl i know yet all someone have to do is to call me out on being selfish, lazy and irresponsible. Like it’ll make me feel guilty and personally attacked as i hate criticism and I’ll think twice about what i do IDK why i usually don’t actually get along with other Esfps. Like i really don’t.
I just wanna thank you for your lectures, because of them I was easily able to remove myself from a relationship with an ENFP with ease, I see how foolish I was giving him the time and day in the first place. You are right women can love anything and I did not respect him. I'm working on myself and my projects harder than ever many great things are happening in my life. My world is changing for the better each day. Thank you so much!
I've been married to an ESFP for 22 years, and we're very, very happy together! We have also being working together for 24 years. Having said that, EVERYTHING you say on this video, makes SO MUCH sense to me! It really describes my negotiations with my wife...I mean, the way she tends to react to my proposals. Sometimes, just out of experience, I've implemented some of your advices, with good outcomes. Now, after seeing this video, I've put names to some of those strategies I've used in the past. So, thank you for sharing this! I do believe it will help to improve, even more, my relationship with my ESFP adorable wife! And by the way, I'm learning a lot with your series! I'm an INFJ, a serious one, and I watch your INFJ videos once in a while, to grow in some respects...thanks again, keep it up!
Recare... i’m also an INFJ. Do you feel like you’re missing out on anything? Are you opposed to sharing a couple of your relationship strengths and a couple of your relationship weaknesses?
INTP here. I guess that it really depends on the scenario with each person where I use my Si. Since it's my child function I am always picky on who I am loyal to and whether or not they deserve it. Like your wife I would have gone with the annulment option because she was hiding a very important aspect of the marriage from you before the deal. However my own dad is an ESFP and he can be selfish at times, but instead of getting through to him using my Fe which is practically impossible because I'm just not that giving instead I target the child function with my Hero Ti. I have all the functions of an ISFJ just in a different stack so I have to approach the social engineering differently so it works for me.
Wouldnt being consistently loyal, thoughtful and caring pressurize an ESFP to make a choice that they know you want and that would make them think that it is not what they want?
Aaaahhhh!!! Stop yelling! Bro, you have sooo much resentment about what you did for her for those 2 years! There were many times in this video when I was like: why are you yelling? Why you so mad about this? You chose to do this! I don't know how I feel about this... Mostly because I don't understand how you feel about this. You still have (clearly) a lot of pent up anger just based on how *aggressively* you were talking about all the nice things you did for her. But you also did what was best for her and the kids, but you didn't want to have to do that. I would say it's okay, let it go. What has passed has passed, you were meant to have that marriage, you were meant to have those kids, you were meant for all that misery and all that joy. It's okay man, all this pent-up anger isn't helping anyone. Let go of all that anger, forgive whoever you need to forgive, and just move forward as your best self.
Wow. I am so impressed. First of all a thought, oh this will be a shitstorm. Then I was angry because Me as ESFP understand her (but not in a sexual matter). Then you told about divorce and I was like "oh God it is my worst nightmare of all time".My ENFP mom got through this and she did not pull herself together untill now so I am so afraid of commitments etc. Anyway, then you presented a way of making this nightmare bearable. Then you told about ISFJ approach that I do get now why I get along so well with my ESTP boyfreind he is also thoughtful and caring. Then, you just do a great work to have your children close to you no matter what would happen. Personally you seem to me a little lets be honest... di ck. But then I realised that you have been never happy with her and you cried for freedom. Finally, you want your children close and your life being the best as you can have, and I admire that. I do understand now why you have that channel why it is so important, how functions saved you live. It is so moving.
This is the first social engineering episode I have watched. I went to bed after watching this. The whole night, seemingly, I was conflicted with a very anxious dream where I witnessed these guys programming people to do stuff by secretly slipping USBdrives into the USB ports at the bases of their necks (everyone had them). As soon as it was entered, the person would immediately play out whatever was programmed onto the inserted drive. I was trying really hard to protect my younger sister from anyone accessing her USB port as well as my own. I think someone got to her cuz she started acting differently. The rest of the dream I was basically fleeing and skeptical of everyone and having to watch out for myself. Many aspects of this video have me disturbed: marriage as manipulation, church-goer-based guilt, and maybe social engineering itself although that's more sane of an idea than the first two things. I wish I knew more into the ex-wife's psyche and background and upbringing, especially as to why she gave no-sex terms right after marriage, and was it really a surprise.
Sounds like you're describing the TV series Dark Angel with Jessica Alba. I feel I can perceive her issues only because EVERY person I've dated experienced the same issues in their past, but it played out in different ways. I'm a magnet for them.
Why are ESFPs afraid of what they want? Do they want to discover possibilities? Do they want to be presented with possibilities? Do they want it all? Are they afraid of the responsibilities and consequences that come with making a choice.
We want it all and we're afraid of failure and wasting precious resources like time and money. We can't narrow it down from our many interests. We want to know our purpose and our place and it's scary trying to figure that out since we don't have it spelled out for us.
I suspect my coworker is ESFP. She's a teacher and made the students make her a card on her birthday. As an INFJ, I feel that a birthday card is something that you get for someone because you genuinely wanted to, not as a class assignment. She's consistently late 10-15 minutes and will even stop by a bakery and buy food regardless of the fact that she should have already been at work. She complained when a coworker moved to work at a different school because she wanted her to stay with her. I'm trying to learn more to see how to best deal with her
Ugh, my ex husband is esfp. We get along fine but not in the end. Might as well listen to this. I don't want to be with an Esfp again tbh. But I loooovee them as friends, best friends even. . - INTP
I noticed something interesting that must be related to Si: in this vid you refer to your age a lot when recalling an event. Whenever my INTJ asks me what year an event occurred, I'll say "um I was 35 so 6.25 yrs ago" or "right after I started my current job" or "when my dog was a puppy" and I'll see him quickly do the match in his head and then say "so early 2012 then" etc. I think I can only figure out/recall time frames by tying events to other events in my mind. Sometimes I have no clue if an event occurred when I was 12 or 30 but I can ususally narrow it down.
@@CSJoseph I also tend to cite my age when referring to the past. But I can only get it down to a narrow range. Can it be a sign of Se inferior? Can living in my shadow for most of my childhood affect my ability to use Si better?
Interesting that in Dr. Gabor Mate's lectures, he said that people will sacrifice authenticity for attachment. (e.g., I will sacrifice my dreams just to please my parents so they won''t abandon me). And when they do, they develop sorts of physical and mental pathology. In CS Joseph's case, he was ready to sacrifice that attachment for his authenticity; which is the right thing to do. It's just that to get there, he had to emulate an ISFJ persona. Nevertheless, that was some willpower on your part, Chase.
Dear Chase, may I ask for a very quick favor, based on my commenting here, what do you think is my type? I‘ve been having a tough time zeroing in on a type so that I can see that as a template as I progress. I have been thinking whether I am an INTJ, INFJ, ISTJ, INFP, or INTP. But mainly INTJ. I value your judgment so a reply would be greatly appreciated. What do you think? (I just inserted another interrogative sentence just so you can catch the “?” tag, just in case). Thank you, Chase.
Its good to hear some perspective on this. I know a few divorcees and I've always wondered why they still talk to there exes give money etc but its about the kids so I do get it. So I can't fault you. I just have always wondered why these things happen but I give props for being vulnerable like that. I'm a child of a divorce so yeah. Also as isfp we like consistantly too I'm actually very loyal myself I always follow my obligations that could be Si critic I'm thinking
I wrote a whole thing but its way to personal to share with viewers. I was there and i did what you did and we went through similiar situations. i finally let her go too and if she ever needed anything she knows i'd be there. You did well Joseph. You were honorable and are still honorable. Jesus said that man had the authority or power to forgive sins. Your sins are forgiven, I Pray that any sin in you is forgiven and forgotten to the depths of the planet and that God bless' you. I pray that whatever it is that he planned for you gives so much fruit and blessing to you and others that he shows you were hes been working and that you continue to congregate yourself with the right people to share God's word. I pray that the vision i saw comes to be. With the four of you together. Because no matter what anyone else says and no matter what happened God gave you that wife for a reason and its for more than only Those two precious children you both made together.
Hey Chase, INTP here, I'm dealing with an ESFP coworker who is an only child and it shows, he is always craving for attention, being really loud to get a reaction out of everyone which really irks me, because I need a peacefull atmosphere to be at ease in peace with my own thoughts. But what is the most difficult for me is that he is always showing everyone how smart he really his, droping facts and information nonody asked him about. I will do everything you recomend in the video, but can me how to deal specifically with this? I struggle with this becauae of my Ti hero. Thank you and sorry if I made any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
ESFPs are just trying to have a good time and make people laugh. And we like to show off. Mutual respect is a must. Y'all have to learn to understand and respect each other's differences. My sons are INTP and ESFP. Complete opposites. 1 year apart and they fight constantly. I have to get them to try and respect each other's differences and I have to tell them to be kind to one another.
Okay...I'm listening to this an an ESFP and I'm thinking ...why in the world didn't your ex. wife want to be all over you in the bedroom? With all that giving and support, it doesn't make sense that an ESFP female wouldn't be super turned on and want to give you a great experience in the bedroom and in life in general. Was she repelled by you? If so why? It makes no sense to me. Nice, smart guys are sexy. Maybe that's just my Fi though..but arent ISFJ guys nice smart guys? You emulated an ISFJ...seems like that would've been extremely attractive to her. The way you were attentive to her even from the beginning seems like it would've made an ESFP wife quite turned on. It seems like she would've wanted to return the love. I don't get the no sex thing. If her sex drive was low as an ESFP ( Se, Fi to me is sex in and of itself almost...very sexy without effort).... I dont get that either. Don't in general ,ESFPs with Se and Fi do very well with sex? We are naturally sensual people. Plus, if I were your wife, your plan to get me to divorce you wouldn't have worked because I would've wanted to get back with you. You wouldve known that I wanted you too. Your attention towards me wouldve been a great turn on. I get what you are saying about social engineering an ESFP because what you are teaching does make an ESFP feel great. If one acts like an ISFJ , it def will work with us socially. The thing that I just dont get is the no sex or even the divorce happening with your ex..not with you acting like you did. I suppose there are a lot of things that you couldn't share, but again as an ESFP female..a lot of your story doesnt make sense. l did learn a lot though so I do thank you for sharing your wisdom. :)
I thought the same thing. There must be more to the story. Because if he became the ESFP's perfect partner, wouldn't she not want a divorce? Something must have been wrong from the very foundation of the marriage, and she knew it.
@@ennom972 Right! He was doing all the right things. He wouldve been greatly rewarded for that if it were me. We ESFPs like to be nice. That no sex thing in my opinion was just mean.
As ESFP female, my guess is despite agreeing to an amicable split... If I were told by my husband that he wants to see other women, it would pierce my heart and crush my spirit!! Immature me would continue to sabotage my own happiness/marriage (been there, done that😔) Mature me now asks "what does this experience show me about myself and how can I make it better?"
This was great, thank you! One more question: After a breakup with an ESFP, when they were super vengeful and destroyed a lot, is there any way to ever get them back on your good side? Are they forgiving or not?
It's also an interesting dynamic because both types technically have strong Fi and Ti because the PoLR function is actually so strong that people don't see it.
I have learn alot from u when it becomes to supervise relationship with my esfp cousin. For me, I would encourage her to use her Ni+Se ( to be honest with u, it is catastrophy).As long as she fixes her own mistakes and learn from it instead of letting her Esfj mother fixing her her problems all the time.😑We may not be compatible, but she helped me overcome my social anxiety (Fe inferior) just to have me a good experience on my birthday.and yeah we're both understand ourselves now.
These are so good! Your are hands down the mbti guru (with a wand). Can you believe for years I ESFP thought I was INTP…it was like the Trickster took hold of my Hero! …..I cry deeply when I hear people call me smart now, I’m sure you understand right?! 🤣 You visit Seattle?! Next time your out here come visit the WMSCOG church! 💕👀Since you have helped me immensely by working out things physically, this is an invitation to the deep Si past…when you and me were brothers in heaven. So come! And we can return to heaven together hand in hand. God bless you!🥳🤩🥰
This is crazy, my moms an ESFP. I’m ISTJ. Have a hard time caring unless it involved family and one thing I actually did focused on was caring and having empathy for her which allowed to get power of attorney for my siblings to care for them. Rough time but got what I need to help them.
Very insightful commentary on how to social engineer ESFPs in the context of a relationship. What about social engineering ESFP who you are not in a romantic relationship with, like a family member or in the professional realm like a colleague? Context: I am an NJ woman and this confirms everything my intuition has picked up on ESFPs- they are self centered, difficult to work with, and have a very "my way or the highway" attitude that doesn't follow any real logic. I get tired of having to choose between kissing ESFP ass just to get things done or face the wrath. Thoughts?
I'm a esfp.i divorced my husband,it cost 75 dollars,maybe my husband was a isfp,not sure.,he kept what he bought into the marriage,I kept what I bought in,that was that,easy no drama,and yes loyalty and consistency highly valued,no sex thing bit weird,maybe a personality disorder your ex may have had
I have an awkward feeling that being on your shoes as a feeler, and more specifically as a selfish and oversensitive ISFP, would be too overwhelming to work out properly. Man, you gotta be too emotionally detached to pretend you're a totally different person just to please someone else, with the ultimate goal of accomplishing your goals!! Hell, this is pure manipulation. And I really admire your skills, don't get me wrong, but do you really think all personality types can do the same thing as you just by knowing the theories of social engineering?
I am an ESFP-T And I SFJ sounds amazing! The way that this particular woman was talked about makes her sound very dangerous and I don’t think that I’m that way. The saying, “treat others how you want to be treated” is not accurate. That is the golden rule. The platinum rule is better and it states, “treat others how they want to be treated” that is the better way to go. Introverts and extroverts and liberals and conservatives and sensors and feelers all want to be treated differently from the other
Wow, I think it takes a lot of guts to be able to use your own divorce as an example. :D Out of all the social engineering videos, I learned the most from this one because it was a real life example with enough context and details (maybe it has to do with my Se parent?) Also, I think it's wonderful you and your ex-wife have a good relationship and that you treat her well. Often children look to their parents' relationship to set the standard of what behaviors they will accept and tolerate from others. Great video! Now I understand better the power of Si.
You talk about Se and Fe users giving other people the best experiences and caring for others in incredible ways. How do I give back to those amazing people as an ENFP?!? I don't want to be societal dead weight when all these Se users and Fe users are being so awesome. You're unbelievable by the way 👍 If you want to social engineer me, that story basically does it :). Also, I think I'm one of the Te child's that likes criticism, I definitely really appreciated and respected you when I first watched the ENFP video (you made) when you went into the bad stuff, I live for self improvement and I definitely find the inferior, Nemesis, and demon functions to be the coolest and most interesting, because if you want to hear that you are a good person you can go anywhere, but to unlock the secret truths of your sin-nature this is the only (personalized and accurate) place I've found. Basically, you're cool and I like watching your videos (seen them all) :)
God! I swear, I never met an ESFP coworker who goes Ne demon on everyone. He has no sense of consequences and hinders me to do my job for the sake of his performance. He expected me to answer his call even though it's not hourly time. I got really sick of him, I developed a bad habit because of his behavior. I wish someday he'd make a huge mistake he'll be rotten in jail. He's ineffective, incompetent, pathological liar, selfish prick.
I'm and INFJ and things have been getting rocky between a close ESFP friend of mine. Worst case scenario, what could his Ne demon do to my Ni Hero? I'm confident that I could slip out out of anything he can through at me with my future intact, but you can never be too sure...
The feeling of being "wanted" that going to strip clubs can provide you with I believe is a very normal thing for emotionally disconnected men, I've only been once but felt the same way. I'm sure you're probably aware of this at this point but just wanted to point out the shared experience/perspective there.
That's sounds exhausting. I am with an ESFP and I get the part about they want what they want. Seems selfish on the ESFP part. How do they give back to you?
Life is not always good as an INTJ, but sometimes it is. If I somehow against all odds ended up getting married to someone, and they did not want to have sex with me anymore, I would keep myself in that marriage for a grand total of maybe 0,5 seconds.
I came here as an entp looking for advice for an esfp I like but this video felt like a military Sargent in a tangent on why it’s a horrible idea. I still like the video but ow
ESFP's have high narcissistic traits (along with other Cluster B personality disorder traits). And according to experts (please see Dr. Sam Vaknin and Dr. Tara Palmatier here on youtube, they have lectures on narcissistic relationships) Narcissists are not suitable for romantic relationships. They are not looking for a partner, but for a parent. They are described as emotionally stunted adults whose attitudes and decision making are akin to a 4-9 year olds. They at first idealize you, then they devalue you, then they discard you, then they will hoover you back in. It is a depressing situation to be in. And technically they are abusing you. So please no more Mr. Nice Guy. To other people's credit, there are certain people who crave to live with a narcissist. And these are the codependents (or enablers who provide narcissistic supply by way of giving service, attention, adulation, etc. while not getting anything back). But you will be in for an emotional roller coaster. I sympathize with your situation Chase. -INTJ speaking from experience
Dear Chase, may I ask for a very quick favor, based on my commenting here, what do you think is my type? I‘ve been having a tough time zeroing in on a type so that I can see that as a template as I progress. I have been thinking whether I am an INTJ, INFJ, ISTJ, INFP, or INTP. But mainly INTJ. I value your judgment so a reply would be greatly appreciated. What do you think? (I just inserted another interrogative sentence just so you can catch the “?” tag, just in case). Thank you, Chase.
Haha, I meant I am resistant to attempts of people trying to socially engineer me even when they are trying to help me out. I don’t try to be that way or anything but it’s just how it seems to be.
Working this hard to get the best possible divorce...but what about working this hard instead to have the best possible marriage? It's too bad that either one or both of you felt it was too late for that. (I mean that genuinely...a marriage ending is a rough thing to go through.)
@@carysparks4415 I really appreciate this: "...no one should stay in a marriage where they don't get what they want and they have to trick the other person into wanting what they should want." So true. I was in such a relationship and it isn't sustainable. I would add that oftentimes being in that kind of relationship can be avoided by really getting to know someone before committing to them. I know I ignored a lot of red flags because I made assumptions. I rushed in. Also, though I am very much for working toward the common goal of sustaining a good relationship, if both partners dont want the same thing that can be difficult. For me, I wanted an emotionally intimate relationship. My partner wanted one based more on practicality. After we split he told me he just didn't need the depth of intimacy I did. I knew that...even in the beginning, but thought I could teach him to want that too. (Because I thought he should want it.) That seldom works.
This would've been a lot better if it wasn't so... personal. Borderline aggro at times. I had to work to pull usable information for my scenario (INTP shut-in trying to turn an ESFP parent into a better support network) and I found some but dude, you don't have anything to prove here. Chill.
Bravo, Chase. You did a great job being loving and kind to your wife, so hard to do in real time, I might add, and I get to benefit, because my sister is ESFP, whom I love very much, and this helps me see how her love language is gifts, deeds, loyalty, consistency, friendship that makes her happy.
Emotional ranting got in the way if this one. Worse video I've seen by you. But this is just for me (ENFP) I'm glad others were blessed by it. Just giving my feedback.
Not all ESFPs are like your ex-wife. Look at Nicki Minaj whom you typed as an ESFP. She said in an acceptance speech that her boyfriend was going to undress her out of her Louie Vuitton dress.
The worst is when you social engineer someone and only they benefit from it, it’s like they’re being pampered for free. I used to sort of social engineer this ESFP by acting SFJ-ish but I got tired of not getting what I was trying to get out of it, so I quit... I was like screw this
ShadowQuik your comment is really funny, I agree about the pampered for free comment 😂
U sound neurotic as fuck. Imagine u didnt cancel one of ur date nights n drop evertthing u were doing...she may file for full custody n child support huh bub? Lol google red pill dating im think u may have a blind spot.
I would never get involved with an ESFP unless they were enlightened
The key point is to betray them once their trust was gained. This guy is a church guy. But social engineering = devil
If you want it to work. You have to dehumanize the person in your mind and look at them as a system.
I'm ISFJ and I'm scared of ESFPs after this video.
No no don't feel that way. There's a lot of ESFPs out there who are nice and very negotiable.. you just need to find the right one, a mature and responsible :)
@@Hani_Hissam so after their 40s when their old? Nah
Please don’t be. I am an ESFP and am not nearly as bad as this ex wife of his was. A person is not necessarily the same person to person just because of their type. This was not such a good experience.
@@Ibrahimovic4life after age 32
So u should be if u arouse the demon,we will shred you,if you no how to handle us we will abait
Eff that! If I’d ever have to pretend to be an ISFJ there has to be a strong dose of medication in my system.
Your a good man for doing that for her and the kids.
I'm an INTJ that also divorced an ESFP after more than eight years married. This all rang true to my experience. Be thoughtful and consistant and make her wants a priority. No kids in my case, but the divorce went about the same. I had no idea about MBTI at the time, but knew it was best to have an outcome that was predictable even if it caused momentary sacrifice. If I would have made it all about me, she would have dug in for a long vindictive fight. The ESFP could be very fun and well meaning, but a little too emotionally unstable for this INTJ.
nate31681 he is wrong she sounds like an estp. Estp ate good at playing games.
Totally emotionally unstable
All because she didn't feel like having sex... As an ESFP... o.O There gotta be more to this, but again - this is very personal stuff.
Still, sounds a little weird
I knew an ESFP who felt the same way
there is a lot more to the story, but I will not reveal in public.
Do you have ANY idea of how important sex is in a relationship??? Specially for men
All this thing is very strange. I am ESFP, and i think we as sensitive as we are, we enjoy intimacy. Is someone in this world that not? Your marriage experience was vey particular, not to make into generalization
"I got so much hell for that from the NJ women I was dating at the time" 😂
there should be a time stamp for every-time you declared that
ESFPs are still the most underrated people. 😯 everything I hear in this community is that I must be the worst person ever. I don't like partys and I do care about my friends, my boyfriend and my family.
It’s brave to make a video like this. We love and accept you.
I wonder what the Ex-wife would think if she ever saw this.
If she's anything like the ESFP I know she'd probably just think he's really weird lol
@@Robert-eh1dq or manipulated
esfp here. i love your videos chase, they’re one of the many reasons i’ve decided i’m an esfp and not an enfp (which i types as for years - tertiary Te is really a sucker for tests 💀). after consulting mbti-hyperfixed friends and studying functions, i understand myself better than i think i ever have, and you’ve played quite a huge part in that. i’ve always been fond of entps, and you’re no different! please keep making informative content, it’s genuinely making a difference.
Hi there! I suspect that you have Ne high in your function stack due to the side thought that you wrote in parenthesis. I would suspect ENFP over ESFP. 😎
Thank you for this video! SO MANY of the functions are explained in such detail in real life scenario's that i FINALLY now understand the basic principles of these functions after months of research. Please continue teaching! You are making a difference with your work! Thank you!!
you are most welcome
Wow. I tuned in for tips on handling my own personal ESFP, and I got them, but I also got a really inspiring story of determination and follow-through in the service of a higher goal. And I need a lot of help with those (determination and follow-through). I am going to bookmark this and check it out periodically for inspiration.
I really respect your devotion to your children and to your ex-wife by virtue of her being the mother of those children. By doing what you did, they were saved from a world of conflict and hurt and trauma, tho I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. A good mother will do damn near anything to take care of her kids. Why wouldn't a good father?
I have an ESFP parent and an ISTJ parent in an enduring but frequently high-conflict marriage and I've seen the fallout of what you describe when an ESFP does not feel their needs are being met. It ain't pretty. Kudos to you for taking care of yourself, your kids, and the mother of your kids.
What character and selflessness.... if only all men were so principled!
Thank you for sharing such a personal ordeal to help us understand other people and have better lives. I agree that it's not cheating if both people agree by free will. I also deeply respect your commitment to the well being of your children and their mother. INTP lady here.
Someone should’ve pushed your mentee to turn his passion into a career. So many are making six figures from playing video games. I know someone who went to UVA for astrophysics and is now playing video games for a living. I’m an esfp and have worked since I was 10 years old. Yes I have bern impulsive and made unwise decisions.
Intuitives complain about being misunderstood but I feel underestimated by many who called me stupid or slow most of my life. I know I’m smart because I have two degrees, speak several languages and hope to pursue the stem field. There’s also this misconception that sensors are dumb, useless, irresponsible and live in the moment.
i am so frustrated with my mum ESFP's Te child and Ti trickster
it's like she has no judgement herself and just believes whatever the person she likes says.
completely destroys my Fe Inferior , it's so frustrating lol and makes Ti come out to attack her Te and it becomes a mess
INTP btw
(then theres INTJ grandad constantly feeds her the notion that i never do anything for them and i am ungrateful whenever i refuse to help or be attentive , because he only remembers times that i don't do things, si demon + Te i guess, super fun to live with， anyway had to rant because i know i wouldn't be able to do what you did since it's too hard and would constantly drain myself out to do things i really want to do)
That’s so sad
Ohh dude, I feel what you're talking about. As an INTP I have same experiences with my ESFP mother and sister.
Really appreciated this one. I think I am going to buy "No More Mr. Nice Guy". Thanks for the suggestion, and another great video!
Still waiting for the infp one...
You're joking right?
Days since this season started
27+31+27= 81
Days divided by amount of videos in this season
81÷7=11.54
Days x the episodes left
11.54x10=115.4
Days until last episode to this season.
115,4÷7=16.53
Episodes per month
16.5÷4=4.1
Thus it means according to his current rate of videos that he is bringing out....you will have your INFP video......in..... Wait for it....
March 22nd!
Sorry but not sorry... You're going to wait a looooong time........... Lol
Maybe he still needs to find the right cosplay costume
@@henkster6067 omg no
I am thinking a dinosaur
@@erinjk123 that's if he keeps in his sequence he is going... He is movement... You never know.... 😋
My respect for you just went to a whole other level Chase :))
much appreciated
I think my Husband may be an ESFP. The things that initially attracted me now drive me nuts. He's super loud, funny and sensitive, other men confide in him and hold him in high regard. He has integrity and claims to be born again ..but also has a secret deviant side and engages in risky behaviour. His religious side takes a backseat to his actions sometimes but he's quick to point out that he has backslidden and not walking in it (.it's been 11 years and it just feels like hypocrisy now) He would spend his last $$ on a total stranger and never expect anything in return, but at home he's selfish and needy and wants me to look after him 24/7. We are broke all the time because he insists on paying the tab all the time for others, even if we don't have the $$. He's almost a complete contradiction. As an INFJ I find him fascinating and frustrating, he drains me very quickly. I tend to 'hold my cards close to my chest' and he plays all his...immediately...with anybody. This makes me crazy. When I'm just about at the end of my rope he shows his sensitive side, very sincerely, and I'm back in the relationship 100 %...I'm so drained....any thoughts or advice? Anyone? 🤔
Does he show you appreciation?
@@CSJoseph after he gets his way..lol. It's like he will be very selfish for days..and then suddenly realise it and show sincere appreciation.
ESFPs are soooooooo misunderstood. There's definitely more research needed on this type. How the world perceives the ESFP and how the ESFP actually is inwardly are 2 completely different things. ESFPs are simple people who only want simplicity. Trust, honor, respect. We don't learn the way most people do either. If we feel like we can't trust you, then yes, your life will be miserable because we cannot handle being around someone who is a fake and a liar. We see the world purely and for what it is. Life is full of contradictions. We recognize our own contradictions and don't mind admitting to being imperfect. We wish others could be this bold and this real. Just be loyal, just be trustworthy, calm down relax, speak your mind, be silent in and one with nature. We're simple. We're not evil. But if we feel in any way shape or form that you are trying to hurt us or betray our trust, we will fight back and get you first before you can get us.
Lilly Picadilly I think you have to call him out on it. But if it gets too bad and you need more, maybe see if you can move out and see if he would initiate a divorce and do all that service stuff chase did in the video. I would definitely talk to at least 10 lawyers (just talk, free consultation) just to see what your options are and how the divorce process works and what will happen if you move out or he does etc. You don’t have to do anything. But you need to be armed with this information as to not get screwed. You need to keep your wishes for divorce secret, just like chase did. Be nice to him, give him what he wants except when you can’t afford it. Place more boundaries on money. In my opinion if you want a divorce you might need to do it quickly or they will drain your accounts.
How do you enforce boundaries and command respect from an ESFP if it's something they don't naturally agree with? My experience is that a particular will appear to concede but really hide a situation, then when it comes up again, play dumb or lie. Previous solutions were to cut ties but I'm interested in learning more ways to handle situations like this in the future. Thank you.
enforce boundaries
Communication. Honesty. From the start. And don't do those under the influence of drink. Offer to take the lead on contact, to manage expectations.
Now you’re a nice AND smart guy! 👍
Much appreciated ^^
I admire and appreciate your candor. Also I think this info could be very useful for me. I'm twice-divorced and I've been judged up and down and left and right for it but happily for me, I'm an INTP and i don't give a frosted f*** what people think about it. The way i see it is this: if an individual would rather i stay in a shitty, unhappy situation for appearances, tradition, or for any other arbitrary "reason", that person clearly does not have my best interests at heart and so f*** their opinion. Do i wish i had made better choices? Yep. Can i change the past? Nope. Can i learn from my mistakes? Hell yes. Have I? Absolutely...but gaining that knowledge was hard-fought and it was hard-won. And damn, was it worth it. Very brave of you and well-done. Thanks for sharing.
ESFP=High maintenance without giving anything in return (as an entp i find them irresistably overdramatic and self centered,would love to be proven wrong tho❤no hate for any esfps out there)
Novice here, but I just think it's funny that the term social engineer basically just means that you learn how to be Christ-like and selfless.
lol yeah
As an ESFP i admit i can be one of the most narcissistic ppl i know yet all someone have to do is to call me out on being selfish, lazy and irresponsible. Like it’ll make me feel guilty and personally attacked as i hate criticism and I’ll think twice about what i do
IDK why i usually don’t actually get along with other Esfps. Like i really don’t.
I just wanna thank you for your lectures, because of them I was easily able to remove myself from a relationship with an ENFP with ease, I see how foolish I was giving him the time and day in the first place. You are right women can love anything and I did not respect him. I'm working on myself and my projects harder than ever many great things are happening in my life. My world is changing for the better each day. Thank you so much!
I've been married to an ESFP for 22 years, and we're very, very happy together! We have also being working together for 24 years. Having said that, EVERYTHING you say on this video, makes SO MUCH sense to me! It really describes my negotiations with my wife...I mean, the way she tends to react to my proposals. Sometimes, just out of experience, I've implemented some of your advices, with good outcomes. Now, after seeing this video, I've put names to some of those strategies I've used in the past. So, thank you for sharing this! I do believe it will help to improve, even more, my relationship with my ESFP adorable wife! And by the way, I'm learning a lot with your series! I'm an INFJ, a serious one, and I watch your INFJ videos once in a while, to grow in some respects...thanks again, keep it up!
Thanks so much for sharing this. I was even scared of getting married knowing I might not succeed. Thks
Recare... i’m also an INFJ. Do you feel like you’re missing out on anything? Are you opposed to sharing a couple of your relationship strengths and a couple of your relationship weaknesses?
This was hella informative. You sure you’re INFJ?
INTP here. I guess that it really depends on the scenario with each person where I use my Si. Since it's my child function I am always picky on who I am loyal to and whether or not they deserve it. Like your wife I would have gone with the annulment option because she was hiding a very important aspect of the marriage from you before the deal. However my own dad is an ESFP and he can be selfish at times, but instead of getting through to him using my Fe which is practically impossible because I'm just not that giving instead I target the child function with my Hero Ti. I have all the functions of an ISFJ just in a different stack so I have to approach the social engineering differently so it works for me.
I would love an example of this.
Could you please describe briefly an example of this? Thank you
A year has passed for your comment and we still want an example yo
Wouldnt being consistently loyal, thoughtful and caring pressurize an ESFP to make a choice that they know you want and that would make them think that it is not what they want?
only if they feel you are being loyal and you give them choices that only benefit you.
Thats the entire point, HAHA!
Aaaahhhh!!! Stop yelling! Bro, you have sooo much resentment about what you did for her for those 2 years! There were many times in this video when I was like: why are you yelling? Why you so mad about this? You chose to do this!
I don't know how I feel about this... Mostly because I don't understand how you feel about this. You still have (clearly) a lot of pent up anger just based on how *aggressively* you were talking about all the nice things you did for her. But you also did what was best for her and the kids, but you didn't want to have to do that.
I would say it's okay, let it go. What has passed has passed, you were meant to have that marriage, you were meant to have those kids, you were meant for all that misery and all that joy. It's okay man, all this pent-up anger isn't helping anyone. Let go of all that anger, forgive whoever you need to forgive, and just move forward as your best self.
Wow. I am so impressed. First of all a thought, oh this will be a shitstorm. Then I was angry because Me as ESFP understand her (but not in a sexual matter). Then you told about divorce and I was like "oh God it is my worst nightmare of all time".My ENFP mom got through this and she did not pull herself together untill now so I am so afraid of commitments etc. Anyway, then you presented a way of making this nightmare bearable. Then you told about ISFJ approach that I do get now why I get along so well with my ESTP boyfreind he is also thoughtful and caring. Then, you just do a great work to have your children close to you no matter what would happen. Personally you seem to me a little lets be honest... di ck. But then I realised that you have been never happy with her and you cried for freedom. Finally, you want your children close and your life being the best as you can have, and I admire that. I do understand now why you have that channel why it is so important, how functions saved you live. It is so moving.
It sounds more to me that she was the d ... he was too nice, and was always too nice. Finally he got his due though - freedom!!!
Never marry and divorce an MBTI Psychologist.
>Says my future ex-wife.
This is the first social engineering episode I have watched. I went to bed after watching this. The whole night, seemingly, I was conflicted with a very anxious dream where I witnessed these guys programming people to do stuff by secretly slipping USBdrives into the USB ports at the bases of their necks (everyone had them). As soon as it was entered, the person would immediately play out whatever was programmed onto the inserted drive. I was trying really hard to protect my younger sister from anyone accessing her USB port as well as my own. I think someone got to her cuz she started acting differently. The rest of the dream I was basically fleeing and skeptical of everyone and having to watch out for myself. Many aspects of this video have me disturbed: marriage as manipulation, church-goer-based guilt, and maybe social engineering itself although that's more sane of an idea than the first two things. I wish I knew more into the ex-wife's psyche and background and upbringing, especially as to why she gave no-sex terms right after marriage, and was it really a surprise.
i wish I could say more, but I will not betray her trust.
Sounds like you're describing the TV series Dark Angel with Jessica Alba. I feel I can perceive her issues only because EVERY person I've dated experienced the same issues in their past, but it played out in different ways. I'm a magnet for them.
Why are ESFPs afraid of what they want? Do they want to discover possibilities? Do they want to be presented with possibilities? Do they want it all? Are they afraid of the responsibilities and consequences that come with making a choice.
watch season 16 episode 4
We want it all and we're afraid of failure and wasting precious resources like time and money. We can't narrow it down from our many interests. We want to know our purpose and our place and it's scary trying to figure that out since we don't have it spelled out for us.
I suspect my coworker is ESFP. She's a teacher and made the students make her a card on her birthday. As an INFJ, I feel that a birthday card is something that you get for someone because you genuinely wanted to, not as a class assignment. She's consistently late 10-15 minutes and will even stop by a bakery and buy food regardless of the fact that she should have already been at work. She complained when a coworker moved to work at a different school because she wanted her to stay with her. I'm trying to learn more to see how to best deal with her
One word: Entitled
@@CW91 Thank you. I feel supported.
Ugh, my ex husband is esfp. We get along fine but not in the end. Might as well listen to this. I don't want to be with an Esfp again tbh. But I loooovee them as friends, best friends even. .
- INTP
Good men can be bad men by circumstance. I understand. Good thing is you still have a whole life ahead of you.
I noticed something interesting that must be related to Si: in this vid you refer to your age a lot when recalling an event. Whenever my INTJ asks me what year an event occurred, I'll say "um I was 35 so 6.25 yrs ago" or "right after I started my current job" or "when my dog was a puppy" and I'll see him quickly do the match in his head and then say "so early 2012 then" etc. I think I can only figure out/recall time frames by tying events to other events in my mind. Sometimes I have no clue if an event occurred when I was 12 or 30 but I can ususally narrow it down.
Yes
@@CSJoseph I also tend to cite my age when referring to the past. But I can only get it down to a narrow range. Can it be a sign of Se inferior?
Can living in my shadow for most of my childhood affect my ability to use Si better?
Interesting that in Dr. Gabor Mate's lectures, he said that people will sacrifice authenticity for attachment. (e.g., I will sacrifice my dreams just to please my parents so they won''t abandon me). And when they do, they develop sorts of physical and mental pathology.
In CS Joseph's case, he was ready to sacrifice that attachment for his authenticity; which is the right thing to do. It's just that to get there, he had to emulate an ISFJ persona. Nevertheless, that was some willpower on your part, Chase.
Dear Chase, may I ask for a very quick favor, based on my commenting here, what do you think is my type? I‘ve been having a tough time zeroing in on a type so that I can see that as a template as I progress. I have been thinking whether I am an INTJ, INFJ, ISTJ, INFP, or INTP. But mainly INTJ. I value your judgment so a reply would be greatly appreciated. What do you think? (I just inserted another interrogative sentence just so you can catch the “?” tag, just in case). Thank you, Chase.
Its good to hear some perspective on this. I know a few divorcees and I've always wondered why they still talk to there exes give money etc but its about the kids so I do get it. So I can't fault you. I just have always wondered why these things happen but I give props for being vulnerable like that. I'm a child of a divorce so yeah. Also as isfp we like consistantly too I'm actually very loyal myself I always follow my obligations that could be Si critic I'm thinking
I wrote a whole thing but its way to personal to share with viewers. I was there and i did what you did and we went through similiar situations. i finally let her go too and if she ever needed anything she knows i'd be there. You did well Joseph. You were honorable and are still honorable. Jesus said that man had the authority or power to forgive sins. Your sins are forgiven, I Pray that any sin in you is forgiven and forgotten to the depths of the planet and that God bless' you. I pray that whatever it is that he planned for you gives so much fruit and blessing to you and others that he shows you were hes been working and that you continue to congregate yourself with the right people to share God's word. I pray that the vision i saw comes to be. With the four of you together. Because no matter what anyone else says and no matter what happened God gave you that wife for a reason and its for more than only Those two precious children you both made together.
much appreciated
Why don’t ESFPs work to provide the consistency they need instead of expecting it from someone else? Seems like a recipe for unhappiness.
because hypocrites, everyone has built in hypocrisy
It's just chemically and physically impossible. And I wish I knew why.
Get enabled by ISFJs. ISFJs are too common.
I have a job interview coming up with an ESFP guy, this is helpful, thanks 😄👍
Hey Chase, INTP here, I'm dealing with an ESFP coworker who is an only child and it shows, he is always craving for attention, being really loud to get a reaction out of everyone which really irks me, because I need a peacefull atmosphere to be at ease in peace with my own thoughts. But what is the most difficult for me is that he is always showing everyone how smart he really his, droping facts and information nonody asked him about. I will do everything you recomend in the video, but can me how to deal specifically with this? I struggle with this becauae of my Ti hero. Thank you and sorry if I made any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
criticize him to his face.
ESFPs are just trying to have a good time and make people laugh. And we like to show off. Mutual respect is a must. Y'all have to learn to understand and respect each other's differences. My sons are INTP and ESFP. Complete opposites. 1 year apart and they fight constantly. I have to get them to try and respect each other's differences and I have to tell them to be kind to one another.
Excellent video! I can’t believe I haven’t seen this one after watching CSJ since the time it came out
Okay...I'm listening to this an an ESFP and I'm thinking ...why in the world didn't your ex. wife want to be all over you in the bedroom? With all that giving and support, it doesn't make sense that an ESFP female wouldn't be super turned on and want to give you a great experience in the bedroom and in life in general.
Was she repelled by you? If so why? It makes no sense to me. Nice, smart guys are sexy. Maybe that's just my Fi though..but arent ISFJ guys nice smart guys? You emulated an ISFJ...seems like that would've been extremely attractive to her.
The way you were attentive to her even from the beginning seems like it would've made an ESFP wife quite turned on. It seems like she would've wanted to return the love. I don't get the no sex thing. If her sex drive was low as an ESFP ( Se, Fi to me is sex in and of itself almost...very sexy without effort).... I dont get that either.
Don't in general ,ESFPs with Se and Fi do very well with sex? We are naturally sensual people.
Plus, if I were your wife, your plan to get me to divorce you wouldn't have worked because I would've wanted to get back with you. You wouldve known that I wanted you too. Your attention towards me wouldve been a great turn on.
I get what you are saying about social engineering an ESFP because what you are teaching does make an ESFP feel great. If one acts like an ISFJ , it def will work with us socially. The thing that I just dont get is the no sex or even the divorce happening with your ex..not with you acting like you did. I suppose there are a lot of things that you couldn't share, but again as an ESFP female..a lot of your story doesnt make sense.
l did learn a lot though so I do thank you for sharing your wisdom. :)
I thought the same thing. There must be more to the story. Because if he became the ESFP's perfect partner, wouldn't she not want a divorce? Something must have been wrong from the very foundation of the marriage, and she knew it.
@@ennom972 Right! He was doing all the right things. He wouldve been greatly rewarded for that if it were me. We ESFPs like to be nice. That no sex thing in my opinion was just mean.
there is a nurtural reason as an ESFP as to why this happened. But I will not share it out of respect for her.
@@CSJoseph Now that makes sense..That's all I needed to know. Much respect to you for valuing her privacy. :)
As ESFP female, my guess is despite agreeing to an amicable split... If I were told by my husband that he wants to see other women, it would pierce my heart and crush my spirit!! Immature me would continue to sabotage my own happiness/marriage (been there, done that😔) Mature me now asks "what does this experience show me about myself and how can I make it better?"
This was great, thank you! One more question: After a breakup with an ESFP, when they were super vengeful and destroyed a lot, is there any way to ever get them back on your good side? Are they forgiving or not?
Demonstrate loyalty and be consistent about it.
@@CSJoseph Not how politics works!
It's also an interesting dynamic because both types technically have strong Fi and Ti because the PoLR function is actually so strong that people don't see it.
So much feels...😭😭 Thank you for sharing Chase !
I am an INFJ. My daughter is an ESFP. Trying to keep her from ruining her life.
I have learn alot from u when it becomes to supervise relationship with my esfp cousin. For me, I would encourage her to use her Ni+Se ( to be honest with u, it is catastrophy).As long as she fixes her own mistakes and learn from it instead of letting her Esfj mother fixing her her problems all the time.😑We may not be compatible, but she helped me overcome my social anxiety (Fe inferior) just to have me a good experience on my birthday.and yeah we're both understand ourselves now.
These are so good! Your are hands down the mbti guru (with a wand). Can you believe for years I ESFP thought I was INTP…it was like the Trickster took hold of my Hero! …..I cry deeply when I hear people call me smart now, I’m sure you understand right?! 🤣
You visit Seattle?! Next time your out here come visit the WMSCOG church! 💕👀Since you have helped me immensely by working out things physically, this is an invitation to the deep Si past…when you and me were brothers in heaven. So come! And we can return to heaven together hand in hand. God bless you!🥳🤩🥰
LOL, the whiteboard bump at the start of the video xD
Give that as the example of low Se when someone tells you you're an ENTJ :)
I’ve decided I’m gonna be the most caring person at my university, so people will stop leaving me. I can do this!
This is some voodoo content... genius
Wow this was a good one CS Joseph!! Love it as usual ❤️❤️❤️
This is crazy, my moms an ESFP. I’m ISTJ. Have a hard time caring unless it involved family and one thing I actually did focused on was caring and having empathy for her which allowed to get power of attorney for my siblings to care for them. Rough time but got what I need to help them.
Very insightful commentary on how to social engineer ESFPs in the context of a relationship. What about social engineering ESFP who you are not in a romantic relationship with, like a family member or in the professional realm like a colleague? Context: I am an NJ woman and this confirms everything my intuition has picked up on ESFPs- they are self centered, difficult to work with, and have a very "my way or the highway" attitude that doesn't follow any real logic. I get tired of having to choose between kissing ESFP ass just to get things done or face the wrath. Thoughts?
same principles apply.
ESFPs are only rude to people they don't trust. What have you done to make this person not trust you?
I'm a esfp.i divorced my husband,it cost 75 dollars,maybe my husband was a isfp,not sure.,he kept what he bought into the marriage,I kept what I bought in,that was that,easy no drama,and yes loyalty and consistency highly valued,no sex thing bit weird,maybe a personality disorder your ex may have had
I have an awkward feeling that being on your shoes as a feeler, and more specifically as a selfish and oversensitive ISFP, would be too overwhelming to work out properly. Man, you gotta be too emotionally detached to pretend you're a totally different person just to please someone else, with the ultimate goal of accomplishing your goals!! Hell, this is pure manipulation. And I really admire your skills, don't get me wrong, but do you really think all personality types can do the same thing as you just by knowing the theories of social engineering?
yes
His play here was brilliant & I would totally do it... although my hatred of her would have leaked through the mechanical moves because I can’t lie.
I am an ESFP-T And I SFJ sounds amazing! The way that this particular woman was talked about makes her sound very dangerous and I don’t think that I’m that way. The saying, “treat others how you want to be treated” is not accurate. That is the golden rule. The platinum rule is better and it states, “treat others how they want to be treated” that is the better way to go. Introverts and extroverts and liberals and conservatives and sensors and feelers all want to be treated differently from the other
Wow, I think it takes a lot of guts to be able to use your own divorce as an example. :D Out of all the social engineering videos, I learned the most from this one because it was a real life example with enough context and details (maybe it has to do with my Se parent?)
Also, I think it's wonderful you and your ex-wife have a good relationship and that you treat her well. Often children look to their parents' relationship to set the standard of what behaviors they will accept and tolerate from others.
Great video! Now I understand better the power of Si.
I think you are an amazing father.
You talk about Se and Fe users giving other people the best experiences and caring for others in incredible ways. How do I give back to those amazing people as an ENFP?!? I don't want to be societal dead weight when all these Se users and Fe users are being so awesome.
You're unbelievable by the way 👍 If you want to social engineer me, that story basically does it :). Also, I think I'm one of the Te child's that likes criticism, I definitely really appreciated and respected you when I first watched the ENFP video (you made) when you went into the bad stuff, I live for self improvement and I definitely find the inferior, Nemesis, and demon functions to be the coolest and most interesting, because if you want to hear that you are a good person you can go anywhere, but to unlock the secret truths of your sin-nature this is the only (personalized and accurate) place I've found. Basically, you're cool and I like watching your videos (seen them all) :)
as an ENFP, keep proving your loyalty to them :)
God! I swear, I never met an ESFP coworker who goes Ne demon on everyone. He has no sense of consequences and hinders me to do my job for the sake of his performance. He expected me to answer his call even though it's not hourly time. I got really sick of him, I developed a bad habit because of his behavior. I wish someday he'd make a huge mistake he'll be rotten in jail. He's ineffective, incompetent, pathological liar, selfish prick.
Your marriage story is very understandable. Thanks for sharing. :)
I’m surprised that an esfp was so adverse to sex.
I wouldn't want to have sex whit me either, in those days.
C.S. Joseph 😂😂😂 We’ve all had “those” periods of our life’s
Wouldn't that work on pretty much anybody? :)
Exceptional video!
😮😮😮😮😮 Now i think im a ESFP
okay, so if they piss me off because they did something wrong, I will have to be the one to coddle them and cater to their needs? WTF!
I'm and INFJ and things have been getting rocky between a close ESFP friend of mine. Worst case scenario, what could his Ne demon do to my Ni Hero? I'm confident that I could slip out out of anything he can through at me with my future intact, but you can never be too sure...
you are a hero
She didn’t think sex was important... in marriage... when you’re supposed to have sex... Christian or no... that’s wrong on so many levels
The feeling of being "wanted" that going to strip clubs can provide you with I believe is a very normal thing for emotionally disconnected men, I've only been once but felt the same way. I'm sure you're probably aware of this at this point but just wanted to point out the shared experience/perspective there.
What about social engineering the ESFJ if you don't want to get a divorce?
That's sounds exhausting. I am with an ESFP and I get the part about they want what they want. Seems selfish on the ESFP part. How do they give back to you?
via gratitude
Good advices. I ve got an ESFP colleague. I m an ENFP and I hate when he bosses me around, pushes me.
@Azur ii I don't deserve it. They are pushy sometimes. And superficial
Wait, so can a person also emulate an ESFJ to social engineer an ESFP? ESFJ also want to accommodate.
Where do I find an ENTP who emulates an ISFJ this sounds amazing 😂
a survivor of the pain of life
Why don’t u just get an ISFJ
Im not sure if this is something you've noticed, but is it fairly common for people to marry/get in relationships with their superego?
yes
Life is not always good as an INTJ, but sometimes it is. If I somehow against all odds ended up getting married to someone, and they did not want to have sex with me anymore, I would keep myself in that marriage for a grand total of maybe 0,5 seconds.
I came here as an entp looking for advice for an esfp I like but this video felt like a military Sargent in a tangent on why it’s a horrible idea. I still like the video but ow
ESFP's have high narcissistic traits (along with other Cluster B personality disorder traits). And according to experts (please see Dr. Sam Vaknin and Dr. Tara Palmatier here on youtube, they have lectures on narcissistic relationships) Narcissists are not suitable for romantic relationships. They are not looking for a partner, but for a parent. They are described as emotionally stunted adults whose attitudes and decision making are akin to a 4-9 year olds. They at first idealize you, then they devalue you, then they discard you, then they will hoover you back in. It is a depressing situation to be in. And technically they are abusing you. So please no more Mr. Nice Guy.
To other people's credit, there are certain people who crave to live with a narcissist. And these are the codependents (or enablers who provide narcissistic supply by way of giving service, attention, adulation, etc. while not getting anything back).
But you will be in for an emotional roller coaster. I sympathize with your situation Chase.
-INTJ speaking from experience
Dear Chase, may I ask for a very quick favor, based on my commenting here, what do you think is my type? I‘ve been having a tough time zeroing in on a type so that I can see that as a template as I progress. I have been thinking whether I am an INTJ, INFJ, ISTJ, INFP, or INTP. But mainly INTJ. I value your judgment so a reply would be greatly appreciated. What do you think? (I just inserted another interrogative sentence just so you can catch the “?” tag, just in case). Thank you, Chase.
@@blitz19113 you should join his discord if you wanna be typed by him
u r still a nice guy. shows all over your face. nice video. my mom is esfp, im enfp.
Great video: D
waiting for the introvert's social engineering
I naturally resist social engineering, and to my detriment at that.
@@bradbrown9843 or you could use these social engineering knowledge to avoid being harm : )
I'm an introvert btw
Haha, I meant I am resistant to attempts of people trying to socially engineer me even when they are trying to help me out. I don’t try to be that way or anything but it’s just how it seems to be.
Working this hard to get the best possible divorce...but what about working this hard instead to have the best possible marriage?
It's too bad that either one or both of you felt it was too late for that. (I mean that genuinely...a marriage ending is a rough thing to go through.)
@@carysparks4415 I really appreciate this: "...no one should stay in a marriage where they don't get what they want and they have to trick the other person into wanting what they should want."
So true. I was in such a relationship and it isn't sustainable.
I would add that oftentimes being in that kind of relationship can be avoided by really getting to know someone before committing to them. I know I ignored a lot of red flags because I made assumptions. I rushed in.
Also, though I am very much for working toward the common goal of sustaining a good relationship, if both partners dont want the same thing that can be difficult.
For me, I wanted an emotionally intimate relationship. My partner wanted one based more on practicality.
After we split he told me he just didn't need the depth of intimacy I did.
I knew that...even in the beginning, but thought I could teach him to want that too. (Because I thought he should want it.) That seldom works.
This would've been a lot better if it wasn't so... personal. Borderline aggro at times. I had to work to pull usable information for my scenario (INTP shut-in trying to turn an ESFP parent into a better support network) and I found some but dude, you don't have anything to prove here. Chill.
Do a podcast with dr Robert gluver wnd discuss with him the nice guy syndrome in depth
I did, search glover on my website.
Customer service relationship. Lol😂
Thank you for sharing!
Bravo, Chase. You did a great job being loving and kind to your wife, so hard to do in real time, I might add, and I get to benefit, because my sister is ESFP, whom I love very much, and this helps me see how her love language is gifts, deeds, loyalty, consistency, friendship that makes her happy.
quality time indeed
Emotional ranting got in the way if this one. Worse video I've seen by you. But this is just for me (ENFP) I'm glad others were blessed by it. Just giving my feedback.
Great, now i can control my dad
Bwahahaha
I don't understand why emulating her ideal type would cause her to ask for a divorce.
she didnt ask me, it was a mutual thing
Where my fellow ESFP's at?
Not all ESFPs are like your ex-wife. Look at Nicki Minaj whom you typed as an ESFP. She said in an acceptance speech that her boyfriend was going to undress her out of her Louie Vuitton dress.
ok all good info but how do i get my lovely ESFP nephew to eat food that isnt literally a glob of high fructose corn syrup?
other choices
In theory from my ESFP experiences INFP seems like it could be a wise choice, but maybe I see it that way because I'm an INTP.