r/AmITheA**hole I Abandoned My Crazy, Entitled Mother
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 3. 08. 2024
- r/AmITheA**hole OP has an absolutely insane entitled mother who treats her own children like objects that she owns. This entitled mother basically had children just so she could make her sister jealous, and even names her kids after her sister's kids to steal their baby names. WTF? Well, OP gets tired of the emotional abuse and runs away. She refuses to reconnect with her abusive mother, but she wonders if that makes her the butthole. What do you think? If you like this video and want to see more, hit the subscribe button for daily Reddit videos!
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#reddit #r/AmITheButthole #funnyredditposts
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
First OP might end up babytrapped if he's not careful. He should run. Like yesterday.
Agreed.
The Seven Deadly Sins ay your 1 minute before meh.
YES!!!
I am a female and am saying yes run.
She seems like shes stuck in that college dream land. 6 months out of waking up 5 days a week at 6 am should fix this.
Patience is hard but relationships are worth it.
I wouldnt give her more than a year though, if I couldnt give her what she needed and myself back.
This subreddit is that kind of subreddit that unintentionally teaches you life lessons.
69 likes, nice
Yep, the twins with different allowances is something I stored in the back of my mind for when I have kids.
When i read some subs, i was like nope,OP not the a**shole, then i read the comments saying OP is the a**hole, i was like damn,i should evaluate my mindset.
Honestly yeah, and they definitely help cement beliefs
InfinityZer0 yooooo I feel this so much. Like itâs partially the way OP paints the story but other times it depends on a persons morality, experiences and how forgiving a person is
It's quite common between twins for one to take charge and the other to be more self reserved. That doesn't mean the quiet one has any less talent, just that their gifts are packaged in a different way.
Well said.
Ones under the x-mass tree the others under your bed which one do you think people will open up first
Too bad that's not at all the point here. The point is that one kid does more than the other, and didn't need to be asked. The kid doing less doesn't deserve the same allowance as the other, and the parents aren't required to make special concessions to make it "fair". Kid A stepped up WITHOUT the need for extra incentives, which is the whole point. Sorry, but laziness is not rewarded in the real world.
Ok but if youâre working at a burger place with do you think they are going to give a raise to the good burger flipper or the artist
â@@existing6202the happier waiter/more welcoming server would get a better tip, sonyour argument is kinda moot here
"I miss my Becca."
"There is no Becca, only Eve."
"No, you're Becca!"
(Guttural, unearthly voice) "There is no Becca, only Eve."
Preferably from a portal to some netherworld inside the mysteriously glowing fridge.
Alternatively
Hulk voice: NO BECCA ONLY EVE!!!!!
ONLY ZUUL.
Dad: Is not helping his daughter and charging her rent
Daughter: does the same
Dad: shocked pikachu face
It's always the same with bullies and narcissists. They can dish it out, but they sure can't take it.
the dumber part is that he expects not to be charged rent but like even his situation is different, hes literally in a second house of hers. yeah they're next to eachother but hes using up all the resources and utilities in this extra house of hers that she has less control over.
Let's be fair she sounds entitled the rent he made her pay was probably $100 meanwhile shes shaking her elderly father down for money during a god damn pandemic
Daughter: actually decided to reverse uno card her dad
Dad: "I have done nothing wrong except use a lot of +4 cards on u and family!"
*random hentai face*
Step dad, please....
don't stop...
Uh. Debt is most definitely a reason to delay major life events. He is NTA. If she wants to be a SAHM she's gotta get back into the workforce when they're school aged.
Agreed. She's insanely irresponsible. Not to mention the absurd cost of raising a child. If she were to go to school, have a child, and be a SAHM they would absolutely struggle financially, move, and most likely not be able to support the child. She's immensely irresponsible.
Yeah I mean come on. You settle your debt before switching jobs. That's just logic
Well... it is not like the USA has affordable childcare. It can be ridiculously expensive.
She totally sounds like the type of person that "always wanted" a baby but is done with pregnancy at 4 months and starts considering abortion/adoption because she changed her mind.
Even then it just isn't a good idea to bring kids into the picture when theres so much debt.
"She said I'm trying to use her debt to postpone major life events" ... ain't that the point? Shouldn't you wait until you're stable (or at least, in a decent enough place) to have kids? Why does he have to stress over every aspect of their relationship and futures while she gets to have her dream job and whine about the consequences? This reminds me of the story with the woman who wanted to quit her job because she didn't love it and then refused to do chores at home while her wife worked a full time job still.
Hey it's not like kids are a huge financial drain or anything lol
@@anonymous-mi8su that kids are a huge financial drain.... and her having a huge amount of debt then wanting to have kids is stupid
So the mom wants to create a bigger burden to get whatever benefits she can get from it but leave the burden on OP? OP should dump her.
@@anonymous-mi8su its all good the lol was to imply it but sarcasm is so hard to read
I'd straight up tell my dad "Yes. I'm playing favorites. Mom raised me, you didn't."
That poor kid being told they're another man's mistake... Awful.
That's a scumbag thing to say to a kid or a teenager
And it just kinda came out of nowhere as well. What a richard-head.
Truly awful... I've had it happen to me and the terrible memory of being rejected by a potential father-figure can never be forgotten. Have to live with it...
@@1985toyotacamry scumbag thing to tell anyone ngl.
True and so uncalled for. That guy knew what he was getting into when he married the mom.
First story: Her âhappinessâ is at the cost of his peace of mind and comfort. Selfish isnât the word smh
I don't know the exact numbers, but money issues are one of the main causes of divorce. What is she going to do when they cannot afford Christmas presents for the (possible future) kids because of the debt load?
Condor Boss So true! Heâll resent her for her choice and sheâll resent him for not being a good enough âprovider.â Sheâs not thinking of emergencies, savings etc. Living check to check is hard. One thing as simple as a car repair can set you back months! Purposely adding kids to that...well, thatâs not very responsible on her part. How will he even enjoy fatherhood when heâll probably be working 70-80 hour weeks?
I hate peoples like her. I really hope she learns that what sheâs planning is dumb. People should not have kids if theyâre going to struggle or in the middle of a struggle. She needs to get her life together before having kids!
Exactly! I myself am not too good with money and I know it makes my fiance anxious so I'm trying to work with it and I hardly buy anything at this point. If you love someone, you wont cause them stress and then call them a jerk when they dont take the stress without complaint.
@@condorboss3339 pfff, kids still expect present?! If I wanted something my parents made me earn it christmas and birthdays havent been a thing since I was eight
If I want something i have to make the money for it, kids should stop expecting mommy and daddy to buy them what they want that isnt required to live
I'm only the first story in to this video.. but I've always believed that getting children is a choice, not a necessity. You don't need kids to have a fulfilled life and you certainly can't use that to manipulate someone else into giving you what you want, your own life comes before getting children.. I hope I worded that well xD
You definitely worded that better than a lot of other people could've. Agree 100%
I feel like this woman is a gold digger, she gets him to pay, she also gets kids so she can get that sweet ,sweet child support while doing a high paying job .
@@wazson3178 I feel like a gold diggers are smart enough to get the money without going into debt or making babies. People who use children to live off of are more like baby-diggers? Snatch-traps? If there is a kid, I hope he gets 100% custody so there's no child support paid out :)
I've always believed getting children was a BAD choice. A good percent of the time they're used to tie people to one another.
With the twins, It's worth mentioning that it is incredibly common (to the point of being a near 100% occurrence.) For one twin to the the outspoken one and the other to be more quiet. It wouldn't surprise me to find that B was more involved with the quiet side of emotional support for his family like being available to talk privately. You're basically telling them that ones personality is preferable to the others. Thats going to cause a lot of resentment in the long run.
11:48
"AITA for telling my coworker that nobody would care if he died?"
By reading that, you should have thought it was the op being the mean one, but his coworker is truly the worst type of person
Sidenote: I had to laugh, that the co-worker works long hours unpaid, because "he has nothing better to do." What a chump and a loser! No wonder he's so miserable!
Found you
Rslash: *Doesn't interrupt himself when the title is blatantly screaming YTA*
Me: "Something's fishy here"
Well yes, he is an asshole. Coworker is horrible but you canstand up to someone without being horrible.
@Lemon Myers Put him up against the Karens. They deserve each other.
OP: *Changes her name*
Mom: "I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!"
OP: "Fine." *Cuts contact*
Mom: *Surprised Pikachu Face*
AKA, be careful what you wish for. xD
Hi Dino Dracko I like your profile picture
@@emeraldqueen1994 Haha, thanks! It's drawn by UnoRaccoon on DeviantArt.
LOL great one.
Thats guilt tripping, an abusive tactic.
The story with the twins is particularly upsetting to me. It just shows how much introverts are punished and left out for just not having the capacity to provide so much emotional labor towards other people. It's subtly conditioned from childhood that being introverted is inherently not good enough for society.
The allowance thing is bad enough but imagine being twin B reading this story and realize that your parents called you twin B. That's what rubs me the wrong way the most. The father favors twin A so much he even places him before his brother in this story. Why not use initial or another way to identify them? Why A and B. Its so disrespectful.
Whatâs worse is how he never even acknowledged the work the introverted twin does. He doesnât see any of his talents and skills
â@@eric11450 Legit, exactly what I thought. Most parents on subs address their children by fake names but this one, A and B
Sorry, but doing the bare minimum isn't a matter of being an introvert. The one twin took initiative and helped out more. Nobody in the real world has time to ask the slacker if they want to do more work. Nobody in the real world has time to make sure you are being noticed, because they're too busy earning their own paycheck. If you want to earn more you have to do more. Nobody is obligated to hold your hand and ensure that you're being given every opportunity that others have. Learn to take initiative or get left behind. That isn't punishment, it's life. Get over yourself or get a helmet, because the world isn't going to change to suit you.
@Skunk Ape are you aware that there are other ways to work hard that don't involve managing social situations between other people? And that both forms of labor are necessary and valid, and both deserve equal compensation, without playing favorites? It's not an introvert's problem if you refuse to see their talents and skills for what they are. Not everyone is a people person, and for some reason you weirdos take it personally.
Let me get this straight: the dad is giving twin A more money than twin B just because twin B is more introverted?
'Cause that's not gonna affect his self-esteem and self-confidence in a negative way, is it?đ€Š
So if twin A is getting mentally abused in a argument between siblings he shouldn't be rewarded for helping / keeping people at bay.
If your not a good person to be around and no one likes well guess what NO ONE LIKES YOU donât go in to a work place and get mad the âbut heâs not a introvert!â you can bet or ass heâs going to get a raise because he is a joy to be around!
@@xx_ducklord_xx3854 Thereâs a difference between being unlikable, or being treated poorly due to someone else being your âbetter counterpartâ in the eyes of others. âEmotional laborâ is not even a chore.
Hey just because heâs an introvert doesnât mean he can wine because his twin is earning more Iâm introverted so it isnât an excuse
No twin A seems to help more around the house (not necessarily with chores) so yeah he deserves a little credit for that and by paying them the same when they donât contribute the same will instill entitlement in twin B. I guess this is the unpopular opinion here
Yeah, that first girl has to realize that just because they're married doesn't mean he's responsible for her happiness.
Or her finances.
You make your own happiness and pay your own debts.
Itâs late to comment but sheâs basically saying âsupport my happiness while ruining your own life and destroying your own happiness and make sure to completely stress yourself outâ
To the twin dad: you're essentially giving preferential treatment to the twin whose personality you prefer. Some people are naturally take charge people and others aren't. That's awful af.
As an introvert myself, I've had to come to terms with the reality that being introverted is isn't always going to be an advantage. People who stand out are the ones who get noticed and promoted etc. But these are parents, not employers. If they wanted to teach their kids that life isn't fair, this isn't the way to do it.
Some people also can be leaders in certain situations when the first one cant
Seriously. They're pretty much punishing the one twin because he's not outgoing! That is damaging, it's telling them that they are wrong the way they are
Rachel Enright The fact that he couldnât even give a concrete answer as to why exactly the first twin was being paid more just shows its favoritism. He likes the first twin more because heâs more outgoing, and thatâs incredibly wrong.
It sounds like he's parenting according to the, "The wolf that wins is the one you feed," adage.
Best parenting rules from my parents: "Never discriminate between children. Never compare children to others or vice versa". If you want to show appreciation for doing extra work, do it up frankly : call everyone over, tell them everything (add a few praises to shore up their confidence along with 1 mistake or more to help them improve and not get arrogant) then give the extra cash. It can cause problems but it will not be a furious accusation of bias or associated mental issues for the kids. Just some petty jealousy that all of us younger siblings have LMAO but we will get over it and laugh about it once we mature.
Last Story:
"How can you say something so controversial yet so brave"
wife: I want to be a lawyer.
also wife: I'm going to be a teacher for a few years and then I'm going to be stay at home mother. My boyfriend is going to pay all of 200k debt.
kRazy cant stay at home when there is no home
kRazy few years later: I want to be a artist. I expect the best tools
it all sounds like my ex - trained to be a chief in a fancy london school, right before graduation 'too stressfull', traind to be a preschool teacher, right after finishing 'too sad when the kinds grow up', when things ended it was going to be computer coding
she feel of what i hear like someone who jumps from one thing to another sort off flaky with that
Should quietly get snipped, before she quietly decides to stop doing birth control.
The fact that the twins' parents couldn't even explain to the kid why his brother made more than him just solidifies what they're doing was wrong.
Op is paying for the chores they explicitly set out for the boys to do. that doesn't include the "emotional labor" that comes with the boys' parents struggling to handle the other kids.
Plus, how do they know that the other twin isn't going through something difficult emotionally? That "reserved" little boy might be really struggling, and they've not only ignored his quietness, but outright punished it.
On top of that why try to hide the extra 5 dollars if they felt it was justified?
In principle, I have no issue with paying one of the kids a higher allowance if they are doing more work, tangible or intangible. That's how employment works, so there's nothing wrong with getting kids used to it from an early age. However, it is absolutely unfair to essentially give one of the kids a secret promotion without providing an opportunity for the other to perform the same tasks. If the parents are going to offer a bonus for the intangibles, then that bonus should be stated and both kids should have the opportunity to earn it. If one earns it more consistently than the other, as long as the criteria are explained, understood, and administered fairly, then it's just rewarding exceptional performance. As is, though, it's just being an asshole to your kids.
My parents and they friend would do this thing when they need help and ask me or my brother we help them the problem was that he was older 21 I'm like 15 but they would pay him more because he old (I did more the work and help them everybody I can but don't get for it unless my brother is. Helping)
They're basically punishing him because of his personality.
3rd story: those parents are playing favorites. Because they are technically punishing twin B by not also awarding him an extra $5. Just because he's more introverted or perhaps he simply hates conflict. They are essentially punishing him for his personality... >.>
Yes! In addition to Rslah's explanation of B never having been given a chance to earn more, they also are giving different payment based on personality differences.
Moonlight Purrfection if twin a had been given the chance, it would be a different story. He wasnât. Twin a did it all on their own. For it truly to be fair, twin b needed to do things without being asked. Twin a showed initiative and in the real world, that furthers you ahead in the workplace. You are saying the parents should pay him the same amount just cause. You are saying that all the extra stuff twin a has done is worthless and thatâs not ok.
@@EclipseHighroller Twin A shouldn't be given more money for something the parents should be doing like stopping their kids from arguing because I don't know why how about because they are the parents & that is their responsibility not Twin A
@@EclipseHighroller And you're saying Twin B should be punished for being more shy and introverted
@@AzureKyle twin be isnt being punish by not recieving an extra 5, not getting a reward isnt a punishment, its unfair but not a punishment.
The story about the allowances is so insane to me. It sounds like the guy is treating his children like employees. It's like he gives one twin a promotion. Like wtf even
As a child therapist, all I can say for that allowance story is if they don't fix that situation real quick, I hope they don't question why Twin B (Jesus Christ the favoritism) doesn't talk to them at all in 6 years and why he moved outta state the day after he turned 18.
Thatâs how real life works. The parents didnât do it to be buttholes, they did to reward kid A for stepping up even when they didnât ask. Itâs how things would go in a work place situation. I would think itâs unfair to give kid B the same amount of money just because he complained
@@BunchyPanther42 I agree with your comment.
@@BunchyPanther42 This is definitely Blatant favoritism we aren't talking about twin A doing more work around the house like mowing the lawn ( he isn't), hes just doing things that he would do naturally as an extrovert, things that the parents themselves should be doing like stopping arguments between siblings how would the introvert Twin B ever be able to do something that isnt in his nature. The parents are basically paying twin A because he has a more favorable personality to them.
@@colors4vana293 this is the point I keep trying to explain. It's not B being a lazy little beast and expecting the same amount of money as his more conscientious brother, it's that A is rewarded for expressing personality traits they prefer (and frankly it sounds like they prefer them because it saves them making parental effort). If these traits are so admirable and necessary, why don't they try to encourage them in all their kids instead of stealth-rewarding one and leaving the others in the dark?
@@Hawkmoon1981 I grew up in a household/family like this my cousin and I are introverted but our younger brothers are extremely extroverted and charismatic. To the family we are boring and not very much fun to be around but our younger brothers are entertaining because they are funny and they dont mind "performing" for family functions they usually are the ones showered with gifts and praise while the introverts are told that we are selfish and need to "loosen up" it's really sad
Referring to your kids as A and B instead of initials or fake names is all I needed. 5/5
For the twins: don't play "Golden Child and Black Sheep"
"How do I explain something non-quantifiable to my son?". You made it quantifiable the second you gave kid A the extra $5. I can guarantee by the time those boys are in high school their dad is gonna hit kid B with the ol why can't you be more like your brother.
So Mark is sexist, racist, and classist
Are you sure his name isnât Skidmark?
He works long unpaid hours, because "he has nothing better to do."
How about Chump?
More like CHAD mark
Mark is one of the products of centuries of discrimination, please stop him by calling him skidmark
Chad Mark is now called the chad chad
Highly underrated comment
For the twin story.... I feel like A is just being rewarded for having a more favourable personality and B is missing out just because he is more reserved.
Exactly
Yes, but, thatâs not how you treat kids, or make a better society. Never play favorites, or at least give the same chances. âHey there bob, we basically think youâre brother is better than you, which is why weâre gonna give him a larger allowance!â Do you know how wrong that sounds. Youâre not teaching them to get up and grab at opportunities, youâre teaching them that just because they like someone better than you, they wonât give you the raise. Plus, you could at least tell them. As communication works a lot better, since itâll make their feelings toward it a lot different.
A is doing more work than his brother that he wasnt even asked to do shouldn't that be rewarded? otherwise no matter how much one kid does the other one will get the same amount and that would be unfair
Corrupted he was doing âemotional laborâ which shouldnât be part of their allowance, it should be for chores and I think they were doing the same.
Corrupted I completely agree!!!
The first thing I thought of when the student loan things came up was... why the hell SHOULD he pay off the debt SHE created and has decided to abandon the reason for making that debt? A marriage is a partnership, not a slavery agreement.
11:43 I wanna add on top of that, there's a big difference between living in someone's home and living on one of their rented out properties. He should've figured that out before moving in.
the becca/eve story first it sounded her therapy was going good until she called her becca not eve
Basically also the very subtle but very important "I miss MY Becca" not even just "I miss YOU", she sounded like she was talking about property yuck!
Just so awful to treat her children as just tools against her own sister
Wow, nice catch
Wallyyum, yeah she reeeeally didnât need to add that last part, huh? That was a choice
Yup, like we didn't know that already
The therapy is likely a hoover tactic to trick everyone into thinking she's changed. Because obviously she hasn't.
If you want to give kid A more money but can't explain the reason to kid B them maybe you shouldn't do it.
also i call bullshit. they very easily described it for reddit but cant for a 14 year old? Its totally just them playing favorites. They went on and on about how great twin A is but Twin B got 2 sentances basically saying being the reserved kid is shameful or something.
Plus no teenager should have to "take on emotional responsibilities"
Also; A knows; but B doesn't? That kinda shows you favoured one over the other
But if they feel A deserved it and B doesnât then itâs up to them cuz A is making their lives easier
While I understand B's response to this, I actually kind of side with the parents on this one. They are unintentionally teaching their kids about meritocracy. A is being rewarded for doing unasked for work while B is sitting back being himself. As they grow up, they're going to see that life is not fair and equal and this is a dose of reality.
As a personal example, I am a laid back person and am happy with where I am in my career. One of my best friends is in the same field as I am but is far more ambitious. As such, he's made it a point to put in extra work and has gotten recognized for it. We've been in the industry for almost the same amount of time but he make at least 50% more than I do. Does that mean that I'm being treated unfairly? No. It simply means that he's earned it, whether the superiors have asked him to do this or not.
@@trevormccaffrey2575 but as RSlash pointed out; that only works if the parents give B the same the opportunity
"B, this month we're giving A an increase because..." a meritoracy only works if everyone has equal chance; just favouring A with no explanation is more akin to Aristoracy i.e. birth right
I see your point but in that case it should of been easy to offer B the chance to step up
Ah, yes, turn "helping sisters resolve conflict" into a competition for money between the brothers. No way that could ever go wrong.
The story with the twins hit me at a deep level. I also have a twin and my whole life I feel like we were always treated differently. I always thought that my family liked my sister more since she was more of an outspoken person, while I on the other hand was very shy and allowed people to speak for me. As I got older it really tore a hole in my heart and Iâve always felt like Iâll never be good enough because of it. To this dad, I say, yes sir you are the asshole
Our household is so conflicted that our child has to step up and mediate so we want to reward him with throwing a wrench between him and his twin sound good?
I-
Grey area. But that's how to keep good employees in the workplace.
@@jorjito5587 it's a household you moron. With parents and not managers.
@@jorjito5587 Your child is not an employee, those parents should step up and do their one job as parents instead of picking the one child to parent over the others.
He's not an asshole. Two parents, 4 kids. Eldest needs to step up and help, gets bonus in allowance. May not be fair, but life isn't fair. Better he learns now than in the workplace.
The parents should've let the kids know a change in pay, but no assholes here.
"Am I the a-hole for financially punishing my kid just because he's more introverted than his twin brother?" geez. Not stepping in or speaking up doesn't mean he's lazy. As a super shy and introverted person I really feel for B, poor kid. Hopefully reddit tore that asshole a new one and he'll fix it.
Oh trust me, folk on reddit tore the dad to shreds
That Guy Luke Good. That poor kid probably felt awful
He never said he was lazy, he said they feel that since he is doing more stuff especially since it wasn't asked of him that he should be rewarded. If b is introverted he wouldn't want to try and jump into confrontation anyways, so yes the one doing stuff just because it's right and needs done should be paid more.
@@jamesstark1534 god i hope you don't have children
@@jamesstark1534 yes but like Rslash said, they didn't give him a chance to be more involved and help in that manner. Especially if it's not already expected of him. And they did that for a year without saying anything. Yes the leader kid should be rewarded, but the should have given the other kid the chance to take charge as well
That one who changed her name and cut contact with her mom did the right thing. Parents like that never stop.
OPs step dad and mom seem like the âother mans mistakeâ comment was probably not the only issue going on. OP was maybe out of the loop on the other stuff due to his age and the subject matter?? r/slash, youre completely correct about the twins. Id just like to add that mental work isnt physical work. Its apples and oranges. Twins are usually opposites in a lot of ways. Ones usually dominant but doesnt mean the other is a slacker. If they want to drive a wedge between B and the family, theyre off to a great start!
For the parent of the twins, they're basically giving A more money because his personality appeals more to them than the more reserved personality that B has. Doing shit like managing social situations would not be as easy for an introvert, and he's essentially getting punished just for having a different personality.
Pay your kids for the work you assign them, not for "emotional labour" that should not be a child's (even a teenager's) responsibility in the first place. 5/5 butthole imo. If you need one of your CHILDREN to work extra to keep your family running smoothly, perhaps you should consider having less kids. It's not their job, it's yours, as the adult and as the parent.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I was so upset at that story I had to pause and talk out loud to myself about it for a minute lol. I am one of three in my family and the only introvert. I would have been very upset had that been the situation in my family just like Twin B was. And to add on to what you said if the parent can't explain to Twin B why his bother is paid more than he shouldn't be paid more. That wouldn't happen once he gets a real job so it shouldn't even be an expectation in the home.
Thysillia took the words right out of my mouth! The parents should be taken better care for their kids NOT the kids, that would be too much stress on the kids! SMH
I have a twin and if we got paid to do chores he would be the one to get payed more (heâs more extroverted, and Iâm more introverted). He would talk for me also in elementary school so this makes me mad, the parents are certainly the butthole
I know this sounds kind of bad, but I think that the twin who does more to help everyone should get the extra money. Don't get me wrong the introverted twin should have a way to make just as much or more money too, but in a way that suits him. I think that if im doing more work, even if it is because I have a trait that gives me the advantage I should be rewarded for it, because it still takes time and skill. I could give up that extra bit of work, and get the same pay, then its unfair to me, because I'm helping everyone else out with something that is needed and valued. Here is a good example: If a superhero joins the police force and he stops 50x more problems then the average officer then he should be rewarded more, even if it is because he can fly. If we reward these people for their 'superpowers' then we reinforce everyone to use their 'supperpowers,' and everyone is better off. It is unfair that they didn't tell the other twin, but its like saying that someone who is terrible at singing should be paid as much as a natural singer, because if not we might make someone feel sad when you say the introvert should be paid the same as the extrovert if the introvertis doing nothing more than the chores to help everyone. The parents should reward each twin with pay based on helpful things they do wether it be the extrovert for being a problem solver, or the introvert for doing something with skill and passion.
I feel like people are going to tear me up for this reply.
"Should we give our extroverted twin child more money because he has the ability to compartmentalize and deal with things, while we leave out the introverted twin who has a harder time doing that when we didn't tell him that we were planning on doing this?"
Also, debit cards at 13? I thought that was a bit too young, but I guess they're rich
@@ghostmobiil if you have any bank account you can get a debit card at 13 for free lol
As an introvert I completely understand and agree with OP. If the parents didnât have to ASK for the help the son gave then it DESERVES a reward. You canât jsut not reward people because it would make someone else feel bad. If son B didnât ASK what else he could do to help out and doesnât do extra work then he doesnât get an extra reward
@@xandocommando when the hell did this become a thing?! Maybe I'm too old, but I never knew anyone at that age to have a bank account
@@lukemckenzie0121 But the parents never gave him the chance, were secret about it, and most likely use their check book to show love. So all the kid knows: things = love now he isn't getting as much as his twin. The parents need to start PARENTING and get the kid that apparently is lagging behind, in their eyes, up to the other twin's level if those life skills are so important to them that they SECRETLY reward for them.
I donât understand how in one breath you berate someone for playing favourites but then in the same breath you say itâs okay to play favourites.
For the twin story they are basically rewarding Aâs extroverted personality
"Sure, Mark, when you die everybody will get over that pretty fast"
That would of been a better response for him to say.
HA GET RECKED MATH I mean shit I mean wait what was his name again?
@@yizao9289 I think is was Marshall or Mario or something like that
If you canât even explain to your son why you pay the other more, then you shouldnât be paying them unequal amounts.
And how will he fix this situation, there are so many things the parents would have to do. Firstly they'd have to give him the money he is owed. Keep paying both 20 a week cause they can't go back to 15 cause the twin will then resent his twin for his lowerd rate. And then they'd have to work tooth and nail to convince the brother they still love him as much as the clearly favoured brother
Personally, I see nothing wrong with this. The kid is being a leader and natural leadership is rare. Heâs taking initiative and that should be rewarded. If the other twin was made aware of the money for twin A was making he would be acting as leader only for the sake of making money which ruins the point of initiative. Twin A works harder so he deserves more money.
@@Awesomeness-fh4qy Twin A is being rewarded for something he's naturally good at. Its not fair that Twin B gets less just because he isn't the same kind of person as Twin A. Twin B probably has something that he's naturally good at too, but he's not being rewarded for it
@@Awesomeness-fh4qy Well that's not ok, it's ok for the kid A to help in the house a bit more but is not ok to give him more money only because he is a good leader, that will change everything when they are more older, sometimes people need a way to express and for what I read is clear that the parents don't let twin B to express how capable is he, that's not how parenting works, like I'm going to give more money to one of my kids because he is helping me dealing with his sisters ( it sounds like the parents don't deal with it) so because the twin B doesn't help me dealing with his sisters we are not gonna pay more to him... Well what if twin B is more smart and knew that he doesn't need to do it because that is the job of her parents?
@@Awesomeness-fh4qy if kid A works harder and does more, that's fine. What isn't fine is not explaining why he's getting more to kid B. Right now it just seems like they're playing favorites. As someone who's a bit more like kid B I know I've also seen things like this happen. It's frustrating because I do things that aren't immediately noticeable because I'm not the naturally outgoing, center stage type. However, that doesn't make my contributions any less important.
last story, for all we know, op did Mark a service by giving him a chance to realize how terrible his behavior is and that it might explain his lack of friends. He now has a chance to change his behavior if he wants friends.
Kids: *get payed for allowance*
Me when I was a kid: "Wait, you guys are making money?"
With the twins damn; imo a 14 year old shouldn't even be tasked with "emotional responsibility", and if it accumulates enough to the point where you feel the need to reward him, you arent parenting and doing YOUR responsibilities as the kids parents well enough. A child should not hold the responsibility to keep the peace in a family.
Me and my brother arent even twins and when we were younger and got allowance, when I turned 13 we got the same exact allowance. Granted we had other things than just chores as responsibilities, our pay wouldn't change even if we walked the dog some extra days or vacuumed extra or helped the other with their chores. We never felt favoritism in allowance regards.
you dont need to overreact
@@matthewhylton1??
The wife in the first story needs to make her goddamn mind up on what she wants and take responsibility for her own debt
johan lebirt loool
Yuki BabaYaga so am I but if I acted like that is divorce myself
Yuki BabaYaga true
mike sixx I happen to be a western woman who does that, we are a rare breed lol
For the story about op leaving her mom op should have text back âWrong number my name is Eve
as the younger, more reserved child of 2, it absolutely irks me how the parent in the 4th story is handling it. First of all, why do you need your CHILDREN to act as parents to their youngest siblings? That itself can affect them mentally, just look up Parentification. Doing chores like cleaning their rooms or doing the dishes or similar things are absolutely okay, but taking emotional labor??? what???? Second, B being more reserved has NOTHING to do with his ability to carry chores unless diagnosed with something.
Say OP is a working man and has a coworker that does the exact same tasks. If their boss were to pay the coworker more money just because they took care of ""emotional labor"" that he was not asked to nor was it his responsability and OP was not made aware that he could do that, OP would be pissed too
The one with the daughter charging her father rent, after hearing it, I would've charged him 1.5 to double what you charge regular tenants.
The father giving different allowances to the twins is basically causing a massive rift to form between the two. He is rewarding A for being an extrovert and punishing B for being an introvert. This will cause B to start to resent his brother and could cause major problems down the line.
How? A is taking on more responsibility, and its stuff he shouldn't have to do at his age. If he's making more its because he earns it, and if the other twin doesn't realize it and gets butthurt then oh well his loss.
@@jamesstark1534 Im sure he would step up if he was let know why he was paid more. He was denied equal opportunity to earn more and it was kept a secret from him. I get that you work more, you earn more but not being made aware I could earn more and have it hid behind my back for a year and couldn't get a concrete asnswer as to why he was paid more shows favoritism.
The first guy should of said
You won't be happy when we're on the streets with two kids and tons of debt
For the first story, He should divorce her regardless. Cause EVEN if he still wanted to be with someone so idiotically irresponsible (which id advise against), divorce is still the best option for the sake of salvaging their future. Put everything in his name and She can file for bankruptcy after the divorce or something either working it off or not working or whatever. That way He can still sustain the family separately.
Still, that's only if he wants to be with someone that ridiculous. Id cut my losses and leave her ass personally.
hello my husband does not want to pay my bills
cops. hangs ups
It really bothers me when people say that their house "needs to run smoothly". Home is not a workplace. Its the place where your family is kept. Yes, jobs need to be done, but saying that it needs to run smoothly makes it sound like you cant differenciate a workplace from your home. It might just be me bothered by this because my own family expects me to work at home 24/7 and gets angry at me if I cant because of an injury or sickness which makes me not enjoy being at home. But my parents talk about how I need to keep the house running smoothly all the time and it bothers me. We wouldnt even have as much work to do if they would just get rid of some of the animals. My family is 100% a bunch of animal horders and it disgusts me, especially when the house is made disgusting because of it.
Tight I couldn't put my finger on what about it bothered me, I just assumed it was the brothers feeling as if he had to fill in that gap of negotiator, but reading this comment kind of show the why I disliked not just the part I disliked.
@@aathenssc4766 the only reason i knew that the saying bothers me is because my own family says the same thing and it bothers me that home isnt made to be somewhere thats enjoyable.
That wording honestly made me doubt the way it was written and I wouldn't be surprised if the dad took extra special care to not make it as bad as it really is. If you expect one of your children to do "emotional labor" you aren't doing your job as a parent and if you consider "emotional labor" something to reward with money that's even worse. Helping your siblings emotionally isn't labor it's love and it's what you should just naturally be doing with no reward needed. The guy sounds like a corporate douchebag who can't keep work and home separated and probably treats his family like he's the CEO of the household that "delegates" tasks to his family members and "compensates" them for what he sees as "taking initiative". Your children aren't employees, one may be more outspoken but that doesn't make them a "better" child as if they were an employee. It's really disgusting and my dad was very similar.
@@couplescounseling6256 this is pretty much the overall impression I got. This post really bothered me and the longer I thought about it the more messed up the whole thing seemed. They basically told one twin he was more valuable to them than his brother and he had to keep the extra money a secret because there was no non-douchey way to explain it. Also there's now a burden on twin A to continue taking on this "emotional labour" and surrogate parenting willy-nilly because he knows that's what his parents expect and are essentially paying him to do.
@@couplescounseling6256 exactly! Your home shouldnt need to be kept running smoothly. Your family arent your employees, and they shouldnt be treated as such. They should be treated as family.
When I was a kid I didn't even get an allowance for doing chores, I was just expected to do them.
We got allowance for a month and it ended when my little sister was getting allowance from both parents without the other knowing...
@@dirtyblonde9919 yep, chores was payment for no ass whooping.
Meghan_ Shew If neither got an allowance thatâs one thing. Giving more money to one twin is something else. Youâre comparing apples and oranges.
As a twin myself, i can understand where the Dad thought he was going, but in the end, the "emotional" work is something that should be expected. Just because one twin is more reserved doesn't mean that they care any less. If the twins are doing the same physical labor around the house, they should be paid the same.
It seems the first story the wife just wants to stay at home sitting on her ass doing nothing as her husband pays off her debt. She needs to grow the hell up and take responsibility for her own debt.
So to me the parents of the twins are rewarding A for being an extrovert while B is an introvert and I can see how bullshit it is because my younger sister and I are the same way and while weâre too old to really be getting allowances but our parents decide to give her some money just because sheâs more social than I am
I think it's more the fact that he's doing more even if it's because he's more social he's contributing more of his time and therefore is receiving a better computation for his time and I do t think they should have told B that his brother got more for doing more because they know they're kids we don't he could still have reacted the same way and on the wau he reacted that was pure entitlement he should have ask his parents why am I receiving less of an allowance and what can I do to earn more
@@ricobrack1304 thats no entitlement .. no one asked any of the twins to do any more work?? why does he get paid more then ?? and if its so fair accoeding to u and that shit head of a dad .. then why was this kept secret from B ???
@@ricobrack1304 What? Entitlement? Why is it entitlement wondering why your parents are favouring your sibling over you because they are more social and you're not? Is it bad to be reserved and quiet? I must be evil!
@@ricobrack1304 Perhaps but, the money was given initially for chores. And the parents never said the socializing was a chore. Perhaps rewarding him in another way, maybe. But raising his pay with zero explanation to B was just wrong and I can see how that favoritism
Holy shit I just realized this all about 5 dollars just that if they wanted more they would do more
The parents need to start PARENTING and get the kid that apparently is lagging behind, in their eyes, up to the other twin's level if those life skills are so important to them that they SECRETLY reward for them. BTW they are also driving a wedge between the twins; I think there is more to this story; maybe a little jealousy of the bond the twins had with each other?
I am 73 and am able to do most anything including ride horses. So no excuses for not shopping (and paying).
That first story....The wife is incredibly selfish and irresponsible. He better run and run soon before they have kids and it makes things way more complicated
"Look, babe, I love you, but we're adults and we can't just follow our bliss, damn the consequences. I'm not putting money over happiness, it's called 'fiscal responsibility'." Honestly, I would ask her to put together a budget using our potential incomes, and if she can balance a budget that allows us to make *full sized* student loan payments AND not have to eat ramen every day to make ends meet AND allows us to have a child in 3 years, then sure, we'll go for it. But she's a law student, not a magician.
She already rejected one of his suggestions to try and work with her. She wants to take the "my way or the highway" attitude? Time to stand firm.
"Honey I'm sorry you feel that way. You say law school was a mistake? Fine, but it was *your* mistake. What kind of example are you setting for our future kids if you won't own up to your mistake? No. What you want is not going to happen. I will not be a garbage disposal for your debt. So when you're ready to act like an adult and work with me, you know where to find me. Meanwhile, there's the couch. You're sleeping on it tonight."
It sounds a bit like "finished studying anxiety". When someone has been down a path for a long time (she'd been a student for a long time) and then have to go out in the world and find a job in that field and "prove" what they've learned and worked for for all those years (the more years, the worse it is) they can panic. They might not even be aware of it themselves but they can basically start to come up with 5000 other things that they should be doing with their life instead (another study, another kind of job, children.. anything). Simply because the idea of going out there finding a job where you have to show what you have worked for all those years can be very frighting. I think she just need to go out there and find out that she can actually do it (because she can). But if she refuses to face that, I think the guy should seriously consider a different path in life.
@@OneCatShortOfCrazy The anxiety thing that can happen? yikes I better not be like that lol or Im a gonner.
@@OneCatShortOfCrazy YOU DESCRIBED ME!!! Omg this explains it. Im so fearful of reponsibilities i dont know i can cope with or not.
The first guy should have said."Your asking me to prioritize your happiness over my financial and mental well being. That's not love , thats selfishness and greed. You don't dump on people you love you try and help them" He needs a divorce.
All comments in this post were written before hearing rSlash's thoughts.
1st story: No, OP is not a butthole of any stripe to say this. Law school is a major decision and a major commitment. It requires serious funding. You have to do 4 years of pre-law which is a bachelor's degree to even qualify to take the entrance exam for law school. Then 3 years (assuming you pass the entrance exam) which costs like 60,000 or so. She went through all of that and then doesn't want to pay her way? If anyone is the butthole here it is your wife.
2nd story: He told OP that OP was another man's mistake? When OP was a minor? Do what? No way is OP a butthole. I give his step dad 5 out of 5 buttholes for saying that to a child, but OP is the victim here. He didn't ask to be born. He had no say in the matter. Even if he is another man's mistake, it's not OP's fault and and that should have *_NEVER_* been said to this child. I don't blame him for telling his mother. She needed to know what kind of man she married.
3rd story: OP is not the butthole here. OP's mother gets 5 out of 5 buttholes from me. To be fair, she did have the right to name OP whatever she wanted. OP also had the right to be called whatever she wished. If she wants to be called Eve, then her mother needs to learn to live with that. The fact her mother won't live with it is her mother's fault, her mother's problem and her mother's loss.
4th story: This strikes me as favoritism due to the fact you didn't give B the chance to step up and prove he could match his brother's performance.
5th story: OP is not the butthole. Had he not abandoned you and not charged you rent to stay with him for free when you were sick, he would have ground to stand on. Since he did both of those things he has no ground whatsoever to stand upon. Next time he wants to complain that your mother is getting free rent, remind him of that and say, "What goes around comes around."
6th story: In this case, I'm sad to say that OP gets 3 out of 5 buttholes. I understand that this guy is a real dick. Calling him that, or a jerk, a-hole, etc would be fine. Telling them that no one will care when they die crosses the line, even if it is true. There are some things you just don't say no matter how true they might be.
First story: Sounds like his wife is someone who never really finished anything and has no clear goals of doing anything and never really had a mirror of consequences for actions held up to her. If I spent 200k on student debt because of a profession that cost that much for education, like it or not, I'd sit my ass down and make a dent in that debt before I started whining about 'dream jobs'. The fact she's also thinking of doing 'charity work' and wanting to settle down and have kids at home while she just expects her hubby to bring home the bacon shows how completely untethered to reality she is. I bet he loves her and I bet she loves him, but she needs to seriously have someone take her aside and show her that she can't dig a debt hole and expect her hubby to fill it in while having 'dreams' that just dig that hole further. Charity work and kids are a great idea, but the former's for if you have the time/money to be charitable or want to put YOURSELF in the situation of being broke to be helpful, and the latter definitely needs a partner to participate. Her hubby is going to just be pissed off and wind up resenting her, the kids, and his life if she tries to back him into a corner that's all about her happiness. If she can't pull her head out of her ass to realize there's two people in the marriage and that means two people should be happy, she should go find herself someone that wants a wife who's just a breeder and stays home. He certainly didn't expect her to go to law school, then throw it all away because of something unrelated.
This. She sounds exactly type of person that when she is coming near actually executing her plan (aka finishing studies) she will find something else so she doesnt have to deal with WORKING. I am sure if she jumped to teaching, she'd want the kids before really teaching.
My country has "free" (=taxpayers money) all way to master's degree and you could always see this people at uni. Nowadays its 7 yrs max you can be at uni for one degree (generally it takes 5 yrs to get to master's degree.. And everyone goes for masters becaue bachelor's degree is basicly useless) but you can always hop on other degree. You can take minors during studies and once you have those and you are at uni, its very easy to change majors. Or start another. Or third. They keep living in cheap student housing.
"Back in the days" years were not limited so there was these "eternal students" that people mostly lol'd.
@@duckeh1952 I actually don't mind eternal students, they will fall into place at some point and holy fuck will they have a diverse knowledge (not skill) set at that point. those people would be amazing to have as part of colonisation crews but that is beside the point. I'd rather have people look around and explore for 10-20 years before settling on a job that makes them happy then have people chose a direction at 14 and get stuck wasting their life away in a job that doesn't make them happy for the 50 years until retirement. wait did I say 50? by the time we get to retire, we will be 80+ so make that 60+ years instead.
we don't need everyone to be productive, robots and ai can pick up the slack.
I am gonna deviate even further and say mark needed that damn callout earlier.
It was a reality check imo.
First OP needs to divorce that crazy woman. Holy crap, dude. RUN!
Why will some parents never understand that when your children grow up, they will show you the exact amount of respect you showed them?đ€Šââïž
Out of curiosity, what's your favorite subreddit to listen to?
Treelaw, always (:
rSlash
R/letsnotmeet
Hi Rslash love your vids! My fav subreddit is r/entitledparents.
edit:I think you forgot to pin lol
rSlash I love r/tailsfromtechsupport and r/askreddit
rSlash soundcloud.com/user-3909721/yvngvdz-on-me
The first women would find herself single and alone. Would be an Entitled ex
Another problem with the parents in the allowance story: They are essentially punishing the son who is a natural introvert.
With the second story, reminds me of the time my dad told me he regrets I was even born.
13:15 In Brazil we have a saying "if you say what you want, you hear what you don't want to hear"
In Germany we say: "The way you call into the forest is the way it comes back." Nobody here would even lift an eyebrow at OP for calling the douche out. If it's the truth, then it's no insult. Americans seem to have a problem with the truth since some said that OP was too harsh by saying it out loud.
@@Allmight_Kitty I agree, Americans think they are tough but they are too sensitive to unpleasant truths.
For the first story, I can relate to both sides. I went to college for a few years at the urging of my family, realized it wasn't for me, and went into freelance work instead (art, going well thus far). But if I seriously expected my fiance to pay even a dime of my school costs, I would've been the first to slap some sense into myself. What you do is act like an adult, pay your own expenses, *then* go for your dream job (what I did). Married or no, don't just saddle all that debt onto them and act like it's their fault when they want you to contribute
Extroverts already get more in society than introverts without parents specifically paying their kid more for being extroverted
The student debt story: Finances are a very important part of a stable relationship. It should always be considered during important decisions.
EM: *cuts off all contact with Becca*
Also EM: *_I MISS MY BECCA_*
Mom didn't cut contact, only threatened it. Eve took up the offer and cut contact for her
Who is Becca? I only know of Eve. ;)
Eve: ... It's Eve now. Get it right.
200k in debt and she doesn't even try to help pay her own bills, damn her husband is a saint, heck an angel
He should divorce her and leave her with the debt
The story with the twins: to the Dad who sent in this story, I don't think you understand the damage you are causing. Basically you have a favorite kid, and the other child is catching on (which is devastating to any young child). One child is an extrovert and one is an introvert. BOTH have talents and gifts that are different and need to be developed. I was the outgoing sibling and my sis was the quiet one. I was there for my family emotionally while my sister went on to be s software designer. Basically you connect more with the other child and probably have personal characteristics that match your "favorite" child and you are not doing you job as a parent with the other child. This is pretty bad. Yikes. I feel really bad for the sibling who probably has been aware (for a long time) that he is not favored in the family. Yikes. These parents need to learn the difference between extraversion and introversion and encourage their childrens DIFFERENT gifts. Plus it sounds weird putting the emotional trials on your child. That is the PARENTS job. I used to always calm my family down as a kid, because my parents were not present and not doing their job. I see all kinds of issues with this story, yikes.
If you have children with the intention of making them babysit your other children, play mediator and take care of your household, you don't need to have more children, you need a nanny and a maid.
We have heard about rSlash's girlfriend/fiancee/wife so much. I hope one day we can meet her!! :)
the one with the four kids lol. sounds like the kids do everthing and the parents do nothing đ
Kevin Fink maybe the parents are older and canât take on those chores the way they used to and they have energetic beings to take on those tasks.
@@mannequinchaos I think it's more the emotional labour than the physical stuff.
I cackled at the âlet me go ask my wife if I can buy a $200k car and quit my jobâ line. đ€Ł
âShe got mad and said Iâm trying to use her debt to postpone major life events like having kidsâ
YES! THATS EXACTLY WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN! Why are you going to have kids during a struggle and have them struggle as well? Fix your life before you have children dammit!
Exactly! It is irresistible to ignore massive debt to have kids. Especially considering that kids are expensive. It's completely reasonable to wait until being financially sound to have kids.
1:21
...I would've thought postponing major life events when you can't afford them and already have a ton of debt was a *sensible* decision?
Karen be like: hipity hopity your child is now my property
Ikr true
That person is not a craphole. She is a victim of a narcissistic mother and she's just helping herself out.
The moment I saw giving my twin sons allowances I realized how oblivious op is
Nobody:
Was that a burp at the end of the video?...
Petar Cepenjor it was a sneeze
It kinda sounded like Yugo
I thought he sneared for the people who didn't do what he asked.
Oh my goodness, that first story! It just exemplifies at least one of problems we are facing in our modern world. 200K? Go work as a lawyer, your husband is not your slave, and men and women are equal now apparently, so that shit canât fly anymore. Why did she bother with school at all if she wants to be a stay at home mother? Holy moly!
The twins OP's sentence was so instant it was hilarious đ
The wife from the first story is delusional, if she's so sure that that's what she wants, then go, works as a lawyer for a while, get money, and then do it
When I was starting university there was this girl, like 15 years older than most of us, and she was an accountant (we were studying psychology)...she always wanted to be a psychologist, but her parents told her that they wouldn't pay for it, so she went with a career that her parents wanted, and then worked in the field to be able to save and finally study psychology
the twin story was really messed up and I feel really bad for the introverted twin. It's really shitty of the parents to blatantly prefer one over the other just because the introverted one won't parent for them :/
6:02
When I heard rSlash say:yes OP ur the butthole without even reading the story I cracked up lol
Don't compare twins to each other. They are completely different people. That boy is going to resent the parents forever.
dude the twin brother post sounds like an anime backstory for the huge plot twist at the end of a season. Also that's terrible to divide your children like that..