What To Do When My Child Argues About Everything
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- čas přidán 9. 05. 2019
- Does your child not cooperate and argues with you all the time? In this video, I'm going to give you some tips on what to do when your child argues about everything. Stay tuned!
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Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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#LiveOnPurpose
#PositiveParenting
PAUL...
I told my son he needed to go brush his teeth with a smile on my face. He told me that he didn't want to. I smiled and told him, "I know. I understand. It's hard to say goodbye to the day. But there will be a new one tomorrow." He got louder. I kept smiling and told him that he can either brush his teeth, or I can do it for him. He's 5. No way, no how will he be OK with that.
He huffed and whined. I didn't respond. I just smiled and waited. He stopped and stared at me... Then said, "Mommy... Why are you smiling?" And I told him,"Because I know you'll do the right thing."
And he brushed his teeth.
Nervously....
And went to bed without being asked.
I think I scared him. 🤣🤷🏻♀️👏💯🎉
That is awesome! When mom is smiling, the kids are thinking, Carrie Bostic.
That is AWESOME! Thanks for sharing your story. It inspires me & gives me hope. 🙂
Wow!!!! 💗💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💗
I’m glad it workout for your son. But my child had ignored what I said. Sometimes responding “I ‘ll do it later after the homework.” But in-fact she made her own decision. My daughter is 15 years old and this kind of behavior has been years.🙁
sharry Feng persistence is key from what I understand. My son is 5 though
Noticing everything you talk about dealing with children is almost an exact mirror of how we should deal with our own inner child or ego. Seriously, rewatch this and listen to it as a self help video; it’s a profound understanding that I just stumbled across. I have no kids and this information is absolutely invaluable.
That is because I try to identify principles. The principle can be applied to a wide variety of situations, NextLevelNick. Good catch.
Which brings us to circle of life 🙂
Excellent point! Thank you for sharing your perspective-very helpful
My friend Rachel Jankovic says, "kids can smell hypocrisy a mile away." Setting boundaries for kids should be natural as we need boundaries ourselves.
@@mortsdnulz Rachel would know a lot about hypocrites being raised by Doug Wilson.
I feel like you have cameras set up in my house to watch my daily activities to know what videos to post! Ha! I get in arguments with my 6 year old ALL THE TIME. :(
You made me laugh, WatH Mama. No cameras, just lots of viewer input.
Same here my 8 yr old wants to always argue & correct me about the littlest things 😵
Notes: 1 disengage 2 accept things you don't control (Kids' emotion) 3 endure the extinction curve, don't give in 4 keep smiling 5 find something to agree with, accept feeling
Thank you for the recap.
And then wonder why your kids won't talk to you when they grow up, go to college and become independent from you.
Around 6:05 "Your kids are never wrong about how they feel." Wow, this really resonated with me and I'm definitely going to try to remember this every time I get frustrated.
Ka Lok, better days ahead.
Definitely!! Thank you for your videos and lessons!
Totally agree! This resonated with us as well.
Dr please can you leave my head?? Lol I am amazed at how your videos more than often come exactly at a time where I am dealing with the issue you are adressing! Great video useful content 👍
He is in mine too. "Turn your Words from garbage into gold", I say it every time when I need to run with the consequence. ^_^
It is kind of scary when you find yourself saying, Love them no matter what and even if...and so many other Paulisms. Thank you for watching, Zaza Schweppes!
I am big fan of your technique...
I have question what i need to do if my 4year son most of the time hits little sister she is almost 3years now.thank you
Haha..😅The words in my mind..
I too find it tough to deal with a 9 yr old...and its a daughter😨..
So..one can imagine..
The same just happened to me
Thank you, for opening my eyes, Dr. Paul. I use your tips several times a day. Each time I have to smile and I am very proud of myself.
I am happy for you, OB Joyful. You are going to be an expert soon.
Thank you dr Paul! I used to be soo stressed about how my child reacted! I thought it was a hint about how he will be in the future (he's 4 by the way). I also feel ridiculous sometimes because he is very smart and asks me questions i don't know how to answer "properly" and i don't want to say things like " because i said so!". I feel sooo relaxed after watching your videos. I know everything is going to be allright "no matter what" and "even if". Thank you!
It is o.k. to say I don't know and look for an answer together, ROXANA TALMACIU. You can do this and we are with you.
BRAVO!! This entire video should be MANDATORY viewing for EVERY new parent!
Swimmin Wit Da Fishies, I would like them all on the channel.
Champion! As we say in England. I was REHEARSING my next response to an argument I KNEW would happen. Lol! Now I don't HAVE to.
I like that, Shaynel Ahmed. Now you can get onto other things.
I found pinching them got their attention. Then I spoke calmly and told them stop it. Very soon no and stop it in a calm voice handled it.
Laura Anderson, thank you for sharing.
Oh Dr Paul you made me laugh so hard. When I argue with my son my husband always says to me “it’s like arguing with your self, why do you like arguing with your self?” I need to take a deep breath and smile, be calm and empathize with my little guy. Thank you again for your amazing lessons.
Susy Lopez, It feels so good when we consciously decide to disengage and not argue! Thank you for watching and commenting.
the way he deeply looks into your eyes and tell you, you can't control everything... I feel so called out hahaha
Amanda Harder, honored to be on your team.
Absolutely true! After watching the video, I have tried a few times when my kid raised his volume, I ignored, telling myself to be stay calm, waiting ... then he went quiet and followed my instructions... Thank you Dr Paul!
Well done!
I'm a child. I got a lot of ammo here. Thanks for showing me how to deal with my parents, lol!
Wonderful. You will be prepared when you become a parent.
😅😅pls don't spill the beans 🤣
You are RAD, Dr. Paul. Thank you so much for these. I've found plenty of these to be profound in my parenting experience, I share and encourage my wife to check these out as much as I can. THANK YOU!
You are welcome, thanks for being here.
OH! thank you!! we'll definitely will try that.
regards from Israel.
Thank you Dr.!
Most welcome!
Love this
Thank you.
On point! Love this video
So glad!
Very relatable. Thank you!
You are welcome, alyson Maxwell.
Perfectly said!
Thanks, Coco Castle! I appreciate you sticking around at Live On Purpose TV.
Thank you Dr. Paul. 💯😀
Abraham Alvarez, you are welcome.
Thank you Dr. Paul!!!
My pleasure!
Awesome tips...love them...
So glad!
Thanks a lot too for all the encouragement and optimism :-)
You are very welcome, Benusa Wamilda. It is truly an honor to be on your positive parenting team!
Thank you Doctor.
You are welcome, Linards Berzins, honored to be on your team.
Thank you Doc!
You are welcome, Wefa Monpetessi, honored to be on your team.
Wonderful！I love this
Ca Ca, thank you.
I love you videos they are so eye opening and funny like little reminders.
Sarah Ahmed, ah, thank you. Many do use them daily to keep their positivity up.
Yes this is freaky needed this when I really needed it. I love you your amazing.
Thank you for watching, ana noud. Honored to be on your team.
Thanks Dr. Paul
My pleasure.
Holy moly, thank you so much!
Welcome! emily henderson, glad you are in our community of parents.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for all your videos! Still looking for answers, as it has been going the wrong way in my family for so many years...
thanks for nice tips.
You are very welcome, मेरा.देश मेरी.जान. Thanks for watching.
Thank you Dr. This helps a lot.
I'm so glad!
Thank you 🙏
Youssef Khalid, honored to be on your team.
I needed to hear this too! Thanks! ❤️
Alina Paalz, this came from a FB Live I did. Many parents had this question.
Thank you so much!!! 🤧
Mar A, you are welcome.
Sounds great:)! Thank you 🙏🏼
Thanks for listening
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank YOU 🙏🏼
Good one
Thank you for watching, Jena Yeager.
Thank You
You are welcome.
This is so true
MyLifeAsMom, thank you for watching, honored to be on your team.
I'm so glad that my baby days are over with my children are all grown. But I had my fair share of arguing with me from my children especially my youngest, The headstrong child.
I had to stop and remind myself all the time that I was the adult and that it was my word that went and not hers. The struggle was real.
The struggle is very real for many parents, KCCAT5. Thanks for showing us that they do grow up and they won't be home arguing with us forever.
Sisther
Wonderful. Your videos help so many parents. Thank you.
You are welcome, Sana K. Glad you enjoyed the video.
I know exactly why I argue with my son. I argue with him because I want him to understand my point of view so that he can make the right decision next time. (and we usually don't argue about what he should be doing, we argue about abstract things that don't effect us in the moment, like politics and stuff (he's 12). It's more of a discussion and we both play devil's advocate and play through all the scenarios to find each other's flaws in reasoning. I want him to be able to think for himself and to have good sound logic... but it backfires whenever I tell him to do something because he wants the reason for everything. I just feel like saying "you're smart enough to know why I asked you to do this", because he's a bright kid.
I also give into his arguing because I'm a stay at home mom with disabilities who is basically a shut in and talking to him is the most human interaction that I get. It kinda doesn't matter that it's arguing, as long as someone's talking to me. I just wish it was just regular conversation though, not always so tense.
You can teach him that there is a time to debate and sometimes you just want to relax in both body and mind and enjoy one another. He may not know what that looks like so explain and show him. Don't assume he knows what that looks like.
Great 411 regarding empathy.. 👏👏👏👍
Thanks and welcome
God Bless you Sir
Honored to be on your team.
Great advice and so helpful.
WHITNEY KAY, Great to have you at Live On Purpose TV. Glad the video was helpful.
I'm really loving your videos. I hope they can help me in my life. Thank you....
VIEW 360, honored to be on your team.
I love you ❤️ I had a perfect homework time with my daughter after listening to your tips !!!!
I am so happy it helped you!
So good👍🏻so true..🌟great advice 💛
Sarah Brennan, glad you enjoyed the video.
Live On Purpose TV 💛🌟
Thank you so much. You are so right. This was so easy to relate and understand you got me. Simple explanation. And it is better to understand this and use this when they are at a younger age than when they are mid or late teens.
Raquel Floris, agreed, glad you are at the channel.
Growing up,i argued over almost everything with my folks or other people.Sometimes I'm of the opposite opinion just to your provoke an argument. Now i have a 7year old who argues over everything with me and it's so frustrating. Hence my search for this topic 😊....lol
Glorie, glad you can understand him a bit more. Thanks for being here.
smile, too, because you are disciplining out of love. find a way to add positivity to meltdowns and arguments. great video.
So true, when our motivation is coming from the right place, we will discipline differently.
AMAZING VIDEO AND ADVICE! THANK YOU!!!!
Glad the video was helpful, Aniko Amalia.
Indeed. I am eternally thankful dear Dr. Paul Jenkins! 🙌
Great advice yes!!!👏👏👏👍👍👍👌👌👌💖💖
Vimi Maliakel, thank you. Honored to be on your team.
Great advice, thank you, Bill Burr!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you so much....i was just searching answer to my problems related with my kids......and i found answer in your video ... thankyou
Most welcome 😊
Thanks for this insight! Will apply it tomorrow and watch what’s gonna happen (mostly to my patience)
You can do this, ashmara Brader. Come back and watch again if you need a refresher.
Thank you! I enjoy watching your videos & subscribed. Your videos are so helpful . I have a 16 years old son and 13 year old daughter, and we have arguments with my son most nights! 😅
Honored to be on your team and looking forward to better days and nights ahead.
I needed this :/
Morro Bay72, glad it arrived on time for you.
My twins (boy & girl) aged 11 join hands & turn against me esp during studies...They bargain & try their best to win their battle. I'll try ur way out of this situation...But finally they come & hug me... Children are God's gift. We make or mar their future. Thank God for U Doc🌈🌈
Thank you!
Thank God for this video.
Nadhia Gurrola, honored to be on your team.
Thanks for the video! We’ve been using these tips for years and it works week for older children but we find with younger children it can be a little challenging.
Thank you for watching and trying out the suggestions.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Smile, empathize…this worked on my 4 year old beautifully good sir 😊my wife was like where did you find this?! 🙏thank you again
Glad we can connect.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV 😎👍
Lord I needed to see this video! Thank you!
I love it when we get an answer at the time we need it, carebear B. I hope it leads to a more positive and peaceful experience.
Very good video with good advice! It's worth to re-watch it. Good to go over and over again about the main principles, and keep the smile, the "cool". And this is what my ADHD and Tourette's son does, arguing and reasoning why he shouldn't do what I ask. Lots of times kids are able to find sensitive buttons of the parents Just keep practicing the smile and breathing.
Vi mom, Very true, thank you. You are the mom your child needs.
This is genius. Because in fact we got so caught up in this argument thing, in those emotions. And you just help us disengage and think - and act - rationally. Thank you, dr.Paul.
My pleasure. Thank you for watching.
You are very funny and good teaching.
Thanks, ThingsTheatrical! I appreciate you watching.
i have one of these!!!
Sarah, I hope the video helps.
Smiling can be so hard 😅
Meagan Keele, the secret is the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV trying.
I actually asked my 4 year old how much time he needed for his fit the other day.(this may have been remarked on in a different video but I don't remember and just want to share) he said 2minutes and then maybe 20seconds later he was done 😁
Dr Paul your channel is doing a great job!
Please tell me how to handle a kid who always comes up with his own options instead of choosing from what i offer. TIA
Cydra, there are two options and you are o.k. with either. You are also in control of one of the options. When the child won't pick, or tries to pick something else, then you implement the one choice that you have control over.
Shared with our family. All I did was smile on.
Love it!, so smart.
Really really a great topic Dr.Paul,because lately i’m also arguing with my toddler.Thank you so much Dr.Paul really help me a lot,always makes me smile everytime i watched your video.Again thank you so much for guiding us to be more positive and to be a positive parent to our child.😊😊😊
Have you ever found yourself in a struggle with your toddler????!!! Brought me up short the first time it happened. My kids taught me so much. Thankful for every one of them.
Thank you.
Emily Ellis, you are very welcome.
… please do a video on when a child around 8years old gets depressed during the stages of a parent going through a divorce to the point where they become withdrawn , and how it may possibly be linked to parental alienation … it is almost like a dark cloud that keeps hanging around with intermittent sunshine …
Blue Moon, I would get the child into therapy or counseling. There are a lot of emotions that need to be dealt with now.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ... I certainly agree ... thank you.
Hitting "Like" before I even watch the vid, because I know you're going to give the BEST tips!
You're the best!
Great advice Dr. Paul! Thank you. Would you be able to share some effective argument disengagement techniques?
Walk away or move on to the next task I think? They’ll forget eventually or realize you’re not entertaining their fit
These ideas could work in some situations very well, Amber Ave. I have even asked if they want to play a game or do something different and they are taken aback. Often agree and things turn around.
Andrea Bundalian, here are a few, depending on the circumstances, the level of the debate, etc. Walk away. Ask them to join you doing something else. Set a timer for a time-out on the disagreement, this gives everyone a chance to calm down and start thinking. Once you have understood what you control and made it clear, tell them that the time limit for comment has expired and we are done, do not engage in talking about the issue any more. If you come across something that works, let us all know.
I am going to watch a Live On Purpose video EVERY DAY. The techniques explained by Dr Paul Jenkins REALLY WORK & w/in minutes! We're going to be OK now. How AMAZING!! THANKYOU SO MUCH.
Wonderful! Let us know if you have any ideas on topics.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV how to teach a toddler to hold hands
Thanks for sharing. This got me thinking a bit more about why I argue and realised this is often my downfall: If I set a limit on a whim without thinking it through, when my child argues, I can end up thinking, actually he has a point, maybe that limit wasn't realistic or fair, and I'm more likely to engage in the argument. If I think the limit through carefully first, I have confidence in it and can disengage more easily. Seems obvious perhaps but it's quite crucial for me!
Jill Haywood, being confident as a parent is huge and it sounds like you have discovered something that will help you parent positively. Wonderful!
Just WOW....I'm 17 and I obey my mom to the max, she is the one that is in total control.
Mind you....I am the one that wanted to do this. She did not make me.
Everyday, I come home from school and the 1 st thing I do, is give her my phone...don't want any distractions, then I do my homework, then all the chores for that day, which must be done to my moms satisfaction. Then I do whatever she tells me to do with no back talk or arguing.
perry halstead, you are an awesome 17 year old. You will go far in life.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV my Mom says the same thing! I'm already taking Pre college courses to be in Website Design.
I have a pair of ear defenders I keep on the fridge.
Funny that our daughter stopped screaming and shouting when I said “it’s ok now, you can scream and shout as loud as you want because the ear defenders are stopping it from hurting”.
I genuinely need them, because I feel stressed with all the shouting if she won’t stop.
We set consequences for shouting the house down because it’s not fair on everyone else to be around that, including our toddler. If she shouts from her room, she loses stuff one thing at a time. It works.
We also use “traffic lights” as a warning system for losing things. It’s a picture we keep on the fridge too. Green first warning, yellow second warning, red the consequence happens.
When we remember to use it, it works.
The ear defenders are for my sanity.
Great ideas, thank you for sharing.
Oh gosh this is so hard for me, and something I am really going to work on. I get easily frustrated and don’t have a ton of patience. So I need to work on that and change my thinking and just try to stay calm and confident and just smile.😁
Kristin, you can do this.
You #GUIDE the child[ren] on how the STRUCTURE of the Home goes. That set the ParaMeters of: Parent and child[ren]❗👍🏾
Otho Williams Jr., thank you.
So much common sense.
teriw56, honored to be on your positivity team.
Look at them and smile and say keep it up shake your head and smile keep it up go ahead keep it up all the while smiling it scares the hell out of them
Thank you for watching, KCCAT5.
Thank you for all the tips I’ll try my best to follow each one of them with my 5 year old son. Now would you help me with some tips to help him do his homework without complains please!!! Thank you
Celia Quintuna, set up a reward when he does his work with no complaints. When he complains, once of the rewards disappears.
Yes they do step up the game. and then that is when you shout!!!
Consider using another tactic, tersia Harmse. Thank you for watching.
My daycare ODD. 5 year old arguments are constantly. He then yells screams. Cries. For 30 minutes 45 minutes. An hour empathy. Going to be trying that tomorrow
I hope it works for you.
5:30 When parents are smiling, kids are nervous... Hee-La-Ree-Us
It worked for me.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It makes sense that it would. I'll send an update here on how it goes, after some time lol. Thank you, very much, for sharing...really practical and insightful (and appreciated).Well wishes for you and family
It is so hard to keep smiling when your kid is around 17 years old!
Mrv Trgt, I know exactly what you mean. Try to find their behavior amusing.
We can definitely relate to that but the older they are the more necessary it is to mustard up every ounce of strength and use the strategies We can’t afford to loose more time for their sake 😊
What do you do when the argument is something like this: "Stop putting your hands in your cereal bowl please." 3-year old responds "I not hands in bowl" as she splashes her milk onto the tabletop. "Um, yes. Your hands are in your cereal bowl. don't use your hands, use your spoon please." 3-year old. "No. My hands not in bowl." Mom internally "AAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!" She knows what her hands are, she knows what the bowl is, she understands the concept of in. I've had this conversation with her before and she has stopped using her hands and used her spoon so she understands me. Help me!!
April Pinheiro, I would take the bowl and spoon away and let her know that you aren't going to argue and when she wants to use the spoon appropriately she can have them back. If she starts up again, take it away and maybe she goes hungry for a day or two.
Great advice. I'm going to practise this with my child. She's my partner and just had her 80th birthday a fortnight ago. Gosh, I do hope she doesn't see this. But hay! no problem I now have the tools to tackle her tantrums. Heeheehee!
Thank you for watching and trying this out.
I always use the Monty Python quote. Would you like the five minute argument or the full ten minutes. Followed immediately with right....times up.
Love it.
This is what my children do except they're teenagers not little one. Our middle child is taller than my husband and argues over every little thing I ask him to do. Exhausting. Thank you so much. I'm not engaging. I'm going to follow these tips.
Question: Do you just let them keep complaining and being disrespectful? Or do you just allow them to mouth off?
JB N, I ignore it if possible. If they cross a line, then there might be a punishment. It takes a bit for them to realize that you won't engage so ignore as much as possible, remove yourself so you don't argue.
I did this with my husband and it works lol.
Wonderful! Please watch some more videos.
For sure! Behaviours are generic, they work in every situation and the strategies work. We use it with our husbands too 😆
Lovely tips Dr. Paul and thankyou very much..Smiling is really tough though🤣🤣
But shall definitely try it again n again..
Could you have a video, discussing about dealing about arguments with sons and daughters. I am keen on knowing if the difference in gender has an impact on behaviour/ attitude towards arguing with parents?
Thanks n regards...💐
I will add the idea to the topic development list, SHreya Joshi. Thank you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thankyou so much..
Haha this is super truth and I love you to telling me... uff my twos are ... and my head
M M, honored to be on your team.
Dear Dr Paul. I am very grateful for your videos. I have a 5 year old son and a 13 year old daughter here in Northern Ontario Canada. I so desperately wish for my daughter to care about her brother but find her hateful and mean to him. To have a relationship that they can rely upon. But as a role model I am not a good... my mother died just over a year ago and my own sister and brother's (I am the eldest of three) relationship has deteriorated so badly that I feel they are toxic. My spouse has told me that I have tried and tried and failed i how much I wanted a positive relationship with them... I fear I have doomed my kids to suffer the same existential loneliness I feel from their loss in my life. I hope you can add some clarity to my situation.
It is what it is...now. That doesn't mean it will be that way forever. That is quite an age gap and then there are gender differences, A 5 and 13 year old don't have a lot in common or shared experiences. As they grow up I bet it changes. Teenage often find little kids annoying. Show kindness to both and encourage fun family experiences. The game isn't over yet.
Can you do a video on talking to a child about being adopted?
Some random guy, I can add it to the topic development list.