How To Deal With A Difficult Teenager
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- čas přidán 16. 05. 2018
- Teenagers most of the time are striving towards independence and challenges on finding their selves. So it's very common that parents tend to get a hard time coping but no worries watch and be guided by Dr Paul Jenkins as he tackles about how to deal with difficult teenagers and discover the three rules for the so called "control battles".
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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In the Roman Empire, teenager's were considered adults at age 16. At first I thought it was because they were more mature. Now I realize they did it to get them the hell out of the house sooner!
Haha, The Huntress. Aren't teenagers wonderful?
Exactly
Y'all are funny soooo glad I'm not alone starting to feel like I'm on Mars with a teen monster that wants to eat me
LMAO! That made my morning.
This made me chuckle. I have an unruly 15 yr old daughter who has made my life as miserable as she possibly can for the past 9 months!!! Love her dearly but my GOD, it never ends. I'm hoping to gain some useful information to help save my own sanity here!
The most annoying thing is that they are least bothered about the consequences of their actions and behaviour.
They might appear to be that way, inam90, and in some cases it may be true, but they need to experience consequences/ It is vital.
So true, I see this with my daughter (now 14) she has lost a lot of material priviledges, some 6 years ago and never did what was required to regain them (it would take her 2 weeks of beeing respectful to regain it and she chooses to say "forget about it" yet she keeps begging to get one item back, but won't do what it takes. I stay firm and will not give it back to her until she makes the effort or when she moves out. She acts like she does not care, she says she does not care, but I think it bothers her to to get away with stuff and loose priviledges.... she has the opportunity to regain stuff, but takes a little effort, not even long, but that is not the way she wants to go
@@jdm3111 My daughter also says she doesn't care. If I don't make her the food she wants because she was disrespectful, she will not eat. She will go all day without eating, even though there's plenty of food in the house. If I ground her and don't let her take the car because she stayed out after curfew, she will sneak out and get a ride from a boy I don't know. If I try to take her phone, she hides it. She bought her own phone and pays for her own service, so I don't have access to cut it off. If I don't do the laundry because she has broken the rules, she will do her own laundry or wear dirty clothes. There are no longer any services or equipment she cares about. Her apathy towards any consequences make it difficult to create any of the transactions discussed in the video.
@@jdm3111 mine says she doesn't care also
@@WorkingMomWarrior Congratulations! She is becoming independent!
Sounds a lot like my older sister. The good news is that, despite a tumultuous young adulthood, she has grown into one of the strongest women I know. She was once bordering on being a feral bogan (aka trailer trash to the Americans) and is now a real, mature, hard-working woman who makes good informed choices.
Some people are fiercely independent. I think the key is to show them compassion, not anger. Not whining and disapproval, but clear direction and pride in the good that they do.
I need this im going through some very hard times with my daughter i need a godsend in my life
Hang in there, sarah kelly, honored to be on your team.
i hear u i just prayed like take over my body lord
Don’t let or make her watch the Maury show
I need this too. I'm having a terrible time with my 18 year old son.
I’m having a sucky time myself as a teen, life sucks as a teen
I needed this so much today! My depression is spiraling because of my 13 year old. I have to take control of my emotions and well-being. Thank you for this 🙏🏼
Berenice_dolls, you are very welcome.
This was very good fuel for thought, anyone who is listening to this channel is at least willing to try to learn something new as an adult and I congratulate them for getting this far for now
Love for Trail, we are all on a journey, glad to be on it with all of you.
I have been very broken over issues with my teens. Thankyou for eloquence and simplicity: I am mastering "my job is to love them", and that's helpful and I am duly humbled you put it into perspective. I appreciate the creative way you highlighted and defined what all control teenagers have, although I was whimpering "buts" and "no's" as the scales seemed to, (at first) tip all their way. Defining the control over things I have REALLY helped. My anger and frustration has CALMED. I feel positively about the future. With tears in my eyes, I thank you. Peace
What an honor to have you at Live On Purpose TV, Shaynel Ahmed. Thank you for watching.
I'm watching this at 12 I'm gonna watch the video of how to be positive because I don't like my own attitude :(
Willybean08, that is awesome. You can do it.
I’m glad I found this! I have two daughters 18 and 15. I am a single mom. The good news is they don’t give me headache at the same time, they alternate!!! 🤦🏻♀️
Choco Latte, I love your sense of humor, find the good in everything. You can get through this.
your 18 year old,.send off pack up the things and make'em leave,.that is an adult now..your 15 year old, call boot camp, you'll be happy..
Ace thank you.
very funny!! Alternate.I have one and little chalenging
Freaking awesome video. Being a troubled and disorderly teenager in my past I cant tell you how accurate and truthful this video is. It was always hard for me to pinpoint why I behaved the way I did but looking back I now see as I developed my identity my ego was not going to let my parents control who I was choosing to be resulting in a horrendous battle of control.
Not until my parents finally decided to love me for who I was did I decide to comply and find mutual respect.
They are now my BEST FRIENDS and I choose to hang out with them more than just about anyone else on this earth. Thank you for sharing the light.
Wow, I love your message, Matt van dyke. Thank you for taking the time to share it. I hope PARENTS READ THIS COMMENT (trying to get their attention!). It will give them hope and remind them to love their children no matter what, and even if.
I have recently stopped "providing services " for my stepson because of the way he treats me. Thank you for that assurance! Avoiding battles is tough
wargo141, very creative. Thank you for commenting.
Wargo141 I am going through the same thing with my 13 year old stepson he is so rude and disrespectful towards his mother not as much me because I simply ignore him. I don't tolerate disrespect so how I do it you wanna be grown I treat him like he grown I provide food, roof over his head, clothes (whatever I buy) and I ignore him he ends up coming around wanting to talk or help me around the house. Works for me.
@@jarvickh3712 tell me why I'm doing that now lol. Silent treatments work
Jarvick H just took this stance with my step daughter who sounds like an exact replica of your step child... I’m done... getting the absolute basics, no extra curricular activities etc if I have to take you or do it..
Thank you soo much, I really needed this, and will continue watching your videos. My son is 12, he is an honor student, but father is not involved to much, I am a single parent. Lately, my son disrespects me by telling me I am fat, and I do not have a good job. Sometimes he makes fun of my accent, my hair..the list goes on. Besides school work he is extremely inactive at home, playing video games, and watching youtubers. I have a feeling that a lot of his "roasting" comes from those "cool" youtube videos of disrespectful teenagers.
I took his video game this morning, because he was about to be late for school, and when I nagged him to rush, he spilled out how bad job I have, not paid good...always finding the points to hurt me. So, I have a bad job, but It pays for the internet, so you will be taken it away..that is what I control.
I just wish, he naturally starts respecting me more. I feel very sensitive, and emotional, because he realy hurts my feelings..especially he knows how ro press the buttons of my own insecurities.
I am just shocked how he talks to me.
He has all neccecities provided, and does great in school. He puts me down soo much, that I am loosing my self esteem! I find it constantly trying better to provide him with more quality things, so he does not lacks anything, or I am not a bad providing parent. I am taking him vacations, such as skiing, and historical sightseeing of other cities..yet in my son's eyes, I AM STILL not a good enough!
His words to you should not be allowed, Iena eleven. This saddens me. He should talk to you as he wants to be talked to and he wouldn't want someone to say those things to you. Money and things do not equate love. Please talk to him and tell him that disrespectful talk will not be tolerated. You are good enough, and more.
It is probably very tough, however war will lead to war. Its important to make interactions between you two friendly. Yes there are great intentions, but if he wants to go with a friend for some event even something very pleasant like a vacation may be irritating. Disrespect shouldn't be tolerated but you also shouldn't blame it on the Games and content creators, they likely aren't the cause. Perhaps the child is frustrated with no father figure or a parent figure he feels like he can talk to. No matter how caring a parent may be then may not always be the Right adult for the child. I'd recommend enforcing rules and not tolerating the disrespect but also not trying to start a war of Shallow threats.
I think this is an example of training each other. He knows that if he talks negativity twards you, you give him something he wants. Imagine if he didn't get anything from you when this happens. Be confident in your self and believe your a good parent because the most important thing is loving your child. If you have that, then you see what you control. Thank you for sharing this story. I hope this is helpful, as some one who is still a kid, I can assure you that your son is only thinking about his wants and doesn't process you and how you feel. It's so me times learned with time but just teach them that you feel pain like they do. :)
He sounds narcissistic...get help now before it's too late...good luck
Teenagers lie all the time and break any deal you make with them.
Sorry this has been your experience, C. Art. Thank you for watching.
C. Art. You are right. They can be manipulative lying abusive, destructive deal breakers. And that's the good side!
My teenage daughter has kicked holes in our walls and laughed. Drugs,tick.
Police, tick.
Shit friends, tick.
Walks out late on her own, tick.
Hates family, tick.
And all we need is dialogue,which is when she flies off the handle like a scene from the exorcist!!
Sometimes I wonder!?
C.Art...Tell me about it!!!
@@plusbonus9017 Sounds like our daughter! I think female teens are the worse!!
As a teenager I agree with this, and from what I am learning is there is a certain control in a deal. For example when I was in school I'd have a hard time with math and my mom would come in every 10 minutes like "did you finish your homework yet? We're not doing something fun unless you get it done." When she could have said at the start "thank you for doing your homework, when your done we can do something fun" now they can lie and say they did or nake a fake paper because you aren't gonna understand there homework unless your a teacher or regularly practice and learn with them. So there are different ways to combat them from lying. My mom could prologe the fun thing for the next day when I get my paperwork back. Now I'm in trouble because if I want that thing, I have to make a real assignment for my teacher to grade. And it's not about the grade it's self that determine s if I get the fun thing, I'm put in a position where I have to try. I'm sure things get way more complex but I hope this helps to see from a teenage stand point :)
Sir I appreciate your suggestions. My Grandson Is 16 and we are beyond this! He has dropped out of school, he is drinking ,smoking, popping pills, he has stolen some items from me, hes disrespectful! He threatens me, he is nothing but obstructive! Meaning, he will be opposite of whatever I say, ask, of him to do! If I say up, hes going to say down!
He loves, being defiant! He sneers this devilish sneer on his face, he purposely is trying to push my buttons, this is what I have an issue with ! He refuses, to bathe, I'm so uncomfortable in my home!!! He refuses to clean up after his self, and will purposely continue, to harass me, going into my room to get what it is he wants that I have removed from his access! He doesnt care what I say!
I have tried everything, I barely hanging on to being the adult in the home! He is trying to intimidate me, by the fluctuation of his voice, yells at me curses at me, calls me bitch hoe, I need to take my ass out in the street were I belong and sell my ass! He calls me crack head , crazy, I'm weird, I'm stupid, I need help, all this with the intent to get me to loose my temper!
Sometimes I do! I cuss his ass out! I tell him to stop talking to me this way, he says no, he doesnt have to!
No consequences are ineffective or rewards really matter to him!
Hes hurting! I know he is! Hes angry! I think hes very confused!
He doesnt like to be told a dam thing, not even to clean up after his self!
He does and says things with the intent to hurt me , my feelings!
I tell him, if you dont want me telling you shit then do what your supposed to do! That is go to school, cleaning up after his self, follow the rules!
He is manipulative! Vendictive, a liar! Takes no responsibilty for anything! It's always someone else's fault, never his! He wants things, yet will not do what needs to be done to do what he wants!?
Playing foot ball, grades and needed to be C or higher, one semester only!
The nicer I try to be, the worse he gets!
I'm drained, I'm very sad, hurt! Frustrated, desperate, feel like I've failed him! Very concerned about his future! No school, anger management, lies, irresponsible! How will he maintain a job?
I'm afraid he's going to be an abusive man to women!
Because he is cowardly!!! Hes really a scared kid! But. He displays anger, trying to be a bad ass, someone who he is not in anyway!
I'm afraid for his safety because he hangs out with.
His behavior!
The only thing he is doing is getting home by 11 pm.
Which I'm grateful for! He has to be here by 11 or he gets locked out the the night!
There have been time when he has arrived late! He doesnt want to hear shit, just open the door he says. Quit talking to me he says. I dont let him in with that attitude! Hell bang ,yell and knock on the door ,Ive called the police! Yhey do nothing! Im the one that can get in trouble necause hes a minor and I'm responsible!
I dont care! Take me to jail! He needs to hey his ass home on time, if he doesnt want to get locked out!
I mean that shit! I have to do something! I keep yeinh him this is going to happen and nothing happens, no consequences I need to do something to show him I'm serious there are consequences got his actions!
I'm am the adult! You will follow the rules here. Or find somewheres else to stay!
I'm having a difficult time loving him right now!!!
He turns people against me, lies about why things are the way they are! He says it's because I dont want to hey him back in school that's why hes not going! He doesnt want to go ! He would love to see me go to jail!
He was dropped from school, please help.
I'm making my self ill!
Rachel Raya, you can talk to one of our Live On Purpose Coaches by scheduling a call at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
I’m sorry but he would be in a group home or the police called until you gain control back...
How are you doing Rachel ? Any improvement ? My son has SOME" of these behaviors, but then is very loving again. Hes 17, but I worry like hell that he isn't going to be ok out there as an adult :/
@@willjackson4505 I’m going through the same situation and I agree with you at that point the streets can have them if they don’t know how to act
I really needed these videos right now. Thank you for posting. It's really putting things into perspective.
Some days can be difficult with teenagers, Carly S. Glad the video helped. Hang in there.
2 years later and this pops up in my feed right on time. Thank you for this timeless video! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I have a 16 year old girl and I am not okay!! 😭😭😭
Glad it was helpful! RAWKSTARtm, good luck.
🤦🤦14 year old here. Smh
Same, my 15 year old doesn't even want to live with anymore because he refuses to take the schoolbus. His mom drives him everywhere and he's just being very pouty. 15 year old baby. Like I'm going to start going out of my work schedule to bring him to school and back in freezing weather everyday.
I have a 17 year old and its gotten ugly. I too am not ok
Im with you on this
Great Videos! I recently taught a series at my church entitled, " Tips on how NOT to kill your kids!". I have used some of your material - good stuff.
Interesting title. I bet it grabbed some people's attention. Feel free to share the videos with your class. Thank you for watching.
All of these teenagers are commenting and making excuses. I'm 25, so I still have good memories from my teen years. Listen teens, even if you are a teen, do not speak for all teens. Everyone is different. Some teenagers have good excuses for their rebellion, but some teens are just lazy and mean because they want to get all of the benefits without putting in any work. Most teens just don't want anyone telling them to do anything
Cashay Saunders, thanks for commenting.
I like the way you communicate the issues. I appreciate the approach. I just wish a resolution was that easy.
Simple and easy are not the same thing. It takes lots of effort, patience and love, Dino Giosso.
Thank you for sharing this with parents. You have change my stile of life by just loving my daughter and being positive when talking to her. You are a master of psychology. 🙏🏽 thank you.
I appreciate your kindness, scordero1967. Honored to be on your team.
As a step father, I'm struggling to deal with my teenage step daughter. She's scary man. If she doesn't get EVERYTHING she wants right then, she will make up lies about us, threaten to move in with her grandmother, disrespect us. We feel imprisoned in our own home! And to those that say "I'd whoop her ass" this isn't 20 years ago where that was acceptable...We'd have the police here asap!! Any real suggestions here?
It is tough to hear, but you need to stand up to your daughter. Have your phone recording the conversation so you have proof. She cannot disrespect you without your permission and you are giving her permission by giving in to her every demand and threat. Consider getting a family counselor.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Actually not a bad idea lol. Never thought about recording her "episodes".
You may just show them to her so she can see how out of control she is and what it looks like.
Not exactly a parent myself and I get she isn't exactly young and impressionable anymore but there's more than one way to discipline a child once they are still living with you. Disconnecting a teen is the worse they can experience, they aren't addicted but they do loose the instant contact and entertainment they are accustomed to. The child should be on your terms, but it's up to you to make them fair, and for the "fair" part you need to put yourselves in a teen shoes again.
I took my child’s toys and all extra inessential items and threw them in 3 garbage bag thinking this 5 year would cave. She only had a bed and small dresser. She played with 3 pieces of paper for 3 weeks and never asked for any of her items back. I knew I was in trouble then and forever.
liv, that is one strong-willed child.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ya she’s a teenager now... 😩😩
Dr. Jenkins, I wish I had known about you when my “angel” son was in 7th grade. In middle school and currently a rising Junior, I know believe all/most children will go through these challenging years. I can handle the physical needs, but the mental needs, “Oh boy!” Although, my husband and I have figured it out to choose love and positiveness, we do not want to fall into the trap of enabling, just because we can. Thank you for your advices. You have the qualifications, experiences, and a great way of communicating. I am now a subscriber.
Wow, what a kind and thoughtful comment, positivelybeautiful1! I am very honored to be on your team. I want to let you know that we are offering a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you would like to take advantage of that for a little extra help with your son, we'd love to assist you. You can go there to schedule the call, if you wish: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Genius! I love the vids & amazing advice! Thanks Dr. Paul!
juozozupaitis, You are welcome.
Thank you for this timeless video . Its given me something to think about
Wonderful. Happy New Year.
This is so great. So needed. Need one for how to deal with a teen/college student.
Oh, yes, rachel matos. Our parenting does change as our child enters new stages and the college time is interesting as they gain more autonomy. Thank you for the suggestion.
Rachel Matos you are so right. Paul when are you doing the college phase? I need it urgently 😲
What drugs can I take to keep me in a positive happy mood all the time
A positive mindset, Lamach Williams. I don't prescribe medications and I can help with ideas on how to have a positive mindset. Get my book, Pathological Positivity. In it there is a prescription for positivity.
Gratitude works for me everytime ♥️
I Dunno bud, taking a walk release dopamine☺💗
Lamach Williams 😂😂😂
Endorphins from first thing in the morning walks
Stay positive and if you have to dismiss them for a moment do that stand your ground and keep it moving because I am a mother not a child.
Nancy Rentas, thanks for watching.
I remember spending much of my teenage years (20 years ago!) being angry at my parents for not allowing me to experience the natural consequences of my actions (I.e. grounding me if I chose not to go to work one day). Thanks to your video, I can see that they were trying to control the aspects of my life that they couldn’t/shouldn’t. So helpful to see this and am gaining insights on how I can approach this with my own child. Thank you for taking the time to make these valuable videos! ☺️
Kate Nelson, sometimes the hardest part of parenting is letting the child experience consequences. Glad you are changing things up for your child.
Thank you so much, your suggestions provide me a lot of inspiration
You are welcome, Lilan Wu. Thank you for being a part of the Live On Purpose community. It's an honor to be on your team.
Thank you so much for these videos and topics
Glad you like them!
We need to lower the working age laws. I want to send my teenage daughter to work in the coal mines. She would be the boss I am sure.😂
Haha, All American Dream Chaser. She could find work to do around the neighborhood, like cleaning houses, yard work, or other things. She would be her own boss then. : ) Just a thought. Thank you for watching.
Ha ha
🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️❤️
Shell probably quit lol
The first few minutes I didn’t like this and thought this dude was cracked, but for whatever reason I kept listening and I am so glad I did. I’m gonna go watch that Be Positive video next. Thanks sir!!
Thank you for watching, Cana Lingenfelter. Appreciate you sticking with it.
Your Video has helped me so much with dealing with my 16 year old teenager! your videos are amazing! Thank you so very much!
Corporal Jones Jones, thanks for letting me know. Honored to be on your team.
Wow! Nice tips!
You voice it out so well.
In my coaching sessions I say don't get into a power tussle with your teenager. By here you put it so well.
Permission to use these in my coaching sessions.
Share away, with credit, Nwadiutochats. Glad you are helping others.
LOVE THIS!! Love your positive attitude to interact w teen. Can u come talk to my teen? 😂
We do have coaching services if you want to reach out through the website.
brilliant! Thanks for this.
You are welcome, Avivit Hagby, better days ahead.
Simply brilliant Paul!
Thank you!
New subscriber here. Excellent video 😁. Thank you for the tips 🙏🏽
Thanks for subscribing, Edosa Egiebade. Honored to be on your team.
I absolutely love this thank you
phyllis pitts, honored to be on your team.
Yes you are so right I do it with my stepson who is so disrespectful and rude. I only wish I can get his mama on the same page. Provide food, roof over his head, clothes whatever kind I pick out and I ignore him. He always comes around after acting out when he sees that I'm paying him no attention. Wanting to talk to me and help me out around the house.
It is so much easier when everyone is on the same page, but your stepson will understand, (if he doesn't already), that you are truly showing you love him by giving him consequences, and loving him.
Thank u soooo much for sharing! God Bless
Thank you, sara abram. Honored to be on your team.
Wonderful advice! I'm struggling with my 12 year old son & I'm at a loss... Thank you for posting this video, it's given me so much to think about!
You are welcome, Candace Stevens. Honored to be on your team! We have more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
My 11 years old daughter is going through some mood swings. Dr. Paul is right, she's a different animal now. 😊
Thank you very much. You are very helpful to us, since it is the high issue that parents need to tackle conflicts with their teenagers
Our pleasure, honored to be on your team.
thanks for the great tips!
You are welcome, 3 live. Glad to have you at the channel.
I want you to know that I love your videos......I'm grown up myself, now, but since I've left home, My mother has adopted my cousins two young girls. Now they're teenagers, and she is having a very difficult time with them (to tell you the truth, I know from experience that she can be over bearing and short fused). Well, a Professor of mine had suggested this particular video for her and I've gotta tell you, after watching it myself, THIS IS PERFECT ADVICE FOR ANYONE STRUGGLING WITH A WILLFUL TEEN!! Thank you, so much for doing this and take care. :)
PS. I also liked: How to deal with your angry teenager"...... Keep these videos coming, they're awesome!
Tim Renner, I am honored by your comments! Thank you very much. I hope the videos are able to help your mother. We just did a "no yelling" 5 day challenge this week - maybe your mother would be interested in that. It can be found at czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html. We have a lot of other videos on the Positive Parenting playlist: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. Thank you again, and we have no plans to stop what we're doing!
I don't know how new you are to the channel, Tim Renner, but I want you to be aware that I am giving away my book for free. It's called "Pathological Positivity," & I only ask that you pay for the shipping. I think you'll like it. : ) Here's the link: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
I heard that rewarding teens is the best way to get them on their side. The authoritarian stuff stops working once they are 10 or so. Gotta switch tactics, which makes sense, because as they grow into an adult and start working, their efforts are rewarded with a paycheck. Might as well work the same way at home.
I believe in rewarding positive behavior. There are some video on the playlist having to do with this.
I love your videos! I will say proverbs says a wise son brings joy to his father but a foolish one brings grief to his mother. We have all been on the wrong side of this as teens. On the parent side I can testify that wise proverb is true. I gotta work on staying positive like you said because my son will probably pull through this like most of us did.
Christian Ministries by Karl, It is so rewarding when they come out on the other side, believe me.
Oh my God! You are sooo good. The way you explained the whole concept struck the right cord and I agree with you 100%. My daughters are almost entering the teenage and I can feel the struggle and frustration already. I firmly believe that in order to handle this phase well like a pro, the most important thing to change is the attitude, language and behaviour of the parents. Most of the time it’s not even the teenagers, it’s the parents who make the situation worse. By changing ourselves, we will win half the battle already.
I made a video about that also. Watch this one: czcams.com/video/vVsdzTr6ydM/video.html.
I have a 17 yr old who is very disrespectful. She lost akot of her priviledges over the years because of that. She made friends with a group of kids who do pop pills, get drunk, high and constantly fight each other. She started running away. Her and her friend stole from a salon. My husband got her and turned her in. He brung her home after they released her but she put up a struggle. She rather be out because says shes free to do whatever she wants. My husband told her either she gives 100% cooperation in behaviour or she goes straight to rehab. She calmed down and listened. We did struggle with her attitude though. Last night she was so disrespectful that we ended up in a really bad argument. The next day she was ok until we asked to do laundry. She refused to do it right and was so disrespectful. She ended up leaving to my moms. It makes me feel like i failed so badly. Im also scared for her. What do you advise?
Lupita Serrano, first I want to say that you are not a failed parent. These are her choices that she made, despite you teaching her otherwise. We have more videos for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Some I recommend that you start with are:
"What To Do When Your Teenager Is Out Of Control" - czcams.com/video/-y8R7xUAg60/video.html
"Positive Parenting Strategies For The Teenage Years" - czcams.com/video/nNC7RpaPt3o/video.html
"How To Deal With A Rude Disrespectful Child" - czcams.com/video/ooLvznV3Ffc/video.html
I also want to let you know that we have a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call. If you would like to take advantage of this for more ideas specific to your situation, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
I sincerely hope things can improve with your daughter. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
My daughter(not bio, I was married to her dad. She's adopted) was kept from me for quite a long time. Now that her therapist told dad she needs her mom, he has allowed me to parent her again. Sadly she's 15 and out of control. Stealing, lying, running away, smoking, ect. I am starting to feel like it's too late. He doesn't follow through with any rules or schedules. Basically he's afraid of her. She does behave at my home but while she's gone he's calling asking for me to speak to her about her behavior. I'm worn out with HIM. I know her potential but he does not. I need help.
There is so much going on here. Decide what you are willing to give and then do that.
Wow after listening to so many videos, this has been the most helpful. The T chart was an amazing tool for visual understanding. Thank you so much.
Sabrina Toglia, thank you for letting me know.
I love your videos !!
Gringa vai te contar, glad you are a part of our community.
Thanks for the tips
You bet
I’m so glad that I found this channel, I have a daughter that just turned 16 and thinks that she owns my house. It’s given me a whole lot of inspiration on how to handle some of the situations that come up.
Give her the bills and see how she feels about the responsibility, Kay 32. 16 can be fun, but challenging, good thing they don't stay there forever!
You've put a really nice simple order to this.
Mary Erb, thank you.
Wow I am so greatful I found you You really made me feel better and gave me some valuable advise I think could actually help us Thank you 💚
Glad to have you at Live On Purpose, amber Isaac. Identify the principle, then apply it to your situation.
I hope you get this one and I am a teenager and I love your videos it's awesome and I think every teenager should watch your videos.
Thank you! Please share away.
I really appreciate this video but this is difficult. How many of us can really feel we can show unconditional love when all interactions of daily life are defined by such a transactional relationship.
W Shray, thank you for watching and trying to understand. Love is a choice and a verb that you have to choose. Some people seem easier to love than others, yet everyone deserves love. I want to be on your team. We have other videos on parenting teenagers, and we have the Positive Parenting playlist for a wide variety of subjects: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. Please feel free to check it out.
I also want you to be aware of a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call with a Live On Purpose coach. If you would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
You can also have your teenagers watch any of the videos from our "Just for kids and teens" playlist: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html. We've got a lot of positive feedback from the kids about the videos. It might help them become more mature and responsible!
Your suggestion sounds very modern and effective. I’ll apply it with myself and my rebel teenager right away! Let’s see how it turns out!
Wishing you the best.
This is coming from a teen. The best piece of advise I can give you is to prioritizing honesty over a positive relationship. I don't want to come out of my room and see my mom or dad smiling at me everyday. Teenagers lives are hell 24/7 and it feels like forced positivity even if its not intended to be. We have constant social drama, puberty, sexual tension, and if you live in the United States a fear of going to school because of school shootings. That's a fear all teens share. Just express to your teen that you understand that their world is very chaotic and scary and that you are always there for them and they can always talk to you, even if they choose not to knowing that they can is a big help. Don't always have a positive view on everything but just have an optimistic view on the problems that they and the world are facing.
Ian Thomas, thank you for sharing. We need to be in this together.
Wow, so your parents weren’t teens? Would you rather they scoul at you? I pray you re read this and see how unreasonable this sounds
@@livefromtheground7274 You are misunderstanding what I meant. Honesty is more important than positivity, because false positives can be extremely toxic. No I don't want my parents to scoul at me I am not a sociopath I just want my parents to understand my problems more than just fake smiles, hugs, and buying me things.
Thank you very much sir for your valuable ideas on how to deal with our teenagers. You have really helped me a lot especially to know that I was doing most of the things correctly.
Franciscanisha Gomesbukkam, honored to be on your team.
Absolutely brilliant amazing
Susan Foxwell, honored to be on your team.
This guy is awesome!
Jeff Matas, glad to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
Thank you so much for this video. I have been having difficulties with my teenager. I just don't know what to do... but your advice will help I am sure.
You are so welcome! Kat W, honored to be on your team.
there are camps for defiant teens,.boot camps that work, don't give in to their crap and whining about it, do it ..
I came back here to rewatch it after one year. My 13 going to be 14 yrs old boy doesn’t grow any mature yet has becoming worsened. Reading the comments below, I know I’m not the only one who is on this roller coaster ride alone. Teenage hormones confuse me, I’m so discouraged by his behavior & everything going on in our life. I wish there’s a portal that I can speed travel to another time, places where I can be a happy person again. I woke up to prepare breakfast and packed his lunch as usual today. But I didn’t want to look at his face even though he said good morning (reluctantly) to us. No conversation in the car only good bye from him when I dropped him off at school. I don’t know, I am tired, I actually don’t mind paying a bit more so that kids can stay longer in school. Having someone who is not their family members to teach them family value, moral standard are way more effective than us, their own parents.
pipiannz c, you might consider going to drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. You might need some more help to find the joy in this child and learn to connect with him.
pipiannz c I’m re watching too 🥰
How do you have control when a couple of teens (strangers) come up to you in the street and start to be aggressive? I had a couple of teen girls come up to me while unlocking my bike, one of them started to kick my bike for no reason. I told her to stop many times staying calm but she didn't stop. I noticed they had just been to the shop to by food which she had in her hand she already started to eat and drink, so I hit her food out of her hand onto the floor to stop her fixation on damaging my bike and to show her consequence on damaging my property. Then I crossed the road to bike home when she come running after me to throw the rest of her drink at me but failed because her can was empty. I didn't turn around, I just got onto my bike and rode off. Was this the right thing to do? If I had my phone out and recorded it I could have used this to say stop or i will take this recording to the police but I didn't think of it at the time. There is no respect for the elders these days. I'm a parent of one 8 year old and I'm 45 year old.
That is horrible, Gillina Cook. Not every teen is like that and I think you did the right thing, distract and get away to protect yourself. You could also yell out something like, You are hurting me to get attention and help if there is someone around. I think you did great!
The police! Nothing else here but police!
Im just constantly smiling throughout your video,u have such a funny way of explaining it anyway thank u so much for sharing the knowledge,it helps me in a big way.
Thank you for watching, Andrew Kingston. Glad you found the video helpful.
Very helpful video .im struggling with my 15 years daughter . Stay positive really stuck with me .thx a lot
All the best, marwa.
This is a good video and lesson: Whether the teen complies will determine what we provide will either be a "carrot" or a "stick". Thank you. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Kultrick The Kulprit - teens are a great adventure! DrPaul
Concur.
thank u,,very helpful very informative
very informative learn a lot from your videos
Puertorican / Filipina Adventures, glad to have you at the channel.
I think this I might work, but my fear is my child has just learn to do without things he wants in order to do and act as he wishes. Could it be because I've been to strict in the past?
Remember the two things the child needs, Love and Discipline. It is a balancing act and they will get wonky if we give too much of one thing, Try more love with gentle discipline and see what happens.
My teen invades my space and I can’t handle it and I took it to the streets lord help us all
Ryan B, I hope the video is helpful.
Thanks a lot!
You're welcome!
Thank you.
Shireen, have you signed up yet for the Parenting Power-up course? - you can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
thank you, this is very helpful
You are welcome, Krismae Dilag. Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV when I apply your advices, it really helps a lot and now I manage my difficulties on dealing with my kid. Thank you again.
I dealt with my teenager everyday and it’s a challenge. Will try to use this method on her. Will come back and watch it again for review. Specially now for online class.
Please do! That is the great thing about CZcams, YooBlezz!
Well, I've watched a lot of parenting videos from a lot of channels, and have yet to find anything that references the problem I am having and how to fix it.
I have an very unloving marriage. My husband has bipolar depression and he goes through very aggressive mood swings with me. He was very abusive to me in the past. He is less abusive than he was, but he is still extremely verbally abusive to me. He used to accuse me of cheating on him, and flirting, even though he admits I actually gave him no reason to believe these things. In actuality he is the one that has cheated on me. Yet, he would call me all sorts of names, cuss, scream at, and threaten me. Now that I am older, heavier, and less attractive, he rarely accuses me of cheating, but he still verbally attacks me, because I am supposedly "trash," "a useless excuse for a human," "a piece of sh**," a "cu**," a "bit**," "a loser," "worthless," a "nigg**," etc. He says these things in front of the kids too. I have tried to take the kids and separate from him in the past, but I always ended up having to go back to him before I got court ordered child support, because I was on the verge of being unable to pay rent and/or utilities. Truthfully, neither he or I can afford to support the children if we separate, because we will both have separate rents and utilities to pay.
Anyway, lately, the things he says about me have rubbed off on the kids. The older kids are very disrespectful toward me and the younger children. They are not usually like that to my husband or to each other; and they are always nice to people outside our family. But, when they do something they shouldn't, such as being extremely rude to the smaller children, and I tell them they should stop and I try to reason with them as to why the way they are behaving is wrong, they just mock me, yell at me, insult me, and sometimes call me names. Then I will try to send them to their room or take away privileges (like using their cell phone, or not allowing them to play video games, or not allowing them to go to their friends' house for dinner). But, they will tell me I can't tell them what to do, because their dad is the boss and he'll take their side and let them do whatever they want. I tell them I am their mother and I will discipline them when I see fit.
One of them literally told me, "If you don't like what we do, just ignore us instead of disciplining us. If parents love their kids they should let them do whatever they want, because it's better for their kids to grow up to be annoying adults than for the kids to grow up to hate them."
Anytime I lecture them about something they've done wrong they tell me I'm "punishing" them. As if telling them how their inappropriate actions affect others and reasoning with them on what they could do instead, is a punishment. I am not talking about harping on a subject and nagging. I'm talking about just mentioning it to them right after the did something wrong.
The other day, my older son brought my younger son to tears, because when he asked him to play with him, he told him he was an "annoying loser," and "No one likes you. Go die in a hole." I told him he had to apologize. He then told me I was a "loser," an "worthless," and "no one cares about you," and that supposedly everyone "sees you're nothing but fat, lazy, trash; because all you do is stay at home with kids," (he was talking about his two sisters that are too young to go to school).
I told him he wasn't allowed to use his cell phone. He played on it as I told him this, and said he doesn't have to do what I say. Of course, his dad said he could continue to play on his phone. I told my son that I am his mother and I do have a right to tell him what to do. I told him that both myself and his father have a right to tell him what to do. I told him that even though his dad was saying he didn't have to listen to me, he knows in his heart that he does. I reminded him that when his dad tells him to do something, or not to do something, I never tell him he doesn't have to listen to him, because it's disrespectful and rude for one parent to do that to the other. I told him I expect him to show me the say respect he has toward his father, instead of a nasty attitude. Sure, I was frustrated, so I had a rude tone of voice and I raised my voice, but I wasn't calling him names or insulting him, or anything like that. Then my husband said it's his house we live in, not mine, because he has a job and I don't so what he says goes and he says the kids don't have to listen to me. SO, my son told me, "Yeah, if you don't like my attitude you can move out!"
My husband has been telling the older children that I am "bullying" them any time I tell them they can't do something they want to do, or tell them to do a chore, or lecture them for something bad they did (like bullying the smaller children, or lying, or talking back when they can't go somewhere or do something they want to do). Seriously, I can tell my 8 year old to take a shower and brush his teeth, three different times over a three hour period, nd my husband will tell him, "You don't have to listen to that naggy bit**. She is just bullying you, because she doesn't like you." Then the next time I say the smallest thing to that son, such as, "Hey, can you bring me your dinner plate so I can wash it, please?" He will say something like, "Stop nagging me! I know you don't like me, but you don't have to bully me all the time!"
At one point, my eight year old son's teacher contacted me and said my son was acting odd at school, because any time she got on to him in the slightest, such as saying, "You need to sit back in your seat, stop talking to your friends, and focus on learning," he will start whining ang getting very defensive. He'll say things to her like, "Why are you picking on me? You're just bullying me because you don't like me."
Well, both I and his father talked to him about how he needs to mind and respect his teacher and take responsibility of his behavior instad of blaming her by saying she is picking on him. He hasn't done that at school anymore. But, he and the teenagers still act this way and say these things to me. I know it's because their dad keeps undermining me.
Of course, I get angry when they act like this, and I have yelled at them and had a rude tone of voice with them when they act like this. I have called them, "brats," and "idiots," and even cussed at my husband and them (I've said something like, "shut the Fu** up! You're being an ASSHO**.") before. But, I have only cussed like that twice, over an 1 1/2- 2 year period, when they are yelling, insulting, and name calling me daily over that same period of time. But, I almost never do that; because I purposefully try to avoid doing or saying anything that makes the lies my husband keeps propagating against me to seem true. But, lately, for about 1 1/2 years, they have been acting like this, my husband and the three teenagers, and now the 8 year old, on a daily basis, over and over again. Sometimes one child will go a day or two without acting this way, but the other kids and my husband will; so everyday at least three people are acting like this toward me. I am to the point where I actually feel like I want to try to take just the two littlest kids and move out and give up on a relationship with my other kids, unless they grow up and realize their dad is brainwashing them against me. I think this is what he is trying to make me do. But, I don't want to give up on them and abandon them, because I love them, even if they don't care anything about me.
He is doing this on purpose too. His mother is estranged from him and the rest of his siblings and they call her by her first name instead of mom. He admitted to me that when he was a child and teen he hated his mom nd thought she was a terrible person, and he and his siblings all told her on an almost daily basis that they didn't love her and they wanted her to leave, because their dad kept telling them she was a bad person and she didn't love them. He also slandered her, but at the time he believed the lies about his mom, and only years later did he find out they weren't true (like she supposedly cheated on the dad, over and over again, when she never did). Eventually, their mom got sick of it and left. Most of her kids have admitted to me that they know their dad tried to brainwash them against her and they treated her horribly; but, they still want nothing to do with her and hate her because she left them.
So, my husband is trying to do to my kids what his dad did to him and his siblings. I don't want to leave and abandon my kids. But, my heart is breaking every day because I am being accused of being a horrible person, and everyone is treating me like trash constantly, when I really haven't done anything wrong, except for on rare occasion raising my voice (one or twice a week) or cussing (one every 6-8 months), because of the constant verbal attacks.
Chante Moody, this has been going on a long time and there is probably nothing you can do to fix it without changing a few things. You can leave or you could get a job and begin saving to leave. Keep in contact with your children no matter what you decide and reach out for some help so you can get clear on what your next step should be.
My problem with my18 year old son is mostly with my wife (his mother). We’ve been in family counseling for years before I asked her to just stop coming. She enables our son and doesn’t bother listening to the docs and counselors. She says it’s her job to protect him as a mother. She says she’s afraid he is going to fail, she’s afraid he’s going to hurt himself(think self inflicted here), she just wants him to not have struggles and be happy. This is where she makes her parenting decisions. He has very few, very menial chores that she does for him more than enough for it to be addressed. He has no boundaries, no consequences and no expectations. She actually set a good boundary a couple months ago; he can’t have his cell phone if he doesn’t have a clean room. There has been zero follow through on this. His room is trashed and he has his phone. If I enforce that rule that she came up with then I have both of them upset with me. I bought him an r/c car and told him it was his responsibility. He had to pay for it if it broke or if he wanted to upgrade it. I did this so he could start practicing making money decisions and earn some integrity by knowing he’s the one making his car run. Well the car broke and it sat there because he was spending his money on other things so his mom and her daddy (another dysfunctional story) took it to his house and now he takes care of the car. Not only did they kill the opportunity for him; the car has been upgraded beyond his capabilities of controlling it and now it sits because the fun has been taken out of it. And I’m the bad guy. Our son was on a basketball team and said he was tired of sitting the bench and he would like his team to win some games. I talked with him about some drills he could work on that the coach gave him and his mom jumped in and said he can’t practice on his own; it’s not his personality. And I’m the bad guy that doesn’t believe in him. Just the other day he interrupted a conversation I was having with our daughter and when I asked him to go away for right now he flat out said no. This happened several to the point he squared up like he was ready to fight. It stopped because our daughter ran to tell mom. I made him stay in his room the rest of the night so I was in trouble with her and still am several days later. There was a point years ago that I couldn’t handle any more and I started becoming a raging lunatic. I then sought out our counselor originally for myself because I said I can’t act like this even though this insanity is happening. She wants me to have a meaningful relationship with our son, but binds my hands and legs to do it. It’s set up for failure. I showed him how to do stained glass and everything was fine until he showed us his project. It was falling apart while he was showing it off. The two of us went to the garage and troubleshooted the issue. We found what step he left out and I patted him on the back and said he’ll figure it out. I went back inside and you heard a huge crash (he slammed his work in the garbage can). She got mad at me and texted her daddy that everything was fine and I said something to our son and upset him. So I was in trouble. Our son told me he was just frustrated and I didn’t say anything wrong. Oh well he wasn’t going to stand up for me. We were watching Mr Rogers neighborhood with Tom hanks. We got through t about the first 5 minutes when my wife and our daughter went outside for some reason so to make small talk with our son I gave him my idea of how I thought the movie would end. He went outside and I sat on the couch waiting for them to come back in. Oh they came back in all right. She was yelling at me because our son told her I was really talking bad about her and not the movie. After we discussed it she said it was a misunderstanding, but oh well. No apologies, no discussion with our son and she still didn’t talk to me for days.Engaging with him is a slippery slope for me so I keep to myself more these days and she’s mad at me for that. I get in trouble either way I go. I used to go to our sons personal counseling meetings with my wife. The doc would give us homework to do like write down some boundaries and consequences for us to discuss in the next meeting. I came with my homework done and she didn’t do any. I asked the doc why we don’t address this and that’s the last meeting I was asked to come to. I talk to the pastor at our church and he says this shouldn’t be happening, but oh well. He’s not saying anything. Our friends say this is sad, but oh well they aren’t saying anything. My son has put bleach in my wine bottle and her answer was to take both our kids and moved out for several months. I didn’t have one child stay with me the entire time. He put bleach in my wine bottle because I said he wouldn’t have his phone for the weekend if he didn’t get his room clean. He knows I mean what I say. The night before we saw a movie where someone was murdered that way. Within a couple days of being gone her dad bought him a new remote control car. The second our son isn’t smiling they panic and turn into little clowns trying to cheer him up. They are the only ones who think they’re doing just fine and I’m out of control. If we had video cameras in our home you would see it all. How do you help a cub when the momma bear that’s protecting it is the one that injured it? I’m literally going insane. I hear everyone saying doing abc is crucial to him growing. Everything I stand for and am fighting for parallels what they all say, but my wife and her dad live in a different world and nobody will call them on it. Not one damn person! He’s 18 with no job, isn’t in school. He is on electronics at a completely out of balance amount of time. I know you’ve reached out for me to call you, but I’m not the one that needs the intervention. I’ve been handling my end and my wife will even testify to the fact that I’ve really reeled it in, but that just gives them the ability to continue untouched. If I don’t say anything everything is fine, but I can’t continue to dismiss these core values and morals we are supposed to be instilling in him and look the other way. He’s been baker acted. He’s sent nude pictures to girls who didn’t ask for them. She refuses to face her fears and insecurities so that she can be the mom he needs. She doesn’t realize she makes these decisions to ease her anxiety not for our sons benefit. Sometimes I think because they work so hard to stifle my voice in the matter and project their garbage onto me, I feel they don’t want to understand. This is truly dr Phil show material. PLEASE GOD HELP!!!!!
Snook On the fly, it sounds like you have worked hard to help your wife and son. I know it's difficult when the other members aren't unified for the common goal of a healthy and productive family. Just remember what you do control (yourself) and what you don't (others). You can try to help them and that is encouraged, but you can't force them to do anything so don't expect to. That being said, it might be beneficial to ask your wife to watch a couple videos with you. Any of the ones you have already watched about teens is fine, as well as one or all of these:
"How To Be Happier, Healthier And More Productive" - czcams.com/video/6nTgMhjSEPQ/video.html
"5 Values To Live By for HAPPINESS and SUCCESS" - czcams.com/video/wofB47vx1B4/video.html
"How To Keep My Family Happy" - czcams.com/video/nyY9UgiFylU/video.html
I know you have been to a counselor together - and they may have talked about this - but I truly believe that work, doing hard things, and service are all vital to being happy. We have several videos about anxiety, so if your wife is willing to watch any more videos, those may be useful to her - just search "Live On Purpose anxiety".
I know you have tried many things, but here is another video that may have additional ideas: "How To Set Limits Without Damaging My Kids" - czcams.com/video/5NHdnST7N3k/video.html
As always, you're welcome to take advantage of the free 25 minute call with one of our coaches: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall Best wishes.
Live On Purpose TV Thank you Doc. I will sit with her and watch these and I may make that call.
I will try to apply your steps and see how it goes. Thank you! Now I'm headed to the angry teen video u have & see how do I handle his angry outburst towards me & my daughter.
You got this! Cristina, thanks for watching.
Thank you! This was helpful. I am a 23 y/o male , and the ‘difficult teenager’ in my life is not my own child, but my ‘teen-aged’ kid-sister! Her father is absent, and our mother-although she does try (atleast these days)-has never had the best parenting skills. I grew up without a father myself, and I was definitely the “crash-dummy” child. But my sister told me early on that she looks up to me as a “father-figure” of sorts, and I take that role very seriously! (Even though I didn’t necessarily ask for it, I’m happy to oblige- especially if it means that my sister might have a better shot at a good life than I had!) but she’s in those years where she wants to be oppositional to EVERYTHING! It’s hard for me to balance being the “cool older brother who has her back” but also the “man of the house”, and the person who sometimes has to get onto her about things like school & chores and whatnot.. But I found this information very useful! Thank you again!
Marcus TheConcept, thank you for being there for your sister, there can be tough years, but I bet you will be close as you get older.
genius! After watching this I decided to feed my kids oatmeal for every meal until compliance and respect are in place. I'm already at peace 😂
Gabriela Karl, good luck, let us know how it goes.
Legit, how'd that go lol 😆 😂 🤣
😂🤦👍
Can u do a video how to deal with teenagers on their phone? My son always on his phone playing games n I want to know how to dealing without controlling him.
Check out the parenting playlist. I have done two videos on cell phones, one specifically on addiction.
Lovely video😄. It made me draw a conclusion that teaching does not take place a stage three. We only have 8 years to teach about values and characters or rather it is very minimal
Siza Mathebula, thank you so much for being here on the channel.
Since the beginning of the year, I've had a problem with my teen that would seem to be an easy fix, but I refuse to bring him to and back from school during my week like his mom does during her week. It's been 30 days that I haven't seen my 15 year old now. And he only writes to me to get my Amazon or Netflix passwords. Mom works next to his school, it's easy for her to bring him back and forth. I would have to go warm up my car in -25 degree cold an hour before having to be at work just cause kiddo needs a ride to school only because he hates the bus? It's so frustrating that a dumb silly issue like that is ruining my relationship with my teen. It's causing issues between me and his mom as I want him to go to school the normal way like millions of other teenagers around the world. Why would I have to fold and go drive him in winter back and forth like he's some kind of king? He starts school at 8am, I start work at 9am on otherside of city. He finishes school at 3:50pm, I finish at 4pm but traffic allows me to only be at school around 4:15pm... it just doesn't make any sense whatsoever to me.
I took the bus day and night all my schooling for 10 years to another city for 1 hour per morning and 1 hour per night. My kid can't even take a 20 minute bus ride? Call me crazy but to me it's a completely unreasonable reason to not want to come over live with me anymore 50% of the time. I refuse to fold on that. Am I wrong? Should I just stay positive and hold my ground? Wait for him to get his driver's license in 2 years?
This is your choice. He has let you know what he wants and if you aren't willing to do that, then he will choose not to visit during the week. Can he come on the weekend?
I truly hope this helps. I am a 70 year old grandfather raising 3 grandchildren. I’ve had them for 12 years this February. I realize I had to learn better parenting skills Very fast early on. I was very angry for being put in this situation until I started to view Dr Jenkins classes. The anger I was feeling wasn’t helping me at all. I had a boy that was not honest, a 13 year old granddaughter talking and sending not appropriate pictures to a boy and a younger granddaughter watching all the disfunction, yet was and still is an A student.
The video on control and maturity with the chart really helped and got me thinking.
I got all three of them at the dinner table one morning and with a piece of poster board and drew what they controlled and what I could control and why”by law I had to provide them with.
Good gracious the impact that had. That was what they were waiting for, and the negotiating began. Long story short, boy and oldest is 17. Has a 4.0 GPA and made 1590 on his SAT. Can’t wait to graduate HS and has already applied and been accepted to 4 major universities and wants to double major in Neuroscience and Music, and works part time.
Middle granddaughter 16 after a loving conversation with me understood the negative impact her behavior would have on her future. She is great! Well, the youngest now 13 soon to be 14 is doing great.
I’m not angry anymore and I’m happy. I don’t scream and holler anymore.
So funny, they all make their bed, keep their room clean ( for the most part) and do their own laundry. Now if I can get them to get their laundry out of the dryer, my day will be great.
I don’t worry about where they are going or who they are with or what they’re doing. I have a tool for that that I rarely use anymore. They know now I am here for them and Truly love them o matter what and even if.
Thanks Dr J
Thank you for sharing your experience and how you changed your parenting for different results. So glad you are there for your grandkids and took on this monumental task.
Very nice help doc to understand teenagers. Parents also have to provide education. Right?
Sure, parents provide opportunities for education, but loving them no matter what and even if is paramount.
Thanks that was so helpful to me because I have that problem
You are welcome, qeen fun coollol. Thank you for trying the suggestions. It's an honor to have you at Live On Purpoe TV.
If you give your kids enough love they grow up with sound enough judgment
Creating that attachment will go far towards raising healthy kids, Ana Lara.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV yep, I agree.
My little brother is sometimes really sweet, and sometimes more than frustrating.
I admit, mom and dad have very different views on parenting. My dad is never firm with us, and now that he's older it's getting worse because hasn't got the energy to actually take away privileges, even if he wanted to.
So my brother now has no problem saying out loud that "dad is being annoying" or that he doesn't love our aunt or the he simply won't do this or that in the rudest voice possible. He has a lot of gaps in his social understanding. He takes things that his bullying classmates said or did and says we're doing the same to him, which is far from the truth. He takes every joke as mocking, he takes offense at anything and you literally need to step on shells when he's around. That's still not enough, most likely you will be a villain in some way or another.
To address this problem, everyone in the family needs to get on the same page and consequences need to be given so he can get along with others in life. He may need to talk to someone, Hiba M. Khalbous.
Thank you
Love this .... I am raising my grandson he is 14
It's an honor to have someone who is willing to raise their grandson at Live On Purpose TV, Daniele M. We have more on our Positive Parenting playlist: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
I loveeeeeeee this! Makes me feel better 😏😀
Great! Thank you for watching and commenting.
Dr. You’re adorable 😇 . I used two cultures to educate my teenagers works perfectly. When they don’t like something I said, well you have a mexican mom😬. I’m a nanny, I love my job❤️ .
Norma Olvera, Use what you got. Honored to be on your team.
What do I do when I provide my 15 yr old son with the seasonally appropriate clothing and he still chooses to wear basketball shorts and short sleeves year round? Will the school think he's being neglected?
Celisa Lou, no, he isn't alone at this age. Be ready for the question.
How can I help my bipolar teen-ager? She has negative behavior and fluctuates with being respectful.
Hi P Villalobos - there are several videos on the channel that you might find helpful - I'd recommend starting with the Positive Parenting playlist. DrPaul czcams.com/video/kc7YmtLLlu0/video.html
I have also added bipolar teens to our topic list for future videos - honored to be on your team!
I am watching those instead of my parents and that's sad. but I liked the video. great job
My pleasure, Sapir rose. Try watching with your parents.
I'm a teenager, and though I could easily see this strategy could crash and burn if used the wrong way, it's also the solution for the reason I dislike a quality of parents. What I don't like about parents is that I know that they can be fair and good and play control games, negotiate, and all, but at the end of the day, they could lose their temper, if things aren't going the way they want it to in their own game, they could easily just rip the whole game down and make us teenagers do whatever they want us to do, wether we want to or not, wether it's fair or not and there's nothing we can do about it, not that I speak from experience, but the just knowledge that someone has so much power over us can make us want control.
I don't want people to get the wrong idea about us though, we're not all rebellious, pubescent, control obsessed teens as most grownups seem to think we are, just because grownups think we're all at the "most awkward stage in life" and our state of emotion is always "fragile" and aren't quite "mature enough," doesn't mean we have to be treated like we are, yes, some of us are like that but you all don't have to treat us like we are, the ideal teenager that most grownups see is a stereotype, a very strong one but not really an accurate one either. All grownups were teenagers once and you have to remember how it felt, how you thought good parents should be, how we reason, how you reasoned when everything that you had was not completely yours, that it was all subject to someone else's power, and that is how we are.
(p.s. My parents are great, I just think a lot about things and like to have some control, plus I'm just sharing an opinion and sorry if I offended anyone, I didn't mean to, and this video was great)
#coolpsychologist
Madison Hinton, your post shows a high level of thinking, your parents probably don't need the video. Thanks for sharing.
I have a bonus daughter that takes things from her dad and my home. (in this case it was a new shirt I bought my oldest daughter.. all kids got new clothes for school). So, most of the kids share clothes and some are swapped. That isn't the issue. I saw her put it in her bag. I asked if my daughter told her she could have it.. of course it was said that she did. But the next time my daughter was home she was mad her shirt was gone. My bonus daughter now says she didn't take it and I accused her of being a thief. Which all I said was it was in her bag. (Her dad heard me). Anyway him and I are moving so I packed up all the clothes to back to their mom's. In thesr clothes she "finds" the shirt.. which I know for a fact wasn't there. So her mother calls her dad saying I called the daughter a thrift and the shirt was in there and I'm overstepping my place. Anuway I feel like this child is trying to get her mom to hate me which in return will cause issues for her dad. She 100% lied to make me out to be a yelling, name-calling crazy woman, and a liar.. she's 13. I just don't know what to do to stop the lying and to make peace with her. She came over last night and didn't say anything about it to me.. it hurt me horrible!
Sara Hubbard, this child feels that she has little control over her life and the decisions that get made for her. Her parents divorce, her father re-marries, introduces new people that she is told to love, in addition to new step-siblings and now her dad is moving. 13 is not an easy age. Of course she is trying to cause problems with you and her mother, don't let her. You are going to have to let it go and work on loving her and finding positive things about her.
Sir, I understand what you’re saying, however, my teen will not control my safety. Bringing men in the house or attempting to run everything but the bills is not an option.
Safety is always paramount.
17 watching this just tryin see how old peope see us
That's actually a pretty good idea, SlapNation Harry. I hope you learned something, thank you for watching. I have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist, if you're interested: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html
love air food shelter clothing....EVERYTHING ELSE IS NEGOTIABLE
Nasima A, yep and even the clothing as in it doesn't have to be designer or what is popular.
Ikr, ruled out choking right up front! 🤣