How To Save Marriage On The Brink Of Divorce
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- čas přidán 17. 04. 2018
- Dr. Paul gives us simple principles to help save a marriage that is on the brink of divorce. Remember, easy and simple are not the same thing. These 3 principles include being grateful for your marriage and spouse so listen up.
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
HELP & RESOURCES:
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BYU gtyy⁶
Nice Video! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would love your thoughts. Have you considered - Mahorrla Guard Marriage Method (do a google search)? It is a good one of a kind guide for Saving Your Marriage without the headache. Ive heard some great things about it and my buddy got astronomical success with it.
Elizabeth Maris is scamming people. Please try to block him/her from this video. Thanks!
@@aminafaizan3329 ohjj
@Wasiu Owolabi pp
My wife has filed for separation. Im doing everything in my power to save this marriage! Im doing all the little things around the house and just trying to show her. Im praying to god 🙏 to keep my marriage to together!
Work on yourself and she will see the change. Let he see it, not just hear about it and she is more likely to give it another go.
@LiveOnPurposeTV ok thank you. I've been trying and just going to keep on trying!
@@bds8350 Yeah, keep going steadfastly, take the chance, don't ask for the chance - you have the chance everyday! Keep it up for at least 3 months, because she might have a huge sorrow to get through, and do recognise the interlaced stages of sorrow in her process. Be appreciative if she lets you know something about how she feels along the way, even if the feelings she shares are anger, disappointment, resentment, regret. Beyond them is often fear. What you respond with must also be 100% honest and no people-pleasing.
If she cries and yells and pounds your chest, tell her it is hard for you to hear that you have hurt her so much, but *you are not going anywhere, you are not leaving her* because of these feelings and their expressions. Say that you are sorry, but most of all: tell her that you are determined that you as a couple can handle this, if "we just give it time and if we practice to stay together and to live in true peace and harmony, ups and downs and all. Tell her that *you* will keep trying!" Don't leave it to God, he has given you all you need to do this. So do it, stay put and invite your wife to the new stage in your marriage where you, her husband, are taking this very seriously. "We can handle this!" Speak in a tender and determined voice, remember that. Voice and body language is 100% of the communication, when there is tensions. But repeat good and only good words. Do things she has asked for a long time already! Arrange things! Improve things. Finish unfinished business. Show your manly capacity in all things in life. And add some romantic appreciative and elevating gestures. Don't let her guess your intentions: she is not a mindreader. Confess: "I bought five kinds of flowers for you because I have forgotten which ones are your favourites."
You are not going to be her door-mat and slave, but be the one who can help her have a life in which she thrives - by taking any directions, tips, and hints that you haven't been too appreciative about before. Give her time to start to believe in this change!
I recommend Stephen Covey: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - be (become) such a man, in a way that is *visible* and 100% comprehensible and believable to your wife, and she will fall for you again.
Me and my fiancé just split. She moved back into her moms yesterday and it’s the first night we spent separated for almost 4 years. It put things into perspective and was a wake up call for me. I realized how much of the issue I was. I’ve been able to self reflect and realize why things were the way they were for us. I’ve realized I love this girl to death and I’ll do anything to save this and to propose to her again. We gotta change for ourselves first and everything will click or fall back into place. I wish you good health and happiness on your journey of things. If you truly love her, you got this bro. We got this, let’s get our ladies back
I feel for you. 5 weeks in my separation. She's walking away from me unintentionally emotionally neglecting her
4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
1. Criticism
2. Defense
3. Contempt
4. Stonewalling
5 Day Experiment
1. 96:5 Responsibility
2. 25:5 Gratitude
3. Give, Send and Serve
GIVE: 4 Social Gifts - Appreciation, Connection, Enlightenment, Elevation
SEND: Message: That you value the relationship
SERVE:
You have all the elements.
“If you want an easy solution; you’re gonna have to find another channel!”... you got my attention! 💕
Haha, glad I captured your attention, Mariana Munoz. Thank you for watching, I hope you found something valuable in the video.
Well said. We need to pay the price.
Hey guys pray and keep praying and look for answers on CZcams on how to pray the right way it will help to pray for others relationships/marriage too. Pray for others and even for your enemies.
BunnyDoc, good idea. Thank you for your positivity.
My partner and I aren't married however we've been together for the better part of the past (nearly) 8 years. We've hit a really tough spot and I'm so grateful that you've shared this with me.
You've already helped me in being a better parent and helped me grow as a person.
I hope that this will help my partner and I save our relationship. I'm planning on using this model for the rest of the time we are together (which I hope turns into a marriage).
Thank you! I'm grateful for you and your team. You really are a bright light in the world. ❤
Thank you, Jennifer Hebert. I wish you well and hope you have much success.
Well, my wife isn't home yet, but the information in this video is priceless, even if I can't get her back this helped me feel better. On day 3, there hasn't been alot of hope but if your in this situation, control you, be a better you. Can't believe it took losing the love of my life before I would look inside myself.....and I don't like what I see, got lots of work to do. And don't underestimate the power of just talking to anyone, about what's happened, just saying it out loud really made me feel alot better. Good luck!
Good luck to you. Do the work you need to and then you will be happier however it works out for you.
How did it go??
Just saved my marriage for another day! 🙌🏻
Honored to be on your team.
How
Tried it 1 day and it worked. I can't believe it was my fault all along. I shall continue the experiment and hopefully turn this relationship around. Great video thanks x
I just realised that my comment sounds really sarcastic but i meant it! I feel better, my partner feels better...thank you x
Hannah Baxter, I am excited for you.
I didn't think it was sarcastic, so hard to get our meaning across in a comment, I try to read positivity into the comments, though it can be difficult in some instances.
Any update? Thanks
@@hannahbaxter8825 girl me too 😭 accept I can believe it. I'm a mess.
Starting this today with my husband. I will do anything to save our marriage and I can’t wait to start this experiment! Thank you!
You are welcome.
Hope it worked. I’m losing my wife and I am searching for anything to save our marriage but I feel it’s too late she doesn’t love me anymore but I would never give up I know I need to change and I’ve already started that part and she’s seen it we have 2 daughters and if she goes through with it we are gonna be even more devastated. I just want a second chance :/
Are you both participating in this? Or is it a one sided experiment? Trying to help my daughter with encouragement
@@kc8644I want to work for my partner but she seems to be done. I’m so worried and hurt. I love her
Me too 😢😢❤❤🙏🙏🙏 please pray for me every one I don’t know what else to do
I don't know where the videos on what i could be working on are, but I need to find them to change, to save my marriage of 24 yrs. And I did almost everything wrong that could've been done. Nothing physical, but everything else. Lots of prayers.
I’m a child myself just turned 14 today and on my birthday i hear that i now have to pick over my dad or mom i’m been crying for hours trying to solve it but nothing will work this is my fifth video on how to fix it and i think this is the one i’ll show both of them,I know i’m not the only kid going through this but I’m so sorry if you’re going through this aswell.
Thank you for your kind words to others going through this. I wish your family the best.
Hey there, I don't know if you will ever see this, kiddo, but, I'm really sorry you have went through this. I really hope things have gotten better at home. I'm sending you all the love and gentle healing.
❤
This made me cry. We are so selfish.
I mean I’m here because I feel like I’m more alone in my marriage than when I was single and we had gotten a divorce and got back together to the same! Same crap! And again I’m just a roommate in the house and our son obviously can notice that. So I don’t know if I should just leave. He lies, stone walls me, and spent thanksgiving at his moms. I’m an idiot for getting back together but I love this video thank u and you are hilarious I love it .. I will use this video thank u
Jas E., I am glad you found value in the video. You are not an idiot; people love to love others, and be loved in return, and perhaps you thought it would be different a second time. Who knows, maybe it can be. I have an entire playlist dedicated to "How to Fix a Marriage that's been Damaged". If you think it might be helpful, you can find it here: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg.html. Also, we do have a promotion right now, where you can have a free 25 minute breakthrough call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If that sounds interesting, you can schedule that here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. Thank you for watching.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV hi, I was wondering what kind of call it is? Do you give advice or reccomend programs/books/etc?
So it’s been a year later, did u try this? Did it work?
What did you do to contribute to the problem?
He's right, it's not easy. I used a resource I found online to help my failing marriage. Took some work but it helped tremendously.
Devin D, so glad you were able to get some results.
What was that
Wish you left a link to the resource that helped you.
@@lowerclassbrats77Me too, it would have helped me a lot.
@@trusillamatunda hi friend do you need help on getting your ex back i can help you
It took me until I was 33 years old to realize I had NO IDEA how to show my husband respect. I sometimes slip up but apologies go a very long way, and telling him when I was wrong and he was right!! He loves hearing “you’re right!!” 🥰🤣 As a result, he is so much more affectionate, happy, and always joking with me like we used to.
Kiwi K, it helps so much when couples can joke with one another. Humor is so helpful.
Respect is the groundwork for all good things
How is going now ? 😂
I’m literally freaking out I don’t want to lose my wife and family...thank you so much!!!! I’m
Going to try this. Wish me luck!
Wishing you all the best, izSpeshul! Thanks for being willing to try.
I got my ex wife back with the help of someone who also solve my relationship problem❤❤❤❤❤❤
Contact him via what's app❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I have been emotionally abusive to my spouse for the greater part of our 15 year marriage. I had a turn in my life a month ago and I'm committed to bettering myself. I love her dearly and I don't want to lose her.
@@msep5203 Hi friend if you need help on getting your ex back I can help you
This is so imformitive,and useful.I am going to apply this in my marrige.God bless you ,for this information.
You are welcome, Steve Stegman. Thank you for watching and good luck creating a new marriage.
Very helpful will give it my best
Update, did this work?
@@Missfoxxiiivine no
Gottman is a name I heard in some other videos.
I fear I found this too late because I didn't see the forest for the trees until she had to hate me to save herself.
We're still in couples counseling and working on ourselves (apart) for now... I'm working to change my negativities enough & prove we can get close enough again to try these together.
I'm doing the writing exercises for myself until then. Thanks for the video!
Mile30, I believe there is always hope. What opens up for you as you work on yourself may be just what you need.
You are so incredible! I so wish I could find a counselor like you!!!!
Thank you, Fiona Kelly. Honored to be on your team!
We are at the brink. I watched your vid today. After dinner I wrote down my 25 gratitude. Then I asked my husband to do the same.
We read each other gratitude out to one another, it was the first time I saw my husband cried so hard. So hard that he is sobbing. We both cried and hugged and cried for good 30 mins. I never knew gratitude is so powerful. We still dont have a solution yet but I would like to thank you for this vid. I've never seen this side of my husband, he poured his heart out. I told him we are going to do this gratitude for 5 days. Let's hope for a miracle.
Giliang Chen, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I am so glad the 2 of you were humble enough to do the gratitude exercise. Gratitude is very powerful. I have done several videos on that subject. Here's a couple if you're interested:
"How Gratitude Can Change Your Life" - czcams.com/video/jKDOl8g__pw/video.html
"Why Is A Gratitude Journal Important?" - czcams.com/video/ZHArAp8n-Eg/video.html
We also have a Positive Relationship Resources playlist, for more helpful tips: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX.html
Thanks for watching - I'm honored to be on your team.
Love
How did it go?
What happened????
I came across your video on the internet. This is very helpful. I believe that all things work together for good to those who love God.
So true.
I am really in need of this.
Have a 3 yrs old daughter and a 6 months old son.
My family and I were separated due to the pandemic lock down between Singapore and Malaysia. Where I used to travel between countries daily.
I'm currently in Singapore, working and bringing the bread to home.
My wife has signal for a divorce.
God give me chance to find this motivation video.
God give me a wake up call.
Thank you Paul
You are welcome, Ryan Yong. Thank you for watching - honored to be on your team. We have more for you on our "How to Fix a Marriage that's been Damaged" playlist: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg.html, as well as the Positive Relationship Resources playlist: czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX.html
Lp
you are a genius doctor you put your hand right on the problem
Middle Ofno where. Thank you for watching.
Doing this since a few days. It helps!!!
Tough times here. Between jobs, coming from 2 different cultures and languagges, one of us grew up passiv-aggressiv communicationwise, the other activ, one is a homebody, the other not. Then a sick parent and a sibling in a horrid divorce to worry about.. Wanting the same things but missunderstandings occur all the time.
I am doing the list first thing in the morning.I should be day 6, I'm on day 4... But interestingly: the days I didn't do the list, I didn't actively do the rest either. Both days we had a bad fight. The days I did do the list, I remembered the rest much better. Then we had discussions or small arguments. Worlds better than fighting.
We are visiting a couple's counceler too, though. Recommend it.
I am glad to hear the steps you are taking, Soire, I wish you the best.
Its hard to do any of these things when after every fight your spouse gives you the silent treatment and stonewalls
rednailsNJ yea same here
🙋♀️ Add me to the list as well. Separated, in my 2nd week of no contact & it looks like divorce is inevitable 🥺
@@atheistinalabama4206 hang in there... At week two I felt the same way... If you two love eachother there's hope
@@itsallanillusion7097
Thank you ❤️ It's nice to hear encouragement for a change💯 Unfortunately, I'm afraid the damage has been done, just by the way things went down & I have no trust in this man😢 I know in the end it will all be for the best but there are some things u just can't forgive.
rednailsNJ, if you want to save the marriage, sometimes a fight to the end is necessary. Is your spouse open to counseling? If so, then I encourage you to find a good marriage counselor. As one option, I would like to offer a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in, you can schedule the call here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Really great tips. Practical and different from all theb labla whe hear elswhere
Thanks
leaveAcommentPls, thanks. Please share away.
Thank you Dc Paul
All what you said is very helpful. 👍
You are welcome, Nidou halib. It is truly an honor to be on your team.
My marriage is hanging by a thread… She asked me for divorce and I said yes, but I love her and our family. I will take this challenge. As a husband, I was already doing the 95% months ago. As of now, I am still showing that I care by serving her, getting her stuff she like without her asking for them, and sometimes I try to hear her out even when she doesn’t want to talk to me. But I will still take the challenge and see what happens.
IPJ Home Solutions, I hope things change for the better and you two are able to build a new marriage.
*#*Hi dear| if you seriously want help to get your ex back or a specific person I know of a man| who helped me bring my ex back he can also help you*#*..
Whatspp or call him..
♱2348152220785⏭⏭???¿????¿??¿???
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,l got help from a great man who brought us back together...
I just wrote everything down. We are not on the brink of divorce. We are hitting a rough patch and I would rather get in front of it than to wait till it is too late. I will come back with an update. God bless you all.
Mrs. C.A.M., glad you are being proactive.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you 😊 me too.
It is currently 6am and I needed to stumble across this video. I am 100% committed to fixing my marriage. I have already made a list of things I need to work on myself to save my marriage and ready to start day one today! Hoping I can do this!
You CAN do it, Desiree Garcia. So glad you have begun.
How did it work out?
10 months gone already..I am just starting with my problems saw this video ..I am curious on whether it works or not...how are you doing?
IF there's one thing that WORKS, it is blessing him or her everyday. THAT is unconditional love in the purest form, blessing him everyday, and you watch, something will happen, it did for me and it will for you.
Well its been 11 months how are things
Just watched your video, and i'm going to start my 5 day experiment,a lot of what you said made soooo much sense, he's been complaining about those specific things but didn't believe him. Sometimes hearing it from someone else point if view helps to open your eyes and mind a little more. Thank you. Will post updates during my 5 days.
Queen BB, awsome, glad you are giving it a go.
Live On Purpose TV well? It worked wonders, i must say, and i have a nee appreciation for my hubby, i'm seing things positively and differently, sometimes you lose track of what is most important in life and marriage, im very thankful 🙏🏻
Thank you for these.. Truly helpful. I love how you simplify and bullet-point steps-GREAT!! I also like this, because all of these steps are "needy" behavior, they're more subdued and subtle.
you are welcome.
So, I just finished watching this video and I am sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks because I now realize that I have failed my wife and the relationship as a result. Although we are not yet divorced I fear so much that it will end up that way and I DO NOT wish to be alone, or more specifically, without her! My wife is amazing in SO many wonderful ways. She loves fully and completely. She gives with her whole heart. My libido and sex drive have diminished and as a result my wife and I rarely connect sexually. Recently I have discovered that my testosterone is quite low. However, until now I have been too scared and anxious to do anything about it. I just hope that I am not too late. I love my wife and love our life together...it is time for me to step-up and be the man she deserves and needs.
Jay Reynolds, I am just now getting to your comment ... have you been able to do any of the experiment? I wish you and your wife the best. Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
👏👏👏
On a binge! Dr. Paul is simply amazing. Love honest and helpful people.
Edit after watching this video:
OMG! this sounds tough! While taking notes I quickly noticed that I've done all the "Give,Send,Serve" for most of my relationship and now I just feel exhausted. But I'm willing to give it 5 more days coupled with the 95:5 Focus and 25:5 Gratitude ratios.
Wish me luck - if anything I think this will help me rid myself of resentment.
I wish you the best, Julie.
How did it go?
@@thabo1504 Gained insight, confidance, regained my self-respect. I got to know me and love me with all the good and not so good parts.
My kids are much happier. cuz I am more open and in a better mood. They've really shown the most change.
Husband is still trying to figure himself out. I'm overall happy with myself he is generally happy. Best part - I'm not afraid to loose him. Feels great. Some ppl just take a bit longer to learn the lesson.
Thanks for asking.
Listened to this today. Took notes. Look forward to the experiment. Thanks! 👍
Thanks, VID801. Hope it goes/went well. Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
Your giving me hope!
I've been so focused on building my business assets and own self that I have completely neglected what made her love me in the first place.
Glad you realize that! Better days ahead for you two.
👏
I am sorry...I watch loads of your videos. I agree with all of the tips you usually give. This is unfortunately what I have been doing almost all of the 30 years being married to my narcissistic husband. I do not receive anything in return on his part...he just love being the recipient of all these things freely while not doing any one thing on his part. Marriage is work on both sides of the union. You can't force someone to be interested in their own marriage. He is just enjoying the part where he gets to be selfish and reap all the benefits while not bringing anything to the table.
Bronwen W, hopefully he will come to understand what he has to lose before he loses it.
+2348075348513⏭️⏭️⏭️⏭️Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.…
It's worked out for me. whtsap me let's chat better
It's worked out for me. whtsap me let's chat better
+¹⁸³¹⁶¹²²⁸⁸⁶
Marriage takes 2 people who are genuinely willing to build together (i.e. spending energy together & enjoy the fruits together) for ever. Otherwise, there's no chance to sustain a home.
Bagira G., we want to get to that point. Thank you for watching.
I agree. It feels like I'm the only one fighting for our marriage while traversing a minefield.
YEP!!!
@@dobson777a Same boat. I do think that many ppl are afraid and wont let themselves feel or be loved. It surtainly feels like its my case. I loved he pushes away. I back away and then he chases. Like he can sense my affection but wont accept it. It scares him in some weird way.
Well said 👍
Thank you for this. I really appreciate you.
You are so welcome
I would love to see a disclaimer here about the kind of marriages not worth saving, like when the husband is verbally or physically abusive or is an addict not seeking help. I am very happily remarried now--imperfect as we both are---but staying with my first husband would have been detrimental to the mental health of both myself and my children.
VegRunner 66, Safety is always first. And, like I say, it isn't a choice until you see it as a choice. This explains why some stay in abusive relationships. Until they see a way out, they don't take it.
Or if he slept with a prostitute 😶😓🤮
Hello dear do you need any help I can help you out
It's worked out for me. whtsap me let's chat better
+¹⁸³¹⁶¹²²⁸⁸⁶
I'm loosing it. I so needed this video. Thank you so much you are doing Gods work.
Tiffany Elliott, thanks for watching.
I got my ex wife back with the help of someone who also solve my relationship problem❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Contact him via what's app❤❤❤❤❤
I wish I would of watched this video sooner. Thanks for the info though. Very useful. Thank you and God bless.
Glad it was helpful!
I got my ex wife back with the help of someone who also solve my relationship problem❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Contact him via what's app❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@@mrodia2594 do you believe that Jesus Christian is our Saveur and lord.
I saved my marriage a few times by just doing the gratitude thing daily. After 3 days usually I see a difference....it switches your mindset. Here we are 17 yrs later 😆
The problem with the gratitude is that once you see that everything is going well... you stop to do it and after a few months/yrs.... you're back to square one 😅 so you do it again, you feel it working... and you stop....again 🙄...it's a vicious circle....
In order to stay in the "euphoric state" you need to continue doing your gratitude 🙏
It changes everything 😊
Good point, the principles need to be in practice daily to maintain a healthy relationship.
I am so happy I found this video!! I knew it was meant for me when I saw my exact huge flower vase in the background (exact) this is day five of my gratitude experiment and I must say each day was better and better and I was so amazed how it worked and I felt so much better myself Day 1 I saw improvement, Day 4 we had dinner together and my spouse gave me one of the most passionate kisses and I almost jumped for joy, and this literally just happened hours ago❤ as I write this it's day 5 so everyone should try this because it works!! Thank you all so much, I will update you guys because I can't wait to see what today brings.
@Star Dancer 🖕🏽 Must be nice... Seriously though... I am legit jealous of you! I'm at the beginning of this separation. Every day has been some of the worst days of my life and nothing seems like it's going to change anytime soon because she barely texts me back and won't answer my calls... And she kicked me out of the house, and has the 4 kids to help with her emotions, as I'm trying to find a good parking lot to sleep in the back seat of my vehicle in the middle of winter in Northern Michigan.
@@I_Stuck_Ur_MomWhat exactly did you do in the relationship? How clean did you keep YOUR side of the street?
You don’t just get kicked out of the house for no reason.
This video assumes the spouse who filed is still "open" or vulnerable to your efforts and attempts at stopping it. There are spouses who will be glad that you're trying more and being a better "co-parent" if you have kids, because this gives them relief but will not take their foot off the divorce gas pedal. It just makes them think the process should go smoother. But their focus is always getting to the end of the divorce so they can say it's done. Then they can really embrace their rebound or start dating around and advertise the trauma and narrative about their decision.
Thank you !!! I’m on it!!! Can’t wait to share after five days!!
You got this! Let us know.
OMG it really works for me he came back to me 🌹🌹I'm so glad it worked out
who needs any help???
More than 5 days have passed, care to share Shannon? :)
Thank you for making this video!
Thanks for making this! I will try the 95:5 and what also that was explaind in this.
ClearWay Law, you are welcome.
My wife moved out 4 months ago and we are in the middle of divorce proceedings. I have been kind and forgiving. I realize I was a big part of what started this and have been changing myself. There are boundaries where I can only talk about custody stuff and selling of the house stuff. Beyond that I can not say anything. I haven't given up but I don't think there is any hope.
Draggin' Wagon, it sounds like you are doing everything that is within your control, which is the only thing you can do. My sympathies are with you during this difficult time. Would she agree to marriage counseling? You have probably thought about it - maybe even done it - but I ask because some people disregard counseling because they either think it won't do any good, or there is a social stigma attached to it. If nothing else, I would like to be on your support team. Please consider browsing around on these playlists for more information and tools:
How to Fix a Marriage that's been Damaged - czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg.html
Positive Relationship Resources - czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX.html
Positive Personal Development - czcams.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV.html
@@LiveOnPurposeTV we went to 2 councelling sessions together then our councelelor wanted to see each of us separately. By the time she had her turn she wanted a divorce. She won't go back with me.
Don't guilt yourself dude. You know what she did, now stand by it. Men have a bad habit of beating themselves up for things the woman was at fault for. We are constantly gaslit for being responsible for everything and we are not.
If only I learned this earlier. 95-5. I’ve been doing the reverse. Now I have to change into positive changes immediately losing seconds. Thanks for the advice.
Honored to be on your team.
Thank you very much.
I think that you have just saved my life and my marriage
Glad to hear that, Ravi Gopie.
Yes,I have been trying to not be critical which is a major fault I
wasn't so aware of.
Keep up the good work. ✌
Awareness is the first step to change, Plus Bonus. Glad you are on the path to positivity.
Hi! Dr. Paul your videos are so helpful for my problems n very thankful to you. I wanna know how to fix a last bring marriage due to bipolar disorders? Can a person with bipolar depression can get married or no marriage forever? Please make a video on married life of person with bipolar disorders. Thanks
It is difficult, Rabia Kamal. I know people who are marriage and have bipolar disorder. Both people should be informed of the challenges. I will see if we can come up with something.
Your videos are the most wholesome logical videos I've ever listened to . you are a real blessing to the world.
Wow, thank you! I appreciate that.
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem ❤️❤️❤️
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Thanks for sharing a very great video...
You are welcome, Carol Erb, Ph.D. Thank you for watching!
I’m here trying to save my marriage, my wife and I just now spoke about divorce and she’s in the thinking process. Right now.
❤️❤️❤️ literally on the brink! I will never give up!! I will give this a good fight! She is my one and my forever….
Pray for the biggest battle of my life. I don’t want to lose my wife. I love her so much!
@@joelroberta7029 thanks
I wish you the best.
*#*I PRAY THE UNIVERSE GRANT YOUR HEARD DESIRES WITH MORE LOVE AND COMMITMENT FROM YOUR EX THROUGH THE GREAT MAN OF THE UNIVERSE DR JERRY GEORGE 💞💞 WHO HELPED ME RESTORED MY BROKEN HOME. HE CAN MAKE YOUR EX BEG FOR A SECOND CHANCE*#*
Whtsapp him for help🆘👆👆👇👇
How are things now -
This pays dividends Thankyou for taking the time your saving relationships stay Encouraged!
Awesome, thanks for letting me know.
I hope your right. I'm willing to do anything and put in *any* effort to get her to stay - she's the love of my life!
Be patient, Choppington Otter. Thank you for watching.
That 95: 5% strategy is brilliant! I'm gonna try it.
Maedros Bott, it is worth the try.
Looks like I got some work to do. Thanks for this!
You bet!
Text him via WhatsApp❤❤❤
Plan sounds GREAT! But we are on limited communication. That is where this is going to be hard to do. Any tips? I would definitely try any tips to make sure this whole thing works.
Micheal Graziani, thanks for watching and being open to trying new things. We have several videos on communication. I hope you can find what you're looking for here:
"How To Improve Communication In Marriage" (with my wife Vicki) - czcams.com/video/b6MycuRtTxo/video.html
"How To Improve Communication In Marriage" - czcams.com/video/oKOA92c_8_U/video.html
"How To Communicate With Your Spouse" - czcams.com/video/oAeA3b_3CXQ/video.html
The very interesting thing that happens when you actually do this tasks for real, is that you start realizing you were not SO right, and your spouse was not SO wrong. But this kind of awakening happens only when you give it a chance and apply the techniques everyday. It's like seeing the issues with a brand new clarity. At least this was my experience.
Thanks Dr Paul🙏
Thank you for sharing your experience, Eric. Glad you are in our community.
I love this video SO MUCH. I really appreciate you taking the time to help hurting families. I can't say thank you enough. I am about to take the challenge!!
You are welcome, Scott Barrett. I can't tell you how honored I am to have you at Live On Purpose TV and to have you try the challenge! Thank YOU for not giving up on your family.
Have you come across the book Cupid’s poisoned arrow?
Did it work?
Thank you so much doctor. Wish you and others a very happy married life.
So nice of you, same to you.
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem ❤️❤️❤️
Text me via what’s app for recommendation ❤️❤️❤️
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From Los Angeles ❤️❤️❤️
I'm in distress and need to save my marriage. I've been so focus on other things - work, aging parents, childhood trauma, and now being laid off, that I completely forgot to nurture my relationship. Now my husband is gone and wants a break with very limited contact. I'm determined to change the course of this downward trajectory now that I'm aware of how much I've been negatively impacting him. Although I will respect his wishes for space, I will write the 20 things I'm grateful for and share it with him when he's ready to talk.
That is a great plan. Wishing you the best.
You failed.
Thank you for this very tangible advice! I am starting right now.
You are so welcome! I hope things turn around for you.
I am grateful for YOU and the fact that you make these wonderful videos to help people out there! Thank you! My husband and I have been through a LOT, and though we may not be on the brink of divorce, I feel that if neither of us try, we definitely could be. When I try, he tries. So when I see videos like this and my attitude changes, it changes the whole dynamic... so THANK YOU!! This is a great video!
tashball, it is so easy to get comfortable and forget that we have a part in the success of a relationship.
My wife doesn't want to try anymore cause I was a selfish jerk
I'm really grateful for the content on your channel. Thank you 💞
Staci Nite, honored to be on your team.
I'm trying this, starting today. I'd rather be happy with him than find my happiness elsewhere, we've put too much into this to give up now and the love is still there!
elena kroneberg, I wish you all the luck in the world. If you two decide you want some coaching www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
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Ok I am going to try these things. Does this work if my spouse has anxiety that not only affects me but the kids and everyone else also?
Thank you for trying, Jen M. It can definitely help, just remember to be consistent. It usually takes a while to see improvements. There are other videos on the channel about anxiety. I hope these can help: "Self Care Strategies For Anxiety" - czcams.com/video/8fBVT6rUVg4/video.html
"Overcome Fear And Anxiety" - czcams.com/video/aihKxrypVJA/video.html
"How To Stop Overthinking Everything And Find Peace Of Mind" - czcams.com/video/Lgy0ErJQnYY/video.html
You may also want to consider taking advantage of our free 25 minute call with one of my Live On Purpose coaches. Getting your spouse on the call would be additionally beneficial, so you could work together. If that sounds interesting, you can schedule here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
One more suggestion: I am giving away my book "Pathological Positivity" for free. (I just ask that you pay for the shipping.) A beautiful side effect of becoming more positive, is that is decreases our anxiety. If you would like a free book, please go here: drpauljenkins.info/freebook
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Awesome advice. Only works if both parties are open to it. You cannot change people’s mind. As many people value marriage who are married, there are equal or more people in marriage that don’t value marriages.
Thanks for watching and for the thoughtful comment, J Neptune. I agree with your statement that it works if both parties are open to it. The one about changing people's mind... I personally would tweak that just a bit: you cannot force someone to change their mind, however you can influence them to change their mind. As a clinical psychologist I have seen people change, their marriage be saved from divorce, and they thrive together.
Live On Purpose TV. True that
I believe if people aren’t willing to explore themselves this won’t work. Some cultures just don’t communicate or speak of certain things so you either sweep it under the rug or it’s total chaos. You definitely cannot change someone’s culture. Bi- cultural/ racial marriages are a different beast.
95/5 is good approach - be selfless
Yes, Herakles, and if you can build the trust again, then you will find she will be able to give you 95 when you need it.
I use the experiment concept in cbt. It is very powerful
Thank you. I wish you the best.
I need guidance. How does this program work if we are separated. How do we apply the 95:5 program. Thank you.
Kelvin Chu, apply the program with whatever contact you have with your spouse. They may be limited but they will build on one another. Thank you for watching.
I created an account to post, because I'm not ready to broadcast this to the world under my real name. I came to this video via direct search because my marriage is failing. I'm going to do this 5 day challenge, and it's actually not going to be that much of a change for me. #1: I've already been in this mindset for a few months. I assumed 95% of the focus for saving the marriage months ago... I've been actively working on improving my own contribution to "us" and it has not gone unnoticed. I do want her to put in more effort, but I'm not going to openly ask for her to do more... she's already doing enough. #2 Is new. I will be doing this. I'll share something on the list for #3 too each day. This part I have also been doing in some ways, except without explicitly understanding what I was doing or setting much of a clear goal. I really like the 4 ways to give. I took notes and will be keeping it in mind.
I see our biggest problem right now is connection. I can do all this stuff and treat my wife like the queen I want her to feel like, but if there's no connection between us, it's going to fail anyway.
I'll write the lists and step up my giving/sending/service game. I'll be back in 5 days but wanted to share ahead of time instead.
Glad you are holding yourself accountable by writing in and then letting me know how it went. If this does not get your spouse's attention, you may wan to consider some counseling.
How has it gone after the 5 days or last 2 weeks?
I am curious too because it’s been 2 years now. How did it all go?
I've already lost my marriage and now in search of someone else I would spend my entire life with
I wish you the best, Williams Lucas. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Being alone is not a bad thing
Thank you Dr,Paul.
You are welcome, Assan tootkay. Thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Very good video. I enjoyed it even though it may be too late for my marriage. Before I watched it I was planning on leaving and divorcing. Now I’m thinking I might just leave for a week and calm down and consider.
I wish you the best, Kate.
Hello. Does this work even when your partner has said that he/she is already done or has given up with the marriage?
Hi pdkdojo - although there are no absolute guarantees (because it involves the choices of another person) I believe these principles give us the best shot at a favorable outcome. Best wishes! DrPaul
Try watching a few Coach Lee videos too.
Dr Paul,
How about a spouse who is a hoarder & was abusive during marriage? We've been separated for over 2 years & going through litigation. Sometimes, divorce is necessary when the spouse does not change or get the help he needs. This is especially crucial when a child is in the family. I appreciate your insight & wonderful parenting videos. God Bless you and your family 👼
Keep praying for eachother's salvation. I layed hands on my husband and told him to be born again in Jesus' name and he has been believing in God ever since. And he has been changing for the good ever since.
@@sierrasiennasavahnadesertn6605Thank you for replying. I believe in the power of prayer. I do pray for my spouse despite issues. God helps us with His Grace's & yet we have free will to make choices too. My spouse has not made changes after so long separated, so we are on verge of divorce. Sometimes, loving someone means necessary ending by leaving, especially when safety & sanity is at stake.
m, ending a marriage is an option and I trust that you are doing what is in the best interest of everyone. It is a difficult, emotional time, I wish your family the best.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV
Thank you for replying Dr Paul. Divorce is painful & it's a last resort. When nothing changes, how long can one be in limbo? I believe God will give us the graces we need to heal & coparent. God Bless you 👼 I enjoy your videos even now as I'm traveling overseas.
Love this video! Thank you
You are so welcome!
I took him for granted and put so much extra stress on him for a very long time until he finally gave up. I'm gonna have to put in a lot more than 5 days work on this. But he's worth it. So I'll serve him from now on. If he'll still let me. 💔
You will find out where he stands with the challenge. I wish you luck.
I hope everything worked out 🥺
while watching this, still hearing my wife voice causing me from the next room .God help me.Thanks so much, for this wonderful experience, im going to start working it out as from tomorrow being 05/10/2019.
Thank you for trying, Richyy Rob, honored to be on your team.
@@whatsapphim456 thanks so much can you share the perfect solution for me please ,i can wait for it dear.
@@richyyrob8062 hi friend do you still need help on getting your ex back I can help you
Message me on Whatsapp for help
He’s so awesome!! I thank God for him.
And I am grateful for viewers like you, N Shaw. Honored to be on your team!
Yes he’s a life saver
I’ll do this but I can’t see my spouse reciprocating, and that’s why my marriage is failing. I’ll serve, thank, admire, love. And he will tell me not to worry about his happiness and stop trying so hard
It will give you more information you will need to make a decision on how you want to live.
Thanks. So true!
Glad you liked the video, R L. Glad to have you at the channel.
Thank you very much for this video. I've been banging my head off of the 4 horseman and wondering why we are miserable. I am going to do this starting tomorrow as I am about to go to bed. I cannot say thank you enough!
hayley wright, Come back and watch the video as you start this new journey. You can do it.
This advice isn't only good for married couples, this is also good for preparing the mentality for those that are gonna get married, this was quite helpful.
Dazy Alaska, yes, find the principle and that can be more widely applied.
Thank you so much for making this video.
Honored to be on your team.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,l got help from a great man who brought us back together...
This is great. Thank you for the help.
You're welcome!
These marital challenges sounds like regular issues and not applicable to abusive issues.
After 24 years of clinical experience with couples, I'm not sure what "regular issues" are any more. Principles determine all of life's outcomes! DrPaul
I am not questioning your years of experience and in fact applaud your work in this much needed area. I agree 100% regarding the application of principles. A principle I have learnt is that not even God himself can save anyone who first doesn't see themselves as a sinner much less us mere mortals. I wish you every blessing in your work ✌
Live On Purpose TV After 21 1/2 years of marriage, 3 rounds of couple’s therapy, and reading every Gottman book available, there is most definitely a difference between “regular issues” and a marriage where one of the partners is more interested in using and abusing the other partner than in fostering a mutually healthy relationship. Conflict resolution is non-existent with abusers, they live for conflict and chaos and twist everything to make themselves the victim. Mine even figured out how to weaponize the Gottman theories and techniques against me. Ie: “Oh contempt towards you upsets you? Well then, I’m gonna pour on the contempt even more than I did before!” If you haven’t done a video on divorcing a person with high narcissistic traits, call me. Mine has been going on for 3 1/2 years now and the level to which he will stoop to lie, cheat, steal and alienate me from everyone I love-including my daughter who hasn’t spoken to me in all this time (starting immediately after we separated-after being very close with me her entire life) is mind-blowing.
How do you save a marriage where my wife took off to another state with our kids and disappeared for over 6 months, and now we both have restraining orders against eachother? I also believe that she has a new boyfriend. I only get to see our kids on facetime a few times a week, and have to go to the other state to have supervised visits. It just feels impossible... I just want my family back
Custodial Custodian, I can hear your pain at being separated from your kids. Since you have restraining orders against each other, it will be hard to talk to one another and work out the problems. Always be positive with the kids and leave the door open for her to speak with you. I hope her heart softens and you are able to communicate about your problems and how to handle them productively and positively with the children involved.
Dump her!
Even when I apologize it doesn’t do anything. I try to explain my thought process my actions the distractions I had when he feels I don’t care for his feelings and he doesn’t consider them . I know it can’t be resolved but understanding shows I wasnt just being neglectful
You two might need help with communicating with each other.
I'm trying this now and I will see how it works
I don't want my hubby to leave I still love him
Best of luck to you.
One of the main reasons I fell in love with my spouse is that he helped me around the house. But now he doesn't do that at all.what should I do should I say something to him or should I just let it be because it's really wearing on me
B Adamson, have you told him how you feel? Ask him to partner with you in all aspects of your life.
I have asked and told he how i feel. He says i am nagging. I feel like he misrepresented himself.
this advice is absolute gold! thank you. practical and true... if you have a spiritual practice this should be easy to embrace... but still hard to consistently practice, but wow ... thank you for these guidelines... it's so good to know the research has been done and these are the workable tools... thanks
magildeny, it helps so much when we are able to add another tool or develop the skill needed to help navigate our relationships.
Thank you.
You are welcome, Ra Worthy E!
This dude is awesome and funny... Thanks for sharing
Eric Jones, you are very welcome.
I’m starting this experiment today. My wife doesn’t want to separate but we are hurting badly, because of me. Thank you for this video!
You can do it!
Amen!
@@yasmem8 you an get help from the lady who brought back my ex wife after 4years of separation he can help you out
I can recommend you to Dr David who help me fixed my marriage me and my husband are happily living together again
Whatzapp him now
Keep praying for eachother's salvation. And your kid's salvation also.
SierraSiennaSavahnaDesertNightSky 1985 , thank you for watching.
I don't think that's a good idea. Never give your soul to an entity....I don't care who it says it is.
@@shannonmcclary-burton5696 only Jesus can give us salvation. Everything else is demonic
SierraSiennaSavahnaDesertNightSky 1985 But what do you do when your spouse is “saved,” but won’t admit faults or express any humility? Guilt trips, gaslighting, manipulation, you name it.
@@heathergrafe328 I can help you on getting your ex back
Idk what to do...I will try this
You can do it!