My mother was toxic and a narcissit. I refused to raise my daughters that way | Lynn Ngugi Show
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- čas přidán 21. 11. 2021
- Anne Njugi is wonderful mother of two daughters but at her age she still remembers the spiteful things her mother said and did.
She admits she was raised by such a toxic mother who would always blame her and inflict so much pain in her life.
So, how did she move past this and how has this affected her as a mother?
Here is Lynn Ngugi with today's episode of the Lynn Ngugi Show
#LynnNgugiShow #LynnNgugi
How do we ignore the fact that she looks too good for a 49 year old.
yeah very cute
Gorgeous she is
Wao your blessed sister at 49
True she's my age mate and I look like her mom
Most 49 year old black women look good, we don't crack
That's my mom. Extremely proud daughter
So sweet to be proud of yr mom @Michelle Abigael
Isn't she beautiful...my niece needs to see this....
@Anne Njugi waow so nice to bring up this topic.
Give her a hug on my behalf and love on her hard because she deserves it.
Wow nice
I reasonate with her story.People just don’t know how being raised by a toxic mum is hurtful.😭😢it’s even harder trying to reclaim one’s life.
That's a burnt out mother
May the Lord bless you for choosing love over hate.
@@wambui-njagi4681 I am...
@@estherwanjiku414 hugs to you, dear
And some of this our parents dont change that toxicity even when one becomes a fully grown adult
We should stop making excuses for our narcists parents. Wow, am 46 and just realised there is some childhood trauma am yet to deal with. I need to apologize to my kids too. Thank you for sharing.
Pole. I hope u find the strength to confront your childhood trauma. That's the only way u'll heal.
A NARCISSISTIC MOTHER WILL
1. ENMESH HER SONS
2. EMASCULATE HER HUSBAND
3. TREAT HER DAUGHTER AS A COMPETITOR
4. TREAT HER DAUGHTER IN LAW AS A THREAT
True
Well said
Well said, a true reflection of what happened to me until I cut off. She will include relatives, neighbors and every Tom,Dick and Harry to character assassinate their target. They are usually attention seekers and cowards who can't handle their issues and use others as a landing spot and the masses to rally behind them to justify their actions while playing victims
Hard to accept by true thank God am better now
Let's also add that the disorders that come with the narc mum on her children are so bad they mimic bipolar disorder ... Some are surrogate spouse syndrome and borderline personality disorder .
I've been dealing with this for years and the worst thing about it is how society blames us for cutting contact or choosing to remain distant. Its time for the African community to also acknowledge toxic mothers as much as we talk about toxic fathers.
@ Lorna, mimi hata namba yake Sina na sitaki kuwa nayo
Sure
This is my story just that now we're on good terms
@@janetwairagu4462 But there are some who will never be on good terms. Just constant toxicity and its best to keep a distance.
I thought I'm alone but i have realised we are many
Beautiful beautiful story! I’m Nigerian, and I could relate with everything you said. Watching and listening to you has been really therapeutic. One of the things that used to be so frustrating was when I tried to speak up about it,and I was hushed like it was some sort of taboo,Africans,we need to sit up. What I’m so grateful about is that no matter how hard she tried to drive a wedge between my siblings and I,she never succeeded (another reason I think she despises me). I’ll definitely keep loving and caring for her,but it’s going to be from a distance. With love from Lagos.
Is like u part of my farmly that is all ways my mom attitude.. sorry mom but that is the truth
This was also therapeutic for me
Story of my life. When you tell people parents can be toxic, they call you disrespectful or ungrateful. People are depressed and others are committing suicide because of toxic family members. If you have an opportunity to distance yourselves from them please run and cut contact.
👏❤👍
Exactly it resonates so much with me
Very true
That's very true
Me currently. I wrote my mom a letter and respectfully asked her to give me space and not contact me. She has no respect for boundaries and won’t even acknowledge my request.
Guys let's appreciate her eloquence in English...she looks very beautiful at 50's God will sure reward all she lost❤️
True
49 not 50 😆😝it’s a big difference to most
@@narcissisticabuseawareness3607 Whts ur Facebook profile
Oooh yea, she's soo smart and beautiful
czcams.com/video/nw9cC-RR9-w/video.html
Anyone gonna talk about her getting a D+ in high-school and later on flying so high academically🤔?SOMETIMES IT'S NOT LACK OF INTELLIGENCE IT'S LACK OF FOCUS.So impressive.
Its only that colonialism worked on our minds. Since when do grades indicate intelligence😕
@Wilma her lack of focus wasn't by choice,i get that,but still it's worth noting that she could've gotten comfortable with that high school grade like many have done but her determination prevailed. It's an inspiring story regardless.
I spotted that too and was my only comment
Exactly, one of my relatives got a D+ too and she's a whole Dr. with a PhD in Management Accounting from University of Bristol. Focus is everything.
I got a D + and I am extremely successful. I am a Masters prepared Nurse in the US. Sometimes it’s resources and trauma. I was so smart but never driven in boarding schools in Kenya. Anyways 🤷🏽♀️
Hi Ann.I was also born in 1972.Mum gave me away at 3 years of age to her younger sister.I went through hell as my antie had pathological hatred towards me.Mom hates me up to today.Whenever she gets a chance she slanders me but for the last five years I just left her alone,forgave her and moved on.God has been my father and mother and OK now.
So sorry for what you went through Ann. I am glad you forgave her and moved on you set yourself free for sure. May God surround you with loving and kind people.
Bless you 🙏 ♥
@margaret wambui, that's painful. May God heal you dear. Parents are supposed to love and protect us, but they disappoint us sometimes surely!
Pole sana. Remember evil people come in all shapes and forms. They come in form of aunties, mothers, police, any title
Pole sana mungu akupe nguvu, watu upitia mangumu,. Ulimwengu uko na vituko sana.
Many parents in our time were like this. They made us feel like we interrupted their important lives and we need to grow up quickly succeed in life and pay back for spending all their money and time. Abused people abuse people.
Ann is my colleague. She is a fantastic soul easy to work with. Great lesson from your experiences
Not every woman should have children. Some women can never be mothers no matter how much they try.
Exactly and thats why some of us have no kids but the society eye tho😇😇😇
Well said 🙏🙏 every woman thinks it's a must,and raise up broken generation.
In this case her mother would be beaten frequently by her husband. Nothing normy about that
@@wambui-njagi4681 she had separated from her husband. So, why continue abusing the children. You can never justify/excuse an evil parent/bad parenting
@@shizma7917 and
Lynn please do more stories like this..We talk about toxic fathers, husbands but we rarely talk of Toxic mothers
Yeah everyone praises mothers but not all of them deserve the praises
Honestly
I can relate to this so much, the hardest part is actually accepting that they will never change and all you can really do is block and move on. Otherwise your childhood experience will keep repeating itself..
Absolutely!
They will never change and you are not evil for wanting a better life, cut off your dead weight and live free.
No one notices how Lynn is dressed up.so amazing.i love you lynn
Lynn is always decent...yeye si kama wale wa kuanika mapaja na tumbo, she's always mwaa❤️
Heee!Niliona but ngai but siku comment
I can relate,, the worst thing about emotional abuse is that it has no evidence, and it kills and destroys you day by day, you become conditioned to funny defend mechanism, am glad people are coming out to talk about it ❤️❤️❤️
Absolutely. It is often more traumatic even than physical abuse .
@@ThatBeeyatch its worse!!!weuh..emotional abuse aki wewe..physical people will see and will run to help..but emotional utaambiwa be strong😞.you will be told its all in your head..that we all have stress so kaa ngumu...it makes you question your sanity and makes you feel of a lesser human being..
@@deelove6138 you will be told how you should understand the other person, and every time when you try to express your feelings and emotions,, the society labels you as crazy, rude, trouble maker , you always live to question your sanity
@@agnesmbaluka4260 and to make it worse is when people tell you that you should be grateful because of t he things they do for you... yaani basic things that a parent should actually do for their child, so sad
I was also rejected by my family members for three years.my mom used to say that I died but God got me
Oh man...13 minutes into the interview and I'm already crying because that's what I've been going through. Conditioned compliance...I didn't know it had a name. Among the worst case is her calling me ugly and unrespectable lady in the society. Did a number on my esteem for years I can't even explain it. Emotional abuse is the worst. Still healing, and distance has helped a lot. Working on forgiving, but not interested in trying to build a relationship with her. 'She's still your mother' is a statement one should never think of saying. I swore to never have kids because of how I was treated. I hope for better days.
take heart..you are not alone
Same here. I'm not sure if I really want kids after my childhood experience
My mom did the same. She has said something negative to say to each of my sisters and we’ve carried that with us into adulthood.
I speak healing for all of us ,my narcissist parent is my dad
Forgiving her does not mean access to you! Keep your distance.
Isn’t it inspiring that this lovely lady shared the dichotomy between her mother and herself, demonstrating that she made a choice to be a better parent to her children. Love her children, care and nurture them in the right way regardless of their gender and regardless of how she was brought up. 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽
My take home - Books don't lie. When the opportunity presents itself, take it with both hands.
New word - Guilt tripping, conditioned compliance.
How often have we been guilt tripped? and yes, sometimes conditioned compliance is the way to go for peace lovers. I love peace. When something will not add value to me, avoid it than start those endless wars.
I know most of 90's babies can relate,mums wakiwa na stress walikua wanakuja kututolea by beating us ruthlessly...But thank God we are here we are,through God's grace.
True
Really, and the way so many are drinking alcohol like there's no tomorrow. We are lucky that hard drugs are not easily accessible and religion has saved many. Trauma is alive and well in this generation....ni vile watu hawaongeangi
Born 70s that is...
@@joycekamau2858 was talking about my time
@@carolinewanjiru6847 thats why I said we are here through God's grace..
It was so refreshing to hear Anne Njugi's story. We have been taught to 'love your mother, she's the only mother you have.' It is taboo to turn your back on an emotionally, psychologically abusive mother. We tell our girls to leave abusive husbands and boyfriends, however never abusive mothers. My mother is also abusive narcissist. Her method of abuse was rarely physical, however she has called us names, she has said many times that she wishes she never had us, she's always angry and miserable, always wants her way, never listens with understanding " her way or the highway." My siblings and i are in our 50th and we still suffer from her dysfunctional behavior ... I have tried to be a good daughter, but she lashes out at me. Finally, I just blocked her.
When she tells the story, she cries and always blames us. All we want to do is live our lives in peace. Thank you Anne. God Bless you and family.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s almost identical to mine. My mom has gotten worse since her divorce from my father. I moved her in with me and she began asking about my finances. She was very intrusive and had no respect of boundaries. When I wouldn’t indulge her with my business she would get upset. She used money as her way of apologizing but would never take accountability for her actions. The last straw was when she called the police on me and said I was mentally and emotionally abusive towards her. She has lied on me to my siblings,aunt,and uncle. I just can’t take it anymore and blocked her out of my life. I will always love her and pray for her. It will be from a distance.
This is EXACTLY what many family members and friends do not understand. The try and quilt you into staying in an abusive relationship because it’s a parent.
Finally this topic needs to be addressed. Narcism and emotional abuse from parents . Kwanza our African parents don't realize how they suppress their children's emotions by denying them an opportunity to express themselves. Also the thing about resorting to violence for every mistake eventually amplifies emotional abuse.
My mother literally feels jealous and she is never happy of any of my achievements. She always blame us for not being successful at her young age as me and my sister. I don’t even share good News with her anytime. She sabotages my job, my college and even my relationship with a good man
You are not alone🧡
Set boundaries ,,am learning slowly to
Same
I think there is a generation of people probably those born between 1960-1989 who were brought up by very toxic parents. Had these parents gone through traumatic childhoods that they passed on the anger and bitterness to their children? Only God knows
Peace and love to everyone suffering inside
Yes they did..Worse
true n poverty fueled it so much.
Many times their childhoods we're even worse... It's generational.
@@TempermentalTart true. we need to break the generational curse. We start by doing better for our children
I believe her first and unforgivable sin was to be her father’s favorite child. Often times that puts a girl child in the path of a narcissistic mother’s anger. This is triggering in so many ways and it’s often spoken in hushed tones in African families. Thank you for sharing your story
That favorite child thing could have caused all those issues with her mom. However l know there are quarrelsome moms. Some are under abuse from their husbands too and do not know how to deal with it. Any one around they put their emotions on them. Yes l hear her father was beating her. I feel bad that she ended up being abused but the underlying issues is her father. It is ashame to hear a daughter come publically to call her mom a name. She was abused in the first place and did not know how to deal with it. Alot of mothers do this. Such a spoilt child by dad is also gas lighted against her mom.
You nailed it on the head. Once my dad died, my mom stopped fighting me. I realized she saw me as a competition when he was alive and had to fight from a young age until I was about 35 years old.
@@augustacookeygam5579 Yes that’s the extent of toxicity that is far too common than we dare acknowledge. I’m desperately sorry for the passing of your father. May he experience the joy of the Seventh Heaven
@@YeshiZulu1 thanks 🙏🏼
Some parents are a curse. This lady’s blessings came through as a result of cutting off with her evil mother…. You cannot be a blessings to someone who doesn’t want your blessings.
My mum kicked me out this August mind you she hasn’t been in my life 15 years I raised my sister but she would send us finances but the pain is still fresh I don’t know how to overcome the insults and abuse I’ve been through
@@imahighvaluewoman4424 when you learn that how people treat you have nothing to do with you, but their unresolved issues, you look back, laugh and live as is try never existed.
@@carolinekolom5510 I’m learning to stop blaming myself for how some people treated me. It’s still a work in progress
@@imahighvaluewoman4424 Very painful, so sorry dear.
I have so much hatred towards my biological mother.
I am a man with a father who has a narcissistic personality. Growing up my image of manhood was violence, egotistic behaviors, manipulation, lack of empathy and other toxic behaviors. This distorted my sense of what it means to be a human and a man in this world. But, I finally started to seek help 1 year ago because my childhood trauma was catching up with me. Just know that your testimony, as a fellow African, really touched my heart.
@Anne Njugi hi Anne just wish to speak to you
Wow I wish you well in your healing journey
My mum did this to our firstborn sister, it was bad and it also affected me. Unfortunately, my sister wasnt well off financially, so I can imagine how it feels when one is rejected and no money or livelihood.
We are in a society where we are not supposed to talk about toxic and narcissistic parents. So we continue to suffer even as adults.
Facts
True and our parents still blame us
i love how composed she was while narrating her story.i would have broken down a million times.thats one stong woman ❤️
She is a survivor of abuse....
Two topics that are always discussed in hushed tones
1. A narcissist parent especially a female parent. It is assumed that all mothers are angels and she must have been going through some pain to harm or do bad things to you
2. A stepfather topic. A stepmother is a normal and acceptable discussion. Feminists and bitter women assume a mother cannot be replaced but a father is he who brought you up. So the role of a father is more of provision rather than biological.
APPARTHIED mother is all about hates... Hateful mother is their choice! Everyone is experienced pain in their life... But we do not need to put our pain, animals, chickens or small children......
I like the prophetic utterances of calling Anne muzungu, she ended up marrying a muzungu. Words have power, either positive or negative.
My suggestion is, can Ann go find her dad and bless him too. He loved her very much and he should share her blessings.
Anne, may God continue to elevate you. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I like the happy ending. Mvumilivu hula mbivu.
I almost developed her mums behaviour aki may God help me 🥲🥲
@@gracembugua5315 she didn’t mention the dad again after he moved to shags, going by what she mentioned that he was alcoholic n had health issues... labda he’s not more🤔🤷🏾♀️
My parents marriage taught me that being married is not everything 🌚can't tolerate abuse just for a title of being Mrs Nani🌝.
True
Same here
I agree
True ,,,,abuse comes in very many forms.. Even when you leave it follows you cuz you have children together.......Then we ended up hurting our own children....and we cannot excuse it anymore...
My late Loving Mum said the same words and it's so true
I know what she is going through, I spent years trying to understand my family. I was my fathers favorite, but I lived in constant fear of my mother, her harsh words still ring in my ears even as a 30 year old woman. I became very good at putting up a face, I've been a workaholic & insomnia thanks to my upbringing. Sometimes when I think of sleep I would hear her say "you're lazy", "art will take you nowhere", "you're a failure"... I was an invisible child in a well-to-do dysfunctional home. Having narcissists is hard to explain but all you have in a story. I hated being gaslighted, belittled & slander... But there is power standing for yourself. I thank God, I'm in the process of healing.
i am so sorry. My life is almost exactly as yours and Anne's. I compensate my stress with work and it is totally not the answer.
This is my story.. I remember also wishing for God not to give me girls.. I've suffered the same
I am going through the same thing...how are you healing help me
@@anntheuri4253 You can gray rock or go no-contact. I used gray rocking to cope with the manipulation.There is alot of content on Gray rockin, but never confuse it with being emotionally withdrawn.
I wouldn't advice no-contact. That one is when it gets worce. But sometimes it helped me gain time away from the fear & negativity. To Focused on the things I loved to do.
Always find supportive people. Surrounding yourself with a community of people who will build you up. Like trusted friends who know what you are going through. Not everyone will understand but at least they will not blame you or hold it against you.
Family is never about blood. Family is love, supporting one another and helping each other. Parental responsibility should never be held against you.
It takes time.
@@stephkirathe thank you so much ❤
Thank you for sharing this story, which is also mine. We have been socialised to think of mothers as the more nurturing parents so it's difficult for most people to believe that toxic mothers exist. Which makes it hard for emotionally abused women to get help. And they probably end up projecting their hurt to their daughters. I'm glad Anne has spared her girls this pain
Thanks for choosing to share this because Apparently most of us who grew up in the 80s /90s suffered from narcissistic parents which is never spoken in our society and that has continously affected our lives and left us broken as adults.. Am glad that you choose to be better than bitter am also molding myself into a better person.
I had a toxic life too, am on my healing path.
True the things that my mum put me and my big bro weeehhh😭😭
This is so true
Tuko wengi
Absolutely True
i always say family should not be the reason you have a bad life. walk away from them and find happiness
Hi five
Thank you
Amen So true.
Walk to where?
@@martharinebiseko1457 to build your own life and out here there are many people who can be family too
Africa will be prosperous society when we drop beliefs such as 1.A woman being a mother means everything
2.A mother means they are sweet, caring and loving
3.Just because a woman has children doesn't make her a saint or better than others
4.Motherhood,as beautiful as it is,must be encouraged as a matter of choice not gender!
5.Parents ARE NOT ANGELS,THEY ARE GROWN CHILDREN!
6.Stating the limitations of parents doesn't negate their value in any way,alot of times simply speaking is healthy and healing!
THE BOOK IS WRITTEN THAT every so called a child to her parents MUST honour the parents. Ephesians 6: 1-3:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.A)" style="font-size: 0.625em; line-height: normal; position: relative; vertical-align: text-top; top: auto;">(A) 2 “Honor your father and mother”-which is the first commandment with a promise- 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”a]" style="font-size: 0.625em; line-height: normal; position: relative; vertical-align: text-top; top: auto;">[a]B)" style="font-size: 0.625em; line-height: normal; position: relative; vertical-align: text-top; top: auto;">(B)
OUTSIDE THE WORD OF GOD, Its all Rebellious acts, people waste their time mocking their parents BUT there is a PRIZE to them that think they birthed themselves. AGAIN THE BOOK Says that Rebellion is worse than Socellery/ Witchcraft and this is the solution for all those who Strip their parents Naked publicly. ...No-one is Mightier than GOD
I have a similar Mum & Dad. One is a Covert & other a Malignant Narcissist - the worst type of parents a child can wish for & going no contact is the only resolution once you get out & be labeled a scapegoat
As a daughter who was brought up by a narcissistic mother,I feel moved to compassion hearing such stories. By God's grace we are nolonger victims but Victors and overcomers.
💯
Amen. We are victorious in Christ Jesus
Still trying to recover….too traumatized to have a child though
@@winniecatherine6989 Am so sorry,I pray you heal from that trauma in the shortest of time. You are loved.
We are victors
When you’re a parent you must watch your mouth all the time anything you say or do may build or destroy your child for life.
True GOD help me
The way I hold grudges!! How she survived to the extent of wanting to gift her mum shouts of her as an angel. Be blessed Anne
Ikr? Even me am not sure I would have thought of building her a house. This lady is just an angel 😇
@@starsfelly6975 Me too, but see God teaching us forgiveness. It takes grace.
"Family can be toxic." Learnt that this year.
The sad reality is that not all mothers wanted to have children, and not all mothers love their children. Some of us were born by mistake.
She is well spoken. I love the end, " The World loves you .Know you are worthy."
This talk was very educative and a wake up call to us single parents, at times we transfer our pains to our innocent children... I also don't have a good relationship with my mom because she does not seem to approve of me being as good as other daughters of hers and when my marriage failed, it made it worse. I am a born again Christian and have tried all the time to be close to her but she is always negative, criticizes what ever I say, whatever I dress, so whenever am going to see her I dress like a villager, just to be comfortable around her...mine is not so bad to your level but it's not good still... It's true, it's real a parent can become toxic and manipulative. Thank God you have overcome and out to help others. Be blessed.
I'm happy this story was aired...people think family cannot be toxic and yet they can be. As much as humans are deceitful....a toxic family member, especially a mum is sad. I'm glad too she did not cry after remembering all these. God bless you mama.
Narcissistic parents especially mothers exist but the few with good mother's think the ones saying it are ungrateful.she gave birth to you to nurture you and love you no-one ever asked to be born to who or when they were born.
One thing I love about this channel is that Lynn Ngugi & everyone of the interviewees thus far are firmly rooted in God. It’s a wonderful thing to watch.
Toxic and Narcissist mothers are spoken of in hushed tones lest we are considered disrespectful.
If we shared we would be surprised by the statistics. . .
Even just from the comments here ,it's clear that alot of people have suffered the same.
If you have not encountered a narcissitic mother, you will never understand this video.
It is hell. It diminishes you. You try to make strides in life, your mother drags you back.
Sisi tumejionea hii dunia.
Pia mimi waah it's hell
Ukweli mtupu
True the worst experience but thank God I moved out with the help of dad, avng a family n happy. Upto now she hasn't changed but I chose my life n avoided everything from her.
So so true!
Living with a narcissist dad is even more worse coz he wants to control ur life even as a grown up,insults are the order of the day like nothing good comes from u but wen he wants money or stuck somewhere he feels entitled that u MUST sort his problem out.its very stressful so I feel her pain.
Now this is somehow my Mum's story... My grandmother is one toxic manupilative narcissist who has a hold on my mum. She tried to get me into her manipulative tactics but I stopped her and she tried to turn my mum, uncles and auntie against me. Unfortunately she has broken up my mum and her brothers. My mum at some point was knowingly or unknowingly spreading that toxicity to me but I stopped her. I wrote a 5page letter opening up to her(that was in July 2021) before that, she had disowned me for some time(story for another day) which had forced me to live with my grandmother, that's when I got to see my granny's true colors and got to understand her level of narcissm. After I wrote the letter, I went back home and now my mum and I have a smooth relationship. Unfortunately my mum isn't able to breakaway from her toxic mother😞
I can totally relate.. Generational Trauma
Same Whatsapp earth is hard
Where is your father in all this? He may be a factor in making your grandmother relate to your mum this way. Your father should have taken your mum and her children into his custody.
My mums last words were toka uende and if possible walk out of my life. That’s how I was kicked out of home. She’s now looking for me and I’m praying God to help me forgive her. I was as well tired of the abuse and insults
It seems to travel down generations. And daughters learned to always protect their mothers, and the cycle repeats itself. May it now end.
It's okay for us to admit mothers at times compete with their daughters, whether it's their fathers love, beauty etc and project all that onto their daughters, it would explain all the jealousy and the strained relationships and how they treat their daughters poorly(love hate relationship) yet adore their sons. It would also explain the mother-in-law dynamic, same same root causes...
Thank you Anne for sharing your story.Im a South Africa going through almost something similar and people have been telling me it's strange, but you sharing this just made me feel I'm not alone
You’re not alone. I’m almost 45, and after many years of allowing myself to be manipulated (since it’s what good daughters do!?), I drew my line in the sand. I pray my next 45 will be full of joy and laughter! 🤗
You are not alone. People just choose not to talk about it and suffer throughout their lives. There’s nothing as toxic as a narcissist parent especially if it’s a mother.
I believe many African mothers are narcissistic and our culture makes it even worse.
Going through the same 😭😭
I have been through the Same
hi Lynn i am a silent follower, but this story for Anne has made me break the silence. So Many people are being brought up or have experienced narcissistic parenting. Anne thank you for uplifting many that one can break from such and make a good life out of the ashes and shackles of a narcissistic parenthood. God bless you
I totally relate......I completely isolated myself from my shosh as she was a complete narcissist.......the moment I left home I didn't have the energy to go back and face all the emotional trauma I faced growing up.
I can relate
I relate my parents were narcissists and I always have a hard time going back home
It's hard to go back now
Myself too
Fact is most women who lived/married in the 70s-90s were very miserable women, who felt like they had no choice in life.
You are right. I think most of them had their own ambitions in life but they thought the african society pressured them into marriage and kids. The thing is, most of them didn't have the courage to say no and go after their own destiny. Some of them also decided to sacrifice themselves for their families, especially the ones who were born in the village with 12-14 siblings. They have disdain for the young women of today because we have the courage to say no to what they couldn't do
Word!
I don't know where to start but I have gone through exactly what she has talked about. I don't have a relationship with my mom. To date I believe she hates me for the things she made me go through. She used to say that I made her life miserable. There is a time I tried asking her why she made me go through that and all she does is to play victim and shift on blames. I have never gone back home since 2012. I am married with two children . My husband's people have tried reaching out to her but she just doesn't want anything to do with my marriage and children at times she calls and says I got married without her permission. She is Toxic, narcissist and always playing vitim, always pointing fingers at me to say m the mother of her problems. Calling my mother in law to say I am an evil daughter. Everytime I think about my mother I feel bitter. I am trying to come to terms with it. I haven't healed . I am also trying to be a different mother to my children. Ann I don't know how you do it. But I need to heal. To heal from the childhood traumas I had. To heal from my mother hating me for no apparent reason. I am not even comfartable talking to people about my mum .I hope one day I will be at a better space and accept things the way they are.
I believe there are quite a number of us(children of 70s era born town) that went through the same challenges with your mothers. As for me, I was lucky because my grandmother saved and protected from my mother, otherwise things could have turned out very bad. RIP Cucu... ..I miss you so much.🙏🙏
Yeah.. I guess the 70s were a chaotic time for families. Your shush was a wise woman and managed to take charge of a difficult situation.
Include 80's ,till to date I can't talk about my trauma, i pray that one day I'll fully heal
Never waste time trying to please a narc. Accept that this is a sick person and there's no medicine for Narcissism. They are devils.You sound healed and happy. All the best in your beautiful life ❤ 💕
Most of these women were very miserable. They didn't feel free in life
Even us early 80’s kids tulikipata pata. It is a trauma that follows you the rest of your adult life.
If you choose to bring a life in to the world, it is your responsibility to give that child your best regardless of what you are going through. You are not doing the child a favour. It is their right .
Dont let the majority of kenyans hear you. We apparently are supposed to worship the ground our parents walk on🤫
Very very true.
My sister just shared with me this link on WhatsApp and I just laughed remembering how both us relate to this story todate. I keep praying for my mum to find healing.
Lucky you you're free now. I'm still in hell with this evil woman. Everyday I pray for my breakthrough. 🙏🏽
The reason why she refused that you don’t go to boarding is because she scapegoated her and narcissist thrive in your tears
I have a male friend going through this even in his late 40s. He is abused daily and the mother telling him hurtful things like how she regrets giving birth to him, he's useless etc. The man is 47, unmarried and no kids. Thinking that these might have contributed to his life situation
Wah 47 unmarried pole sana kwake
Woiye
I was told my dead Elder brother is more useful than me....I should have died instead of him, more than a decade ago but I still remember that amongst other things mum said to me. The trauma I went through growing up I would never wish to relive those days, I don't even know how I coped but I would never relive those days. I grew up knowing am unwanted and this has been such a battle to live with. Thank God I am where I am now.
@@blessingmwangi2564 woiye pole sana dear
@@blessingmwangi2564 oh dear pole. No child should experience this especially from a parent. It builds a spirit of reject that you carry with you all your life. Let's do better for our children
I think she's telling my story😩😩😩😩 my mother and I don't talk at all 😩😩I would rather tell a stranger my pain than tell my mom
Same here
Tuko wengi hadi siblings
Same here , she and my dad are strangers to me. Talk about toxic parents
Me too,
This resonates so well.Toxic mothers are cruel, they thrive on seeing their daughters suffer and will allevate their sons at all costs Mine was jealous of my achievements and lacked empathy towards me!
In as much we are called to forgive, these people never change! So the only way to thrive,was to cut off from all toxicity!
😭😭😭😭 the story of many. We have all in some ways been conditioned to be self defensive due to childhood trauma. Thanks for sharing dear 🙏🙏🥰. Love u Lynn
This is amazing. Sad as it is it finally great to know that I'm not in my head. Always thought I'm the only one who has experienced this kind of treatment from a parent.
Boarding school was the best part of life. Kumbe tuko Wengi who found peace in a boarding school.
Msijifanye hamjaona her childhood pics ,luku iliweza 😍😍😍 kwanza hio denim 💯💯🔥🔥#coolkidsmanenos
Iko sawa
This has been my situation for the longest time and i have no idea how to navigate through it. This year has been the worst and really taking a toil on me, weighed myself recently and realized I've lost 14kgs in two months. Cant find a job when i really want to move but I'm trusting on God.
Haya ni mapito tu. Thanks for sharing Anne. I'm hopeful
I can bet those brothers were waiting for Anne to transfer the Title Deed to their mother then after she dies they claim the land as theirs in never ending court battles.
You’ve said it! Shameless brothers
Exactly 💯we know their type
Yes
Baaaas, u really spoke my words
😂 😂 😂 Imagine that what they wanted. Shame on them.
The brothers and Mum are jealous of how how life went. God had you. Your mum wished you ill and wanted you to have a miserable life like hers and your heart was pure.. God was guiding you all the way. God always judges the intentions of the heart and you were innocent. He had to defend you. I am very moved by your story and your spirit. Thank you for sharing. Sending you peace and light❤
And Lynne Thank you so very much for bringing us this story. Happy birthday to your mum and Director. Bless❤
You have done well Shiku, bitterness kills people.. Your choice of being better waa excellent. keep winning gal👏
For me is how she got school fees scholarships and nice jobs. Gods favor indeed. May God remember me too to get such scholarships
Mungu haki
God's favour
I also dream to get a degree..I pray God to send my sponsors
I thought am all alone 😭😭😭😭 ,I believe something bigger is coming on my way,thanks Lynn Ngugi for motivating me,I still love her despite all
Talking about how our parents treat us is a very sensitive matter cz many will make you feel ungrateful even though many of us out here have the same story...!Kudos😍😍
We need to be greatful parents too go through alot. Children at times miss this because they tend to look negative part of a mother, I believe your mother who brought you to the world, just respect them love them. Parents have to be parents. I love my parents despite them being harshest of all.
Anne ,despite all the betrayals n loss ,God was in control🙏🙏💯❤ you're a warrior! His grace is sufficient.
Am watching this and and am literally 😭😭 bcoz am seeing my life in her.. got married whn I was 18yrs just to be away from my mum...some parents will never see heaven
@mumbua it's the saddest feeling indeed but one has no choice though we come out strong
I know what she's talking about, I'm now 33 years old and even afraid to have my own children because I'm afraid I might hurt them the way I was hurt by my mother, my father left her when she was pregnant, she'd beat me up and take off my hair like she's fighting and I wasn't fighting, when I started working she felt like I should give her money and do everything for her until I stopped answering her calls for a year coz she was forcing me to support my younger sister and still so ungrateful say hurtful things. But my past really doesn't define me.
OMG me tooooo , am learning boundaries at my late 20’s bt it hs bin worthit though the manipulation is still there
My wounds have refused to heal. I hope that one day I'll get over it. Thanks for this Lynn.
Pole sana
Someday you will heal dear 💝
Mine too, I hope one day I can be Free this anger.
Anne Njugi! From my experience, please keep your children and Husband away from your Mother! Mine came between me and my husband and even attempted brainwashing my children into hating me . Even after forgiving her evil.
Very good advice
Wah that's crazy!Your own children is crossing the line.She can take the husband but my kids never!
Listening to her speak reminds me of my old days, OMG my Aunt🙌🥺thank God for his faithfulness, I came out strong.
I love all your stories Lynn, but if there is one that I feel 100% relating to, is this one. I feel so happy for her achievements in life, God has been faithful.
Bring more of toxic parent issues, we suffer in the name of not exposing them or being disrespectful, but let's call a spade a spade not a big spoon.
I can relate to this as well ... ,😭😭😭. You never heal you choose to distance yourself
I love how self aware she is
Until now nimejua tuko wengi I wont worry but I will choose better n a better and best mummy to my kid now I know why I have bitterness sometimes
Seems we're so many people suffering childhood trauma and toxic parents it's a shame to even tell people that your own mum rebukes when things are not going well with you and you wonder where to run to...I pray that everyone who's going through this may you find peace and healing 🥺
I can relate
I'm a American woman and I'm only 28. I went through everything she has mentioned.
Lynn the message is fundamental. Definately plenty of lessons learnt. Parents need to hear Anne's story to bring to their awareness what damage they cause to their children and likewise to themselves. Keep it up Lynn. I love your shows. I will be contacting Anne Njugi.
(;I chose to be Better not Bitter) Bitterness is a cancer!!! I've learned This from Shiku. Thank you Lyn for bringing her here. She's a living testimony
This was a very helpful episode. You'd be surprised to know how many mothers and daughters are estranged from one another due to a similar home life to Anne's.
Just from the comments alone it looks like an epidemic!
@@betty541 I am also shocked by the comments Betty!
Really my daughter is my everything in this world,i love and stand for her
@@betty541 wooooi it is
Very touching and inspiring at the same time. From getting a D+ to having masters, surely kufail in KCSE isn’t the end! 🙏🏾
May her MIL continue RIP ,she was such a nice person n moreso caring mom🙏❤💯
Thank you for sharing this story, I can truly relate, I always wondered why my own mum always accused me of everything, one statement I remember is her saying she wishes she could swallow me and go back to where I came from and like you I was terrified of baby girls and I have 2, yes and when I was getting married she told me that I have made my own bed of tears, but I choose to be better. God bless you for this, I feel encouraged!!!
Mine would tell on the face she wished we were dead.Reason?She had just gotten herself a new boyfriend and we were bothering her we didn't have food.She would cook and eat at her boyfriend as we spent lonely nights hungry in our late grandma's house.
Anne, really sorry for what you went through. Glad you are healing.
And from the comments here, you coming out has helped so many people come forth and briefly in-here talk about their experiences too. Society has a mindset that all mothers are protective and loving so that if a mother and a daughter have a scuffle, it must be the daughter on the wrong, how sad. May everyone who has gone through a similar situation find healing.
I'm really glad for this story, my cousins wife shared with me due to the things my mother made me go through, in almost 30 now n I'm always afraid to have a baby girl with the fear of not giving her the love she deserves since i don't know how to. This has really helped me and i can't thank you enough.
One thing that we don not talk about is our toxic parents. When we do, we make jokes out of it; and it is not healthy at all. We need to to stop normalizing abuse from any quarters, not even from family.
This is extremely important. We normalize abuse from parents and label it discipline. Sometimes we even thank the abusive parents for the “discipline” because, as the narrative goes, we are successful today because of that discipline (abuse). This is so wrong. 😑
What I find even worse is we are not supposed to talk about it openly because it is 'disrespectful' and that if we do we will be denied blessings.
And yet this abuse and trauma follows is for the rest of our lives. I thought by leaving the country, I would leave my trauma at the airport. Wapiii, 20 years down and the trauma is still fresh and alive😓
I love the sequential flow of events...the speech and overall, the resilience you have had ever since the '80s. God bless you abundantly.
Lynn, Everytime I listen to these stories, they make me a better version of myself, I can so relate to this.