7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Dating
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- čas přidán 16. 06. 2024
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You know those moments where you look back and think, “I wish I’d known then what I know now”? Well, in today’s new video, I share the 7 things I wish I knew back when I was dating. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes in my 20s and 30s to save yourself extra time (and heartache)!
If you’ve ever found yourself giving more than the other person in your relationship, felt heartbroken that someone doesn’t like you back, or chased the wrong person, you can’t miss this!
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:47 - Exclusive Giveaway
1:47 - 3:35 - #1 You Are Not for Everyone . . . and That’s OK
3:35 - 5:39 - #2 What We Want vs. What We Need
5:39 - 7:43 - #3 “Hard to Get” Doesn’t Mean “Great to Keep”
7:43 - 9:53 - #4 Intention Is Everything
9:53 - 12:31 - #5 Get Out of the Middle
12:31 - 14:50 - #6 Never Abandon Yourself
14:50 - 17:40 - #7 Right Doesn’t Mean Easy
17:40 - 18:33 - “Love Life” Is Nearly Here!
1. You are not for everyone
2. What we want and what we need are different things
3. Hard to get doesn’t mean great to keep
4. Intention is everything
5. Get out of the middle - be decisive don’t overthink
6. Never abandon yourself for someone you want
7. Just because it’s right doesn’t mean it’ll be easy
Thank you
@@tinyelephant77 you’re welcome lovely 🩵
"Instead of devaluing the person who actually wants you, see yourself as Lucky that their hard to get isn't what you're experiencing."
If someone likes us, that doesn’t matter. What matters is what they want to PURSUE with us. Ugh gold ✨
To add more of what he said for my won notes:
To have value for our future, that person has to want to be with us and share life plans with us.
from Point 1, there's an Arabic proverb translating to "If it weren't for the variety in people's taste, goods will not get sold."
love this!
I think the reason people want to be liked/attractive to multiple people is not always an ego thing, but a fear-based thing. If many people see us as 'pizza,' we might feel more secure that our chances are higher we'll meet a compatible soulmate. But finding a niche one person who loves our niche umi self can feel like a slim chance to many. But a slim chance is still worth hoping for, and makes love all the more miraculous. I'm going to try to be brave and keep showing my 'blue' like Shel Silverstein encouraged 💙
I always tell me bf “we are not for everyone, and that’s ok”!!! Imagine my surprise when this was #1!
I've watched tons of your videos and I have to say I got the most out of this one!especially the section on never abandoning yourself. I did that for 43 years and I'm now 2 years divorced. I have no idea how to date again, but I'm ever hopeful! Looking forward to your book😊
#1. Your not for everyone & that's ok
#2 what we want & what we need are very different things
#3 Hard to get does not mean great to keep
#4 Intention is everything
#5 get out of the middle (stop overthinking)
#6 Never abandon yourself for someone you want
#7 Just because it's right, doesn't mean it'll be easy
This! The caption nailed it. It's a very unique kinda lonely to be in relationship with folks who don't see and work on their own stuff but seem to think that they can see your stuff clearly at all and use it against you.
You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person ♥️
I would say it depends… you definitely can say some horrible things to the right person and screw things up, but I agree that in the initial stages it doesnt matter which exact words, emojis etc. you use. If the person likes you, they will like you even after a dumb joke or inappropriate comment
Yes, you can. And they Will leave and will be right to.
@@RitaP41 If it was the right person, they wouldn’t turn on you. You should be on the same team. I can understand if you were trying to be hateful or hurtful (were you?) but if it was an authentic statement or question, the right person would understand.
By Definition.
The right person would understand.
Of course you can say hateful and hurtful things.
But why would you?
True
I've realised I was way too idealistic in the past when younger. It just sets you up for pain and disappointment
So glad ive learned to be more realistic
Expectations do that
THIS is all GOLD. Thank you Matthew!! You're a beacon of health in this section of youtube. 🙂
"Be someone's uni" is such a fabulous piece of dating advice! We absolutely feel the pressure to be everyone's favorite, to be liked and valued by everyone (even if they're not for us). Knowing that you don't have to be for everyone is a liberating piece of advice. There's always someone who doesn't like uni, so find the person who LOVES it!
I was thinking that the right relationship should feel easy and thank you for going deeper on that phrase.Got to reframe my mindset and not get stuck on the "easy " part only
The sheer *"common sense aspects"* of the advice you present is really outstanding & applicable... Bravo Matthew! 👏👏👏
You are so strong mentally, Mr. H. You also teach us to have morals without preaching. 🎉❤
i appreciate the honesty and agree on every single point here.
Thank you Matthew, Great Advice!
Love is exhausting
I'm so tired
Men pursue and when we finally get there they regress...
Need to just stop this craziness
Because men realize you bring nothing to the table and you don’t reciprocate or put in the same amount of effort
It just means they weren't the right fit for you. That's a blessing. Who wants to invest into a person who isn't crazy about you
@@MrKrushgutz I think a nicer way of putting this is, don't stop with developing yourself at any point. Make sure you have a full life pursuing things that are important and interesting to you - that way you continue to grow and "bring something to the table". As for effort, we have no idea if she put in effort or not - maybe it was too much effort for what the other person was giving and he devalued her for that. Give some effort, then see what comes back. Don't hold back, but don't give effort over and over when it's not being reciprocated.
That's quite mean spirited and ignorant.A man sees what he wants, the woman shows him who she is , he chooses to pursue no matter what, then, bingo! Just when she finally starts feeling safe and good about him and the relationship, he starts to be inconsistent, distant and uncommunicative, unsure,
Why do Men do this? Why??!!! Just let us be if u r unsure!
@myjourney73 and what role do YOU play in this dynamic? Self reflection might serve you better. No offense, but the energy you put off in this post comes across as anything but positive. Are you certain that you bring desirable energy to the dating scene? If you are tired and exhausted in dating, then take a break until you can go into it with a sense of hope.
I'M GOING TO YOUR RETREAT!! So excited to meet you
Overthinking led to being indecisive. Not progressing the relationship.... I've been in that situationship- maybe that was the reason! great insight
Thank you! You have helped me a lot. Hugs and best withes for your work and life from Chile
Thanks for putting out this video - it was absolutely incredible and really spoke to me about all of the things I have been going through and tormented about lately! This is actually life-changing and transformational - thanks so much for your insights!! 😊❤
So good, as always, Matthew. Thanks for the direct honesty that you speak with
Thanks Matthew. Congratulations on your book. Happy for you and your wife, bless yous 🦋🌺💫💫💫💫🍀🌸
I really love hearing you saying Uni "雲丹"😆. Perfect pronunciation! Lots love from Japan
I envoy listening to your videos very much! I think you are great communicating! And knowledgeable, humble and dedicated! Thank you for your work and kindness! May you have an eternal beautiful marriage! Much love to you, your wife and your team
I love the way you say things make so much sense. Relationships are so very challenging this day and age. After being married for 25 years, things are so very different. Instant satisfaction has really affected dating. Looking forward to the book!
watching from Nigeria 🇳🇬 your videos are helpful, thank you
This is such a good video, I think it will change a lot for me
Loved this video, excellent information that is so very important for me to learn and use. The word fear has often taken a prominent place in my world, but improving in leaps and bounds. 👍☺️
Great video ... again! Can't wait to read the book. I pre-ordered it MONTHS ago!!
Audrey is so beautiful inside and out…I’m so happy for you Matt that you finally found her! And she is lucky to have you too :)
Great video, thank you! ❤😊🎉
Wonderful content, Matthew. Thank you! I would love to have had a louder volume level.
Number 6 hit me really hard. My previous relationship was at it's best, when I was at my best, when I started to abandon myself for them, that's when everything went downhill.
Sadly I endeded up ending it, I suppose for a 'selfish' reason to rebuild myself as a person and learn to love myself again after I became a shadow of my former self by neglecting myself and my needs, never again will I abandon myself.
How are you supposed to look after anyone, be someones rock and support, when you are barely able to keep it together yourself.
Beautiful video Matthew.
Enjoyed listening to the 7 steps. Even had to laugh about your own self reflection and like your honesty about it, especially the part that you got triggered a lot in the past and worked out the healing on these topics with your wife now. And I agree healthy love to get is the goal ❤and compatible future intentions the foundations. Everything else is gameplay.
Have to say, Matt's transparency is everything... Bravo!! 👏👏👏
No. 4 was an eye opener.
Really great points. I’m definitely guilty of several of these.
We are not for everyone. Great point
hi matt, it was a greatttttt video, how ever for editing part i suggest 2 things: camera angle changes very fast, it should change but very reapetetly ! and second is increase the sound to the maximum so that audience and lower it, but if you keep it at middle, how ever they try to increase it would lead to faulire and missing the speech
thanks for you're great content :)
#1 is gold! i totally go and question myself - what i must have done and what I must have said - every time smth doesn't work out 🤔
That's me, number 6, every time. My whole world will revolve around this "person"...wanting to please them in every way. My time made open for them all day/every day. I'm definitely a people pleaser 😬😔
I decided to stay away and was successful. but late night I start to feel alone. So I felt he is person , so I gain inner strength and I am able to speak to people around confidently . There are times when I was heart broken I turned lonely even during day, I turned seperated , no Idea what to do. But thinking about him positively felt that inner strength. Hoping he would contact me.
I love Uni! And I'm often the only one. And that's okay 🤷♀️
i would love a video on how you overcame being an avoidant to secure. i feel like there's alot teaching in that
literally looked up what uni was haha!! never tried it, might try it next time at a japanese restaurant LOL
Mmm uni is delicious!
" hard should lead to easy"
I loved it!
Haha that jab at Audrey's sushi tastes :D xD She should have been there to defend herself!
I wish you the best Mathew. I hope you and your wife are able to navigate the marriage waters wisely.
Invest in and nurture your marriage.
More and more books will come from a marriage that ages like fine wine🎉
Tbh I clicked to blast the next guru guy but this is some simple yet solid advice
If I knew then what I know now, I would have never bothered.!
I spent far too many years asking, do they like me? It never occurred to me to ask, do I like THEM? Such a bread crumber back then. What the 😳
your sushi reference was everything, I will one day be somebody's uni :')
I like the first, fourth, and last ones.
my problem is that i know my worth & what i need instead of want, so this has left me being alone.
So are you saying what you need is extremely rare? Or that what think you need doesn't need/want you back?
I have to print it.Seriously.Mathew you should have PhD in psychology.Have you thought about it?
I ❤ Uni
I would love to see advice about being married. Not about getting someone to marry you, advice about BEING married and together
I'm at the point instead trying to figure out somebody else's intention, to be alone for a while and keep on loving myself. I'll figure it out who I am an if, and that's a big IF? If want to be with someone...... Dating scenes this days, it's like s*** show.. Everybody's always looking for someone else and think the grass is greener on the other side.. I always ook forward to your videos Matt! Bless your heart ❤🙏
My friend once told me I'm like licorice and I didn't know if I should take it as a compliment or not 😂
Hard to get/no next date was my coworker. Realized how crazy and miserable this person was throughout our job, and now I count my lucky stars.
1. You are not for everyone
2.What we want and What we need
3. "Hard toget" not mean "Great to keep"
4.Intention is everything
5.Get out of the middle
6. Never abandon your self for someone you want.
7.Just because it's right doesn't mean it will be easy.
That pizza and uni analogy just sent me🤣😅 "Don't be everyone's pizza, be someone's uni."
I pre-ordered my book on Audible. Do we still get included with the entry for the giveaway?
Hi Heather, We are so happy you preordered Love Life! Unfortunately, only hardcopies count towards the giveaway in the States 🧡
09:00 and onwards. interesting
❤️❤️
Act like you are the best looking person in the world. And be humble at the same time
The only man comparable to me is francisco lachowski
Thankyou Matthew. Can I just say as some constructive criticism, I find the constant change of camera zoom quite hard to watch
@Bendoyle5023 I read your comment on another one of Matt’s videos about how you were encouraging to an ex who wasn’t “a beautiful soul”.
Are you in NY?
Please digest the following comment as it reflects reality in the modern world, in my opinion. People mostly fall in love with the external image, not with the inner one, especially for younger generations (below 30s). That means they more easily reject someone if they do not like their external image who have some great inner qualities compared to someone who possess an external image but not have even few good inner qualities. Bottom line: Improve your external image as far as you can to better adapt in this competitive world (of course do not set aside your inner self cultivation).
How do we pre-order from the UK? It seems we can only pre-order from the USA.
Hey Beatrice 🧡 You can find the list of UK retailers under the "International Orders" section at LoveLifeBook.com. You can also email our support team at support@matthewhussey.com and they'll help you find it 🥰 -Bianca, MH team
@bianca-mhteam6237 thanks for your answer. It looks like there is no button under "international orders"?
@@beatrice948 I'm sorry to hear you cannot see the button! In that case please email our support team at support@matthewhussey.com and they'll help you out. -Bianca, MH team
You r doing great things : avoid a lot of hearts broken by giving out wisdom
I wish they would offer paperback the first year. 🎉
i matched this woman on a app we talked for week and exchanced numbers but after that she told me out of the blue that shes not ready for dating cause she came out a 3 month period of dating (she was 3 weeks out), now im in this limbo as in she didnt told me she dont want to talk to me but after that i just gave her some space and just had one little conversation with her, but now i dont know if i should move on or hope that she didnt lie about not being ready. also im 8 years single and pretty fed up with dating at this point. does anybody have some tips for me cause im losing hope that this single life is it for me im 34m she 31f.
please help me.
that is rough. i just went through something simillar and i found out that she was just using me as an option the whole time just in case she didnt get the chad that she was lusting over. my advise? move on with a broken heart and heal again and someone who really wants you will make it VERY clear. im so sorry
Hey don't be that desperate! In this mindset EVERY conversation with women will give you a hard time or even a heart break! Relax. Talk to women. Go out and meet them in person e.g. in hiking clubs, maybe dancing workshops? not necessarily bars where your chances might not be great with that level of anxiety. Keep up! Fingers crossed for you! 😊
*Best advice...* Get off Dating Apps and just get out there and live your life... you may meet someone with similar interests that way, right? Good luck and Be Blessed!! ✨
Yes, dating is hard for us all, women and men.
As an older woman, my impression is that this woman isn't really able to be honest to you that she's not interested. Either that or she hanging onto to hopes about getting her ex back .
Forget her, my dear, and move on. You deserve someone who can be more focused on truly getting to know you.
Yes, I know that dating is rough and hurts sometimes. I've been dealing with it a lot longer than you have.
But you're doing the right thing by viewing podcasts from dating coaches like Matthew who are truly sincere about giving us valuable insights into how we can find healthy, fulfilling relationships.
I wish you all the best. One day you'll find the lucky lady who has been searching for someone like you. Don't give up! ❤
It doesn’t matter if she’s not ready or if she’s letting you off easy. I say this as someone who understands your pain and has been guilty of ignoring reality, for a hopeful fantasy. As much as it hurts, you can’t make someone want you. Truthfully you don’t even know her. You probably need to feel better about yourself, before you’re ready for a relationship. Healthy people don’t hurt over someone, they just messaged/spoke to on the phone for a week .When we feel like that, we’re only likely to attract unhealthy people. Not judging, just wish someone told me this a long time ago. Wish you all the best.
💯
❤
What women say they want and what they react to are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
True
It never helps to lump "all women" or "all men" into a stereotypical idea that may fit the story you want to tell yourself.
@@Rut-vi7iz Agree 💯 percent! 👏👏👏
@@Rut-vi7iz He’s speaking generally. Don’t be so pedantic
@@se78836 then he's generally Wrong
Misguided, huh? Because love does not come from another person, it comes from the core of your being, and that where it makes sense to look for it.
The other people can only reflect love to you that at you already radiate!
I think the 7th he's saying here is having a synergistic relationship
Does this mean Matthew was an ‘avoider’ from point 5 that he was critiquing a few videos back?
First to comment ✌🏾😹
Earlyyyyyyyy!
That rule 1 “you are not for everyone” sometimes feels like it should be “you are not for anyone” at times 😢
It does, I feel like this too from time to time, but don't give up. Don't be someone you don't want to be just to get others approval. You won't be happy being someone you are not. Just keep looking for the one that wants you for who you are - and continue progressing in your life and you will meet people who likes you when you least expect it.
Sorry, I know it's not to blame but whenever someone says soo-shee to say sushi....ugh... my brain gets triggered, and now to hear it together with ooh-ni, I'm dead 🥴
Uni literally just tastes like if you accidentally open your mouth in the water at the beach 😹😹💀
Actually agree with tje list. Id like to tell this to distraught and degected me. Might as saved a lot of desperate angry anguish.
🩶🩶🩶
It's not like you are in a relationship forever. You never know, Matthew 😉
The info he's sharing is a thing and his personal life is another thing
Surely nothing is guaranteed forever in life
That doesn't change how important and valued these tips are and how it can change one's life or make it better
Ikr?? 🤷♀️😉
They don't want me socializing with humans. They are scared of pumas. We love and care for one another. I'm really into these aliens and they say we can make babies together hooooo!
Terrible editing on this video. No need to cut between shots as frequently.
Hard should lead to easy ❤ Synonymous to “hurting is healing” ❤️🩹 Great video!
Thank you for this! 🤍🌸
#8 (should be #1) - if you are looking for a wife dont date women with bodycount over 5.
🥴 I am wondering what makes the woman with body count of 6+ so “unmarriable”? And what about the body count for men?
#9 (should be #0.5) - if you're looking for a husband don't date men with bodycount below 5.
😂 what a silly comment! Are you afraid that you cannot measure up?! 😂 My bodycount is way over 5 and I have been with my husband for over 15 years.
What is bodycount?
@@bettinadorthelaursen8563 the number of people one has slept with
Like don’t bother dating. The most important thing to know.
Explains why you are single and lonely watching love videos then HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
According to the fifth section, it's really hard to not chasing hope, but I learnt it from you
Thanks Matthew 🤌🏻💘💘🥺