THIS Is a Common Tactic Used to Avoid Commitment

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  • čas přidán 9. 04. 2024
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Komentáře • 236

  • @cyndijohnson5473
    @cyndijohnson5473 Před 2 měsíci +268

    We shut down and don’t voice our needs because we already know the answer and don’t want to face it

    • @Trinket2022
      @Trinket2022 Před 2 měsíci +11

      Oh that is sooooo true...been there, done that!

    • @lebonpretexte6345
      @lebonpretexte6345 Před 2 měsíci +21

      Sometimes we think we know the answers( since we think the possible answers in the glasses of fear ) but sometimes we are wrong and I guess we should let them answer us their answer instead of projecting their answers in advance :)

    • @michellericher9289
      @michellericher9289 Před 2 měsíci +5

      I have done this in the past. Know your worth ❤

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +8

      Agree! We cut off our noses to spite our own happiness because when we fear being alone all over again, we rather diminish who we are to keep a person around.
      The fastest way to self sabotage our life is to hold onto people who would never hold onto us in return.

    • @jencrews
      @jencrews Před měsícem +3

      @@lebonpretexte6345 I agree. Recently, I realized how often I don’t ask because I assume the answer will be no and that’s based on old programming. It’s not really fair to the person you’re with to make that assumption.

  • @user-jy4vt4gn1l
    @user-jy4vt4gn1l Před 2 měsíci +176

    I just want to say that I absolutely love how gently he speaks to his wife.

    • @michellericher9289
      @michellericher9289 Před 2 měsíci +8

      Noticed ❤

    • @ninawoods5985
      @ninawoods5985 Před 2 měsíci +4

      again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women

    • @LoveZelda3
      @LoveZelda3 Před měsícem +2

      ​@@ninawoods5985 Wdym?

    • @rkk2606
      @rkk2606 Před měsícem

      @@ninawoods5985 I’ve followed him for many years and haven’t experienced any scams.

    • @helenemakuch8366
      @helenemakuch8366 Před 22 dny +2

      How did he scam women?

  • @rhiannonh.7463
    @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +44

    One of the best thing eloquently said I read on Reddit, it was in response to a woman panicking if she’s ever going to find a husband in time and have kids cause she’s 31.
    And this is the most important part I saved and it fits perfectly to this video for ALL women who are going thru this:
    “Life can be really unfair. Sometimes you get what you want and it doesn't work out like you imagined. Sometimes you don't get what you want and it is better. Sometimes it works out for awhile...and so on.
    So it's better to cultivate a mindset where you can envision many paths for yourself that would be satisfying. If you get really, really attached to only one vision of things when things inevitably don't work out one way or another you can get very stuck and cause yourself a lot of suffering by believing that you can't possibly be happy with any other path.”

    • @bolt9110
      @bolt9110 Před 16 dny +2

      🤦🏻 25:15 it's not that they don't respect your time or energy. They MAY think you're great. But what they DEFINITELY think you are is NOT the GREATEST they can get.

  • @hey_lilz
    @hey_lilz Před 2 měsíci +125

    It’s painful once the fantasy is gone and you realize the reality. The person you thought cared fizzled to someone unrecognizable. I’m sorry to those who understands what I am talking about .

    • @jessiesanteliz8558
      @jessiesanteliz8558 Před měsícem +2

      I like that word, "fizzled", so true!!😂 I'll use that.

    • @malvikabhanot5170
      @malvikabhanot5170 Před měsícem +1

      I get it

    • @jessicaanthony3013
      @jessicaanthony3013 Před měsícem +1

      This is my nightmare, he just told me Saturday

    • @hey_lilz
      @hey_lilz Před měsícem

      @@jessicaanthony3013 what happened? Are you ok?

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +8

      The fantasy is just potential you fell in love with that’s in your head, the version of who you wish they were because if you stop looking at their potential since day one, you would of never fell in love with who they were.
      Always ignore someone’s potential and see them ad they are.
      You’ll never get fooled nor waste your time by someone again when you do this.

  • @JowitaChanowska
    @JowitaChanowska Před 2 měsíci +91

    Speaking of throwing up - I was once on my way to see a guy who wasn’t meeting my needs and treating me as an option. Half way through getting to the destination, I threw up. My body knew!

    • @Kenlo7873
      @Kenlo7873 Před měsícem +10

      Yes, I had a similar situation! I went on a date with a guy I was interested in, and my anxiety stuck with me the whole time. I’ve never felt this awful before…. After a couple of months, I realized that I felt so anxious because he never made me feel safe

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +7

      The body communicates and you just have to listen.
      Anytime someone is wrong for you, your body is always trying to talk, but then it will scream if you keep ignoring the communication.
      Our bodies are just translating what our unconscious one registers about a person and trying to warn us from the jump.

    • @alenaadamkova7617
      @alenaadamkova7617 Před 21 dnem +2

      Some people may feel anxiety when going to a concert. It is because anxiety and excitement, both emotions are in the same place of brain.
      The difference is that some people feel anxiety doing some sport or going to concert and some people feel excitement....doing exactly the same sport or hobby.
      The difference is that witha nxiety the receptor in brain goies to one sidea nd with excitement the receptor goes to oposite side.
      It may not be about the other person... the person may be good, but you had bad experiences in past so you may think that just because the person has the same hair or looks, its the same situation. If you didnt heal emotionally.
      Suibconscious mind works 95 percent a day. Conscious mind works 5 percent a day.

  • @susanparkes5096
    @susanparkes5096 Před 2 měsíci +72

    We settle because we know how impossible it is to actually find the right person in life and we'd rather have something for a while than nothing for ever

    • @dampergoldenrod4156
      @dampergoldenrod4156 Před 2 měsíci +5

      That's correct.. the trick is to know it's not going to last forever and to not let that relationship devolve into something that can cause financial hardship or legal problems and to treat it as a Summer fling that will not last forever .

    • @susanparkes5096
      @susanparkes5096 Před 2 měsíci +14

      @@dampergoldenrod4156 if I accept going into a relationship that it has no possibility of lasting, I simply won't bother, because it's not worth the considerable effort taken to find someone. It's only the slim hope that the next one might be the one that lasts that keeps me going.

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +4

      Here is a wonderful quote I have saved and it’s definitely going to highlight way settling with anyone is not healthy:
      “People talk a lot about self-love but aren't actually ready to do what it takes to truly get there. Self-love isn't just massages, spa days, yoga retreats, & facials. It's setting firm boundaries, not just with your words, but through your actions. It's staying away from people that can't meet your standards, even if it means letting go of someone you really love. It's holding people accountable for wrong shit they did to you, even when they hate you for it. It's choosing yourself over keeping toxic people around, even when it gets lonely. It's a series of hard decisions that may hurt in the moment but you'll thank yourself for later. That's self-love & there's nothing pretty about it.”
      And I always tell people this one thing…
      The more lonely you feel, you are 3x’s more likely to desperately date anyone blindly who is toxic, abusive, or going to make you sacrifice everything good about yourself because you fear being alone all over again.
      People who aren’t lonely but out there dating are 100% not going to easily just date anyone or jump into a relationship, they also 100% can end things very easily if a person immediately exhibits yellow or Orange flags, which are the warning flags before the red flags emerge.
      They rather be single than stay with the wrong person.

    • @davidbruce5682
      @davidbruce5682 Před 24 dny

      Or that maturity has led you to realise that your needs were actually wants and that you had to compromise on some things knowing that they will be compromsing on some things to be with you also.

  • @montecrucis7247
    @montecrucis7247 Před 2 měsíci +42

    13:22 Before you lose yourself, rather decide to lose the other person.

  • @krishna335
    @krishna335 Před 2 měsíci +110

    Let go immediately in such cases. Clinging to a false ray of hope will only hurt.

    • @whitetigerification
      @whitetigerification Před 2 měsíci +6

      I was just thinking about that. Even though it's false, it will hurt.

    • @Langron
      @Langron Před 2 měsíci

      again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women

    • @johnnydi2231
      @johnnydi2231 Před měsícem +2

      Easier said than done. When you feel there's any hope.

    • @vanessap8717
      @vanessap8717 Před měsícem +1

      @@johnnydi2231it’ll happen though. It never lasts that long. Good luck, you’ll be ok.

    • @johnnydi2231
      @johnnydi2231 Před měsícem

      @vanessap8717 Thank you for the encouragement. It means a lot. It's still in the "constantly getting worse" phase right now. So not a lot of hope in my soul right now, unfortunately. Lol
      But thank. I appreciate it very much. 🙏🏻

  • @borislibaque1558
    @borislibaque1558 Před 2 měsíci +40

    The price of a real relationship is your fantasy. The price of your fantasy is the reality in front of you.

  • @Heidipoptime
    @Heidipoptime Před měsícem +13

    I love how Audrey said "people need boundaries" and I'd love for her to do a short video with examples of situations where she had to set boundaries with people and the specific language she used to do it.

  • @meetandinspire
    @meetandinspire Před 2 měsíci +16

    "Bravery becomes necessary. It's not that you're confident enough to be brave, it's that it's so necessary to get out of this pain."

  • @Mandy.S.
    @Mandy.S. Před 2 měsíci +95

    I call this a "situationship" and they suck. You get a natural high, then you're left to rot on the other side until the next time they show up for the next "hit" of endorphins. I'm very nervous to get in a relationship due to past trauma (although I have not sworn off men forever or anything. I just have to feel safe), but I would pick overriding those nerves and giving a relationship a shot over being given breadcrumbs and hoping they'll come around. It's FAR more painful to continue the breadcrumb thing. I will never let something go that far again without voicing MY needs. I had to grow past that to realize what I was doing.

    • @elena-jp6ge
      @elena-jp6ge Před 2 měsíci +14

      I was there also and it created such a trauma for me, that lm not afraid of anything but living this again

    • @wejoin
      @wejoin Před 2 měsíci +4

      Totally relate. No more narcissists!

    • @elena-jp6ge
      @elena-jp6ge Před 2 měsíci +2

      @@wejoin it's us to make a choice, we cannot make someone being not what they are already

    • @wejoin
      @wejoin Před 2 měsíci +4

      @@elena-jp6ge right! I chose to leave rather than wait for a train that would never arrive

    • @krishna335
      @krishna335 Před 2 měsíci +6

      Very well put! Better to be alone than with people who make you feel alone.

  • @glorirodriguez86
    @glorirodriguez86 Před měsícem +10

    It’s like taking off the rose colored glasses and take your power back when you choose you and walk away. Nothing compares to that feeling. It’s painful but liberating!

  • @csx6910
    @csx6910 Před 2 měsíci +62

    Date with intention. Don't be surprised if you start without a roadmap, you get lost.

    • @Langron
      @Langron Před 2 měsíci

      again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women - this is so correct, did you see the credit card scam Matthew has done

    • @tanyamiller6083
      @tanyamiller6083 Před měsícem

      So easy to say.......

    • @csx6910
      @csx6910 Před měsícem +2

      @@tanyamiller6083 And easy to do if you're honest with yourself and the person you're with. Don't have a child with someone you can't see yourself with forever. Have benchmarks that signify devotion. Don't have sex with someone unless they want something more.
      It takes self-control but if you won't do it, don't be surprised when life doesn't go the way you'd like.

  • @desertrose111
    @desertrose111 Před 2 měsíci +24

    33:00 about bravery. There are four things in this life that will change you. Love, music, art and loss. The first three will keep you wild and full of passion. May you allow the last to make you brave. -----Erin Van Vuren

  • @alwaysandi5867
    @alwaysandi5867 Před měsícem +8

    Chills. Wow Matthew. This hit super close to home. I just today decided to put a stop to a situationship, be brave and trust myself and what I REALLY want. Have have FAITH the right person for me is our there and will show up in divine timing.💖✨🌈

  • @gloriamuzquiz1767
    @gloriamuzquiz1767 Před 2 měsíci +20

    "And the day came when remaining tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom"

  • @MrColdNoodles
    @MrColdNoodles Před 2 měsíci +16

    I think when this happened to me these past couple of months I had hope that it was just a phase. I was afraid to talk about it because stressing him out would push him away. But I knew that I owe it to myself to know if he's all in or not. Turns out he wasn't (anymore). We have to be brave and face rejection no matter how much it hurts. The saddest part is he planted the seed in my head about a future and made me feel absolutely cherished up until he told me he loved me. Then all the sudden the fireworks stopped. Commitment Phobia is real, I guess.

    • @tanyamiller6083
      @tanyamiller6083 Před měsícem +2

      That's how it happens.....we get sucked into the fantasy he actually fed us.....he said we'd do this in summer, we'd spend all this time together.....he loved you....

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +3

      When you get nervous like that? It’s your body already communicating to you that you know the answer already.
      You never have to ask what’s going on because their actions SHOW you and make you feel secure where you stand with them.
      Anyone who isn’t about you, will not make you feel secure in a relationship because they no longer want to escalate the relationship with you and are already at peace with your insecurity.

  • @ST_RISE
    @ST_RISE Před 20 dny +2

    I created a fantasy in my head for what we could be and invested all of me for minimum effort from him. I can’t wait to get my book in a few days! Here’s to dating with intention! I’m tired of settling!

  • @lauriemorales7605
    @lauriemorales7605 Před 2 měsíci +17

    When I asked to define our relationship, he said I was "pushy" and would avoid the subject. It was hurtful that he wouldn't discuss it with me. I should have just left, but I thought I could make things better and I loved him.

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +6

      Better only happens when someone freely chooses to do better for you because you matter.
      When someone doesn’t care? That’s how they act like that guy who said you were “pushy”.
      You’re not pushy. You’re just asking the wrong person for your needs to be met and was never going to fulfill them because he doesn’t have the capacity to give that to you.
      And the right person for you will NEVER make you feel you’re too much or not enough.
      You wanted more, he wanted less, so always let them go find less!

  • @kateser90
    @kateser90 Před 2 měsíci +15

    Indeed, they treat us the way we allow them... I am also refering to colleagues, managers, friends, partners... 😢 I hope I will finally learn how to put boundaries... Giving too much can be as bad as giving too less sometimes

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem

      Boundaries with discipline to uphold those boundaries is the key here in life.
      By doing so boundaries can help easily expose who respects you vs is using you real fast!

  • @kimberleenadwocki4393
    @kimberleenadwocki4393 Před 2 měsíci +23

    I did exactly what Cora did in the book. I falsely led myself to believe my Ex would change his mind after 5 years of us being together and his 'Resemblance Of A Family " as he called it. But he would never marry me knowing that was I wanted when started dating. I settled upon him because I gave up in my area I live in and he had Charisma and we had a level of attraction.

  • @jackieconrad4500
    @jackieconrad4500 Před 2 měsíci +15

    I can relate to this more than any previous podcast. I start off with boundaries and then they get under my skin some how and I let them slip unknowingly. I'm more aware of it now after journalling and realising that it's the attention I crave and the breadcrumbs just aren't enough. If someone sweet talks me now, I doubt every word they say. My recent mistakes father said that if I wanted something I had to go for it, he obviously doesn't know his son very well or he was in on it.

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +2

      Once hear the perfect quote on this:
      “Words are bullshit, but actions talk.”
      Always look at actions before you trust words because anyone can tell you what you want to hear just to get what they want.

  • @eltern_herz
    @eltern_herz Před 2 měsíci +4

    i have lived it at least twice in long term relationships. I am now not mad at them, but at me for expecting too little and setting less boundaries just to accommodate them. bc that is what I saw and learned as a child. it is really tough to understand that you can't learn well via examples as grownups bc your upbringing experience is so ingrained in you. you can find examples as inspiration even have great couple friends, but you have to unlearn what you learned. it is as if you have to re learn your native language is now spoken backwards to get the best outcome. but with some challenges your neurons will get there.

  • @DominionAnako-bb7ry
    @DominionAnako-bb7ry Před 2 měsíci +11

    I totally get what you mean! Some people on the road can be really unpredictable and drive in a crazy way. It's important to stay safe and cautious while driving, even if others aren't. Just focus on your own driving skills and make sure to follow the rules of the road. Safety first, always! 😊🚗

  • @myjourney73
    @myjourney73 Před 2 měsíci +23

    I can't believe this actually happened to me, I was so into being direct and communicate, but I guess he made me feel uncomfortable to rock the boat and also he would have the excuse of bizi etc..can't believe I went along with him not being there so many times

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +1

      Always mirror investment. If they can’t give more, don’t over compensate by giving more when they give less or nothing. It won’t make up for what they don’t do but build resentment on your end for feeling your needs not being met.
      If someone is low effort, match that effort by saying, “BUH-BYEEEE!” and go forward with intentions to only date people who match your effort CONSISTENTLY!

  • @melaniel7263
    @melaniel7263 Před měsícem +4

    I was just terrified that nobody else would like me. My actions and responses were a direct reflection of my then low self esteem.

  • @jane77722
    @jane77722 Před 2 měsíci +21

    Don't make people who you want them to be. Find out who they really are.
    Loved your advice once to focus not just on how you feel.about them, but how do they make you feel?

  • @deec411
    @deec411 Před 2 měsíci +3

    FEAR fear of abandonment, fear of losing the person who is not giving us what we want and need. IMHO

  • @amyhoover9
    @amyhoover9 Před 2 měsíci +4

    Having been through enough ups and downs with at least one other man during a period of time when I was single... I realize that it's not easy to see the situation in full detail and weigh out all of the other angles. Some men make it clear what it is they want, but others don't and would rather play games, lie, or cheat. I'm not single anymore, but I have a best friend who is and is struggling a bit too much with recognizing when a person isn't good enough for her. I know her baggage, but I also know that I can't force her to make a decision. She has to want better from a man on her own terms. Some women, as much as we'd like to think that they're smart, are also very emotional and flighty at times. I used to be that kind of person... everybody grows at their own pace.

  • @annastone5624
    @annastone5624 Před 2 měsíci +40

    Important to understand that some people are very very good at pretending to be invested, to keep you on the hook..
    If you really don’t get that that’s a common tactic, it will take you much longer to ask probing questions, because you believe their words.. eventually we figure it out, the game part.
    That’s a separate thing from our own delusion or wishful thinking..

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +3

      Then watch their actions and take their words with a grain of salt.
      See words can lie from anyone’s lips, but actions? With intentions will 100% show you where you stand with anyone very easily.
      People who don’t give a fuck will not have their words and actions match. It will always contradict and confuse you.
      Words are bullshit, but actions talk.

    • @annastone5624
      @annastone5624 Před měsícem

      Yes! That’s the bottom line..

  • @Xenia-E-Zilli
    @Xenia-E-Zilli Před 2 měsíci +8

    Absolutely. Could be applied to all kind of relationships, not only romantic one. We WANT some relationships to work out for different reasons, of which some might be quite valid.

  • @Tiia922
    @Tiia922 Před měsícem +1

    5:35 - every single word you said Matthew, related to my situation. I’m 31 years old and this is my second relationship where the bf is not ready to take the next step for years.

  • @michellericher9289
    @michellericher9289 Před 2 měsíci +1

    You can also see how she admires and respects him and allows him to talk about his book 📕 . That is love 💕

  • @mimi7914
    @mimi7914 Před 2 měsíci +4

    Matthew your insights are incredible. I have been through so much of this in life. I will add too that partners contain such a conglomerate of traits it can be extremely hard to release the very good aspects of someone you know you will never find again (this is true as people are unique) in order to avoid the very bad aspects you know you can't tolerate. It is as if they are on two opposing sides of a spectrum. I know from experience one doesn't find the same qualities and /or energies in anyone else, it is just different. So that is hard knowing you will never have that certain something again and can make one feel so lonely. Releasing that takes bravery but as you inferred, if one wants to love oneself it may require it. In the end, one must love oneself and instill qualities within the best we can. Isn't that what it is about anyway? We are here to learn more about ourselves, grow, and love and accept ourselves and give that love to others as a healed and complete person.

  • @PiedPiper38
    @PiedPiper38 Před 2 měsíci +4

    Going throught this Right now... the pain in my chest is for real. But, I'll make it

  • @karincoart929
    @karincoart929 Před 2 měsíci +2

    Amazing! So well said. Thank you all for putting words to the saga.

  • @pcwhizmail
    @pcwhizmail Před 27 dny +1

    I dated a dismissive avoidant, and he just described exactly my experience.

  • @YasmeynBalsom
    @YasmeynBalsom Před 2 měsíci +2

    AMAZING!!! I ❤️❤❤ you two Hussey’s & I really love & appreciate your conversations together - it’s so unbelievably helpful.🥰

  • @NakedTruthbyDrMelanie

    At 29:00... (two busy entrepreneurs) if he's not willing to make time for a relationship and she is, it's a major breakthrough in self-awareness and self-love to recognize that a healthy relationship happens with one who's also ready and willing..And you take your high valued self in a different direction. She's a busy entrepreneur - her time is scarce enough. ❤🤗

  • @bethd.8129
    @bethd.8129 Před 2 měsíci

    Thank you so much for having this discussion. I really needed to hear this. I have been hiding what I really want and need and you have helped me to see that I need to find my bravery. Thank you!

  • @user-su8cq8jl6d
    @user-su8cq8jl6d Před 2 měsíci +4

    Very nice talk. I like Matthew and team’s work.
    I do regret however the mainstream of teaching people to see signs to prove one should to leave. Of course there are ppl whom we should part if things do not progress how we like it because of incompatibility. But learning how to make a relationship work, getting to become a better person, a person partner, is far more valuable

  • @karolinah12
    @karolinah12 Před 2 měsíci +21

    Please hear me out,i'm playing the devils advocate, i speak my truth from day one so no one wastes time & energy. But, people do lie to get what they want. Also, timing of asking those questions is key. They can sound like an ultimatum or some kind of pressure to make them commit. And that, my friends ,is not too attractive. If a man wants a future, they usually know how to express it .

    • @monikaleszko5343
      @monikaleszko5343 Před 2 měsíci

      I like your comment….when do you think is too soon to ask for commitment and what are we or where are we going ? 6 months 1 year?

    • @95maferisturiz
      @95maferisturiz Před 2 měsíci +11

      The problem is lack of honesty, because they know that being honest with your actual intentions might get you an answer that's not aligned with the goals you set on your mind when you chose to date that person. The problem is that people feel entitled to anyone's attention without returning the favor and understanding that a healthy relationship requires mutual effort, mutual compromise, mutual honesty and transparency and mutual comprehension and empathy. People want to be given the best of the best for free, just for existing, just for doing the bare minimum, just for being hot and sexy, just for having a successful professional career and relationships are about mutual respect, mutual compromise, balance and being equally supportive of each other.
      People who approach a deeply emotional and sentimental person and lie to them in hopes that they'll give you casual se× with no strings attached, even though you know for a fact that the person you're dating has been crystal clear that he or she doesn't enjoy emotionless, casual se×: do you seriously believe fooling a person and playing with his or her feelings, so that you can get an orga$m is morally acceptable, or even worth it?
      People have feelings, people don't have all the time in the world just for you to toy with them and their hearts forever and ever. If you want a one-night stand, say it and let the other person give you a fully informed and honest consent, knowing full well the consequences of being involved with you, so that the person can move on and find a more suitable partner in case he or she doesn't want just casual se×.
      I will never empathize or understand people who lie to partners who want a fully committed, monogamous relationship, partners who really want a marriage and a family only to get them to consent to have a simple fling or a temporary affair with them, without knowing from the very beginning that the other person doesn't have any actual intention of taking the relationship to the next level. You're playing with other people's feelings, time, availability and generosity, and I'm chronically tired of modern-day younsgters defending and justifying this terrible behavior in the dating market, by saying that _"we are living in the 21st century and therefore, we need to deconstruct old-fashioned dating culture and strategies"_ and I fully disagree with that notion, people need to commit to the partner they're dating, because youth doesn't last forever and it's terribly unfair to fool people and lie to them about your actual and real intentions when you know d@mn well your partner desires a fully committed relationship with you, so that you can get your exciting affair and fun at the expense of fake hopes you're raising up in the other person about a serious relationship that will never exist. It's not fair and people need to stop behaving like this.

    • @ew2645
      @ew2645 Před 2 měsíci +9

      I’ll give you a miniature version of ‘getting him to commit’ I tell guys, I only sleep with boyfriends. I don’t do casual. The only way I can feel safe sleeping with someone is if they are only seeing me. It has NEVER backfired.

    • @monikaleszko5343
      @monikaleszko5343 Před 2 měsíci

      @@95maferisturiz🎉🎉🎉

    • @MrColdNoodles
      @MrColdNoodles Před 2 měsíci +2

      Timing is very important, but waiting too long can build resentment and the anxiety can be harmful in intense ways.

  • @user-wc6ku9dr7l
    @user-wc6ku9dr7l Před měsícem

    Thank so much for hosting about love life,, I know there's a lot of things we need to know, again thanks for your time and effort!💖💖💖❤❤❤

  • @lauriemorales7605
    @lauriemorales7605 Před 2 měsíci +4

    Describes my last "relationship" perfectly 😢

  • @reneejill4033
    @reneejill4033 Před měsícem

    This episode resonates to me. It is giving me a different level of validation. Thank you!

  • @adelg6698
    @adelg6698 Před 28 dny +1

    I am 8 mths post 14 week relationship with an abusive, manipulative charming covert narcissist. I gave unconditionally to this relationship making serious commitment to trying to find true love. NOW the prospect of revisiting dating is haunting me, as I am now the supernova of discernment at a core level. How does one truely know they are healthy enough to engage with dating, do we force ourselves to push through accept whatever residual trauma may cause us to stumble at the starting gate and accept our new positive but ruthless ability to purge anyone that expresses premature desires? Is the hedonistic dating world the norm?
    I would love your advice.
    Thank you for all you dedication , compassion and support to the greater community seeking harmony in love and long term relationships. 💕

  • @tammygallagher976
    @tammygallagher976 Před 2 měsíci +3

    Yes I am in the end of a relationship like you started with on this podcast Thank you so much.

  • @kathyingram3061
    @kathyingram3061 Před 2 měsíci +6

    ~Yes, even friendships that start out unbalanced create a dynamic that becomes expected to the reciever, of the giver~If one person is in a crisis, or needing help, the person who is there for them, will not likely get that treatment back~

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +1

      And that’s very standard of codependency to constantly sacrifice yourself for others validation to the point you obligate yourself to things you rather not put up with and feel you can’t rock the boat out of fear of rejection or creating negative feels.

  • @lauriemorales7605
    @lauriemorales7605 Před 2 měsíci +2

    I'm very codependent and am working on boundaries, etc. in therapy. I appreciate you both and learn so much from you ❤

    • @rhiannonh.7463
      @rhiannonh.7463 Před měsícem +1

      As a former codependent the secret to boundaries is self discipline to keep them there.
      You have to push thru those guilty feelings of saying no and to not obligating yourself to things you do not want to.
      The best place to start this? Work.
      Practice at your job and by doing this, it gets easier. It lets you really implement the CODA support group methods better honestly.

  • @kmduarte2005
    @kmduarte2005 Před 19 dny +1

    Wow! Wow! Wow! This is so on the money it is scary!! Absolutely described what happened in my situationship, and how it got to that point.
    So helpful to understand why I kept falling off the same emotional cliff with my ex, and what my part was in the whole dynamic.
    Thank you Audrey and Matthew! ✨💖✨

  • @mechaelalapuaho226
    @mechaelalapuaho226 Před 2 měsíci +7

    I've done so much research in Matt's content😂(cause this guy had me racking my brain) that I came across the Define the Relationship module and that was the convo that helped me gain clarity I needed from him and now I see a life without him in a way I thought I never could🥰

  • @Aqua_blue986
    @Aqua_blue986 Před 2 měsíci +3

    Thank you Mr.and Mrs. Hussey 😊❤

  • @annettemoorshead7019
    @annettemoorshead7019 Před 2 měsíci +1

    Very fitting and timely - Thank You!! 😊❤

  • @XYZ-qu4yq
    @XYZ-qu4yq Před 2 měsíci +4

    Mystery explained: some men assume 1. women are desperate as they have less time to date and play around than men, they worry about their aging, therefore they want to clinch the deal asap: get married & have kids 2. they assume they, the men, have the time of their live life to date & play around, they worry less about aging, tgerefore they take time before they decided to settle down, get married and have kids, if thry want to have kids. The truth is: 1. some women are not desperate or in a rush, they simply look for love because it feels good and life is more exciting as a couple 2. not all women want to get married - some of them just want to be in an exclusive relationship 3. not all women want to get pregnant, have kids and raise them for 18 years - some woomen want to concentrate on themselves abd their partners. So if men fear committment because they think life will become boring and with too much responsibility, they should think again. Being in a committed relationship comes with adventures and excitement. It’s more reliable than being in shallow, casual situationships.

  • @Popeye-ix7rn
    @Popeye-ix7rn Před měsícem

    Matthew is really really good ! I'm glad I watched this episode. Thank you Matthew!

  • @kimdecker8901
    @kimdecker8901 Před 2 měsíci +15

    Maybe I'm late to the party here, but: Jeremy? Who's Jeremy? I mean, all props and a warm welcome to Jeremy; he's doing a bang-up job...But what happened to Jameson?

  • @mysticjen379
    @mysticjen379 Před 8 dny

    Brilliant - spot on and completely relatable. Thank you so much for this!

  • @aliciagardner3288
    @aliciagardner3288 Před 2 měsíci

    Loved this podcast. Thank you 🙏🩷 BTW, l'm waiting for my pre-ordered book! Can't wait to read it!

  • @joannecoady8436
    @joannecoady8436 Před 2 měsíci +1

    Fascinating chat. Particularly the Matthew McConaughey movie offer story. Made me reflect on my own situation in ways I hadn't before.
    Thank you for the insight guys. 😊👏

  • @nancyduffy1990
    @nancyduffy1990 Před 2 měsíci +2

    So well said ! It can be hard to know when to be patient and when to speak up

    • @Cloudss9
      @Cloudss9 Před měsícem +1

      Always speak up, then, based on feedback, you can be strategically patient with an objective time limit, or you on forward living your life.

  • @dawnclark1103
    @dawnclark1103 Před měsícem

    This is such a great reminder to not settle ❤

  • @Lilybet1316
    @Lilybet1316 Před měsícem

    Just received your book!! Am starting it this weekend! 😊

  • @NoName-ph5pg
    @NoName-ph5pg Před 2 měsíci

    Wise words. The fact that clock is ticking make us really exaggerate things

  • @karolinah12
    @karolinah12 Před 2 měsíci +2

    Waiting for your book to arrive ❤

  • @Babyneeks
    @Babyneeks Před měsícem

    Love this topic it’s so true in how we can be to ourself. Thank you for shining light on this subject really brings clarity ❤

  • @leratosithole4864
    @leratosithole4864 Před 2 měsíci

    Very good timing and thank you

  • @rlk2429
    @rlk2429 Před 2 měsíci +7

    Since I am not racing my biological clock since I am older & divorced, it is difficult to know the right time to begin to press for defining a relationship. I think we have to be patient at first dating in the 2nd & 3rd marriage pool. But when do you stop playing the "cool girl"? I think it's a question of timing

  • @catboxcleaner3532
    @catboxcleaner3532 Před 2 měsíci

    I did enjoy this episode, Matthew and Audrey, thank you xoxo

  • @lydia2502
    @lydia2502 Před 2 měsíci

    Just preordered it on audible. Super excited 😊

  • @mariakrenkova6100
    @mariakrenkova6100 Před 2 měsíci

    So resonates with my story. There a miriads of reasons why we take less than we deserve espeially if - as you say, love is concerned. I also desire for proximity and fear being lonely. Great blog. As if it addressed jus me.Thank you so much!

  • @sandykay125
    @sandykay125 Před měsícem

    huge fan of Matthew and Audrey together!

  • @annastone5624
    @annastone5624 Před 2 měsíci

    Wow what a great example! 💥
    That’s how I feel about so many things right now..
    A visceral no..

  • @rlk2429
    @rlk2429 Před 2 měsíci

    Your framing of an initial relationship is spot on- in my experience. Caveats....

  • @dampergoldenrod4156
    @dampergoldenrod4156 Před 2 měsíci +1

    You also have to factor in that some people are optimistic and hope for the best and people like this should not be demoralized but they have to face the facts that they are getting no positive outcomes from other persons they are working with which they hope to accomplish a positive goal with

  • @jessicaf6358
    @jessicaf6358 Před měsícem

    That entire Christmas analogy is GOLD 26:47

  • @heather3224
    @heather3224 Před 2 měsíci

    Thanks going through that now .

  • @amandaflowers6967
    @amandaflowers6967 Před 10 dny

    You are both beautiful. Matthew you did wonderfully in picking Audrey. She is so lovely as a human who I believe embodies what you were looking for. So happy you have each other,
    You are so helpful in sorting what the cloudy thinking means that we experience in the bad relationships and what keeps us in them so we can break out,

  • @activedogzz100
    @activedogzz100 Před 15 dny

    Matthew best book of yours!

  • @annebaker5650
    @annebaker5650 Před 2 měsíci +4

    You guys are the cutest!!

  • @ivonabehalova8022
    @ivonabehalova8022 Před 2 měsíci

    Spot on! Thank you for this

  • @ullrichchristina6414
    @ullrichchristina6414 Před 2 měsíci

    beautiful to watch you both

  • @davidbruce5682
    @davidbruce5682 Před 2 měsíci +5

    I think what Matt does well is tell women things in the way they want to hear it rather than the clear truth. Lets be honest, a man scared of commitment is scared of chosing incorrectly and ending stuck in a stressful, sexless and unrewarding relationship. Therefore, instead of him not wanting to commit to you and being the 'non commited bogeyman' you really need some reflection as to what is making him scared to commit to you.
    If you make him feel great, don't overreact and punish with silent treatment, get on well with his friends and family and are rational in disagreements and all while looking after your appearance and puting effort into a great sexlife you will get commitment. If you don't take responsibility for these things you're just blaming him for your faults and leading him to the next woman who does offer these things.

    • @Bluesmoke4200
      @Bluesmoke4200 Před 25 dny +1

      You're acting like it's the woman's fault if the man doesn't want to commit. That's just not true. Some people just aren't compatible. Even the best woman will not be considered girlfriend material by every man in the world. That's not to say that the man is a "bogeyman" but the woman isn't defective either. They just weren't a good fit. Unless she has serious issues (addiction, criminal activities, abusive, serious mental problems) she's better off moving on and finding a man who likes her the way she is than trying to change herself to be "good enough" for him.

    • @davidbruce5682
      @davidbruce5682 Před 25 dny

      @@Bluesmoke4200 Men have to tick a women's boxes from the outset to even date them and most womens requirements are immediate like height, career, financial stability, confidence, generous, funny etc... However men are looking for things like how respectful you are to him, whether you are supportive, provide peace over drama, caring nature, effort in regards to sex life and attraction. All of these need time to appraise and if he isnt committing then he has concerns in some of these areas or hoping for change in time.

    • @davidbruce5682
      @davidbruce5682 Před 3 dny +1

      @@Bluesmoke4200 I agree she's not defective. However a lot of women are very focussed on finding a man that ticks all their boxes but don't stop to think how they can tick his. This is the difference between getting the man you want to date and then getting commitment and keeping him.

  • @bolt9110
    @bolt9110 Před 16 dny +1

    8:10 "give her what she wants" - unless, what she wants is his company, great sex, fun experiences and complete knowledge that it will never be more than that.

  • @rosswardrop465
    @rosswardrop465 Před 11 dny +2

    Dont commit at all .Stay single.

    • @chipsteve
      @chipsteve Před 22 hodinami

      The honeymoon period is the good stuff.
      The extremely rare lasting connection not marred by expectations (resentments) is special.
      All the stuff that comes with commitment, & everything thereafter, is a soul sucking nightmare. There's less than zero value in that for a man who has any self respect.

  • @Portia620
    @Portia620 Před 2 měsíci +1

    I advertise but give NOTHING for the heck of it! No no no!!! I need a man to invest in me!! If not then well that was fun…thank you NEXT! 😂😂. Know your worth!
    I SPENT 30 years investing in a man that didn’t invest in me and abandoned the family (literally!). I have no time for players or temporary people! Screening and listening is so important!

  • @ghaili1175
    @ghaili1175 Před 18 dny +1

    It’s nice Audrey is there to balance the female side.

  • @dawnclark1103
    @dawnclark1103 Před 2 měsíci

    This is Gold

  • @Tani0415
    @Tani0415 Před 2 měsíci

    Wow what an episode.

  • @ghaili1175
    @ghaili1175 Před 18 dny

    I got my book!!!! Yes!!!

  • @activedogzz100
    @activedogzz100 Před 15 dny

    This book is amazing

  • @angiep8217
    @angiep8217 Před měsícem

    I went through that! I obsessed over him allowed him to see me whenever he went into town. I knew he was always busy, then I chased him & it was painful

  • @Yeodoongiiie
    @Yeodoongiiie Před 2 měsíci +1

    "do the shania twain story" reminds me of - " *do the roar* " 😄

  • @al5068
    @al5068 Před 2 měsíci

    I lol’d at the Matthew McConaughey story. 😂

  • @northshorelight35
    @northshorelight35 Před 27 dny

    It was never this complicated when I met my husband.

  • @xXKyon12Xx
    @xXKyon12Xx Před 2 měsíci +1

    Boundaries, I wonder what are my boundaries, what I want in a relationship, for sure I know... yet am...

  • @elgeebee5250
    @elgeebee5250 Před 22 dny

    What is sad to me - is that it makes it sound like it's so so so hard, so impossible, so nuanced. Letting go should be so important etc etc.

  • @michaellee5042
    @michaellee5042 Před měsícem

    Amazing and true

  • @user-or9tw1ct6l
    @user-or9tw1ct6l Před 22 dny

    Mic drop - Bravery becomes the only options. It is not confidence, bravery it is necessary. 😢

  • @FlatStella1
    @FlatStella1 Před 21 hodinou

    start is very good...