Borderline Woman as Dissociative Secondary Psychopath
Vložit
- čas přidán 11. 03. 2020
- Scholarly studies on BPD as secondary psychopathy:
scholar.google.com/scholar?q=...
Lopez-Villatoro JM, Palomares N, Díaz-Marsá M, Carrasco JL (2018) Borderline Personality Disorder with Psychopathic Traits: A Critical Review. Clin Med Rev Case Rep 5:227. doi.org/10.23937/2378-3656/1410227
www.google.com/search?q=borde...
Borderline's Preemptive Abandonment • Borderline to Narcissi...
Borderline Triangulates with Rescuer to Silence Pain, Abandonment Anxiety • Borderline Triangulate...
Borderline Woman: Devaluation, Self-harm, Alcoholism
• Borderline Woman: Part...
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
Borderline and Histrionic personality disorders may be manifestations in females of secondary type psychopathy (as measured by Factor 2 of the PCL-R test). In other words: Borderline and Histrionic women may actually be psychopaths. A growing body of recent studies supports this startling conclusion. Survivors of CPTSD also manifest psychopathic and narcissistic behaviors (overlay)
Intimate partners won't not surprised: impulsivity, defiant grandiosity, antisocial and interpersonal aggression, manipulativeness, dysregulated negative emotionality, lack of object constancy (object impermanence), attachment dysfunctions, hostility, splitting (dichotomous thinking), high levels of distress, anxiety, depression, and substance abuse are all typical of and common among secondary psychopaths - and among Borderlines. These women also defy gender roles and behavioral norms (act masculine). But the Borderline adds a twist to this cocktail: dissociation. Whenever stress levels and inner dissonance become intolerable, she hands over control to her inner psychopath, depersonalizes, derealizes, or develops amnesia.
When the Borderline's life partner is another proud member of the Cluster B tribe (another Borderline or Psychopath, or a Narcissist), he reacts with equal measures of abuse to her frequent misconduct. The relationship ineluctably devolves into a vicious power play and warping cruel mind games, exacerbating traumatic mental health outcomes for everyone involved.
Dissociative depersonalization and derealization are common reactions in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), in Dissociative Identity Disorder DID, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder or MPD), and in patients with post-traumatic stress disorders, such as PTSD and CPTSD.
The experience is variously described as being on auto-pilot, sliding into anaesthesia, or reverting to the status of an empathic or sad spectator. It is provoked by intolerable dissonance (for example: when cheating on a partner, having ambivalent sex, breaking the law, or breaching some deeply held mores and values). The patient distances herself from the events, from her pain, and from anticipated abandonment and rejection via the mechanisms of estrangement and alienation: "This is not happening to me, this is just a nightmare, not real". Substance abuse and ambient distractions (bar hopping or video games) tend to exacerbate these reactive patterns and the patient often misattributes to alcohol or drugs the behaviors wrought by her alters or the subsequent amnesia.
Forget the Game of Thrones, or Braking Bad..... Sam Vaknin is more exciting than all TV shows combined.
I agree completely! I am fascinated by his words and frankness.
Though I feel he is speaking directly to me, and I maybe should be offended, it's somehow comforting to hear about my bull shit so unbiased and with no sweet talk/beating around the bush. He speaks not only to my own laundry list of DXs, he also touches on every single relationship I've had, romantic or not.
I have been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, clinical Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD. I have self diagnosed my codependency, and also C-PTSD(probably in place of the PTSD)
I have spent hundreds of hours, months, years, ferociously researching the men I've been with, and what I've gone through with them. Their symptoms and their sources. Why they do what they do. How, why, what, where, when they tick....
But Sam is the only one who is combining the information/connection of their disfunction, with my own. Which is really what is important.
My own is all I can do anything about, my own is all I have control over. So while I'm hurt...devastated, really, over my failed attempts at a "normal" relationship, and the "things that have been done to me," I am forced (rightfully so) to stare my own part in the disfunction, in the face.
Its refreshing, and its also so imperative for me to have this info so that I can change my world. I am ending this bull shit cycle.
I have three children who I couldn't possibly imagine NOT putting themselves through, and dealing with, all the things I have since I was a kid. I want to change that. I want them to have every possibility of living "normal," thriving, happy lives. That, at this point, depends on me. And we are at a huge disadvantage, just for the meer fact that we've all been living in this disfunction, and somewhat normalized it, for me, 33 years, and my kids 14 13 and 8 years. Thank you Sam. For dedicating your life to information. Information that, if we didn't have you, would be so distorted and incorrect, we wouldn't possibly have any room for change. ♡
Oh yeah yeah yeah his content is often useful but don’t feed his ego like that jesus christ lol (coming from a fan who recognizes this man clearly is a narc himself. most brilliant ppl are haha)
True, 100%... But U want some REAL Drama? Spend 2+ years w my bpd ex who monkeybranched me. Heck, spend a WEEK with her. Now THAT'S drama. Heck, that's a real life HORROR story.
Sam exhibits a disturbing amount of psychopathy.
When I see him speak my reptile brain goes to Defcon 1! All my animalistic instincts are measured distance from his reach and and analyzing his body language for a weak point to attack.
He is so glib, with that flat affect! I strongly urge anyone that meets this man in person not to turn your back on him.
The arrogant facial expression makes it quite clear to me that he's getting narcissistic fuel from pontificating all the treachery and discord afflicted on others.
The fuel is akin to Ambrosia (The drink of all the God's on Mount Olympus) and he was so smug he tried to emulate the drama of a Riddley Scott film ending with the big reveal that he was the monster.
I figured that out by chapter three. Once I understood what a narcissist was, I encountered two after I could smell them 500 yards away.
The first was a abusive Vietnamese turd that I had the misfortune of being subordinate too at work.
That little lizard screamed at me in front of of all my peers over a period of 4 months. I was a salesman consistently in the top 7, regardless of how much I sold his reaction was to scream obscenities decided to record him with a micro cassette recorder, on the record he disparaged my mother!
I played it for my dad, and dad's best friend was an attorney that was more than capable of getting me off on an assault charge.
Particularly with all the recordings and witnesses I had. I trained in western boxing and Kung Fu for nine years, I'm 6`1 and at the time my fighting weight would have been 175, but it was 154 in peak shape. I was far from being in shape.
We met with the attorney and he sort of advised me on the different levels of assault and the line between felony and misdemeanor and I had no criminal record.
My boss was about 5'3 130Lbs. Of course he started in again because the company was small enough to not have a human resources department, his boss heard it every time and thought it funny.
He ratcheted up the abuse and I looked at him him with bottomless contempt and said I'm sorry I didn't catch that. Would you repeat it. The guy sitting next to me said my eyes glazed over he described it as a vampire.
My boss didn't pick up on that and he was maybe 35 feet away and walked towards me in a quick pace with a menacing look, so I lowered my office chair as low as it would go and positioned myself as such that I would be on my feet in the blink of an eye with a position that I could hit him with basically any punch a boxer has but from his position he couldn't hit me.
As soon as he was in striking Distance I was on my feet and positioned for a lot of leverage.
I bitch slapped him in the right temple with my left hand with the motion of a hook bent my knees and weaved and slapped him under the chin also with my left hand in an uppercut motion lifting his head and slapped him in cheekbone/lower eye socket with my right hand the sound of the the right hand hitting his face was loud it made him swell up really badly.
I said that was for talking about my momma!
I gave you the courtesy of not hitting you with a closed fist, I just chumped you in front of the entire company.
If you you want to step out into the parking lot you can give me some payback! You want to step outside? He was stunned very frightened. I said HUH! Really loudly, and then turned to the two douchebags he was subordinate too.
I said you stood there and watched that cowardly little shit abuse me like a dog and didn't do shit! Who wants some? There was a pudgy one that practiced his golf short game all day, wearing Versace he even had the club in his hand. I pointed at him and said you! Do want some? I shoved him in the shoulder and the CEO said that's enough! You've definitely made your point! I think we can all agree that Richard and I didn't respond accordingly and for that I apologize. Your boss is married to my sister and I succumbed to nepotism.
I think we can agree that you no longer want to work with us. In light of me not putting a stop to this I'm willing to pay you 4 months severance equal to your average gross commissions for the last sixty days and keep you on medical insurance for the same amount of time.
He reached out to shake my hand and apologized the other superior to my boss made him an icebag for his swollen face. It was silent as a crypt when I walked out.
I regret doing that today, I should have put a stop to it without resorting to violence. In the end the Narcissistic Personality Disordered dude with sociopathic tendencies was a sniveling coward.
In hind sight that could have gone very badly if he had a firearm for example. I think there pretty much like all bullies that instinctively know who to abuse, I ticked all the boxes because I was making a lot of money and wanted to keep my job.
From the handful of accounts I've heard and seen, if the prey is pushed to far they become the predator and the narcissist never sees it coming.
The second was my ex wife, she definitely bested me left me traumatized and with an ulcer.
@@user-vv1hm5qu7i @Sara Dailey So are you afflicted with NPD or have you been victimized by a NPD?
I couldn't tell based on your narrative. Typically a woman with all the diagnostic labels, pick a kind hearted, naive, dependent guy and proceed to paint the guy black, gut them emotionally. These women cultivate another romantic relationship with another and as soon as the new guy is all in, you throw the old guy into a dumpster with no compunction.
I'm just wondering, do you have a psychological fear of abandonment? In the past were you engaging your romantic partners with the push/pull dynamic?
I found it very peculiar that BPD suffers worst fear is abandonment and the moment their partner exhibits honest intimacy which should alleviate the fear of being left. Instead the BPD feels enmeshed and is horrified that their partner loves them so much that the partner is six ways fucked up for loving a person who is so broken.
It's truly heartbreaking that borderline personality perpetually having their worst fear realized because they themselves orchestrated it.
My Ex Wife is BPD. She's five feet tall and weighs 105 pounds. At the end of the relationship I preferred her to punch me in the face as hard as she could because it was less painful than the emotional abuse.
One thing I learned by reading a book called Character Disturbance by Dr. George Simon that all the abuse was rooted in Freudian crap that everything Cluster B's abuse is a defense mechanism is complete bullshit!
He analyzed the behavior starting with violent offenders in prison and figured out that the behavior was offensive in every way. Defense mechanisms are designed to guard oneself from pain that is so traumatic one finds it unbearable.
He opened a family practice and a mother of an unruly teenager was afraid because her son actually shoved her.
The mother said regardless of what I say he's always so defensive. Dr. Simon pointed out that the behavior was offensive in nature designed to accomplish a specific outcome.
Read his book it's fantastic!
I have BPD and it's unreal to me how well this explains my internal experiences. I've said for years that it feels like there are two, seemingly distinct, versions of me and it's this ongoing battle in which I keep trying to cage the part of me that is reckless and prone to antisocial behaviours. It's almost like at my core, there's a vulnerable and scared little kid and when that kid gets hurt, another self, very much a protector self takes over, comes out, and will go do anything to defend and protect that core child. And now this doesn't happen every time a relationship dissolves for whatever reason, but there have been a few times where during an argument or some conflict I can quite literally, physically, feel an internal switch flip - like any warmth or empathy or kindness that was in me completely turns off. I go cold, it's the opposite of the hot anger. And in those moments I completely stop caring about the other person and they're as good as dead to me, like they never existed. They could be crying in front of me and I feel nothing. It's weird because when I'm not in that mode, I genuinely feel shame and guilt if I unintentionally hurt someone and care deeply about people. But in the 'dark' mode, even after, I can recognize that whatever I likely said or did in that moment is wrong, and I probably should feel guilt and regret...but I just don't. It's a constant battle of trying to figure out which me is 'me'. I guess cognitively they both are but they feel distinct.
You nailed it. This is me
Me too!!!
You can find balance. Both of these aspects are you! But both of these aspects on their own are too extreme. Your "child self" is the extreme inversion of your "protector self", and vice versa. Only if you can break free from the extreme tendencies of your "child self", you will be able to integrate the "protector self".
Thank you for sharing your expirience. My mum has BPD, i defenetly see such a patern in her. I have been trying to help and failed, i am so sorry that i can not help her, she suffered and sometimes hurt people in such states. It is so painful. But now i understand what is going on.
Omg you describe me to a T! Say I split and I start to hate someone. It's not like they are 'nothing' - they definitely exist - I just wish they didn't lol. I'll often joke with friends that if i ever saw my enemies get hit by a truck, I'd make sure they couldn't get help - hell, i wish i was driving said truck. I am not a warm, fuzzy person normal but I'd never intentionally go out of my way to hurt someone who's done nothing to me but if they have hurt me then...they are fair game to me. I swear that 'dark side' is capable of anything. I sometimes call her my inner psychopath LOL
As someone with bpd I am grateful for every single one of these videos. I want to change and the harsh truth of these videos provides me the motivation to do so.
@@WarriorHitomi Good luck to you as well!
Very Admirable , got luck
@Paula Kean Thats valid. I guess everyones journey is different. It would be insane to think that my approach would suit every person with bpd. This is what is working for me right now and is equally as valid as it not working for others.
As a person who was gravely hurt by a bpd wife, I applaud your courage and integrity and wish you the best of luck. It's healing to read your comment.
@@RobMacKendrick I am sorry to hear that you were hurt by your wife. It is extremely difficult because her hurt comes from a very real place but it unfortunately does not make it okay to hurt others. With more knowledge in emotional intelligence and personality disorders I do believe there will come better days where we can effectively help these people heal.
It's really unfair, what happens to a person who is a chronic, long time victim of a malignant narcissist.
Yup. Dear old dad won’t be getting even an e-card this year for Father’s Day.
@@natatattful What I have gleaned from his Professor Vaknin's wk is that he is saying we who have C-PTSD are the same as psychopaths. Being dissociated is a coping skill, not being, acting in a psychopathic way. I married a full blown narcissistic psychopath. He was an incredibly vicious and violent man. My father is a sadistic, grandiose narcissist. I think it's a bit rich, given that Vaknin, a psychopath himself, is making these statements about C-PTSD. In my experience people who have C-PTSD are incredibly kind, empathetic, and very aware of the impact of their behaviour on other people. I don't believe Vaknin would be able to understand this bc he CANNOT empathise. I, therefore, disagree with Professor Viknan on this point. In fact, there was an uproar when the DSM 5 was put out by mental health practitioners globally.
that's more commonly known as using mental anguish as an excuse to be an a-hole to others
and then also use it as a shield to hide behind when you receive criticism for it
It's really interesting to me how BPD ALWAYS turn the discussion back to them being a victim. Even if the discussion is about how they're abusive to others. They will still make it about them being a victim. BPD and NPD are two sides of the same coin, they're both cluster B disorders.
@@queenofthebutterflies5212 I like your take on distinguishing C-PTSD / psychopath. The DSM5 statement is correct. My question is did you intentionally switch the spelling of Vaknin (Viknan)?
I saw this in the 1960's and apparently psychologists simply did not want to consider the possibility that borderline women with dissociative tendencies function as psychopaths in society. It's about time professionals accept that such a combination is extremely destructive, and be open to treating such patients with full consideration of their flawed perceptions and downward spirals. Thank you for posting this.
Agreed 👍🏽
I totally agree! But I want to add that the damage they inflict on others is devastating to say the least. The pain of BPD is often portrayed in relation to the person themself, but in realtiy, the pain and damage they do to others is immense and is not represented in all those help videos in any way. This channel is great though, covering almost all aspects.
I will always remember the time I confronted my BPD ex after she broke my boundaries and she said, "I just don't feel feel empathy for you anymore." she was like a completely different person.
That's called a split. JazzyT.
exactly same thing happened to me, she kept threatening break ups too, and i remember crying once cause my dads dying of dementia and she slapped me twice, dunno what that was about
so very important to remember you are dealing with a psychopath with a bpd. my empathy for bpd's abuse made me excuse her misbehavior. this almost allowed her to destroy me.
This is by far the most accurate description of what I experienced in my relationship with a likely BPD. So much so it was a little triggering/distressing (well worth it though). In their apparently "normal" self state, they would solicit information about my boundaries and needs in a seemingly genuine attempt to manage their impulsive behavior and its effects on me. But then within a day or two the secondary psychopathic alter would use that information to violate those specific boundaries, clearly taking pleasure in the trauma and betrayal they were enacting. Having a conceptual framework like this helps to alleviate the nightmarish quality of that experience.
I believe that I went through such an event about a week ago with what I believed to be a very close lady friend of mine for the past year.
I chose to break contact. And it's quite excruciating. All the 'I could have done this, or not do that, or been more careful, or been more open, etc, etc' is almist unbearable.
Yes, there were signs of what I believe to be something close to BPD, with serious trauma and abuse in her life. While I was well aware that it is not my responsability to 'fix' her, I was there for her whenever loneliness and emptyness and physycal pain made her ask for my help ans presence, and then some. I just couldn't help it.
Staying in no contact hopefully will pay off.
I am a BPD female (this is my husband’s account).
I really relate to the alters part, but not what it is triggered by. When I sense that another person has a predatory view of me, THAT’s when that secondary psychopath comes out. It’s like I see that they want to hurt me, so I want to hurt them more to punish them? Like Vanessa said, it’s as if a switch had been thrown.
Thank you for making this content. I am trying to work on managing my BPD and becoming the best version of myself. I had no idea what was going on for years.
He has many video's about Bpd. JazzyT.
Speaking personally, my life has been calmer, simpler, and more emotionally regulated since I made the conscious decision to be more, 'wolf'.
I did the same but then later realized it was just another form of avoidance. It feels empowering and healthy but the moment I was faced with reality it all came crashing down. Good luck
@@arablover123 hey, can i ask what you are doing now, instead of resorting to lone wolf mode?
This is great! My mother is borderline ! She is truly a violent and emotionally abusive person. No control over actions and complete black outs.
Ditto with my Mother ..
Avalon Mist 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Mine too. We must be a species. I realized about a decade ago that my mother required "love, support, and encouragement"; necessities for all humans. It didn't help that my father was driving a taxi at night in the 60's and having extra marital affairs. I should not have been be prive to all this ugliness as a child. A "coerced confidant".
Mine too. Even when she was dying, she could not admit the harm she had done. Three weeks before she died, she told me she had been thinking about her life. Like an idiot, I thought she was going to apologize for ruining my life, but she told she had come to the conclusion that she was a victim, a true, true victim. I honestly don’t think she saw it. Sometimes I actually feel guilty about how much better everything is since her death.
M Your English is just fine, better than I can do in any foreign language. Best to you.
She always admires the narcissist until he must be destroyed, by destroying herself while both laughing and crying (split).
She can never attain true narcissism, that is the object of her love. Once she 'realizes' she cannot have it, the relationship must be destroyed, not merely ended.
Great presentations Sam.
Yes, exactly
Guess that's why bpds are narcs kryptonite as they say
@soft kisclosure the amount of love and empathy I carry for people and animals overwhelms me and often drowns me. My empathy is my disaster. And so am I.
Sam Vaknin says in another video,that Borderline's has a huge heart and empathy,but when they gets angry they becomes a secondary Psychopath.He has many video's about Bpd. JazzyT.
This is brilliant - incredibly insightful observations on the Lone Wolf aspect of the psychopathic BPD subcategory. I’ve never seen this aspect addressed of Lone Wolf dissociative psychopathy in BPD. Brilliant. Hopefully, Professor Vaknin will write/talk more on this topic in future lessons.
He has many video's about Bpd,he is married to a Borderline, too. JazzyT.
Yikes - I hate to associate myself with the word psychopath but I believe it to be true! Makes complete sense and helps me understand my behavior. Great work and great videos. Thank you.
Yep I agree..try to figure out why I do what I do the shame and regret behind my impulsive behaviour and the “dissociation” behind it!!!! 💔
Lol your username
@@cj7627BPD and a gun? 😂 I live in Canada and it's hard asf to get a gun, but that doesn't seem smart and probably would be even catastrophic
a lot of the cluster Bs seem pretty fluid & overlapping, as if in need of an overhaul. edited to add: your conclusion makes perfect sense to me
There can be an overlap in Cluster B, but not always. JazzyT.
My partner has BPD (male). I am a schizoid narcissist. This video is spot on. I used to retaliate severely when he would lash out. Now I just shrug it off and ignore him. This seems to work because he calms down within minutes. I don't even get riled up anymore when he's in his ´mood´. That seems to show him his behaviour is unacceptible apparantly. I'm no angel either. I can be vicious and be it on purpose. I am not out to hurt anyone but once you cross the line you better run. Since we both have our issues (and know it) we work at having at least some kind of a healthy relationship. Why we are together? No sane person could ever put up with us. It somehow works
i realy want to knoe what happend to your rel today...
Must be an intense relationship.
Thank you, Sam, for bravely sharing your experiences and incredibly useful wisdom/research with the world. Huge fan and you are refreshing.
Thank you Sam Vaknin, for helping open my and others eyes and be more self aware. I really appreciate the work you do and share.
This brilliant video is another keeper from you, Dr. Vaknin- thank you so much! You continually help me to evolve in my personal & professional understanding. The “soul of a Cluster B” is why their behavior is never personal to the other, & if abusive, help is called for. Also, “the Cluster B tribe” explains who and why they are attracted to them. Personally, your video lectures have brought me ongoing, and deepening, closure. I continue to highly recommend your works. Thank God there is a plethora of helpful resources for all interested parties, your videos on the top of the list. 💜
Having been in a relationship with a bpd female. This makes perfect sense.
This was so informative & made so much sense. Thanks, Sam V. :)
thank you. I hope I have understand it right. I have borderline, but I only feel like I psychopath, then I feel overwhelmed distressed or abandoned by a partner. Afterwards after the amnesia period I can feel my true self and feel big sorrow, grief and sadness of the distress and anxiety I have caused the other part.
So I am definitely full of empathy, its only then I dissociate in very stressed situations that a temporary psychopath can appear because of the huge amount of anger load I am feeling in the moment.
Wonderful insights clearly explained. Thanks so much, Sam.
Sam you have spoken so well on this topic. Nobody even profs have taken my dissasociation seriously. Its like dropping into a concrete overcoat. It dispells just as instantly and all the colour/ noise come rushing in + I feel alive again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Dissociation.
Wow. The bare knuckle truth. Thanks Sam.
I've known a lot of bpd individuals in my time. And I've unknowingly been close to some.
In order to integrate these experiences correctly, I've been watching a lot of different videos. With your videos, there rings a lot of truth to me.
The bpd individual craves attention, affection and having someone very close to them. However, because they switch in their self-states, they also switch in how they view others around them. In their narcissistic state, they find someone to idealize. Just like a narcissist, they put their target on a pedestal. Not to idealize the other person but to idealize themselves through them. If they put someone on a pedestal and they manage to "score" that person, it is to them the proof of their own value and grandiosity.
However, then the fears set in. In this state, the fears are still somewhat narcissistic. They worry that they've idealized the wrong person and start to see things in that person (no matter if it's a partner or a friend) that go against their grandiosity, because humans are flawed. In a way, they get into the same discard stage as someone who is narcissistic.
This is the stage where the abandonment issues set in. However, the borderlone person missattributes this emotional reality. They cannot be honest with themselves about the fact that theyre afraid to be left, to be the one discarded. So they focus more on the perceived mistakes of the other person, thinking to themselves that they must've overlooked a lot about the person. In a way, thats true. But its also not. They dont realize that they perceived everything about them just fine and that their change in perspective is just due to their change of self states.
To me, that's the point where the psycopathy sets in. The bpd individual can't cope with the insecurity, thus they switch into a mode where the other person becomes a nuisance to them. Like a splinter stuck under their skin. So they act out. Violate the other persons boundaries and personality. In a way, they're trying to force the other person to discard them at that stage, as they are not yet free of their fear of abandonment yet, nor of the illusion that they're not able to continue all on their own. If the target doesnt discard them after multiple tries of this, they finally re able to see the person as not useful to them, nor as valuable to them. Its a very disturbing thing in a way. Because it feels like they need someone to not want them, to not give them what they need, in order to keep their affection for them. Just like a narcissist again. They dont see themselves as valuable, so a person cannot be idealized that sees value in them.
Once this state is reached, the psychopathic detachment begins. However, after my experiences, its uite common for bpd people to switch between all three self states in that phase. One day, they will break up the connection, the next day they will knock on your door, begging to take you back, only to discard again two days later. They will repeat thi cycle multiple times, only breaking out of it and finally completely devalueing the target if they don't block these advances each and every time.
In the end, the bpd individual will often go into a state that is the perfect mixture of psychopathic detachment and victimhood mentality. They will view the other person as toxic to them, view themselves as the victim and the hurt one, while also aware of their own helplessness in the whole situation. However, this they will only admit to themselves. To themselves they will be honest about not knowing what they want or feel or need and thus not being able to communicate about it. And of course they are clueless. How could they not, given the fact that they are most of the time five different people throughout the day?
Its crucial to them though to not be honest about this with other people (besides the ones they hurt) because on one hand, it would disrupt their selfimage throughout all of the states and it aould also block them from pulling in others and repeating their cycle.
In a way, bpd individuals are addicted to pain and drama, to both being the victim and the perpetrators. All of them that I met were very aware of this fact, however just like a narcissist, they dont want to see what it exactly means and says about them as a person.
My closest relationship with a bpd individual was very short, thankfully. However, I can still feel the damage greatly, always beware with people like this, always.
Thank you, this has helped alot
What if I try to stop the "acting really weird so that the other person gets rid of me because I'm afraid of getting attached" phase? For example, I have a friend and I like him as a person, but sometimes when I get scared, I start viewing him in a bad light ("he just wants to hurt me", "remember when he said xyz to you?"), however, I know exactly what this is and so I confront him and tell him that I am having these thoughts and that I feel like ending the friendship because I'm scared. We usually find a way to sort it out. Sometimes it comes back but I'm able to just kinda ignore it. Thankfully, I have only acted out once 1 year into our friendship, I said something mean to him because I felt abandoned, but I apologized immediately and explained it to him. I wonder, is it possible that BPD symptoms "lessen" over time? Can you get healed from BPD? Because I feel like my symptoms have gotten less and less intense over the years. I wonder if I managed to heal a little bit or if it's gotten easier just because I don't encounter triggering situations anymore, but I'm actually still a monster inside. Will I always be like this, for the rest of my life? I'm really scared of what I can do to people
majority of ppI in the comments are ignorant and actuaIIy dont know borderIines they just know narcissists and they're getting them mixed up IoI
This is unbelievable accurate and to the point in it's entirety
Wow, dude! Precisely!
OMG U DID IT DUDE your work is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WAOW! You are so intriguing Prof. Vaknin. I really appreciate all your AMAZING content. Thank you so much! Very very informative.
Thank you professor Vaknin
You have accurately described my current situation with an undiagnosed borderline. She has assumed deep narcissistic and psychopathic traits. Her secondary personality which is characterised by rage, manipulation, and callousness are in striking contrast to her host personality which is warmth, caring and a fun loving spirit. Your commentary has instilles a sense of fear in me, but has helped me to better navigate my current environment.
I have read countless books and articles and watched so many videos trying to find anything that mirrored my experience with my BPD ex and this is the first thing that really nails it. I still remember the time I sat down to ask her some questions about lies she had told in our past and she just could not put together any of the details. Even when I recapped the lies, I could see the confusion in her eyes. In the years since we broke up, I had come to the conclusion that it was just another manipulation technique. The thought of a dissociative personality was not something I had come across in the things I had read, so it never crossed my mind again that she may have actually been truthful when she couldn't remember even the most blatant lies she had gotten caught in. This video is so important for me because that relationship damaged so much trust I had in anyone. It made me question everything I believed about humans because I thought I had been completely conned by a master manipulator. I always felt I had been in love with a psychopath who abused me for her own narcissistic gain and everything to the contrary was just an act I fell for because I was naive. Knowing I may have been dealing with altered personalities makes me feel less naive and less a victim of a psychopathic abuser.
Dr Sam Vaknin has many video's about Bpd,he is married with a Borderline,too, there's an interwieu with his wife Lydia on his channel. JazzyT.
I can relate to that very much. I had a similar experience and it took me years to get back on my feet. Still struggling though..
Fantastic material, thank you and all the best!
Thank you Sam for this video.
Thank you for such a clear and insightful video. This explains someone very close to me who has experienced significat trauma. This helps me understand 'them' more.
Thank! You! Sir!!! I was diagnosed with "quiet" BPD and DID. You are spot on, down to the point of having at least a bit of influence on my altars (I call them my team) behaviour. Amnesia and that people have a hard time understanding what all of this means makes me feel in this world like a werewolf in a silver museum. 🤔🙄
But also for pointing out about some of us being like a lone wolf and gender roles being blurry.. I never felt female or male, I was always just "me", with female and male traits. There are days when I'm not unhappy, even without drugs, when I can live with myself. Today I feel OK about myself. Thank you, sir! 🙂🇮🇪👍🍀
I relate hard to this.
I just want to say thank you Sam , i think you are great !!!
Thank you so much for your videos! I've recently found out that I have BPD and it has answered so many questions I've had for many years about why I am the way I am. I've always felt that there are 2 of me living in this body. One is docile, caring, anxious and depressed and the other is just awful. I explained to the therapist when I had my assessment that when I go into a rage, it's like I'm watching it in a third person perspective and I'm screaming at myself to stop but the other me won't listen. That's just a small example of it. This video has explained it perfectly for me and has given me some clarity
He has many video's about Bpd. JazzyT.
Love listening to you, thank-you.
I think this video explains what I have suspected. I watched it twice, thx for this information.
This is BRILLIANT and cutting-edge info... Thank you. "Rooted in trauma" is a key phrase here that may help us have more empathy and understanding. As a RECOVERING co-dependant who's attracted cluster Bs most of my adult life, I've been watching these NPD/cluster B videos for five years trying to figure out WHY I had these experiences. I'm learning and growing by seeing my part in the powerfully magnetic attraction/dysfunction/love/hate crazymaking dynamic, too! I have peace now by seeing the red flags and not buying into former triggers, having better boundaries, and refusing to let history repeat itself. Thanks again!!
CPTSD and BPD diagnosed. This is dead on accurate, I do have psychopathic tendencies when I am disrespected/deliberately deceived by my favorite person. My marriage to a malignant narcissistic cocaine addict undermined all the work I had done over years and years. All of those unflattering borderline traits you’ve been naming off is exactly what he was doing to me and was using my BPD diagnosis against me and attempting to manipulate my family and psychiatrist at the VA hospital. I’ve divorced him and spend ALLLLL my time alone. It’s peaceful and safe.
Very helpful and interesting video! I was diagnosed with cluster B/bpd/CPTSD by different professionals - I say that because my "selves" are all so different to the level that you described. The description and explanation of the bpd "alters" clears things up for me as I've long compared these facets of self to MPD/alters. The differences are quite dramatic and something I can tap into like a switch (which I am aware feels extremely abnormal and thus to me, on a rational level I am aware that it is disturbing to other people and also, at the end of the day, myself). Just glad to know that at my core however, I do care about people and I wouldn't be able to commit a harsh crime without remorse. An interesting note... I've been conscious of these different sides to myself for some time in my development (now in my late 20s) to the point of even naming those personalities different names. I wonder if - like that theory in which violent psychopaths are people who "feed" those impulsive thoughts - perhaps my disorder is in part, to me having "fed" these parts of myself and psyche. Not always able to be conscious and aware of one's own actions ofc, but anywho, food for thought
Dr. Vaknin, this was the most helpful video ever. HOW DO YOU SAFELY INTERACT WITH A BORDERLINE you are committed to for other (non-caretaking) reasons? A partner or child of a borderline is confused by the switching and never quite sure when it might happen or what to do, and typical reactions escalate and don’t help anyone. This video helped me discover the only key I’ve found. After watching videos of true DID patients and seeing them switch personalities, something clicked inside, and I realized I can SEE and say to myself, “this (new disregulated persona) isn’t my mother.” Or “this isn’t my wife (husband), this isn’t the woman (man) I married.” Which allows the child/partner to emotionally and physically disengage until the stable base personality returns. For me, I may SEE it, I’ll quickly VALIDATE the emotion/thought with “are you feeling___because___?“ Regardless of the answer, if they are misrepresenting things I “call their bluff“ by stating the fact as I see it, and then I am mediately LEAVE. As I’ve tried this, I discovered it allows quick and respectful exits, which result in a much higher incidence of the borderline being able to process, notice their own disregulation without blaming it on others, theneven returning and saying “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did, I was mishearing the situation…“!! It doesn’t change their emotional dysregulation at the time, but by quickly and respectfully disengaging I allow them space and contrast to notice their switching without the experience being muddied by my reactions. And the emotional turmoil inside has largely disappeared. Seeing borderline as dissociative switching is incredibly powerful for me.
See my BPD playlist.
spot on Sam .thank you so much
This is very informative, thank you.
Thank you. Your insight is so enlightening answering so many questions as to why I could not help my partner and explains her behavior. 🤯
I finally feel understood I was always scared to own up to my psychopathic tendencies cause that’s not what I am either. It’s this big confusion inside of me...
It's been a total emotional deregulation and doubt for all my life. A significant part of it is that I thought I was a psychopath but I can feel and decided not to be mean, not to lie and take advantage of someone or opportunity. I decided not be as the ones that made me that way, I decided not to pass this disease ahead. In fact, I'm not a psycopath but that of course part of me and now I know why.
Dr Ramani says it's 4 types of Borderline. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
This made me cry
I will be 28 in a few months I constantly keep meeting men that are just interested in me for sex, I've never really had a boyfriend to the point where maybe I become paranoid at the mere feeling of being considered as a sex object and therefore abandoned.
So I prefer to cut the cord myself, as a call for help to make them realize something, that I want them to focuse more on my personality, and of course the result is always the same, they confirm to me they only wanted sex which hurts me even more...I don't even know if I believe in love anymore to be honest. Maybe I just don't get men. Very often I have this weird impression that no man is capable of loving me, especially when dating. When I'm alone and not dating is when I feel the most at peace. Maybe I should take a break from men for a while. Thank you for your videos Sam Vatkin I learn a lot from them
Have you considered the possibility that you keep choosing men that are just interested in sex? Said my therapist. She was right. I chose differently, and the outcome was also different. Dated for 6 years, married for another 6. On medication that i am thankful for. Seek treatment asap. It can change your life path. I wish you the best, you can do it.
Men can trigger things inside of you,you can be at peace when you're alone and can be yourself.There can be decades until you finds someone that feels right.If you try to date a man before sex,you may not feel so used.Judy Rosenberg says Borderline's are the Scapegoat of a Narcissistic mother. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
This is the first video that has actually explained my mind and actions perfectly
This is the most accurate description of what I experienced with my last ex. The BPD was obvious as she checked every box and I saw a bit of histrionic traits. The further we got into the relationship, she began to display more narcissistic and anti-social traits. She adamantly denied having BPD but was recorded as having high traits of NPD and ASPD by a psychologist. I called her a "cluster B platter" and this video cleared up how & why this is the case. She spoke a lot of dissociation too but didn't have the amnesia aspect.
brilliant exigesis. thank you.
Finally! Nice work Sam. From very personal experience (mother and female partners) I have often thought this was the case.
Perfect explanation sir. Thankyou for giving it a name so I can identify it. This all has occurred in my three year relationship apart from the promiscuity to my knowledge. It has recently dramatically ended. Her attempts to contact me go cyclically from remorse to abuse within a 72hr timeframe. The same cycles I couldn't identify within the relationship.
It probably occurs this way in association with
her alcohol consumption.
Now I see that it was used to account for her behavior. To discuss her actions with her either
resulted in a mirroring of my words back at me or a justification. Her behavior even now, has me questioning whether I am the one to blame. Am I a narcissist, is there something wrong with me? For not identifying red flags, possibly. Still she is alone, and I worry about her.
Excellent explanation of things.
This describes my mom... now I understand why I get so sick every time I let her into my life again. She used to drink and abuse me mentally and emotionally. She also became violent sometimes but I was always stronger than her. I actually lost is, and ended up beating her up once. And then she claimed to not remember anything she had done, only what i had done wrong. She shows no sign of self-awareness or remorse.
Does psychology take hormonal shifts into account? Especially in women. I know many women who are prone to acting out in some of the ways you described in response to dysfunctional relationships when they are experiencing PMT/PMDD. And friends of mine have been misdiagnosed with bi polar etc and then realised their depression is intrinsically linked to their menstrual cycle and managed it accordingly knowing the times of the month they are happy and stable and when they are more vulnerable etc
Louisa Sasa There are some studies linking testosterone, estrogen, cortisol, to PCOS and endometriosis. If the Matrinac can’t regulate her own emotions, then it’s diffficult for her daughters to regulate their cycles. I went on a three year journey to explore my own hormonal system. Turns out going no contact and getting distance from toxic women was all I needed to start regulating my cycle again. No more ovarian cysts, no more migraines, no more panic attacks.
Yes!! This seriously needs to be considered when making an accurate diagnosis.
I am just going through this now, I am so much worse before my period. I am suicidal and uncontrollably dysfunctional
So much fun dating . I have had enough of these women who don't know how , or cannot , to be a civilized decent human being
Yes. Hormones will do a lot to a woman and if she has a diagnosis like BPD it’s even more evident. Being self aware helps to prepare people for mood shifts.
I've not been diagnosed with borderline, but I am suspecting that this is what has been at work to some extent during most of my life. I am avoidant, for the most part. But I really feel you nailed it here and I can identify with these behaviours.
Dr Judy Rosenberg says Borderline's is the Scapegoat child of a Narcissistic mother. JazzyT.
Thank you for this highly informative video yet again. Love your work. Do you have any videos about solutions for Borderlines? What a 'healthy borderline' looks like and how they get to that state? What sort of therapies work best?
DBT
Bpd can be healed.He has many video's about Bpd,and a wife with the diagnosis. JazzyT.
This makes so much sense! So excited by this discussion and theory. How can things be formally changed?
It's possible to get healed from Bpd. JazzyT.
Please write a simple book about explaining fundamental personality disorder for kids... Had I learned about BPD basics when I was a boy. I would have had fewer clashes with BPD adults / parents / teachers and maybe not have ended up married to one..
I did: samvak.tripod.com/faqpd.html
Do you find that you avoid individuals with extreme behaviours now as an adult? I know that i look for a sense of stability in the people I would like to have as friends.
A. G. Yes, calm + kind.
@@meelahmak yes that’s it. I a diagnosed bpd And kind n calm is what works
You are correct. Amazing!
😳😱 CPTSD right here - spot on with the exception of being able to control your reactions; intermittent explosions prevent that at times.
☆☆☆☆ Finally I found the correct information. This video is the most accurate I have found in describing the 15 years I was married to a woman who lives constantly in this "cycle" of back and forth between what always seemed as if multiple personalities were at play. Acting very sweet and kind followed by revenge, sadistic behaviors and pleasure derived from causing misfortune and pain to others in any facet of her life intimate/family/workplace/ and her own children. Constant punishments, ASPD behaviors and actions with zero conscience, morals or accountability. But absolutely in need of a partner who was the exact opposite in their behaviors. Very well described and finally someone who understands and plainly explains the processes and what these individuals must go through and live with, and what those who become entangled with them are in turn dealing with. Thank you Sam Vaknin for your doing so. Just waiting for the psychological/ psychiatric community to follow suit with what is very real in your explanations and understandings of the Secondary Psycopathy/ Borderline area of the Cluster B Personality Spectrum. ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
He has many video's about Bpd and are married to a Borderline. JazzyT.
Unfortunately from too much experience, I can concur anectodily with Sam's video. My ex fiance presented as Dark Tetard, however with traits of covert NPD, HPD, DID, and BPD, which were fluid upon the person, situation, etc.
In trying to find explanations on what I went through, (that I intuitively knew due to my experiences), nothing ever added up, via what multitudes presented in regards to the different characters, (comorbid or otherwise), on the deleterious amounts of videos, articles, and experts I talked to, (over an exhaustive 8 year period), until I saw this video from Sam.
Thank you Sam for finally shedding some clarity on this exhaustive process!
The BPD she presented was the first "signs and symptoms," that were initially evident to me, but over time, the depths of her behaviors just presented so much more sinister, sadistic, callousness, chaotic, and with extreme splitting and amnesiac episodes, that nothing was adding up per say from what I read and heard, until now, via this video.
I went through the same thing... my bpd ex had more than just borderline.. at least 7 symptoms of npd, some hpd. It’s a mix... then she’d be psychotic.
It's called the Dark Trias. JazzyT.
Dark Triad.
Not to do semantics, but Dark Triad, mostly certainly, but technically "Dark Tetrad," to reflect, (very accurately in her case), the addition of sadism.
As a side note, Shakespeare Sister's song Stay is what I believe now to be a fantastic trip inside a BPD woman's psyche. Unfortunately I've been there, inside it, for the past year or so. Part of me still is.
P.S. Nevermind the video, but the song.
4:28 When the borderline lifepartner is another proud member of the cluster B tribe...."
Proud member... It got me too.
😂Sam Vaknin calls it the Dance Macabre,with Borderline and Narcissist. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
Brilliant videos Sam. So informative. Ive studied BPD for a few years now and wish I had found your insights much sooner. I have been in a relationship with a Classic Borderline high performing for over 5 yrs. Yip its had its challenges and moments of brilliance. A very dysfunctional relationship at times as I didn't have insight to know what was going on with her mental health. Shes prone to splitting when stressed just as you describe. Scary!
Here's a question I wish someone could shed some light on - Given we have been together this long do you think she actually loves me like she makes out or is it her fear of abandonment that is "more likely" keeping her in the relationship?
Watch the videos on the borderline's shared fantasy.
The last 4 minutes sent a chill down my spine.
Wow. I agree with this so much.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you.
So TRUE!!!...THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND GOOD INFORMATION ABOUT...👿😱...GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY 🕊❤👼🙇
He has many video's about Bpd and are married to a Borderline.In another video,he tells the Borderline has a huge heart and empathy, but when they gets angry,they becomes a secondary Psychopath.There's an interwieu with his wife Lydia,too. JazzyT.
Thank you very much.
Solid video
"So what we have in a borderline is a dissociative psychopath...The dissociative psychopath usually with the pronounced grandiosity of the narcissist and the seductiveness and flirtatiousness of the histrionic when they are provoked by abandonment anxiety." WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spot on. That is exactly what I have dated or married 2x now. They are the siren from greek mythology.
There can be an overlap i Cluster B,but not always,the Narcissist don't have empathy,but a Bpd has that. JazzyT.
Thank you
The psychopath alter makes so much sense. I recently got involved with a narcissist and began to experience a lot of symptoms I could not explain and somebody told me to check for BPD and it all made sense. But I can’t identify with the classic BPD, I don’t sleep around or self-harm or do anything foolish in fact I go out of my way to avoid people and relationships. I have isolated myself from friends and family for 2 years to ‘stabilise’ myself to try and get my life and future together, to the point I once asked in a psych forum once if I might be a schizoid. But somehow this narcissist found me and forced himself into my world, and all the splitting and push and pull happened that I could not understand, and towards the end I kept getting obsessive thoughts wanting to completely torture and destroy him. I even confided to him at one point when he managed to manipulate me out of my suspicions that “I have this urge to psychologically torture any guy who uses me”. I remember the same urge was there when I dated my only other ex-boyfriend, who also had mild narcissistic traits.
I don’t think he was aware he was a narcissist so instead I’ve told him and sent him one of your videos about treatment. I just hope this will be a better way forward for both of us.
narcs dont have abillity to being self awre , you shoud read about truma bound , in my epenin you are in it , isolated bpds are the victom of narcs usally
Dr Ramani says there's 4 types of Borderline. JazzyT.
This explains a lot. My ex is ASPD, Narcissistic, Histronic and I'm positive his girlfriend is BPD. Thankfully my children no longer are required to be around either of them, but their little half brother is doomed.
Can u explain more about inner objects and outer objects in case of Borderline Personality , their is one video of you with richard, where you talk about Borderline, but i want you to expand on your inner Object and outer object theory and how the Borderline confuse between two and how you can relate all the Borderline behaviour with this inner, outer Object theory, I would love to hear you on this inner outer object theory in a separate video, i was in a relationship with a Borderline for 10 years.
Thanks
This makes sense but it is really bad news
The articulation you present is clear and concise. Excellent, thanks for your videos Profe! This insight really explains the layers and facets of borderline, fascinating and so tragic an existence.
Do you have a video in how to spot the borderline a mile away, so to avoid? What professions attract the borderline?
Is the borderline often a school teacher, or some sort of role where she has a group of people captive under her constant authority and at the mercy of her mood and rules?
TY.
Brillant ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Thank-you! Finally someone says it! I've been struggling for years to overcome the emotional damage I sustained from being in a relationship with a woman with BPD. The current political climate is nothing short of patently allergic to the thought that Borderline women are, in essence, sociopaths by a different name.
Brilliant!
Very interesting topic .
My daughter is a borderline. Her father is a psychopath. I am an empath. I have moved out of the home. She hits me started doing drugs. Drinks and makes pornographic videos. I am soooo happy this video explains exactly my daughters psychopathic evil side. And her crazy borderline side.
For some time I knew she was a psychopath and a borderline. She also has amnesia. Doesn’t remember things she has done. You are brilliant. I have divorced my husband. Took me 16 years to figure it out. Gaslighting constantly. I love you for all you do Sam ❤️
I'm divorced from a BPD and we coparent a son. She's in the high functioning category and once she painted me black embarked on a litany of acts of infidelity. She had multiple sexual encounters in inpatient psychiatric facilities. Even if on a particular day she wasn't cheating, she acted like she was. She convinced a mutual friend I was abusive and slept with him. He actually had enough character to confess to me with a heartfelt apology.
I'm not going to drone on this culminated in an exit affair, and eight years later she's still with the same guy which I cannot fathom.
I was crushed and angry and wanted some serious payback. I asked my father what he thought I should do. He advised me not to do anything that I would regret twenty or thirty years later.
Additionally he reinforced that it was incumbent on me to provide my son with an example of a decent human being and not to empower the ex to control my behavior.
It's been about eight years, and every once in a while I start to talk about one of her awful, horrendously cruel past behaviors and she immediately blurts out, "I don't want to talk about that!"
She definitely has amnesia particularly for cruel, sadistic past behavior. I suppose that's an exhibition of guilt or shame. When we walked out of divorce court, I said yay! It's finally official and something you've been wanting for a long time. She got Def con 1 angry which confused me.
The term secondary is psychopath is frightening I must say. I wonder if she's ever going to discard the recent boyfriend, she has a child with him that was conceived in the first weeks.
There's no way she simply put down her crazy, it baffles ne.
Sam V., Why are you the only one with this insight? While Ive spent my time trying to slot my girlfriend into which of the ClusterBs she belongs,(she shows distinct characteristics of all 4), I never understood the dissociative aspects, nor the behavior, nor the choices she makes until now. Different unintelligible personalities would call me via phone and agressively try to accuse or threaten me in various ways. Most recently in a depleted narc supply episode, she picked up a carreer violent criminal, and was getaway driver while he robbed a convenient store. Shes from a rich family and wants for nothing. A new self-destructive vocation at 35, to sooth her Borderline self hatred. It's like watching a 4year old child on a runaway train headed towards a brick wall! But you have this behavior surrounded sir, I salute your profound genius, because no one else covers the subject like you!
No comments?*sniffs*
Genius.
Impressive, you just described exactly one of my former best friends who was diagnosed with bpd. I also used to think back then that she had two personalities; it's disturbing.
oh my gosh this rabbit hole keeps getting deeper. if only I had known all this...
I have two alters.The traumatised child who ended up in the gutter because she was surrounded by predators for most of her life and now alter number two who now has to take over and protect the other.I don''t want to lose the first,that is me,the loving ,empathetic all giving child who had that used against her by the very people who should have protected her.She can now sit this one out because if she doesn't then she will have no choice but to bow out.Alter number two is in charge now but it is a huge struggle to keep the other out of it.Maybe the two can combine? That's a difficult one.
Add in a reptilian looking monster thing that I'm actually scared of (even my bad ass alter is scared shitless of it) and that's straight up my story... The monster doesn't try fight for my identity though... perhaps just a primal manifestation after something reeeeeally shit happened at age 2...
Who else would a 2 year old bubba girl need to rescue her If her 'god' like creators of life who's sole mission was supposed to be KEEPING HER SAFE, they not only failed, but infact WERE the abusers.... That girls gonna need a monster! Only a monster could protect her from her monster parents.
BOOOOM!
Wow.
Ummmm- thank you! One of the biggest realizations of my life just occurred.
Thank you.
Thank you.
THANK YOU!!!!
Bless.
Lemme know if I can return the favor..?! 🤣
😇🥰
If you grew up as a Scapegoat of two Narc's,you are an Heyoka Empath,the rarest type of Empaths. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
This has answered a lot of questions for me my ex wife was sexually abused from 4 to 12 and then raped by her brother at 14
I have thought that she was a covert narcissist with borderline personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder being with her for 18 years through various stages she dissociative and walked out of the marriage .instead of chasing her i let her go she is beyond help
I have not seen her for 18 months or spoken for 17 months lawyers have contacted her and she refused to cooperate in any way to finalize the resolution of the marriage
I did a lot work on myself and 6 months ago meet a beautiful woman and I am learning to trust her because she is trust worthy my ex is now outraged and I am worried about her actions to come i have a trespass order on her but when she finally flips out that won't mean anything to her they are a bloody nightmare
Paul Townsend You don’t mention children. If you had kids with her, my sympathies for you and them. Yes, these people are beyond help and it is really a vision of hell. But I hope you do the internal work to find out why you got into this and why you stayed for 18 years. Don’t let it happen again.
This sounds like a fit for Amber Heard in the current Depp V Heard trial. - also they seem to represent the perfect fit for a couple engaged in the danse macabre. Thank you um Dr Vaknin.
I tried to hang on but I’m gone now. Too much chaos. I have bpd and secondary psychopathy. I let my alter to take over because that’s the only way for me to survive in this world. It’s realistic and better. I don’t feel much anxiety now and people are horrible in general. The damage is done and I can see it in my eyes. That’s life though. Good luck to the rest of us. 👍
This helped me understand so much. I turned down my BPD close friend of many years for intimate relations and she ruined my life over it, i think i now see why. Everything just clicked into place after like 2 years of looking for answers. Many others helped but i think it finally clicked.
Now i just need to try and find out why so many ery close friends i've had have NPD.
My mind is BLOWN
I'm a bpd but I'm trying to fight my inner psychopath as hard as I can... I feel deep regret to all the people I've hurt... I have a big conscience and sense of morality even though this morality code gets disturbed when I feel hurt... But I sincerely don't wanna hurt anyone... Every time I've lashed out and hurt someone I would do charity and try to make things good for all the bad I've done... (sorry for my bad english)
Im the same, im very into meditation and I do my best to become a good person, the only person I abuse is my partner and is so hard to control bc I do It only bc of my trust issues.
@@6699s I feel you! But at least we aren't in denial! Self awareness is the first step to improvement! It might be a lifelong challenge for us, but we have to keep fighting for our loved ones and not let this disorder control our lives! Much love and light to you ❤🍀😊
Brilliant totally true my mother is a narcissist and my cousin is a borderline totally accurate
Once you have been hurt by a psychopath you embody some of their behaviour..I found myself doing narcissistic things because it feel good.but because I have some level of empathy I don't feel like I am one..it's a strange feeling