AITA for telling my half sister who her father is? (Full Post)
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- čas přidán 17. 04. 2024
- I was RED, called her and told her if her family ever contacted mine I would tell her daughter the truth. She claimed ignorance and asked me if I didn't considered the two of them family and I said not only I didn't, I hoped they never crossed mine or my brother's life again. My Dad thought it was too harsh, my Stepmom was on my side and my brother thanked me.
Why might I be the Asshole? Half sister started messaging my Dad (his number is basically public) telling him that they had very few resources, she missed him, etc. Please note they never had a relationship. My Dad told me and I was already pissed and told him to block her but he said he felt bad. All I asked my Dad is to not give her any money. Last week she asked him directly if he could send her some money for her expenses and when my Dad said no she started trying to guilt trip him about not paying child support and implying he was a deadbeat because he only cared to give everything to his other kids.
I am not very proud but I don't regret what I did: I called her and told her everything. Who her Dad is, that he was married, and sent her copies of the DNA thing. She was sobbing but I kept going. My Mom called me saying I destroyed the life of an innocent person because I'm bitter and her relatives keep contacting me to call me awful names. My family says I might have gone overboard but understand why I did what I did.
Add on: I just want to clarify some of the things mentioned by you guys.
My Dad didn't tell her anything because he said it wasn't his place, he says it wasn't mine either. It is the first time she contacts him directly, she has tried adding him on Facebook, approaching him at my Brother's graduation, and send him letters. My Dad never gave her an inch. We did have a very nice comfortable life, but then again we are his kids.
The "accident" involved a car and my Brother being severely depressed. It happened after a call with out Mom in which she kept pushing him to send them more money and my Brother trying to cut them off because he wanted to start saving and maybe travel. He felt extremely guilty and couldn't take it. They both, Mother and Kid, always dismissed his mental health struggles. He did have some sort of relation or communication with our half sister but she was always badmouthing my Dad and my Brother decided to distance himself a long time ago, the phone call was just what broke it all.
For those who claim they were left destitute, after my Mom attempted to destroy my Dad's life he still bought her a house in their new city and gave her enough money to start a business or do whatever she wanted with it. She also badmouths my Dad which is why I don't like being around her. She was never a great Mom so yeah maybe I was always biased but she saw a house with good parents and wanted us to lose it. Over the years she also threatened to sue my Dad for child support a couple of times, yes even after the DNA.
Why did I "abandoned" my half sister? I was a teenager whose Dad was deeply hurt by all the events that happened and had no interest at the beginning. When she was on calls I was polite, she added me on Facebook and I agreed, same with other Social Media. Since she was a teen she loves dragging my Dad's name, blaming my Stepmom, my Brother, and me. She had a phantasy idea about the situation and everytime my Brother and I would confront our Mom and she would make half sister back down. After my Brother's "accident" she contacted him not to ask "how are you Brother?" but to ask when could he send them some money. She is 22 by the way, she blames my Brother and Father for having to take a job to buy whatever she wants.
I did go crazy, it might not have been my place, and I am the Asshole in the eyes of some. But my family members were being hurt and harassed, I see it as protecting my family.
Add on 2: I think it has move visibility here.
The graduation they attended was my Brother's high school graduation. He invited her because she kept crying I didn't want her at mine and he felt bad. They spent the ceremony and reception telling everybody they were related to us and that is when our half sister first saw my Dad (that we know of). My Brother had a horrible experience and didn't invite them to anything else, he also didn't invite them to the party hosted by our parents because he just wanted to have a good time.
He sent them money starting at 18 when he left for College. At first it was part of what our Dad sent him for his expenses, then when he got a job he sent them money from there. It was not wow amount of money but they would always tell him sad stories about what they lacked and how lucky he was to have everything payed for. My Brother developed extreme feelings of guilt towards his private school education and being put through College debt free because of it. He is very kind but realized they were taking advantage of him and seeked help. - Zábava
The dad is a doormat. Was cheated on, almost got baby trapped by the affair partner's child, bought his ex-wife a house out of no legal obligation after being betrayed, and then continued to have his name dragged through the mud and allowed people to believe he was a deadbeat father because he didn't have the spine to correct his ex-wife's lies. Not only did he allow the harassment to continue to himself, but also his son and OP. OP was completely correct in telling the half-sister and it became her place to correct everything given her dad's lack of a spine.
OPs dad is a gentleman who handled everything with grace. He got cheated on and almost baby trapped, yes. OPs bio mom is a terrible person. But OPs dad probably bought her a house bc at the end of the day, that was still the mother of his children and he didnt want to have her struggle. Especially since to his kids, that would always be their mother. I have a shitty dad im no contact with, but no matter how much I hate him and want nothing to do with him, if I ever heard he’s out on the streets somewhere, itd still break my heart. Thats the curse of being born to a shitty parent. OPs dad provably didnt what to put his kids through that so ge provided her with a house. And his name was being shit talked to people that had nothing to do with him anymore. Why should he gaf what his cheating ex wife and gullible family think of him? He’s bigger than that and he knows it. I only saw self respect there. And OP didnt mention his dad allowing harassment to his family. It was only when OP or his younger brother contacted bio mom and half sister that they were harassing them. But OPs dad understands that it his som want to have a relationship with his bio mom and half sister, regardless of how terrible she is, he had no right to stop that. So he let it happen. And yeah it crashed and burned and OPs brother learned to never let them in again. And guess what? OP and his dad was right there to comfort him. He’s a great fucking dad and a straight gentleman. I hope I can even come close to that level of maturity and peace. He is no doormat. He just puts his own kids first. He probably helped bio mom and the half sister in extension of his kids. He thought that far for his children abd loves them that unconditionally. He’s a great fucking person fym
@@user-jh9um4qz3g Can we just say the that the Dad is soft? He clearly doesn’t want to seem like the bad guy. As he wants his kids to like their sister. However, he should have put his foot down and probably sue his ex wife for libel. As there is a pretty good case for it.
@@michaelwilson3806 I dont think its that he doesn’t want to seem like the bad guy. If that was the case, he would’ve nipped it in the bud right away when his exwife was spreading lies. I think he’s just that selfless. He knows even if there’s beef now, at the end of the day, she is their half sister. And maybe he never wanted his sons to feel guilty towards their dad for wanting to reach out to that side of the family at any point in their lives. I think he also didnt sue for that reason. Suing would cause beef between them. And while his ex wife and her daughter aren’t his family, they still may be for his sons. So he probably didnt want to do anything that might jeopardize that for them. He’s not soft he sounds strong asf. Firm (bc he did scold his son for taking it too far) but levelheaded and always thinking ahead. I respect him
Absolutely!!
op warned them and they found out what happens when you eff around
"Destroyed the life on an innocent person"...only if you look past the emotional blackmail.
Nope they don't owe them anything.
end of the video is death
No kidding. I've never seen a Reddit story need a seizure warning before.
@@ArtistLunatalialol I was waiting to see comments like this
Bruh i puke easily and it made me want to vomit everywhere
I thought I was lagging
Omg, she is 22 and your mom has lied to her for all that time. Your mother is a absolute mooch and has taught her daughter to be a mooch also..
I'd argue someone shoulda told that kid much earlier on. The psychological issues related to seeing (what she thought was her full siblings) treated so well and he (what she thought was her dad) loving her siblings but not her is crazy. Compared to the true story is much less psychologically complex.
Blood is meaningless, what matters is love and support. If the only things you get out of a relationship are hurt and anguish, end that relationship. Family doesn't get to treat you like shit, make selfish decisions, and harass you because you share genes. It took many years for me to learn how to establish healthy boundaries and enforce them, and my life is immeasurably better now. It's not easy, but nothing that important ever is.
This is the case of fuck around and find out. As a 22 year old she should have known better. Also fuck ops maternal line. I would have called them out for siding with someone willing to be apart of an affair. Let alone then attempt to blackmail someone she had no leverage on.
It was most definitely the dad's place- ex-wife lied about the half-sister's parentage, and he should've told the kid that he was NOT her father and had the DNA test to prove it. The ex-wife is horrible for lying to the kid and the rest of her family
Parents need to learn this. your kids know what is going on. they did it cause they wanted to protect you this time. my mom has finally realized why when a person is rude to her or anything she has to pull me away cause at that point violence is what my brain is telling me to do but I have to keep it under control so she removes me to protect them
FAFO!!!💯💯💯
NTA!!!
Manipulative users...
He is right that it wasn't his right to say anything because he isn't related to the child, but you as her half sister have every right to tell her the truth.
He isn't right, he let his children suffer for a lie that his ex wife said to her daughter. He didn't do anything to help them and his son paid the consequence. He was a coward
@@Incubus_Gal That's his son's mother as OP said even though it probably would've been for the best he didn't want to alienate his kids from their mom.
Which is funny since some of the comments were ready to attack the dad for that thinking he brainwashed OP
He isn’t right. It was absolutely his place to tell her that he was not her father. If someone thinks you are their father, you need to let them know you are not their father.
@@21truthbetold exactly, imagine what have suffered that girl. She think to know who is her father and that father wouldn't want to know her, at this point isn't more resounable tell her he isn't the real father? And she wasn't at fault, who wouldn't know his parents?
NTA. You protected your family.
Half-sister’s bio dad’s family need to be told so wife can divorce the bio dad.
Sounds op rightfully made it their place to do that.
It’s not “better for her to grow up thinking she has a deadbeat dad then thinking she’s the child of an affair”
If all of the children had a deadbeat dad, then maybe. But she doesn’t just think her dad is a deadbeat - she thinks her dad literally abandoned her in favor of two other kids for an unknown reason. She watched what she thought were her siblings get a privileged life while it sounds like she lived in poverty.
While that doesn’t justify her actions (leeching off of her supposed family for money and seemingly 0 interest in any actual emotional connection), had she known that the dad wasn’t her dad early on she could have developed a much better understanding of why she isn’t owed a privileged life
Hell if I grew up thinking my dad abandoned me and showered my other siblings with money I’d be pissed too.
No it is the mother fault for lie instead of just accepting that she will have to dig deep and find away to make it but this is a result of Participation trophies. Thinking you're entitled to something even though you didn't earn it.
Nta just perfecting your family from two people who aren’t
first of all, you need a seizure warning at the end, secondly, it sounds like the sister has mental issues going on too, I’ve seen many similar cases