AITA for ruining my brother and SIL pregnancy news with the news of my recent diagnosis? (Full Post)
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- čas přidán 19. 04. 2024
- I told her I initially called this meeting for this exact reason and she said she knows but I knew my news would damper everyone's mood.
So I told her shes being ridiculous and I wanted to tell my family in person, since they are my family after all. And she burst in tears and demanded to go home, which my brother obliged to even though he was confused. He promised he would come see me soon since he stays close by to me. Later that evening I get a message from him asking if I told his wife that she isnt part of the family and that I deliberately wanted the attention on me, because that's what shes upset about.
Also the next day my parents called me to check up on me and my mom mentioned that my brothers wife called yesterday evening really upset telling them what "I said" and claiming I'm jealous because shes pregnant and I'm trying to ruin her life. I told my parents what actually happened and what i really said and its caused not only tension between his wife and me, but my parents and her too, and now shes also blaming me for my parents not being her biggest fans. My brother is torn but has been trying to talk to her, which results in more tears and a strain in their marriage. All this drama is making me think that I should have just called up everyone rather, or just told my brother that his news had to wait, even though that would have been selfish of me.
I really wanted my family's support that day, but I'm starting to rethink whether it was worth all this drama and potentially causing further problems. So reddit, AITA?
EDIT: Wow I didnt expect this to get so so much lovely feedback, and to think I was slightly scared to post this, thank you all for the unnerving support, love and huggies. I read (and still reading) every single comment made and I really really appreciate it. I will most definitely fight through. Thank you all so much.
Just wanted to add a few points:
When brother told me he had news too he was really super excited and added it as a just by the way I'll announce mine too, he did apologize and admit afterwards if he had known what my news was he would have held off his, because right now what's important is my recovery. He also admitted he wrongfully assumed that my news would automatically be good (I'm usually always the happy chirpy one). His wife wasn't too fond of this either.
Brothers wife also had a miscarriage beginning of the year, which is why this pregnancy I suppose was extra special. I'm truly happy for them, I just wish she could understand (like one user pointed out) that this isnt a competition.
I dont know why I couldn't tell him over the phone, we are really close and I knew it would have crushed him, I couldn't steal him away at the gathering either because he was the last to arrive, and when he did he just quickly mentioned "Hey OP mind if I go first" and I was frozen on the spot so I said sure. Also pretty silly on my part. It's hard to explain that feeling where you absolutely frozen and theres a big lump in your throat that prevents you from speaking, but saying the news in the first place was really difficult to begin with.
Edit edit: Just another point to clarify, I'm not a saint, but my brother does mean a heck of a lot to me. It's exactly why his wife and I cleared the air between us before, because I wouldn't deliberately make his life hell by pissing her off. Hence why when I saw she was upset I approached her. And when she told me I could have skyped i responded with I wanted to tell them in person since they my family and they would probably want to be there with me when I broke the news, I never once implied she wasn't a part of it. My brother and parents know this. - Zábava
What a crybaby she’s pregnant big deal. This coming from a pregnant woman. 🙄 A life threatening diagnosis is a bit of a bigger deal imo NTA
You called them first, so you have shown that it wasn't deliberate. Her on the other hand was clearly trying to take away attention from you, since you gave a heads up to everyone that you have news.
For real the SIL is such a bitch and twisting it
exactly 💯
And the fact that she was diagnosed at 24 makes this even more serious. SIL has big problems if she couldn't see that; I would have been floored.
Her brother should divorce her and sue for full custody and use those messages as proof that she's not fit to be a mother. She's already using the baby as a pawn to control him!
Maybe an abortion too?
Honestly, that’s why men should really, and I mean REALLY think about who they want to be tied to for the rest of their lives (even if divorced) before getting a woman pregnant. So many red flags OPs brother ignored
Maybe not his kid at all
@@potatoes8414when she said he showed me texts, I thought she was cheating for sure
Honestly, it's going to both sides.
Saying it from seeing the relationship my father in for the last 7-8, so damn toxic. It also made our already (meh) relationship to go really down the hill.
So is with my mother, she married the man she cheated with on my father (and her abuser) and brought to the world another child. I just wish that kiddo better childhood than mine (and yes, it was so bad that I'm diagnosed with C-PTSD, Anxiety, Stress, sleeping disorder, depression. Honestly, amazing with the ADHD that I already have for years 😂)
That's not a man or a woman thing. That applys on everyone regardless whether they're men or women.
It’s not just men everyone should really think about it not just men but women aswell
I hope she made it and is cancer free.
Some ppl just can't help but hate when the attention is on someone different than them. When I got pregnant with my first son my BIL immediately wanted to get his wife pregnant too even though they were only married for like a month. Unfortunately she did get pregnant but miscarried. Almost 3 years later I got pregnant again I always find out pretty soon so we told the family when I was like 3 weeks pregnant and BAM!!! A month later my BIL and his wife said they were expecting too. This normally wouldn't bother me except I know my BIL does it because he's always been jealous of my husband and that I can't stand.
That SIL would’ve been glad I was dead when the day came because if it were up to me I’d make her as mad as I possibly could every chance I got. If I’m so terrible that you’re complaining about me BEFORE I’ve done anything bad, I certainly have to live up to those words and wouldn’t have a problem doing it! 😂 But I understand OP needed to clear her mind so she could focus on her recovery.
Nta poor op jeez the sister in law is just childish
Life can change in just moments and I think you did the right thing by them both. Pregnancy can carry a lot of emotions. Finding out you have cancer is also a big deal at any age. I wish you a speedy recovery and congratulations on your new niece or nephew. I wish you all God's grace.
It's just stage 2. You could have waited. I mean, really? NTA. But SIL definitely is.
Stage 2 can turn ugly. Without treatment. The treatment is what destroys people, not the cancer itself generally
You never know it can always get worse quicker than you think
Right? SIL was way out of line for even saying that, a disgusting thing. I hope OP told her brother that his wife said that, exactly. There’s no redemption from that.
My uncle got diagnosed with stage 2 cancel and after a week he died because of it.even stage 2 is able to kill people
I dont care honestly if SIL is pregnant and it affects her mood, it gives her no right to say such things to a cancer patient. It's honestly disgusting to see that OP had to be the bigger person and apologize first when SIL is cruel and was upset over her pregnancy announcement being "ruined" when the family gathering wasnt even meant for her. Sure, she apologized too, but only after OP did.
NTA
''It's just stage 2''
If someone would've said that to my sibling, we're getting divorced.
NTA… your SIL is a horrible, evil person. if i was your brother i’d rethink the marriage to her. OP literally called a meeting to share her news and then brother and SIL basically hijacked it for their own news, then SIL got made that the attention and care for the evening was put back on the person who needed it and called the meeting in the first place? lady is a shrew, and i’m glad OP’s parents have her number too after they lying.
SIL is a narc.
TBH, not a big unsolvable problem. It’s good that people sorted it out.
SIL is such a witch. I mean I’m glad they made up or whatever but SIL is awful. I hope OP makes a full recovery. Cancer sucks.
ONLY stage 2!? That’s really serious, plus, how tf are you mad that someone “stole your spotlight” at THEIR gathering!?
OP perfectly resolved this situation, sil was stubborn even before pregnancy, and now with all the hormones she became overdramatic
Isn’t OP the one that set up the family dinner?
is op ok??
hopefully she got all better
all the counseling in the world can't save some marriages..... thats honestly probably one of them she's gonna end up cheating on him
Only 24? Gosh
yeah brother needs to divorce you should never be with some one who hurts or lies about your family for petty reason or none at all
NTA