Why Codependents and Narcissists Can't Break Up with Terri Cole
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
- We are all drawn to romantic partners for different reasons. In the past two months I have received multiple requests to dive a little deeper into the connection between narcissists and codependents.
In this video I will be breaking down this perfectly orchestrated behavioral dance to hopefully add some clarity.
In this video, I cover:
- 10 Codependent Behaviors
- 10 Narcissistic Behaviors
- An Outline of the Interaction between Codependents and Narcissists
- Why These Two Personalities Are Together (And Can’t Seem to Break Up)
- How to Change the Dance
Go to www.terricole.com/ncbu to get a free checklist to better understand the relationship dynamic between narcissists and codependents.
If you found this video helpful, please drop me a comment and let me know what resonated with you.
Time Stamps:
0:00 - Introduction
1:28 - 10 signs you're codependent
5:06 - 10 things narcissists do in relationships
13:15 - Breaking down the relationship dynamics of codependents and narcissists
19:26 - Changing this relationship dynamic for the better
Related Videos:
• Are You Dating a Narci... - Are You Dating A Narcissist?
• Spot Emotional Manipul... - Spot Emotional Manipulation - A Narcissist's Favorite Tool
• The Perfect (Sh*t) Sto... - The Perfect Sh*t Storm: Codependents, Narcissists & Bad Boundaries
• 7 Ways to Recognize a ... - 7 Ways to Recognize a Codependent Relationship
• Codependent? How to Ow... - Codependent? How to Own your own Happiness
• What is Codependency? ... - What is Codependency? - Are you Codependent?
ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)
CONNECT ON SOCIAL:
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RESOURCES:
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs.
As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp’s resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help’s service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
No No Narc: I created this course to teach you the strategies I’ve used for more than 2 decades in my psychotherapy practice to help women break free of dysfunctional patterns and learn how to prioritize themselves. www.terricole.com/nnn-special...
My book, Boundary Boss: boundarybossbook.com & The Boundary Boss Workbook: boundarybossworkbook.com
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ - If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#terricolerealloverevolution #codependency #codependencyrecovery - Zábava
The feeling of not wanting to leave but wanting the pain to stop. Being stuck in that was sickness.
Never again. Healing myself now.
Cheering you on! Thank you for being here with us.
I was stuck in that for 3 years. I even wanted to marry him. What a sick and twisted mindset to be in. Always chasing the crumbs of “love” he was giving me. It takes great strength to overcome your feelings and pull yourself out of there.
that was my exact life too!
How to get that courage to break free... ☹
Passionate Paediatrician you get the courage once you realize what and who they are. They never loved you. It’s not real and it’s only one sided. It’s the sad truth. You love them but they don’t love you. It’s impossible for them to feel love. It’s sad. These people do exist and it’s very sad. Nothing you can do about it and there is no way that you can change them. All that needs to be done is for you to get out of there and move on. Spend time healing and stay very far away from the narc.
What I have found in a romantic relationship with a narcissist the only time they will ever make a move is when you've decided to leave
Good observation Rikavari! Even if a narc makes an attempt to change when you have one foot out the door -the change will likely only last until they feel secure again, unfortunately. Thanks for your comment and for being here with me!
Yes same here
yes; they fear abandonment and they lust for and desire security; basically the codependent is a security idol for the narc
OMG... the Nac Female I'm with now; the only time we have good sex is when i threaten to leave or do move out. She uses sex as a weapon, than as soon as I'm back; gets cold as ice.
@@gr33n3ggs4 Get out while you can. I have NEVER in my life known a narcissist to change permanently. I'm not saying it's never happened but its certainly not common. Dont get trapped under the "good sex" spell, theres plenty of healthy people who can give that to you.
I was a codependent. Am no more. This relationship forced me to look at myself. I was only with him for a short time. I left him. I have no contact with him at all. Now I live free and happy. I learned to be happy being alone. I am not lonely. I now appreciate solitude. Better being by myself than suffer in a bad and toxic relationship. I have returned to my prayer life. He was evil and cruel. I prayed and God opened a door for me. I walked away.
❤ Thanks be to God🙏🏻
Not to sound cliche, but this video is changing my damn life.
Holly-
Your comment just made me so happy ;)
Another problem is the codependent has to mirror the narcissist just to survive then the lines get super blurry.
this happened to me!! I started to think I was the narcissist.. and then I realized I wouldn't even be checking myself like that if I was indeed a narc.
Ok this! All of this that you both just said. I am just realizing this is the relationship I am in. I am literally stuck and going back and forth trying to figure out how to get unstuck! Its miserable.
@@carrieb3580 Exactly the same with me!!! I started to act as a narcissist!
@@lorettakendrick7291 leave...
'Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster." Nietzsche
Dr. Les Carter has done amazing videos on that topic.
I am very independant and handle my business while single, but codependent in intimate relationships. My ex-fiance took back the ring on Christmas Eve 2017. It was a blessing in disguise. He was an extreme narcissist. He tried to convince me to break up with him 6 times in 7 months, and each time back pedaled. He got butt hurt when I left and tried to get back in my good graces. Then he proposed this summer, which was followed by two more times of breaking off the engagement and back pedaling. I became so mentally conditioned to the ultimatums and emotionally malnourished, I was physically drained. So when he took the ring back, I felt a sense of relief. I felt set free. My intuition had been giving me every reason to let him go. His actions and patterns were destructive to our relationship. I am not bitter, I am grateful that I am free from the emotional enslavement.
Good for you! Now you have the time and space to focus on you, your healing And eventually creating a life you love with a healthy person!!
Anchor & Soul Boss! I have a similar story and like you, I deem the breakup a tremendous blessing in disguise. He came back recently and tried desperately to convince me that we belonged together, that leaving me was the biggest mistake of his life but, the narcissist are so blind and/or full of self, that they are unable to discern when things are no longer in their favor. I told him “although I’m single, I’m not desperate, I’m content.” 😌😂😌 He could hardly believe or accept it but he had no choice but to.
I’m free, we’re free... I’m so happy for you! Blessings!
Anchor & Soul I put my late mother’s diamond ring on her finger when I asked her to marry me Ali g with my grandmothers wedding ring that is over 125 years old.. when Sally said “ yes” to me? She said “ if this for some reason does not work out I want you to know I will give these rings back to you because they are your family’s rings.... now?? When I tell her I want a Divorce and I want out of this marriage she’ll shove her hand in my face letting me know you’ll never get these rings back
Wow.. he was extreeeem liar.
I can relate. ... ive had to give my hearts
Energy to God ...corny as it sounds... it switched my power grid , to go within
@@roddydabronx1573 That's a low commet ....but Isay," Let her go!
Your gma and mom will totally agree.
Your hearts truth within is the only treasure that follows you in this life, and into heaven. Besides , she'll likely return the jewelry anyways
The enemy uses relationships with us because he knows that it is the one thing that can derail us on what our destiny is. Hell studies how we love and who we love. It is the thing that demons use the most. This is why we keep dating the same spirit in a different body. He knows that if I can get her in a dysfunctional relationship I can steal her confidence, I can ruin her self esteem and then I can destroy her destiny. Set your own path and be guided by light and love ❤️
This too shall pass! Stay strong my friends.
It sounds like co-dependence and narcissism are 2 sides of the same mirror! But one can heal co-dependence. Thank God! And THANK YOU Terri for offering your words of wisdom.
❤️
Narcicists will never say sorry for their mistakes. At the end is your fault if you leave them. They will never break up with you
False. They will cheat and leave you. I know, because it happened to me.
Not really, I push them away tbh.
Narcs will discard when they have a new supply
As long as you are useful to them, they wouldn't discard you.
So true
Easy: they feed each other.
Both get to feel “special”.
The codependent gets to feel needed by taking care of the narcissist and gets to feel “special” by proxy, by being connected to the narcissist who has an “amazing” false self that both charms them and impresses people...and the narcissist gets to feed off the attention/worship given to them by the codependent, plus they have a lackey to do all the day-to-day tasks they feel are beneath them, and never lose that easy supply because the codependent doesn’t know their own value or have tools to create boundaries or live on their own terms.
It’s a toxic dance where they depend upon each other for the things each are missing. They are dependent, and use each other instead of seeking to strengthen their weak areas. They are cowardly and lazy and disinterested in challenging themselves to grow.
One interesting habit they have is flip flopping between bashing each other to other people and also pretending like they have an “amazing” relationship.
They blame the other partner and it’s like their marriage is built on a mutual contract to never hold each other directly accountable or take responsibility for their part in the relationship.
They simultaneously resent and “need” each other.
I though that being codependent meant that you were making a conscious choice to be that way. I've discovered through watching your videos that codependency is not a choice but rather the result of a negative condtioning that started in childhood. Thank you for the informative video very accurate.
Thank you so much for this kind comment. I'm so happy you're here and that the videos resonate with you!
I'm resonating with the codependent things, but I think my partner would too. I don't even know where to start.
Ryan S - co-dependency works both ways. Both are narcissistic and both are codependent. One is extroverted and the other is introverted, two sides of the same coin. The extrovert has the control and the introvert has the power and each wants what the other has. 😁
My parents did this to me
Sunny McCroy- It’s up to you to undo it though. Then a new journey begins!
Been studying psychology for the past 4 years just to turn and watch this 21-minute video and figure out exactly what's going on with me currently. I do believe I finally figure it out how to beat my codependency.
Right on, Curtis!!
How funny. Me too.
So glad I found your video. I just broke up with a narcissist. At times I feel helpless, feel like I lost the love of my life, but this helps put things in perspective. Thank you for this.
I am typically attracted to man who are covert/vulnerable narcissist: they appear meek, shy, reserved, vulnerable, in other words not threatening. This type is way more dangerous I find than the grandiose type because they are so difficult to detect. We need more tools to break away from them. A neighbour who is one bluntly told me that he was staying with his wife because he can meet more people through her and he doesn't like being alone. No feelings were mentioned. Chilling stuff.
My ex narcissist is in a constant cycle of looking for girls validation. To bad, he might get old and he would stray again and again. Narcissist do not think there's something wrong with them. they gaslight, manipulate and egotistical human being. a constant cheater as well.
Narcissists are co-dependent as well. They are constantly looking for supply. If they don’t get supply they can actually end up in psychosis
Yes, and also abandonment issue, control surroundings and micro manage you , have superficial relationships with friends and stay in touch with all there ex’s
Yep
Co-dependence is perfectly normal and natural. The issue is when you’re codependent on an unhealthy person. Family dynamics can’t be fully independent. It’s an issue of consciously making choices.
Relationships are where we go to serve each others needs and also meet our own. Most people don’t approach relationships consciously so they aren’t above board about having needs and agreeing to serve each others needs.
Our brains are hardwired to become attached to someone when we’re sexual. It’s perfectly normal and natural.. healthy even. The issue is when partners are unwilling to submit to the needs of the relationship in favor of their ego.
I think what you are speaking about is interdependence. That's healthy to a point.
But codependence is a term used to describe an unhealthy relationship. Say a wife that makes excuses for her alcoholic husband. He is verbally and maybe even physically abusive to her and the children. She protects him by making everything look okay in the family. Takes on way too many of the family needs. Calls in such for him when he's hung over. Ect
She justified things saying that he's maybe overworked and stressed, that he had neglect in childhood... whatever.
So she fills in all the gaps.
Their children learn that this is normal and most likely will take on those roles in their future. Until they learn healthy ways to interact.
@@belle42 no...i mean what i said. co-dependency is not unhealthy when you have two healthy people. co-dependency becomes an issue when you have an alcoholic or drug addict in the picture... or a person who is hyper-independent and thinks their behavior doesn't have an affect on others. in a healthy relationship you take on the other person's well being and happiness as part of your own well being and happiness. good luck in modern society though
@@festernassociatescodependency is not even a thing when you have two healthy people. That is called interdependency. Yes loving someone is to take them part of our own, it doesn't mean that we don't keep on maintaining our own sense of self and individuality as in opinions, interests, feelings etc. I love my husband as much as I love myself. Still I am my own person and so is he. We are not codependent. We know very well we don't need each other to survive or function in this world.
I feel like I relate To both personalities but mostly codependent ....does anyone else?
Yes. Same. Relate a little to some of the narcissist but most definitely the codependent.
Sunshines Message Yes me too, and it’s freakin me out. Are we, basically, just fucked, or what?
I'm wondering if I'm Narcissistic and also have codependency tendencies. I thought my parents and sister were Narcissists. But when I heard that a Narcissist breaks rules, doesn't follow accordingly, is obsessed about the appearance etc, I felt like that was me when I was in my teens. I also think I tend to stop talking to certain people if I lose interest. Maybe because I'm trying not to exhibit such tendencies, I flip to relating through codependent ways maybe because I don't know how else to relate.
Codependent empaths would. Narcissists would even think they were a Narc.
Yes needing validation , caused me to act controlling
When my therapist mentioned me being a codependent I was okay at first. Of course I obsess over it. Then think I'm horrible. Controlling manipulative, selfish, insecure, etc
I was really depressed over it. Then watched this. He would never watch this video to better himself. Now I can put all that energy that I put in the relationship, on me. My needs. Still very difficult because it feels like it was a drug and I'm withdrawing
I know what you mean about the drug. I had a good day most of the day today ( I haven't seen him in 4d) he walked by he didn't see me, but I instantly started to feel hyped up sad, angry, crying etc. It's horrible because I do not want to be with him at all because of the damage he's inflicted, but at the same time the reaction to even possibly seeing him drives me nuts.
The best thing about everyone sharing is knowing you are not alone. Thank you.
Ive learned God's love, is my new focus, releasing the golden dopamine within
I married a narcissist, had 2 children, divorced him and now the 2 adult children are narcs. This has been so painful. Yep, I gave and gave and they took and took just like him. Oh and my parents were narcs. Finally I am loving myself and not letting any of them destroy me. I got so wrapped up in these adult children and they about killed me. No more, no one is worth this. They are so selfish and I had to start taking care of me. I made up my mind I will let them go, they are not going to destroy me. I love them from a distance, a long distance. Alcoholics, you stay around it you are asking for it. No thanks. I want to be happy for a change and I am going to be. I had enough.
Don't worry ❤️
I'm so sorry ♥️
Good on all of your who escaped. Married 47 years and I feel dead inside. I feel SOOOO stupid to have been their doormat for so long. Did I just not see it? No, I didn't know how or was too cowardly to stop it. It's so clear...NOW
@@phyllis9750 well at least you know now, make the rest of your life good!
The narcissist dump the co depent when they get bored
He's almost there
I came out of a trauma bond recently with a covert narc as I can understand now, and your videos have been an anchor I am holding tight onto. Thank you for the help❤
I am so glad to hear they've been helpful for you ❤️
Narcissists are also projecting a lot and by doing that are telling on themselves. Jealous on the brink of being paranoid. And a lot of future faking to keep you hooked. It’s an awful experience. It never broke my spirit but I was angry and reactive a lot which give you a fake feeling of power but it will sap your energy in the end. Glad I’m out! It’s the only way, go no contact and do the work, get yourself a good therapist and surround yourself by people who are loving and supportive. Took me a year to recover but I feel truly reborn and in my power. It has also helped me that a few friends and my close family always have been on my side. I wish everyone who is in this situation a lot of courage to make the good decisions for the only person who is important which is you💪
i’m going thru it right now. it’s so hard :(
I can't do. When I'm trying to leave him and go no contact he came to my house. And every time i forgive him and accept him. The cycle is repeating since 2 years.
@@choosenone9439 Meet a therapist, you might need to be forced out of this self destructing nightmare!
I never used to be codependent until I met my narcissist they will make it so you stop seeing your friends and family until your whole world revolves around them you will lose your self esteem and you eventually get to depressed but at that point you to far in that you feel helpless and feel like you can’t leave
Great video! This is a serious matter and a living hell if you guys have a child together!!
Thanks so much! And yes I agree. Kids = forever (which is a long time with an unhealthy person!) Ps If you have not joine my Real Love Revolution pleaase do for more free vids and gifts Just go to www.terricole.com/RLR
Try 3 kids!!
forozan khan yes agreed :( im going trough alot right now im a codependent person and I broke up with my exe a few weeks ago thats a narcissist and we have a 1 yeard ols daughter together
forozan khan yes true! But it's so hard to even have a conversation with a narcissists. I end up just walking away. I'm defo a codependant
Same, I just left my ex with 4 month old baby together. I'm not sure if he is narcissistic but he got some twisted mentality/behaviours, and yeah he's making my life hell. I really don't know what to do because it does seem like he has some good.
The thing is, you can attempt to point things out in a healthy way, it really doesn't work. You can't explain or talk rationally to someone with npd. For me I had to make sense of what the hell was going on and then know that I am important enough to not allow it to continue. Now the fun begins. I'm not playing the victim. There are patterns that were learned. Now it's time to unlearn them. Be okay being on my own and get to know self. Become whole, before thinking that I can share myself with someone. I end up with people that inevitably bring up the exact traumas that haven't been dealt with. Things that I didn't even know was there until this last relationship. So, I choose to stop blaming. See my part. And take steps to heal so that it doesn't happen again. Deep down I do know that I am worth it and don't deserve to be treated with anything less than honesty, respect, loyalty, and care.
Wow Tammy!!! This made me want to jump off my bed screaming, "YES YES YES" !!! So much insight so thank you for sharing it here and know that I am cheering you on like a wild maniac!! xo
Tammy Larson This is exactly the stage I'm in.
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution
Thanks Terri. We all need wild maniacs cheering us on. Thank you for doing this video. I was just starting to get to the point were my victim mentality was starting to actually get on my own nerves. Besides what happened as a child, as an adult I play a part. It doesn't excuse the other persons behavior but ultimately gives me a sense of peace. Not only can I not control others behaviors, but it's kind of refreshing to know that I don't have too. It's exhausting.
S Davis
It's been five months since I kicked him out. It has been a really rough road but doing something that I never thought I would be able to has given me a sense of self worth that I haven't had for quite some time. Hopefully things are getting better for you as well. 😀
Tammy Larson could not of put it better my self
ur take on co-dependent toxicity is spot on!
Not only did my therapist never point out the many characteristics of narcissism in my husband that I shared with her repeatedly, she never pointed out my traits as a codependent. And never offered ways to respond rather than react or share books, articles, etc to educate me on our dynamic. I’ve been working on and healing myself for over a year. Thank you for your video
❤️❤️
Wow! This perfectly describes me, the codependent, and my narcissist mother. Lately, I have been having less contact with her and have been feeling better.
OMG!! This is my relationship exactly. We broke up 2 wks ago but I started missing him and I started talking to him again. I have to stop. Help me, please. He almost destroyed me last time.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I have a video on three ways to avoid getting sucked back into a toxic relationship that might help: czcams.com/video/w_si4xJnv6E/video.html
I am codependent myself and I love myself and realize who I am. It is not weakness , it is you vulnerable and that's okay If you feel bitterness,anger or resentment because you have realized that you are a codependant that's a key component to codependencany. Do let those feelings get in the way of your realignment and be patient with yourself and your situation, the healing takes sometime. Try to watch the video again and dig deeper.
I was strong enough to fininsh this sick relationship after 5 and half years, I have some parts of condependent personality but not all of them. I was coming to the conflict with the narcissist all the time !! I was challenging her badly. She had a constant narcissistic rage but I was able to handle it. Then later on I found out that even when I challenged her so so many times she hasn't changed even 1 percent I have decided to leave. Not easy but I have done it successfully. I have also some videos about my experience with narcissism. Feel free to have a look guys !
Yes
Yes, Thank you. Took me 27 years to leave my Narc, tried so many times. He dumped me in May of 2018. Best thing he ever did for me.
I'm glad you are free and you can now heal. Thank you for being here!
That’s a gift. Sometimes I want to be dumped instead Of having to be the one to make the decision
Where have you been all my life -- I can't tell you what this video has done for me -- I have always known I'm codependent but really had no idea about how my husband who is narcissistic and I interact -- I just couldn't figure out why I couldn't leave -- now I know -- you describe exactly how I feel -- so sad, so crazy, so trapped! I've gone to different therapist in my life to try and find out why I stayed -- never got answers like this -- you have changed my life. I will forever be grateful.
Thank you for sharing your kind words here, Patti. It warms my heart to know that the video created awareness for you. YOU are the reason I do everything I do so thank you thank you thank you for letting me know xo
You hit the nail on the head. This is so validating.
Codependent = Enabler
this is so true. I can relate. I know I am codependent. I was not this insecure of myself before I met him. But when I met him and found he cheated on me not once but the entire years we were together I fell apart. thats when i started to bcome controlling and paranoid. and these toxic traits of mine he used these to blame me for ruining our relationship. Mine you, in the beginning he wasnt a good bf. he kept leaving me,pushing me away, cursing me, emotionally verbally abusing me and still I CHASE HIM. BEGGED HIM TO BE IN HIS LIFE. I even went to a therapist to fix myself but it ddnt help. I am still in the process of healing from the hurt and pain he inflicted on me. Thank u for this video it made me more aware and understand myself and our situation.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending strength, Amile ❤️
Hit the nail on the head perfectly. Its crazy how she knows.
Wow! Thank you so much for an incredible video! Perfect timing.
I am a co-dependent who has only ever dated narcissists. Thank you for this video. I'm glad I found you and hopefully I will be able to apply what I learn here, and grow.
Thank you, Terri, very insightful! I've also noticed about the bad listening/talking about themselves part - the person I know with that behaviour also hates being interrupted and complains a lot if people add something to a conversation and because of that see others as bad listeners.
Of course they do because they are looking for an audience and not a conversation. Thank you for your comment and for being here with me!
Thanks for saying this in words. My ex narc was the same. I thought I was adding something useful or interesting to the 'conversation', but he would go mad if I interrupted his endless monologues. People often interrupt each other in conversations, and sometimes it can be a bit annoying, but normal people don't get mad about it. And so hypocritical when he's just blethering on and on about himself for half an hour! In the end I realised that he couldn't deal with being disagreed with for any reason, and you just can't communicate like that.
777Asta777 I used to tell my ex he was, "pontificating"!
Holy crap .. everything makes sense now. I really hope we both change.
Thank you, Terri, for enlightening us with the truth of relationship “dances” that will hurt and destroy rather than grow in love.
You are so welcome, Rhonda. I am so glad you're here!
i just want to say, thnak you for your clear delivery and validating our experiences as co-dependent with narcs. on another note i want to say that i think you are incredibly beautiful and take care of yourself so well. very pleasant to look at and something to aspire to as i age
It helped me to overcome the sorrow of breakup from her
we were in BDSM relationship
she was my sub.and im as her Daddy
now I'm almost sure she narcissistic
And I'm almost sure Im Codependent
Thank you.
Self love is actually what a narcissist is having lack of. That´s why they create a false self, and they want others (the codependent partner especially) to love their false image, and therefor seek sick admiration constantly, because it is not their true self they are loving. You don´t need to seek admiration when you love yourself.
The codependent gives up own values such as: intellectual and economical independence (attitudes, opinions, character traits, positive constructive habits, etc), freedom of move and self-expression, friends, family, interests, etc; and sometimes may even change many of the moral standards it had from the beginning, all this because of the narcissist, including some of the identity traits and the natural honesty and pride. Isn´t this right?!
Indeed it is! Nicely said, thank you.
Perfect!!
I always thought that a narcissist has extreme love for themselves and are self catering and self centered
@@Goneviralnetwork
Definitely not, that seems to be quite a common misconception. The narcissist does not love oneself, they are just immensely attached to their self image to the point of infatuation. That is not love. If you love yourself, you do not bring harm to others for your own twisted agenda.
I just realized my ex friends were narcissistic and that I’m co dependant
Wow thank you for speaking so direct and honestly. You're speaking to my soul. Thanks for guiding me to asking MYSELF the right questions.
You have a beautiful and clear way of speaking. A lot of this rang true, very inspiring. It’s so rare that I subscribe after only 1/2 of a video, but you are truly helping people who are seeking help. I genuinely enjoyed this video & please keep doing what you’re doing!
Wow. I wish I had found this before now! Thank you for educating us!
Thank you for being here with me!
Look deep into the narcissist eyes. They are cold and dead eyes. No real love inside. Most of time the cannot hold ur gaze. They will look away. Only time the keep eye contact is when they are angry.
I've seen this...
Didn't know what it was
Thats a trait of psychopathy(narcissism also a psychopathic trait) its a lack of empathy, a diagnosed narcissist feels empathy and can often use looking into eyes as a mirror or a reflection of the adoration they crave
It's TRUE my ex husband was a true narcissist..it was years before someone showed me the characteristics of a narcissist...every one was a ping pong ping..it put into words what I. Couldn't about my exes personality... it was enlightening..before that tho I would say looking into his eyes were like a shark's eyes..vacant, lifeless dead soulless. ..I was say it jokingly but it was the truth...cold..it was weird
That is very insightful.
My ex started smiling nervously when I stared him in the eyes...
The way you poetically gave descriptions of each class and then helped coach how the dance in manufactured was so easy to comprehend with how you described it. I most definitely want to subscribe and learn more with you.
So happy to hear that, Kendelynn! Welcome to our tribe ;)
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for posting this video.
Very good. So eye opening. I understand more why I do what I do. This is the best I have watched. And watched a lot. Sense of healing and understanding. Thank you!!!
I am so happy you found it helpful, Julie Anne! thanks for being here with us xo
I wished I found this years ago, I’m not learning this from my therapist! No wonder I can’t change it!
I just started to watch all your videos and am so thankful that you made them and have them available to view. 2016 was a horrible year for me, anything that could of possibly happen really happened to me. I had to do time in county jail because of a DUI. While in there I learned I am codependent person and its because I grew up in a abusive household. My father is an alcoholic and used to beat my mother every night. I thought that by finally growing up and moving out of my parents home everything would be great but it never has been. I am 41 years old and all my relationships have been abusive. Sad to say I am the violent one. I am hoping that watching your videos can help me understand more about codependacy and how to love myself and love others. Again I am thankful for all the information you share on here!! God bless you Mrs. Terri for all your hard work and love you are sharing.
Evelyn,
I'm so glad you found my channel! The more you understand why you are the way you are, the easier it will be to change. Watch your drinking because it sounds like you're repeating the pattern of your childhood like most of us do unless we CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE not to. So let's make 2017 the year you decide to stop repeating a pattern that is not getting you what you want and start changing the cycle of abuse! Keep learning and keep up the greta work xo
After Listening to the ten signs of codependent and the ten signs of a Narcissists, When you went threw them I felt like I fell into both catagories, a CodepenNarcissists, or CN, Boy Do I need a lot of self work done. I really needed to hear this. Thank for this upload.
I just broke off my wedding after 5 years with someone I love but constantly disappoints me with his actions and boundary crossing, and I’m starting to believe he’s a narcissist and I am 100% certain I’m codependent. It’s really hard and I wonder if I did the right thing. One thing for certain is that we’re both committing to therapy, separately.
Thank you for your content , I think they are unique on CZcams, everybody speaks about narcissism but people forget about coodependents. Actually is difficult to manage this issue and your videos offers huge support for coodependents.
I am so glad to hear it helped ❤️ as a recovering codependent, I feel you and see you!
Thank You So much for the video ❤ What a great understanding you got us through ! :) we are grateful for the effort you did to talk about the subject .. it was so simple like a conversation with a friend yet fulfilling .. you saved the day :) ❤
Thank you for shedding light so that we can break free of these mindsets. Happy to get rid of this in myself.
You're so welcome!
As a CO Dep. You nailed it on the head. Dad a narc - ....... Back to child hood. LOVE MY SELF. It took a LONG time. DAMMMMMIT I have made sense of it all. Thank you GOD! Great Video. TY for the video's. This has to REALLY hit home to a CO DEP. to wake up. I am speaking of me. After a 4 yr relationship & Another 9 yr relationship & A 6 month one -Some thing lets say I SEEN THE LIGHT. Listen to my heart. Follow my heart. Follow my instincts. Love & take care of me until I die. A partner has no part in how much I do or do not love me and will take care of me 1st & alway's. Have standards & Boundaries. NO MATTER WHO THE PERSON if they do not respect/show what have you..... Move on. If you can not be happy alone then you need to try & seek whats most important for one's self. So far that is what is INSTILLED in my head/heart/soul/body/spirit & LOVE YOUR SELF.
Right on , Elle!! Keep up the good work, mama ;)
Thank You Very Much For ALL YOUR HELP. YOU ARE HELPING US!!!!
This was an eye opener. Thank you
❤️
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I appreciate the video
Thank you so much. What you explain here is so true. Love the video. It is truly about looking at out childhood injuries, causing co-dependency, and un-reciprocal LOVE. 💓💓💓💓
thsnks for this video its a mind opening!continue to help.
I realized recently that I have codependent tendencies. I watched this video thinking my husband was the narcissist in my life but I now realize the narcissist has always been my mother.
My Xact Words!Wow!💔🌷💪🙏
Same here and my father too
Under tipping. Crazy, my Narc refuses to leave a tip at all. She says it was their choice to work for tips. It's embarrassing whenever we go out to eat. It's crazy you said the tipping thing.
I know I have codependency. I grew up with a narc mother. When I met my husband, it was like heaven. He got me gifts and flowers. Massage my feet after work since I stand a lot. Then a few years passed and I nothing. It also bothered me that he refuses to leave tips for the hotels. My parents are housekeepers and i know how hard they work! He moved out 2 months ago "to find himself and be a man." He left me with a house, yard and 2 sick dogs to care for. I told him that he was losing me, after 2 months! He came by the next day saying we need to work on our relationship. Made promises and broke it in the same week. Last night was the last straw after finding out he lied about working and I find him at the bar. and he had the audacity to call me crazy.
Well covered, each person is a world in themselves, ourselves, good job
Thank you so much for this video. Only realised I was dating a narc when I went online looking for an explanation for his behaviour. I never realised how I contributed to the unhealthy relationship too by being co-dependent. Thank you for making me aware. It's given me hope, which is something I thought I had lost long ago.
So good to hear you have hope again, Lainey! (and I am also so happy you are here ;)
Thank you Tori for this video. There are lot’s of “negative” video’s about narcissism, but there are truly people who want to change there behavior learned by parents. I wrestle with it and everyday I try to better my ways because life will be so lonely after all. I see this behavior daily and I learn why I act how I acted in relationships and in other situations. The fact is that after all you are not true to yourself and put yourself in such situations. So thank you, for knowing there are people who want to change there ways
You're very welcome. And thank you for your courage to change.
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM 😊❤️
This is my life and I have no idea how to get out of it .
I tell myself these things will change but as time goes on something happens over and over again I have to accept change will not happen anytime soon or ever.
I've been in this kind of relationship for 7 years now and spend a couple of days a week beating my head against the wall asking myself why I have let this go on this far
I am witnessing you with compassion Brittany. Know that you are not alone, there are many people in these comments that have similiar situations. I'm glad you are here watching the video and I encourage you to believe that you are worthy of healthy, real love. It is possible, and you deserve it.
It's trauma bonding, I understand.
I just got out of a narcissistic relationship after 11 yrs. I am definitely struggling. I'm not going to lie. I keep thinking about the good times rather than Al the crap he put me through. I guess time heals all wounds eight?
This is a great video! Thanks!
Wow .... you have a true gift , I have watched so many things and I finally get it and realize why no matter how hard I try to make my relationship work still after 6 years it's not working , instead of getting easier it's harder . I'm finally finally removing myself . THANK U .. I prayed for discernment I just recieved it .
Right on, Jessica! I am sending you so much energy for your journey to a happier, healthier life!
WOW! What a twist. However, I left him 8 months ago. I feel pretty darn good too.
Thank you for posting this, I've just found you ♡
1000 times helpful!! Love Dr. Lerner & you too♥️
Awesome! Thank you!
I left a physically, emotionally and verbally abusive relationship 3 months ago. I still find it difficult to forgive myself for reacting in a verbally abusive manner towards him near the end of the relationship. I am definitely codependent and he narcissist as far as I understand. Thank you for clarifying the codependent traits because I have not heard them described in so much detail, this is very helpful. Therapy has opened my eyes to my past traumas and I’m connecting the dots as to why I behave as I do and I’m beginning to set boundaries for the 1st time in my life
I am so glad to hear you are taking care of yourself, seeing a therapist and setting boundaries. No one deserves an abusive relationship. Keep taking care of yourself, mama.
The narcissist that i lives with did not understand compassion or empathy he did not have those emotions Even when I explained them . Truly he had not the slightest concept no remorse just moved along in life With no scares Or battle wounds
Very handsome and charming.... imagine a life with no emotional baggage. They can be intoxicating for the dreamers waiting for a Prince Charming because there is no previous lover they hold a torch for They are brand new and so is their personality at that momentSo you really believe that you are the one Until the cycle begins .......
Thank you for sharing your valuable insight here with us. I am glad you're here.
Amazing soap farm yard collection These individuals have alot of emotional baggage. That's why they create a false reality to escape within. They are avoiding their own wounds and the wounds that they cause upon their victims.
Amazing soap farm yard collection well said!
This is happening to me.
I watched your video about narcissistic mothers and I realized I was becoming her and this was the strap that I started falling into and I continuously hurt people until I realized what was happening and fixed those behaviors before they became permanent. You’re a blessing. Your videos are extremely helpful to me and I’m glad I caught myself before I turned into my mom
onalee therrian pppppppppp0ppp0pp😈😈😈
Thank you, Terri. Been listening to this one over and over.
You're welcome.
Thank you so much for this, I think that as a child with a narcissist dad, we were not allowed to be ourselves, and beaten if we tried to say no, he would go into a rage a lot. I think that his violence was the root of my people pleasing, (keep daddy happy) fear of conflict, (walk soft, as to avoid a beating) fear to be myself, (I will be humiliated and shamed when I am myself) and so many other issues. He set me up to marry another narcissist. We are perfect for them, overgivers and they are overtakers. Thank you again, your words really resonated with me. Wish I had known all these things when I was young, but better late than never. I am getting ready to listen to this a second time.
Thank you for being here and for sharing. You are witnessed. You're right, it's not too late to learn and show up to take care of yourself.
This is so the same as me :(
You know the movie, mean girls? Regina george is the narcisssist and gretchen weiners is the codependent
Nadia Sparkling we only wear pink on Wednesdays
Oh yes.. i was like Gretchen. Omg!
Nadia Sparkling she’s also the histrionic
Fantastic. One of the best videos I’ve seen on this subject. Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
This was so accurate it's scary... appreciate the knowledge 😁
Oh my gosh this is my relationship. I knew for years something was so wrong and i was so unhappy. Now i have the answers. Im on my way out after 32 years together.
Wow good job finding the strength to leave. 👏✨☀️❤️
Great video! I'm in a relationship with an narcissist and I can see now it's bc of my dad he is a narcissist as well. My whole life I tried to calm my parents when they had an argument. And I hate confrontations since I can think! It's all repeating If you're not careful 😟
So true, Nadja. I am sending you strength for your haling journey ;)
Fantastic breakdown!! So nice I found your channel! I'm subscribed 🙂
excellent video! what great explanation. thoroughly enjoyed!
Thanks mama! So glad you are here, Erika!
My life on the not so extreme end... trying to heal from it all now, finally changing myself to get away from those who can not.
Right on, mama!
He finally left me...I didn't have to do anything. He's gone just like that.
I'm witnessing you with compassion.
So helpful 💖 Thank you so very much for the advice💝
Perfectly matching everything you say⭐️
Excellently explained...THANK YOU
My STBX malignant narcissistic spouse thinks HE is codependent and a victim- of me. He is so delusional about who and what he truly is. I AM bitter because of his complete selfishness and the extreme pain he causes both me and our daughter. I have confronted him repeatedly about his behaviors, but he is not open to hearing anything that does not express total acceptance of his bad choices and behaviors.
I completely understand. I am dealing with this too
Still prone to codependency but neutralized the narcissistic magnetism - at least for those i recognize
thank you for sharing this video
I love you !! Thank you for this video ❤️
You look just like LeAnn rimes!
I think she looks like beautiful Terri
I know I'm codependent .....
This has been a very helpful video for me!
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and understanding 🙏🏻
You're welcome!!
Karen Coklow pp0
Karen Coklow pppppp
I woke this morning to the energy of , I’m so very sick of the word “narcissist”which apparently comes in a variety of flavors, and the word “co dependent”, which hey, I’m sorry to say, but we all are on some level, since we popped out of our mothers! Yes, there are a variety of serious mental pathologies on this earth that are very destructive, however, not everyone is a narcissist which is so loosely applied as of late to 70% of the population…I say, it’s simple, find out who a person really is before you take a leap…and as far as co dependence goes, that is very much subjective and unto the beholder……..Be straight about who you are on every level ….and remember it’s better to be alone, live alone, than to attempt a union with a personality of whom is the antithesis of your own…..won’t work!