What To Do If The Ex Hates You
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- čas přidán 26. 07. 2024
- Does your partner's ex hate you? Would you like a positive co-parenting relationship, but she doesn't seem that interested? If so, I have 8 tips for how to handle things!
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Don’t stay out of it when she brings you into it. Put your foot down, be very clear about boundaries and don’t put up with her berating your husband. If you don’t want another woman raising your kids then don’t get divorced. 🤷♀️
Omg, perfect 👌 😍 l totally agree. Grow up and move on. The problem with so many people is that they lack the ability to not act out their emotions. It starts with that. Obviously if you got a divorce and have children then you're going to need to mend some things, but they don't.. just make everyone a victim of their lack of self awareness, control and emotional control.
I’ve kept quiet for nine long years while HCBM and her spawn walk all over my poor husband and lie about us both. Ofc we have done nothing to deserve this treatment. In order to protect my husband as he is the higher earner and HCBM could destroy him in family court even though ik for a fact he is the better person and parent, I remain no contact with HCBM. I will say that there are other ways in which I ensure HCBM receives her just desserts. Beware of the silent ones.
Amen!
I must say from my experience that an ideal scenario isn’t one where mom and stepmom get along. Every situation is different. In my case for example, the mother is never acting in the interest of her child, she’s extremely selfish, manipulative and insecure, not to mention materialistic.
The amount of times my partner and I had to step in and offer extra care for the child, therapy, talking sessions led me to get to the conclusion, 2,5 years into the relationship, that she can’t be trusted and I will only ever act in the interest of the child, not to do her a favour.
I'm sorry to hear that. Hugs
Same girl, I completely understand. 6 years later, it's still the same.
I've been living 4 years of that too! It's so hard 😢
Yep! 15 years into the relationship, & the BM stillllll can't get her crap together for her kids, & act mature & civil, & stop getting her kids taken into foster care by DCF, but yet there's a "special place in Hell" for my man, all because he has a great relationship with his daughter & always provides, & we went to court to try to get custody when his daughter would be in foster care. Like okkk chick. 🤦🙄😂 Smh
Just over 2 years in here and my bio mom situation has gotten worse and more clear just how low she will go with her behavior.
Remember ladies, "baby steps" could be over the course of years. Don't force it.
Or decades
As a 13 year stepmom, this is all solid advice.
@Caramel Cupcake lol. Imagine?
I asked a similar advice on Quora. Some nasty single Mom attacked me for it, blamed me for being a homewrecker when she does not even know me. I told her she was rude and the truth the marriage ended for my husband and his ex was actually her cheating and she wanted to end the marriage. Sad to see some women out there are still hurt and let it out on us stepmoms.
I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you! These women who judged you are extremely insecure, unfortunately. Instead of learning from their mistakes, they put the blame on somebody who has nothing to do with their lack of emotional intelligence!
Wow... there lies the problem. It's like: "You do know you had the option to work on your marriage right?" Wtf are you mad at me?
They're just insecure and looking to put anyone down to feel better about themselves, like Jamie said in another video the way people treat you is more about them than it is about you.
That’s the usual response. It doesn’t matter you may have stated dating their ex 1 1/2 years later.
@@jowanacyrus9066it’s like “ uh, she left him with half a house missing while he was at work you know that part, right?” Not that I’d say that because it’s honestly no one else’s business.
I was praying for this...Unfortunately boundaries were crossed before I even had a chance to reach out...Ugh...She is continually breaking them, and so I've chosen to "stay out" of any arguments, or anything like that. Instead, choosing to focus on his kiddos, and our relationship.
Good on you! Wish you all the best, I think closing off is the best way too.
Team Husband over here! 🙋♀️. I have absolutely NO intention of mending anything with anyone. Lol. My husband is the one who blindsided her with a divorce petition, so I am persona non grata in her eyes. I didn’t “steal” her man, but some people don’t have the maturity to see life in shades of gray. Sometimes it’s part of why some people end up divorced.
Exactly 🤦🏾♀️
This was exactly what I needed going into a conversation with my partners ex. We aren’t married, and we do share the duties of caring for his child from his previous relationship.
I wish I would've found you earlier. Thank for all of this..I can't wait to watch the rest of your videos. Thank you
Help! She hates me, because she wants him back. She uses the kids as a weapon and uses them to win him back. He can't stand her. But it's gotten to the point where she's told the kids I'm the reason Mommy and daddy are not together... the kids in turn hate me (They're 5 and 8) I'm just at a crossroads, where I don't know what to do. I've taken a step back and just letting their dad handle it. But we get the daily "I want you back" messages and that is taking a toll. What should I do? She's incredibly abusive and aggressive.
Girl! You must be so emotionally drained from all of this! My personal view on the matter is that first, you should always be good to the kids / no matter if they won't deserve it at times, we need to realize that such behaviour is provoked by their mom and they have no blame/ so that nobody can say any negative thing for you.
Secondly, you and your husband should definitely talk to them and explain calmly everything - that what they say/how they act towards you hurt you both; that you both have no negative feelings towards their mom; that you love them BUT the way they act might have a negative impact on your family; that is their right to trust whoever and behave is a certain way BUT that would impact you negatively; that they are smart enough to have their own opinion based on their experiences NOT their mom's.
Hope this gives you some support
@@ivys3777 thank you so much. You're absolutely right. It's been about 5months since my cry for help. I did everything you said, never take anything out on the kids and just being patient. Giving them space and time to make up their own mind and know that I'm not their to hurt them. Eventually it got better. They live with their dad full time and now we have a wonderful relationship. I love that they now understand that they have a mummy, daddy and a new motherly figure. I think they have slowly on their own terms come to appreciate and love knowing that they have another parent figure who loves and cares for them and is also always their for them.
Appreciate your time and advice 🙏🏽💛
@@Yauieb I'm so so so happy to hear this! Must have been extremely hard to be patient and just hope things to better, especially when this is an overwhelming situation - you've done a fantastic job and should be super proud!
I'm currently engaged to a divorced man with a 2-year-old girl and my concern was the later behaviour of the child. Now, luckily, we have a strong bond but what if, when she grows older, behaves badly because of her mom's emotions? That's why I've taken your struggles so deeply. It's important to support one another
Is it weird that I don't want a relationship with my husband's baby mother? Idk but I get this feeling that I shouldn't trust her and I just can't shake the feeling. She keeps sending food for only me to eat... Like literally my stepdaughter said my mom said you should eat this. But, she doesn't give any to her dad or eat it herself. She just kept saying, "no its only for you" 🤔 Is it in my mind or is that super weird?
Uh....NO...That's weird!!!
Weirs weird weird
@@christine1736 ikr I'm afraid to take anything edible from my stepdaughter 😔
DON’T have anything to do with her alone and write it all down. Involve the authorities if you must. People are crazy. Gut instinct doesn’t lie!
La Teish forget just eating, what else is she up to?! Wow!
@@Ad-Lo no idea... And I don't wanna find out. I'm going to listen to my gut and stay away.
Your videos just started popping up my feed. Very interesting. I personally don't feel that it's necessary to have a sit down with a spouse's ex. I think it's important for the parents to communicate effectively and figure out what is best for their kiddos. We did try to have all 4 parents communicating, and it was a nightmare. Everyone got along just fine, but it was wayyyyy too many opinions and made things more complicated than necessary. I stay out of everything and things are so much smoother now.
I’m happy not having a relationship with the ex wife but my step daughter really has a hard time grasping why we can’t be friends.
Her mom tells her that she doesn’t have negative feelings about me and I don’t know what to tell her.
I’m the past I’ve told her that we’ll probably never be friends Bc she was rude to me and hasn’t apologized.
I can’t get her to stop comparing us either.
That sucks I'm sorry, maybe try focusing your daughter on other aspects outside the box! Show her everyone is different and is good and bad at different things, show her what you're good at. Show her what you're bad at. Help discover those things about your stepdaugher too! All the best 💜
I still haven’t entirely forgotten how she basically accused me early on of not having enough decency not to be inappropriate with my now husband when we were first dating on days he had the Kids. I didn’t even stay overnight until we were about to be engaged years later.
I reached out to my partners ex by sending her a message on WhatsApp wishing her, her partner and kids a merry Christmas and happy new year. Adding at the end that if there is ever a time she can't get hold of my partner she now has my number and she is welcome to give me a call. I left it at that, she said thank you but continued not to acknowledge me at events. Although months later when me and my partner shared the news that I was pregnant things started to warm up. Sometimes she now sends me the odd message and added me on Facebook too. Although we are not friends it's nice to know we are able to work together for their son. I honestly didn't expect her to respond based on what people had told me about her and I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't change that decision as she has offered advice through my pregnancy alot. ☺️ A success story for you, this happened after a year of her ignoring me at rugby games etc but now I know it was was just us trying to see who the other was.
The most important thing to remember is that you should never allow your step kids to diss their mom when they are in your home, even if she is doing that with her kids in terms of Dad and Stepmom when the kids are with her. Because truth be known, when you put down the other parent, it only hurts the kids because they love their parents very much even if they are hurting. good luck everyone.
100% agree!!
If that is the case then step kids should not diss the step parent either.
It makes them feel guilty for loving their other parent and may make them feel bad about themselves or awkward around either parent.
I'd never have any interest in connecting with the ex wife. I don't play any role in childcare with the one kid. I have homes in different countries and travel for work. I just couldn't deal with what some women put themselves through. If there's a next time, I'd definitely date childfree people exclusively.
You’re very fortunate to have the luxury of options in your favor.
Oh amen to that!
Yes! I was wanting to be besties and I’m sure we could in a perfect world. But I still haven’t fully forgiven her from things. we get along for the kids but I’ve stepped back and let them do their coparenting. I still talk to her but not everyday like I used too. & I have stopped having conversations about her that my step kids bring up just so the kid’s don’t mix up anything I say and her think I’m talking bad about her. So I just help whenever I’m asked not whenever I feel I can.
I think this is really cool
Any tips on what to do when it's been 4 years, you married the man already, and she's a full-blown narcissist who is by far the most vindictive person I've ever come across. 😩
Step mom for 8 years here and still have that exact scenario. 😩
Thank you! What if the mother feels it's like a game over the kids liking who best. The mom is a narcissist as well.
I am in the same situ!
It's hard for people like myself who already know the bio Mum (we used to be friends many years ago but I walked away from the friendship as she was a narcissist and I couldn't take all the bull she was telling me that I knew 100% to be lies). It doesn't help either if they go out their way to put you down and score points over you (not to mention digs relating to you not being a 'real mum') Xx
Batzz Von Noir Ditto! I need a video on how to NOT get along with a narcissistic biological mum who lost custody because she is an unfit parent. My husband and I have full custody. But in typical narcissistic fashion, she is a pathological liar so I need advice on what to do once you have bitten your tongue so hard it bled, then broke off...
I meant ditto in that I was friends with her before she married my now husband. It’s so awkward because I dislike how she treated him, but I now get to raise her kids.
@@Ad-Lo it's really difficult isn't it and like you I have bitten my tongue so many times when maybe I should have spoken out but you find you don't for the sake of your other half and the little ones don't you but feel really annoyed that they have gotten away with unacceptable behaviour yet again and I can't stand the fact people like her mostly get away with it because 'you know what she's like' yup that old excuse! I recently had a situation where I had enough and even though via text let her have some home truths after she made some pathetic references and threats and oddly I haven't heard a thing back but she has been creepily nice to my partner so whether it's coincidence or something hit a nerve I don't know but we all have limits and I truly hope you find a way around the situation that's best for you your hubby and family and don't let her nastiness grind you down! Xx
This seems more about people who want to build a friendship with the ex... I think if you can establish mutual respect and clear boundaries that's big. Otherwise, hold on tight cuz it might be a bumpy ride. Hope it's not...
😂😂😂 girl you have never meet my step daughters mom she is nuts trying too put her hands on me after court in the court house!! And the shit talk not only on me but my husband no thank you
Did you file a complaint with police so her action is on official record?
Yes I did know things are much better
Things are ‘better’ in my household, for now…
No matter how hard you try your boyfriend/ husband past relationship with his ex will bleed into your relationship ship with the ex just stay positive and keep your family happy and together stay focused on yourself and your mental health
@@raeo7963 I cannot deal with it and was honest with DH from day one. The first time he described her to me ik she was personality disordered and told him that I will never meet her and he agreed. I’ve never had one conversation with HCBM yet she lied to SS probation officer stating that I screamed at her that she was a bad mother. Interesting how that works under the natural laws of physics.. 🙄 Unfortunately the SKs are a lot like HCBM. The reason things are ok rn is SD is out of house and SS is sucking up for DH to pay for college, $ he does not have. That will never happen as they have done too much for too long. It’s 💯 a manipulation, all the time.
What if they were never married but they have a child and I’m his first wife I’ve tried to talk with her but she doesn’t want to talk at all it’s hard to stay out of arguments when she is keeping my husbands child away from him for no reason
We have already went to court and the judge was in her favor my husband does everything he can as a father and pays his child support and health insurance and we all came to an agreement now about visitation rights he only gets him for his vacation now because we’re both constantly working at least she’s acting a little civil now thanks for your advice.
I stay out of it as far as I’m concerned My and My Husband’s Household is separate and our lives are to be kept separated from the Ex. That is not to say we don’t try to coordinate schedules & efforts ( whenever willing) although mostly we are the last to know ( couldn’t have us making decisions & plans earlier than 15 minutes before) what the plans are. I respect her as their mom and wouldn’t disrespect her or speak ill of her but I’m okay with never exactly going for Drinks, Shopping or a Spa Day. Maybe we’ll plan some future event together someday ( doubt it though very possessive,and they’re Boys) I’m okay with whatever because to me it’s more important they have a relationship with their Dad and as long as BioMom and I are Civil I’m fine.
OK so I need a vid...what do you do when the BM is blaming you and wants to believe so hard that you were a home wrecker, and she tells everyone I'm sure she comes in contact with that I was the home wrecker...when in actuality, by the time I entered the picture, there was no home to wreck...I have trouble dealing with this...and now I'm helping taking care of her kid...it's awkward...but like I totally wasn't a home wrecker...she was actually cheating on dad in their bed with other men...but she doesn't want anyone else to know that...lol
Exactly... It's my story too and it's hard to cope with this situation and you will end up with taking anti-depresstion pills
Same...now im the hated one. But I'm starting to feel hate too. Also she is not ready to be matured, yet she gas another kid with another guy, but doesn't seem to be able to move on.
Why can't they just dissolve their ego and just sort it out for the kids.
People are so shit.
Hello I got my ex back within 48hrs
Sin
Let go and let God!
So what happens when you have tried everything in your power to let this woman knows that you respect that she is the mom, that you have no intentions what so ever to replace her but she still to blame you because he didn’t marry her (I met him almost two years after his separation from her) so what to do then?
How can I help give our children a voice? I want to pass a law for awareness about that very topic. The system is SO wrong in so many areas when it comes to the best interest of our children and I want to somehow make a positive change. “Hear our children cry.”
Help me if you can. Thank you
Hey I really need some help!!! I am currently at this second dealing with a situation being a step mom. And I don’t know how to deal with it. If there is anything to help address the issue of “ should your husband visit his kids at his ex house for hours?? Like I have no issues with that but she is keeping them away because of me and he just went along with the plan which is for him to come there....he is very defensive about it... please advise
No that's not good. Your partner should consider your feelings too. The father has rights too! Your partner should be able to have the kids by his home every second weekend. Speak to him about it without fighting with him or making it seem you just want your way. He should speak to the biomom about this. Unless the court told him that he can only see kids under biomoms supervision or unless they are still very tiny babies. I've been through this myself and my husband wasn't allowed near kids without biomom being present (on her terms). Then we got a lawyer and they went to court, now we fetch kids every second weekend and spend time with them. There is no way a parent can spend quality time with kids whilst being supervised by the other all the time, unless he is a danger to the kids. But the best thing you can do is speak to your partner about it and let him know that this is not about your trust issues etc but rather about him building a solid relationship with his kids in the comfort of his own home. And I'm sure you also want a relationship with his kids & that won't be possible if biomom keeps on doing this
sounds like he's not over the bitch, i'd bounce
I have to ask.. how do I let go of the resentment?? Because I want to start taking these baby steps, but we have a long history now that makes me so angry and I don't want to even make eye contact with her. My husband has made amends which is great for him, but even that makes me feel resentful because I'm just not there yet.
I know of a man who can help you
Contact him on WhatsApp.....
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His name is coach Dan
Woo girl this the comment I was looking for. I'm going through the exact same thing. My husband made amends and it kind of pissed me off because I can't get over the hell she put us through. She left him and was pissed off when he moved on because I killed her chances of coming back. So she waged an all out war against me. Even in court. She kept the kids two years from me and my husband. And then when he won his rights in court, and was even found guilty of breaking a court order. Keeping the kids from us. Now she tries to act friendly. I hate her with ever fiber in my body.
I would have watched your video if I could have heard it. Your volume is much too low.
Don't get divorced
Great advice! I don't have those chances, she sexually abused my man says before we officially started dating, she tried to get him to cheat on me 3 months into our relationship, and she made me wait 5.5 months before meeting the kids but when she got a man he met them right away and still hasn't met my man to this day. And that's just the major stuff. She's never apologized to me, I may have been upset a few times at her when she did shit like this, but it's a molehill compared to how shitty she's been to me, like I really tried to have a good relationship with her, but she's a gaslighting pathological liar. Oh but she's sent me gifts because she cares about looking like the nice one, but if she were really nice she'd apologize and try to be better to me.
I haven't spoken to her in 3 years and I feel like, as they're starting school now and such, I worry I'll never be able to go to their school functions if she's there because I just can't handle her presence.
Unfortunately I tried all these tips and was everything nice for 3 years. She is now spreading rumors in the community about me..even though I didn't meet my husband until years after their divorce. She has now filed a lawsuit saying I can't even be around the kids......
Word when you are dealing with a highly toxic ex... Just don't. Let your husband Interact with her. Don't send any letters, because anything you say and do will be used against you in a court of law. Just be the best step mom you can be for the kids.
We have never met. Although she lies and tells the kids we have met, she tells them she doesn't like me because of that one time she met me. I've never even seen her face to face. She talks about me and shows my pictures around her friends and families she acts Obsessed with me but at the same time is a total b***h towards me 😂🤷🏼♀️ I don't need that kind of person in my life. Also very narcissistic towards her own kids and very toxic towards them 💤 😴 do you have any videos to help me with these issues xox
For people in this situation, always keep a record of her actions that can be used against her in a court of law. Do not say or do anything that can be recorded and used against you in the future to HCBM and/or SKs. Utilize nacho parenting, grey rick, and no contact dealing with HCBM.
How did your situation work out?
when the step kids are adults and narcs too.
Haven't had much interaction with her, but she was abusive toward him during their marriage. Physical, emotional, and mental. She cheated on him and eventually he had enough and divorced her. He has primary custody of their son because she's unemployed, living with her new boyfriend she cheated on him with, and on drugs and alcohol. I already don't want anything to do with her because of all that. I support him when she pushes his boundaries and just let him know I'm here for him. But I sincerely doubt she and I will have a friendly relationship. I plan to always be hospitable and neutral but beyond that, after all she's done to him and their son, I don't think I can be "buddy-buddy" with her.
but what if I used to f both of them (so she knows me well & I know her lol) & find out she’s absolutely psychotic. he started coming over to my house all the time instead of me going to theirs just so he could get away from her. she was mentally and physically abusive towards him and even in front of their kids from time to time. I have absolutely no respect for her and hate sending the kids back to her (they’re barely 3 & 8. The 3yr old is my fiancé’s blood, the 8yr old only knows my fiancé as her father) There’s nothing legal we can uphold her to and even if, we’re scared the oldest, who’s not my fiancé’s “actual” kid, will be sent to live with her family instead of him. She’s not abusive physically to the kids but she’s so emotionally unstable that I can SEE it on their faces when they come back. They’re tired. I don’t think they understand it yet but I’ve been thru it so I can see it. We both work all the time too, so we only have them Friday afternoon- Monday morning.. breaks my heart. Feel like “damned if u do damned if u don’t” as I’ve heard u say.
hey, you can hate me but I am a bio mom whose personal boundaries were invaded by the step mom but after reading these comments it is just unbelievable that step mom feel there are not to blame in any way