i hate how messy my family has become, we just cannot connect as a family even though my mom shared kids with my stepdad. it’s really hard please don’t put your kids through this.
@@abbyhealy1133 our stepmom thinks her kids are angels; 2 of the 3 are spoiled brats. They made us feel unwelcomed in the house our mother and dad built. This also is horrible.
Julia Lynn Vlogs not all s not because I have a friend that has two moms and dads because they’re parents remarried and they get along great so it’s possible whether you want to believe it or not FYI life can be complicated anyway but I’m just saying they are people that can work out not all sad how people think that it never works out at all without doing research about it some work great it’s rare yes but some do for the most it doesn’t but some rare cases it can work out
Tammie Page exactly. A friend of mines parents went through a few situations and blended all the families together. My family situation wasnt the same but ive seen both sides.
I am one of nine siblings between my mum and dad and I'm sick of it. I am the second eldest and it has been really hard work, different views,Religons and jealousy. NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.
I am in a blended family. I have a son and so does my partner. We make it work by making decisions as a whole family and we include the kids and ask what they want. We all feel included. We have our moments but we are good. We discipline our own children and don't cross that rule.
it is. Definitely hasn't been a easy journey. What helped me was the fact I said to my stepson's face "I have no intention of replacing your mother", but when you are with me I will treat you like you are mine.
I must not be in the norm but I am having a very positive experience in my blended family. The kids love each other and we love all of the kids...I am a firm believer that you do not have to share DNA in order to be a family.
Of course it will be because we love each other just like a typical family. So sorry that my happy life is affecting yours somehow. 😄 I love my family and if that means "i have a long way to go" then you must be way behind me. Not all blended families work out, but counseling is a great and helpful tool if you need it.
+Cynthia WithLove it has been great. I know it's harder for some families but it's great for ours. To each their own. I applaud you for being a stepmother, it can be tough. I hope you have a good one
same here I have 4 my hubby has 2. I have 2 girls 2 boys he has one of each the kids have shared rooms for a few years and get along like they are a blood siblings of course like any other siblings they have fights every now and again but our house is great as a blended family
It doesn't matter if you believe that. It boils down to what everyone in the house believes. I'm told all the time that I'm not family by sd bc I don't have her dna, and I've never based my idea of family on blood. My step dad is one of my parents. So, no it doesn't matter what I believe if another person is adamant in hating me.
So true. I am a step father. Just type into youtube : documentary step father. all you find is evil things about step fathers or do not marry a single mother. They need to make videos that help step fathers. Not just say suck it up , everything is your fault. It is easy to come to the conclusion that rather do not take part in this. Let single parents stay single.
Good thing people can choose not to listen to your advice. For many people a first marriage doesn’t work out. And if the love is no longer there you should not stay married. That is better for the kids than being in a toxic relationship. You’re a fool if you believe otherwise.
Gah tell me about it. Stepchildren who manipulate their parents do so much damage. It’s so incredibly toxic and unfair to the person who has no kids and is coming into the relationship. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever repeat this choice again. In the future, if I cannot make it work with my spouse, I will only date people like myself who don’t have children because it’s been a very painful lesson to learn once a stepchild decided they do not have use for you and therefore try to make your life as difficult as possible
I come from blended family. I have a very bad experience with it😒Stil feel alot pain as a adult. Parents can be so selfish... I never wil do that when i have childeren.
@@user-lv4ok9vo5o My stepdad took al the money from mom en cheated on her. I was the one who caught him. The girl was my age for godsake... And my dad is married with the best friend from my mom. They never visted because his wife won't wanna see mom. There are some blended familie that wil work out i believe but not for me.
Blended families can bring a lot of problems, I ended up getting into a physical fight with my step dad when I was 16 years of age because she tried to “discipline “ my little sister who was 13 at that Time, she got mad at him and told him not to mess with her because he wasn’t her father, then he got angry and started screaming at her telling her that he was the one paying her bills, then he pushed her to her room ( I was taking a shower when all of this was happening ), when I got out of the shower I saw him pushing my sister to her room while she was crying, so I run to them and I pushed her away from her, I took my shirt off and told him to try to do that to me, we both cursed at each other and then we ended up fighting, my sister took advantage of the opportunity and also jumped on him scratching his face, then my half sister tried to help her dad as well and she grabbed my sister by her hair and tried to pull her away from her dad. (My half sister was just about to turn 10 when this happened). My mom wasn’t home and when she arrived, she tried to handle the situation but it didn’t work, it just wasn’t the same anymore after that had happened, at the end they ended up getting divorced, and the only one that was damaged the most was my half sister. My mom tried to reconcile me and my sister with our half sister but it didn’t work, it’s been almost 12 years since that happened, and till this day me and my sister don’t talk to our half sister at all. So in conclusion having a blended family might bring a lot of damage, so think twice before you decide to get involved.
You brought damage the family if you don’t like the set of rooms move the fuck out end of story no matter what y’all needed to respect your step dad he accepted your mom and with y’all
How was that your step dad's fault?? Your sister is a child and needs to respect those are caring for her!! And shame on you for not reaching out to your other sister! Like wtf ?? She's your blood so what f her because you decided to fight your step dad?
If BOTH parents have children, they need to be committed to each other and have their own rules, and don't let anyone, including the ex, to interfere with your rules of your home. DON"T let the ex try to control what goes on in your home or it will be chaos for everyone, been there done that!!!
Yah exsacly although if you are abusing eachother like my mom and dad would then yah probably need to seperate terrible not having that parent around but worse watching one another get abused although still shouldn't leave atleast try to work something out and don't argue or hit eachother but yah other than that you should stay together with the kids if you think that one day you're going to abuse your partner then talk to someone stay for the kids unless if you can't stop abusing eachother in that case joint custody witch might still affect the kids but it would be better
The ex is still the other parent! Stepparents should not be involved in making rules about parenting, the two real parents should do that. Best to not try to merge two separate families, just date and don’t get all of the children involved in your mess.
What if bonding with the kids isn't the issue.. But rather how to agree on parenting views and the relationship dynamic between the spouse and the Ex. I have found that dealing with the Spouse un these aspects is far harder than wining over the kids....
The worse part about it is when it doesn't work out and they end up divorcing. The father of my kids remarried, she had 4 he had 3 kids. Domestic violence and manipulation, they divorced, and my kids lost their step siblings and dogs. Now he remarried a 3th time, to a woman with a 2 year old and a 5 year old and now he aliniated me from my kids and my kids want to live with him. Me alone, childless. He is a narcissist and I can't fight him.
I’m a teen. My step mother used to be really kind to me. Once my half sister was born six years ago, she got resentful. She doesn’t talk to me. She doesn’t let my sister in my room when I’m there Bc one time she fell when she was two. She doesn’t let me go on my email on the computer Bc four years ago I went on my email and something got deleted off of hers. She is a wonderful mother but an awful step mother who talks to everyone in the house except me Bc she never forgives. And I don’t know what she’s angry about. I have so much pain from it.
Your stepmother is not doing herself any favors by being ugly to you. In fact, she will regret her actions in the long run if she doesn"t change and real soon.
It's because you're not her daughter, and she knows that. She doesn't have the bond with you that she would get from her biological children. It sucks. I was in a blended family from about ages 7-18, and I can say, there was not much "love" from the family members that were not blood-related. It just got worse over time.
@@bobstanky9700 I come from a similar family dynamics too. What your saying is true but using genetics\blood as a copout for not even attempting to form a bond is flat out lazy and selfish. People can try and it is possible if people can stop being so impatient. Bonds like that aren't formed over night.
It's awkward for everyone, but you have to put your feelings aside and think about the kids. Over time you will earn their respect and their love if you deserve it, but in the beginning you have to think about the stress that the kid is going through. Growing up in a blended family is hard on children. My parents split when I was 6 and both remarried by the time I was 8. I love my step-dad to death and refer to him as my second dad, but my Dad's wife is an abusive alcoholic cunt and I won't show up to her funeral. Now I'm in my mid-20s and one thing that growing up like that taught me was to be VERY VERY careful on who you trust and that I will try as hard as I fucking can to stay married the first time and give my kids the childhood I never got to have. A full family.
@@demnslayer09 we have very similar experiences. I totally understand your feelings about your stepmom and sorry you are having to deal with an alcoholic. She will be sorry one day for her treatment of you.
@@crystalbishop6971 My father got remarried to a very jealous woman, she wanted kids with him she couldn't have them. She was so desperate to have children with my father that she thought she could take my eldest daughter when she was 3, boy did she have some explaining to do to the police when they caught her. My daughter doesn't remember that, but now that she's older I still tell her to be careful when she visits her grandfather, she goes with a friend or with me. She's now in her 30's. No 2 situations are alike, and most people that have had bad experiences will be on their guard.
@@demnslayer09 I believe in that too..not this remarrying crap. bring back full families. But I would never take the place of the mom. I am just mother figure. Not getting my ass kicked.
It's real simple. After the hell and misery I have gone through with my own kids and my current wife's kids from a previous marriage. DON'T DO IT! Period! If you have children, you stay married to the person you had them with until those kids are adults.
What if my ex abused me in front of my kids?! And my current boyfriend saved me from that in doing so saved the kids. My kids want my boyfriends last name. Just because it sucks for you doesn't mean it's bad for others.
they married their partner, step kids are part of the deal to put them to school, feed them....other than that after they find work their on their own. Expecting roses and pat on the back is the worst thing a step parent can do...
@@FreeJulianAssange23 what if you get with a woman who’s mother has custody of her kids since she lost them and their dad is in prison so you don’t have to deal with either of them would dating that women still be considered a package deal ?
Asia, I feel your pain. I too have 3 step kids. I was also a step kid myself through out my childhood which made me think I was ready to take this all on.. I came into their life as teenagers which really sucks. There really is no magic resolution but I love their Mother so much! so even though they put me through a lot, its worth it! They also taught me a lot about myself. Look, its a tough job but if I can share any advise, tell them you love them every day and eventually, they'll believe you. Good luck!
Stop right there. There should be no competition. They were there first and you have to acknowledge that. In time maybe if your patient they'll come to love and accept you too.
Tip: just don't do it unless the kid is small, you have a higher chance to bond with the child when they are still small. Once they get older, don't even try it. Take it from me
Derrick J would love to hear more about your experience. Subscribe to our Channel and comment. All about the blended family...only taking it to the next level.
Dee Jay so true. I treat my stepson the best I can, but will never try to make him love me or will try to bond with him a lot. At the end of the day no matter what we do you’ll always be only “dad’s wife or Mom’s husband”.
And how long will the new marriage last once the adult stepkids start having children of their own? and what if their father wants to do the grandpa thing and wants a relationship with their grandchildren, and the new wife wants children of her own? It can become a tricky situation when the kids are adults, when their father gets married for a second time.
This whole question makes me sick. So you married an man that has adult children and he isn’t supposed to be a grandfather because you are here and you want kids? Why not marry a man that doesn’t have kids
The real issue is when one of the parents is high conflict. My stepdaughter asked me tonight at her kindergarten parent teacher meeting if she could have a picture with me. And her bio mom flipped out. Like yelling and everything. It was really sad to watch my little ones face crumble. Luckily tonight was our midweek rotation and the teacher stepped in and made very sure everyone in the classroom knew that Stepparents were included in everything. And then my husband and I took our daughter out to get pictures with us, and we 3 went and had pizza later. I’ve been in my bonus daughters life since she was 2.5. Doesn’t matter what BM says, my little one see me as her other mom.
not saying dr.phil is right, but you do fit into what he is saying. you were in her life before the age of five. i also agree usually kids don't have problem with change (esp young kids). it's the adults who make a mess of everything
Mike Fedak who hurt you? My husband was separated from his ex for years before I came around so, I’m not “destroying” anything. Nice try though. And you can talk all the red pill shit you want, but my husband is hardly a “beta” anything. He busts his ass at work for our family and so do I. It’s life. It takes two people to raise a family, and she wanted to go be a whore like she was in high school. 🤷🏻♀️
Mike Fedak yeah well we all know who cheated on you now. Go cry to your incel buddies. I don’t need to prove or defend my family in any way to an insignificant internet troll.
Mike Fedak lol most blended families have issues because of the bio parents with attitudes like yours. Everything you’re saying is in regards to your own selfishness and not in the best interests of the child. You should listen to March 14th by Drake. Children or step parents shouldn’t be in the middle of your bitterness. Get tf over it! Theres a lot more i want and could say but i dont want to write a novel of things that should be common sense. But thanks to people like you this is why i would never date a man with kids. Some step parents are good people and don’t deserve your bs.
@Mike Fedak Obviously you are now single, what if you meet someone with children, or will you only date someone without children? You don't know what it's like to be a stepparent until you become one. When someone gets divorced, or split-up, are they supposed to stay single for the rest of their lives to make their children happy!? When the parents split-up, obviously one of them or both, was not happy in the relationship and the children shouldn't have to deal with their parents unhappy relationship.
people who judge blended familys are people who are fortunate enough to not go through the struggle of being put to circumstance of being a single parent bc at one point parents of blended family were single parents until they got married. there are so many unfortunate cirmumstances why people become single parents and it is NOT easy. single parents deserve love and should always have hope they can build something better, like a marriage and even having a bigger family. please, lets not judge
As a kid who grew up in a blended family, I would have much prefer it if my mom remained single. As the kids got older, especially in the teen years, all the issues about not having one of their biological parents surfaced and the household turned to hell. Kids come first, not the parents.
@@bobstanky9700 im sorry you went through a hard time with it. i do think in those circumstances, familys should not just "breeze" through things. there need to be discussions about the family dynamic and possibly councling to make sure there is a healthy structure. the child should always come first and be cared about, the step parent should show care, respect, and patience towards the step children. i have always been open towards dating someone with children but i know it would potentially take work and a lot of discussion with the s.o. about how to take care of the family.
@@emilyblanzy7426 Single parent do deserve love. However it's not just your welfare you have to consider now but there's now as well. Will your get along with there kids? Will they get along with yours? Will the new siblings be a good influence for your kid? Will your kids be a good influence on there's? Prayer helps alot with all this.
Exactly right .. my step daughter's do it to me. And well me I just live life. No worries, I married their father not them, so act as they may, I still know what I did for them they are ungrateful children, their parent's including my husband were not good disciplinarians...
Simple don’t get in too involved with a person that have kids cause it’s too much confusement,headache and burden leave the person alone you’ll have a peace of mind
I personally dont agree with blended families, in my case because my mom has a husband that has children. His kids dont live with us but one thing I hate that some parents do is try to replace your other parent and that other parent's family with people you dont know. I have three sisters off my dad's side and I am not allowed to see them or have any sort of contact with them because they are my fathers kids and I live far away from them and they not my moms kids and my mom doesnt get along with my father and his family. She wants to replace MY FATHER AND HIS FAMILY WITH HER HUSBAND'S FAMILY AND I DONT EVEN KNOW THEM. And they out here forcing that blending families 💩 on me to. I just wish that my mom could understand that if I dont want to associate myself with her husbands family and treat her husband and his family as if they were my own, then i dont have to.... God forbid they get divorced and if I somehow get "attached" what I'm finna do then?? She just gone convince me "they're not your family either way" that's why I dont have that problem with my Dads side as much because they are my blood therefore i have a right to call them my family.
Don't ever marry a woman or man with a young child. You will do the right thing for the kid, then when the shit hits the fan you'll see where the loyalties lay. If you get divorced, there's no custody, visitation......they don't want to see you because they don't need you. Then you get sick when you see the loser biological parent become the hero. Where you paid and worked overtime for all the extracurricular activities, school stuff, medical, birthday parties......Take my advice, don't get entwined with it. And lastly, don't ever get married.
I read a lot of experiences and I can say it's rare it works tbh ! There are "adults" who can't help themselves and have kids then want to be with childrens of others... for my case, it destroys a lot and unfortunately I am in this situation right now since years and still suffer...
Daisy Mclean that's not your decision to make; only your husband should decide that. Your husband is not going to demand her move out I'f she isn't ready. Your stepdaughter will only turn to resent you and make your life hell and it will be deserved.
my step dad portrayed himself as my bio dad (he looks nothing like me) and him and my mom had me believing that bullshit since he adopted me at 3 with my mom. never told me once. had major issues. it was hell. fighting started very very young he didn't know how to parent. cops were called on me when I was 12 because he chased me and I kicked him cause I was scared. he's called me stupid as a child, taunted and imitated my irritation in grade school whenever I'd get mad that he was repeating me. he was a bully. never saw him as a loving person. I found out when I was 16 who my real dad was because my real dad found me on Instagram. WORD OF ADVICE. NEVER not let your kid know who their real parent is. especially if the "parent" you want them to know is a complete asshole. (even the cops has said it for another call he made claiming I hit him when I didn't do shit, didn't get arrested.)(and caused so much tension and anger we called each other the worst names possible and everyday fighting was happening. now we don't even talk. at all. unless he wants to bitch. fuck blended families. and let your kid know who the fuck their real parent is. my real dad gave me more love then I could even remember being with that fucking dick.
any reason why your 'real' dad was not in your life until he showed up on IG? And what does looks have to do with having a parent trying to care for you? I understand this stepdad might be whatever you listed, but I would like to know if you could remember when he started acting like that. Had to believe he would go through adopting you when he really didn't have to and then treat u like crap afterwards
Hannah Van Slyke I hate you went through that and just knowing what I'm dealing with right now, that's some shit my soon to be ex would do! We aren't even divorced and he is ready to marry his new gf and even has my kids calling her mom. Trust me I'm in the pictire and I'll never let him take them but it's THOSE kind of parents who put their love life over their children that ruin a child's entire life! Sounds to me like your stepdad only adopted you bc at that time he was so in love with your mom but just to prove what I've said all along that if they didn't make the kids themselves you can't expect them to love them as much as if they did and it's not fair to the kids, period.
Personally what I feel is that 1: Do not under any circumstances make the step child feel like they are not being heard. A lot of the resentment comes from kids feeling like they have been replaced. That their step siblings get more time with their biological parent than they do. Especially if the couple are having a child of their own. If you are than take your children out for some parent child activities. Let them know that you aren't expecting them to change diapers or be a free babysitter every weekend *Once a month is fine* that you will always love them no matter what. That they matter, and their thoughts and voices matter.
I wish my step mom would do some stuff with me so we could have like a bond or something, but she's pretty busy with the toddler and my three-year-old sister. I just don't want my step-mom to feel obligated to do things like that, cuz then it wouldn't be meaningful.
• E l i • • G o n z o • you are a minor in her house hold correct? Then she is obligated to treat you as the other kids are treated. I think if you reach out to her and ask for some one on one time you might be surprised. Biology is the least thing that makes a parent.
I suggest you talk to her. Tell her just what you said. She would probably be so happy that you want to spend time with her. You seem like a lovely kid. All the best to you.
Blended families cause problems. Me and my stepsister was messing around while my father was with her mother they never knew. On top of that my father was low key lusting for my stepsister. On my biological mother's side I was treated as the black sheep because I had 2 half sibilings. They always treated me like their life would be better without me because I guess it kept reminding my stepfather of my mother's past. I was beat for stupid things and beat when ever my half siblings did anything they thaught it was fair. I ran away at 13 hoping I could make it to my father who was in another state but a police officer caught me in the cold winter crying with nowhere to go and returned me back home to my abusive parents who acted like they never did anything to me. After that I never stayed with my mom for a full year because me and my step father kept getting into it because I started standing up for myself but my mother always picked him over me and said I had to leave. No one thinks about the kids situation.
Why were you messing around with your step sister and the dad wanting the stepdaughter ?! honestly the whole comment sounds like some southern lifestyle and just seems like your family is a little messed up
@@khadijahjones2460 Why was I messing around with my step-sister? Well lets see she's not my mother nor my father's blood. I never knew her til I was in High School where the conversation and parties always leads to sex in public schools especially. Plus she was fine and she tried me first so I if that's messed up that I didn't turn it down well I'd rather be messed up than gay so thank you. But the reality of it all is all men think the same sister it's just not all man acts or speaks his true thoughts but if you want the truth ask your father or big brother or someone you know looks at you like that but women ignore them because they hate hearing the truth. And why would my father like his girlfriends daughter well obviously she's a younger better version of her and not his blood. Do you know how many mothers and daughters end up getting into it because the man is trying to mess with the daughter or vice versa. Hell my daddy girlfriend was checking me out because i'm a younger better version of him but i never allowed that. That's why the bible has laws against all this starting with if you have a child even if your husband die go back home to your family if you can and focus on raising your child first before you find another man. Plus I didn't have the true knowledge of God at that time but now I have a better mindset. Now u can still be dumb and ignore facts if you want to make excuses for putting a man before your child. Most parents hardly invest into or know their children but will pay someone to watch them so they can invest time and money to get to someone else really all because they can't control they self sexually. These are called adulters, fornicators, whores, and whoremongers.
Space Vision idc about anything else it still sounds disgusting. plenty of people out there who are not attracted to there step siblings and step children stop thinking porn or your messed up family is end all be all. Also stop trying to use the Bible to justify how disturbing you sound . That is all and i stand by what I said . everything else is irrelevant after you said that. And yea ofc it’s better Bc at least you and your father are not gay (sarcastic btw)
@@khadijahjones2460 u stupid I never meet her til I was 16 and she tried me the first day I moved in I shouldn't even have to explain that I see u just don't know different between moral and immoral so I could care less what u feel I just putting this comment up to further expound on how stupid really are. I hope u don't have a daughter and try to be with a another man while u still raising her is the whole moral of the story. I'm sorry if u can't comprehend or handle facts.
Not necessarily. I am a part of a blended family, my mother married to a new guy, and things here are a lot better than they were with my biological father. Because my biological father was very abusive. But my step-father on the other hand, he doesn't yell at me, he doesn't hit me, he doesn't call me names, he doesn't degrade me, or anything like that. Yeah things are still hard being apart of a blended family. But I have to say things are a lot easier now than they were a few years ago. I think it depends on the person and how they view their blended family. If you go into it with a closed mind of course things are going to be bad. But if you go into it with an open mind maybe things will be a little easier. I believe whether or not a blended family is bad depends on the person and their set of circumstances.
I could honestly see that. There are usually lots of problems ranging from jealousy, resentment, favoritism, personality clashes, custody disputes among biological parents, etc...
somethingg -- a Happy blended family Far outweighs an UNHealthy, Neglectful , Manipulative, Abusive Couple!!!! Kids are WAY Happier w Less stress in the house!! Obviously the prefered option is a happy, healthy family home... But if the parents are Unhappy together...that stress trickles down to the kids and affects them in a BIG way and will affect them for a long time coming! So the kids are better off if the parents split up in the long run even though they won't understand it or realise it immediately, they eventualy will, and they often benefit from it due to no longer harboring that extra stress that the parents caused them when they were together
I need advice. My family is me and my 3, my wife has 3 also. My wife literally doesnt talk or have interest in my three kids. The only time I see her say something is when she is scolding them. So it's always in a negative sense. When I ask her why, she only makes excuses and lame reasons. Such as, She said I dont include her. So, i asked her if i was playing in the kids room and said "honey, would you like to join us in here?" She answered, why would i want to go sit in there room or on there bed where they sleep. But yet, does those things with her own kids all the time. I just need someone to talk to really. I cant talk to my family cause they wouldn't like my wife anymore if I did.
Littledroid YT I will be praying for you I KNOW exactly how you feel. It’s such a painful feeling experienced it with my ex. Wondered why someone who be so hurtful 😢but only God knows. Stop forcing her and just focus on your kids by creating a good environment for them.
Honestly man, she's probably never going to warm up to the kids. They're not hers. She knows it, you know it, and the kids certainly know it. That's the problem with step kids - they're not truly "yours" - so you don't have that natural bond as if they're genetically yours. If she had the choice, she'd probably prefer your kids to not exist. How did she act towards them before you guys married?
My ex was a widow, mother of 3. The kids were guilt spoiled and walked all over her, very disrespectful. She just tuned them out or turned a blind eye to whatever they did. The “punishments” if any, were a joke. They knew she wasn’t going to do shit and was just blowing hot air. So, I tried to be a father to them, set rules and boundaries. But, they continued to do whatever they wanted and aggravated the living piss out of me. Absolutely no support from her, I would be continuously told to “just let it go” or “they’re just kids.” So eventually the kids drove us apart and I lost everything I worked so hard for. Had to start all over again and contemplated suicide almost daily. Don’t ignore the flags because you’re blinded by pussy. Every woman has one, they all feel good, do yourself a favor and trust your gut.
In my family stepsisters older and young and half sisters older and young get along in the life of visitation rights but as the parents they are engines they don't like each other .
@@user-wg5hy1vy7l unless you have experienced blended stepfamilies first hand you don't know all the issues involved. This is something where you have to tread very carefully and easy with' otherwise your life will be hell for sure.
@@crystalbishop6971 Vague responses about complex culturally transformative issues is not helpful. Light needs to be shined on the crap before it can be removed.
@@user-wg5hy1vy7l Because a host of things. People might have toxic personalities, be sexually abusive, have racial hangups, unresolved divorce issues, be physically abusuve, emotionaly abusive, get involved with narisistic gold diggers. That's only just a few of them... Point is parents need to be very careful who they let into there life or there childs life. While you may have messed up yours up, and my continue mess it up, you'll now be messing up there's to AGAIN! By doing so you damage any future loving realtionship you might have with them (that might have been damaged already by the destruction of the previous realtionship).
woman always put your children first...no man is worth this! your children didn't choose this, you did...its not fair to the children, they deserve the best you brought them here, you gave them life and they are your blood...not him! after your children are married and grown and gone, do what you want...again...don't be scared to be alone, cause your children out live you and are still around (most times) and don't kiss your future grand children good bye!
Lol people are still allowed to be happy and have lives even with kids. Its not alllll about the kids. I'd like to be happy and not put my happiness on the back burner for 18 years. No thanks.
@@heatherann4390 although yes but especially minor children must be put first until they are out on their own unless you want to possible loose them permanently. Everyone needs to be considered when remarrying someone with kids especially if both partner have kids.
The problem is when the natural parent choses the stepfathers over the child. My cousin was sexually molested by her stepfather and the mother chose the guy. He kicked her out at 18, and he had other children with her mother and shes disinherited from the will because shes only a stepchild and not his. Its such a painful life please have your children later and all with one person ..even her half siblings dont care for her
I'm trying to get my 9 year old and my husband to get along. It's hard and sometimes I just want to slap my husband. He would be quick to call the cops if I did. Telling her to shut up, flipping her the bird, telling her she's a bad seed and only giving criticism to her but demands respect because he's a "man". He doesn't want to go to counseling anymore but we have a 2 year old together. I want to fix it but don't know what else to do. My parents are great to us and so has the church but is divorce the only way? I don't want him to keep emotionally damaging her. When I confront him for his behavior, he keeps saying that my daughter doesn't respect him. I told him to correct her without being ugly. Respect is earned. He doesn't agree at all 😓
That is so awful to hear! Please message us if we can help you with some advice. We are not "doctors" but we live in a blended family and work SO hard to make them better! Keep your head up!
Maybe talk to the pastor or priest and get them to mediate this dispute first before you consider divorce. Many churches have services for these types of marital disputes. Prayer doesn't hurt either.
Imagine letting your 9 yr old get abused and called such things by a man. You are a horrible mother. Who puts their kid through that especially such a young one.
Also, I think Dr. Seuss was a step father, too. I think it was from his second marriage to Audrey Stone Diamond, who become Audrey Stone Giesel after all, Dr. Seuss was really Theodore Seuss Giesel.
Myself and my family continue to struggle with negative emotions from Bio mom and grandmother, however in my full time step mothering experience with my hubby and our son (my stepson) we are very happy. I do believe I have a pretty great relationship with my stepson, so far so good. I have been his full time stepmother since he was 4. I am even expecting and my stepson is very excited to become a big brother! I hope in time the negativity from the other side will fade. If only all sides could come at this blended life with love and care, it would be such a beautiful thing. I would love to hear from other blended families who have had more positive experiences!
We are a blended family and totally hear you!!! We just launched the first video/podcast on a topic similar to what you are talking about.. "The EX Factor" It's all about dealing with those exes and getting the kids on the same page.
After reading all these comments from stepparents and stepchildren, it is sad to see how negative outcomes can happen without proper counselling before blending families. When adults decide to marry and if they have minor or grown children, the feelings of the children have to be considered and cannot go into this relationship with a selfish attitude. Children, we want our moms/dads to be happy, but we want the new stepparents to respect the child's place in the family. New stepparents, just because you decided to marry someone with children, you must accept them like them or not and if you cannot stand them, its your problem as they aren't going away. Showing each other mutual respect is a start to make a blended family work. IF this isn't done, turmoid, stress, anxiety, and severe problems will arise. Consideration needs to be on both sides and everyone needs to be considered(the ex's, stepsiblings, stepparents, inlaws and their families as well).
Exactly. You can't just tell the kids "Here I am! Respect me.". Those kids just went through the devastation of their family being destroyed and now you show up. The adults don't think of the kids feelings and the huge adjustment they are going through
I actually agree with this. I come from the perspective of marriage coming first but I will agree that the children should be taken into consideration.
Trust is earned along with respect but so is food and lodging. If children (there's or yours) live on your dime then rules of conduct need to be layed out. I'm certain that when there older they will thank you for this though maybe not initially. When they have families of there own I'm certain they won't put up with toxic behavior in houses that they bought and paid for themselves.
“Blended families”? Oh! You mean claiming someone else’s children as your own! Yeah, no. If the kid doesn’t have your DNA they are not your child. You have zero custody rights.
I disagree. Some Dads and Moms are scumbags. They deserve to have there rights taken away. The children will not understand this at first but will thank you many years later.
but the problem is the will...make sure your kids are protected once a stepparent is in the picture everything you worked to save for your childrens inheritance and that greatgrandmas ring u saved for your daughter...GONE...IT GOES TO THE NEW LOVER...STEPPARENT AND THEIR CHILDREN. My dad works for family law...these 2nd 3rd marriages ruin families and its painful to watch a child whos known their father for 46 years...and only to have a new stepmom swoop in only 2 years, married for 5 months to get everything this man worked to save for his child. Remember the law makes the next of kin the new lover not your family that u raised or known all your life.
mm 12 not all step parents are that way. Hell, I made sure my husbands pension is going to my stepdaughter. Between my husband and his parents and their parents, I have three wedding rings sitting in a safe deposit box. My stepdaughter will get to pick whatever she wants. And it was set up that way for a reason. If my husband and I are blessed with another child, he or she can pick whatever my stepdaughter didn’t. It’s the most equitable arrangement possible.
mm 12 you're so right! The best thing a parent can also do is set up a trust protecting your children. Also rings, jewelry, etc go ahead and give to your children B4 wicked stepparent gets it. Watch the movies: Widow on the Hill and Bad Stepmother both based on true stories.
When my father and my stepmother got married (I was 15 with no mother and my brother was 10 with another mom of his own) , for the next 2 years everything was about their marriage. We had to treat stepmom like a queen because she would feel excluded if not, and stepmom and dad would go on 4 to 6 holidays in 12 months and lunch and dinner alone 5 days a week and only spend with us the rest. stepmother would say that it was normal for any family to prioritize the marriage. Now me and my brother lost the bond with our father and hold resentment towards her. It really hurts, and because the " family" label won't stop being forced upon us, I chose to move in with my grandma at 18 (this year). I'm sorry for my father who loves us but I developed depression because of this.
How selfish are you your 15! You should be happy that your dad is happy and of course they love eachother let him be happy it can’t always be about you the world doesn’t revolve around you I’m pretty sure she did good things to you and tried to make a bond with you but at end of the day it’s not her job but if she tries than I have respect
@@jmodz7392 maybe next life ur in my shoes and stop making assumptions. You read how it was and assumed wrong lol but no worries after she said she wanted my father's parents (my grandparents to die ( grandma that raisrd me and my brother because my father was worried about being young and drunk) to get money for a vacation I was finally 18 and ready to move out :) now i live with my boyfriend and take care of my younger brother so they can spend their years on vacation! Haha nice hey. Also i went to a therapist for a year because their kink of having sex with me and my brother hearing everything finally got to me and I became suicidal. (closed doors were forbidden in the house) good thing is-- people like you who assumed parents are always in the right can finally shut up. Because now everybody in our life knows what was going on and agrees that both of them had SHIT family values ;)
@@munmuns74 of course I’m gonna assume wrong lol read what you WROTE.you sounded like you where jealous and didn’t want your dad to be happy. Quit trying to play victim something you halfass explained. I’m sorry that happen to you I really now I understand but don’t write something halfass lol just look at what you wrote anyone snd I mean anyone would think this you can’t expect someone to read your mind or the story that falls behind you geez if next life I pretty sure I would explain instead of making me look like I’m jealous of my father sorry about what happen from the bottom of my heart
@@jmodz7392 i wrote the truth, i dont think i was jealous at all. But at the time I thought she was the problem when in reality the problem had always been my dad, who found a mirror in her. The problem was they were both too young and careless to give me any kind of love that i might have deserved, but at the time I was too young to understand. I'm now 19 and living in my own home. Theyre having another kid and already booked a flight to a tropical country in 4 months (when the baby is 3 and a half months) and leaving the baby here with a cousin. Thats my only worry now.
@patsaxon It is not that they don't plan on staying together, there is a conflict that arises that they can't overcome. People have differences in beliefs, attitudes, and values that distinguish them from there partners. These problems come up over time and you just have to work them out. Relationships are not easy to have and they take work to maintain. Sometimes they just can work them out and it becomes a issue that can't be resolved. All you can do is terminate the marriage.
Chris Hessell Getting divorced isn't on a person's mind when they're getting married. And people don't just one day off the top of this head's say it was fun I'm out. Conflict, Abuse, Adultry, and other things cause divorce.
Chris Hessell you are right. If a blended family is to work, premarital counselling is essential. Time is needed for both sets of children or the one set of children to see how it will work. Try to work/talk out the problems before they get out of hand. If all fails, call off wedding or get divorced.
Gotta super crop em in a way but with a loyalty that last till death. With that many are designed to be parents. Stay confident and show that Big mama love. Open thy heart. Star date 10/8/18. Man+woman, three daughters...
I deserve better than the abuse I endure from my girlfriend. I know this video has nothing to do with relationship strife, I just happen to be watching this and am thinking about what I'm going through with my girlfriend right now. I really am suffering and she doesn't have the slightest clue that I'm even upset whatsoever. It's actually ruining my life and I've been realistically contemplating killing myself just so that I don't have to deal with the heartbreak or live with the pain of knowing I failed and lost what used to be the greatest source of happiness for me. God I don't know what to do from here. Please send me a sign. Please I am begging.. I don't want to fail anymore.
Also parents have to realize that if you remarry your will is no longer valid. The children that you have from your previous marriage they no longer get to claim anything not even there baby albums it goes directly to the new Lover and the New Lover will obviously leave it to his children or her children many times people get remarried and died to three years later and it's like a jackpot for the New Lover well your child is screaming and crying unable to even get there baby albums because it's thrown in the trash think twice, protect your assets for your children from a previous marriage
Don’t do it. It’s very selfish of you as a parent. I still hold resentment to my mother for it. I love her but when she married my step dad there were 6 new siblings and I already was a bad ass kid. I needed a foundation, guidance. Not a drastic change in my household .
Kat Anderson Everybody’s blended family situation is different. But in my case I wanted it to be just my mom and my two siblings I had lived with my entire life up to that point. When she got married my step dad had already 6 kids !
@@dom-kennedyharris148 What a convoluted mess. I have cousin's from a Uncle who married a woman with 2 kids and then had one (my bio-cousin) on top of it. We met each othet twice and never spoke to each other again. People need to stop treating realtionships and marriage like a science experiment. Humans are not lab rats....😕
I just don't trust any step parents period because all of my stepdads all 3 of them were abusive and not good people controlling my dad was as well I just don't trust any stepparent I have a hard time trusting any caregiver really ive just had so many bad ones don't trust them well I'm grown up now so don't have to have a stepparent
Haha dont discipline the child. Do teachers discipline? Do bosses discipline? Do babysitters discipline? Oh ok...just not people who are helping RAISE THE CHILD. What bs
Sons kids get the shaft her twins who are younger never get spanked, even when throwing toys at my grandkids heads. they throw toys at the tv, they got a new TV next day for their room. 3 years old!
wow all the negative comments on here are crazy. I have a blended family and have one daughter with my husband now. and we all get along my kids(step kids) love me and i love them. the kids all love one another. and my brother in laws kids are not biological but they do have one lil girl together and all the kids call him dad to. the problem mainly comes from the other parent. the exes.
I agree that the problem usually comes from the exes and sometimes their influence is so strong that no matter what the stepparent does the kids will always find a way to be against them.
dianayoung23 That's not always the case, the ex might have nothing to do with the issue, it might just be the parents who are blending who might need to work on a few things.
We love hearing great stories about successful blended family's! "the problem mainly comes from the other parent" is TOTALLY relatable! We literally just released a podcast/video on this topic called "The EX Factor" It is all about dealing with those exes!
@@DeepBlue7 That's why you need to teach the children involved why marriage broke up and the toxic personality traits that caused it. Don't lie and baby them but try to put in terms they'll understand.
It's too easy to blend families. If you want to really do it right, make it work!!! & You don't have to be miserable in order to do so. A lot don't seek counsel & they move on to the next & all a sudden things are "easier" gtfoh it's just different, not "easier"
Once you have children, IT'S OVER as far as 'dating and re-marrying goes'! Dating or marriage will BURDEN TF out of your 'partner' and they're GOING to RESENT you for it ... PERIOD!!! So DO NOT HAVE KIDS UNLESS YOU ARE SURRRRRRRRE your Wife or Husband IS 'THE ONE' FOR LIFE!!! Let's be honest and face it: 'Single Moms/Dads" you're VERY 'low hanging fruit' in the dating market, and you're 'not going to be happy' being married in a 'blended step family'!
Tnx for telling the truth. I'd just want to add that single people who have underage kids should focus on their kids, and not playing house with some foreigners. That is a common knowledge that blended families don't work. I've read somewhere if both have kids from before and they get married for the second time, these marriages don't work in around 75%. That's a lot, stay single until your kids are at least 18.
Stop trying to force it. Keep it civil and be supportive to your husband. In a few years they'll be independent and hopefully the realtionship will relax as they get older\wiser.
George Washington's children were really his step children. I assume the marriage worked. Besides what do parents do if the other one is deceased? George Washington's step children's real father died.
Colin Spivey The answer: You don't have to do anything respect your previous marriage and realize you don't need some stranger skulking around your house just to validate yourself
It's commendable to make a blended family work, but it rarely does because it is not natural. Our society has no concept of working to make a marriage work, so they make all kinds of lazy excuses. My dad cheated on my mother and I became part of a blended family. I am not part of my step-siblings life - and THAT is the norm when "blended families" grow up. Not always, but usually the feel no connection to people they're not really related to. I was also adopted, and my adopted relative never had much to do with me, and my friends who are adoptees have the same story. People need to turn back to their faith and the ten commandments and stop being materialistic, lazy, do what feels good and is easy, Americans.
Good lord.... there is some real dark shit that happens in blended family's and here is Dr ? talking like its just about some difficulty. Some real truth would be appreciated Phillip.....2020 el oh el......
I grew up with a Step dad that thought he could discipline me and when I got big enough I slashed him in the shins with my high heals and jumped the fence. If you lay a head on your step children you better watch out. I told my dad and he put sugar in my step dads gas tank and that’s not all. Believe me when I say you don’t want to abuse a child these days. I would not be so stupid either to think gaslighting the child after is going to work either. If your a step parent leave the child alone and mind your own. Your not in charge of discipline got it, good!
Reason #1 for never involving yourself with a person who has a kid. They aren't yours, and never will be, and thus won't respect any amount of authority you try to establish as a step "parent".
If u are going to remarry make sure u have a close relationship with your children...ypu do not want to end up estranged from your chikdren they make grow up and never talk to u for the rest of your life... child sexual abuse and abuse from stepparents is real and it happens all the time...mothers always putting the guy first
This is wrong! The children should be first until they are out on their own and if the stepparent cannot accept this, they have no business getting married or having a relationship with someone with children period.
@@crystalbishop6971 Actually it's not, children don't run your marriage. Putting your child before your marriage just ends up in a divorce. I'm not saying pick a bum off the streets. Just have much higher standards when you date to avoid dating someone who isn't safe.
i hate how messy my family has become, we just cannot connect as a family even though my mom shared kids with my stepdad. it’s really hard please don’t put your kids through this.
best of luck to you guys.
I just think if the parenting styles are not similar then it's not gonna work.
Allen Watkins my mom is very strict with me and my step dad won’t discipline his kids. It’s horrible
@@abbyhealy1133 our stepmom thinks her kids are angels; 2 of the 3 are spoiled brats. They made us feel unwelcomed in the house our mother and dad built. This also is horrible.
Crystal Bishop 😥😥
Agreed
Truth
Blended Families are complicated. PERIOD.
Very much dasnt work..
Not complicated, evil.
Yes they are!
Julia Lynn Vlogs not all s not because I have a friend that has two moms and dads because they’re parents remarried and they get along great so it’s possible whether you want to believe it or not FYI life can be complicated anyway but I’m just saying they are people that can work out not all sad how people think that it never works out at all without doing research about it some work great it’s rare yes but some do for the most it doesn’t but some rare cases it can work out
Tammie Page exactly. A friend of mines parents went through a few situations and blended all the families together. My family situation wasnt the same but ive seen both sides.
Stay single until your kids are old enough. Save yourself the headache 🤕
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽
I am one of nine siblings between my mum and dad and I'm sick of it. I am the second eldest and it has been really hard work, different views,Religons and jealousy.
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.
I have a step mom and live with my dad, it works great 😊
I am closer to my step mom than I am anyone else in my family 👍
Has it always been this way? Or have you went through the "you're not my mom" stage?
My oldest daughter actually told me she feels closer to my fiancé 😊
I am in a blended family. I have a son and so does my partner. We make it work by making decisions as a whole family and we include the kids and ask what they want. We all feel included. We have our moments but we are good. We discipline our own children and don't cross that rule.
This is what I want.
How long have you been together?
@@MichaelBrown-zp1sf this month is 5 years
@@homeandbeyond988 Good to know it is possible.
it is. Definitely hasn't been a easy journey. What helped me was the fact I said to my stepson's face "I have no intention of replacing your mother", but when you are with me I will treat you like you are mine.
I must not be in the norm but I am having a very positive experience in my blended family. The kids love each other and we love all of the kids...I am a firm believer that you do not have to share DNA in order to be a family.
Of course it will be because we love each other just like a typical family. So sorry that my happy life is affecting yours somehow. 😄 I love my family and if that means "i have a long way to go" then you must be way behind me. Not all blended families work out, but counseling is a great and helpful tool if you need it.
+Cynthia WithLove it has been great. I know it's harder for some families but it's great for ours. To each their own. I applaud you for being a stepmother, it can be tough. I hope you have a good one
same here I have 4 my hubby has 2.
I have 2 girls 2 boys he has one of each
the kids have shared rooms for a few years and get along like they are a blood siblings of course like any other siblings they have fights every now and again but our house is great as a blended family
Meredith Wilson lucky you
It doesn't matter if you believe that. It boils down to what everyone in the house believes. I'm told all the time that I'm not family by sd bc I don't have her dna, and I've never based my idea of family on blood. My step dad is one of my parents. So, no it doesn't matter what I believe if another person is adamant in hating me.
My advice, wait until marriage to have children! It’s tough coming into a marriage where your spouse has a child and you do not.
So true. I am a step father. Just type into youtube : documentary step father. all you find is evil things about step fathers or do not marry a single mother. They need to make videos that help step fathers. Not just say suck it up , everything is your fault. It is easy to come to the conclusion that rather do not take part in this. Let single parents stay single.
We can't agree enough! We just did an episode on this! It is SO hard to see eye to eye if you have kids and they don't!
Good thing people can choose not to listen to your advice. For many people a first marriage doesn’t work out. And if the love is no longer there you should not stay married. That is better for the kids than being in a toxic relationship. You’re a fool if you believe otherwise.
Geeze, thanks tips.
Gah tell me about it. Stepchildren who manipulate their parents do so much damage. It’s so incredibly toxic and unfair to the person who has no kids and is coming into the relationship. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever repeat this choice again. In the future, if I cannot make it work with my spouse, I will only date people like myself who don’t have children because it’s been a very painful lesson to learn once a stepchild decided they do not have use for you and therefore try to make your life as difficult as possible
I come from blended family. I have a very bad experience with it😒Stil feel alot pain as a adult. Parents can be so selfish... I never wil do that when i have childeren.
What did your parents do that was selfish?
@@user-lv4ok9vo5o
My stepdad took al the money from mom en cheated on her. I was the one who caught him. The girl was my age for godsake... And my dad is married with the best friend from my mom. They never visted because his wife won't wanna see mom. There are some blended familie that wil work out i believe but not for me.
How traumatic. Hope you’re able to heal and have a wonderful family of your own.
Blended families can bring a lot of problems, I ended up getting into a physical fight with my step dad when I was 16 years of age because she tried to “discipline “ my little sister who was 13 at that Time, she got mad at him and told him not to mess with her because he wasn’t her father, then he got angry and started screaming at her telling her that he was the one paying her bills, then he pushed her to her room ( I was taking a shower when all of this was happening ), when I got out of the shower I saw him pushing my sister to her room while she was crying, so I run to them and I pushed her away from her, I took my shirt off and told him to try to do that to me, we both cursed at each other and then we ended up fighting, my sister took advantage of the opportunity and also jumped on him scratching his face, then my half sister tried to help her dad as well and she grabbed my sister by her hair and tried to pull her away from her dad. (My half sister was just about to turn 10 when this happened). My mom wasn’t home and when she arrived, she tried to handle the situation but it didn’t work, it just wasn’t the same anymore after that had happened, at the end they ended up getting divorced, and the only one that was damaged the most was my half sister. My mom tried to reconcile me and my sister with our half sister but it didn’t work, it’s been almost 12 years since that happened, and till this day me and my sister don’t talk to our half sister at all. So in conclusion having a blended family might bring a lot of damage, so think twice before you decide to get involved.
You brought damage the family if you don’t like the set of rooms move the fuck out end of story no matter what y’all needed to respect your step dad he accepted your mom and with y’all
@@jmodz7392 Can you read?? He was 16 at the time and his sister was 13..
Congratulations ! You played yourself 🤦🏽♂️ Because of you your mother lost probably a great man.
How was that your step dad's fault?? Your sister is a child and needs to respect those are caring for her!! And shame on you for not reaching out to your other sister! Like wtf ?? She's your blood so what f her because you decided to fight your step dad?
@@Odinsson90doesn't matter how old someone is teenagers need to respect. Period!
I don't have my own kids and will never remarry someone with them
Wish I would’ve saw this in 2017
Smart idea
Do what will make you happy. This is your life.
If BOTH parents have children, they need to be committed to each other and have their own rules, and don't let anyone, including the ex, to interfere with your rules of your home. DON"T let the ex try to control what goes on in your home or it will be chaos for everyone, been there done that!!!
Agreed. Experienced this for 5 years.
Yah exsacly although if you are abusing eachother like my mom and dad would then yah probably need to seperate terrible not having that parent around but worse watching one another get abused although still shouldn't leave atleast try to work something out and don't argue or hit eachother but yah other than that you should stay together with the kids if you think that one day you're going to abuse your partner then talk to someone stay for the kids unless if you can't stop abusing eachother in that case joint custody witch might still affect the kids but it would be better
The ex is still the other parent! Stepparents should not be involved in making rules about parenting, the two real parents should do that. Best to not try to merge two separate families, just date and don’t get all of the children involved in your mess.
I Agree!! 100%!! The problems tend to come from outside opinions
What if bonding with the kids isn't the issue.. But rather how to agree on parenting views and the relationship dynamic between the spouse and the Ex. I have found that dealing with the Spouse un these aspects is far harder than wining over the kids....
Amen...
That is a pickle... Maybe have a meeting with all 3 of you together and sit down come up with mutually agreed upon set of rules.
The worse part about it is when it doesn't work out and they end up divorcing. The father of my kids remarried, she had 4 he had 3 kids. Domestic violence and manipulation, they divorced, and my kids lost their step siblings and dogs. Now he remarried a 3th time, to a woman with a 2 year old and a 5 year old and now he aliniated me from my kids and my kids want to live with him. Me alone, childless. He is a narcissist and I can't fight him.
Anyone who lives in one knows how frustrating it can be
I’m a teen. My step mother used to be really kind to me. Once my half sister was born six years ago, she got resentful. She doesn’t talk to me. She doesn’t let my sister in my room when I’m there Bc one time she fell when she was two. She doesn’t let me go on my email on the computer Bc four years ago I went on my email and something got deleted off of hers.
She is a wonderful mother but an awful step mother who talks to everyone in the house except me Bc she never forgives. And I don’t know what she’s angry about. I have so much pain from it.
Your stepmother is not doing herself any favors by being ugly to you. In fact, she will regret her actions in the long run if she doesn"t change and real soon.
Adina Scharf : Maybe she's stressed out, why don't you try talking to her.
It's because you're not her daughter, and she knows that. She doesn't have the bond with you that she would get from her biological children. It sucks. I was in a blended family from about ages 7-18, and I can say, there was not much "love" from the family members that were not blood-related. It just got worse over time.
@@bobstanky9700 I come from a similar family dynamics too. What your saying is true but using genetics\blood as a copout for not even attempting to form a bond is flat out lazy and selfish. People can try and it is possible if people can stop being so impatient. Bonds like that aren't formed over night.
It s no picnic on the stepparent either.
It's awkward for everyone, but you have to put your feelings aside and think about the kids. Over time you will earn their respect and their love if you deserve it, but in the beginning you have to think about the stress that the kid is going through.
Growing up in a blended family is hard on children. My parents split when I was 6 and both remarried by the time I was 8. I love my step-dad to death and refer to him as my second dad, but my Dad's wife is an abusive alcoholic cunt and I won't show up to her funeral.
Now I'm in my mid-20s and one thing that growing up like that taught me was to be VERY VERY careful on who you trust and that I will try as hard as I fucking can to stay married the first time and give my kids the childhood I never got to have. A full family.
@@demnslayer09 we have very similar experiences. I totally understand your feelings about your stepmom and sorry you are having to deal with an alcoholic. She will be sorry one day for her treatment of you.
@@crystalbishop6971 My father got remarried to a very jealous woman, she wanted kids with him she couldn't have them. She was so desperate to have children with my father that she thought she could take my eldest daughter when she was 3, boy did she have some explaining to do to the police when they caught her. My daughter doesn't remember that, but now that she's older I still tell her to be careful when she visits her grandfather, she goes with a friend or with me. She's now in her 30's.
No 2 situations are alike, and most people that have had bad experiences will be on their guard.
@@demnslayer09 I believe in that too..not this remarrying crap. bring back full families. But I would never take the place of the mom. I am just mother figure. Not getting my ass kicked.
Svenshine yeah but you can dip when you want to
Blended family is a nightmare. I love my wife and that is the only reason I stay
It's real simple. After the hell and misery I have gone through with my own kids and my current wife's kids from a previous marriage. DON'T DO IT! Period! If you have children, you stay married to the person you had them with until those kids are adults.
My dad and stepmom moved back to the same townhouse my parents once had. Imagine how miserable I was lol
😂😂😂😂😂 right
What if my ex abused me in front of my kids?! And my current boyfriend saved me from that in doing so saved the kids. My kids want my boyfriends last name.
Just because it sucks for you doesn't mean it's bad for others.
@@candaceseitz7689exception doesn't make the rule.Just look at the stats.
they married their partner, step kids are part of the deal to put them to school, feed them....other than that after they find work their on their own. Expecting roses and pat on the back is the worst thing a step parent can do...
Why make this complicated? Don't date someone who already has kids.
what if its been 7 years of hell for me with my step kids bio parents are lazy and childish
Then it's your fault for remaining in that situation for 7 whole years of your life that you will never get back.
It’s a package deal if you don’t like the kids back off their parent don’t be selfish.
You should have gotten to know the kids better before you married their parent. People rush into blended families way too fast
@@FreeJulianAssange23 what if you get with a woman who’s mother has custody of her kids since she lost them and their dad is in prison so you don’t have to deal with either of them would dating that women still be considered a package deal ?
I have 4 step kids and I’m not having any success. There is constant resentment and competition.
Asia, I feel your pain. I too have 3 step kids. I was also a step kid myself through out my childhood which made me think I was ready to take this all on.. I came into their life as teenagers which really sucks. There really is no magic resolution but I love their Mother so much! so even though they put me through a lot, its worth it! They also taught me a lot about myself. Look, its a tough job but if I can share any advise, tell them you love them every day and eventually, they'll believe you. Good luck!
Stop right there. There should be no competition. They were there first and you have to acknowledge that. In time maybe if your patient they'll come to love and accept you too.
What did you expect?
I think it can work but every family is different for sure.
Tip: just don't do it unless the kid is small, you have a higher chance to bond with the child when they are still small. Once they get older, don't even try it. Take it from me
Derrick J would love to hear more about your experience. Subscribe to our Channel and comment. All about the blended family...only taking it to the next level.
Dee Jay so true. I treat my stepson the best I can, but will never try to make him love me or will try to bond with him a lot. At the end of the day no matter what we do you’ll always be only “dad’s wife or Mom’s husband”.
I was 4 when my mom married my stepfather and I hate him he is horrible
Not really u can just end up with regret and wasted time.
@@dontcare2957 what do you hate about stepfather?
You are spot on Dr. Phil!
What episode is the clip at the beginning called?
And how long will the new marriage last once the adult stepkids start having children of their own? and what if their father wants to do the grandpa thing and wants a relationship with their grandchildren, and the new wife wants children of her own?
It can become a tricky situation when the kids are adults, when their father gets married for a second time.
Ohhhhh yes.
If I don't get what I want, I would end it.
This whole question makes me sick. So you married an man that has adult children and he isn’t supposed to be a grandfather because you are here and you want kids? Why not marry a man that doesn’t have kids
I will never do a blended family thing i would rather be alone with my kids. No marriage shit
Ndapewa Iipinge best thing to do
Your not getting married?
The real issue is when one of the parents is high conflict. My stepdaughter asked me tonight at her kindergarten parent teacher meeting if she could have a picture with me. And her bio mom flipped out. Like yelling and everything. It was really sad to watch my little ones face crumble. Luckily tonight was our midweek rotation and the teacher stepped in and made very sure everyone in the classroom knew that Stepparents were included in everything. And then my husband and I took our daughter out to get pictures with us, and we 3 went and had pizza later.
I’ve been in my bonus daughters life since she was 2.5. Doesn’t matter what BM says, my little one see me as her other mom.
not saying dr.phil is right, but you do fit into what he is saying. you were in her life before the age of five. i also agree usually kids don't have problem with change (esp young kids). it's the adults who make a mess of everything
Mike Fedak who hurt you? My husband was separated from his ex for years before I came around so, I’m not “destroying” anything. Nice try though.
And you can talk all the red pill shit you want, but my husband is hardly a “beta” anything. He busts his ass at work for our family and so do I. It’s life. It takes two people to raise a family, and she wanted to go be a whore like she was in high school. 🤷🏻♀️
Mike Fedak yeah well we all know who cheated on you now. Go cry to your incel buddies. I don’t need to prove or defend my family in any way to an insignificant internet troll.
Mike Fedak lol most blended families have issues because of the bio parents with attitudes like yours. Everything you’re saying is in regards to your own selfishness and not in the best interests of the child. You should listen to March 14th by Drake. Children or step parents shouldn’t be in the middle of your bitterness. Get tf over it! Theres a lot more i want and could say but i dont want to write a novel of things that should be common sense. But thanks to people like you this is why i would never date a man with kids. Some step parents are good people and don’t deserve your bs.
@Mike Fedak Obviously you are now single, what if you meet someone with children, or will you only date someone without children? You don't know what it's like to be a stepparent until you become one. When someone gets divorced, or split-up, are they supposed to stay single for the rest of their lives to make their children happy!? When the parents split-up, obviously one of them or both, was not happy in the relationship and the children shouldn't have to deal with their parents unhappy relationship.
people who judge blended familys are people who are fortunate enough to not go through the struggle of being put to circumstance of being a single parent bc at one point parents of blended family were single parents until they got married. there are so many unfortunate cirmumstances why people become single parents and it is NOT easy. single parents deserve love and should always have hope they can build something better, like a marriage and even having a bigger family. please, lets not judge
As a kid who grew up in a blended family, I would have much prefer it if my mom remained single. As the kids got older, especially in the teen years, all the issues about not having one of their biological parents surfaced and the household turned to hell. Kids come first, not the parents.
@@bobstanky9700 im sorry you went through a hard time with it. i do think in those circumstances, familys should not just "breeze" through things. there need to be discussions about the family dynamic and possibly councling to make sure there is a healthy structure. the child should always come first and be cared about, the step parent should show care, respect, and patience towards the step children. i have always been open towards dating someone with children but i know it would potentially take work and a lot of discussion with the s.o. about how to take care of the family.
@@emilyblanzy7426 Single parent do deserve love. However it's not just your welfare you have to consider now but there's now as well. Will your get along with there kids? Will they get along with yours? Will the new siblings be a good influence for your kid? Will your kids be a good influence on there's? Prayer helps alot with all this.
I’ts hard when you do nice things for your step kids but in return you get nothing.
Damn that would hurt tf outta me ....youre strong
Agreed
@@daoriginaldipp5623 agreed
@@giggl3berrypi3 been there I know your pain
Exactly right .. my step daughter's do it to me. And well me I just live life. No worries, I married their father not them, so act as they may, I still know what I did for them they are ungrateful children, their parent's including my husband were not good disciplinarians...
Simple don’t get in too involved with a person that have kids cause it’s too much confusement,headache and burden leave the person alone you’ll have a peace of mind
Missdeeinspired. Watch our channel. All about the Ex and blended family. Would love for you to comment.
True😢
I personally dont agree with blended families, in my case because my mom has a husband that has children. His kids dont live with us but one thing I hate that some parents do is try to replace your other parent and that other parent's family with people you dont know. I have three sisters off my dad's side and I am not allowed to see them or have any sort of contact with them because they are my fathers kids and I live far away from them and they not my moms kids and my mom doesnt get along with my father and his family. She wants to replace MY FATHER AND HIS FAMILY WITH HER HUSBAND'S FAMILY AND I DONT EVEN KNOW THEM. And they out here forcing that blending families 💩 on me to. I just wish that my mom could understand that if I dont want to associate myself with her husbands family and treat her husband and his family as if they were my own, then i dont have to.... God forbid they get divorced and if I somehow get "attached" what I'm finna do then?? She just gone convince me "they're not your family either way" that's why I dont have that problem with my Dads side as much because they are my blood therefore i have a right to call them my family.
My wife treats my son her step son as if he can't make any mistakes or be a kid it hurts to see him like that
Don't put up with it. Your son is worth way more.
stepsister 38 years old and thee other 36 since they had should it continue or are we to say it just won't work out ?
Don't ever marry a woman or man with a young child. You will do the right thing for the kid, then when the shit hits the fan you'll see where the loyalties lay. If you get divorced, there's no custody, visitation......they don't want to see you because they don't need you. Then you get sick when you see the loser biological parent become the hero. Where you paid and worked overtime for all the extracurricular activities, school stuff, medical, birthday parties......Take my advice, don't get entwined with it. And lastly, don't ever get married.
You couldn't be more spot on with this statement.
I read a lot of experiences and I can say it's rare it works tbh ! There are "adults" who can't help themselves and have kids then want to be with childrens of others... for my case, it destroys a lot and unfortunately I am in this situation right now since years and still suffer...
I have 3 step siblings from my mom remarrying and a half sibling from my dad remarrying and it all works fine
Yep! You probably had parents with a good foundation! That is awesome to hear!!!
I've got a step father who's a pain in my side... me and him in the same house is a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.
Aguiar Ed. Grow up move out I'm sure your stepfather is paying more bills than you are and most likely more respectful to your mom
I'm sorry. Not fair when parents romantic life takes precedence over their children.
Aguiar Ed. Would you still think that way if it was your biological father, or is it just because its your STEP father?
If you're 18 by now no one is holding you!
Beat his ass
my advice based on experience: WAIT. Wait for his kid to turn 18 & move out!!!
20 years old now... Stilllllllll waaaaaaiting! Age means nothing. If I could go back and do it all over again I wouldn't.
Daisy Mclean that's not your decision to make; only your husband should decide that. Your husband is not going to demand her move out I'f she isn't ready. Your stepdaughter will only turn to resent you and make your life hell and it will be deserved.
Kids over18 can cause big problems to your marriage also jealousy is still there.
Husband’s daughter is well over 18 yo with a child of her own and causes problems all the time, claiming her father “left her”
@@DeepBlue7 l l no I’m
my step dad portrayed himself as my bio dad (he looks nothing like me) and him and my mom had me believing that bullshit since he adopted me at 3 with my mom. never told me once. had major issues. it was hell. fighting started very very young he didn't know how to parent. cops were called on me when I was 12 because he chased me and I kicked him cause I was scared. he's called me stupid as a child, taunted and imitated my irritation in grade school whenever I'd get mad that he was repeating me. he was a bully. never saw him as a loving person. I found out when I was 16 who my real dad was because my real dad found me on Instagram. WORD OF ADVICE. NEVER not let your kid know who their real parent is. especially if the "parent" you want them to know is a complete asshole. (even the cops has said it for another call he made claiming I hit him when I didn't do shit, didn't get arrested.)(and caused so much tension and anger we called each other the worst names possible and everyday fighting was happening. now we don't even talk. at all. unless he wants to bitch. fuck blended families. and let your kid know who the fuck their real parent is. my real dad gave me more love then I could even remember being with that fucking dick.
any reason why your 'real' dad was not in your life until he showed up on IG? And what does looks have to do with having a parent trying to care for you? I understand this stepdad might be whatever you listed, but I would like to know if you could remember when he started acting like that. Had to believe he would go through adopting you when he really didn't have to and then treat u like crap afterwards
Hannah Van Slyke I hate you went through that and just knowing what I'm dealing with right now, that's some shit my soon to be ex would do! We aren't even divorced and he is ready to marry his new gf and even has my kids calling her mom. Trust me I'm in the pictire and I'll never let him take them but it's THOSE kind of parents who put their love life over their children that ruin a child's entire life! Sounds to me like your stepdad only adopted you bc at that time he was so in love with your mom but just to prove what I've said all along that if they didn't make the kids themselves you can't expect them to love them as much as if they did and it's not fair to the kids, period.
Personally what I feel is that
1: Do not under any circumstances make the step child feel like they are not being heard. A lot of the resentment comes from kids feeling like they have been replaced. That their step siblings get more time with their biological parent than they do. Especially if the couple are having a child of their own. If you are than take your children out for some parent child activities. Let them know that you aren't expecting them to change diapers or be a free babysitter every weekend *Once a month is fine* that you will always love them no matter what. That they matter, and their thoughts and voices matter.
I wish my step mom would do some stuff with me so we could have like a bond or something, but she's pretty busy with the toddler and my three-year-old sister. I just don't want my step-mom to feel obligated to do things like that, cuz then it wouldn't be meaningful.
• E l i • • G o n z o • you are a minor in her house hold correct? Then she is obligated to treat you as the other kids are treated. I think if you reach out to her and ask for some one on one time you might be surprised. Biology is the least thing that makes a parent.
How are you doing Eli? Have you talked to your Stepmom? If you have any questions, as a stepmom, I’d love to chat with you.
I suggest you talk to her. Tell her just what you said. She would probably be so happy that you want to spend time with her. You seem like a lovely kid.
All the best to you.
My husband hates my son. He says we’re intime tally invoked. It’s horrible. My some is asking why’s does he want and no treating my WRONG
Why marry someone if you hate thier children?
Blended families cause problems. Me and my stepsister was messing around while my father was with her mother they never knew. On top of that my father was low key lusting for my stepsister. On my biological mother's side I was treated as the black sheep because I had 2 half sibilings. They always treated me like their life would be better without me because I guess it kept reminding my stepfather of my mother's past. I was beat for stupid things and beat when ever my half siblings did anything they thaught it was fair. I ran away at 13 hoping I could make it to my father who was in another state but a police officer caught me in the cold winter crying with nowhere to go and returned me back home to my abusive parents who acted like they never did anything to me. After that I never stayed with my mom for a full year because me and my step father kept getting into it because I started standing up for myself but my mother always picked him over me and said I had to leave. No one thinks about the kids situation.
Why were you messing around with your step sister and the dad wanting the stepdaughter ?! honestly the whole comment sounds like some southern lifestyle and just seems like your family is a little messed up
@@khadijahjones2460 Why was I messing around with my step-sister? Well lets see she's not my mother nor my father's blood. I never knew her til I was in High School where the conversation and parties always leads to sex in public schools especially. Plus she was fine and she tried me first so I if that's messed up that I didn't turn it down well I'd rather be messed up than gay so thank you. But the reality of it all is all men think the same sister it's just not all man acts or speaks his true thoughts but if you want the truth ask your father or big brother or someone you know looks at you like that but women ignore them because they hate hearing the truth. And why would my father like his girlfriends daughter well obviously she's a younger better version of her and not his blood. Do you know how many mothers and daughters end up getting into it because the man is trying to mess with the daughter or vice versa. Hell my daddy girlfriend was checking me out because i'm a younger better version of him but i never allowed that. That's why the bible has laws against all this starting with if you have a child even if your husband die go back home to your family if you can and focus on raising your child first before you find another man. Plus I didn't have the true knowledge of God at that time but now I have a better mindset. Now u can still be dumb and ignore facts if you want to make excuses for putting a man before your child. Most parents hardly invest into or know their children but will pay someone to watch them so they can invest time and money to get to someone else really all because they can't control they self sexually. These are called adulters, fornicators, whores, and whoremongers.
Space Vision idc about anything else it still sounds disgusting. plenty of people out there who are not attracted to there step siblings and step children stop thinking porn or your messed up family is end all be all. Also stop trying to use the Bible to justify how disturbing you sound . That is all and i stand by what I said . everything else is irrelevant after you said that. And yea ofc it’s better Bc at least you and your father are not gay (sarcastic btw)
@@khadijahjones2460 u stupid I never meet her til I was 16 and she tried me the first day I moved in I shouldn't even have to explain that I see u just don't know different between moral and immoral so I could care less what u feel I just putting this comment up to further expound on how stupid really are. I hope u don't have a daughter and try to be with a another man while u still raising her is the whole moral of the story. I'm sorry if u can't comprehend or handle facts.
@@khadijahjones2460 this happens all the time in step families. It’s just not spoken about..
I love Dr. Phil
Blended familys are the worst familys!!
Not necessarily. I am a part of a blended family, my mother married to a new guy, and things here are a lot better than they were with my biological father. Because my biological father was very abusive. But my step-father on the other hand, he doesn't yell at me, he doesn't hit me, he doesn't call me names, he doesn't degrade me, or anything like that. Yeah things are still hard being apart of a blended family. But I have to say things are a lot easier now than they were a few years ago. I think it depends on the person and how they view their blended family. If you go into it with a closed mind of course things are going to be bad. But if you go into it with an open mind maybe things will be a little easier. I believe whether or not a blended family is bad depends on the person and their set of circumstances.
I will never be enough and frankly I'm starting to give zero fucks.
I could honestly see that. There are usually lots of problems ranging from jealousy, resentment, favoritism, personality clashes, custody disputes among biological parents, etc...
I HATE it..im not blending shit.. I wish he didnt have kids it's draining
somethingg -- a Happy blended family Far outweighs an UNHealthy, Neglectful , Manipulative, Abusive Couple!!!! Kids are WAY Happier w Less stress in the house!! Obviously the prefered option is a happy, healthy family home... But if the parents are Unhappy together...that stress trickles down to the kids and affects them in a BIG way and will affect them for a long time coming! So the kids are better off if the parents split up in the long run even though they won't understand it or realise it immediately, they eventualy will, and they often benefit from it due to no longer harboring that extra stress that the parents caused them when they were together
I think I'm just gonna marry a chair instead and get the tax benifits
How is this working for u??
I need advice. My family is me and my 3, my wife has 3 also. My wife literally doesnt talk or have interest in my three kids. The only time I see her say something is when she is scolding them. So it's always in a negative sense. When I ask her why, she only makes excuses and lame reasons. Such as, She said I dont include her. So, i asked her if i was playing in the kids room and said "honey, would you like to join us in here?" She answered, why would i want to go sit in there room or on there bed where they sleep. But yet, does those things with her own kids all the time. I just need someone to talk to really. I cant talk to my family cause they wouldn't like my wife anymore if I did.
Littledroid YT I will be praying for you I KNOW exactly how you feel. It’s such a painful feeling experienced it with my ex. Wondered why someone who be so hurtful 😢but only God knows. Stop forcing her and just focus on your kids by creating a good environment for them.
Honestly man, she's probably never going to warm up to the kids. They're not hers. She knows it, you know it, and the kids certainly know it. That's the problem with step kids - they're not truly "yours" - so you don't have that natural bond as if they're genetically yours. If she had the choice, she'd probably prefer your kids to not exist. How did she act towards them before you guys married?
My ex was a widow, mother of 3. The kids were guilt spoiled and walked all over her, very disrespectful. She just tuned them out or turned a blind eye to whatever they did. The “punishments” if any, were a joke. They knew she wasn’t going to do shit and was just blowing hot air. So, I tried to be a father to them, set rules and boundaries. But, they continued to do whatever they wanted and aggravated the living piss out of me. Absolutely no support from her, I would be continuously told to “just let it go” or “they’re just kids.” So eventually the kids drove us apart and I lost everything I worked so hard for. Had to start all over again and contemplated suicide almost daily. Don’t ignore the flags because you’re blinded by pussy. Every woman has one, they all feel good, do yourself a favor and trust your gut.
In my family stepsisters older and young and half sisters older and young get along in the life of visitation rights but as the parents they are engines they don't like each other .
Love doctor Phil love the tie
I know what; don"t remarry if you have kids.
Why?
@@user-wg5hy1vy7l unless you have experienced blended stepfamilies first hand you don't know all the issues involved. This is something where you have to tread very carefully and easy with' otherwise your life will be hell for sure.
@@crystalbishop6971 Vague responses about complex culturally transformative issues is not helpful. Light needs to be shined on the crap before it can be removed.
@@user-wg5hy1vy7l Because a host of things. People might have toxic personalities, be sexually abusive, have racial hangups, unresolved divorce issues, be physically abusuve, emotionaly abusive, get involved with narisistic gold diggers. That's only just a few of them... Point is parents need to be very careful who they let into there life or there childs life. While you may have messed up yours up, and my continue mess it up, you'll now be messing up there's to AGAIN! By doing so you damage any future loving realtionship you might have with them (that might have been damaged already by the destruction of the previous realtionship).
"This is an awkward situation" ... no not really
Such good advice
Interesting video
woman always put your children first...no man is worth this! your children didn't choose this, you did...its not fair to the children, they deserve the best you brought them here, you gave them life and they are your blood...not him! after your children are married and grown and gone, do what you want...again...don't be scared to be alone, cause your children out live you and are still around (most times) and don't kiss your future grand children good bye!
Lemon020202 PREACH!!!
Lol people are still allowed to be happy and have lives even with kids. Its not alllll about the kids. I'd like to be happy and not put my happiness on the back burner for 18 years. No thanks.
Lady UnPlugged Exactly very well said!! You spoke from my heart.
Couldn't say it better myself!
@@heatherann4390 although yes but especially minor children must be put first until they are out on their own unless you want to possible loose them permanently. Everyone needs to be considered when remarrying someone with kids especially if both partner have kids.
Amen Dr. Phil
The problem is when the natural parent choses the stepfathers over the child. My cousin was sexually molested by her stepfather and the mother chose the guy. He kicked her out at 18, and he had other children with her mother and shes disinherited from the will because shes only a stepchild and not his. Its such a painful life please have your children later and all with one person ..even her half siblings dont care for her
The mother will regret this later in life as she may need your cousin but it will be too late then.
Why do I think of Doug dimmadom from fairly odd parents every time I watch or look at dr Phil lol
Doug Dimmadome? Owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome?
I'm trying to get my 9 year old and my husband to get along. It's hard and sometimes I just want to slap my husband. He would be quick to call the cops if I did. Telling her to shut up, flipping her the bird, telling her she's a bad seed and only giving criticism to her but demands respect because he's a "man". He doesn't want to go to counseling anymore but we have a 2 year old together. I want to fix it but don't know what else to do. My parents are great to us and so has the church but is divorce the only way? I don't want him to keep emotionally damaging her. When I confront him for his behavior, he keeps saying that my daughter doesn't respect him. I told him to correct her without being ugly. Respect is earned. He doesn't agree at all 😓
That is so awful to hear! Please message us if we can help you with some advice. We are not "doctors" but we live in a blended family and work SO hard to make them better! Keep your head up!
Maybe talk to the pastor or priest and get them to mediate this dispute first before you consider divorce. Many churches have services for these types of marital disputes. Prayer doesn't hurt either.
Imagine letting your 9 yr old get abused and called such things by a man. You are a horrible mother. Who puts their kid through that especially such a young one.
Update, we’ve been separated for 1 1/2 years now
Blended family is difficult. I am in one and my kids see my husband as the I trader with all the rules they didn't have before. It is hard.
Also, I think Dr. Seuss was a step father, too. I think it was from his second marriage to Audrey Stone Diamond, who become Audrey Stone Giesel after all, Dr. Seuss was really Theodore Seuss Giesel.
Myself and my family continue to struggle with negative emotions from Bio mom and grandmother, however in my full time step mothering experience with my hubby and our son (my stepson) we are very happy. I do believe I have a pretty great relationship with my stepson, so far so good. I have been his full time stepmother since he was 4. I am even expecting and my stepson is very excited to become a big brother! I hope in time the negativity from the other side will fade. If only all sides could come at this blended life with love and care, it would be such a beautiful thing. I would love to hear from other blended families who have had more positive experiences!
We are a blended family and totally hear you!!! We just launched the first video/podcast on a topic similar to what you are talking about.. "The EX Factor" It's all about dealing with those exes and getting the kids on the same page.
It helps when the kids are grown for the most part
Nooooo. Not always. Sigh.
Nope! And add step grandkids
It can be more challenging in a lot of ways too
but some do work.
After reading all these comments from stepparents and stepchildren, it is sad to see how negative outcomes can happen without proper counselling before blending families. When adults decide to marry and if they have minor or grown children, the feelings of the children have to be considered and cannot go into this relationship with a selfish attitude. Children, we want our moms/dads to be happy, but we want the new stepparents to respect the child's place in the family. New stepparents, just because you decided to marry someone with children, you must accept them like them or not and if you cannot stand them, its your problem as they aren't going away. Showing each other mutual respect is a start to make a blended family work. IF this isn't done, turmoid, stress, anxiety, and severe problems will arise. Consideration needs to be on both sides and everyone needs to be considered(the ex's, stepsiblings, stepparents, inlaws and their families as well).
Exactly. You can't just tell the kids "Here I am! Respect me.". Those kids just went through the devastation of their family being destroyed and now you show up. The adults don't think of the kids feelings and the huge adjustment they are going through
I actually agree with this. I come from the perspective of marriage coming first but I will agree that the children should be taken into consideration.
Trust is earned along with respect but so is food and lodging. If children (there's or yours) live on your dime then rules of conduct need to be layed out. I'm certain that when there older they will thank you for this though maybe not initially. When they have families of there own I'm certain they won't put up with toxic behavior in houses that they bought and paid for themselves.
“Blended families”? Oh! You mean claiming someone else’s children as your own! Yeah, no. If the kid doesn’t have your DNA they are not your child. You have zero custody rights.
JeevesReturns that's right! i just can't understand these people who think otherwise...
I disagree. Some Dads and Moms are scumbags. They deserve to have there rights taken away. The children will not understand this at first but will thank you many years later.
but the problem is the will...make sure your kids are protected once a stepparent is in the picture everything you worked to save for your childrens inheritance and that greatgrandmas ring u saved for your daughter...GONE...IT GOES TO THE NEW LOVER...STEPPARENT AND THEIR CHILDREN. My dad works for family law...these 2nd 3rd marriages ruin families and its painful to watch a child whos known their father for 46 years...and only to have a new stepmom swoop in only 2 years, married for 5 months to get everything this man worked to save for his child. Remember the law makes the next of kin the new lover not your family that u raised or known all your life.
mm 12 not all step parents are that way. Hell, I made sure my husbands pension is going to my stepdaughter. Between my husband and his parents and their parents, I have three wedding rings sitting in a safe deposit box. My stepdaughter will get to pick whatever she wants. And it was set up that way for a reason. If my husband and I are blessed with another child, he or she can pick whatever my stepdaughter didn’t. It’s the most equitable arrangement possible.
mm 12 you're so right! The best thing a parent can also do is set up a trust protecting your children. Also rings, jewelry, etc go ahead and give to your children B4 wicked stepparent gets it. Watch the movies: Widow on the Hill and Bad Stepmother both based on true stories.
Maggie East you sound very sensible and reasonable. I just wished there were more step parents like you
Like the van
When my father and my stepmother got married (I was 15 with no mother and my brother was 10 with another mom of his own) , for the next 2 years everything was about their marriage. We had to treat stepmom like a queen because she would feel excluded if not, and stepmom and dad would go on 4 to 6 holidays in 12 months and lunch and dinner alone 5 days a week and only spend with us the rest. stepmother would say that it was normal for any family to prioritize the marriage. Now me and my brother lost the bond with our father and hold resentment towards her. It really hurts, and because the " family" label won't stop being forced upon us, I chose to move in with my grandma at 18 (this year). I'm sorry for my father who loves us but I developed depression because of this.
How selfish are you your 15! You should be happy that your dad is happy and of course they love eachother let him be happy it can’t always be about you the world doesn’t revolve around you I’m pretty sure she did good things to you and tried to make a bond with you but at end of the day it’s not her job but if she tries than I have respect
@@jmodz7392 maybe next life ur in my shoes and stop making assumptions. You read how it was and assumed wrong lol but no worries after she said she wanted my father's parents (my grandparents to die ( grandma that raisrd me and my brother because my father was worried about being young and drunk) to get money for a vacation I was finally 18 and ready to move out :) now i live with my boyfriend and take care of my younger brother so they can spend their years on vacation! Haha nice hey. Also i went to a therapist for a year because their kink of having sex with me and my brother hearing everything finally got to me and I became suicidal. (closed doors were forbidden in the house) good thing is-- people like you who assumed parents are always in the right can finally shut up. Because now everybody in our life knows what was going on and agrees that both of them had SHIT family values ;)
@@munmuns74 of course I’m gonna assume wrong lol read what you WROTE.you sounded like you where jealous and didn’t want your dad to be happy. Quit trying to play victim something you halfass explained. I’m sorry that happen to you I really now I understand but don’t write something halfass lol just look at what you wrote anyone snd I mean anyone would think this you can’t expect someone to read your mind or the story that falls behind you geez if next life I pretty sure I would explain instead of making me look like I’m jealous of my father sorry about what happen from the bottom of my heart
Always think of positive vibes don’t look at the past keep moving forward hopefully you find peace by any means
@@jmodz7392 i wrote the truth, i dont think i was jealous at all. But at the time I thought she was the problem when in reality the problem had always been my dad, who found a mirror in her. The problem was they were both too young and careless to give me any kind of love that i might have deserved, but at the time I was too young to understand. I'm now 19 and living in my own home. Theyre having another kid and already booked a flight to a tropical country in 4 months (when the baby is 3 and a half months) and leaving the baby here with a cousin. Thats my only worry now.
Only 23 percent work out unless the children are grown up. Why 3rd one is the charm.
@patsaxon
It is not that they don't plan on staying together, there is a conflict that arises that they can't overcome. People have differences in beliefs, attitudes, and values that distinguish them from there partners. These problems come up over time and you just have to work them out. Relationships are not easy to have and they take work to maintain. Sometimes they just can work them out and it becomes a issue that can't be resolved. All you can do is terminate the marriage.
Chris Hessell But why even get married if you weren't sure it was going to last
People should be way more careful.
Chris Hessell Getting divorced isn't on a person's mind when they're getting married. And people don't just one day off the top of this head's say it was fun I'm out. Conflict, Abuse, Adultry, and other things cause divorce.
Chris Hessell you are right. If a blended family is to work, premarital counselling is essential. Time is needed for both sets of children or the one set of children to see how it will work. Try to work/talk out the problems before they get out of hand. If all fails, call off wedding or get divorced.
Lord have mercy on us
Gotta super crop em in a way but with a loyalty that last till death. With that many are designed to be parents. Stay confident and show that Big mama love. Open thy heart. Star date 10/8/18. Man+woman, three daughters...
why would you put all those people ina blender omg it would ding
it wod
I have two blended families, I HATE one and love the other
how do u have 2
@@JoeBudd-D both parents re married .
I deserve better than the abuse I endure from my girlfriend. I know this video has nothing to do with relationship strife, I just happen to be watching this and am thinking about what I'm going through with my girlfriend right now. I really am suffering and she doesn't have the slightest clue that I'm even upset whatsoever. It's actually ruining my life and I've been realistically contemplating killing myself just so that I don't have to deal with the heartbreak or live with the pain of knowing I failed and lost what used to be the greatest source of happiness for me. God I don't know what to do from here. Please send me a sign. Please I am begging.. I don't want to fail anymore.
How are you? Do you possibly have BPD? Did you breakup with this person??
Also parents have to realize that if you remarry your will is no longer valid. The children that you have from your previous marriage they no longer get to claim anything not even there baby albums it goes directly to the new Lover and the New Lover will obviously leave it to his children or her children many times people get remarried and died to three years later and it's like a jackpot for the New Lover well your child is screaming and crying unable to even get there baby albums because it's thrown in the trash think twice, protect your assets for your children from a previous marriage
nah!.. most blended famillies are good on the surface,but underneath its chaos.
First thing to ask your kids, "do you like him (her)" if they say no, don't get married
WOW!
Don’t do it. It’s very selfish of you as a parent. I still hold resentment to my mother for it. I love her but when she married my step dad there were 6 new siblings and I already was a bad ass kid. I needed a foundation, guidance. Not a drastic change in my household .
Selfish in what way?
Kat Anderson Everybody’s blended family situation is different. But in my case I wanted it to be just my mom and my two siblings I had lived with my entire life up to that point. When she got married my step dad had already 6 kids !
@@dom-kennedyharris148 i see what you mean.
@@dom-kennedyharris148 What a convoluted mess. I have cousin's from a Uncle who married a woman with 2 kids and then had one (my bio-cousin) on top of it. We met each othet twice and never spoke to each other again. People need to stop treating realtionships and marriage like a science experiment. Humans are not lab rats....😕
I just don't trust any step parents period because all of my stepdads all 3 of them were abusive and not good people controlling my dad was as well I just don't trust any stepparent I have a hard time trusting any caregiver really ive just had so many bad ones don't trust them well I'm grown up now so don't have to have a stepparent
Sorry you went through that..
Haha dont discipline the child. Do teachers discipline? Do bosses discipline? Do babysitters discipline? Oh ok...just not people who are helping RAISE THE CHILD. What bs
Sarah Reavis would love to know your thoughts on our channel. Subscribe and see how it works with us and our blended family. It's not easy!
The child didn’t choose you. The parent did back off and leave the child alone. You do not have the right.
@@FreeJulianAssange23 The child needs to respect the step parent, just like they need to respect their teachers and other authorities!
@@FreeJulianAssange23 If I don't have that right then the parents need to whip their kids behinds more often. If they don't then I will.
@@davidregi7571 DISTURBED by blended families? Don't you have 20 wives?!!
Sons kids get the shaft her twins who are younger never get spanked, even when throwing toys at my grandkids heads. they throw toys at the tv, they got a new TV next day for their room. 3 years old!
wow all the negative comments on here are crazy. I have a blended family and have one daughter with my husband now. and we all get along my kids(step kids) love me and i love them. the kids all love one another. and my brother in laws kids are not biological but they do have one lil girl together and all the kids call him dad to. the problem mainly comes from the other parent. the exes.
I agree that the problem usually comes from the exes and sometimes their influence is so strong that no matter what the stepparent does the kids will always find a way to be against them.
dianayoung23 That's not always the case, the ex might have nothing to do with the issue, it might just be the parents who are blending who might need to work on a few things.
love this 😍 all we need is Love. they are all! our children at the end of the day. teach. love. learn
We love hearing great stories about successful blended family's! "the problem mainly comes from the other parent" is TOTALLY relatable! We literally just released a podcast/video on this topic called "The EX Factor" It is all about dealing with those exes!
@@DeepBlue7 That's why you need to teach the children involved why marriage broke up and the toxic personality traits that caused it. Don't lie and baby them but try to put in terms they'll understand.
@patsaxon ah yea....like in fantasy land....but in the real world it doesn't work so easily....just ask Gingrich or Giuliani................
It's too easy to blend families. If you want to really do it right, make it work!!! & You don't have to be miserable in order to do so. A lot don't seek counsel & they move on to the next & all a sudden things are "easier" gtfoh it's just different, not "easier"
Amen! Counselling is the best medicine before blending families period!
And before relationships even truly begin. A lot of these people were doomed from the start but they just didnt see it.
Once you have children, IT'S OVER as far as 'dating and re-marrying goes'! Dating or marriage will BURDEN TF out of your 'partner' and they're GOING to RESENT you for it ... PERIOD!!! So DO NOT HAVE KIDS UNLESS YOU ARE SURRRRRRRRE your Wife or Husband IS 'THE ONE' FOR LIFE!!! Let's be honest and face it: 'Single Moms/Dads" you're VERY 'low hanging fruit' in the dating market, and you're 'not going to be happy' being married in a 'blended step family'!
Tnx for telling the truth. I'd just want to add that single people who have underage kids should focus on their kids, and not playing house with some foreigners. That is a common knowledge that blended families don't work. I've read somewhere if both have kids from before and they get married for the second time, these marriages don't work in around 75%. That's a lot, stay single until your kids are at least 18.
My step child is on my.last nerves. I'm desperate.
I so feel you.
Stop trying to force it. Keep it civil and be supportive to your husband. In a few years they'll be independent and hopefully the realtionship will relax as they get older\wiser.
George Washington's children were really his step children. I assume the marriage worked. Besides what do parents do if the other one is deceased? George Washington's step children's real father died.
Colin Spivey The answer: You don't have to do anything respect your previous marriage and realize you don't need some stranger skulking around your house just to validate yourself
Life of hardship..
Bended family is a curse
It's commendable to make a blended family work, but it rarely does because it is not natural. Our society has no concept of working to make a marriage work, so they make all kinds of lazy excuses. My dad cheated on my mother and I became part of a blended family. I am not part of my step-siblings life - and THAT is the norm when "blended families" grow up. Not always, but usually the feel no connection to people they're not really related to. I was also adopted, and my adopted relative never had much to do with me, and my friends who are adoptees have the same story. People need to turn back to their faith and the ten commandments and stop being materialistic, lazy, do what feels good and is easy, Americans.
Good lord.... there is some real dark shit that happens in blended family's and here is Dr ? talking like its just about some difficulty. Some real truth would be appreciated Phillip.....2020 el oh el......
I grew up with a Step dad that thought he could discipline me and when I got big enough I slashed him in the shins with my high heals and jumped the fence. If you lay a head on your step children you better watch out. I told my dad and he put sugar in my step dads gas tank and that’s not all. Believe me when I say you don’t want to abuse a child these days. I would not be so stupid either to think gaslighting the child after is going to work either. If your a step parent leave the child alone and mind your own. Your not in charge of discipline got it, good!
Reason #1 for never involving yourself with a person who has a kid. They aren't yours, and never will be, and thus won't respect any amount of authority you try to establish as a step "parent".
If u are going to remarry make sure u have a close relationship with your children...ypu do not want to end up estranged from your chikdren they make grow up and never talk to u for the rest of your life... child sexual abuse and abuse from stepparents is real and it happens all the time...mothers always putting the guy first
This is wrong! The children should be first until they are out on their own and if the stepparent cannot accept this, they have no business getting married or having a relationship with someone with children period.
@@crystalbishop6971 Actually it's not, children don't run your marriage. Putting your child before your marriage just ends up in a divorce. I'm not saying pick a bum off the streets. Just have much higher standards when you date to avoid dating someone who isn't safe.
That is sad
Blended families are not natural. My dad try to force it on me and my sister growing up, all it did was create tension.