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everything you said in the 1st minute i FEEL all of it

NEVER BE A STEPMOM!

Strangely enough, for me it’s the opposite. I have no interest or desire to compete with her and I’m perfectly fine in my role as a secondary caregiver. But she keeps trying to push me into a competition so that my stepson has to choose between us, and I have no interest in doing that. I know I’ll lose. I’m not his mom. And I am a new mom of a 5 month old baby. I don’t have the energy to compete with her😅. But she doesn’t seem to get that, no matter what I do or say to show that I’m not interested in replacing her. Instead she’s hell bent on trying to prove that her son loves her most by turning him against his dad and me and replacing his dad with her new husband.

I have never been allowed to meet my stepchildren or his ex-wife. She refuses. His ex doesn't want a stepparent for their kids. She's also Catholic and believes they are still married because a priest never said they're divorced. So 11 years after their divorce, and 2 years into our marriage, their "kids" are 18 & 20. He's never had visits with them kids away from his ex, including holidays. She calls and texts several times a day, always about the children, supposedly. She has alienated the kids from their dad so much that the only contact he has with them is with or through her. And everyone allows it. My husband says there's nothing he can do at this point. But we can't even enjoy a date night without her interrupting with a text or call. He just shrugs and says if he cut her off or even set boundaries he would lose all contact with his kids. So I can either eat my heart out every day, or emotionally detach from the situation.

This was so very helpful!

My step moms life and exactly whats happens now to be a step mom but i probably be a better step mother

Jeepers so resonates with me on all tips. Food for thought!

❤

???

Honestly there is ABSOLUTELY no reason a bio mom should have a problem or not want to be friends with someone who is going to be in their kids life. Your relationship didn’t work with the bio dad, and you aren’t together for a reason. The bio mom is going to want to date and move on too. It really all comes down to just pure childishness and immaturity when you’re a grown ass woman. My husband and i have talked multiple times about the type of relationship we would have with each other, and each others possible perspective partners if we didn’t last. And we both agree a friendship and doing things together with the kids and having the kids see a happy united front between ALL parents is best not only for them but our mental health as well. Also I think the terrible experience we’ve had with his ex does lend to this because I would never want to put someone through the things she’s put us through. But again it really comes down to empathy and maturity and just being an adult. Which I’ve realized 95% of the population isn’t capable of

Do u guys have a stepmother support group ???? 😭😭😭😭

I do have a question. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage, he has 1, and we have 1 together. When we got together he had rules I didn’t have, but I supported him when he went to enforce them, even though I didn’t totally agree. When it came time to enforce rules I had he didn’t, I never got support. 7 years later we still have this issue. So I disengaged, but all it did was show my step child that she didn’t have to respect me, nor follow the rules the other kids have to follow. I am at a total loss. These are rules such as I don’t tolerate lies, which I know kids lie, but my step child lies about a lot and never a punishment for it. So at 12 now, she has gotten really bad about it along with taking things from others in the house. Still, I have no support. Her lies have caused a huge split in our family, and not sure what to do. Lying is a big thing to me and my husbands response is she’s not being disrespectful with her lying. Her lies have gotten to where she makes things up, usually involving others, and both mom and dad do nothing. I do not know how to lessen my anxiety and protect my kids, nor fix this issue with her.

don't marry a luggage man ! don't be that desperate

And you are 2 wife

I now your are stepmom of 3

I love you ❤

Don't single parents if you are not one yourself 😂😂 the drama and crap they bring is not worth it. The worst of everything aside from the drama is that you give your 100% while they give 25% at best, you make them your priority and not their 🤷🤷 single parents can have each other.

Wtf, 3 kids and left his wife, sorry but that man is pure trash.

Be my sensei ❤‍🩹💕💖🙏💪🥰🥰thank-you for this video.

A proper microphone for guests would really level up the podcast game ❤

Your videos just started popping up my feed. Very interesting. I personally don't feel that it's necessary to have a sit down with a spouse's ex. I think it's important for the parents to communicate effectively and figure out what is best for their kiddos. We did try to have all 4 parents communicating, and it was a nightmare. Everyone got along just fine, but it was wayyyyy too many opinions and made things more complicated than necessary. I stay out of everything and things are so much smoother now.

It's a nightmare. I have had to put up walls and not care about *anything.* My children have rules, steps do not. It is insane when they are at our house. It feels like bio mom controls my house. If I knew it would be this way, there is no way I would be in this situation.

Love this, thank you!!!

This is excellent advice! I am in a situation where my boyfriend and I are moving in together officially next month (he travels for work every other week when he doesn't have his kids) and we found out today that his ex-wife is also moving across the country next month. He (and I) will now have them full-time, and it is just a lot to process. Considering his boys' well-being first with every emotion I have is very important. Having been raised by a loving mother and stepfather, I understand that this is probably what is best for his kids in the long run. However, we are not even married yet, but I love them so much. I am also in my mid-twenties and just starting out my professional career. This has been therapeutic. I am very appreciative of this video. Thank you.

Never been interested in competing, taking on the "mom" role, the term stepmom has such a negative connotation. Im an adult in their lives and hopefully, I'll have some positive influence, but most importantly, it is critical not to lose yourself.

The conversation is already heavily weighted against "stepparent" role going back in early history with all the evil stepmom fables to current day. So.... I'm kinda done with hearing about the other perspective...

This seems more about people who want to build a friendship with the ex... I think if you can establish mutual respect and clear boundaries that's big. Otherwise, hold on tight cuz it might be a bumpy ride. Hope it's not...

Using sex to take the trash out. Nothing new here. Same old BS.

I have a 22 year old stepdaughter and a 13 year old stepson. Sometimes it feels like I’m not doing a good job when my stepdaughter complains about the meals and what food I get or how I make a meal.

Shut down her emotions and enable your child like doing chores emotions

Take the trash out cuz it needs to be done in your home and be ashamed she had to ask politely for you not to be emotional about it

Just know how to be an adult

If she stops the I’m tough attitude. Things will change. The I’m tough just make the man want to prove she is not. Like beat her face in. Which he can’t , go to jail, so he passively aggressive opts out

A man wants to feel needed and useful to their partner. The way you ask is such a large part of this. He's definitely correct on this one.

It doesnt work for every single man. Ive always been kind, loving so on and so on. Tried every way imaginable. He was/is a severe alcoholic who would flip out, yell and scream, call names, throw things and terrify our child because i would remind him to do only 1 simple thing, such as lock the door behind himself when leaving the house in the morning to keep our child and myself safe. The reminder might happen 3 or 4 times a YEAR. Nope. F me. This is the same man that screamed at me at sunrise for not getting up to make HIM breakfast on Mother's Day. He works less than a substitute teacher. Im disabled with the entire length of my spine fused with stainless steel Harrington rods that are snapped in half in 2 separate places and a severe acetabular labrum tear in my hip, degenerative disc disease, 66°double curved scoliosis with spodilosys and bulging discs. I have provided a house completely bought outright with zero mortgage, i GAVE this man a Ford F 150 work truck only a few years old. I pay ALL of the bills including his phone, only buy things for our child, i cook and clean.... and 99%of the time, im a silent traditional wife. Yet, im the ungrateful one. 😒

"Hey babe I'd love it if you took the trash out for me toinght" what! is he 4 years old? I Like to know how this man asks his wife to do something.

Very good!

His daughter is 15. I don’t know how to interact with her. I get so anxious and jsut leave :( I’m 25

I get so akward around my boyfriends daughter I just don’t know how to talk to her

Getting married to a man who was once married is not easy at all, it's really affecting my mental health, her son told that he is planning on bringing the mother back to house and if I can't stay I should live, I am really confused and we are planning to get married officially before all this happened, I'm thinking of living the even the relationship so I can have my peace though I have a son already for him.

It is very, very hard. After I started experiencing what's it's like being a step parent I instantly thanked mine for all they did for me. You're not given a manual. Don't beat yourself up if you don't find a loving connection with the child straight away; that doesn't make you a bad person. Give yourself grace. You as a step parent will be contributing to the child's life in a special way that maybe no one else can. I'm 21, my boyfriend has a 4 year old son. I know how much my step parents mean to me and that part of who I am now was down to their love, influence and what they did for me. I'd love to be that person for my step son. It's one of the most selfless roles you'll ever have to play. And don't forget you're different from the ex, there's a reason they aren't together anymore, and as this lady said, you're getting the better, wiser version of him. And never loose sight of the fact that you're probably not the only one that's affected by the new dynamic - It's probably really hard on the mother too, watching her child be influenced by another woman (step fathers and everything inbetween are just as valid, but I'm speaking from my point of view as a female). If you're really struggling and feel unheard, please seek out a counsellor, absolutely DO NOT take it out on the child because that's really damaging to them and will be to your relationship. The thing is, it isn't a competiton, and you must never loose sight of what really matters, which your partner and the child. You're unique in your own special way and that's why your partner loves you. We can do this 💪I see you!

This episode really hit home for me today. My doctor recently put me on Beta Blockers to control my “flight or fight responses.” I’d like to learn how to control this without heart medications.

Thank you for coming back. When I first became a stepmother I binge watched everything. It made me not feel alone. So glad for new content

❤

My man uses the lame excuse of “she’s the mother of my children” to let his ex stay in his life, and to even spend money on her. I have to have a talk with him, because why’s he with me if he isn’t making me his priority? And even talking about her? Is it to not keep things from me, or perhaps to get a rise out of me because he knows I’ll get mad. I need to bring these things up with him and soon! BTW, his “kids” are middle aged, so his ex being their mom is no excuse to be in his life anymore.

This is ridiculous it seems like complaining don’t marry a guy with kids in it’s that simple if you want to build connection with step kids it starts on day one

I am step mom i have been for 3 years God willing in October will be 4 years. I can say so many things have improved thanks to God really i mean it thanks to only God. I struggled so much in the beginning with the in laws husband step child and step child's mom. But i would pray so much for everything to get better for God to allow me to love the child like if she was my own kid. And now she tells me almost every day she is happy that i am her step mom and that she sees me like a real mom. Yes here and there her mom brings drama but other than that everything has calmed down. Early 1st year and 2nd year was bad but had good moments and my husband and i would fight so much i felt like just packing my things and go and almost did a lot of times and thanks to God we are all growing strong. God helped me realize its his kid but she is my step kid and i just need to do what i can and still be there like a mother figure she is just a kid maybe one day she will see me like a mom and she already is as an 8 year old imagine when she is older ❤️🥺 If you and your husband really love each other and you really want a life together talk with your husband dont stop communicating even if he is tired of hearing you nag and complain don't give up and ask God to help depend on God.

Even full-blood siblings with parents who aren't divorced don't get 100% the attention of each parent so what you said it totally valid and I agree!

Being a parent is tough enough but being a step parent is 100x harder. The amount of effort it takes would've terrified me before I walked into the relationship I'm in now. But you are so right it is a decision and I'm not a victim. But step moms have to be the toughest people especially because we are more prone to feeling like we're alone on an island being our own advocate a lot of the time. There's a lot of good times but it takes a ton of effort to get to the good times.

I guess the first one should be wanting to be one. I don't. I don't have the energy, the selflessness, the patience, the generosity... All my life I've been taking care of others and I feel I'm never a priority. So I guess I'm in a dead-end relationship with the most wonderful man I've ever met.