Confessions Of A Stepmom
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- čas přidán 26. 07. 2024
- The Stepmom/Mom Double Standard - While Moms are encouraged to keep it real about the challenges that come with motherhood - stepmoms don’t get the same luxury. In fact, even though a lot of the experiences are the same as “real moms”, stepmom confessions are met with gasps and judgment.
In this video, in an effort to open up the conversation about stepfamily life and normalize the experience of stepmoms, I’m opening up about my personal stepmom confessions.
Have something to add to the list? Leave it in the comments below!
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Confession: I feel like I am married to the ex as well. Every move we make, I have to clear through another woman. I'm married to someone who hates my existence, not me, just the fact I am alive.
Drink with Tessa 😩 why does it seem like we all go through the same!!
exactly...lol why I'm just dating dunno if I want to marry into the mess...lol like she is a ball and chain and so is the kid...and she brings us all down.
Same here. Good thing were not yet married.
I wish I never married 😢
Mutya Yaldua If you don’t have children of your own... I disapprove of marrying and weigh ALL options. We’re newlyweds and recent custodial change (Full-time) kids are teens and a delight but there’s no bond or connection. You’re never enough and it’s disappointing.
“I look forward to them going back to their moms”I say this almost weekly lol. I literally count down the days. It can be difficult but I so appreciate this platform because it’s so relatable
How about I can be your babysitter, driver, nurse/early pickup lady, cook, friend, maid, prayer partner , back up everything project when mom doesn’t have time... etc etc but I have NO say over how the kids disrespect me , my smaller kids or my home ...🤷🏾♀️and yes miss the ceremonies and games, etc . Wth I washed his baseball clothes and tore the house apart for some damn socks just to have the clothes snatched out of my hands by his mother because she couldn’t handle me helping my hubby get him ready for the game! Ugh I hate to rant but goodness... thank you for opening that convo .. 😩
Confession... I hate that sometimes holiday traditions with my own children- are dictated by the schedule with my stepson and his mother.
Ugh 🙄 so not okay
Oh my goodness🙄
Honestly, something that helps with the glory moments confession is taking a back seat from hard parenting moments too. When they are sick, throwing tantrums or getting into fights with each other, he steps in and handles. Don't get me wrong, I help with keeping the house clean, groceries, making their food, doing their laundry, etc...but there are also some not great things about parenting where I happily take a back seat and don't feel guilty because I am not the parent. :)
Karen Acevedo I do the same exact thing. I was becoming too involved at first and it was driving me crazy so I took a step back and let him do the main things and I help with the household stuff.
Amen! I repeat that about 1815272 times when my SD is here for the weekend “I’m not the parent. I’m not the parent”. I feel the same way girl. Thanks for sharing.
@@CassidyNoelle911 yeah they have a mother and a father and I'm not one of them thank God
Good perspective 🙂
Yessssss, sat here so happy because I’m not insane for thinking these things 😂😂
Im a step mpm recently. Been with my husband for 9 years, his ex-gf took off and married and man and had their son call the new man "dad". I've never met my stepson until November 2019. He would come around once every 3 weeks, because she didn't want to drive halfway. There wasn't any custody agreement, only child suppprt agreement ( Nevada is insane) Well, fast forward to May 2020 and now I have my stepson full time because his mother left to another state. I can't stand the child! She didn't raise him right at all! He's so broken. Eats like a dog like face to food, disrespectful, whines and complains all the time. 6 months later, November 2020 I almost hate the child. I want him to go back to his mother, but the state has him here. I'm so miserable. He's 14 and we can't even leave him home alone cause he's joked about burning it down.
I was fast tracked to being a full time mom and I'm 36 with no kids of my own. I realize I'm a strict ass mom and I wonder how I would be as a real mom. Would I have let the child be so neglected that he eats like a dog? I highly doubt it
Even me just venting about it here makes me feel somewhat better. (Never wrote it down ever, let alone online)
Hi I'm almost in the same situation you're in therefore I can relate...
What about the double standard that exists when the mom has a new boyfriend/partner/husband, and the kids are encouraged to love him and welcome him into the family when they were never allowed to towards the stepmom?
📢 SAY THAT!!!!!
Double standards!!
Yes! This . His ex has had 3-4 some of them live in bf. While I've been with him for going on 3.5 years , we're married - but she's planning out of country trips with the current bf and the kids . And made zero effort to introduce her bf to her ex husband. But all hell broke loose when I showed up. Double standards everywhere
As a stepmom, I feel like I miss out on big teaching moments too. For example, for the past 2 years I've been trying to teach my sd to brush her hair starting at the ends. Last weekend, she very excitedly told me that her mom taught her the same thing, and now it's actually sticking. It's as if my voice isn't as important as moms.
Everything I try to teach my sd, she dismisses immediately because her mom taught her it first, even if it's way harder on her or less effective. or she wont listen to it unless it's from here mom. Very frustrating!! And I can't seem to connect with her on deeper issues like being nice or being respectful. Want to give up sometimes but then I feel guilty
Nacho
Even kids don't listen to their moms either. Anything she said i disagreed. It don't matter
From a single dad to all you step moms.... Thank you. Just thank you.
Why?
@@laurynolenjo1598 I appreciate how hard it is to care for children alone. If you can maintain some level of empathy, love and compassion you are extraordinary.
Omg this is so damn true! I have been struggling so much to find my voice when it comes to being the stepmom. Knowing how to handle the kids and situations specially when the mom tries to put them against you and your husband totally avoids drama so he doesn't even want to talk about the kids and the babymomma. Don't get me wrong i love my stepkids but i'm going through a lot right now trying to figure out how to not let things get to me and take a step back.
Amen
I hear you and I see you. I feel the same - It's such an internal struggle
I needed to hear this. All of this. I’m good enough til bio mom wants to start drama and bs then I’m shoved to the side.
I love my step kids and my husband but I feel all of these and when I say it I get the "she wanted to be a step mum, she new what she was getting in to"
I'm an artist. I don't have kids with my partner. One day after trying so hard with my partner's kid, I finally decided to rent an artist studio so whenever things go very bad I go to my studio and I paint, write or play the guitar... :-) I also have this time to be peacefully alone or I invite friends. My students love me but not my friends son. I just want to have peace and love people and don't fight so... this is the way I do it. Personally I like when he returns home. And believe me I've tried so hard this 13 years that I just look up to not having troubles. Good luck.
Thank you so much for saying and expressing every single damn emotion I have! I don’t have any stepmom friends so I have no way letting out this pressure I have as a stepmom. Unless you’re in it, you don’t really get it.
i'll be your stepmom friend lol
Sarah Scalpel ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for voicing these! I am almost 10 years into being a step mum and the hardest part is still the 'I'm good enough for... but not...' moments. I find I'm great for all the behind-the-scenes running around, planning, paying, peace-keeping, homework and general parenting but when a public event takes place my step son and I are both reminded I'm just the step mum. Thankfully, my guys have always seen and appreciated me as more than "just" that and it helps.
Same for stepdads. Lot of parenting moments and providing but nothing else…
Feel guilty for not loving my step kids. Maybe that will come with time.
In bed crying on Easter because this.. all of this! Thank you for sharing!!
YASSSS GIRL!!!! Absolutely literally!!!! God I’m so happy I’m not the only one who feels this!!!!
Yyyeeesssss! I can’t say anything with out being called a bad step mom 😒 I don’t get called a bad step mom when I’m buying them clothes shoes food planning play dates parties or a fun weekend 🤦🏼♀️ oh the double standards!!
ya we should be able to say things without being called the bad guy for it.
Thank you for helping me feel more normal.
Confession: I have a boyfriend with x3 kids, currently dating.. doing some 'stepmom' research in advanced. I'm grateful to have come across this channel.. but I really have no clue what I'm getting myself into. I love my boyfriend to bits but when he mentions our future with the kids and drama that comes with it (ex wife) I am absolutely terrified! I can see my future with this man and his children. However, I can't help but feel scared, lowkey jealous and intimidated. I hope I can sort these insecurities out in a healthy way to better myself and become a great stepmom one day when my partner & i reach that stage.
confession: The first day we get the kids I feel anxiety before we get them and when they come to the house that night, i feel angry and high anxiety until I can get acclimated to the high energy, constant talking, constant noise and constantly hearing about what their mom and step dad say about me. I don't ask for the information but the kids will just spew out, "Mom says I'm not allowed to kiss you because of your acne." or "Mom says your boobs hang down like a grandma." the list goes on and on. And I try not to react but I get resentful instead. Even though I know everything she is saying is bullshit I still feel angry that I'm hearing about it and it makes me resentful of the kids in general, even though its not their faults.
Confession: I absolutely hate the way family/friends assume that I have to love my step-child like my own.
And sadly chances are the step kids will never love you back. I just stick to liking them sooo much, lol.
Your resentment, jealousy and viciousness towards your stepchild is very obvious. Just remember, they were there BEFORE YOU made the CHOICE to screw the childs parent and move into their lives.
@@chilyfeforever6252 fact
Yesss!!!
@@chilyfeforever6252 if they, child, were there BEFORE what does that have to do with what she is feeling? A child isn't going to be on a checklist to a parents future. Like oh I don't like you because I don't like your child. So the parent is one down for life because their child was there BEFORE any future relationships? I just don't understand the logic you are trying to convey
The glory moments confession made me so sad
THIS IS SO SPOT ON!!!! WOW
Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Im so glad I found your CZcams channel! I use to think I was so alone or just flat out wrong for my feelings about being the second wife and stepmom. You’re channel helps me get through my struggles. I really had no idea it would be this hard having an ex wife involved, being the second wife ...but as time goes by, the feelings get harder. I never wanted to be “mom” and have always respected my husband’s ex wife as the mom ...but no one realizes how much you can feel left out bc of that.
I’ve found my peopleeeee 🤗 I feel so lost in this lifestyle and really struggling as a stepmom. I needed this validation that I’m not alone in these exact feelings🙏❤️
I feel the same way! It’s so overwhelming and confusing sometimes and hearing these shared feelings is validating for sure
Recently having to take a huge step back for my own mental health’s sake
Yessss!! #3 I said to my husband more than once. It's so. Dang. Hard! All of these are so spot on. There's no "one way" to do this step mom gig, and its hard to know each situation. Sometimes it does bring me to tears when I realize my honest feelings about things.
Everything about this spoke to me. Feelings I have all the time!
You are a blessing I’m so happy you make these videos makes me feel less stressed and alone
Wow! Thank you for being so damn transparent. Thank you for saying all the things we step moms are hesitant to say!
This was SO helpful for me. I don’t feel alone! ❤️ step moms rule
It's definitely an eye opener about double standards and judgement! Not a step mom but I loved everything you shared! I love people who are real and honest about life!
Omg, thanks for finally letting these things out!!!!! The world needs to know we feel mother-stress too!!!
Omg I’ve been a step mom for 1 year and a half and I just found your blog ! Feel so much better 😍
Thanks for making this video. I can totally relate. I've been in a step mom roll for just a year but it has been a bit hard for me. I always expected that my future family would be mine and I'd have a say and now my home needs to follow these rules made by someone else. Sometimes it really sucks. I appreciate you keeping it real.
My confessions: I feel like a babysitter , I love my week alone with my husband , I hate the ex drama and parenting kids that I didn't raise from birth difficult - especially since I have my own kids and I enjoy being with them more.
Agreed on all points!! And maybe bit more ... spot on
I don't understand why the step mom is expected to do any of the stuff for a bunch of kids that aren't hers...I understand helping out from time to time just for the sake of being efficient, but beyond that, why?
Everybody likes to say that "The husband and his kids are a package deal" but I disagree... Having those kids was his decision and he needs to handle it... It makes me question whether or not he is really trying to remarry for legitimate reasons... Does he want to remarry because he loves you or does he want to remarry because he just wants a glorified babysitter to help him with the obligation that he created for himself? It's tough.
Thank you!!! This is so important to say out loud and normalize these feelings!!!
Thank you!! I needed this so badly. I was feeling a lot of shame and guilt for thinking these things. What a relief I'm not alone.
Oh my goodness! Yes, I feel all of these so often.
Yesss I finally found a real step mom convo or just to listen too ❤
So incredibly powerful! Thanks for sharing ❤
Thank you for this! Thank you Thank you Thsnk you! You are SPOT on with all of it. I have felt it all and feel it all!
I confess that a lot of times, I just don’t like my stepdaughter. She annoys me often. And I don’t have kids of my own. So I feel selfish and resentful. Also totally agree with the idea of being “Trumped”. And I have to keep my mouth shut! Hard for me. Thankful I have Jesus. Thank you for your videos.
OMG you said it girl!!!! Seriously nail on the head with so many of my thoughts!!!
Thanks for your openness Jamie. Two points, you say you have a biological daughter. Don't know if your daughter is your husband's child or not. If she is not, how do you know your husband doesn't feel the same about your daughter (his stepchild)? If she is your husband's child, please disregard.
Secondly, as a former stepdad and guy who's dated women with kids, please understand men share your experiences full time, not every other weekend like you and other stepmoms. Moreover, dating men and stepdads foot the bill whereas the wife/girlfriend mother doesn't receive child support or refuses to pay for child including activities like eating out and other forms of entertainment. I wish you and your family the best. Thanks again for sharing.
OMG !!! Absolutely love her ❤️,,, I’m a new step mom dealing with two twin daughters 🤪,,, love them but it can be exhausting... so this is so good to hear 👂...Thank you so much for this 🙏
Jamie! I love all of these confessions & I think at some point, we all have or will feel the same way. So thankful for you always keeping it real & keeping me sane. Hang in there step mamas - play the long game!
New stepmom here ❤️ I love my boys but I’ve definitely felt these. Thanks for normalizing these feelings! I love your videos!
I’m so glad I found your CZcams! Literally feel not alone in this ❤️ thank you for your content!
Thank you for your vulnerability! It's so soo nice to hear this from someone else in a way that isn't "poor me" but just real. I love my step son so much but I definitely have felt all of these stressors as well.
Thank you so much for existing! And for making this channel! I found you channel and have been watching and watching! It’s so refreshing to see a stepmom talk about struggles I deal with as well! I’m 23 and fell in love with a man with two littles from a pervious marriage. We are engaged to get married next year! That being said this is all very helpful! I just wanted to say thank you! Thank you for helping me not feel alone! Thank you for helping me feel somewhat sane! THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for sharing. This is very helpful.
God confession 3 got me like seriously
God bless you, you’re so brave!!!
I love your videos...I wish we can have that in Spanish, for Hispanic people is even worse the judgment and everything, I'm so glad that I found you 😘
I totally identify with all your confessions oh my word! The struggle is real
I love the honesty. I agree with these confessions 100% . Yesss, I look forward to them going back home to their mom for the week 🙂. I have no kids and he has four young kids so the peace and quiet is welcomed. And omg I hate those #knowmyplace situations !
Amen sister!
Thank you for sharing this
omg you made me cry, I can relate so much!
Very helpful!! Thank you so much!
So spot on ! I’m they’re mom when it comes to cleaning and showering and buying clothes yet not when It comes to making decisions towards more important situations
I feel everything you are saying and I do hate being judge for having those feelings and constantly hearing "well you don't truly understand because you don't have kids of your own" and it's just crushing blow when you give your all
Yesssss thank you for calling BS on this!
Everything 🙌🏼
❤️ thank you ❤️
Thanks I’ve searched for months to understand what I’m feeling. We’re lesbian newlyweds I don’t have children although, my wife and I are trying to conceive. It’s tough dealing with her 3 daughters who I don’t feel connected to and have to hear about their pAst life traditions and fun. Both parents are relevant and active ( I almost feel jealous and envious) I love my wife and would chose her a million times over however, this would be a deal break if I knew them what I know now
THANK YOU! X
I had a destination wedding right before the COVID-19 North American outbreak - we got off of the cruise ship and went straight into quarantine.....with my 18 year old step daughter. She lives with us full time but now that all three of us are in lockdown together....let's just say it's not making for the most romantic honeymoon.
Hi .Can you please tell me until which age do you think it is ok the stepchild to live with you.My is now 20 and i think it is time to move out bud my husband does not think so.
oof that is rough. I'm sorry lol
I'm listening to this for the first time. I've been married to my husband for close to 20 years. I have 2 adult step "children." Mostly, we get along but I have absolutely gone through this with both. As adults with their own families, I still go through it. I always feel like it's okay for their biological mother can say or do anything, or NOT do something and get away with it. If I say 1 wrong thing (especially my step daughter), it's NOT okay. My husband sides with them for the most part even though he says he understands, he thinks I should NOT say certain things that will piss them off. It's annoying. We have 4 grandchildren now, and we have great times with them all, but there's sometimes that underlying feeling. Also, I don't have any biological kids. Thank you for this video...very helpful.
I know I'm a year late its going on two years in my marriage I have 1 son and my husband has 3 my son is 17 and while behaved all 3 of his son's have there mother 20 14 and 4 years old I get along with all of them the only issue is when the 4 year old come over there are no rules and discipline from my husband sometimes it get to the point I have to leave the house I have always felt like a bad person I am about following rules and discipline thank you so much for this video it have given my some relief 😮💨
I feel all of this. I also feel that its a double standard when the parents are allowed to scold for a behavior (mainly ignoring from the middle) but the kids are allowed and not enforced to listen/ respect me. I truly feel like the honorary babysitter most days from most of the kiddos (3 total) and then one of them reminds me that I'm special/ I'm the first he goes to.
Yessss. I very much enjoy the quiet and less laundry and not being a personal driver to practice/school. I hate being good enough until I’m not. Due to Covid there is only 2 tickets for graduation and as his personal tutor I don’t get to go because I’m not the parent.
Yes!!! Thank you thank you
A lot of good and valid points that I agree with. You have a daughter, is it ok for your husband to feel the same way about her?
When you say that can’t wait for some alone time or them to go back to school, I assume you’re referring to your daughter too? If so then of course there is nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. Why would there be? You’re a step mother and a mother so as long as you’re not singling out his kids then you can feel what ever you like.
Am I wrong?
Does he get input into your daughter and your custody dramas etc?
Also when you say that you sometimes wonder what it would be like to be his first, I’m assuming you mean be the mother of his children? This would mean your daughter wouldn’t be around also, not only his kids.
Thank you for this
My fiance says I'm mean and a narcissist because I get mad that his son has been coming over every weekend now instead of every other weekend.
At first i didnt mind him coming over a few weekends in a row but sometimes I just want a break because I do not have or want kids right now and when it's not his weekend to be here I would like to enjoy my 2 days off relaxing and spending quality time with my fiance instead of constantly having to hearing about his ex and their family all weekend.
I am used to our schedule but for 6months now I have not had one weekend to just enjoy my home without being able to feel comfortable. My days off are having to watch what I say because he'll go tell the mom the ex our life's story.
I am going crazy over here. And my fiance doesn't understand that I am not ready for kids that's why I don't have any yet. So as a partner compromising would be taking at least one weekend for me on a date or just relaxing at home. But this is not ok because only sees his sons 72days out if the year.
Or maybe I am just mean and a Narcissist but I used to enjoy my steps on coming over now I really don't like it at all And I wish I didn't feel like this but I do.
He's the best man ever, my mom says I will never find a man like him a aging but this is too much drama and we are both ready to call it quits after 11years because I can't deal with the Ex or kid anymore 😭
My confession: my husband and I recently got 2 of his 3 boys( ages 10 and 17; the other lives with his mother in another country). I feel both these kids have basically been raising themselves.Currently, I spend more time with them than neither of their biological parents, and am trying my best to bring some structure into their lives. Yet because they have not had rules and some kind of structure up till this point, they don't want to listen to me most of the time and I feel lost. For example, I tried giving them chores to do around the house and my husband says " they aren't ready for that". And he( their father) is very little help
YAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
You have EVERY idea of how I feel, but how abt when the baby mama/bio mom is a malignant narcissist?! That part! 😅
Love it
#3 so much!!!!!!
They want you to do everything but never wanna give credit.
I can relate to confession 3..... I feel like I do so much for my husband's kids but when it comes to graduation or any other events I need to know my place because biomom doesn't want me to attend etc Sometimes I just cry
fuck that, you should be able to show up for them just as much! if your man supports the ex's feelings, how can you be with someone like that? I couldn't.
I'm NOT the only one...
Thank GOD I'm not the only one...
Have you ever addressed in any of your videos when the step children prefer the step mom over the bio mom and it causes extreme conflict? I am looking for some guidance on this.
I agree 💯
Its so difficult. I feel lost at times.. I wonder sometimes if im wasting my life on being a glorified babysitter who never really has my own
very very real
How do you speak to your partner about these feelings?
Yep, they are Nacho Kids. There's no shame in not loving them, or 'loving them like your own". Treat them as a friend's kids because that's what they are.
If I could meet you IRL I would hug you and pay you for your advice.
Confession: The mother of my step kids blocked me from her phone because She thinks it’s a red flag that I want to be involved in coparenting…..
All true.
I have an excellent husband! But sometimes I wonder what THE FREAK did I get myself into ?
What about when ur partner stays in the step mums house and also u have a young child that goes with his dad every fortnight for 2 nights. But partner had his kids stay in my house every weekend. And I can't get any time to myself. Have tried communicating and expressing my feeling about this but I'm told that's what happening and that's the end of it. No time for me or no time for date night. No asking him to give up his time with his kids as I have tried to compromise and say his kids can come during the week for tea and stay over. But I'm shot down evrytime. And I'm told I'm selfish because of this? Please I really need some advice about this. Thank u xx