Breaking Up with a Narcissist
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- čas přidán 2. 06. 2024
- Learn more about relationships and narcissism here: my.medcircle.com/3KmggIv
Narcissists and their narcissistic abuse can be destabilizing and make you question everything about your relationship. In this video, Dr. Ramani discusses what it's like to break up with a narcissist and learn how to prevent these behaviors from hurting you. This interview will empower you to take the necessary steps to improve your mental health.
Topics:
What is the first thing a narcissist will do when you break up?
What is hoovering?
Why does a narcissist leave you?
What does “enlisting flying monkeys” mean in the context of breaking up with a narcissist?
On the flip side, what is it like when a narcissist leaves you?
When does gaslighting occur during this process?
How do you leave a narcissist?
#Narcissism #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #narcissistsurvivor #narcissist #narcissism #narcissists #narcissisticabusesurvivor
Which part of Dr. Ramani's strategy resonates with you?
Watch exclusive narcissism content & live Q&As with Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/34rbdCy
I am going to family court because I told the flying monkeys I will cut their wings off I was not scared of them but I was supposed to be I don't have a family with my former Nurses Aide I never had children with her and I never even been to her apartment down the street but I'm going to Family Court cuz this is Genesee County New York a place I don't want to be anymore. But due to financial troubles I cannot move and I have one leg and I have no Nurses Aide and I never will again after what she did to me. Every single thing you said has happened to me and it's really bad real bad if you have your own mental illness to begin with it's ridiculous the way those people are
They say they were emotionally abused when they did not talk to me because I was ghosted. And I said what I thought about being ghosted having no closure when I should have probably said nothing
My second husband!!
I'm 4 weeks into moving completely different states the emptiness and levels of loneliness are shattering for the mind.. I feel the hoovering beginning and i feel slightly vulnerable but my worth has built a little... I dont know what hurts more that they hold onto you and dont want you to leave or the feeling of just being instantly replaced as if you where never anything to begin with. I am still extremely jumpy intensely paranoid I even see things such as shadows in my pirifial vision it makes me feel so broken and so crazy just constantly on edge and flipping between feeling content that I am safe and feel so empty I miss him. He not only put his hands on me but my mum. I'm so shattered. Im so proud I left but I'm so shattered
ALL of it 😳
My therapist told me that if my ex husband really loved me, why would he physically emotionally and psychologically abuse me? And that’s the moment I knew this was all a power game to him. Narcissists aren’t capable of love. They take and take until there’s nothing left. 4 days free. Pray for me.
You got this move forward
God bless your soul with guidance 🙏
Don't go back!! Stay strong
You’ve got this you’re blooming by now 🥰💓
you got the power to get through this alone.
That doggo is sleeping so well. I'm kinda envious. Doggo has no trauma, nor worries.
Yes! So funny 😂
I was actually worried since he is so still haha
Woof
I know right ! I want to be that dog ❤️
May He never have to experience any. Animals are just angels on earth 💕
When she said “ narcissists make the other partner look crazy when they go to therapists or talk in front of others” - I felt that.
Lol he did that to me and the physicians went with it.
I went to couples therapy and my beloved narcissist definitely hijacked the meeting and immediately went to work painting me as the problem. I remember she said something along the lines of that she believed she was in a the same cycle of abuse as her childhood. I was aware of her tumultuous childhood full of physical violence and verbal abuse... our relationship was nothing like that for the most part. Most of the actual abuse was emotional and from her, but that was the tricky part to figure out.
I was as kind,loving and patient as I could be generally. I ACTUALLY tried to make amends and apologize whenever I did wrong but very rarely was that reciprocated. I worked so hard and got so little back, that I definitely relate to when Dr. Ramani talked about feeling of “exasperation”. Its just almost impossible to help someone who’s main interest is controlling you.
Mine told me, that if we had a therapist, that I would come out of that he was right. I would look foolish. I left him 2 weeks ago. Now he looks foolish!
Dont go to therapy with a narc when the session is over you wouldnt know what hit you
I had a court ordered mediator that was completely one sided so I didn't go back. I was paying people to make unfair decisions for me. They weren't negotiating, they were basically telling me I get nothing and it cost me $200 I didn't have. Then he pinned the children's therapist against me. Every child exchange at therapy was the therapist bashing me with false information telling me how bad of a mother I am right in front of my children. So I made him follow the court order which stated we do exchanges in a town different than where therapy was. The therapist was supposed to make exchanges easier and less stressful for the children. Instead she bashed me for an hour every exchange and undermined my ability to parent. If I even raised any legitimate concerns about my ex, she automatically dismissed it as "kids say things", but if it came from my ex it was golden and couldn't be wrong even if I could prove it 100% wrong. She still felt like I was the bad guy and not that he had manipulated her as his puppet.
The thing that resonates the most, is the making you look like the bad one. They chip, chip, chip away until you literally break. Then they call you crazy.
Haha 😂yes
DUDE omfg... this .. exactly.. freaking burns man
DUDE omfg... this .. exactly.. freaking burns man
I'm at that point now, I saw his social profile, after almost 3 years, I'm no where to be seen, he introduced me by first name (unless it's an "old male friend"), his last post was 2016. We've been arguing for a few days. I'm at my wits end.
I can’t understand this so it literally hurts my brain when it happens don’t know if that’s just me..
Im patient….. then they chip it away and tell me I don’t have patience because by the time screaming starts I’m packing my stuff anymore
They will never accept responsibility for their part of the breakup ! Anything they did wrong is because of something you did ! Even though you didn’t do it !
I can't stress this enough it's exhausting
@@CeciliaGonzalez-bi3yh It’s absolutely amazing how they play the victim ! I had my own family members turning on me ! Eventually they realized how manipulative she was ! I’m a pretty sharp guy but I must admit she had me fooled for a long time and had me feeling guilty for things I didn’t even do ! Crazy smh
@@vincentmaniscalco4421 I'm in a situation similar my family would think it's all me if I left. He even had my sister fooled once. She wouldn't speak to Me for three years. It's definitely heartbreaking
@@CeciliaGonzalez-bi3yh Like I said they are very good playing the victim ! My relationship ended about 8 months ago and my mind is so much more at ease ! I spent so much time defending myself for things I didn’t do ! Now I realize she knew I didn’t do what she was accusing me of ! But she had me back peddling and believing I was making her sick ! Smh looking back in retrospect I feel stupid but I’m not going to allow my past to dictate my future ! So I’m hoping the right woman comes into my life ! I’m waiting… lol we will see 🙂
@@vincentmaniscalco4421 wish you the best of luck. I have to focus on myself for now on eventually I will get out of this mess
tip: when they admit they're a narcissist and tell you that you deserve better, PLEASE believe them
I thought that they never do that tho!
The exact words he told me!
I'm glad, and I thank God I've been able to leave that relationship after 5 years.
Believe them, and them leave. Don't sit there waiting.
That’s the exact words she told me ... I deserve better and so do you, were the exact words. Crazy
Amen
Narcissists don't like others for who they are. They only like the things that others do for them.
Truer words were never spoken. My god.
Wow. This hit deep!!
True, though to be honest, I feel like unless you're really close with someone, sadly most of human relationships are business-like like that. People tell me all the time that I have a "good heart" but they don't really care about that, they only care if I can make them feel good about themselves or if they can get some practical benefits by knowing me.
That was EXACTLY the case with my ex. He has autism and wasn't able to meet any of my emotional needs, and he asked me to explain to him the kinds of things I would like to hear from him to feel close to him and like he liked me and loved me. I literally had to explain to him what giving a compliment and saying nice things about people is like. It was a completely alien concept to him. The best he could come up with was telling me how much he appreciates all the chores I did for him. That was the best he could come up with. He didn't like a single thing about ME, only liked how I benefitted HIM. When he would make comments about ME, they were always such extremely negative and toxic and hurtful things - I'm apparently the dumbest person to have ever walked the earth, completely unskilled and untalented at everything ESPECIALY in comparison to him, etc. And when I asked him to try harder and think about qualities about ME, not about what I DO, he said there was nothing special about me, so how could he possibly do that??
@@Retrosenescent I know exactly how you feel. All relations with others for narcissists are relationships of convenience: all for their own self-perversion. You have constantly prove that you're a good person to them, and it's never enough. The best thing to do is to get out of narcissistic relationship, and once you're out, stay out.
“Narcissists don’t like to be left”, yet THEY’RE the ones discarding people and ruining the relationships. It’s so twisted! Like, who has all that time and energy to go out and do all that???
My husband told me he didn't want to be with me mind you we have been together for 11 years and married for 8 and a half years I told him when we met in 2010 I couldn't have anymore kids ( due to endometriosis) and he was fine with that so he claimed at the time we had conversations about it he did want his own kids, which was strange to me, and then all of a sudden a month ago he tells me he has to decide whether or not he wants to be with me because he now wants his own kids, just threw us away he has no use for us now after 11 years we mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HIM. I've been great to him loved him with all of me did everything for him. Now IAM the one hurt and devastated and he could care less, it's terrible
Meet my bd. He stays getting new relationships. Always on social media lying to obtain multiple relationships. He's attractive and keeps his body in physical shape...his sex is over the top. So he's extremely confident in his web. He expects total faithfulness from every chick while they accept he's not going to be. Even tho I got out he still expects me to not get into another relationship because I'm the mother of HIS kids. Meanwhile, he had another kid by another woman and expects her to be celibate too...unless she gets it from him. If you don't he tells ppl all kinds of lies about you and turn ppl against you. It's a crazy life.
A sick individual
@@queeniejordan3948 is he a narcissist or does he just get off on being a player? lol...i guess its hard to tell the difference
@@leahflower9924 no...he's a full fledged narcissist. He's a player too. I kept being like wtf is wrong with you?! It took learning the behaviors of a narcissist to realize that's what I was dealing with.
They replace you before you leave. They have a line of takers on the back burner just waiting for the day that you decide to have boundaries and "abandon them" even though they've already abandoned you.
lol women do this all the time, so they're all narcissists I guess.
@@mykeprior3436 Ignorant comment.
@@margomazzeo1680 keep playing the victim card, some of us see through the bs.
@@mykeprior3436 uhhh no, it was an ignorant comment. I could go in with logic, explaining that your argument is invalid because you’re ascribing a behavior to a group based on the behavior of some members of that group, or I could go in a more social/anecdotal direction and point out that men cheat just as much as women do, but at the end of the day I have no idea what exactly would get through to someone who is so unable to process the pain they’re experiencing that they let it twist up into blind, ignorant hatred.
I hope you get some therapy and figure this out before you hurt a woman, physically or emotionally, to punish her for the pain she did nothing to cause.
@@mykeprior3436 no not all women do this. I am 55 years old and have never ever done this. None of my friends have ever done this to their husbands either.
My husband ditched me. I felt abandoned but now I'M SO HAPPY!! ✨️🥳
I started seeing a guy recently..and he really quickly started being possessive, passive aggressive, and super red-flaggy... It didn't even last a month..he started acting extra weird, and ended up ghosting me for a week. When he got back to me.. he said he "was actually in a relationship" - something he hadn't planned - and that he thought I would be happy for him, since we were just friends. He said it was magical. 🤣🤣😭
Mostly they are the ones who leave
I am so happy for you. I hope he doesn't hoover!
@@WarmGlowinWarminGlow he sounds very insecure...lucky for you he is gone.
@@carolinekiama3149 yes, set strong boundaries and consequences and soon they will be gone...lol...bye bye..
This video helped me decide to end my relationship with a narcissistic-alcoholic with extreme anger issues.
I love me more 💜
So glad you got out!
How's everything going now, how do you feel after leaving your ex narcissist boyfriend?
@@nickylove8612 I ended it in August, but we communicated again in December, and that's when I blocked her in every way imaginable. I have moments when I want to call, but I tell myself to remember the lies, hurt, the tears, and the alcoholism.
I SURVIVED A NARCISSIST!
Well that's good to hear Hun, I'm glad your healing keep on getting thru this 🙏🏾🙏🏾 you got this babygirl 💪🏾💪🏾, that alcohol can become very scary and dangerous mixed with their anger issues SMH, be safe take care and God Bless you
@@nickylove8612 Thank you so very much for the kind words. I had never been in this type of relationship before (with a woman/alcoholic), so it was very difficult once her true-self started coming out. The threats to me took me over the edge, and that's when I knew I had to walk away, which was hard too because in my mind I could fix her. But my intellectual side kicked in...and I knew only SHE could fix herself.
I'm still healing so I don't walk into another situation like the one I had with her.
I just left my narcissist boyfriend today after he did me so dirty. Im going through a very bad breakup. Please pray for me. I just feel hopeless and ready to end it all😔😢
You are not alone. Keep explaining what you’re feeling here. You will be listened to.
Contact him for help now for your wish to come through
@@pablojackson9051 thank you so much guys..sorry that it took me a whole month to see this.I ended up breaking no contact and going back and a few days later the abuse got worst..so I went no contact again and it’s 4days. I’m not going
That is a natural feeling ...you are among friends here .. love yourself first .. in the end you will say what was I thinking ... you are a strong empath .. they can’t destroy us we come back stronger .. it will all be ok
Hope things are much better today Kerizma!
Once you realize and accept that they'll never change ever, you are halfway there.
!yeah. i thought he changed but once he said- he fought with his sister, and second he was so tired of a girl who kept calling him even tho he wasn't interested in her genuinely but said nice things to her face. disgusting!
I am getting there
once I realized this, I walked away
What’s the other half ? Because I think I’m done with that half and just got through to a realization
I totally agree. Somehow this realisation hit me like a lightning bolt and gave me the strength to leave
I just left my narcissistic relationship of 8 years. This relationship consisted of him cheating, lying, emotional/physical abuse - there was point during our relationship where he would refer to me as a dog and say he needed to train me to be more obedient. Not even 10 minutes after we broke up he had another date set up. I’m one day free and although I’m heartbroken and sad I’m finally realizing that this next girl is only gonna go through exactly what I went through. Good luck to her I guess.
He's a horrible monster that you should have, to quote my dad (in response to the videos I showed my dad of some of the abuse I went through; and me telling him that my "boyfriend" took my car keys from me to make me stay), run away screaming from; and he's going to be even worse in the future. He might be able to manipulate things better thanks to what he learned from you lol (I can guarantee you that's what my ex is doing), but that's only going to delay the inevitable of him being the most horrendous monster on planet Earth to this new victim.
I swear I felt!
Hi i was a victim of this but i want someone to talk to me...
I'm reading this and crying.I'm going through what you went..He calls me who*e, dog etc..I'm planing to leave in the morning and never come back.Hope you are doing ok.
@@kenakena9791 can we text each other on WhatsApp
My couples therapist actually started siding with my narcissistic partner, and they made me feel crazy. The more I cried, the more I looked unstable. I remember that day vividly, and sadly, I think about it occasionally, which makes me realize how manipulative this person is. We share a child, and he is about to become a lawyer. I fear ending up like Betty from "Dirty John". Wish me luck, guys. I'm planning my way out.
Run please run
U got it girl! Don't worry, just be strong n fight for your happiness n freedom! Bless u n ur child!
This happened to me!!! The abuse escalated after the therapist told us it’s me!! She empowered him by siding with him! I had to get out immediately because it became life and death (he wasn’t physically harming me but he’d have me up all night, drunk, interrogating me, then I’d have to go to work. She made my marriage 10x worse and she halted any possibility for him to heal and become a better dad. The amount of damage she did is massive and it kills me to know she’s probably doing it to others.
❤❤❤
No point going to relationship therapy unless you want to witness them at their most narcissistic best: it will be more brutal than you ever imaged in your wildest nightmare
The reality is: anxiety, depression, smoking, isolation, eating disorders, panick attacks, distrust from your family and friends, lack of goals, low self steem, not recognizing yourself, feelings of betrayal, lies, stress, insomnia, skin problems, hearing all the time from outsiders" love yourself", anger, sadness, bags under the eyes, high blood pressure..and tbe worst " failing to the own self . Many of us hide it in order to look " normal" to others while the pain is inside eating the immune system..if you are ready to run: Run for your sanity asp , dont look back, its not about loving yourself cliche. Its about saving your sanity, your mental health. Run far away .
THIS. THIS IS IT. THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT IN WORDS
“Love yourself” yes I’m so happy I’m not alone...
What my days have looked like lately.....
Yes I Run and relocated and did not let nobody know.
Thank you, that's last 15 years of my life summed up.
Left 6 days ago. Gathered my things quietly and got out after 4 years of marriage and a 7 year relationship. My heart goes out to anyone who is going through this 💔
does this get any better? its been only 2 days for me..
You need to take 50% of the responsibility. If nothing else you were the enabler.
Hi i was a victim of this but i want someone to talk to me....
@@aylinarkan199 yes it does. Little by little you stop walking on eggshells & get your identity back.
Truth ❤
Thank you for your videos. With an Overt Narcissist first he may make promises to change then when that does not work, aggression, and physical violence. He will try to get you back under his control by any means necessary. You are his property no matter how many times he has cheated and left you. I had to leave the state making it more difficult for him to have access to me. This narc traveled to where I was living 5 states away and tried to drag me back cave man style. I have read that the lesser narcissist has poor cognitive function and low impulse control. Some are even capable of rape when they suffer a narcissistic injury. While I believe all narcissist can lash out violently when enraged and suffering from a narcissistic injury it is even more so with the lesser. My experience with this narcissist was even if we separated and he had moved on with a new supply source he would still come around to make sure I was not seeing anyone. If I happened to start dating he became violent even when he was engaged with someone new. Most narcissist when they are love bombing a new supply source will not want the one they discarded in the picture at least in the beginning of his new relationship. If they are engaged with a new supply source and still Hoovering you for fuel they have a sadistic streak. This narcissist cheated throughout the entire marriage. He engaged in triangulation with his first wife. She was a constant in our marriage until her suicide. The Covert Narcissist may try to come back after they have been involved in a few relationships which did not work out. When they try to come back they are low on supply and suffering from depression because of a loss of narcissistic supply. They love to tell you about the relationships they have been in and now they are smearing the person they left you for. They may tell you the person they have been in a relationship with has been abusing them. The Covert may apologize for all his past transgressions and the way he discarded you. He will have an excuse as to why he was so abusive and cruel at the end. It can play with your mind wondering if he is truly sorry. He can even have tears. You have to remember the tears are for himself. He is down and out with no available supply source. You must remember how he was at the end when he discarded you and the mask came completely off. He will seem desperate to keep you around as the Hoover takes place. And he is desperate for narcissistic supply. This is a midrange narcissist I’m talking about here and although very capable of violence he needs to put on a good show to convince you he really is a good person. This narcissist really does believe he is a good person and needs others to see him as such. If you see through this narcissist and don’t buy his story he may leave you alone. He will slink away like the snake that he is in search of new supply sources. Narcissist don’t like to waste their energy and when he sees you are not buying into it he is forced to search out new supply sources. I say forced because it is life or death to him to keep the false construct in place. In order to keep the false self in place he needs narcissistic supply. He needs the admiration of others or he ceases to exist. When you no longer buy the lie he will move on. Covert Narcissist do not display the open grandiosity of the Overt. While the Overt seems full of confidence the Covert lacks self esteem. The Covert will use a lot of pity plays working on your sympathetic nature. He wants you to feel sorry for him. The Covert is a coward. In any case Overt or Covert they suffer a narcissistic injury when they are rejected by an ex. They think they own you for life. In both cases I left the state when my marriages ended:) Additionally there is no way you can be too sure that your spouse isn’t cheating behind your back. The only way you can be sure if your spouse is cheating on you or not is “TO FIND OUT“. Get to find out about a cheating spouse with evidence to prove it by spying their mobile and thereafter gaining access to all the things they might have been hiding away from you. If you need to find out about a cheating spouse; send a request to: Metaspyhub@gmail. com
This woman knows her stuff. It's insane how spot on she is. Narcissists are almost textbook predictable
Don't forget, THEY ARE ALL THE SAME! 😮
because she’s lived it!
Its too accurate
@@imah6249- Ain’t they just. Have you ever been hit by a nuclear bomb called “ Love bombing “.
This is the craziest part of this disorder to me is how once you can see it, they're all so similar
Full blown tantrums like a 6 yr. old never seen anything like it. Getting away is literally the fight of my life. At least I finally understand what I'm fighting. Thank you
"A narcissist will not leave someone unless they have some waiting in the wings". Bingo. After 10 years of being abused emotionally and ignored and gaslighted I finally stopped giving my narcissist his attention. Within nine months he found someone else and left me. It's been 10 Years… I'll take that parade now!
I always thought I was alone and it must be me. Not now. I see there's a pattern that starts early. Self respect too. If he invites you on date and then disappears for 30 minutes into the men's room. Say no to that move onto someone else and another date with someone else
Shouldn't treat you like that. I deserved better. And, don't want to find out what else he would do.
I will remember that your Narc and you are never alone in the relationship. He's got someone waiting in the wings ready to swoop right in. As soon as you see odd things going on. You will know what to do.
That goes for others in life. The moment someone acts disrespectful don't give them another chance. They won't change. Chances are their friends will support them too. Get rid of all of them as soon as you can.
My advice is not tell them your plans even it takes months. Then go silent cut communication permanently. Be prepared for anything.
This includes your boss, your landlord( try to get out of your lease or just don't renew it) , Living next to crazy loud neighbors, your boyfriend, husband, friends. Leaving it open for less stress, meet more positive people, a better life and better self esteem. Makes you healthier and happy.
Why i stayed for all the time i did beats me--im free of all drama--the cheating--the gambling--the stealing was just awful--J
@@user56gghtf It sure was a nasty divorce--even after all this time--i am still too Wary to try again--i know theres someone out there waiting in the wings--i need a wee prod sometimes to help me on my way--J--Greetings from Scotland.
@@user56gghtf Yes--Thanks---people don't realise what i went through--she broke me every way she could think of and then some--ill take my own sweet time--Thanks for getting back to me--J.
Don’t tell them u leaving, just leave silently and that’s it
Actually no one deserves to be ghosted,just tell that “enough with your shit“ and leave without expecting reply,worked for me
@@Trippyricky69 u cant do that anymore now we have sqauders law
@@Trippyricky69 narcissists are much different
Yes! I did it. Even if it was painful.
No, I would not ghost anyone. It says more about your own integrity to do that. Be yourself and end it appropriately
the amount of guilty I feel is insane, everything in me keeps telling me it’s my fault he left when I was asking for bare minimum. I literally feel so worthless
That comment about not wanting to leave because you fear they will be the person you want when you do to someone else is literally what I felt having just gotten out of an emotionally manipulating narcissistic relationship.
I hate that this stops me from leaving
Same I feel like he'll be like his old sweet self with another girl
This is very strange to me. I have never been in a relationship like this but I watch these videos because my sister is in a really bad relationship and a close friend just got out of one. I am trying to get a better understanding of all of this. The idea that someone, whether male or female, would stay with someone so horrible because they might just be different for the next person makes no sense to me. I’m not trying to be rude but I’m trying to wrap my head around it. Why on earth would you want to stay with someone who does that period? Like…..so what if they change for another person. They aren’t changing for you so clearly they don’t want to or don’t have the capacity. Is it some kind of mental thing that they do over time to make someone think that?
It’s brainwashing. Think of a narcissist as a cult leader.
For me it was the fear the person will get worse when I leave them. They made me feel like I was their moral compass keeping them together. I was scared they'd go full psychopath
It took me five years to leave.... he hovered me everytime. 11 years later I’m free.
That was the best decission you could have made 😊 be proud of yourself
It took me 7 years - was also married to him. But i left him und now I'm free since 2017 🥰 never felt better
Proud of you 👏
I am so happy for you love!
It's been over 30yrs for me. No way out.
@@juzagirlntheroom2692 Why not? Financial?
Wrong. They've already had the replacement lined up before you leave them.
Agree.
She said that actually. It's such a cruel thing to do to someone. It's disgusting smh.
Yep. My ex had already cheated on me and I, foolishly, stayed (for almost two months) because he made me feel guilty for being upset. He told me it wasn't a big deal and I was kind of convinced, but it still didn't sit right with me. However, his habits changed. He was "busy" more often. Blew up at me about "taking up too much of his time", which makes little since in an long distance relationship where HE was the one controlling when we spoke. Was on his phone a lot more often than in the entire time I'd known him. I knew something was up and when I'd ask, he would get defensive. A few weeks after we officially broke up, he was with someone new, and I have a good feeling that he was talking to her before we had even broken up. I think he saw me getting more and more frustrated, so he had started lining up someone new.
Sooooooooooo true🥴🗣💯 I've experience & wittness this.
True, it's like being on a monkey bar. They don't let go of one rung until they've grabbed onto the next one.
If you absolutely have to “deal” with a narc, I would recommend to keep firm bounderies, and keep your distance at the same time. As a second choose on how to deal with the narcissist I would recommend keeping firm boundaries and also to correct them every time they missteps, lie, manipulates etz. When your boundaries are not respected by the narcissist, you need to follow through with consequenses of bad behaviour. You will have your hands full going forward this way. When following through with consequenses to their “re”actions, you explain to the narc, that you are not one of the narc`s victims. You have no intentions of becoming one but will be a nuisance to the narcissist in a way that is irritating to him/her. This method is not risk free but narcissists will often choose the path of no or low resistance. This method is a time consuming path to chose. This route sometimes require more time than you would like to spend on these issues. You feel that distancing yourself all together would have been easier. That is however not always possible. Often there is no way to avoid him/her. You unfortunately have to deal with the narcissist because you are colleagues or close family. You must think through what you need the narcissist to respect and what arias of conflict you must pay extra attention to, to keep your integrity and to detect manipulative behavior. Be prepared and clear in your communication and stick to your guns. Try to stay under the radar as much as you can, even when this method is the best for you. A way that works as well is to play along with the narcissist and act like you agree with everything they do and say. This method works well until many people in the narcissists sphere do the same. When everyone agrees with the narcissist you are back on square one. The narcissist must have victims and this setting is no different. To go NO Contact is another good alternative and method, and is probably the best option when it is possible to cut all contact permanently. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire above private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me.
I was hoovered back 4 years ago. I broke free today. Thank you for helping me see the relationship and the abuse for what it really is. I won't be falling for it again. I can't believe how much I have been guilted just today. I honestly thought I was worthless. I was ready to take my own life. Today me and my daughter are safe in hiding.
Wow all the best to you and your daughter. I just left mine too. God Bless you.
Hang on in there and trust yourself, stay strong, you're going to be alright xx
God bless you! I’m so glad you figured out what was going on and I hope you see it as a ray of hope now. You’re not alone ❤
I got hovered 3x
I wasn't even in a relationship with my narcissist. When I tried dating him he said my emotional reactions were the problem (not his lack of empathy, which was what made me emotional) and if I could change that everything would be fine. He would keep me in the friends with benefits stage so he could push and pull me when he pleased. It was really jarring to finally realize what was happening to me. I thought I was going crazy. I set my boundaries and walked away.
Happened to me as well.
Same with him.
But I just don't know ,how am gonna get over him.
Same with him.
But I just don't know ,how am gonna get over him.
Me too! No CONTACT
Is his name Justin?? 😂😂
7 months no contact after 12 years but damn this hurts!!! I can’t even imagine being with anyone after this level of hell.
Neither can I !!
Just remember the hell they put you through, that usually helps like oh yeah f that person 🙊
Congratulations for getting out!!! It hurts, it is hard BUT it does get better... I promise!!
Hang in there it WILL get better but not immediately. Healing from these relationships can take so very long because we can spend so much time ruminating on the narcissist and the "relationship", but in 5-7 years you will LAUGH at the absurdity of it all.
You need to heal. This can take an extraordinarily long time if you can't find a way to accept that you were totally snowed/duped/used as supply by this person. The faster you can accept that, and learn from it, the faster your brain (and yes, it is your brain that needs to heal from the confounding behavior of that narcissist that defies all logic and human decency) will stop ruminating and began to think of yourself.
It is normal to think about what happened, but it can takes years of studying Cluster B disorders before you really comprehend what those people are, why they turned out that way, what happened in the 1st five years of their childhood that turned them into a narcissist before they even reached age 6, and that from the moment you met that narcissist they began playing you and will still play you today if you allow them to keep in touch with you.
Good luck! I sincerely wish you the best as you begin to learn, heal, move on, and grow! Hopefully, Trump will be out of office soon so you won't have to see that windbag of a narcissist every day in the news, which may keep triggering your pain.
Sending you love and a huge hug! Many of have been there, and now feel so grateful to have those energy-suckers out of our lives forever.
Now is the time for self-healing, self-love, and rediscovering what life has to offer you!!
The breakup with my narc ex boyfriend was one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever gone through.
It hurts with mega agony inside and it feels like your stuck in loop of emotional pain triggers. Every day can be torcher especially when they hoover to get us bk with their love bomb overload.
Having the ups and downs but when the emotions hit they hit hard. Always thinking he would change. It’s like u can’t detach.
Times a great healer and through determination and day by u start to ease and get to a point u can get through the pain that eases gradually.
I’m still healing but I know I got rid of him for a very good reason.
Once u see the mask slip u see through them. It’s the memories of how they pretended that we yearn for again. Which is why we must remember their true within that is dark and miserable. They never let go but wonder off for a short time when they have other entertainment for their attention seeking needs.
Hold on to that belief of who they really are ready for their next come bk.
Interesting take. Her comment regarding the difficulty of extricating from a narcissist is so true. Why is it so difficult? My belief is that, if you are the opposite, ie, an empath, then you view it as insensitive and un-empathetic to dump the narcissist. And, tragically and hopelessly, you hang onto hope that you can “reform” the narcissist, which is laughable. I am living this nightmare now. I have a very smart female friend, a confidant, with whom I would like to have a romantic relationship, and she has patiently counseled me. However, she has reached the stage where she says, she is no longer the problem, you are, for staying in a toxic relationship. Do you want to consciously be unhappy for the rest of your life when it is within your control to fix it?
And everyone remember: narcs are miserable evil human beings, don’t miss them, be glad to live without them. Forget them but don’t forget the lesson, we can now more easily recognize the narcs.
only way i look at i now after this.
My bestie came out to be a narcissist.
I kick myself for not listening to my ex when he dropped hints about his mental issues, narcissism or psychopathic/sociopathic. I remember he told me at the beginning that his ex said he was "Unemotional and detached". I also knew she'd left her belongings when she left.
I should have trusted my gut. Always trust your gut.
I feel the same way. I was actually his "friend" when he was with his ex before me. He'd tell me all this stuff she would do, which turned out to be stuff HE did in relationships. He also had horrible communication with her, so I should have known that was going to be an issue with us. I should have listened to the fact that he liked to ignore his mental illnesses and act as if he didn't have them. I have depression and anxiety, too, so it confused me why he was so weird about them because he had initially connected because of them. I always feel like there was more that he wasn't telling me, but he was never truly open with me; it was this surface openness that I mistook for real vulnerability. I kick myself because I know I had so many signs and he told me things himself, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt all the time. Didn't help that he'd make it seem like all his breakups before were his partner's fault and I should have seen that as a sign, too.
I know how you feel..i wish i listened too
@happyhappyjoyful that's a damn shame.
This! My ex told me so many things like that right out. I mean even to the point of saying "all my exes left me after 4 months, no one could stay with me longer than that". My dumb ass stayed on and off for over a year. But at 3 months is when he started being an insane jerk.
I know how u feel I should’ve listened when the ex told me
Left mine about 3 month ago. This freedom and inner peace I have now is beyond words. Better to be alone and giving the love to my inner child who was abused so many years. Get healthy again and dont let you hoover in again!! Trust me - life is so much better then! Bless you all
This is my story now
i think i'm getting there..
I'm getting there.
It’s been ten years and I still have panic attacks from the over abundance of narcissism I’ve been subjected to by my ex wife... Forget all the narcissistic bosses and coworkers I’ve had to deal with the ex-wife was the worst!
I think they make you come back just so they can dump you. Because to them they can’t fathom being dumped. It’s a revenge plan for them. Like “you dare leave me? No one leaves me, I leave you”
Yes this has happened twice to me. After I called quits from sheer frustration they would indicate we could work things out and just string me along. The first one took me a month until they said "oh I've found someone else now" the second one I picked up what was happening after a week and called it quits for good. It's really shit behaviour. The first one tried to hoover but had no such luck. 🤣
This exact thing happened to me. I almost called it quits on a Wednesday, they turned the conversation around and took me out on a Friday then broke up with me less than 24 hrs later.
@@yoki1234 this happened to me. I was about to break it off with him over the phone (we were long-distance). He hung up on me the sent me a voice memo that he was breaking up with me! Later, he sent me a hateful email of all the reasons he broke up with me. And it was all projection!
If you left them, you ruined their discard. They want you back for revenge.
@@yoki1234 They want to inflict the pain. I'm glad I left the narcissist first!!!
Narcissists don't form attachments to people, they attach other people to themselves. So when there is no attachment there, it's very easy to jump over to someone else. It's like throwing a pair of socks in the laundry and get a new clean pair right away.
They are so cold hearted
I always used to say that I felt like a tou on the top shelf that never got played with until he was tired of the other toys and was bored and then pulled me off the shef hoping I would fill the void..for a while yes, until he got bored again and back on the shelf I went
To the point. The one I was semi-with professionally had me so caught up. The more I spent with her, I realized it was a literal I & me show, thought I was in the twilight zone. .. the more I gave, the more control she wanted too. As soon, like in a matter of a few hours mind you, but as soon as I exercised self power, choice, she ended it, no warning.
I’m watching/hearing my 30 year nightmare. It all ended when she told me that she “couldn’t deal with my cancer anymore “
I wish there was help for post narcissist healing. I’m not sure I could ever trust a woman again! 😕
Welcome to the monk life it’s peaceful and gives you time to really reflect
They probably caused your cancer. The stress is unreal.
Gosh it’s true that the stress probably caused your cancer, then she leaves? These people are really just a disaster and we need to understand why we allowed them into our lives. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to feel safe in a relationship again, either. It’s been 10 years and I still have no desire to date. Maybe one day God will bring a trustworthy person across my path. Best wishes to you 🙏🏻
So sorry for you. Unfortuntely it's because of the narc's abuse.. I wish you healing and love 💕
Try meditation, nature travel and energy healings ..as narcs suck on life force energy like leeches (A painless havoc) . But you'll see the bad karma they're reaping and them digging their own grave .. just think who nears them seeing you suffer this much . Atleast she must have left you soon for her own good atleast (she might have easily gotten another prey in that case .. she delayed )
This is like having my life read out to me. Every single thing here has happened to me and is still going on 14 years later. I only learned about all this a couple of years ago.
34 years till i knew just last week, despite my higher education, NEVER occurred to me. Actually I was called the narcissist
Same here. Married 19 years to narc. Everything she talked about was my life. I have been divorced from him for 18 years. It gets easier and easier...trust yourself and stay strong.
Because they do a thing called Mirroring and projection. They accuse you of the very thing they themselves do to you. @@knight9464
"You can't start screaming and yelling more. You need to very quietly, behind the scenes, do your preparation." Very, very, very VERY TRUE.
Yes. And once you are prepared, RUN!
I wish I’d known about narcissistic people and relationships much earlier in life. These relationships cause so much harm. Thank you for this amazing video!
And so much pain as well.
Jose Velez Yes, they are the cause of much pain.
I feel like i have been awakened from a coma.
@@kellylee5235 I can relate.
Yes true but what the person is saying is that people with a mental illness cannot change and this is absolutely not true. It is the fact that she doesn't know how to do it. And it also depends on the person how long they are able to detach from someone in a romantic relationship and as you age with mental strength, you can do this with more ease.
They never give closure because they want you to feel abandoned like they did as a child. The thing is, most of us didn't experience that but they don't care. They think we are like them.
Hello Dr Ramani and everyone. Happy Holidays!
I broke up with my narcissist NOT KNOWING he was a narc. I broke up with him in his car. I told him I could not stand him anymore, and I will do anything to get rid of you. I remember his face. SHOCK and CONFUSION. I jumped out of his car, got into mine, and I cried my eyes out while driving home. I started Therapy the following week and it took me 2 years to stop loving him.
I was told how LUCKY I was since he could have harmed me. Maybe he picked up on my anger inside and he "backed off." My God, if I knew he was a narcissist, I would have done everything differently. 🙏👍🌺👍💪💪
This is so enlightening. I did not realize I was a victim of narcissistic abuse until you perfectly described the most volatile and traumatizing relationship I have ever endured. Wow. No wonder I'm still affected years later. Here's to healing.
Here’s to healing!!!!
At the same time I am so happy to have leaned about psychology. To understand why some people treat you badly. They always say it has nothing to do with me and I finally understand what that means and that helps me deal with it. It helped so much with all my current and future relationships.
Yes there crazy. They are very emotionally abusive people. You being happy is there torment. SIk ain't it.
i didn't realise either until how he acted when it was done. still trying to unpack this all :(
Yea I see years later I’m be dealing with this marriage failure but this video tremendously helps me but I will never be the same I will NEVER love the same
I am 60yrs. Married to a covert narc for 40yrs.
Finally leaving him
Sending you love and light 🙏🏻❤️
@Fay Ceedat My HEART goes out to you. I can't imagine enduring this for so long. I was only with a FRIEND for a couple of years and I'm DEVASTATED!
Dr. Ramani, I'LL TAKE THAT PARADE NOW!
Good for you ❤
Thank God you left..freedom now!!
You Feel A Freedom Unknown To Anyone Who Has Not Been Through This, Or Been Released From Prison Without Commuting A Crime!
No Matter How Hard It Is, Leave.
You Will Never Regret It.
She nailed it ! All my good peoples don’t hold any resentment or guilt towards the narcissist it will eat you alive. It’s been 1 month since I left my narcissist ex gf and I’m finally getting over the hump. Just accept your feelings and unpack it. The common denominator is they aren’t meant for you and you will find someone better trust me
Absolutely 🎉🎉🎉
I just left an emotionally abusive narc bf about two months ago and oh my god, he’s made leaving just as bad as being with him. I’m just happy to finally be out of such a toxic relationship. I thought about leaving him two years ago, but it’s actually really hard and I didn’t realize how hard it is until you’re going through with it.
If you’re in the process of leaving or have already left a narcissist, I’m proud of you and you’re strong! You got this! 💜
Honestly I don't like the ideal but my wife pushed me to it.
Mr Donald helped me cloned my partner’s phone and I got access to all her dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my her phone number with Donald and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch her phone. I’m glad to find out all her secrets with the help of Mr Donald. I’m here in US and able to access my wife’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while she was away in Canada cheating and flirting with her phone. I access and read all her (social media text) Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and incoming messages. You can contact him on 1nstagam FEEDDONALD1, WhatsApp +14695632325. He is an expert hacker, tested and trusted hacker with 100% guarantees
I'm in the same boat i didn't even realise what was happening to me until i removed my self from the situation i also have a little girl with him so i still have to see him and try to be civil even though hes trying to make my life hell still. I've been so naive :'(
@@melhooley149 He got all my wife secret affairs open to me without my wife knowledge
I need to get my furniture and work stuff at his place. He is blatantly ignoring my calls, texts all I want is curtesy to come pack my stuff and leave... Frustrated 😭
Yes, leaving them is so hard.. They almost make it impossible. All the new new promises of changing themselves, how much they love you, how lost you'll be without them.
I tried to leave after so many failing attempts of making him see hus faults... But god, that was a battle itself, he manipulated the situation so badly that in end i was the one saying sorry amd feeling bad and trapped. But after 4 months of trying to break up I finally gathered enough courage and stop talking to him.
I'm so emotionally and mentally exhausted. But it was worth it.
Now I'm just scared of him. I have blocked him from everyapp. But He keep messaging me on gmail bcuz gmail still shows msgs on spam folder after blocking. I'm not replying to him but god I'm so scarrd of him after seeing msgs daily even after 1 month of breakup and his calls from random numbers.
I don't know what to do now.
If anyone have any suggestions, pls help
"they are not changing for you, so who cares?" TRUE!
The narcissist is not even changing for God, so soon the new supply will be in our shoes🙏🙏
OMG this therapist thing happened to me!! I thought I was the only one!! My ex convinced her it was me. She agreed and told me all the things I was doing wrong in front of him. He became empowered and the abuse became something that was literally going to kill me. It was the last straw and we were divorced within months. She later realized she was way off and admitted it and let my ex have it for lying to her. But she never apologized to me. That def added to my trauma. Maybe I should send her a letter for my own healing. It’s been 10 years.
I don’t remember the exact moment, where the thought of my ex with someone else brought me a sigh of relief, but it was around that moment that I felt the chains break off of me.
Months later, after kicking him out and making a parenting plan that he ignored, he took me to court. I was immobilized with fear. He really just needed to feel in control of our child, or at least not be controlled by my decisions. The mediator has recommended sole custody for me🎉
Now, I have to get my life in order. I will tell the people who are important to me that if anything happens to me, it was him. I have started healing, and it’s taken a long time to even get here, but I am doing okay. I am starting to recognize the patterns before I get sucked in. I prepare for every possible outcome, and make plenty of arrangements. I will not be bullied, and if it doesn’t come out in court, it’ll come out some other way. It’s my story, my experiences, to tell.
Learn their ways. Learning WHY will help you with the how. Knowledge is power. Don’t you give up, because it takes a bit of practice and self love, and there’s a learning curve. There’s a reason you’ve found your way here, and you can’t pretend you don’t see what’s going on.
You realize the lie you were living and the narc was never a partner...and the reality hits you like a wall...I suggest keeping a journal to remember your original thoughts
This is a great idea
Yes..
I did this with my current narc who discarded me 2 weeks ago. I read back about all the things thst were just wrong over 3 years and instead of being hysterical im just dead numb.
Yup. My ex narc discarded and ended our engagement. I was so hurt. After realizing he was a narc and everything was fake. Oh man. It was hard and just truly hurtful. I’m picking myself back up. One day at a time.
Very accurate suggestion!:)
I left after 5 years.... he stalked me called me all types of names, lied on me. He even threatened to put pictures of me on the internet. At the same time was sending me gifts, emails, and texts telling me how much he loves me and how he will change if I come back.
You can actually sue him for threatening you with pictures
This is why you never EVER allow someone to take nude photos of you, even if you are married to them. So happy for you that you got out and I hope you are able to stay out. You deserve better. Hold your head high and move on to someone who will treat you well and not love bomb you.
Real love takes a long time to form. Instant relationships are a HUGE red flag, waving all over the place. Go S L O W L Y and make sure they respect you....as their equal.....before you ever become intimate (not a morality thing, just an emotionally mature and healthy way to enter into a relationship).
If you got away, you survived a very toxic person. Be grateful. Take excellent care of yourself and be awesome!
le th absolutely you’re correct....thank you so much
@@tashanicole7524
Same basically. Mine even befriended my old lady neighbor so he could SPY on me! All the while he'd flip between gifting me and berating me... Depending on how he thought I was being sucked back in. It was terrible.
He called me hundreds of times when I finally stopped responding.
Once you have escaped your toxic relationship, don't let the damage carry on. Reflect on it. Think about everything you learned about yourself and other people while you were doing your best to make things work with this untenable person. Don't live your life out hating them, fact is, they could not help being what they are. YOu are a survivor, and you have a new life to live far wiser than most.
I left a narsistic relationship this year...i went through alot physical ..emotional..pschological abuse
Plz know you are worth saving and go forward
Can someone talk about how narcissists somehow have the most loyal friends 🙄
Flying monkey🙄
I wonder too how narcissists get them
Ha! Tell me about it!!
I know right!
I think they're really smart at handling/manipulating human relationships. They know what to say, to whom and when. I saw and heard (during the devaluation period with me) my ex changing like a chameleon (one of his childhood friends, his "best friend", whom was having health and family issues, but did nothing bad to him, became "stupid" "he kows nothing"), and starting talking behind almost everyone's back (closest friends, faimly, collegues, everyone). I thought I was the only one "safe" from this treatment. I was so wrong.
I think us women can all agree that them getting the “new supply” hurts us the most and not because you’re jealous of her but because of how he did you so wrong and is now “happy”!😩
Maybe it only looks that way from the outside.
@@angelabutterfly255 hope so
I'm late on this but anywho...I firmly believe the new Woman will eventually see through their BS.
‘Us women can all agree’? Please don’t pretend there are no narcissist women and male victims of their abuse!
I agree..I think that is one thing I always have in my prayer when for him..I say Lord please dont him be with anybody else..If he is Lord..Dont let him ever walk back in my life again..
Oh, my goodness the dog! He was so relaxed. He even stretched in the middle of the interview.
GOD I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS!
When you leave a narc, it feels like freedom from a cage or prison. Like you walked out of a storm into the sunshine or a dungeon into a bright beautiful day. Like you can breathe easier, relax, and see everything differently. A feeling of revelation. But that feeling can be short lived, unless you are prepared for what the narc you left may do next. The narcissist attack is sneaky, psychological and powerful. The only chance you have of defeating it is knowing about it and being prepared.
The narc will likely be real calm, nice and even sweet. Apologetic, thoughtful, and things like that. But be prepared and don’t fall for it because it’s a trick to throw you off guard. Just remember, that this nice bit shouldn’t come after a breakup. The individual had the chance to be nice in the relationship and never was. So it’s always a trick, with no exception.
YES!!
I feel like I walked out of prison into the insane asylum.
Just threw my abusive narcissist boyfriend out of my life for good. I was used for too long. I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror, everything revolved around him. I'm not fully healed, everyday is easier. It's been just a little under a month.ive been isolated from friends, certain family. I hear he is telling people I was the bad one, ha, he used me financially, a place to live, sexually and a punching bag. That's alright, I still have my apartment and job, he has neither, just a list of legal issues now. I am moving on, while he is latching on to something and someone else. I love Dr.Ramani videos. It helps me get ready for my day. Thank you!
Good on you! I've just left a narcissistic relationship as well and it definitely felt like a relationship of convenience. It feels like it's going to take forever to heal but I'm determined to get through it.
@@blueskiies you will get through it. I sometimes ponder how the hell I survived that asshole. But I made it and so will you. Not easy but it does get easier.
I'm over three months narc free and no contact. It's hard but it does get better and I'm sure Elliott's new supply is already starting to see the mask come off😳
@@bonitasmith6064 Elliott's what? Happy to hear stories of healing progress, it gives me faith ☺️
@Eba K. This is exactly what im going thru too. Almost the same story. The thing with me is i hate that i still love him
The way this woman's knowledge began to free me 4 years ago!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!! Thank you Dr. R. I thought I was crazy but I was just married to a covert narcissist. God rescued me from that relationship and he used you to confirm in my mind what I had truly been dealing with.
After too many times down that rabbit hole, I was finally able to get out (8 years in it). It's been 7 years of not living together and 3 years since the divorce...he still came back around trying to convince the kids that I am not caring for them properly and trying to sabotage friendships I have worked so hard to build. I still get threats and crazy text messages, but I just ignore them...even though they can be downright scary. It's been a very difficult road but I am proof that YOU CAN GET OUT! Those living in these situations, understanding that this is not okay and that you would be better without the stress!
In my experience, it's like picking up a stray dog on the highway because you're a good person, and then you get a few miles down the road and you notice that the dog's eating all your groceries and shitting all over the floor, and when you try to correct the dog, it develops a shitty attitude because it says you don't appreciate what a good job it's doing driving the car.
Good one 😂
Accurate.
👏
wow
so true
I dated a narcissist for 3 months. He had a disturbing calmness and seemed to gloat when I was in pain about the relationship ending. It was very disturbing and I was in denial.The most emotion I saw on his face was when I said to him let’s end the relationship. There was shock on his face for about a second before he went back to calm. God, thank you for protecting me! 🙏🏾
When I pointed out what he did, he just laughed and said I remembered wrong.
Wow! The one I was with did that too.... She would smile for just a second. Then act like she loved me so much that she could never do the awful things I caught her doing.
Mine did also, and I was in a relationship with him for a year and a half. I told him I was done with him and that one day I hope he realizes how much I loved him and he said “good”
That’s so scary most of the scary ones are the ones who are super calm people and they have eyes to reel you back into there fake persona
@@christinaelena7279 flashbacks omg I’m so sorry
I left my narcissist relationship going on 1 year and he’s been hovering ever since.. saying all the things she just said.. I am so much stronger now, and not allowing that back in my life
I'm many decades past dealing with narcissists, or now IMMEDIATELY recognize them, and I appreciate this sober, concise discussion, but mostly I say, GOOD DOG! (the lab lying on the floor there).
I feel as if she knew my ex-husband personally. He checks all the boxes.
Exactly like she was a fly on the wall during the whole relationship
Yessss It was creepy looking more at her videos like she had a secret camera in my life
I absolutely love the MedCircle videos and site because the prompts and back and forth but her CZcams page is really great too and I highly recommend checking it out.
@@ArgoDawn Subscribed. Thanks for the tip. It's relieving to know there are more me's out there but scary to learn how many "him's" exist. At least now I can learn to recognize the signs early on.
If so go to dr. Ramani s youtube channel and check sm of her videos about narcs ..you ll be mesmarized
It was messy, it was emotional, I was almost hoovered back but when I found out about narcissism I made a quick decision to just disappear and never contact them again. It is so disturbing how their mind works, after giving them tons of empathy, understanding and emotional support I was the one who apparently planned the break up just to hurt them even more because they were 'going through a difficult period' in their life. According to them, all along it was my evil plan... The moment I blocked all the available ways of contact I felt so free and happy again, the best decision ever! Narcissists have no conscience, they look out just for themselves. I don'y want to deal with people like that ever again in my life. The positive thing from all this mess was learning the red flags and how to spot these people. Please, if someone makes you feel confused, you keep apologising for stuff you didn't do and are afraid to say something because they'll get angry, get away from them as soon as possible! And trust your intuition! I ignored it, even though it kept telling me something is wrong right from the beginning.
Best thing you did was not go back. I ended up making the mistake of going back and our relationship ended with her cheating on me AFTER I was the one who came back and gave her the second chance.
so true!! I've just walked out of my relationship 5 days ago and it's been the hardest decision i've ever had to go through, but the emotional abuse was too much to bear & i literally don't want to even give him the time of day to 'Talk' to me about it all because they just confuse you even more and know how to pull you back in!
Sooooo trueee....omgg
Wow spot on. I should be happy the narcissist left me. Yes, he had someone waiting for him 🙄. I'm hurt, but I also forgave him once for cheating before, and endured years of frustration and being made to look crazy. Pray for me to stay strong ❤️
I'm so sorry you went through that. I think no matter what comma people who rank high on the narcissistic continuum really know how to pile the damage on. For me, I wish my narcissistic person would cheat on me and leave me and decide they are done with me. But they don't. They puppy dog eye and try to emotionally dig deeper to further entangle. That way if I ever wanted to untangle, I get to look like the horrible bad guy. So reading your experience and hearing others, They just damage. No other word for it, They are pure damage.
I asked my narc gf to move out of my home because she literally scared me and I thought she would stab me in my sleep or call the cops and tell them I harmed her. I told her she scared me and she laughed. She still has never apologized or taken any accountability.
Some narcs: we can still be friends 🙄
Omg!!!! Classic!!! They keep all their exes as friends!😲
My ex narc wants me to be her friend even after she got married 🙄😂😂 I said hell NO I don't friend married women. So sick!
Mine did the same...but he choosed an older woman...
Just choose yourself
Just love yourself 1st and MOST
LOL! My ex even went as far as asking: "If we were to part and have separate relationships, you think we could still each other on the side?"
And when i try to address the situation, he doesn’t want to talk about it and then calls me crazy and that I have negative energy because I want to address the situation??
Omg I thought it was just me
They dont share their emotions because they dont want you to kniw anything about thwm to use it against them because they insecure and low self esteem smh .. Who came up with this SATAN-DEMON HUMAN NEEDS TO BE punished and they should have a law about these dekon black empty bodies with nothing inside its just black n dark , specially if your life is in danger ahhhhhh i hope n pray i make it out this narcissist cult 🤦🏻♀️
Same here.. but at the same time i feel like he's trying to adapt.. but he's so selfish.. even in bed.. he never used to offer me help or be there for me unless i insist.. i have to tell him everything how to treat me and all.. I'm so confused.. pls helpppp.. he even lied to me about this woman (who is 15- 20yrs older than him) who wanted to get physical w him. He told mee that she approached n rejected but after like 5months i saw msgs from her in his inbox.. when i address this he says he doesn't remember what , how things happened.. he simply slip away. He says im bringing up past problems n blames me.. it's been 3 yearss.. till date idk how and what happened..
@@studeetuber6541 so leave and stop talking to them? Do you plan to keep suffering and complaining about it to others or actually take action to get help if you need it and move on? You know all of this but you are still with him? Either it’s that bad and you need to leave or it’s not that bad and you’re making this up, but I highly doubt you’re making up these specific details so just leave
Or that you are always “whining” about “feelings”
Oh my God,to actually hear someone that gets it. To go through what I went through, no one has ever understood it like you just said it
So well summarized. Thank you for making this video.
The dog in this video is clearly living his best life.
It breaks my heart and I’m literally crying right now because I have been through the worst relationship with the most terrible kind of narcissistic person. I feel so sorry for that old me. I’m very happy in life now but the thought of someone killing you, crushing your soul completely to a point where you feel as if you’re a piece of garbage, who was thrown out on the street and this person picked you up and helped you. Seriously its the most disgusting feeling.
I hope you're okay rn!!! :(((
They say things will get better....keep living your best life
stop navel gazing and expecting sympathy - move on with your life. It's easy to see why you attracted a narc
@@user-xn2hf9re8r errm thanks I guess I’ll keep that in mind🙏🏼
It’s the worse!😭 I just went through the same & the thought of it is horrible I’m so sorry
So glad I left the way I did. I took all my stuff when he left for work one day and was out. He had no clue about it. Called and canceled him off of all our joined accounts at the same time. He literally couldn't do anything and it was great. Except stalk me for awhile, he did do that.
This is incredible 👏 good job, sis.
It's been a few years since I ended things. When I ended it, they sent me a 12 page (notes app or something) letter outlining everything they hated about me and everything I did wrong. These included: my fashion style, my sexual performance, and they accused me of gaslighting and being a narcissist. When I was going to potentially see them at an event in the future, they sent me an email telling me to not come and said that their letter was only meant to "make me a better person." To this day I still live in fear of them lying to their friends and people about what kind of person I am. It took a long and hard time, but I somehow made it out (after probably 15 times). Sorry to ramble, but I just needed to get this out.
Thanks doctor and Kyle...!!
The narcissist will discard someone who is often an extremely loving, solid and providing person 💙💙🙏😪
Hi Robert,very true they are very bad spirits .pray fr me to get a good loyal authentic rare Man in my love just to love me and I him.
Exactly.
@@El-vi6lg least we hope so. Lessons in life 😆
Damn, you are 100%. I did my level best to satisfy her still I couldn't able to hold her.
@@akhtaruzzamanjoy8524 story of life. I also did the best I could for her since 2006 and stayed in the relationship hoping that she'd change
It’s not harder to leave a narcissist. Its literally a “nightmare.”
Every thing shared in this video is all true and more. The narcissist sees you as their property and will seek to scorch you. Its painful to escape a narcissist.
The narcissist in my life got into a serious relationship in a short period time after scorching my life and leaving me without support of any kind. It was wicked.🤕
I feel you so much. You're not alone
Same just happened to me
These symptoms were seen by me over a 33 year period, that ended this year. I am very well, no personal issues. Dr. Ramani Durvasula is very spot-on on this subject. Excellent. All the symptoms of a classic narcissistic personality, I have found in the person I was with, and in the person's mother and siblings. I am writing my experiences on this subject, to share with others who also are affected by this personality.
Congrats on your freedom! I wish you all the best.
I just ended 30 years as well.
33 years...man, that is like, ages!.
How did you persevere?
This was delivered at precisely the right time!! Thank you for this
I wish my college self could have heard this. Would've saved a lot of trauma.
I experienced the whole cycle.... I fell for the hoovering and the love bombing, devaluation and the discard was so quick that I am experiencing emotional whiplash. He had someone waiting.
How are you doing now after 9 months? Im going through the same thing rn.
@@petergriffinmk2884 hi. I would love to say that I am over it. The SINGLE best thing that I inadvertently did was "make voice notes" on my phone about something that he did. When I read these, I am reminded of the reality. Too often, we wear "fantasy colored" glasses viewing the intoxicating relationship. These real time notes remind me of the reality which helps me stay away from him. There is no doubt that the feelings for the other person were strong and thus easy to sit within the forefront of our thoughts. When we actually are faced with the sadness and disappointment we experienced with them we are held accountable to ourselves. We cannot escape into the world of emotional masturbation that the relationship was healthy, loving and respectful. You are not alone. Reach out as often as you want. Feel free to vomit your sadness and grief. There is someone here to hold your head and comfort you. ~ me
@@dlwsport250 Thank you so much I appreciate it. Its honestly one of the worst kind of mental abuses out there, bc you put so much faith and trust in the person and you genuinely feel like they love you, and you think that love is all you need in a relationship while ignoring all the red flags. My bf of 1.5 years was cheating on me the whole time with a girl. Everything we did and everything he said was a lie. I am now left with these 2 realities, one that demolished straight through my life a few days ago and flipped my whole world upside down when i saw their texts, and the other reality being the fantasy reality of thinking he was there for me and he was mine and he loved me and cared for me and never wanted to hurt me. Both of these realities are fighting it out in my mind and its so hard to erase the fantasy, because it was real for me. Hands down, the hardest thing ive ever had to endure.
@@dlwsport250 I have a question though. If you had a chance to get back at him for hurting you, would you? My bf is now still with his gf of 8 years and he seems so unfazed that im out of his life, even though i dedicated almost 2 years to him. Do you think she needs to know about the cheating? I would tell her, but she knows his family and friends and she might out him for being gay in front of everyone and he will get kicked out of the house and all his homophobic friends will leave him and he will be left alone in life. Im afraid if he were to go into depression and be all alone and might even commit suicide, i wouldnt be able to live with that burden. But I do think she deserved to know. Near the beginning of their relationship, the girl apparently went to him before her wedding night (she was getting an arranged marriage to another guy) and confessed her love for him. My ex being as selfish as he is, dragged her along, and so she got married and divorced 3 weeks later. And when I asked him, he still doesnt take any responsibility for that. I dont know what to do.
@@petergriffinmk2884 Ask yourself honestly, "How does it serve you to get back at him?" My ex said awful things about me to his family. Awful as in "she contributes to sexual abuse" This allegation is so hurtful and demeaning that I am still in a struggle to not reach out and clear my name. People hurt people on purpose to in essence keep them away with more threats of destroying your decency, your name and your character. I ask you to consider being your own Knight in Shining Armour and Stay on Your White Horse. This person who was in your life literally phukked with your good spirit.
I ask that you consider "Don't Take Bullshit From Fuckers". Please look up Natasha Adamo's Post Male Syndrome. It is for everyone of us that have allowed others to hurt us not just in the break-up but whilst we were still trying to be good to them and get good from them.
Thank you for trusting that you are not alone. ~ me
EXACTLY!!! Thank you for validating my theory of therapy with a narcissist and the therapist falling for their deception!!!
Everything you said was spot on and is happening to me. I'm planning my way out but I know he gets really vengeful and that worries me. Thank you for making me aware. I'm learning so much.
i’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for five years now, constant cheating and lying and gaslighting me. everytime we broke up he had a new girlfriend within a week. these videos have made me realize that he’s not going to change for me, i’m now going to slowly work on getting out of the relationship. thank you for posting these.
Exactly my situation even the five years it hurts but it hurts losing yourself choose you x
Did you actually get out? Why the hell would you go back if he had a new girlfriend IN A WEEK 😂 stand up for yourself
What’s the update?
Your story is exactly the same as mine. We broke up for real this time and he posted a girl 2 weeks later on his socials with a heart ❤️ emoji 🤣💔 I’m hurting but, the sun will rise and we will try again👍🏽
good luck. Remember it has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with them.
The main fact that is hard to wrap one's mind around is the fact that they actually hate and are terribly envious of their lovers/victims. I remember playing the piano and singing, and I was so happy, doing what I Iove to do, and i looked over at the narc, and I felt this negative/evil energy. At first, I tried to downplay it, thinking he was bored or something. But, it didn't take long for me to realize that there was no excuse for his evil/dark energy especially when I'm being genuinely happy. Knowing what I know now, he was obviously feeling incredibly hateful and jealous because of my sincere and genuine happiness and talent as a musician. He's jealous. Honestly, I didn't realize opposite sexes could be jealous of one another, as I have never been jealous of a man before, only women. It's hard to digest the fact that people would seriously be that insecure, but, it's reality, unfortunately when it comes to sick-minded individuals who nothing close to normal.
Mine was jealous of my child’s father and I relationship and me being a mother. His bm wasn’t shit and he hated her for that but I think he resented me cause I was a good mom That’s was weird
Same! I also didn’t realize that a man would be jealous of me, but I felt the same negative vibe when I was talking about something I was proud of
I feel you with they topic
He was like : you can't be happy and I'm sad. So basically I should be sad when he's sad and even when he's happy, I should still be sad.
He told me : I hate you and then apologized that it's a slip of the mouth but I saw his eyes. The anger in his eyes when he said it. I've never forgotten that energy
yeah mine tried to stop me running and having a dog - fuck him I left within a few months
This lady is the one of the best!!! Thanks for sharing Doctor!
I just went through this. And he got me with the second love bombing. Bled me dry of all my money first and stole so much from me. Worst of all, the time he stole from me and my kids. Thank God we didn't have kids together. He also antisocial disorder and what you'd classify as a psychopath. Don't think it'll be long before he's in prison again. Measure eleven. Praying for his next victim.
I ended a relationship with a narcissist yesterday. Rough! These videos helped immensely.
How u feel now 🙂
I ended two days ago and already the destruction of my life has began.
Dr Ramani is GOLD!!! Listen to and follow EVERYTHING that she says. I was trapped in an abusive relationship with a sadistic covert narcissist, it was truly horrific. I followed her advice... I was able to escape, survive and now thrive!! Happiest I have ever been because I truly appreciate my freedom and have learned to love myself. The destination is totally worth the journey... don't give up!! You are worth it!!
I can't be more astonished. This is exactly what just happened to me in my last "relationship". Thank you so much for sharing all the info related to narcissism. Not only gave me more awareness about other people and how to deal with them but also to identify my own narcissistic tendencies that come out from time to time, and stop them or avoid them if possible. Thank you!
My narc has already ruined my relationships with others by telling them what a horrible person I am..etc...
It's one of the saddest things I've been thru.
Smiling and loving on one end and destroying me at the other.:(
Narcissist kick you when you're down.
Same thing I went though, and I would always tell him its like I'm on a roller coaster with you
He told the relatives I left and didn’t want to talk to them anymore. I reached out despite his discouraging me and they had been missing me.
Hang in there - you will meet your own tribe in time and they will stay. I can understand how frustrating it is when a narcissist poisons your family and friends against you. But if u lose someone to that kind of poisoning, u gain an inch more of mental peace... That much less explaining, those many less judgements
I can relate, the malignant narcissist ex did the same thing smear campaigning and triangulating others including my own children against me. Blame shifting and projecting onto me all of his guilt for years of his abuse, cheating, neglect, abandonments of me and my children .
I never imagined I would experience so much trauma and irreparable damage from one soulless human
After 2 hooverings, I've just ended it this morning. I'm proud of myself because I did it from a healthy place, and I did it with grace. I was polite, clear, and wished him well. His response was "So what?" Definitely did the right thing.
How are things now? X
@@chelseaannemayte He messaged me a day later angrily blaming me for everything, and when that didn’t get the reaction he wanted he tried to guilt me into being friends. That’s worked on me before but this time I just said I didn’t think it was healthy.
Radio silence for just over a month. Thought it was done, but he came back trying to lovebomb again. Super romantic and as though nothing had happened. Wants to see me and talk. Wants to try again. Don’t I remember how good it was? Don’t I know he loves me?
I decided that polite indifference was worth a try. He got bored of short, unemotional responses that took days to arrive and it’s been a couple of weeks now since he bothered me. He’ll be back, but now I see what he is it’s harder for him to trigger me.
@@lilymarianna8776 well done so pleased for you x
@@chelseaannemayte Thank you, I really appreciate that 🙂
Good job 👏🏽
I really needed to hear this. It's so true, you do stay because you believe they'll change for the next person. You so want them to change for you, you want that relationship you can envision with them but it won't ever happen.
One month after we broke up (he did it), I saw him with his new supply. That hurt. It triggered all my abandonment issues, all my insecurities of unworthiness... yet she looks like me too. The only thing I could do to not cry was the laugh to myself, and remind myself that THAT is his pattern. Even though I was trying to check out of the relationship, it was hard to leave, and though I'm better for it now, I still can't help but feel abandoned and even a little jealous (though I know what he is doing to that person is the same BS he did to me at the very beginning). And yet, he STILL texts me; I find that part comical, and it almost gives me a sense of weird relief in knowing that he is a creature/monster of his own sick patterns (ironically, for someone who prided himself on being "so different" and believed everybody else in the world were kooks except for him)... in a way, when he texts me, it weirdly comforts me because it confirms that he is a hoovering, attention-seeking, lying, manipulative narcissist-- is that a strange response?
He does that because.. he will have someone on the side when they are bored with new supply.. or if she leaves her
I have gone through what have been it's cognitive dissonance and I took help of my friends and a counselor....To get over...all this