The Female Covert Narcissist's Most Powerful Manipulation Tactic
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 7. 07. 2024
- Do you suspect your wife or girlfriend is a covert narcissist? Did she start out charming and caring but now she behaves in highly narcissistic ways? Is she irritable, anxious, annoyed, selfish, and self-centred? Does she disrespect you while simultaneously accusing you of not respecting her? Does she triangulate your friends, family members, maybe even your children into her victim narrative? In this video, I am talking about the primary manipulation tactic of the female covert narcissist.
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Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Author, and Life Coach with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on CZcams are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach without revealing confidential information.
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#NPD #covertnarcissist #narcissist #narcissism #npd #narcissistic #femalenarcissist
Actually happy I got played by a covert narcissist it made me mentally tougher I got my masculinity back now I don't take s*** from any woman or man.
Excellent. This is the way.
hell ya - striaghtr up feel the same - came out of the shit saying aint no one gonna disrespect me like that that i love and care for
Well played!
đđđđđđđ
congrats, your a born again a hole, just like me. lol born from our surroundings.
Never try to heal any woman, she is either broken for life or she plays you into her cage.
A very pessimistic view if I may say so!... the key, in my experience, fo both men and women who are broken and have reach a 'tipping point' [open to change], is to 'facilitate self-healing' rather than try to 'direct a healing journey' that YOU think they need... they might need it actually, but this might not be the right time, or they might need some stress-management or self-integration training before they are ready to heal. Hope this helps and might sometimes avoid us abandoning/giving-up on someone who has already abandoned or given up hope on themself. :-)
Sounds like someone who may have been bitten a few too many times and bow wants nothing to do with any woman. Odds are, there is probably at least one good one out there; good luck in finding her, but hey, I guess people do win the lottery every now and then.
So the next question is how lucky do you feel.
â@@sunflowerhealth1616 you've obviously never dealt with a narcissist. Your flowers and sunshine won't work on the those demons.
@@rogerwhoareyou there are great women out there. The problem is finding someone youâre attracted to thatâs also attracted to you. Iâve met great women Iâve been interested in but they didnât feel the same. Thatâs fine. I lowered my standards and ended up with a childish narcissist. It seems impossible to find someone at this point. Dating is awful.
@@rogerwhoareyou yes, and a great one will be one that does not need to be healed/fixed by you, because that's impossible.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didnât hear you. Depending on how long youâve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If itâs been long enough, youâre likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you donât buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you donât really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but itâs the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time youâre getting ready because youâre going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. âI did x for you, so you should do y for me.â No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the âspecialâ things they were doing for you werenât so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. Youâve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the âbacking you into an emotional cornerâ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of âwinâ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (âthe intentional forgettingâ tactic and the âfeigned confusion or ignoranceâ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasnât their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry âinvalidatingâ tactic, with some good old âmanufactured rageâ and âintimidationâ tactics to âput you on the defensiveâ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: âGet over yourself alreadyâ followed up by some âblame-shiftingâ tactics with some good old âguiltâ and âshameâ tactics, like âWhy the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I donât have any privacy? I donât know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!â You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I wonât get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com
@@neilcooper287 great in-depth comment
I lived with one for 15 years. Now I'm at a clinic trying to figure out who i am again.. just run guys. I'm serious.
I wish I listened sooner. It's amazing how quickly you can destroy everything you have worked for when in the clutches of one of these creatures
My covert ex discarded me for a married man who is 20 years older than her. She ended up telling people she feared for her life being around me. I swear on my life I never did anything to her. Knowing people believe her and the way she has treated me has been one of the hardest things Iâve gone through psychologically. I wish I never met her. I helped her get over alcoholism and drugs. I got her into fitness. Before she discarded me she said âI realized I donât âneedâ you anymore.â I was just a need at a moment in time. 5 years wasted. I want to get over this but I donât know how.
Hey man, I get it. You didnât do anything. Itâs her. No contact. Better him
The you, and better sooner than later. TIME and SPACE WILL HELP YOU MOVE ON
They always tell people we abused them, even though it's usually the other way round. My ex left me for an older guy with money too. I feel sorry for him because she will get bored and restless like she always does. She'll make his life hell, I hope he kicks her out onto the street. They turn on all their partners eventually. Time is the best healer, the pain gets less and you realise relationships with these women are doomed from day one.
I did 25 session of EMDR just to get my nervous system somewhat back in order after my 10 stint w/covert narc. It helped but then acceptance has to happen. Feel for ya bro...
there's an old African proverb goes something like 'give a one legged woman her leg back and shell run away with someone else'
If you donât leave you will « win » a cancer or autoimmune disease
All her friends thought she was heaven sent...............with me alone..........the devil
Sounds like a rough time, my sympathies.
@@kim-andrehermansen5345 Thank you...worst part so much wasted time. Blinded by the red flags...learned a valuble lesson though.
Indifference to outcome and down to earth expectations throws these critters back into hell where they came from.
That how weâve all been treated my friend. Weâve seen the devil in these women. The friends will never see it.
Same
She would go shopping rather than pay her rent, grew massive arrears and eventually evicted. But to her the landlord was unreasonable and picking on her. Completely delusional.
I was mentally exhausted, after years of monolog of how the world has failed her. I was simply tired. Done. Spent. No more hours and hours of empathy and validation, as it was never going to be enough.
Looking back I found that I have a desire to help people. For me turning someoneâs life around when they are down is appealing. I learned the hard way the damsel in distress is bait for a sucker to come along and play this role. Unfortunately it makes me reluctant to help people in the future and always question their true intentions.
I get that. You become suspicious, wanting to ask "Why are you so helpless? You're a grown adult. What are YOU doing about all of these horrible problems you have?
Or try actual volunteer work is very fulfilling bc I have the same kind of heart at least in that role there is a structure to protect us Empaths from getting crushed by the love con these sick people do when there are real good people who need our emotional intelligence
Well spoken Lise. I spent 35 years with my covert wife. She finally moved out Oct. 12th 2022 and I have finally found my PEACE. Jeffrey Z. in SC.
It is a power move to make you feel guilt and shame
The "Damsel in distress" one... I was stupid enough to think I would be her saviour. She even said I was. I was her "hero". And eventually she accused me of being just like her exes even though apparently all her exes cheated on her and were horrible to her and I NEVER cheated on her nor was horrible. On my 43 page letter that I wrote to her, I explained this. I told her that I didn't believe everything she said about her exes were true and that there is a common denominator in all her failed relationships. And that was actually her.
One night, I was literally praying to God even though I'm a non believer...I was praying she would understand what she was doing and the next morning she even admitted that she needed help. It was unreal. She never did get any though.
She never asked anything about me. How I was doing. How my day was etc.
Everything was about her which I didn't mind at first. But whilst being abused and everything was STILL about her... every time she humiliated me, traumatised me, everything... nothing was ever her fault. According to her that is.
She's a Demon.
They will pretend to want to get help but they never do. They will put on a parade! They will smear you if you keep boundaries. Do not fall for the acting. Most importantly, be aware of their flying monkeys!
Omg. I had to check the name of who wrote this as for a second I thought I did. Word for word the last two years of my life. I was her knight in shining armor, her hero. I treated her like gold as she told me how horrible her xâs were to her.
I caught her betraying me in ways no one ever believes when I tell my story (Iâm working on a series of videos about dating a covert narcissist but unlike any Iâve seen mine will have many forms of in the moment proof to the gaslighting and twisted behaviors that also shows how you get hooked like heroin)
Iâm just now slowly getting clear headed to everything. Itâs been one of the most screwed up experiences that still makes NO SENSE at all. Nothing was done that should have changed all her fantasy future plans. She destroyed it all herself.
People learn wrong habits in childhood, as their subcosncious mind is created in childhood, but the habits continue to adulthood, and Dr. Bruce Lipton says...they are not aware of it because its subconscious program, or its approved by subconscious mind and subconscous mind works 95 percenta day, while conscious mind works only 5 percent a day.
Sounds familiar to my story (and probably many others in the comments). Currently being stalked in my MMA gym for over a year by the witch, she's slept with 2 other lads on the mats there as well now, and yet is still allowed to go despite me telling the instructors/closest friends there exactly what she did to me.
My issue isn't just the abuse/stalking - it's the enabling within our culture that she is afforded, there is absolutely 0% chance I would be able to do what she has done as a man, I would (quite rightfully) be chucked out before I could even get my foot in the door.
Moving forwards, I now speak openly to others about calling out abuse from women, how it doesn't make you less of a man, and how we need to all improve as a society to highlight that women can be just as abusive/toxic as men. I'm met with the odd eye roll, which I understand as not everyone wants to hear my shit - but again, the fact abusive women are afforded such privileges is disgusting and I'm not going to just lay down in defeat until my boundaries are respected.
Keep going brothers!
It really is like they are demons... they go from loving you one moment, to being cold, soulless creatures who look at you with a death stare when they have 'switched'. It's like you're no longer dealing with a human.
You must have met my ex girlfriend....the hell that I went thru the past 2+ years is unbelievable....I feel like I should go on tour and tell my story to others to make them aware....a skilled manipulator, a toxic female covert narcissist...pure evil and sadistic....preyed on my heart and emotions. I will never, ever trust a female again. Thought I was happy and gonna get married with my soul mate. Turned out to be a deeply disturbed individual. The manipulation, blame shifting and gaslighting were killing me. 100% spot on Lise, thank you.
I've seen quite a bit of the videos over the last few years detailing specifically the female side of things. I've also read tons of comments from men that were on the receiving end of the abuse. Most common thing I've seen is "two years of hell."
My experience was that long too. And as far as questioning her when we initially met, none of her relationships were beyond a year and a half. đ€đ
@@TJKashatus sorry to hear bro yeah mine was exact same story unfortunately lived together for 2 years. Glad it ended there such a life learning lesson. You should go on tour! haha Iâve been tempted to start a CZcams channel or podcast on dealing with this shit . Iâm trying to stay positive about women and feminine energy but good god itâs getting ugly out there no accountability or communication it seems . Especially here in the United States with the brainwash of TikTok damn ex was addicted af to that. Canât believe I ignored 50+ red flags
ââ@@Dcmaddog12she will never be accountable and will never give you closure so don't look for it from her. Find your own by healing . They're the most verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally and physically abusive piece of sh*t on the planet and they leach off everyone they possible can, drain them of life, energy and resources to feed them then discard and smear campaign to gaslight you and play victim to the next supply. Please watch these youtube channels : DoctorRamani , Narc's Nemesis, NARCDAILY-You are not alone . I couldn't even begin to tell you here all the stuff I went through with my narc ex for almost two years. Insane. And the torture they put us through can kill us, or drive us to s**cide . In fact, I truly believe my ex was responsible for the TWO suicides of people close to her. One was her ex and the other was a "landlord" who I think she was also with and hid that fact ,but pushed them both over the edge .
she will never be accountable and will never give you closure so don't look for it from her. Find your own by healing . They're the most verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally and physically abusive piece of sh*t on the planet and they leach off everyone they possible can, drain them of life, energy and resources to feed them then discard and smear campaign to gaslight you and play victim to the next supply. Please watch these youtube channels : DoctorRamani , Narc's Nemesis, NARCDAILY-You are not alone . I couldn't even begin to tell you here all the stuff I went through with my narc ex for almost two years. Insane. And the torture they put us through can kill us, or drive us to s**cide . In fact, I truly believe my ex was responsible for the TWO suicides of people close to her. One was her ex and the other was a "landlord" who I think she was also with and hid that fact ,but pushed them both over the edge .
being single and alone is way better than being with someone so crazy never again putting myself through that not one bit
You know it's ironic, I met my current wife in 2020 though her being part of a relationship with her "crazy" ex. Then I am Narc informed and what I consider to be an advocate for this information. Still I end up with a Covert and now I find myself in the show once more. I decided this week I am leaving. It will be bad but staying I think will be worse in the end. Thank you for your insight it is very on the mark and helpful. God Bless.
I'm sorry to hear that you are "in the show" once more, but I do wish you all the best as you break free and move forward with your life.
Really wish you the best, I know the show well.
Run.
Realize you can be projecting because you are damaged goods and asserting things that were from another relationship.
Watch out for the, my old relationships Game.
Leave and never look back
+ Be ready to the most profesional hoovering ever. Its another sign - so hoovering will follow. if you are not ready to stay unaffected, dont even begin.
0 contact!
Easier said than done. For example if there are kids involved or financial dependencies on top of the normal barriers when leaving a narcissist.
@@jordanharkness f them kids
Nearly two years with a woman like this FUCKING RUN YOU WILL NOT FIX HER BUT YOU WILL RUIN YOUR OWN LIFE
Imagine 6 years and a kid together lol. This video is spot on.. then add monkey branching lol FML..
Same here nearly 2 years ago
Great language there ace.
@@25N77 eat shit it's recycling
â@@25N77great contribution. Sometimes it's the only language they understand. There's nothing wrong with being robust with them. Thankfully you've never been exposed to these demons.
April 21, 2024 was the day I walked out after 25 years of everything described in this video. It took a lot of courage and I was ready to risk losing my four (3 adult, one 17) children over this. That's how bad it was and the terrible toll it was taking on me. Fortunately, only my oldest has been brainwashed and won't talk to me. The other three can see through things a bit better and I have a great relationship with them. I want to tell you that since I left and filed for divorce, each day is a treasured gift of peace and freedom I never fully realized I would experience. If you are scared, if you wonder if you'll have regrets, I promise you, if you are experiencing this abuse you will discover a joy you thought you could never have. You will find yourself again and you will have zero regrets. Your life is worth it. Don't waste it away.
I was once the brainwashed oldest, but later in life I finally understood what's going on. I'm still embarassed that I fell for it so hard, especially the victimhood.
@@linnnea8171 I'm so glad you saw the light. It surely brought much needed healing!
I'm divorcing after 37 yrs of torment and abuse. It only gets worse as time passes. I'm in poor health and can't really afford to divorce since she's never been employed. What I do have left of my life is worth every penny. I don't even know who I am anymore!
đ Way to go Adam, you have a ton of courage - Congratulations.
For me, my ex filed divorce back in 2022 and weâre still working to finalizing divorce. We were married 21 years, but our 20 year old son and 18 year old daughter saw through all her excuses and they each individually made the decision to come live with me. Iâm grateful for having them with me and now in a much better place mentally, spiritually, and physically- Thank God. â€ïž
@@MrWhipple1062 do all you can to get a powerful attorney who understands narcissist abuse. Godspeed brother.
When you meet a damsel in distress, calling to you from the tower LEAVE HER ASS THERE. Itâs just a matter of time until she decides youâre the dragon.
(22 red flags) RUN
1. Malignant envy, jealous and needy.
2. Overly concerned about her looks.
3. Rude and has no manners.
4. Plays games, Gaslights
5. Frequently bored. Doesn't like to be interested in anything, no hobbies
6. Has difficulty managing her emotions, volatile especially in public, temper tantrums
7. Constantly seeks attention and approval
8. Lazy
9. Overly controlling
10. Has daddy issues, a bad reputation with past relationships ie: sex bombs, devalues, discards
11. Never has anything nice to say about other women or your friends
12. Doesnât have a plan for her life, or wandering through life
13. Low self esteem
14. Harboring hate, hateful toward others
15. Self-centered , stingy
16. Brags incessantly
17. Has no respect for her man
18. Falsely accuses
19. Demanding
20. Untrustworthy
21. Lacking empathy, cold hearted,
22. No morals
BONUS: Substance abuse issues.
SILENT TREATMENT!!
Very well said Calvin. They all behave in the same way. đ
These kinds of lists are helpful, and IMHO confusing. To what extent should one run? How many out of the 22? How to assess when she exhibits other qualities that are positive and mature? I don't mean to be simply a pest, rather, to share my honest curiosity and quandary here, hopefully to get some specifics, perhaps?
There are few things in life that are this clear cut. A narc is a permanently wounded wild animal. There's no fixing it. If you have it in your head that you're going to find coping mechanisms to deal with having one of these in your life, you have no idea what you're dealing with or what they're capable of doing. This person is already gone. The only winning move is to not play this game at all. Literally move to another city if that's what it takes. No contact, ever again.
Excellent
I literally had to abscond a state halfway across the country to get out.
Itâs been 5 years and she still tries to find ways to get back into my life and obsessively attempts to sabotage my life in any way, shape or form
@@thisguyc0rythey have no boundaries. Moving to another state is entirely appropriate and sometimes necessary
You the best Lise. We love you
@@rashadm.sadigov4366 thank you đ„°đ
I had one of the really good ones, you know, dyed in the wool. I thought I was going to tell you all of the crap that was used on me. But in the first 30 seconds, you said everything I was going to say, and it was spot on. If I knew all of this 5 years ago, I would have avoided all of that mess. Now, I feel fried, like I don't want to even try to reach out and try again. Its awful.
She used to say the same to me đ"i dont want you to come up with a solution i just want you to listen" and this could go on for hrs.
Yes. That is standard operating procedure for them. You can spend hours everyday talking about a big decision. And they will make the worse choice and laugh about it.
@racebannon96 I have to agree, I thought the chaos was a problem, but her decision making just made the drama continuous. She encouraged it. đ€Ż
Run just run. it ain't worth your breath or emotion it's a childish waste of time .and never look back just cold forget her
Lise, this is striking in its accuracy. The victim mentality was a ruse to draw me in, and I fell for it, I wanted to be her saviour, but eventually realised the pattern of how everything wrong in her life was âsomeone elseâsâ fault. She was unable to take responsibility for anything. I knew something was wrong but couldnât put my finger on it. I got out anyway and found your videos afterward, that explain everything. Thank you.
Spot on! That was my life for 7 years. First year, was amazing. She worshipped the ground i walked on. As soon as we got married she was always sullen and could suck the positivity out of any room. Lucky for me, unfortunate for the other family...she left me for a married man who was wealthy. When asked..."what about his 3 daughters?" She said "what fo they have to do with us?"đź
Jesus..
Ive been dealing with this for close to 4ish years. Now looking back at 19yeas of marriage, its was always there.
Iâm not sticking around, making a safe way forward. I know that I am a man in a horrible situation. I also know that I need to fix my needs and own situation and getting back to stability.
I also know that I have some past trauma from child hood, so that complicate things. So I know I am no where near perfect.
Iâm feeling so frustrated.
We moved to the most expensive neighborhood in town following her advice, months later we could no longer pay the rent on time and I suggested to move to a cheaper place, she told me "the only one who's moving out of here is you...".
That was her plan to begin with.
Never throw your pearls amongst a narcissist .
PROJECTION is an understatement. My woman can say so much falsehood so many times to the point that she believes that it's true and that I said those false statements she created in her head.
You nailed it Lise. Thank You so much
đ
Best thing is to got out and socialize with people eventually you will find a respectful supporting woman that will love you
Or you can be single happy, women donât do anything for men. Rather than telling us to get into relationships with these misandrists tell us to find peace and self love in ourselves.
Mental health! Some women have 3 or more personalities. Wife is not one of them. I've dated many many women. I've only met one that was mentally and emotionally stable. In the office where I worked 8 out of 9 women were on mental health meds. You never know who you pick! It's almost best to stay single and keep two or three in rotation.
You sound like a narc.
đ
I wouldn't even do that mush. I've got a hand. And it doesn't ever say it's too tired or not shower on purpose to avoid it. Single...AND solo is the way.
Spot on to my situation. Dumped me 5 times in 2 years. I had to move out although at the time she manipulated me to believe I was the problem and that I wouldnât change or consistent enough for her⊠which is complete BS. I was working on myself daily until I was mass laid off from a job and became depressed for a month not really motivated - not feeding her supply I realize.. Iâm much happier out of it but sometimes sad because my life is so much different now in a new home.
But itâs taking every ounce of my self control to not reach out to her and TELL HER YOU ARE THE PROBLEM YOU ARE A COVERT NARC. Her mom is too and she grew up with no father figure.. all women in her family she controlled every damn thing and I lost all masculinity and confidence she originally was obsessed with and love bombed. Her family even said we should get married. Now Iâm sitting here feeling like I just went through a 2 year coma of nonsense and disappointment.
Thanks for all you do!!
Damn did you date my ex too?
Dang! Just Dang! I thought I got rolled up! That story hit me hard. I am glad to be 50 and totally indifferent to abuse nowadays. Money FTW!
@@Terriorcell haha itâs on rise bro social media brainwash
I feel ya brother.. I have a kid with my ex... It's rough.. she monkey branched and moved my kid in with the guy at break neck speed.. wish I had more than 50.50 custody.. wish I didn't feel anything for her anymore lol..
@@matthewkeim holy shit man. Iâm sorry to hear that. What helps get me through is Iâm glad I didnât spend my life with her or get married just to be served up with a divorce. But rest assured none of their relationships will last whatsoever. And they lost us great caring men who maybe fell off for a little bit and lost our way but thatâs when the gaslighting, manipulation and shift blaming really came out. I wish I wouldâve realized it during the relationship. I did the 4th breakup lol let the house for the night only for her to want me back the next day. I will not be living with a girl for a long time or even getting in any sort of relationship. I need to become more secure attachment style and not anxious attachment like most people. fearful avoidant covert Narc lol thrive on that.
Stay strong brother!
the Nail vignette was spot on.
Yes.... Going through this still. She never does anything wrong and will swear she didn't do anything in the past. The most ridiculous thing anyone can go through.
This is so spot on I could not figure out for the life of me. If I was speaking another language to this girl she wouldnât see the obvious and would ignore reality. It did make me question my reality, but no more follow what they do not what they say, these are dangerous women and I glad I kicked mine to the curb. Whoâs trying to manipulate her way back in every day no thank you
Your content has single handedly made my life much more awesome
No cap you are the best coach on YT
I was thinking, Lisa, and in reading the comments and my own experience that one outlet for me as a chronic âsaverâ is to do actual volunteer work. It helps me to feel useful and less filled up by flattery and false charm bc of desperation to find meaning in my own life if this makes sense. Volunteer work is narc prevention for me bc Iâm one of those problem solvers so might as well help the community more widely. Thank you for videos and all the excellent presentations.
Literally everything in your video reflects the conversation with my ex-wife. Could never stick with one subject. She always had to change the subject or go with something unrelated from the past. Getting a "I'm Sorry" was nearly impossible.
Thank-you very much, Lise - very helpful! ...A female covert-narcissist client who rounded on me after I challenged her about a pattern of duplicitous behaviour, quickly accused me of being a "Psychological Abuser" [just as you describe!]. This was very hurtful for me because I had gone out of my way to help her through one a couple of crises... Having taught commmunication skills and assertveness for some years, I knew not to go down the road of intellectually or emotionally defending myself, but also knew that this malicious narrative could not go uncorrected, for my own peace of mind... so as she went to make a dramatised enraged-victimhood exit, I said "Can I ask a small favour of you before you go, xxxx?" This sidestep from direct conflict took her by surprise and appealed to her personal power, so she agreed..."Please look me in the eye and repeat your accusation that I psychologically abused you!"... She was enraged and empowered enough to look me boldly in the eye, but as I expected... could not say the words [when soul-to-soul confronted] because we both knew deep-down that it was a lie. For a moment she was stuck for words, then her puffed-up narcissistic rage melted and hestitatingly said: "I... FELT... that you abused me!" I accepted this re-phrased truth, because she was now taking responsibility and I understood her conditioned narcissistic rage response to being held accountable for her behaviour. To my surprise, she now became calm and agreed to come back and sit down with me and have a more adult conversation about what was not going to work for us both at that time. We parted on good terms! :-)
Lise. You have just helped thousands of PHILâs dodge a bullet ! You are a wonderful person. Thank you x
I lived this for 26 years. She needed a hero and I wanted to be one. It worked until I became a source of her victimhood. I wanted to rescue her but she claimed I wanted to destroy her. It was this disparity that caused me to question the nature of our relationship.
Yep, that's exactly what I went through. Luckily, am out of there and thriving.
Ya just have to expect this stuff nowadays, lest ye be torn to pieces, never ,ever let em move in, especially in these crap economic times. These predators are everywhere due to FakeBook brainwashing.
Examples given in the video 90% were used by my ex, thats so insane, its kind of a systematic... If the author of this video is reading this, It would be interesting to know about how do men unconsiously choose covert narcisisstic partners and how spot them early?
I chose my narc because she made me feel wanted and my deep down belief that I could help solve her problems. Sadly the more I tried the madder she got.
Great question, you may find these videos helpful: czcams.com/video/3LNjpqKcrlg/video.html
czcams.com/video/-mym8D3TrrU/video.html
This video really resonates and explains so much about my last relationship. Thank you! I know my faults and flaws but I also have to make peace with the fact I was fighting a losing battle for 6 years of my life. The one positive is I can spot the signs now and hopefully help myself and others to avoid similar situations. Iâve removed other narcissists from my life subsequently and I feel peace for the first time in 38 years of being alive. Itâs taken work, Iâve had to learn about myself, who I am and who I want to be but I feel so much happier now. I have no doubt videos like this will help others to understand they arenât insane and the person they loved and may well still love, was abusing them
Mine was ride or die for 8 years. Worshipped the ground i walked on. Unless MILDLY criticized. Even constructively.
This sounds familiar. Please do elaborate the first part?
@kim-andrehermansen5345 Ride or die? Means she'll jump in harms way to protect you. Puts your needs first if she has to eat scraps.
Probably when she was drankin! That is when the mask slips like a MF'er.
@@CorbinB-Raxhow exactly did she change?
@redefinedliving5974 it was always triggered by any correction, acknowledging the source of any problem, disapproving of anything, working extra (being gone for 12 hrs, even though she'd work 10 of those hours), she always insisted I was cheating bc girls sometimes like me.
When she'd change, it was absolutely polar opposite. Cold. Flat. Hatred. Sinister. Cynical. Denying. Reality inverted. Gaslighting. I was 100% of all problems and she could not accept 1% of any blame on anything. She'd accuse me of being a narcissist and trying to keep her down or destroy or control her.
Tip of the iceberg.
Thanks for your work Lise, you and other creators have opened my eyes to looking through my past and present with a whole new lens. Covert narcissism doesnt explain everything and I need to figure stuff out about my own traits but it has made things so much clearer.
I watch one of your videos every time my ex reaches out to me. lol
This narrates my life over the past 2 years! :0
same
Indeed, it âblows your mindâ when her behavior is beyond your imagination⊠16 years has pretty much broken me.
â€
Hi lisa.Your descriptions about these horrible persons is absolutely right.Thank you very much for your wonderful helps.Thank you for helping us to be able to save our health in toxic relationship with these uninteresting and parasitic creatures.
Lise is always so spot on. She's one of the first people I started watching and helped me recognise what I was dealing with and going through!
I love how you presented and decribed the video example keep up the amazing workâ€those videos are soo valiable â€
Lisa, I have to say that you are always spot on. I said it before that I would come to Canada just for a couple of sessions if I could. Thank you once again.
Lise, your descriptions of behaviors are so Accurate it blows my mind..
Had a few years of it..
Thank you..
I didn't think it was "all me"..đ€
I had a marriage counselor show us the nail video- if I had understood the subtext of that, it would have saved me 3 years of attempting to "save our marriage"
The nail video is spot on.
You really hit the nail on the head with this video. Thank you.
That final statement is pivotal! I could not win with her no matter what I did and I need to just focus on myself.
Excellent video! Love the ânail" example!
This sounds exactly like my soon to be ex-wife. Nothing is her fault and super defensive. Lying to my face and acting nice when I know she's lying. I kept our life and problems private and only told my best friend recently when everything hit the fan. Meanwhile I find out from someone that she's been trashing me for months, not just to her friends but acquaintances that she barley knows and making herself out to be the victim and me this huge piece of crap. And of course, they believe it because they've heard everything from her twisted world view. All through our relationship she claimed that her mother was a narcissist and such an evil and manipulative person but now I'm realizing that she exhibits the same behaviors she claims her mother had.
She sounds like a covert female psychopath. Psychopaths do not feel emotion - but can fake it by learning from others. They lie and lie, try to isolate you from your own family, 'throw' their own dispicable behaviour onto you as if it were you, gaslight you saying "your mad" or something, they have NO real friends (only people they have a use for), they spread lies behind your back and get others to further spread lies. They know what they are doing and it's all a covert plan to manipulate. I'll bet she blames you for trivial things without any basis. I'll bet she never ever says "please", "thank you" or "sorry". Take a tip, I know, I lived with one for 7 years until I ended it. She then went into calm psychopathic rage with all the behaviours above and more, baiting me to make arguments. Don't confront her, you will be stonewalled and all the psychopathic behaviours above will then become clear. Chances are she had an abusive childhood. And psychopathy is also partly genetic - my ex's mother was a psychopath, beating her kids with sticks. Don't feel sorry for her, it is incurable and non-treatable. Work out a watertight exit plan. Keep it VERY quiet, give no obvious clues. Then when you feel it's the right time, say nothing, just disappear from her. If you have children, it might be tough, but don't be drawn to argue, it goes nowhere. Don't engage, she will fake crying to get you back - her covert narcissism needs you. There are more female psychopaths out there than society thinks. Good luck, take care.
100% going through to motions of her trash talking n lies to others about me now
Lise you nailed it again, Thanks
Thank you so much for this. 100% in every detail my experience. Wish I had seen you 10 years ago.
Forty years with it and being a enthusiastic writer I have written our story as a warning to the future of the grandchildren.
This was my life for a year and a half. Thank God it's over
Omg everything you say is to the point. It's sad that I relate, when I listen it's like you are describing everything I went through for 2 years. It's so sad how I relate so hard
Thank you! You just described my ex girlfriend and my relationship with her to a T. She was abused as a child and the trauma is still very present. Had to end the over 1 year relationship a few months ago. As you said, I had to prioritize my own well being.
, Lise Leblanc, you remind me that most women are not evil abusers and some are actually angels who can be objective and caring. One day, I hope most women will be like you.
I just stumbled onto your videos. OMG. This has helped me so much. I wish I could come and talk to you in person.
Love you Lise. You've really helped đđđ»
She looks like "Stands with Fist" from Dances with Wolves. Totally thought it was that actress.
I love your work, Lisa. Hope it's OK to say i noticed and like your new hair style.
The nail in the head skit has been my life for 22 years. It's seriously exhausting!
RUN.
Wow. This puts words to my experience.
Wow you hit the proverbial nail on the headđ.....brilliant analogy btw.
Truer words never spoken. Describes my last GF to perfection.
Thankyou you have described my 20 yr experience..waited for last out of two to finish study then.....LEFT THE BUILDING. We all can recover...i am busy with it...getting stronger every day Happinness.
Viva
Good info on the layers of victim hood laid down over years - didnât know they would actually defend it but of course it makes sense
Of course. Without a shadow of a doubt!
everything you said is exactly what I am going throught right now!!!! Execpt I am finding out now after 25 years!! Was I sleep walking for 25 years!!!!
You nailed it.đŻ
Thank you đđœ Yesssssssssssss. I'm divorced and free from her torment. đđœ
Thank you â€
You are good lady, thank you
First sentence to last đŻ
Hi Lise, thanks for the memories! đ
Lol only took me a decade to work out she didn't want solutions to her "problems"...She just wanted supply, attention, validation, energy, etc.
Having a solution would stop all that.. It was never about the problem it was all a way to manipulate me..
My compassionate cautious distance is around 300km now and working on getting further away, no more of that thankyou...
Lolol loved the nail in the head! đđ
Would have been a little more easy if it was that obvious..
If we just remove the nail!
đđđ
Have a good day thanks for the laugh...đŹâš
This describes my mother, perfectly.
And also the people in her church, who tried using such tactics against me.
Recreational purposes only: DO NOT get emotionally involved... probably wise to just avoid....
It is not worth it. When the red flags start popping up, run. You can not help them. They never learn. They will destroy themselves and the people close to them.
No joke. You hit the nail on the head. This is a clear and concise description. The best I've found at describing my experience. Thank you, Lise.
Questions: What are the key distinctions between what you just described and quiet BPD? And can a person have both where the symptoms overlap?
You just described my current situation
I'm beginning to suspect there's a narcissistic aspect to some DID systems. Or rather the reason most do not heal is because their underlying behavior is never addressed
I think youâre on to something. What is NPD except a maladaptive coping mechanism and a way to get needs met? I think weâll find that itâs not a specific trauma, but rather a specific way to DEAL with trauma.
Narcissists were never taught or given the right types of Nurturing in their environment that allows for the development of ; The sum of influences modifying the expression of the genetic potentialities of the gene's . With that which is needed in order to not be Narcissistic .
Verbal abuse can diminish a child's self-esteem and self-belief's .
Self-esteem or self-belief is linked to the neurotransmitter serotonin . When the lack of it takes on severe proportion , it often leads to depression , self-destructive behaviors or even suicide .
Yes ' it can be very traumatic in the beginning stages of a child's life . Having lasting effects , if not corrected .
Yet ' When we recieve the right types of perceived Nurturing with its social validation ' That social validation increases the levels of dopamine and serotonin in the brain and allow us to let go of emotional fixations and become self-aware more easily .
Iâve talked to Lise though her zoom counseling services
I was impressed
Very accurate information
I spoke to many other people pertaining to these type issues
Over zoom and other ways
Lise is at the top of the list for accurate in-depth information
In reality a cov narc is similar to someone with autism, a head injury, or developmental disabled..it's true..the fact that a few most important developmental stages at toddler age were fractured, not modeled not taught, not learned..cannot be fixed
Your description of a covert narcissist perfectly describes my wife. In my opinion, she was a victim of being raised buy a malignant narcissist father. We can't have a normal conversation without me feeling like I've always done something wrong. It's like a broken record. I'm always the one who can apologize and except responsibility. Asking her to apologize or take responsibility is like pulling teeth. Her perception of reality is always distorted. She is always the victim. In all truthfulness, I despise her father. She is the victim, but I am dealt the brunt if her injury. Sadly I don't feel she will ever change or heal from her deep wounds.
The first 30 seconds you described everything I do on a daily basis to my partner once I discovered she was a covert narcissist. With 100% accuracy.
This is so spot onđ
Yep. Thats her !
I canât describe it, but the feeling I get when Lise Leblanc perfectly describes my life experiences with my ex, it is just crazy.
I totally agree with the conclusion, ignore and/or be very cordial is the only way to handle communicating and be sane. Specifically when you share custody.
Itâs also strange, nowadays I am so very avoidant, supportive, non-hostile and careful when I communicate. It kinda feel like woman talk, or maybe I am just older đ
That nail clip is hilarious.
apparently you met my wife
That's crazy, đ€Ł it does sound like her
Mine too
@@trevorburton8564 there were red flags, my mistake was giving her a chance to address them because she distracted me and made herself appear the victim all the time, so i kept on dating
I wish I found this content 5 years ago đą
Off topic, but I love your hair and overall look, you're basically my transition goals