It's about disrespect. When she test the relationship/your boundaries and looses respect for you, the relationship falls apart. No sex, just pure hell. Don't accept it, let her go.
My ex would go from "dont let your lack of trust and past trama effect the way you treat me" To "im sorry for how i acted its juat that i have trama from the way my exes treated me". Sometimes in the same night
@@JamesBongo yes, similar my narc girlfriend. She said one time, once all of her attempts to avoid accountability failed: "what did you expect from me? I'm used to telling lies since my childhood" or "I had a very bad childhood"...
It is like dealing with a can of worms, there is no reasoning with them, unless they want it. They will divert or zero in on anything - usually exaggerate your reaction to something untrue and u can never get conversation on track.
I’m blown away by how perfectly they all seem to follow the same pattern. I experienced every single one of these exactly as described. I stuck out 10 years and learned pretty much all of this the hard way. I really wish I’d had this knowledge earlier so I could have started fixing my life sooner.
The stonewalling is the worst. Covert narcs are the types who will block you as a form of punishment from an argument. My ex did this one time and I immediately put my foot down and ended it by blocking her back and leaving her blocked. She was used to all her exes pleading and begging to work things out for things they didn't even do wrong, not me though I saw right through it. Once you've been with a narc one time you know what to look out for.
With 35 years of marriage to my covert wife, the stonewalling was actually a breath of fresh air, as I couldn't wait for her to SHUT UP and give me my peace. Big arguments over nothing were standard fare and it became exhausting. In each scenario, since I had not said or done anything wrong, I felt no reason to engage with an impossible, bitchy woman. She moved out in Oct. 2022 and my PEACE has finally returned. Jeffrey Z. in SC
Lise, I have a sinking feeling watching this one. All of the things you mentioned happen on a regular basis. I reach out to family and friends mostly when I’m walking the dog because I notice she bristles (and listens) when I’m on the phone with friends and family. If I get more than two calls in a day “oh you’re popular”. She’s constantly relating all her woes and health struggles to anyone who gives a moment, feeding off of their sympathy & refining the story for better effect on each retelling, never mentioning the 24/7 support I give her. It’s exhausting.
8:25 this part gave me chills cuz of how accurate it is and it’s exactly what I experienced for so long. if only I knew then what was happening and what she is. better to know later than never though. it’s wild to me that all of these, especially #9 apply to her and she will go her whole life never knowing who and what she is. that’s insane to me.
10 toxic behaviors of female covert narcissists #1-big arguments over nothing #2-turns on the tears #3-chronic physical ailments #4-avoiding shame or guilt at all cost #5-extreme chore wars #6-emotional reasoning (conflicts never get resolved) #7-emotional blackmail #8-refusing to talk and work thru issues #9-highly critical of others #10-isolating you from friends and loved ones cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
'Big arguments over nothing'; my research calls this 'narcissistic baiting' to make an argument. Answer - sympathise, but don't argue (which is what they want). 'Turns on the tears'; this is 'faking it' to control you with sympathy. Answer; sympathise or say "hope you feel better soon", don't feel sorry for them (what they want). 'Chronic physical ailments'; this is called 'playing the victim' (females fake this best, but males can do it). Answer; sympathise and suggest she visits a doctor (don't worry, she will NEVER go!). 'Avoiding shame or guilt...'; this is called never accepting responsibility, everything is either yours or someone elses fault. Answer; just agree, don't challenge her (you have ZERO chance!) . 'Extreme chore wars'; this is ANY chore wars, to blame you for something which is usually not your responsibility anyway. Answer; avoid war, just do what you say you'll do and NO MORE. 'Emotional reasoning..conflicts never resolved...'. She is pervasively arrogant and impossible to mediate with. (This gives her grounds for 'stonewalling' you). Answer; do NOT engage, make an excuse to not engage (changing the subject usually works). 'Emotional blackmail'; designed to control you by making you feel 'the bad one' when she is the bad one. This is called projection (or mirroring). Answer; don't confront or argue with her, just lie and say you'll do better next time. 'Refusing to talk or work through issues'; this is called 'stonewalling' (as mentioned above). Answer; you're wasting time by trying to mediate or resolve. But watch out! She will be going behind your back to lie about you to manipulate others and run you down, make allegations - designed to isolate you. Answer; you'll know the same friends, get to them first and tell them she is stonewalling you and you worry about her. 'Highly critical of others'; her life is all about her, and her only. She is the perfect one, everyone else is an easy-to-manipulate idiot. Answer; do nothing, don't engage, leave it to her in her world. 'Isolating you from friends and loved ones'; this is called 'triangulation', designed to emotionally isolate you. Answer; take care because she will be lying to them all, usually mixing small truths with damaging lies (called 'word salad'). Avoid her. Contact them yourself. So. What is she then? I lived with one for seven years. About 4% of the population is one, many are female. The female ones are covert (males ard usually overtly controlling narcissists). It is the only untreatable and incurable personality disorder. They will NEVER seek treatment because they are having too much fun! (And will only try to outsmart any therapist). They are rarely violent. They fake emotions by learning from other normal and feeling people. They will always make lying claims when there are no witnesses to deny their claims. They usually have abusive childhoods - don't feel sorry for them, they know what they are doing! They are called 'psychopaths'. Research in Canada - try Dr Robert Hare. He knows all about psychopaths!
She did literally all of these consistently for over 10 years. My family and friends recognized it and tried to tell me she was using and manipulating me, but she had me so blinded I couldn’t see it. Thank God I finally woke up one day. It took her saying something very derogatory about my daughter to finally see it. I had already said I was leaving, but she still had me sucked in at that point. And when she said it, I walked out, walked away and didn’t look back. She drained me so dry emotionally, mentally and financially. She just about ruined me completely. Thank God I met and married a wonderful woman who had also come out of an abusive marriage. We have helped each other to heal with God’s help in many ways. But we are still in the process of healing. I’m still looking at the things that happened to me and trying to learn. I’m in therapy to make sure I’m healthy for my wife.
@@russell4824 I appreciate that. No, I’m past the difficult part and have a wife that is completely supportive and encouraging now. But I’m putting the time in to make sure I’m healthy for my wife now.
@@cellularintegrity.5924 , if I were you, if possible, I’d walk away and don’t look back. Cut your losses and move on. And I’d then get immediately into counseling/ therapy to help you deal with it and learn how not to get caught up in anything like that again.
My pops used to tell me I couldn't see the forest for the tress. That's a huge understatement of the fog they have you in. It's so gross what they can easily do to people.
I think I was in a relationship with someone like this. This woman used to infuriate me with senseless arguments and even went as far a conjuring up an issues to put distance between me and family. I got the hell out as soon I began to realize what was happening. This person would have me in a state of confusion literally every day.
This video was incredible and describes exactly the person I was married to. Wow! You saved yourself incredible pain and frustration which I endured for 13 miserable years. I wish I got out right away. She took so much from me. But now, I'm free from th3 crazy and enjoying the first healthy, loving, and intimate relationship my life. This video was incredible and describes exactly the person I was married to. Wow!
It's the first time I'm gonna comment on this as I have been watching videos of female covert narcissist traits for 2 straight weeks and it's painful to realize the woman that you used to believe she's the one for life, yea she's the one that made me emotionally and mentally destroyed as a man and as a human being. Run! Never look back! I know one of these days she would come back but I won't ever accept her again.
Same. My dad passed last year. She has since said she was never mean to him which is a total lie. I’m trying to be peaceful when I visit her for whatever remaining time she has left.
@hippiechic702 Yeah, my mom played the victim and always maintained that, but she was so awful to him! Every night at dinner, she would tell him how awful he was and how he never did anything for her, etc!
@@stacielivinthedream8510 Growing up they always bickered so I would go to my room, my brother was usually in his room and my sister who was the oldest was always gone with friends. She was the golden child and I was the black sheep because I would be sarcastic to our mom.
It took me 10 years to catch my narcissistic wife. Of course, I didn’t know she was a narcissist back then. I didn’t even know what narcissism was. A part of me always knew that she wasn’t faithful to me. It was just that whenever I voiced my concerns or asked for some reassurance, there was hell to pay. She put me through a mental gauntlet of feigned outrage, moral indignation, gaslighting, and flipping reality on its head in order to make me the bad guy. She repeatedly set what little progress I had made in trying to have a good relationship with her, back to square one. She exploited my deepest desires-to have a good marriage and to keep our family together, by always keeping one foot out the door and threatening to leave. So, I learned to carefully pick my battles…. and worse. I learned to put the blinders on and to pretend that she wasn’t up to no good. I also learned to convince myself that I was the problem. And then one day, while she was at work, I decided to clean out the car. She had a nasty habit of treating the backseat like a dumpster. As I stuffed empty wrappers, bottles, and cups into a trash bag, I found an envelope with her name on it. Thinking it might be important, I decided to look at its contents before I threw it away. It was a letter from some guy who was clearly in love with her. He expressed how he wanted more from her than their secret rendezvous. There was no mistaking what he meant. Even though my heart was crushed, I regained my power in the very next moment. I drove to where she worked, and I angrily approached her. Her eyes fell on the letter in my hand, and her shoulders slumped in silent defeat. She quietly said, “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll be home in an hour.” “Good!” I replied. “I’ll be waiting!” Then I turned on my heel and stormed out the door. Now that the cat was out of the bag, she admitted the entire affair-including all the places where they would meet up. As difficult as that was to hear, I stood by, ready to forgive her. I was well-practiced in starting over from square one, and I eagerly waited for the opportunity to roll up my sleeves and to get to work. But she played the wounded victim as convincingly as Amber Heard, and she asked me to wait for two days while she decided what she should do. Of course, I said yes. Even though I had been married to her for 14 years, I still had no idea what I was dealing with. In the midst of that painful discussion, she was plotting her next move. It turned out that she needed two days to think because that’s when her boyfriend would return from his business trip. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, but when he refused to leave his wife for her, she decided to stay married to me. Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time. I only knew that after two days, she decided to stay. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I saw this as an opportunity for a brand new start, and I convinced myself that we were finally going to have a good marriage. But she didn’t share my optimism, and it was obvious that her heart wasn’t in her decision to stay. We suffered together for another 2 weeks when she blamed me for her affair. That’s when I finally threw in the towel. We divorced on friendly terms, and we made all our own arrangements for custody and child support. We only needed a lawyer to draft and file the appropriate documents. The laws have changed since those days, and you can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. Anyway, during our many conversations to dissolve our marriage, she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about-including the fact that she was never faithful to me. If I had understood narcissism back then, I would have handled things differently. I wouldn’t have put up with her mental abuse, and I would have left her years earlier. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narc; Send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com
Thank you for sharing your story and enlightening many about what follows if one sticks with such people. I was in a relationship with a similar person, who asked me what would I do If she likes another man while we’re married? I told her that if she continues to like that guy, we walk our own paths from there on. And pooof! That was the final nail for her. Asked to be friends after that incident. While we were together, could never give me any certainty, and would still tell me that she sees herself married to me some day. That some day never came and I called it off. And guess what, I was the bad guy for doing that.
"...she admitted the entire affair-including all the places where they would meet up." "...she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about-including the fact that she was never faithful to me." Narcissists love to give an accounting of how they hurt you. Telling you these things serves no other purpose than to give them sick pleasure.
Great video, absolutely spot on, I lived with this hell for 8 years and it still hurts after many years have passed , when you are an empath you can dedicate so much time to making them happy but you will never get there, the difficult concept I have finally come to grips with is that they are not interested in your happiness , they just have to win, control, manipulate, beat you
This video is my mother - spot on. The complaints of "unspecified health issues" are still occuring, ON A DAILY. When I ask her what's the matter, she's like "my hearth", "my head", "my legs" etc, a person cannot be ill every single day and still run every other day around the backyard. It's just pathetic, I cannot believe I was raised by a person that is entitled to use other people's pain in order to gain sympathy. It's pathetic.
@@CFChristian SPOT ON. I still live with her btw, because I just cannot leave her alone, I'll end up hating myself for the rest of my life if I do that
This video was incredible and describes exactly the person I was married to. Wow! I could not believe how accurate you described my X wife of 13 years. I made a huge mistake marrying the FCN and never would have imagined what I was in for. After leaving and divorcing her, later finding and watching your videos, it has changed my life. Thank you Lise!!!
They do the opposite of what they promised, always plays the victim but at the same time be the abuser. Jealous but cheats, using people just for their own dopamine boost.
This is a whole new world for me. I just want to thank you Lise for opening my and others eyes to covert (female) narcissism. My goodness all trials humanity must go through.
Not just you, myself as well: 20 odd yrs suffering this sheet just to “ be in a relationship;”. It’s both tragic and pathetic”. I’d rather be alone than conform to society’s expectations of being in a situationship just to conform and be like all the other suicidal sheep. Lies lies lies. It’s all lies.
this narc definitely has plenty of health issues, you never actually know if the symptoms are real or imagined, so after a time find it hard to believe. But always the victim, this list is just so spot on.
The narc I was with claimed she couldn't swallow food, we go to the doctor etc and he couldn't figure out what was wrong gave her a muscle relaxer but she kept complaining, we go to the hospital ER one day because she's freaking out about it, and of course she throws a fit in the ER as they are trying to figure out what's wrong, they want to put a camera down her throat to check things out, she refuses...she cries and cusses out the nurses and doctor for "not helping her" and we leave. Weeks later, all the sudden she's able to swallow just fine as if nothing was wrong. Never brought up again until the next "health issue". Just a horribly violent ill constructed rollercoaster ride with those people. Nothing is ever as it seems. Edit, It got to the point I was forced to gray rock these health complaints. It's like the boy/girl who called wolf, eventually you just get so exhausted dealing with their bs and you never know if it's a legitimate matter. God forbid someone has deal with one of these people who actually develops something serious like cancer... I wonder how that would go smh. I mean would they have clarity in their bs with something actually serious happening in their body? Would they continue the abuse? I'm actually really curious about that.
6:06 This just confirmed what I had a sneaking suspicion while cohabitating with my covert narcissistic cheating x last year. If I made her coffee not how she liked, if the didn't have two microwaved mini croissants in the morning, if an egg wasnt boiled or fried the right way, if her ramen wasn't prepared the way she would make it, if the pasta sauce had meat or different seasoning she'd say it tasted like dirt (to her elderly dad who painstakingly would prepare pasta dinner at her request). The biggest thing is she would say "That's not correct, it's incorrect." When something was not to her specific taste or prep instructions. She would then put on the mopey droopy lip face of a toddler. She was 28/29 but mentally she was 4 sometimes. She would refuse to eat if it wasn't what she liked even if she was asked by myself or her dad what sge feels like eating. She once blew up at me in the car just because we missed the train into the City since I wasnt able to get tickets on the app on the way to the station. For aboit 20 minutes we sat in the car with ger in the drivers seat yelling at me Stay Or Go? What do you want to do? I only answered rhe first time, calmly, looking to her Dad to jump in anytime and be the voice of reason and diffuse the situation. He just looked at me like a mule by the side of the road. He couldn't see his daughters mental and behavioral disorder even after raising her for almost 30 years. I understood at that moment he's an enabler of his behavior and I was on my own dealing with her covert narcissistic behavior. 6 months later after discovering her infidelity purely by accident and due to her carelessness, I left her as she had already corralled her next victim. Never to see or hear from her, her submissive pathetic old father, and her pitiful new friend as she called him who is sadly on a painful path to enlightenment with her. Tomorrow marks 6 months since I walked away from that house of lunacy and I couldn't be more grateful to be away from such unhealthy, poisonous people.
10/10 with my ex-wife. It has been confirmed about 1000 times at this point that she is a severe covert malignant narcissist. But after 10 years of manipulating, gaslighting, belittling, and abusing me, I still question it every time. Thanks for all you do!
mine would say im sorry i mis spoke = LIE, im sorry for my part = an argument that she single handedly started, i was provoked = smashimg suff in my apt, ZEROZEROZERO remorse, or accountability. which means she's capable, and can justify ANYTHING in her mind!
Lise, I have commented previously that I absolutely love your informative videos, your calm and clear presentation AND the fact that you assist men - not many women would put themselves out in the public domain in this way to educate men: so thank you very much. Take care
Thank you Lise! I thought I was the narcissist in a relationship with my ex. She used to do all these things and made me thinking I'm the one doing it. Its like a virus it really questions your own sanity. Much love to you and please keep up the good work. Kisses from Zagreb, Croatia.
It's funny, I was so worried that I might be the narcissist in the relationship (because that's what she repeatedly told me) that I started doing lots of research to see if that was what was going on, only to discover that it was my wife! Which ultimately led me to divorcing her. 😊
Nice job been married 43 years described my wife perfectly from tears to treat me like I'm 12 years old to criticism about jobs I've done that weren't mine. Keep encouraging us.
I've watched other channels and they are very informative. But you, and I've said this before, when I hear you speak, it's like you are reading my diary about my girlfriend.
Dear lord this describes my ex wife down to a T. The rage and then gaslighting after arguments, micromanagement over chores, when I did the most. The crying and playing little girl mode. Shudder. That's the worse emotional manipulation. Then there's the lies and rumours spread after we separated. Horrendous. I'm glad we separated years ago and I am recovered from this abusive relationship. Pity about the parental alienation of daughter eh ho hum Thank you for your videos
Wow, thank you Lise. Hindsight is 20/20. Your descriptive analysis accurately reflects these women. I’ve happily moved on now but the wreckage of the past still follows like a shadow in the corner.
This video is very helpful. I have a coworker who I sometimes have to interact with and never says anything pleasant. And when I call her out on her accusations she tends to be nasty and rude. I don't get paid enough to put up with such nonsense!
If I would show this to my Ex she would first accuse me of being psycho and then try to tear me down over things of the past. No absorption of the video. It's crazy how many people put up with this. Hard to leave.
Thank you so much for all your videos. They’ve helped me more than I can articulate with words. You’re a very good person to have devoted so much of your time to help others. I’m profoundly grateful to you for all the things I’ve learned from your teaching. I’m sure you’ve helped countless people like myself. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be in a situation where things went so wrong and I was left grieving and looking for answers. In the gloom and the loneliness of living in the aftermath of broken dreams, your voice and lessons are a beacon of hope to me. Just saying thank you hardly seems sufficient, if I could visually express my gratitude to you, it would look something like a radiant sunrise over a spectacular vista of natural wonder like you can only see a National Park. Thank you Lise! 😊
Wife used to turn on alligator tears but I ignored them. She has since stopped doing it. Everything else you mentioned is true to form. Wish I knew how she got to be like this. Her father and uncles all seem highly narcissistic and she grew up around them. No doubt they modeled the narcissistic behavior, maybe not the alligator tear’s though. They sit around waiting to be waited on hand and foot. Nothing seems to be more important than their immediate needs. Sad that she likely was forced to witness such behavior growing up well into adulthood likely never witnessed what “normal” looks like. To her extreme self centeredness was normal.
Chore wars. Good insight. I see your getting close to 200k subscribers'. I remember when you did a 25K thank you video. You are the best, bar none. Here is to 300k!
My ex is cover narcissist. But she was also smart enough to learn about narcissism and able to twist things. For example she said she is working on her issues and going to therapy on that. But later (after years)I discovered that it was not true.
Lise, I want to thank you for taking time to share great content with us. I found your channel last September and i can say I was oblivious until then. You helped me understand everything I needed to, everything I felt weird for such a long time. I was not even aware narcissism is an ilness / disorder with all these traits (and I experienced them all!). And I know you must be hearing this a lot, but I really feal I could write a book with my case :) . Thank you! 🙏
It’s not an “ illness”….please Dont use the term illness. It tends to paint Narcs as helpless victims of “ cancer or heart disease “…. Narcs CHOOSE to act this way…. They like hurting other people.
I have been watching your videos for more than a year now and finally i decided to accept the obvious. Everything you're describing here was right from our life. I ended our relationship a week ago. Best decision of my life! Thank you so much for the great content, Lise! ❤
You perfectly disribed my ex...everything true!!!!thats why ive got nightmares and mental illnes...from her degusting toxic lieing behavior and Manipulation !!! Thank u so much because they want to manipulate US that ITS our fault why they Cheat and behave so unbeliveble Bad...but u allways Help US to re focuse....ITS amazing how your Videos Help opening and keep opening our eyes....thx so much from germany !!!!!💪😘
Unbelievably accurate in my case. Axts soon sweet to everyone... well for a while. I counter parent with her. She has a new man though so I'm watching her relationship with interest. Poor dude. Seems nice too.
This is totally true. When you realize this is happening, you get nowhere though. There is nothing you can do. There is no reasoning in the person. And she will discard you when the con is up. But good riddance. Then you can be happy. Eventually your memory of her will disappear. It was all just a waste. But be happy. Chalk it up to being an accident.
8:06 They can't put themselves in others' shoes because if you have not "suffered" more than they have, there's no valid reason for you to expect empathy from them. "Since you have not gone through the worst that I have, your suffering is invalid to me."
I told my wife that my most fundamental concern was that I wanted to be treated with respect, especially in front of others. Her response was I don't respect you, because you don't respect me. Apparently paying for her $50k student loans, being a good father, working a lot, making good money, providing a home for everyone etc is not respecting her.
When I see their horrible behavior, especially when the narcissistic rage ceases to work and they act on that rage to harm innocents, I have to continually remind myself: It’s not their fault. This is just how the heritable brain physiology they were born with responds to this stimulus. Stimulus-response. Lacking empathy, they have no other way to feel safe in this situation. As this video illustrates, people with this heritable brain physiology have very predictable patterns of behavior. When we have familiarized ourselves with these patterns and weaved these patterns together to construct a model which accurately predicts their behavior, the predictable behavior ceases to be upsetting. With an accurate map of the territory, even the most dangerous territory can be navigated with equanimity. For this reason, I am very grateful for the patient and persistent teaching of these patterns by Lise. This helps us to not take anything the narcissist says or does personally. This is just how this heritable brain physiology behaves in this circumstance. Understanding is truly the cure for all suffering. With understanding, our compassion for the victims of the narcissist can even begin to be balanced by genuine compassion for the suffering of the narcissist. They did not choose to be born with this heritable brain physiology. They are suffering too. This whole situation is so tragic for both non-narcissists and narcissists. The narcissists did not choose to be born with the empathy deficit they have. And we, non-narcissists, did not choose to be born with a strong carnal attraction to narcissists, thereby ensuring the addition of new baby narcissists to the gene pool. Perhaps one day, when we reach the appropriate level of understanding, we will choose to put an end to this cycle of suffering?
Id just like to say that ALL narcholes operate the same way. Doesnt matter what gender, they all pull from the same shitty bag of narchole tricks. Down to the absolute ridiculous excuses they give when caught, down to the words they use. Its very disturbing.
OMG, just watched a few of these videos and I can say I’ve experienced so many of the covert narcissist behaviors with my wife of over 11 years, who has since filed for divorce and which I’ve recently come to suspect she’s intimately (emotionally or physically or both, I don’t know) involved with someone else. Unfortunately, over the the years my feeling of being beat down and manipulated has pushed me into a deep hole of self isolation, alienated friends and family, self care, my job, all with the hopes of pleasing my wife and keeping the peace. But along the way I’ve built up so much resentment and it’s felt like a never ending downward cycle of her action (and at times mine) followed by reacting…rinse and repeat. Chronic illness, super critical to others but then complaining to them about me, significant chore imbalance , major mood swings, always demanding I’m available even when she knows I’m working despite her seemingly aloof or non caring attitude when I try and reach her, etc etc.
It is astounding how every video you make about female covert narcissists could just as well be about my ex. I keep waiting for you to just say her name. Every single video, including this one.
No accountability!! If you venture into the land of bringing up an issue that is just to egregious to let it slide you will soon regret your choice. Normally she will use a number of tactics to deflect until she finds the one that is affective. The one that worked the best for her was to create a proverbial storm of anger about issues not related necessarily to the original issue. It would get so convoluted and the emotions so high I would usually give up and end the discussion with absolutely no resolution of the original issue but along the way another couple emotional scars from the battle. After I realized the pattern it amazed me at the skill level that seemed to be innate. She effortlessly moved from one method of deflection to another with the ever present umbrella of anger as the common denominator. How the heck do they develop these skills? It was like when she asked a question. First you try to figure out what the "right" answer was. Then after analyzing the answer options you quickly realize there was no "right" answer that she had me "boxed in" for if I answered this way she would answer in a way to make sure it was the "wrong" answer and off we would go. And, if I answered in another manner she would counter with another response which would also be the "wrong" answer and so on. It was simply amazing of the skill level and ease at which she accomplished this. How do they do this??
You are also describing a women that has been in a long term relationship with a male covert narcissist. With the exception of grading. After more than 30 years we decided to try to make our marriage work again. the love bombing from him was so intense that when I found out he was still cheating. it gave me PTSD, which in turn caused all of the symtoms you described after he again said he was not seeing her anymore, but still was,. Deep inside I knew the relationship still wasnt right. So when looking at what you describe as a narcissist personality you have to also look at the other partner to see which one is really throwing you a line.
This is quote difficult. Cheats on me... then my reaction is not normal she says. I end up forgiving cuz she has this soft and sweet presence... but that was a mistake. I can't even put to words how this feels. And the second guessing yourself, gas light number is such an awful feeling. It's so hard because I have such a forgiving heart and we are so perfect with each other... it's incredible. But she checks every box... I'm so defeated. This is abuse in the worst way that I've never felt before. I have done nothing but love her and treat her with so much love... how can people do this to someone? I can't understand it.
I am a good actor and I can cry on command. When I did this during one of our arguments, I was crying and saying that I deserve that she cheated on me, that my heart hurts and that I deserved it. OMG, I think that she enjoyed it.
I had the opposite, “Super Mum” . Our kids and I could do nothing. (3kids 4 to 15 years) When I asked the eldest to help, she said “She said “You can’t tell them what to do “ I said “Not in front of them! So I have no status, at all! Thanks.
My ex made me steal the neighbor’s trash can. I am a landscaper in Florida. I had worked for 10 hours and was exhausted. I came home to “You need to go get our trash can back from the neighbors or you owe me $100!” I stole it just to shut her up for the night because I wasn’t going to give her $100. The neighbor was cool about it after I explained everything and we became pretty good friends after that. Thank god she is gone from my life.
Thank you, Lise Another great video 100% applicable on all 10 It is a catch 22. You try to please her and fulfill her wishes But if you succeed, it would interfere with the victum narative So, she needs to protect her image and complains to protect it
My second marriage described to a tee. Despite finishing in 2013 I still feel as though I've got some form of PTSD. And I almost fell into the same trap in 2023. Not mentioned in this particular video but the cause of the NPD was unresolved childhood trauma in both cases. Angie and Vicky. Hope you get treatment one day. But I know you won't as it's never your fault.
My ex was most likely BPD, and yes, they share most of these behaviors with NPD For me, the main difference was I never got the feeling she felt superior or entitled Just never had any empathy and criticized everyone.
@@russell4824 Thank you for this. My current partner was married to a borderline with PTSD and major depression. Because she and I are such different people in my efforts to understand him more I’ve been struggling to understand how such a strong man could remain in such an obviously toxic situation. I feel like am dealing with someone who had Stockholm’s Syndrome. I can see how traumatic the relationship was for him and I just want to be a source of comfort and support. I think there is a lot of shame surfacing and don’t know how to navigate my wanting to know more about what happened and his wanting to completely close the door on his past. I must admit there are times where I am concerned about the deep rooted/lingering effects trauma bonding can have on someone and if their attachment to that other person ever fully goes away.
Yes, 7:04 they have a spare pointer figure, so when one get tired, they do not need to change hands😂😮 They keep the left in reserve in case they feel like delivering a backhand.
It's about disrespect. When she test the relationship/your boundaries and looses respect for you, the relationship falls apart. No sex, just pure hell. Don't accept it, let her go.
They criticize the very same things that they do, but in their case will always be 'different' in some way.
Yes, double standards are a given😂
My ex would go from "dont let your lack of trust and past trama effect the way you treat me" To "im sorry for how i acted its juat that i have trama from the way my exes treated me". Sometimes in the same night
@@JamesBongo yes, similar my narc girlfriend. She said one time, once all of her attempts to avoid accountability failed: "what did you expect from me? I'm used to telling lies since my childhood" or "I had a very bad childhood"...
Absolutely spot on
Fuck me soooo well described
They are slippery. you can never just reason with them and they will always find a way to make you the wrongdoer or cause.
This is 1000% accurate
True !!
I check for genuine and good faith discussions about their behavior.
But it's hard, they know how to manipulate
It is like dealing with a can of worms, there is no reasoning with them, unless they want it. They will divert or zero in on anything - usually exaggerate your reaction to something untrue and u can never get conversation on track.
It's exhausting. Nice to know, I'm not crazy.
I’m blown away by how perfectly they all seem to follow the same pattern. I experienced every single one of these exactly as described. I stuck out 10 years and learned pretty much all of this the hard way. I really wish I’d had this knowledge earlier so I could have started fixing my life sooner.
10 years amazing
I feel your pain
@@russell4824 Geez dude, I am so sorry.
The stonewalling is the worst. Covert narcs are the types who will block you as a form of punishment from an argument. My ex did this one time and I immediately put my foot down and ended it by blocking her back and leaving her blocked. She was used to all her exes pleading and begging to work things out for things they didn't even do wrong, not me though I saw right through it. Once you've been with a narc one time you know what to look out for.
With 35 years of marriage to my covert wife, the stonewalling was actually a breath of fresh air, as I couldn't wait for her to SHUT UP and give me my peace. Big arguments over nothing were standard fare and it became exhausting. In each scenario, since I had not said or done anything wrong, I felt no reason to engage with an impossible, bitchy woman. She moved out in Oct. 2022 and my PEACE has finally returned. Jeffrey Z. in SC
My wife is all of them, took me 24 years to finally understand what the heck going on, thank you for helping me more to see what happening.
Lise, I have a sinking feeling watching this one. All of the things you mentioned happen on a regular basis. I reach out to family and friends mostly when I’m walking the dog because I notice she bristles (and listens) when I’m on the phone with friends and family. If I get more than two calls in a day “oh you’re popular”. She’s constantly relating all her woes and health struggles to anyone who gives a moment, feeding off of their sympathy & refining the story for better effect on each retelling, never mentioning the 24/7 support I give her. It’s exhausting.
Ditto. O.o
That "someone's popular" stuff drove me insane.
Had to deal with that with not only my ex, but mom, brother and grandmother too.
They are hell to deal with
It never gets better. Don't prolong the inevitable.
That's why I don't want to deal with them.
8:25 this part gave me chills cuz of how accurate it is and it’s exactly what I experienced for so long.
if only I knew then what was happening and what she is.
better to know later than never though.
it’s wild to me that all of these, especially #9 apply to her and she will go her whole life never knowing who and what she is. that’s insane to me.
10 toxic behaviors of female covert narcissists
#1-big arguments over nothing
#2-turns on the tears
#3-chronic physical ailments
#4-avoiding shame or guilt at all cost
#5-extreme chore wars
#6-emotional reasoning (conflicts never get resolved)
#7-emotional blackmail
#8-refusing to talk and work thru issues
#9-highly critical of others
#10-isolating you from friends and loved ones
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
'Big arguments over nothing'; my research calls this 'narcissistic baiting' to make an argument. Answer - sympathise, but don't argue (which is what they want). 'Turns on the tears'; this is 'faking it' to control you with sympathy. Answer; sympathise or say "hope you feel better soon", don't feel sorry for them (what they want). 'Chronic physical ailments'; this is called 'playing the victim' (females fake this best, but males can do it). Answer; sympathise and suggest she visits a doctor (don't worry, she will NEVER go!). 'Avoiding shame or guilt...'; this is called never accepting responsibility, everything is either yours or someone elses fault. Answer; just agree, don't challenge her (you have ZERO chance!) . 'Extreme chore wars'; this is ANY chore wars, to blame you for something which is usually not your responsibility anyway. Answer; avoid war, just do what you say you'll do and NO MORE. 'Emotional reasoning..conflicts never resolved...'. She is pervasively arrogant and impossible to mediate with. (This gives her grounds for 'stonewalling' you). Answer; do NOT engage, make an excuse to not engage (changing the subject usually works). 'Emotional blackmail'; designed to control you by making you feel 'the bad one' when she is the bad one. This is called projection (or mirroring). Answer; don't confront or argue with her, just lie and say you'll do better next time. 'Refusing to talk or work through issues'; this is called 'stonewalling' (as mentioned above). Answer; you're wasting time by trying to mediate or resolve. But watch out! She will be going behind your back to lie about you to manipulate others and run you down, make allegations - designed to isolate you. Answer; you'll know the same friends, get to them first and tell them she is stonewalling you and you worry about her. 'Highly critical of others'; her life is all about her, and her only. She is the perfect one, everyone else is an easy-to-manipulate idiot. Answer; do nothing, don't engage, leave it to her in her world. 'Isolating you from friends and loved ones'; this is called 'triangulation', designed to emotionally isolate you. Answer; take care because she will be lying to them all, usually mixing small truths with damaging lies (called 'word salad'). Avoid her. Contact them yourself. So. What is she then? I lived with one for seven years. About 4% of the population is one, many are female. The female ones are covert (males ard usually overtly controlling narcissists). It is the only untreatable and incurable personality disorder. They will NEVER seek treatment because they are having too much fun! (And will only try to outsmart any therapist). They are rarely violent. They fake emotions by learning from other normal and feeling people. They will always make lying claims when there are no witnesses to deny their claims. They usually have abusive childhoods - don't feel sorry for them, they know what they are doing! They are called 'psychopaths'. Research in Canada - try Dr Robert Hare. He knows all about psychopaths!
My ex husband is this list lol he is a sociopath covert narc
#3... Man oh man.
She did literally all of these consistently for over 10 years. My family and friends recognized it and tried to tell me she was using and manipulating me, but she had me so blinded I couldn’t see it. Thank God I finally woke up one day. It took her saying something very derogatory about my daughter to finally see it. I had already said I was leaving, but she still had me sucked in at that point. And when she said it, I walked out, walked away and didn’t look back. She drained me so dry emotionally, mentally and financially. She just about ruined me completely. Thank God I met and married a wonderful woman who had also come out of an abusive marriage. We have helped each other to heal with God’s help in many ways. But we are still in the process of healing. I’m still looking at the things that happened to me and trying to learn. I’m in therapy to make sure I’m healthy for my wife.
I wish you all the best
You are on a difficult journey
@@russell4824 I appreciate that. No, I’m past the difficult part and have a wife that is completely supportive and encouraging now. But I’m putting the time in to make sure I’m healthy for my wife now.
Going through this now
@@cellularintegrity.5924 , if I were you, if possible, I’d walk away and don’t look back. Cut your losses and move on. And I’d then get immediately into counseling/ therapy to help you deal with it and learn how not to get caught up in anything like that again.
My pops used to tell me I couldn't see the forest for the tress. That's a huge understatement of the fog they have you in. It's so gross what they can easily do to people.
I think I was in a relationship with someone like this. This woman used to infuriate me with senseless arguments and even went as far a conjuring up an issues to put distance between me and family. I got the hell out as soon I began to realize what was happening. This person would have me in a state of confusion literally every day.
Yup. Confused as hell. Walking on eggshells. Uncertain about everything.
I've been through the same with G.F
same. the arguments never made any sense. Then came the insults and disrespect. Got worst over time.
This video was incredible and describes exactly the person I was married to. Wow! You saved yourself incredible pain and frustration which I endured for 13 miserable years. I wish I got out right away. She took so much from me. But now, I'm free from th3 crazy and enjoying the first healthy, loving, and intimate relationship my life. This video was incredible and describes exactly the person I was married to. Wow!
It's the first time I'm gonna comment on this as I have been watching videos of female covert narcissist traits for 2 straight weeks and it's painful to realize the woman that you used to believe she's the one for life, yea she's the one that made me emotionally and mentally destroyed as a man and as a human being. Run! Never look back! I know one of these days she would come back but I won't ever accept her again.
Wow, my mom did this to my dad!!! It was Neverending!
Same. My dad passed last year. She has since said she was never mean to him which is a total lie. I’m trying to be peaceful when I visit her for whatever remaining time she has left.
@hippiechic702 Yeah, my mom played the victim and always maintained that, but she was so awful to him! Every night at dinner, she would tell him how awful he was and how he never did anything for her, etc!
@@stacielivinthedream8510 Growing up they always bickered so I would go to my room, my brother was usually in his room and my sister who was the oldest was always gone with friends. She was the golden child and I was the black sheep because I would be sarcastic to our mom.
It took me 10 years to catch my narcissistic wife. Of course, I didn’t know she was a narcissist back then. I didn’t even know what narcissism was. A part of me always knew that she wasn’t faithful to me. It was just that whenever I voiced my concerns or asked for some reassurance, there was hell to pay. She put me through a mental gauntlet of feigned outrage, moral indignation, gaslighting, and flipping reality on its head in order to make me the bad guy. She repeatedly set what little progress I had made in trying to have a good relationship with her, back to square one. She exploited my deepest desires-to have a good marriage and to keep our family together, by always keeping one foot out the door and threatening to leave. So, I learned to carefully pick my battles…. and worse. I learned to put the blinders on and to pretend that she wasn’t up to no good. I also learned to convince myself that I was the problem. And then one day, while she was at work, I decided to clean out the car. She had a nasty habit of treating the backseat like a dumpster. As I stuffed empty wrappers, bottles, and cups into a trash bag, I found an envelope with her name on it. Thinking it might be important, I decided to look at its contents before I threw it away. It was a letter from some guy who was clearly in love with her. He expressed how he wanted more from her than their secret rendezvous. There was no mistaking what he meant. Even though my heart was crushed, I regained my power in the very next moment. I drove to where she worked, and I angrily approached her. Her eyes fell on the letter in my hand, and her shoulders slumped in silent defeat. She quietly said, “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll be home in an hour.” “Good!” I replied. “I’ll be waiting!” Then I turned on my heel and stormed out the door. Now that the cat was out of the bag, she admitted the entire affair-including all the places where they would meet up. As difficult as that was to hear, I stood by, ready to forgive her. I was well-practiced in starting over from square one, and I eagerly waited for the opportunity to roll up my sleeves and to get to work. But she played the wounded victim as convincingly as Amber Heard, and she asked me to wait for two days while she decided what she should do. Of course, I said yes. Even though I had been married to her for 14 years, I still had no idea what I was dealing with. In the midst of that painful discussion, she was plotting her next move. It turned out that she needed two days to think because that’s when her boyfriend would return from his business trip. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, but when he refused to leave his wife for her, she decided to stay married to me. Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time. I only knew that after two days, she decided to stay. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I saw this as an opportunity for a brand new start, and I convinced myself that we were finally going to have a good marriage. But she didn’t share my optimism, and it was obvious that her heart wasn’t in her decision to stay. We suffered together for another 2 weeks when she blamed me for her affair. That’s when I finally threw in the towel. We divorced on friendly terms, and we made all our own arrangements for custody and child support. We only needed a lawyer to draft and file the appropriate documents. The laws have changed since those days, and you can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. Anyway, during our many conversations to dissolve our marriage, she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about-including the fact that she was never faithful to me. If I had understood narcissism back then, I would have handled things differently. I wouldn’t have put up with her mental abuse, and I would have left her years earlier. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narc; Send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com
That sounds exactly like my story
Narcissists cannot be faithful. You may be the primary source for a while, but never the only one.
That’s incredible sorry to hear that man. I hope you’ve been able to bounce back higher and better than before this nightmare!
Thank you for sharing your story and enlightening many about what follows if one sticks with such people. I was in a relationship with a similar person, who asked me what would I do If she likes another man while we’re married? I told her that if she continues to like that guy, we walk our own paths from there on. And pooof! That was the final nail for her. Asked to be friends after that incident. While we were together, could never give me any certainty, and would still tell me that she sees herself married to me some day. That some day never came and I called it off. And guess what, I was the bad guy for doing that.
"...she admitted the entire affair-including all the places where they would meet up."
"...she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about-including the fact that she was never faithful to me."
Narcissists love to give an accounting of how they hurt you. Telling you these things serves no other purpose than to give them sick pleasure.
Great video, absolutely spot on, I lived with this hell for 8 years and it still hurts after many years have passed , when you are an empath you can dedicate so much time to making them happy but you will never get there, the difficult concept I have finally come to grips with is that they are not interested in your happiness , they just have to win, control, manipulate, beat you
This video is my mother - spot on. The complaints of "unspecified health issues" are still occuring, ON A DAILY. When I ask her what's the matter, she's like "my hearth", "my head", "my legs" etc, a person cannot be ill every single day and still run every other day around the backyard. It's just pathetic, I cannot believe I was raised by a person that is entitled to use other people's pain in order to gain sympathy. It's pathetic.
She "has to be outside to do work or no one else will". Sound similar or no?
My mom loved playing martyr.
@@CFChristian SPOT ON. I still live with her btw, because I just cannot leave her alone, I'll end up hating myself for the rest of my life if I do that
This video was incredible and describes exactly the person I was married to. Wow! I could not believe how accurate you described my X wife of 13 years. I made a huge mistake marrying the FCN and never would have imagined what I was in for. After leaving and divorcing her, later finding and watching your videos, it has changed my life. Thank you Lise!!!
They do the opposite of what they promised, always plays the victim but at the same time be the abuser. Jealous but cheats, using people just for their own dopamine boost.
This is a whole new world for me. I just want to thank you Lise for opening my and others eyes to covert (female) narcissism. My goodness all trials humanity must go through.
This is very accurate. I lived with my Narcissist ex-wife for 20 years I recognise all of this.
Not just you, myself as well: 20 odd yrs suffering this sheet just to “ be in a relationship;”. It’s both tragic and pathetic”. I’d rather be alone than conform to society’s expectations of being in a situationship just to conform and be like all the other suicidal sheep. Lies lies lies. It’s all lies.
this narc definitely has plenty of health issues, you never actually know if the symptoms are real or imagined, so after a time find it hard to believe. But always the victim, this list is just so spot on.
The narc I was with claimed she couldn't swallow food, we go to the doctor etc and he couldn't figure out what was wrong gave her a muscle relaxer but she kept complaining, we go to the hospital ER one day because she's freaking out about it, and of course she throws a fit in the ER as they are trying to figure out what's wrong, they want to put a camera down her throat to check things out, she refuses...she cries and cusses out the nurses and doctor for "not helping her" and we leave. Weeks later, all the sudden she's able to swallow just fine as if nothing was wrong. Never brought up again until the next "health issue". Just a horribly violent ill constructed rollercoaster ride with those people. Nothing is ever as it seems.
Edit, It got to the point I was forced to gray rock these health complaints. It's like the boy/girl who called wolf, eventually you just get so exhausted dealing with their bs and you never know if it's a legitimate matter. God forbid someone has deal with one of these people who actually develops something serious like cancer... I wonder how that would go smh. I mean would they have clarity in their bs with something actually serious happening in their body? Would they continue the abuse? I'm actually really curious about that.
Good video - I see ALL of these with my wife. It's clear you've done your homework, and it brings me some small comfort that I'm not alone. Alas.
Absolute hell to deal with. It takes years to turn off the effects. Constant eggshells. Thank god it wasn’t a a gf or marriage. I’m healing.
Stay strong! Remind yourself of the negatives and u will heal
You've explained my ex from 2010. I still remember the relationship clearly.
6:06 This just confirmed what I had a sneaking suspicion while cohabitating with my covert narcissistic cheating x last year. If I made her coffee not how she liked, if the didn't have two microwaved mini croissants in the morning, if an egg wasnt boiled or fried the right way, if her ramen wasn't prepared the way she would make it, if the pasta sauce had meat or different seasoning she'd say it tasted like dirt (to her elderly dad who painstakingly would prepare pasta dinner at her request). The biggest thing is she would say "That's not correct, it's incorrect." When something was not to her specific taste or prep instructions. She would then put on the mopey droopy lip face of a toddler. She was 28/29 but mentally she was 4 sometimes. She would refuse to eat if it wasn't what she liked even if she was asked by myself or her dad what sge feels like eating. She once blew up at me in the car just because we missed the train into the City since I wasnt able to get tickets on the app on the way to the station. For aboit 20 minutes we sat in the car with ger in the drivers seat yelling at me Stay Or Go? What do you want to do? I only answered rhe first time, calmly, looking to her Dad to jump in anytime and be the voice of reason and diffuse the situation. He just looked at me like a mule by the side of the road. He couldn't see his daughters mental and behavioral disorder even after raising her for almost 30 years. I understood at that moment he's an enabler of his behavior and I was on my own dealing with her covert narcissistic behavior. 6 months later after discovering her infidelity purely by accident and due to her carelessness, I left her as she had already corralled her next victim. Never to see or hear from her, her submissive pathetic old father, and her pitiful new friend as she called him who is sadly on a painful path to enlightenment with her. Tomorrow marks 6 months since I walked away from that house of lunacy and I couldn't be more grateful to be away from such unhealthy, poisonous people.
Just wish I could AFFORD to do the exact same.. cost of living is a crusher..
10/10 with my ex-wife. It has been confirmed about 1000 times at this point that she is a severe covert malignant narcissist. But after 10 years of manipulating, gaslighting, belittling, and abusing me, I still question it every time.
Thanks for all you do!
Her favourite "apology"..
I'm sorry....that you feel that way.
Usually followed by all the reasons that it wasn't really her fault.
mine would say im sorry i mis spoke = LIE, im sorry for my part = an argument that she single handedly started, i was provoked = smashimg suff in my apt, ZEROZEROZERO remorse, or accountability. which means she's capable, and can justify ANYTHING in her mind!
Lise, I have commented previously that I absolutely love your informative videos, your calm and clear presentation AND the fact that you assist men - not many women would put themselves out in the public domain in this way to educate men: so thank you very much. Take care
Thank you Lise! I thought I was the narcissist in a relationship with my ex. She used to do all these things and made me thinking I'm the one doing it. Its like a virus it really questions your own sanity. Much love to you and please keep up the good work. Kisses from Zagreb, Croatia.
Over the course of 5 years she had me take 5 MOCA tests
Insisting I had ADHD😊
It's funny, I was so worried that I might be the narcissist in the relationship (because that's what she repeatedly told me) that I started doing lots of research to see if that was what was going on, only to discover that it was my wife!
Which ultimately led me to divorcing her. 😊
Nice job been married 43 years described my wife perfectly from tears to treat me like I'm 12 years old to criticism about jobs I've done that weren't mine. Keep encouraging us.
Man u have patience of steel i couldn't last 4 months with my narcissistic girlfriend u are 43 years.in. god bless u
I've watched other channels and they are very informative.
But you, and I've said this before, when I hear you speak, it's like you are reading my diary about my girlfriend.
same shes so accurate to my experience
💯 my experience with my ex. Lise, you're the best at depicting the patterns and traits of female covert narcissists.
Thanks so much, I really appreciate your positive feedback!
Me too!!
It's depressing how accurate this is. Literally describing my ex.
+1
Dear lord this describes my ex wife down to a T.
The rage and then gaslighting after arguments, micromanagement over chores, when I did the most.
The crying and playing little girl mode. Shudder. That's the worse emotional manipulation.
Then there's the lies and rumours spread after we separated.
Horrendous.
I'm glad we separated years ago and I am recovered from this abusive relationship.
Pity about the parental alienation of daughter eh ho hum
Thank you for your videos
Wow, thank you Lise. Hindsight is 20/20. Your descriptive analysis accurately reflects these women. I’ve happily moved on now but the wreckage of the past still follows like a shadow in the corner.
I'm speechless.100% on point
This video is very helpful. I have a coworker who I sometimes have to interact with and never says anything pleasant. And when I call her out on her accusations she tends to be nasty and rude. I don't get paid enough to put up with such nonsense!
If I would show this to my Ex she would first accuse me of being psycho and then try to tear me down over things of the past. No absorption of the video. It's crazy how many people put up with this. Hard to leave.
Thank you so much for all your videos. They’ve helped me more than I can articulate with words. You’re a very good person to have devoted so much of your time to help others. I’m profoundly grateful to you for all the things I’ve learned from your teaching. I’m sure you’ve helped countless people like myself. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be in a situation where things went so wrong and I was left grieving and looking for answers. In the gloom and the loneliness of living in the aftermath of broken dreams, your voice and lessons are a beacon of hope to me. Just saying thank you hardly seems sufficient, if I could visually express my gratitude to you, it would look something like a radiant sunrise over a spectacular vista of natural wonder like you can only see a National Park. Thank you Lise! 😊
Wife used to turn on alligator tears but I ignored them. She has since stopped doing it. Everything else you mentioned is true to form. Wish I knew how she got to be like this. Her father and uncles all seem highly narcissistic and she grew up around them. No doubt they modeled the narcissistic behavior, maybe not the alligator tear’s though. They sit around waiting to be waited on hand and foot. Nothing seems to be more important than their immediate needs. Sad that she likely was forced to witness such behavior growing up well into adulthood likely never witnessed what “normal” looks like. To her extreme self centeredness was normal.
Chore wars. Good insight.
I see your getting close to 200k subscribers'. I remember when you did a 25K thank you video. You are the best, bar none.
Here is to 300k!
This channel and Shrink4Men are by far the best channels on this topic. Both have been a huge help to me.
My ex is cover narcissist. But she was also smart enough to learn about narcissism and able to twist things. For example she said she is working on her issues and going to therapy on that. But later (after years)I discovered that it was not true.
Lise, I want to thank you for taking time to share great content with us. I found your channel last September and i can say I was oblivious until then. You helped me understand everything I needed to, everything I felt weird for such a long time. I was not even aware narcissism is an ilness / disorder with all these traits (and I experienced them all!). And I know you must be hearing this a lot, but I really feal I could write a book with my case :) . Thank you! 🙏
It’s not an “ illness”….please Dont use the term illness. It tends to paint Narcs as helpless victims of “ cancer or heart disease “…. Narcs CHOOSE to act this way…. They like hurting other people.
From where I see it, narcissism is the person's immaturity in disguise
I have been watching your videos for more than a year now and finally i decided to accept the obvious. Everything you're describing here was right from our life. I ended our relationship a week ago. Best decision of my life! Thank you so much for the great content, Lise! ❤
💯 I might argue some of these are so easy to see they are less covert narc and trending towards grandiosse but yes 100%.
Aways Lise! Very clear and straight to the point. You save lives!
You perfectly disribed my ex...everything true!!!!thats why ive got nightmares and mental illnes...from her degusting toxic lieing behavior and Manipulation !!! Thank u so much because they want to manipulate US that ITS our fault why they Cheat and behave so unbeliveble Bad...but u allways Help US to re focuse....ITS amazing how your Videos Help opening and keep opening our eyes....thx so much from germany !!!!!💪😘
Unbelievably accurate in my case. Axts soon sweet to everyone... well for a while. I counter parent with her. She has a new man though so I'm watching her relationship with interest. Poor dude. Seems nice too.
Jesus Christ, this list is exactly what I have been delaing with for the last four years.
Spot on. Key traits of a female covert narcissist.
Yup, that's about right!
Correct mam 👈🏻
You are so correct every word and the way you explain
1:05 catastrofizing as a tactic, 6:10 chores as a tactic, 7:00 shifting as a tactic, 9:20 shitting on allies as a tactic
This is totally true. When you realize this is happening, you get nowhere though. There is nothing you can do. There is no reasoning in the person. And she will discard you when the con is up. But good riddance. Then you can be happy. Eventually your memory of her will disappear. It was all just a waste. But be happy. Chalk it up to being an accident.
8:06 They can't put themselves in others' shoes because if you have not "suffered" more than they have, there's no valid reason for you to expect empathy from them. "Since you have not gone through the worst that I have, your suffering is invalid to me."
Yup. Always gotta be the victim.
I told my wife that my most fundamental concern was that I wanted to be treated with respect, especially in front of others. Her response was I don't respect you, because you don't respect me. Apparently paying for her $50k student loans, being a good father, working a lot, making good money, providing a home for everyone etc is not respecting her.
When I see their horrible behavior, especially when the narcissistic rage ceases to work and they act on that rage to harm innocents, I have to continually remind myself:
It’s not their fault. This is just how the heritable brain physiology they were born with responds to this stimulus. Stimulus-response. Lacking empathy, they have no other way to feel safe in this situation.
As this video illustrates, people with this heritable brain physiology have very predictable patterns of behavior. When we have familiarized ourselves with these patterns and weaved these patterns together to construct a model which accurately predicts their behavior, the predictable behavior ceases to be upsetting.
With an accurate map of the territory, even the most dangerous territory can be navigated with equanimity.
For this reason, I am very grateful for the patient and persistent teaching of these patterns by Lise. This helps us to not take anything the narcissist says or does personally. This is just how this heritable brain physiology behaves in this circumstance. Understanding is truly the cure for all suffering.
With understanding, our compassion for the victims of the narcissist can even begin to be balanced by genuine compassion for the suffering of the narcissist. They did not choose to be born with this heritable brain physiology. They are suffering too.
This whole situation is so tragic for both non-narcissists and narcissists.
The narcissists did not choose to be born with the empathy deficit they have.
And we, non-narcissists, did not choose to be born with a strong carnal attraction to narcissists, thereby ensuring the addition of new baby narcissists to the gene pool.
Perhaps one day, when we reach the appropriate level of understanding, we will choose to put an end to this cycle of suffering?
Great insight
Thank you
Where is your evidence that Narcissism is "heritable"?
@@brianpead3692
Other than 27 years in purgatory
I have a 240 document detailing it, if you need something to read
I would be happy to send it to you
@@brianpead3692
Other than the 27 years in purgatory
I have a 240 page document outlining it
I can send you a copy if you like
Narcissistic personalities not a disorder
spot on again 👍🏼. thank you Lise . you are doing good ❤️
My mother does every single one of these. Ugh.
Thank you, Lise.
Id just like to say that ALL narcholes operate the same way. Doesnt matter what gender, they all pull from the same shitty bag of narchole tricks. Down to the absolute ridiculous excuses they give when caught, down to the words they use. Its very disturbing.
OMG, just watched a few of these videos and I can say I’ve experienced so many of the covert narcissist behaviors with my wife of over 11 years, who has since filed for divorce and which I’ve recently come to suspect she’s intimately (emotionally or physically or both, I don’t know) involved with someone else. Unfortunately, over the the years my feeling of being beat down and manipulated has pushed me into a deep hole of self isolation, alienated friends and family, self care, my job, all with the hopes of pleasing my wife and keeping the peace. But along the way I’ve built up so much resentment and it’s felt like a never ending downward cycle of her action (and at times mine) followed by reacting…rinse and repeat. Chronic illness, super critical to others but then complaining to them about me, significant chore imbalance , major mood swings, always demanding I’m available even when she knows I’m working despite her seemingly aloof or non caring attitude when I try and reach her, etc etc.
Lise, thank you so much for your in depth information & insight, it’s helped so much
Nailed it on the chores
Spot on. 👌🏽💯
Thank you for your kind words! I’m happy to hear that the information was so helpful
@@LiseLeblanc huge help , thank you
17 years in and i have been experiencing most, if not all of this…😮💨
Twenty for me. It's a nightmare, and I don't know how to get of it because we have kids caught in the middle.
(Heads-up: As-of Tuesday the 16th, the timestamp titles don't line up with the topics in the video.)
Thank you for making this!
It is astounding how every video you make about female covert narcissists could just as well be about my ex. I keep waiting for you to just say her name. Every single video, including this one.
Always great information Lise. You're also approaching 200k 🎉. You keep doing what you're doing it will come.
I don’t know what you’re talking about but i love your soothing voice to much 😝🫡❤️
No accountability!! If you venture into the land of bringing up an issue that is just to egregious to let it slide you will soon regret your choice. Normally she will use a number of tactics to deflect until she finds the one that is affective. The one that worked the best for her was to create a proverbial storm of anger about issues not related necessarily to the original issue. It would get so convoluted and the emotions so high I would usually give up and end the discussion with absolutely no resolution of the original issue but along the way another couple emotional scars from the battle.
After I realized the pattern it amazed me at the skill level that seemed to be innate. She effortlessly moved from one method of deflection to another with the ever present umbrella of anger as the common denominator.
How the heck do they develop these skills? It was like when she asked a question. First you try to figure out what the "right" answer was. Then after analyzing the answer options you quickly realize there was no "right" answer that she had me "boxed in" for if I answered this way she would answer in a way to make sure it was the "wrong" answer and off we would go. And, if I answered in another manner she would counter with another response which would also be the "wrong" answer and so on. It was simply amazing of the skill level and ease at which she accomplished this. How do they do this??
I call my wife out on this all of the time. I tell her damned if I do, damned if I don't.
You are also describing a women that has been in a long term relationship with a male covert narcissist. With the exception of grading. After more than 30 years we decided to try to make our marriage work again. the love bombing from him was so intense that when I found out he was still cheating. it gave me PTSD, which in turn caused all of the symtoms you described after he again said he was not seeing her anymore, but still was,. Deep inside I knew the relationship still wasnt right. So when looking at what you describe as a narcissist personality you have to also look at the other partner to see which one is really throwing you a line.
This is quote difficult. Cheats on me... then my reaction is not normal she says. I end up forgiving cuz she has this soft and sweet presence... but that was a mistake. I can't even put to words how this feels. And the second guessing yourself, gas light number is such an awful feeling. It's so hard because I have such a forgiving heart and we are so perfect with each other... it's incredible. But she checks every box... I'm so defeated. This is abuse in the worst way that I've never felt before. I have done nothing but love her and treat her with so much love... how can people do this to someone? I can't understand it.
Thank you, new camera is great!
Great video! Who is now my roommate, checks all 10. This video confirms what I thought I already knew.
I am a good actor and I can cry on command. When I did this during one of our arguments, I was crying and saying that I deserve that she cheated on me, that my heart hurts and that I deserved it. OMG, I think that she enjoyed it.
Thank you Lise! This is a very helpful video and information.
Love the new hair
Think my ex was first in the country to have long covid!! In her mind anyway, never diagnosed, or showed any symptoms. 🤯🤔
Most of these things match my mother
I definitely had a girl like this.
"Had"???
@@AnnAndNalapast tense
I can't believe it, you exactly described my partner of the last two decades to T :'(
My wife's behaviour in a nutshell... Also is a behaviour of her mom towards her dad.
I had the opposite, “Super Mum” .
Our kids and I could do nothing. (3kids 4 to 15 years)
When I asked the eldest to help, she said “She said “You can’t tell them what to do “
I said “Not in front of them!
So I have no status, at all!
Thanks.
My ex made me steal the neighbor’s trash can. I am a landscaper in Florida. I had worked for 10 hours and was exhausted. I came home to “You need to go get our trash can back from the neighbors or you owe me $100!” I stole it just to shut her up for the night because I wasn’t going to give her $100. The neighbor was cool about it after I explained everything and we became pretty good friends after that. Thank god she is gone from my life.
Lise where were you 24 years ago. 😂
The parallels with BPD are many.
My wife has BPD, and does all of these things. It's truly insane. I got in way over my head marrying her.
@@DarthB8744 I think the love bombing leads us into making bad decisions.
Everything you've told I've experienced, thank you
Thank you, Lise
Another great video 100% applicable on all 10
It is a catch 22. You try to please her and fulfill her wishes
But if you succeed, it would interfere with the victum narative
So, she needs to protect her image and complains to protect it
Thank you for your contributions to this video and my channel! I appreciate your support
100% agree from my experience ! Wow. Great points. Thx so much
Tanto tiempo..buscando una Respuesta , Validacion y Explicacion🧿⭐️🙏
Excellent work, thank you
My second marriage described to a tee.
Despite finishing in 2013 I still feel as though I've got some form of PTSD.
And I almost fell into the same trap in 2023.
Not mentioned in this particular video but the cause of the NPD was unresolved childhood trauma in both cases.
Angie and Vicky. Hope you get treatment one day. But I know you won't as it's never your fault.
I live 9.5 out of 10 continuously.
Thank you, Life. You are a God sent
Thank you, Lise!
Are female covert narcissists the same as borderlines? Seems like the traits are synonymous. Thanks for all of your invaluable, life changing work!
My ex was most likely BPD, and yes, they share most of these behaviors with NPD
For me, the main difference was I never got the feeling she felt superior or entitled
Just never had any empathy and criticized everyone.
@@russell4824 Thank you for this. My current partner was married to a borderline with PTSD and major depression. Because she and I are such different people in my efforts to understand him more I’ve been struggling to understand how such a strong man could remain in such an obviously toxic situation. I feel like am dealing with someone who had Stockholm’s Syndrome. I can see how traumatic the relationship was for him and I just want to be a source of comfort and support. I think there is a lot of shame surfacing and don’t know how to navigate my wanting to know more about what happened and his wanting to completely close the door on his past. I must admit there are times where I am concerned about the deep rooted/lingering effects trauma bonding can have on someone and if their attachment to that other person ever fully goes away.
scary! Nailed that Lise!
Drawing of girl's pointing hand has 6 fingers @7:00.
Yes, 7:04 they have a spare pointer figure, so when one get tired, they do not need to change hands😂😮
They keep the left in reserve in case they feel like delivering a backhand.
She is left to her and flying monkeys and has amassed a flock via therapy and other groups. 😮
Wow. My ex and her mom did/do all these things.
Re: “and her mom”
This brain physiology is heritable.
Source: Live Science: Narcissists' Lack of Empathy Detected in Brain Scans (2013-06-24)
Omg i got 10 out 10 matched with me. I am mentally totally traumatized.