Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ
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- čas přidán 7. 06. 2024
- Signs of an unhealthy, underdeveloped, or immature INFJ. Fear not, there is hope.
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10 Secrets of the INFJ Personality Type: • 10 Secrets of the INFJ...
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Full INFJ Playlist: • FJ on INFJs
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You ARE responsible for other people's emotions because other people LET YOU make them feel stuff because they are emotionally open, the only way to not be responsible for other people's emotions is to interact with emotionless beings ,which people are NOT. HOWEVER , you are not 100% responsible for other people's emotions , what they feel is your business but it is their business too and it is way more their business than yours although it also is yours. (Hey , these are an INTJ's words here , I do not have that much of an extroverted feeling but I know how the whole emotional responsibility works , and by definition emotions ARE dependent ON everything : on self and on others ).
I am not responsible for your emotions , stop depending on me is a NARCISSISTIC statement and it is not true.
Next time someone makes you fully responsible for their emotions you can tell the you are partially responsible for their emotions but they have way more responsibility for their emotions.
This statement is not narcissistic AND it is TRUE.
*There is/are ‘resistance(s)’ that always tries to STOP & if failed tries to CEASE the process in the middle.... The process to make people aware of something.... To tell them how silly their jobs were since Looong....!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN I PERSONALLY AM INVOLVED WITH THEM (like co - workers)....!!! Doesn't matter what, how & why they do..... I just cannot do that thing the same way.... It's just too NOT OK....!*
@@user-ey9fm5my3s I would have to disagree, from my understanding of this comment.
No one is responsible for anyone's feelings other than their own.
Which is not an excuse to be an arrogant prick and go around intentionally hurting people's feelings just because we think we are better, or smarter, or whatever.
A person IS responsible for that because it is careless behavior towards others.
A truly intelligent individual understands though, that even being on the receiving end of such behavior, as I have been many times, they are not CAUSING the hurt or anger in me.
They are pouring salt in an open wound, because there is a past hurt that is still in the subconscious mind, and WILL over react to certain things.
Look at the race wars going on. The whole BLM movement is people FORCING their feelings on others, and blaming them for how THEY are chosing to feel or react to what is happening.
When in fact I have not heard one single person actually SAY black lives DON'T matter.
But someone threw a perspective out there that for certain reasons and in different ways it IS being said, so now all black people should be hurt by something that has never even really "cut" them personally.
It is utter foolishness. Because responsible adults understand...
Yeah you can call me ugly or stupid because that is what YOU choose to believe about me WITHOUT knowing me personally. (Not you specifically, just an example here)
But "I" don't have to let what you choose to believe about me or anything else hurt, direct, or drive my emotions.
Which are what actually causes the physical reaction.
Emotions and feelings are two separate things.
Feelings are dictated directly by our thoughts and perceptions of things around us.
Emotions CAN be, but do not HAVE to be dictated by feelings.
When they are though, we tend to OVER react emotionally.
For example...
If I were black and someone called me the "N" word...
I would be faced with two choices in that moment...
To let the hurt from such a derogatory comment take over my emotions and beat the crap out of them.
Or to acknowledge the hurt, forgive the hurt, move past the hurt, and leave that person who doesn't know me standing there with their own ignorant feelings in their hands.
Because I know who I am as an individual.
Which is the REAL key here.
Understanding that even many we would assume could, would, or should "know" us, say and do things that do hurt us, and that alone MAKES it feel intentional.
Because THEY should "know" better.
But responsibility for how those things make ME personally feel, think, act, react, or respond is on ME...
As an adult who has the ability to separate my feelings from my emotions through maturity that has come from life experience.
And this is actually where being an INFJ comes in handy.
BECAUSE of our strong connection to our imagination we have the ability to disassociate ourselves from our own and others feelings much easier once we understand that we can and should if we ever want to get off the endless cycle of hurting, being hurt, and hurting others in return through overreacting emotionally.
I constantly feel like I am not who I am when I’m interacting with people
Same
Most people don't get it anyway cause they are too busy thinking about themselves to care!
Be a bright spot in your world anyway and leave them in the dust. ;o]
I feel the same
Same!!!
Same. I'm who I am inside my head.
INFJs: *living in virtual reality since forever*
YES
Its because its where we find the one thing we need the most- connection.
This is what I can think ...
Omg I found my tribe lol ;)
Have a good time, bein a monk lol
No it makes sense to practise what ur bad at, so u get better at it, its the only way
"You have to just let people be angry, be sad. You don't have to make it better." That hit hard and true.
👍
Yeah I'm gonna go ahead and just actively ignore this reality
@@groundedlifestyle88don't blame u
It was so simple after all.
100%
As an INFJ I truly don't understand why people are so fake and shallow. We could be having deep conversations about things that matter or are really interesting, but most people tend to only care about surface level concepts. I want to dive deep, really discuss what makes nature behave the way it does, really enjoy the richness of the universe...and then I realize I'm having all these thoughts and the person I'm with is talking about what shoes they want to buy next.
Are you sure you are an infj? Every persona have their circumstances to not want to talk at any time
@@ry.0 every test said I was an infj , but even man made tests can be wrong. I'm open to the possibility of being a hybrid.
I am very new to learning about all this, but have been classified as an INFJ-T and your comment completely resonated with me. Just adding to the conversation.
Your comment is another reason why some INFJs and INTJs can have really great interactions.
This is so true. I have a hard time truly connecting with ppl bc all they want to discuss is a tv show or sports or makeup. Philosophical concepts have never even occurred to them
Also my brain rn “if I quit my job, flee to the mountains and journal, plan, and meditate while fasting for a month everything will be fine”
Oh my god i feel the sameeeee
That “place” is always within us; we maneuver through this physical world solely as means to better reach the eternal. But, no matter what, it is always here, where you are. Selah.
Thats my plan :)
Iv been in the Rocky Mountain National Forest for 3 years now. Off grid in an rv!
I did 9 seasons on fire towers. Wrote and read constantly. Discovered I'm a whisperer. Then I couldn't stand the politics - even in the middle of the forest it was impossible to obviate. I learned a lifetime's worth of lessons, so it was a fair trade. I moved on.
The reason why I don't share all of the observations, ideas, and even solutions I dream up is because I tell myself that everyone else has surely thought the same thing. Self sabotage is pretty much a part-time job.
Tell me about it 😣 I worked out yesterday, huge epiphany, I self sabotage. *hangs head in shame*
So fcking true,
I’m not an INFJ myself, but I’ve lurked around /r/INTP a lot on Reddit and similar advice is often given for introverts on general. ENTPs use Ne first then Ti, while INTPs use Ti first then Ne, so usually ENTPs say the first thing in their head while talking, while with INTPs, you usually should just allow them to pause and to slowly think through their ideas. But the advice given to INTPs is just to not overthink it and say the first thing in your head. That, or at least the second or third thing. If they didn’t like it, you guys definitely have more Fe than INTPs to see the emotional feedback and adjust as much as you can. Though I admit INTPs do have an advantage of Ne of being able to think of something unique to say in the first place.
The truth is as I’ve opened up over time is that I realized how much I took knowledge I grew up with for granted. So many miscommunications have developed because I didn’t realize people well. . . people didn’t even know this stuff. The thing is, people come from all kinds of backgrounds, and even if most people with the ones you often hang around know something, people beyond your comfort zone in a social circle often don’t know it. There will always be something someone knows that you don’t, and there will always be something you know that they don’t. I find watching Filipino TV shows where I am incredibly cliche and repetitive, but the tropes and stories are so new to people from other countries like Americans. Huh.
If anything, I find volunteering has really helped develop my Ne and Fe over time. I don’t have to think of something specific to say because there’s already an assigned task for me to do, and people are inherently grateful for you being here to help due to the nature of the task. Rather than them often assuming you’re something else due to false first impressions. I find with lower Fe, I don’t notice body language as much and just focus on what someone is saying, so I don’t really notice all the false impressions other people seem to get about people. I judge people by what they say, not due to how confident, insecure, charismatic, serious, silly, loud, quiet, or however they say it, and this seems to strangely enough benefit me in types of volunteering where I have to talk to people. I guess that’s why people say INTPs tend to be incredibly easygoing and “no drama” if you ask me. ENTPs included.
The lesson is to just get out there. Don’t immediately judge a person with Fe that their body language or tone immediately means they dislike you, hate you, or look down on you. Get to judge people somewhat more objectively, after all, this is why, no offense, INFJs seem to attract a lot of abusive people. Charm doesn’t mean they’re trustworthy, and being reserved doesn’t mean they’re arrogant or they hate you. Even if false first impressions are made, there’s still room to change. I suggest checking out howtosuceedsocially online, and other similar social skills websites, because trust me, it’ll help.
Try exposure therapy for social anxiety, as well as CBT for social anxiety. Look it up. Start small. Think of a list of social things you can do. Don’t erase any. If you don’t want to do some, then you can choose to do so in the decision stage. Look up automatic writing so you don’t immediately delete any ideas you make, or creative techniques. Then organize them based on how scary it is to least scary. Start with the easiest, take breaks in between and continue from there. Personally I started opening up from speaking anonymously on forums before doing it in real life, but for some people, it’ll be the other way around. Online forums mean more people are watching after all. It’s personal to you.
See you. Take what advice works for you and what doesn’t. Take care.
When I was younger I used to think like you. I felt inferior in many, not to say most situations. BUT when I finally started to share my observations and analyses of them, I very often found that few people could grasp what I was talking about. I havent given up still after 60 years. I know people consider me a goof but I cannot let that stop me. This talent/gift/curse is to powerful to goto waste. I think you should give it a try and IF some people already have thought the same as you..you can discuss it together and develope it from there. All ideas dont have to be unique
Good luck
I feel you bro.
I don't discuss my problems because i know that there's someone who's suffering from a problem worse than mine.
The worst part of being an INFJ is we get irritated by the way people deal with things, because we can see the core of every situations and according to our POV they're overreacting almost all time,we can even see the POV of a person who hurt us and you hate them for what they done but the next moment you're giving them benefit of doubt and empathising with them
This.
Unless it hits “the wall” and get to that ever elusive ‘eff that guy’ territory
actually!
Hell true and I hate that thing about me
Would you believe if I say I even empathize with Hitler after knowing about his childhood. I feel it's more of his parents fault to give him a very pathetic and traumatic childhood that made him what he is. And funfact I even empathize with myself for empathizing a man as cruel as him😂. Like just why my brain is a mess.
I cried for the most of this video. I had to stop the video several times in order to collect myself enough to keep going. I've been to Iraq as a Marine 0331, I was a volunteer Firefighter/EMT, worked in Yonkers as a EMT, worked in a bunch of kitchens, have 2 kids with two different people and personally have gone through a lot of crap. This video.. This is the one that has broken me down and made me cry.
It's okay:)
I hope you're doing well, my guy :) life gets tough, especially when you're compassionate, but you can always keep going. Stay strong
Beautiful to know we're not alone❤
You doing great man, better days coming
You’ve been through a lot of trauma and it’s hard because you care so much. First, let me thank you for your service and for the compassion you have for others who are in desperate need of rescue. I’m sending you a hug. Take care.
Imagine being an INFJ with depression, anxiety and addiction.
Edit : Thanks for the likes , makes me feel understood.. We can win this battle!
Naixzy oF :( I’m sorry. I feel you man. The addiction isn’t even what we TRULY want or like but we’ve realized we are more tolerant to the bullshit people throw at us and then somehow people see us as “ normal” when we’re medicated. Crazy shit. I know when I’m “ sober” for a long enough time for my chemistry to rebalance and everything and people think I’m high, crazy, mean, bitchy and all kind of shit. What we need is some people in our lives that are willing to understand and help us grow spiritually without making us feel like the weakest and worse person in the world. I always USE to be strong as shit mentally. I had drive and I was still kind, to kind but I kept myself distracted by ALWAYS being gone doing things, whatever I could find to do., and then somewhere along the way I got trapped where I can’t do anything but face my shit and everyone’s shit. Now I’m on the verge of giving up, which isn’t me, I never gave up., why now?
I know I won’t give up though, so you don’t give up, k!!? Maybe we can buy a island lol full of our EFFED up types. It’s possible :) I won’t be walking naked with a smile though. No true hippie shit going on in this island. 🤓😆❤️❤️❤️
Its sucks
Or in a narcissistic relationship 🤔
I'm right here.. i dont have to imagine
Overcame that.You can too.💗
“Responsible for others emotions ALL the time.” -BINGO!!!! We are a delicacy for Narcissistic people.
Omg yes this is true and they use us.
@@ozgurdeniz_657 They use everyone, they just enjoy using us more than the average.
Actually i felt that he was narcicist but i feel like i should help him
@@ozgurdeniz_657 Then don't complain in 6 months after he drains the life from you and leaves you for dead. They do not call them energetic vampires for nothing. Enjoy learning the hard way.
@@ozgurdeniz_657 BTW if you feel he is...then he is...that first instinct that gut feeling is ALWAYS right.
INFJs really need to come up with a real world, practical strategy to avoid getting into narcissistic relationships. We're smart but a genuine narcissist can be our undoing.
Wish someone had told me this when I was 19 years old 😪 😔.
@@Rishonable Same. I lived in hell for most of my life, till I started healing.
@Black Coffee - I love that. Some Doctor needs to write a book about it, I'd be the first to buy it, and recommend it to ALL the young people to read before they waste their life away like I did.
Grew up with 2 narcissistic parents and not feeling responsible for others circumstances and feelings is SO DIFFICULT.
it's only in the last 10 years or so that I've realized that my father is a complete narcissist. I formed friendships over and over again with narcissists probably because it was 'normal' to me. And of course, I ended up being taken advantage of and ended up with low self esteem. Now, I know to avoid these people and my life is much much better!
Unhealthy INFJs are more likely to have a fearful avoidant attachment style. That combination reinforces living in our head and being disconnected from the self. It causes a big pendulum swing between getting close to someone then abruptly pulling away. I woke up to all of this last year and have been working on myself since. The world opens up when we're willing to compassionately take accountability for how we get in our own way. On a side note - I completely relate to struggling to actually record the videos. Currently working on overcoming that.💕
This is so accurate
i m in the same boat with my music videos....stupid perfectionism
@@laurentverpeaux2281 you CAN get beyond it. Hang in there and don't quit.
Spot on
yesss so true
I think the reason INFJs don't let people in easily is because they feel disappointment so profoundly. So they tend to read people easier up front to avoid profound disappointment later.
yeah I agree. When you read people easily, you see their flaws so clearly and you will not risk being a victim of those flaws because you chose to open up. Also, opening up allows you to be somewhat vulnerable, as you don’t want people to read you so easily like you read them because it just makes you uncomfortable.
@@natashakozlowski8062 on point
I have to agree to this, often I find that I just can't seem to get over disappointments, and eventually I just try avoid what will disappoint me
Agreed
There's also a more practical reason, INFJs tend to future project whole relationships before they even begin. Mostly, when it looks like a future drama, mess or waste of time then it's cut before it has a chance to start.
me: yeah I'm a pretty healthy INFJ
me after watching this video: oh..oh no
literally!!!!!! omg
bb hdd same
Omg so INFJ to said 😂
LMFAO LITERALLY
Same
I'm an 84 year old INFJ and these talks are helpful -- you have to keep working at it. Nice to know other people are struggling this this too.
Wow. 84. Please give me your most important wisdom(s) you've learnt!
❤❤❤
@@dark_energy68 Learn proper grammar would be my advice. : )
@@Ofthegirl09 All your problems will be desapear....😂😂😂😂, Nice advice!!❤❤
When you are a struggling INFJ teen, FJ feels like a much needed older brother who gets you like no one else and guides you. Thank you so much for making me believe in myself. *heartfelt gratitude*
I’ve never felt so attacked yet so understood in my life
Hahaha! Gentle roasting from someone who understands lol
@@Lolo-vd8ns do it to myself all the time...this guy is much more gentle I like him👍🧁🌺🐛
he’s a gem
Truth
Fucking RIGHT???
He protecc
He attacc
But most importantly
He got our infj bacck
... That was lame but love you frank ❤️
Jojo Amber lol
It's cute! And true. ♡
@@TaunellE you're too sweet ❤️
Word
That was in the comment section where the dog got eaten by the alligator.
Frank, I’ve identified more with this video than any other. I appreciate it. I’m a 66 year old INFJ who never knew about this type until a few weeks ago. It’s been an eye opener especially for my childhood. I always felt odd, never fitting in. I would retreat in my world of books rather than socialise.
I’ve been married twice, unsuccessfully. Both times I was the one who left after feeling unfulfilled. My second marriage lasted 30 years. I was happy (?) raising my children but when they left home and it just us, I found my happiness was not about him.
Now living alone, which I love, I have to check myself often as I feel I could retreat in my inner self and never come back. So I’m still working full time, partly because of finances and partly because I feel I need some social life to remain sane. I don’t especially identify with my co-workers banter and superficial remarks, but they like me because I’m friendly and kind to them. I met a fairly new co-worker who may be an INFJ but I don’t know her well enough yet. She made a remark of not attending our Christmas party because large crowds making her feel awkward. I also did not attend but my excuse was I didn’t feel well. I wish I could have just said the same but worried about backlash.
I would like to know more about relationship problems with our type. I had a successful and fulfilling relationship with someone I met in England ten years ago. The circumstances were synchronistic and odd but we hit it off instantly. a long distance relationship is difficult under any scenario. We managed visits twice a year and constant calls in between. Sadly he passed away due to illness. I haven’t really gotten over this and still grieve. I believe he was an INFJ as well because we were so much alike. We loved each other so much but we met late in life and it wasn’t meant to be.
I struggle to understand myself. Feel shame about my earlier relationships not working out because I left them. Why did I find happiness late in life only to have it snatched away? These questions haunt me.
But I do maintain good relationships with my children and grandchildren, sister and other family members. They are not INFJs but seem to understand and love me.
Sorry so long. Thank you for listening to me. 💕
Do you also relate to videos made by Mom on the Spectrum?
Beautiful comment Cindy thankyou :) I can't imagine finding out at 66, hopefully you feel less guilty and or weird. You seem such a cool person.
This was so therapeutic I wish you happy life
Sorry to hear that Cindy. Smth similar happened to me. I did not marry someone I really liked, but he didn't treat me right because he didn't understand my INFJ personality. He never married anyone though many years have passed after we met. Few years later he died of his illness, he had epilepsy.
Yes I have felt responsible for my families emotions as a child. This did take a couple decades to get over. Wish I realized I was unfairly punishing myself sooner. (Although my parents raised us on guilt so I just did what I was taught). A message to other infj is find the courage to discard parents beliefs that you don't agree with.
Yeah I was trapped in a guilt for 15 y, coz I decided to marry someone my family cpuld not accept/tolerate. We have been happily married for 12 years and only recently I started realising how much it hurt me,could not live my life as I felt all the time I was a disappointment for my parents. The situation did not change, but after realising it'/ not my fault and I do not have to tolerate it, I wish I had understood it earlier,I am sad that for so many years I tried to make up my parents for my choices..
Me too. I feel like my childhood and teenage years were hell. My dad is a narzisst and my mom is a ESFJ who tries to please others all the time but cant let go of him, bcs he is so toxic and makes everyone believe they are mad, at fault, etc.
I went to therapy for a year. I just stopped going there and it really really helped alot. I hope to move out in a year.
I hope everyone who gets taken advantage of realizes what is happening and get out of it.
Sometimes I think I want to dissapeare so I don't hurt others.
I feel bad for my sister (INFJ) after looking into typology because it makes sense now why she's always miserable around people (why she's started self-isolating at adulthood) and, in particular, has the most problems dealing with our family (INTP so/sp 6w5/683 me, ISTP sp/so 9w1/963 dad, and ESTJ sp/so 8w7/386 mother, respectively) than the rest of us do with each other combined. Her childhood was smooth compared to mine (NP children with SJ parents are a particularly nightmarish combination) since she was nicer and fit in socially, but her teenage and college years were extremely horrible and filled with constant drama and gaslighting, especially with our mother (the very reason why she up and moved on a whim, with no job or money saved up at the time; she just couldn't take it). Even though our dad is generally easier to talk to, he has a very low tolerance for emotional things so brushes off my sister's feelings as "nonsense," while he's also our mother's enabler because he thinks divorce is "evil" so ignores problems and throws all others under the us for "peace at any price" (worse still, enneagram 9's tend to merge with those closest to them, so when our mother's in her "moods," he becomes every bit as intolerable as her as her enabler). It's horrible enough to deal with even with very low emotional needs myself, I can't imagine how much worse it's always been for my sister, who really needs to work on her own life but still feels like it's all her responsibility to "save" our dysfunctional family, even when we call her out on this thinking.
@@phatcat3705as a 15 yo INFJ, I feel like your sister and parents problem is exactly the same as me. My father is really toxic and make me feel guilty for everything I'm doing "wrong" and my mother is unfortunately becoming like him over the years but she is still a good person. The best way to help your sister is to talk about it because INFJ unfortunately doesn't often receives mental help and compliments and, if you have enough courage, even talk to her about the MBTI which truly could make her feel a LOT better about herself (which happened to me).
I'm a 19 year old female INFJ. I've felt alienated, insecure, misunderstood, been labelled as an 'old-soul' my whole life. Something has always seemed off with me. I've seen countless psychologists, been labelled with having ADD. Never. In my entire life have I EVER come across something so incredibly accurate. You have just described my life and what's been 'wrong with me' for 19 years. I've always wished 'god if only I knew what was wrong with me and how to fix it' and your video here answered my question. All those hours I've spent in therapy rooms and money I've wasted when your 30 minute, FREE video gave me this lifetime build up sense of relief, understanding, comfort. I seriously thought I was the only one in the world like this. From the bottom of my heart thank you, thank you, thank you. Damn, can I make a donation to you or something? Youve changed my life
I'm INFJ , Female and I turn 19 next month. I feel for you and I love you❤
I am an INFJ, female and 19 years too. I feel you, I always felt like a old soul, I thought something was wrong with me. And now that I read you I feel i am not alone. And I am thankful with this guy for making me seen what I have to fix of myself
Yes! It is so difficult being an infj sometimes.
INFJ, female, 19 and old soul here as well. I've also felt like I don't belong and that there's something wrong with me for a quite long time (I hated being inside my head all time even though I am connected to the outer world, don't really know how to put this into words but yea), but learning about my personality type has helped me accept and love who I am and try to become a healthier me. yall amazing and I love you 🌈✨🌸🌿
@@Aya-cl3ux you don't even need to explain, I just know exactly what you mean ❤️ it's sooo hard being the way we are but at the same time we are bloody amazing and one of a kind. You just gotta find the people that love us for us and and keep them close
The real world hurts tho. My fantasy world feels so much safer and I wish it was real
That fantasy world is the ideal and perfect version of what COULD be.
We can bring things to fruition a little at a time. Breaking down our goals in writing...talking is good but we have to be comfortable with both
I have pretended to be someone / something else all my life. My fantasy world is much more peaceful. I can breathe ! In my space
I like being on my fantasy world but, I automatically feels sad when I realized that, my fantasy world would never come into reality. It always hurts me so bad when I came into my conscious self after I imagined things that is imposible to happen in this real world
Word
“You don’t do anything, because you’re afraid of getting it wrong” It hurts because it’s true
It took me 39 years, a pandemic, a nervous breakdown/panic attack(that I could not hide), and a death of a loved one before I let my husband of 19 years see the real me and let him in. This was the best thing I ever did. We have three children and were headed to divorce or just staying together for the kids before this happened. Now we are stronger and closer than ever. It is just heartbreaking that it took such tragedy to get me there. It is something I have to constantly work at.
29 minutes of just straight roasting me. Ok thanks.
Ps. this actually was super helpful. thanks i'm (literally) cured after watching FJ's video, examining myself, and changing accordingly.
Same .. it's like are you watching me FJ? Where's your camera?
🤣
It hurts I know lol
Noice
"Being a perfectionist, you don't do anything because you are scared to get it wrong"
Yep
Yes
sadly so true
Not one person has commented on how handsome this man is
However we are all thinking that. 🤭
the overly perfection thing hit really hard. I actually figured this out before i was introduced to typology and I felt so stupid and weak for letting it stop me from pursuing stuff, especially artistic & creative ideas and interests. But I've been working on it and understanding why I feel like this has encouraged me even more!
Chrisistillloveyou
Chrisishouldhavemarriedyouistillrememberriverlanedriveininmychevyvannotalkingworked
"Lacking identity"
**me, watching MBTI videos trying frantically to figure myself out**
😮
Omg meeee
Got any luck?
😅😅😅
That is sooo truee!!!
Same 😀💀💅
Making sure we pronounce things correctly
One of the most infj things
Jessica Azcue omg i can relate so much...
I constantly scrutinize my comments. I'll write a 6 paragraph response, go back and pick it down to nothing, out of fear of sharing to much.
I simultaneously feel relief from writing it all out of my head,and frustration from the compulsory need to self censorship. I never want to upset anyone else. I've been in an unhealthy place for too long.
@@schrodingerscat1763 word!
Or type words correctly.. or type in a way that we're 100% sure it's understandable... so we always end up typing the correct exact spelling.. 😂😂
Omg I have a list in my phone notes of words I mispronounce😅
The 'one' kid in the family hit way too close to home. And I couldn't get out of it as a kid because whenever I tried to stand up for myself I was told not to be selfish or mean.
Agreed
Same here...being adopted was always my 'excuse'.
Yep, same problem here. Even when i was 46, had another job to do (like making money to pay my rent). I had to help my family, or else i was a selfish bitch, who did not care about her family. Decided: to go no contact. I rather be a "selfish bitch" then a wreck of a human giving more energy to people who don't really love or respect. me.
“being a perfectionist means you don’t do anything because you’re afraid of getting it wrong”
had to pause the video and put my head down for a minute. i’ve struggled with this my ENTIRE life, it’s dovetailed into my ADHD it’s such an omnipresent part of my life. i’m getting better but when i’m in an unfamiliar situation or starting a new project i feel like i can’t start until i know absolutely everything about the topic. it’s especially hard because i work in instructional design, i’m supposed to be teaching people, but i feel like i need to have expert-level competency before i can even begin otherwise i’m failing the people i’m trying to teach! and ofc i feel responsible for everybody’s feelings and experiences so i can’t just tune out feelings of guilt or judgement if i try to wing it. idk just ✨infj things✨ or anxiety disorder? you be the judge (literally, i can’t make this decision on my own i need feedback)
I’m not disconnected with reality. I SEE reality and I don’t want a part of it. My own mind is Waaaayyyy better!!!
thats exactly the problem, Although I do feel that way sometimes.
That's fun, because most of the time it seems to me that I see the WHOLE world as it is, that I perfectly know it and that I know where we're going. And other times I feel like I'm spending my whole time in my mind and not truly observing the world... It confuses me, and so I'm actually trying to observe it and finally going back to my mind... that's exhausting, really xD Am I the only one like that ? -_-'
yea so make a better world
@@josephputra2987 Yes, "be the change you want to see in the world."
U r an unhealthy
Just like me -INFJ
But even though I feel self-aware
I don't want to get in reality, it's so dark
I notice that a lot of times in my mind I’m rehearsing or planning out conversations that I may have in the future with people. It happens so automatically. Feels like I’m wasting a lot of time planning and not being in reality. Gonna try to balance this by accepting that I can’t control real life conversations, opening up to more presence and spontaneity. Maybe strengthening my identity/confidence will help that too. Does anyone else here do this? Sounds like could be an INFJ thing..
I also do this often. I do it especially after a conversation didn't go very well with someone, i rehearse for similar conversations or plan for how my next conversation with them should go. For me, I end up pairing that perfectionist behavior with the keeping people at arms length and don't talk as much as I would like. I wish I could just give my self a chill pill and say relax its just talking its not a that big of a deal.
Same, I wouldn't even want to know how many hours of meaningless conversations I've had with my ex girlfriend in the past six weeks (all in my head of course)
Always
I do have the same experience. But most of the time it is about perfecting an old conversation. I do a lot of walking to and fro along with it. Can anyone relate?
@@suryaraj242 yes I do exactly that. The walking drives my mother crazy... but I can't help it, that's what happens when I'm immersed in my thoughts. I also find myself walking faster and faster the more invested I am in whatever I'm thinking of. When I feel very stupid about something I said or didn't say in a past conversation I'll sometimes find myself racing around the lounge table like some child who's had too much energy drinks😂
"Live and let die" - I was abused by many and betrayed until I finally learned. Still working towards being balanced, not embittered, but still "a dreamer"!
Same 💗
7 Practices of Healthy INFJ
I do inner parenting work to cultivate secure attachment to the reality of the inner-n-outer world 1:28
I practice health sensory awareness exercises and activities 4:13
I am cultivating a Strong Sense of Hope in my Noble Identity 6:42
I am Responsible for my Emotions and maintain boundaries with others emotions (not taking them on as victim) 10:12
I regularly Giving myself permission to be Imperfect as a key factor for massive execution. 15:37 "Done is better than perfect."
I keep the things I disagree with and Others I agree with Close. (speak Honestly, practice Vulnerability, and begin with intimacy)19:31
I am (Image Bear of God/INFJ) the Reason to stay engaged with the others, unleashing my giftedness on the world, Potential for meaning, and purpose for God's glory. 22:47
Wow, love this!!
1: Detached From Reality 1:28
2: Primitive Sensing 4:13
3: Lacking Identity 6:42
4: Responsible for Others' Emotions 10:12
5: Extreme Perfectionism 15:37
6: Keep Others at Arm's Length 19:31
7: INFJ As An Excuse 22:47
Primitive sensing is the second point. I missed out that while noting it down too 😂
@@andreealamzhanjia7814 Amazing! Thanks, girl !
Thanks
@@razondattebayo You're welcome! :)
Andreea Lam Zhan Jia Embodying humanities problems
"Your ego is what protects you." INFJ have sensitive egos because they feel a need to compensate for their flaws. When we recognize a flaw, we instantly feel the need to change ourselves. Because accepting ourselves as imperfect doesn't compute. We feel so badly about our transgressions it makes it much harder to acknowledge our flaws. We resist recognizing our flaws because for us, admitting a fault always necessitates action. We must make real changes to be able to resolve our perfectionism.
THIS 👏👏👏👏 THIS
What if the flaw cannot be changed? Would you still resist recognizing yourself?
@@PhStateOfMind with me having a flaw that i can't change myself. i would say yes I do have a hard time recognizing that
Shyguy5104 so what do you do? Go on w/ your life not accepting it? Or are you gonna take the pill that is hard to swallow and see changes?
@@PhStateOfMind Yes. Accept that "perfect" is not a valid construct. Instead, direct your attention to the present status. Accept situations as they are, what is currently in place. Just because you CAN improve something, doesn't mean that you MUST. Choose carefully where you invest your energy. You will improve and find success in whatever you choose. You are fortunate to have this ability, so don't waste it.
I'm a middle-aged INFJ and I embraced my imperfection early, so looking back, I have done so many things I am proud of. Even through the failures. And I still work quietly by myself--my happy place. I think age plays a huge role in this as well. I'm comfortable with me now. It was a process getting here though, and I have a ways to go, I'm sure.
This makes sense how I’m always trying to discover my true identity! It’s taken sooo long and I still feel like I’m not fully there yet but getting overly excited when I find something that I like and over attached to it (specific music/ hobbie) might be a reason for it but again I tend to place my identity on objects and things around myself apparently and this whole identity thing is so CONFUSING
I do the same thing! Identity crisis everyday 🥲
Me too. I keep making a breakthrough and then I go a step back. Can't win, then I do, then I don't. Then I do again. What a roller-coaster of a journey. Been healing for 5.5 years, such a traumatic experience. Wishing us all the best of luck. And lots of hard work. :)
Crippling anxiety over perfectionism is so hard to overcome.
yes
Perfectionism “You have all of these great ideas but know they cannot be brought to reality” fluff dude I felt that at my core.
I could tell this was a really tough video for you to make. I could feel the emotions from the beginning! Thank you for being vulnerable to help others!
I sensed that too❤
So painful to watch and understand how severely I mistreated myself all my life. How I intentionally cut off my own wings just not to upset the others who in response just abused and hurt me. I'm so sorry for my inner self.
Thank you so much FJ! ❤
When you're an INFJ, have depression and switch to escapism at the slightest inconvenience :)
Lol
OMG TELL ME ABOUT IT 😭
WAIT I THOUGHT I HAD SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME MENTALLY, IS IPTHIS JUST BECAUSE IM INFJ!? I'm so glad I found this comment
Description of my life. :x
Bingo. Me too.
Some of my favorite sayings as an older INFJ:
"If you don't like the life you created, change it."
"If you are not part of my solution, you're part of my problem."
"I am not responsible for how you feel."
I'm nice until it's time not to be nice."
"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness."
"Help me understand what you plan on doing about it."
"So what's your point?" ( I hate chatter and small tedious talk.)
nalvar82 good stuff!
Hell yes. Other people's feelings are not our responsibility.
Too good👍🏻
;-; i dont agree with that, but okay. maybe im just to youngh XD
"don't mistake my kindness for weakness" A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK
im literally everything here... I feel like I was a pretty healthy infj until I got into a relationship with someone who didnt understand or align with me. It made me close off to the world, and retreat into all these unhealthy traits. But I feel comforted having someone put my messy feelings into words with high clarity. Thank you for the video, I want to work on myself and become a better person
i don't understand how this video only has 30k likes. You said some things that feel so close, no therapist ever phrased some of these ideas like this
I like how you chose to go over the 7 signs of an unhealthy INFJ while in a setting that encourages extroverted sensing and introverted thinking in a healthy way. Providing both the problems with conscious and subconscious solutions.
You know we're all paradoxical..
I completely agree. Thank you FJ!
Well said.. dang
It definitely helped me be more receptive.
Excellent observation, you saved me a long trip of reflection. :)
I learned to have boundaries and then when I did, the people around me got angry. Even new people I'd bring into my life. Apparently there's something about me that has people thinking I'm going to sacrifice myself for them. I used to be that person, but i don't own anyone's feelings anymore.
It is just the phase, it will settle down in some time.
My bf does the same but in sort of way he sacrifice himself just when there's a good reason to do it. But idk why he always says that he won't sacrifice himself anymore
That's nice... Instead... I have come to accept that my life exists to sacrifice for others... Oh well, what's worse than dying?
Woah 😦
It's so hard to set boundaries when you are used to sacrificing everything for others. 🥵
I think the reason we don't share our ideas is we don't think others will be interested and we would rather listen to and support their ideas.
Being born in ussr, raised in extremely toxic family and never having any idea that It's not me that is broken. Kinda nice to hear all that information and understand yourself. Even if it's a bit too late for me, that can really help younger INFJs to not get broken.
"The perfection of your mind can not be translated into the baseness of physical, concrete reality." DAMN. Got me there.
The “feeling responsible for others’ emotions” part hits so close to home. Thank you, FJ, your advice is really helpful.
Same
It’s crippling sometimes
Let other people be angry or sad? Whaaaaaaa? I can just let them be there and dont try to fix it? I suppose when i think about it my desire to fix is somwhow selfish because i dont want to feel their bad emotions. Sometimes if you cant help yourself just walk away.
Just now at 42 years old I am finally finding how bad this is and how it has made me an enabler to others and I didn't even realize it. I'm finally creating boundaries with my close family and friends to stop the enabling behavior. It is very difficult as I can still feel their emotions and it's hard to say no sometimes when you are feeling someone elses pain/anxiety/anger etc. in your own heart. But I am learning!
It's crazy how accurate those are, especially "keeping people at arm's length".
I just stumbled across Your channel. I see You've been posting for quite some time, which is good, I have another resource to help me along My Journey of Who I really am. I only found out 3 years ago about the MTBE, (Close?) Personality Test from the Psychiatrist I had at that time.
Found Out I'm INFJ. I've learned that I was , am and still working on becoming healthier, after a Lifetime of being Unhealthy. I grew up in a Family of Narcissists. Yeah, I WAS the Dumping Ground. That behavior led to unhealthy relationships. I spent 8 years in one relationship that was so bad, after finding a way out, seeking help, I found I was sufering Stockholm Syndrom. Yes, very extreme Unhealthy behavior. You don't even know that it's happening at the time. I learned about Stockholm at the same time finding out being INFJ. So much work to do. I've made great strides and have accomplished a lot, yet there is so much further to go. I'm finding your video's very Helpful along with Therapy and a couple of Psychiatric medications. Started at a handful of prescriptions and down to only two now. I said Great Strides. I was surprised at the suggestion one unhealthy trait is just blaming being INFJ- that's just the way it is. I guess since I was unaware of personality types I never hit that level.
I just want to Thank You for Your Content, that I'm able to integrate it into my Healing Process.
Please do a video on INFJs and anxiety - is a horrible combo for me!
I second that!!!!
Same here.
Bruhh saaame, I enlarge every small thing and overthink everything!
Same:(
Can relate sis. Life cant be more fun as infj and having anxiety 😊😊
I have the problem that when I talk with friends on for example a train or bus I'm not just aware of that I adapt to my friends, but also the people in the surrounding (not just common social norms). There is for example a difference if there are elderly people or younger people close to me and my friend(s). I really try not to, but I just can't stop. It feels like I have to "perform" whenever I'm in a public space. Also, I almost never post comments like this. Usually I just write and either delete it or save it for myself.
Wiktor please start commenting promise me
I get what you mean about "perform". I've been calling it "trying". I don't want to go to social settings with people I'm cool with because I don't feel like "trying" somwtimes and the I get sad that those friends aren't close to me. But it was me who wasn't making the effort!
Saaaammmme
WORD!!
Wiktor Okay legit though with the whole “performing” thing. I do it without realizing. I literally went to a therapist or two who told me they cant read me. I “perform” without even wanting to or trying
I really appreciate your ability to speak hard truths Frank. It's not easy as an INFJ to do that. To those who listen and desire to grow and be a stronger and better person, though... It can be very empowering. I am an INFJ and I have a hard time with confronting anyone (especially myself) about the hard truths. I'm glad you were so gentle about it :) Thank you for helping me understand!
I'm an INFJ. Typed in 2008, rechecked in 2021. And you basically just shed light into my frustrations growing up. Thank God, I've since outgrown or grown through some of these things, but you're incredibly spot on to me. Still learning, still adjusting. This is helpful. Thank you.
"Stop using INFJ as an excuse to not grow." YES.
"Stop using your personality type as an excuse!" Someone had to say it. Thank you FJ!
It is easy to say that, but it is harder to change.
try to re-program yourself see how that works out. stop being a bitch, we do try to change but like I said it is like re-programming yourself and it's not like people make it easy to trust them. try to understand what your comment would do to others who are struggling so much to change. I have lost so many friends because of it, people I love till today because I couldn't trust them. we fucking try, if I had known I was an INFJ earlier maybe I would have understood why I did what I did and didn't do and started the change early.
sorry about what I said. I think it was very rude of me but I just know how hard making the change is and even after that we still retreat back to how we were when people start being untrustworthy and then we have to start the process all over again. If it was as easy as flicking a switch, do you honestly think we would choose to lose people we have known and cared about. Right now I don't even trust my family and don't know how to click the restart button so I just need you to understand just how hard it is.
I wish people could understand why exactly are INFJs drawn to personality types than anyone else. I could go on about learning about myself forever.
I dont think you understand what its like to self-loathe the way you are sometimes only to find out later that 'its not just me. Its okay.'
Its a big release for me. Im not excusing my mistakes from my personality but I'm giving myself chances to change everyday telling to myself 'Cmon you are only this way because of how your mind is wired. You can do better cmon'. It keeps me from hating myself for the way i am cuz lets be honest 'deep people' are exhausting for this world. Its all us deep people can do. Just 'accept' ourselves.. even when society doesnt. So when a personality type breaks down things and makes it easy to understand why and who i am.. I will whether others like it or not.. blame my type and move on. Im not gonna waste time dwelling on my mistakes but would be cautious of it next time when such triggering situations arise. Im sorry but its my way to 'live in the present'.
Learn how to Get Err Done! with special guest " Larry the Cable Guy " ESTJ lol
Hey people! Here’s a recap I wrote:
1:28 Detached from reality.
Our main way of processinng and interacting with the world is deep intuition and imagination. That’s way extroverted sensing (being in the real world) suffers; that’s how we fail to communicate our ideas to others. Be willing to open up!
Also: Pulling off, disrespecting extroverted sensing for so long might get us overboard (overindulging in sensory pleasures).
6:44 Lacking identity. Looking to everyone else to make your decisions.
Plus: Becoming obsessed with your own identity because it’s not obvious to you.
Solution: focus more on introverted thinking (on subjectively using logic to make decisions).
10:13 Responsible for others’ emotions.
Solution: make more decisions that make you feel good (even if someone else might get upset).
15:40 Extreme perfectionist. Not doing anything (just staying in your head) because you’re afraid of doing it wrong.
17:40 a funny part.
Solution: just do it, get over the perfection and your imaginative dreams of how reality should look like.
19:34 Keeps others at arm’s length.
Solution: you kind of have to drop extroverted feeling (“how should I act?”) and show people a sense of the real inner you. Work on your identity by yourself and then work up the ability to share it.
22:48 INFJ as excuse.
Solution: use all of your functions equally so that you’re conscious and awake. Don’t exlude certain ways of looking into the world, don’t use your dominant functions only.
“Stay cool and attractive”!
Gabi Ley thank you. You are a blessing ❤️
Thank you!
Thank you
Thanks a lot 💗
Thank you.
Frank, I think you are Carl Jung's spirit animal. :) (My apologies to Native Americans for using that term, I don't mean any offense to you.) Your understanding of this stuff goes way beyond everyone else's and I'm so glad of that. I've been studying it for over twenty years and nobody gets it like you do. Thank you for creating a pathway in the reeds, so to speak, down to the water's edge, and allowing people to climb aboard the raft of advanced self-knowledge and not be left behind standing by the riverbank of stereotypes. I am with you on this journey. Working on my Ti this week. My own subjective, internal thinking as I process what makes my identity my own, calibrating how not to fall prey to a more shallow Fe where I let others' feelings dictate my decisions. This is exactly where my head has been. Thank you for your perceptive mind and your generosity of spirit. You're doing well for others in this life. That should make you feel good, even if your video doesn't look like you wanted. I thought the trees were really nice, by the way. Helped me think about Se. You must live in a really nice area and I wouldn't mind seeing more outdoor videos.
We get stronger by working on our weaknesses, that is especially true for an INFJ.
“ I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald
15:15 motivational
“7 signs you’re an unhealthy infj“
LOL I already know that but cool hearing my problems :D
Underrated comment
LOL 😁 😁... yeah 💯🤷
Right? Was totally aware. :P
Just watched this again, and found it again so courageous, wise, and compassionate in helping INFJs grow! Bravo!
I just found out today that I’m an INFJ. Watching this video feels like I’m finally let into the club that I’ve always been looking for, but never knew was there.
Detached from reality: I'm so guilty of overindulging in music, writing, and daydreaming. It's so easy for me to flip the switch and get into "a zone" when I work out when I'm staring into nothing, focused on everything. I'm sure I look like an idiot to others. I can't tell you how many times I leave social work events excited to get home and listen to a new artist I discovered.
It wasn't until about 10 years ago that I started taking my daydreams seriously and actually doing something to make it real. I had some random epiphany: "The worst you can do is fail. Just keep trying until you don't. Simple. You can do anything if you're willing to try enough times.". For some reason, that overused phrase crystallized.
I tend not to share my dreams because I've found people don't care, don't understand, tell me it's impossible, or think it's stupid. I'm finding the best way to share my dreams with others is by making it real so they can see it. I'm addicted to pocket notepads to jot down things I need to actually DO to achieve what I see in my mind; plus a million other random things that come to mind from reading more about the concept of "Imaginary 1" to the mating patterns of unicorns. I make myself do social things amongst "the others" even thought it's a draaaaaaag. Sometimes I meet someone cool that inspires me to be a better person...I can count them on one hand though lol. That's all I need anyways.
Jane Doe what do you listen to?
Thank you for sharing. Misery loves company. I'm 48 years old and just now getting the big reveal about all of this. It's shocking to watch these videos and read these comments and see myself reflected so thoroughly in it. Surreal even. It's been tough to even try and get a handle on it all. What you said about not sharing your dreams with other people because they can't, don't or won't care for whatever reason. That in particular really resonated with me. I've been told to shut up about my fantasies my entire life. People don't want to hear it. So I gave up trying long ago. My question for you is, how do I bridge that gap? How do I use this wonderful gift? Being perpetually lost in thought doesn't feel useful to me at all.
I daydream all the time. When I eat, watch TV, listen to music. All the time
There is actually a psychiatric condition on addiction to daydreaming. Do any of you think you have it? I’m worried. (www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/maladaptive-daydreaming)
@@ravenn2631 You need to remove the bracket at the end of the link, otherwise it doesn't work. Except of that, thanks for sharing! I guess I really should keep an eye on my thoughts...
"becoming obsessed with their own identity because to an unhealthy INFJ it isn't obvious to them what that is"
ADJSFHFKSDNF THIS
dude, my mind got obliterated when I heard that sentence. Most intense relatability. I’m simultaneously taking it seriously and chaotically & deprecatingly laughing to myself in realisation.
@@leaffairy4283 Same! Absolutely the same lol
12:55 emotional dumping ground is actually pretty accurate
Being responsible for others people's emotions... I feel that. And I think it's not only that I measure the emotions of everyone around me, but that I also adapt and stay quiet so whatever I do and say doesn't make people around me upset.
I crave peace, so I unconsciously put that before voicing my discomfort, so I don't make anyone uncomfortable or angry and then start yelling. Even though I'm already practicing self-care, and I finally love myself after not having done it my whole life, I still struggle with letting myself be heard and taken into account and respected, specially in a place where everything anyone does and thinks is a personal attack, a place where they expect so much of me that I feel tied with chains.
That's my tendency. But I realized and I'm working on the fact that I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. I come first and I take people into consideration, so I can't do more than truly understand their feelings. I can't betray myself and change my decisions about my life -- decisions which I know will bring me fulfillment -- just because others can't be responsible for their own.
I feel like personal development for INFJ's is ideal to have a higher quality life.
When you said that they are afraid that the perfection of their mind will never be translated properly ... wow..
Wow, I definitely can relate to this video. Especially the part about losing one's identity/ not having one. MB quizes usually have me as a INFP, but something didn't quite sit right with that. INFJ seems much more accurate, as Ni is definitely my most used function.
Same here 😂
Someone recommended the test and here I am.
I've spent around 2 years trying to find out why I'm always so insecure, sensible and stressed.
It turns out I am currently at a job where I have to constantly 'be creative' and 'funny', 'extroverted'.
I did it, I got the job. But I can't be at peace anymore pretending to be such a social butterfly and taking care of so many people.
I am an elementary teacher.
I love my kids.
Every day it's a constant struggle about being 'good', about 'making kids happy', about fulfilling a perfect profesional profile along with a constant fight within myself telling me I'm far from perfection.
I feel so detached even from my own peers.
I went to a psychologist and we did this therapy where you answer self reflection questions and travel to your childhood memories and stuff...I was recommended to have a routine and to organize myself so I quit.
I even thought all this madness was some hormonal thing.
I got the test today and I'm in shock.
It is like if I had thought about it in the last years and said, 'I wish I were different'. I see the video and it turned into a 'Shit, I was right, I fucking hate myself'.
I didn't see the video and said "this is so me!". No.
I've wished so much to be genuine, to be at peace with criticism from others (even if it's self invented), to stop worrying about the future, to stop feeling alone while I have very good social skills, I wanna stop feeling my 2 year couple's happiness depends on hiding my own bullshit who nobody needs to know that's always there in my head.
I love myself but sometimes even that love has to be forced in order to make it through the day and it is exhausting.
I still don't know if this is it, but would really like to get help with a specialist on this stuff. I know there are many good things I can really spotligh in me but damn...
I was going through a crisis before this video and really wanted to say 'help, help me please'.
I just love how all these comments are the kind of comments I would have written. So nice to finally find other INFJs!
Same👌🏻 us 1% gotta stick together😭 Ive only known one other INFJ in my life and she was the professor that had me take the test and helped me so much
Being "Responsible of other's emotions" causes me so much anxiety especially when i can't handle the situation and end up blaming myself for failing to make the situation right.
Ohhh how I feel this!
And there are billions of people ready to take advantage of it.
@@EminoMeneko yes...
Thank you so much for making this video. It resonated with me, I felt I was unhealthy and now it's beginning to make more sense. There is always room to grow, develop, and evolve.
I was told the big dilemmas of my life and opened my eyes. Thank you for creating this channel for us. THANK YOU!
"Being a perfectionist is doing nothing". Yes, I concur to the fullest. I've thought that, but never articulated it the way you have
“Your ego is created to protect you” holyyy shiiii
So cool to see how you’ve evolved over your time on CZcams man. You’re really living what you preach!
I just discovered I’m an INFJ-T and I’m so grateful of your contribution to the world with your channel, especially for this video because according to what you’re saying here I feel so related to this description and it’s been so hard for me to live even though I know there’s nothing I should be feeling bad about, but precisely due to the way I experience life and all the negativity that has happened to me, it’s been impossible for me to be ok. I’m looking to improve and be who I really am in the right way so thank you for explaining all this so we can consider things we didn’t know before. Lots of good wishes for you.
Me: *imagining a scenario while FJ talks, then realizing I was supposed to focus my attention on the video*
Him: ....and when you are disconnected from reality and just sitting there in your brain all the time...
Me: *laugh uncontrollably by the irony of the situation*
I am an ENFJ btw
LMAO happened to me too several times throughout the video!!😂
I'm caught red handed! Still 😃😃😃😃.
Me too! How do they say we're good listeners?? I constantly lose focus and retract into my brain
Same, I’ve had to back this up several times,
Wow I did the same thing lots of times I watched the video 4times to actually get everything... I guess he also goes into virtual reality when making his videos 😂😂😂
“INFj’s have a good time being a monk or a hypnotherapist” 😂. Ahh, yes the easy way out.
This video was so clarifying and also a slap on my face for so many behaviors, patterns, self-sabotage (even if no intention). Thank you for talking about it, it helps us to figure things out.
beautiful setting for letting us understand where we lack. it’s so calming and i appreciate you.
The birds, the breeze, the rustling leaves .. perfection! It all helped soften the blow of the tough love real talk. 😊
...and then the helicopter interrupted it all. Lol😂
@@shannonlogue5585 You don't know it but FJ just added that as a sound effect so his viewers can appreciate the sounds of a green wood all the more. It was all a long con
Green screen and sound effects maybe
And a fan to gently blow his hair around?? 🤣 Now that would be funny!!
Wait wutt lol
Oh god when he said "emotional dumping ground," I felt that. It's not exactly that my family dumped their problems onto me, but I constantly encouraged them to open up to me to the point where I felt like a sponge that soaked up all the negative. They always rant to me when they have problems, and I hardly see their happiness or hardly relate to it because of all the negative I've absorbed.
same but identifying solutions and giving advice comes so easily i almost cant help myself when they do rant to me, and i end up encouraging/reinforcing it
omg yeah that’s what sucks about having high Fe is i literally take on everyone’s energy around me and when i’m stuck with negative people it’s overwhelming :/
In my experience, they always expect me to be the bigger person, they always expect that Ill understand that I will be the one to compromise first and its draining for me like he said. When Im the kid, a developing human being basically being treated as a therapist in a young age (like what my mom did to me, always telling me things I shouldn't know) and my reflection to that led me into voicing out my opinions, not agreeing to everything, call out people on their bs, to prevent their need of emotional support from me and in my experience it helped, it was very hard voicing your opinion when this personality gives you the power to understand other peoples emotion on a deeper level while being responsible for what they feel. To be mature in this part of our personality we have to adhere what Frank said "we should care about our feelings first"
I relate. Hardest thing is I have answers, just not the ones they want. When I do eventually give it to them shit goes South pretty quick. I've learned to set boundaries but no-one likes that either, so I remove myself entirely and the world comes crashing down. Lose/lose situations.
I was like the only good kid in a family of 7 and my parents would constantly complain about "how bad their children are". Using those exact words. Ignoring the fact that I was their child too.
Thank you for these types of videos. Making progress and evolving myself is one of my top concerns. There is so much hype revolved around “being an INFJ” that we start thinking we cracked the code and stop developing. Honestly, some of what you said is a hard pill to swallow but much needed. Please make more videos on how “an INFJ” can improve them self. I really received your message and enjoyed seeing your take on things. Please make more of these videos because I and others alike need them.
I took the personality tests and it kept coming up over again and again and again INFJ. Finally after all these years, I finally feel relief, oweing to the clear-cut communications and descriptions of everything you are doing, and have done, in your videos. Also, from the bottom of my heart I am so grateful that you are so effective at being able to accurately and carefully, articulate to us the visionary/ intuitive aspects of the INFJ. Finally I have answers and relief-relief-relief 🌈💜✝️💒🛐, keeping you, and all the commenters here, in love and prayers 🌈💜✝️💜🌈
I’m 51 and been searching for what’s “wrong” with me my whole life. I haven’t seen a therapist because I think about what I need to say to make sure they “get me” then I end up never making a appointment because I can’t figure out how to tell them how I think or feel. People love me and want to be around me but I push them away and I live alone. I’m 100% everything that these and your other INFJ videos describe.... and I’m tired...
Why do you push people away though?
@@nadinegomez8858 i think thats has what i been question into myself like all the time. but then it come with so many excuses like other people would perfer to say.. in other word, maybe we just dont know how to go easy with our ownself/thought/feeling about social relationship
@craig mayhan I think is good you found some answers in the videos, keep trying to find the best balance.
I know exactly how this feels. It so hard just being me most days.
I avoided Therapists my whole life, I finally went when suicidal urges kicked back in. I had a lifetime worth of stuff built up, I just started talking. It went from beginning, end to middle sometimes but it felt good. I think that's all that matters, just getting your foot in the door and taking the first step.
I tend to procrastinate on my work and personal life so much. I have this perfect idea of what I want to do in my head but I don’t know how to translate it into reality, so I just avoid doing it at all...
Then I torment myself for not doing any of those things.
- INFJ looking for someone who relates on this
ME ... :( I know exactly what I need to do to achieve what I've planned out but I procrastinate because the idea of taking the initiative to do something regularly is too much for me to handle.. I think I need someone to force me to do it but that's obviously not a good idea
Just procrastinated an entire week of work and am going through the same cycle. It will get better
Joe Antol tell me How
Thank you for this! I was raised in an unhealthy family situation and by one parent being a Narcissist. I married and very well developed ENTJ.... Within help and lots of therapy I am slowly unraveling who I am and where I need to develop myself. When I was listening to this video I was so thrilled to hear someone not call the INFJ boring but rather spoke to learning to understand yourself so you can know who you are. Your videos have been very helpful.
You’re a genius! Thank you for this fresh air.
When I finally moved out on my own last year, without having someone to take care of, I realized I didn't know how to make decisions that weren't based on someone else. I didn't know what I liked, what I wanted. I panicked at first. But with some encouragement I started experimenting, figuring myself out.
As far as self care, I had to view myself the way I would look at others. It has helped me treat myself better and forgive myself for my sorrow, fear or whatever. When I moved out, I moved out of an abusive situation and I still struggle with the idea of my abuser and their enabler being upset with me.
I picture the ideal life where I can be on my own without adjusting myself to make the emotions of my family better. Then I realised I am a mess on my own after years of disregarding my own emotions, I convinced myself that's why I had to be with my family, continue making myself the 'happy' one so my family will be too. Well... I guess that's my fate. I will never be free. Sorry... Wishing all the best to you!
@@yuciehayashi266 I'm doing better this year than last year. I have this theory that the amount of time it took to learn a habit is around the amount of time needed to fully unlearn it. One of the most important decisions I made during this process is allowing myself to be a mess. Acknowledging some months, weeks, days, hours etc are worse than others. Some are better too. Being happy is a bit overrated. Being honest and kind to myself is far more valuable. And there is nothing wrong with being sad as long as you are honest about it and comfort yourself.
@@CrystalWilliamsBrownArt I hope you're doing Okay, you're definetely on the right path, keep going 🙏🏾.
@@yanismartinel4043 Thank you. I'm doing well. I've been taking good care of myself and have recently started helping some of my family members start their own self-care journeys. I've come a long way and I'm proud of myself ^_^
How are you now?
I love with a narcissist and I know living with an emotional abuser is the worst.
I'm crying right now because I'm fifty two years old and you're describing my life.
Dont cry
I’m right there with you! I’m turning 55 in a few weeks, have 2 young adult children and figure I should have my life together by now.
It's never too late!
58 never too late 🙏🏾
@@operationmockingbird216 ^^^
Wow! I truly needed to hear alot of that. I pretty much knew most of what you where saying, i just needed someome like you to say it aloud, amd the way you felt, your heart....i could just tell you speak as a true INFJ who has experienced themselves. I admire what you are doin and yes some may get mad at some of the points you are making bit that also shows if in fact they are a true INFJ that they are still in fact in the immature stages of them self and have a ways to still go! Thank you for what you are doing, it is making a difference in this twisted, numb, selfish, blind world. But....thanks to people like you, there still is hope.