Out of dignity, I will not lose to my fantasy because I am too proud. Even if I'm obsessed, I will behave as though the other person does not exist. I refuse to sell myself cheap!
Tell ke you're a fire sign w/o telling me you're a fire sign 😂 lol, I'm earth, I CAN do that, but, I would rather say how I actually feel, that way, there are zero regrets on my end when they come back, I'm able to stand on my word. That behavior of not telling me the truth at the time I'm being honest will bite them in the ass EVERYTIME lol!
Summary/ Overview: 0:00 Intro 0:50 Why obsession happens - Escapism 2:02 Childhood trauma - Escapism, Everyone has something 3:03 Fantasy - Idealization 5:59 Everyone is flawed - Projection, goals, meaningful life, take care of yourself, have choices, escapism - savior from bad boring life. Social, connection, community, needs, wants. Validation. Work on your self-worth/ yourself. 14:27 How to stop obsessing 1 Become conscious, its not about them, its about you, your unmet childhood needs, your fantasy. 2 Start seeing reality, get grounded into the present, reality check them and you. Get to know them, 'un-mystify them', 'un-fantasize them'. 3 Meet your own needs, what brings you meaning, solve/ work on your problems, self-development. Goals, work, career, hobby, community. Grow. Get focused. 18:30 Summary/ Repetition of the three.
woah, this has definitely opened my eyes. When you said "i'm sure this isn't the first person you've obsessed over" made it hit home. it really isn't. wow. thank you for opening my eyes. i've done a lot of reading and research and have studied psychology but the way you've explained this has been like a personal therapy session. Thank you so much. i'm going to give you a subcription
Oh God, you hit the nail! I used to believe that my ex had this fantastic life that he didn't share with me (because that's how my life is,but I always shared and tried to invite him into it) and then I realised- his life was hella boring 😂😂😂 Now when they act all misterious I just assume they are that boring that they have nothing to say
One of the most subtle traps to fall in is when a person used to be attracted to you while you probably don't feel the same way towards them, but all of a sudden all the interest fades away, if you are not aware you can fall into a big obsession trap that is a mixture of the forbidden fruit and curiosity about why the interest collapsed this way? What did I do wrong? Is there a chance for me to win the interest over? If you start following these thoughts you will fall into quicksand and end up obsessed with that person and that's going to be a very bad plot twist for you..
@@SinfulGoddess1 The desire is coming from your mind not your heart once you understand there's nothing wrong with you and stop seeing it as a challenge you will not fall, tell yourself that you already won their interest and that's enough the challenge is over nothing left to proof you weren't interested at the beginning why should you be now it's just a doubt in your self esteem you should fix it through your mindset and not by trying to recover the trash you've already thrown and were already picked up by trash truck.
@@lbuzzmaroc8944 Can you please help me because I find myself in a similar situation. If you are willing, i want to share my situation with you. Please help me as I want to come out of this trap. Pleaseee
This has been …. Surreal. Every single thing you said was like someone put a mirror to my life and I was made to see it through your words. Every single thought pattern, actions and behaviour matched with what I have been doing all life long. I guess acknowledging it is the first step, then comes the acceptance part and then hopefully I will be able to believe enough in myself to even try to change this. Hopefully 🤞🏻
somenone had to put this in such a simple and straightforward way without overexplaining for it to finally register in my traumatized thick brain. Thank you! You have made the next steps easier
This won't change anything in my life. I just have to struggle with this shit all my life. I think looking at myself as the priority is the only way to go for 3 reasons 1. The other person does not care 2. I'm indirectly telling the other person that I have no options and life (humiliating) 3. Their is someone out their that is not on my level the other person is obsessed with but was aloof enough to win. So I cannot afford displaying neediness because I refuse to be a plan B in comparison to an inferior person. It's a disgrace to my ancestors.
In every interaction their is always someone that cares more, and the more the interactions go on the more the other looses interest, so it's like a trend that eventually places person A or B to not being interested, one has to always place themselves as the one who truly does not care, and whoever does not care about you cannot be an ally, so looking the other way becomes the only option. imo.@@ContentWithNoContext
Francesca, your videos are so good I may begin obsessing over you! 😂 But more seriously, thank you for this and all you do, excellent content and incredibly useful..!!! God bless you always..!!! 🙏🏻
Nah, I think/obsess even when I've got them, it has nothing to do w the "cant have them" it has everything to do w not knowing what will happen w them that drives me in-fucking sane! 😂 If i knew he felt like I did, even though we weren't talking, I'd be just fine. Its the not knowing that causes me to have them in my head all day everyday. Absolutely miserable. NEXT!! 😂 And I dont want to be saved, its the potential of what we are at our best that I want to progress, but, those drugs are a NASTY thing, and ruining everything that was such a great thing.
Thank you for helping me...I've had this problem for a long time,years to be exact.So when I stumbled into your video yesterday,I was saved by all your explanation,so now I'm going to work on myself.Thanks a lot❤.
Can you please make a video of how can we get to know about generational trauma and questions to ask parents so we can work on them and break that patterns .
This resonated however, there's a point I observed. I have a purpose and a meaningful life and hobbies and I earn amazingly well and I still get obsessed with certain people
I used obssese over toys when I was a kid, i kind of always knew it in the back of my head, never done anything to stop it. But it was good and bad at the same time, i would watch a million videos of barbies and dollhouses that I wanted and then I would fantasize about having them , I thought that if I had them all of my sadness would go away, i was feeling "in love" with the toys but also hurting because my oarents wouldn't buy them. Eventually my mother gave my a really expensive doll house but I got bored of it and by that time I let go of being obsessed over those things and kind of felt embarrassed for liking it sm. Now I am obsessed with a person and it feels so similiar to how I felt when I was a kid, idk what to do
No more obsession no more desperation... Only a healthy detachment ❤
Trade-in previous Obsession for Francesca the new obsession LOL. Had your joke. Very good information
All I want❤
How? Is this possible?
Out of dignity, I will not lose to my fantasy because I am too proud. Even if I'm obsessed, I will behave as though the other person does not exist. I refuse to sell myself cheap!
Tell ke you're a fire sign w/o telling me you're a fire sign 😂 lol, I'm earth, I CAN do that, but, I would rather say how I actually feel, that way, there are zero regrets on my end when they come back, I'm able to stand on my word.
That behavior of not telling me the truth at the time I'm being honest will bite them in the ass EVERYTIME lol!
@@RebeccaGaines588
Yes...and to add to that:
*VENGEANCE.*
~Signed, 🌊signs. _(ESP FIXED_ water.🙃)
Brooo... This girl literally saved my life😢❤
Seriously
Same
For real
“Shared fantasies” with narcissists are tough to break away from. This is probably why so many of us also develop obsessive trauma bonds. 😕
I don't know why I'm crying while watching it😭😭
Summary/ Overview:
0:00 Intro
0:50 Why obsession happens - Escapism
2:02 Childhood trauma - Escapism, Everyone has something
3:03 Fantasy - Idealization
5:59 Everyone is flawed - Projection, goals, meaningful life, take care of yourself, have choices, escapism - savior from bad boring life. Social, connection, community, needs, wants. Validation. Work on your self-worth/ yourself.
14:27 How to stop obsessing
1 Become conscious, its not about them, its about you, your unmet childhood needs, your fantasy.
2 Start seeing reality, get grounded into the present, reality check them and you. Get to know them, 'un-mystify them', 'un-fantasize them'.
3 Meet your own needs, what brings you meaning, solve/ work on your problems, self-development. Goals, work, career, hobby, community. Grow. Get focused.
18:30 Summary/ Repetition of the three.
I always thought someone will come and save me and I still think. But I am trying to manage it by believing that I am that one person.
woah, this has definitely opened my eyes. When you said "i'm sure this isn't the first person you've obsessed over" made it hit home. it really isn't. wow. thank you for opening my eyes. i've done a lot of reading and research and have studied psychology but the way you've explained this has been like a personal therapy session. Thank you so much. i'm going to give you a subcription
Are you suffering from Limerence?
@@chrishaynes599 100%, trying my best to cope with the pain and not reach out. It's really difficult but watching yt videos is helping me cope
I think this is exactly what I needed to hear. Framing it an issue with myself and not another person really helps put it into perspective.
Oh God, you hit the nail! I used to believe that my ex had this fantastic life that he didn't share with me (because that's how my life is,but I always shared and tried to invite him into it) and then I realised- his life was hella boring 😂😂😂
Now when they act all misterious I just assume they are that boring that they have nothing to say
This just helped me a lot thank you for sharing ❤
One of the most subtle traps to fall in is when a person used to be attracted to you while you probably don't feel the same way towards them, but all of a sudden all the interest fades away, if you are not aware you can fall into a big obsession trap that is a mixture of the forbidden fruit and curiosity about why the interest collapsed this way? What did I do wrong? Is there a chance for me to win the interest over? If you start following these thoughts you will fall into quicksand and end up obsessed with that person and that's going to be a very bad plot twist for you..
How do you stop it when your stuck in that trap.
Cause the want isn’t really coming from the heart or real. Yet cant stop
@@SinfulGoddess1 The desire is coming from your mind not your heart once you understand there's nothing wrong with you and stop seeing it as a challenge you will not fall, tell yourself that you already won their interest and that's enough the challenge is over nothing left to proof you weren't interested at the beginning why should you be now it's just a doubt in your self esteem you should fix it through your mindset and not by trying to recover the trash you've already thrown and were already picked up by trash truck.
@@lbuzzmaroc8944 Can you please help me because I find myself in a similar situation. If you are willing, i want to share my situation with you. Please help me as I want to come out of this trap. Pleaseee
@lbuzzmaroc8944 wow.. that's rough.. but really helpful.. thanks for the tips..
Needed this so bad.. Thank you.
This has been …. Surreal. Every single thing you said was like someone put a mirror to my life and I was made to see it through your words. Every single thought pattern, actions and behaviour matched with what I have been doing all life long.
I guess acknowledging it is the first step, then comes the acceptance part and then hopefully I will be able to believe enough in myself to even try to change this. Hopefully 🤞🏻
Also, forgot to say - Thank you. As painful as it was to discover this about myself, I needed to hear it.
It was the same for me 😊 … good luck to you in your journey
somenone had to put this in such a simple and straightforward way without overexplaining for it to finally register in my traumatized thick brain. Thank you! You have made the next steps easier
You are very wise and I think your channel is underrated!
Yes true
I agree
This won't change anything in my life. I just have to struggle with this shit all my life. I think looking at myself as the priority is the only way to go for 3 reasons 1. The other person does not care 2. I'm indirectly telling the other person that I have no options and life (humiliating) 3. Their is someone out their that is not on my level the other person is obsessed with but was aloof enough to win. So I cannot afford displaying neediness because I refuse to be a plan B in comparison to an inferior person. It's a disgrace to my ancestors.
How do you know if the other person does not care?
In every interaction their is always someone that cares more, and the more the interactions go on the more the other looses interest, so it's like a trend that eventually places person A or B to not being interested, one has to always place themselves as the one who truly does not care, and whoever does not care about you cannot be an ally, so looking the other way becomes the only option. imo.@@ContentWithNoContext
thank you so much for your work! you are really saving lives out here.
This is so clear and true and when you said we look for distance because we didn’t have closeness as a child. It’s not about the other person. #wakeup
Keep thinking about them until it makes you feel ill you will literally be “sick” of them x
Really love how you explained the root cause, needed this reminder. Thank you!💕
Explained well! Thanks
Thanks you for explaining exactly what is the root cause of obsession. Thank you so much 😊🙏🏻
Thank you very much for this wisdom. Truly Life saving. Very much appreciated ❤
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Brilliant!!! So true! Exactly!!
You are amazing thanks for talking about these things they really open my eyes each time to why my mind works the way it does.
got real hard reality check 🤦🏻♀️ thankyou I really needed this
Very well explained, true and sincere advice. 👍
Francesca, thank you sooo much for this amazing lesson
Resonated with me.Thank you very much for this video.❤❤
Perfectly explained 👌
Sooo good! This really helped a lot! Thank you.
Thank you so much... Your advice are really helpful🙏❤
Thank you! This really put my life in perspective for me and it's time I get it together.
God Bless you for this GREAT video!!! You helped me so MUCH!!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!❣❣❣
Francesca, your videos are so good I may begin obsessing over you! 😂 But more seriously, thank you for this and all you do, excellent content and incredibly useful..!!! God bless you always..!!! 🙏🏻
Omg 😱 absolutely escapism 🙌🙏😍 so glad I found this video thank you 🙏
Thank you so much ! You're a life saver.❤❤❤
Thank uuuu! You are incredible 💗
Helped me a lot..thanks girl..
Thank you so much!!!.. I haven't been more touched 💖 Now I really do understand.
This is gold. Thank you. ❤ from Beijing China.
So well described! Thank you. U are a genious❤
Your videos helped me a lot. Thank you so much Francesca
Thank you! This is so helpful❤
Thank you so much for explaining all the real matter. No more obsession now ❤❤❤
Thank you for making my mind clear✨️
this is a very good video, I feel better now. you're doing a very good thing. thank you so much and keep up the good work ❤️
The most useful technique video I’ve ever watched. Thank you.
Greatest explained video about childhood attachments I've seen 😊Thank you
Thank you so much for this video. Very helpful.
Thank you so much, dear Francesca ! Your videos are very helpfull! Lots of love to you! 💕🌹💞😊
Nah, I think/obsess even when I've got them, it has nothing to do w the "cant have them" it has everything to do w not knowing what will happen w them that drives me in-fucking sane! 😂 If i knew he felt like I did, even though we weren't talking, I'd be just fine. Its the not knowing that causes me to have them in my head all day everyday. Absolutely miserable. NEXT!! 😂
And I dont want to be saved, its the potential of what we are at our best that I want to progress, but, those drugs are a NASTY thing, and ruining everything that was such a great thing.
You are brilliant 🙏💪
Thank you. 🖤
Spot on !
Damn girl talk to me like THAT 😍
Thanks girl❤ l really needed this
Thenk you from my heart!❤
Thanks Francesca!
Thank you for helping me for making my life easier
Very well connected to escapism and simple workable suggestions to detach
This was very good 👍 thank you!!
I've started to work on my playing guitar 🎸 and singing and writing ✍.
Thank you so much
Thank u!!!!!! More of this sort of content
Very helpful. Thank you.
superb explanation.
Thank you so much for this. ❤I
Thanks for reality check❤
Super helpful thank you 🙏 Made a lot of sense
Thank you for helping me...I've had this problem for a long time,years to be exact.So when I stumbled into your video yesterday,I was saved by all your explanation,so now I'm going to work on myself.Thanks a lot❤.
Most Wise Helpful Clear Advise ever.... scientifically and everything with great personality to really make a difference the way its explained 🎉
Thank you saving my life ❤🥺
I can relate but thankfully I am now doing this recently to cope up , so much better than my past self , so proud of you selfffff
Had some clarity thanks a lot Francesca
Very well explained.
Love this content. Definitely subscribing for more.
Thank you francesca❤❤
Very well explained ❤❤❤❤
Can you please make a video of how can we get to know about generational trauma and questions to ask parents so we can work on them and break that patterns .
You explain the first subject between 8:18 and 8:58 concisely.
Thanks a lot ... I love you (from Italy)
All very true!
This was great,
thank you madam
lots of love from me too.... ummah
Brilliant video
Thank you so very much I think this helped me a lot I do appreciate it
Francesca, please make videos on texting and friendships
I love you with boundaries
Thenksyou do much for this video
This resonated however, there's a point I observed. I have a purpose and a meaningful life and hobbies and I earn amazingly well and I still get obsessed with certain people
Probably you don’t get enough attention , it could have happened maybe as a child or something like that
Bbe I never comment on anybody’s vdo bro u fixed me your vdo just popped up when I needed it ❤ love you bbe may god bless you
Best video about love
Thank you soo much
also make video for people with great childhood. coz its really hard to find non traumatized person these days
I've Known These Techniques It didn't work I Still am Obsessed With You ..which demonstrates your Failure To Not Attract Me
Thank you
I used obssese over toys when I was a kid, i kind of always knew it in the back of my head, never done anything to stop it. But it was good and bad at the same time, i would watch a million videos of barbies and dollhouses that I wanted and then I would fantasize about having them , I thought that if I had them all of my sadness would go away, i was feeling "in love" with the toys but also hurting because my oarents wouldn't buy them. Eventually my mother gave my a really expensive doll house but I got bored of it and by that time I let go of being obsessed over those things and kind of felt embarrassed for liking it sm. Now I am obsessed with a person and it feels so similiar to how I felt when I was a kid, idk what to do
Im pretty sure I had some depressive episodes back then
I am ur new subscriber,,love ur video ❤