Curing Post Breakup Over Analysis Syndrome
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- čas přidán 8. 10. 2013
- Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 "How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath"
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"Its strange how one can be so compassionate with others yet so cruel and self critical of oneself, each time I was mistreatd in any relationship I persistently looked for blame in me, why was I unpopular in the group when I was kind, hard working,conscientious " Did you catch my video on "people pleaser syndrome and self assertiveness" on the streetfightsecrets channel? You just relayed 3 of the 15 major personality traits that cause people to attract abuse. I should do a video on this.
RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH as always you have re-enforced what I knew to be true however did not want to face. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND APPRECIATION. You inspire me to give more, in a healthy way. God bless you Richard. 🙂
RICHARD GRANNON what is the book title?
This is a default way to "make sure" that YOU did everything possible and to remove ALL DOUBT within your mind. If you come to the conclusion that you did EVERYTHING you could to make it work, then the fault must be with THEM instead.
You're a great person, you don't lie cheat and steal from them etc. So they must want someone who does these toxic things. Can't do that to folks, so best of luck to them then..
I assume it's a coping mechanism. U want to be fully honest and KNOW that you REALLY DID try and do everything you could to make it work. Afterwards I think acceptance kicks in then sorrow sadness maybe anger then hope leaves and done is done.
"Your ex was a dick." ha ha ha Never heard anything more healing in my life!
they are cruel beings...
+lomias nah man they're just dicks
+lomias you know they're just daft and need not have any power in your life
"Don´t project your values"-the most important sentence here.
Bianca von Mühlendorf it's the one trait of Empaths and highly sensitive people (HSP) to project the best that they want to see in others. It is why we all have to be careful to be aware of this, and refrain from seeing everyone in this light. Some people are just twisted and it is our naivete and willingness to give the benefit of the doubt that often creates this mismatch between our perceptions and reality.
Agreed!
Why, you may learn smthg
First I want to thank you so much for your wisdom. I broke up with my Narc yesterday after 3 years.. and you helped me get to this decision. Thank you so much. I feel a relief and I get what you're saying completely about accepting that he wasn't who I thought he was. I don't find myself obsessing but I find myself worried about what he is going to tell his family and friends about me. I know I shouldn't , I know it doesn't make sense. But I seem to care about what others will think of me when he tells them his version and lies about me and my character. I never felt so devalued. And for the first time in my life I felt like I had to defend my beliefs, values and morals and who I am. My ex-husband who is one of my best friends (10 years of marriage and a person of character) knows me very well so he helped me tremendously reminding me of who I am. It kept me sane. Thank you again for your support. God bless.
I could not get out of this mode for a LONG time. Just now getting out. This is a GREAT video.... a narc is a narc is a narc, so accurate.
He hit me in public.. that was when I decided to leave... later I realised that I had ignored so many red flags
£|
You hit the nail on the head: the things that I continued to subject myself to and the years of living which I lost NOT because I thought he would change but because I hoped to find something -- anything--which would provide an alternative, human explanation for whom my husband must otherwise be. Its very hard for outsiders to understand how incredibly dismantling that truth is, and how hard we can fight in hopes of fending it off.
Thanks for the information. Just getting over a narcissist relationship of 28 years. I'm trying to scrape my self esteem off the floor and find myself. I now realize he is what he did, not what he said. I feel like I had lived a life time of lies and he never loved me. I will let myself grieve and hopefully, this horrible feeling will pass.
29 years here. Feel the same about our whole life being a lie. No contact is the only way I can deal. I feel lost now. I left so he has our home, animals, etc. At least until the divorce is final.
Almost 5 years ago, I left a 28 year marriage with a narcissist. One of my son's, 19 at the time, stayed with him. He had hijacked my son with lies about me. My son at least now will write to me, but is distant and has problems to to the mental abuse he has experienced. My older son has no contact with him. I am writing this because seeing that other people have been in long term situations speaks to me
Yes, I really appreciated that statement too. Its talk vs actions. Great message to hear and apply to our lives.
He is what he did NOT what he said 👏👏👏👏 Thankyou so much for sharing this 👍
My narc was just about to give me the big gas light, when through a fluke I found out I had a brain aneurysm and would need surgery. He studied up and realizing that my brain would react to the surgery almost in the same manner as the sudden breakup, he waited. Convinced that my brain unable to do the double duty would collapse and I would certainly die he started telling people I would be gone soon. Thank god for great therapists and my healthy brain. That's about as evil as it gets!
My narc ex wife had a very rare tumor she was born with, lodged in the lining around her lungs. Size of a grapefruit.
YES I was there for 21 days 18 hours a day, fighting with doctors and nurses and translating medical terminology.
Afterwards when she healed half a year later, she took a solo trip missing our marriage ANNIVERSARY and lied even to country shes going to, then few months after that I went on hiking trip, came home EARLY to find she moved half her shit out, and I wouldve come home to an empty FN HOUSE WITH NO WIFE THAT DISSAPEARED!!
GOOD GOD THESE NARCS ARE SICK!!! AND DEMENTED
@@rvz77 my narc
The video helped me a lot... I just have SUCH a hard time with him "winning".. He discarded me and the next day he's already out and about and onto new women. He has a great job, apartment, a good body, a lot of friends who adore him... It doesn't seem fair that I'M the one who suffers so much. This even took a toll on my health. I really don't know how I can ever recover and see life as fair again :(
***** Thank you so much, it helps me :) Yes, we will get through this. Much strength to you!!
CupNoodleKitty they don't adore him- there is no "him"--- watch Richards video where these freaks think they are outside their body, watching themselves in a movie where they are the star and the hero. It's an act, so anyone involved with them, had no F'n idea who that N is, it changes from person to person the movie they take them to.
Life isn't fair
CupNoodleKitty, I'm telling you now his friends who seem to love him do not and know what he is like under the surface. Play ground bullies are the same, I guarentee you that he is not seen as perfect as you think , people put up with him...xxx
mine moved straight into a relationship which he wouldn't allow me to have with him complete with buying her flowers and taking her to the ballet...none of which he ever did for me...he complained to me of lack of money but here he is spending int on her. they are arseholes. it hurts like a fucker. I am sorry you have to go through this. I know it feels so unfair.
Tracy, its like dealing with aliens sometimes isnt it? I find myself sitting back and saying "how can they do this? and live with it?!"
This is one if the best videos I've seen. I find that on my journey to healing I need to go back to videos like this and re-watch and again as I see them in a different light each time and as time moves on I get something more out of it each time. Still early out of my breakup with my covert narc / psychopath boyfriend (hard to even admit that) and videos like this speak directly to me. Thank you!!
What you said about the narcissist not having compassion struck a chord. The narcissists I've had relationships with were very good at faking compassion, particularly towards me (which seemed very loving, caring, etc). However, as they feel no REAL compassion, they could not keep this up 100% of the time and would let their guard slip very occasionally TOWARDS OTHERS. The key is to notice it and then reject that person instantly. One ex-boyfriend hurt someone badly in a car accident when he was driving dangerously. That person was disabled for life. He showed no compassion. We argued over it, because I couldn't understand why he acted as if he didn't care. This should have been a massive red flag. He felt nothing because he was not capable of compassion and empty inside. It's how people treat others that is the key to their real personality, and an example of how they will treat you one day when they get bored of you and dispose of you. Then they will show their true colours.
I so much relate to wt your saying, when my narc bf left me, my mind when crazy trying to figure out why. my pain and confusion was unbareable. I began searching as to why this happen to me. I discovered ' narcissist on youtube. I never heard of this term before. I began to understand my "why". my "why" took me all the way back to my childhood. I was always told, by my mother, that how much of a hateful person I was, all the way back to before my birth, bcuz I "kicked" her in her stomach when she was caring me. looking back, when I told her I was sorry for "kicking" her all I got was a smirky evil grin. so my abuseive narc mother hated me even before I was born. the hatred continued till the day she died, even on her death bed, I saw nothing in her eyes but hatred for me. I am now healing and becoming stronger ever day thx to videos like yours, thank you so much richard
I keep coming back to watch this video. 😊
Whenever I load your videos ...I laugh because I know im ready to get a wake up call ... and I leave your podcasts till last ...your to the point which is needed ...but I have to gently work up to you ...you have made me laugh out loud when I wanted to cry ...you are very real and refreshing...seatbelt on ...thankyou
It makes me feel better when I think of the breakdown they have around midlife
to old age when they are alone with themselves.
Theresa Brewer please dont wish pain onto any human being dear, these people are psychologically wounded and are unaware. May god shed some light on them.
End The Fed
They are aware, but as Richard says "they just don't give a shit".
Theresa Brewer. Wish him as much pain as u need to if it helps u thru a breakup. Breakups suck Every man for himself.
I can't tell you enough how intuitive you are. I've watched many of your videos, and you speak to the very core of my being. I was with a narcissist for 15 years, and the effects will be with me for a long time. He didn't mean to be hurtful; I see that now; but he was in so many ways. He will continue to hurt others, which I can't help. You have a gift, which I'm sure you know; I just wanted to tell you how I felt, as we can never -especially if you are a narcissist, lol - tire of getting reinforcement of the positive effects of our efforts to help others. THANK YOU.
Thank you sir, much appreciated. Power to you, and to all tuning in. We got this.
Been watching you for months now, and I SO appreciate you! Thank you for helping me start the long road of healing from severe narc abuse and c-ptsd. You're a rare find!!! Keep on keeping on!
This really helped me so very much. Thank you as I've been needing "to understand in a grab it by the horns but still be gentle kind a way" ....and some compassion on top thank you.... very refreshing.
This video was one of the most powerful ones you’ve ever done, if not the most powerful. Especially the last 10 minutes. Thank you.
I must watch this video at least once a day! It straightens me out and sets me back on the right track every time. Thank you x
Thank you for explaning this. Just going through all these phases.
I have never imagined how painful this would be.
The following 'negative' daily affirmations might be of help to some of you:
"He/ she never loved me."
"He/ she is a very sick individual."
He/ she can love no one."
"He/ she is a malignant cancer upon the soul."
"I was only an object to be manipulated and discarded."
"This is only an addiction I am overcoming."
"He/ she will age and go nowhere and be embittered."
Yes, of course do the usual positive affirmations as well, so it's not all doom and gloom. But what Richard says about us facing the very stark reality of the Narc's true nature is most crucial in getting over the "dick'.
great list! thank you
Yeah, ok. But this sounds like “splitting” where someone is all good or all bad. I do, however, accept this as the needed antidote to idealizing the narc, and being blinded to the reality that they have some very negative qualiities.
I won't help myself if I think bad things about hurt people who hurt me. There is a more mature and holehearted way. I wish them healing, so as I do for myself. 😯
Thank you so much Richard! I think I watched nearly all your videos the last days, sometimes just listening while driving etc.! I am finally free from a 16 year relationship with a full on covert narcissist .... and the way to see the person as it is - forget the words , and look for the actions- really really helped me a lot on the way of healing and making peace with a lot of what has happened. I still can´t go full on no contact as we have kids, but I did draw my boundaries so so clear as I haven´t done for as long as I can think! Your work and some of others here on youtube made it possible for me to fully understand what I was in and what is "wrong" with me that I stayed so long! Will always be grateful and I wish I could join your sessions but sadly I do not live in the UK
This was a very enlightening explanation of the complicated post break-up process I am still going through. Your videos are very informative and helped me to shed the light on the endless contradictions of - not only of the person I thought I knew and loved but also all the contradictions inside my "brain". There is a constant war going on and I had been fighting with myself for a good while. What I could not understand for over a year now is finally starting to make sense. Analyzing dust - spot on. Thank you!
This video clicked the switch. It literally changed my recovery trajectory.
Thankyou for doing the work. February 2020
I found myself nodding in agreement throughout this entire video. Thank you for being so straight forward with your messages. I can take so much from this and it is very empowering. Most people scoff when I tell them I look to CZcams life coach videos for support and answers but it is the one thing I know I can turn to that will set me in the right direction and that way I don't have to make my mess the responsibility of anyone around me by over talking1over analyzing about it.
Thank you for your videos, particularly this one and the information on narcissistic personalities. These have helped me understand what I went through and the type of person I was dealing with. Very appreciative that you take the time to do this to help others.
I really needed to watch this--as painful as it was allowing the truth to settle in--I'm deeply grateful.
What a powerful video! Thank you, so timely. Richard, you're incredible. I just discovered your channel a few weeks ago. I'm so grateful for your generosity in sharing this information.
I just want to thank you for creating and sharing these videos. I have listened for hours, and have found your words soothing and healing. Thank you so much 🙏❤🙏
Thanks you! What a powerful message. I found humor in the truth you presented. I laughed for the first time since I finally walked out (two days ago) on the Narcissist (after 3 years and continuous breakups) to avoid any more trauma, especially the newly added physically abuse and threat of more. It's difficult, but I am beginning to understand why. Now, I will work on accepting that person is not the person I thought he was and follow this logical direction of healing and going on with my life. Again, thanks!
You've said things here that I really needed to hear. Thank you.
This was one of the best relationship videos I’ve ever seen!!!! Thank you SO much!!!
Excellent perspective - negotiating with your brain and making a list of things we learned in the failed relationship that will keep us safe next time. Brilliant.
You really are quite articulate, brilliant, & compassionate. I've learned so much from studying via Internet about narcissism. Until a few months ago, I was quite ignorant/blind about them. That's because I had a narcissistic/borderline father and, consequently, a dysfunctional family. About a year ago I was involved in a relationship w a narcissist & experienced family trauma. I feel so much more aware of the patterns that have been driving my life. To the point of being able to make healthy choices now. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm resting in a beautiful clearing for now.
You are truly a gift, so mahalo nui loa! (Big thanks).
ex narc hated psychologists......he always argued they have the worst relationships and are busy telling others what is wrong with them.
Hello Dr Richard Grannon in Portugal in lockdown due to the virus in a fortunate area without any. Grateful indeed! Then I find you and I am truly happy to be watching all your videos from now on. What a great insight and So on...Love ya
"These are skills, not pills" Great maxim! You've basically helped me to understand why I went into overdrive analyzing dating and 'games women play'. I agree that resentment and prejudice is often form of unconscious protection, and a 'perversion' due to unprocessed trauma/suffering. Thanks for the vid.
Thank you for this. I am very well versed in narcisstic abuse, and I am very upset with myself for falling for the cunning tricks of Covert narcissism. I appreciate you being so open and saying you have also fallen for it. It makes me feel better knowing they can, have and will try to dupe anybody. I really needed every explanation of this video today. Thank you for all of your insight, always!
You have no idea how much I needed to hear that, Thankyou
You are great! Every since I determined the exact nature of my ex's psychological abuse as narcissistic abuse I have watched many youtube videos on the subject. You and Sam are the most informative. You are also the most charming! Thank you so much for your help!
Thank you for all your good work for everyone watching your channel. Masterful communication skills
WOW!!! This was so awesome to hear!!! I haven't ever seen or heard you until now but I have to post this on my "What is a Narcissist?" page!!! :) I have recently been making all of my decisions by going thru each choice completely in my mind and paying attention to whether it feels positive/light or negative/heavy and feel that is my Higher Self telling me which decision to make. I've also been asking "Who does this belong to?" with every thought and feeling I get in my mind and if it belongs to someone else i send it back with consciousness and it literally goes away. I believe that we are all so naturally empathic that 95% of our thoughts and feelings do not actually belong to us so I feel I am now doing my part to help others be more conscious as well.
I’m so grateful! I’m normal! I have been driving myself crazy. Maybe this is gonna be okay, eventually. This is the best thing I’ve ever heard regarding this horrific topic and painful ordeal.thank you Richard Grannon! I’m so grateful!
Thank you so much for all these videos. They've helped me in so many ways I cannot explain.. all I can say is thank you for saving my life xxxxxxxxx
Thank you, Richard. I needed this, down to earth, intelligent, clear and enormously helpful advise.
This is what I have been looking for. I think I can get better faster because of this video. Thank you so much
Wow this is the most informative thing I have ever listened too! I was really lost when I left what I now believe to be a covert narcissist and I went really really crazy, even felt like stalking him myself as was in full detective mode. I had to hunt down ALL the lies even though by now I had already figured out he lied at times. I didn't stalk him though because I have common sense but it was a crazy feeling of a need to. I am thankful for this bit of wisdom. The worse part is that you go into over analyse and you kind of know it is normal too but you have confirmed this, thank you, but the Narc keeps telling you to stop causing drama and over analysing! They make you feel like it's not ok to be normal and go through this to heal. ugh. I will always remember now that it is completely normal, i did not go insane and my brain is normally weird and that is ok.
Thank you, your videos are to the point, and your understanding, is why you have helped so many people including me to move on in life. Thank you, I look forward to your future videos.
WOW!...
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wow... For once I am completely speechless... Wish I saw this video two years ago... or for that matter 20 years ago.... Amazing work SLC!
As always Richard thank you for your wisdom and insight. You are really helping me make it through. It's not a small thing you are doing. Respect.
Amazing video. Richard, your honest, straight talking approach really helped me. Thank you so much :) x
I've watched many of your videos;it's marvelous work, well done.Education is the key to empowerment.
Thank you Richard for all your helpful tips! I learn so much from you! Thanks for being you and thank you for your generous spirit!
Brilliant video, your compassion really shined in this one...
Thanks for sharing your wisdom!! It's scary how accurate you can be in your video's!!
Thank you so much! I am a therapist in private practice and deal primarily with victims of Narc abuse and of course, "it takes one who knew one to know one". Which means my ex was and subsequently an ex boyfriend (3 months) was and now im helping others. Your insight has been beyond helpful! I have shared your links and it has been particularly helpful to the few "tough guys" that are experiencing Narc/BPD abuse! Keep up the good work! I would love to come to a training if you have any!!
Kathleen
Thank YOU... I need to hear you and live what you are saying!!
I can't stop watching your videos. I am working to get past the hurt from a narcissistic (second one) relationship This last one was less obtrusive, but damaging more because I really believed we could weather the storm. Looking back, it was all there. I hadn't done the work from the first, but believe me, I am armed now and appreciate your insights. Especially that we need to listen to our minds (hearts as you will) that what we are feeling is real, and to work towards never letting this happen to us again. God bless!
this is an incredible eye-opener, thank you
Most enlightening and helpful. Very useful. Thank you for a superb video.👍🏻👏🏻💝
Richard, thank you very much for this enlightening video! I was just feeling me so bad about going all the time back to my experience with my last girl friend! Thank you a lot! Greetings from Mendoza, ARGENTINA!
So glad I found you. I'm just out of this. I call it an awakening and that helps me to get through things and learn the lessons needed for me to move forward and have belief in myself.
I'm on a new path now as I want to help others spiritually who are struggling, which in turn will assist me also in growing and learning, so hopefully a win win situation for all.
I'm learning to say no and I'm stronger now than ever, though I don't think we can ever stop learning to better ourselves and work on our own self destructive personality traits.
I would like to go forward mixing both spirituality psychology and life coaching as all similar ways of looking at things and teaching that the ways in which we act in relationships can bring out tendencies or narcissism in our partners if it's already there, plus as you mentioned in a previous video, as I am a recovering people pleaser lol, being in the wrong relationships you can also pick up little parts of narcism as well that gets interwoven without us being conscious of it.
Did that make sense? Lol. Anyway you have a new fan.
Thank you for this and your other incredibly helpful videos.
Brilliant video!!! I had this for 5 years after my first girlfriend broke up with me.. was chronically analysing for years. Neurotic. I even re-read a letter I sent her over a thousand times!
Thank you for this video really helpful as a survivor of a 14 years Narcisstic relationship. The relationship has now been over 18 months but still getting problems as lots of financial stuff still being negotiated and a son together. So the tapes are constantly going on in my head and this has been very encouraging and helpful. :)
Thank you so much Richard for your videos, you are amazing. This is truly helping me heal
You are truly helpful, Richard. Thank you, sincerely.
3:24 "put the blame in the brain" 😁
16:17 "analysis paralysis"
17:04 "these aren't pills these are skills"
18:34 "what you resist persists"
I can see that the rap version of this would work.
So on point for me! Love your videos! Thank you!!
Turns out she was extremely damaged. I want to move on now. I feel compassion.
Thanks for the help.
Thank you so much for this. This helped today. I am obsessive anyway, and this nasty time with this person has been draining all my thoughts and energy and everything away. I had a bad reminder of that relationship today. But I decided, for once in my life, that I was not going to let it get to me. I never thought it was possible to decide how I feel, but at this point - today anyway - I am thinking I am in control. "Grieve for the dream" is good advice. The ex was no good. and not worth regretting. The dream is a sad loss though.
Best video on You Tube in regards to phychology, amazing!
Great video. What you say about being compassionate resonates with me very much.
thank you Soo very much for breaking down what happens in the human brain. it is like a language that we can't understand till explained and it means a lot to know that the person one is has nothing to do with the pain he/she is suffering.
Thank you so much for this. It came right on time, when I have been in the analysis-paralysis mode. This helped and I am applying it as I write this. Yes. Be strong be firm, be cunning admit accept cry and allow it to flow through me and hopefully out and away soon
I have very much enjoyed your video - thanks very much. AND I am definitely sharing it, widely!
Amazing episode. Thank you. Going through this right now. Needed it.
I am so grateful I watched this today, I can let go of the shame of how I ended up in this current relationship. I was DRIVEN to find some kind of safety. I have had a roof over my head and there have been benefits to this experience, YES for the bigger good and I am safe and I am a smidge away from graduating and I am packing to leave this relationship and am in day 3 of no contact.
Brilliant and clear approach!
It was a really helpfull video,
thank you!
Excellent video. Thank you.
Always love your videos. A huge thank you for all the help...Seriously
Truth is easier to deal with, at least you can process it. Living with a lie obvious or not turns anyone in to a detective.These videos have shown me that my angry ,crazy, sad , last year has been so textbook My body was screaming at me. Things were never ok with my mate . He truly a complex person . I will never give up on people even though people scare me more than bears haha . I'm a strong person with great core values they were instilled by a great mom and a great grandma. So blessed now my daughter has become the best version of all these ladies . She takes no shit hasn't since she was 2. Her first incident of narc abuse from my dad she knew at 2 years old my father was wrong to threaten and swat her . She stood up in her chair and growled at his ugly angry mug. I raised her right and am thankful every day as she helps me heal .The days seem so long when you suffer from cpts but it gives you allot of time to think.When you start to heal your brain let's go and you start to live laugh and see the world thru new eyes . Never give up on love but love yourself first.Snowflake out
I watch your videos often and I find them quite helpful. When you said in this video, that persons that watch these are actually trying to make a difference in themselves shocked me. Every breakup I have ever experienced she said that I was the one that needed help. And that was that! No matter how I cajoled or insisted or pleaded that we need professional advice, their answer was always negative.
In truth, because of my own personal relationship failures ( tied to my own childhood abuse), I tried for pre relationship counseling in several relationships. I went but they did not. Of course I didn't listen to the therapist because the LOVE HOOK was set in my heart. My brain is still reeling from years of self evaluative analysis over personal failures. Thanks Mom and Dad for the instruction manual it works great. Sorry for the rant.
Thank you Mr. Grannon!
I thank you for this truly helpful video. You are blessed!
This is such a great pep talk of a video. Skills, not pills. Very good stuff.
Thanks so much! This is work, work, work!!! You are such an inspiration! Thank you!!!
Thank you for all your videos... They have helped me understand my own madness.
you amaze me-- so thankful to you for this video and all your work! X
love your course I just bought! thank you Richie
Thank you for breaking this down!
thank you so much for 'telling it like it is! Having that reality skirted by therapists through the years kept tripping me up
Very informative - thank you again! Love it "they don't give a shit and never will" YES - you are so "spot on".
This really hits home thankyou again
Thank you for your incredibly helpful videos:)
Excellent video. Thank you.
Thank goodness for you....yep analysing to death who I didn't understand but I think I have just woken up thanks to your video. I'm training my brain from today, I won't ever ignore red flags like no compassion, selfishness, manipulative mind games ever again. I'm giving some of my empathy and understanding to me....no one deserves to be deliberately hurt....seeing the truth finally. Thanks