Your Fake Morality Holds The Narcissistic Relationship In Place
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- čas přidán 14. 12. 2015
- Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 "How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath"
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I used my fear of abandonment as an excuse not to abandon the narc. Martyrdom is not morality.
christians should take not of this......
Meet your friend !! Did it for years
This brings to mind a quote from Alan Watts..."If I could be a more loving person, I would have a higher opinion of myself."
If I could be a more loving person, I would have a higher opinion of myself. > Alan Watts
One of my favorite quotes. Thank you.
You have absolutely nailed it on the head. We are addicts and can rationalize and justify our continued using of pain by engaging in the repetitive patterns of triggers and trauma. When I demonize the other person and lay the blame on them, I don't have to take responsibility for my recovery because "they are the one with the problem". A big part of my recovery from this will be to reassure the little girl (hurt parts in me) that she is valuable without her wounds. This shit is deep!
When you said you felt morally obligated to stay with your ex because of her childhood abandonment, it's like you crept inside my mind and summed up a long battle I struggled with for a while. it's amazing how not-alone I'm finding myself.
John agreed
Once you can manage and diminish the emotional flashback, you can practise saying no without guilt or apology and feel great doing it. Narc-histrionic co-worker's game: directly asked for money to buy a gift for another co-worker I didn't know very well. The new Me: "No, I think I'll take a pass." A little later, she says "it's okay if you don't want to go in on the gift, but I just thought it would be NICE." The new Me: "No, I'm okay with it (my decision), but thanks." She needed me to prop herself up and tried to make me feel guilty, gaslighting me as "not nice," but I was no longer slave to the emotional flashback. I could have offered an explanation, but that would only give her an in to argue. Offer no explanation for your preference. A simple no. No apology. No explanation. No guilt. Be authentic. Strengthen boundaries. Know your rights. Brilliant video SLC.
Good job! Great post.
Great post thank you I keep thinking I need an excuse to say no thank you! Please don't come over to just sleep with me because of blah blah blah I need the right excuse my new one is my arm hurts too much but no is better no no no
justlookalittledeeper k well handled, I will remember this and use it. Thanks
Helpful. I could imagine it. Thank you for an "if, then" example.
justlookalittledeeper I wish CZcams allowed copying. I'll screen save your comment to help me retrain.
"Shrink the inner critic and deal with the emotional flashbacks." Yup. Words to live by.
I'm American. I Googled everything from "enocrytic" to aenokrytech" and everything in between. Inner critic. Makes sense now!
Margaret Golden Laughing. Thanks for the lift.
Steve Walker’s book ‘From Surviving to Thriving’, is something Richard recommends and uses the ‘Inner Critic’
this one was so helpful
I totally realize I have no boundaries, but now I recognize that I guiltily leak all over people. Thanks.
There is such a thing as" Healthy Narcissism" My Father was a Scientist for NASA and Mom was a home mom that had a high level of Narcissism that I did not understand until the age of 36 , 20 years ago. Dad has passed Mom is in control of the millions he left her and I was not even allowed at my dads funeral due to being gay and not abiding by the rules that I was not allowed to come with my spouse . So I just said " fuck off " Never be a people chaser
Right on, Richard ! I stopped jumping in and giving because I was this wonderful little person who loves to help. I simply said, “No. Get it from someone else !”
No more soothing and I don’t care if the person is “suffering”.
Oh and NO MORE EXPLANATIONS.
Thanks, Richard, for the work that you are doing.
Very interesting. I now find it extremely easy to spot a narcissist but it's unbelievably easy to make excuses for them and to feel guilty.
At one point I remember thinking "It doesn't matter if they treat me horribly, I just need to teach them how to be kind by being kind to them." Which is the equivalent of begging somebody to punch me so they learn how to take a hit.
I've been watching these videos for years, but this one in particular has been so so helpful for me. Every single "Yeah, but" was silenced, and that choking sense of guilt for leaving and saying NO finally eased up. Not to mention, now I've got your voice in my head saying, "Guess what, fuckers..." firing off as a form of Non Servium 😊
Jabber Wocky this was the one of the first videos I found last year when I was searching anywhere for help -. not even knowing the terms NPD, emotional disregulation, etc.... It was the start of hundreds and hundreds of hours of Richard Grannon videos and Sam Vaknin work. 8 months later as I revisit this video being in a far far better place of strength and self confidence I'm so grateful to these men and I can only hope that I pay it forward and give help , clarity and understanding to whoever comes my way ! I love revisiting this one too because it seems to be one of the last pieces that I'm putting in place. this is so spot on !!!
“Guess what, fuckers...” hahah 😂😎💪 YES!
In a perfect world, Richard Grannon would have access to Dr. Phil's media reach. Always on point, cuts through patting-myself-on-the-back victim-ish psychobabble crap and therefore is TRULY helpful - and hilarious. Great work.
Well it's a good thing Max is around. The second half of this video was really helpful and helped me understand a bit more about emotional flashbacks and working toward getting out of them overall.
Trauma bonding is a nasty nasty thing. The withdrawal from that addiction is some of the worst pain I've to date lived through. It's so much easier to keep people at arms length right now.
Wish I'd known all this several decades ago. Staying in a relationship for the kids, because you promised to stay married, yada yada, is so sick and sickening. So much damage was done to me and my children because I clung to the Morality of Self-Sacrifice aka Willing Victim. It took me years to figure it out. The emotional scars I carry are massive. I wish every high school student could see your videos so that many more people could learn early to recognize destructive relationships. Owning your own part in the dance of destruction and getting out as soon as realization dawns would be a lifesaver for so many.
Thank you, Richard.
Gollum , perfect ! And thank you for opening the windows that have been, stuck , shattered , cracked most of my life. Thank you!
I did the same & stayed in the relationship with moral justifications that didn't help at all.
They're only powerful to the weak. Great point. Simple, yet very profound. Thank you!
I used about the same justifications, too.
I somehow managed to get out of the (covert) narcissist's imaginary world (by taking a ''no contact'' advice) and it's been over a year, now. I DID get much better (my feelings ''normalised'', back to ''normal'' ). Looking back now, I'd say: it's OK to try to help somebody, but you must say ''goodbye'', as soon as you first see it does not work. All the rest really IS just justifications ... and you are the one, who STARTS to suffer, infinitely, while for the narc the situation stays more or less the same ...
Thank you, Richard and keep up the good work!
Thanks, and now, time to unravel the reasons why I hang on tooo long longing for attention from certain people...Why them? Why do I put up with some of these people's weird behaviors towards me? I'm seeing more and more of my own fears and layers of denial, how I learned as a child to deny that someone was emotionally hurting me and feel compassion for them focusing on their potential more than how they actually were! Now, I can walk away and take myself out of bad scenarios that I was stuck in when I was younger and Now No More emotional abuse to me! I'm sick of these people being unfair...I'm tired of being drained by my own twisted desires of wanting.....There are some great points in this video that are helping me unravel these mysterious patterns. I'm learning how to make better decisions and trying to question more deeply what is going on here and what decision would really be the best! I do feel all kinds of weird feelings when I speak up for myself...But it's worth it, I guess it's because I'm unsure of myself but I'm determined to get better at this...New things feel awkward at first...I'm thankful to be heading in the right direction towards make things better...Thanks.
This is great!! I've been thinking that the whole blurry mess of codependecy, covert & overt narcissism can be simplified into one easy sentence:
'How conscious, willing & able are we to manipulate or be manipulated in our Need for validation?'
1. Codeps: unaware & willing to be manipulated for validation
2. Covert/nice narcs: consciously willing to manipulate for validation when required
3. Overt/malignant narcs: actively willing & skilled at manipulation for validation
It's all the same seed, whatever the expression, all are addicts who will bend the rules to gain validation from outside. All stems from the same problem -no self (therefore no boundaries, suppressed true self, using a false self & dependence on others).
And the only way to step off the crazy roundabout is to resolve the real issue: Connect with true self via acceptance, feelings & expression of self, plus detachment from outside. That way we are always satiated, independent & un-manipulable to others.
Thank you for what you said about no contact. I am the primary caregiver for my elderly narc mother and as much as I'd love to, it's not possible for me to go no contact. Thanks also for the tip about managing flashbacks. I have just recently started to identify my flashbacks as flashbacks. So far I can only see that in retrospect but it's a start.
It's a tough thing to know that your family is causing you more harm than good and the last thing they want to do is see you succeed... It's also hard knowing your new path in life is not to make them change and appreciate you, but to walk out into the cold cruel world alone starting from 0 in terms of family, but with a ton of wounds from the past.
+Incredible Eatable Non Egg Where more creulness awaits.
Wonderful video and tips!
My husband has been trying to tell me some of these things for years. I think I never understood the source and motivation for my people pleasing.
For 7 months, I've gone "no contact" with the narcissistic abusers who raised me. I'm getting better with dealing with guilt and boundaries in every part of my life but getting away from the toxic relationships really helps.
Thank you!
You have got me pretty much Spot on. Mother is toxic narc and found I couldn't take normal relationships because the explosion that I expected never happened. I'd even do things to make the girlfriend get angry because I needed to feel that I'd been bad. When the inevitable explosion never happened I couldn't take it and ran away. So I became avoidant.
Yes. Savage. Thank you.
This is the first time I’ve ever found anybody else that believes it’s not a desire to be liked, it’s a requirement to protect everybody’s feelings all the time.
Needed this today:
It’s been about 3-4 days and I’m finally mitigating the pitty parade crap I have to work through. Now I am getting to the point where I am getting angry when I catch these emotional relapses, but I am also learning how to explain the flashbacks to myself. Something I noticed in this; I was not codependent before the relationship, but I was a people pleaser/social anxiety bully survivor with abandonment issues from an alcoholic father.
I wanna buy you a coffee and talk philosophy, wont happen, but you get what I’m saying, thank you for what you do.
I've had the most traumatic year of my life, left a narcsissit who abused me, whom i share a small child with. Ended contact with my drug addict, mentally ill family. So much has happened, it will be a year in March. My healing has just begun I feel. Any information on how to stop emotional flash backs would be so fucking helpful. I'm damaged. I'm sick of it. I need all the education, healing and tools.
+Magz M Your strong for dealing with all of that and making the choice to get those toxic people out of your life .Good for you I wish you a lot of peace in the future.Things will get better (-:
Thank you! I'll check it out!
Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me. Things will get better. You're right. I have a lot of work to do, but I'll do it.
Yes you will,your welcome (-:
+Magz M I'm sorry you've been through so much. The Pete Walker book is really helpful c
This is so spot on. This is how it went just about every time I've been involved with a narc. We are almost expected to "do the right thing" regardless of the situation and it's disgusting. The dynamics are ridiculous. I really like that you point out the nastiness of what victims do. I was guilty of this and still am working hard on the traits that always made me an easy/ideal target for these personality types. I didn't start breaking free until I turned the attention inward. I can't change them, nobody can. It's about getting strong and dumping those character defects (and they are defects) and saying enough is enough. I felt disgusted when it finally hit me. But, I finally saw the repetitive tendencies and weakness.
that is so true, dealing with self-worth is crucial in order to manage emotional flashbacks, essential point
I absolutely love when your videos go "long", because they are interesting and never boring and I think your tangents always tie in, and I love the journey, whatever the story is, and you always manage to get back to your original point, so don't ever stop being "long-winded" or spontaneous, etc cuz it's the best. Keep up the amazing work, your videos are so informative,, great information and the insights........, especially for me, discovering, thru you, the cpstd aspect to it, a big revelation, after many different stabs at 'talk therapy" over the years...so thank you
The part about the guilt and the need to overdo it after saying no to someone is spot on. My mother did it and taught it to me. And when the “normal” people didn’t feel bad for saying no, they were seen as mean or uncaring...
You are truly brilliant. I started watching your videos around 2-3 years ago but it took me until the summer of 2016 to FINALLY let go of a very covert abuser, call him a narc, whatever label anyone would choose to put on him, I was back and forth for 5 or 6 years and FINALLY I see and most importantly, I UNDERSTAND, what I was doing and allowing and WHY and it is thanks to you and other amazing people on CZcams freely sharing their fantastic knowledge. Otherwise I would not be free now, would still be licking his butt and trying to hold a pathetic crumbs-based relationshit of repetition compulsion together, to my detriment at the age of 50!!!! NOW I am healing!! Thank you! And Max is gorgeous!!
I have gone a long way in relatively short time. Your videos have been an integral part of this journey. So thank you for that. From the bottom of my heart
This one was so well said for where I am at now. You explain things in such a way that it’s like light bulbs going off. Your videos are amazingly helpful, delightful to watch and are an integral resource for work I’m doing to turn my life around. Thank you!
6:39 -6:50 a delightfully helpful reality slap. I love how this channel is evolving.
Glad you said no contact is not always an option. I was nodding my head off. Thank you.
This has to be one of your best videos. Such a powerful message.
You are so spot on Richard. Yes, and Yes! Thank you Richard, for sharing your insight and wisdom here on CZcams. It has helped me more than you will ever know and I am no longer the co-dependent I once was. I've shed my fake morality, too, in the process and have learned how to be assertive, and not feel guilty for saying 'no;. I had no idea I was co-dependent. I thought of myself as a nice, kind, generous loving person who was abused by mean people. I felt myself victimized. The reality is I was going along to get along and eventually I realized that I lacked the courage that is needed to be true to oneself. Once I understood that I had my own issues and that I did not have to be the victim, I began to extricate myself from the emotional bondage. Thank you too for pointing out that for those who cannot go 'no contact' , it is possible to manage the situation. You share truth here and as Jesus said 'ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free'. Freedom from the bondage of co-dependency is not only doable, it is wonderful.
Glad you're back. People need you.
This is so true. At first I questioned this but this is so true!
Amazing video, thanks! I actually had a BRAINWAVE after watching it: What it boils down to is that narcissists cannot take any help graciously. If you need help it means that you are inferior, and that's an impossibility for narcissists. Therefore if you help them (giving them money, getting them out of jail or even doing chores), they either punish you for trying to make them feel inferior or machiavellingly make you help them without your even wanting to, so making their superiority shine. "Fake Morality" title is wonderful because it has the effect of shaking you out of the hypnotized "I don't know what's happening" trance that the narcissist got you into. It's inability to realize that when a dog that you are trying to help bites you, STOP HELPING (unless you are Cesar Milan or a masochist hahahahaha)
Two years later and this is still powerful!! Thank you.
Thankyou! I maintained a relationship with my narcissistic mother based on this fake morality.
Thank you for another brilliant video, you shine a bright strong light on things one needs to face to leave the darkness and confusion behind.
This frank summarization of the relationship and dependencies,the addiction due to childhood patterns is truly liberating, even if is hard to hear--more precisely, hard to admit. I just wish I had seen your videos 30 years ago. I hope to watch more to help in flushing out the remaining ghosts of emotional flashbacks that still hobble happiness. I'm tired of living in the past! Good wishes to anyone watching this; keep on growing stronger!
You are a very good therapist, you are so spot on on so many scenarios that the narc brings to the table. You know your stuff!
This was the very best video I have seen on trauma bonding! I like the direct, concise approach that you use especially after your dog said hello. I got more out of this than all of the other ones you have done.
Everything you've said in this video is spot on: Inner critic, sense of abandonment (longing), guilt-trips, the desire for "non-boring-individuals"..
OH MY! I think that did it for me. Thank you so immensely for sharing your knowledge in a format that makes so much sense to me. I am very grateful
Every word is so true and so well said! Richard, thank you for all your videos and work you’re doing, this resonates hugely.
Richard u know what mate... The late point u made about a woman being involved in a narcissistically abusive relationship by her own choice is something that's usually forcefully preached and shoved upon us relligious women (let's say Muslim as I am one too),is that because he has come from war it's our duty as a wife that we need to be able to handle the guy no matter how abusive he is as it's considered jihad on us women to handle something as tough as that. Basically the point I'm trying to make here is that in our culture women are taught from an early age to worship our spouse (metaphorically speaking) no matter how abusive he is towards his woman/women. So let's say if the man goes to war, on a military mission or whatever obviously it's something that us women have to deal with and be patient about it and calm the beast down with our love and affection. And yes some of these men become impossible to deal with and it's the fault of our culture, religion and our conscious conditioning from childhood that gets us stuck in those relationships. On top of that we are shunned by our preachers to speak about such an abuse or domestic violence. What I also noticed was that when I came out of my long-term relationship, I got involved with two other men who appeared normal at first which caused me to let my guard down, only to realize that both of them were covert narcs, picked up on my vulnerabilities and used them against me. I experienced similarities in the recent two courted friendships btw my previous relationship. Problem is you can't talk about this stuff to anyone who is a member of any religious authority as they would start coaxing to join their institution to getting rid of demons, devils as God would help you instead of actually addressing the issue. You go to a therapist and they can help you feel better about it for a few hours but those issues are still festering in one's mind and we end up feeling sad, angry and depressed.
Aliza Naqvi I think what you experienced is more of a cultural problem than a religious one where women are treated as subordinates. Islam says you are a garment for them as they are a garment for u . In other words u must have the most loving and intimate relationship with your spouse where each should cover, protect and safe guard the interests of the other.
Like so many of your other video followers, I'm happy to see you back sharing more great insight. Over the last month, I finally reached my breaking point of playing the people pleasing victim and became so angry and full of rage at some of my button pushers/abusers that I really thought I was having a complete mental breakdown. I purchased and read Pete Walker's book about C-PTSD that you referenced in another video session and realized that it was more of a breakthrough in my healing process . I like that you continued this video to explain the importance of personal boundaries with both narcissists and others. Can't thank you enough for how much you have helped me!
“Fake Morality” : WOW. Yes. First time I’ve heard this. You are truly the first resource I’m finding to deliver Great info for my healing. Nailed it right on the head. Thank you SO much for these videos. I will get through this.
You are so right! 🎯
My relationship is improving monthly as I draw and hold my boundries more and say no and he manages his anger & abusive patterns thru awareness & practising presence. It looks like we are both at the end of these patterns & breaking free. I've been learning about this stuff for awhile now so I am leading. Thanks so much for all the deeper awareness you share here. You're my new hero! ☆☆☆☆☆
You're right. It's an addiction. Lord knows I've been there! It's just a super sad place to be.
There are so many aspects that keeps the abusive relationships going and fake morality is just one of them.
Omg! This video has made the most sense so far, thank you. I've been watching your videos for 6 mths now after realizing I was in a narcissistic relationship. This was us in a nutshell. I felt sorry for him after he talked of his abusive childhood, his mother left the family home . To his ex wife being mentally abusive to him taking his kids. Gosh i felt horrible and wanted him to have love and feel loved by someone, and where it all started. 3 yrs I was always feeling guilty for saying no or not doing something he wanted. I started to feel i were going crazy , I doubted he's truth more and more, couldn't question my own feelings i had that he was giving me... to him at all, if i did he would make them my fault .After being away now and having no contact for several wks, I see I am not crazy or my imagination, these things were really happening to me over 3 yrs. It was like he had no feelings no empathy. I gave everything to him money, gifts and the only time he was happy. Soon as the money stopped flowing and gifts he and I saw ea other less and less until I made the decision to never go back.
This is one amazing content. Have seen many videos with this topic but this stands out. You do a great job with these videos! Thanks!
Amazingly lifting when someone explains to you what yourself could not explain through most of my life and thought only I felt this way...love you brother
This is one of the best videos I've seen on this subject !!! SO VERY helpful !!!
Awesome video!! Thank you and lots of love to Max for reminding you to talk about how it can simply be us who are leaking out to someone else. That was very helpful!
I'm learning to set boundaries and have had a difficult time knowing what is being nice enough and what is being too nice. I now have what I call the "Ginger experiment" to remind me that it's okay to set limitations on being nice and that it's okay and healthy for people to take care of themselves.
Recently, I posted several things for sale online. This person, Ginger, came and purchased something from me. She asked about something else I had but wanted to think about it. She emailed me later and asked if I would reduce the price by nearly half and said that she could come and get it within several days. My friend was here and I asked him what he thought about the situation. I had already priced the item fairly but was willing to negotiate just as I had done on the first item she'd purchased. He suggested to email back and propose another price and also to say that I would keep the ad up online which meant it could be sold to someone else at my asking price within those several days. I thought it was kind of mean not to hold the item for her but my friend said that it was simply protecting myself - she could change her mind - and I had already done a nice thing by agreeing to lower the price. I went against my instinct of feeling mean and guilty and sent her the email reply without over-explaining and apologising (my friend helped with that too!).
Imagine my astonishment when she emailed back and agreed to the new price and then wrote that she understood about my leaving the ad up and that she would do the same!!!
The reason for my story is that you are exactly right. Neurotypical people don't think twice about taking care of themselves first nor do they think it is abnormal for other people to take care themselves. It's not mean or selfish to take care of ourselves. It's healthy and natural!!
Thank you once again for explaining these things we do that we don't even realise we are doing yet end up suffering for it.
So happy you are back!!!
Thank you so much Richie. I purchased two of your courses + Pete Walker's book about a month ago. I am so pleased with the results so far and feel intrinsically motivated to continue to do the work. I highly recommend these resources to anyone looking to heal wounds from narcissistic abuse.
One of my favorite videos of yours. Thank you! Really great, very helpful information.
Another great video. Great to have you back.
This is so so good. Thank you Richie.
this is so good, thank you for this info! it really helps me in trying to figure my situation.
Exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you!
This is seriously the best narcissist youtube vid I've seen. Having worked many of these things out on my own, it's amazing to hear someone else say them out loud...especially the 'emotional disregulation' vs bpd talk. Having grappled with PTSD or CPTSD (whatever you call it, it sucks a bee's nest) and felt frustration that people see my personality as flawed instead of my conditioning, it's nice to hear sense spoken. The "fake morality" thing is a new concept, though. So so very true...really explains why I get a weird, superior dizziness around narcissists...like my beliefs about what constitutes 'goodness' have been put into a washing machine. Thanks Richard, you're great!
Yes, emotional flashbacks...so intense lately....thank you for shedding some light on this...my problem...
I love to see Max !!!!!!! :-D all of your videos are GREAT ! Even better when we get to see Max, that really made me smile !!!! Thank you for sharing all of this great information !
I came across your videos about one month ago, and they have helped turn on the light bulb in my head about a relationship I have been struggling to understand for past five years, and have finally understood the only way I can have my sanity back was to leave my Narc spouse, I will forever remain grate full for your generosity in sharing your knowledge.
Can you talk more about the double bind, catch 22 stuff? I've had a hard time, or rather a long time, getting to the realization that my husband is manipulative and abusive because there is no name calling, no overt controlling, no raging (unless we are arguing) - he is almost totally withholding of any kind of attention, affection, support - but then will do things like buy me really nice gifts and do the dishes without being asked and straighten up the garage. And I realized over the last several years that he is really good at maintaining deniability. In other words, if we have a conversation (really it is me talking, him nodding and looking at his phone and the clock) and reach some sort of conclusion instead of saying "Yes, I agree, let's do that thing" he will say something like "Yeah, we should look into that" - so that later he can say "I never said/agreed/thought/wanted that". It would be helpful to get a little sanity perspective on these types of behaviors because they are almost impossible to describe to another person and no sound like I am being whiny and hysterical, which I don't think I am.
Ambiguity in many areas and maintaining a righteous cover for the public is key, I believe. They have to participate to some point, but not in a way that would make you secure or them accountable to do or for anything. My experience.
Sounds like your spouse is distracted and also doesn’t understand the importance of love languages or how to make you feel loved. His acts of kindness seem like an effort to help the relationship that might be misplaced. Idk. Seems like a marriage counselor might help you out.
Actually doesn’t matter which one it is and you don’t need to convince anybody...you are not happy and it seems like he is only doing just about enough to keep you hooked and dependant on hope and With everything you need emotionally withheld. And gaslighting you, like nobody’s business You Will be amazed how much more energy you Will have When you don’t have that anymore . I was where you are now and got out. Best decision of My life BUT make contact anonomously with a womans grupp and learn how to get out safely, And change your passwords, surf securely, start doing things outside the house and build up a secure network of people where you can stay, get help if needed and see to it that you have an Id plus your documents including transcripts etc not at home. All the best! Also Ps don’t challenge, don’t accuse, don’t try to be in the right or make him see ( all of that is ammunition that you are the crazy one and/or tells which buttons to push) just get out and be bland about it ...Not emotional.
You are the best, so brilliant and your understanding is soothing because you have worked through everything so successfully yourself ....Thank you!
good to see you back !!!
Excellent!! Love to you, Ritchie! So glad to see you back!
thanks so much for all your incite!
Such a valuable info. Thank you so much for sharing and posting your insights.
"It is actually a post hoc rationalization. It is what we've been trained to do since childhood." This is true and extraordinarily important. People should read the blog posts of Craig Childress, a psychologist in California, USA who has refined the understanding of the abuse process with respect to using children as tools of aggression.
The "Spike" ... you just made me realize why when I began my healing journey which is low/no contact, I would watch true crime videos. I would get that spike. Sometimes I would binge watch them. I used to do this with my ex-predator as well.
As time went on I began to watch less of them and when I did follow up immediately with a Michael Sealey (or equivalent) Guided Meditation / Hypnotherapy Video. I needed to get rid of the anxiety that watching these shows had created.
I have been doing a great deal of work for quite some time now. I rarely crave true crime shows and when someone tries to enter my life, if they are HIGH drama or even medium drama I am repelled! It's like they are the devil incarnate. I know you spoke of this as well. Yes, I do see toxic people this way still. It is part of my journey on this healing path. I look forward to the time when I just look at them as a person with non-porous ego boundaries and dismiss them as a bit off and simply move on.
Omg.. thank you. Up early in the morning... listened to this with my cup coffee to wake up physically... This woke me up ... psychologically.. I did this all the time!!!
I love your videos. Damn dude...you just simply tell it like it is and there is so little of this kind of real info out there. Thank you so much
Hello, I’m glad you’re back! Thank you for brining up the no-contact problem when it just isn’t realistic/possible. It is incredibly difficult when children are involved with someone who does reactionary seeking behavior. I have *finally* modified my communications where I never ask a question, only provide required information, and don’t respond (unless absolutely necessary). It is a very difficult process but the only thing that works for me. It is amazing how they are able to use others, such as the kids, in an attempt to create conflict. The other issue I would find it helpful if you could address is when you observe your kids being subjected to the same covert narcissistic abuse you dealt with.
As always, amazing! Thank you for being you!!!
very excellent- spot on. I think I need to watch it again cause it is packed with info/ insights.
Thanks & say woof woof to your furry friend!
Richard you're pure gold! so many aha moments. I felt compelled to clap at the end of the video. This is the last lesson of 2015 for me, thank you sir!
Your videos are just great, and they helped me (and still do) big time during the last months of last year. You see, after her narcissistic rage in september I found out (after doing lots of research and watching all videos on youtube) that my mother is a narcissist, and what you said about going no contact is totally true. Unfortunately, I can't afford living on my own for now, and so no contact is not an option - watching this video I realized that I have set some boundaries that happen to be working quite great with her... I like to say that I have removed myself emotionally from the relationship...
And about this fake moral, now I see it...Firstly when I went to therapy, one of my goals (and I even dare to say it was my only one) was exactly to try to help her, because she's got many health (and mind) issues, so as a nice daughter that I am... I thought it was my mission, if you will, to try to help her. During therapy, I realized that it was not true and this video emphasized it even more!!!..... Your video illustrated this really clearly! Thank you very much!!!!
Best video I've ever seen on the subject. And I've watched a few million. Thanks!!!!!
You have helped me through so much. Thank you for every video!
Thanks guy. your teaching and sharing is very much appreciated.
Very interesting. Thank you for this video. Watching these as I do, every day, is helping me come to terms with my sad life x
So glad you're back dude!
This was really good. I am greatful to your videos. Thank you so much!
Your videos have been great and insightful. Thank you.
This video gave me a huge insight on my reactions and some peace of mind. Thank you, Richard.
I cant even begin to tell you how much you have helped me.
An addiction. I wondered about this. I don't really find most people very interesting.I can't talk about chores and health problems ad nausem. Anyway, so HAPPY to see you Richie! So glad you're back!
Thank you, thank you! You opened up some new thoughts for me that will be so helpful.
Very clear and helpful words! As always! Thanx a lot Richard! You're awesome :)
Thank you for this video. This is the information I've been missing
good one mate, thanks. you've put into words something that has been bothering me for awhile but i couldn't clearly see and state.
Thanks Richard, I’m glad you extended this video and expanded on this subject of fake morality.💗
Thank-you. Truth is great despite the pain.