Gaslighting - Entire Video *Better Audio*
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- čas přidán 31. 07. 2024
- This is both Part 1 & Part 2 of my original Gaslighting Videos with improved audio, per multiple requests. You should be able to hear this much better now. A psychoeducational video on gaslighting, what it is, what it might look like in your relationship, and the types of people that gaslight. Kristin discusses gaslighting as a form of relational trauma and hopes to help people identify how this emotionally abusive behavior can be uncovered and overcome.
(This is not therapy, it’s for educational purposes only)
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#unhealthyrelationships #relationshipadvice #gaslighting #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #infidelity #cheating
People who gaslight often try to isolate you. They don't want you to have other people in your life that might help you figure out that you are being manipulated.
good one rob, thank you! have to stop isolating myself now.
Hurt & rescue I've been on that rollercoaster ride almost 20 years & he has always know I've struggled with depression & Anxiety
Convenient for him
For 16 years slowly got isolated because I choose to pick Love! Got Breast Cancer and getting to the discharge the mask and abuse was brutal to the point that feel that it was very well deserved. I was the abuser. I tick me the constantly used off go to sleep you are crazy, take you meds. ( 😮 what’s this) something or maybe the fear off! Force me to explore the situation deeply. I got very confused to see this. Now -Before this Relationship
Thanks for this video..I am 64 years old, and now in a marriage for the last 10 yrs, 2nd marriage, and never knew there was a name for what I am going through, it all made so much sense to me, I cried in the middle of watching, seeing myself in this kind of relationship, and realizing it's not ME! You have given me the tools/information to no longer think I'm the crazy one! Thank you so much! On reflecting over my life, I realize I have been gaslighted all my life. Through my childhood till present.I will try and now find my own truth, won't be easy, but I now have a much better understanding!
susan ptashkin it is never too late. good luck to you, be brave.
I feel ur pain, I am 65 years old and after the death of my husband of 30 yrs...found myself in a relationship with a Narcissist...thank goodness I broke it off after a year...then I started to research this subject...never hear of it before and was shocked to see what it was and how it works...I started to do some much needed soul searching of myself and grew as a person...yes it is lonely sometimes, but I will never lose who I am for another person...I have my family and a few close friends, and I still explore my feelings and my truth...no man or woman is worth losing yourself....Peace and Love to You! I will keep you in my heart! there is a very good book that helped me called "Love Warrior" by Glennon Doyle Melton....I borrowed from my local library to read....
Sometimes it helps to talk to a therapist about your relationship patterns in order to change what doesn't work for you (or hurts you). Good luck and take good care!
susan ptashkin
I myself found out 2 months ago.. never thought there was any such thing.. i used to joke with my friends and 'i wish there was a group like AA but an insecurity anonymous group for ppl like me lol'
Wow now i know im not alone. I can change and so can you! All the best xxx
READ AND STUDY IN SHEEPS CLOTHING BY GEORGE K SIMON it will open your eyes for sure.
Gaslighting is horrific, I can't believe how people can do it without feeling any type of remorse. It's not love, it's abuse. Great video!
I got teary eyed during the first half of this video. It really hit home. I went thru so many of those - questioning my intuition, my gut feelings, being called crazy for following my intuition, being called weak & pathetic, being called selfish even though I was at home caring for our 3 kids and our household, tending to everyone's needs and putting mine aside, then feeling anxiety & depression, being told I didn't know what "love" was - but clearly they were repeating bullshit whispers from someone else outside our relationship. During that time I mentioned marriage counseling several times and each time it was brushed aside - "there's nothing wrong, we're fine." But it was obvious they were lying and keeping secrets. I developed the side effects of gaslighting mentioned in your other videos, as well as trust issues with anyone now. I feel horrible because I hide my feelings now, especially around my kids. They don't need to experience my burdens. I do feel I've lost so much of myself and who I used to be and I feel that person may never come back. 😢
WOW! Amazing video! Such clarity to gaslighting. Just ended a 20 year marriage where everything you describe went on with me being gaslighted. Truth is, I'm at fault for not having strong enough boundaries, reading the signs and ending it early on. Life lesson learned. And your video just brought deep clarity to it all. Thank you! Looking forward to watching your other videos and getting better with relationships and my own boundaries and needs.
I can't thank you enough for sharing your knowledge with the CZcams community. You are fiercely intelligent, kind, and gorgeous. Thank you so much.
Out standing,this is the first time in my life that some one intelligent like you have validated my emotions and thought thankyou once again you have increased my self respect
you put the information together so clearly. please make more videos! there are so many videos on YT about this subject, but your are the only ones that get straight to the matter!
Outstanding, effectively, and beautifully conveyed. Thank you immensely.
Wow I am having an aha moment thank you so much
Gaslighting is a brand new concept for me. Your video is the first one on youtube that gives a clear and concise definition. So many videos throwing the term around - thank you for your explanation.
Thanks for sharing this. I appreciate your videos very much. I look back and so much of what was driving me crazy was probably as a result of gaslighting. You have opened my eyes, Kristin!
Watching this video has helped me to see that I'm not crazy, especially when I feel this around a certain person. It's helped me to see what is really happening. It's all so insidious, but also, so interesting! Thank you!
I have been going on this whole learning journey this year because of the essential information I've found from psychologists, life coaches, etc from people like yourself and others. And for many months I've heard the term gaslighting, and know what it means and could envision it. But it wasn't till i heard your video, that i realized i experienced it in my 2 marriages. Religion played a part in the first one though. And in some ways, my mom did it. I love her very much and she's a very good person, but if she was always changing and controlling my reality.
When you talked about being an empath, i have had that as an influencing factor in my compassion for the other person always. But unfortunately i allowed my needs be trumpted by another.
Thank you. Such an awakening.
Excellent video Kristin. You really do explain things very well. Thank you so much for the time and effort you have put in to get these key concept across.
validation! my relationships with my xhusband,friends, and coworkers, all of them had these gaslight qualities. I was shamed for expressing myself. I completely lost who I was because everyone and everything was an illusion.these people chewed me up and spit me out when I had issues about the stuff that was going on, and dared to speak up. . I spiraled into a 2 year suicidal depression, I'm better, much, but I'm still being drawn to unavailable men that shut me down. but at least I'm recognizing the patterns, and not thinking it's all me,
great work you do!!!
thank you.....❤
What an eye opener!!! I’m very grateful for this wealth of information!! Thank you I love all the videos you’ve shared!
Thanks for posting these vids! Best ones I’ve come across and hit every nail on the head. The empathy trap is soooo true and I’ve never even heard of such a concept before now and I’ve watched quite a few videos trying to figure out my situations!
This has helped me so much! I need to constantly go over these steps! Thank you for this eye opening video!
Thank you for making this video. I found it very helpful. I was divorced three years ago, and I am still trying to grasp what happened to me. I saw my parents go through the endless cycle of marriage and divorce. I'm done with relationships...never again, for me. Been there and done that. I'm over it.
This is such an amazing channel, having access to this type of information in my 20s would have changed the whole trajectory of my life. Nevertheless, so glad I can pass on these principles to my daughter.
So happy you find this helpful!!
thank you for improving the audio on this incredibly important topic
Love this. I never really understood gaslighting correctly before. Very helpful and informative. Explained beautifully. Thank you for sharing 💕
Thank you so much for this vid! That was outstanding.
Two words : Thank you. You are doing an amazing work, I love you
don't ever leave your emails open around anyone that you have doubts about.
Validation at last! Thank you Kristen Snowden!
I felt like you were talking directly to me and my experiences in my most recent relationships. Thank you for sharing this. I wrote down and will be practicing the 13 steps!
I agree !!
After having years of betrayal trauma and gaslighting, along with neglect, I think its understandable if the abused person ever "name calls", that it's not abuse. We are not robots.
We are definitely not robots and some times our nervous systems/survival instincts show up in ways we’d rather them not and that’s ok too. But I share in several other videos about the important of boundary setting, self-compassion practices and the importance of practicing shame resiliency which ties into the goal of trying to argue, express hurt, pain, anger, and disappointment in “productive”, congruent ways.
FANTASTIC video. Priceless!!!
Thank you. You should never have to hustle for your worthiness. I felt like there was always another hoop to jump through. And voicing my opinion brought comments like "I'm just trying to encourage you" or "no one else will be brutally honest with you".
This is sooooo good! Thank you 💕
This was very helpful. Helped embrace again my true values and set up my non negociables. Thanks a bunch
Great examples and thank you for stressing the severity of the damage caused by this. It's horrible to be betrayed without acknowledgement but to twist it around is cruel.
Yes! 😢
Familytreecounseling talks about self diffentiation.
You're very clear and give great examples. Thank you
Thank you very much - this video was awesome and helpful
Your videos are helping me more then I can express. Thank you.
So glad to hear that.
Great insight/clarity to a common relational problem
You amazing I really enjoyed your video. I'm in a relationship where there has been infidelity and copious amounts of gaslight ING, however, I never recognised this. I will try some of your coping strategies. I have subscribed and look forward to your upcoming videos. God bless you.
Absolutely wonderful!!!! Thank you :)
Thank you very much. This helped so much.
Thank you for this. I went to 2 counselors. Neither of them helped like this. They helped me get control of myself but not like this.
Thank you Kristin
Thank you!! thank you!!!!!!!
My website address has changed! www.kristinsnowden.com Check it out and let me know what you think!
Thank you so much!
Thank you very much.
Great examples to explain difficult topics.
I was attacked by a psychopath and then got ptsd and anxiety and didn't sleep for weeks and felt like I was going crazy which opened me up to more gaslighting. These people are sadistic. Scary beyond the average person to even imagine.
I just got out of a narcissisticly abusive relationship which made me see where I had narcissistic tendencies in my past relationships with others which makes me feel extremely guilty all the time to the point where I can't forgive myself and obsess over my past behavior. I am an addict in recovery for three years and although I wasn't aware of my behavior at the time I am ashamed now that I see what I did. I am 49 years old and I feel like I've been through so many bad relationships that even though I take full responsibility for my part and would never do those things now it is too late for me to have a loving healthy relationship. It is a sad , painful state of mind to be in and I must get out of this mindset first if I am ever going to find any kind of peace much less a relationship. This self exploration has been so hard I often feel like I shouldn't focus so much, or maybe I need to be doing all this work right now. In short, this is a very painful time
Don't loose hope. My mom left my narcissist father many years ago. She was around your age when she met the love of her life. He is a super kind partner. My mom was married to my narc father for 20 yrs. So age is just a number. Get out there and meet people. Old is when you are dead.
john garcia I know what you mean. I'm not an addict, but I am very empathic to active and recovering addicts, so I'm sorry to hear that you have that cross to bear.
As for self-exploration, oh yes, it's painful. Very very painful to realize you're both the abused and abuser.
After being forced to finally give up on my marriage and file for divorce, I went through the darkest period of pain and loneliness of my life up until that time...and was also forced to undergo the beginning of my own self exploration.
I was in such pain that I prayed a lot...I begged for relief and daily life was almost unbearable when I would rather go to sleep and never wake up again, I had to go to work, and be strong for me kids.
I begged God to show me what I was supposed to learn from all of this.
How was this Hell on earth supposed to be for my good (Romans 8:28)?
And if it was, to please give me the strength to learn and grow and find peace in my heart again.
I was suffering from heartbreak and EXTREME separation anxiety. My chest hurt everyday. My heart literally HURT everyday and it wasn't easing up.
[Incidentally, it took another 10 months for that pain and anguish and darkness to ease up.]
"Ask and you shall receive." Receive I did.
Not only did I begin to find out what type of abuse I'd been subjected to for over 25 years, but I was forced to see my own part in the manipulation and abuse.
In my mind, he was the one who had always resisted my love and rejected me, through his alcoholism, his friends, and his activities with them.
He left me and the kids alone a lot. Money was in his control; we were provided for, and better than most other families I knew, but only on the outside. He didn't provide for our emotional needs.
After so many years of crying and leaving and taking him back, believing his promises, hoping they would be true and becoming bitter and resentful when it turned out, once again, they weren't, I got into the rut of reacting to this with anger and passive aggression. It had become my status quo.
I see now how destructive it was. How it never got the results I was trying for: his love and affection, his devotion to our family...it just never payed off.
We were both miserable.
The more years went on, the more toxic our relationship became.
Where he once was just a selfish jerk who could be cruel at times, he had become cruel, abusive, hateful, withdrawn, and controlling me with narcissistic-type tactics.
He turned my reactions to his rejection of me against me and used my anger and passive aggression to justify his abuse.
He blames me to this day and says I'm the abusive one. I'm the one who caused everything and I'm the one who needs help.
As he has only ever admitted his part in our marital problems once or twice while begging me to come back to him, then denied he ever did, while I have admitted, confessed, asked forgiveness from him for being the way I was, and tried to make up for it (to myself too) ever since, I have to belief he is the one these videos are describing.
God showed me how awful I was during our marriage, but admitting it has only brought about more pain. I never got his forgiveness, just more blame, cruelty, and disgust.
No compassion, understanding, or even a bit of sympathy (?). Nope, just "I told you it was you."
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's painful to find out your own contribution to the abusive & manipulation in your relationship, but it's necessary for growth.
Now you know how bad it made others feel. Now you recognize it. And hopefully, now you'll be able to keep it from ever happening again.
Because you know you want to be kind and loving, not resentful and bitter. Not lying and manipulative. No matter how bad you're being treated.
In your case, I would say with all compassion to forgive yourself and keep doing it every day until you understand it's not helping you to carry all that shame and guilt.
If it helps to call up those women and apologize-not expecting, but still hoping for forgiveness, then do it knowing you did it for your own growth.
Forgive yourself and keep forgiving yourself until it sticks. Because if you're a Christian and you've asked God's forgiveness, you're already forgiven.
He doesn't want us to be defeated in Him. He wants us to have victory over our sin. Give Him the glory, though. Thank Him for it, because it couldn't have been done without His saving grace.
We become forgiven for our sins (such as gaslighting our ex's) by His grace through our faith in Jesus Christ.
Forgiving ourselves is another matter. Ask Him for help with that too.
One way that helps me to stop punishing myself for the mistakes or pain I've caused others, is by saying to myself, "if I can't forgive myself, knowing God has already forgiven me, then it's like I'm saying Christ died in vain.
Like Everything He did to pay our debt of sin, all that He suffered, was for nothing.
He would have us free from the bondage of sin, our minds free from guilt and shame, but we keep ourselves in that mind-slavery by putting more stock in our guilt and shame - through feelings, than in the truth of how God actually works. His mercy, His forgiveness, His love for us. We put more into our own feeling and truths than we do trying to accept the truth of His nature.
I learned one of the most crucial concepts about true forgiveness 14 years ago: That we can't always trust our feelings.
I know it seems to go against what good therapists say, but trusting our intuition and trusting our feelings are two different things in the biblical sense.
There are many famous sermons recorded throughout history based on forgiveness and feelings.
They usually include the verses discussing human nature and our vulnerability. They use descriptive words like "feeble" "meek" "lowly" "poor" "humble" and even "weak."
The words seem insulting, but their definitions are not like the ones we use Today.
They basically say good things about us. They speak about the tenderness in our hearts, our compassion for others, our trusting natures, and even our human flaws, like being prone to temptation and making mistakes.
Most importantly, they show why our feelings can't always be trusted, how our minds can deceive us, and how Satan uses our feelings and emotions against us.
We can know the difference by comparing what we think or feel with what it says about it in the Bible, or with the Truth in God's Word...
This is one of my "go to" passages from the Bible and I use it when I am struggling with negative thinking, or need to remind myself not to make decisions based on my own understanding of things. Proverbs 3:5-6:
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Read it as many times it takes to be easier to understand, and pay special attention to the part "and lean not unto thine own understanding."
This passage applies to so many of the painful situations we tend to get ourselves into, and is good advice for the way we make decisions as a rule, but for what I'm applying it to, forgiving yourself, is the part to focus on.
We may FEEL bad, and we may FEEL unforgiven or we may FEEL unsaved, and feel like we are supposed to punish ourselves for all the mistakes we've made. Like if we suffer enough then we can finally stop blaming ourselves, and be clean. FEEL clean, that is.
But feeling forgiven and being forgiven are two WAY different things.
Remember this simple phrase when you are having a hard time forgiving yourself.
"Feelings come and feelings go, but the Truth is everlasting."
And my FAVORITE:
"Feelings come and feelings go,
And feelings are deceiving;
My warrant is the Word of God--
Naught else is worth believing.
"Though all my heart should feel condemned
For want of some sweet token,
There is One greater than my heart
Whose Word cannot be broken.
"I'll trust in God's unchanging Word
Till soul and body sever,
For, though all things shall pass away,
HIS WORD SHALL STAND FOREVER!"
--A Psalm based on the writings of Martin Luther
Here is a direct quote from Luther (Not Martin Luther King, Jr.) to anyone interested in FEELING forgiven Vs. BEING forgiven.
"God forgiveth thee thy sins, not because thou feelest them and art sorry, for that doth sin itself produce, and can deserve nothing; but he forgiveth thy sins because he is merciful, and because he hath promised to forgive for Christ's sake, his dearly beloved Son, and caused his word to be applied to thee: namely, “Be of good cheer, thy sins are forgiven thee.”
"So now turn from your conscience and its feeling to Christ who is not able to decieve; my heart and Satan however, who will drive me to sin are liars... You should not believe your conscience and your feelings more than the word which the Lord who recieves sinners preaches to you... Therefore you are able to finght with your conscience by saying: You lie; Christ speaks truth and you do not." WA 27, 223 (cf. Paul Althaus, The Theology of Martin Luther, p. 59)
Good luck and God Bless whoever read this entire thing! Lol
Even if John Garcia never sees this, I hope it helps, like it helps me, someone who does.
john garcia if you feel guilty and wish to change then you are not a narcissist.... you may have exhibited narcissistic behavior due to your addictions, but you are not a true narcissist. Be gentle with yourself and do your best to be better.
Thank you for so much for this. It has helped me on this day which was a particularly hard one. This relationship altered my landscape like a bomb going off .I was always a believer , but this experience strengthened my faith in God and I am grateful that it happened for that reason because it made me understand that he was protecting me through this and still is and will always be there. There is no other explanation for the lightning like thoughts ( like they weren't mine) telling me that something was wrong and to stay away and learn to love myself even when I didn't know what that truly meant I just started doing it.
I could have been hurt so much worse. And reading your post 2 months later (the entire thing LOL) was at the right time.
I can fully comprehend your words now.
I just wanted to say thank you. This has helped me today to find the strength to continue my journey. I am feeling better about myself and life has gotten a little better. God bless you and its good to know there are others out there who know what it was like.
Thank you Arlyn . Being gentle with myself has been the hardest thing for me to do. But I'm learning.I question everything I say and do to make sure I'm doing the right thing because it was shocking and painful to learn these things about myself. It has gotten easier I am grateful for this experience painful as it is because it gave me the opportunity to get off that plane of existence and made me a stronger person. I just keep moving forward having learned what I know and try to love myself. I mean it when I say thank you, you have helped me . I wish you joy and happiness . We have been through a lot and we are lucky to have seen what was happening and to have the strength to move on from these people
This was very helpful. Helped embrace again my true values and set up my non negociables.
non-negotiables are so important!
the only person that can understand and express this subject are the people that have lived it and experienced it firsthand. the reason you are having such a hard time explaining it because you have never experienced it or have dealt with it firsthand. good video blog, thanks.
Thank you.
People will see what they want to see. Identifying the negative aspects in a relationship could be a foundation for growth or a way to humiliate and manipulate. Unfortunately the second option requires less effort and so most people will choose to play it by spotlighting the partner's imperfections to hide their own and to feel guilt free. Gaslighting is a piece of it and knowing you are under gaslighting without losing your sense of accountability will help you to move along in peace. Ultimately, gaslighters have a purpose, either consciously or not, they want to transfer their flaws and imperfections to others alleviating their suffering by conveyance, which makes me think gaslighters are narcissists.
Wow, i didn´t even know this term exists:/ I can now understand the situation i lived and yes, everything was so confusing and i started to believe it was my fault, but as you say, there is always that instinc telling you somethig is wrong, but you are so confused that you cannot see this is not you, it can seriously damage one self steem. It is a very sad and bad situation, you cannot get through alone, sometimes if you realized that you cannot be that bad, you start to read, talk to friends, try to find answers. Wow, it is hard and painful when everything becomes clear. It is important to look for help.
Incredible content.
Thank you, this helps a lot! :)
This I stay quiet and peaceful and happy and alone in all I do
Thanks! Very helpful ....
I just broke up with my bf. He totally gaslighted me. I left him after he just kept telling me one negative thing after another about me. He would yell at me over the smallest things. Every weekend I left his place feeling like an empty shell. I told him to be kind, to realize seeing the positive is very important. etc. He never met my simple needs and requests for just love and appreciation for all the good I did. I literally took my stuff and walked out, calmly. He was upset I left, as in how dare I leave him alone. I asked him what would you do if the tables were turned and you heard more negatives and no encouragement, loving words..etc. You know what his response was? 'I would listen to what I have to say and stop playing the victim card.' Yes, he is a classic narcissist. So glad I left. This video really summed up everything I went through. It helped give me closure when he did not. Thanks.
Thank you for this knowledge wery helpful.
Gaslighters do KNOW they are doing it!!!!! Especially when it worked with their former partners.
I've watched tons of videos. This video is WONDERFUL. To all the haters nagging at this lady you should be grateful for her contribution. It never ceases to amaze me how some people get to their conclusions 🤦♂️
I must confess that I didn't even listen to, what I'm sure were very helpful practical and insightful comments about relationships; no it was enough for me to gaze into your eyes and appreciate your beauty... and I hope you're not freaked out by this!! lol
I wish i had you as my therapist years ago.
I am gaining back my life All you list up I have lived in our family home We need to hope that I can maintain my values in English. My child I love. My ex never physically hurt me.Verbally.Due to his abusive mother.Love has many faces. Thanks
Just wow…🥺I get it now.
This taught me a lot. Much of which I didn't know was gas lighting, which helps to make sense of so much more now.
Quesion: Would it be considered gas lighting for someone to accuse you of being jealous then refuse to explain what she's talking about or where she got that idea?
This happened to me after a night of hanging out with a friend and a couple of her neighbors. I'd called her next day and she told me I was jealous. That's it. That's all she said and then I asked, "What are you talking about?" Genuinely confused.
She said, "If you don't know I'm not gonna tell ya." Then she proceeded to talk to me in this lecturing tone of voice telling me I needed to stop being so jealous.
It was mind boggling and hurtful. After that I stopped calling her, she didn't call me and we didn't see each other again for many years.
I'm learning a lot about abuse lately and realizing I'd been abused in the past without even realizing it.
I'm new at this and just figured out what gas lighting is
I drew a comic sketch of my interactions with a gaslighter. I just drew little stick men and speech bubbles. It helped a lot to reaffirm my reality. And it gave me something concrete to look back on so I could find my way out of the confusion.
This sounds like a great exercise. Thanks for sharing.
Kristin Snowden Youve really helped me a lot over the past few days actually. So thank you. Ive been going through a break up. I watched your video on healthy vs unhealthy relationships 2 or 3 times. It helped a lot of things click. I feel a huge sense of relief that i dont have to suffer that abuse and torment any more.
I love this i am gonna do it.
Awesome vid.
omg THAT ART PIECE BEHIND YOU LOOOKS ABSOLUTELY CREEPY!!!
Hello, your video was very informative in not only looking for these behaviors in other people, but in myself also. Thank you! Where was your healthy boundaries sheet?
Never mind, I see it :)
Wooww everything you are talking about is true. I can't believe this hapend to me...💔🥺😔
My dad did this throughout my entire childhood. That combined with his new-age beliefs on subjective reality, belief that intentions become realities, projections (you're just offended because you haven't accepted that part of yourself yet), complex rituals, and circular reasoning tormented me to the point of self harm, depression, and violent outbursts. That self harm, depression, "scowling", and violence further pushed his narrative that I was a perfect noble human being with one main root of my defects. Those defects he claimed fouled the father-son dynamic and any chance I would have at a future. I think he also had BPD, but he was never diagnosed. So just FYI if you're in a new-age community be super vigilant.
Men are victims to this too!
Though, the worst perpetrator to this is, (ourselves).
When we believe that other people and things can make us happy and we chase after this desire for completeness, we are chasing into the wind. This is when we have a problem. A problem of the heart.
It’s not selfish to love yourself and without this love for yourself, you have no love to give others.
Don’t be fooled by what this world teaches you. I had believed for years, that it’s wrong to love myself. That it is bad to say NO to others and that I should always give to others when they desire it from me.
This trap led me to a blackened heart, a loss of spirit and an empty soul.
Love yourself so you, (May), Love others.
Matthew 22:39 KJV
“Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.”
7:10 what breeds gaslighting environment. great point
Yes! My ex did this to me before!
We as humans need one another to be whole and so most need to be in relationships thus often creates such complications to last especially couples who don't understand the humman psychology
Hello I was wondering if this would be gas lighting a parent says you can come anytime to our house then later on some time down the road you ask them if you can come at 7:00 and you come a little later and the parent is upset and mentions they don't like that you always come too late then the parent sometime later down the road asks when are you coming over and you say in the evening then they say we are not going to do that anymore.
Is it gaslighting when my partner said something that upset me, and when I confronted him about it, he turns it around and plays the victim and calls me crazy for being upset?
Sounds like it... That's what I experienced at least
i believe it depends.
gaslighting is a very special ‘technique’, so it is up to you to decide if you actually want to mix it with simple berating.
Quite possibly..many people in my opinion aren't aware what they may have learned growing up...counselling can shed light...I ve had hours of counselling. I grew up in alcoholic abuse and a depressed mother...
Yes...
Mine said that I was paranoid
My biggest problem is. As I was growing up first. I never lived long enough in one place & I was being mentality & emotional abuse at home & watched mother's abuse more verbally by father & family members. So I've never was able to have healthy relationships with either sex. So I never really understood what waa going on
or even ability to develop any relationships.
my partner keeps twisting everything around, avoids to solve problems or properly discuss matters that are imprtant to me, dismisses my feelings or my perspective of things, tells me to grow up, that im childish, fat, keeps laughing at me or smiling viciously all the time while mocking me or like hes delighted and waiting for my next response with glee.
i usually avoid being at public events or parties, but when i do, i always end up with people i dont know and get into conversations with them.
afterwards hed always tells me exasperatedly how i couldnt recognize that these people didnt like me or how badly they didnt want to talk to me, that i literally trapped them in conversations.
but i never got signs or the feeling that theyve been annoyed...i mean if someone responses regularly and adequately in a conversation they cant be uninterested or annoyed!?
if people dont know you theyre rather inclined to excuse themselves to get away from you.
he made me question my perspective, my judgement and most of all myself entirely.
its his way of making sure that i wont talk to other people. always being aware that noone likes me, to be dependend on him.
not sure how to proceed to get out of it
Chichachillie you are out of this relationship right?
How does one present themselves after they realize they are being gaslight but are still trapped with the gaslighter physically?
What would be even worst is if it's not your partner doing it it's total strangers
It’s correct ….nobody loves anyone who is a cheater or addict …..life is hard already but add this on top and life is unbearable…..
I stopped the gaslighting and constant pathological lying by leaving. I was so lost and suicidal.
Thank you for your video...*)))
If someone would tell me that I was irrational or overly emotional, I wouldn't mind. What would be so bad about being overly emotional and irrational...? If I would act irrational or overly emotional, there would be a very good reason for that.
Gaslighting tactics are such insidious dangerous and ridiculous games.
may I have some clarity? Gaslighting appears to begin with an accusation, but then turns into another accusation that avoids the initial accusatiin and pins the insecurity on the first person. can gaslighting be done without the initial accusation? referring to an initial claim that some action another person does is based on an insecurity.
+Josh Burkhart gaslighting doesn't always have to start with an accusation. The basic idea is that we're all entitled to our own reality, our own interpretation of our experiences. Gaslighting is when someone is unable to validate our reality (for reasons I enumerate in the video) and, instead, the gaslighter tries to replace our reality with his/her reality. For instance, it can stem from an accusation like when a spouse expresses to his/her partner that he/she feels like The partner has not been present in the marriage and that they fear the partner is having an affair. The gaslighting partner would not be able to validate his/her spouses experience and instead tells the spouse what they should think or feel (which is often lying and manipulation if they are really having an affair). Another example is when a child might fall and scrape his or her knee and begin screaming loudly in pain. For various reasons, a parent may come up and say "you're not hurt, get up, stop crying, you're fine". There's no accusation there. It's just another person who is struggling with accepting someone else's reality (again for various reasons) so they try to replace the child's experience with their own interpretation. Does that make sense? You are right in seeing that a lot of it stems from insecurity and defensiveness.
Yes. That makes more sense.
I call gaslighting...when someone is bulldozing...bull shitting ...excuses
I respect your advice but I feel that you are kinda relaxed on the topic. Maybe you do it becos you don't want to scare off potential clients, but I feel gaslighting and crazymaking is pure evil and actually very dangerous. Ok you are not actually denying this, but maybe getting away from the narcissist is also a very healthy option.
Holidayin germany I agree..I sense she may have never been a victim of gaslighting or narcissistic abuse.Her knowledge concerning this issue is either book knowledge or client experience.
Holidayin germany Absolutely correct. One of the most evil forms of abuse on Earth.
There is different levels obviously 🙄 she is discussing ALL ranges.
Nuance is lost on people who only acknowledge the extremities.
Projection is almost always about accusations and trickery.
I find gaslighting a very confusing concept. What do you do with the ubiquitous unsolicited advice of families and friends, which can be received and given? That can also be confusing because...you think about it. Reflecting on oneself, doubting oneself, after a remark from another, leads to deeper insights and it is fundamental to have some tolerance for it. Otherwise living in a (small) community is impossible. Some people just are emotional walls who seldomnly want to talk about feelings (neither theirs nor yours) and you just have to accept that. Because if you try to change another...you are being manipulative. Instead of using the gaslighting idea I think it is better to work with the "evolving gated boundaries" idea alone. Because it is clearer; it carries no blame (unlike gaslighting): it shows what the correct place for intuition is; and it learns us that we can evolve our boundaries when it becomes clearer to us what is important and what is not to be flexible and non flexible about. Boundaries make us stronger. On the contrary, the idea the we are gaslighted and that there are gaslighters is oppositional and turns most of us into preyed upon victims. In my opinion this is not a very enlightened, spiritual and wholistic way of doing psychology.
Anyway, thanks for the vid because now I know that this concept of "gaslighting" is being used.
Need to describe person in power, cause it's not necessarily financial or intelligence, could be just elementary attitude of knowing who cares and who doesn't.
Hey Kristin, I am only 4:30 minutes into the video and I have a question popping up. Maybe it will be answered later in the video, then I'll delete it, but I didn't want to forget it. You say that knowing about gaslighting is important, but right away I imagine: Couldn't an overawareness of the existence of gaslighting be destructive, too? Couldn't maybe a person high in neuroticism or anxiety tend to see gaslighting where it isn't happening? Or accusing the other of gaslighting could be an instrument to assert one's own overbearing will? Sometimes giving a name to somethin, making it a concept, is good, to understand what's happening to you or what you're doing. But sometimes it can lead to overidentifying it, suddenly seeing it everywhere. Any thoughts/ advice on that?
Also, Kristin, concerning co-dependent vs. interdependet relationships: what if you're starting to realize, that you grew up in the environment of your parents co-dependent relationship? What if you realize, you were part of that system, it has impacted you, but you still love them and their codependent relationship is still going on? Does it neccessarily mean you yourself have a codependent relationship style as well?
Dear Kristen S. That'where did you lose that broach/bracelet hits right home. In our family history. When I was a child. I wish I weren,t considered a narc personality. Thanks. Mum was. In their marriage. Gas lighted. Thanks.
Here's the link to the movie Gaslight (Angela Lansbury is too cute there) www.dailymotion.com/video/x20ezlr
The best defense is a heightened awarness,
You have to be spirituality couscous, you cannot be a defeated heart and enter a relationship, you cannot be needy and expect your partner to make you whole, we are all in need,it's very much common sense.
Michael Gregory
What????
after listening to this I wonder why those people bother having relationships