CPTSD and Borderline Made Simple
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- čas přidán 30. 08. 2014
- Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 "How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath"
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Remember guys, Malfunctioning not broken. We got this
Scooter1 Yeah um not really..I tried to arm Rob a Gun shop yesterday to shoot up a gang. I was the most polite pathetic embarrassing knife robber ever. Lucky for me I wasn't charged but man looking back I'm wtf I need to control my own mind and I can't.
Remember guys, don't try to fix it.
@@clanmacbeth7057 What?!!
Scooter1 I prefer to think of it as more as a step in evolution
Love it 👍
I have gotten more out of this video than months of therapy that I can no longer afford.
stillpril
For realz, stillpril.
stillpril - I second that.
Yes me too!
👍👍👍☀️
_Our unconscious doesn't care about us being happy or peaceful. Safety is the key word._ God that made so much sense of my behavior patterns.
Pre-emptive abandonment to preserve safety has controlled my life.
This clip is the best yet. I've just come from a 4 year relationship, with bipolar, borderline, abused childhood sufferer of sexual abuse, abandonment and divorce, and he had every narcissistic trait I've heard of..... ... I was the compassionate and sympathetic one, giving and helping at every 'flip' yet I still couldn't change the partner. Richard, every point you made was relevant in my partnership with A. I gradually became the sufferer of the PTSD while i was coping with his PTSD. My family and friends were affected, almost losing them all. My teenage daughter tried to take her life as a result of my partner, and as so we now have another sufferer of trauma as an effect of the CPTSD of my partner. I now suffer the triggers and anxiety, even though I'm not with the partner. No one could understand the hypnotic 'scooping out' of my very soul. I could see it happening but I was in that Stockhom syndrome. I was emotionally drugged. I was in a subspace often... .... I'm now in 'no contact' yet i still feel the tug of compassion and still trying to work out how to 'clean up', so to speak..... Thank you for your passion to help and educate us all... Love and light to you Richard
Listen to the old loveline radio shows from 1998-2001 here on youtube and you might realize that there's reasons you got together with someone like A. I worry you're putting your daughter at risk by thinking that it was all from his issues... It sounds like your dad wasn't there for you, probably having many issues similar to A, and now without meaning to, you've recreated the same type of damaging family environment for your daughter... I suggest you look at Pia Mellody's videos on codependence, I hope you can find useful ideas there.
You are good because you were conditioned to be while he was conditioned to be bad. Parents that don’t protect their kids from abuse need to accept some blame to.
So well explained, I really relate to this!! 💖
Whether I have borderline or not, I´m emotionally disregulated, and DBT skills help me.
Sooo happy to hear you reference Linehan! Yes to neuroplasticity and behavior modification, and No to demonizing persons who've never learned emotional regulation.
I found out that my emotional dysregulation was learned when I started to get free of it through daily meditation. Realized that I was no longer responding to life in the way I always had through my whole life. I thought it was my character but it turned out to be conditioning. What a rip off! Never mind, got a handle on it now, better late than never. Good luck and good living to all :)
When I learned about narcissism and codependency (I am high on both spectrums, as well as borderline spectrum) it was such a RELIEF! It’s like- oh this isn’t ME. These are trauma responses and really shitty programming from my caretakers trauma and lack of parenting. It’s like at first I had this big bowl of alphabet soup, the letters swirling around. Now that I’m learning about these “disorders” it’s like I have a billboard in black and white, legible writing. Only catch is….. yah gotta be hungry enough to heal and see these traits as your own and 💯 willing to work on changing.
Richard is a great teacher and funny AF. Thanks so much!
When the narcissist was still around me when I would hear his ring tones or his text sounds stomach would automatically hurt and my heart would feel like it got shocked.
Same...
I like the fact you say malfunctioning not broken 👍
That fixes everything.
You can continue abusing people now.
You have to make a joke of them
I draw comics about them and write songs that mock their character
It's actually hysterical
FYI I am about 2yrs into recovery
There is hope
@@laraparks7018 how many narcs does it take to change a light bulb? None, because they use gaslighting!
And if you have borderline personality you might not want to marry a narcissist like I did.
I did as well 😥 it's a nightmare
I'm sorry for what you been through.
we seem to always wind up in a nightmarish dance with them- don't worry. I have promised myself no more!!
That's a good thing Nastasya!
i see the borderline personality as the good guy out of the cluster b, 1)large amounts of empathy 2)capable of introspect and healing 3) has that wonderful capability of cleaning a room with the narc's ASS. he was drawn to you because of your ability to feel emotions strongly i hope you got him good, you very well may have and dont' even know it. i hope the narc was left feeling like the puss he is
Richard I want to tell you that your theory that CPTSD is curable is true. It can be healed. Keep pushing, your work is so helpful to us trying to regain ourselves after abuse. Thank you for these videos!!!
Tamie has this happened to you? Have you been cured/healed from CPTSD? I don't know anymore because although I am doing much better it's still a daily struggle for me although I've been in therapy for 8 years. I function much better but it's still a part of my life. So it would give me hope if you tell my you don't have it anymore...
@@jlnioannou Hi. I find reading Proverbs was a good start for me in all ways of healing. Bless you Juliana. Bless you with peace.
@@Lexilea68 Thank you! Also reading Psalms is very comforting for me, but I will also start reading Proverbs. Thanks again xxx
@@jlnioannou Yes! Psalms are beautiful reminders of God's promises. Thank you as well.
God can cure anything.
I've spent years trying to contain my internal emotional firecracker that gets sparked with certain situations. A parent of mine suffers from emotional dis regulation and their former partner was a perfectionist. Growing up with this created a combination that nurtured the borderline traits and cptsd that I now know I suffer from. You're videos have been very helpful and eye opening. 36 years and I can finally start the process of healing. Thank you.
I appologise to all persons in my life who I have unknowingly abused and Thank you for posting this so I can watch and understand the complexity of living with other human beings and the results of abuse, the recognition of approaching living abuse, and the attitude and defense tactics I can use, to ward of the abusers.
Raymond Hare llllll
Blessed are the peacemakers. Bless you.
Having borderline traits does not necessarily put someone within the 'dark triad'. The dark triad personalities are narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy. People diagnosed with borderline personality disorder can however sometimes be co-morbid narcissists as well.
+RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH
No, I don't think that the video says that explicitly, nor is that what you meant to relay, however at approx.10:15 you say, (regarding emotional deregulation) "when I say to you that I think there's some benign borderline traits (because I want to keep you out of the cluster b)" that could be misinterpreted as meaning that if you had malignant borderline traits then you would be included in the dark triad.
+RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH
Yes, sorry you do borderlines in the dark triad from 13:58. "The dark triad, which is narcissism, borderline and psychopathy"
Well done you found a mistake in this video when I was clearly stretching for words. I said "borderline" instead of machiavellianism. Once.
Internet points to you sir.
+Fisqui1 Ok, I was going to drop this but I can see its not going away.
Look, If you want to argue a point online, thats great, go ham sandwich on that shizzle, but google check your terms first.
Let me clear up the confusion:
Im going back to the original post.
1. Machiavellianism is not a "personality" and what is being discussed here is "personality disorders" not personalities.
2. Nor is Machiavellianism a "personality disorder". Machiavelli is the name of an author.
Machiavellian is an adjective that means: like the behaviours most famously described in a Novel called "The Prince" by an author called Machiavelli.
3. The Dark Triad is NOT the name of a personality disorder. Nobody has even been diagnosed as "Dark Triad". It is NOT a clinical diagnosis. It can best be described at this time as an "area of interest" in psychology that originally started out with a claim that there is no significant difference between psychopathy and narcissism.
4.Borderline Personality Disorder according to the DSM-5 and to the latest research IS a form of Narcissism and it may even be, according to some but not all researchers, a more emotionally volatile version of what was previously called Covert or Vulnerable Narcissism.
When I use the term BPD this is what Im talking about.
So the notion that it is harmful or "gives borderlines a bad name" to confuse them with the Dark Triad is false.
The Dark Triad is just another name for Cluster B personality disordered people.
The very notion of the Dark Triad, in its origins, though it has since been contested, is that the disorders of Cluster B (borderline, histrionic, anti social, narcissism) are interchangeable and should NOT be considered distinct personality disorders.
To be clear: if you have borderline personality disorder, you are in the Cluster B spectrum and many researchers will consider you to be in the Dark Triad, Dark Tetrad cluster of a personality disorder.
Do not be confused Borderline IS absolutely a form of narcissism and well within the Cluster B and well within the definitions of the Dark Triad.
For your consideration:
"Dark tetrad
Several researchers have suggested expanding the dark triad to contain a fourth dark trait. Everyday sadism, defined as the enjoyment of cruelty, is the most common addition. While sadism is highly correlated with the dark triad, researchers have shown that sadism predicts anti-social behavior beyond the dark triad.[111][112] *Borderline personality disorder* and status-driven risk-taking have also been proposed as additions.[106]
Vulnerable dark triad
The vulnerable dark triad (VDT) comprises three related and similar constructs: vulnerable narcissism, factor 2 psychopathy, and *borderline personality disorder*. A study found that these three constructs are significantly related to one another, and manifest similar nomological networks. Although the VDT members are related to negative emotionality and antagonistic interpersonal styles, they are also related to introversion and disinhibition.[113]"
Both new additions to the research, Dark Tetrad AND Vulnerable Dark Triad, absolutely include borderline personality disorder.
+Fisqui1 Yes, and are you aware there is more than just one person on this thread? And the other person has made it clear he does not know the origin?
I still can't hear an automatic garage door open without feeling my heart jump into my throat.
Alisha Hilleary Awwww sorry babe
Same.
Alisha Hilleary i understand....so much.
I had that same fear as a teenager. It is better now, but 25 yrs has passed.
Bless you with peace.
Where have you been all my life, most especially the past 3-4 years?! Listening to your videos is like listening to someone explain me to myself. Every single thing you say in your videos is 100% spot on, especially the advice you give on how to fix it. You my friend, are a God send and I am so soo incredibly thankful that I stumbled across your videos.
This was absolutely brilliant, Richard. Brilliant! I've been following you for some time once I exited my relationship with a narc, who I feel now is borderline (with actual diagnosis of bipolar) emotionally disregulated. Dealing with CPTSD now, and have a decent handle on it, provided a trigger doesn't surface. You're absolutely right in saying how the happiness is some other reality when one is in the throes of survival. Much gratitude to you. This helped tremendously.
Thanks for talking in a way I can understand. I appreciated the F word, cause that's the normal way I talk. It helps me to learn what's going on in my brain.
I have had nothing but horrible experiences with therapy and psychiatric "professionals" why don't any of them know how to treat this? I finally (with your help and others like you) have helped MYSELF! Still get flashbacks. But at least the ring tone on my cell doesn't give me panic attacks anymore. All this CAN be healed. It just takes a lot of work all by yourself unfortunately. Keep watching these and read everything you can about this. Love and light to you all
That must be why I freak out during torture scenes in movies even though I've never been physically "tortured".
my ptsd has definitely resulted in my emotional disregulation and my hostile reactions to my therapists. thank you for explaining this to me, I don't feel so hopeless any more. My anger reactions are frightening because they happen so fast, and they have frightened away two romantic partners. I'm willing to try therapy again but the VA is so, as you put it, dismissive and derogatory of my inability to tolerate opening up to them, I'm going to seek civilian help.
I've recently experienced being in a relationship with someone who has extreme emotional disregulation and I can honestly say I have never experienced such extreme high's & low's.. and while I have empathy for how confusing and painful it is for him, I have more empathy for myself and that's why I finally broke it off for good. My relationship only lasted 6 months and I feel extremely thankful that I got out when I did.
I have a friend who cannot eat spaghetti because it makes her sad. Her mother was very abusive (tried to set her on fire twice) and her mother made spaghetti all the time.
I hate spaghetti - for the same reason.....I have a desire to kill the spaghettimanufacturer so hatefull I am about spaghetti......ist no Food to me.
I used to have a huge aversion to the beach because any time we would go my mother would always be in a horrible mood and start big fights with me or my dad for no reason, and would be extra emotionally abusive. I've gotten over it for the most part, but sometimes while getting ready for the beach I do get a bit anxious.
I cant eat it either because it reminds me of my family of origin who are all narcissists
cubanita365 Me too. My mother used to put me down all the time.
They pretty much messed up everything I liked cause I hate everything now.
I was diagnosed with bpd and cptsd around the age of 22 (29 now) and have suffered from my own thought patterns for even longer. Recently I feel like i've made an actual breakthrough, acknowledging my sexual abuse took a weight off my chest I never thought possible. It was the very day I came "out of the closet" about my abuse, that I also started to have a huge shift of perception. My first person I told was my dr and i was met with nothing but kindness and empathy it shook me to my core. This was a dr. I had split on in the past, someone who I hadn't always been the most kind to showing me nothing but compassion and love in a time I needed it most. It shifted everything I saw about the world, no longer do I feel like everyone is out to get me. My first experience I remember in live damaged me in such a way that I expected closed fists for the rest of my life and acted accordingly. I still struggle with managing my emotions, but I have finally been able to see my role in how lacking of empathy and plain cruel I have been to ppl I love in my life, my rage has always been warranted but it's been so misplaced. I apologized to the people in my life who have had to deal with my (my dr. included) and I feel a sense of peace I have never known I'm not fixed but I am far from being lost anymore.
Dude. Thank you so much for every damn sentence of what you just said. You eloquently and intelligently smashed together so many schools of thought, study and lived experience (and fantasy / sci-fi references that I love!!) that totally nailed so much of how CPTSD and borderline works, which as someone who's been diagnosed with both I appreciate the hell out of. No mental health practitioner in my entire life (and I've seen everthing: counsellors, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, mental health and well-being officers) has ever shown me a sliver of the understanding that you clearly have for this topic. I too believe that everything that is learned and conditioned can be undone, and that healing is possible. My reading, studies and unpacking of my own trauma and mental processes and emotional dysregulation is new and ongoing, so thank you so much for contributing your video to the global collation of information on this topic. It very much feels that we, the sufferers, are the ones leading the charge and will be the ones who ultimately solve the issues of how to identify, manage and recover from these conditions.
My God Richard is an amazing teacher
I love you're enthusiastic intelligence Richard !!!! Thank you so much ! I am so happy and lucky to find you and I recommend💜 you to those in need to heal !
i like this it makes a lot sense. the name is very derogatory. im NOT horrible. im a victim without coping skills
Ryann Ferriter No you’ve got coping skills. Seeing everything as black & white, escapism & disassociation is what your brain developed as coping skill at a young age. And they’re not inherently bad, you just need to develop emotional maturity which got inhibited in childhood.
Thanks mate for your free video for everyone to learn and share. Coming out of a relationship, and working on piecing myself back together this has been exceptionally enlightening and calming.
thank you. I have been "diagnosed" as a borderline many years ago & while I was elated to FINALLY have an explanation for how I am.... I soon found that the label itself was a kiss of death. most therapists won't work with borderlines, potential friends and romantic interests write me off as toxic before they even get to know me or worse exploit the dysfunction...etc. etc. So thank you for believing we are not hopeless. I've often thought my experiences were a form of PTSD due to childhood trauma... I KNOW that I react inappropriately to stimuli & have struggled most of my life to try and describe it to people to make them understand that I'm not some evil manipulative person out to do harm to others....I'm protecting myself, but I don't always recognize it's happening or I don't know how to describe it and I don't have the tools to fix it... I need help, not condemnation. So thank you for not casting borderlines aside as hopeless damned people to be shunned. I personally like to view my "disorder" as a gift....I feel LIFE to the extreme and I don't want to give up that part of myself, because not only do I often stare into the bottomless pit of dispair.... I also experience the "manic" joy from beholding the beauty of being ALIVE. It's extreme, but that's me....just wish I could share it all with someone else without wearing them out & making them dysfunctional as well. Again....thank you for holding out hope for us. And thank you for recognizing the psychiatric community RARELY has a functional solution for help. I have spent countless time and money revisiting trauma so the therapist can understand my history....which then triggers me and makes me completely disfunctional and then given ZERO advise on how to cope with what's happening....which sometimes causes me to loss my jobs... which I NEED to have to be able to pay for therapy. For a while I did have some success when I was in a program that centered around CBT & DBT (a lot of difficult brain training) and will continue my quest for answers.
I've found your videos recently and I don't normally comment places, but I had to say I absolutely love your videos! It's been easier to accept these kinds of things when you talk so openly and informatively in a way that's easier to understand and engaging. I feel really woke to myself and others around me going through heavy shit, Thank you 💖
You're wonderful! Thank you for all your guidance and wisdom. You give people hope
Love your videos. Much appreciation for your time doing them
This is probs years old but omg Richard this is SOLID stuff.
Thank you for being real and keeping that humour rolling.
Your care and compassion - simply amazing.
I'm bingeing on your vids...love them! You're very watchable, and the info is so helpful. Huge thanks!
Thank you so much for your insights. I had already watched this video years ago, but I needed to watch it again in order to keep my abandonment fears at bay and also to remember that I am ok. It appeared in my CZcams feed synchronistically. I really needed to listen to this.
Thank you for all you do ❤️.
Ha! I can't believe I just ran across your videos. Loved this timeless simple human look at labels, healing, diagnosing... just appreciating how you showed up on this video and looking forward to binge watching some of your other videos. How did I miss you out there. I suppose it's true, when you're ready to grow, the path opens up for you and the information comes when needed. Thank you 🙏
Very helpful information in differentiating these differences and sorting this all out. My spouse is so all over the map here, that this really narrowed her down for me. Thank you, this is priceless information.
Being raised in drama, having everything I do or say put under a microscope, not allowed to explore different things in order to discover a talent, (If you don't do it right the first time, don't do it all). I was a scapegoat, and it times, I am frightened of people and have found myself in so many different bully scenarios. I am getting better with it but, I hate that sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut and blurt out at (someone I think is a friend and if someone is clearly being shitty towards me) I need to learn not to react to things, still need much work there. I am good at my job but this stuff has hindered any kind of advancement. My life has been a huge mess. I was married for 25 years and I don't think he was a narcissist, i would scream at our kids and throw temper tantrums. I would try to calmly "discuss things with him" and his first reaction would be screaming. Am I still suffering from that?
I can not thank you enough for your exact analysis of this condition. I have followed you now for over a year and have progressed tenfold. Especially living in a foreign country and still having to have daily contact with the toxic element, Due to child care issues. Merci for every thing you have kept me grounded!
People talk down about religion, but living and working in that community, I've seen genuine continuous unfiltered genuine love, shock and meltdown a narcissist.
I think the assault on Christian communities are deliberate and for the sake of protracting this sensitivity and "conditioning" by narcissists for a power grab.
What the Chinese called soft power. A head on traditional war would most certainly be a fools errand, but if you take advantage of people's good will and conditioned behavior, you probably could get a foothold into a society you plan to supplant. There's projection, playing the victim and micro-aggressions and co-opting. It's a mind game that should no longer be tolerated. Ironically good genuine love radiating from a large genuinely Christian community could save lives and make life more flexible.
Destroying the mentality that germinates narcissism is better than simply bearing with it. One type of narcissism supplants the other. Without love, the smaller bully gets "trumped" by the larger one...
Religion certainly can be a force for good, but it's also an exponential force multiplier for abusers. Christianity contains a set of rules that, if you pay attention to it, condemns every single human. Which gives abusers ammunition to condemn anyone they like at will, but it's not just that one person condemning someone, they get to bring the weight of an allegedly omnipotent being into the equation, bringing into question a person's supposed eternal soul. That's way too much power. Christianity gives waaaaay too much power to abusers.
Many, many, many thanks for your videos! This is a therapy in itself for me. I have recently broken up with a man diagnosed as having BPD. In the 14 years we were together he systematically destroyed my children and me. Let the healing begin!
Thank you for the video, very helpful to hear. Provides a slight relief from the hopeless feeling.
Excellent and very entertaining (yet still very informative and well balanced, scientifically sound) message! it's so beneficial to see things that are so stigmatized and shame-inducing discussed in a honest and relaxed fashion to educate AND comfort both those who suffer directly from these issues or those who seek to understand them better.
Thanks so much for your videos! Enormously helpful to me as a survivor who also hopes to ultimarely help set other victims free from the emotional/psychological chains that still hold them in bondage!
Happy new year! ☺️
I do believe you can get out of there. I experienced a full year of total empowerment of myself it felt so nice. Until, I got some shocking news and again, going back to the shithole. I want to be back to that state and I think by learning and understanding what is going on with you is the key. Plus, leaving behind those people that constantly hurt you.
Richie, from one scoucer to another. You are the best thing i found this year. Your work has helped me and so many others. For that, and them. THANK YOU. From me though, Merry Christmas big fella.
This is such great information! In my opinion it's so much more helpful to talk about "emotional disregulation" than borderline or even bipolar. After listening to this, I see that my own emotional disregulation which I was told was bipolar was actually temporary (situational) and the effect of the influence of many months at the hands of a borderline/narcissist who ended up gas lighting me. He literally drew me into his madness and then blamed it on "bipolar". Thank you, Richard. It's a beautiful thing to actually hear someone talk about these things in a way that applies to my situation. You are really helping me make sense of my behavior and the behavior of others. Thank you and please keep the videos coming!
Agreed, whatever the diagnosis, cause, name or level of.... If one is being treated like shit, ignored & their feelings, wants, desires aren't being considered. Getting mocked, insulted, mistreated &/or abused in any way shape or form by those who are supposed to care about you... If boundaries are being crossed, limits are exceeded & there's no accountability or remorse.. High levels of disrespect, a lack of compassion or empathy along with lying, twisting/scheming &/or cheating..... it's like, "Heeeeeere's your sign!". Any of, should be enough to say something isn't right & needs to be addressed.... handled... dealt with. Physical or emotional negligence on any level, an indicator to turn back on those gut instincts you've prob. been ignoring for some time now. ;) What's craziest to me, is that while IN that fog... somehow... someway.... (tho I could notice things instantly about others, always could) ..... wasn't able to see things in my OWN relationship. All the things I excused away, suppressed, ignored, looked the other way about for some reason... made OK because to others, seemed to great... along w/ the spinning, lies by omission, deception.... the confusion.. .all those red flags..... my own instincts..... ALL the things that only once I was out, only once I had clarity.... was I able to see, plain as day, had been there since DAY ONE so many years ago.. How anyone could have that much power over you & your thoughts... perception... reality..... moral compass... still just blows my mind, tbh. Esp. when they weren't even THAT good at it, looking back in hind-sight. Was like some script that kept repeating.... only the players would change! smh... Just SO much time wasted, phew. Anyway.. Be strong, be well, be HAPPY! =) ~Live long(ER) & vape on! www.abillionlives.com #youarebeingLIEDto
You know, I watch your vids for solid advice understanding my wife. However, you always end up making me laugh even though I feel so emotionally exhausted and spent. Not only have you made everything more clear and understandable about what is happening with my situation, you have also provided a spin of humor with your descriptions. I often burst out laughing and that's huge for me right now. For everything you do, and the knowledge you have shared with all of us, I thank you for helping me/us who struggle to understand the mental dynamics of those with these disorders. Cheers!
Amazing, entertaining,and educational simultaneously! Love your video. Thank you.
Thank you for posting these videos. You've helped me a LOT!!! I grew up in an extremely violent home with a rage-aholic father. I felt like I could never do anything "right" for him. The rules always changed which was insane to try to understand as a kid & teen. I lived in fear of him killing me for years. Am now 52 & never been married & honestly don't ever plan to do so. Have done tons of therapy in the last 20 years and am doing much better psychologically . Now I'm dealing with healing a health issue that I feel is a direct result of the crappy thinking & stress I inherited from my parents. Signed up for counseling with you but never heard back.
Oh man, I have the EXACT same response when my phone rings; it's why I never make my ringtone songs I like anymore.
Also, loved the 'There Will Blood' reference. Daniel Plainview is one of hte best depictions of a Narc in cinema.
CPTSD survivor.....still a long ways to go! I too refuse to believe that I just have to live with it. There is always a way. That way might not be over or under, sometimes you just have to work through it and that is why I am here!
Great one. Thank you. Absolutely fascinating, and very useful. I appreciate your help.
The HPA Axis is the part that was beaten and bullied out of me as a child and the reason I was a target by other pupils in school, yes? I never had a natural ability to react to most things because I wasn't allowed too. So because I had to just "take it," that was my natural response to anything outside the home as well.
Have I understood that? :)
No you've still got a HPA Axis, everyone does, the point is that it is malfunctioning due to prolonged abuse, e.g. adrenaline being released at the wrong times causing stress responses when there is no actual danger etc.
Anton Chargrin
I didn;t mean it was literally beaten out of me. :)
I mean my body failed to learn how to use the emotions it created because my parents never let me express them.
I was being hit sometimes before I knew what was wrong and wasn't allowed to defend myself verbally.
So when I met kids in school and they picked on me etc. I never had a learned response so I just took it like my parents taught me I should.
Did you ever fight back? Against other kids etc.?
I ask because I found my own response was to take abuse until eventually exploding with repressed rage.
Over a long time and with great difficulty I have learned to develop the happy medium of assertiveness, and I believe I've trained my HPA axis somewhat (though I still have intensely emotional dreams that affect me for quite a while after I wake up).
Anton Chargrin
I wasn't completely bullied as there were softer kids there than me but I was more of a target of mild verbal abuse and name calling and never really had an respect from anyone. But it was still more than I should have had to put up with without reacting in a normal manner.
I had a couple of fights when I was very young and came off worse so it wasn't something I was going to do very often. That's another reason why it became easier to just take it. And I think if I had told my parents I was fighting they probably would have hit me for that as well. If my father had thought I was going to get into fights and learn how to defend myself then his abuse would have been more difficult.
So that is what I learned. I couldn't reply with the verbal abuse ( for the fear of getting hit ) and could only defend my head when my father was trying to beat me. He always used to hit me round the head.
The thing now is with being an adult I found out 16 months ago I have a prolactinoma that has been growing for over 20 years so my aggression has still been very low even as an adult. My pituitary gland is the size of a golf ball instead of a pea.
And when I confront my parents with anything they blame the treatment I'm on as that is turning me into a normal person with normal reactions to abuse. And watching these videos has made me relaize just how much abuse has been going on even from my mother as well. Although she has hidden it well by pretending to be on my side.
nethe0 yes...thank you so so much
You are a damn comedian. I love it. Thanks for your wisdom and I appreciate your passion to help others. God bless you.
Your explanations are so relatable. And entertaining! Thank you.
One of the best videos on CZcams ! Bravo
First time I hear someone making sense. Thank you! This is a helpful video.
I think you and your videos are just awesome!
This is so helpful right now, I love how you reference Tolle and make so many big connections between multiple truths.
I wish I discovered your content when I was in college. These videos have been extremely helpful for me! Thanks!
This was really helpful but I'd really love to hear even more clear *differences* laid out, becuase i was diagnosed as both. -After 12 years of thinking i was Borderline then changed to CPTSD, it clarified SO MUCH, and was REALLY helpful, because my mental health was suffering much more when i thought i was BPD ... here's why: i was frantically looking for where i hadn't been accountable, where i was self harming, where i was emotional but not *working hard enough on recovery* finding my failings as a person, i felt like i wasn't ethical enough, (ironically, I was regularly gaslit about being more ethical as a child thru relgious abuse and emotional abuse) and lastely, where had i been manipulative....looking for ways to figure all this out made me sort of recycle the trauma instead of know what to DO with it.
Once i found out i was CPTSD, I felt HUGE amounts of relief, mainly because the years of abuse and trauma meant that was WHY i was terrified of my own failures.
So, when i thought i was Borderline, i looked at the list of "behaviors" (symptoms) and that meant years of believing i was those things i listed in the DSM4, when many of them didn't exactly fit.
So, instead of cutting, i would feel shame and i drank so i was able to be around people and less afriad of them, so, that must have been "the way i self harmed". Instead of "not being accountable" i would feel like i had to "FIND ways to be take many social interaction" whenever they were scary, (and the often were) and "be accountabl".
Does this make sense?
-The Borderline diagnosis actually made my mental health worse, becuase even tho i knew i was abused in many layers and over many years, it gave me a way to believe and agree with my abusers; that i was inherently flawed (i had been pathologized BY them becuase of how i reacted to their abuse)
Anyone else have this happen to them?
ace video. Thank you. I am understanding so many more concepts about myself and others since discovering your site.
wow..watched your recent vids and now watching earlier ones to be 'caught up" and more in depth with knowledge ...even more impressed at how amazing these were earlier tho even better now.
Awesome stuff! Really enjoying your videos, thank you :)
I recently discovered that I am struggling with CPTSD, and have been in counselling for a few months now. Listening to your videos is slowly piecing this puzzle together for me outside of counselling, and I'm finding tools I can use and thought processes that can help me gain some space from my emotional patterns. Thank you so much for your hard work, you are making a huge difference.
How many Cardassians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four, because there are FOUR LIGHTS!!!
:)
I really enjoyed this video and the confirmation and insight it has brought.
Great video excellent analysis, promising strategy. Keep up the good work.
This video is a real gem 💎! It nailed all the important details, aspects and elements of cpstd and borderline. Bravo 👏. I actually feel helped or at least understood ❤
wow... thanks for the video and the talk. i thought i was going crazy with the ring tone thing. i do it also with songs and even places we used to go like home depot and target. love your channel. thanks for putting this stuff up.
Thank you. I am working very hard to heal and improve my life. Your videos help me greatly.
Just found you. This is the best description of these Ive heard. I have CPTSD and was told BPD due to being adopted. I feel like its more the overap in that trifecta you referenced. TY so much for this.
BPD, is a torment that plagues its host, indeed the people around me, will testify I am easy to love but impossible to understand. There are so many acronyms it has become alphabet soup. Yes we can learn to modify or regulate our emotional response but it has to be a cognitive choice we continue to execute. It can become the default setting, but it is never automatic.
I couldn't describe BPD better, it really feels like a virus on my brain.... so negative and destructive to its host
Julie Howman likewise i am the most loveable person I'M TOLD yet i don't feel it YET.
Yes! It reminds me so much of addiction. You have to be vigilant every day. One drink can spiral into a 1000. One emotion can spiral into “crazy” mode. You can eliminate alcohol/drugs from your life, but you can’t really eliminate emotions. Imagine giving an alcoholic just a little bit of vodka randomly everyday and expect them to regulate it like a “normal” person.
But do you guys with BPD pathologically lie???
@@Sweetie310yes they do and impulsively have sex at the drop of a hat with anyone who gives them attention , crave external validation in all forms to the detriment to theyre partner, cycle pathologically through every relationship which just ends the same everytime
Thanks Richard, your videos are very insightful and making me come to terms with a lot of things
You´re a real kick, Rich. Enjoyed your presentation and very much appreciated how you weaved in some good perspectives here and there. BPD = unregulated emotions, fear of abandonment and unstable sense of self. Thanks
Omg, Yes the Trek reference is just completely perfect!! I watched another video of yours where you mentioned 1984 and torture and this scene was the first thing to pop into my head. The movie and television references are so great, I love that you put them in. And your random accents and faces are so entertaining.
Thank you for being you and sharing yourself with others.
I think this is the most thorough and helpful description of cPTSD that I've found so far. Really grateful for this post.
This is utterly, completely brilliant. Thank you. You have explained the horror that I have lived, both the trauma and the resulting emotional dysregulation, depression, borderline symptoms. You've made it crystal clear. My abuser was stealth; he was Mr. Wonderful who doted on me, yet never kept his word, lied, crazy making conversations....the whole deal. So I lost my mind, alienated my children because of my meltdowns and he is blameless...30 years of marriage. Anyway, if you ever need an example for a book to illustrate how this happens, I'm your person. Add cognitive dissonance to these discussions. Maybe you have; I've just found you. He was so good to me...doted on me, but he lied, betrayed, on an on ...I lost my mind. I don't know how I'll get healthy.
Another fine vid. Much gratitude. Thank you, and never become one of "them" who would encourage you to stop pushing towards fixing and compassion, sharing relevant information and hope/help. aka stay awesome. We/humankind/earthlings can evolve and do stuff.
Wow! Excellent job deciphering a complex subject.
WOW!!!! Your talks are Always SUPER educational, and I find it fascinating to try to comprehend it all!.....Thank you SO MUCH!!!! Richard. I think that in a great measure, just becoming AWARE of, and "educated about these multi-layered, multi-faceted, complex and sometimes subtle, subconscious, and even powerful conscious behaviors, helps One to start to internally, mentally, consciously understand the predicaments, and circumstances of their lives, and the psycho-social interactions going on around themselves. Observation leads to awareness, education, thoughtfulness/mindfulness, and finally transcendence of some of these surmountable obstacles! (sorry to be so wordy, but); THANKS! again! :D
This is one of the best videos you've done, in my opinion
You are totally accurate
Thank you for this awesome video and channel, I'm extremely grateful that I found it to aid in my research for my daughter. Stumbled upon something when she was much younger and want to share this concept please.
Being an animal scientists, I was working with our family canine using dog psychology behavioral method of calm-assertiveness claiming the opened door, which means that even when door is open the dog doesn't bolt out of it but rather stay on the same page with me in an energy connection sense. Along came my little toddler daughter and I instinctively applied this same method as she approached the door and received an immediate response of compliance by child and the canine fell in together and displayed no objection to allow me as their pack leader in a way of speaking. Hopefully this may help others as I'd be honored that it will. Much Love to All ♡ Sincerely appreciate this format on the topic and awesome work 👍👍👍😀
Love how you explain things in a relatable way. I've been diagnosed with unstable emotional personality traits and probable cyclothymia. I also have Fibromyalgia, which I am told can be the result of trauma.This video made me think about so many things, one in particular in regards to relationships. if a partner threatened to leave me, I would gain their trust again, make them believe that everything was alright, THEN, I would leave THEM ! ~Also I liked how you explained the abandonment thing not being so black and white. A neighbours cat, who visited me everyday, and whom I loved very much, went missing. I was so distraught (understandably) and was so worried about him and wanted him home safely, but it was also about me ' what an earth am I going to do without this cat'. Panic set in ! Luckily for all involved, Charlie was found, and all ended well. Thank you for this video, I will be watching more for sure.......
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. This helps to understand myself better, and hopefully my nearest and dearest can too.
Thank you for this whole video, useful, informative and definitely needed. X
Insightful, with many apt analogies. Thanks, coach
This and similar videos have been so helpful to me the last few days, as I've been having emotional flashbacks after many weeks of seeming to have made positive progress. It has been happening at work when I don't have the time or space to deal with it properly so I just cry inside and wish I was at home hiding from everything.
Thank you for being you, Richard.
I have lived in frightening environments, I did not start to feel safe in the world until many years after getting away from there. Is there hope of recovery when the place you live in offers no security? Sometimes a person can't move away because they are too poor?
Gunvi Sund I hear you loud & clear, no one seems to have the answer other than "no contact". I suggest you work on detaching (emotionally) fom these destructive people, just have an imaginary wall around you they cannot penetrate. This can be tiring & sometimes seem impossible, especially if you are dependent in any way on them, but it's the best I have....it also takes practice. You shouldn't have to work to protect yourself. Best of luck to you.
Gunvi Sund There IS hope of recovery, it takes time. The more damage, the more time.
Gunvi Sund
Oh this is a X 10 abusive reality.
Gunvi Sund Bless you so true!
@researchfiend You are on point with many very good points!
OMG. Thank you so much. Your video made so much sense.
Watched the whole video ! Didn't understand a word of it. Jus kiddin' ... thanks for posting.
Awesome you nailed it I am not disordered or damaged, my emotional self needs to heal from trauma. I over react, under react, get paranoid get very dark and get high on anxiety. I work at getting balanced. i ask a lot of questions hoping to get beyond survival. Thank you for such clarity and hope.
Bang On - beautifully articulated Thank you Richard - I love how you make a point that all of these emotional reactions are SOO FIXABLE in anyone willing to go there - understand it - make positive steps to clear it - not a victim state
i had to change my text message notification because hearing it literally made me so anxious!! thank you for the validation haha
Spot on. Brilliant. Thanks for posting.
You are priceless! I've got this on in the background while I'm dusting and your Scouse accent saying about the Easter Bunny just made me laugh so much. You're like the yeast that makes eating wholewheat bread bearable: you bring joy to recovery. A wonderful gift. Thanks so much Richard.
You're my hero. Thanks for this video!