How Marriage Became a LIABILITY for Black Women
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- čas přidán 23. 07. 2024
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Ep 223 | From our London trip, the boys link with @IMOPODCAST to discuss
0:00 Preview
2:10 Magnum sipping
5:59 dick cages
9:16 femdom
13:39 pegging for change
26:55 is sexual domination actually domination
32:52 what men want
37:12 what women want
45:28 she said no to the proposal
54:46 How Marriage Became a LIABILITY for Black Women
Our Appearance on IMO (Pt 1 & 2)
• WHAT IS THE BEEF BETWE...
• WHY MY WIFE WONT BE TA...
Our Episode with Seasoned Seasons: • Engaged EDUCATOR or In...
IMO's first Appearance on the pod:
• A Father is a Daughter... - Komedie
Before I even finish the video I just wanna say that it’s so weird (in a good way) seeing yall from head to toe. 😂 I feel like im watching yall for the first time.
I thought the same thing!
like what do u mean they're not just floating heads on a zoom screen 🙁
Bro they're in 3d now 😂
@@nami-ic5nv they have legs?!?!
😂😂
I love seeing Black men feel safe to discuss these things. It’s really beautiful
Y’all ain’t gonna say sum about Eddy getting a lineup? 🤣🤣
UK Travel Vlog including Eddy's haircut with @slidercuts and our trip to Stonehenge coming soon for channel members
First thing I noticed
@@WavingtheRedFlag BLACK MEN are a liability to black women. Black women should be dating outside their race 9/10 times
Crispy!
same
I love how Alvin can with studies expose how misconstrued our society’s views on things are i.e Sex.
Alvin really activates the Sapiosexual.
The ee-ga-la-ga-tarian had me gargling on my couch. Too funny 😹
For the marriage question, the reason she said no to the proposal could be because she kinda gave up on the idea of getting married. After two years, she brought it up, and if he had asked her to marry him after five years, she would've been more likely to say yes. But now, after ten years, she's probably telling people they decided not to get married. She's been talking smack about marriage because she thought it wasn't gonna happen, but she actually really likes the guy. She doesn't wanna look bad or like a hypocrite to her friends and family, so she wants things to stay the same.
I've seen this happen a few times, you know? If you've been together for more than ten years without getting married, people start gossiping, especially women. It's like a thing.
Not just that. They live apart. Once you hit your 30s you start to become a little more settled in yourself, become wiser and youre more willing to say no. Something over those 12 years couldve told her that he isnt husband material. She may love him but not respect him.
The Sunk Cost Fallacy - our tendency to continue with something we've invested money, effort, or time into-even if the current costs outweigh the benefits.
37:17
"I know where you're going-"
"You see what I'm saying?"
"-And you bout to get fucked up on this"
Fuckin dying
This is so weird ... y'all have bottom halves
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think often we get caught up in the idea of what *insert group of people here* want/find attractive/respect etc. but I genuinely find that if you are yourself, you'll eventually find the people for you.
I think we could all do with being a little less judgemental as a society. Molding ourselves to align with other peoples expectations and values seems like a shame for a life that's so relatively short. If something intrigues you, and it doesnt harm yourself or others, go ahead and try it a couple times. There are always going to be open minded people out there ready to try with you if you know where to look
I think implicit in the "will your woman respect you and vulnerable s*xual positions for men" conversation is the implication that when you're in a dominant position to their vulnerable one, you don't respect them, no? Indictment of the patriarchal power structure at large
I thought that was a really interesting point. I was super curious to see if either Alvin or Eddy would point out that. Does the man even respect the woman he's with during intercourse, and why is it so important that she does? It implies that respect is only for people (typically men) in the 'dom' position. So does this mean 'subs' (typically women) are not deserving of respect or respect is not an expectation to someone in a vulnerable position?
But I do understand that people don't usually talk about respect when it comes to intercourse outside of respecting boundaries. Still, this gives me something to think about if/when I enter my next relationship.
speakin' for myself, that ain't it
it's a matter of "It's fine when _they_ do it."
@@SummiIcereally good questions honestly
It's a double standard. Eddie did say that he used to feel like that but, in general, men feel that is their natural position so it's not a big deal to dominate. The issue comes in when you're playing the role that isn't the "natural" relationship betweena man and a woman.
I had an idea recently:
BOTH spouses change their name to a NEW last name. Y'all a new family now.
(And no I don't mean hyphenating)
I’m changing it to Gates so I can convince either Kevin or Bill that one of them is my lost father 😭
My partner and I are thinking about this
We used to be matrilineal where children would be passed down from their mother's line... since they technically come from their mothers.
Not a bad idea. I've thought about this before.
Yeah, but the topic is about Black women tho🤔
If I'm so worried about what someone is gonna say about me after we break up that I won't let them see me vulnerable, then I'd take a good look at myself. That's a sign of MY shame, MY insecurities, or MY guilt about something I'm doing that goes against my values. I don't see how trying transgressive things in private is anything more than good consensual fun.
I would add that as women, when looking to marry and start a family we are looking for who would make a good father. That’s not usually the brawny hypermasculine guy. More nurturing, softer featured men feel like they have a natural inclination toward fatherhood
This part! There's also the probability that most of us black women did not have good experiences with our fathers or they were emotionally absent for us growing up. Almost every black woman I've met who had a decent father figure present in their life figured out the "decent male partner" stuff pretty early. I'm 34, and never had any idea what a decent man was cos I never had one as a reference personally. It's just now that I'm beginning to understand what a good male partner would mean for me, and also being comfortable with being alone/single if I don't find that man that I would consider a decent partner.
The talking past each other in these men vs women conversations is getting so annoying. Social conditioning almost never gets brought up, and when it does, it’s hit with is\ought fallacies left and right.
Did anybody else head do a 180 when he said he has two kids and flash back to earlier in the episode when he says he doesn't use condoms?
54:00 I wouldn't say resentment but if dude says he didn't need marriage and didn't need it for 10 years what was he waiting for exactly? What's the point in marriage if it didn't make sense 10 years ago? Did the economic situation change? Did he take 10 years to fall in love? Or did he take 10 years to notice he wasn't gonna find better? I would be thinking about that.
yeah, resentment is a pretty small way to see it. 10 years later she's probably seen some friends get divorced, she's had the time to develop her own opinion instead of going for the status quo, maybe she decided she doesn't want/can't have kids so there's no need to get married anymore, maybe her career is in an entirely different place and she drastically out earns him, maybe she's about to inherit a bunch of money, maybe she just doesn't need marriage anymore after 12 years together and the whole thing seems pointless.
For him, I think he realised that he wanted a wife and family and didn't want to start again.
Actually in the D/s dynamic. The sub has more power. All the power in reality. BDSM is about consent. Without the sub's consent, ain't shit gon happen
Man I absolutely LOVE the chemistry yall have! All these collab episodes have been super freaking fun!!
Got the pro setup going now 😎
It's a rental studio. They're in London
🌝🍿
In my tribe originally pre Christianity and colonial influence when you marry into a family you would get a new name to symbolise the union. So you wouldn’t take your husband/ partners name but gain a new redefining your new identity as part of this merging of people. And I would love to bring that back because holding a new name I feel means more to the people together than carrying our father’s father’s father’s name. It’s also lovely because it recognises the woman’s side of the family! I’ve added my mothers name into my name but I also have my grandmothers names from both sides and my dads, it’s a complete genealogy for me to know where I’m from as their child but also to add a new member and name when I enter a union
There are many cultures where the women keep their maiden name after marriage.
Yea no woman in my extended family has their husband's name
Icl if a woman doesn’t take my last name I ain’t gonna marry her
@@LondonMoneyCashEnterprise but why? Would that make you somehow more married if you have the same last name than if you don't? Taking the man's last name used to be about showing ownership/possession and it's a remnant of a bygone era.
@@fangal12 I know it’s outdated but most women still take their husbands last name. So if my future wife doesn’t take my last name what does that say about me and my relationship? If I were to be honest it would hurt my ego if other people thought I was too pussy to get my wife to take my last name, as toxic as it sounds. Most men are insecure when u remove them from patriarchal position unfortunately
@@LondonMoneyCashEnterprise maybe it could just mean your wife sees you as her life partner and not her owner
How are you a family? You move as a family. A last name is not the main thing that defines a family. You're the dad. She's the mom. they are your kids. FAMILY.
49:07 feel like the guy should've already had the conversation about marriage beforehand. If y'all conversation don't start until the proposal you messed up imo
Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted!
I think Eddie answered his own question when he asked why women get to decide when the partnership is ready for marriage - because from marriage than men. So that being said she should have more of a say about when she’s ready for marriage, because with marriage usually comes the prospect of children and child rearing is a way harder job for women. And if she has a career, then she also hast to put her career on hold to raise children that would only carry on the man’s Legacy traditionally.
I really appreciate you three at Waving the Red Flag for helping to bridge gaps.
Amazing how nobody questioned these things while boarding the gays and Blacks on the boats.
Every time I listen to straight men talk, I stg I thank God I’m gay.
And tbf, I’m not just judging the way men talk about women and relationships, but straight women suck. I identified as bi for the longest time, but straight women were exhausting.
34:00
This made me feel so bad for this guy because, "they like me" shouldn't be an aspirational trait. Like that should be taken for granted! Like that should be implicit in the fundamental concept of someone you're dating.
And the fact that that was no. 2??
That's got me asking if he's okay 🥺
As a gay man, the pegging for change section is funny af 💀 seeing the discoveries in real time 😂
I laughed out loud the entire time. I was super proud of my Black WTRF for their rather evolved takes, particularly in comparison to their guests. Yall never looked more attractive than in contrast to your guests.
If you want to make crazy money as a doctor in the UK, you become a consultant. They make crazy money.
I want to see yall all together at once more often. Getting this peep into a healthy man cave is so refreshing.
45:17 Ehen she expressed thst she wanted marriage he shut it down and she continued with the relationship.
Now that he wants marriage and she shut it down, now its a problem and you want to leave. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
She decided that she no longer wants marriage or even children, but he's nice to have around.
HE now wants a wife and family and doesn't want to start all over again, esp if he makes less money than her (wasn't he staying over at hers most weekends?).
Love this! Great collab!
I wish Eddie didnt deviate from the questioning about seeing women as lesser in vulnerable sexual positions and what the guy meant.
Respect to Alvin for staying consisten with his info and views.
58:00 glad it was on camera, the only time you'll see english/africans saying an american is smart 😂😂
Overall great episode. Its always interesting hearing what men think about these things.
In a 12yr relationship, lots of things change. You may want to get married when you're young and decide that you dont want to later. However, you might still want to be with the person.
In that time you finish school and start your careers. You learn about how the other person handles their finances and might not want to be legally bound to their debts.
Eddy who ate your shirt man? Great great episode but i had to 😅
I am so happy more women are seeing that marriage no longer benefits them! even if they are married and choose to be childless they still have house labor!!
Idiot, if U live on your own don't you still do your chores around your home?
@@kojoboateng6755 Of course and a man generally adds to it.......idiot.
Magnum sipper sounds insane
37:14 Come on Josh with that good good word.👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Oprah said “no thank u” 😌 and that made an impact on me
Eddie, why is there a hole in the armpit of your shirt?!😂
28:27 I would love to just say how refreshing to hear men talk about sexuality so openly healthily without saying “oh but women / men can’t to this because biological factors blah blah. Because as yall were saying it comes down to the preference of individuals. We may share similar body parts in our sexes but that says nothing about what we’re into as people. And it’s was very frustrating when I dated men and tried to have open conversations and explain my likes and dislikes during the deed and a guy would say the most conservative and self centred thing because ”that’s how it’s supposed to be “.
I also understand that straight men also have boundaries and things they wouldn’t be comfortable not because they’re horrible people but because some things are uncomfortable and being aware of that is fine
“In Brooklyn near Harlem” took me OUT 🤣
Damn Alvin is taaaaaall
28:40 majority of us are brainwashed to believe that this is what we should look for in men and a lot of men also perpetuate this idea. I have grown up around men that are muscular and strong that did not lift a finger to protect me - and i wasn't expecting them to either - in situations when i was being attacked physically by other men and that's when i realised that having muscles doesn't mean someone will protect me. Beliefs around this are shifting the more we all educate ourselves and as society changes, but unlearning this thought process will take time.
53:55 you have to understand all the things that are potentially happening and being said to her the longer the relationship goes on whilst they are unmarried. Because he didn't marry her sooner, friends and family tend to put this idea in our heads that he's not that interested and that if he wanted to truly marry her he would have done it already etc. There are a lot of factors at play. Like when women propose to men - people assume that the man is only marrying her because he doesn't want her to feel embarrassed and that he doesn't actually want to marry her. There are a lot of women i know that i have seen say, "More power to her, but couldn't be me. If he didn't propose, he doesn't wanna get married." And the men they are married to tend to agree.
You were being physically attacked and you DIDN'T expect your male companies to help or protect you? What DID they do? Anything?
It’s interesting how the guy who knew the least about sex had the most to say about what women want
As someone that is a Sub I will say that the D/S part of the conversation was real interesting to say least. Interesting to hear people that don't seem to be in the lifestyle (assuming based on the convo) talk about it.
Freaky jay is crazy work lmao
27:00 Funny enough Alvin is highlighting a very important tenant of domination that the kink community has consistently vocalized. The sub holds the most power in the act because they have the right to say no at any point, and the dom must abide by
Damn how y'all get stormzy's lil brotha on the pod
😂
Eddy, throw that shirt away. It's time.
REDDIT STORY
So many things get left out in these reddit stories.
I think that something major happened to someone the OP knows; maybe they died or got married or became a father.
It made him realise that he wasn't getting any younger so he needed to wife up his longstanding gf quickly and have a family. That's why the proposal felt so rushed and unplanned.
Unfortunately he didn't factor in his gf's refusal. He just assumed she'd be ready and willing when he was.
Eddie is hilarious this ep!
1:03:27 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Eddy cracks me up every time
new setup, das wht i like to see
i would love to be on the show one day
Woooow y’all got legs!!!
Magnum 🇯🇲🇯🇲
Thought it was a come up
Especially in d court!
@29:40🤣
With the whole marriage thing even though we don’t know the whole story there are so many things that could have happened. She let it be known within 2 years she wanted to be married. She probably brought it up several times and he said not yet. I’m thinking that maybe he still was looking for his preference but his preference didn’t want him, or he just thought he could find better and turns out that he didn’t. Also she probably was doing a lot for him so after all of those years he’s like “okay I’ll settle” because let’s be real here. I know MANY married men and i have many men in my family. They will literally tell you they proposed in a year or even less than a year because they knew their wife was the one. Shoot, my daddy proposed to my mama in 6months of dating and they’ve been together for 32 years. These men KNOW. And i fault her for staying in a relationship with him for over 5,6,7 years knowing that marriage is literally a desire for her. Maybe she stayed because she doesn’t want to get to know anyone else and she just gave up on being married because he’s dragged her along all of these years. However that’s kinda bad in my opinion because her husband could be right there waiting for her, ready to love on her and do her right. But she wouldn’t know because she won’t stand up and step out the way of this man. LET THAT NIGGA OR WIGGA GOOOOO!
Or maybe she decided that marriage wasn't for her and what they had was good enough.
''Yhea that's why I let him take it.'' 💀lmaf
Well, ya know😎
I can’t believe they said magnum is a London thing smh it’s Jamaican
10:43 in and im just wondering was the totale click bait??? Cause how did we get here? 💀
The first 5 min of this conversation 🙁
Not you have science and then throwing the science away
I wonder if men baby and reassure women🤔
Absolutely men do this. Are there shitty men who would never, of course. But we do this way more often than we get credit for
Dosent society do that for u
Question to the point made at 29:15. Can the gay men in the UK fight??? Protection come in many forms here but I think guns and just the accepted level of violence socially in America evens the playing field a little so ppl really be they full self a lil more. Pontification for sure but idk I’ve seen many a queer person (especially men) whoop some ass over here😂😂
Black men are better at raising disciplined, focused, driven children.
Domesticated face, undefeated...
👋🏽🚩
🛋️
The evolution of the femme dom conversation was so interesting
Gathering of simps. Doesnt't get simper than this panel here.
Or, they're just here for the Juneteenth cookout🥸
There is no male g spot.
What you're describing is called *confirmation bias*
Thanks pastor Alvin for explaining orgasms
prostate stimulation = gspot
You’re so scared to be gay you don’t believe in anatomy? 😂
🌚🪤